Sex and Intimacy: Part 1 of 2
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 28 ส.ค. 2024
- Do you want sex or do you want intimacy? Or both?
Sometimes our attempts to connect with guys gets thwarted by the confusion between these desires. This can lead to frustration and over time, loneliness.
In part 1 of this 2-part episode, we’re going deeper into sex, intimacy, and sexual intimacy including…
✦ How are sex and intimacy different?
✦ Different ways to practice intimacy
✦ What is (and isn’t) sex positivity?
Join us for this informative episode full of helpful tidbits that you can use to increase intimacy in your relationships.
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Welcome to Gay Men Going Deeper, a TH-cam series where your hosts, Matt Landsiedel and Michael DiIorio talk about all things personal development, mental health and sexuality.
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This is a conscious community for gay men to connect with each other on the journey of healing from shame and becoming more authentic and aligned to their truth. We aim to offer inspiration, support, connection, healing, and a safe space to show up just as you are. Our vision for the members is to learn to feel more comfortable showing up vulnerably so deeper intimacy can be established in our community. We dream of a gay community where everyone can feel more connected to one another in more ways than just superficial and we can feel less lonely and have deeper connections to one another.
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Intimacy involves showing your vulnerability to the other which makes us more authentic. It requires contacting our vulnerabilities, accepting them and agreeing to show them...letting go. Also, I like Matt's definition of intimacy which involves allowing ourselves to be witnesses to each other
Accepting that my lover helps me financially was a big step to take. One thing among many. I saw it as a loss of autonomy, while our salary differences were putting the brakes on our projects. Of course, he always had the financial means that I didn't have. It was hard for me to admit and talk about. How vulnerable I felt!
Yet the solution was quite simple: let's pay in proportion to salaries but I had to overcome this vulnerability before.
And above all, it's not true that I was losing a shred of autonomy. It was how I conceptualized what autonomy was, my independence!
Very interesting discussion. I believe that sex and intimacy are one thing and not two different things. You can try to separate them but it’s not fulfilling. Or when you’re still young, you might still have to learn to experience intimacy.
This has important implications: I don’t think there’s such a thing as casual sex. You can make it performative and mechanical and distract yourself from your feelings. But if you let yourself be touched emotionally there’s always the risk of developing intense feelings for the other man. And that can be a problem for gay men who tend to seek sex with strangers regularly.
That's a really thought-provoking point. It's true that sex and intimacy are often intertwined, even if we try to separate them. It's interesting how casual sex can sometimes lead to unexpected emotional connections. It's a complex issue, and it's great to have these kinds of conversations.😉
Thanks
This is sanity-saving, soul-saving (probably life-saving) information...THANK YOU GUYS SOOOO MUCH FOR THIS!!!
Thanks Graham, we are happy to hear that!
Intimacy is an exchange of secrets - which is based on feeling safe. Creates a state of regulated vulnerability to bear being seen and seeing.
Well said 🙏🏼
Amazing topic and podcast! I am from Brazil 🇧🇷 and so happy to meet you guys❤
I just discovered your podcast last night and since then, I've consumed 5-6 episodes! Thanks for your content! This is very valuable information that could really change the dynamics in our community that have held us back for far too long!
This is a wonderful comment to receive. Thank you for tuning in and welcome to the GMB community
How you came to have that respect for the body which is a temple what made you to realise that principal ?
Just wanted to say how happy I am to hear you discus this topic. I feel our sex education misses out on intimacy discussions.
We agree! Make sure you check out the next episode for a deeper conversation on intimacy
i love this so much!
These topics definitely need to become a part of the normal sex education studies. I am amazed that it has taken myself over 40 years to understand the concepts that are being brought to light in podcasts like these. I have to say that I have never had these concepts fleshed out as well and honestly as I have seen them presented here. Thank you!
Thank you Phillip. We’re glad you found such value in the episode
Keep it going guys! Great to hear these convos 😊
Throughout all of my relationships and/or people I have fallen in love with, intimacy has always been far more important for me than sex. Further, emotional intimacy has always been highest on my list. I’ve never been able to wed intimacy with sex in my life, probably because of subconscious shame in the sex part of the equation. As a result, I’ve never been able to maintain a long-term relationship. But hope springs eternal . . .
Kevin - you're not alone in that. Next week's episode we'll be talking more about the obstacles we have around intimacy so I think you'll gain a lot from that conversation.
Intimacy is SO IMPORTANT!!!
I think it's an incredibly valuable finding for me, I'm glad to hear mature and emotionally intelligent speech. The person in a blue t-shirt is probably my ideal potential partner, but almost no people like that in the gay world unfortunately
Thank you for your kind words! It's wonderful to hear that you found value in the discussion. Remember, sometimes the right person comes along when we least expect it. Keep staying true to yourself, and you may just find someone who matches your ideals. 🌈
Thanks for airing this very important but little mentioned topic.I have found that when sex and deep intimacy are merged it becomes a really spiritual experience when two persons do seem to merge into one.
Glad you enjoyed the topic. We enjoyed creating it 😁
This was such a nice surprise. I thought you guys would share more personal stories as you usually do, but the geek in me just adored how informative and technically this episode was. So many deep definitions to reap apart and analyse element by element, and think about in our own situation, it was such a pleasurable exercise. Thanks again, I miss Calan too, but you both delivered, as expected! X
I missed something, what happened to Callan
Wow! Such intelligent discussion I never thought existed. Thank you so much. I'm a young 60 yr man in a new but very +ve relationship. It seems most of which you have discussed I am already experiencing so think I could be getting it right. Wish this content was available to me as a 30yr old. If only! Will follow you now. Merci mille fois ❤
thank you thank you
you're welcome 🥰
This is a great topic as it helps spread positivity in the community. I agree with the people pleasing especially growing up in a conservative environment where sticking out is scary.
Gay men brotherhood.... Just learned about it! AWESOME
Welcome to the community 🤗
Super interesting, thank U. I'm anachronistic, so deeply injured/damaged psycho-spiritually i could never participate in hookup subculture. From attending groups like body electric I gained some sex positivity at the intellectual level, but at the neuro level, ugh intractable. Re asking,... i have a knack for asking for the innappropriate thing, in the innappropriate way, and it's painful to see someone comply w/mixed feel8ngs. Better off just seeing what they offer. With professional erotic bodyworkers, found relief from the anorexia
Someone should do an episode discussing conscious dating
What if someone is emotionally fulfilling and nice but not intellectually stimulating
Depends on how much you value each of those. We are all built differently and we all have unique needs and desires. It's really about finding people that you enjoy spending time with.
The main speaker was talking 6 minutes it’s a bit annoying and didn’t gave opportunity to say something his guest
can men be satisfied just rely on emotional intimacy ?
Easier to find sex than a real friendship.
Body,, heart, mind, spirit. Physical, emotional, mental, spiritual. Different domains, interconnected and inseparable. I first encountered this way viewing our makeup through qigong, and it made instant, perfect good sense to me. (Referring to emotional issues "mental" health seems to me inaccurate, at best.) So thank you for using that framework. Sapio sexual. For me, spark of sexual attraction seems necessary, but intellectual ability is super important to me. (And if the man is also kind, well..... yikes!) A straight woman friend of mine, very sapio sexual, uses an expression I really like - she says she needs a man to be well hung, between the ears.
Matt, completely off-topic and irrelevant to everything, but that haircut looks nice on you!
We can all say things off topic somtimes. Uhm.. but I think, Matt is my type. Not in terms of looks only. I like men in touch with their emotions. 😊
I need to know somebody for a bit of time, be attracted to them-duh, & know that they actually like me as a person not just as a trick & that they won't DISRESPECT me. Example: if I tell you I'm really not into something: you don't tell me all about how that's your favorite thing. Fleetwood said it best: "tell me lies"; really just keep your sh*t to yourself. We may have zero chance of becoming boyfriends but ack like you are with me, when you are with me.
I cant deal with when someone likes me anxiety ,,I think other men are beautiful..It makes me very happy I live in very small town far away in back woods ,, really I am like a alien in my home town ,, I keep to my self ,,I love beautiful men but my home two in filled with homophobia there is no support even still in 2023, they just tell the people here they are sick or need a spiritual healing ,, I love people all people , the way I release any feelings I have is in my music and art and that is just in my mind ,,the younger generations of gay people in my home town I have no intrest in getting to know them , I am 61 ,,but I look very young 20 years younger I was a 20 in 1980,,,a different world I dont even speak the gay language of the young gay men but as I age the loneliness leaves me feeling very empty inside and without purpose so I do music art for me first its a release sometimes I feel like Falkenstines monster hiding from the villagers with torch and flames so I hide ,,I do find release on my youtube channel ,,and looking at the beautiful men but never talk to any ,, I got married to woman and I do love her she has even said to me , she says I give you all the Love I can but I still see your loneliness , if she is watching tv and a handsome man come on tv ,,she will call for me come I want you to see do you think he is handsome ,, I say stop it dont do that ,,you make me feel strange ,,I do Love her ,,,but a woman can not give me what is missing , I hold very high standards to be alone ,, I enjoy very much the male beauty and just being kind and loving to men I do it to them Like it I go to the mall and talk to a salesman I am go kind and gentle to him ,,it makes me feel good about my self and hopefully him to ,,,but thats it ,
❤Yas ❤❤❤❤❤
"When a date talks about his vulnerabilities and sensitivities. That's dirty talk for me." .....I love it!
I understand the meaning of demisexual and sapiosexual, however, it seems those describe ways one might respond to sex within a sexual orientation of homo, hetero, and bi. In other words, there are only three possible sexual orientations to which a personal expression or response is given based on one's psychological, emotional, and physical proclivities within a relationship dynamic.
Please be so kind and trach mature white gentleman to be gay i wiill love you deepy for it❤
Please make this mature white former Marine fay. I will love you so deeply for it 😂
I meant gay
Did you find the help you seek
as a gay man myself- you need to stop the sexual overtones of drag queens pushing their agenda on children. You want to go deeper? Focus on these subjects and your channel will be more successful ⚔️🇺🇸
As a gay Canadian man myself I agree with you totally about the drag queens storytime reading to little children at the public libraries and some times in the schools. If gay parents want to bring their own children to these storytime reading events at the public libraries then that's their own business, but don't exposed the other children to it that have heterosexual parents? I know there have been cases where teachers would read these pornographic books to the children in her classroom without the parents knowledge of it happening until their child tells their parents about the book with the dirty pictures in it. That's when the temper flares up with these parents as they confront the school principal and school council members about it. And then they turn it around on the parents by calling them transphobic or homophobic. It's got nothing to do with being transphobic or homophobic it's got more to do with NOT having respect for these parents who decide themselves what their children can be taught in the schools. Certainly not the teachers or the school principal job to teach these heterosexual parents children all about the different sexuality and the different sexual positions there are.
@@waynemclaughlin96 Stop drinking the Kool Aid, guys. You're buying into the hate.
It sounds so Christian lol