The Kids Aren't Alright (and I want to tell you why)
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 4 ต.ค. 2024
- welcome to your quarterly scheduled yap session!! anyways I had some thoughts about incel culture and wanted to share. If you had a similar experience (or not!) do share in the comments.
also sorry if the audio is a lil dodgy in parts! Tried a new setup and learned some lessons lol.
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📸 Instagram - / whoisfads
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References:
Basically everything should be searchable from the video but the original Dr K clip in full is here:
• Dr K’s BRUTALLY Honest...
![[LIVE] : ONE ลุมพินี 82 วันนี้!! คู่เอก | ยอดไอคิว vs อับดัลลาห์](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/hSsyTl_9bqs/mqdefault.jpg)
we’ve all been through a certain phase we don’t wanna talk about
Except the phase is genetic, and uncontrollable from judgement
@@Saint-hamudi praise Saint Hamudi
Yeah i did, like justgoing crazy without any regard for myself dropping self care
But we need to talk about it..
@@Saint-hamudi source: trust me bro :v
I find it silly how no one understands that a bunch of lonely, angry and discarded depressed men is a really bad thing. History has plenty of examples. Whatever happens in the end is on societies head
Well then you're having a hard time understanding that no one is owed empathy, it is offered out of free will, and you can't bully your way into it. But you seem to think the discarded ones should be allowed to bully us into being empathetic towards them and no we would rather have that evolution, thanks
@@GhossupGurls to be, at least more or less, empathetic towards other living beings should be the default. Unless you're weak and/or destructive.
@@wilfred309 towards women, yes. Not men. Sorry
@@GhossupGurlsah, hypocrisy at it's finest
@@GhossupGurls This sounds like a reaction to abuse of power. I can't fault you for being upset about injustice, but you are perpetuating it by pretending like other victims are at fault.
society has sao many meaningless platitudes that people just say to end the conversation without genuinely wanting to help and this leads to all kinds of angst that is just unnecessary. Thanks for the story, I empathize with it and felt similar in different rabbitholes. So much "real sounding" bullshit online flourishes because of the lack of care of society itself.
I read “sao” as sword art online💀
"why not just get therapy?"
Touch grass ooooo
Literally they are cartoons....
Clown world
Hang in there 💪
@@andrearovenski We call those 'thought-terminating clichés'
Don't be ashamed. The incel community exists because our culture has a serious flaw, not you personally.
Our culture has no rite of passage, especially for young men. It only really cares about skimming off the most 'successful' youth, according to its own needs, and could not care less about the rest. Just like it doesn't care if you fall through the cracks as an adult.
The way culture reacts to the incel community, with condemnation and hostility rather than a desire to understand it, demonstrates this. It is just one of the many examples of where our culture turns a blind eye to its OWN failures.
This is why concepts of "Male disposability" are a popular discussion of redpillers.
❤
This is not real different from past eras of history, the class of workers suitable for proficiency stay in castes, whilst unskilled excess labor is exploited.
It is particularly bad in our era of history, just as it was in the Industrial Revolution, as the ante is raised due to innovation along with the availability of more people with population booms, that narrows down the type of value that a human can provide.
Real.
@@skylinefever yea because its true
When a dog gets treated poorly, people start to wonder why it will start to growl.
I don't know if I should laugh, or think you're saying that men are dogs lol
@@chaosfr3959 It isn't about the dog. It's the fact that you can't mistreat people and expect them to be exemplary people.
Especially in this new-aged dating scene that has changed dramatically since WW2.
Common sign of low intelligence is not being able to understand analogies@@chaosfr3959
@@SirMrDudebrosome people will do it anyways
@@chaosfr3959 in some philosophical sense. Men can indeed be related to dogs a lot
shallow understanding leads to shallow acceptance! most of the people in the world would be helped by compassion rather than judgment 👏🏻
Humans are shallow let’s not try to act like they aren’t
@@vegetasbiggestopp659 yep
@@vegetasbiggestopp659 we all contain multitudes of
@@vegetasbiggestopp659yeah, that’s the problem. Let’s not be shallow.
Humans xd a failure species.
The radical empathy approach that you take really comes through in your videos which is one of the reasons I enjoy them so much. I think discussing our own struggles, phases we went through that we're not exactly proud of but got out of, is such an important part of connecting with people still in that thinking. Being the living example of the way out is so valuable, especially if you can meet people where they're at and do so with kindness.
Are you Swolesome alt or an impersonator?
THANK YOU. This is what we're here for
I went through the same thing, my brother. It's a little different for me because I'm in a wheelchair, but I do have to disagree with you and say that in my case literally no one wants to be with a disabled person. I've already been with someone and they were ashamed of me, and I just haven't had the heart to try since.
I'm sorry to hear that man, hope you're doing alright.
Life is tough, and it's definitely not fair. Keep pushing through, fella.
@@computerKwastaken Thanks man! I just got out of grad school, I'm working on a few projects and volunteering.
No women want to be with a disabled man. Plenty of men want to be with a disabled women. Men have a much stronger snuggle drive.
@@ACrownofFlowers That first break-up, especially when it's about something you can't control, hurts like a motherfucker. Let me put this way - you have one data-point, and you say you haven't tried since. There are a lot of good, kind women out there who will like you for you, wheelchair or not, and whatever difficulties that presents you - they're happy to help. You'll only find them if you put yourself out there. Rejection and breakups suck, but if there's one piece of useful advice about dating from redpill spheres, it's this - they hurt less the more of them you experience. Expose yourself to it as and when you feel ready.
Eventually you just realise it's the person communicating that you're not right for one another, and that it's best to move on - it's so rarely anything "wrong" with you as a person. You're allowed to break up with them too, if you don't feel you're being respected.
@@terrywatkins poor choice of words, I have tried since and it's just a non-stop onslaught of rejection. I've taken a vow of celibacy. And plus we weren't ever officially in a relationship or anything. It was more like a situationship.
I strongly believe "social advices" don't work because they are very rarely made by people who genuinely struggle with social interactions, so they don't understand how it doesn't come natural.
You can't just "be yourself" when you're a neurodivergent goblin with unpopular passions and strong opinions.
And I think that the helplessness of these social outcasts really stems from this. Then mix it together with the masculine obsession of being a prevailing figure and the disappointment of failing at your social role, and you will get incels.
The equivalent of this is the misogynistic edgy teenage girl that's not like the other girls, which is of course something I was guilty of.
Be yourself only works if you already got something going for you.
@@skylinefever If you're are attractive otherwise it's gonna annoy people
>"Don't be ashamed of being yourself!"
>Actually follows the advice
>"Nooo, this is unacceptable! Shame on you!"
>Stop being myself
>Cycle repeats
@@Cappuccino_Rabbit it sucks ass
I kinda wonder what it the "reverse" side of girls,i assumed it would be something like Daria.
Is this type of character actually common? The one you described. You mean a girl that has problem fitting in,and develop resentment toward the others? Maybe with peculiar passions and not very social? Am i on the right track?
I see inceldom as the problem of social contracts or Plato noble lies.
Soceities often sell the concept of "Do XYZ for society and you'll be rewarded." Incels do XYZ and are not. Granted, it is not any individual's duty to just give some sex to someone because they did what some motivational coach said. However, to say that they are just "Entitled" is missing something.
It is not anyone's duty to give away someone sex, but what if that is what they need to be happy and a fulfilled person? Don't take it literally, it's just a point.
I find it so weird that we live in a society that frequently talks about how people born to poverty are to be looked at with sympathy when they MUST resort to crime. They didn't want to be criminals, they just had to because of circumstances. Buuuuuut when it comes to men wanting intimacy and suffering from loneliness, not a single bit of thought is applied in the same way. Again, no one is obligated to give you sex and intimacy, but these "horrible" men didn't just pop up from their air. The reality is that this is a natural conclusion of the society we've built, and we're just going to have to deal with it, and what you find is that women refuse to give men anything. It's pathological how much women want men to suffer. Men can't do anything, you can't watch porn (creep), you can't frequent prostitutes (creep), you can't find a wife in a foreign country (creep), you can't have attractive women in media, nothing. Men are just expected to "work on themselves" for an indeterminate amount of time, check off whatever series of boxes women have determined to be necessary, and with no guarantee of pay off. Men can't even give up, you're not allowed to just be a loner who works a meaningless job that gets you by, because now you're useless to society and women. It's a joke.
Its not even sex, unattractive males get mistreated, ostracized and paid crumbles while exploited in their jobs and slowly being stripped off the little they have; while all the glory are on women, the top attractive and wealthy dudes and lgtvi people, just for existing....
How do you keep a society to keep going in such terms?
I mean when all of society tells them "to get sex do X" and they do it and get nothing, they have every right to be mad at society. That being said most people think that sex is all the incels need to solve their problem. If that were true, these guys would just travel to Amsterdam and that would be that. The problem is our society has yet to extend its hand of tolerance and acceptance to virgins. It has yet to mature to a point where whether you are a virgin or not is no longer a sign of you being socially acceptable (non-virgin), or having something wrong with you (virgin). Our society conditions everyone to believe that if you are a male over the age of fifteen who's a virgin there is something secretly wrong with you and that's why women don't want to have sex with you. If being a virgin (or not) was treated as a "whatever" thing, there'd probably be a lot fewer "incels."
The remaining incels, after such a shift, would be the kind whose problem can't be solved by sex. These guys are looking for love and chasing sex is just a coping behaviour on their part because they confuse sex with love (which is also the fault of society's programming). Many of these guys, if/when they finally get sex, end up checking themselves out of life early because they realize they were lied to and that sex was never what they were seeking in the first place, it was love all along.
But women give sex to abusers, homeless, drug users, alcoholics, meanwhile the incel doing nothing wrong gets none. If women are gonna be easier today than any point in history, they might as well be easy for those who are objectively safer and better options.
Remember women also take more welfare money from the government than they pay in taxes, while men pay more in taxes and take less welfare, so women are living off the fruits of men's labour, while men don't even get the basic necessity of sex. I'll have to look up the sources again, but researches in the business of researching the impact of sex do indeed mostly agree it is an imperative need for most people, unless you're a monk or nun. Most people can't be celibate and have a satisfied life and death
@@skylinefever
You want to know why I’m dating 2 girls right now? And talking to a third? And on my way to adding a fourth?
I just put my ego aside and stopped trying to be rewarded or expect something for the things I do and “win” every interaction and stopped trying to “look good” with every single interaction.
I say hi and am friendly to everyone at my gym.
Yeah , sometimes I’ll flirt with girls but I go in wanting to know the woman first and I’m cheeky with it.
If you do XYZ anticipating a reward, you will just get mad when it doesn’t show and that gives you a feedback loop of inferiority.
A man needs to be a shining light. Something that makes people feel safe and joyful.
Thing is, when you stop giving a damn about the reward, and give a damn about getting to know people? The reward appears.
Last year I dated a Dominican baddie who treated me like shit and thought I was a loser.
Then I went out with a model for a week and got treated like shit and felt like a loser.
You wanna know what these new girls im seeing made me realize ? Those two from last year are sad and broken individuals who harm others Iike one breathes air and I need not evaluate my self worth by their rejection of me. Even if they were hot.
Fuck , I’m hot.
Half the guys in this comment section are hot. I’ve seen the workouts you people do! I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE!
Yall just need a mindset shift.
I still remember how confused I was to hear “mewing” had made it out of R9K and into mainstream culture. Truly surreal.
What exactly is 'mewing'? Is it manosphere sht?
the brave mew world
It is fucking wild. I remember how 16 year old me heard of it in 2018, and stumbling across the term on the old Lookism forum. It's like their ideas have breached containment and exploded onto the mainstream.
I have a very successful client. Owns multiple businesses and was telling me about mewing. He's an older man, too. I was baffled and chuckling inside 😅
That was me with simp. Never heard of it outside of those places, then it blew up
Here’s the cold hard truth. The fact of the matter. Yes there is a social hierarchy. It’s loosely defined and there aren’t super clear cut ways define who is at each level. But in a room of random people with different values, backgrounds, and personalities some people are going to be viewed by a significant portion of the group as more “valuable” than others. And here’s what I mean by “value” basically, that if you were to suddenly disappear, how many people other than family would notice, or care.
We all have intrinsic value as human beings worth human dignity, but it is not true that we all have the same social value, not at all. Beautiful and charismatic people will tend to find themselves at the top of this hierarchy more easily than others. Having a great personality can increase your social value but honestly building an amazing personality in my opinion is way harder and less straightforward than getting into the best shape of your life. That requires some real deep effort.
I learned this not from internet content but from hitting a glow up. I went from being not very attractive to becoming pretty attractive and noticed how my personality didn’t change, my sense of humor stayed the same and I still had my slight stutter but all of these things were just perceived differently by people. My stutter became cute and quirky, my sense of humor became bold and edgy instead of crass and off-putting. My relaxed and quiet demeanor went from being viewed as weird and creepy to cool and mysterious. I watched these perceptions of me change IN REAL TIME throughout my life. Wow did it change my view of people and of myself.
Ultimately the issue as I see it is that average is no longer good enough. In a world of instant gratification, constant exposure to beautiful people and extravagant lifestyles being average is the new ugly. Not all people subscribe to this, especially people not on social media (I willingly deleted Instagram and TikTok a year ago) but so many people do that society feels incredibly superficial.
Idk how to fix this but society is sick man, like really sick.
U get it. Incel is a rejection of the bs social sphere npcs maintain.
If average isn't gud enough than the 300M peons in our border surely have a better chance figuring out how we're all supposed to be rich.
As foe me, titanfall 2 is fun af 💯
Based. I needed this blackpill today.
Pretty privilege can be "taken away" and "alphas" arent stab- or bulletproof.
Make of this what yo will.
Reminds me of Rattopia
@@InterplanarerPennersoeldner65 🤔😏hmmmmmmm
i dont think people need role models as much as they do mentors like real people who care about you not distant ideals
Yeah but caring about actual people doesn't look good on social media and don't earn Instagram likes so they don't do it.
@@sinjin8576 there is a war on compassion and nuance
These mentors young men need are called fathers, the overwhelming lack of them in the average household is a big problem. I'd say that feminism kinda broke the balance society had set back when in the stone ages that gave young men an outlet for aggression while also giving them a reason to give a crap about society in the first place. Incels have no reason to care if society crumbles because it's the main reason they are having troubles in life, I believe men and women are psychologically wired to live for the other sex, most men that go through societal issues face them because they have no woman to give the community around them any greater purpose and women find themselves emotionally devastated and unstable when they don't have someone to vent and latch on to when life gets turbulent and hectic.
I hear it a lot, still no idea what it is. I refuse to look it up.
Less fathers, more cousins.
The problem I discovered when growing up with "Be yourself" was what do you do about constant rejection? Which was my experience all through childhood and teens. Do I completely change who I am in the hopes that I'll be accepted and make friends, or do I stay true to my beliefs, trust my own experiences, talk and appear how I want to instead of how I'm expected to. It was such a confusing time growing up with no father and a horrible, narc mother, as well as having to raise my 4 siblings (I'm the eldest) so I am very sympathetically to the plight of incels even if I don't support how they vent their frustration.
"Be yourself", "follow your heart", "work hard" - all pointless advice.
Truth is there is no formula to get a partner, if there was, we'll all be using it.
Do your best with the card life deals you, and accept that sometimes you got to take the loss.
how many unattractive women did you ask out?
@@userunknown9655 If you are being constantly rejected, then you do have to change.
A platitude goes around : “you are fine as you are.”
That’s horse shit.
Do something different.
Train up. Glow up. Learn a skill. And give a shit.
Don’t be another skinny or fat loser who takes tinder photos from a dirty mirror and wonders why he isn’t getting matches.
Not everyone should just be themself. If you hurt other people, don't be yourself, change. If you're considered weird but don't hurt anyone, don't change if you don't want to. But you need to learn to enjoy your own company. That's what I did. I was a very nice, helpful, shy autistic kid, I didn't have friends or relationships. So I live alone and spend all time after work alone, I do what I like and try not to focus on what I might be missing as a single person in my 30s.
@@userunknown9655 your mother shouldve abandoned you.
The number one least attractive feature about a man is bitterness and anger. I briefly followed a guy on here who was a self described incel. One time he was talking about his experience and I suggested a method of improving. Not criticising just offering some specific advice. He jumped down my throat so fucking fast lol. And when he talked about women it was clear he was so angry at them. I have no doubt he'd switch on them and talk down to them the second they said something he didn't like.
Now, incels will claim they're bitter because of women. It may be true or it may not be true. But all I can say it is doesn't help and it just creates a vicious cycle. No matter how justified the bitterness is (I think for most it isn't justified tbh), if they want things to change that's gotta be the first thing they get rid of.
"experience and I suggested a method of improving." - specifics would be nice, usually it's just a throw-away platitude.
"But all I can say it is doesn't help and it just creates a vicious cycle." - what helps, though? This issue ain't gonna go away anytime soon, it's only gonna get worse.
@@asie2023 Bitter people wallow in their negative thinking and that repels anybody that they are around. Bitter people need to self reflect and try to understand why they are having the same problems in their life and then work on their self esteem and boundaries to prevent these further issues. Negative thinking is not good for mental health and can lead to isolation, which I'm seeing online with a small chunk of the current younger generation. Taking ownership of life and wanting better experiences is the most important thing I've learned in my time and has lead to a fun existence.
@@biteofdog negative thinking is a symptom of a greater thing, people who are unnatractive are negative becuase of negative reinforcement.
There are plenty of reasons to have a problem with all kinds of aspects of modern day society, tbf.
The big problem is how you respond to those problems, and being careful before assigning blame.
Because its not hard to see problems with where the world is going these days, and there are lots of people out there all too eager to give you someone to blame for it all, theyll tell you its women, or brown people, jews or trans people.
Because so long as they can get you to blame someone else, they can keep selling you their shit in the meantime.
The problem is context. People in those communities are gaslit and trolled by typical advice. It takes absurd out of the box thinking to actually make a dent in some of them. Men endure lookism, so we get told to hit the gym often for instance. We insult each other as a part of our culture. I think some take it too close to heart. That goes for rejection too. Like asie asked, this is something context-sensitive and you might have stepped on a landmine which is why they lashed out at you. Not that there aren't "crabs in a bucket" people who won't crawl out of it, but it's a high likelihood.
To your comment about when you were young and asking how to get a good job, I specifically remember realizing there was no direct pathway between "working hard in school" and getting a good job. Your studies only qualify you in different arenas. Short of entrepreneurship, you're chosen. So the only way to get a good job is be popular, or create it yourself. Your education affects only the theme.
Also, you're surprisingly on point about SMV. The truth about incel hatred is that incel, despite originally being a self-described term, has been adopted by wider culture as an invokation of SMV to attempt to explicitly imagine that this group of incels is the objectively lowest value human being. It's literally mania. By pretending this group exists, they can pretend they're above it. It's just a form of supremacy ultimately. They've become a literal societal scapegoat, and every negative characteristic will be ascribed to them, whether or not it's even relevant.
Just the sheer animosity towards men in this situation and lack of empathy or attempt to understand it from the wider society is astounding to me
@miguelpereira9859 Women have ran culture since the day time began, they were at no point ever oppressed. More succinctly, even at the points where they were marginally oppressed, (a universal experience to men, women and all races and religions, not uniquely experienced by women as so commonly stated) it's always been womens values that direct the culture.
They're choosing badly, objectively, and now in every capacity. The right thing to do is to fully opt out and let the weight of the financial responsibilities crush the men who would defend them. Segregation of finances is the only way to move forward legitimately. Or we can keep doing what we're doing, applying the values of a death cult exclusively to men.
At this point it's immoral to follow the law, and most men are asking themselves am I going to be moral or am I going to be obedient. The men who don't see this paradigm are lost and indoctrinated, and the way to help them find the path again is to simply give them all of the responsibility. They view us as beneath them, and don't understand that we merely view them as mistaken. I can't speak for everybody obviously, there are exceptions, but as an individualist, I recognize it's impossible to think as a collective. The only collective we have access to is a collective of individuals. The mainstream sentiment it seems however is that individualism is an illusion.
It is the literal opposite, and no human to ever walk the earth has ever performed a collective function.
Some friends of mine who have girlfriends love talking down on people without girlfriends, even though they're not even happy in their current relationships.
@@Incantationem Whatever helps ppl feel superior to their peers..
What you describe as “radical empathy” to me is just what I’ve always assumed people mean by empathy in general, like that’s just empathy, it’s only challenging when it’s for someone who you disagree with or dislike
As a woman, I was sucked into the whole incel community but never dared attempted to join it or look them up on reddit because they got nuked and their utter hatred towards woman, I was scared on writing my opinion because I know these guys will just eat me up. I was merely a spectator looking in the whole community, this was waay before it got into mainstream, so pre-covid and pre-andrew tate and those men podcasts. It was interesting learning about mgtow, smv, mewing (before it became a meme) and the whole hierarchy thing with alphas, chads and tyrones, the different pills, moving to a different country and marrying them. THE WHOLE THING. There were different youtubers I followed because the whole topic was interesting and wanted to know why men think like this. The Better Bachelor comes into mind he's promoting the whole mgtow for older men but wants younger man to experience dating, I find it quite nice, but he later spiral down talking down on woman. There are some other youtubers (Kevin, can't remember his last name but he was a guy in a suit that would talk to woman on stream and telling them their flaws) but can't remember off the top of my head because of the toxic mentality they all promoted towards woman.
They would say things like
"Woman who don't settle before their 30s are done for"
"Woman between 18 - 25 are at their peak to date and settle down with, don't date older woman"
"Woman who hit the wall are miserable and dont have any value"
"If woman wants a 6ft, 6 figure men, they should be slim, traditional, submissive, obedient... etc"
"never date a fat woman"
"Woman who gain weight after you marry them are done for, you need to give them an ultimatum or divorced them if they don't lose the weight"
"Woman who used to have many partners before can't settle"
"Woman who slept around a lot and have kids with different guys, avoid them like the plague, they aren't dateable and looking for a guy to take care of them financially and raise their kids"
And so on.........
This took such a huge toll on me that I was applying their extreme ideologies onto myself... I felt so miserable, thinking that I would never get a decent guy because I didn't comply with their list of ideals and preferences. I never talked to anyone about it except for like two people from what I know of.... I spoke with one person about it, and she told me that I'm still young and these guys are completely delusional that I decided to stop consuming videos on these topics and moved on. Tbh, it was quite interesting viewing the whole incel community as the opposite gender, but thankfully, I realized how this made me feel that I just stopped for my own well being.
On part, I feel really bad for what some guys have gone through and another part I wish they actually improve on themselves to get out of these communities and talk with other woman to practice their communication with them.
I for one want to hear more of your thoughts as a woman looking into the dumpster fire. I think they've got legitimate gripes but their reaction towards "women standards" is mostly a bad coping mechanism.
All those things you mentioned about what “they” said are true you just can’t and don’t understand because you don’t know what it’s like to live one day as a man in this world
those same standarts are not applied to them, are they? Those men only look for attractive women and get rejected by them. How many unattractive women did they ask out before saying all that? ZERO. They don't see those women, we (unattractive women) don't exist for them, women for them exist only those that are nica on the eyes. Growing up fat and unattractive, I've never had a guy be nice to me, no help, no opening doors, nothing. Guys also make sure that everyone knows he has nothing to do with you, because you're ugly and\or fat, not only dating a woman like that is a shame, but even being liked by one is icky. They feel no remorse humiliating you to gain points from other guys or to make other girls feel better. Men are shallow as f*ck. When men get older, they kinda come to their sences and would go for almost any woman, but young men are terrible, prob the majority of them. The problem is not that men don't get dates, is that men try to date WAAAAAAAAAAAAY outside of their league. Somehow being treated poorly by men the majority of my life did not make me an incel, I developed hobbies and I have friends. Also, I'm married, and the majority of plain-looking or even unattractive and fat women are married, but they are married to similar looking guys of similar level income. These guys whining on the internet want 10\10 women while looking like a sad potato. They could be successfull with another sad potato, but want a juicy peach. Too bad so sad (no).
Also also, the older I get, the more men approach me, what's up with the wall? Where is it?
@@n.lwhitaker572 It seems OP may have been more involved in redpill spaces, rather than incel/blackpill ones. A lot of her quotes are common redpill talking points and tropes, and better bachelor and Kevin would be more redpill and mgtow, from what I can tell from them.
It is totally bizarre to see a woman submerse herself in such communities and I agree I would like to hear more from her as well
and you people hate men and do the exact thing with us but no one criticizes you because you're angels you hypocrite *****
I'm 19 and I'm extremely blackpilled, I have blackpill videos and face ratings all over my feed on yt and ig. It's over.
Gonna be honest I’m 21 and got BP at 17. My advice is to just throw away that mindset if you think you’ll hurt someone. I almost did that and to this day I feel that way but I try hiding in the woods when I do.
@@sicarius.m1 nah I've never had any thoughts about hurting someone, I just have body and face dysmorphia
You need a break from social media all of it means nothing
@@OILEDUP04 what exactly are the things that make you feel that way? you dont gotta tell me. Examine each one them, acknowledge each one of them, then ask yourself.
can you do something about it?
Yes? Then do something about it, wether you wish to or not
No? Then what is the point in stressing?
Society wont accept you? It doesn't have to, above all you are a human, with free will to act as you please, you don't owe anything to society, you dont gotta be a part of it either
@@KllStcy bro I have good genetics I just fucked up by mouthbreathing as a Child, but braces and mewing work I got more prominent jawline in last few years and more symmetrical face so if my face will keep developing that way I will be a chadlite at least but I this blackpill knowlege is depressing anyways.
Thank you for your essay. This needs to be talked about everwhere.
I love Stanley Kubrick's Full Metal Jacket. It shows how a nice, friendly person gets bullied until he becomes violent. I think that as a society, we do this on a large scale.
I feel myself as having been at the verge of entering such groups as well in the past but have grown away from it emotionally before I was very caught up in it. However I was forced to acknowledge my opinions as being missguided quite a lot in the past and will no doubt do so in the future. But every time I overcame a major missconception, it left me with a strong capacity for empathy with all people, which are caught up in such opinions, and I think, I can reach out to those people more effectively than people, wich never had to battle this particular dragon, can.
To me it is clear, that you share this kind of link with people referred to as "incels" and I really like the points you are making. What you said strongly resonated with me and you found ways of expressing things, I still struggle to find words for. Thank you for your honesty and your efforts!
I love this! I've said for years that some people are chimps (aggressive, competitive) and some people are bonobos (chilled, collaborative). We have so many things wrong with our society, and this competitive attitude to sexual competition that you're talking about really does underlie the awful neoliberal capitalist mentality that is the real reason for so many of our social problems.
yay for the Bonobos!
What?
Bonobos are pretty aggressive.
In the olden days they became football hooligans.
I must say, i love the way you talk about all of these important topics.
These are difficult, highly emotional conversations, but you handle it in such a calm soothing manner. It makes these hard topics much easier to listen to and think about.
I have to say, untill i found your channel, i didnt realize how badly i needed that.
I really appriciate your Videos Fads. They really feel like an honest and deep conversation with you. You don't talk like you know everything, you just talk about your real experience.
Also I feel like you really only make a Video if you have something to say. No unnecessary weekly crap videos, but every video you make is actually good.
Thanks for beeing one of the few people who makes social media a decent place, where we can actually learn something usefull!
Great video. One thing I disagree with is that rather than occasionally being bad luck, it's _usually_ bad luck. These people have been hurt badly before, or were lacking parental love in their formative years. Boys need mentors and masculine role models as well as nurturing maternal love.
Having been loved unconditionally (especially by one's mother) prevents one from becoming an incel. In our society women are stressed THE HELL out, which makes it difficult for mothers to be at their best for their children.
Dads aren't off the hook either. An emotionally distant father is almost as bad in this case as a stressed out mum.
I often said that when these guys try to "Be confident" it's like being miserable and trying to twist ones face in a smile. You know it's a lie. Everyone knows it is a lie. Nobody falls for the lie. It doesn't actually bring the happiness.
The only thing that prevents or permits inceldom in a modern environment is genetics (prenatal Testosterone, neurodivergency and anthropometric characteristics), not some wishy-washy unconditional love or lack thereof
@@skylinefeverso what’s the alternative, show your misery and have everyone hate you because of it? In your shallow attempt at understanding you seem to have implied that unhappy people deserve to be socially ostracized.
I do think there is some narcissistic parenting going on in the creation of incels.
I've had (and have) unconditional love and understanding from my mother for my entire life. It isn't really a factor at all. You're wrong about it preventing anything.
I really appreciate this. Even though I wasn’t in those forums, partly because they didn’t exist in my formative years, these experiences are familiar to me. There is no shortcut to confidence and while I definitely have gotten better it’s by steps that would have seemed useless when I was fully in my depressed mindset. It took time for me to realize that something as normal as being able to do smalltalk for five minutes was a success to build on for me even if it’s seemingly natural and easy for many others.
About the Bonobo thing, they are just as close to us as Chimps are. Both diverged from us before they diverged from each other. Also, if you want to base Human society on something, base on what humans have been throughout history. But i'd better not, we have been quite shitty.
*some of us have been pretty shxtty. Majority of ppl have been victims.
@@KNGDDDE Give power to the victims and you'll see new assholes arise.
Do we really know real history. They say his-story is written by winners and we already argue about what really happened less than 100 years ago then how can we be sure what we know about his-story is truth? I see how they change narrative of things my parents and grandparents lived to fit ideology of todays winners, they can alter more distant history the way we could never recognise.
Indeed you cant comprehend the vasteness of a big city through street view
I was reading quite a few "redpill" blogs round the age of 18, 2010. I found a lot of things that I thought made sense, at least with my limited perspective and world view. I found a small handful of actually helpful, important pieces of advice - which mainly amounted to "Be confident, playful, and have boundaries", "take care of yourself and don't be a doormat", "have interests and passions, make life choices for yourself".
Beyond that, most of it was just talking about how to manipulate women into sleeping with you, or more broadly, to "control them" in a relationship with you - usually by projecting a false persona, being extremely uncompromising, and avoiding accountability. Getting far too hung up on tiny, insignificant details like how you hold a cup, or how you part your hair - the lengths and frequency of your texts vs theirs. Prosthelytising that mindset and resulting behaviour, and the whole ideology that had started to forme around it.
So many of their beliefs are plausibly rooted in some insecurity or trauma of theirs that was created or reinforced in an early relationship, and the rest is just rationalizing the shitty decisions they'd made since. They avoid committed relationships, or otherwise seek so much control, because they're scared of vulnerability and emotional labour; the possibility of being hurt or abandoned, or having to acknowledge how their choices and behaviour might make other people feel. They aren't authentic to themselves or anyone else, and are frequently abusive - often get broken up with and externalise all the blame, so it becomes ammunition to further reinforce their worldview.
Then there's the whole "buy my book/course thing". The likes of Tate etc these days are on a whole different level of whacked.
Their misappropriation of the idea of the "red pill" is even more ironic when they're so deep in their own delusions, projections and confirmation bias.
@user-zv8md9xv8c
"Do this [not being a doormat] around the wrong person and you'll be accused of everything from being toxic to being an incel to being a wannabe."
Sounds like you care too much about what other people think of you. This is where you set boundaries with yourself, around how you interact with such a person.
There's also a line between standing up for yourself/taking yourself into consideration, and things like controlling or abusive behaviour and aggression. So if their accusations actually have any truth to them - maybe it's time for some introspection.
"If [manipulating people into sleeping with/a relationship with you] weren't effective, it wouldn't be done."
Effective, to what end? Personally, I don't value casual sex very highly. Nothing against it either. Regardless, if that's what I want, I don't have to play any mind games and try and use psychological trickery. If the person is down, they're down - if not, then I have no interest in trying to convince, manipulate or coerce them. If I'm shagging a bird I want her to be well up for it, to enjoy it as well - I certainly don't want her experiencing confusion, reluctance, shame, regret, a sense of self-abandonment or anything of the sort about it. That's what successful manipulation does to people.
Meanwhile, if I'm in a relationship with someone, I want to be able to show up as my authentic self, rather than constantly spend my energy maintaining an intentionally deceptive mask, and keeping track of any lies I've told in order to maintain it - not expressing my true needs and wants for fear of rejection or abandonment, and trying to conform to my idea of how they'd need to see me in order to be attracted or stay committed. It wouldn't be "me" in the relationship, it'd be this false persona. I suppose that'd make it a kind of cuckoldry. It'd definitely be a form of self-abandonment.
A secure person understands that the only thing they can ever truly control, is their own choices and decisions.
Do you want to be the guy who has to pretend to be something he's not - who has to take advantage, manipulate, lie, coerce or abuse in order to keep having empty one-night stands, or to maintain a relationship you're not actually participating in as yourself? Who engages in behaviours which are reasons they're seen as a "creep", "toxic" etc, and can't take being called out on their choices?
Or do you want to be the guy who understands himself, what he needs and wants - who's conscious of his insecurities and, rather than trying to hide them, is confident in spite of them - who people are naturally attracted to because he's fun to be around, and makes people feel safe and relaxed. Who has integrity and empathy, and the ability to set and respect healthy boundaries? Who can own and learn from his mistakes?
"And you don't care about what they've been through one way or the other, huh?"
At ~18 I was in the same position and mindset as many incels and subscribers to redpill rhetoric. I was directionless, didn't understand women or social stuff in general, didn't have a very nice life all told, and I resented the world for it - whilst hating myself due to internalised toxic shame and negative self-beliefs because of some very shitty parenting and childhood experiences, and a fear of taking responsibility for my own shit for the same reasons. I had no positive male role models in my life, nobody I felt safe to be vulnerable around, and nobody to teach or mentor me in any capacity. I never felt seen, understood or that I belonged or was accepted. That led to patterns of choices, behaviours and relationships throughout my life that did me no good. So yes, I do empathise with many incels and redpillers. In practical terms, I was one for several years - just the few times I actually acted out of that mindset, I instantly regretted it cause it either just didn't work, and/or I could see the harm it did to the other person, if not the both of us.
"You weren't there lurking in their shitty female forums while they were drafting up "Relationships 2.0" in their little sewing circles. "
Women are not a hive-mind. For emphasis: Women are not a hivemind. You're painting 3 billion whole people with the same brush because you're paying so much attention to the ones online who take the opposite extreme position to you - misandrists - in addition to whatever you internalised from the real-life experiences you've had with women in general.
It's literally all just a defence mechanism bro. Being in any kind of healthy relationship requires vulnerability - you just don't want to get hurt again. And that's normal.
If you keep projecting your worst prejudices on to women, never showing them any trust or respect and keeping them from actually knowing you - then you'll never have a healthy partner for longer than it takes them to realise. Start taking their actual individual personalities into account, and you'll start finding women you can actually feel comfortable to be yourself around.
@user-zv8md9xv8c
"At most its a few hundred thousand [women] that actually matter."
Depends on what you mean by "actually matter", and I ask because you seem uncertain as to whether you do. By what metric(s)? Fame or infamy? Power? How many people you've stuck your dick into? For me - I matter to myself and to the people in my life now. We bring one another joy. That's plenty for me.
Nowhere did I suggest you should just let people walk all over you, or deny their agency. You're allowed to assess a potential partner against your own values - as are they - and to choose whether accept them into your life or keep them out of it accordingly.
You seem to view relationships as a zero-sum game, where one person must necessarily have the power and the other must necessarily be powerless, to some significant degree. That it's some kind of victory to have someone conform and supplicate to your wants and needs, regardless of their own - because you think otherwise, it means the roles are necessarily reversed.
"I just want to be the one with the goods to offer rather than the poor fool with his hand out."
You've just described the difference between counter- (or inter-) and co-dependency. Neither is healthier than the other - if you're knowingly, intentionally seeking the reverse dynamic, instead of inter-dependency - where you each reliably, equally meet your own and one another's needs, within and without the relationship - it sounds equally miserable, and more than a bit sociopathic.
There's balance to be found, and relationships tend to be a whole lot more fun and fulfilling when it is. Direct and kind communication of wants, needs and boundaries - and mutual respect and trust in those regards - is all it ever takes. You could have that too - you'd just have to do some serious questioning of your current beliefs to get there. Whilst you keep treating women like they're your enemy, you will remain theirs.
@user-zv8md9xv8c yeah a lot of these people lack empathy for those that don't fit the criteria of what women tend to respond postively to so they dont get why someone has to "change" the way the act or dress.
@@terrywatkins Bro - women are currently in crisis. Until they know you, and are close enough to you to allow you to influence them in any way you need to stop thinking of them as creatures with agency.
They are currently not behind their own wheel, they are being tossed about by a deluge of manipulations. Being the frail creatures they are, they follow each other and make sure they do not stand out. There exists no true agency in that context until at least another window opens where light comes through.
That is clearly a problem that is being actively cultivated.
Hatred is not the answer, of course. But you are either too young to know that a major paradigm shift has occured that is not at all a grassroots impulse, or just wilfully blind to it.
I have seen my best friend and ex change completely. We still have good contact and I care for her. But when I see her talk about how she now "lives the life she always wanted" I can only see her lying to herself, because the life she wanted was a completely different one - and I am talking about the life she wanted with or without me, I am outside of that equasion.
I have also seen her spew extreme vitriol and frustration towards people that have nothing to do with her whatsoever, but are the designated enemies of the centralized newschool narrative that is these days often portrayed as "the left" or "progressive".
She's a sweetheart, but she knows nothing about politics nor has she ever had an interest in it. So where do these impulses come from?
The same exact centralized source that is trying to manipulate them away from the society we know.
It's a thing bro. And people need to wake up to it, fast.
You have a lot to learn still kiddo.
The "incel phase" is just phase 1 of becoming a man.
"Mostly fine these days." My go to phrase when trying to reassure everyone around me. I hope this sentence is more genuine coming from you than it usually is from me. Regardless of my nitpicking, your videos feel genuine and I genuinely appreciate them.
The first rule of da fight club is... You Do Not Talk about fight club
I think your channel is so incredibly wholesome and I wish there were more people spreading these words. Have a great day
Man, great talk! It’s really easy for anyone to get trapped by these influences in early stages of life. And I don’t know if I’ve already said this, but here it goes: I could listen to you talking for hours, love your voice
I'm a woman and for about 15 years, I always tried to approach the men I met who seemed to be struggling with empathy: I'd invite them to hang with the group so they could make friends/get confidence etc. Like these dudes were really deep in their misery and I hoped that kindness would help them see a way forward.
No.
They would just become obsessive and their abusive ideology would harm all the people I introduced them to, including me.
Being kind to guys like this as a woman is actually really dangerous: I think other young men need to lift them out, because it's just not safe for women to do it.
I'm old enough now that I've learned from my mistakes and avoid them now, though I do see other young women trying as I did and getting very damaged by their interactions with these guys.
I'm sorry for what you have been through and hope the harm they caused you was not too hard to rebuild.
I think it depends on how deep their misery is. Sometimes only "the bros" and your mother (if its a good one) can help you get out of it. When you have been alone all along, probably only a medical help can work.
I, myself have lost a bit of time in some of these toxic communities at some point in high school (before 2015, me too movement and a lot of progress and sensitization that have been made available on internet since).
Thanksfully I was able to make some friendships with some girls that an old friend of mine from elementary school was related to. Since they were considered weird Kids as well (nerds, lgbt and emo/goth) I could relate enough to realise by myself the bullshit I was swallowing from youtube.. went from right to environmentalism and made research in climate change my job and I try to take the savior role myself when I notice a lonely guy like that. So it works sometimes.. but since teenagers are even more exposed to more extreme movements nowadays, it may have become even more complicated ... time will tell I guess
You don't need to be kind to guys, just treat them as humans.
cant blame them. society treats men like shit. ur the rare exception.
4:07 'if u want a relation just be honest and yourself!' i defo hurt multiple girls' feelings awfully this way 😅
And be a tall and handsome XD
@@HCforLife1 And rich.
The secret sauce is to be a decent and empathetic person. If your "true and honest self" is nasty then of course that won't work for you.
That true rate me page is even worse than you described . Some of their mods dms leaked a while back. They post pictures of women they find on social media and belittle their looks in order to ‘bring women down a notch’.
I think you misunderstood black pill completely. Black pillers don't use their vocabulary in the real world, similar to physicists who explain complicated topics to unfamiliar audiences.
lol this.
This^ op look at this noooow
I was born in the late 90's.
Grew up poor in the US south. Life wasn't bad in experience, but I got failed a lot overall.
But I had the option to serve and I took it. Over the rest of my adult life, the experience was an unending series of discovering how many lies and misconceptions you've been raised on.
At some point, you just get tired. When living in a world based on silent predation, hatred, envy, lust... as a "good" person, I simply can't deal with the stress of daily life.
Maybe I am unique for ur average 'incel'. I'm not unattractive. I played sports, dated in school and as an adult. I've been on 3 separate continents, I've genuinely had fun for wats it's been worth.
But I can't keep playing a game that eats a part of my soul at every turn. I'm not as blind, depraved, or scared as my fellow sheeple.
I really wish ppl would stop trying to label us. Anyone with a brain knows why there's a growing # of men becoming recluse in modern times.
What average guy wants to live this experience? My experience. Because it sounds nice reading thru it but you kno wat I haven't felt much being a man?
Meaningful.
Youre arent a real inkwell
@@akhiosas how not?
@@KNGDDDE youve expieranced it all, youre a volcel, a lot of us are kissless, hugless virgins, doomed to inkwelldom for the rest of our lives
@@akhiosasincel is the short version of involuntary celibate
If you have been trying to find a romantic partner, but just cant. You are involuntarily celibate. You want intimacy but you don't get it for whatever the reason may be.
Attractive, involuntarily celibate people are becoming more and more common.
Incels are no longer just the fat, acne riddled, unemployed loosers, that are always on 4chan
It is becoming more and more prevalent in average, and even attractive men
Ever heard the term gymcel? It became popular with the post pandemic rise of fitness culture.
They are the most attractive, buffest, strongest, most athletic men in the world, literally the 1% and they cant get intimacy. Some of them are even mentally stable.
You are not an incel, your a monk.
Wasn't sure if I was gonna stay 20mins now I am unsure if I need to watch it again. Very honest very nice conclusion. I am not an incel anymore yet I am start to struggle after going without physical touch for a short time. I hope I have the strenght to someday be so confident in myself to be loveabl,e to not be scared about this anymore. Hoping all of you guys are doing better!😘
You look like an absolute joy to be around and make amazing videos, keep up the good work!
I'm not going out to "hug" someone who doesn't see me as human and actively wishes harm on me. I have an incel cousin, and he doesn't respect women and believes we're all just here to serve him. No amount of "hugging" is going to change that😂.
Bro you are never alone!
Much respect to you
love you brother ❤
1:44 talked with my mom about things I never told her as a kid. She told me a ton of things I never knew about either. Apparently tons of random teachers like PE or music tried to get me expelled. None of my primary teachers thankfully, but yeah if my primary teachers didn’t love having me as a student I would have gotten expelled for “behavior issues” and had my life ruined by an obese old man.
Thank you for your videos. I'm almost 65 and hope I will never stop evolving. As for the measurements of attractiveness, they are dangerously close to the eugenics movement that began in the 19th century and became popular in the early 20th century, with so-called "scientists" and "medical experts" measuring noses and ratios of the forehead to the lips, etc. Chilling....
When I was in my early 20s, my favorite movie was Taxi Driver. Even if I liked a lot of films (including some more normal thinking works), I tried to make me liking this particular movie part of my personality. I wasn't going to perform the homicidal side of Travis Bickel's personality, but I'd still go online and quote him whenever I was mad at people.
What I eventually figured out years later was that I wasn't attracted to Travis because of any lashing out he did to society, but more this feeling of loneliness and uncertainty I felt straight out of high school. The idea of driving around and ruminating with dissatisfaction spoke to me in ways that were more banal than washing scum off the street. Sure, I wanted things in the world to be *better* but Travis' rhetoric made sense in a way that was more abstract because I saw someone who was wandering around, feeling misunderstood.
I think it's why I struggle to want to revisit the film now even if I think it's probably a great character study. I had a friend once say "My favorite movie is Bonnie & Clyde and that doesn't make me a thief" when I mentioned my insecurity. I think that's valid and I do like a lot of antiheroes, but when you have such a strange connection to a film I think it's hard. It's maybe why I do sympathize a little with lonely young people searching for meaning. I don't condone violence or misogyny, but I get connecting with the loner just in the sense of feeling "seen." Given that some see Travis as a predecessor to the modern discourse (including the screenwriter), I do feel odd admitting any admiration for the craft. It's difficult, especially given the film's real world influence, but I think it's interesting to finally deconstruct why I loved it. This wasn't about violence. It was more about confusion.
Great video as always.
I think about how many guys like Fight Club and Joker, but don't actually do any of the things in those movies. I just see the films as an acknowledgement that people can follow the rules of life that are supposed to create success, and still end up poor and insignificant.
I really appreciate the opportunity for fluidity and open mindedness in terms of one's perspective or world view. As you said, I think it's so true that getting to exist and have experiences outside of one's personal eco chamber is an invaluable privilege as it gives you a chance to look at things from diverse POVs.
Unfortunately most people prefer to stick with what's familiar and remain in their comfort zone. Now I don't know whether to think of that as "Ignorance" or something a bit more relatable such as "the fear of the unknown"🤷♀️
Also yes! Radical empathy!
0:00
10 years ago, we joked that most memes were birthed on a certain 4 leaf clover site. It still holds true today. The inkwell and looksmaxxing lingo making it out is pretty shocking. Wonder if they'll start saying "it never began" or "LDAR" anytime soon
Its inevitable. Look how far shitty memes like wojak and pepe have made it.
Yeah for whatever reasons, the memes from there have insane spreading potential
@@Flesh_Wizard They sure live up to the their name
Personally I feel that the only way the incels will become truly dangerous is if they become organized.
Nice video mate. I appreciate constructive discussion videos like this. I don't tend to leave a comment if I relate to the topic of a video but I will leave some of my history here. I'm in mid 20's now but when I was younger I thought I was an incel. Not due to being a believer of the red pill and its ideology but because I enjoyed self-isolating and individual activities. That in turn lead me to a trend of celibacy. I wanted to understand myself better than pursue relationships. Relatives, friends, and people who found me attractive would always question it. I wouldn't say I ever had a fear of being alone nor that I frequently find myself lonely; however, the times with others questioning why I am by myself are the times I feel close the sense of loneliness the most.
I can relate. Early 30s.
@@kubasniak Take care of yourself fellow wanderer.
Honestly, one of the best sources for advice on making friends comes from a book from the Fable videogame and is basically “be nice, don’t attack people, give gifts and don’t fart on them”.
Its absolutely an in-game joke but still better than “be yourself”.
Since thats the low standard I figure I will give some advice. Be friendly. Talk to people. Avoid negativity, both avoiding letting your side of the conversation be only complaints, and avoiding people that are overly negative.
Most of the people I know have talked to who get branded as Incels are branded that way because they are obnoxious or aggressively rude, particularly towards women. A lot of the normal people don’t get that label because they arent obnoxious.
Also, do not be afraid to abandon a social group that is bad for you. The people you hang out with affect your behavior and personality ao if they are toxic you will start to be more toxic. It can be better to be alone than be part of a group where they just harass you and cause you to not be able to make other friends.
The other big thing thats hard to give advice about is don’t be overly needy. Desperate people have a vibe that others pick up on. Feels like they are trying to sell you something or pitting pressure on you… I know if that is something you struggle with saying don’t do it is least than helpful because you still need to figure out how to not come off as needy… but q change in attitude can help. If you are not desperately needy you won’t come off that way.
Edit. Last paragraph is basically the confidence thing.
tbh, "Incel phase"? ?? Like was it tho? Or were you just mad at how girls were treating you?
Cuz there's a difference.
Elaborate
@@arlostcause3383I’m not speaking for him by any means but I’ll try and infer what he’s trying to say by injecting my own opinion.
There are going to be situations where, for one reason or another, you are being wronged by people. Those people could largely belong to one group, women for example. If you at one point felt you were being mistreated by women you MAY have been making baseless generalizations or you MAY have been making an observation of your circumstances.
To expand on this point let’s say you are below average height and every day you go to school and are mocked by women for being short. Would it be unreasonable for you to say women treat you like shit for being short? Of course not, that’s just true in your circumstances. It enters the realm of being unreasonable if you try and suggest ALL women are like that but it’s equally unreasonable to say that NO women are like that.
They've admitted that they don't find 80% men attractive. It's over
@@invisibleman686 their turning into lesbians!!
@@invisibleman686so woman are a hive mind now?
2:55 charisma on command was that for me. Thankfully they didnt show their redpill side explicitly until I already had a healthy distrust of Jordan Peterson and the like but there's an alt history where I ended up an incel
Haven’t watched the vid yet but I love your videos man❤️
There was a point you were working up to at 12:15 that I wish you would have hammered home more concisely. People like these groups and being told all of this stuff because it gives them w reason not to try. It gives them a reason when they feel guilty for not being social, or trying to repress that and tell themselves it wouldn't do anything, because simply, trying is scary, putting yourself out there again especially if you've had a bad experience is scary. And so if these people can find an excuse for why there is no point to try, its not too hard to understand why'd they'd take it. Its easier to live pretending you never had a chance than live knowing you wasted so many
What does “incel” even mean anymore. If you’re deeply lonely and unable to find a partner that doesn’t make you an “incel”. An incel to me is someone who because of their deep loneliness is angry and violent about it. The way people use this word to me implies that deep loneliness is somehow just an individual problem and that the solution to increasing loneliness among men (and women, the word began with women not men) is each individual persons responsibility to rise above. That is naive , it is short sighted , and it ignores all the myriad factors that are causing people to struggle to find partners and not be lonely. Incels are a social not an individual problem. Calling being an incel an individual problem is like saying obesity is purely about will power. We need more responsible ways of talking about this than just labeling every guy who has trouble finding a partner an “incel”. IMO we should retire this asinine term altogether. Loneliness is not a “phase” dude
did u watch the video
Incel started out as guys who try to have sex and always lose.
I often argue that Revenge Of The Nerds and Beavis And Butthead would have been called incel if it was made these days.
@@guyincognito2589 The way I see it, society tries to shine a gaslight on those who call out the lies. However, that doesn't actually fix anything, the people aren't falling for the gaslight. These guys do not question their own reality just because media told them to.
@@skylinefever Exactly man, the word incel has now been turned into this catchall term for anyone who is anti-women or misogynistic, in simple terms it means "involuntarily celibate" and there was a lot of media in the past that would have fit that description, it just didn't have a word for it until the term was coined. But at the same time I don't like the fatalistic philosophy that incels have created. I think some truths need to be accepted though, but people shouldn't feel the need to hyperfocus on physical attractiveness, the hard part is building yourself up to be someone, but incels like to equate physical attractiveness as being the one thing that would have saved them so they act like they don't have any work to do and society is against them, "woe is me".
@@kelechi_77they wouldn’t be wrong either science seems to support there way of thinking we all know if u are unattractive society will hate u
“The child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth.”
Society "omg you cant get laid, you're such a loser"
Also society "omg why u so mad bro?!"
You have phenomomenal Choice of Words. The pitfalls on this topic were everywhere and you managed to take an honest emphatic Look at it. good Job, i wish this attitude was More around on Social Media
Discovering massive blindspots you’ve had is a huge green flag
You make really good content. Thorough, unbiased, contemplative and very representative of different perspectives and components.
This is the type of information and discussion that is lacking significantly on this platform. Thank you so much for contributing to
the community and sharing this.
I never became an incel, probably because I met my partner (now, at 22, fiancée) when I was 14.
Despite not becoming an incel, I did become interested in gender politics. For me "the red pill" had a completely different meaning and I was largely oblivious to the meaning you've discussed. For me, "the red pill" was encapsulated by everything in the movie of the same name, made by Cassie Jaye. It was a recognition of the struggles that some men were going through and the villification they received from certain feminists for trying to speak out about it.
It's easier to have empathy towards the people who were trying to shut down the movie when they didnt know what it was about, if they expected it to be a documentary about the "theories" of beauty that you have discussed here.
The Red Pill started out as part of the Matrix, where it removes the pretty lies of life and shows you and ugly truth.
I thought it was a pretty good name for certain forms of manosphere and alt right.
You can come back to those groups. I have had a rough breakup when my fiancee left me after being together for 8 years. After that I went back to dating scene as 36 years old man. I realised quickly that to get any dates now you need to be tall and handsome. Otherwise any matches on dating apps will be trans and not that attractive women. There is a huge imbalance in dating dynamics. Women can get any dates with guys relatively above their level of attractiveness. They have hundreds matches in a week. Their like lists are literally endless. Rough environment. So when you are guy with values - you suffer as most women go for attractive "bad boy" archetype who often is manipulative or narcissistic.
@@skylinefever thats how i see the redpill its just seeing the world for what it is the concept is great
Best video I've seen all month if i have to be frank, you have a way with words that's truly special.
I think the answer is more simple than we think... When someone is not accepted in one place, they tend to go somewhere else will they will be accepted.
Our culture makes men (and more specifically white men) their punching bad when things go wrong. There are no current masculine role models for men to go to when it comes to progressive or liberal attitudes or beliefs which makes it easier to fall into Alt Right circles where they pray on the feelings of lonely, hurt, alienated, and isolated men.
Edit for Solution: Left leaning / progressives should work towards accepting certain aspects of masculinity as well as not blaming men for as much. On the other hand, men should also concede with some progressive attitudes.
White males meed to stand up to this system they're ancestors have created. It's really that simple.
Instead of the latest Charlottesville bs, they need to for once see they've been conned harder than anyone.
But, they seem to keep looking at brown ppl as it we've had a say in the progression of things.
If the non white puppets don't represent us then stop letting international warlords be urs.
Or found a new political pole who respect victims of all genre (men included).
Progressives declared war on men, what makes you think we will make peace with you?
Replace phemails with wife bots and the problem is solved
I like how the "alt-right" are the evil predators for giving men a purpose the progressive left doesn't who are by implication, the good guys.
truly one of my favorite youtube channels, thank you Fads
A model is always a simplification of reality. That's what models are for.
But to my mind the diversity of the world doesn't disprove a model just because some minute details are missing or oversimplified assumptions. Otherwise we can throw macroeconomics out of the window (even though the models can perfectly well predict market outcomes)
As long as it works in an overwhelming majority of cases, it is a model that makes sense to apply. And the blackpill ("in/cel ideology) is such a model.
It breaks up humanity into five groups based on attractiveness (Stacy, Becky, Chad, Normie, In/cel) and ascribes to each an expected experience in life that is determined by looks.
Why looks?
The empirical evidence supports the fact that looks are what influences our first impressions of a person (halo/devils horns effect).
The empirical evidence furthermore suggests that the more attractive you are, the more positive traits people ascribe to you. The same can be said about things working the other way around, more unattractive, less desirable "personality".
Although a personality in my opinion is merely the psychological consequence of the sum of all your life experiences.
And it only follows that if you are continually treated worse or better by others, especially by women, because of your physical appearance, you will come to realize this pattern. In saying that it doesn't exist, people are not only purposefully neglecting the shared life experiences of thousands of people, they are also going against empirical evidence and facts in favor of their feelings.
E.g. "Everyone is beautiful" is objectively wrong because we can determine facial beauty with unseen accuracy.
Why do we have professional models if "everyone is beautiful" and "beauty is subjective"?
And if you see "so many ugly guys with gfs" then what is wrong is your perception of attractiveness. If the majority of guys are "unattractive" by the law of a Bell curve distribution, they are actually average.
Conclusion:
If in any given social situation the outcome is predetermined by looks (which it is), then increased socialization (your misguided hope for a diverse social experience) will NOT change the outcome, nor the recognition of said outcome by the participant! You cannot ignore reality in favour of a feel-good lie forever! Reality reflected by empirical evidence does catch up to everyone, eventually.
Everything you said is NONSENSE!!!
Everything you said is correct but it's pointless to say as the only people capable of understanding already know and the ones who aren't never will
@@sleeper9638 I mean that's a condition that exist on all topics. Only the people that already understand the topic will understand what is being said. Hence why people just tune out all the words said and only go "oooh he used a big word must be correct".
This.😍
@@asandax6 well the difference is that this topic can be understood by absolutely anyone just by using their eyes, it's not a complicated topic that requires complex words or explanations. The only reason such explanations are required is to try and shed light on it to people who don't understand it but the reason said people won't understand is because they're living in denial which means there's no point in even trying to explain it to them as they just don't want to listen.
You can see the proof of this from the very first response, I sincerely doubt that masonofficial even finished the first three sentences, instead just had an instinctual gut reaction and response to information they can't bring themself to face. The worst part is that such a reaction only comes from the fear that this information is true
Your comments hits my heart.. our society is flawed and this actually is a cause for these young men to become incels. But at the same time there is no place for them in this society to get help, to get better.... i fear what will be in a few years, in sometime there is going to burst a bubble
Brother you are wise!
Not everyone want to be fixed
i watched dr K interact with people i really dislike. it made me realize that they are people too, with problems and mistakes and biases. it's not innately "incorrect". it's so complicated. who am i to be the judge? i can dislike all i please, but hating won't do anything but continue to aggrevate the opposing side. to sum, i agree with you
I'm not really into the incel topic, but I instantly clicked the video because I knew you would make it great.
Love the critical and deep look you always bring on your vids! Keep it up Fads
This is so brave and powerful. I’m so glad that this channel and video exist. I wish I had these messages when I was younger. Thank you!
I don't think there's a single reason incels exist but in my experience _some_ people become incels because they can't bring themselves to face a personal failing -- they're scared to acknowledge why they're angry with themselves -- and certain political interests capitalize on that by redirecting their anger. And _that_ is scary.
I found the red pill blog communities I lurked on in the late 2010's to be an entirely positive influence. I *needed a reason* for why I'd had the terrible experiences as a teenager and in college, and I *needed to know what to do about it.* Dalrock, Ian Ironwood, and Rollo gave me those. Suddenly the world didn't seem quite so *insane and incomprehensible.*
They didn't make me happy, of course. Nothing did. I had to forget about my own happiness altogether in order to find *that.*
A little red pill or PUA theory is like creatine. A great additive to an otherwise healthy "intellectual diet" but if it's the *only* thing you consume it'll poison you right quick.
If there's anyone in this thread who thinks of themselves as an incel - and hates that about themselves - the problem won't go away no matter how much you work on yourself. Your focus on your self IS the problem! Look for something bigger than you to give to - volunteer in your community, join a small business, go on a religious mission, rescue animals. Remember that he that tries to save his life will lose it, but anyone who gives their life away will find it again...
Love that last sentence
Excellent, empathic, vulnerable, well-structured video. I've made a few videos on the Red Pill and Manosphere, too, and it feels like we're on a similar strain of thought.
Since when were incels/black pill redpilled
@@Saint-hamudi since the waters were muddied 😆
They are not the same thing! Red pill has actually made my life better!
Love your mind it’s so nice to discover your channel
This guy says oinkwells are have "mental baises", yet accepts the idea that personality is what is attractive with zero evidence whatsoever.
Plus it assumes one can just activate a new personality to become a real ladies man. Personalities aren't chosen as motivational coaches like to say. You don't get to make a confident personality when rejection is nonstop.
good old victim blaming
@@skylinefever let me 'activate' my new height of 6ft4 with chiseled jawline
You are so intelligent. I appreciate your vulnerability. I too have 'blind spots' that came into view and I found it quite challenging to deal with. It's not easy to confront them - it's embarrassing and shameful, but worth opening up your mind rather than doubling down. Keep up the great work.
I've honestly been tailing these communities for a while as well as analyzing the reports done on them and all I can truly say is people don't have the slightest, damnedest clue and it's 100% intentional.
Society is a neutral gathering of human associates who essentially agree to lesser personal freedom in regard to greater survival and easier access to comforts. The primary problem has always been that there are winners and losers in this social game. The honest problem is not _that_ there are winners and losers (as that is biologically impossible to ignore) but that society WANTS losers. The only way to truly define yourself as a winner is by observing who is a loser.
Unfortunately, a more social approach is taken towards the definition of "loser" in society. As a result of social awkwardness or lack/hindrance of emotional IQ, and outright disinformation campaigns online the community has grown and grown with no clear end in sight. Probably one of the worst mindsets is this form of unifying metric, sexual success, which has virtually no impact on themselves nor others in a sterile environment. It has become more than just a competition, but a defining aspect of one's personality. This unfortunately has two sides; that social structure would even use the principle of having less sex as an insult and that once someone defines themselves as something they openly seek to spread the philosophy as it has become their virtue.
High quality observations, friend.
In a society with different priorities and values, I may have been less bitter about my circumstances.
Thank you for making this video, taking a level headed and reasonable approach to the subject that lifts the viewer up.
I think 'Alpha' wolves only existing in wolves held in captivity still applies to humans, since we are held in captivity as well.
There never was an "alpha wolf" its just the parents of the pack 😂
@@wolfsiejk So leader
Those wolves were females bro. The whole study was taken out of context.
@@wolfsiejkit isn’t true in wolves, but it is true in apes
@@KNGDDDE It was a family. The mother and father were both leaders of their pack.
My brother, thank you. I love your voice and how well spoken you are!!
I love you, man.
Very mature video. You said it all in a gentle way.
Chances thrown, nothing's free!!!!!!!!!!
I’ve just found you’re Channel, I see you’ve taken breaks over the years, you’ve got a great voice and able to carry a video essay all the way through, keep up the good work mate looking forward to seeing more content soon 😊
Subscribed!
Some very normal comments here
You are such a great example of someone who has grown and adjusted and now makes the world better. Fabulous T-shirt, btw.
I find it very annoying that the people who talk so much about how we should be classy and civilized keep talking about how we should base our society and thinking based on the behavior of animals.
What is natural stopped mattering when we started using tools, whether or not it's natural or unnatural to be gay or trans or whatever does not matter since we are slowly getting less bound by nature every passing day.
not true, genetics will always matter more than man made objects like tools.
monkeys use tools as well
"Third places" - I keep plugging that idea for now.
I don't care about models.
"All models are wrong, but some are useful."
I got through extreme points, and saw that the models didn't fit anymore.
One guy basically came and picked me up. The guy was like two years older but taller than me, and carried me to the circle of older people in school and we started to sing ding dong song by Gunther. We did that for a while, and then everyone left me be there.
People were dealing with their own stuff. The reason why this dude came out to pick me up was because I screamed at some of the bullies that were breaking my personal space.
That was gay. Later on I heard that the guy who was being somewhat gay might be a bit of gay. Idk just a gossip, but they have a lady friend.
People just build up stuff and play around with whatever.
When I was like 10 or so rancid joking with the bliss of ignorance was great time, but as we have grown up it's just rancid and even worse in some cases.
Spoof movies motivated me to joke around, and the worst joke was the stick to test the waters. Now I'm just afraid to say much.
I was in runescape and roblox, with cheat engine in some of these sites. It was an experience, but it was quite limited, but I had my laugh with my friend.
I was lucky that I got to stay in home with my mom and sister, no need for day care. My dad was something else.
I don't know how many siblings I have exactly. I might have been a friend of one of them.
I don't know what if I ever felt like finding a group when I was for building grounds for anything, but so many people were without any grounds and with buildings floating in the air.
redpill is outdated... there are things you dont control like height, bone structure, etncity so if a guy is a 3/10, like me, i ll never be a 7/10 and thats my friend, thats blackpill.
Blackpill and redpill is "outdated" nobody is saying anything new
You know what else you don’t control? Who likes you and who doesn’t.
Exactly. The blackpill is the truth and truth can't be restricted or censored
You're right about that. There is nothing I can do when it comes to fixing my height. I just pretty much accepted that I am not wanted at all by the opposite sex. Still, that's alright. As long as people don't insult me or treat me with disrespect because I happen to be in their view, then by all means I am fine being by myself. The Black Pill is the solid truth and definitely looks matter more than personality. Height is pretty much the standard when it comes to attracting women.
@@MegaAtlas100 its only necessary for attracting women who are attracted to height. people have attraction for different things. but remember the bar is in hell, if ur a decent person and you dont try to control a women, u have a pretty good shot
"The child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down just to feel it's warmth."
I was quite radicalized by an abusive school system and my peers. I don't want to turn this comment into a therapy session. But let me describe what it looks like from the inside. The African proverb I quoted above came up during therapy and perfectly describes how I felt.
Now those villages are connected to each other. Those neglected children can communicate, commiserate, and coordinate. Decades spent shunning those children, mocking those children, and blaming those children for all of society's problems. Initially they fled into distractions. They enjoyed their movies, communities, and hobbies. Then society came for everything they loved and turned it into a vehicle for mocking them again. Society took away the only places that gave them comfort. They tore down those communities in the name of inclusivity. So I sought out more radical communities. I replaced the 'nerdy' communities that I no longer felt welcome in with much more radical groups.
These days I seek peace and solitude. I still feel a lot of bitterness about how excluded I am but the path I was on only ends in arson.
This is the exact reason people get into astrology, too - to excuse their shitty behaviour
They're not a snob; they're a "Capricorn"
Oh man: you really touched on something with loneliness being a way to mold the masses into accepting totalitarianism.
Individualism was created for this exact thing. When we atomize society, we lose our ability to build community. Margarett Thatcher was one of the people responsible for this “there’s no such thing as society”
If these kids got a father figure that helps them to know how unfair the world will be with them, oh yeah single moms
Yea that's kinda the problem, now the unfairness is reaching societal levels of impacts.
Unfortunately, most humans never question the systems they live under. Americans talk haughtily as if our country doesn't operate at others detriment.
Sorry bud, I'm not kicking into high gear for the same shxtty deals producing ur argument. I'd rather this system fall than being the latest idxot within it hoping things will work out.
I kno it's not getting any better.
Companies can help combat this, by refusing to hire women who are single, promiscuous, have tattoos, dress like degenerates, etc. This will deter women from just sleeping around carelessly and then getting pregnant.
Coach redpill said that about inkwells too! He also abandoned his wife and kids to record closer to the Ukrainian border, how ironic! Surely his wife won’t delve into depravity to feed her young, right? No father in the house, how well will they turn out? Our only hope is cope itself!
@@orvos1459
Hhhh, nope, yall moral purists are the problem. You actively drive ppl away from the subtleties of getting outta a shitty situation by spreading your delusions about tattoos and sexuality.
.
Those women's senses of fashion have nothing to do with their mental health/character, that's a lie specifically spread through cultural xenophobia.
Absolutely brilliant video. One of the best I've ever seen regarding this topic.
I'm really glad you brought up that facial rating thing. There's channels on TH-cam where you pay to get a "facial breakdown". The fact that so many young men fall for this snake oil bullshit is unbelievable.
I did my dissertation a year ago on the incel world and the links violence against women, it’s such a weird phenomenon. That’s all I have to say as I’ve already written 10,000 words on it,
Ps, glad to see you’ve grown from it
What grade and commentary did you receive?
You have the link to that?
The links are the ones you want to see. Not all Muslims equip laser sights and go to the mall, yet this is how inkwells are painted.
The most recent report by Swansea refutes whatever "dissertation" you wrote.
@@harrisbrown6800 no one ever said they were? Majority of incels I came across in my studies were anonymous or white and non religious. Some if not most of the most prolific people who committed violence against women with incel ideology as their reasonings were white.
@@harrisbrown6800 you clearly have no knowledge of academia if you think one report can dismiss a dissertation 😂 mine was a literature dissertation that looked at case studies and reports across the field and subject. Your attempt to be insulting and somewhat bigoted has failed 😂
I just wanted to say thank you for your videos. I love your narration and think you make great points.
Its kinda sad how on a video talking about incels, you have them in the comments literally trying to die on this hill defending their stance, acting like they are some kind of hero when in reality they are just fighting to maintain their delusions that they have no chance. All to push off the terrifying reality that they always could have tried and had they they'd probably be a better person today.
I always feel like incels are teenagers who refused to grow up, they are so insanely stubborn that they (young usually below 25 males) are right and have the whole world figured out. And the rest of the worlds population is wrong and dumb and only they see the truth. (P.s if this doesn't remind you of someone (flat earthers) you're already too far gone, only you can get yourself out now)
That's so true all they do is (I'm short, I'm bald, my p is smol, my bank is 0, my face is monkey like, I'm big fatso and so on and on and on) Jesus the constant self pity no wonder they are alone, no one would want to be around miserable people, it's draining....
@@Smoochy1074 Ironic comment, considering how casually I've seen women shit on short men, even hypothetical ones just to do it.
I'm sure guys like that get such stuff to their face from time to time, and probably notice it even when the discrimination is just indirect and implied.
Draining? What about women draining their sanity all their lives, because of something simple like height.
The mass of humanity is insultingly superficial, and they are right to hate it.
Stay confident short kings, don't base your value on the opinions of unworthy people.
Same goes for the other categories, the small Ps, the poor people, the uglies, you deserve pity for how you were mistreated, just learn to rise above these negatives, the best revenge is success, so always wear a confident smile, it is the strongest weapon in the world.
Just stumbled on your channel whilst I work. Love the content and would love to see some more. Keep it up!