I think a lot of the people who gave the ultimatum, including Shanique, thought that their partner would spend 5 minutes with another person and immediately come running back to them, or be overcome with jealousy at seeing their partner with another person. I think she is realizing that this whole idea is backfiring on her.
I agree. It sounds like Shanique communicates in a constant passive aggressive state. She likely thought that she could use the show as a third party to be her voice. That always backfires badly.
I disagree, I think a lot of these people deserve to be in a relationship. The problem is that the show presents a situation that could only breed conflict. This is a show who's purpose is to essentially torpedo relationships rather than make them stronger. Sure some of these people have issues they need to work on, but who doesn't? How the heck are you supposed to react to seeing the person you love be with someone for three weeks? It's such an insane and surreal concept to push couples that are literally discussing marriage into, and it is really devastating to watch imo.
I will say that the couples signed up for an unnamed “Austin Couples Project” and not a show entitled “The Ultimatum.” The couples didn’t know that one person would be issuing an ultimatum until 1-2 weeks before filming.
Oh wow ... that's interesting. So, was the premise of going to live with another person for 3 weeks a part of the description of the "Austin Couples Project"? Or was that thrown at them late in the game?
Shanique’s consistent failure is her tone and delivery. Half the time she’s actually making decent points but her demeanor is so hostile that whoever she’s speaking to gets immediately defensive. No one wants to be yelled at.
Okay but if you are not listened to ever, you would get frustrated too. Beware of the kind of person who will police your tone instead of listening to what you have to say. Someone throws a brick at a white supremacist pushing hate speech. I still agree with the brick thrower.
@@greenleaves8980 Yes, because the problem isn’t her race but her mode of speaking (and this is coming from a black woman if that’s the angle you’re taking here). Very few people can keep their cool and remain open to conversation if they feel the other person is coming at them with harsh energy. it usually just leads to mutual escalation and a blow out, which happens multiple times with Shanique. I think a lot of what she says makes sense if you break it down but she’s not helping her own case.
@@StressedDepressednOverdressed That example and this conversation are not equal and I think you know that. Fighting hate speech and having a argument with an intimate partner (of which both are black) are on completely different levels of intensity and I frankly find it a bit distasteful to compare them (as a black person). Part of communicating with your partner includes being aware of your own tone to avoid needlessly agitating each other and having the conversation become unproductive, if things get too hot take a break and come back. Dr. Honda has touched on this before. Shanique doesn't have to be a robot but she does need to find a better way to express her concerns.
This has helped me understand stonewalling so much better. It's one thing to read the definition and another to see it in practice. Very helpful, Dr. Honda! And of course the show is quite interesting/entertaining.
I think the relationship dynamic between Randall and Shanique helps explain why he acted that way with Madelyn the previous night. I looks like Shanique frequently “stonewalls” and he has to chase after her to get her engagement. So when Madelyn said she didn’t want to hear about it anymore he couldn’t just let it go, he had to keep pushing to feel like he’s been heard. That’s just my 2 cents
Randall wanted to hide it from the cameras for a reason. He didn't want Mad to talk about it publicly for a reason. Also, I don't think any of these couples factored in sex into this 'experiment.' They were all upset about their partners even liking someone else, so obviously sexual relationships will set them all off.
Plenty of people are still not aware of fact that physical arousal doesn't habe to much our actual feelings. Its normal to sometimes have response from body when in our mind we don't want to have sex. And opposite, sometimes we want to have sex but our bodies don't respond the way we want to. There is nothing wrong with that. So in short, just because guy had a boner doesn't mean that he wanted to have sex with that woman
I`ve started to watch your movies of these series simply out of curiosity while looking for insight into the some psychologists` depositions in the JD&AH trial. I did`t think that it was possible to pass on such a broad and in fact necessary knowledge about relationships. Most of the scenes in these tv series are somewhat grotesque and exaggerated, but with your insight and straight example to a chosen capture one can learn a lot about emotions and how to improve the inner connetion between the mind, emothion and the act. You`ve made such a great job! Thanks a lot!
I didn't think she was joking, did the rest of you think she was joking about him sitting in a corner, staying away from Madlyn? Did I totally misread her behavior in that fight?
After the fact she may have admitted that her statement about him sitting in a corner was a bit ridiculous, but in the moment I don't think she was joking.
I don't think she was joking. She wanted him to miss her and see that she is his best option. And try to keep interactions to a minimum (sit in a corner and miss me). Instead, Randall is making connections with Madelyn and he really likes her. And now Shanique is in a spot where she is replaceable (with either Madelyn or being single)
Is the 'silent treatment' the same as stone walling? I was in a long-term relationship with someone who would give me the silent treatment every time I expressed an emotion he didn't like. For example, he had a lot of issues with alcohol and on more than a few occasions he would get fall-down drunk at a family event, or a kid's birthday party, etc. The next day I would try to express my embarrassment, disappointment, anger, etc. as calmly as I could, and he would get really defensive, angry, and give me the silent treatment - it would sometimes drag on for weeks, even once over a month. He wouldn't talk to me, look at me, and show his disdain and contempt through facial expressions and body language (and we had children together - and he did this in front of them). The only way to end the silent treatment was for me to apologize profusely, take total responsibility for the fight and promise not to do it again. When I was a child I wasn't allowed to have negative emotions- I got my first spanking at 3 months old (for crying 'for no reason) and learned not to cry by the time I was 10 months (my mother recorded these things in my baby book) so I think that is why/how I ended up with someone like that, and 10 years after our divorce and I feel like I am still in recovery (and not dating, or even really socializing). What can I do for my children that will help them avoid getting into a relationship like that (they are young adults now)?
Yes, it is the definition of stonewalling, and how long he did it to you and what you had to do to get him to stop, is emotionally abusive. I'm glad you got out of that relationship. You can help your kids by talking about your experiences and feelings with them, not oversharing inappropriate info, but a discussion of what happened, what they thought was happening, how they felt about it, how you felt about it, how to look out for signs of it as a warning sign.
Yeah I always thought ppl saying "You're not being mature" was more of a judgment/shaming technique than a matter of fact statement. 100% that's going to make someone defensive and they will go in the opposite direction of where you want them.
What I find interesting about many monogamous couples (especially those who go on these kinds of shows lol) is that they cannot deal with the fact that your partner can be attracted to someone else without losing attraction or love for them
For me this kind of thing is really helpful to see. I have no other people in my life and it still baffles me that sometimes people make mistakes or even complain about something, and their SO doesn't leave on the spot, doesn't get violent etc. It still escapes me how people do that. Maybe I'll learn one day. (I have PTSD and did therapies but no help in interpersonal relationships.)
I think Randall was playing the reality show game. He did his best to keep his relationship with Madelyn a secret, and tried to start drama with her. And then he keeps referring to a "story" with Shanique. I don't think he ever took the concept seriously.
I just want to say thank you Dr. Honda for making these videos because counseling isn’t always easy to fit into a schedule or affordable. I try to actively use the tools you provide to work on my relationship, I look back on arguments and think about what I could’ve done differently to help the situation instead of hurt it. I’m glad I found your channel! You’re a real rockstar ✨🫶🏻
14:37 I think Randall was fine with staying with Shanique and continuing to work on gaining better communication but she was pushing marriage. I don’t think he was at his whits end with the relationship. I think he was willing to put in the work
I can’t agree that Shanique did as well as Dr Kirk is saying here or that Randall did so much wrong. Everyone I’ve heard talk about this agreed that Randall showed a lot of restraint and care. Granted, they both should have taken a breather, but at what point are we allowed to call a spade a spade. Do we always spare a person’s feelings when they’re acting ridiculous? When Shanique said she wanted Randall to sit in a corner and miss her, it was not a joke. It WAS one of the dumbest things said on this show (which had a lot of dumb moments). He could have handled it better, but why call him out and not her for saying something that ridiculous? This moment infuriated me when I watched it. It gave me the impression that Shanique fully expected to wait out 3 weeks while Randall was miserable and missing her. It’s a highly fantasized version of reality. He mentioned that she’s the jealous type. Granted, I like Shanique the most out of all the girls, but I’m really getting the impression that she’s highly insecure while also having such a high opinion of herself that she expects Randall can’t experience normal feelings around another person because he has her to return to. And while I’m not the expert here, I think this was a jab at her self esteem bigger than it might be for the next one because of how unstable her sense of self and reality are. Granted, MADLYN should never have done what she did. Madlyn is who they should be angry with… but Shanique comes second, and I think if Randall were much more tame, he would be babying her at that point.
This might've been said already, but I'm late to the series; now watching it for the first time today. And I specifically looked up this moment because I think Shanique was in the wrong. I can't judge what type of boyfriend Randall had been towards her before they came on the show, or how much he's done or not done off camera beyond kissing, but here she's in the wrong. Shanique surprised me in this scene. Her passive aggressive sarcasm, hypocrisy and as Randall called it, immature behavior really showed here. She came across emotionally manipulative, in my opinion. she came across very controlling and very dismissive and what I didn't get was the hypocrisy of it all. She already told Rae, at the Girls' Night, that Zay got a boner with her (Shanique) and she even said to the cameras that it was very flattering and all that stuff. And even said if she had met Zay in another way she could see herself with him. So how is she going to be mad at Randall having a boner when she felt Zay's arousal and interest in him? Zay apologized for getting loud with her and how he reacted to her facial expressions. If I were him I would have said: "The same way you don't like the tone of voice that I took with you, and my loud volume, I didn't like the tone of the faces you were making because they spoke volumes as well." She clearly likes to be in control. She's not always as reasonable as she can come across and I've learned that sometimes even if people speak in a calm manner it doesn't mean that they aren't being aggressive or toxic. And it doesn't mean that they're automatically in the right. Edit: And her saying the "sit in the corner" response, I only think that that was partially her joking, but with some truth in it. Because she's upset by the fact that he is engaging at all with this woman as though that wasn't what the show was about so it kind of tells me she somewhat serious in that statement.
I think she didn't envision this show turning out that way (and even if they factored in physicality, they have the right to change their opinion) and she's super hurt and panicking at Randall potentially leaving her. I felt Randall was a little manipulative or rather shady, the way he talked to madlyn, making her cry, telling her she has no reason to cry, following her around eben though and asked her not to... Honestly pretty horrible (at least it would be for me). Idk. Shanique wasn't handling it well, but I don't think she was being manipulative. I'm surprised so many people feel like that about this scene and I can't help but wonder if it's a bit of subconscious racism because black women seem to get labelled aggressive, loud, angry and controlling pretty soon.
I just watched season 1 again and with these two....Shanique is the person I USED to be in my relationship turned marriage. Simply put, she's a beautiful girl, yes, but her inability to communicate is horrible! She IS childish, seems to be thinking of what she's going to say next, isn't a good listener, and seems to want control. It seems if Randall doesn't say what she wants to hear, instead of listening, and responding to what she just heard, she automatically goes into shut down mode. This is just me from the outside looking in. She HAS to grow up and learn to listen and compromise. Otherwise, she's never going to settle with someone who may be good for her
Shanique’s problem is that she thinks she’s too good for everyone else. She’s flimsy, lacks lateral thinking, and is too defensive. God, she’s such a pill.
Yes ma’am. Beautiful girl with hidden insecurities that she’s been able to mask up by always being perceived as the prettiest girl in the room. She’s used to being the most desired by men and seems to not be able to take rejection. She’s very emotionally unaware and it’s most evident in how she handles conflict.
My theory of Shanique (based on a lot of things including parts of this season we haven't gotten to yet) is that her anger towards Randall basically comes down to her being extremely full of herself, which I think can be traced back to her parents. In the scenes where we meet Shanique's parents, all they do is constantly go on and on about how perfect she is and how any man within five seconds of meeting her should want to propose because no other woman will ever compare to her. So if Shanique has grown up with this schema believing she really is all that and a bag of chips, then Randall is deeply betraying her by failing to affirm that. He hasn't proposed to her after they've been dating for a year or two, and not only that, but he's proven that he's capable of liking and being attracted to other women, which in Shanique's world view shouldn't be possible and is therefore unforgivable. I think she genuinely didn't believe it was possible for Randall to not, as she would say, spend the weeks they were apart doing nothing but "sitting in a corner and missing her", or (as she'll later also stonewall him over) find qualities in other people/women he liked and that she could stand to work on. She's simply incapable of accepting criticism or other people asserting any interest that runs contrary to her own, and her interest in Randall is in part because of how rarely and timidly he asserts himself. Honestly, I don't think Shanique sees Randall as a person or really cares to, she just sees him as a walking, talking affirmation machine, and loses interest or gets angry any time he fails to give her the same constant praise her parents taught her to expect.
I thought this too. It's tough because you want your kids to be confident, but Shanique seems so "spoiled" that she can't handle anything but adoration. I do think this played out well with Zay during arguments when she would not allow him to disrespect her.
Just throwing this out there, could there be a racial component -pain accelerant - to Shanique’s reactivity? I know she didn’t signal as much but shame or insecurity around colorism’s or internalized oppression might be adding fuel to the fire?
Come on doc get to the Amber Heard testimony, I'm curious to see if it gets harder for you to find instances you can pull from to defend her behavior. I don't see it happening, but surprise me.
I haven't seen his vids on that yet, but he's already uploading a lot of those vids. He is an open minded person, so keep that in mind while watching...you seem very passively rude in this comment. You can just watch someone else instead of him then. Why are you wasting time writing hate comments? Nothing better to do with your life?
@@cookiecookielookies Its passively rude to imply intent where their is none. I find everything he says reasonable. Thats why I am excited for the content, because I truly believe he is going to see right through her. There's your intent.
I want my man to run after me 🥹. But Randle is something else. He didn’t want to be with shanique so I understand why she didn’t want to talk with someone playing in her face. Also he never gives her positive reassurance on the show.
I think the relationship dynamic between Randall and Shanique helps explain why he acted that way with Madelyn the previous night. I looks like Shanique frequently “stonewalls” and he has to chase after her to get her engagement. So when Madelyn said she didn’t want to hear about it anymore he couldn’t just let it go, he had to keep pushing to feel like he’s been heard. That’s just my 2 cents
I think a lot of the people who gave the ultimatum, including Shanique, thought that their partner would spend 5 minutes with another person and immediately come running back to them, or be overcome with jealousy at seeing their partner with another person. I think she is realizing that this whole idea is backfiring on her.
Yeah that's basically what she's been saying since the 1st day of the experiment.
I dont think they realize if you make them spend time with someone else that they may have an alright time.
I agree. It sounds like Shanique communicates in a constant passive aggressive state. She likely thought that she could use the show as a third party to be her voice. That always backfires badly.
100% 😂😂 this is why Nathan proposed to Natalie bc he was like f this.
@@jclyntoledo😆 😂😂
The Ultimatum seems like a show full of ppl who don't need to be in a relationship
That’s most reality shows, emotionally balanced people don’t make good TV.
I disagree, I think a lot of these people deserve to be in a relationship. The problem is that the show presents a situation that could only breed conflict. This is a show who's purpose is to essentially torpedo relationships rather than make them stronger. Sure some of these people have issues they need to work on, but who doesn't? How the heck are you supposed to react to seeing the person you love be with someone for three weeks? It's such an insane and surreal concept to push couples that are literally discussing marriage into, and it is really devastating to watch imo.
Yeah I can’t imagine anyone in a relationship with any bit of a healthy or rational mindset agreeing to do this type of show.
I will say that the couples signed up for an unnamed “Austin Couples Project” and not a show entitled “The Ultimatum.” The couples didn’t know that one person would be issuing an ultimatum until 1-2 weeks before filming.
That part is so messy. Imagine living in a city and having six couples issue an ultimatum
Oh wow ... that's interesting. So, was the premise of going to live with another person for 3 weeks a part of the description of the "Austin Couples Project"? Or was that thrown at them late in the game?
Where can find this tea? I wanna know more!!
Shanique’s consistent failure is her tone and delivery. Half the time she’s actually making decent points but her demeanor is so hostile that whoever she’s speaking to gets immediately defensive. No one wants to be yelled at.
Would you feel the same way about her behavior if a white or Asian lady said it in that exact way.
Okay but if you are not listened to ever, you would get frustrated too. Beware of the kind of person who will police your tone instead of listening to what you have to say.
Someone throws a brick at a white supremacist pushing hate speech. I still agree with the brick thrower.
@@greenleaves8980 Yes, because the problem isn’t her race but her mode of speaking (and this is coming from a black woman if that’s the angle you’re taking here). Very few people can keep their cool and remain open to conversation if they feel the other person is coming at them with harsh energy. it usually just leads to mutual escalation and a blow out, which happens multiple times with Shanique. I think a lot of what she says makes sense if you break it down but she’s not helping her own case.
@@StressedDepressednOverdressed That example and this conversation are not equal and I think you know that. Fighting hate speech and having a argument with an intimate partner (of which both are black) are on completely different levels of intensity and I frankly find it a bit distasteful to compare them (as a black person). Part of communicating with your partner includes being aware of your own tone to avoid needlessly agitating each other and having the conversation become unproductive, if things get too hot take a break and come back. Dr. Honda has touched on this before. Shanique doesn't have to be a robot but she does need to find a better way to express her concerns.
@@JJ-ry8mn Thank you! I thought this too especially bc she is on the verge of stonewalling or putting someone down to make her point.
This has helped me understand stonewalling so much better. It's one thing to read the definition and another to see it in practice. Very helpful, Dr. Honda! And of course the show is quite interesting/entertaining.
When I heard the concept of this show I thought it’s a recipe for disaster. And it seems like it is
I think the relationship dynamic between Randall and Shanique helps explain why he acted that way with Madelyn the previous night. I looks like Shanique frequently “stonewalls” and he has to chase after her to get her engagement. So when Madelyn said she didn’t want to hear about it anymore he couldn’t just let it go, he had to keep pushing to feel like he’s been heard. That’s just my 2 cents
Randall wanted to hide it from the cameras for a reason. He didn't want Mad to talk about it publicly for a reason.
Also, I don't think any of these couples factored in sex into this 'experiment.' They were all upset about their partners even liking someone else, so obviously sexual relationships will set them all off.
Plenty of people are still not aware of fact that physical arousal doesn't habe to much our actual feelings. Its normal to sometimes have response from body when in our mind we don't want to have sex. And opposite, sometimes we want to have sex but our bodies don't respond the way we want to. There is nothing wrong with that.
So in short, just because guy had a boner doesn't mean that he wanted to have sex with that woman
True, I get a boner when the wind hits me right. Means nothing
Yay another ultimatum video. Thank you~
I`ve started to watch your movies of these series simply out of curiosity while looking for insight into the some psychologists` depositions in the JD&AH trial. I did`t think that it was possible to pass on such a broad and in fact necessary knowledge about relationships. Most of the scenes in these tv series are somewhat grotesque and exaggerated, but with your insight and straight example to a chosen capture one can learn a lot about emotions and how to improve the inner connetion between the mind, emothion and the act. You`ve made such a great job! Thanks a lot!
I didn't think she was joking, did the rest of you think she was joking about him sitting in a corner, staying away from Madlyn? Did I totally misread her behavior in that fight?
I thought she was being hyperbolic but not joking
After the fact she may have admitted that her statement about him sitting in a corner was a bit ridiculous, but in the moment I don't think she was joking.
Based on what she did next that night I don't think she was joking.
Don't think she was joking. It's amazing to me where these two are right now.
I don't think she was joking. She wanted him to miss her and see that she is his best option. And try to keep interactions to a minimum (sit in a corner and miss me).
Instead, Randall is making connections with Madelyn and he really likes her. And now Shanique is in a spot where she is replaceable (with either Madelyn or being single)
Is the 'silent treatment' the same as stone walling? I was in a long-term relationship with someone who would give me the silent treatment every time I expressed an emotion he didn't like. For example, he had a lot of issues with alcohol and on more than a few occasions he would get fall-down drunk at a family event, or a kid's birthday party, etc. The next day I would try to express my embarrassment, disappointment, anger, etc. as calmly as I could, and he would get really defensive, angry, and give me the silent treatment - it would sometimes drag on for weeks, even once over a month. He wouldn't talk to me, look at me, and show his disdain and contempt through facial expressions and body language (and we had children together - and he did this in front of them). The only way to end the silent treatment was for me to apologize profusely, take total responsibility for the fight and promise not to do it again. When I was a child I wasn't allowed to have negative emotions- I got my first spanking at 3 months old (for crying 'for no reason) and learned not to cry by the time I was 10 months (my mother recorded these things in my baby book) so I think that is why/how I ended up with someone like that, and 10 years after our divorce and I feel like I am still in recovery (and not dating, or even really socializing). What can I do for my children that will help them avoid getting into a relationship like that (they are young adults now)?
Yes, it is the definition of stonewalling, and how long he did it to you and what you had to do to get him to stop, is emotionally abusive. I'm glad you got out of that relationship. You can help your kids by talking about your experiences and feelings with them, not oversharing inappropriate info, but a discussion of what happened, what they thought was happening, how they felt about it, how you felt about it, how to look out for signs of it as a warning sign.
I love your profile picture! Such beautiful art
I'm really sorry that that happened to you, especially so young
Yeah I always thought ppl saying "You're not being mature" was more of a judgment/shaming technique than a matter of fact statement. 100% that's going to make someone defensive and they will go in the opposite direction of where you want them.
I felt like they were the most realistic couple. So glad he spoke about them.
What I find interesting about many monogamous couples (especially those who go on these kinds of shows lol) is that they cannot deal with the fact that your partner can be attracted to someone else without losing attraction or love for them
0:53 seems she was fishing for reassurance and lies. She wanted him to tell her that he’s not into Madelyn.
For me this kind of thing is really helpful to see. I have no other people in my life and it still baffles me that sometimes people make mistakes or even complain about something, and their SO doesn't leave on the spot, doesn't get violent etc. It still escapes me how people do that. Maybe I'll learn one day. (I have PTSD and did therapies but no help in interpersonal relationships.)
I think Randall was playing the reality show game. He did his best to keep his relationship with Madelyn a secret, and tried to start drama with her. And then he keeps referring to a "story" with Shanique. I don't think he ever took the concept seriously.
So glad you're reviewing this garbage show, its such a bad idea.
I just want to say thank you Dr. Honda for making these videos because counseling isn’t always easy to fit into a schedule or affordable. I try to actively use the tools you provide to work on my relationship, I look back on arguments and think about what I could’ve done differently to help the situation instead of hurt it. I’m glad I found your channel! You’re a real rockstar ✨🫶🏻
shanique was not joking. lol
14:37 I think Randall was fine with staying with Shanique and continuing to work on gaining better communication but she was pushing marriage. I don’t think he was at his whits end with the relationship. I think he was willing to put in the work
I can’t agree that Shanique did as well as Dr Kirk is saying here or that Randall did so much wrong. Everyone I’ve heard talk about this agreed that Randall showed a lot of restraint and care. Granted, they both should have taken a breather, but at what point are we allowed to call a spade a spade. Do we always spare a person’s feelings when they’re acting ridiculous? When Shanique said she wanted Randall to sit in a corner and miss her, it was not a joke. It WAS one of the dumbest things said on this show (which had a lot of dumb moments). He could have handled it better, but why call him out and not her for saying something that ridiculous? This moment infuriated me when I watched it. It gave me the impression that Shanique fully expected to wait out 3 weeks while Randall was miserable and missing her. It’s a highly fantasized version of reality. He mentioned that she’s the jealous type. Granted, I like Shanique the most out of all the girls, but I’m really getting the impression that she’s highly insecure while also having such a high opinion of herself that she expects Randall can’t experience normal feelings around another person because he has her to return to. And while I’m not the expert here, I think this was a jab at her self esteem bigger than it might be for the next one because of how unstable her sense of self and reality are. Granted, MADLYN should never have done what she did. Madlyn is who they should be angry with… but Shanique comes second, and I think if Randall were much more tame, he would be babying her at that point.
This might've been said already, but I'm late to the series; now watching it for the first time today. And I specifically looked up this moment because I think Shanique was in the wrong.
I can't judge what type of boyfriend Randall had been towards her before they came on the show, or how much he's done or not done off camera beyond kissing, but here she's in the wrong.
Shanique surprised me in this scene.
Her passive aggressive sarcasm, hypocrisy and as Randall called it, immature behavior really showed here. She came across emotionally manipulative, in my opinion.
she came across very controlling and very dismissive and what I didn't get was the hypocrisy of it all. She already told Rae, at the Girls' Night, that Zay got a boner with her (Shanique) and she even said to the cameras that it was very flattering and all that stuff. And even said if she had met Zay in another way she could see herself with him. So how is she going to be mad at Randall having a boner when she felt Zay's arousal and interest in him?
Zay apologized for getting loud with her and how he reacted to her facial expressions. If I were him I would have said:
"The same way you don't like the tone of voice that I took with you, and my loud volume, I didn't like the tone of the faces you were making because they spoke volumes as well."
She clearly likes to be in control. She's not always as reasonable as she can come across and I've learned that sometimes even if people speak in a calm manner it doesn't mean that they aren't being aggressive or toxic. And it doesn't mean that they're automatically in the right.
Edit: And her saying the "sit in the corner" response, I only think that that was partially her joking, but with some truth in it. Because she's upset by the fact that he is engaging at all with this woman as though that wasn't what the show was about so it kind of tells me she somewhat serious in that statement.
I think she didn't envision this show turning out that way (and even if they factored in physicality, they have the right to change their opinion) and she's super hurt and panicking at Randall potentially leaving her. I felt Randall was a little manipulative or rather shady, the way he talked to madlyn, making her cry, telling her she has no reason to cry, following her around eben though and asked her not to... Honestly pretty horrible (at least it would be for me). Idk. Shanique wasn't handling it well, but I don't think she was being manipulative. I'm surprised so many people feel like that about this scene and I can't help but wonder if it's a bit of subconscious racism because black women seem to get labelled aggressive, loud, angry and controlling pretty soon.
I don’t think they knew they would be breaking up and living with other people until they were on the show.
Shanique is doing more that stonewalling, she's being passive aggressive and putting words in Randall's mouth. Love your reviews!
Like The Strokes album cover in the background!
Hey Dr. Honda, to clarify at this point they've already been living together for nearly two weeks.
I just watched season 1 again and with these two....Shanique is the person I USED to be in my relationship turned marriage. Simply put, she's a beautiful girl, yes, but her inability to communicate is horrible! She IS childish, seems to be thinking of what she's going to say next, isn't a good listener, and seems to want control. It seems if Randall doesn't say what she wants to hear, instead of listening, and responding to what she just heard, she automatically goes into shut down mode. This is just me from the outside looking in. She HAS to grow up and learn to listen and compromise. Otherwise, she's never going to settle with someone who may be good for her
Shanique’s problem is that she thinks she’s too good for everyone else. She’s flimsy, lacks lateral thinking, and is too defensive. God, she’s such a pill.
Yes ma’am. Beautiful girl with hidden insecurities that she’s been able to mask up by always being perceived as the prettiest girl in the room. She’s used to being the most desired by men and seems to not be able to take rejection. She’s very emotionally unaware and it’s most evident in how she handles conflict.
I thought contempt was the worst one and almost always will end relationship.
My theory of Shanique (based on a lot of things including parts of this season we haven't gotten to yet) is that her anger towards Randall basically comes down to her being extremely full of herself, which I think can be traced back to her parents. In the scenes where we meet Shanique's parents, all they do is constantly go on and on about how perfect she is and how any man within five seconds of meeting her should want to propose because no other woman will ever compare to her. So if Shanique has grown up with this schema believing she really is all that and a bag of chips, then Randall is deeply betraying her by failing to affirm that. He hasn't proposed to her after they've been dating for a year or two, and not only that, but he's proven that he's capable of liking and being attracted to other women, which in Shanique's world view shouldn't be possible and is therefore unforgivable. I think she genuinely didn't believe it was possible for Randall to not, as she would say, spend the weeks they were apart doing nothing but "sitting in a corner and missing her", or (as she'll later also stonewall him over) find qualities in other people/women he liked and that she could stand to work on. She's simply incapable of accepting criticism or other people asserting any interest that runs contrary to her own, and her interest in Randall is in part because of how rarely and timidly he asserts himself. Honestly, I don't think Shanique sees Randall as a person or really cares to, she just sees him as a walking, talking affirmation machine, and loses interest or gets angry any time he fails to give her the same constant praise her parents taught her to expect.
I thought this too. It's tough because you want your kids to be confident, but Shanique seems so "spoiled" that she can't handle anything but adoration. I do think this played out well with Zay during arguments when she would not allow him to disrespect her.
Just throwing this out there, could there be a racial component -pain accelerant - to Shanique’s reactivity? I know she didn’t signal as much but shame or insecurity around colorism’s or internalized oppression might be adding fuel to the fire?
Shanique sucks. I feel like Randall is too nice for her. She's passive aggressive and is rude. Randall is so nice.
Can you please react to the new season of real housewives of Beverly Hills?
Come on doc get to the Amber Heard testimony, I'm curious to see if it gets harder for you to find instances you can pull from to defend her behavior. I don't see it happening, but surprise me.
I haven't seen his vids on that yet, but he's already uploading a lot of those vids. He is an open minded person, so keep that in mind while watching...you seem very passively rude in this comment. You can just watch someone else instead of him then. Why are you wasting time writing hate comments? Nothing better to do with your life?
@@cookiecookielookies Its passively rude to imply intent where their is none. I find everything he says reasonable. Thats why I am excited for the content, because I truly believe he is going to see right through her. There's your intent.
@@cookiecookielookies same kind of reply you would give to people who hate-write about tucker Carlson show etc, for example ?
I want my man to run after me 🥹. But Randle is something else. He didn’t want to be with shanique so I understand why she didn’t want to talk with someone playing in her face. Also he never gives her positive reassurance on the show.
I think the relationship dynamic between Randall and Shanique helps explain why he acted that way with Madelyn the previous night. I looks like Shanique frequently “stonewalls” and he has to chase after her to get her engagement. So when Madelyn said she didn’t want to hear about it anymore he couldn’t just let it go, he had to keep pushing to feel like he’s been heard. That’s just my 2 cents
Yeah that makes sense and could definitely be a reason as to why he does that.
That’s a good observation
Yes!!! Good observation
That's very true. I was wondering why he just kept pushing and then ask "why are you crying." That's an excellent explanation