Hi Julie, I just want to thank you for sharing this vital information. My mom was on hospice for a few months and passed away last week. My family started to panic when she stopped eating and drinking and asked hospice if we could provide IV fluids. I gently shared what I learned from your videos and said it could make matters worse. The hospice nurse reached out to the doctor who agreed. Your videos gave me so much comfort knowing that we were doing what was best for my 94 year-old mom. Hospice helped us manage her pain and agitation and she passed peacefully surrounded by loved ones.
It's good to hear from someone who was able to navigate this journey using Nurse Julie facts/experience. As someone facing the very beginning of this w my mom, that's reassuring, thanks. Condolences to your family.
@@rhyfeddu Always trust your gut feeling. I don't understand Hospice so much bc the hospital put my mother on hospice and my sister & I didnt understand why? She was taken out of hospice and treated for the UTI w/septic shock and lived 2 more years with myself. No forms were signed by my mother nor my sister & myself, not for going on hospice. There was talk of my mother potentially getting a PEG, but that was not performed. It was a MIRACLE that my mother survived! I know God did that, not the hospital. Good Luck with your mother. So glad u are there for her! Look past any agitation. Dont respond to what u see. These are special times now with your mother. God Bless. Stay Strong and take care of yourself too if u can.
Hi Joni, I went through the exact same situation with my Mother. She was at home, on hospice care, and she suddenly refused to eat and drink. This had us all worried 😟 She passed away peacefully, at 93 with her loving children at her bedside.
My husband died this morning at a hospice care house. I have been watching you since his diagnosis 2 years ago. All I can say is THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!!!!!!
So very sorry for your loss! I'm glad these videos gave you some comfort and helped you through those difficult years though! Sending you lots of love and praying for you!❤🥰🙏
My father passed from failure to thrive. He simply stopped eating, and he was ready to go be with his brother, sister, parents, and many friends. Mom knew he wanted no heroic measures, and his death was quiet and peaceful.
As a very young PT I worked for a Catholic hospital that had an attached nursing home. (Back in the 70s when they were still run by the nuns.) These lovely, compassionate minds made it clear to families that feeding tunes, IV fluids would not be administered during the death process as it prolonged death and suffering without improving life. As my time in health care continued I realized how very right, compassionate and loving they were.
(I'm an ex-Catholic) but I believe these nuns knew their sh*t! Yes, some are certainly horrible and abusive. But, if they are truly followers of Christ, they should be compassionate, kind and loving. That's a wonderful story!
It just prolongs the inevitable. You will not get slack from me. 😉 We made the mistake getting one for my mom for meds and comfort, but it just prolonged her existence, not her life. You are spot on.
My Mother passed several years ago while being treated in an ICU unit at a local hospital. A few days before she died she was having what I called a active day. She was sitting on the side of her bed and told me she wanted some chicken noodle soup. The hospital didn't have any so I rushed to a store and bought some for her. The nurse and I had a fight about this and told me she could't have anything to eat. I argued with her and told her that if she wanted a hamburger I would get it for her. We knew she was dying since she had several strokes and heat attacks but this was a day she remembered me and talked about many things we had done together, even I could't remember. I fed her the soup, mostly broth, as we talked. I know in some of your videos that this happens some times. She died a few days later she passed away. I was hard for me to pick out the clothes she would wear during the funeral, picking out the casket calling other family members and doing everything necessary for her final farewell. I did not start to grieve until the day after the funeral. I know this is a long comment but everything keeps pouring out as I type this. Basically, what I am trying to say is that one on one talk with her still sits in my heart.
Exactly, and no fluid either in my experience. It's not cruel. It's actually supportive of a natural and less stressful death. I love your channel Julie. It's really helpful as so many people have no idea about the process of death. Retired RN, in NZ. 😊
As long as they can sip it I think it's totally fine (once they start choking on sips it's over with drinking imho), especially if they ask for it. But in active dying phase it's fine just to moist lips either with sponges, ice cubes etc.
@@MsLoverPower I totally agree. If they want fluid, sure. I was thinking about further into the dying process. Moistening lips with a sponge in my experience is in the last phase. If they are able to receive comfort from that. My point was about not trying to prolong life using food or fluid in that stage.
I was against my grandmother being on a gtube in her 90s and wasn't even speaking and was bed bound. But my uncle insisted. Wish my Grandmother had her wishes put in writing
I'm so glad that you expressed these difficult subjects and allow for others to learn and hopefully, to plan positively. My mom was on hospice and they were incredible, but my dad was very insistent that we try to "force" mom to eat something. Every five minutes he was bringing in a pudding cup or trays of food. The nurses really tried to explain, but he was at an emotional point where he could not take in or process any information. To him, he had been fighting to cure her cancer for two years, and he could not, in any way, consider what he thought was giving up, when it was really about letting go. I understood, but since those emotions only caused her more anxiety and pain, I had to disagree with the rest of my family. My mom was still in there, and I went to see her right before midnight, because I knew she was going to go before anyone tried anything else. I laid down with her gently and told her how loved she was, and it was ok, everything would be ok. She was so relieved! It was kinder to let her go, but of course it's heartbreaking. Seeing her finally relax and smile helped me so much later, knowing she had been waiting to let go.
No G tubes ever for anyone my brother in law gave my father in law 6 bottles of chocolate milk thinking that he was hungry and yet he made things worse then help, people have no clue what to do when their loved one is dying but thanks to you hopefully you can educate more and more people on what to do for their loved one during the process, I’m lucky and have a medical background so I know what happens and what to do for these relatives that are dying,
When my grandmother was in a nursing home they forced her to get a feeding tube against my dads wishes. The poor old lady was trying to die and they prolonged her suffering. She was on that feeding tube, just laying there with no communication for 5 long years! RIP Mamo
Exactly what happened to my grandmother! Hated that was being done to her. It's harder on everyone, the patient, Healthcare workers, too, prolonging the inevitable in my opinion.
How cruel and needless. So very sorry she and your gramps and you went through that awful time. Thank heavens she is in a better place and we can now leave instructions for our end of life care. God bless.
A nursing home is much different then Hospice. There are many stages that a Lived one may go through. Even though a facility is named one thing. In the State o live in there is NO Real Identifiers on which facility does what. The Carers are mostly straight out of school. a huge learning curve.
As a clinical diet tech who has seen many of my patients transfer to hospice, I agree entirely. The majority of our patients have their g-tubes removed before being released from the hospital and transitioning to end of life care.
it is good to have people chime in who work in this field. I worked with babies so I have strong opinions. so hard when it's the beginning of life but the end. people put energy and their emotions into anything not realizing that it can cause more suffering and isn't going to change anything as far as the outcome other than a more drawn out and painful death.
Hi Julie! Thanks for a great channel- this is very cool and helpful. Can you explain the difference between palliative care and hospice? Thanks in advance!
Hey Julie, Love your channel. Much needed. I worked as a trauma room x-ray tech for 26 years. Saw both my parents off with hospice. Couldn't have done it without y'all. Agree with you 100%. Went through hell with my sisters trying to explain this with my mom. They wanted want put in. Thank God she went ahead and passed before it became something we couldn't get pass. Thanks for all you do, love you!!
How can you starve to death when you're actively dying on hospice? Kinda like how can you become addicted to morphine when you're dying on Hospice? Because loved ones can be irrational. My friends husband tried to keep her from taking morphine for horrific pain because she was sober for 30 (!!) years. Sadly he was so awful, wouldn't be there to hold her hand as she passed. We were there for her and she got her morphine. Blessings, Julie😇
My husband had brain cancer and could not swallow because of aspiration. He had a g-tube way before he was on hospice. I'd like to say I agree with this because by the time he was close to dieing he didn't want to eat anymore and I think it would have actually been cruel to feed him through the tube. Thank you so much for sharing this! 💙
My husband filled out that form. He did not want feeding tubes in him. When his cancer progressed and he couldn't eat or drink,I asked him( out of curiosity) honey are you hungry or thirsty? He told no he wasn't. He died peacefully. I agree with you 100%.
Thanks you so much for this valuable service and education that will save thousands of dear folks years of guilt and anguish. It is a priceless gift you give. God bless you. 💟
That is something that's in my living will and my family knows all about it so does my husband thanks for bringing this up because it's a very little-known piece of the information
Hi Julie! You’re absolutely correct. A family cannot override. My Mon had filled out this form (she wasn’t on hospice, either.) and we couldn’t override her decisions. It was so hard to watch her pass because of this. We knew what her wishes were, but also wanted to scream out because no one could legally help her. Allowing her to pass without overriding was the greatest gift any of us could have given her. ❤
You are so informative. My mom passed in January of 2021 and I could not be there because of Covid. Hospice nurses took care of her for her last days. I am grateful for these nurses.
Dnr is absolutely difficult on the family, but we must respect their wishes. My dad laster one month in at home hospice. He really didn't want to eat, for the most part, but if he wanted to accept some water (w thickener), we gave it to him, but no G-tubes. If you can, ask what DNR really represents. I didn't know about the G-tube, obvious now, but not then. Be prepared for this to hurt you, it does, but their wishes are more important. We don't always know their religious, spiritual or basic beliefs. My family believes specific things that would not fit w other's, but they are important to the patient. We respected it, he was home w his wife of 60 yrs, his granddaughter, and his 30 & 40 yr old kids. He was at peace.
Hi Julie… I am a retired SLP. Worked many years in nursing homes, home health, and did some Hospice work. Love your wisdom!!! Am in 100% agreement with no tube feedings. Too many times saw g-tubes..j-tubes, and some NG tubes. Keep educating…we all need this!
Get your wills made out and get a living will too. Save your family from fighting . My Mom had in her will ' If anyone contests this will , they only get $1.00.' My sisters still tried to sue me. Lol.
Thank you, you provide so much info that is rarely given to familys who are dealing with death. We need many more people like you to help educate us. Death is just a stage of life.
My mother had no tubes on her paperwork, but the doctor talked me into getting one put in. My mother greatly suffered in her end of life. A doctor told me she would get better. She didn’t. They said she was hungry. She never ate food again. She never spoke again.
My Dtr in law's mom passed recently.She was on hospice and she would ask me questions about care which was spot on with Hospice.And she passed peacefully.
Your page has helpped me alot. I'm in hospital at the moment. One of the ladies on my bay passed away yesterday. Knowing more about death helped me know the hospital did all it could for her and I would hope the lady who passed on wasn't feeling to alone with the other 3 ladies in the bay
Agree: letting go is a difficult; G-tube Is harmful/prolonging the inevitable! A parent of two homecare clients/bedside minimal response; they were over fed, they were 200+ lbs dead weight, two caregivers could barely move them to do care!
We had to be educated on this when my mom was dying of terminal cancer. Two doctors in the family and hospice staff helped us understand that using a feeding tube was not going to help as her body was shutting down. Thank you for all that you do.
Nurse Julie I'm so proud of u , being real and being verbal about the natural process of dignified dying, I was a caregiver and covered for VA hospice at times, I so wish I had your words then, as u heard about death rattle, the rest was a learning curve, much gratitude
This is incredibly helpful information. Let the body go thru what it needs to go thru. Like you said, it's intuitive. I would never want that for myself.
I agree with you. I had a patient in a nursing home with dementia. Her family sent her to dialysis on and off. They prolonged the inevitable but eventually she said that she wasn't doing it anymore. She knew.
Thank you for being honest. We MUST know and get Repaired With You now I can prepare my Son. I have been following you a long time. I follow listen write down what you say and leaving the note for my Son THIS SITE I think is the MOST important Thank you
My beloved uncle had a DNR. He was healthy, alert and well aware when he discussed it with the lawyer when his will and power of attorney paperwork was done. Some time later, he became very ill, and ended up in hospice care at home. He made sure to make his wishes known to them and to our whole family. As much as we hated losing him, we knew we had to accept and respect his wishes. We spent as much time with him as we could in his last days. As his condition worsened, he eventually stopped eating & drinking. We were then told it was simply a matter of time. He was on pain meds which also helped him to sleep. He passed quietly in his sleep of respiratory failure at age 89.
Thank you, thank you, thank you! I have a medical directive and no g-tube is in that for end of life care but always worried it did mean starving to death instead of normal COD that it would have been based on my dx. You eased my mind. Medical directive in tact.
My mother reached the stage where anything she ate went through her system unchanged ie no digestive effects on the food. Her digestive system had shut down, she could no longer process food and no longer needed it. This is part of the transition of the body in preparation for dying. No longer having to worry about food and drink and meds and toilets. No more stress.❤
I have a Bachelor's of Science with a double major in Gerontology. I love listening to you. The only reason I went into gerontology (many years ago) was because of my father's death, it was the effect his passing had on me. Death was something I was deeply moved to understand. I've have never had a horrible or negative attitude about dying a normal death, meaning from causes due to age or disease. I do not think a violent death is a good thing but I do believe they are still able to experience death as an amazing entry. I truly enjoy hearing and learning from what you are sharing. I know so many are somber about death. I'm not expressing be happy or celebrate, I understand loss, I feel morning is a sacred time, and if I love that person, or even a pet, I do not feel they are completely gone.
It's more unnecessary pain. And to what end? People, the human body, actually has a death process... The body knows what it is doing. If the patient has decided, please, please, please respect it.❤
I was a hospice nurse for many years . I always explained it like this… the body knows what it needs and when it needs it and what and when it doesn’t when a person is dying they stop eating because their body knows it can no longer process or eliminate food properly so they start refusing it so putting a gtube in someone that is truly dying is the opposite of what they need . When people stopped eating if the family was concerned I usually instructed them to offer the patient ice cream. It’s easy to swallow and to digest and it’s the most appealing to patients so if they are going to eat anything it usually will be that…
Thanks for this! My partner had the awful job of convincing doctors that his dad wouldn’t want any tubes, and that he was a candidate for palliative/hospice despite his young age. Too much looking at the patient file, not enough looking at the patient himself and what his wishes would be, and the reality of the dementia that prolonging his life would not make it better.
Hi although my husband came home from hospital with an NG tube it blocked I took him to get it unblocked he then decided he had had enough I respected his decision four days later he passed away peacefully at home with us all 💔💔💔💔
Your channel is amazing! We all learn about these topics that help educate and enlighten people. It helps me understand and explain a lot about the system to people who are in dire need of healcare. Being present and hearing these stories helps us better understand why we're called to do this.
My wife was diagnosed a year ago last May, with ALS. As aspiration was a concern from her growing inability to chew, she was recommended a GTube. Never was told she could no longer swim, bathe or hot tub. Did not even use it the first six weeks. As the ALS has continued its progress, hospice was called a week ago and the Gtube is her sole source of nutrition, plus some pudding and ice cream, which she can still manage orally. Different scenario for us but I understand and respect your opinion on this subject.
I’m really glad you said this and I wish I had known then what I know now because they tried to put a tube in my dad at the hospital even though I had serious reservations due to his wishes not to and the fact he did not want to live on tubes, he had a massive stroke. They “missed” trying to do it once and I said no more. We will let him go as he wished. They affirmed he had no gag reflex so that settled it right there. I took him home and he passed 9 days later. He was fully hydrated at the hospital and had IV so this process took longer. It was so hard but he wanted to be in his home and the hospice care was wonderful. We also had a nurse come and help. He died with dignity and not one bed sore. They washed and turned him everyday. That’s the way he wished it to be. I was so sorry I even let them try that tube… he reared up and it was awful. I agree with you. When you know there’s no hope, there’s just no point in doing it. That’s always bothered me. Thanks for talking about this whole process. It helps to get closure to understand better how it goes.
I totally agree. LTC/ Hospice nurse here. My rationale , which l shared is feeding a person on Hospice is like putting gas in a car with a broken engine.
I think I’m the odd girl out here but my feeding tube helped save my life. I made it out of hospice and am now a “differently” fed wife and mom of four ❤ I will say though.. out of all of the procedures to obtain one- I would never have done a straight J tube again, and N/G- N/J are very very excruciating to go through insertion. My g tube was placed in IR, I was awake, didn’t hurt more than a few stitches would, maybe a sore tummy for a few days. They tried shoving an 18 French up my nose! Crazy stuff- but it’s not all a loss. ❤
I agree. Let the patient have pleasure feedings. Give them small amounts of food they like (if they are awake and responsive and can swallow ok) and leave it at that. If they are that far along a “G” tube isn’t going to heal them. Surgery is risky enough if the patient is otherwise healthy. It can be downright traumatic for someone really sick. The patient can verbalize they want a feeding tube but having someone witness them saying it will save you a lot of hassle. If you get flak I guess I’ll be getting some too because I agree. Been a nurse since 1986.
Thanks Julie, my advice to the people that are terminal also make sure they make it clear they do not want a G-tube or DNR . the most difficult thing I had to do is make that decision by myself . one night for my dad I know he didn’t have life in him and the doctor did say he has will but his body‘s giving out (lung cancer) and it was so hardest for me to make that decision.
once my mother decided to die, she starved herself and refused care. combative and angry. she had dementia but she knew what she was doing. at that point we called in hospice and got her medicated every four hours till she passed. moving her was painful, her legs and heels were painful. hospice was blessing.
I used to feel like it was wrong to just let them die but after working with hospice as a care aid it was sooo different than I thought. So much more peaceful when hospice is involved
Hi Julie, I’ve heard the “starve to death” point of view a lot and been feeling bad about it for years since I looked after dying relatives here in 🇩🇰 Thank you so much for explaining. Now I feel better because we let the dying process be what it is. Fortunately, I am starting to feel more and more that it is not the dying, but all the hardship we go through before esp. related to dementia which is the most scary. But I guess it is all a journey and your guidance is greatly appreciated here❤ (And we’ll have to se what happens and get the help we can ge along the way of course)😊
Look up Angus Barbieri who fasted for 382 days. Although he was not in Hospice care, it tells us something… one can choose to avoid foods. What it shows is fasting for a few days will not cause a person to starve to de,th. Once on hospice, you are likely quite inactive, and don’t need more fuel.
Thanks Julie for the advice. Just found out that I have cancer & it is not curable. I will remember when I see the doctor next I will bring the subject up.
was put on hospice because of Ehlers-Danlos syndrome causing gastroparesis that was so severe I couldn't handle solid food for almost two years. ensure clear kept me alive. If it wasn't for that product existing, I'd be dead because there isn't an alternative that I'm aware of.
When my family discussed feeding tube placement they said that it is more kind to not do it for all the reasons you stated. We were told they don't feel hunger and it complicates a peaceful passing.
So glad I found you. Your info is priceless. Goin through some hard times with Mom. We do have Hospice and they are right in line with you, whom I trust.
Hi Julie, I just want to thank you for sharing this vital information. My mom was on hospice for a few months and passed away last week. My family started to panic when she stopped eating and drinking and asked hospice if we could provide IV fluids. I gently shared what I learned from your videos and said it could make matters worse. The hospice nurse reached out to the doctor who agreed. Your videos gave me so much comfort knowing that we were doing what was best for my 94 year-old mom. Hospice helped us manage her pain and agitation and she passed peacefully surrounded by loved ones.
It's good to hear from someone who was able to navigate this journey using Nurse Julie facts/experience. As someone facing the very beginning of this w my mom, that's reassuring, thanks. Condolences to your family.
@@rhyfeddu Always trust your gut feeling. I don't understand Hospice so much bc the hospital put my mother on hospice and my sister & I didnt understand why? She was taken out of hospice and treated for the UTI w/septic shock and lived 2 more years with myself. No forms were signed by my mother nor my sister & myself, not for going on hospice. There was talk of my mother potentially getting a PEG, but that was not performed. It was a MIRACLE that my mother survived! I know God did that, not the hospital. Good Luck with your mother. So glad u are there for her! Look past any agitation. Dont respond to what u see. These are special times now with your mother. God Bless. Stay Strong and take care of yourself too if u can.
Hi Joni, I went through the exact same situation with my Mother. She was at home, on hospice care, and she suddenly refused to eat and drink. This had us all worried 😟
She passed away peacefully, at 93 with her loving children at her bedside.
My condolences on your loss. You were able to make her passing more peaceful...take care.
@@debbieshomes6984 Thank you. It's a profound thing to go through. Always been a theoretical notion, a vague "someday" situation, and here it is.
My husband died this morning at a hospice care house. I have been watching you since his diagnosis 2 years ago. All I can say is THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!!!!!!
So very sorry for your loss! I'm glad these videos gave you some comfort and helped you through those difficult years though! Sending you lots of love and praying for you!❤🥰🙏
I'm sorry for you loss but at the same time happy that he is at peace♥️🙏
I'm so sorry for your loss
So sorry for your loss. Sending you peace and love.
My father passed from failure to thrive. He simply stopped eating, and he was ready to go be with his brother, sister, parents, and many friends. Mom knew he wanted no heroic measures, and his death was quiet and peaceful.
Same with my mother, quiet, peaceful, beautiful. I’m sorry for your losses.
As a very young PT I worked for a Catholic hospital that had an attached nursing home. (Back in the 70s when they were still run by the nuns.) These lovely, compassionate minds made it clear to families that feeding tunes, IV fluids would not be administered during the death process as it prolonged death and suffering without improving life. As my time in health care continued I realized how very right, compassionate and loving they were.
(I'm an ex-Catholic) but I believe these nuns knew their sh*t! Yes, some are certainly horrible and abusive. But, if they are truly followers of Christ, they should be compassionate, kind and loving. That's a wonderful story!
@@stephaniebaker6001 actually once a Catholic always a Catholic. It's just the way it is. Besides we miss you and welcome back!!🙏❤
Some Catholic facilities can see preventing nutrition through a G-tube as active starvation.
It just prolongs the inevitable. You will not get slack from me. 😉 We made the mistake getting one for my mom for meds and comfort, but it just prolonged her existence, not her life. You are spot on.
My Mother passed several years ago while being treated in an ICU unit at a local hospital. A few days before she died she was having what I called a active day. She was sitting on the side of her bed and told me she wanted some chicken noodle soup. The hospital didn't have any so I rushed to a store and bought some for her. The nurse and I had a fight about this and told me she could't have anything to eat. I argued with her and told her that if she wanted a hamburger I would get it for her. We knew she was dying since she had several strokes and heat attacks but this was a day she remembered me and talked about many things we had done together, even I could't remember. I fed her the soup, mostly broth, as we talked. I know in some of your videos that this happens some times. She died a few days later she passed away. I was hard for me to pick out the clothes she would wear during the funeral, picking out the casket calling other family members and doing everything necessary for her final farewell. I did not start to grieve until the day after the funeral. I know this is a long comment but everything keeps pouring out as I type this. Basically, what I am trying to say is that one on one talk with her still sits in my heart.
Exactly, and no fluid either in my experience. It's not cruel. It's actually supportive of a natural and less stressful death. I love your channel Julie. It's really helpful as so many people have no idea about the process of death. Retired RN, in NZ. 😊
I just wanted to say thank you for being a nurse. They are God's Angels on Earth. Pamela Adelaide SA
@@pamanderson4690 that's very kind. Julie is the Angel doing God's work. I'm retired now 😊
As long as they can sip it I think it's totally fine (once they start choking on sips it's over with drinking imho), especially if they ask for it. But in active dying phase it's fine just to moist lips either with sponges, ice cubes etc.
@@MsLoverPower I totally agree. If they want fluid, sure. I was thinking about further into the dying process. Moistening lips with a sponge in my experience is in the last phase. If they are able to receive comfort from that. My point was about not trying to prolong life using food or fluid in that stage.
@@MsLoverPower
I’d want a bit a vaseline on my lips instead, if I was in hospice.
It keeps them moist and comfortable longer.
I was against my grandmother being on a gtube in her 90s and wasn't even speaking and was bed bound. But my uncle insisted. Wish my Grandmother had her wishes put in writing
I'm so glad that you expressed these difficult subjects and allow for others to learn and hopefully, to plan positively. My mom was on hospice and they were incredible, but my dad was very insistent that we try to "force" mom to eat something. Every five minutes he was bringing in a pudding cup or trays of food. The nurses really tried to explain, but he was at an emotional point where he could not take in or process any information. To him, he had been fighting to cure her cancer for two years, and he could not, in any way, consider what he thought was giving up, when it was really about letting go. I understood, but since those emotions only caused her more anxiety and pain, I had to disagree with the rest of my family. My mom was still in there, and I went to see her right before midnight, because I knew she was going to go before anyone tried anything else. I laid down with her gently and told her how loved she was, and it was ok, everything would be ok. She was so relieved! It was kinder to let her go, but of course it's heartbreaking. Seeing her finally relax and smile helped me so much later, knowing she had been waiting to let go.
🙏♥️🙏♥️🙏
No G tubes ever for anyone my brother in law gave my father in law 6 bottles of chocolate milk thinking that he was hungry and yet he made things worse then help, people have no clue what to do when their loved one is dying but thanks to you hopefully you can educate more and more people on what to do for their loved one during the process, I’m lucky and have a medical background so I know what happens and what to do for these relatives that are dying,
When my grandmother was in a nursing home they forced her to get a feeding tube against my dads wishes. The poor old lady was trying to die and they prolonged her suffering. She was on that feeding tube, just laying there with no communication for 5 long years! RIP Mamo
Yes...that was wrong of doctor's...in the end...it's tour choice or the choice of your family...sometimes we know better...
Exactly what happened to my grandmother! Hated that was being done to her. It's harder on everyone, the patient, Healthcare workers, too, prolonging the inevitable in my opinion.
How cruel and needless. So very sorry she and your gramps and you went through that awful time. Thank heavens she is in a better place and we can now leave instructions for our end of life care. God bless.
A nursing home is much different then Hospice. There are many stages that a Lived one may go through. Even though a facility is named one thing. In the State o live in there is NO Real Identifiers on which facility does what. The Carers are mostly straight out of school. a huge learning curve.
My God, I'm so sorry you had to go through that. We, the living, have a hard time facing death. It is so natural and can be so peaceful.
As a clinical diet tech who has seen many of my patients transfer to hospice, I agree entirely. The majority of our patients have their g-tubes removed before being released from the hospital and transitioning to end of life care.
it is good to have people chime in who work in this field. I worked with babies so I have strong opinions. so hard when it's the beginning of life but the end. people put energy and their emotions into anything not realizing that it can cause more suffering and isn't going to change anything as far as the outcome other than a more drawn out and painful death.
Hi Julie! Thanks for a great channel- this is very cool and helpful. Can you explain the difference between palliative care and hospice? Thanks in advance!
Love your channel
Absolutely agree w you nurse, Julie
Thank you!!!!
I agree with you. It's more for comfort for the family not patient.
Hey Julie, Love your channel. Much needed. I worked as a trauma room x-ray tech for 26 years. Saw both my parents off with hospice. Couldn't have done it without y'all. Agree with you 100%. Went through hell with my sisters trying to explain this with my mom. They wanted want put in. Thank God she went ahead and passed before it became something we couldn't get pass. Thanks for all you do, love you!!
I'm so sorry for your loss.
I too found dealing with family thinking they know best.
How can you starve to death when you're actively dying on hospice?
Kinda like how can you become addicted to morphine when you're dying on Hospice?
Because loved ones can be irrational. My friends husband tried to keep her from taking morphine for horrific pain because she was sober for 30 (!!) years. Sadly he was so awful, wouldn't be there to hold her hand as she passed. We were there for her and she got her morphine. Blessings, Julie😇
Sometimes you have to step in and do the right thing.
Thank you that♥️
My husband had brain cancer and could not swallow because of aspiration. He had a g-tube way before he was on hospice. I'd like to say I agree with this because by the time he was close to dieing he didn't want to eat anymore and I think it would have actually been cruel to feed him through the tube. Thank you so much for sharing this! 💙
My husband filled out that form. He did not want feeding tubes in him. When his cancer progressed and he couldn't eat or drink,I asked him( out of curiosity) honey are you hungry or thirsty? He told no he wasn't. He died peacefully. I agree with you 100%.
Thanks you so much for this valuable service and education that will save thousands of dear folks years of guilt and anguish. It is a priceless gift you give. God bless you. 💟
Oh thank you. I have pounded my head against the wall with families that want tube feedings.
I seriously love you nurse Julie! Thank you!
That is something that's in my living will and my family knows all about it so does my husband thanks for bringing this up because it's a very little-known piece of the information
Hi Julie! You’re absolutely correct. A family cannot override. My Mon had filled out this form (she wasn’t on hospice, either.) and we couldn’t override her decisions. It was so hard to watch her pass because of this. We knew what her wishes were, but also wanted to scream out because no one could legally help her. Allowing her to pass without overriding was the greatest gift any of us could have given her. ❤
You are so informative. My mom passed in January of 2021 and I could not be there because of Covid. Hospice nurses took care of her for her last days. I am grateful for these nurses.
You are so right.
Thank you, your posts help us to make sense of our mother's last few weeks
A beautiful soul this lady❤
Dnr is absolutely difficult on the family, but we must respect their wishes. My dad laster one month in at home hospice. He really didn't want to eat, for the most part, but if he wanted to accept some water (w thickener), we gave it to him, but no G-tubes. If you can, ask what DNR really represents. I didn't know about the G-tube, obvious now, but not then. Be prepared for this to hurt you, it does, but their wishes are more important. We don't always know their religious, spiritual or basic beliefs. My family believes specific things that would not fit w other's, but they are important to the patient. We respected it, he was home w his wife of 60 yrs, his granddaughter, and his 30 & 40 yr old kids. He was at peace.
A message that needs more attention in our society. But then, what doesn't? Thank you for being who you are. A wonderful person!❤
So glad I found this site. Very helpful and informative.
Hi Julie… I am a retired SLP. Worked many years in nursing homes, home health, and did some Hospice work. Love your wisdom!!! Am in 100% agreement with no tube feedings. Too many times saw g-tubes..j-tubes, and some NG tubes. Keep educating…we all need this!
Get your wills made out and get a living will too. Save your family from fighting . My Mom had in her will ' If anyone contests this will , they only get $1.00.' My sisters still tried to sue me. Lol.
Thank you, you provide so much info that is rarely given to familys who are dealing with death. We need many more people like you to help educate us. Death is just a stage of life.
My mother had no tubes on her paperwork, but the doctor talked me into getting one put in. My mother greatly suffered in her end of life. A doctor told me she would get better. She didn’t. They said she was hungry. She never ate food again. She never spoke again.
I'm so sorry ❤️
My Dtr in law's mom passed recently.She was on hospice and she would ask me questions about care which was spot on with Hospice.And she passed peacefully.
Julie, love your common sense approach. It is a comfort and peace giving analysis. Thank you!
Your page has helpped me alot. I'm in hospital at the moment. One of the ladies on my bay passed away yesterday. Knowing more about death helped me know the hospital did all it could for her and I would hope the lady who passed on wasn't feeling to alone with the other 3 ladies in the bay
Agree: letting go is a difficult; G-tube Is harmful/prolonging the inevitable! A parent of two homecare clients/bedside minimal response; they were over fed, they were 200+ lbs dead weight, two caregivers could barely move them to do care!
Thank you. I wholeheartedly agree.
We had to be educated on this when my mom was dying of terminal cancer. Two doctors in the family and hospice staff helped us understand that using a feeding tube was not going to help as her body was shutting down. Thank you for all that you do.
I agree as well. For me at end of life My priority is comfort, independence and minimal suffering with more time at the very end of the list.
Nurse Julie I'm so proud of u , being real and being verbal about the natural process of dignified dying, I was a caregiver and covered for VA hospice at times, I so wish I had your words then, as u heard about death rattle, the rest was a learning curve, much gratitude
This is incredibly helpful information. Let the body go thru what it needs to go thru. Like you said, it's intuitive. I would never want that for myself.
I agree with you. I had a patient in a nursing home with dementia. Her family sent her to dialysis on and off. They prolonged the inevitable but eventually she said that she wasn't doing it anymore. She knew.
Thank you for being honest.
We MUST know and get Repaired
With You now I can prepare my Son.
I have been following you a long time.
I follow listen write down what you say and leaving the note for my Son
THIS SITE I think is the MOST important
Thank you
As a fellow healthcare professional ( homecare and hospice therapist), I am fully supportive of this answer!
I agree. I saw this all the time working as a CNA in geriatrics
Absolutely correct! Been in Hospice Care for 20 months now, and the problem ratio is overwhelmingly high.
Agree! Thank you!
My beloved uncle had a DNR. He was healthy, alert and well aware when he discussed it with the lawyer when his will and power of attorney paperwork was done. Some time later, he became very ill, and ended up in hospice care at home. He made sure to make his wishes known to them and to our whole family. As much as we hated losing him, we knew we had to accept and respect his wishes. We spent as much time with him as we could in his last days. As his condition worsened, he eventually stopped eating & drinking. We were then told it was simply a matter of time. He was on pain meds which also helped him to sleep. He passed quietly in his sleep of respiratory failure at age 89.
Thank you, thank you, thank you! I have a medical directive and no g-tube is in that for end of life care but always worried it did mean starving to death instead of normal COD that it would have been based on my dx. You eased my mind. Medical directive in tact.
Thank you!!!! I have seen too many families struggle with this, make a decision for a g-tube and it did so much more harm than good.
My mother reached the stage where anything she ate went through her system unchanged ie no digestive effects on the food. Her digestive system had shut down, she could no longer process food and no longer needed it. This is part of the transition of the body in preparation for dying. No longer having to worry about food and drink and meds and toilets. No more stress.❤
I have a Bachelor's of Science with a double major in Gerontology. I love listening to you. The only reason I went into gerontology (many years ago) was because of my father's death, it was the effect his passing had on me. Death was something I was deeply moved to understand. I've have never had a horrible or negative attitude about dying a normal death, meaning from causes due to age or disease. I do not think a violent death is a good thing but I do believe they are still able to experience death as an amazing entry. I truly enjoy hearing and learning from what you are sharing. I know so many are somber about death. I'm not expressing be happy or celebrate, I understand loss, I feel morning is a sacred time, and if I love that person, or even a pet, I do not feel they are completely gone.
Thank you for doing these videos they are so helpful to me.
It's more unnecessary pain. And to what end? People, the human body, actually has a death process... The body knows what it is doing. If the patient has decided, please, please, please respect it.❤
I was a hospice nurse for many years . I always explained it like this… the body knows what it needs and when it needs it and what and when it doesn’t when a person is dying they stop eating because their body knows it can no longer process or eliminate food properly so they start refusing it so putting a gtube in someone that is truly dying is the opposite of what they need . When people stopped eating if the family was concerned I usually instructed them to offer the patient ice cream. It’s easy to swallow and to digest and it’s the most appealing to patients so if they are going to eat anything it usually will be that…
I agree also.
Thanks for this! My partner had the awful job of convincing doctors that his dad wouldn’t want any tubes, and that he was a candidate for palliative/hospice despite his young age. Too much looking at the patient file, not enough looking at the patient himself and what his wishes would be, and the reality of the dementia that prolonging his life would not make it better.
Hi although my husband came home from hospital with an NG tube it blocked I took him to get it unblocked he then decided he had had enough I respected his decision four days later he passed away peacefully at home with us all 💔💔💔💔
They block all the time…
Thank you so much.
Your channel is amazing! We all learn about these topics that help educate and enlighten people. It helps me understand and explain a lot about the system to people who are in dire need of healcare. Being present and hearing these stories helps us better understand why we're called to do this.
You are so right!!!
I agree. I lost immediate family members who died from ALS. I would asking the patient what they want before they need hospice.
Thank you, Julie this is true. It causes more problems.
My wife was diagnosed a year ago last May, with ALS. As aspiration was a concern from her growing inability to chew, she was recommended a GTube. Never was told she could no longer swim, bathe or hot tub. Did not even use it the first six weeks. As the ALS has continued its progress, hospice was called a week ago and the Gtube is her sole source of nutrition, plus some pudding and ice cream, which she can still manage orally.
Different scenario for us but I understand and respect your opinion on this subject.
Amen! Totally agree!
I couldn't agree with you more!!!
I’m really glad you said this and I wish I had known then what I know now because they tried to put a tube in my dad at the hospital even though I had serious reservations due to his wishes not to and the fact he did not want to live on tubes, he had a massive stroke. They “missed” trying to do it once and I said no more. We will let him go as he wished. They affirmed he had no gag reflex so that settled it right there. I took him home and he passed 9 days later. He was fully hydrated at the hospital and had IV so this process took longer. It was so hard but he wanted to be in his home and the hospice care was wonderful. We also had a nurse come and help. He died with dignity and not one bed sore. They washed and turned him everyday. That’s the way he wished it to be. I was so sorry I even let them try that tube… he reared up and it was awful. I agree with you. When you know there’s no hope, there’s just no point in doing it. That’s always bothered me. Thanks for talking about this whole process. It helps to get closure to understand better how it goes.
I totally agree. LTC/ Hospice nurse here. My rationale , which l shared is feeding a person on Hospice is like putting gas in a car with a broken engine.
Thank you for your advice
Thank you for your truth.
I think I’m the odd girl out here but my feeding tube helped save my life. I made it out of hospice and am now a “differently” fed wife and mom of four ❤
I will say though.. out of all of the procedures to obtain one- I would never have done a straight J tube again, and N/G- N/J are very very excruciating to go through insertion. My g tube was placed in IR, I was awake, didn’t hurt more than a few stitches would, maybe a sore tummy for a few days.
They tried shoving an 18 French up my nose! Crazy stuff- but it’s not all a loss. ❤
I agree. Let the patient have pleasure feedings. Give them small amounts of food they like (if they are awake and responsive and can swallow ok) and leave it at that. If they are that far along a “G” tube isn’t going to heal them. Surgery is risky enough if the patient is otherwise healthy. It can be downright traumatic for someone really sick. The patient can verbalize they want a feeding tube but having someone witness them saying it will save you a lot of hassle. If you get flak I guess I’ll be getting some too because I agree. Been a nurse since 1986.
Thank you
I agree Julie.
Completely agree with you!
Thanks Julie, my advice to the people that are terminal also make sure they make it clear they do not want a G-tube or DNR . the most difficult thing I had to do is make that decision by myself . one night for my dad I know he didn’t have life in him and the doctor did say he has will but his body‘s giving out (lung cancer) and it was so hardest for me to make that decision.
Thanks. Not due for hospice yet but I'll try to remember this.
...likewise, thank you❣✌🙏
Thank you for your service and your service 💖😊💖 agree with you DNR no g tube only suction
once my mother decided to die, she starved herself and refused care. combative and angry. she had dementia but she knew what she was doing. at that point we called in hospice and got her medicated every four hours till she passed. moving her was painful, her legs and heels were painful. hospice was blessing.
I used to feel like it was wrong to just let them die but after working with hospice as a care aid it was sooo different than I thought. So much more peaceful when hospice is involved
Don’t worry about the “heat”, you are correct in everything you said.
I agree. Thx
I agree with you Julie totally
Hi Julie, I’ve heard the “starve to death” point of view a lot and been feeling bad about it for years since I looked after dying relatives here in 🇩🇰 Thank you so much for explaining. Now I feel better because we let the dying process be what it is. Fortunately, I am starting to feel more and more that it is not the dying, but all the hardship we go through before esp. related to dementia which is the most scary. But I guess it is all a journey and your guidance is greatly appreciated here❤ (And we’ll have to se what happens and get the help we can ge along the way of course)😊
Look up Angus Barbieri who fasted for 382 days.
Although he was not in Hospice care, it tells us something… one can choose to avoid foods.
What it shows is fasting for a few days will not cause a person to starve to de,th.
Once on hospice, you are likely quite inactive, and don’t need more fuel.
Thank you young beautiful lady..
Thank you so much ❤
I have to agree!!!
Thanks Julie for the advice. Just found out that I have cancer & it is not curable. I will remember when I see the doctor next I will bring the subject up.
I have seen this panic in certain cultures. This and IV fluids. SO crucial to educate families on the reasons these contribute to more issues.
It’s good information to have.
was put on hospice because of Ehlers-Danlos syndrome causing gastroparesis that was so severe I couldn't handle solid food for almost two years. ensure clear kept me alive. If it wasn't for that product existing, I'd be dead because there isn't an alternative that I'm aware of.
I’m with Nurse Julie, if I’m actively dying, my body isn’t going to know what to do with food of any kind 😢don’t be trying to feed me
thank you Julie. I am grateful to have gotten off my J and G tubes.
When my family discussed feeding tube placement they said that it is more kind to not do it for all the reasons you stated. We were told they don't feel hunger and it complicates a peaceful passing.
So glad I found you. Your info is priceless. Goin through some hard times with Mom. We do have Hospice and they are right in line with you, whom I trust.
Preach it, sister!