40 Signs That You Have Abandonment Issues

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  • เผยแพร่เมื่อ 14 พ.ย. 2024

ความคิดเห็น • 210

  • @Valreea
    @Valreea วันที่ผ่านมา +41

    I don't even need to see what the signs are to know I have all 40. Abandonment issues crippled my life, and its extremely difficult to change this mindset. I don't know if i ever will.

    • @charliefreemansingsandspeaks
      @charliefreemansingsandspeaks วันที่ผ่านมา +3

      @@Valreea you will! I know you will

    • @patormsby9441
      @patormsby9441 วันที่ผ่านมา +2

      Hang in there! It does get better, even without the kind of help Tim is giving us. You see other people with the same issues and reflect on it, but having this information and a sympathetic community can help you accept yourself, which I think is the first step.

    • @lawrencedavis5459
      @lawrencedavis5459 14 ชั่วโมงที่ผ่านมา +1

      I had the very same issues. I attracted narcissistic women one after another and would go into severe feelings of terror at perceived abandonment. I did everything I could to heal this and the only advice I can give is that somatic therapy helped me tremendously and learning to gradually love myself and accept myself. Still a work in progress.

    • @middledog466
      @middledog466 11 ชั่วโมงที่ผ่านมา

      i believe in your capacity to heal. it is a very triggering and slow process, but your development will begin to show in flashes. after realizing your wounds, the next step often if realizing your behaviors. it can trigger shame, anger, disgust, fear. it feels like you're going backwards. but often it's evidence of moving forward. you really can, and probably will, grow stronger and more stable with these things

    • @Savvynomad225
      @Savvynomad225 ชั่วโมงที่ผ่านมา

      @@Valreea distrust of others is the leading sign, I think. And relating becomes impossible in that framework

  • @JillCee
    @JillCee วันที่ผ่านมา +39

    This has been a helpful check list to show me I have healed a lot. There is hope! Not there yet, but on the way. Definitely worth celebrating.

  • @Maxi_Me
    @Maxi_Me วันที่ผ่านมา +10

    Hello, can you please also focus on the solutions for us complex trauma survivors? The problems are the past, the solutions the future and healing part. Thank you for making these videos. But it is necessary to focus on the healing part. I hope you can do that more... We need that. Thanks 😊

  • @SusanPortrey
    @SusanPortrey วันที่ผ่านมา +19

    Oh yeah 🎉 I got 100% A+ on abandonment

    • @taku9060
      @taku9060 วันที่ผ่านมา

      @@SusanPortrey congrats buddy!! same

  • @riorisa6613
    @riorisa6613 วันที่ผ่านมา +6

    This helped me to realize how far I have come with healing. I used to have probably all of them, now just few.

    • @petyabor5223
      @petyabor5223 วันที่ผ่านมา

      @@riorisa6613 Hello! Glad to hear it, how did you do it? Thank you in advance!

  • @kayligo
    @kayligo วันที่ผ่านมา +20

    Please have the next video be how to heal abandonment issues 🙏🏻

    • @patormsby9441
      @patormsby9441 วันที่ผ่านมา +4

      I agree. The feelings of worthlessness, reinforced by so many nice people driven away by this problematic behavior can lead down the merry path to suicidal ideation.

    • @lawrencedavis5459
      @lawrencedavis5459 14 ชั่วโมงที่ผ่านมา

      Whoever reads this I hope they find deep healing but I found that healing starts in a physical somatic level.

    • @RecoveryTrauma
      @RecoveryTrauma 27 นาทีที่ผ่านมา

      I will do one this weekend

  • @Rico-RR
    @Rico-RR วันที่ผ่านมา +9

    In tears after watching this

    • @catgirl6957
      @catgirl6957 วันที่ผ่านมา

      @@Rico-RR complete tears

  • @angierox6964
    @angierox6964 วันที่ผ่านมา +12

    Looking at past relationships and my different ages/stages, healing and retraumatization, and currently 5 years single and healing... I see many of these but at different times. After a few years when I started noticing patterns I would try to change the pattern but then I would pendulum the extreme other way. And so on and so forth. I've just started dating somebody I have known for many years, I think I will journal throughout this experience to help me be aware of my thoughts and actions. I'm seeing things already but I'm catching them quickly. All these emotions are scary and difficult but worth it I hope.

  • @sabrinaszabo9355
    @sabrinaszabo9355 วันที่ผ่านมา +6

    No, it’s because we will attract avoidant people in attempt for us both to play out unconscious childhood issues, and once we get into this unconscious pattern and both of us get triggered then it’s just the same narrative. If you are with somebody having attachment issues, both of you must be aware. It is hard to find healthy partners, and you must be aware of this and really cultivate emotional health within yourself and develop authenticity with values. Do not be superficial about relationship,

  • @bryanmccaffrey4385
    @bryanmccaffrey4385 วันที่ผ่านมา +3

    This connects with so many other areas. Attachment. Trauma. Neuro.

    • @TimFlecter-x8x
      @TimFlecter-x8x 10 ชั่วโมงที่ผ่านมา

      3673😮

  • @amypelles529
    @amypelles529 วันที่ผ่านมา +5

    Abba heal my soul.

  • @sabrinaszabo9355
    @sabrinaszabo9355 วันที่ผ่านมา +2

    I knew before I got abandoned by my last relationship that I was lying to myself and buying tickets to a show. I knew that I should’ve left after the first date with the indicators I saw because I knew this person was not capable of a healthy relationship relationship. I didn’t listen to my intuition, which was screaming every single day because there was a superficial connection that was disguised in depth, and I knew something was off. If I had listened to myself which I knew I should’ve then I would’ve avoided the whole thing to start out with. It doesn’t matter that I wanted this person to be a good partner. It’s the expectation that was the disappointment because I formed a story in my head. we can be disappointed things don’t play out, but I can’t force an outcome upon somebody. I can only force how I respond to the situation because my only control is within my reaction. And I have to choose, this is what I have gathered. I am self-sufficient, I am strong, and I am worthy of love. I will not betray myself, and I will take good care of myself and look in words at what I’m looking for externally to meet my needs. Nothing in the external world can meet a need. I cannot meet internally, and if I keep trying, this will perpetuate the lies and delusion. I choose to heal, I choose to live, I choose to be alive.

  • @s0me0nelse
    @s0me0nelse วันที่ผ่านมา +2

    It's not a fear of abandonment, its a reliable forecast. All relationships doomed to end somehow someday, most of the time not because of death.
    There are people that are OK with it, oh well, that's life, it doesn't really affect me or ruin anything for me.
    Others get very emotionally invested in intimate deep relationships and therefore very sensitive and concerned of how it will end. Makes perfect sense!
    Those people have depths and loyalty that the other "healthier" group of people don't have and won't able to offer, and it comes with a cost. Many times, as you said, those people will come to the conclusion that they had enough of those emotional Rollercoasters, and therefore they decide to put themselves first and not get into those adventures from first place. What's wrong with that? Makes perfect sense to me.

  • @Savvynomad225
    @Savvynomad225 6 ชั่วโมงที่ผ่านมา +2

    Yeah, abandonment issues spells out my list of challenges. I wonder if this is a cycle, where abandoned children grow up to abandon their children, and so on

  • @patormsby9441
    @patormsby9441 วันที่ผ่านมา +2

    Oh that was so me in my teens and first marriage. I knew I was driving guys away, but now I think I must have been really scary to some of them, kind of obsessed. Even happily married in my 30s, I had nightmares of a big fight with me storming out the door. Those are rare now, thank heavens, but there are three or four items I still do when stressed.

  • @hearttalkscoach
    @hearttalkscoach วันที่ผ่านมา +2

    The mantra "How is this affecting my body" at each step of this list / process can re-center on healing, helping us move toward healing and away from sabotage.

  • @JulieLongthorp
    @JulieLongthorp วันที่ผ่านมา +5

    When i was a little girl i had pneumonia .my mum and auntie could only stand outside .when they left i cried all night.going forward 45 yrs later .again in hospital. My sisters came to visit me.when they left i cried again.when myself and my sisters go on holiday they had to leave earlier than me .i was upset again.its just that abandonment feeling .just wondered if im been silly for feeling that way.thankyou

    • @21cormorants
      @21cormorants วันที่ผ่านมา +3

      Those early childhood feelings and experiences are worth really examining and getting to grips with. It sounds like when people leave it echoes those feelings you had back then. If you can acknowledge and work through your inner child’s early fears and worries and help acknowledge and soothe them and remind your inner child that those fears are valid but not necessary in the present day, you may find that that helps move you forward towards healing. I’m very sorry you went through that as such a young child; it must have been very frightening and painful. I’m so glad you made it through and I hope you can keep moving towards health and healing in these other ways too.

    • @sexywarriorwomen
      @sexywarriorwomen วันที่ผ่านมา +2

      You’re not being silly. Those are real feelings that need expression and healing. Hugs

    • @alwayshoping125
      @alwayshoping125 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

      No you are not being silly . It's the old abandonment wound which has been triggered. I understand it as I had the same wound as a child left alone in the hospital.

    • @patormsby9441
      @patormsby9441 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

      It's that empty feeling--like the sun setting, and nothing to replace it. People who have never experienced that never know what true loneliness is. You can come to terms with it and have a healthy, happy relationship, but always wonder how you will respond when the tide has gone out and once again you're all alone with no prospects.

    • @alwayshoping125
      @alwayshoping125 20 ชั่วโมงที่ผ่านมา +1

      @patormsby9441 sounds familiar. Blessings 🩷

  • @eim1218
    @eim1218 วันที่ผ่านมา +3

    Yep. I knew it🙄 I didn't have the main ones I thought I needed, but I have enough of the other ones😏 "No one is ever gonna hurt me again😅

  • @Palatinata
    @Palatinata วันที่ผ่านมา +2

    💐 Excellent summary 💐

  • @user-xp9wz1nj3h
    @user-xp9wz1nj3h วันที่ผ่านมา +3

    I live these pray for me. In the grip of it

  • @stevesmith-ny8jb
    @stevesmith-ny8jb 21 ชั่วโมงที่ผ่านมา +1

    Best video you made. Thank you.
    I'm so messed up.☹️

  • @sabrinaszabo9355
    @sabrinaszabo9355 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

    When I discovered how to use boundaries appropriately, I realized I was conflicting myself by not acting as I valued myself, which is what I decided, and I was making decisions based on this if I didn’t realize I would’ve perpetuated the same outcome, which would’ve led to the same narrative and ultimately affected the way I perceived and behaved in the world. If I didn’t realize every decision I made would’ve reinforced this untrue loop of crap. I learned the hard way, but I wasn’t about to do it again because Einstein said the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result. Also change is a measure of intelligence. I decided I was smart so I was going to act accordingly, but I am not perfect.

  • @sabrinaszabo9355
    @sabrinaszabo9355 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

    I wonder why I would have abandonment issues when I experienced consistent abandonment. This time I am with myself, I don’t abandon myself, and I have myself, I know myself and have picked up the pieces of fragments and switched locus of control through auto psychotherapy. Dombrowski and JUNG, but this extended into philosophy, evolutionary, psychology, spirituality, comparative mythology, etc..

  • @merhabamerhaba9823
    @merhabamerhaba9823 วันที่ผ่านมา +4

    Oh my god the timing

  • @belaparn7014
    @belaparn7014 วันที่ผ่านมา +2

    I started listening to this video as I thought I had these issues... only to realize that the characteristics or behavior talked of were actually possessed/displayed by the other person (and not me)😂

  • @barkingbubbles9552
    @barkingbubbles9552 วันที่ผ่านมา +7

    This is my now ex. I loved him so much. With every fiber of my soul. However due to his abandonment wounds I had to save myself. I was killing myself staying there and in that turmoil. Nothing I ever did was hood enough. It was a bottomless cup. He was 28 when I met him and I was 37. I don't have to waste. I gave him two years. After that I said I had to go, if not just so he could learn from losing me. I was delaying his healing by staying. I love him still and pray for his recovery and healing. He had a very good heart. His family was to blame. They really did a number on him and his siblings. May God bless you all into the light of your healing just like I hope his will be blessed as well.

  • @AngelikaHighIn
    @AngelikaHighIn วันที่ผ่านมา +4

    How to heal this abandonment issue

    • @RecoveryTrauma
      @RecoveryTrauma 27 นาทีที่ผ่านมา

      Innerchild Healing

  • @aciddiver1978
    @aciddiver1978 วันที่ผ่านมา +15

    Exactly, so i isolate.

  • @NaiomeJainineDay
    @NaiomeJainineDay วันที่ผ่านมา +2

    What if you don't fit all of these categories. Healing the wounds?

  • @theluckshow9617
    @theluckshow9617 วันที่ผ่านมา +4

    This stung 😮

  • @caraelsenoldenburg8848
    @caraelsenoldenburg8848 23 ชั่วโมงที่ผ่านมา +2

    Is it typical for 2 with abandonment wounds connect. Based off childhood trauma, one could be empath and the other narcissist (covert typically). I lived in this fear forever, but I will say I had 99.99 intact instinct. Little by little the truths came to light (lies always resurface).

  • @aron-jt2es
    @aron-jt2es วันที่ผ่านมา +2

    I classify as an Avoidant, but if someone starts pulling away from me, then come the abandonment wounds. Mix in some ADHD and omfg.. Ugh

  • @pyalot
    @pyalot วันที่ผ่านมา +4

    This is an awesome video, also please get out of my head 😂

  • @2biicoachingformndkarlotto317
    @2biicoachingformndkarlotto317 วันที่ผ่านมา +2

    Hi Tim have you explored the term schizoid personality and do you have any ide on how to mend the inner split between the mind and the body, between the thaughts and the feelings, and what probably are the root cause of abandonment issues?

  • @simplepixel5617
    @simplepixel5617 วันที่ผ่านมา +13

    I'm in this video and I dont like it. :)

  • @Katy-tj2rr
    @Katy-tj2rr วันที่ผ่านมา +13

    I've only had one Marriage, my first, one and only ex Husband, no one else, and he abandoned me and his little Son, decades ago. I survived. I have no abandonment issues. I know my worth. I do not lower my standards, my integrity, self respect, values, for anybody.

  • @travelchannel304
    @travelchannel304 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

    40 !! Sheesh. I'd gotten to."I'm looking forward to taking my time" my brain..oxytocin overload! LoL need make sure HE is actually interested.

  • @middledog466
    @middledog466 11 ชั่วโมงที่ผ่านมา +2

    oh lord i feel so seen

  • @sabrinaszabo9355
    @sabrinaszabo9355 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

    I want mutual connection and I want the person to appreciate me as a unique individual, what qualities that I know I bring do they also appreciate and what do I appreciate in them. I am coming from a full cup, where I want to take ownership for my issues. I want to form legitimate connection with trust and intimacy, I don’t want to have a superficial relationship based on Superficial things, I want a deep and loving connection, regardless of the relationship. Where the person can speak up for their needs. Should they no longer be happy instead of abruptly leaving. This means I need to become the partner I want to be and make better choices with my partner selection, I need to see if they’ve done introspection because I’m not going to play this game again

  • @Pnice3
    @Pnice3 วันที่ผ่านมา +2

    I think this play is about me

  • @Sara-x6t3s
    @Sara-x6t3s วันที่ผ่านมา +3

    Ugh, this is me, the reason I stayed with a man so very clearly below me. The thing is that it is almost all because of the continuing trauma of our relationship in addition to the medical trauma, sexual abuse, physical abuse, financial abuse, and countless other tragic events. I was apparently attracted to my husband BECAUSE he was sick, just like my uncle, father, and cousin's. Another sick pervert, like essentially all men. It makes me sick to realize that I have just wasted my life trying to get all my balls in order, to fit in and be successful. I have had to kill myself, destroy my hopes and dreams. All for nothing. Great job.

  • @Billboardmister36
    @Billboardmister36 วันที่ผ่านมา +3

    I deal with this.

  • @Enlighten-today
    @Enlighten-today 16 ชั่วโมงที่ผ่านมา +4

    These videos need more practical advice. I’ve watched so many but it’s more rhetoric and conceptual development than it is actual tools and practical advice. Please help, I am poor and broken. Thank you

    • @TimFlecter-x8x
      @TimFlecter-x8x 10 ชั่วโมงที่ผ่านมา

      + 1754

    • @TimFlecter-x8x
      @TimFlecter-x8x 10 ชั่วโมงที่ผ่านมา

      229

    • @TimFlecter-x8x
      @TimFlecter-x8x 10 ชั่วโมงที่ผ่านมา

      3673

    • @RecoveryTrauma
      @RecoveryTrauma 30 นาทีที่ผ่านมา

      You need to heal the inner child ❤ ఌ︎ 𓂋 ʚ♡ɞ ♡ ̆̈ 𓆩♡𓆪bless you

    • @Enlighten-today
      @Enlighten-today 26 นาทีที่ผ่านมา

      @ Thank you! I would love to do that. Any practical advice on how one can do that?

  • @OYME13
    @OYME13 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

    Just looking at the list at the beginning, my first thought was "Well.....f@ck".
    Pretty much me in a nut shell. I'm broken af.

  • @mysticat7652
    @mysticat7652 วันที่ผ่านมา +2

    Yes. 😢

  • @robertrichards4930
    @robertrichards4930 วันที่ผ่านมา +5

    Im the poster child. 😞

  • @smokingcrab2290
    @smokingcrab2290 วันที่ผ่านมา +3

    Every single thing my wife ever did made me feel abandoned

    • @sanjam.8457
      @sanjam.8457 วันที่ผ่านมา

      If you are a grown up, you can not be abandoned. Other grown ups and relationship with them can only trigger your issues, but it's on you to resolve them

    • @w8what575
      @w8what575 วันที่ผ่านมา

      That’s placing a lot of responsibility onto someone….does she know this? Did u ever share these fears with her and give her the opportunity to possibly change what she’s doing to make u feel that way? Did u share any info with her to help her understand ur needs?

  • @DevPythonUnity
    @DevPythonUnity 18 ชั่วโมงที่ผ่านมา +1

    at some pay you just stop to care about anything

  • @bethanypittman1112
    @bethanypittman1112 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

    How can this intersect with narcissism/what are the connections

    • @RecoveryTrauma
      @RecoveryTrauma 27 นาทีที่ผ่านมา

      They will trigger that

  • @schoolneverteach
    @schoolneverteach 14 ชั่วโมงที่ผ่านมา +2

    Guilty as charged😅

  • @siya7213
    @siya7213 วันที่ผ่านมา +3

    How many are to be ticked?
    it can't be all 40
    it has to be N out of 40

    • @angierox6964
      @angierox6964 วันที่ผ่านมา +3

      Certain ones will stand out more than others for people. Some people will have only a few but they could be quite severe while others may have many. So it doesn't have to be a specific number, these are characteristics behaviors thought patterns of people who have been abandoned early in life and that loss has gone on to affect the relationships throughout their life. Becoming aware of some of these behaviors actions thoughts patterns can help us to change them, heal, and explain where the heck they're coming from…

    • @sexywarriorwomen
      @sexywarriorwomen วันที่ผ่านมา +2

      It’s a range. The more you have the worse the damage was and the more you have to heal.

  • @heatherwallace3397
    @heatherwallace3397 วันที่ผ่านมา +7

    How does one have all 40 of these? 🤣🤦‍♀️

    • @patormsby9441
      @patormsby9441 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

      It's amazing, but I can attest to having been full of contradictions.

  • @b.lloydreese2030
    @b.lloydreese2030 2 ชั่วโมงที่ผ่านมา +1

    Sounds like my ex wife and even myself to a degree.

  • @gezusmofo
    @gezusmofo วันที่ผ่านมา +2

    You really are doing "god's" work. Thank you. ^_^
    Lately especially your videos have been resonating very hard and triggering realizations that are invaluable to my spiritual and healing journey, truly an integral part of it.
    I try to share your stuff as much as possible because this is so important for humanity, particularly right now.
    Much love, as always.

  • @user-zv9qi2ki3t
    @user-zv9qi2ki3t วันที่ผ่านมา +123

    Hallelujah!!!! The daily Jesus devotional has been a big part of my transformation, God is good. I had a $47,000 loan from the bank for my son's (Oscar) brain surgery. I am now debt free after I invested $8,000 and got my payment of $50,500 each 28Days. God bless Kate Elizabeth Becherer

    • @RubyJ.Brown1
      @RubyJ.Brown1 วันที่ผ่านมา

      Hello, how do you achieve such biweekly returns? As a single parent i haven't been able to get my own house due to financial struggles, but my faith in God remains strong.

    • @RubyJ.Brown1
      @RubyJ.Brown1 วันที่ผ่านมา

      I'm inspired.
      Please spill some sugar about the biweekly stuff you mentioned

    • @JamesVillanueva1
      @JamesVillanueva1 วันที่ผ่านมา

      This is a definition of God's unending provisions for his people. God remains faithful to his words. 🙏 I receive this for my household

    • @user-zv9qi2ki3t
      @user-zv9qi2ki3t วันที่ผ่านมา

      Her top notch guidance and expertise on digital market changed the game for me

    • @user-zv9qi2ki3t
      @user-zv9qi2ki3t วันที่ผ่านมา

      Thanks to Kate Elizabeth Becherer

  • @chrisjudge-wm9hs
    @chrisjudge-wm9hs วันที่ผ่านมา +3

    Sign 1, you have clicked on this video. Lmao.

    • @ijustneedmyself
      @ijustneedmyself 23 ชั่วโมงที่ผ่านมา +1

      @@chrisjudge-wm9hs 🤣💯

    • @TimFlecter-x8x
      @TimFlecter-x8x 10 ชั่วโมงที่ผ่านมา +1

      + 1754

    • @TimFlecter-x8x
      @TimFlecter-x8x 10 ชั่วโมงที่ผ่านมา

      229

    • @TimFlecter-x8x
      @TimFlecter-x8x 10 ชั่วโมงที่ผ่านมา

      3673

    • @chrisjudge-wm9hs
      @chrisjudge-wm9hs 38 นาทีที่ผ่านมา

      @TimFlecter-x8x why though

  • @randomcertainty2079
    @randomcertainty2079 วันที่ผ่านมา +14

    #41, I abandoned this video ten seconds in.

    • @ELOCH718
      @ELOCH718 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

      @@randomcertainty2079 😂

  • @rosettemarshall3024
    @rosettemarshall3024 วันที่ผ่านมา +2

    This sounds like narcissism

    • @Flyfreenow
      @Flyfreenow วันที่ผ่านมา

      @@rosettemarshall3024 typically how victims of narcissists feel and are hyper vigilant about traumatizing situations..

    • @patormsby9441
      @patormsby9441 วันที่ผ่านมา

      Yes, I wonder how much abandonment might play into someone becoming a covert narc. Some of these people (I raise my hand shyly) will also have learned manipulative tactics from the covert narc that did this to them, as a matter of survival.

    • @Flyfreenow
      @Flyfreenow 23 ชั่วโมงที่ผ่านมา

      @@patormsby9441 highly doubtful as most are simply trying to survive life while around narcs. Away from them.. life is peaceful

  • @sabrinaszabo9355
    @sabrinaszabo9355 วันที่ผ่านมา +3

    There are a variety of attachment issues that can stem from childhood abandonment wound, including avoidant, insecure, and anxious. I think you’re grouping everything into one and failing to really account for all the differences. and out of all the videos, I’ve commented I have not seen one response, this tells me that you might be getting triggered. And if so, and it’s not acknowledged then we are just the blind leading the blind now. And I’ve also noticed that proclivity towards negativity and really making that place of despondency the narrative for most people. You failed to tell people that there’s hope and how to change you. Just want to tell people how screwed up they are it seems I’d really appreciate if you include the change and resources -instead of allowing people to become perpetual victims. I can say this as a victim. But why do we want to sit here and waive the victim flag. At this point if we do so continually then we are just victims of ourselves and our poor decisions.

  • @lmwanthi
    @lmwanthi วันที่ผ่านมา +1

    Wow!! 🤐