Additionally, "men's" chores like mowing the lawn, taking out the garbage, and fixing pipes tend to be occasional/weekly things, whereas "women's" chores are the relentless every day drudgery like cooking dinner, doing dishes, doing laundry, taking kids to school, etc. Men then think they are doing an equal number of chores but they're not doing an equal amount of work.
Exactly. And some women even do "traditional" men's chores in addition to the housework, because hubs in "unavailable", does the chore so badly that she feels she might as well do it herself, or he keeps putting it off until the situation is intolerable, or makes her take the car to a shop for repairs or call a plumber.
exactly. plus the "women's chores" are never ending. you never really run out of dirty dishes to clean. you have to eat 3 times a day. there's always dirty laundry. with stuff like mowing the lawn or taking out the trash, they not only take far less time to do but there's a clear end goal where you're done and you don't have to do it again for quite some time. when you're done washing dishes it will be a few hours at most before you have more dirty dishes in the sink. it never stops and you can never stop worrying about it
Women should STOP doing cooking, dishes, laundry, etc., and watch what men do. Nothing, they're fine with it. It's true, men really don't care that much about what the house looks like, women are their own worst enemies, look at high heels and skirts, NO man in his right mind, would wear those!
Great video! I made my husband read the book "all the rage" before having kids, and I credit that book for helping him understand. One thing you didnt touch on is mental work - the doctors appointments and playdates and birthday parties and having appropriate clothing, etc. Thats a huge amount of invisible work. My hubby actually does more chores than I do, but I do all the mental housework. It works and feels equitable for us.
And if we continue the analogy with the oxen: the well-rested ox is recognised for his much better performance and receives a promotion to chief ox - which, in his opinion, he owes solely to his objectively much better performance.
This is why 4b is happening. Already independent women don't want the burden, and women who divorce tend to want to stay single. Hope more women stand their ground and DO NOT CODDLE grown manchildren anymore.
It’s a myth, in general. I suppose it works that way many times. My parents would have been horrified if they raised a manchild, they taught me to be independent and take care of myself. No depending on others to survive, and when I was in the Navy, we were combatants so we didn’t have women around to do “women’s work”. We rotated chores, if guys didn’t pull their weight they could be disciplined. I don’t agree with patriarchy, I think it should be abolished.
Omg trifecta: Amy's video, Celeste's script, feature of Paige from social media 😍 I regularly highly recommend all of your work. Thank you for bringing light to these important conversations so that we can create change!
I make double the salary of my wife, we both work full-time. I do the dishes and clean the kitchen, every day, and we share in vacuuming, cleaning and all other house chores. She does most of the cooking, because she enjoys it and is WAY better than myself, and I do all of the lawnmowing and yard work, and house repairs. Chores should be equal, if not, make it so!!
Even though I didn’t work out of the home, because I “just stayed at home,” (4 kids under 6) I was never given (and never fought for) a break. Ever. Somehow, because he was “a nice guy and a good dad and it could be worse,” I would gaslight myself into thinking it was ok. The marriage ended because he couldn’t see why I would want to do anything else with my life than care for him, the house, and the children. For real. (I used to also be LDS) Now in the dating scene when I see things like “Willing to help with laundry and dishes,” like it’s the most gracious thing ever - I get so angry. How about - “I’m a grown a** man who knows how to take care of himself, and his home environment because it’s a part of being an adult.” Sigh… I fear we have a long way yet to go for those of us in our 40+ for true equality in the domestic sector. But I cling to hope!
Sadly, the current generation of young men in their twenties are now, instead of compromising with women, simply trying to get their grandfather's lifestyle. They are doubling down on the wish for inequality, instead of moving towards the middle.
My ex just expected me to be grateful for letting me work outside of the house. He refused to lift a finger and didn’t want any changes to his life style just because I went to work. I managed my full time job, kids, house and he managed his job and my paycheck. Yup. He refused to help me because going to job was my decision, but was more than happy to take control my money.
@@Merriwether-w8k It was an arranged marriage and I was 20. I had no idea he was. After 30 years of putting up with it I finally found courage and was able to get out. It wasn’t easy given my cultural background. I am finally free, but the pain of it all still lingers.
I married a great man. Hard worker, inside and outside the house. We both work full time, with him usually working more hours than me. And he also does more housework than I do. I actually HATE cleaning, and would have been a horrendous SAHM, so he takes the lead in the cleaning. I however, love to cook, so I do almost all the cooking.
I tried to be a supermom. I was working 10+ hours a day at a corporate job, then would rush home to pick up babies from daycare, cook dinner, try to clean up. I was dying from being overworked. My husband means well, but he's just not as domestically skilled. The kids wake up and cry out for mommy, not daddy. Anyway, Microsoft laid me off in January of 2024 and I decided to just be a stay at home mom. My hair started growing back and my cholesterol dropped 50 points. I feel 15 years younger. TBH, I don't miss vicious corporate politics and getting condescended to by arrogant executives.
Your husband could improve his domestic skills if he had to. But he won't if you continue to do it for him. There is NO physical or mental or genetic reason for men to be inept at cooking, cleaning, or childcare. They can also manage calendars and appointments and social engagements and remember birthdays and anniversaries just as well as a woman. It's a myth that men can manage and multitask at highly skilled paid jobs but just can't remember little Timmy's birthday or your anniversary or find the dairy aisle at the grocery store. Furthermore, he gets weekends, paid time off, and holidays from his job. Does a woman get that when she's a "stay-at-home mom"? Ever?
Well done, you recognised that you weren't married, just raising and caring for your children and a manchild. Men are supposed to be smart, so he must have been sub parr if he could not operate a washing machine or dish washer or drive a car to the daycare centre. Kids don't wake up and cry for mommy if their father has been caring for them all their lives. These are all skills women learned, so he could have learned them too. Next time marry a man who has some ability to learn.
@@motherofcatsnz To clarify, I love my husband and he's a wonderful father actually. He does help around the house and always did, but frankly, a lifetime of not being trained in domestic work or having had expectations placed on him has left him at a disadvantage when it comes to chores. That being said, I coslept with my children and breastfed them for over a year. It's no wonder they call for mommy at night and not daddy. I plan to spend my life with my husband and love him dearly. He's kind, brilliant and funny and very glad to take on the role of supporting the family financially so I can be free. Not everything is black and white. Me working full time with 2 little kids wasn't just burning me out, it was burning him out too. We cut out 1 adults worth of work (my 10 hour a day job) and now each have a manageable amount. Because we have both experienced working AND domestic work, we understand the stresses and pressures of each other's roles. He respects my contribution and I respect his. I would not advocate for this path to every woman (especially women who aren't economically capable of being totally independent from their husbands), but I have a comfortable retirement account and a transferrable set of skills.
I think a big part of my parents splitting up had to do with housework. I’m not sure what would have been fair, but I think videos like this can help people have better relationships in the future.
And then, the weekend- catch-up time for the woman. Doing laundry, preparing 2 or 3 meals a day & probably doing dishes too. Whatever she didn't have time for weekdays, she had to do weekends. It sucked. I divorced my lazy husband over it & so did a host of my friends. It hasn't changed much at all, I hear from younger women.
I tend to feel irritated by the assertion that men don’t lift their fair share because in my home I do most of the housework. It’s what makes sense as my wife works longer hours. But it’s not talking about me personally I guess.
I grew up on a farm. I was expected to do outside chores, plowing, digging post holes, feed animals, etc. And help with the housework. My brothers did no housework.
@@do1043-x3s There is no way that objectively divorce is worst for women. For whatever reason, and there are many, woman initiate 70 plus percent of them, they are more likely to get alimony, a 50 50 split of assets, regardless of effort in generating those assets, child custody and child support. They are NOT more harmed than men. It is in fact well known that family court HAS been and continues to be one of the few places where women have a significant gender bias in their favor, and 40 plus years ago I agree they probably needed it. But that shit needs to change in todays reality. Divorce sucks all around, but women get significantly MORE out of it then men do. We know this to be true, and while I am happy to see alimony being eliminated, or at least forever alimony it should not exist at all. Nor should marrying someone mean having to part with 50 percent of what you built when the other party came in with nothing. Automatic Pre-nups and DNA tests need to be instituted.
No marriage is equal, why there is this desire to burden men knowing that he works outside? Besides, women are seeing what men had known for ages: you CANNOT have it all - you have to pick and choose.
Isn't this what Betty's and Gloria's Women Liberation Movement was all about. Wasn't Betty one of those 195O's housewives who just couldn't take it any more? And isn't this what Donald wants to go back to? 💙
Nope me and my wife got married in Oct and she wants to do the house work. I work 2 jobs that brings in 100k and wants me to rest and hit the gym after work. Fuck 4B
Additionally, "men's" chores like mowing the lawn, taking out the garbage, and fixing pipes tend to be occasional/weekly things, whereas "women's" chores are the relentless every day drudgery like cooking dinner, doing dishes, doing laundry, taking kids to school, etc. Men then think they are doing an equal number of chores but they're not doing an equal amount of work.
Exactly. And some women even do "traditional" men's chores in addition to the housework, because hubs in "unavailable", does the chore so badly that she feels she might as well do it herself, or he keeps putting it off until the situation is intolerable, or makes her take the car to a shop for repairs or call a plumber.
exactly. plus the "women's chores" are never ending. you never really run out of dirty dishes to clean. you have to eat 3 times a day. there's always dirty laundry. with stuff like mowing the lawn or taking out the trash, they not only take far less time to do but there's a clear end goal where you're done and you don't have to do it again for quite some time. when you're done washing dishes it will be a few hours at most before you have more dirty dishes in the sink. it never stops and you can never stop worrying about it
Women should STOP doing cooking, dishes, laundry, etc., and watch what men do. Nothing, they're fine with it. It's true, men really don't care that much about what the house looks like, women are their own worst enemies, look at high heels and skirts, NO man in his right mind, would wear those!
But they are doing an equal amount of work because even today men do more hours of work total per year.
Great video! I made my husband read the book "all the rage" before having kids, and I credit that book for helping him understand. One thing you didnt touch on is mental work - the doctors appointments and playdates and birthday parties and having appropriate clothing, etc. Thats a huge amount of invisible work. My hubby actually does more chores than I do, but I do all the mental housework. It works and feels equitable for us.
And if we continue the analogy with the oxen: the well-rested ox is recognised for his much better performance and receives a promotion to chief ox - which, in his opinion, he owes solely to his objectively much better performance.
Meanwhile the other ox’s health and well-being suffers…
This is why 4b is happening. Already independent women don't want the burden, and women who divorce tend to want to stay single. Hope more women stand their ground and DO NOT CODDLE grown manchildren anymore.
@@BekkaPoo as well as their literal male children, perpetuating it in the next generation!
It’s a myth, in general. I suppose it works that way many times. My parents would have been horrified if they raised a manchild, they taught me to be independent and take care of myself. No depending on others to survive, and when I was in the Navy, we were combatants so we didn’t have women around to do “women’s work”. We rotated chores, if guys didn’t pull their weight they could be disciplined. I don’t agree with patriarchy, I think it should be abolished.
Thank you for statistical data
A great breakdown of the fight for equality in the home.
Omg trifecta: Amy's video, Celeste's script, feature of Paige from social media 😍 I regularly highly recommend all of your work. Thank you for bringing light to these important conversations so that we can create change!
Make a chore wheel and rotate - divide every task right down the line - do not deviate unless emergency
I make double the salary of my wife, we both work full-time. I do the dishes and clean the kitchen, every day, and we share in vacuuming, cleaning and all other house chores. She does most of the cooking, because she enjoys it and is WAY better than myself, and I do all of the lawnmowing and yard work, and house repairs. Chores should be equal, if not, make it so!!
Stay at home Mom's shouldn't be expected to do all of the work either.
Even though I didn’t work out of the home, because I “just stayed at home,” (4 kids under 6) I was never given (and never fought for) a break. Ever. Somehow, because he was “a nice guy and a good dad and it could be worse,” I would gaslight myself into thinking it was ok. The marriage ended because he couldn’t see why I would want to do anything else with my life than care for him, the house, and the children. For real. (I used to also be LDS)
Now in the dating scene when I see things like “Willing to help with laundry and dishes,” like it’s the most gracious thing ever - I get so angry. How about - “I’m a grown a** man who knows how to take care of himself, and his home environment because it’s a part of being an adult.” Sigh… I fear we have a long way yet to go for those of us in our 40+ for true equality in the domestic sector. But I cling to hope!
Sadly, the current generation of young men in their twenties are now, instead of compromising with women, simply trying to get their grandfather's lifestyle. They are doubling down on the wish for inequality, instead of moving towards the middle.
True - they are under the influence of heavy propaganda
And how do you expect when men had been grown under the negative reinforcement that by the mere fact of being a man, they are considered "evil"?
My ex just expected me to be grateful for letting me work outside of the house. He refused to lift a finger and didn’t want any changes to his life style just because I went to work. I managed my full time job, kids, house and he managed his job and my paycheck. Yup. He refused to help me because going to job was my decision, but was more than happy to take control my money.
Glad you got out.
Why did you marry him? smh
@@Karen-b3b1f thank you. It wasn’t easy.
@@Merriwether-w8k It was an arranged marriage and I was 20. I had no idea he was. After 30 years of putting up with it I finally found courage and was able to get out. It wasn’t easy given my cultural background. I am finally free, but the pain of it all still lingers.
@@AndhraAdapaduchu-i2j Good for you - I am happy you're free
I married a great man. Hard worker, inside and outside the house. We both work full time, with him usually working more hours than me. And he also does more housework than I do. I actually HATE cleaning, and would have been a horrendous SAHM, so he takes the lead in the cleaning. I however, love to cook, so I do almost all the cooking.
I tried to be a supermom. I was working 10+ hours a day at a corporate job, then would rush home to pick up babies from daycare, cook dinner, try to clean up. I was dying from being overworked. My husband means well, but he's just not as domestically skilled. The kids wake up and cry out for mommy, not daddy. Anyway, Microsoft laid me off in January of 2024 and I decided to just be a stay at home mom. My hair started growing back and my cholesterol dropped 50 points. I feel 15 years younger. TBH, I don't miss vicious corporate politics and getting condescended to by arrogant executives.
Your husband could improve his domestic skills if he had to. But he won't if you continue to do it for him. There is NO physical or mental or genetic reason for men to be inept at cooking, cleaning, or childcare. They can also manage calendars and appointments and social engagements and remember birthdays and anniversaries just as well as a woman. It's a myth that men can manage and multitask at highly skilled paid jobs but just can't remember little Timmy's birthday or your anniversary or find the dairy aisle at the grocery store. Furthermore, he gets weekends, paid time off, and holidays from his job. Does a woman get that when she's a "stay-at-home mom"? Ever?
Well done, you recognised that you weren't married, just raising and caring for your children and a manchild. Men are supposed to be smart, so he must have been sub parr if he could not operate a washing machine or dish washer or drive a car to the daycare centre. Kids don't wake up and cry for mommy if their father has been caring for them all their lives. These are all skills women learned, so he could have learned them too. Next time marry a man who has some ability to learn.
@@motherofcatsnz To clarify, I love my husband and he's a wonderful father actually. He does help around the house and always did, but frankly, a lifetime of not being trained in domestic work or having had expectations placed on him has left him at a disadvantage when it comes to chores. That being said, I coslept with my children and breastfed them for over a year. It's no wonder they call for mommy at night and not daddy. I plan to spend my life with my husband and love him dearly. He's kind, brilliant and funny and very glad to take on the role of supporting the family financially so I can be free. Not everything is black and white. Me working full time with 2 little kids wasn't just burning me out, it was burning him out too. We cut out 1 adults worth of work (my 10 hour a day job) and now each have a manageable amount. Because we have both experienced working AND domestic work, we understand the stresses and pressures of each other's roles. He respects my contribution and I respect his. I would not advocate for this path to every woman (especially women who aren't economically capable of being totally independent from their husbands), but I have a comfortable retirement account and a transferrable set of skills.
Being domestically skilled comes with the desire to do it and then doing it. No excuses for being unskilled in my book. Do it, and you'll catch on.
Do you think about your retirement plan? Who is going to pay for that?
I think a big part of my parents splitting up had to do with housework. I’m not sure what would have been fair, but I think videos like this can help people have better relationships in the future.
Very clever way to express reality! 💯
I sometimes wish we lived like lions, with groups of women all supporting each other more.
Don't get married
And then, the weekend- catch-up time for the woman. Doing laundry, preparing 2 or 3 meals a day & probably doing dishes too. Whatever she didn't have time for weekdays, she had to do weekends. It sucked. I divorced my lazy husband over it & so did a host of my friends. It hasn't changed much at all, I hear from younger women.
Still... .. a lot of overworked woman.
I tend to feel irritated by the assertion that men don’t lift their fair share because in my home I do most of the housework. It’s what makes sense as my wife works longer hours. But it’s not talking about me personally I guess.
I grew up on a farm. I was expected to do outside chores, plowing, digging post holes, feed animals, etc. And help with the housework. My brothers did no housework.
This was just wrong!
I would disagree hard on divorce hitting women harder than men. That is a false statement.
It's not false, look at the statistics
@@do1043-x3s There is no way that objectively divorce is worst for women. For whatever reason, and there are many, woman initiate 70 plus percent of them, they are more likely to get alimony, a 50 50 split of assets, regardless of effort in generating those assets, child custody and child support. They are NOT more harmed than men. It is in fact well known that family court HAS been and continues to be one of the few places where women have a significant gender bias in their favor, and 40 plus years ago I agree they probably needed it. But that shit needs to change in todays reality. Divorce sucks all around, but women get significantly MORE out of it then men do. We know this to be true, and while I am happy to see alimony being eliminated, or at least forever alimony it should not exist at all. Nor should marrying someone mean having to part with 50 percent of what you built when the other party came in with nothing. Automatic Pre-nups and DNA tests need to be instituted.
Why do you say/think that?🤔
No marriage is equal, why there is this desire to burden men knowing that he works outside?
Besides, women are seeing what men had known for ages: you CANNOT have it all - you have to pick and choose.
That's why women don't get married or divorce
Isn't this what Betty's and Gloria's Women Liberation Movement was all about. Wasn't Betty one of those 195O's housewives who just couldn't take it any more? And isn't this what Donald wants to go back to? 💙
4B!
Nope me and my wife got married in Oct and she wants to do the house work. I work 2 jobs that brings in 100k and wants me to rest and hit the gym after work. Fuck 4B