This is helpful! This year I connected with an dismissive avoidant and as a secure attached girl… It was one of the most painful, self esteem and worth eroding, confusing, disheartening things I’ve ever experienced. I am a very Loving, Affectionate, Emotionally, Authentic, Vulnerable expressive woman…and dealing with a man like this was so heartbreaking…You can’t care or love them enough into changing… I found it very easy to as an empath start compromising your needs, wants and desires and start focusing on him. Knowing someone likes you and wants to be with you and cares about you and they won’t express it.. takes a toll… Speaking in Avoidant man language sounds like speaking Martian…
This was great! but it also made me realize as someone who has worked so hard to heal from deep trauma that I dont want to be the one “studying” to learn how to talk to my avoidant partner. If I did the work (and Ive been through much more trauma than he has) why am I again having to learn the ropes? this helped me realize this is not the relationship for me as I want someone who has done the work by and for himself instead of me or our relationship. Very very helpful!
Your message made me realise that I m a drama queen OR the victim of a narc for the 2nd time.... Coz thats something I d never write because love is forever and ever and if you can separate that means you never loved in the first and you are a hypocrite and so we stick together and go through difficulties and if you can't do the job then I understand it might be hard for you so I ll do your part too
@@Maruzzela-l1u you can do that, as long as you have the tools, the knowledge, the energy and the support and trust of a selfreflective partner. Life is tough and sometimes this kind of work is just too much for your mental health. You can want something, but if the other one doesn't want the same and doesn't reflect for themselves, you can't do that for them. You won't achieve anything, your work won't be appreciated and you'll end up broken. They need help, not someone who does the work for them. That doesn't work.
One thing I learned in my last relationship, don't try and compare each other's trauma, it can even become an unhealthy pity competition and can hurt and invalidate each other's feelings and experiences.
Adam Smith is AMAZING! he helps teaches you the language to connect with the avoidant in your life....they deserve to be loved too...and theres a certain way it can be done WHILE getting your needs met too.
@@hspinnovators5516 Wow, just know you have made my day. Therapy is like a second slap in the face. I'm reversing the damage my parents did to me as a child.
Right out the gate, your cabin analogy made me laugh only because it describes my current situationship. I absolutely adore my SO , but he is so avoidant he can push me away without blinking an eye. It has taken me over a year to adjust to it and not take it personally. I will admit the lack of close intimate connection is the hardest for me.
Wow, you took this very well. Definitely secure. I'm one of those that the commenters hate. I'd say leave us alone for your own good. The only person that can fix you is you.
The ethically avoidant aspect hits home. I know a big part of the reason that mine broke up with me was that she couldn't help but pull away, but she could see how much she was hurting me by doing so . . . which of course just heightened her overwhelm.
Wow 😮 - Just watched this after finding Adam on another video. I am blown away because - I am an avoidant woman and this was so good. Basically what the host described as his experiences is exactly to mine. A partner decided to self correct this holiday season and I was shocked because I had written them off. Thank you both for giving me the tool and levels of trust to start implementing right away.
@attachmentadam Ive watched all your videos Adam for the past 6 months and this is the one that finally got me to buy your course. Thank you Adam, thank you Mark.
Amazing. Love Adam Lane Smith and really enjoyed this podcast episode - I hope he’s a guest on more because he s definitely changing relationships and lives!
Wow, that statement about Anxiously attached people slaming accountability suggestions. I am anxious att. I don't relate at all. I want to be accountability. I loved this conversation. Thank you both.
This is a brilliant video! I have shared it and I'm hoping it isn't too late. Thank you for sharing information and being informative to help others who are struggling.
Recently discovered that I have a disorganised attachment style. So many things make so much sense with this knowledge. I am struggling to find legitimate help in my local area (obviously with the trust issues ha ha). This is very helpfull thank you! x
@@markgroves oh sorry for the confusion!! Yes you are right. Canada is also a censorship beast of its own especially with the dictator you guys have over there
I've been watching these videos for a while and I've come to the conclusion that this is absolute bullshit. Why do I have to bend over backwards and kill myself for a scrap of affection. It's been years, my husband won't budge and I'm DONE because I would rather live alone than constantly feel like shit because he WILL NEVER CHANGE. AVOIDANTS DON'T CHANGE and anyone who says otherwise just wants your MONEY. I will throw an awesome divorce party and live my life free and clear. I have cats, friends and family and none of the time I've invested in my marriage was worth it. None of this so called advice will give you want you want. Break the cycle.
Hope you find ways to heal from what seems a terrible experience. Think of this, though, if you feel ANYTHING other than NOTHING, that person you so hate still holds control over you. "Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else: YOU are the one who gets burned" I'm not immune to anger - but remembering the above phrase helps me regulate myself much, much faster. People throw big parties at weddings, we should have big parties for the rightful recovery of our agency 😁
19:16 I play chess and that is exactly how i play chess. When analyzing a position and thinking of the next moves i pick out the three best moves. Then the three best responses my opponent could make to those three. Then my three options i could pick between for ~those 27 moves. So on and so forth. Crazy how much the avoidants thought process reflects this.
Burning into a house that already burnt down Your smart and tactical in operation There brain chemistry and filtering what got you there isn't the same as keep Consistent and self Policing Life Goal thriving family and business Stability and predictability Mutual acceptance, I don't Don't open up to other people Your personality will respect If you see me pulling back can you please let me know . If you're going to be in a relationship with someone , you have the responsibility to know how that person relates to you . Oxycontin withdrawals through the rejection of Love Using friction to change and grow evolve the conflict to options , positive possibilities. Learning what's possible Building the practical skills And having a partner willing to collaborate.
Does this advice work for female avoidants as well? I’m in a lesbian relationship and we’re in our late 50’s and my girlfriend is avoidant…although she’s been pretty good about communicating that she has fears and she’s shown me that she’s willing to accept my boundary that I expect to hear from her every day, even if it’s just a good morning or goodnight text. She’s really impressed me with her stepping up to do that. ❤ But am I supposed to tell her I’ll be her partner in assessing risk? That feels so weird and like something only a man would be focused on. Do female avoidants constantly think in terms of risk too? That sounds so cold. She’s never used that word, risk, before, I don’t think. She’s said in the beginning of our relationship, 5 months ago, that she’s afraid I’ll hurt her and she asked for more time (before officially becoming girlfriends - which we did eventually do a month ago ❤) but she didn’t put it in terms of risk assessment. Aweeee, yes, I love that you have the extra categories. My girlfriend definitely fits the Ethically Avoidant type. She’s so caring and ethical. I’ve always been struck by her authenticity and honesty as well. ❤
What are some specific behaviour examples you can share that an anxious attachment style person should be regulating by themselves and what are some that are acceptable behaviours to co regulate with a partner?
This was fantastic! Thank you.. as a healing anxious gal, the personal accountability is as uncomfortable as pt after surgery:) but with exponential healing!💜 grant yourself accountability!!:) Did I miss level 4 trust truth..?? Or was there only 3..? 😬
How can I heal from the trauma I went through staying with an avoidant? I’m afraid to put myself out there.. I’m feel I’m an avoidant now. I can’t even put myself out there. I don’t want to hurt anyone else! I’m not anxious, I was mostly secure, but became severely anxious during this. I have a huge heart. I don’t want to continue this cycle, and continue the hurt it caused me into anyone. It’s wrong
A lot of attachment TH-camrs claim there are alot more fearful avoidants than just 5%. Technically, 100% of us are fearful avoidant. As all of us have a little bit of anxious and avoidant attachment in us.
Human being consistent and self Policing. Explicit code of conduct that they can make clear to you. They have s sense of right and wrong and stick to it When they get it wrong they self correct and hold themselves accountable What is the life goal that you can respect them for, I want to build a thriving family They want to build a business that take care of people They want to change the world on a positive direction They actually taking steps towards it . Their goal that they're pursuing These sort of things create predictability and stability 3. Mutual Acceptance Hey look I don't open up to people but your personal respect I like to connect with you on a deeper level, I've never done this with anybody but if you notice me get cold and withdrawn from you, You notice me pulling back could you please call me out on it I don't like it there's something that I need to fix I want to be a better friend to you. Ask them challenge that they're going through and how to best go about it You're building experience and wisdom in a network of trust and intimacy in your relationships
Is it possible for avoidants to get more secure and learn how to get oxytocin without being in a relationship? Reason I am asking is because I have broken up with my avoidant ex. However I still love her, just can't handle dying inside whilst she has no idea, but I don't want her to remain in that state. She has physical symptoms now of low Gaba, serotonin and oxytocin from hormonal issues to sleep depravation through autoimmune... :( . Thx
Adam is great but an auditory. really thinking these are a big part of the devastation of the culture of the world today and need by all even secure attachment people to understand the people around them More 👍
It means being able to sit with another and breath together... to find balance and calm together. To dialogue without getting reactive. Check out my episode with Sarah Baldwin called "The nervous system explained"
If I had to choose between the two insecure attachment as a man. I'll choose to be the dismissive one. Because, being an anxious attached man, is the biggest red flags to many women, coz I often seen as "nice guy"
I would get so hurt by this comparison and my partners reaction to it that I would freak out . Intentions are important , if he was talking , engaging ,just because he compared our precious love to business , not out of love and affection to me , it would mean nothing to me. This woman should divorce this man who is neglecting her.
No. I broke up with my DA partner and he has been contacting me for months. I finally get in touch with him and he tells me he loves me and then ghosts me. This is a cycle for them. It repeats. I believe they need to have something traumatizing them to look inward and get help. Like an ephiphany
Adam's channel has themed playlists. One is dedicated to Avoidant attachment. In that, there are one or two about Avoidant women specifically. But like any other insecure attachment style - The key behavior tendencies are unisex, & very similar between men & women. The only differences really being variations for individual personalities & context of their roles. The info for Avoidant men or Anxious women can typically be re-applied over to the opposite sex... just tweak the wording 😉. In a broad sense, Avoidant women can come off as seeming more aggressive, no nonsense, "masculine", "boss lady", or "tomboy". In current vernacular "stuck in their masculine". Anxious men can be the more nervous type who give more "sensitive" or "nurturing" vibes... maybe a touch effeminate in some ways in relationships, even if they are a "guy's guy" otherwise. In current vernacular, "stuck in their feminine".
PLEASE help female avoidants too, not just the men. My girlfriend is avoidant and I just don’t see all this talk of business and risk working for her. She doesn’t even care about business. She’s more of a people person who is afraid to get close to them.
this video might be helpful. It's not gendered. when we have fearful avoidance (disorganized attachment) we often have deeper trauma that needs our attention.
@@markgroves Thank you but my girlfriend is avoidant, not disorganized. I’ll watch and see if that video will work for her. EDIT: Ahhh yes this is good. Thank you! Yes I am secure but I was starting to get a little confused at first because I didn’t know what she needed. But I researched attachment styles and read Attached book and realized I just need to give her space and not take it personally. It took me a few months to adjust but that seems to be working. When she pulls away a little, I don’t say anything anymore. I just wait and let her come to me when she’s ready. 😍 Now my Sweetie has time to process all her feelings without worry that she’s upsetting me.
What a put down to say anxious follow podcasts like yours. You don't think secure attachments don't like to learn? You're probably one of these that think secure people don't get with Avoidants?
@@Apbt-rv7zw - it’s by no means meant as a put down. Anxiously attached people tend to seek relationship knowledge far more than secure or avoidantly attached people. I appreciate all the people who listen to you and watch my podcast! obviously not everyone who listens to it is anxious. Which is the beauty of discernment and the ability to know what is true about you versus what is not.
I really appreciate this conversation. Some hard, but necessary truths. But also thank you for validating the pain caused by someone distancing.. I deeply needed that ❤️🩹💔
This is helpful! This year I connected with an dismissive avoidant and as a secure attached girl… It was one of the most painful, self esteem and worth eroding, confusing, disheartening things I’ve ever experienced. I am a very Loving, Affectionate, Emotionally, Authentic, Vulnerable expressive woman…and dealing with a man like this was so heartbreaking…You can’t care or love them enough into changing… I found it very easy to as an empath start compromising your needs, wants and desires and start focusing on him. Knowing someone likes you and wants to be with you and cares about you and they won’t express it.. takes a toll… Speaking in Avoidant man language sounds like speaking Martian…
Well said
Same here I'm secure attachment It's a pain to deal with them...mine was severe avoidant 😅😅
In the begining was like wow mabey this is gonna work then . Bam what the f. Umm o. K something is off here.
@@PeteKupec-bg1ys true
Yeah it's really heart breaking but. Well it takes time to really know what . There realty is.!
This was great! but it also made me realize as someone who has worked so hard to heal from deep trauma that I dont want to be the one “studying” to learn how to talk to my avoidant partner. If I did the work (and Ive been through much more trauma than he has) why am I again having to learn the ropes? this helped me realize this is not the relationship for me as I want someone who has done the work by and for himself instead of me or our relationship. Very very helpful!
Your message made me realise that I m a drama queen OR the victim of a narc for the 2nd time....
Coz thats something I d never write because love is forever and ever and if you can separate that means you never loved in the first and you are a hypocrite and so we stick together and go through difficulties and if you can't do the job then I understand it might be hard for you so I ll do your part too
@@Maruzzela-l1u you can do that, as long as you have the tools, the knowledge, the energy and the support and trust of a selfreflective partner. Life is tough and sometimes this kind of work is just too much for your mental health. You can want something, but if the other one doesn't want the same and doesn't reflect for themselves, you can't do that for them. You won't achieve anything, your work won't be appreciated and you'll end up broken. They need help, not someone who does the work for them. That doesn't work.
One thing I learned in my last relationship, don't try and compare each other's trauma, it can even become an unhealthy pity competition and can hurt and invalidate each other's feelings and experiences.
Adam Smith is AMAZING! he helps teaches you the language to connect with the avoidant in your life....they deserve to be loved too...and theres a certain way it can be done WHILE getting your needs met too.
Loved this, I put my hand up as an avoidant in therapy, it is HARD work.
Proud of you for doing the work! I wish you success.
@@bumblebee_ms Just know you stand out beyond the others. Very proud of you as getting there is half the work. It's possible
@@Weismnt81 Thank you soooo much.
@@hspinnovators5516 Wow, just know you have made my day. Therapy is like a second slap in the face. I'm reversing the damage my parents did to me as a child.
Just recognizing that you have a problem is like half the work already. Keep at it
Right out the gate, your cabin analogy made me laugh only because it describes my current situationship. I absolutely adore my SO , but he is so avoidant he can push me away without blinking an eye. It has taken me over a year to adjust to it and not take it personally. I will admit the lack of close intimate connection is the hardest for me.
Wow, you took this very well. Definitely secure. I'm one of those that the commenters hate. I'd say leave us alone for your own good. The only person that can fix you is you.
This was so good and insightful. I have never been hurt this bad by someone and it kills a little bit of yourself.
Amazing insight that should be taught beginning in Middle School. So wish I’d had this language and knowledge sooner in life
The ethically avoidant aspect hits home. I know a big part of the reason that mine broke up with me was that she couldn't help but pull away, but she could see how much she was hurting me by doing so . . . which of course just heightened her overwhelm.
Wow 😮 - Just watched this after finding Adam on another video. I am blown away because - I am an avoidant woman and this was so good. Basically what the host described as his experiences is exactly to mine. A partner decided to self correct this holiday season and I was shocked because I had written them off. Thank you both for giving me the tool and levels of trust to start implementing right away.
Always fascinated by Adams confidence in relating. And…he has the proof. Five children and it’s beautiful to me.
@attachmentadam Ive watched all your videos Adam for the past 6 months and this is the one that finally got me to buy your course. Thank you Adam, thank you Mark.
Really love this Mark. Your opening remarks are so healing. Thank you for sharing your wisdom, story and content generally
Thankfully the counseling program I graduated from was all attachment. We studied a lot of Sue Johnson's stuff.
@@Supsup7777 - I had the pleasure of interviewing her right before she passed. Such an incredible human and her work is truly tremendous.
@@markgroves awe I love that. ❤️
Omg that seashell story is going to stick with me forever
Amazing. Love Adam Lane Smith and really enjoyed this podcast episode - I hope he’s a guest on more because he s definitely changing relationships and lives!
Thank you so much, gentlemen! This is the most helpful podcast on avoidants.
Wow, that statement about Anxiously attached people slaming accountability suggestions. I am anxious att. I don't relate at all. I want to be accountability. I loved this conversation. Thank you both.
Same it’s one of my main things lately
What an excellent interview. Thank you so much ❤
This is a brilliant video! I have shared it and I'm hoping it isn't too late. Thank you for sharing information and being informative to help others who are struggling.
Recently discovered that I have a disorganised attachment style. So many things make so much sense with this knowledge. I am struggling to find legitimate help in my local area (obviously with the trust issues ha ha). This is very helpfull thank you! x
I found this talk very interesting, but i wish it discussed more about female partners who are avoidant attached.
Ethically Avoidant wow that is the definition of me it explains so much.
Really enjoying your content Mark!! Love that even though you live in California you aren’t pushing woke ideologies and you care about free speech
@@RivyO - thank you! Although I don’t live in California… Lol. I’m Canadian. I split my time between Calgary and Coeur d’Alene, Idaho.
@@RivyO - but Canada certainly has a lot of the ideological extremes that California has
@@markgroves oh sorry for the confusion!! Yes you are right. Canada is also a censorship beast of its own especially with the dictator you guys have over there
@@markgroves its national dead indian day, where canada blames catholic church and where we honour buried indians who do not exist.. CANADA IS TRASH.
Define 'woke'
I've been watching these videos for a while and I've come to the conclusion that this is absolute bullshit. Why do I have to bend over backwards and kill myself for a scrap of affection. It's been years, my husband won't budge and I'm DONE because I would rather live alone than constantly feel like shit because he WILL NEVER CHANGE. AVOIDANTS DON'T CHANGE and anyone who says otherwise just wants your MONEY. I will throw an awesome divorce party and live my life free and clear. I have cats, friends and family and none of the time I've invested in my marriage was worth it. None of this so called advice will give you want you want. Break the cycle.
Your judging 20% of the population based on your experience with one person?
@@Not_a_witch Yes.
Hope you find ways to heal from what seems a terrible experience.
Think of this, though, if you feel ANYTHING other than NOTHING, that person you so hate still holds control over you.
"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else: YOU are the one who gets burned"
I'm not immune to anger - but remembering the above phrase helps me regulate myself much, much faster.
People throw big parties at weddings, we should have big parties for the rightful recovery of our agency 😁
Adam, which of your podcasts do you recommend sharing with your avoidant partner?
Share his videos. What Avoidant men need to be fulfilled
In his videos…..he always recommends How to love an avoidant man. It’s an informative video for both parties.
Sounds wonderful. I could never get over his love for drugs and alcohol.
Fantastic.
Adam you are amazing!
I am FA and my fiancé is DA.
I will implement everything you said.
Thank you so much.
I am an anxious and I appreciate this so much!
The sea shell story 😂😂😂 . I get it now. What a great story hahaha
this is so good. Thank you for this!
19:16
I play chess and that is exactly how i play chess. When analyzing a position and thinking of the next moves i pick out the three best moves. Then the three best responses my opponent could make to those three. Then my three options i could pick between for ~those 27 moves. So on and so forth. Crazy how much the avoidants thought process reflects this.
Burning into a house that already burnt down
Your smart and tactical in operation
There brain chemistry and filtering what got you there isn't the same as keep
Consistent and self Policing
Life Goal thriving family and business
Stability and predictability
Mutual acceptance, I don't Don't open up to other people Your personality will respect
If you see me pulling back can you please let me know .
If you're going to be in a relationship with someone , you have the responsibility to know how that person relates to you .
Oxycontin withdrawals through the rejection of Love
Using friction to change and grow evolve the conflict to options , positive possibilities.
Learning what's possible
Building the practical skills
And having a partner willing to collaborate.
Does this advice work for female avoidants as well? I’m in a lesbian relationship and we’re in our late 50’s and my girlfriend is avoidant…although she’s been pretty good about communicating that she has fears and she’s shown me that she’s willing to accept my boundary that I expect to hear from her every day, even if it’s just a good morning or goodnight text. She’s really impressed me with her stepping up to do that. ❤
But am I supposed to tell her I’ll be her partner in assessing risk? That feels so weird and like something only a man would be focused on. Do female avoidants constantly think in terms of risk too? That sounds so cold. She’s never used that word, risk, before, I don’t think. She’s said in the beginning of our relationship, 5 months ago, that she’s afraid I’ll hurt her and she asked for more time (before officially becoming girlfriends - which we did eventually do a month ago ❤) but she didn’t put it in terms of risk assessment.
Aweeee, yes, I love that you have the extra categories. My girlfriend definitely fits the Ethically Avoidant type. She’s so caring and ethical. I’ve always been struck by her authenticity and honesty as well. ❤
What are some specific behaviour examples you can share that an anxious attachment style person should be regulating by themselves and what are some that are acceptable behaviours to co regulate with a partner?
What is a proposition of risk mitigation? I mean I understand the theory, but how about a sample script.
wow. just wow. thank you.
Excellent! : )
Love the intro ❤️
The content actually starts at 5:48
I did a test that one of your guests suggested from Illinois very interesting
This was fantastic! Thank you.. as a healing anxious gal, the personal accountability is as uncomfortable as pt after surgery:) but with exponential healing!💜 grant yourself accountability!!:)
Did I miss level 4 trust truth..?? Or was there only 3..? 😬
Could you please post the 4 levels of Trust. Thanks..so much great info!
58:12 perfect the first time thank you very little public schools colleges and critical family members
What about avoidant women 👉👈
How can I heal from the trauma I went through staying with an avoidant? I’m afraid to put myself out there.. I’m feel I’m an avoidant now. I can’t even put myself out there. I don’t want to hurt anyone else!
I’m not anxious, I was mostly secure, but became severely anxious during this. I have a huge heart. I don’t want to continue this cycle, and continue the hurt it caused me into anyone. It’s wrong
FYI…The link to the course is incorrect. It’s wanting me to sign up to be affiliate.
1:02:48 How to love and avoidant woman. Got a program for that? She's hardly ever had a job. What's the perspective we use here?
OK I'm going out there to find out how to speak the language men speak. Wish me luck! LOVE
Makes sense ❤
I think it would be very informative if their who's video showing secure attachment for u
I relate so much to everything being said even though I'm a woman. That makes me wonder why my brain seems more masculine than feminine.
A lot of attachment TH-camrs claim there are alot more fearful avoidants than just 5%.
Technically, 100% of us are fearful avoidant. As all of us have a little bit of anxious and avoidant attachment in us.
I'd love to see a reverse gender fearful avoidant woman with a anxious man. If it's already made please link it down below :-)
The Cabin story is hilarious!! but I could not do it. ITS TOO HARD. I wish him well. This is not for me
Wow thanks
@37:04
Filtering for trustworthy people
21:25 the seashell story
Human being consistent and self Policing.
Explicit code of conduct that they can make clear to you.
They have s sense of right and wrong and stick to it
When they get it wrong they self correct and hold themselves accountable
What is the life goal that you can respect them for,
I want to build a thriving family They want to build a business that take care of people
They want to change the world on a positive direction They actually taking steps towards it .
Their goal that they're pursuing
These sort of things create predictability and stability
3. Mutual Acceptance
Hey look I don't open up to people but your personal respect I like to connect with you on a deeper level, I've never done this with anybody but if you notice me get cold and withdrawn from you, You notice me pulling back could you please call me out on it
I don't like it there's something that I need to fix I want to be a better friend to you.
Ask them challenge that they're going through and how to best go about it
You're building experience and wisdom in a network of trust and intimacy in your relationships
Is it possible for avoidants to get more secure and learn how to get oxytocin without being in a relationship? Reason I am asking is because I have broken up with my avoidant ex. However I still love her, just can't handle dying inside whilst she has no idea, but I don't want her to remain in that state. She has physical symptoms now of low Gaba, serotonin and oxytocin from hormonal issues to sleep depravation through autoimmune... :( . Thx
Adam is great but an auditory. really thinking these are a big part of the devastation of the culture of the world today and need by all even secure attachment people to understand the people around them More 👍
When I try to self regulate he starts to feel abandoned and resents my artwork or other people I talk to what am I supposed to do with that?
He must learn to speak my language to .
What does co- regulate mean in relationship?
It means being able to sit with another and breath together... to find balance and calm together. To dialogue without getting reactive. Check out my episode with Sarah Baldwin called "The nervous system explained"
@@markgroves Thank you!
I know an avoidand man who grew up during a war at the age of 11 to 14
If I had to choose between the two insecure attachment as a man. I'll choose to be the dismissive one.
Because, being an anxious attached man, is the biggest red flags to many women, coz I often seen as "nice guy"
what if you're an avoidant woman... there is nothing out there for us.
I would get so hurt by this comparison and my partners reaction to it that I would freak out . Intentions are important , if he was talking , engaging ,just because he compared our precious love to business , not out of love and affection to me , it would mean nothing to me. This woman should divorce this man who is neglecting her.
❤
My DA has friendzoned me, moved in together and still shows up as BF but without any intimacy !! Why? He’s keeping me stuck ? Does he love me
No. I broke up with my DA partner and he has been contacting me for months. I finally get in touch with him and he tells me he loves me and then ghosts me. This is a cycle for them. It repeats. I believe they need to have something traumatizing them to look inward and get help. Like an ephiphany
When is the How to Love an Avoidant Woman coming?
Adam's channel has themed playlists. One is dedicated to Avoidant attachment. In that, there are one or two about Avoidant women specifically.
But like any other insecure attachment style - The key behavior tendencies are unisex, & very similar between men & women. The only differences really being variations for individual personalities & context of their roles.
The info for Avoidant men or Anxious women can typically be re-applied over to the opposite sex... just tweak the wording 😉.
In a broad sense, Avoidant women can come off as seeming more aggressive, no nonsense, "masculine", "boss lady", or "tomboy". In current vernacular "stuck in their masculine".
Anxious men can be the more nervous type who give more "sensitive" or "nurturing" vibes... maybe a touch effeminate in some ways in relationships, even if they are a "guy's guy" otherwise. In current vernacular, "stuck in their feminine".
@johnkaiser6710 he just did a live chat about that in the last day or 2 on his channel. Should be easy to find right now.
All of the above 😅
PLEASE help female avoidants too, not just the men. My girlfriend is avoidant and I just don’t see all this talk of business and risk working for her. She doesn’t even care about business. She’s more of a people person who is afraid to get close to them.
th-cam.com/video/p6LVBIsFwu8/w-d-xo.html
this video might be helpful. It's not gendered. when we have fearful avoidance (disorganized attachment) we often have deeper trauma that needs our attention.
@@markgroves Thank you but my girlfriend is avoidant, not disorganized. I’ll watch and see if that video will work for her. EDIT: Ahhh yes this is good. Thank you! Yes I am secure but I was starting to get a little confused at first because I didn’t know what she needed. But I researched attachment styles and read Attached book and realized I just need to give her space and not take it personally. It took me a few months to adjust but that seems to be working. When she pulls away a little, I don’t say anything anymore. I just wait and let her come to me when she’s ready. 😍 Now my Sweetie has time to process all her feelings without worry that she’s upsetting me.
What a put down to say anxious follow podcasts like yours. You don't think secure attachments don't like to learn?
You're probably one of these that think secure people don't get with Avoidants?
@@Apbt-rv7zw - it’s by no means meant as a put down. Anxiously attached people tend to seek relationship knowledge far more than secure or avoidantly attached people.
I appreciate all the people who listen to you and watch my podcast! obviously not everyone who listens to it is anxious. Which is the beauty of discernment and the ability to know what is true about you versus what is not.
Hippie dippy is a judgement and degrading word.
I really appreciate this conversation. Some hard, but necessary truths. But also thank you for validating the pain caused by someone distancing.. I deeply needed that ❤️🩹💔
Jordan Peterson ? No thanks. I listened to this only for Adam!
Omg that seashell story is going to stick with me forever
He must learn to speak my language to .
❤