I would have told the mom she was doing a great job teaching her kid that they can have whatever they want by throwing a tantrum. Worse, if I was feeling extremely petty, annoyed or tired, I would have told her she didn't deserve special treatment because she let a guy do her without a condom.
I would have said, "I don't see you getting off your keister to get your child an ice cream of their own, so if I'm heartless then so are you. Actually, you're worse, because nowhere in our exchange did you even offer to reimburse me for the ice cream, you just demanded it of me like some kind of mugger that uses a kid as a weapon instead of a knife. At least I'm teaching your kid that life isn't fair and you can't get everything you want by throwing a tantrum."
I think it is gross that the mom was demanding OP give up their ice cream. OP was eating it. Dark Fluff was right about the germs thing. What if OP had a dangerous illness?
Depending on what is wrong with them. Then yes this could very well be the case. I have Polycystic kidney disease aka hereditary. My dad, sister, brother, daughter, and niece have/had them. So siblings/children was/is out of the question. My sis had a cousin that was able to donate. But I'm on my on and on the list. Dad got one from the list and my brother unfortunately passed due to a brain aneurysm(can be cause by PKD) before his got bad.
Also, living with just one kidney isn't the same as living with the two of them. Usually people that donate them and keep one, have complications and health issues.
Story 4: It doesn't matter what OP or OP's dad wants. Did OP's mom never express a desire to see him? Did she say whether she wanted to or not? Did anyone even ask her? If OP's mom didn't want to see him in the short time she had left, then it doesn't matter whether she was concious or not, the dad shouldn't have been allowed, so OP was in the right. If she wanted him there, then OP is in the wrong for preventing him from entering. If no one ever asked her, they should have done so. All this said, I'm truly sorry for OP's loss.
But she could have been asked ahead just in case or if it was something she actually cared about probably would have expressed to allow. Would we be allowed to go with justified a-hole? Yes an a-hole move but unless told otherwise probably deserved
If I was in this situation I'm doing the same thing as I'm not letting my mom be depressed even more in her final hours. We don't know what he would have said to her, if he would disrupt the funeral, or if he was just trying to better his age. For anyone who says people who are unconscious or in a coma can't hear you I say you don't know what you're talking about as I have three relatives that were unresponsive (2) or in a coma(1) and they can hear what you say as they respond with their eyes moving under their lids. If you pay close attention you would see it happen. Just because they can't express emotions in that state doesn't mean they don't have them. Also numerous studies done with brain scans provide proof of more activity when memories are brought up.
I’m sure the mother expressed her desire before this moment. If she was unconscious (and had not expressed her desire to see/ not see the father) then allowing the father to see her would just allow him closure. Allowing him to say goodbye to her does NOT help her make peace in this situation. He didn’t deserve closure for what he did. I say this as someone who worked in hospice.
Aunts: If you don't do this, your father will DIE!!! OP/Me: Come on, don't threaten me with a good time! I have no sympathy for people who put their kids through that kind of hell.
As a person waiting on my own kidney, I can't imagine demanding someone's body part. I'm on the transplant list for a cadaver (someone who literally doesn't need it physically anymore). I could never live with the guilt.
I could imagine maybe asking, but never demanding. Heck, depending on who it was, I might even offer. My mother would be lucky not to get appropriately appraised for even informing me of needing one.
Story 1 - OP is NTA. Growing up my mom ‘always’ told me and my brother to Never accept anything from strangers, and the fact that this Karen demands that OP give her brat her ice cream and get herself a new one is beyond crazy and stupid.
Time to teach the brat about "stranger danger"! And what if the kid has a serious food alergy? Giving that kid his food could open OP to serious liability issues. 🤨
Not to mention that there's some foods that people put their MEDICINE in. What if the kid had a bad reaction to the possible medicine??? I remember a reddit post I heard a couple years ago where this person in a doctor waiting room was eating a cookie that contained something like insulin and there was a mother that kept demanding a piece of the cookie for her kid.
As someone who’s mom needed a liver, and she told all of us kids NOT to get tested because she wanted us to have the best chance and she was worried about complications for US, I just can not understand someone, even someone’s parent, demanding someone’s body part with no regards to them.
Absolutely. Neither of my parents would have asked, and likely would have refused if we offered. They sacrificed so much for their kids, I can't see them taking a part of our bodies, even to save their own lives.
When I needed a liver transplant, I never thought to ask my family for it. Luckily there was a very selfless family of a man, who had been in a horrible car crash, who, as per his own wishes donated his organs to people in need. To demand it, is way beyond my understanding and wrong on every level. I hope your mom is doing well and I wish you all the best.
Story 3: First of all: No, you gaslighting aunt, it wouldn't be their fault - if the father doesn't want to die, then he should do dialysis. That aside: A bad parent isn't entitled to anything. And also, as a parent myself, I wouldn't even accept an organ transplant from my son even if he were to offer me one.
Only a technically, but no, dialysis isn't as effective as a kidney transplant. It's only a stop gap solution to extend your life long enough until you can get a transplant. However, even a transplant will only get you so far. Truth is: once you are in that situation your days are numbered ...
And technically the doctor doesn't even need to come up with anything...because not wanting to counts as 'Not meeting all the criteria'. The doctor could just say those words only and still be 100% honest.
Story 2: So one neighbor decided to play some jazz, and it caused Karen to not only be extremely loud with her own music, but then harass the wrong person and try to steal something from them. Yeah, that's poor problem solving skills
Story 3: Fluff the story you trying to remember is the one where OP has a monster of mother that chain smoke her lungs into oblivion and is gaslighting OP along with her husband to give her the lung to continue to chain smoke which the doctor are refusing to help because she refuse to quit.
Story 1 - You can buy another one. The shop’s just there. OK, Karen, then go and buy your kid an ice cream. The shop’s just there. But you’ll make me miss my train. OK Karen, so it OK for me to miss my train?
Story 2 - Yeah I don’t get how it’s okay for EP or Karens to cause a ruckus whenever they want with some lame excuse but then they threaten to call the police and sue when someone else gets too loud because they’re having fun. Hopefully they got her kicked out for her stupid BS.
The thing is, if another tenant tried barging into my apartment, you can bet they'd end up having the literal crap kicked out of them if they didn't leave. Hell, said Karen tenant in the story should probably be glad the story teller and their boyfriend didn't have a weapon, or she may have ended up a corpse.
Apparently the neighbor hated jazz music. I would have shared this lovely nugget of knowledge with all the neighbors. Imagine, if you will, all the neighbors cranking up some jazz music at various times during the day. No screaming and shouting, just jazz and only during daylight hours.
@@joleenphillips2415not a bad idea. They have a sh*t landlord, so chances of him responding is mimimal. Amazing how Karens can dole it out, in abundance, but can't take it when others do the same thing back at them...smh
My God the first story........ like seriously. Personally i wouldve went the most pettiest way possible. Hand it to the kid and when the kid starts licking go "You might want to take him to the doctor cause I have mouth herpies and i am non wadda-call-it with covid." Edit to add: the word I couldn't think if was non symptomatic. That i have covid and i am non symptomatic with covid.
@@kinasakuraba exactly cause I mean...... come on now. It's literally a rule of mine. I do not eat off your plate and you do not eat off mine. If I am handing you food. It's either via off a plate I'm not using or fork or something. The only way I'm handing it to someone via my own hands is if I know you. Like family. And if someone drinks out of something I'm drinking (even family). I'm sorry but I'm abandoning said drink. Call me a germaphobe but it's kept me pretty safe from stuff.
Story 3: OP has no obligation to donate anything. This isn't coming from her not caring, but that she's seriously considering the potential consequences and is making the best decision for herself. He's not even concerned about what it could mean for her, and is just expecting her to make that sacrifice that he probably wouldn't in a million years. And one of her aunts just flat-out refused, so she at least doesn't get to criticize anyone. Besides, we don't even know what the root cause of her father's kidney issues is. Something tells me that there's a strong possibility that the new kidney would also start to suffer. If that's the case she wouldn't be saving his life, just delaying his death. And for what?
"I demand your ice cream that already stained with your saliva and not in complete form because I'm entitled beggar and very stingy and very gaslighting and using my kids as excuse to everything in my life" I can't comprehend why someone would want something that already been eaten
Story 3 - Father or Not, OP has the right to decide whether or not she ‘wants’ to give her AH father her kidney. Not him or anyone else. But IMO OP should say no and leave it at that.
Dad refused to go on dialysis or take care of his own health to prevent his kidneys from getting to this sad state in the first place even though he had plenty of warning and advice. Now it's someone else's responsibility to give up a body part so he can keep being irresponsible? And he's selfish and demanding about it too!
Story 2, Karen had a lot of nerve to complain about OP who never had an issue with the other tenants. Karen on a daily basis is disturbing the peace. OP should have contacted the landlord stating if they don't do something with Karen, the police will get involved. Most landlords don't want to hear police getting involved with tenant squabbles. If the landlord doesn't provide a solution, that is when police handle it. With all the other tenants as witnesses, Karen would be in trouble. Story 3, if there isn't a friendly relationship between family, then OP doesn't need to donate a kidney and who is to say that it is compatible. Just because you are family, doesn't mean they are a perfect match. My brother has a friend who had kidney failure and was disabled since 19, my brother had a more than perfect kidney when tested for compatibility. His friend had several trips using the kidney just after the surgery. To this day they are still friends.
Agreed the father doesn't deserve the peace of mind unless the mother decided he deserves it and with what that dad did he DID NOT deserve it. You don't cheat on your wife then leave her to pass on alonr and only come back months later just for your own peace of mind
Story 4: here is the determining factor that matters. Would OP's mom (before losing consciousness) have wanted to see or hear from him? Because it has been proven that even though unconscious they can still hear. And the mom is the only one of any importance in that question and what would be least stressful/best for a dying woman. So....if the mom wouldn't have wanted him around then OP was not the A...... But, if mom was hoping to hear from her ex and he would have only been a positive thing and not a stressor for her then and only then would OP be the A.
I think it’s telling that part wasn’t mentioned. If OP was doing her mother’s bidding why not say so? It seems to me she didn’t want her father there because she’s mad, the same reason she took out loans like an idiot to pay for her mother’s care when her father wanted to pay and should’ve because as a couple she was probably on his insurance etc.
@@bautistalover that shows how different each person thinks.... because if I was mad at my dad, I would make sure that he was the one paying as a way of punishing him. It's strange that she would choose to take on the debt instead.
@@SoManyRandomRamblings she’s a bitter/petty person. For her sake I hope she can actually pay that loan, because as you said even if he didn’t want to pay as spouse of record he’s legally responsible if I’m not mistaken because she was SAHW. Seems to me OPs dad was like Kelsey Grammar a cheater but not one that was going to screw over his ex in the name of moving on.
Noisy Karen story: Personally, I'd have told Karen to go back upstairs and turn her "music" back on and then come back to to hear what her apartment sounds like! Kidney story: OP, go to the testing center, but REFUSE to be tested. Tell the staff you do not want to donate and you don't even want to know if you're compatible. Tell them to tell your father you're not a match and let that be the end of it. Or just move and change your phone number without giving him a forwarding address. Dying mother story: I can easily see both side here. I don't know what I would do in OP's situation. It would depend on other details not related in the story. For now, ESH! Lawn story: OP waited MUCH TOO LONG to tell her no. But it worked out.
Story 1 reminds me of a diff story, where op was volunteered by all her siblings to donate her organ simply because she was only one who didnt have children
Story 4, I agree with the op, the father doesn't get to make himself feel better after everything he did to her. I feel so bad for op mom, her husband was a real peice of work.
hw could have the father have known she was terminal sick though. cause as the story goes he didn't. yes the mom stopped eating for a bit but that doesn't cause termilal sickness. nah OP is bitter AF herself. the dad is no treasure himself but at least in the situation he was in tried to do what is right, the same can not be said about OP
The fact that he cheated and got another woman pregnant doesn’t counter with you, nah he left her for another woman and he doesn’t deserve a second chance. This is the consequences of his actions and should’ve thought about that before getting a stiffy for another woman and was willing to break his wedding vows. He can reap what he sowed because now he will know what it is like to be cast out.
First story, I would have slowly and deliberately eaten the ice cream in front of Karen and her brat, *hoping* she’d ask “do you hate children?!” “Yes, yes I do, now leave me alone before I get rude!”
Kidney donation story: OP's father is both abusive and negligent. For her own peace there's nothing wrong with forgiving him. But it's very likely that she's trauma bonded and having difficulty maintaining healthy boundaries with him. This is why she is even questioning her unwillingness to donate. He violated her boundary by simply demanding she get screened with the assumption that she'd donate if she was a match, without even asking if she'd be willing to do it. She needs a lot more help than just avoiding having to donate. But for the immediate situation she needs to tell the person doing the screening that she is unwilling to donate. That will take care of that problem. But she really needs to do more to protect herself from him as time goes on.
Story 2- the AUDACITY to be loud and obnoxious in your apartment all the time, and then complain about someone else the one time they're being loud?? I SO hope she got evicted.
Story 5: Stop doing ANYTHING for Karen. She does not allow you to use your own equipment, she does not allow you to clean or maintain her equipment, and she especially does not appreciate your time or effort. STOP being her doormat, PLEASE.
if that biatch would act like that i would just neve do anything. i don't mind helping my neighbours, i often tend their gardens, clean the gutters and if they need help lifting no problem. but at least be kind and gratefull. nothing more, if you can't do that, i won't bother helping
Story 2. The rest of the neighbors should all contact the landlord and tell him that either the bad neighbors go or all of them will move out on the exact same day and he will then have multiple vacancies at once to try filling.
OP would face a lifetime of having to take precautions to keep her one remaining kidney viable, especially if she wants to have children. Parents should NEVER even consider asking their children for vital organs. The children will live on for decades and the parent will not. That father is despicable.
Story 4: NTA. My parents divorced after 42 years because of Dad's infidelity. Maybe a year later, Mom got sick with lung cancer. My dad threw a very similar fit. My wife and I were her primary caregivers. I told dad, "This isn't about you. It's not even about me. This is about her and her feelings. Your need to assuage your guilt doesn't override what she wants. I'm sorry, but you are just going to have to deal with it." You make choices, you deal with the consequences.
Story 4: The mother clearly still loved him, otherwise she wouldn't have been in that mental state. And OP basically decided that his/her anger and pain over the situation is more important than any (near impossible) chance where their mother could see/feel him again, to know that the person she loved still cared for her. But life is for the living, so it's those still alive that has to care about relationships, not those who are dead.
and OP basically destroyed theirs with the dad in their grief and anger... Because even if the father loves them, denying goodbies and paying respects at the funerals will be difficult to forgive....
A person who cared for her would not cheat on her. He literally left her because he got another woman pregnant, that means he was having a affair. I am sorry but this is not how anyone is supposed to treat a person they care about.
@@rainbowpride4766 But what does this have to do with HER? The mother still had heartbreak, and she's about to die - are you saying that it's better for her to die with the reminder that he cheated on her and left her by herself, vs a possible lie that he still cared about her and valued however many years they've been married together? I would rather people I cared about tell me a white lie as I died, than to die depressed and sad thinking the person I think about didn't care much about me.
@@Adyen11234 that's my point. The mom clearly felt betrayed, she was abandoned by her husband (when she was well and not diagnosed). Do you think she would believe it if he came and begged or said he cared for her. During divorce he already said he cared for her as a best friend, that broke her more. The only reason the divorce didn't happen was because she suddenly became sick. He had left her for atleast a few months. She didn't become unconscious immediately she must have been sick and consious for a while. At that time she didn't call for him nor did he return, he just wanted to throw money in their face. My point is if she didn't call for him when she was consious, why would she need him when she is already unconscious and almost gone?
@@rainbowpride4766 Yes. I would absolutely believe that my loved one still cared about me if they came to see me at my final moment, even if we've been separated due to whatever reason there is. Because even if it's an illusion, I would rather die thinking the person I loved came back - even if it's just that one moment. Because I would not have anything afterwards anyways.
Let me make this clear, when you cheat on someone you are removed from their life, completely. You don’t get to go see them, ever, no matter the situation. It isn’t about you, it’s about them.
Story 4: Oh hell no, OP is NOT THE AH! That so called "man" deserves NOTHING for what he put that poor woman through! Anyone who calls OP an AH for protecting his mother is deluded! Given that he wasn't the only one stopping the twit from seeing her, either.
4: It’s VERY complicated and nuanced. We don’t know specifics and are in no place to judge. I’m in the process of separating from my wife because we just ended up not being compatible among other things. Does that mean I don’t get to see her at her funeral if she passes away? No one cheated on anyone or anything like that, we just aren’t right for each other. OP’s situation is a bit questionable, but they didn’t say dad cheated.
The side piece is pregnant ( presumably with the dad's child) Yeah, it is possible that dad donated to a sperm bank, and it got taped, but..... the ONLY other option is that the guy did the deed with the side piece.
These stories, besides making me laugh, make me look at my narcissistic mother and my toxic maternal family less bad. Also to learn not to explain myself to anyone, there are too many Karens out there. Saludos desde México
I remember a couple years ago I was helping my neighbor by snowblowing her driveway after the plow trucks came through. I did it because, well, we had some bad storms and the snow was basically ice by the time she got home from work. I also knew that her husband was sick in the hospital. She literally pushed money into my hands even though I told her not to because I was just helping her out knowing her situation.
12:14 If that's how it always works with this kind of stuff, i think this would be the best way for OP to go about this so everyone that would've otherwise alienated them if they refused will think they tried to save their dad, but couldn't.
Story 4: Funerals are for everyone to express grief and sadness to the dead, no one should get to dictate who can feel sorry or grieve. obviously if they are making a scene dont let them in but if they are being silent/respectful of all in attendance anyone should be allowed to be there if they want.
Story 1: I've had a similar thing happen to me. I was browsing the mall while eating a big lollipop when a kid about 8 years old started crying and that he wants a lollipop now. The mom walked up to me and demanded that I give my half eaten lollipop to her child, but when I refused to give it up she ripped it out of my hand and shoved it in her child's mouth. She then said "See was that so hard!" I was dumbfounded for a moment but got an evil idea. As they started to walk away, I went up to the mother and whispered to her, "I hope your son enjoys the STDs you just gave him." And after I said that, I booked it out of there. In complete honesty, I have no STDs. I just wanted this woman to panic and regret her life choices.
Story 2: If the landlord only listens to money, OP usually has the right to withhold rent for valid reasons like horrible neighbors causing problems. If OP can convince their other neighbors to all gather together and say "Hey, we're ALL not paying next month's rent until (obnoxious neighbor) is removed."
S4 - if OP’s mother was truly unconscious then she wouldn’t know he was there. If she was awake, the choice would be the mother’s, alone. But OP is NTA no matter what decision was made, especially if all OP can remember is the pain he caused the mother.
Story 3: See if you can't convince the doctor to just tell your family that you're not a match? It's not like they're allowed to disclose your medical records.
About the first story, me too my dear DarkFluff! I would have done the same as you! About the father who has been denied by the side of his ex-wife by OP, OP was NOT THE ASSHOLE of that story! The man in question left his wife for his side piece and had a baby with her. Knowing he broke the heart of his now deceased wife, he should have respect her by being quiet and reflect on his behavior. OP was DEFINITELY NOT the asshole! About the lawnmower story, it was about time OP stops to be a doormat!
Story 3 - “One of his sisters flat out refused” “My aunts say it will be our fault if he dies” I would bring up one aunt refusing and it would be equally her fault. Also there’s no guarantee that OP’s dad’s body will even accept the kidney even if they are a match. If OP doesn’t want to, they don’t need to, and if the aunts try to guilt them just remind them about one of the aunts also refusing. I understand that this is a tough situation but remember that the aunts are only making it MORE stressful by playing the blame game. Nobody should be GUILTED into donating a body part.
Story 4, Without knowledge of what the dying Mom wants, and would say either OP or there Dad was in the right, We don't know if OP dad wanted to apologies for all of this or if OP mom said "I never want to see 'OP Dad' again!" and with no one willing to talk it out I say at the end of the day this is a sad story with grief leading to bad choices.
14:21 This all depends on what the dying person’s last wishes were. If the OP’s mother would’ve been willing to see her horrible husband again. The it is her right as the dying person, to have him there. But if the mother’s last instructions were to keep him away. Then it is OP’s obligation to follow those instructions.
Story 4. Whether she was right or wrong, I don’t think the OP is an AH for the reason that she was put in an impossible position and had to make a very difficult decision at a time when her world was turning upside down due to the impending loss of her mother.
Story 4: NTA Your father MOVED away to be with his baby mama so he made his choice. He does not get to try and relieve his guilt by playing grieving husband. You did nothing wrong by forbidding him to see your Mom. Her last moments should not be wasted on him trying to placate himself for the wrong he did. OP, I'm sorry for your and your family's loss and just know that your Mom is in a better place, away from ALL her pain.
Story 1: OP stated she had already started eating the ice cream...and Mommy-Dearest wants her to hand it over to her darling baby? Hello? Ever hear of germs???
Lawn mowing story: I mowed lawns when I was a teen. I get that she doesn’t want a mower to spread weed seeds from another lawn to yours. I even understand that she doesn’t trust the person doing the mowing to take tools to her mower to sharpen the blade. But I do NOT understand why she won’t take it to a shop to be serviced, nor even clean the thing! Is she afraid that the blade will keep turning when it’s tipped over to be cleaned? It’s literally been decades since all mowers were required to have switches that stop the blade from turning.
I have a friend who was married for several years and had 3 children, then her husband divorced her. They had not had a good marriage, and she actually did much better after the divorce. When he became ill and was dying she came to see him. They remembered the great times they had early in their marriage, They were able to deal with some of their issues and she was so glad she had decided to see him before he died. OP may not be a complete idiot but should have let their father see their mother before she died.
Story 3 - No person has a right to anyone’s kidney. If they want to donate, they can do it on their own terms. My daughter donated a kidney, even though it did not match her friend that needed it. Someone else survived because she is so generous. Also, donating a kidney is major surgery, and takes quite a bit of time to recover from said surgery. This decision is life changing for both people. A doctor will not do surgery for a donation unless they feel you are doing it for the right reasons, and you are physically and emotionally fit.
Story 5: I have very little sympathy for someone complaining while continuing to mow the lawn of someone rude to them. Don’t play the martyr. Just stop doing it. Like, yeah, sure, they did stop in the end, but it took way too long.
Story 4, nta , when it comes down to it , the mother had the right to consent to him seeing her, and she could not give consent, if she was conscious, you should have asked her but she wasn’t
My retired dad lived with me for a few years. He had to be hospitalized, so my legally blind neighbor mowed my lawn while I was taking car of things at the hospital There was an outlet and water facet to connect to a camper, in the yard. He ran over the valve, which left my well pump running for half a day. My yard was a soggy mess, and it ran up my electric bill. He had to know that he hit it, but he simply said, "I mowed your yard"
I would give my dad a kidney in a heartbeat, but he wouldn’t accept it. He wouldn’t want me to face the risks. We are very close, I’m so lucky to have a wonderful relationship with my dad ❤️
I wouldn't want to have a killer look at his victim before they died in the hospital like that. He was the result of her going downhill more so he doesn't deserve to have any sympathy for the husband. I do hope that when the divorce if it makes it through the courts he is denied any of her assets because of his cheating. He also took the opportunity since she was diagnosed with a terminal illness to be the green light to cheat on her too.
On the kidney story...my mother is currently on dialysis and she has five children. She would never expect one of us to give her a kidney. A good parent would not ask this. Unfortunately we did get tested and no one' matches for her. She has a very rare blood type and has other issues with her organs that finding a match is going to be very difficult. Her kidney doctor and her surgeon has stated that she has mutations regarding her body that must have formed when she was in her mothers womb. I don't understand it at all. She is on dialysis 7 nights a week while she sleeps. She is also 78. She keeps going though.
I'm not sure how we've gone from "never take food from a stranger" to so many Karens demanding complete strangers give up their half eaten meals to their brats. And sometimes their kid has food allergies! Unbelievable.
In the third story. What most people fail to take into consideration. Is that donating a kidney is *NOT* without risks for the person who is doing the donating.
Story 2 - ALL of the other tenants need to get together and contact the landlord refusing to pay rent until the loud entitled woman is evicted. If he only responds to money, then use this against him. I mean, if you all refuse, what’s he going to do, evict all of you and lose 90% of his income?
I've had kidney cancer twice, in '04 and again in '20, I have only 1/3 of a kidney left and just making due with it. I have NEVER asked my sons for one, and even when my youngest demanded to let him give me one, I refused. I lived with a single kidney for 18 years, it sucked for the first year until my body got used to it. I'd rather take my chances with the doner wait time that have either of my children take that risk for me!
The first story reminds me of something that happened 8 years ago. I went to my old high school's game against our biggest rival. One little kid was going back to his seat carrying a tray of nachos when he misstepped and his foot went off the walking plank (old bleachers that date back at least 40 years) and he dropped the nachos. He didn't cry or scream or anything like that. Knowing the school and the area I figured that his mother (who he was with) probably didn't have the money to replace them even though they were only 3 bucks, and I was in a position I could spend that I went and got some and took them to his mother. Told her and others who commented how nice it was that I did that that I remember what it was like doing something like that at that age (and truthfully, even as an adult), and I could easily afford it, so I didn't consider it a big deal. Kid did come and thank me a little later
Story 4: He should have been allowed to see her. I'm sorry, but as someone who's seen their parents drag their marriage one way longer than it should have, I actually applaud this man for having the guts to end things. We see husbands so often cheat on their wives for years and the divorce only happens after the wife finds out and demands for one. The husband found someone else, the end. It's sad and it sucks, but a loveless marriage isn't good for the parents or the kids. All that being said, that doesn't mean that there isn't a connection between the two. Clearly, he cared about her, or he wouldn't have offered to pay for her medical bills. The kids completely forced their father from having any connection with their mother. And considering how she wasn't eating, I think their plan backfired. Their mother died believing that her ex didn't want to see her in her final moments. I think that is sad and disturbing.
yeah I think OP is trying to lash out and the dad is the perfect scapegoat. It's grief takling but that grief will cause life lasting damages because even if their father loves them, that kind of sh*t is hard to forgive....
As a parent to 3 kids. I am sorry it is nobody’s problem to feed my kids but my own. To demand a stranger give their child some food…… yeah not OP’s problem.
,FIRST STORY: I would have started eating that ice cream like so over-exaggerated while saying "OH MY GOD THIS IS SOOOOOO GOOOOOD! THIS IS THE BEST ICE CREAM I'VE EVER HAD!!" and then, say directly to that Crotch Goblin , "MOMMY HATES YOU AND THAT'S WHY SHE'S NOT GETTING YOU ANY ICE CREAM! ALSO, SANTA CLAUS AND THE EASTER BUNNY AREN'T REAL AND DADDY IS NEVER COMING BACK FROM THE STORE WITH MILK FOR YOU CEREAL, BECAUSE MOMMY WAS MEAN TO HIM!!" then I'd FINISH THAT ICE CREAM 🍦🍦🍦😅😅😅😅😅
Ice cream story: "yes maam, sure, it costs you (say tripple price)". Then when she says no, I would tease her all the way for being heartless and not wanted to give her child an ice cream.
When I was 15 my dad suffered a heart attack and had open heart surgery. The medication they used during the surgery caused his kidneys to fail. I had already started having kidney issues (kidney problems run in my dad’s paternal side of the family). I still wanted to get tested but my dad refused to let me get tested. He lived on dialysis for 12 years before he passed in his sleep. My Grandmother held a grudge against me for not being tested, and blamed me for my dad’s death until she developed dementia 14 years later. Now, I was only willing to do this for my dad because he was an excellent dad. I only ever got one pop on the butt from him and it was for being mean to my brother. However there’s no way in hell I would’ve considered it if he had been abusive my entire life.
Another thing to consider in story #4 is the bias, we already know that OP is angry enough at his dad to prevent him saying goodbye so we could be missing key details. Life is messy, and relationships can be messy, and divorces can take a long time. It is possible the dad did not start truly seeing the other woman until he started the divorce proceedings, but I don't know. It's hard ti pass judgement on some of these with the bias and limited details.
It is also possible that the couple had agreed that he could see another woman. it is also possible that OP mistook a therapist for a "side piece". Just because the other woman happened to get pregnant after she started seeing the father doesn't mean that he was cheating on his wife. Did OP see them doing anything romantic or lovey-dovey? Did OP see them kiss or anything like that? OP left out more than they included. We can only say that OP was the a'hole for denying their father the chance to see his wife on her deathbed as it was not their place to make that decision.
Just the idea of my parents telling me I owe them, I would be floored, no no no, children do not owe the parent ever, it was the parents that decided to have kids and take all the responsibility of raising them period!!!
I don't know if it's like this everywhere else but you don't need to be tested to see if you're matched. There's a kidney pool, so if you have someone who will give a kidney, then you get a kidney that will match you
Story 3: Do Not Give In. Tell father of the year and anyone else who whines about it simply that you're young, you hope to have kids someday, and you need to be healthy and whole. As an aside, I'm your dad's age, and I would die before I asked any of my kids to risk their lives for me.
My organs are reserved for my kids. Anything happens to their kidneys, liver etc, it’s theirs. I would never expect them to give me an organ nor would I accept it if they tried. My job is to look after my kids and keep them safe, not the other way around
Wait so the dad’s sister can flat out refuse and everyone is fine with it but as soon as OP says no they all wana guilt trip OP?? That’s bs
That part got me too, his SIBLINGS are guilting OP? I hope that doesn't include the sister that said no pfft
if they are so keen for their dad to get a kidney. they can give him one or find someone else
""you _can_ refuse, but then we'd have to punish you. But it's still your 'choice' "" 🙄
"You're heartless for doing that to a child"
"Yes I am, now leave me alone" *plugs in earbuds and drowns them out*
I would have told the mom she was doing a great job teaching her kid that they can have whatever they want by throwing a tantrum. Worse, if I was feeling extremely petty, annoyed or tired, I would have told her she didn't deserve special treatment because she let a guy do her without a condom.
I would have said, "I don't see you getting off your keister to get your child an ice cream of their own, so if I'm heartless then so are you. Actually, you're worse, because nowhere in our exchange did you even offer to reimburse me for the ice cream, you just demanded it of me like some kind of mugger that uses a kid as a weapon instead of a knife. At least I'm teaching your kid that life isn't fair and you can't get everything you want by throwing a tantrum."
I think it is gross that the mom was demanding OP give up their ice cream. OP was eating it. Dark Fluff was right about the germs thing. What if OP had a dangerous illness?
"Give him your ice cream cone and buy yourself a new one."
"Go away and leave me alone, or I'll tear you a new one."
I'd go with the classic "Thanks, Captain Obvious!"
Story 3: hell no, dad having a bad kidney means YOU probably won't have good kidneys. Keep em for yourself.
Depending on what is wrong with them. Then yes this could very well be the case. I have Polycystic kidney disease aka hereditary. My dad, sister, brother, daughter, and niece have/had them. So siblings/children was/is out of the question. My sis had a cousin that was able to donate. But I'm on my on and on the list. Dad got one from the list and my brother unfortunately passed due to a brain aneurysm(can be cause by PKD) before his got bad.
for all we know he might be a drunk.
@@brianmcgill1290 addiction still has a hereditary component to it. Still not worth the risk.
@@brianmcgill1290In which case he would just ruin the new kidney. Not worth the danger to OP.
Also, living with just one kidney isn't the same as living with the two of them. Usually people that donate them and keep one, have complications and health issues.
Story 4: It doesn't matter what OP or OP's dad wants. Did OP's mom never express a desire to see him? Did she say whether she wanted to or not? Did anyone even ask her? If OP's mom didn't want to see him in the short time she had left, then it doesn't matter whether she was concious or not, the dad shouldn't have been allowed, so OP was in the right. If she wanted him there, then OP is in the wrong for preventing him from entering. If no one ever asked her, they should have done so. All this said, I'm truly sorry for OP's loss.
I don’t think they could ask an unconscious person
But she could have been asked ahead just in case or if it was something she actually cared about probably would have expressed to allow.
Would we be allowed to go with justified a-hole? Yes an a-hole move but unless told otherwise probably deserved
Daughter was putting herself first, even before her mother. NOT okay.
If I was in this situation I'm doing the same thing as I'm not letting my mom be depressed even more in her final hours. We don't know what he would have said to her, if he would disrupt the funeral, or if he was just trying to better his age. For anyone who says people who are unconscious or in a coma can't hear you I say you don't know what you're talking about as I have three relatives that were unresponsive (2) or in a coma(1) and they can hear what you say as they respond with their eyes moving under their lids. If you pay close attention you would see it happen. Just because they can't express emotions in that state doesn't mean they don't have them. Also numerous studies done with brain scans provide proof of more activity when memories are brought up.
I’m sure the mother expressed her desire before this moment. If she was unconscious (and had not expressed her desire to see/ not see the father) then allowing the father to see her would just allow him closure. Allowing him to say goodbye to her does NOT help her make peace in this situation. He didn’t deserve closure for what he did. I say this as someone who worked in hospice.
Story 3: your aunt says it will be your fault... the sister who refused to give her kidney?
I hope not! Wouldn't that be something..."I'm not going to donate mine.. BUT SHE CAN." 🫢🫢🫢🫢
@@DarkFluffOP did say her *aunts* said it would be her fault, so that suggests both of them, including the one who wouldn't donate her kidney.
Aunts: If you don't do this, your father will DIE!!!
OP/Me: Come on, don't threaten me with a good time!
I have no sympathy for people who put their kids through that kind of hell.
I think OP needs better therapists because holy shit she should cut contact with so much of her biofam.
My response would be: “why can’t you do it? You’re his sister”
As a person waiting on my own kidney, I can't imagine demanding someone's body part. I'm on the transplant list for a cadaver (someone who literally doesn't need it physically anymore). I could never live with the guilt.
Good luck! I hope you get better soon!
Hey, I'm on the living donor list for a reason! No need to feel guilty if you get one from one of us! I hope you get one soon
I am waiting for a kidney also. Good luck friend!
I could imagine maybe asking, but never demanding. Heck, depending on who it was, I might even offer.
My mother would be lucky not to get appropriately appraised for even informing me of needing one.
I hope all goes well for you.
Story 1 - OP is NTA. Growing up my mom ‘always’ told me and my brother to Never accept anything from strangers, and the fact that this Karen demands that OP give her brat her ice cream and get herself a new one is beyond crazy and stupid.
Time to teach the brat about "stranger danger"! And what if the kid has a serious food alergy? Giving that kid his food could open OP to serious liability issues. 🤨
@@lancerevell5979 Exactly
Six words, "How do you feel about herpes?"
"Sure lady, hope I'm not still infectious. You have insurance, right?"
Not to mention that there's some foods that people put their MEDICINE in. What if the kid had a bad reaction to the possible medicine??? I remember a reddit post I heard a couple years ago where this person in a doctor waiting room was eating a cookie that contained something like insulin and there was a mother that kept demanding a piece of the cookie for her kid.
As someone who’s mom needed a liver, and she told all of us kids NOT to get tested because she wanted us to have the best chance and she was worried about complications for US, I just can not understand someone, even someone’s parent, demanding someone’s body part with no regards to them.
EXACTLY
Some horrible sperm/egg donors believe they "own" their kids. 🤨
This donation is potentially dangerous to the donor, it is a serious thing.
Absolutely. Neither of my parents would have asked, and likely would have refused if we offered. They sacrificed so much for their kids, I can't see them taking a part of our bodies, even to save their own lives.
When I needed a liver transplant, I never thought to ask my family for it. Luckily there was a very selfless family of a man, who had been in a horrible car crash, who, as per his own wishes donated his organs to people in need. To demand it, is way beyond my understanding and wrong on every level. I hope your mom is doing well and I wish you all the best.
I offered my Dad a kidney. He refused. This guy used to beat me. This guy is seriously entitled.
Story 3: First of all: No, you gaslighting aunt, it wouldn't be their fault - if the father doesn't want to die, then he should do dialysis. That aside: A bad parent isn't entitled to anything. And also, as a parent myself, I wouldn't even accept an organ transplant from my son even if he were to offer me one.
Also, didn't one of his sisters flat-out refuse to donate?
Only a technically, but no, dialysis isn't as effective as a kidney transplant. It's only a stop gap solution to extend your life long enough until you can get a transplant. However, even a transplant will only get you so far. Truth is: once you are in that situation your days are numbered ...
@@dinascharnhorst6590 maybe it's the one which didn't qualify...
Doctors will find a reason to deny donation if the person doesnt want to. Thanks Fluff
And technically the doctor doesn't even need to come up with anything...because not wanting to counts as 'Not meeting all the criteria'. The doctor could just say those words only and still be 100% honest.
Story 2: So one neighbor decided to play some jazz, and it caused Karen to not only be extremely loud with her own music, but then harass the wrong person and try to steal something from them.
Yeah, that's poor problem solving skills
Story 3: Fluff the story you trying to remember is the one where OP has a monster of mother that chain smoke her lungs into oblivion and is gaslighting OP along with her husband to give her the lung to continue to chain smoke which the doctor are refusing to help because she refuse to quit.
Story 1 - You can buy another one. The shop’s just there. OK, Karen, then go and buy your kid an ice cream. The shop’s just there. But you’ll make me miss my train. OK Karen, so it OK for me to miss my train?
Story 1: wow sounds like your mom's just as much of a Karen as the woman on the train
No kidding
Right? And what exactly did they do to the kid? Not give a stranger free ice cream?
My thoughts exactly!
So the mom of the kid didn't want to miss the train but she expected OP to do just that?
Yall need to read comments carefully before you reply. OPs mom is who I was referring to
Story 2 - Yeah I don’t get how it’s okay for EP or Karens to cause a ruckus whenever they want with some lame excuse but then they threaten to call the police and sue when someone else gets too loud because they’re having fun.
Hopefully they got her kicked out for her stupid BS.
The thing is, if another tenant tried barging into my apartment, you can bet they'd end up having the literal crap kicked out of them if they didn't leave. Hell, said Karen tenant in the story should probably be glad the story teller and their boyfriend didn't have a weapon, or she may have ended up a corpse.
Apparently the neighbor hated jazz music. I would have shared this lovely nugget of knowledge with all the neighbors. Imagine, if you will, all the neighbors cranking up some jazz music at various times during the day. No screaming and shouting, just jazz and only during daylight hours.
Sounds like great petty revenge
@@joleenphillips2415not a bad idea. They have a sh*t landlord, so chances of him responding is mimimal. Amazing how Karens can dole it out, in abundance, but can't take it when others do the same thing back at them...smh
My God the first story........ like seriously. Personally i wouldve went the most pettiest way possible. Hand it to the kid and when the kid starts licking go "You might want to take him to the doctor cause I have mouth herpies and i am non wadda-call-it with covid."
Edit to add: the word I couldn't think if was non symptomatic. That i have covid and i am non symptomatic with covid.
You are evil.😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
I was thinking something like this too 😂
@@kinasakuraba exactly cause I mean...... come on now. It's literally a rule of mine. I do not eat off your plate and you do not eat off mine. If I am handing you food. It's either via off a plate I'm not using or fork or something. The only way I'm handing it to someone via my own hands is if I know you. Like family. And if someone drinks out of something I'm drinking (even family). I'm sorry but I'm abandoning said drink. Call me a germaphobe but it's kept me pretty safe from stuff.
Story 3: OP has no obligation to donate anything. This isn't coming from her not caring, but that she's seriously considering the potential consequences and is making the best decision for herself. He's not even concerned about what it could mean for her, and is just expecting her to make that sacrifice that he probably wouldn't in a million years. And one of her aunts just flat-out refused, so she at least doesn't get to criticize anyone. Besides, we don't even know what the root cause of her father's kidney issues is. Something tells me that there's a strong possibility that the new kidney would also start to suffer. If that's the case she wouldn't be saving his life, just delaying his death. And for what?
Story 3: I would've never given that man my forgiveness, let alone a piece of my body.
"I demand your ice cream that already stained with your saliva and not in complete form because I'm entitled beggar and very stingy and very gaslighting and using my kids as excuse to everything in my life"
I can't comprehend why someone would want something that already been eaten
Story 5: Man, how ungrateful is Karen? She lets OP mow her lawn for free, OP tries their best, and she just berates them all the time.
Agree. " _When you start paying me, lady, _*_THEN_*_ you get to say how I do it_ "
He is at fault, as he enables her bad behaviour. The minute she disrespects me just once, it's the minute that I leave.
@@julianyo7072This. OP is such a doormat that I can hardly feel sympathy for him.
Story 4 - Before condemning OP, did the mom even WANT to see her ex again? Ever think of that tidbit.
Story 5 - ANOTHER REPEAT
Story 3 - Father or Not, OP has the right to decide whether or not she ‘wants’ to give her AH father her kidney. Not him or anyone else. But IMO OP should say no and leave it at that.
Dad refused to go on dialysis or take care of his own health to prevent his kidneys from getting to this sad state in the first place even though he had plenty of warning and advice. Now it's someone else's responsibility to give up a body part so he can keep being irresponsible? And he's selfish and demanding about it too!
Story 2, Karen had a lot of nerve to complain about OP who never had an issue with the other tenants. Karen on a daily basis is disturbing the peace. OP should have contacted the landlord stating if they don't do something with Karen, the police will get involved. Most landlords don't want to hear police getting involved with tenant squabbles. If the landlord doesn't provide a solution, that is when police handle it. With all the other tenants as witnesses, Karen would be in trouble.
Story 3, if there isn't a friendly relationship between family, then OP doesn't need to donate a kidney and who is to say that it is compatible. Just because you are family, doesn't mean they are a perfect match. My brother has a friend who had kidney failure and was disabled since 19, my brother had a more than perfect kidney when tested for compatibility. His friend had several trips using the kidney just after the surgery. To this day they are still friends.
Story 4: I would say if her mom never said she wanted to see him one last time then he doesn't get to see her.
Agreed the father doesn't deserve the peace of mind unless the mother decided he deserves it and with what that dad did he DID NOT deserve it. You don't cheat on your wife then leave her to pass on alonr and only come back months later just for your own peace of mind
Story 4: here is the determining factor that matters. Would OP's mom (before losing consciousness) have wanted to see or hear from him? Because it has been proven that even though unconscious they can still hear. And the mom is the only one of any importance in that question and what would be least stressful/best for a dying woman. So....if the mom wouldn't have wanted him around then OP was not the A...... But, if mom was hoping to hear from her ex and he would have only been a positive thing and not a stressor for her then and only then would OP be the A.
I think it’s telling that part wasn’t mentioned. If OP was doing her mother’s bidding why not say so? It seems to me she didn’t want her father there because she’s mad, the same reason she took out loans like an idiot to pay for her mother’s care when her father wanted to pay and should’ve because as a couple she was probably on his insurance etc.
@@bautistalover that shows how different each person thinks.... because if I was mad at my dad, I would make sure that he was the one paying as a way of punishing him. It's strange that she would choose to take on the debt instead.
@@SoManyRandomRamblings she’s a bitter/petty person. For her sake I hope she can actually pay that loan, because as you said even if he didn’t want to pay as spouse of record he’s legally responsible if I’m not mistaken because she was SAHW. Seems to me OPs dad was like Kelsey Grammar a cheater but not one that was going to screw over his ex in the name of moving on.
Noisy Karen story: Personally, I'd have told Karen to go back upstairs and turn her "music" back on and then come back to to hear what her apartment sounds like!
Kidney story: OP, go to the testing center, but REFUSE to be tested. Tell the staff you do not want to donate and you don't even want to know if you're compatible. Tell them to tell your father you're not a match and let that be the end of it. Or just move and change your phone number without giving him a forwarding address.
Dying mother story: I can easily see both side here. I don't know what I would do in OP's situation. It would depend on other details not related in the story. For now, ESH!
Lawn story: OP waited MUCH TOO LONG to tell her no. But it worked out.
Story 1 reminds me of a diff story, where op was volunteered by all her siblings to donate her organ simply because she was only one who didnt have children
20:20 “so wait you want me to spray green dye everywhere? Coool cool coool
Story 4, I agree with the op, the father doesn't get to make himself feel better after everything he did to her. I feel so bad for op mom, her husband was a real peice of work.
hw could have the father have known she was terminal sick though. cause as the story goes he didn't. yes the mom stopped eating for a bit but that doesn't cause termilal sickness. nah OP is bitter AF herself. the dad is no treasure himself but at least in the situation he was in tried to do what is right, the same can not be said about OP
The fact that he cheated and got another woman pregnant doesn’t counter with you, nah he left her for another woman and he doesn’t deserve a second chance. This is the consequences of his actions and should’ve thought about that before getting a stiffy for another woman and was willing to break his wedding vows.
He can reap what he sowed because now he will know what it is like to be cast out.
@@HarryFrost-qu8thGo suck lake water, you monster!
First story, I would have slowly and deliberately eaten the ice cream in front of Karen and her brat, *hoping* she’d ask “do you hate children?!”
“Yes, yes I do, now leave me alone before I get rude!”
If you really want to be snarky, you could reply "I love children, especially fried in cornbread and with ketchup. "😋
Kidney donation story: OP's father is both abusive and negligent. For her own peace there's nothing wrong with forgiving him. But it's very likely that she's trauma bonded and having difficulty maintaining healthy boundaries with him. This is why she is even questioning her unwillingness to donate. He violated her boundary by simply demanding she get screened with the assumption that she'd donate if she was a match, without even asking if she'd be willing to do it. She needs a lot more help than just avoiding having to donate. But for the immediate situation she needs to tell the person doing the screening that she is unwilling to donate. That will take care of that problem. But she really needs to do more to protect herself from him as time goes on.
Story 2- the AUDACITY to be loud and obnoxious in your apartment all the time, and then complain about someone else the one time they're being loud?? I SO hope she got evicted.
Story 5: Stop doing ANYTHING for Karen. She does not allow you to use your own equipment, she does not allow you to clean or maintain her equipment, and she especially does not appreciate your time or effort. STOP being her doormat, PLEASE.
if that biatch would act like that i would just neve do anything. i don't mind helping my neighbours, i often tend their gardens, clean the gutters and if they need help lifting no problem. but at least be kind and gratefull. nothing more, if you can't do that, i won't bother helping
I would be phoning the police if she did that at my door.
Story 2. The rest of the neighbors should all contact the landlord and tell him that either the bad neighbors go or all of them will move out on the exact same day and he will then have multiple vacancies at once to try filling.
OP would face a lifetime of having to take precautions to keep her one remaining kidney viable, especially if she wants to have children. Parents should NEVER even consider asking their children for vital organs. The children will live on for decades and the parent will not. That father is despicable.
Story 4: NTA. My parents divorced after 42 years because of Dad's infidelity. Maybe a year later, Mom got sick with lung cancer. My dad threw a very similar fit. My wife and I were her primary caregivers. I told dad, "This isn't about you. It's not even about me. This is about her and her feelings. Your need to assuage your guilt doesn't override what she wants. I'm sorry, but you are just going to have to deal with it." You make choices, you deal with the consequences.
Story 4: The mother clearly still loved him, otherwise she wouldn't have been in that mental state. And OP basically decided that his/her anger and pain over the situation is more important than any (near impossible) chance where their mother could see/feel him again, to know that the person she loved still cared for her.
But life is for the living, so it's those still alive that has to care about relationships, not those who are dead.
and OP basically destroyed theirs with the dad in their grief and anger... Because even if the father loves them, denying goodbies and paying respects at the funerals will be difficult to forgive....
A person who cared for her would not cheat on her. He literally left her because he got another woman pregnant, that means he was having a affair. I am sorry but this is not how anyone is supposed to treat a person they care about.
@@rainbowpride4766 But what does this have to do with HER? The mother still had heartbreak, and she's about to die - are you saying that it's better for her to die with the reminder that he cheated on her and left her by herself, vs a possible lie that he still cared about her and valued however many years they've been married together?
I would rather people I cared about tell me a white lie as I died, than to die depressed and sad thinking the person I think about didn't care much about me.
@@Adyen11234 that's my point. The mom clearly felt betrayed, she was abandoned by her husband (when she was well and not diagnosed). Do you think she would believe it if he came and begged or said he cared for her. During divorce he already said he cared for her as a best friend, that broke her more. The only reason the divorce didn't happen was because she suddenly became sick. He had left her for atleast a few months. She didn't become unconscious immediately she must have been sick and consious for a while. At that time she didn't call for him nor did he return, he just wanted to throw money in their face. My point is if she didn't call for him when she was consious, why would she need him when she is already unconscious and almost gone?
@@rainbowpride4766 Yes. I would absolutely believe that my loved one still cared about me if they came to see me at my final moment, even if we've been separated due to whatever reason there is.
Because even if it's an illusion, I would rather die thinking the person I loved came back - even if it's just that one moment. Because I would not have anything afterwards anyways.
Let me make this clear, when you cheat on someone you are removed from their life, completely. You don’t get to go see them, ever, no matter the situation. It isn’t about you, it’s about them.
Exactly
It is not your decision to make
Wrong. Nothing gives YOU the right to tell someone else how their relationship works. If the person cheated on YOU then yes. Otherwise BUTT OUT!!!
That’s not how life works, only the cheated on party gets to decide what role the cheater gets in their lives.
Story 4: Oh hell no, OP is NOT THE AH! That so called "man" deserves NOTHING for what he put that poor woman through!
Anyone who calls OP an AH for protecting his mother is deluded! Given that he wasn't the only one stopping the twit from seeing her, either.
4: It’s VERY complicated and nuanced. We don’t know specifics and are in no place to judge.
I’m in the process of separating from my wife because we just ended up not being compatible among other things. Does that mean I don’t get to see her at her funeral if she passes away? No one cheated on anyone or anything like that, we just aren’t right for each other.
OP’s situation is a bit questionable, but they didn’t say dad cheated.
The side piece is pregnant ( presumably with the dad's child) Yeah, it is possible that dad donated to a sperm bank, and it got taped, but..... the ONLY other option is that the guy did the deed with the side piece.
These stories, besides making me laugh, make me look at my narcissistic mother and my toxic maternal family less bad.
Also to learn not to explain myself to anyone, there are too many Karens out there.
Saludos desde México
I remember a couple years ago I was helping my neighbor by snowblowing her driveway after the plow trucks came through. I did it because, well, we had some bad storms and the snow was basically ice by the time she got home from work. I also knew that her husband was sick in the hospital. She literally pushed money into my hands even though I told her not to because I was just helping her out knowing her situation.
12:14
If that's how it always works with this kind of stuff, i think this would be the best way for OP to go about this so everyone that would've otherwise alienated them if they refused will think they tried to save their dad, but couldn't.
Story 4: Funerals are for everyone to express grief and sadness to the dead, no one should get to dictate who can feel sorry or grieve. obviously if they are making a scene dont let them in but if they are being silent/respectful of all in attendance anyone should be allowed to be there if they want.
Story #2, I'd get a camera, record all the damage, and then present her with an itemized list for any & all thefts & damages.
Story 1: I've had a similar thing happen to me. I was browsing the mall while eating a big lollipop when a kid about 8 years old started crying and that he wants a lollipop now. The mom walked up to me and demanded that I give my half eaten lollipop to her child, but when I refused to give it up she ripped it out of my hand and shoved it in her child's mouth. She then said "See was that so hard!" I was dumbfounded for a moment but got an evil idea. As they started to walk away, I went up to the mother and whispered to her, "I hope your son enjoys the STDs you just gave him." And after I said that, I booked it out of there. In complete honesty, I have no STDs. I just wanted this woman to panic and regret her life choices.
Story 2: If the landlord only listens to money, OP usually has the right to withhold rent for valid reasons like horrible neighbors causing problems. If OP can convince their other neighbors to all gather together and say "Hey, we're ALL not paying next month's rent until (obnoxious neighbor) is removed."
S4 - if OP’s mother was truly unconscious then she wouldn’t know he was there. If she was awake, the choice would be the mother’s, alone. But OP is NTA no matter what decision was made, especially if all OP can remember is the pain he caused the mother.
Story 3: See if you can't convince the doctor to just tell your family that you're not a match? It's not like they're allowed to disclose your medical records.
About the first story, me too my dear DarkFluff! I would have done the same as you!
About the father who has been denied by the side of his ex-wife by OP, OP was NOT THE ASSHOLE of that story! The man in question left his wife for his side piece and had a baby with her. Knowing he broke the heart of his now deceased wife, he should have respect her by being quiet and reflect on his behavior. OP was DEFINITELY NOT the asshole!
About the lawnmower story, it was about time OP stops to be a doormat!
About story 4: You are just wrong.
Story 3 - “One of his sisters flat out refused” “My aunts say it will be our fault if he dies”
I would bring up one aunt refusing and it would be equally her fault. Also there’s no guarantee that OP’s dad’s body will even accept the kidney even if they are a match. If OP doesn’t want to, they don’t need to, and if the aunts try to guilt them just remind them about one of the aunts also refusing. I understand that this is a tough situation but remember that the aunts are only making it MORE stressful by playing the blame game. Nobody should be GUILTED into donating a body part.
Story 4, Without knowledge of what the dying Mom wants, and would say either OP or there Dad was in the right, We don't know if OP dad wanted to apologies for all of this or if OP mom said "I never want to see 'OP Dad' again!" and with no one willing to talk it out I say at the end of the day this is a sad story with grief leading to bad choices.
14:21 This all depends on what the dying person’s last wishes were.
If the OP’s mother would’ve been willing to see her horrible husband again. The it is her right as the dying person, to have him there.
But if the mother’s last instructions were to keep him away. Then it is OP’s obligation to follow those instructions.
Tell the doctors you are being coerced and they will tell the family you were not a match, they are not playing with that kind of liability.
Dad should have been nicer to everyone, tell him NO, be selfish just like him, it is not op fault!
Karen 3, stop cutting her grass!
Story 4. Whether she was right or wrong, I don’t think the OP is an AH for the reason that she was put in an impossible position and had to make a very difficult decision at a time when her world was turning upside down due to the impending loss of her mother.
Story 4: NTA Your father MOVED away to be with his baby mama so he made his choice. He does not get to try and relieve his guilt by playing grieving husband. You did nothing wrong by forbidding him to see your Mom. Her last moments should not be wasted on him trying to placate himself for the wrong he did. OP, I'm sorry for your and your family's loss and just know that your Mom is in a better place, away from ALL her pain.
Story 1: OP stated she had already started eating the ice cream...and Mommy-Dearest wants her to hand it over to her darling baby? Hello? Ever hear of germs???
Story 4, did the wife want to see her estranged husband before she died? Surely her choice rather than OP.
Lawn mowing story: I mowed lawns when I was a teen. I get that she doesn’t want a mower to spread weed seeds from another lawn to yours. I even understand that she doesn’t trust the person doing the mowing to take tools to her mower to sharpen the blade. But I do NOT understand why she won’t take it to a shop to be serviced, nor even clean the thing! Is she afraid that the blade will keep turning when it’s tipped over to be cleaned? It’s literally been decades since all mowers were required to have switches that stop the blade from turning.
Story 3:
No Sympathy 4 Entitled!father
I have a friend who was married for several years and had 3 children, then her husband divorced her. They had not had a good marriage, and she actually did much better after the divorce. When he became ill and was dying she came to see him. They remembered the great times they had early in their marriage, They were able to deal with some of their issues and she was so glad she had decided to see him before he died. OP may not be a complete idiot but should have let their father see their mother before she died.
My dad would never ask. He'd sacrifice his own health for us and never ask/expect/ or even LET us risk our health for him.
Story 4: NTA. He wanted to clear his guilt.
And that's a bad thing why
Story 4: So-So. But if my mom did or did not want to see him, that would have been her choice rather than mine.
Story 3 - No person has a right to anyone’s kidney. If they want to donate, they can do it on their own terms.
My daughter donated a kidney, even though it did not match her friend that needed it. Someone else survived because she is so generous.
Also, donating a kidney is major surgery, and takes quite a bit of time to recover from said surgery.
This decision is life changing for both people. A doctor will not do surgery for a donation unless they feel you are doing it for the right reasons, and you are physically and emotionally fit.
Story 5: I have very little sympathy for someone complaining while continuing to mow the lawn of someone rude to them. Don’t play the martyr. Just stop doing it.
Like, yeah, sure, they did stop in the end, but it took way too long.
Story 1, sounds like a good lesson for the kid, that people besides his mom can and will say no to them.
Story 1: Demanding anything from others isn't a nice thing to do, it would set a bad example to anyone around them.
Story 4, nta , when it comes down to it , the mother had the right to consent to him seeing her, and she could not give consent, if she was conscious, you should have asked her but she wasn’t
I'd have said, "I have syphilis." Ice cream saved.
My retired dad lived with me for a few years. He had to be hospitalized, so my legally blind neighbor mowed my lawn while I was taking car of things at the hospital There was an outlet and water facet to connect to a camper, in the yard. He ran over the valve, which left my well pump running for half a day. My yard was a soggy mess, and it ran up my electric bill. He had to know that he hit it, but he simply said, "I mowed your yard"
I would give my dad a kidney in a heartbeat, but he wouldn’t accept it. He wouldn’t want me to face the risks. We are very close, I’m so lucky to have a wonderful relationship with my dad ❤️
I wouldn't get my kidney to a guy that just drops the paper thing give me your kidney like that. That's just unbelievable selfishness right there.
I wouldn't want to have a killer look at his victim before they died in the hospital like that. He was the result of her going downhill more so he doesn't deserve to have any sympathy for the husband. I do hope that when the divorce if it makes it through the courts he is denied any of her assets because of his cheating. He also took the opportunity since she was diagnosed with a terminal illness to be the green light to cheat on her too.
On the kidney story...my mother is currently on dialysis and she has five children. She would never expect one of us to give her a kidney. A good parent would not ask this. Unfortunately we did get tested and no one' matches for her. She has a very rare blood type and has other issues with her organs that finding a match is going to be very difficult. Her kidney doctor and her surgeon has stated that she has mutations regarding her body that must have formed when she was in her mothers womb. I don't understand it at all. She is on dialysis 7 nights a week while she sleeps. She is also 78. She keeps going though.
I'm not sure how we've gone from "never take food from a stranger" to so many Karens demanding complete strangers give up their half eaten meals to their brats. And sometimes their kid has food allergies! Unbelievable.
Story 2: Lock that sociopath OUT.
In the third story. What most people fail to take into consideration. Is that donating a kidney is *NOT* without risks for the person who is doing the donating.
Story 2 - ALL of the other tenants need to get together and contact the landlord refusing to pay rent until the loud entitled woman is evicted. If he only responds to money, then use this against him.
I mean, if you all refuse, what’s he going to do, evict all of you and lose 90% of his income?
The father only wanted to see his dying wife in order to assuage HIS guilt. I wouldn't have alloted him to see my mother either. NTA.
I've had kidney cancer twice, in '04 and again in '20, I have only 1/3 of a kidney left and just making due with it. I have NEVER asked my sons for one, and even when my youngest demanded to let him give me one, I refused. I lived with a single kidney for 18 years, it sucked for the first year until my body got used to it. I'd rather take my chances with the doner wait time that have either of my children take that risk for me!
The mowing lady is so ungrateful. I would NEVER LOOK IN HER DIRECTION EVER AGAIN!
On the last story, Karen probably thought OP was assigned by the local non-existent "HOA" to mow the neighborhood grass.
Agree with comments on kidney issue. If Dad's are bad, yours may be questionable. Then what after you give him yours?
The first story reminds me of something that happened 8 years ago. I went to my old high school's game against our biggest rival. One little kid was going back to his seat carrying a tray of nachos when he misstepped and his foot went off the walking plank (old bleachers that date back at least 40 years) and he dropped the nachos. He didn't cry or scream or anything like that. Knowing the school and the area I figured that his mother (who he was with) probably didn't have the money to replace them even though they were only 3 bucks, and I was in a position I could spend that I went and got some and took them to his mother. Told her and others who commented how nice it was that I did that that I remember what it was like doing something like that at that age (and truthfully, even as an adult), and I could easily afford it, so I didn't consider it a big deal. Kid did come and thank me a little later
Story 4: He should have been allowed to see her. I'm sorry, but as someone who's seen their parents drag their marriage one way longer than it should have, I actually applaud this man for having the guts to end things. We see husbands so often cheat on their wives for years and the divorce only happens after the wife finds out and demands for one. The husband found someone else, the end. It's sad and it sucks, but a loveless marriage isn't good for the parents or the kids. All that being said, that doesn't mean that there isn't a connection between the two. Clearly, he cared about her, or he wouldn't have offered to pay for her medical bills. The kids completely forced their father from having any connection with their mother. And considering how she wasn't eating, I think their plan backfired. Their mother died believing that her ex didn't want to see her in her final moments. I think that is sad and disturbing.
yeah I think OP is trying to lash out and the dad is the perfect scapegoat. It's grief takling but that grief will cause life lasting damages because even if their father loves them, that kind of sh*t is hard to forgive....
Agreed OP enforcing her own will probably did play a part in her mother’s mental health etc.
As a parent to 3 kids. I am sorry it is nobody’s problem to feed my kids but my own. To demand a stranger give their child some food…… yeah not OP’s problem.
,FIRST STORY: I would have started eating that ice cream like so over-exaggerated while saying "OH MY GOD THIS IS SOOOOOO GOOOOOD!
THIS IS THE BEST ICE CREAM I'VE EVER HAD!!" and then, say directly to that Crotch Goblin , "MOMMY HATES YOU AND THAT'S WHY SHE'S NOT GETTING YOU ANY
ICE CREAM! ALSO, SANTA CLAUS AND THE EASTER BUNNY AREN'T REAL AND DADDY IS NEVER COMING BACK FROM THE STORE WITH MILK FOR YOU CEREAL, BECAUSE MOMMY WAS MEAN TO HIM!!"
then I'd FINISH THAT ICE CREAM 🍦🍦🍦😅😅😅😅😅
Ice cream story: "yes maam, sure, it costs you (say tripple price)". Then when she says no, I would tease her all the way for being heartless and not wanted to give her child an ice cream.
When I was 15 my dad suffered a heart attack and had open heart surgery. The medication they used during the surgery caused his kidneys to fail. I had already started having kidney issues (kidney problems run in my dad’s paternal side of the family). I still wanted to get tested but my dad refused to let me get tested. He lived on dialysis for 12 years before he passed in his sleep. My Grandmother held a grudge against me for not being tested, and blamed me for my dad’s death until she developed dementia 14 years later.
Now, I was only willing to do this for my dad because he was an excellent dad. I only ever got one pop on the butt from him and it was for being mean to my brother. However there’s no way in hell I would’ve considered it if he had been abusive my entire life.
Another thing to consider in story #4 is the bias, we already know that OP is angry enough at his dad to prevent him saying goodbye so we could be missing key details. Life is messy, and relationships can be messy, and divorces can take a long time. It is possible the dad did not start truly seeing the other woman until he started the divorce proceedings, but I don't know. It's hard ti pass judgement on some of these with the bias and limited details.
It is also possible that the couple had agreed that he could see another woman. it is also possible that OP mistook a therapist for a "side piece". Just because the other woman happened to get pregnant after she started seeing the father doesn't mean that he was cheating on his wife. Did OP see them doing anything romantic or lovey-dovey? Did OP see them kiss or anything like that? OP left out more than they included. We can only say that OP was the a'hole for denying their father the chance to see his wife on her deathbed as it was not their place to make that decision.
Just the idea of my parents telling me I owe them, I would be floored, no no no, children do not owe the parent ever, it was the parents that decided to have kids and take all the responsibility of raising them period!!!
My jazzy neighbor...lol
No, NTA. for not letting your father see your dying mother to ease his guilty conscience.
I don't know if it's like this everywhere else but you don't need to be tested to see if you're matched. There's a kidney pool, so if you have someone who will give a kidney, then you get a kidney that will match you
I have heard of something like that. For instance, you receive a donor kidney and your spouse donates a kidney to another person in need.
Story 3: Do Not Give In. Tell father of the year and anyone else who whines about it simply that you're young, you hope to have kids someday, and you need to be healthy and whole. As an aside, I'm your dad's age, and I would die before I asked any of my kids to risk their lives for me.
I could agree with the children not letting the father in to see the dying mother but to ban him from the funeral they shared time and a life
My organs are reserved for my kids. Anything happens to their kidneys, liver etc, it’s theirs. I would never expect them to give me an organ nor would I accept it if they tried. My job is to look after my kids and keep them safe, not the other way around
Lawn mower story: Oh hell no!!
If I mow neighbour's lawn for free and one gives me crap like this, that would be the last time I'd do that...