Thank you for putting this together. It's very helpful because sometimes I have difficulty understanding the level of closeness I have with certain people. Examining conversations with a more analytical eye might help me to better understand the depth of those relationships.
Oh woah hey okay!! I think this is a skill that I have a higher level of mastery in, and am confident in! I've been spending a lot of time just focusing on what's wrong with me that I hadn't spent the time to look at what I do have mastery in, what I am doing good in. This video honestly made me giddy and relieved, because for a while I was on this spiral of thinking that self-disclosure wasssss, wrong?? That self-disclosure was not a big part of building intimacy. That's because of how my narcissistic parents are intimacy avoidant, and held contempt for emotions/intimacy/etc, so the reactions I always got growing up to my honestly warm self-disclosure and asking them about themselves were shaming, signaling boredom, straight up walking out of the room or ignoring me. After learning more about relationship effectiveness, I think what's changed as I've grown up is that I've actually grown into very healthy relationship skills? I think the specific catalyst is the Glimmers in school, aka strong crystal clear positive events/connections, and especially forming a strong enduring friendship with my still best friend (easily a 9 on the intimacy scale!). I think the parent I'm still around actually sabotaged my healing in therapy by telling me that my self-disclosure and just, me showing I am being authentic, passionate, and caring about the other person, is annoying/bad/undesirable????? I'd say I have moments where I do share at a higher intimacy level than the other person, however it's not actually as extreme as I had thought it was?? In fact what usually happens is that I naturally do a Match +1, and the intimacy level between the other person and I builds fairly quick, I just sort of, click with others? God having dysfunctional caregiving really hurts one's interpersonal effectiveness skills!!! Not just in terms of doing it "right," but also in knowing what is right/normal, what is healthy, because of a TON of mixed signals because of the caregiver/family!! Which is another reason this content is so helpful!
Watching through this one, I appreciated the outline of the escalation of mutual self-disclosure as a means of escalating intimacy. Though, I had to cringe a bit at myself for previous blunders of disclosing the wrong level at the wrong time. More insight for the future, though. Thanks for putting these videos together!
@jennifermayph.d.2761 and I definitely appreciate them! I feel like there is this common stereotype of the "adhd oversharer" and it's where I can end up sometimes. So, honestly, though I feel this technique is aimed at being less rigid and more flexible, I'm noticing the thought that it may help create some structure for less-chaotic and more pro-social conversational structures.
Thank you so much for doing these videos! I've been wanting to learn RO-DBT for my practice as a therapist-in-training but it's so difficult to get resources where I'm from.
There is a game series called Persona that is part dungeon-crawler, part "The Sims." Persona has these things called Social Links that you level up by talking to your party members, going to do activities with them, and choosing the right option. I'd love to write about Social Link levels in comparison to this intimacy scale!
which level of intimacy would be not too much to implement with someone you met that day, for example, a new friend you met off of the internet or at a party, but just enough to feel like the friendship is moving forward and you want to see each other again?
I’d say probably 1-2. Keeping things light but pleasant and sharing some interests and general facts about yourself is plenty for a first meeting. I’d keep the first meeting relatively short, max of 1-2 hours. (Or a casual activity that lasts longer but involves less talking.). If you end on a positive note, you will have a good foundation for meeting again.
Thank you for putting this together. It's very helpful because sometimes I have difficulty understanding the level of closeness I have with certain people. Examining conversations with a more analytical eye might help me to better understand the depth of those relationships.
Oh woah hey okay!! I think this is a skill that I have a higher level of mastery in, and am confident in! I've been spending a lot of time just focusing on what's wrong with me that I hadn't spent the time to look at what I do have mastery in, what I am doing good in. This video honestly made me giddy and relieved, because for a while I was on this spiral of thinking that self-disclosure wasssss, wrong?? That self-disclosure was not a big part of building intimacy. That's because of how my narcissistic parents are intimacy avoidant, and held contempt for emotions/intimacy/etc, so the reactions I always got growing up to my honestly warm self-disclosure and asking them about themselves were shaming, signaling boredom, straight up walking out of the room or ignoring me. After learning more about relationship effectiveness, I think what's changed as I've grown up is that I've actually grown into very healthy relationship skills? I think the specific catalyst is the Glimmers in school, aka strong crystal clear positive events/connections, and especially forming a strong enduring friendship with my still best friend (easily a 9 on the intimacy scale!). I think the parent I'm still around actually sabotaged my healing in therapy by telling me that my self-disclosure and just, me showing I am being authentic, passionate, and caring about the other person, is annoying/bad/undesirable????? I'd say I have moments where I do share at a higher intimacy level than the other person, however it's not actually as extreme as I had thought it was?? In fact what usually happens is that I naturally do a Match +1, and the intimacy level between the other person and I builds fairly quick, I just sort of, click with others? God having dysfunctional caregiving really hurts one's interpersonal effectiveness skills!!! Not just in terms of doing it "right," but also in knowing what is right/normal, what is healthy, because of a TON of mixed signals because of the caregiver/family!! Which is another reason this content is so helpful!
Watching through this one, I appreciated the outline of the escalation of mutual self-disclosure as a means of escalating intimacy. Though, I had to cringe a bit at myself for previous blunders of disclosing the wrong level at the wrong time. More insight for the future, though. Thanks for putting these videos together!
Thanks! And hey, nobody’s perfect, and these are just general guidelines. 😊
@jennifermayph.d.2761 and I definitely appreciate them! I feel like there is this common stereotype of the "adhd oversharer" and it's where I can end up sometimes. So, honestly, though I feel this technique is aimed at being less rigid and more flexible, I'm noticing the thought that it may help create some structure for less-chaotic and more pro-social conversational structures.
@@fjordfjesta absolutely!
This is an excellent video it's a very helpful for all important relationships
I love having this so defined. It makes so much sense, but I have never thought of it this way before! I see I jump to level 7-8 too soon. Thank you!
Glad to hear it made sense for you. Hope it helps! 🙏👍🏻
I loved this video, because I noticed some mistakes that I do, so it was very useful. Thanks!
Ah, new insights… cool 😎
Thank you for making these, I really appreciate it.
Thank you so much for doing these videos! I've been wanting to learn RO-DBT for my practice as a therapist-in-training but it's so difficult to get resources where I'm from.
Glad to be of help! 😊
There is a game series called Persona that is part dungeon-crawler, part "The Sims." Persona has these things called Social Links that you level up by talking to your party members, going to do activities with them, and choosing the right option. I'd love to write about Social Link levels in comparison to this intimacy scale!
Wow, that would be a cool idea! 👍🏻
Such a great video! So informative! Thank you so much for this and keep up the good work! :)
Love it!
Thanks! 🙏❤️
which level of intimacy would be not too much to implement with someone you met that day, for example, a new friend you met off of the internet or at a party, but just enough to feel like the friendship is moving forward and you want to see each other again?
I’d say probably 1-2. Keeping things light but pleasant and sharing some interests and general facts about yourself is plenty for a first meeting. I’d keep the first meeting relatively short, max of 1-2 hours. (Or a casual activity that lasts longer but involves less talking.). If you end on a positive note, you will have a good foundation for meeting again.