Apologies for the misuse of the word ‘asexual’ in this video! I had no intention of referring to the term for a specific sexuality but rather meant ‘desexualised’ from the perspective of another person. I didn’t express myself very well in that moment and should have caught it during editing, terribly sorry ♥️
I was thinking about this, last night. And just as I was about to go to bed, it occurred to me: It's not that the non-disabled *desexualize* us, _per se_ but rather, they *de-orient* us. To the ableists out there, it's not just that we are non-sexual (in an infantilizing way, because they sees us as incomplete humans), but also, *the way we orient ourselves* in relationship to our fellow humans is irrelevant (to them) because (they think) we are incapable of having relationships with other people on an equal basis. All utter hogwash, of course. I mean, I identify as asexual not because I don't have *any* sexual feelings (I do), but because those feelings don't have any impact one way or the other on how I feel about the people around me. I don't orient myself in relation to other people based on some sort of sexual vibe (which I am completely oblivious to, 99.99% of the time).
Ace here, I knew what you meant in that context and because of how much I've seen you validate asexuals in other videos by including them it didn't bother me the misuse, but its nice that you cuaght it and addressed it never the less, you're always marvelous.
About an hour and a half away from where I live there’s an lgbtq tea shop!!! I haven’t got a chance to go and it doesn’t look like that’s going to happen this year but they’re still keeping an online presence and they’re super rad 😊 They usually do a whole host of social events, including high school drag nights and addiction recovery social groups. They seem really inclusive. I wish I could just copy and paste the shop into every community lol
The city I live in has a coffee shop that serves both coffee and alcoholic drinks and also does a lot of stuff surrounding books and art. It's lgbtq run and focused and it's great for when you don't want to meet at a loud bar.
As someone who works as a festival marshall yearly, god hath no fury like an able-bodied person being politely asked to make room in the emergency footpath for someone in a wheelchair
thisnightsrevels LOL this happens everywhere to me! I’ll be at the mall, politely saying “Excuse me” so I can get my wheelchair beside someone, and they glare at me as if I’ve insulted them somehow.
I will be standing there in my bright orange t-shirt with the festival name and 'MARSHALL' emblazoned across the front and back with my lanyard around my neck and they will still kick up a tantrum if I ask them to please move their pram/buggy so that the emergency path or the wheelchair section is free for passage
I politely ask people to move several times when I use a wheelchair now. If they are difficult about it or purposely ignore me, I run over their feet "accidentally" and smile and apologise. Legitimately sick of the ableism. I need a wheelchair to go out for long periods of time due to pain and fatigue. I honestly should be able to enjoy life like everyone else and not have to deal with this shit, just because I'm in a chair with wheels. Like come on.
Where are the LGBT book clubs, crafting clubs, language learning clubs, gardening clubs, spiritual/ meditation groups, etc. that aren't occupied by solely 50+ members of our community. Maybe I want for too much.
@@genericname8727 I was thinking this too. Unfortunately even pre-quarantine I was somewhat isolated in a rural area, but I don't see why some of them couldn't function online too
"Hire disabled people" PLEASE. I have a disability that means I can work most jobs, but immediately takes me out if the running for absolutely all of them. I havent been able to find a job in a year, but I'm just "not disabled enough" to get benefits from the government. Perfect! 🙄
Hello, I can sympathise, having a hidden disability of M.E that affects me differently every day finding a job has been incredibly difficult and stressful. I have now been out of work for 3 years and with alot of people on furlong or out of work because of the pandemic of Covid and are obviously first again to become employed when everything starts back up. One thing I have learnt from lockdown is that I am going to attempt my dream job that fits around me, and I am in charge of everything. Self employment is scary but I now feel necessary. Good luck with your job hunting👍
Yes. I have worked a many places due to temping for many years - most in manufacturing. There’s absolutely no reason 50% of these jobs couldn’t be done equally well by people with mobility issues, with no financial burden to their accommodation. In many cases it would literally require dragging a chair and/or stool over, and stacking a tote of parts on top of another so it’s more convenient to reach. Effectively no different that the tweaks myself and my colleagues make to the work station to accommodate our differing heights and hand spans. Hyper focus can be a huge benefit to highly repetitive tasks which require very strict quality tolerances. Quality control jobs are often done in separate “lab” workrooms in factories, which are quieter than the rest of the facility, and since there is no heavy machinery in there noise cancelling headphones could be safely worn. I’ve seen so very many neuro-divergent people with mad skills which are entirely ignored by employers who ask them to hide their strengths in favour of doing the same job in the same way as everyone else.
THIS. I have epilepsy which means I can't drive even though I can do most jobs. Being able to turn someone away on the basis that they might not be able to get to work consistently because of transport is far too acceptable...
I graduated college 3 years ago and have been in and out of bottom of the barrel jobs ever since. I’m virtually “normal” but I have severe anxiety and the occasional surprise debilitating migraine. I’ve been so frustrated and upset with myself that I can’t find a place to where I can work with these conditions. I just need a little bit of flexibility and human understanding, and my anxiety and migraine occurrences drastically reduce. But no! I’m not qualified for the privilege of flexibility and respect in a work place because I don’t have enough experience under my belt and have been working in the wrong field just to get money? I really want to become a free-lance artist (or anything self-employed lol) but I’ve had so many people telling me it won’t work for so long that it’s gotten harder and harder for me to make art, therefore proving those people right.... Sigh. Thankfully though, in this perverse turn of events, being furloughed for so long is giving me a lot of valuable time for mental health and working on my goals 😌
Oh my god! Me too. I'm 29 and have never hold down a job for more than two months and it's given me depression and low self esteem. I worked really hard to get my degree and be good in my career but got told this at interviews: "why don't you go for disability friendly jobs or inclusion based position?" When going for the job or interview which I got without disclosure. Because blindness isn't disabled enough for social safety nets I don't get funding. I have been looking for work for more than a decade and am homeless and still live with my parents. I got to the point where I felt life wasn't worth living before my parents got out a loan to get me into grad school just coz they saw my downward spiral.
My town has a pride fest instead of a parade and it lasts like three days and I really prefer it because I can just dip in and out based on traffic and still be able to experience pride
I've only been to pride once, in my wheelchair. My mentor paid for us to have special seats and people still blocked my view AND I couldn't use the bathrooms. Plus, I don't drink specifically because I'm religious. But when my wheelchair got stuck somewhere, I met an adorable lesbian couple who lifted me & my chair back onto sidewalk. It wasn't super fun for me, but it was an interesting experince.
@@missvioletnightchild2515 Yeah, I wont even consider going unless I have specific people to go with me because my social anxiety is so bad. Obviously COVID put a damper on things, but I was already really worried to go
I also don't like when my friends whants to drink alcohol, because I'm too poor to buy more than a soda can, and I realy deslike having drubk people around me. Sometime I think about don't having alcohol in my future wedding party, because I think is such a waste of money for something I don't like at all, but I'm afraid of my family and my boyfriend family complaining about it...
The community is also not always accepting of bisexual women who have married men - I am not just here to try and be an ally! This is my identity too and along with a hidden disability, I do 'pass' on both counts. That's probably a privilege in many ways, but it doesn't always help my sense of identity!
I came here to say this exact thing. I am disabled, I am bisexual, and I’ve never felt welcome. Ironically, even when I attended with a girlfriend, lesbians were more or less invisible. Far, far more men than women, and the women there were subject to harassment.
I feel the same! I’m a bi woman and it’s taken me a while to find peace in my identity but even still I don’t really find that I’m included in pride, rather than just cheering everyone else on. I feel uncomfortable wearing a pride flag pin because I feel like I’m using someone else’s symbol. I find myself wondering where my place is in my community; no matter who I date, I am lumped in with either het or lesbian but that’s not who I am
SAME, oh my goodness on all counts SAME. Like you said, it's a privilege in many ways, but it also makes me feel invisible in really shitty ways. I shouldn't have to always wonder if I'm "enough". (Sorry for not being a cis white gay man, my mistake.)
I'm guilty of this line of thinking (though I would NEVER say anything to make someone feel excluded), even though I am bi myself! It sucks that this binary way of viewing relationships is so ingrained in all of us. There's so much more to sexuality (and gender)!
I hear you! Also, to the people who shades at bisexual """"heterosexual looking""""": you're awful! What if the person is actually non-binary but looks "cis" to you? (my case -_-) It's a terrible misconception and it's by far one of my biggest struggles in there, and I am lucky bc i could be in a much more difficult situation. it's really a mess and so valuable to read everyone's opinions here...
I'm autistic, and some people in the LGBTQ community love using disabled and autistic people as the butt of the joke. Like, I've heard people refer to homophobes and right-wingers as "autistic", among other words. It's frustrating. I'm bisexual, and I feel really left out. I get desexualized by both straight people, and LGBTQ folks.
That's terrible! I think it's hypocritical and dehumanizing to use a disability/disorder as an insult. Not to mention coming from a member of the community who is supposed to be accepting and open minded. I hate that you had that experience. I just want to let you know that I hear you, and I see you. If someone ever used autism as an insult, I'll hit them with my frying pan.
I feel you! I'm a BIPOC Non-binary autistic and the amount of ableism, racism and Transphobia in some lgbt+ spaces are overwhelming. It sucks finding a space that seems so welcoming at first, to then find casual bigotry and dismissals or demonizing of other minorities. A example I've encountered was a subreddit of lesbians that is super inclusive of trans women and bi women, which is great, don't get me wrong, but struggles with excluding POC and demonizing trans men/masc non binaries and disabled folks Its so demoralising to see ignorance and bigotry in spaces meant for people to feel safe.
Don't forget the able bodied ppl who are fine with disabled people...... as long as the disabled person acts appropriately weak and grateful and the able bodied person can cast themselves in the role of "helping" (cherry picking the bits that make themselves feel good). God forbid we are ungrateful enough to want to do things in a different way or actually show ourselves to be capable, even better than them in some areas... (not bitter, no not bitter at all 🙄)
As an able-bodied person, I agree. I am sick of "Ugh, I can't park there because it's for wheelchair-users." Dude, that is the whole point. Able-bodied people really have to suck it up and learn that there are bigger issues. I'm young, so sadly, there's not much I can do. But I would love to be able to make some sort of change. Do you guys have any advice on how to be more inclusive? Xxx
I'm not physically disabled, but online pride makes it more accessible for me as a closeted minor with unsupportive parents and no prides near me. And I get sensory overload fast so yeah...
I have a really weird relationship with being sexualised . I am lesbian, so that's sexualised, but I'm also asexual which throws a spanner into the works. Some people double down on trying to "convince me" while others decide I'm a robot and leave it at that. And then ON TOP of that mess I'm also hard of hearing, wear hearing aids and have an autoimmune disease that affects my daily life which goes back to the how can disabled people have relationships. So I've always had a weird relationship with being "sexy"
Yeah I have mixed feelings about my sexuality and being autistic. I literally used mentioning my sexual orientation (asexual) as a way to help me get diagnosed because I knew people view autistic people as asexual (and I do think there’s an overlap but that’s a whole other complex conversation), and it worked, I got the diagnosis really easily (though the doctor also thought he could “fix” my sexuality through therapy and asked invasive comments about my body so I’m not recommending that). There have been people who’ve very passionately argued asexuality isn’t real to me then I mention that I’m asexual, and they say “well, yeah, that makes sense” even though they were arguing against the possibility 5 seconds previously. I’m openly and proudly autistic. I’m in no way ashamed of it or view it as something that makes me inferior. Yet I’m aware these people can’t accept my sexuality until they can view it as something “wrong” with me. Like, they’re basically saying, “asexuality isn’t real. Oh, you’re asexual? I guess that makes sense since you’re broken.” So it’s kind of like they’re accepting my sexual orientation due to ableism. It’s weird.
I’m a service dog user and went to my first pride last year. I had people run up to my dog, try and grab her, scream at us, and ask really invasive questions about why I had her. I was also stopped 3 times in trying to get into the event being asked questions about my SD that were illegal under the ADA. As I was trying to pay for my ticket to go inside someone came up and get really pushy when I told them they wouldn’t ask me what my disability was. I ended up not getting my change back from the volunteer because I was so i overwhelmed by the experience. I’d always heard that pride was uplifting and brought joy but I was so stressed and felt othered most of the time. It was painful to be marginalized and harassed by a community that I was a part of.
As someone who used to drink a lot often, I also don't understand why we seem to drink so much at any celebration. It isn't actually that fun to drink that much often when you are grown up (25+) adult. Whether people want to drink a lot or not, that is no excuse to be anti-social and/or exclude people.
I also don't understand the necessity people have to drink, when I actually am too poor to drink alcohol when I out (like, literally, I'm the person whos has money for a can of soda and olnly one). Is very annoying how people explained to me in the pass "drinking is fun, it makes you fell more happy", well, I feel happy when I'm around people I like, doing something fun, like eating pizza.
I don’t get it either. I don’t mind if there are celebration off shoots with drinking but the main celebration shouldn’t include it or allow drunkenness imo.
My ability to drink alcohol is purely dependant on what level of pain meds are required on that day/for that event (changeable chronic conditions suck) but even then I can't have common drink ingredients like aspartame, pineapple or grapefruit so even soft drinks or mocktails can be a minefield of "can I check the ingredients?" and "no its not optional it affects my medication/causes physical pain".
Way off topic but "Why do we have to celebrate anything with alcohol?" Is my entire view of other people drinking. I've rarely seen an adult of my extended family not drunk or drinking.
SAME like I tried it once and HATED it. I lost the memory of the night and the drinks tasted terrible. I was out of control, why do they want that? Why cant they have fun and lose inhibition without substances?
I have a kinda related opinion, but I actually do have do like drinking and being drunk when partying to some extent. It's the overdrinking or the excessive focus on alcohol/being drunk as the solely fun part. I think that's just not healthy and also it always means that lots of people are on the tipping point to not feeling well/really bothering others bc of the lost inhibitions. And also it means like Jessica mentioned to exclude the people who don't drink, bc in this view everything centers around drinking more and also drunk people aren't really fun to non-drunk people.
I know I'm probably way older than most of the TH-cam-watching audience at 38, but I'll say: for the past 22 years since I've realised I was a lesbian, I have felt fully excluded from both pride AND lesbian spaces. I have chronic pain, a few other physical issues, I have major issues with getting overwhelmed with lots of loud noises and people, and as a former alcoholic, being around that much alcohol and drunk people is absolutely no fun. I won't get into the stories about how I've been treated by other lesbians. But I'll just say that while it's neat watching so many people celebrate pride, I find it a terribly alienating and isolating experience.
Hi, I also suffer from chronic pain and anxiety and I get easily overwhelmed by loud noise and even strong smells and flasing lights. I am bi and in my early 40's. I tried to get to Brighton Pride one year, only got overwhelmed by everything on the journey down. I ended up celebrating on the beach watching others and I enjoyed the atmosphere from afar. Also I could go back early still feeling like I had taken part in my own way🌈🤗🎉
I have a very similar experience, (though not in the lesbian space of things.) I'm 32, chronically illness/chronic pain and I've never felt welcome at pride either. I'm sorry you've had similar experiences. I really wish there was just more flexibility in the community- or more willingness to leave others alone to enjoy events in their own way. I've encountered the problem where because I don't fit the stereotypes of my identities, I'm aggressively questioned or asked to "prove myself." Add to that the fact I cannot walk around in the heat all day, don't like being around inebriated people, and the few spaces that do not have an emphasis on drinking or partying are very clearly aimed at teens and younger? I just don't bother.
Ive said for a while now that we're more of a club scene than a community. If you dont fall under rather narrow target audience for the bars and clubs then youre outside of thr main scene. I feel that and i don't have access issues and drink so can only imagine how you feel
Honestly this entire video my thought was can we compare US to UK pride. US does still have lots of problems... US pride the streets are ridiculously wider because our infrastructure is newer we built roads for 4 lanes for cars and parking vs UK originally built for carriages and converted to cars. Prides will also happen in us at places like amphitheaters that already have to be compliant with the Americans with disabilities act. US pride is so much cleaner apparently, I think because of some of our weird laws around liquor. Like the states I have been in you can't buy an actual can or bottle of beer at festivals it has to be in a cup. The cup is also refillable sometimes. Plus cute color changing. Drinking culture in the US VS the UK the UK is much more extreme about their alcohol consumption. The UK gives Father Christmas alcohol not milk like the US. I'm pretty sure the US has a stronger milk lobby. Like straight people in the UK drink more then gay people in the US. Watch some of the UKs reality shows to get a feel for it. The US queer community also seems to be fairly good about talking about issues like alcoholism and substance abuse. There were alcohol-free areas at prides I have been to. There are also VIP areas that also seem to contain a lot of the very drunkenness. Gay bars in the US again newer infrastructure, and are required to go up to code also just slightly larger. I have never been in one in the US that had a basement or upstairs. I have been in one that did have about 5 steps down to the main floor but also a ramp. Noise still an issue but if you went on a Tuesday at 7 you can talk to the person next to you. The only basement bar I have been in was a straight people bra, it might have got shut down though for fire code issues. Like honestly one of the big issues US prides seem to always happen at parks on grass, some sidewalks and definitely not even ground, hills, sometimes mud. My biggest problem is always the heat and there is never any where to chill out for a bit and get out from the heat. A lot of the other problems mentioned still exist in the US with pride and physical queer spaces..... I also don't think most queer spaces today are physical places. I think the idea of pride and gay bars being the places where the queer community exists is pre internet thinking. Because I don't find other Enby via bars I find them on the internet. People find dates, hook ups via grinder. Does UK pride normally have like a medical tent? Because my spouse last year forgot earplugs and was able to ask them for some.
Being a student who doesn't drink: "Hi is there any sociable thing that isn't based on getting blind drunk?" Them: "Errrrrrrrrrrrr. You don't look like a Muslim." Me: "Correct. And what do people who follow a particular religion 'look' like anyway?" Them: "So you're a student who just doesn't drink? What's the point of that?" - Direct quote from my former brother-in-law.
When I saw the title of the video I was a little confused but as I heard what you had to say I started to understand. As an autistic member of the LGBT+ community what you said made me realise all of the problems that I had been ignoring. The Pride I go to is gernerally pretty great (there were crowding issues in 2018 but they were fixed really well in 2019) and it doesn't feel too alchohol focussed, which is great because I really do not like the taste of alchohol or the idea of being drunk, but it is very loud and intense as many prides are. I am only able to do this and go through it because this is a once a year thing for me and when I get on the train to go home I am always completely and utterly exhausted from all the sensory input. I think that I tucked this problem to the back of my mind because I thought this was just how it had to be but it is definately a problem and prides could do a lot better to cater people like me.
It’s awkward being disabled and asexual. People in the disability community will complain about being treated as ace, while I’m in my corner going “my orientation is not disgusting, thankyouverymuch.”
That sounds rough to integrate 🖤 I think the vast majority of disabled people not wanting to be misidentified as asexual would never wish to imply being asexual is disgusting x
I'm so sorry that happens to you !! I'm never trying to invalidate asexual people when I get misidentified as asexual (both for being disabled and nonbinary), but I'll be sure to look at how I say things to make sure I keep y'all safe 💞💞 aces: y'all are so loved and valid !!
I couldn't agree more with this. I'm an ambulatory wheelchair user with Cerebral Palsy, Spastic Diplegia and some sensory needs and things caused by the same brain injury. I use my chair at Pride because if I don't, I will get knocked over. Most Prides I come home with sensory overload, a headache and fatigue, ranting about some oversight the planning group made. A couple of years ago it was that they made me miss my ride home and left me just vwaiting close to two hours for another one with their poor planning. If somewhere is a designated accessible pickup spot, it should be accessible to cars and paratransit the whole weekend. I shouldn't have to fight to interpret a map with routes (visual-spatial problems) and throw guesses at march durations just to figure out where I might be able to catch my ride. Don't even get me started on issues with the ride service because that's not Pride. That's just every day. Last year at Pride, I ended up accidentally separated from all my friends as they all decided to leave the Pride area around the same time. My ride wasn't due for over an hour (I had no way of planning for them leaving earlier than they normally would or moving my ride) and I wanted to try to enjoy myself independently, since I figured out that I could use Google Maps mostly successfully most of the time, but fighting through the crowds and getting trapped in them caused me to have my equivalent of a panic attack, so I just found my way out and just sat and waited to go home. I shouldn't have to have a physically able person to part crowds for me when I'm so independent in my day to day life. This was right after a day where a drunk person grabbed my chair (to dance?) and I said no repeatedly in different ways and they still didn't listen. I had to get my non-neurotypical, but visibly able friend to tell them off (the look of needing help is obvious, apparently)...No wonder I panicked and cried. Never again. I need someone with me. It's sad.
I am Completely with you on all you mentioned! And I would like to add 'rampant public smoking at pride' to this, as anyone with a terrible tabacco allergy or breathing difficulties may tell you. Last pride, a drunk man with cigarette-in-hand shoved forward, choked me with smoke, and nearly set my hair on fire all in one go. Ahh.. fun times trying to march for rights while simultaneously fighting to breathe. ^^ Here's to hoping we can all do better!
I can out to my mom during a therapy session last year! Yeah it was awkward and I was scared, but my therapist and parents were super supportive! And this is my FIRST PRIDE OUT YAYYY!!! 🌈🌈
As a disabled, bisexual service dog handler in the US, I appreciate you bringing up that clause in the ADA. So many scam registrations are out there that people ignore the law. I can’t go to pride because of my disabilities and service dog.
We have started only going to smaller pride events due to this. We don’t drink and don’t like the parades. But we like the booths, meeting up with people and the shows. We found them a lot more accessible and just not as crowded.
I have hEDS, POTS, CFS, and other conditions, so I'm an ambulatory wheelchair user as well. My local Pride is held mostly in a grassy area, so that can make it a nightmare for wheelchairs. Also, last year they used carpets to cover the water hoses and power cords going to the vendors' stalls that crossed the walkways, which caused the front wheels of my power wheelchair to catch and my chair to topple forward. Thank the deities I was there with my nephew, who was able to save me. There's a LOT more that can be done to make Pride more disability friendly, that's for sure.
Yeah people seem to think electric wheelchairs are like tanks. Like that seemingly small bump can cause a lot of pain, balance issues & my chair might not be able to get over it. Also do you mind if I ask what symptoms lead you to be diagnosed with CFS? As I understand both EDS & POTS cause varying levels of fatigue from person to person. Was it specific extra symptoms?
"Disabled people can't have sex so they must be asexual" 1. It's about attraction not action 2. That's also stereotyping disabled people to just fit into one symbol (the blue square with a wheelchair on it) and not recognising that they all have beautiful and diverse bodies
As a cis gendered 5’2 woman, I have a hard enough time NOT being shoved or my view blocked at holiday parades, I can’t even imagine someone who is in a wheelchair/disabled going through this :/. Especially when they have to deal with drunk people walking all around them and attempting to walk OVER them. I’ve never been to a pride parade (I know, shame on me lol) but I have a feeling as a short person I would have a hard time in such a big crowd like that. Parades of all kinds need to be more accessible for people with disabilities, especially pride. There should be more designated areas for people with disabilities for sure.
I have a post from pride 2019 about my experiences at London Pride and how bad it was as someone who uses a mobility aid that’s not a wheelchair. I had two intense panic attacks because I was forced to walk through a massive crowd on my own without my friends who were acting as chaperones/carers to keep me safe and I quote “you can’t bring anyone else in with you through this entrance because you don’t have a wheelchair” it was horrid, and I had to practically break down in tears for the security guards to let my friends into the accessible stage/area, it was horrid until my friends were able to come into and hug me 🤕
My first Pride over 15 years ago was oddly my most accessible, as a disabled then-teen. Wide flat roads, gentle pace, space for devices (and floats/trucks that at times helped those struggling with a lift), and afterwards a group of us went out for food and milkshakes both to chat more and because - being teens in a very Evangelical part of the US - some of were worried about being followed home by assholes. Oddly, the Pride I was most worried about due to protestors has been among my favourites. My most recent Pride in UK was really difficult to get into due to barriers and essentially had three chunks: the really loud stage near all the alcohol, the places selling colourful tat, and the place at the far end for those with little kids with inflatables. All I could think of was the stats I frequently see about how many of us either have alcohol and drug addiction issues and/or suffered alcohol and drug fueled domestic abuse and how those coming of age as I had been at my first Pride and as my daughter is now seemed entirely not thought about at all. It felt like just another Festival, it didn't feel like a Pride, it didn't feel like the struggles and the joys of the communities mattered, just people selling us things, largely drink, and those with less disposable income didn't matter. My teen daughter still feels unsure about where she fits in the communities because what she's mainly seen is that kind of very commercial driven space that she's mainly too young/doesn't have the money to participate or ones where sexuality seems to only be validated if it comes with a very particular narrow political activism or an interest in drugs and/or sports. As much as things sucked in the past, I worry about how the commercial disconnect is hurting people, particularly young people just coming out who've never seen anything else.
Pride is SOOO overstimulating in my experience. All I want is a bunch of coffee shops/tea houses and bookstores to all be having events on the same weekend so that while yes, everyone is out and celebrating, we can all sit and have conversations at reasonable volumes (and not get groped by drunk gay men who glaim "it's ok because I'm gay")
I have attended trans pride in Brighton, UK twice and both times been in the parade and found it extremely stressful, anxiety provoking and upsetting both times. Both times I was left feeling excluded and invisible (as a disabled trans man I am used to this sadly) but had hoped that this would be the one day I wouldn't experience this. The first time, I was supposed to march with a group of people, but no one was there to meet me and help me join the rest of the group. I ended up alone, at the very back of the parade, having my mobility scooter pushed from the back and the sides (several times I almost fell out because of being knocked off balance). If there wasn't too many spectators, I would have just left the parade altogether. I was on the verge of tears the entire time, and the only thing that lifted my mood, was finding my friends in the park after the parade. The second time, me and my friend Rebecca (a blind trans woman) were entering the park following the parade (also very stressful) and she got searched on the way into the park. We were told it was at random, but no one else in the accessible tent had been searched and so that was upsetting. Unless there is monumental change, I won't be partaking in trans pride in Brighton. It leaves me feeling unsafe, isolated and excluded. That isn't something I want to experience from my own community. So pride is most definitely not inclusive of disabled people.
Well, I don’t know about everybody else, but I can attest that San Diego Pride is really accessible. New York Pride March tries to be, but there are just so many people packing the streets that it’s kind of hard for anybody to get around. Regardless of where you are though I hope you can at least find someway to have a Happy Pride!
Hi Jessica I’m 13 and have been watching your videos for about two years coming up, and I want to write a book. But I want to ask you a question because you inspired me so much I would like to ask your blessing if I could write about you so little bit because you are such an important TH-camr in my life you’ve got me through the hard times. Also you helped me realise my security it’s going to be a book about disabled topics and struggles so if that’s something you’re interested please reply thank you Jessica when you’re time ❤️
This is such an insightful video and very well presented. I don't go to prides for a number of related health reasons, but the last one I went to in Cardiff seriously surprised me with a tent for HoH and Deaf people and another that was a sensory zone for those with other difficulties and it was the only time I've ever seen such things.
I attended a lecture once where the lecturer had a disability, he talked about how being gay plus having a disability just put him in another very small category and that the "abled" part of the lgbt community isnt very aware of adapting their events or content to people with disabilities. I really appreciate that you spread awareness and educate us able-bodied lgbt-folks. For example: I have never thought about putting subtitles on my videos for those with hearing impairments, which I will start to do from now on. Keep up the good work, I love your channel!
I’m not disabled; I’m just extremely short stature (4ft8”). I can only imagine if I have a super hard time getting shoved around or ‘not seen’ in large crowds. It’s part of the reason I never go to outdoor concerts or parades. I wish there was a way to cater to everyone so they can all enjoy the event rather than a select few.
When I worked with adults who had learning disabilities and difficulties I used to support a gay lad to Manchester Pride every year. I also used to take him to a gay club in Preston out of my working hours. He used to come alive in both those places and I was quite happy to sit with other friends to give him his space. Since I've become disabled I've not been to a Pride, even the one the charity I work for has a stall. Because I use a mobility scooter that struggles to get through crowds and my wife can only walk one speed because of her paralysis it’s very difficult to stay together.
I live in Moscow, and we don't have a pride parade. Also I'm autistic, physically disabled and biromantic asexual, and I'm not cool with desexualisation of disabled people. 💜
I've gone to pride a few times, and every time, I was treated like shit for no reason I could ever determine. Like, people on floats would snatch things they were handing out away from me with a sneer, or vendors would just completely ignore me. So I stopped going years ago.
Last year I went to Pride for the first time in my life despite being out for a decade. Why? Too many loud drunk people in the way. I am very freaked out by tight spaces with too much light or noise. It sets off my anxiety and can make me feel panicked. Nothing worse than a person who is hyper aware of their surroundings due to (trauma, generalized anxiety, PTSD...) than Pride. I can totally see how it sucks for many. I found myself actually paying more attention to others who looked as uncomfortable as me. I totally couldn't stay long and if it wasn't for the group with me I would have ran away. I did see a lot of people in wheelchairs or with service animals stuck in one place or struggling to move around.
In my town, there's usually a week of pride events, like open mics and stuff, which are super chill and awesome. It's relatively accessible (from what I can tell), and not entirely about drinking and partying. The next town over, on the other hand, has their pride parade in the evening, so there's literally no event that isn't 19+. As a teenager, it sucked. Although since my best friend is autistic, most parades are inaccessible because there's so much stimulation and nowhere to go. My biggest pet peeve about pride is the oversexualization of everything. Not only because I think that people of all ages should be able to attend, but as an asexual person, I feel like I don't belong.
I'm a bi woman with a male partner, I don't drink, hate crowds, and I most likely have autism (in the middle of getting a diagnosis) so I would most likely find the pride experience very stressful... A very fun realisation to come to /s.
I generally feel like an outsider 24/7 and excluded from life in general due to my disability issues and sexuality (I'm asexual), so thank you for speaking out about these problems, Jessica!
Fellow non drinker here, to be honest I wish we could move away from centering our celebrations around alcohol, for me it has been the cause of many issues and it doesn't exactly bring out the best in people. I often feel left out from social events as well as pride because of the alcohol usage, I totally relate to your struggles, I really wish there was a way to make friends without getting drunk :/ x
I know, guess what I had to do at 16? Drunk adults (aunts and uncles) were giving children (my cousins), some of who were barely in kindergarten, alcoholic chocolate! And I had to be the responisible one to take it away. And they got mad at me for not wanting to give a little alcohol to 5 year olds. Not to mention the smell of alcohol is revolting
I'm in love with that dress (and also the blue bow!!) I'm really excited you're doing pride videos, this is my "first" pride and everything is cancelled
As an abled person who does occasionally drink, I also don't understand why most adult activities revolve around drinking. Like... it's so boring... and 95% of drinks don't even taste good... and drunk people aren't even that fun to be around
As an asexual ambulatory wheelchair user, pride is weird for me. Like, I know I'm valid, but the desexualized nature of disabled life makes people (myself included) defend about the sexuality of disabled folks I'm trying to find a way to rep general disabled sexuality diversity without saying that we are not *asexual* beings. 'Cause I am. Ugh. Can someone help me out? Does this make any sense?
My take as a fellow ace is to remember that desexualization and asexuality are two different things. As much as I love Jessica, I think she did ace folks a disservice by using the word "asexual." To me, it seems to more depend on the removal of sexual agency-- the idea that they cannot possibly have ideas about sex since their disabled, and they don't have the ability to make decisions about sex. So that's not even an ace thing! Remotely! Aces can and do have sex. Aces can and do have an interest in things that are sexual, all it really means is that an ace (typically of course, we've got demis and gray aces under our cozy lil umbrella too) isn't going to look at another person and say "I'd bang that." THAT'S IT! You are being the target of misconceptions about asexuality. So if you get flak for being a disabled ace, you are NOT perpetuating stereotypes, and are instead the victim of a misconception. PERIOD.
My wife and I have now both watched it and, as we both shouted "yes!" and "this!" while watching, and said to each other "You're watching the video on disablity and Pride, aren't you?"
Well, I've only been to two prides in San Francisco. There's a lot of people, so it tends to be a bit overwhelming. But I love how friendly everyone is. You can strike up a conversation and get a hug from most anyone. Also, I love seeing surrogate mothers around offering hugs and advice to all who need it. I will say though, can we make the trend of naked people who are permanently erect not a thing...
This is so relatable for me. I find Pride inaccessible for the sheer amount of alcohol. But also as trans I feel excluded from many typical gay guy spaces.
I tried to help during 2019 Argentina pride and it was a mess. I was shouted at for not being able to work at a specific center because of mental neurodivergence, got responded by it by "oh they were just nervous", one (1) single wheelchair could pass near the truck (which is dangerous imo) and it was a mess. They say they're for other people but they aren't. they deadass were more excited about their own egos and personal fights than other people at all.
Ive had these very feelings for years! Thank you so much for putting them into such a lovely and eloquent video. While I'm not in a wheelchair user, my fybro means I need a place to seat and rest regularly. If I didn't live 5 minutes away from where the pride party lands I would probably not get to go most years (obviously it's cancelled this year). My ptsd also means loud sounds are at best exhausting. The best year was when they had a special quiet tent with lots of seating and shade. I don't drink by choice, never got the appeal, and thank you for saying it: drunk people are really boring. The pride I got to as a non-alcohol zone but it's mostly for families and stands that sells stuff. Not exactly community building.
Thank you thank you THANK YOU for mentioning the bathroom issues/desexualization crossover! I'm 31 and working on undoing an entire lifetime of shame over these things which I was BORN WITH (I have spina bifida). It REALLY helps to have it mentioned/normalized by others, because I'm still nowhere near having the courage to untangle the physical issues from the shame in my own head (even though I know on some level that the shame shouldn't be there). THANK YOU again! If it's feasible and appropriate, would you consider an episode on the topic? Also, this entire video was fantastic, but I knew I'd be clicking 'like' as soon as you said you were feeling better than you have been. Yay!
Also, I think one thing about inaccessible spaces is that hole in the wall social spaces often have to settle for old, small locations that are cheaper and not accessible. I wish there was more help available for small businesses that would be accessible if it were financially feasible.
ooh yeah can't say I remember a time when I could go to pride events and not feel out of place. nowadays it because they take so much energy and the planets have to align for more than a couple of hours of energy. But even when I was younger and more mobile my social anxiety made pride events seem overwhelming. I don't think calling out the fact the community is falling behind in accommodation for ppl who are also disabled, at events that are supposed to celebrate the WHOLE of the rainbow, is asking too much or needs the "I know other ppl have it harder" qualifier. it's a valid complaint. Our celebrations should already be inclusive whether with wheelchair routes, dry events, or quiet calmer functions that aren't half-assed afterthoughts. ty for this vid. It did get me a bit choked up.
I feel so blessed watching your content, thanks for talking about topics that matter🌟 Love you Jessica 💛💛💛 PS: That rainbow outfit is so cute! PS2: I haven't go to any pride parade yet because I came out last year but as far as I know the community here in Lima - Perú is not that accepting with bisexual people like me, I hope that changes too
I want pride cafes. No alcohol. Date not needed. You can just sit in a rainbow cafe silently and feel safe and make friends if you want. Minors can be there because it’s a cafe and as a teen myself I would love to have somewhere to go.
There is one in manchester in the uk (the Sidney street cafe) and it's a wonderful place and the food is really great but i wish they existed everywhere. Considering the high number of LGBT people who are recovering alcoholics and i surprised by the lack of alcohol-free spaces that aren't youth-oriented.
Also the focus of pride on things like clubs, alcohol, and other stuff that’s usually related to being sexual makes interacting with the wider community much harder for ace people, minors, and idk introverts or literally anyone who isn’t into partying honestly
Thank you for making the video. So much truth. I’ve gone to Pride on numerous occasions with physically challenged friends and it was always hard to find places to sit and watch the talent, explore the booths, let alone find water. I haven’t gone in years because 1) Drinking-I’ve been sober 20 years and I intend to stay that way. 2) Corporatizing of Pride. I see Budweiser, Name brand clothing, etc etc. I have a friend who is a published author who tried to get a booth a couple years ago in Phoenix. It was way too expensive. They knew they wouldn’t make the $$ back. They don’t go to Pride either (That was in Phoenix, AZ, where I used to live. Your advocacy warms my heart. Oh, also, Pride is about the young and beautiful. I think I’m cute but I’m in that over 55 class.
I relate to this whole video so damn much. I became Hard of Hearing when I was 12, but my family and friends largely rejected the idea that I wanted to include "disabled" as part of my identity. I went to Pride a few times and I found, as always, that I had major listening fatigue in such a noisy crowded space. But one Pride, I came across a small tent that was run by Deaf and Hard of Hearing LGBTQ2A+ people! I almost cried, because I didnt realize how alone I had felt until I started to awkwardly sign with a friendly man. He taught me and my friends some Pride related signs! That was one of the best moments at Pride for me.
People might disagree with me, but I don't understand why there has to be alcohol at pride. I thought pride was a family friendly event. I think it's nice if everyone is able to have a good time without alcohol.
I agree: going to pride events is really tricky as a chronically ill and disabled person. I was very fortunate to have one that worked for me, but only because I planned on my powerchair not having room and instead bringing my rollator with a seat. We got lucky and parked very close to the entrance. Any father or had I been feeling extra sick that day - I would not have made it. I'm glad I assumed correctly there would not be room for a powerchair because there was barely enough room for my rollator!
As always, loved this, for content and style. What style! 😊 I’m an autistic (and probably ADHD), trans, biromantic, asexual lesbian. I don’t drink, and hate drunkenness and crowded, noisy spaces. So Pride marches are barely tolerable, and the ‘party’ element is not worth bothering with. (I’ve attended Prides in four Scottish cities, as well as Trans Pride in Brighton.)
Gay clubs could definitely be more inclusive. I read an idea for a gay cafe and, as a nonbinary ace/aro person who gets bad migraines from bright lights and loud noises and with adhd/aspergers which makes clubs an overstimulating hell for me, I would definitely love a pride cafe (it would also be more inclusive to younger lgbt+ folks and people who don’t like drinking). Also, big crowds, having people behind me, and being touched by surprise are **huge** triggers for me, so going to parades isn’t the best idea.
The only pride event I’ve seen that I would actually enjoy going to was a “pride prom” at my local library a few years ago, but it got cancelled after a bomb threat sooooo
"does pride exclude disabled people" Yes. But hopefully my mum will finally agree to getting me a mobility aid by next pride (I need a cane but she,,, doesn't believe me as SHE has the same condition and ~she doesn't need a cane~) so it'll be a lot easier to go there !!
Thankfully my LGBT youth group is very accessible !! There's an elevator, food (AND food that works with dietary restrictions!), and my sensory issues (both my hypersensitivity and my inability to process sounds) are accounted for
I am so sorry your mum has her head up her own arse about you wanting to use a cane. I’m sure she has reasons and beliefs that come from a place of love (at least I sincerely hope), but she’s doing a poor job on this particular issue. I’m sure you know all this, and have adequately argued your point. Canes don’t have to be used all the time. Canes are an extra option for stability when you need it. Canes are a symbol to others that you may need assistance or accommodation, or that you have a legitimate reason to be sitting in an “accessible seat” despite being so young and able-looking. It can also be a signal to profs, classmates, coworkers, friends, that today is a “high pain day” or a “less mobile day” on sight. It means perceptive people will not pick today to suggest going for a walk, and are reminded to walk over to a bench if they want to have an extended conversation with you. For a friend it means today is a day her beverage needs to be in a cup with a handle, or have a straw in it, because when she’s unsteady, that’s all of her. I wore a wrist brace to work for two weeks past when my wrist healed - because it was a signal to customers that I couldn’t carry 20-50 pounds (9-22kg) to the counter for them in that hand. Either they would offer, or they’d forgive me the extra minute it took for me to load a cart to push to the counter. My coworkers in the dept knew I was mostly fine, but strongly urged me to protect myself by “looking injured” until I could fully heal. A cane, on a “good” day is the same thing. Maybe this is exactly what your mum is against. Maybe she values “seeming healthy and capable”, but a cane, if that’s enough to suit your needs, is not a walker. A cane is compact, it can have a wrist strap to allow you two free hands. It does not impede movement, it broadens mobility, and can literally and figuratively open doors by being a communication tool in addition to a mobility aid. Maybe you could also remind her a cane can be employed as an extra safety device in cases where you need to fend off a thief or would be groper? Unless that would make her worry more. I definitely consider it a bonus. Best of luck. And I hope you get one that suits your personal aesthetic too.
I highly recommend looking at collapsible canes! they can fold up small enough to fit in a backpack. It might be a good first step because it lets you transition back and forth between using and not using. your mom may be more open to the idea of you using it only when needed. if not, i don't know what your living arrangement is but a foldable cane could sneak into a bag and you take it out once your mom drops you off or whatever the case may be. good luck!
Yes! Totally agree A couple of years ago, I had a temporary disability which meant that I couldn't walk very far. I missed out on the parade part completely and I stood far away to watch some of the other celebrations as I was worried that someone might knock into me. I ended up walking past and getting an ice cream instead as it was safer xx
Social situations involving or based around drinking have always been my least favorite. I find it hard to talk or enjoy a conversation when I’m trying not to throw up because most drinks are so gross.🤢
Great vid as always. I heard that up 2/3 lgbtqia are disabled. The worst parts of big events is being overrun by all the different perfumes and deoderants. I have had people step, jump over my cane and and groups suddenly stopping in front of me.
I love that you are never afraid to speak your mind. I've only gone to pride once but it was hard for me because I have severe social anxiety and people weren't concerned about how much they crowded around. Don't get me wrong, I loved the experience as a whole but there just weren't many places to step back and take a few breaths.
This is pretty much why I haven't made it to one. I have EDS, though I am not a wheelchair user currently (though my knees are really messed up and standing still for a long time is painful and I can't do it, also walking for too long). I also have sensory processing issues and tend to find crowds overwhelming. All that, plus my terror or being around drunk people and the fact I would likely attend alone makes it all too scary, which is a shame because I would love to be able to wave my asexual flag somewhere, for the moment it just hangs proudly above my bed (subtle I am not). Anyway, I love your videos, you and your wife are adorable!
I was so excited my town had an Lgbt knitting club...in an attic of the yarn shop. I emailed the host and asked if part of the group can be on the main floor and they said “no, sorry we just didn’t know anybody with a wheelchair would be attending.” I cried for several hours. Then another lgbt group had a meeting...on the top floor of the cafe.
I really relate to this. I attended my first pride in 2018 and even though it was so fun, it also was so overwhelming (I'm undiagnosed autistic) and couldn't really cope with all the noise, standing around, and crowds. Definitely needs to be more accessible
Yes, there are lots of us! I find it incredibly irritating, not just at Pride but everyday. The other day I had a scan at the hospital - and couldn’t find an accessible washroom! There was one marked accessible but the door was too narrow, the room was too tiny to move with a mobility aid and the door opened inward so if someone had wedged themselves in, they’d never get out. Mad? You bet!
Here's an alternative; A Big Gay Tea Party - all ages inclusive - fancy and celebratory - can order specific dietary requirements ahead of time - can dress fancy if you want - can space out the tables so you can actually walk between them or get a wheelchair through - can set up "mingle tables" for people who came alone - can have a seperate room for dancing/noisey stuff - TOILETS - can have various info booths or charities attending - can have local people providing catering - can have entertainment on a schedule and like drop in standing space at the sides - those who need to sit can have full view of the stage - workshops - local clubs/societies can get involved I realise this is more of a convention than a parade but it would be rain-proof. Also would probably be expensive... :/ maybe a toned down version? Maybe "afternoon tea for pride" which could have the same mingle ideas and classiness and general quieter affair idea BUT would say only cost £25 a head instead of like £100+ Also set up an online socialization type thing or forum? Idk something to keep the community involved all year for lasting connections Thoughts? (I'm able bodied and from a privileged background so probably missed a whole lot here!)
This is why I'm on staff at a board game convention that strives for accessability. We center a different marginalized group each year, all of our pathways are kept ADA width for wheelchair use, we have volunteer ASL interpreters, a quiet room and pins to signal the level of social interaction you are comfortable with. We even get food trucks so that different food needs can be met. We keep working on being as inclusive as we can.
Last year's pride had nowhere to sit, other than on the grass. Also, there was nowhere to escape from the smoke from all the food vendors and smoking areas, or the noise from the stages and crowds. Needless to say I didn't stay very long, which was frustrating after traveling an hour to get there.
Yeah, thank you for shining a light on a need for inclusion in all things for everyone disabled, LGBTQ.. I can't wait for the times when everyone is seen as just as valuable as the next human, love you 🦄💖👏🏻
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Apologies for the misuse of the word ‘asexual’ in this video! I had no intention of referring to the term for a specific sexuality but rather meant ‘desexualised’ from the perspective of another person. I didn’t express myself very well in that moment and should have caught it during editing, terribly sorry ♥️
Thank you for catching that and speaking to it, that means a lot to my little asexual heart! :)
I was thinking about this, last night. And just as I was about to go to bed, it occurred to me: It's not that the non-disabled *desexualize* us, _per se_ but rather, they *de-orient* us. To the ableists out there, it's not just that we are non-sexual (in an infantilizing way, because they sees us as incomplete humans), but also, *the way we orient ourselves* in relationship to our fellow humans is irrelevant (to them) because (they think) we are incapable of having relationships with other people on an equal basis. All utter hogwash, of course.
I mean, I identify as asexual not because I don't have *any* sexual feelings (I do), but because those feelings don't have any impact one way or the other on how I feel about the people around me. I don't orient myself in relation to other people based on some sort of sexual vibe (which I am completely oblivious to, 99.99% of the time).
As an asexual-spectrum person, thanks for this!
From an asexual here, thank you for clarifying! I love your videos and how much you care about advancing all of us. :)
Ace here, I knew what you meant in that context and because of how much I've seen you validate asexuals in other videos by including them it didn't bother me the misuse, but its nice that you cuaght it and addressed it never the less, you're always marvelous.
To quote Hannah Gadsby, “Where do all the quiet gays go?”
truest thing I have read all day 👏 ppl seem to think we’re all flamboyant and extroverted
we just stay at home
Marina Bonadio Been practicing for lockdown all our lives 😄
I was gonna say that too lol
I’m quiet and extroverted. Help! 😊
I go to an autistic conference that sometimes has a mini pride parade thats accessible and not so overstimulating.
That sounds really nice. I've only gone to pride once and ended up having a meltdown from being overstimulated.
That sounds amazing!
That sounds lovely
That sounds heavenly 😩
That sounds lovely.
They should have lgbtq coffee shops. Not everyone drinks coffee, but it’s still a nice meeting space, that won’t be filled with loud drunks
People get drunk in coffee shops these days?
About an hour and a half away from where I live there’s an lgbtq tea shop!!! I haven’t got a chance to go and it doesn’t look like that’s going to happen this year but they’re still keeping an online presence and they’re super rad 😊 They usually do a whole host of social events, including high school drag nights and addiction recovery social groups. They seem really inclusive. I wish I could just copy and paste the shop into every community lol
The city I live in has a coffee shop that serves both coffee and alcoholic drinks and also does a lot of stuff surrounding books and art. It's lgbtq run and focused and it's great for when you don't want to meet at a loud bar.
Fae Child Teatotaller in Somersworth, New Hampshire, USA 😊
There's a really lovely one in Los Angeles! Cuties Coffee
As someone who works as a festival marshall yearly, god hath no fury like an able-bodied person being politely asked to make room in the emergency footpath for someone in a wheelchair
thisnightsrevels LOL this happens everywhere to me! I’ll be at the mall, politely saying “Excuse me” so I can get my wheelchair beside someone, and they glare at me as if I’ve insulted them somehow.
I will be standing there in my bright orange t-shirt with the festival name and 'MARSHALL' emblazoned across the front and back with my lanyard around my neck and they will still kick up a tantrum if I ask them to please move their pram/buggy so that the emergency path or the wheelchair section is free for passage
Yeah the act like you run over their first born. Its doubly annoying when the footpath has a disabled sign nearby
I politely ask people to move several times when I use a wheelchair now. If they are difficult about it or purposely ignore me, I run over their feet "accidentally" and smile and apologise. Legitimately sick of the ableism. I need a wheelchair to go out for long periods of time due to pain and fatigue. I honestly should be able to enjoy life like everyone else and not have to deal with this shit, just because I'm in a chair with wheels. Like come on.
So Fing true!
Where are the LGBT book clubs, crafting clubs, language learning clubs, gardening clubs, spiritual/ meditation groups, etc. that aren't occupied by solely 50+ members of our community. Maybe I want for too much.
I want this too, so much
An LGBT Garden club is my dream, oh wow-
Maybe we should deliberately form LGBT+ groups centred around these more chill, accessible activities. There are similar ones around my area.
@@genericname8727 I was thinking this too. Unfortunately even pre-quarantine I was somewhat isolated in a rural area, but I don't see why some of them couldn't function online too
Rookbrains Well, if there was ever a time when an online social group had chance at gaining a following, this is it. Best of luck!
"Hire disabled people" PLEASE. I have a disability that means I can work most jobs, but immediately takes me out if the running for absolutely all of them. I havent been able to find a job in a year, but I'm just "not disabled enough" to get benefits from the government. Perfect! 🙄
Hello,
I can sympathise, having a hidden disability of M.E that affects me differently every day finding a job has been incredibly difficult and stressful.
I have now been out of work for 3 years and with alot of people on furlong or out of work because of the pandemic of Covid and are obviously first again to become employed when everything starts back up.
One thing I have learnt from lockdown is that I am going to attempt my dream job that fits around me, and I am in charge of everything.
Self employment is scary but I now feel necessary.
Good luck with your job hunting👍
Yes. I have worked a many places due to temping for many years - most in manufacturing. There’s absolutely no reason 50% of these jobs couldn’t be done equally well by people with mobility issues, with no financial burden to their accommodation. In many cases it would literally require dragging a chair and/or stool over, and stacking a tote of parts on top of another so it’s more convenient to reach. Effectively no different that the tweaks myself and my colleagues make to the work station to accommodate our differing heights and hand spans.
Hyper focus can be a huge benefit to highly repetitive tasks which require very strict quality tolerances. Quality control jobs are often done in separate “lab” workrooms in factories, which are quieter than the rest of the facility, and since there is no heavy machinery in there noise cancelling headphones could be safely worn.
I’ve seen so very many neuro-divergent people with mad skills which are entirely ignored by employers who ask them to hide their strengths in favour of doing the same job in the same way as everyone else.
THIS. I have epilepsy which means I can't drive even though I can do most jobs. Being able to turn someone away on the basis that they might not be able to get to work consistently because of transport is far too acceptable...
I graduated college 3 years ago and have been in and out of bottom of the barrel jobs ever since. I’m virtually “normal” but I have severe anxiety and the occasional surprise debilitating migraine. I’ve been so frustrated and upset with myself that I can’t find a place to where I can work with these conditions. I just need a little bit of flexibility and human understanding, and my anxiety and migraine occurrences drastically reduce. But no! I’m not qualified for the privilege of flexibility and respect in a work place because I don’t have enough experience under my belt and have been working in the wrong field just to get money? I really want to become a free-lance artist (or anything self-employed lol) but I’ve had so many people telling me it won’t work for so long that it’s gotten harder and harder for me to make art, therefore proving those people right.... Sigh. Thankfully though, in this perverse turn of events, being furloughed for so long is giving me a lot of valuable time for mental health and working on my goals 😌
Oh my god! Me too. I'm 29 and have never hold down a job for more than two months and it's given me depression and low self esteem.
I worked really hard to get my degree and be good in my career but got told this at interviews: "why don't you go for disability friendly jobs or inclusion based position?" When going for the job or interview which I got without disclosure. Because blindness isn't disabled enough for social safety nets I don't get funding. I have been looking for work for more than a decade and am homeless and still live with my parents.
I got to the point where I felt life wasn't worth living before my parents got out a loan to get me into grad school just coz they saw my downward spiral.
My town has a pride fest instead of a parade and it lasts like three days and I really prefer it because I can just dip in and out based on traffic and still be able to experience pride
😊
@@baranghaforian7420 the hooded figures have their own pride parade in the dog park - or at least I assume they do, since no one is allowed to see it
I've only been to pride once, in my wheelchair. My mentor paid for us to have special seats and people still blocked my view AND I couldn't use the bathrooms. Plus, I don't drink specifically because I'm religious. But when my wheelchair got stuck somewhere, I met an adorable lesbian couple who lifted me & my chair back onto sidewalk. It wasn't super fun for me, but it was an interesting experince.
I love Jessica's comments about drinking. I can't drink either and it's SO annoying that everything revolves around drinking
Omg same. I have sensory issues too and as much as I love the idea of pride, the reality of it scares the hell out of me 😬
@@missvioletnightchild2515 Yeah, I wont even consider going unless I have specific people to go with me because my social anxiety is so bad. Obviously COVID put a damper on things, but I was already really worried to go
Yes!!!
I also don't like when my friends whants to drink alcohol, because I'm too poor to buy more than a soda can, and I realy deslike having drubk people around me. Sometime I think about don't having alcohol in my future wedding party, because I think is such a waste of money for something I don't like at all, but I'm afraid of my family and my boyfriend family complaining about it...
@@gisela_oliveira Have a cash bar where those who are drinking have to apy for it. Or if somebody really thinks that's awful let them pony up for it.
The community is also not always accepting of bisexual women who have married men - I am not just here to try and be an ally! This is my identity too and along with a hidden disability, I do 'pass' on both counts. That's probably a privilege in many ways, but it doesn't always help my sense of identity!
I came here to say this exact thing. I am disabled, I am bisexual, and I’ve never felt welcome. Ironically, even when I attended with a girlfriend, lesbians were more or less invisible. Far, far more men than women, and the women there were subject to harassment.
I feel the same! I’m a bi woman and it’s taken me a while to find peace in my identity but even still I don’t really find that I’m included in pride, rather than just cheering everyone else on. I feel uncomfortable wearing a pride flag pin because I feel like I’m using someone else’s symbol. I find myself wondering where my place is in my community; no matter who I date, I am lumped in with either het or lesbian but that’s not who I am
SAME, oh my goodness on all counts SAME. Like you said, it's a privilege in many ways, but it also makes me feel invisible in really shitty ways. I shouldn't have to always wonder if I'm "enough". (Sorry for not being a cis white gay man, my mistake.)
I'm guilty of this line of thinking (though I would NEVER say anything to make someone feel excluded), even though I am bi myself! It sucks that this binary way of viewing relationships is so ingrained in all of us. There's so much more to sexuality (and gender)!
I hear you! Also, to the people who shades at bisexual """"heterosexual looking""""": you're awful! What if the person is actually non-binary but looks "cis" to you? (my case -_-) It's a terrible misconception and it's by far one of my biggest struggles in there, and I am lucky bc i could be in a much more difficult situation. it's really a mess and so valuable to read everyone's opinions here...
The "Does Pride exclude diabled people? Yes!" Cut almost had me send coffee out my nose!
Aizek Casaubon If it makes you laugh a little more, I said yes in answer to the question and got a bit spooked when she said it at the same time lol
I was expecting it but it still made me laugh
I'm autistic, and some people in the LGBTQ community love using disabled and autistic people as the butt of the joke. Like, I've heard people refer to homophobes and right-wingers as "autistic", among other words. It's frustrating. I'm bisexual, and I feel really left out. I get desexualized by both straight people, and LGBTQ folks.
That's terrible! I think it's hypocritical and dehumanizing to use a disability/disorder as an insult. Not to mention coming from a member of the community who is supposed to be accepting and open minded. I hate that you had that experience. I just want to let you know that I hear you, and I see you. If someone ever used autism as an insult, I'll hit them with my frying pan.
I feel you! I'm a BIPOC Non-binary autistic and the amount of ableism, racism and Transphobia in some lgbt+ spaces are overwhelming. It sucks finding a space that seems so welcoming at first, to then find casual bigotry and dismissals or demonizing of other minorities.
A example I've encountered was a subreddit of lesbians that is super inclusive of trans women and bi women, which is great, don't get me wrong, but struggles with excluding POC and demonizing trans men/masc non binaries and disabled folks
Its so demoralising to see ignorance and bigotry in spaces meant for people to feel safe.
Able-bodied people are fine with disabled people, as long as it doesn't bother them in the slightest... 🙄
Just like racists are fine with everyone, until they have to give them equal rights.
Exactly, well put.
DeafRaGe And as long as we’re out of sight...
Don't forget the able bodied ppl who are fine with disabled people...... as long as the disabled person acts appropriately weak and grateful and the able bodied person can cast themselves in the role of "helping" (cherry picking the bits that make themselves feel good).
God forbid we are ungrateful enough to want to do things in a different way or actually show ourselves to be capable, even better than them in some areas...
(not bitter, no not bitter at all 🙄)
As an able-bodied person, I agree. I am sick of "Ugh, I can't park there because it's for wheelchair-users." Dude, that is the whole point. Able-bodied people really have to suck it up and learn that there are bigger issues. I'm young, so sadly, there's not much I can do. But I would love to be able to make some sort of change. Do you guys have any advice on how to be more inclusive? Xxx
I'm not physically disabled, but online pride makes it more accessible for me as a closeted minor with unsupportive parents and no prides near me. And I get sensory overload fast so yeah...
*Hug*
I have a really weird relationship with being sexualised . I am lesbian, so that's sexualised, but I'm also asexual which throws a spanner into the works. Some people double down on trying to "convince me" while others decide I'm a robot and leave it at that. And then ON TOP of that mess I'm also hard of hearing, wear hearing aids and have an autoimmune disease that affects my daily life which goes back to the how can disabled people have relationships. So I've always had a weird relationship with being "sexy"
Dude make a TH-cam video I’m dying to hear a 2 hour conversation about these intersections
Hey! Wheelchair ace-bi here! Same to nearly all of this.
Same darn hat!
Yeah I have mixed feelings about my sexuality and being autistic. I literally used mentioning my sexual orientation (asexual) as a way to help me get diagnosed because I knew people view autistic people as asexual (and I do think there’s an overlap but that’s a whole other complex conversation), and it worked, I got the diagnosis really easily (though the doctor also thought he could “fix” my sexuality through therapy and asked invasive comments about my body so I’m not recommending that). There have been people who’ve very passionately argued asexuality isn’t real to me then I mention that I’m asexual, and they say “well, yeah, that makes sense” even though they were arguing against the possibility 5 seconds previously. I’m openly and proudly autistic. I’m in no way ashamed of it or view it as something that makes me inferior. Yet I’m aware these people can’t accept my sexuality until they can view it as something “wrong” with me. Like, they’re basically saying, “asexuality isn’t real. Oh, you’re asexual? I guess that makes sense since you’re broken.” So it’s kind of like they’re accepting my sexual orientation due to ableism. It’s weird.
I'm an autistic trans non-binary/genderqueer arospec asexual!! I'm most definitely NOT A ROBOT!!!
I’m a service dog user and went to my first pride last year. I had people run up to my dog, try and grab her, scream at us, and ask really invasive questions about why I had her. I was also stopped 3 times in trying to get into the event being asked questions about my SD that were illegal under the ADA. As I was trying to pay for my ticket to go inside someone came up and get really pushy when I told them they wouldn’t ask me what my disability was. I ended up not getting my change back from the volunteer because I was so i overwhelmed by the experience. I’d always heard that pride was uplifting and brought joy but I was so stressed and felt othered most of the time. It was painful to be marginalized and harassed by a community that I was a part of.
Those people should be ashamed
I've had a couple experiences like that. Not just at pride, but at other places like school.
Yep. I have a friend who just muzzles her service dog, that way most people will avoid it thinking it might bite
I had no idea drunkenness was so common in British Pride events - makes it so much more likely that you and your service dog will be mistreated
Same experiences here as a service dog user.
As someone who used to drink a lot often, I also don't understand why we seem to drink so much at any celebration. It isn't actually that fun to drink that much often when you are grown up (25+) adult. Whether people want to drink a lot or not, that is no excuse to be anti-social and/or exclude people.
I also don't understand the necessity people have to drink, when I actually am too poor to drink alcohol when I out (like, literally, I'm the person whos has money for a can of soda and olnly one). Is very annoying how people explained to me in the pass "drinking is fun, it makes you fell more happy", well, I feel happy when I'm around people I like, doing something fun, like eating pizza.
I don’t get it either. I don’t mind if there are celebration off shoots with drinking but the main celebration shouldn’t include it or allow drunkenness imo.
My ability to drink alcohol is purely dependant on what level of pain meds are required on that day/for that event (changeable chronic conditions suck) but even then I can't have common drink ingredients like aspartame, pineapple or grapefruit so even soft drinks or mocktails can be a minefield of "can I check the ingredients?" and "no its not optional it affects my medication/causes physical pain".
Petition for Jessica to start an accessible lesbian club
Way off topic but
"Why do we have to celebrate anything with alcohol?" Is my entire view of other people drinking. I've rarely seen an adult of my extended family not drunk or drinking.
SAME like I tried it once and HATED it. I lost the memory of the night and the drinks tasted terrible. I was out of control, why do they want that? Why cant they have fun and lose inhibition without substances?
I have a kinda related opinion, but I actually do have do like drinking and being drunk when partying to some extent. It's the overdrinking or the excessive focus on alcohol/being drunk as the solely fun part. I think that's just not healthy and also it always means that lots of people are on the tipping point to not feeling well/really bothering others bc of the lost inhibitions. And also it means like Jessica mentioned to exclude the people who don't drink, bc in this view everything centers around drinking more and also drunk people aren't really fun to non-drunk people.
I know I'm probably way older than most of the TH-cam-watching audience at 38, but I'll say: for the past 22 years since I've realised I was a lesbian, I have felt fully excluded from both pride AND lesbian spaces. I have chronic pain, a few other physical issues, I have major issues with getting overwhelmed with lots of loud noises and people, and as a former alcoholic, being around that much alcohol and drunk people is absolutely no fun. I won't get into the stories about how I've been treated by other lesbians. But I'll just say that while it's neat watching so many people celebrate pride, I find it a terribly alienating and isolating experience.
Hi, I also suffer from chronic pain and anxiety and I get easily overwhelmed by loud noise and even strong smells and flasing lights.
I am bi and in my early 40's.
I tried to get to Brighton Pride one year, only got overwhelmed by everything on the journey down.
I ended up celebrating on the beach watching others and I enjoyed the atmosphere from afar.
Also I could go back early still feeling like I had taken part in my own way🌈🤗🎉
I have a very similar experience, (though not in the lesbian space of things.) I'm 32, chronically illness/chronic pain and I've never felt welcome at pride either. I'm sorry you've had similar experiences.
I really wish there was just more flexibility in the community- or more willingness to leave others alone to enjoy events in their own way. I've encountered the problem where because I don't fit the stereotypes of my identities, I'm aggressively questioned or asked to "prove myself."
Add to that the fact I cannot walk around in the heat all day, don't like being around inebriated people, and the few spaces that do not have an emphasis on drinking or partying are very clearly aimed at teens and younger? I just don't bother.
Ive said for a while now that we're more of a club scene than a community. If you dont fall under rather narrow target audience for the bars and clubs then youre outside of thr main scene. I feel that and i don't have access issues and drink so can only imagine how you feel
If you ever come to America again, check out San Diego pride in southern California. We have the most accessible Pride in America
I was gunna like your comment but it’s at 69 and well I can’t take this away from you so consider this comment a like lol
Gah now it has 87 likes ima just actually like it then 😂
It would be awesome if Jessica came to SD Pride!
@@imnotarobotipromise4968 hahah I appreciate the thought!
Honestly this entire video my thought was can we compare US to UK pride. US does still have lots of problems...
US pride the streets are ridiculously wider because our infrastructure is newer we built roads for 4 lanes for cars and parking vs UK originally built for carriages and converted to cars. Prides will also happen in us at places like amphitheaters that already have to be compliant with the Americans with disabilities act.
US pride is so much cleaner apparently, I think because of some of our weird laws around liquor. Like the states I have been in you can't buy an actual can or bottle of beer at festivals it has to be in a cup. The cup is also refillable sometimes. Plus cute color changing.
Drinking culture in the US VS the UK the UK is much more extreme about their alcohol consumption. The UK gives Father Christmas alcohol not milk like the US. I'm pretty sure the US has a stronger milk lobby. Like straight people in the UK drink more then gay people in the US. Watch some of the UKs reality shows to get a feel for it. The US queer community also seems to be fairly good about talking about issues like alcoholism and substance abuse. There were alcohol-free areas at prides I have been to. There are also VIP areas that also seem to contain a lot of the very drunkenness.
Gay bars in the US again newer infrastructure, and are required to go up to code also just slightly larger. I have never been in one in the US that had a basement or upstairs. I have been in one that did have about 5 steps down to the main floor but also a ramp. Noise still an issue but if you went on a Tuesday at 7 you can talk to the person next to you.
The only basement bar I have been in was a straight people bra, it might have got shut down though for fire code issues.
Like honestly one of the big issues US prides seem to always happen at parks on grass, some sidewalks and definitely not even ground, hills, sometimes mud. My biggest problem is always the heat and there is never any where to chill out for a bit and get out from the heat.
A lot of the other problems mentioned still exist in the US with pride and physical queer spaces.....
I also don't think most queer spaces today are physical places. I think the idea of pride and gay bars being the places where the queer community exists is pre internet thinking. Because I don't find other Enby via bars I find them on the internet. People find dates, hook ups via grinder.
Does UK pride normally have like a medical tent? Because my spouse last year forgot earplugs and was able to ask them for some.
Being a student who doesn't drink: "Hi is there any sociable thing that isn't based on getting blind drunk?"
Them: "Errrrrrrrrrrrr. You don't look like a Muslim."
Me: "Correct. And what do people who follow a particular religion 'look' like anyway?"
Them: "So you're a student who just doesn't drink? What's the point of that?" - Direct quote from my former brother-in-law.
Yeay, perfecting timing on my part after just waking up, again, because you know .. chronic fatigue
Same 😅
Oh dang ditto
Omg same, depression nap
Group hug
Am I too late for this Hug?
When I saw the title of the video I was a little confused but as I heard what you had to say I started to understand. As an autistic member of the LGBT+ community what you said made me realise all of the problems that I had been ignoring. The Pride I go to is gernerally pretty great (there were crowding issues in 2018 but they were fixed really well in 2019) and it doesn't feel too alchohol focussed, which is great because I really do not like the taste of alchohol or the idea of being drunk, but it is very loud and intense as many prides are. I am only able to do this and go through it because this is a once a year thing for me and when I get on the train to go home I am always completely and utterly exhausted from all the sensory input. I think that I tucked this problem to the back of my mind because I thought this was just how it had to be but it is definately a problem and prides could do a lot better to cater people like me.
This. ADHDer here, we just tend to expect things to be inaccessible and harder for us, because "that's just how it is".
As an autistic bisexual person, I can relate to this a lot.
It’s awkward being disabled and asexual. People in the disability community will complain about being treated as ace, while I’m in my corner going “my orientation is not disgusting, thankyouverymuch.”
That sounds rough to integrate 🖤 I think the vast majority of disabled people not wanting to be misidentified as asexual would never wish to imply being asexual is disgusting x
Me, too.
Aphobia is a very real thing, sadly, and it can be subtle and insidious. You are valid for being exactly who you are, and you are not alone! 💜
THIS.
I'm so sorry that happens to you !! I'm never trying to invalidate asexual people when I get misidentified as asexual (both for being disabled and nonbinary), but I'll be sure to look at how I say things to make sure I keep y'all safe 💞💞 aces: y'all are so loved and valid !!
I couldn't agree more with this. I'm an ambulatory wheelchair user with Cerebral Palsy, Spastic Diplegia and some sensory needs and things caused by the same brain injury. I use my chair at Pride because if I don't, I will get knocked over. Most Prides I come home with sensory overload, a headache and fatigue, ranting about some oversight the planning group made. A couple of years ago it was that they made me miss my ride home and left me just vwaiting close to two hours for another one with their poor planning. If somewhere is a designated accessible pickup spot, it should be accessible to cars and paratransit the whole weekend. I shouldn't have to fight to interpret a map with routes (visual-spatial problems) and throw guesses at march durations just to figure out where I might be able to catch my ride. Don't even get me started on issues with the ride service because that's not Pride. That's just every day.
Last year at Pride, I ended up accidentally separated from all my friends as they all decided to leave the Pride area around the same time. My ride wasn't due for over an hour (I had no way of planning for them leaving earlier than they normally would or moving my ride) and I wanted to try to enjoy myself independently, since I figured out that I could use Google Maps mostly successfully most of the time, but fighting through the crowds and getting trapped in them caused me to have my equivalent of a panic attack, so I just found my way out and just sat and waited to go home. I shouldn't have to have a physically able person to part crowds for me when I'm so independent in my day to day life.
This was right after a day where a drunk person grabbed my chair (to dance?) and I said no repeatedly in different ways and they still didn't listen. I had to get my non-neurotypical, but visibly able friend to tell them off (the look of needing help is obvious, apparently)...No wonder I panicked and cried. Never again. I need someone with me. It's sad.
I am Completely with you on all you mentioned! And I would like to add 'rampant public smoking at pride' to this, as anyone with a terrible tabacco allergy or breathing difficulties may tell you. Last pride, a drunk man with cigarette-in-hand shoved forward, choked me with smoke, and nearly set my hair on fire all in one go. Ahh.. fun times trying to march for rights while simultaneously fighting to breathe. ^^ Here's to hoping we can all do better!
I can out to my mom during a therapy session last year! Yeah it was awkward and I was scared, but my therapist and parents were super supportive! And this is my FIRST PRIDE OUT YAYYY!!! 🌈🌈
As a disabled, bisexual service dog handler in the US, I appreciate you bringing up that clause in the ADA. So many scam registrations are out there that people ignore the law. I can’t go to pride because of my disabilities and service dog.
Should've titled the video Pride and Prejudice
We have started only going to smaller pride events due to this. We don’t drink and don’t like the parades. But we like the booths, meeting up with people and the shows. We found them a lot more accessible and just not as crowded.
I can't go to Brighton Pride despite living just above the park where the main stage is set up due to the panic attacks the crowds would cause me.
I have hEDS, POTS, CFS, and other conditions, so I'm an ambulatory wheelchair user as well. My local Pride is held mostly in a grassy area, so that can make it a nightmare for wheelchairs. Also, last year they used carpets to cover the water hoses and power cords going to the vendors' stalls that crossed the walkways, which caused the front wheels of my power wheelchair to catch and my chair to topple forward. Thank the deities I was there with my nephew, who was able to save me. There's a LOT more that can be done to make Pride more disability friendly, that's for sure.
Yeah people seem to think electric wheelchairs are like tanks. Like that seemingly small bump can cause a lot of pain, balance issues & my chair might not be able to get over it.
Also do you mind if I ask what symptoms lead you to be diagnosed with CFS? As I understand both EDS & POTS cause varying levels of fatigue from person to person. Was it specific extra symptoms?
"Disabled people can't have sex so they must be asexual"
1. It's about attraction not action
2. That's also stereotyping disabled people to just fit into one symbol (the blue square with a wheelchair on it) and not recognising that they all have beautiful and diverse bodies
As a cis gendered 5’2 woman, I have a hard enough time NOT being shoved or my view blocked at holiday parades, I can’t even imagine someone who is in a wheelchair/disabled going through this :/. Especially when they have to deal with drunk people walking all around them and attempting to walk OVER them. I’ve never been to a pride parade (I know, shame on me lol) but I have a feeling as a short person I would have a hard time in such a big crowd like that. Parades of all kinds need to be more accessible for people with disabilities, especially pride.
There should be more designated areas for people with disabilities for sure.
I have a post from pride 2019 about my experiences at London Pride and how bad it was as someone who uses a mobility aid that’s not a wheelchair. I had two intense panic attacks because I was forced to walk through a massive crowd on my own without my friends who were acting as chaperones/carers to keep me safe and I quote “you can’t bring anyone else in with you through this entrance because you don’t have a wheelchair” it was horrid, and I had to practically break down in tears for the security guards to let my friends into the accessible stage/area, it was horrid until my friends were able to come into and hug me 🤕
Congrats on being able to sit up again 💕💕💕💕💕
"You know what else I don't have to prove about myself, anything"
Great, really great.
My first Pride over 15 years ago was oddly my most accessible, as a disabled then-teen. Wide flat roads, gentle pace, space for devices (and floats/trucks that at times helped those struggling with a lift), and afterwards a group of us went out for food and milkshakes both to chat more and because - being teens in a very Evangelical part of the US - some of were worried about being followed home by assholes. Oddly, the Pride I was most worried about due to protestors has been among my favourites.
My most recent Pride in UK was really difficult to get into due to barriers and essentially had three chunks: the really loud stage near all the alcohol, the places selling colourful tat, and the place at the far end for those with little kids with inflatables. All I could think of was the stats I frequently see about how many of us either have alcohol and drug addiction issues and/or suffered alcohol and drug fueled domestic abuse and how those coming of age as I had been at my first Pride and as my daughter is now seemed entirely not thought about at all. It felt like just another Festival, it didn't feel like a Pride, it didn't feel like the struggles and the joys of the communities mattered, just people selling us things, largely drink, and those with less disposable income didn't matter. My teen daughter still feels unsure about where she fits in the communities because what she's mainly seen is that kind of very commercial driven space that she's mainly too young/doesn't have the money to participate or ones where sexuality seems to only be validated if it comes with a very particular narrow political activism or an interest in drugs and/or sports. As much as things sucked in the past, I worry about how the commercial disconnect is hurting people, particularly young people just coming out who've never seen anything else.
”where a very skinny version of me is welcome” I’m crying 😂
Pride is SOOO overstimulating in my experience. All I want is a bunch of coffee shops/tea houses and bookstores to all be having events on the same weekend so that while yes, everyone is out and celebrating, we can all sit and have conversations at reasonable volumes (and not get groped by drunk gay men who glaim "it's ok because I'm gay")
I have attended trans pride in Brighton, UK twice and both times been in the parade and found it extremely stressful, anxiety provoking and upsetting both times. Both times I was left feeling excluded and invisible (as a disabled trans man I am used to this sadly) but had hoped that this would be the one day I wouldn't experience this. The first time, I was supposed to march with a group of people, but no one was there to meet me and help me join the rest of the group. I ended up alone, at the very back of the parade, having my mobility scooter pushed from the back and the sides (several times I almost fell out because of being knocked off balance). If there wasn't too many spectators, I would have just left the parade altogether. I was on the verge of tears the entire time, and the only thing that lifted my mood, was finding my friends in the park after the parade.
The second time, me and my friend Rebecca (a blind trans woman) were entering the park following the parade (also very stressful) and she got searched on the way into the park. We were told it was at random, but no one else in the accessible tent had been searched and so that was upsetting. Unless there is monumental change, I won't be partaking in trans pride in Brighton. It leaves me feeling unsafe, isolated and excluded. That isn't something I want to experience from my own community.
So pride is most definitely not inclusive of disabled people.
Well, I don’t know about everybody else, but I can attest that San Diego Pride is really accessible. New York Pride March tries to be, but there are just so many people packing the streets that it’s kind of hard for anybody to get around.
Regardless of where you are though I hope you can at least find someway to have a Happy Pride!
Hi Jessica I’m 13 and have been watching your videos for about two years coming up, and I want to write a book. But I want to ask you a question because you inspired me so much I would like to ask your blessing if I could write about you so little bit because you are such an important TH-camr in my life you’ve got me through the hard times. Also you helped me realise my security it’s going to be a book about disabled topics and struggles so if that’s something you’re interested please reply thank you Jessica when you’re time ❤️
I recommend dming her on Instagram
nobody Yo thank you I appreciate it.
This is such an insightful video and very well presented. I don't go to prides for a number of related health reasons, but the last one I went to in Cardiff seriously surprised me with a tent for HoH and Deaf people and another that was a sensory zone for those with other difficulties and it was the only time I've ever seen such things.
I attended a lecture once where the lecturer had a disability, he talked about how being gay plus having a disability just put him in another very small category and that the "abled" part of the lgbt community isnt very aware of adapting their events or content to people with disabilities. I really appreciate that you spread awareness and educate us able-bodied lgbt-folks. For example: I have never thought about putting subtitles on my videos for those with hearing impairments, which I will start to do from now on.
Keep up the good work, I love your channel!
I’m not disabled; I’m just extremely short stature (4ft8”). I can only imagine if I have a super hard time getting shoved around or ‘not seen’ in large crowds. It’s part of the reason I never go to outdoor concerts or parades. I wish there was a way to cater to everyone so they can all enjoy the event rather than a select few.
When I worked with adults who had learning disabilities and difficulties I used to support a gay lad to Manchester Pride every year. I also used to take him to a gay club in Preston out of my working hours. He used to come alive in both those places and I was quite happy to sit with other friends to give him his space.
Since I've become disabled I've not been to a Pride, even the one the charity I work for has a stall. Because I use a mobility scooter that struggles to get through crowds and my wife can only walk one speed because of her paralysis it’s very difficult to stay together.
Brilliant timing! My chronic fatigue plus insomnia plus migraine needed a pleasant distraction. Thank you!
hey same hat! 💖
I live in Moscow, and we don't have a pride parade. Also I'm autistic, physically disabled and biromantic asexual, and I'm not cool with desexualisation of disabled people. 💜
I've gone to pride a few times, and every time, I was treated like shit for no reason I could ever determine. Like, people on floats would snatch things they were handing out away from me with a sneer, or vendors would just completely ignore me. So I stopped going years ago.
Last year I went to Pride for the first time in my life despite being out for a decade. Why? Too many loud drunk people in the way. I am very freaked out by tight spaces with too much light or noise. It sets off my anxiety and can make me feel panicked. Nothing worse than a person who is hyper aware of their surroundings due to (trauma, generalized anxiety, PTSD...) than Pride. I can totally see how it sucks for many. I found myself actually paying more attention to others who looked as uncomfortable as me. I totally couldn't stay long and if it wasn't for the group with me I would have ran away. I did see a lot of people in wheelchairs or with service animals stuck in one place or struggling to move around.
In my town, there's usually a week of pride events, like open mics and stuff, which are super chill and awesome. It's relatively accessible (from what I can tell), and not entirely about drinking and partying. The next town over, on the other hand, has their pride parade in the evening, so there's literally no event that isn't 19+. As a teenager, it sucked.
Although since my best friend is autistic, most parades are inaccessible because there's so much stimulation and nowhere to go.
My biggest pet peeve about pride is the oversexualization of everything. Not only because I think that people of all ages should be able to attend, but as an asexual person, I feel like I don't belong.
I'm a bi woman with a male partner, I don't drink, hate crowds, and I most likely have autism (in the middle of getting a diagnosis) so I would most likely find the pride experience very stressful...
A very fun realisation to come to /s.
I generally feel like an outsider 24/7 and excluded from life in general due to my disability issues and sexuality (I'm asexual), so thank you for speaking out about these problems, Jessica!
Fellow non drinker here, to be honest I wish we could move away from centering our celebrations around alcohol, for me it has been the cause of many issues and it doesn't exactly bring out the best in people. I often feel left out from social events as well as pride because of the alcohol usage, I totally relate to your struggles, I really wish there was a way to make friends without getting drunk :/ x
I know, guess what I had to do at 16? Drunk adults (aunts and uncles) were giving children (my cousins), some of who were barely in kindergarten, alcoholic chocolate! And I had to be the responisible one to take it away. And they got mad at me for not wanting to give a little alcohol to 5 year olds.
Not to mention the smell of alcohol is revolting
I'm in love with that dress (and also the blue bow!!) I'm really excited you're doing pride videos, this is my "first" pride and everything is cancelled
Right there with you! I'm so grateful to have people who I can still celebrate with, even if I don't know them in person or can't actually see them 😁
As an abled person who does occasionally drink, I also don't understand why most adult activities revolve around drinking. Like... it's so boring... and 95% of drinks don't even taste good... and drunk people aren't even that fun to be around
As an asexual ambulatory wheelchair user, pride is weird for me. Like, I know I'm valid, but the desexualized nature of disabled life makes people (myself included) defend about the sexuality
of disabled folks I'm trying to find a way to rep general disabled sexuality diversity without saying that we are not *asexual* beings. 'Cause I am. Ugh. Can someone help me out? Does this make any sense?
My take as a fellow ace is to remember that desexualization and asexuality are two different things. As much as I love Jessica, I think she did ace folks a disservice by using the word "asexual." To me, it seems to more depend on the removal of sexual agency-- the idea that they cannot possibly have ideas about sex since their disabled, and they don't have the ability to make decisions about sex. So that's not even an ace thing! Remotely! Aces can and do have sex. Aces can and do have an interest in things that are sexual, all it really means is that an ace (typically of course, we've got demis and gray aces under our cozy lil umbrella too) isn't going to look at another person and say "I'd bang that." THAT'S IT! You are being the target of misconceptions about asexuality. So if you get flak for being a disabled ace, you are NOT perpetuating stereotypes, and are instead the victim of a misconception. PERIOD.
My wife and I have now both watched it and, as we both shouted "yes!" and "this!" while watching, and said to each other "You're watching the video on disablity and Pride, aren't you?"
Well, I've only been to two prides in San Francisco. There's a lot of people, so it tends to be a bit overwhelming. But I love how friendly everyone is. You can strike up a conversation and get a hug from most anyone. Also, I love seeing surrogate mothers around offering hugs and advice to all who need it.
I will say though, can we make the trend of naked people who are permanently erect not a thing...
I've never been able to go to a PRIDE event and that hurts, great video Jessica! Hope you're feeling better
This is so relatable for me. I find Pride inaccessible for the sheer amount of alcohol. But also as trans I feel excluded from many typical gay guy spaces.
I tried to help during 2019 Argentina pride and it was a mess. I was shouted at for not being able to work at a specific center because of mental neurodivergence, got responded by it by "oh they were just nervous", one (1) single wheelchair could pass near the truck (which is dangerous imo) and it was a mess. They say they're for other people but they aren't. they deadass were more excited about their own egos and personal fights than other people at all.
Ive had these very feelings for years! Thank you so much for putting them into such a lovely and eloquent video. While I'm not in a wheelchair user, my fybro means I need a place to seat and rest regularly. If I didn't live 5 minutes away from where the pride party lands I would probably not get to go most years (obviously it's cancelled this year). My ptsd also means loud sounds are at best exhausting. The best year was when they had a special quiet tent with lots of seating and shade. I don't drink by choice, never got the appeal, and thank you for saying it: drunk people are really boring. The pride I got to as a non-alcohol zone but it's mostly for families and stands that sells stuff. Not exactly community building.
Loving your dress - I have the same one, and I was hoping to wear it to pride this year but here we are 😱
where did you get it?
Thank you thank you THANK YOU for mentioning the bathroom issues/desexualization crossover! I'm 31 and working on undoing an entire lifetime of shame over these things which I was BORN WITH (I have spina bifida). It REALLY helps to have it mentioned/normalized by others, because I'm still nowhere near having the courage to untangle the physical issues from the shame in my own head (even though I know on some level that the shame shouldn't be there). THANK YOU again! If it's feasible and appropriate, would you consider an episode on the topic?
Also, this entire video was fantastic, but I knew I'd be clicking 'like' as soon as you said you were feeling better than you have been. Yay!
I’m ashamed to say that I’ve genuinely never thought about this. Thank you for educating me, Jessica ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
Another aspect of accessbility at Pride is a lack of cool, shadey spaces. Some conditions make being out in the sunny heat difficult, like MS.
Also, I think one thing about inaccessible spaces is that hole in the wall social spaces often have to settle for old, small locations that are cheaper and not accessible. I wish there was more help available for small businesses that would be accessible if it were financially feasible.
ooh yeah can't say I remember a time when I could go to pride events and not feel out of place. nowadays it because they take so much energy and the planets have to align for more than a couple of hours of energy. But even when I was younger and more mobile my social anxiety made pride events seem overwhelming.
I don't think calling out the fact the community is falling behind in accommodation for ppl who are also disabled, at events that are supposed to celebrate the WHOLE of the rainbow, is asking too much or needs the "I know other ppl have it harder" qualifier. it's a valid complaint.
Our celebrations should already be inclusive whether with wheelchair routes, dry events, or quiet calmer functions that aren't half-assed afterthoughts.
ty for this vid. It did get me a bit choked up.
I feel so blessed watching your content, thanks for talking about topics that matter🌟
Love you Jessica 💛💛💛
PS: That rainbow outfit is so cute!
PS2: I haven't go to any pride parade yet because I came out last year but as far as I know the community here in Lima - Perú is not that accepting with bisexual people like me, I hope that changes too
"You know what else you do to prove about myself? ANYTHING!"
I want pride cafes. No alcohol. Date not needed. You can just sit in a rainbow cafe silently and feel safe and make friends if you want. Minors can be there because it’s a cafe and as a teen myself I would love to have somewhere to go.
There is one in manchester in the uk (the Sidney street cafe) and it's a wonderful place and the food is really great but i wish they existed everywhere. Considering the high number of LGBT people who are recovering alcoholics and i surprised by the lack of alcohol-free spaces that aren't youth-oriented.
Also the focus of pride on things like clubs, alcohol, and other stuff that’s usually related to being sexual makes interacting with the wider community much harder for ace people, minors, and idk introverts or literally anyone who isn’t into partying honestly
Thank you for making the video. So much truth.
I’ve gone to Pride on numerous occasions with physically challenged friends and it was always hard to find places to sit and watch the talent, explore the booths, let alone find water.
I haven’t gone in years because 1) Drinking-I’ve been sober 20 years and I intend to stay that way. 2) Corporatizing of Pride. I see Budweiser, Name brand clothing, etc etc. I have a friend who is a published author who tried to get a booth a couple years ago in Phoenix. It was way too expensive. They knew they wouldn’t make the $$ back. They don’t go to Pride either (That was in Phoenix, AZ, where I used to live.
Your advocacy warms my heart.
Oh, also, Pride is about the young and beautiful. I think I’m cute but I’m in that over 55 class.
I know this is only the second pride video of the month, but I am LIVING for them. also, love the dress Jessica
Yep I actually have had this discussion with Pride festival Organizers near me and one actually started to have longer discussions about it.
I relate to this whole video so damn much. I became Hard of Hearing when I was 12, but my family and friends largely rejected the idea that I wanted to include "disabled" as part of my identity. I went to Pride a few times and I found, as always, that I had major listening fatigue in such a noisy crowded space. But one Pride, I came across a small tent that was run by Deaf and Hard of Hearing LGBTQ2A+ people! I almost cried, because I didnt realize how alone I had felt until I started to awkwardly sign with a friendly man. He taught me and my friends some Pride related signs! That was one of the best moments at Pride for me.
People might disagree with me, but I don't understand why there has to be alcohol at pride. I thought pride was a family friendly event. I think it's nice if everyone is able to have a good time without alcohol.
I agree: going to pride events is really tricky as a chronically ill and disabled person. I was very fortunate to have one that worked for me, but only because I planned on my powerchair not having room and instead bringing my rollator with a seat. We got lucky and parked very close to the entrance. Any father or had I been feeling extra sick that day - I would not have made it. I'm glad I assumed correctly there would not be room for a powerchair because there was barely enough room for my rollator!
I just felt sick so this is really making my day. Thank you!!
I'm learning much more in this quarentine than I did in class.
As always, loved this, for content and style. What style! 😊 I’m an autistic (and probably ADHD), trans, biromantic, asexual lesbian. I don’t drink, and hate drunkenness and crowded, noisy spaces. So Pride marches are barely tolerable, and the ‘party’ element is not worth bothering with. (I’ve attended Prides in four Scottish cities, as well as Trans Pride in Brighton.)
“I would be dead.” That’s so blunt and I love you for being honest
Gay clubs could definitely be more inclusive. I read an idea for a gay cafe and, as a nonbinary ace/aro person who gets bad migraines from bright lights and loud noises and with adhd/aspergers which makes clubs an overstimulating hell for me, I would definitely love a pride cafe (it would also be more inclusive to younger lgbt+ folks and people who don’t like drinking). Also, big crowds, having people behind me, and being touched by surprise are **huge** triggers for me, so going to parades isn’t the best idea.
The only pride event I’ve seen that I would actually enjoy going to was a “pride prom” at my local library a few years ago, but it got cancelled after a bomb threat sooooo
I wanna go to a gay café! (Under-21 lesbian here, hi)
"does pride exclude disabled people" Yes. But hopefully my mum will finally agree to getting me a mobility aid by next pride (I need a cane but she,,, doesn't believe me as SHE has the same condition and ~she doesn't need a cane~) so it'll be a lot easier to go there !!
Thankfully my LGBT youth group is very accessible !! There's an elevator, food (AND food that works with dietary restrictions!), and my sensory issues (both my hypersensitivity and my inability to process sounds) are accounted for
I am so sorry your mum has her head up her own arse about you wanting to use a cane. I’m sure she has reasons and beliefs that come from a place of love (at least I sincerely hope), but she’s doing a poor job on this particular issue.
I’m sure you know all this, and have adequately argued your point. Canes don’t have to be used all the time. Canes are an extra option for stability when you need it. Canes are a symbol to others that you may need assistance or accommodation, or that you have a legitimate reason to be sitting in an “accessible seat” despite being so young and able-looking. It can also be a signal to profs, classmates, coworkers, friends, that today is a “high pain day” or a “less mobile day” on sight. It means perceptive people will not pick today to suggest going for a walk, and are reminded to walk over to a bench if they want to have an extended conversation with you. For a friend it means today is a day her beverage needs to be in a cup with a handle, or have a straw in it, because when she’s unsteady, that’s all of her.
I wore a wrist brace to work for two weeks past when my wrist healed - because it was a signal to customers that I couldn’t carry 20-50 pounds (9-22kg) to the counter for them in that hand. Either they would offer, or they’d forgive me the extra minute it took for me to load a cart to push to the counter. My coworkers in the dept knew I was mostly fine, but strongly urged me to protect myself by “looking injured” until I could fully heal. A cane, on a “good” day is the same thing. Maybe this is exactly what your mum is against. Maybe she values “seeming healthy and capable”, but a cane, if that’s enough to suit your needs, is not a walker. A cane is compact, it can have a wrist strap to allow you two free hands. It does not impede movement, it broadens mobility, and can literally and figuratively open doors by being a communication tool in addition to a mobility aid.
Maybe you could also remind her a cane can be employed as an extra safety device in cases where you need to fend off a thief or would be groper? Unless that would make her worry more. I definitely consider it a bonus.
Best of luck. And I hope you get one that suits your personal aesthetic too.
I highly recommend looking at collapsible canes! they can fold up small enough to fit in a backpack. It might be a good first step because it lets you transition back and forth between using and not using. your mom may be more open to the idea of you using it only when needed. if not, i don't know what your living arrangement is but a foldable cane could sneak into a bag and you take it out once your mom drops you off or whatever the case may be.
good luck!
So glad you’re feeling well enough to film again! Take care love!!! 💖🌺
Yes! Totally agree
A couple of years ago, I had a temporary disability which meant that I couldn't walk very far. I missed out on the parade part completely and I stood far away to watch some of the other celebrations as I was worried that someone might knock into me. I ended up walking past and getting an ice cream instead as it was safer xx
Social situations involving or based around drinking have always been my least favorite. I find it hard to talk or enjoy a conversation when I’m trying not to throw up because most drinks are so gross.🤢
Great vid as always. I heard that up 2/3 lgbtqia are disabled. The worst parts of big events is being overrun by all the different perfumes and deoderants. I have had people step, jump over my cane and and groups suddenly stopping in front of me.
I love that you are never afraid to speak your mind.
I've only gone to pride once but it was hard for me because I have severe social anxiety and people weren't concerned about how much they crowded around.
Don't get me wrong, I loved the experience as a whole but there just weren't many places to step back and take a few breaths.
This is pretty much why I haven't made it to one. I have EDS, though I am not a wheelchair user currently (though my knees are really messed up and standing still for a long time is painful and I can't do it, also walking for too long). I also have sensory processing issues and tend to find crowds overwhelming. All that, plus my terror or being around drunk people and the fact I would likely attend alone makes it all too scary, which is a shame because I would love to be able to wave my asexual flag somewhere, for the moment it just hangs proudly above my bed (subtle I am not). Anyway, I love your videos, you and your wife are adorable!
I was so excited my town had an Lgbt knitting club...in an attic of the yarn shop. I emailed the host and asked if part of the group can be on the main floor and they said “no, sorry we just didn’t know anybody with a wheelchair would be attending.” I cried for several hours. Then another lgbt group had a meeting...on the top floor of the cafe.
I really relate to this. I attended my first pride in 2018 and even though it was so fun, it also was so overwhelming (I'm undiagnosed autistic) and couldn't really cope with all the noise, standing around, and crowds. Definitely needs to be more accessible
Yes, there are lots of us! I find it incredibly irritating, not just at Pride but everyday. The other day I had a scan at the hospital - and couldn’t find an accessible washroom! There was one marked accessible but the door was too narrow, the room was too tiny to move with a mobility aid and the door opened inward so if someone had wedged themselves in, they’d never get out. Mad? You bet!
Here's an alternative; A Big Gay Tea Party
- all ages inclusive
- fancy and celebratory
- can order specific dietary requirements ahead of time
- can dress fancy if you want
- can space out the tables so you can actually walk between them or get a wheelchair through
- can set up "mingle tables" for people who came alone
- can have a seperate room for dancing/noisey stuff
- TOILETS
- can have various info booths or charities attending
- can have local people providing catering
- can have entertainment on a schedule and like drop in standing space at the sides - those who need to sit can have full view of the stage
- workshops
- local clubs/societies can get involved
I realise this is more of a convention than a parade but it would be rain-proof. Also would probably be expensive... :/
maybe a toned down version? Maybe "afternoon tea for pride" which could have the same mingle ideas and classiness and general quieter affair idea BUT would say only cost £25 a head instead of like £100+ Also set up an online socialization type thing or forum? Idk something to keep the community involved all year for lasting connections
Thoughts? (I'm able bodied and from a privileged background so probably missed a whole lot here!)
This is why I'm on staff at a board game convention that strives for accessability. We center a different marginalized group each year, all of our pathways are kept ADA width for wheelchair use, we have volunteer ASL interpreters, a quiet room and pins to signal the level of social interaction you are comfortable with. We even get food trucks so that different food needs can be met. We keep working on being as inclusive as we can.
Last year's pride had nowhere to sit, other than on the grass. Also, there was nowhere to escape from the smoke from all the food vendors and smoking areas, or the noise from the stages and crowds. Needless to say I didn't stay very long, which was frustrating after traveling an hour to get there.
Yeah, thank you for shining a light on a need for inclusion in all things for everyone disabled, LGBTQ.. I can't wait for the times when everyone is seen as just as valuable as the next human, love you 🦄💖👏🏻