The only thing that scares me about this connection is the people who will use it as an excuse for eugenics. The diversity of the world is what makes it better. I am autistic, nonbinary, and bi. I am unlearning my own biases, and learning to accept myself slowly.
Exactly.. homo/trans phobes already apply this eugenics bs to prime suffering from gender dysphoria disorder.. We need to consider that this could be the result of under diagnosis of the underlying conditions in heterosexual people.. since lgbt+ people are already at risk of homophobia, maybe they take better care of themselves.. That’s why get checked out more and hence are able to discover their conditions more..
Same fellow autistic and lgbt being here. Any time we see people, rightfully, bringing up the correlation between disabled people and the lgbt, we our afraid to see eugenics or similar kinds of discrimination in the comments. Since it is so deeply intersectional, and common for us disabled individuals to be faced with seeing. It is genuinely horrifying. Our heart goes out to you, much safety, and wellness wished your way.
@@rachelthehomosapiensyes. the holocaust. queer & disabled people were not seen as “aryan” and therefore were treated as inferior. this is one of the core tenets of fascism.
The person who told Jessica straight up that she "hasn't gone through any trouble in life" so she's just making up ways to be marginalized.....can you IMAGINE being that silly
I think I have an idea for why people say silly things like this (very prevalent among conservatives). People like this tend to think that we all already live in a fair and just world. So, when they see people (minorities) talking about injustices happening to them, their kneejerk reaction is to invalidate their experiences by saying that they're seeing problems where there are none, and that they're being oversensitive. This probably also has something to do with the media representation of minorities in recent years, which gives the illusion that minorities are not marginalized anymore, sometimes even thinking that they have more privileges (which is a pretty stupid and easily debunkable notion). It's very similar to how people talk about 'modern feminism'. Y'know, about how it isn't needed in the west anymore n'all that, and that feminists are just making up problems, pointing to words like 'manspreading' and 'mansplaining'. The words sound silly, but the meaning behind it all is pretty interesting to think about.
@@absolutechadd8895 I think you're onto something. I have a brother who seems offended when any marginalized persons complain. He is surprisingly unbigoted, didn't have any problem when one of his grandkids brought home a trans fiance. He and I clash when he is blind to injustice. This fits. He wants the world to be simple and just, a place where anyone can succeed if they try hard. He doesn't say anyone deserves fewer rights, he just can't abide being told that equality isn't already a thing for everyone. I've been his big sister 65 years, and you just helped me to an epiphany. Thanks!🖖✌
I have the same feeling but not to the extent of denying reality, just to the extent that I don’t like when people don’t pursue something like a lawsuit against discrimination even if I know it’s not the best thing for that person to do in their own life. Like I know life isn’t fair yet, it just pisses me off when people get away with it.
@@absolutechadd8895 I think you're giving conservatives too much credit. They're actually suspicious of a fair and just world because by definition it means that they lose power.
Ah yes, that reminds me that one time I came out as asexual and my classmate was like "but isn't that because you're autistic ? Autistic people don't like sex" and boy, I really wanted to yeet him out of the window.
As an autistic person that has banged a LOT of other autistic people, he’s wrong, you’re right (you know already but just to back you up) also solidarity hugs, my nesting partner is asexual and they’re awesome 💜
@@frocktopus9429 yes! Autistic people are full of different individuals who have their own sexuality, it's crazy how disabled people are always desexualized... Lots of hugs for you too!
That classmate's comment is so stupid. There are many autistic people who love sex and are very sexual beings. There's no correlation between the two. Besides, even asexuality is a spectrum too, people falsely assume that asexuality equals to 0 sex and 0 sexual desire whatsoever.
First day of first grade, the teacher gave me a lesson which took years to shake off. “Reporting bullying makes me the true villain.” Unfortunately, she and other adults were keen on enforcing this concept.
@@saraquill Unfortunately this is the case often, but I do belive in what Jessica is saying. 5 teachers may believe so, but keep trying and you'll find someone who DOES care. Took me way too long to realise that in school and I really wish I'd opened up more as a kid instead of believing those few.
I ended up physically disabled while gaslit and discriminated against for being an AFAB neurodivergent person. I almost died at 22 from a tumour the doctors refused to scan for because "it was women's problems" or "probably just a burst ovarian cyst". I got sent home from the ER twice while barely able to walk. I was lucky my dad's neighbour was a doctor and snuck me in for scans and he found a grapefruit sized tumour and massive amounts of inflammation and needed immediate surgery. If I'd been left another few weeks he said i could have died. So now i have an autoimflammatory disease and a number of other health issues instead of that promising future i had ahead of me. AND after they found the tumour i got tested for pregnancy so many times even though i told them i wasn't having any sex with *men*
A reason that doesn't seem to be considered here, but that might explain a lot... The kind of people who are homophobic are also typically abelist. Perhaps it's not that there's more overlap between disability and the LGBTQ+ community, perhaps it has something to do with the homophobes being less likely/willing to identify as disabled. I've seen plenty of them (whatever category you want to put hateful people in) who clearly had serious physical/mental/emotional struggles, but would never admit it. Kinda like how malignant abusive narcissists rarely seek mental health services because they don't see anything wrong with themselves. They're clearly mentally ill, but they aren't included in mental health statistics because they don't get help.
In the US, for example, that might be due to the perpetuation of the idea that says, "You should do everything alone or you're an evil lazy vagabond who deserves whatever misery you get because failure is only ever your own fault".
Omg the “well I have a bad back/have seizures/insert any other very obvious disability here, but I’d don’t go around claiming to be disabled” double-think some people come out with is so hard not to just rage at 💜
I was at a gay bar once and noticed that no one was talking other than the friend I brought and myself, and then we realized that everyone else in the entire bar (seemingly) was deaf and they were all having conversations in ASL. It was honestly amazing and a beautiful sight to see so many people have a sense of community where they otherwise perhaps wouldn't fully.
I think one possible explanation is the same phenomenon that happened during the lockdowns - people trapped in their homes with nothing to do but have existential crises about who they are, what they want, and who they're attracted to. And realising that they're bi, gay, trans, non-binary etc simply because they had the time to really think about it. I have a severe disability and am housebound and I 100% wouldn't have realised that I was bisexual if I didn't have so much time to sit around and think about it. There's a lot more time for introspection when you're chronically ill.
I think accessibility isn't generally at the forefront of your mind a lot unless you personally know someone who needs those options. For example, I have a disabled parent who generally needs access to ramps and lifts to get into places but someone who doesn't know anyone who needs those accommodations may not think of them.
Which is totally fair. However when someone brings up those accommodations, having the knee jerk reaction of "we can't do that" is ignorant and not-constructive. Especially if the person has specific examples of what would be helpful. I've been trying for 2 years to get even a kick plate with a foothold on the door to my apartment complex. It's not just for me, we have a lot of elderly people, mothers with strollers, and even people with their hands full of groceries! But I keep getting told "it will affect the integrity of the door"..... No, it won't. But because it's not something immediately beneficial to the people on the HOA board, they won't even consider it.
Bisexual with hEDS here! Had the same reaction when I started my channel about opera, disability and LGBTQ+ issues - "that sounds like a really small niche!" - but it turns out that not only are there lots of LGBTQ+ folks out there who are disabled, there are lots of us in the arts, too!
Now I want to know the art connection in all of this, seem interesting what draws many different people towards a concept like that. If I'm to take a gestalt guess it's likely the freedom of media and expression of feelings separated from reality. Perhaps a stealthy way to express sentiments not commonly said out loud about the lives they live invisible to society. But I know nothing of art really, maybe I can learn what makes it so appealing in the future.
There is someone on youtube (i think the name is patricia taxon but i dont remember)that recently made a video about furries which seem to adress what you are ralking about and may interest you.and if its not as relevant as i thought its still well worth a watch
When I was an adult I bumped into an old teacher I had as a kid. She revealed to me that she had suspected I was being abused but hadn't said anything because, 'it just wasn't done back then'. I had to restrain myself from punching her.
That is horrible I'm sorry for your experience. Not knowing where/when you grew up and only speaking from my experience, I know all states in the USA are required to have mandatory reporting laws since the mid 70's. Essentially, people who work in schools, health care, child care, law enforcement, and social work (among others depending on state) are required to report suspected child abuse (or elder abuse and other abuse/neglect of vulnerable adults in some states). It is anonymous, and there needs no burden of proof. To hear a teacher say she knew you were probably abused and did nothing is appling and can be grounds for someone losing their license/job. Good on you for resisting physical violence and being a better person then she is.
I saw this short and thought 'no way there's that many of us'. As a bisexual disabled woman I wasn't interested in intimate relationships until I met my husband, yet mum's reaction was 'I always thought that you'll come with girlfriend' (don't worry, I thought it was hilarious, because I was always more interested in girls). But I said, yeah, could happen, but somehow we're doing this 😂 However no one in my husband's family other than my brother-in-law knows I'm bisexual. My own family doesn't know either, only my mum. I face enough stupid questions regarding my disability (I have both mental and physical disability) that I don't want more. I also would never tell my doctors about my sexuality. I don't trust them with that information in this country (Poland). And I don't think that's its necessary for them to know, too many of them thought that everything is 'only in my head' because yeah, bipolar disorder and BPD are in the head, however not the way they think they are. And for my whole life I've heard that I can't feel pain everyday because I wouldn't get up from bed, and when I really couldn't everyone blamed me for being lazy. Last year when I finally started going to pain management clinic my doctor (who is absolutely the best one I've ever met) asked me how on earth I've managed to live like this for so long. She herself has herniated discs and no one wanted to help her with her pain, so she understands when patient says than no one listens to them, she had to suffer through the same thing. She mainly treats my migraines, but painkillers also work for pain caused by my spine. She couldn't believe when I told her that neurologist refused to prescribe me anything, because I don't need it and I 'can live like that'. And I was sick because of the pain many days a month. It's not 'oh, my head hurts once a month, I can take acetaminophen and it goes away' it's serious issue, I can't even stand for long periods of time. But in his words, I wasn't 'disabled enough' for him to give me papers to disability office (and I just needed the diagnosis and treatment info on special form that I bring to the appointment). And he saw my spine MRIs, when she (my anesthesiologist from pain management clinic) saw them she said that he's insane. I even went to orthopedics surgeon with them and he said that if physiotherapy can't help with the pain I will have to get surgery, because it's serious, and as he said 'what can I tell you, everything here is not how it's supposed to be and I can absolutely understand why you're constantly in pain'. But yeah, I can live like this. I had to tell that neurologist that I'm not coming out of his office until he gives me those papers. Then suddenly I was disabled enough. There is enough discrimination against disabled people and queer people if it's not combined, but I can't imagine what happens if someone is disabled and their doctors are aware that they're queer. Even my psychiatrist has no clue, I mentioned it to my therapist, but we talked about it only briefly. I know that my psychiatrist wouldn't question it for a second and it wouldn't change anything, so it's not like I'm not telling her on purpose, it just never felt right to say 'oh and btw I'm bisexual'. But no other doctor ever. She can be trusted, they all know that I have a husband because he's my emergency contact, and they don't need to know more. And I know I'm in the more, let's say privileged position because I'm in heterosexual relationship, but if I would be with another woman or NB person I wouldn't tell them either. Just to be safe.
@@jessicaoutofthecloset , re: 4:25 - trauma is indeed disabling. This Ted Med talk about the health effects of childhood trauma is enlightening and enraging in equal measures: th-cam.com/video/95ovIJ3dsNk/w-d-xo.htmlsi=AYP4is4Olvx3mvWj
The statement you made “keep going until you find someone who listens”, is what teachers use to push when Personal Safety sessions were taught in schools many years ago.
the 'not that kind of gay best friend' line. because what they want is a femenine, flamboyant, attractive, 50% homosexual 50% in love with only them and no other women, Cis Man.
Really detest having to rake over my medical history. I have CPTSD from medical trauma. I actively avoid some medical appointments and have to halt some appointments and procedures part way due to trauma. Disabled, (a systemic vasculitis), wife, mum, LGBTQ+ and neurodivergent here.
I'm a closeted trans person, and I've never really considered myself disabled. However, the more I think about it, I guess able-bodied people don't usually have a list of chronic ailments. I was born with clubfoot of both feet, and they were corrected before I was old enough to remember. I am not built for running. I've had crippling anxiety my whole life, am a chronic insomniac, and mental illness runs in my family I've been in and out of doctors since my freshman year of highschool (I'm 22 now), and I'm still struggling with the same health problems I have a long list of food allergies (dairy, egg, soy, wheat, nuts, peanuts), and got teased for it a lot. I got so tired of other people making such a big deal out of it. I've been so hard on myself for the individual issues. Putting them in a list really provides some perspective.
Childhood consisted of me and my friends figuring out techniques to manage ourselves so we could survive adult society. Adulthood is all of us one by one finding out that our brains and bodies do things that are different from the norm and we are all queer and oh that’s why that is so much more difficult to me than it seems to be for anyone else… 😂
Thank you for this video 😊 I’m in my thirties, have chronic illness, mental health problems and am neurodiverse (only diagnosed at 27 years old, which was ridiculous as I had some much traumatic from not being diagnosed as a child). I identify as asexual but am still exploring and learning about my sexuality. I found this video interesting as it’s something that I have been thinking about for a long time. Thank you for delivering it in a positive and insightful way. It made me feel more confident ❤
Hi Jessica! The gay Museum in Berlin (schwules Museum) had an exhibition this year called queering the crip, cripping the queer. It was about Icons and activism and Nazi History. Maybe that would interest you?
C-PTSD is something I've had to deal with since I was 8 and it has been a significant constant drag on my life since I was 12 or so. I dont call myself disabled but it has hindered my life greatly. It has lead to severe depression and past suicidal ideation. Ive even has such extreme stress from it that my immune system bombed so hard that in my 20s i managed to get a virus that my doctor gad never in person seen someone my age get because typically only young children get it.
Physically disabled, mentally ill, autistic, adhd, queer, trans, wheelchair user here who's been following since before either of us was diagnosed with EDS. I love you. Thank you for talking about this.
This is so funny because I am part of a friend group that is almost fully queer and neurodivergent, and some of us have serious health issues (also now I thought about is and realized that it is almost full crossover, especially with the neurodivergency (specifically ADHD, but not only))
I 100% agree with your take on why do doctors need to keep asking about some traumatic symptoms instead of just reading the letter/medical report. As a physician finishing my last year of formation I can testify that we are taught not to read or trust in information we did’nt organize. This is done to help prevent missdiagnosis and a snowball of errors beeing pilled upon by mindless reading. That being said I think that there are better ways of comunicating and create safer spaces where people feel more inclined to share traumatic experiences about a condition and also offer better mental health support to those who live with cronic conditions. Anyway, loved the vid and discussion Sorry for the bad english 😅
I think it's because, if you're already discriminated against in one regard, you're more aware and less likely to tolerate other forms of it towards other people. Most of the people in the lgbtq community I've interacted with have been the most kind and respectful people I've met, it just seems like 20 less steps and stressors when interacting with them.
Leonardo da Vinci’s mirror writing was almost certainly because he was left-handed and writing right to left made it easier for him to not smudge his notes.
When you’ve spent most of your life knowing you’re different than others around you, it becomes a lot easier to explore and accept other ways that you may or may not be different too.
And in many places. Most of those killed by police are disabled. It's a pity that Jessica's otherwise generally excellent take is such a privileged one.
That’s honestly very interesting I have a severe learning disability and language, speech, and communication impediments plus barriers and I am also homosexual
03:33 So much this. I think that it would be great when doctors are at least more aware and gentle towards having patients who are required to list disabilities (and/or the reasons therefor.)
As someone who has been continually asked physical and mental health providers to explain my platelet disorders, severe PTSD, and chronic pain and nausea, I wish all health care professionals, including support staff, would be more sensitive to how much additional discomfort their manner and tone of inquiry impacts me and other patients. This should be standard. Since it certainly isn’t, I do my best to request more consideration directly, hoping they might learn and apply it to others.
I think it's partly that being neurodivergent and/or disabled makes us naturally less disposed to accept social constructs like heteronormativity. I sometimes wonder how many able bodied and neurotypical people are really queer but have just never felt ostracized from society enough to question those social constructs.
I’m disabled and aspec (demisexual/demiromantic), but otherwise straight. Does that count? But I definitely have felt the discrimination aspect of being Pagan, and of family and friends telling me to go get married and stop being so “picky” about dating, etc. So yeah, I can attest to the fact that stress, mental and emotional fatigue, bullying, abuse and whatnot has definitely attributed to a lot of my health issues that started in my teens.
Yes, aspec counts! I'm telling you because I'm deimsexual and still feel awkward about going to queer spaces, like I'm somehow appropriating the space, and lots and LOTS of queer people (friends and strangers) have been trying to train me out of it. Do as I say not as I do.
On that front I am of the opinion that's it's entirely up to you. Some aspec straights don't feel or don't consider like lgbtq spaces are their spaces because they are straight, which is fair. But it's also totally fair to consider it your space. Ace is part of the club ! So it's as you feel it. I am lesbian aspec so it's easier for me^^ i am in the alphabet mafia either way
Fellow Demi over here, heyyy 🖤 I agree with @marQP2, and that it should be up to you. Can totally relate to worrying whether one can feel part of queer community whilst aspec. You’re not alone. You deserve to feel happy, safe and feel you belong in a space too. ❤
So, I am 59 and heterosexual. However, I would LOVE, LOVE, LOVE to have a sassy lesbian best friend! I just live your channel, mainly because your humor and joie de vivre is so contagious. Also, I experience chronic health issues and some days you are the only person who can make me smile. Much love from Texas, USA
As someone with chronic pain, and who is trans, I have had way too many experiences with going to the doctor because on some days I can’t walk, I get told it’s just my period, almost. Every. Time.
I'm not gay, but I am multiply-disabled, and she's actually right about telling an adult. My problem was that I wasn't actually bullied until I WAS an adult, and then it was by other adults, so what you do in that kind of a situation is, you find the one adult in the place who has NEVER ONCE given you the "funny vibe", and for those who know what I'm talking about, you KNOWQ what I'm talking about. I had one of those people, and trust me, he made a difference. He couldn't DO jack all against the other guy, since the other guy was ALSO disabled, though in a different way from me, and he had more authority than I did, but he COULD sit me down and talk me through it. What REALLY pisses me off is when people play their D card (disability and/or discrimination card, depending on which side you want facing forward in any given situation) for evil. I cannot emphasize this enough, people: it MAKES the REST OF US look BAD. Since the non-disableds like to see us as a monolith, you know, because THAT makes sense, but, a lot of the time, because non-disableds can be stupid, what ONE of us does can reflect badly on "all of us', as though there WERE an "all of us' to point to. There's not, because we are WAY too diverse for that, but it's like with any other 'ism". "WE", the in-group, are individual and unique, but "THEY", the out-group, are all one homogenous goo. Not how that works when you flip the script, since, when you're part of a disability community, or more than one, to that group, you are PART of the in-group, but that's not how the non-disableds see it. I was actually told by a bitch of a Jehovah's Witness that my disabilities were caused by the fall of man, and not only do I not believe in that shit, but I specifically said to her, "If your god doesn't make mistakes, then the fall wasn't a mistake, which means I'm not a mistake." Like, to me, that's a "well duh" kind of thing, but they don't think too deeply or broadly about us if they can help it. Why? Because they're afraid of us. Disability is BY FAR the most diverse "ism-able" group because anyone can become disaled.
My 15 yo sister recently came out as lesbian and asexual and suspected ADHD, and this seems like such a wonderful, caring community for her to grow into, after us four sisters grew up in the aftermath of generations of Mormonism (which apparently 'approves' of LGBTQ+ rights now, but I have my doubts). I personally have been suspecting that I'm on the autism spectrum, which has led to me realize that I'm also demisexual. I've heard that people in the neurodivergent community are much more likely to identify with LGBTQ+ identities, which may have something to do with our tendency to be more honest...
All of this. I'm feeling so much of what you yourself expressed in this video right now; I'm currently (again) battling to find a doctor, any doctor, who will take the chronic symptoms I'm experiencing and try to find an actual diagnosis so (maybe) there's a treatment. And it is exhausting. I've given up multiple times before because I literally don't have the energy (physical and emotional) to keep playing doctor roulette. I honestly expect by the time I find someone to seriously look into my symptoms (separate from my other disabilities) that it'll be "I we'd known X years ago we could have helped, now you have six months to live." Though that could be the depression talking. Related note, I thought you had a video about Ehlers-Dahnlos (no idea if I'm spelling that right) but can't find it now. If I'm not just totally misremembering, do you know what type of specialist to go to to get a diagnosis? My sister has a 'soft' diagnosis (ie unofficial) but I need to get properly tested as it might be behind some of my health issues and my doctor is being NO HELP.
Also, being a demisexual shading ace has not impacted my health or healthcare much, unlike being autistic, chronic sever migraines and severe depression since childhood, or my other 'weird' health issues. But it sure is frustrating when literally everytime I go in to a doctor the first thing I hear is "Could you be pregnant?" And when I say no, I'm a virgin, there's this patent shock and disbelief. It's not that unusual.
Hello, try "I was misdiagnosed" and also "Whats wrong with me? // My Disabilities (Updated)". She talks about it in both. I think she goes in details in 'i was misdiagnosed'. Maybe she changed the title. I can't answer to the rest. I am not in the uk and don't have eds.
i'm a lesbian with adhd, anxiety, and pcos i noticed a long time ago that everyone or almost everyone i've ever met who's queer is also disabled/neurodivergent and thought all this time i was the only person who noticed how many of us are in both groups i do find night life to be overwhelming which is ironic for a night owl like myself plus i can't drink bc my medication probably interacts with alcohol plus i also hate how it tastes would very much prefer a cafe for lgbtq+ that's also accessible to those who can't walk or have other physical disabilities prevent them from going certain places we all deserve a safe place to meet others like us no matter what
Oh yeah, the needing to size people up if they’re going to attack me or not is huge… and there’s absolutely a huge burden for people who are disabled. I’m safe enough in my current circle to not be physically harmed or thrown out of the house for being queer, unlike from my parents.
I have been essentially disabled my whole life, from being born with birth defects and dealing with seizures and unchecked mental illness until I was 12, then the seizures ended and my joints started failing and I discovered (thanks to my lovely sister for taking sex ed. in college when internet wasn't quite as huge as it is now) I was Asexual (demi/grey since I have a husband who is also Ace like me and just hit 16 years together) whilst constantly trying to "be normal" despite constantly just falling apart. So, I am disabled and Asexual, but I am also a retired Chef, Baker, Optician, Customer Service Rep, etc. I have now learned about why I started falling apart and finally got my mental illnesses diagnosed and am on my journey to better taking care of myself. It only took 33 years to get to where I am now, but I love all the different things I am; LGBTQA+ and Disabled and otherwise although I hate how cruel the world can be about it. I'm lucky that despite my parents being the complete opposite in beliefs as my sisters and I, they never mistreated my bi sister and I for who we were and never stopped caring for me despite my sexuality or lack of wanting kids.
These last few years I noticed that LGBT events in my city were becoming more disability friendly and it makes me so happy because I used to not being able to go there and felt like I was missing out every time I hung out with my lesbian friends. Even if most events are overwhelming they are making an effort to make it more accessible for everyone! Thanks for making this video, I had no idea so many of us were disabled and queer, everytime I felt like the odd one out both with disabled people because of my lesbianism and I LGBT events because of my disability!
I never even realized how true this was until this video popped up. I’m queer and disabled and legitimately have never even questioned it. I got a rare chronic autoimmune and connective tissue disease at the age of 4 which affects my immune system, my skin, and mobility on the right leg/ some of my right side. When I came out to my parents they honestly couldn’t care less so long as I was healthy and happy, I was really fortunate in that aspect of things because those two lived very different lives before my diagnosis.
3:37 Doctor here 👋 You really made me stop and think when you explained how doctors asking patients what conditions they have can bring up trauma. I haven't thought about it, so thank you for sharing the perspecrive. I'd also like to add an explanation of why doctors do it (it's not just saving time). By hearing the patient explain their conditions the doctor gets insight of how much the patient actually understands what is going on with their body/mind - which is helpful in ensuring any information they give will be understood by the patient, or discovering potential gaps in the patient's understanding that they might want to fill in. Another reason for asking the patient directly is that (at least in my country) medical records aren't always complete and it can sometimes be not only very time consuming but also impossible to get the full picture only from the records. And, asking the patient and talking to them can make some people feel heard and make them feel that the doctor has their full attention, so for some people it is the opposite, it feels soothing to them. Thank you again for making me think about this, I will definitely bring this up with my colleagues as well
@@jennifers5560 I would strongly take it into account when considering the patient and see how it fits into the bigger picture. But I would not treat them for that condition without a proof of previous diagnosis or doing tests to confirm the diagnosis again. It would still be helpful to know about it even if the consult is about something else, because of how conditions can influence each other. It does happen if the health system does not have a centralised data base and if people forget to bring some of the of previous records
An issue here is the presumption that Doctors have better understanding and knowledge than disabled people and regrettably this is seldom the case. There is little if any training, lack of quality research, cultural and institutional prejudice and more. In the disability community lack of adequate medical care and harm are ubiquitous. An articulate, privileged lady like Jessica may fare a bit better, however so much needs to change. It's shocking and dispiriting now backwards we are on this aspect of all our humanity.
They go over my medications every doctor's appointment. But not my diagnoses. But I live in the USA. I think that they forget what I am diagnosed with sometimes.
Lol! I just figured out a way to override my auditory processing disorder so i can watch your videos. I can lip read but your words go by too fast. Sooo... If i put captions on and slow playback speed to 75, I can read along AND read lips AND pause fast enough to catch up on the label/card/picture inserts without disrupting the flow too much. Im 63 and a little slow on the technology availability. 🙄 🤣💗
My drama teacher tore a strip off a transphobe and homophobe (one person) for them misgendering me on purpose and asking me v. private questions about how I 'do stuff' with my boyfriend (im a trans guy) and shes the first person i properly came out to! I love her, she's great
a lotta people i know myself included are autistic and somewhere on the lgbtq spectrum too. I now am curios if there is also a mental health link too, and what if any it might be. especially considering most of us have a hormonal or autoimune issue too.
On the note of disability accommodations at pride, I have one related to mental illness. I really, REALLY don’t want to step on anyone’s toes here, and what I’m about to say is not meant to be judgmental at all. But as someone with C-PTSD stemming from long-term CSA, I don’t feel comfortable going to pride. I really wish I could, because like most people commenting, I also fall under the LGBTQ+ umbrella. I need pride because I feel so little of it most of the time. But as someone with sex-focused trauma, the lack of accommodations can make it hard to feel safe at pride. I completely support other people’s desire-and perhaps even need-to display their sexual identity, and I would never deprive them of that. They have lived an entire life, separate from my own, which informs their identity; and I can understand that without necessarily relating to it. But unfortunately, due to my past, I become extremely vigilant and overly sensitive within sexual environments. I don’t want to feel panicked when I see a person in kink gear, but I do. It’s become hardwired in my brain. I can cognitively understand that my experience is only my own (and trust me, you are forced to realize that as a survivor of this kind of trauma,) but the body response that sex invokes isn’t in my control. Trust me, I’ve been in therapy to work through it for years. So I guess my point is this: I understand that kink needs to be at pride for reasons unrelated to me. But if even a short portion of pride enforced a plain-clothes policy (even half a day at a weekend event), it would mean the world to me. I need pride just like the rest of us do.
Hopefully there are events you can socialize at. I do see a lot of game nights, park events and karaoke around some for lgbt things or just in general. I’m boring I just go to fundraiser walks for cancers and stuff. Even starting Meetup groups are great, I think there’s an app/website for that and Facebook I guess. If you live in a big area I think you can find things to go to.
Physically* healthy gay chap here: two of the best "adult fun times" I ever had were with a deaf guy and a fellow with muscular dystrophy. We did "the do" and afterwards both explained their experiences of discrimination. I didn't get it then, I still don't. Beautiful people come (huh-huh) in all shapes, sizes and abilities.
Hi! I adore your video. Our queer meetup space here in my town definitely forgets about disabled people. They did new signage on the front of the building and said nothing about disability. They use flashing lights all the time because “people like them” vs. the people who are going to have a seizure in them or overstimulated by them. They have bathrooms where everyone shares the two stalls but generally people who appear to be cis men have peed on the seat and not cleaned it up. So, as a wheelchair user, I always have to clean someone else’s pee before I can use the toilet. The don’t consider wheelchair users sitting in the front to see, they let everyone else crowd around the stage and I wind up having to sit in the back. It’s so frustrating. Other groups have gone to restaurants with bench sitting where I’m forced to sit at the ends and by the people who sit at the end, even if they are someone you may not want to interact with. They’ll do a lot of physical activities and forget about having me go. There is a big lack of connection between the two communities. Thanks for making your videos.
Occam's razor: They all share an etiological vector. Which isn't to say that is the factual answer. But it is the simplest. So start there and branch out only when an atom of complexity needs to be added.
lol you're lovely. I write about biology and many immune factors are dependent on the amino acid tyrosine but adrenaline is also made from tyrosine so the mechanism by which high stress causes illness is from the depletion of tyrosine by high adrenaline which then impairs immune strategies. Dopamine is also made from tyrosine and this same problem is why we can also develop debilitating depression from trauma as children.
I was disabled before I knew I was queer, since I was born with my disability, but I do agree that the fact that there "was already something wrong with me" (my thoughts as a young teen) meant I felt less scared to consider what else might "be wrong with me". Of course I learned that this was in fact a very unhealthy way of viewing myself but already being part of a discriminated group meant it felt easier to realise I was a part of another as I entered puberty.
I feel like there should be a talk about how being plural makes you part of such a stupidly big amount of identity intersections. Like the intersection between trans and plural folks, at this point I just assume that every second trans person I meet is a system, whether they know it or not. And of course, since many plural systems have their roots in complex trauma, that brings a lot of different disabilities with it. We ended up with chronic primary pains, PNES, other forms of FND, CPTSD, DID, and joint issues. All from trauma, and each one of them is disabling. Or being neurodivergent and queer, I feel like *most* people with autism or ADHD are queer, even if they're closer to the cishet side of the spectrum. Both online and in real life, the vast vast majority of queer people I meet are ND in some way. When it comes to plurality, the chance of meeting a 100% allocishet system is....very rare, I've met hundreds of systems and I'm yet to meet one that's not queer. I've also noticed a higher rate of BIPOC and intersex bodies in the plural community compared to them the general public too, I'd assume the intersection is caused by the trauma that comes with being born in a society usually not accepting of body variations
honey is.. definitely a term i keep using. Have definitely answered '"Honey, why would I choose this?". It's me. I'm the theoretical trans woman. And.. I am still not quite there yet, I still keep always having those "oh yeah, i'm disabled" moments. Even though I've managed to resolve a lot of the *depression* part, I have anxiety issues, I have diagnosed ADHD, and suspected autism spectrum. Like, I look at what the government considers a disability, On paper, i'm disabled. But at this point, i've spent so much of my life struggling but not considered by anyone as disabled.. that I have a cognitive dissonance about it. It has been somehow so much easier to just take on board and run with the facts that i'm a trans woman, and a lesbian, than it has to take on board and understand that disability is a part of my identity too, through my neurodivergence, through my mental health.
I think it's partly because people on the margins of society have less incentive, or even ability, to invest in normativity of any kind, so they are more alienated from the incentive structures that most people use to rationalize their apparent heterosexual identities (meaning more non-disabled might be in the closet). Also, among people with autism, a greater percentage are gay or bisexual than the general population. This is due to the nature of autism itself.
Got another question: Why are so many neurodiverse people somewhere located in the LGBTQIA+ spectrum? Answer: Probably, because when you have to think about yourself a lot, one tends also to think more in depth about ones sexual identity and orientation than your bog-standard neurotypical person. At least that is what most of the discussions on Insta, FB, the Fediverse (including Mastodon) seem to have the highest agreement about.
I remember I went to brighton trans pride and so many more of the folks there had mobility aids. I use a cane and I would see loads of people with canes and crutches and wheelchairs and I thought 'huh, that medical vendiagram was right.' I met this very cool guy who had designed his own stickers for his cane, as well as designing his tattoos. I took that to mean that queer disabled people have incredible style since I spent alot of the time there admiring at outfits. That aside, I think it is a phenomenon for autoimmune conditions to be triggered by psychological trauma, something that queer folk tend to have more of so I think that's a little bit of a factor in it.
Never thought about the idea that one tiny pro (among the sea of cons) of having crutches/a cane/a wheelchair/etc. is that you have, by default, more sticker-space than other people.
I love how you didn't even bother directly calling out the comment about the LGBTQ+ community apparently no longer being marginalized, because this claim so out of touch with reality it's not even worth the attention
I mean I don't think it's odd considering how many of our struggles intersect, If you haven't already noticed you cannot be homophobic or transphobic without also being ableist, it is impossible. They go hand ind hand
In my friend group, 90% of us are LBGTQ+, most of us are neurodivergent (Autism and ADHD are the main ones, I have both) and most of us have some kind of knee or back issues that our jobs make worse
So uh, it's kinda ridiculous, but for clinics (as opposed to GPs) we / they genuinely often *don't* have a summary page. Your notes more often than not is simply a binder containing all previous correspondence - you have to skim or guess whether any of them are likely to be relevant. It's ... a terrible system... but also like, not the doctor being lazy. Also for those of us without formal diagnosis it can be a helpful safety net (though there is a bit of a correlation between "not diagnosed", "doesn't show externally" and "doesn't interact/ have clear contraindications with other illnesses" so they're usually not relevant )
(creating a written list you can show them can and will be appreciated by both sides. They may not have the bullet points described, but you can! Also sometimes the person doing an overly broad history is a medical student, which may also effect your feelings about the situation. You can also summarise like, "various memory issues" "various mental health" that way they can drill down into specifics only if it's relevant
This is a tangent in the video, but please bear with. When I was a child I couldn't comprehend having two grandmothers and two grandfathers, so I had grandma, grandpa, grammie, and papa. Like it just didn't work to have two people with the same title. Couldn't tell you when that changed, but easily to like age 5 it just wouldn't compute, and by then the names were basically set
Yup! I’m lesbian and with an invisible disability. Funnily enough, I found out I was a lesbian before I found out I was disabled. 🤷🏻♀️ Yeah I would love to see more LGBTQ+ events that aren’t super loud and requiring alcohol. I really don’t find that enjoyable.
Many neurodivergent people are LGBT+ and also disabled. If the physical wiring of your brain is different than the "norm", it stands to reason that your bodily functions may also be different. Many Autistic people, like myself, suffer from digestive issues, early onset arthritis, as well as connective tissue disorders like EDS. Autism's cause is poly-genomic and environmental (womb). Some of the early studies looking for the "gay gene" have found that being gay is also poly-genomic and environmental in the same way. It's easy to see the correlation there.
I paused this to read those comments screenshots. Geez, hit a nerve is right, Jessica. More like hit a whole nerve centre. 🙄 So, intersectionality, huh? Hmmm. Interesting. I had no idea. I've worked extensively with disability groups for years and didn't even ctwig this was the case. There ya go. 🤔 I've learned something new here, Jessica. 🫡
when i mentioned to my therapist that i not only had eds but likely had an autoimmune disorder, she simply said, "yeah, that makes sense. basically every other lgbtq client i have also has an autoimmune disorder. seems to me it only makes sense when you're subjected to so much trauma." (she is also queer, btw, so it was said lovingly/caringly lol)
I find this relatable, and kind of humorous because my story links them in a different order. I was diagnosed autistic and ADHD a few years ago. My also autistic therapist was unsurprised when I then started re-examining my sexuality (I’m in my 50s, it wasn’t a question we typically asked ourselves in the 80s). She also helped me know about common links with autoimmune disorders, which led to proper diagnosis of my hashimoto’s, and probably hypermobile EDS that I’m currently seeking a diagnosis for. (I’m officially diagnosed with joint hypermobility, but no one will seriously look at the multiple problems it causes.)
@@amandamccallum6796 WHaT, I have endometriosis too , is it linked with trauma!!??? My doctor said that stress causes gastric problems and that causes asthma, with can be worsen by traumatic life ... I'm transgender man , 🏳️⚧️ 🏳️🌈 pansexual and autistic.... so you know that I have being bullied all my life and lonely... I I'm not a English speaker , sorry if I made a mistake ...
Even when Prides and LGBT+ events say they are accessible they can often mean it in a really narrow way. They have disabled toilets but don't have ones with hoists, they say there aren't stairs but it's up a big hill or there are cobbles. I'm chair of Exeter Pride this year and I'm determined to make it ACTUALLY accessible!
Don't forget not having paper towels so we won't have to worry about deafening dryers in the bathrooms and loud speakers so the volumes & vibrations will be overwhelming (which is why I often carry sanitizers, stim toys & earplugs in public).
Accessibility at our Pride this year was abysmal. They blocked off the accessible entrance to the park and made everyone get checked in by the steps, they were confiscating and making people pour out water on an 80+ degree day. And the one thing they normally knock out of the park--the sign language interpreters on the main stage during all the musical and drag performances? Half of the songs didn't have any interpreting, and aside from one drag act that incorporated the interpreter into the number, was in a little hidden area at ground level visible to like 3 people in folding chairs with some printer paper taped to the partition reading "ASL access".
My personal experiance is that if there are handicap bathrooms see that the wheelchair can go either side of the toilett to make it possible to transfer and not have a bin or the bog roll screwed to the wall so that people can’t get to the toilet.
To help people at Pride events, look at how Disney World does it. I once visited Disney World while using a wheel chair. I have chronic fatigue and can’t walk or stand for long periods. Disney had personnel specifically trained to help the disabled. For instance, when my party approached a ride, we were escorted to the front of the line (The glares!) When we entered a small theater to view a video on a large screen, they literally ordered people to move so I could see from the chair. These service personnel were stationed all around the park, and seemingly came out off the woodwork to assist. With a little training, volunteers could make events accessible and enjoyable.
I love how accessible Disney is, too bad it's so expensive. Now the other theme parks need to follow suit! Busch Gardens is a close second, but I can't ride anything there, Hershey Park requires you to get out of your chair to get on rides but they do have charging stations.
Once at Disney one of my relatives was having a bad Plantar Fascitis flare-up, someone noticed and offered to bring her a wheelchair. She declined, and was fine after sitting for a little bit, but it def made us all feel better to know that we were being looked out for :)
😂 Doctors don't seem to care about my trauma, so I (AuDHD, Pansexual enby/agender woman) started telling them *exactly* what the "accident," that caused my injury was. I genuinely love how uncomfortable it makes them. TW: DV A guy I was dating picked me up by my neck and threw me across the room into a wall. It really screwed up my spine. I genuinely love making doctors uncomfortable with that because (here in the US at least) we're taught to keep quiet when we're abused, and that the victim of that abuse should be ashamed for having been abused.
@@jennifers5560I'm not thrilled about it, or the ways it's impacted my life, but more than anything I'm genuinely thrilled that I have zero shame about it, and will tell any professional who might be made uncomfortable by it. It's far to prevalent in women's everyday lives, and I don't think it's fair so many of us have to live through these things, but can't talk about it. To be clear I'm not trauma dumping (talking about it in detail), but it happened, as have many other things. People need to know this stuff happens a lot.
@@tinkergnomad yes, I 100% agree, people should know that it happens a lot more than they think. And yes, you should not have any shame about it, it is not your fault, it is the fault of the perpetrator! I appreciate that you speak up about it. Every voice counts and shows other people that they are not alone.
I started doing that with doctors harping on my weight (unrelated to any of my health issues). It's hilarious if infuriating how many obviously know they're prejudiced and it's not okay but are banking on you not calling them out.
I got bullied out of a rural queer group for pointing out the inaccessibility of the majority of the pride activities. Also for being bisexual, fem-presenting nonbinary & therefore not visibly queer. But mostly for saying stuff like 'um, you know that stairs are not even remotely accessible, and it's not like this town (flat as a pancake btw) has a lack of accessible venues for pride events' and 'could you possibly do more low-stim events than the annual picnic, because that cuts out neurodiverse members and it's not so family-friendly'
i'm sorry this happened to you. people take constructive criticism so personally! like no we're not criticizing YOU as a person, we're pointing out how this event is not accessible and it should be changed in the future. simple as that
A lot of people are only against oppression when it affects them personally and will otherwise gladly take the side of the oppressor because they enjoy their privileges. It's sad and enraging.
As a queer disabled I saw the title of this video I saw "Oh of course" most of my friends are also LGBTQ+ and disabled. I've been talking about the intersectionality of disablity and everything I can for years (espechally LGBTQ+ issues). This is a really important topic and i thank you for talking about it!
I really feel you on being careful where you discuss your same-sex partner and how your kid refers to their parents. My wife is trans, I'm cis, and because of our living situation during our son's first few years he calls her dad. Because of the area where we live, I catch myself saying "my spouse" and not "my wife" frequently, I'm careful about asking our son where dad is when we're all out together depending on how safe my wife is feeling. It's exhausting and unfair that we have to constantly think about how we present ourselves when we're not doing anything wrong. We just want to live our lives and not deal with bigots.
It sucks that you have to do all of this just to protect your partner. I'm saying this because I know trans people are often attacked, harassed, murdered, etc.
@@mylene_b we've been lucky so far. My sister's boyfriend (both cis) went to get a haircut and was harassed by a group of older men because he has long hair and an undercut. My sister was ready to throw hands when she found out.
I’m bisexual with crippling C-PTSD. 🤔 I never really thought about this. Do you think people with disabilities also end up with a “I don’t give a damn what people think.” Trait that takes them out of the closet? Because I definitely see that in myself.
I also came to same conclusion particularly with certain neurodivergencies that it's easier to just come out than to live a lie and fear the impulsive side outing you and ruining a relationship if one tried to exist in the closet.
That’s always been my theory, also that maybe we’re more used to having to look confusing/difficult stuff in the face, rather than just ignoring it, so more likely to realise, acknowledge, accept etc. our queerness
i think that's the case w neurodivergence especially, though i can see neurotypical people w other disabilities feeling that way too. i think for ND people, we just don't understand social norms anyway and/or we already often feel excluded from life in general since we're different, so why not also just be openly queer?
I don't think it has to do with disabilities so much as everyone has their breaking point. There's some point of stress where worrying about what other people think just becomes too much work. Look at all the little old ladies who just don't give a hoot. Some people just reach that point much earlier because a lot more has been packed in to their life.
@@saskia6648 I totally agree with this. I think there are a lot of non disabled, non marginalized people that maybe would be queer if they were put in positions where they had to really get to know themselves. Being disabled has led to me being uncomfortable for most of my life. If I wasn’t open about being queer that’d be one more discomfort I have to manage and I just don’t have the spoons for it. Maybe if I wasn’t disabled I’d be able to ignore the nagging feeling that something was off in my life and not address it. I also don’t know because I can’t put myself into the mind of a non disabled person. Just a thought
Pansexual, non-binary, vascular EDS, dysautonomia, autism, ADHD, celiac, Hashimoto's thyroiditis *Wooo* (I have bucked no stereotypes ♥) Growing up in Texas as a queer atheist was... sure something. C-PTSD is awful, but I am now an immigrant in Canada and it's so lovely sometimes it's surreal. I watched an interview a few years ago from a Russian lesbian in the face of their government discrimination - and she said something about fleeing Russia that stuck with me after the harassment in Texas; "You get either a sense of home, or a sense of safety. You don't get both."
As a Texan (one with ADHD, in fact), I hate that you don't get to have both here. Daily events in news and politics in this regard don't exactly do wonders for my tendency to major depression and anxiety. I'm not even the one directly affected - straight, cisgender, European-American, white, upper middle-class, raised Christian evangelical, etc. - and as someone who does everything she can to be an ally, it hurts and angers me seeing all the different things my state presently does and historically has done to shit on people who don't happen to be in all those categories. Not to center myself here, because how upset I feel about persecution of others pales in comparison to what the people actually persecuted have endured. More a case of trying to say 🫂 about what Texas put you through 🎉 that 🇨🇦 was an option for you and is better to you
I grew up playing wheelchair basketball and most of the lesbians I knew were from wheelchair basketball. I know that's hardly a random sample, but it always made me wonder if disabled women found other women more accepting and not put off by disability in a romantic/sexual partner.
![Can you tell if a disabled person is 'faking'? (yes, Jameela Jamil) [CC]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/OBC3zNZx7Dg/mqdefault.jpg)
how many of us who are disabled, queer, and neurodivergent?
o/
These 3 things are connected in some way, no doubt about it.
@@lionrence what do you mean ?
💁🏻♀️
Me and my 4 kids are neurodivergent, disabled and LGBTQ+ so in my family it's 100% lol
The only thing that scares me about this connection is the people who will use it as an excuse for eugenics. The diversity of the world is what makes it better. I am autistic, nonbinary, and bi. I am unlearning my own biases, and learning to accept myself slowly.
Exactly.. homo/trans phobes already apply this eugenics bs to prime suffering from gender dysphoria disorder..
We need to consider that this could be the result of under diagnosis of the underlying conditions in heterosexual people.. since lgbt+ people are already at risk of homophobia, maybe they take better care of themselves.. That’s why get checked out more and hence are able to discover their conditions more..
I agree, diversity is a good thing. I wish you all the best.
Have you seen anyone using it as an excuse for eugenics?
Same fellow autistic and lgbt being here. Any time we see people, rightfully, bringing up the correlation between disabled people and the lgbt, we our afraid to see eugenics or similar kinds of discrimination in the comments. Since it is so deeply intersectional, and common for us disabled individuals to be faced with seeing. It is genuinely horrifying. Our heart goes out to you, much safety, and wellness wished your way.
@@rachelthehomosapiensyes. the holocaust. queer & disabled people were not seen as “aryan” and therefore were treated as inferior. this is one of the core tenets of fascism.
The person who told Jessica straight up that she "hasn't gone through any trouble in life" so she's just making up ways to be marginalized.....can you IMAGINE being that silly
Lol
I think I have an idea for why people say silly things like this (very prevalent among conservatives).
People like this tend to think that we all already live in a fair and just world. So, when they see people (minorities) talking about injustices happening to them, their kneejerk reaction is to invalidate their experiences by saying that they're seeing problems where there are none, and that they're being oversensitive.
This probably also has something to do with the media representation of minorities in recent years, which gives the illusion that minorities are not marginalized anymore, sometimes even thinking that they have more privileges (which is a pretty stupid and easily debunkable notion).
It's very similar to how people talk about 'modern feminism'. Y'know, about how it isn't needed in the west anymore n'all that, and that feminists are just making up problems, pointing to words like 'manspreading' and 'mansplaining'. The words sound silly, but the meaning behind it all is pretty interesting to think about.
@@absolutechadd8895 I think you're onto something. I have a brother who seems offended when any marginalized persons complain. He is surprisingly unbigoted, didn't have any problem when one of his grandkids brought home a trans fiance. He and I clash when he is blind to injustice. This fits. He wants the world to be simple and just, a place where anyone can succeed if they try hard. He doesn't say anyone deserves fewer rights, he just can't abide being told that equality isn't already a thing for everyone. I've been his big sister 65 years, and you just helped me to an epiphany. Thanks!🖖✌
I have the same feeling but not to the extent of denying reality, just to the extent that I don’t like when people don’t pursue something like a lawsuit against discrimination even if I know it’s not the best thing for that person to do in their own life. Like I know life isn’t fair yet, it just pisses me off when people get away with it.
@@absolutechadd8895 I think you're giving conservatives too much credit. They're actually suspicious of a fair and just world because by definition it means that they lose power.
Ah yes, that reminds me that one time I came out as asexual and my classmate was like "but isn't that because you're autistic ? Autistic people don't like sex" and boy, I really wanted to yeet him out of the window.
As an autistic person that has banged a LOT of other autistic people, he’s wrong, you’re right (you know already but just to back you up) also solidarity hugs, my nesting partner is asexual and they’re awesome 💜
I know folks in various places on the autism spectrum (including myself) who like sex very much, thank you!
@@frocktopus9429 yes! Autistic people are full of different individuals who have their own sexuality, it's crazy how disabled people are always desexualized...
Lots of hugs for you too!
That classmate's comment is so stupid. There are many autistic people who love sex and are very sexual beings. There's no correlation between the two. Besides, even asexuality is a spectrum too, people falsely assume that asexuality equals to 0 sex and 0 sexual desire whatsoever.
I’m an autistic person and I love sex 😂
So important to give the message of TELL AN ADULT about bullying and keep trying 'till someone stop that. Thank you, Jessica!
First day of first grade, the teacher gave me a lesson which took years to shake off. “Reporting bullying makes me the true villain.” Unfortunately, she and other adults were keen on enforcing this concept.
@@OfficerZlock Who wouldn’t choose to be fabulous?
@@saraquillgreat response but it should be reported as bullying. It's all through this comments section...🥺
@@saraquillwow😢. I am shocked.... I dont get that kind of mindset that teacher did display.
@@saraquill Unfortunately this is the case often, but I do belive in what Jessica is saying. 5 teachers may believe so, but keep trying and you'll find someone who DOES care. Took me way too long to realise that in school and I really wish I'd opened up more as a kid instead of believing those few.
I ended up physically disabled while gaslit and discriminated against for being an AFAB neurodivergent person.
I almost died at 22 from a tumour the doctors refused to scan for because "it was women's problems" or "probably just a burst ovarian cyst". I got sent home from the ER twice while barely able to walk. I was lucky my dad's neighbour was a doctor and snuck me in for scans and he found a grapefruit sized tumour and massive amounts of inflammation and needed immediate surgery. If I'd been left another few weeks he said i could have died.
So now i have an autoimflammatory disease and a number of other health issues instead of that promising future i had ahead of me.
AND after they found the tumour i got tested for pregnancy so many times even though i told them i wasn't having any sex with *men*
Hope u didn't pay for pregnancy tests. You can refuse tests
have a similair myself and autoimmune issues. its soo great when doctors are dismissive...😡
I'm just glad you are alive. I'm in a similar situation rn and it's scary.
That kind of thing would lose a doctor's license. They broke their doctor's oath
@@averagedemocrat9546in a perfect world
A reason that doesn't seem to be considered here, but that might explain a lot... The kind of people who are homophobic are also typically abelist. Perhaps it's not that there's more overlap between disability and the LGBTQ+ community, perhaps it has something to do with the homophobes being less likely/willing to identify as disabled.
I've seen plenty of them (whatever category you want to put hateful people in) who clearly had serious physical/mental/emotional struggles, but would never admit it. Kinda like how malignant abusive narcissists rarely seek mental health services because they don't see anything wrong with themselves. They're clearly mentally ill, but they aren't included in mental health statistics because they don't get help.
In the US, for example, that might be due to the perpetuation of the idea that says, "You should do everything alone or you're an evil lazy vagabond who deserves whatever misery you get because failure is only ever your own fault".
I definitely think this is a part of it-maybe not all of it, but certainly a major factor.
@@jwb52z9 am 'Murican. Can confirm.
Omg the “well I have a bad back/have seizures/insert any other very obvious disability here, but I’d don’t go around claiming to be disabled” double-think some people come out with is so hard not to just rage at 💜
Can they just like, kept the internalised ableism internal plz!
I was at a gay bar once and noticed that no one was talking other than the friend I brought and myself, and then we realized that everyone else in the entire bar (seemingly) was deaf and they were all having conversations in ASL. It was honestly amazing and a beautiful sight to see so many people have a sense of community where they otherwise perhaps wouldn't fully.
I think one possible explanation is the same phenomenon that happened during the lockdowns - people trapped in their homes with nothing to do but have existential crises about who they are, what they want, and who they're attracted to. And realising that they're bi, gay, trans, non-binary etc simply because they had the time to really think about it.
I have a severe disability and am housebound and I 100% wouldn't have realised that I was bisexual if I didn't have so much time to sit around and think about it. There's a lot more time for introspection when you're chronically ill.
After decades of running from my autistic identity, I began to explore and embrace it during the pandemic. Later found out I was an ADHDer, as well.
This is what happened to me the stress and world anger actually caused my chronic disability to manifest
I think accessibility isn't generally at the forefront of your mind a lot unless you personally know someone who needs those options. For example, I have a disabled parent who generally needs access to ramps and lifts to get into places but someone who doesn't know anyone who needs those accommodations may not think of them.
Which is totally fair. However when someone brings up those accommodations, having the knee jerk reaction of "we can't do that" is ignorant and not-constructive. Especially if the person has specific examples of what would be helpful.
I've been trying for 2 years to get even a kick plate with a foothold on the door to my apartment complex. It's not just for me, we have a lot of elderly people, mothers with strollers, and even people with their hands full of groceries! But I keep getting told "it will affect the integrity of the door"..... No, it won't. But because it's not something immediately beneficial to the people on the HOA board, they won't even consider it.
Bisexual with hEDS here! Had the same reaction when I started my channel about opera, disability and LGBTQ+ issues - "that sounds like a really small niche!" - but it turns out that not only are there lots of LGBTQ+ folks out there who are disabled, there are lots of us in the arts, too!
Hi Robin!! 😊
Now I want to know the art connection in all of this, seem interesting what draws many different people towards a concept like that. If I'm to take a gestalt guess it's likely the freedom of media and expression of feelings separated from reality. Perhaps a stealthy way to express sentiments not commonly said out loud about the lives they live invisible to society. But I know nothing of art really, maybe I can learn what makes it so appealing in the future.
There is someone on youtube (i think the name is patricia taxon but i dont remember)that recently made a video about furries which seem to adress what you are ralking about and may interest you.and if its not as relevant as i thought its still well worth a watch
When I was an adult I bumped into an old teacher I had as a kid. She revealed to me that she had suspected I was being abused but hadn't said anything because, 'it just wasn't done back then'. I had to restrain myself from punching her.
❤
That is horrible I'm sorry for your experience. Not knowing where/when you grew up and only speaking from my experience, I know all states in the USA are required to have mandatory reporting laws since the mid 70's. Essentially, people who work in schools, health care, child care, law enforcement, and social work (among others depending on state) are required to report suspected child abuse (or elder abuse and other abuse/neglect of vulnerable adults in some states). It is anonymous, and there needs no burden of proof. To hear a teacher say she knew you were probably abused and did nothing is appling and can be grounds for someone losing their license/job. Good on you for resisting physical violence and being a better person then she is.
I saw this short and thought 'no way there's that many of us'. As a bisexual disabled woman I wasn't interested in intimate relationships until I met my husband, yet mum's reaction was 'I always thought that you'll come with girlfriend' (don't worry, I thought it was hilarious, because I was always more interested in girls). But I said, yeah, could happen, but somehow we're doing this 😂 However no one in my husband's family other than my brother-in-law knows I'm bisexual. My own family doesn't know either, only my mum. I face enough stupid questions regarding my disability (I have both mental and physical disability) that I don't want more. I also would never tell my doctors about my sexuality. I don't trust them with that information in this country (Poland). And I don't think that's its necessary for them to know, too many of them thought that everything is 'only in my head' because yeah, bipolar disorder and BPD are in the head, however not the way they think they are. And for my whole life I've heard that I can't feel pain everyday because I wouldn't get up from bed, and when I really couldn't everyone blamed me for being lazy. Last year when I finally started going to pain management clinic my doctor (who is absolutely the best one I've ever met) asked me how on earth I've managed to live like this for so long. She herself has herniated discs and no one wanted to help her with her pain, so she understands when patient says than no one listens to them, she had to suffer through the same thing. She mainly treats my migraines, but painkillers also work for pain caused by my spine. She couldn't believe when I told her that neurologist refused to prescribe me anything, because I don't need it and I 'can live like that'. And I was sick because of the pain many days a month. It's not 'oh, my head hurts once a month, I can take acetaminophen and it goes away' it's serious issue, I can't even stand for long periods of time. But in his words, I wasn't 'disabled enough' for him to give me papers to disability office (and I just needed the diagnosis and treatment info on special form that I bring to the appointment). And he saw my spine MRIs, when she (my anesthesiologist from pain management clinic) saw them she said that he's insane. I even went to orthopedics surgeon with them and he said that if physiotherapy can't help with the pain I will have to get surgery, because it's serious, and as he said 'what can I tell you, everything here is not how it's supposed to be and I can absolutely understand why you're constantly in pain'. But yeah, I can live like this. I had to tell that neurologist that I'm not coming out of his office until he gives me those papers. Then suddenly I was disabled enough. There is enough discrimination against disabled people and queer people if it's not combined, but I can't imagine what happens if someone is disabled and their doctors are aware that they're queer. Even my psychiatrist has no clue, I mentioned it to my therapist, but we talked about it only briefly. I know that my psychiatrist wouldn't question it for a second and it wouldn't change anything, so it's not like I'm not telling her on purpose, it just never felt right to say 'oh and btw I'm bisexual'. But no other doctor ever. She can be trusted, they all know that I have a husband because he's my emergency contact, and they don't need to know more. And I know I'm in the more, let's say privileged position because I'm in heterosexual relationship, but if I would be with another woman or NB person I wouldn't tell them either. Just to be safe.
Thank you, Jessica! That was very informative and enraging (in a good way). I really hope you’re not having any lingering Covid complications. 🎀💖🎀
Thank you so much, we are mostly better now 🥰
@@jessicaoutofthecloset So glad to hear that! I was so worried that you’d get the dreaded Long Covid.
@@jessicaoutofthecloset , re: 4:25 - trauma is indeed disabling. This Ted Med talk about the health effects of childhood trauma is enlightening and enraging in equal measures: th-cam.com/video/95ovIJ3dsNk/w-d-xo.htmlsi=AYP4is4Olvx3mvWj
The statement you made “keep going until you find someone who listens”, is what teachers use to push when Personal Safety sessions were taught in schools many years ago.
the 'not that kind of gay best friend' line. because what they want is a femenine, flamboyant, attractive, 50% homosexual 50% in love with only them and no other women, Cis Man.
Really detest having to rake over my medical history. I have CPTSD from medical trauma. I actively avoid some medical appointments and have to halt some appointments and procedures part way due to trauma. Disabled, (a systemic vasculitis), wife, mum, LGBTQ+ and neurodivergent here.
I'm a closeted trans person, and I've never really considered myself disabled. However, the more I think about it, I guess able-bodied people don't usually have a list of chronic ailments.
I was born with clubfoot of both feet, and they were corrected before I was old enough to remember. I am not built for running.
I've had crippling anxiety my whole life, am a chronic insomniac, and mental illness runs in my family
I've been in and out of doctors since my freshman year of highschool (I'm 22 now), and I'm still struggling with the same health problems
I have a long list of food allergies (dairy, egg, soy, wheat, nuts, peanuts), and got teased for it a lot. I got so tired of other people making such a big deal out of it.
I've been so hard on myself for the individual issues. Putting them in a list really provides some perspective.
That was a heavy and important video to make. That you got making that and sharing it on your platform ❤️
Childhood consisted of me and my friends figuring out techniques to manage ourselves so we could survive adult society.
Adulthood is all of us one by one finding out that our brains and bodies do things that are different from the norm and we are all queer and oh that’s why that is so much more difficult to me than it seems to be for anyone else… 😂
Thank you for this video 😊 I’m in my thirties, have chronic illness, mental health problems and am neurodiverse (only diagnosed at 27 years old, which was ridiculous as I had some much traumatic from not being diagnosed as a child). I identify as asexual but am still exploring and learning about my sexuality. I found this video interesting as it’s something that I have been thinking about for a long time. Thank you for delivering it in a positive and insightful way. It made me feel more confident ❤
Hi Jessica! The gay Museum in Berlin (schwules Museum) had an exhibition this year called queering the crip, cripping the queer. It was about Icons and activism and Nazi History. Maybe that would interest you?
@queerulantin64
Wish I could go.
C-PTSD is something I've had to deal with since I was 8 and it has been a significant constant drag on my life since I was 12 or so. I dont call myself disabled but it has hindered my life greatly. It has lead to severe depression and past suicidal ideation. Ive even has such extreme stress from it that my immune system bombed so hard that in my 20s i managed to get a virus that my doctor gad never in person seen someone my age get because typically only young children get it.
Physically disabled, mentally ill, autistic, adhd, queer, trans, wheelchair user here who's been following since before either of us was diagnosed with EDS. I love you. Thank you for talking about this.
This is so funny because I am part of a friend group that is almost fully queer and neurodivergent, and some of us have serious health issues (also now I thought about is and realized that it is almost full crossover, especially with the neurodivergency (specifically ADHD, but not only))
I 100% agree with your take on why do doctors need to keep asking about some traumatic symptoms instead of just reading the letter/medical report. As a physician finishing my last year of formation I can testify that we are taught not to read or trust in information we did’nt organize. This is done to help prevent missdiagnosis and a snowball of errors beeing pilled upon by mindless reading. That being said I think that there are better ways of comunicating and create safer spaces where people feel more inclined to share traumatic experiences about a condition and also offer better mental health support to those who live with cronic conditions.
Anyway, loved the vid and discussion
Sorry for the bad english 😅
I think it's because, if you're already discriminated against in one regard, you're more aware and less likely to tolerate other forms of it towards other people. Most of the people in the lgbtq community I've interacted with have been the most kind and respectful people I've met, it just seems like 20 less steps and stressors when interacting with them.
Leonardo da Vinci’s mirror writing was almost certainly because he was left-handed and writing right to left made it easier for him to not smudge his notes.
you are so, so close to 1 mil when I'm watching this! :) I'm very excited for you
When you’ve spent most of your life knowing you’re different than others around you, it becomes a lot easier to explore and accept other ways that you may or may not be different too.
It is unsafe to come out at many disability facilities in South Australia. SADLY.
And in many places. Most of those killed by police are disabled. It's a pity that Jessica's otherwise generally excellent take is such a privileged one.
That’s honestly very interesting I have a severe learning disability and language, speech, and communication impediments plus barriers and I am also homosexual
03:33 So much this. I think that it would be great when doctors are at least more aware and gentle towards having patients who are required to list disabilities (and/or the reasons therefor.)
As someone who has been continually asked physical and mental health providers to explain my platelet disorders, severe PTSD, and chronic pain and nausea, I wish all health care professionals, including support staff, would be more sensitive to how much additional discomfort their manner and tone of inquiry impacts me and other patients. This should be standard. Since it certainly isn’t, I do my best to request more consideration directly, hoping they might learn and apply it to others.
You're very inspiring! Thank you for making me feel better about being myself
I think it's partly that being neurodivergent and/or disabled makes us naturally less disposed to accept social constructs like heteronormativity. I sometimes wonder how many able bodied and neurotypical people are really queer but have just never felt ostracized from society enough to question those social constructs.
I’m disabled and aspec (demisexual/demiromantic), but otherwise straight. Does that count?
But I definitely have felt the discrimination aspect of being Pagan, and of family and friends telling me to go get married and stop being so “picky” about dating, etc. So yeah, I can attest to the fact that stress, mental and emotional fatigue, bullying, abuse and whatnot has definitely attributed to a lot of my health issues that started in my teens.
Yes, aspec counts! I'm telling you because I'm deimsexual and still feel awkward about going to queer spaces, like I'm somehow appropriating the space, and lots and LOTS of queer people (friends and strangers) have been trying to train me out of it. Do as I say not as I do.
On that front I am of the opinion that's it's entirely up to you. Some aspec straights don't feel or don't consider like lgbtq spaces are their spaces because they are straight, which is fair. But it's also totally fair to consider it your space. Ace is part of the club ! So it's as you feel it. I am lesbian aspec so it's easier for me^^ i am in the alphabet mafia either way
Fellow Demi over here, heyyy 🖤
I agree with @marQP2, and that it should be up to you. Can totally relate to worrying whether one can feel part of queer community whilst aspec. You’re not alone. You deserve to feel happy, safe and feel you belong in a space too. ❤
Yes, Jessica!
Yes, this!
Entirely this!
Thank you for this!😊
So, I am 59 and heterosexual. However, I would LOVE, LOVE, LOVE to have a sassy lesbian best friend! I just live your channel, mainly because your humor and joie de vivre is so contagious. Also, I experience chronic health issues and some days you are the only person who can make me smile. Much love from Texas, USA
As someone with chronic pain, and who is trans, I have had way too many experiences with going to the doctor because on some days I can’t walk, I get told it’s just my period, almost. Every. Time.
I'm not gay, but I am multiply-disabled, and she's actually right about telling an adult. My problem was that I wasn't actually bullied until I WAS an adult, and then it was by other adults, so what you do in that kind of a situation is, you find the one adult in the place who has NEVER ONCE given you the "funny vibe", and for those who know what I'm talking about, you KNOWQ what I'm talking about. I had one of those people, and trust me, he made a difference. He couldn't DO jack all against the other guy, since the other guy was ALSO disabled, though in a different way from me, and he had more authority than I did, but he COULD sit me down and talk me through it. What REALLY pisses me off is when people play their D card (disability and/or discrimination card, depending on which side you want facing forward in any given situation) for evil. I cannot emphasize this enough, people: it MAKES the REST OF US look BAD. Since the non-disableds like to see us as a monolith, you know, because THAT makes sense, but, a lot of the time, because non-disableds can be stupid, what ONE of us does can reflect badly on "all of us', as though there WERE an "all of us' to point to. There's not, because we are WAY too diverse for that, but it's like with any other 'ism". "WE", the in-group, are individual and unique, but "THEY", the out-group, are all one homogenous goo. Not how that works when you flip the script, since, when you're part of a disability community, or more than one, to that group, you are PART of the in-group, but that's not how the non-disableds see it. I was actually told by a bitch of a Jehovah's Witness that my disabilities were caused by the fall of man, and not only do I not believe in that shit, but I specifically said to her, "If your god doesn't make mistakes, then the fall wasn't a mistake, which means I'm not a mistake." Like, to me, that's a "well duh" kind of thing, but they don't think too deeply or broadly about us if they can help it. Why? Because they're afraid of us. Disability is BY FAR the most diverse "ism-able" group because anyone can become disaled.
My 15 yo sister recently came out as lesbian and asexual and suspected ADHD, and this seems like such a wonderful, caring community for her to grow into, after us four sisters grew up in the aftermath of generations of Mormonism (which apparently 'approves' of LGBTQ+ rights now, but I have my doubts). I personally have been suspecting that I'm on the autism spectrum, which has led to me realize that I'm also demisexual. I've heard that people in the neurodivergent community are much more likely to identify with LGBTQ+ identities, which may have something to do with our tendency to be more honest...
All of this. I'm feeling so much of what you yourself expressed in this video right now; I'm currently (again) battling to find a doctor, any doctor, who will take the chronic symptoms I'm experiencing and try to find an actual diagnosis so (maybe) there's a treatment. And it is exhausting. I've given up multiple times before because I literally don't have the energy (physical and emotional) to keep playing doctor roulette. I honestly expect by the time I find someone to seriously look into my symptoms (separate from my other disabilities) that it'll be "I we'd known X years ago we could have helped, now you have six months to live." Though that could be the depression talking.
Related note, I thought you had a video about Ehlers-Dahnlos (no idea if I'm spelling that right) but can't find it now. If I'm not just totally misremembering, do you know what type of specialist to go to to get a diagnosis? My sister has a 'soft' diagnosis (ie unofficial) but I need to get properly tested as it might be behind some of my health issues and my doctor is being NO HELP.
Also, being a demisexual shading ace has not impacted my health or healthcare much, unlike being autistic, chronic sever migraines and severe depression since childhood, or my other 'weird' health issues. But it sure is frustrating when literally everytime I go in to a doctor the first thing I hear is "Could you be pregnant?" And when I say no, I'm a virgin, there's this patent shock and disbelief. It's not that unusual.
Hello, try "I was misdiagnosed" and also "Whats wrong with me? // My Disabilities (Updated)". She talks about it in both. I think she goes in details in 'i was misdiagnosed'. Maybe she changed the title.
I can't answer to the rest. I am not in the uk and don't have eds.
@@marQP2 Thanks so much, I was starting to think I'd just imagined it!
i'm a lesbian with adhd, anxiety, and pcos i noticed a long time ago that everyone or almost everyone i've ever met who's queer is also disabled/neurodivergent and thought all this time i was the only person who noticed how many of us are in both groups i do find night life to be overwhelming which is ironic for a night owl like myself plus i can't drink bc my medication probably interacts with alcohol plus i also hate how it tastes would very much prefer a cafe for lgbtq+ that's also accessible to those who can't walk or have other physical disabilities prevent them from going certain places we all deserve a safe place to meet others like us no matter what
8:33 This had me shook
My conservative mother's name is Donna 😂
Oh yeah, the needing to size people up if they’re going to attack me or not is huge… and there’s absolutely a huge burden for people who are disabled. I’m safe enough in my current circle to not be physically harmed or thrown out of the house for being queer, unlike from my parents.
My mom teased me for being queer but threw me out of the house for crying too much.🤷🏻♀️
Edit: I had depression.
The night life thing has always brought me problems :(
I have been essentially disabled my whole life, from being born with birth defects and dealing with seizures and unchecked mental illness until I was 12, then the seizures ended and my joints started failing and I discovered (thanks to my lovely sister for taking sex ed. in college when internet wasn't quite as huge as it is now) I was Asexual (demi/grey since I have a husband who is also Ace like me and just hit 16 years together) whilst constantly trying to "be normal" despite constantly just falling apart. So, I am disabled and Asexual, but I am also a retired Chef, Baker, Optician, Customer Service Rep, etc. I have now learned about why I started falling apart and finally got my mental illnesses diagnosed and am on my journey to better taking care of myself. It only took 33 years to get to where I am now, but I love all the different things I am; LGBTQA+ and Disabled and otherwise although I hate how cruel the world can be about it. I'm lucky that despite my parents being the complete opposite in beliefs as my sisters and I, they never mistreated my bi sister and I for who we were and never stopped caring for me despite my sexuality or lack of wanting kids.
These last few years I noticed that LGBT events in my city were becoming more disability friendly and it makes me so happy because I used to not being able to go there and felt like I was missing out every time I hung out with my lesbian friends. Even if most events are overwhelming they are making an effort to make it more accessible for everyone! Thanks for making this video, I had no idea so many of us were disabled and queer, everytime I felt like the odd one out both with disabled people because of my lesbianism and I LGBT events because of my disability!
Thank you for being so inclusive, as a person with non visible disabilities this means so much to me.
You know i like the way you speak. Your channel for me is to hear good English. I am a teacher of English in Russia and straight or - turned- asexual
I'm neurodivergent and straight. However I do have a feminine side and some people automatically think I'm gay because of it. It's funny lol.
Adhd. Asexuality. Mixed race. This is interesting to me. 😮 Its also very supporting presentation and your voice is soothing.
I never even realized how true this was until this video popped up. I’m queer and disabled and legitimately have never even questioned it. I got a rare chronic autoimmune and connective tissue disease at the age of 4 which affects my immune system, my skin, and mobility on the right leg/ some of my right side. When I came out to my parents they honestly couldn’t care less so long as I was healthy and happy, I was really fortunate in that aspect of things because those two lived very different lives before my diagnosis.
EDS I know it lol
@@thelemon5069 actually Scerloderma, best way to describe it is arthritis on steroids.
1:21 i cannot BELIEVE you did not put a picture of johnny joestar for a disabled horserider
3:37 Doctor here 👋 You really made me stop and think when you explained how doctors asking patients what conditions they have can bring up trauma. I haven't thought about it, so thank you for sharing the perspecrive.
I'd also like to add an explanation of why doctors do it (it's not just saving time).
By hearing the patient explain their conditions the doctor gets insight of how much the patient actually understands what is going on with their body/mind - which is helpful in ensuring any information they give will be understood by the patient, or discovering potential gaps in the patient's understanding that they might want to fill in.
Another reason for asking the patient directly is that (at least in my country) medical records aren't always complete and it can sometimes be not only very time consuming but also impossible to get the full picture only from the records.
And, asking the patient and talking to them can make some people feel heard and make them feel that the doctor has their full attention, so for some people it is the opposite, it feels soothing to them.
Thank you again for making me think about this, I will definitely bring this up with my colleagues as well
I’m genuinely curious if a patient told you that they have an illness or condition that was not in their record, would you believe them?
@@jennifers5560 I would strongly take it into account when considering the patient and see how it fits into the bigger picture. But I would not treat them for that condition without a proof of previous diagnosis or doing tests to confirm the diagnosis again. It would still be helpful to know about it even if the consult is about something else, because of how conditions can influence each other. It does happen if the health system does not have a centralised data base and if people forget to bring some of the of previous records
@@streptococcuspyogenes3261 thanks, it is interesting to hear a Doctors side of it.
An issue here is the presumption that Doctors have better understanding and knowledge than disabled people and regrettably this is seldom the case. There is little if any training, lack of quality research, cultural and institutional prejudice and more. In the disability community lack of adequate medical care and harm are ubiquitous. An articulate, privileged lady like Jessica may fare a bit better, however so much needs to change. It's shocking and dispiriting now backwards we are on this aspect of all our humanity.
They go over my medications every doctor's appointment. But not my diagnoses. But I live in the USA. I think that they forget what I am diagnosed with sometimes.
Lol! I just figured out a way to override my auditory processing disorder so i can watch your videos. I can lip read but your words go by too fast. Sooo... If i put captions on and slow playback speed to 75, I can read along AND read lips AND pause fast enough to catch up on the label/card/picture inserts without disrupting the flow too much. Im 63 and a little slow on the technology availability. 🙄 🤣💗
Thank you for making this! There is such a high percentage of people who are Neurodiverse who are also Non-Binary or Transgender.. super interesting!
Neurodiverse refers to a group of two or more people with differing neurotypes. The word you’re looking for is neurodivergent.
"I don't love the intense outpouring of stereotypically not great stuff".
My drama teacher tore a strip off a transphobe and homophobe (one person) for them misgendering me on purpose and asking me v. private questions about how I 'do stuff' with my boyfriend (im a trans guy) and shes the first person i properly came out to! I love her, she's great
a lotta people i know myself included are autistic and somewhere on the lgbtq spectrum too. I now am curios if there is also a mental health link too, and what if any it might be. especially considering most of us have a hormonal or autoimune issue too.
I have autism and epilepsy with a few other health problems ( spinal cord disorder and genetic disorder). I am gay and trans.
On the note of disability accommodations at pride, I have one related to mental illness.
I really, REALLY don’t want to step on anyone’s toes here, and what I’m about to say is not meant to be judgmental at all.
But as someone with C-PTSD stemming from long-term CSA, I don’t feel comfortable going to pride. I really wish I could, because like most people commenting, I also fall under the LGBTQ+ umbrella. I need pride because I feel so little of it most of the time.
But as someone with sex-focused trauma, the lack of accommodations can make it hard to feel safe at pride. I completely support other people’s desire-and perhaps even need-to display their sexual identity, and I would never deprive them of that. They have lived an entire life, separate from my own, which informs their identity; and I can understand that without necessarily relating to it.
But unfortunately, due to my past, I become extremely vigilant and overly sensitive within sexual environments. I don’t want to feel panicked when I see a person in kink gear, but I do. It’s become hardwired in my brain. I can cognitively understand that my experience is only my own (and trust me, you are forced to realize that as a survivor of this kind of trauma,) but the body response that sex invokes isn’t in my control. Trust me, I’ve been in therapy to work through it for years.
So I guess my point is this: I understand that kink needs to be at pride for reasons unrelated to me. But if even a short portion of pride enforced a plain-clothes policy (even half a day at a weekend event), it would mean the world to me. I need pride just like the rest of us do.
At least there are some events that don’t include kink. Like pride picnics.
Hopefully there are events you can socialize at.
I do see a lot of game nights, park events and karaoke around some for lgbt things or just in general.
I’m boring I just go to fundraiser walks for cancers and stuff. Even starting Meetup groups are great, I think there’s an app/website for that and Facebook I guess.
If you live in a big area I think you can find things to go to.
Physically* healthy gay chap here: two of the best "adult fun times" I ever had were with a deaf guy and a fellow with muscular dystrophy. We did "the do" and afterwards both explained their experiences of discrimination. I didn't get it then, I still don't. Beautiful people come (huh-huh) in all shapes, sizes and abilities.
*me and Stephen Fry have this one thing in common....
You were both on Doctor Who / QI? Cool.@@thedivinemrm5832
Hi! I adore your video. Our queer meetup space here in my town definitely forgets about disabled people. They did new signage on the front of the building and said nothing about disability. They use flashing lights all the time because “people like them” vs. the people who are going to have a seizure in them or overstimulated by them. They have bathrooms where everyone shares the two stalls but generally people who appear to be cis men have peed on the seat and not cleaned it up. So, as a wheelchair user, I always have to clean someone else’s pee before I can use the toilet. The don’t consider wheelchair users sitting in the front to see, they let everyone else crowd around the stage and I wind up having to sit in the back. It’s so frustrating. Other groups have gone to restaurants with bench sitting where I’m forced to sit at the ends and by the people who sit at the end, even if they are someone you may not want to interact with. They’ll do a lot of physical activities and forget about having me go. There is a big lack of connection between the two communities. Thanks for making your videos.
Occam's razor: They all share an etiological vector.
Which isn't to say that is the factual answer. But it is the simplest. So start there and branch out only when an atom of complexity needs to be added.
Thanks Jessica! This is an interesting and educational video! ❤️
lol you're lovely. I write about biology and many immune factors are dependent on the amino acid tyrosine but adrenaline is also made from tyrosine so the mechanism by which high stress causes illness is from the depletion of tyrosine by high adrenaline which then impairs immune strategies. Dopamine is also made from tyrosine and this same problem is why we can also develop debilitating depression from trauma as children.
I was disabled before I knew I was queer, since I was born with my disability, but I do agree that the fact that there "was already something wrong with me" (my thoughts as a young teen) meant I felt less scared to consider what else might "be wrong with me". Of course I learned that this was in fact a very unhealthy way of viewing myself but already being part of a discriminated group meant it felt easier to realise I was a part of another as I entered puberty.
Dang you just made me have a realization that I know need to tell my therapist
I feel like there should be a talk about how being plural makes you part of such a stupidly big amount of identity intersections.
Like the intersection between trans and plural folks, at this point I just assume that every second trans person I meet is a system, whether they know it or not. And of course, since many plural systems have their roots in complex trauma, that brings a lot of different disabilities with it. We ended up with chronic primary pains, PNES, other forms of FND, CPTSD, DID, and joint issues. All from trauma, and each one of them is disabling.
Or being neurodivergent and queer, I feel like *most* people with autism or ADHD are queer, even if they're closer to the cishet side of the spectrum. Both online and in real life, the vast vast majority of queer people I meet are ND in some way. When it comes to plurality, the chance of meeting a 100% allocishet system is....very rare, I've met hundreds of systems and I'm yet to meet one that's not queer.
I've also noticed a higher rate of BIPOC and intersex bodies in the plural community compared to them the general public too, I'd assume the intersection is caused by the trauma that comes with being born in a society usually not accepting of body variations
It would seem like the more personalities you have the higher the chance you would have of being queer.
honey is.. definitely a term i keep using. Have definitely answered '"Honey, why would I choose this?". It's me. I'm the theoretical trans woman. And.. I am still not quite there yet, I still keep always having those "oh yeah, i'm disabled" moments. Even though I've managed to resolve a lot of the *depression* part, I have anxiety issues, I have diagnosed ADHD, and suspected autism spectrum. Like, I look at what the government considers a disability, On paper, i'm disabled. But at this point, i've spent so much of my life struggling but not considered by anyone as disabled.. that I have a cognitive dissonance about it. It has been somehow so much easier to just take on board and run with the facts that i'm a trans woman, and a lesbian, than it has to take on board and understand that disability is a part of my identity too, through my neurodivergence, through my mental health.
I think it's partly because people on the margins of society have less incentive, or even ability, to invest in normativity of any kind, so they are more alienated from the incentive structures that most people use to rationalize their apparent heterosexual identities (meaning more non-disabled might be in the closet).
Also, among people with autism, a greater percentage are gay or bisexual than the general population. This is due to the nature of autism itself.
Got another question: Why are so many neurodiverse people somewhere located in the LGBTQIA+ spectrum?
Answer: Probably, because when you have to think about yourself a lot, one tends also to think more in depth about ones sexual identity and orientation than your bog-standard neurotypical person. At least that is what most of the discussions on Insta, FB, the Fediverse (including Mastodon) seem to have the highest agreement about.
Omg that thing about your kid is so cute! Does he know anyone with two dad's and if so are there two different categories of those too? XD
I remember I went to brighton trans pride and so many more of the folks there had mobility aids. I use a cane and I would see loads of people with canes and crutches and wheelchairs and I thought 'huh, that medical vendiagram was right.' I met this very cool guy who had designed his own stickers for his cane, as well as designing his tattoos. I took that to mean that queer disabled people have incredible style since I spent alot of the time there admiring at outfits. That aside, I think it is a phenomenon for autoimmune conditions to be triggered by psychological trauma, something that queer folk tend to have more of so I think that's a little bit of a factor in it.
Never thought about the idea that one tiny pro (among the sea of cons) of having crutches/a cane/a wheelchair/etc. is that you have, by default, more sticker-space than other people.
I love to learn stuff through you❤ you are an inspiration
So I'm writing my PhD thesis on autism and one of my chapters is devoted to answering this question lol
I love how you didn't even bother directly calling out the comment about the LGBTQ+ community apparently no longer being marginalized, because this claim so out of touch with reality it's not even worth the attention
I’m a queer, asexual, I have EDS, ADD, endometriosis, MCADS, gastroparesis, celiac disease, anxiety, PTSD, and probably more.
I am not gay, I have autism and am not gay
That’s quite rare honestly that makes you special :D
If you are talking about disabled people, you need to ask "Why are so many conservatives gay and yet desperately trying to project to stay in closet"
I mean I don't think it's odd considering how many of our struggles intersect, If you haven't already noticed you cannot be homophobic or transphobic without also being ableist, it is impossible. They go hand ind hand
In my friend group, 90% of us are LBGTQ+, most of us are neurodivergent (Autism and ADHD are the main ones, I have both) and most of us have some kind of knee or back issues that our jobs make worse
AuDHDer fist bump. 🤛
@@GhostIntoTheFog fist bump!! 🤜
So uh, it's kinda ridiculous, but for clinics (as opposed to GPs) we / they genuinely often *don't* have a summary page. Your notes more often than not is simply a binder containing all previous correspondence - you have to skim or guess whether any of them are likely to be relevant. It's ... a terrible system... but also like, not the doctor being lazy. Also for those of us without formal diagnosis it can be a helpful safety net (though there is a bit of a correlation between "not diagnosed", "doesn't show externally" and "doesn't interact/ have clear contraindications with other illnesses" so they're usually not relevant )
(creating a written list you can show them can and will be appreciated by both sides. They may not have the bullet points described, but you can! Also sometimes the person doing an overly broad history is a medical student, which may also effect your feelings about the situation. You can also summarise like, "various memory issues" "various mental health" that way they can drill down into specifics only if it's relevant
This is a tangent in the video, but please bear with. When I was a child I couldn't comprehend having two grandmothers and two grandfathers, so I had grandma, grandpa, grammie, and papa. Like it just didn't work to have two people with the same title. Couldn't tell you when that changed, but easily to like age 5 it just wouldn't compute, and by then the names were basically set
Yup! I’m lesbian and with an invisible disability. Funnily enough, I found out I was a lesbian before I found out I was disabled. 🤷🏻♀️
Yeah I would love to see more LGBTQ+ events that aren’t super loud and requiring alcohol. I really don’t find that enjoyable.
Many neurodivergent people are LGBT+ and also disabled. If the physical wiring of your brain is different than the "norm", it stands to reason that your bodily functions may also be different. Many Autistic people, like myself, suffer from digestive issues, early onset arthritis, as well as connective tissue disorders like EDS. Autism's cause is poly-genomic and environmental (womb). Some of the early studies looking for the "gay gene" have found that being gay is also poly-genomic and environmental in the same way. It's easy to see the correlation there.
Welcome to microagressions ❤ thank you so much Jessica 💖
I've noticed that all my queer friends (nearly all my friends are queer) are neurodivergent in one way or another. Anyone else notice that crossover?
I paused this to read those comments screenshots.
Geez, hit a nerve is right, Jessica. More like hit a whole nerve centre. 🙄
So, intersectionality, huh?
Hmmm. Interesting. I had no idea.
I've worked extensively with disability groups for years and didn't even ctwig this was the case.
There ya go. 🤔
I've learned something new here, Jessica. 🫡
when i mentioned to my therapist that i not only had eds but likely had an autoimmune disorder, she simply said, "yeah, that makes sense. basically every other lgbtq client i have also has an autoimmune disorder. seems to me it only makes sense when you're subjected to so much trauma." (she is also queer, btw, so it was said lovingly/caringly lol)
I find this relatable, and kind of humorous because my story links them in a different order. I was diagnosed autistic and ADHD a few years ago. My also autistic therapist was unsurprised when I then started re-examining my sexuality (I’m in my 50s, it wasn’t a question we typically asked ourselves in the 80s). She also helped me know about common links with autoimmune disorders, which led to proper diagnosis of my hashimoto’s, and probably hypermobile EDS that I’m currently seeking a diagnosis for. (I’m officially diagnosed with joint hypermobility, but no one will seriously look at the multiple problems it causes.)
😮 wow- 4 commonalities! 💜
My asma watching from behind 🌚
I have EDS as well and endometriosis which is a common comorbidity with EDS and an autoimmune disorder. The link with trauma is interesting.
@@amandamccallum6796 WHaT, I have endometriosis too , is it linked with trauma!!??? My doctor said that stress causes gastric problems and that causes asthma, with can be worsen by traumatic life ... I'm transgender man , 🏳️⚧️ 🏳️🌈 pansexual and autistic.... so you know that I have being bullied all my life and lonely... I I'm not a English speaker , sorry if I made a mistake ...
Even when Prides and LGBT+ events say they are accessible they can often mean it in a really narrow way. They have disabled toilets but don't have ones with hoists, they say there aren't stairs but it's up a big hill or there are cobbles. I'm chair of Exeter Pride this year and I'm determined to make it ACTUALLY accessible!
Last time I went to a Pride event the police parked in all of the disability parking spaces..... That doesn't send any sort of message at all....
Don't forget not having paper towels so we won't have to worry about deafening dryers in the bathrooms and loud speakers so the volumes & vibrations will be overwhelming (which is why I often carry sanitizers, stim toys & earplugs in public).
Accessibility at our Pride this year was abysmal. They blocked off the accessible entrance to the park and made everyone get checked in by the steps, they were confiscating and making people pour out water on an 80+ degree day. And the one thing they normally knock out of the park--the sign language interpreters on the main stage during all the musical and drag performances? Half of the songs didn't have any interpreting, and aside from one drag act that incorporated the interpreter into the number, was in a little hidden area at ground level visible to like 3 people in folding chairs with some printer paper taped to the partition reading "ASL access".
@@Kaeinlya This was done deliberately.
My personal experiance is that if there are handicap bathrooms see that the wheelchair can go either side of the toilett to make it possible to transfer and not have a bin or the bog roll screwed to the wall so that people can’t get to the toilet.
To help people at Pride events, look at how Disney World does it.
I once visited Disney World while using a wheel chair. I have chronic fatigue and can’t walk or stand for long periods. Disney had personnel specifically trained to help the disabled. For instance, when my party approached a ride, we were escorted to the front of the line (The glares!) When we entered a small theater to view a video on a large screen, they literally ordered people to move so I could see from the chair. These service personnel were stationed all around the park, and seemingly came out off the woodwork to assist.
With a little training, volunteers could make events accessible and enjoyable.
I love how accessible Disney is, too bad it's so expensive. Now the other theme parks need to follow suit! Busch Gardens is a close second, but I can't ride anything there, Hershey Park requires you to get out of your chair to get on rides but they do have charging stations.
For all my the problems with densely I do like this idea! :3
This is great to hear.
Once at Disney one of my relatives was having a bad Plantar Fascitis flare-up, someone noticed and offered to bring her a wheelchair. She declined, and was fine after sitting for a little bit, but it def made us all feel better to know that we were being looked out for :)
YOU HAVE A PLANE???
😂 Doctors don't seem to care about my trauma, so I (AuDHD, Pansexual enby/agender woman) started telling them *exactly* what the "accident," that caused my injury was. I genuinely love how uncomfortable it makes them. TW: DV
A guy I was dating picked me up by my neck and threw me across the room into a wall. It really screwed up my spine.
I genuinely love making doctors uncomfortable with that because (here in the US at least) we're taught to keep quiet when we're abused, and that the victim of that abuse should be ashamed for having been abused.
So sorry that happened to you. ❤
@@jennifers5560I'm not thrilled about it, or the ways it's impacted my life, but more than anything I'm genuinely thrilled that I have zero shame about it, and will tell any professional who might be made uncomfortable by it.
It's far to prevalent in women's everyday lives, and I don't think it's fair so many of us have to live through these things, but can't talk about it. To be clear I'm not trauma dumping (talking about it in detail), but it happened, as have many other things. People need to know this stuff happens a lot.
uu
@@tinkergnomad yes, I 100% agree, people should know that it happens a lot more than they think. And yes, you should not have any shame about it, it is not your fault, it is the fault of the perpetrator! I appreciate that you speak up about it. Every voice counts and shows other people that they are not alone.
I started doing that with doctors harping on my weight (unrelated to any of my health issues). It's hilarious if infuriating how many obviously know they're prejudiced and it's not okay but are banking on you not calling them out.
I got bullied out of a rural queer group for pointing out the inaccessibility of the majority of the pride activities. Also for being bisexual, fem-presenting nonbinary & therefore not visibly queer. But mostly for saying stuff like 'um, you know that stairs are not even remotely accessible, and it's not like this town (flat as a pancake btw) has a lack of accessible venues for pride events' and 'could you possibly do more low-stim events than the annual picnic, because that cuts out neurodiverse members and it's not so family-friendly'
i'm sorry this happened to you. people take constructive criticism so personally! like no we're not criticizing YOU as a person, we're pointing out how this event is not accessible and it should be changed in the future. simple as that
A lot of people are only against oppression when it affects them personally and will otherwise gladly take the side of the oppressor because they enjoy their privileges. It's sad and enraging.
As a queer disabled I saw the title of this video I saw "Oh of course" most of my friends are also LGBTQ+ and disabled. I've been talking about the intersectionality of disablity and everything I can for years (espechally LGBTQ+ issues). This is a really important topic and i thank you for talking about it!
I really feel you on being careful where you discuss your same-sex partner and how your kid refers to their parents. My wife is trans, I'm cis, and because of our living situation during our son's first few years he calls her dad. Because of the area where we live, I catch myself saying "my spouse" and not "my wife" frequently, I'm careful about asking our son where dad is when we're all out together depending on how safe my wife is feeling. It's exhausting and unfair that we have to constantly think about how we present ourselves when we're not doing anything wrong. We just want to live our lives and not deal with bigots.
Yep! Exactly!
Oh
It sucks that you have to do all of this just to protect your partner. I'm saying this because I know trans people are often attacked, harassed, murdered, etc.
@@mylene_b we've been lucky so far. My sister's boyfriend (both cis) went to get a haircut and was harassed by a group of older men because he has long hair and an undercut. My sister was ready to throw hands when she found out.
congrats on your own little family ❤ i hope to one day find (healthy) love as well. wishing you guys more safe days! ❤
I’m bisexual with crippling C-PTSD. 🤔 I never really thought about this. Do you think people with disabilities also end up with a “I don’t give a damn what people think.” Trait that takes them out of the closet? Because I definitely see that in myself.
I also came to same conclusion particularly with certain neurodivergencies that it's easier to just come out than to live a lie and fear the impulsive side outing you and ruining a relationship if one tried to exist in the closet.
That’s always been my theory, also that maybe we’re more used to having to look confusing/difficult stuff in the face, rather than just ignoring it, so more likely to realise, acknowledge, accept etc. our queerness
i think that's the case w neurodivergence especially, though i can see neurotypical people w other disabilities feeling that way too. i think for ND people, we just don't understand social norms anyway and/or we already often feel excluded from life in general since we're different, so why not also just be openly queer?
I don't think it has to do with disabilities so much as everyone has their breaking point. There's some point of stress where worrying about what other people think just becomes too much work. Look at all the little old ladies who just don't give a hoot. Some people just reach that point much earlier because a lot more has been packed in to their life.
@@saskia6648 I totally agree with this. I think there are a lot of non disabled, non marginalized people that maybe would be queer if they were put in positions where they had to really get to know themselves. Being disabled has led to me being uncomfortable for most of my life. If I wasn’t open about being queer that’d be one more discomfort I have to manage and I just don’t have the spoons for it. Maybe if I wasn’t disabled I’d be able to ignore the nagging feeling that something was off in my life and not address it. I also don’t know because I can’t put myself into the mind of a non disabled person. Just a thought
Probably because a lot of medical equipment doesn't fit in a closet ;)
😂
And a lot of medical equipment that can fit in a closet is used often enough we don't keep in there ;)
@@Eibarwoman true! :p
Ha!!!
Pansexual, non-binary, vascular EDS, dysautonomia, autism, ADHD, celiac, Hashimoto's thyroiditis *Wooo* (I have bucked no stereotypes ♥)
Growing up in Texas as a queer atheist was... sure something. C-PTSD is awful, but I am now an immigrant in Canada and it's so lovely sometimes it's surreal.
I watched an interview a few years ago from a Russian lesbian in the face of their government discrimination - and she said something about fleeing Russia that stuck with me after the harassment in Texas; "You get either a sense of home, or a sense of safety. You don't get both."
Hurrah for Canada! 🇨🇦
Hello fellow pansexual Nb with eds and adhd!
As a Texan (one with ADHD, in fact), I hate that you don't get to have both here. Daily events in news and politics in this regard don't exactly do wonders for my tendency to major depression and anxiety. I'm not even the one directly affected - straight, cisgender, European-American, white, upper middle-class, raised Christian evangelical, etc. - and as someone who does everything she can to be an ally, it hurts and angers me seeing all the different things my state presently does and historically has done to shit on people who don't happen to be in all those categories. Not to center myself here, because how upset I feel about persecution of others pales in comparison to what the people actually persecuted have endured. More a case of trying to say
🫂 about what Texas put you through
🎉 that 🇨🇦 was an option for you and is better to you
Welcome. Glad you're here. Please accept this virtual hug in your welcome packet.
@@jessicaoutofthecloset Uhm, nice of you to say, but it does make us a bit uncomfortable to hear....
I grew up playing wheelchair basketball and most of the lesbians I knew were from wheelchair basketball. I know that's hardly a random sample, but it always made me wonder if disabled women found other women more accepting and not put off by disability in a romantic/sexual partner.
I just want to know where all youwonderful women are. x
@@alisonbarker3862 Apparently wheelchair basketball, lol!