Problem is you can't share this with your in-laws 😜.. but rightly said . You have addressed this issue in a very nice manner. I hope it reaches masses.
पहली बार, किसी पुरुष को, बल्की किसी ससुर को, घर की हालत का विश्लेषण, इतना सटीक और वह भी इतने -- स्माइलिंगफेस के साथ -- करते हुए देखा। 😂 🙏 कितनी सारी बहूओ की आंखे भर आई होगी यह सब सुनकर।😢 हमसे ज्यादा, आपकी बात, आप की उमर की लोग सुनेंगे और शायद उसपर गौर करेंगे। हम सारी बहुओं की तरफ से आप को प्रणाम🙏 ओर धन्यवाद 💐💐
इन सारी औरतों से पूछो की इनका पति घर जमाई बन कर इनके मा का पैर धोये तो ये सारी चंडालिकायें एक सुर में उस नालायक पति का समर्थन करेंगी लेकिन लड़के के मा के साथ कभी नही रहेंगी।खासकर दिल्ली की लड़कियां बहुत ही बदतमीज़ और बिगड़ैल होती है।लोगों को तो अपने लड़के की शादी दिल्ली करनी ही नही चाहिए।इन सब लड़कियों पर पंजाबियों का प्रभाव होता है और पंजाबी लड़कियों की सुबह और रात दोनो दारू से शुरू और खत्म होती है।ये बुद्धा भी सठिया गया है।इन पंजाबी नकलची चंडालिकाओं से पूछो की अगर तुम्हारे भाई की पत्नी अगर तुम्हारे मा बाप से अलग जा कर रहे तो कैसा लगेगा तो ये चंडालिकायें तुरंत अपना जवाब बदल देंगी।
I wish everyone, especially husbands understood this.. A lot of marriages would be saved and a lot of daughters would be saved from getting depressed with life!!
I am from Pakistan. I have lived with in laws only to go into depression. The husband only felt better by insulting me in front of his relatives. I also looked around on other families getting their sons married happily but then complaining about bahu and the gap extending to the extent of not even speaking to each other. In the end, they had to separate anyway. So I decided years ago that I will not live with my son and his wife. But I wanted a supporter of my view as I didn't find any. Thanks for fortifying my confidence in my decision.
Aliya study Islam..joint family system is not allowed in Islam..it is the influence of Hindu culture in Pakistan that we live in joint families..no other Muslim country has this problem..the son lives separately after marriage..the following link would show Islamic support towards your view.. m.th-cam.com/video/HXUyMKCDBo8/w-d-xo.html
@@docmimi788 are we so prone to other's influences that we stop thinking by our own mind? The communities living far away from India also have this tradition so it's not correct to say that Muslims have acquired this tradition from Hindus. It's high time for people to stop expermenting and give rightful space to the newly formed relation.
Very true. I suffered for 20 years with my in laws. My husband would always support his mother and sisters.When I couldn't take it any more,I told my husband that I was willing to leave him over the issue. Finally he understood
Valid points ! And the most valid point was - spending a lot of money in having lavish ceremonies due to peer pressure but not using that money in investing in real estate and thereby, achieving peace of mind.
A very practical advice indeed!I stayed with my in laws for 15 years and then moved out with much bitterness for one another.The points you mentioned are absolutely true.Better stay separate and have a harmonious relationship rather than staying together and turning the relationship toxic.
Main to yearly 1 baar hi jati hu inlaws k yahan but fir v toxic baatein apne sath le kar aati hu unki . Saas & nanad ye kabhi taunt maarne se nhi chukengi chahe kahi v rah lo . But atleast daily daily unki chik chil sun ni nhi padti .
@@minakshi7530 Same here 2-3 din k liye jati hu uspe bhi saal bhar k liye depression tension le kar ati hu. Don't know why but I feel like महिलाओं की मानसिक गुलामी type environment there.
@@harigyan782 Haa main v saal bhar k lie tension le kar aati hu , mere life me inlogon k wajah se hi stress aa gya , marriage k initial days me mujhe bahut kuch sunna pada , saas & nanad ne bahut sunaya . Unki baaton se main kabhi ubhri hi nhi . Stress level itna badh gya ki mere body k hormones disturb ho gye . 3 years se endometriotic ovarian cyst se ladh rhi hu , open surgery v karwa li but wapas se ho gya .
I am so grateful to my husband that we decided to live separately from in-laws during the initial years of my marriage, the understanding we have now otherwise wouldn't have been possible... happily married for 10years now.
If your in laws are now wanting to stay with you because of health issues , are you ready to accept them ????? No but you want everything from the in laws don't want to do anything for them 😮
"…Ladki ka baap bhi akela rehta hai"….this selfish society willingly ignores this fact. Thank you Sir for highlighting everything. Wish more people thought like you 🙂
@@ravirajacharyaacharya2010 nahi hai toh kya karein? Aur waise bhi maa baap thodi naa specifically beta ya beti needwise paida kar sakte hai... online order ki tarah. So best policy is equal responsibility towards parents as children ...no matter, boy or girl. 😊
Very practical advice. I am happy that I have done this in my family. I and my son's family live separately. I feel it keeps the love and understanding more stronger than living in a joint family. Thank you sir for this much needed advice for today's generation.
Sir mai kya batau....aap ki soch aur explanation....aap ne mera pura 22 years ki dissatisfied married life ko 21.06 mnts me batadiya. Aap ko bohot bohot dil se dhanyavad .
Agree with you completely…. It is a nightmare for bahu, if her husband doesn’t understand/ cares of the awkwardness she faces in her sasural… especially difficult when the senior generation has unrealistic ideas / expectations from her & her husband wants to be a good little boy of mummy dearest 🤨🤨🤨🤨
Bhuto ko bura lga Hoga but I agree with you...parents ko 60 k baad hi bccho ki need hoti h ya kisi beemari k chlte...Lakin tab tak itna kalah klesh ho chuka hota h ki bcche old age m Mata pita ko chor k chle jate h..aur jab unko sewa ki need hoti h tab tk dil me itni kadvahat bhr jati h aur dilo me dooriya aa jati hain.hona to apke kahe anusar chahiye...very good advice.will must follow when I became in-law 😄
@@nextonline7786mat do kisi ko property but bachpan mein unhe nicha mat jikhaao , usko property ki tarah treat mat karo , na servent ki trah , toxic maa baap ke saath bache bhi saath rehne nhi chahte hai
But agar start m sath na raho to baad m bahu ko bht problem hoti h adjust krne m.. Nayi bahu ko apne parivar m kiske sath kaise kya krna h sb batana chahiye
Itni practical batein, balanced solutions. Hope people understand. Sir, you've nailed everything so precisely and it's happening in every house. High time we elders understood that we can not behave with our children, the way our parents/ inlaws behaved with us. Times change and we need to evolve. Staying away from each other gives a lot of peace of mind to both parties,resulting in good physical and emotional health. Thanks a ton for highlighting this issue. Hope good sense prevails over all of us.
I am so impressed that someone brought this topic. I am living in join family since 30 years. The situation started just a week after that they lost respect in my eyes and I never got love from them. We are just frustrated living bodies in the same house!!!
Sir married just 5 months before. Though it's love marriage accepted by both parents but now I m also feeling privacy, relatives (specially husband's three sisters and their children frequent arriving) and spce issue. I m a working woman. Most of the time I remain tired in my week off time. Follow all rituals like Sir pr bado k samne dupatta rakhna etc bt in spite of compromising my SAASU maa always complain that she always wakes up late, don't do all household chore effectively. I always think that when we will be capable for building a big house on this land and when these type of person and relative will mend their mind set. I m a government employee but my husband, my own parents and these relative will not be ready to leave separately till the new building is ready which will be in approx next 5 years as per our calculation. I m glad to see ur videos, subscribed ur channel. This is really a heart touching content.
Very true and practical concern sir. Thanks for sharing this. Actually now a days it is the need of the hour to bring harmony in families. But in North one has to be very daring to implement this.
Seriously this is true that privacy issues mostly occur, but it's hard for everyone to understand. Specially when u r working women n someone force u to attend family functions in week off its feel like hell at that moment n irritating also. Wish this mentality change in upcoming years.
I am unable to find the right words for the praise....This video should be made a compulsory watch for all the middle class .... Most logical and reasonable things said and explained...THANK YOU...
@@apbpbps Then who will take care of parents. Bahu don,t want to take care of in-laws but want rights in her in laws property. What a hypocrisy. Listen deepika narayan bhardwaj and jyoti tiwari pandey for more clarity.
Nice one, very sensible also.👌 People forget that when the bride comes into her 'sasural', she is a stranger. She doesn't really love anyone there. But society puts tremendous pressure on her to behave in a certain way. It is wrong, and we should change that.
Issue is - once son gets married , MIL and FIL starts feeling ill, or i should say they start feeling(showing) it more and more...bcz of that they create psychological pressure on son to keep them with him plus pressurise daughter in law to become kind of their care taker, ignoring the fact that just few months back they were looking for a professionally qualified working girl. Few parents time and again remind son of how much hardships they hv gone through raising him up, as if girls parents hv not done so. Its a serious issue parents are creating these days leading to even divorces of their son. Its high time to understand the intricacies.
@@praveenverma9959 ha bilkul. Jab ma baap bina beti ke reh sakte to bina bete ke kyu nahi ? Kya damad saas sasur ko rakhta hai ? Tow fir bahu bhi kyu rakhe ?
@@praveenverma9959 My mom herself says that she would want my brother and his wife to live in a separate house nearby so they can be happy and relations remain cordial.
I have already implemented the same in my life. Me n my husband had always decided to jiyo n jeene doh. Very good piece of advice/suggestion. U have explained it very practically. We n our beta n Bahu are very happy. God bless all to take the advice/suggestion in a positive way❤❤❤❤❤
Outstanding advice and can't relate much more. Being an emotional guy I did this and paid heavily for this. My parents and my in laws were very loveable to me so I decided to quit my job to stay with them as my wife are three sisters only. So, I came to my hometown so that I can take care of both the families.😁 And started business with my sasurji. Uske baad jeevan mai jo hua h na sir kya hi batau 😁😁😁 Izzat 0 business 0 stress 100%. Abhi final jaake akal aai h. Moving to a new location soon. But on serious note, small mistake can cost you a lot. Big salute to you sir for guiding old and Young generations together.
The video is about daughter in law and son staying with father in law and mother-in-law. Not the son in law staying with his in-laws or they staying with him😄 This is not discussed though it is the current trend!!! Because men (son in law or father in law) don't complain!!
Thank you for giving such sound advice. I would like to share, I'm a Parsi and in our marraiges it is mandatory for a boy to have his own flat. Otherwise the couple waits till they can afford one on rent, only then they marry. It is looked down upon in the community if the newly wed are living with the boys or girls parents. In fact in Mumbai, if a couple is to get married and don't have a flat, Parsi Panchayat will provide on the condition that the date of the wedding is fixed and the boys parents do not have more than one house.
@@docmimi788 it's not written anywhere that joint family system is not allowed in Islam. In Islam, bad behavior to bahu is not allowed, depriving her of mental peace and health is not allowed. Do the inlaws act upon that? One has all the right to get away from hurtful people. Islam is a resilient religion. Parsis have the tradition of having the son and his wife live separately. This keeps values of respect and the relations intact. In our society , first they are forced to live in joint family system, then bitterness starts after some time. It either leads to domestic violence and criminal charges or to son and his wife saying goodbye forever. But the parsi system is based on human psychology, not on theatrical drama of actors who artificially show people that they are happy together.
While the points you mentioned are very practical and should be discussed further. I would like to mention points where in laws are like a boon. Though it all depends on their thinking and mindset. 1) when a couple has baby and both are working their grand parents are the best persons to take care of baby. You can say that you can hire someone but remember the love which grand parents can give is unmatched. They will be more than happy to help. A child who spends is childhood among grandparents becomes a very good human being. Again this all depends on mindset and thinking of parents. 2) when couple have a job so there are many things where you need external help, when you are sick, when you need some guidance, when you just feel the need of your close ones, household chores can be easily managed with their help. 3) A parent works tirelessly to provide us everything in their capacity with just one hope that when their kid grow up they can cherish moments of joy with them and see their grand children. On basis of being practical we might deprive them of this joy. I know point number 3 depends totally on the parent as they should not hope for these things if they can not adapt new age thinking and being flexible. Still I have stated this point as they feel this.
भाई आपने एक परिवार की जो आज कल सबसे ज़्यादा दिक़्क़तें हैं, उन्हें समझ कर बहुत ही अच्छे से बताया है, और समाधान भी दिया है। सबसे अच्छा तो आपने उस बेटी की बाबत जो चिंता ज़ाहिर की, वो गौर करने लायक़ है, हर सदस्य को निभाने से अच्छा है अपनी अलग व्यवस्था करना। एक दूसरे के भाव को समझ कर उससे व्यवहार करना। अच्छी विवेकपूर्ण समझ देने के लिए धन्यवाद।
I lived with my mother in law for 37 years. ( she passed away last year) My husband being the only son, never ever wanted to stay away from his mom. I served her all these years without a word of gratitude. I wouldn't want to do it, if given half a chance.
@@bhakti64 yes I am. I am getting back to my hobbies, paintig and writing. Me and my husband are planning to travel. ( we hardly travelled all these years because, we couldnt leave my mother in law alone at home, nor she couldn't travel with us. ) Anyways, thanks for empathizing🙏🙏🙏🙏
I was looking in the comments section atleast for one comment, which would be like, my in laws took care of the house when I went to work, they raised my kids. I'm actually surprised, there's none. You nailed it sir. Distance and privacy are important for a healthy relationship. Firstly, it takes so much effort for the couple to adjust with each other. It's really unreasonable to expect a girl to adjust with an entire family in a fully functional and rigid home. She will have to live like a doormat, if her views are not considered. The most important point which even I belive strongly is that let the couple live independently, let them have their space and meet you once in a while and think of it positively, instead of saying that the girl took away the boy. When you get old, they will respect you for how considerate you have been. They will be helpful to you. Instead of understanding this point, people want to have the son and daughter in law live with them, control and torture her and then expect her to take care of them when they get old and weak. Isn't she a human? Does her heart not break?
@@AeyHero Not allowed to eat, sleep, spend time with the husband. In addition, interference in the couple's personal matters, taunting, blaming, mil competing with dil, etc. etc. I have been a victim of all this, but I agree many in laws are more broad minded now. Torture is a very extreme word, like you mentioned, but some do go through it even today, even though girls now a days are educated, working, able to manage home and work, they are still criticised continuously and not treated like humans, unfortunately.
@@AeyHero I agree and I think it is possible to live with parents (parents/in laws), if there is mutual respect. However, since this is always not possible, it is better to maintain a healthy distance and give space not just to the newly married couple, but also to the elderly, who have their own set of hobbies, friends circle, etc.
In law especially mother in law sister in law kuch help nai karte. My mom is a working parents it was my mom's sister who helped her raising me not her sasuma.
@@user-qxpkwl bhai aleke rah ke babies koi aur stranger ke hath de dena h. Nahi to after pregnancy need h to bula lenge baad me bhej denge. 🤬. I hate these mindset’s. My father and I have different opinion in every thing even in tube bulb but when he need some advise hum sath me discuss karte h n vice Versa. Shadi ke baad larki wapas mayaka jati h taki Wo ghar me kiska kaisa nature h wo samaj le aur apne maa s discuss bhi kar sakti h.
Really very good thought.... Ladke ke maa baap jo 50 saal k h wo kaise akele rh skte hai,, ladki ka baap to rh skta h chahe wo 70-75 saal ka h wo rh skta h kyki wo beti ka baap hai.... Thought of our society🤬🤬🤬🙄🙄🙄
Soo on point! Thank you for bringing this up! I suffered a lot because of staying with inlaws..n after sometime asked my husband to get separated. Everyone should understand this
I lived with my in-laws but intuitively I knew that I don't want to live with my daughter in law so that she doesn't hate me 😊 Your video solved my dilemma 🙏
When my brother was getting married I asked my mom whether she wanted daughter in law to live with her or peace of mind. She chosed peace of mind . And since they live separately it keeps relationship cordial. Best of both worlds.
aap usko alag rakh leyna , agar vo alsi hui ur selfish hui vo fir bhi nafrat kareygi kisi ur baat ko ley key fir infact aap apny betey key saath jada time gujjar ni paogy is life mey , life bohot choti hey apny k saath jitna time ho saky gujar ley
It is a very good advice. The elderly in Kerala mostly do not mind their sons having their own establishment. Being a matriarchal society in fact the parents are more attached to girls . I am 65, my husband is 70 we stay on our own, we have the freedom to pursue our spiritual inclinations and are totally satisfied with our present routine.
Your family is so lucky and mostly your daughter in law 😅। You are so genius 💖🙏। काश आपकी जैसी सोच हर इंसान (सास, ससुर) की हो जाए तो कोई बहू जल कर , या सब्दो के जाल में घुट कर ना मरे 😢😢।
Mind blowing video sir! My MIL generally lives separate, we try to make it work. But in our 7 years of marriage, we have only had fights between us due to her whenever she visits. During initial days of our marriage she even came and lived with us in 1BHK! Her every visit ends with more bitterness in her heart towards me and thus, vice versa too. I am blamed even if she has an argument with her own son! Plus, the diplomacy and differentiation between me and my SIL! They just want a DIL who is good enough and independent to brag about in the society but they can’t accept the fact that we work equally hard (sometimes even more) as their son does. Sad but true!
This is much needed advice. This video should be taught as a curriculum. Really appreciate your effort in bringing out these different scenarios. This might not always be true, but when it is, it can break relationships in a matter of minutes.
First time I hv seen such a great vdo....being a Bahu can relate myself to every sentence....Can still recall what great pain n suffering I went through ....
Thank you so much Sir for this mind- blowing video. If son's parents live alone they get all the sympathy from the society but if bahu' s parents live alone because they have daughters only the society says 'beti to paraya dhan hai' . There should not be any difference between a son and a daughter then why bahus are forced to live with their in laws in the name of joint family system? Bahus should be given the right to decide where do they want to live just like the son.
The reality of today's times.The past generation has already suffered...pure herd mentality. All aspects are very true.Suffocation of a life time can easily be avoided and life can be looked back at happily by accepting this simple truth.
All i can summarise in few words is ur wife and children are actually blessed to have u in their life...as my life has been ruined just because of mother in law...today my husband and I share poisonous bitterness in our relationship
Totally agree. Why don't people realise this sooner. I kept on saying this but no one heard me, hope now this video will help someone. My life is gone by......sadly... Regards, Parin
हो तो हरियाणा के पर बात पंजाबियों वाली की है । बहुत ही सटीक, व्यावहारिक बात की है । कई बातें जानते हुए भी हम दुखी रहते हैं बिना कोई रियल रीजन के । कई लोग मन से तो समझ जाएंगे पर उपरितौर पर आपको बुरा भी कह सकते हैं । बहुत अच्छी बात को आपने उठाया है
इन सारी औरतों से पूछो की इनका पति घर जमाई बन कर इनके मा का पैर धोये तो ये सारी चंडालिकायें एक सुर में उस नालायक पति का समर्थन करेंगी लेकिन लड़के के मा के साथ कभी नही रहेंगी।खासकर दिल्ली की लड़कियां बहुत ही बदतमीज़ और बिगड़ैल होती है।लोगों को तो अपने लड़के की शादी दिल्ली करनी ही नही चाहिए।इन सब लड़कियों पर पंजाबियों का प्रभाव होता है और पंजाबी लड़कियों की सुबह और रात दोनो दारू से शुरू और खत्म होती है।ये बुद्धा भी सठिया गया है।इन पंजाबी नकलची चंडालिकाओं से पूछो की अगर तुम्हारे भाई की पत्नी अगर तुम्हारे मा बाप से अलग जा कर रहे तो कैसा लगेगा तो ये चंडालिकायें तुरंत अपना जवाब बदल देंगी।
My parents contributed to the down-payment of buying of my first flat. Yet I chose to live with my parents after marriage with my wife. My parents tried to convince me to move out and live in the flat separately with my wife that my parents and I had bought but I was an idiot, thinking I'd earn rent from that other flat. It is only due to my mother's efforts and later my wife's efforts also that we all could live in that house for 1.5 years. Despite my parents guiding me based on their life experiences I never listened and ended up not enjoying the initial years of my married life. Also I really didn't earn much from rent (the emi was 3 times the rent), and like he said in the video, the bigger cost is one's peace of mind.
@@fitsurvivor4781 Yup. In fact I was the one creating problems at my parents place, not my wife or my mother or father. I had wrong assumptions due to old school thinking and lack of communication.
@@fitsurvivor4781 It's same for boys and girls. Boys and Girls leave their parents and start their family. Staying with boys relatives is NOT marriage.
@@SiSi-ju1xk yeah I've already said that I was wrong and how my parents also wanted me to live separately with my wife. I have been a male chauvinist...
Sir sadar pranam Aapnae bahut hee achha video banaya hai yeh eyeopener hai sach mein bahut hee logical baat Kari hai aapnae bahut samajhdari sae bilkul sahi analysis Kiya hai everyone should be given a space live and let everyone live his her life life is short just make it easy to live for yourself and for everyone don't expect much be confident and feel proud to handle every situation pay attention to you r health pray to God and be thankful always that v r alive and contribute to society animals and people around u irrespective of whether u r getting some things in return our good deeds increase our good kaarmik account To give a good life to our children is our duty and responsibility and be reasonable in allocation of you r money to them becoz once u need it they will be miser so. Enjoy life sir u r genius Thank you so much from d core of my heart and I request all. People plz plz plz listen this video carefully and apply it in your life🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏millions of thanka
What an amazing video. I'm so glad someone has brought this up. My marriage got ruined for this reason. My only ask in the marriage was to move out to a house near by so that i could get some time and space away from interfering in laws but at the same time tend to them if they needed anything. But the Indian mentality is so flawed. They broke the marriage but did not push the son to move out of the house. They bring home a girl and then mis treat her. Most Indian men are brought up as such mamas boys. They are so dependent and incapable of doing anything on their own. I really wish this starts to change. So that they start treating us as an equal in a relationship instead of a subservient.
Yes I agreed with you, I m 69,1served my in-laws, now serving Dil,I hv no personal life, now I m retired and husband is blind not ready to live in saperate home,we have two flats but living joint only I m suffering bkz of him
to be frank it also depends on their profession because i was in travelling job i lived alone on tours and that changed my perspective about life otherwise i would have been a mumma's boy myself.
Me and my husband had decided to keep our son / daughter close to our heart and away from our home, even before they were born. Thank you so much, after watching this video we feel we have made a right decision.
Very realistic video sir.. thank you for this.. I have been with inlaws for 1.5 years and as a newly married couple we were not atleast able to go to a movie comfortably... Avoided all those foods which my in-laws won't eat and even though they have their own house in their city, they forcefully stayed with us and they never did this with their first son as first DIL is very tactic and know how to keep them distant.. Hope this generation understands this.. only thing we as DILs can do is - treat them with love whenever they visit.. that's it... 🙏
I wish..all Men understand like you do Sir. The root cause is most men think they have to take care of their parents... At the cost of ruining their married life. Yes.. In today's time.. With less space and time... It's better all live in their own place.. Less interference.. More peace.
@@HighUp11 You are right. But now a days, most senior citizens behave very strict. Boy's parents don't give freedom. They want to control life of their son. And especially after marriage of their own son, parents become dominant. They don't want their son to stay separate at the same time, staying together they keep dominating and interfering in the married life of their son. I strongly feel that parents should change their mindset.
It's because their mother blackmailed them. It's the women who are the villain the so called mother in law who wants her son to listen to her all the time.
Really loved your practical approach and advise Sir!!! just scrolled through the comments section and everyone is praising and thanking you, which means almost every household is facing these issues, but no one is ready to speak it out and loud ye bolke ki "family issue hai ghar ke bhar nahi jani chaiye". I hope a lot of elders go across through your video, but surely, it's a learning for me and will implement in my future!!!
Bohot acha bataya sir aapne pahle a samajna chahiye ki jo saas sasur hai voh bhi us daur se guzar chuke hai ab jo bahu rahrahi hai. Ye yaad hogato koi problem nahi aayegi
Best line - Thamba.... bhaagna mat.... Really appreciate sir, you have explained things in simple manner and practical way. Thanks for sharing words of wisdom 🙏🙏
Thank you for this video 🙏🙏. The point about parents actually needing their kids to be around at 70 plus was spot on. Wish more people understood this. So much conflict can be avoided.
Every word is true, I totally agree with you sir.... I wish I had this knowledge 15yrs ago, now it's too late..... My in-laws are aged and we can't leave them and go. Thank you for this video.
Sir apne bht sahi batein Kari h I think sabko smjhni chahiye. Aur divorce cases bhi isliye jyada aa rhe h bcoz husband wife ki understanding nhi ban paati in sab issues ki wajah se.
I live in Chennai. Here many families follow your ideology. Two houses in same area or its two flats in one building or housing society. Ideology in south is far most matured than in the rest of India.
I am from south too. Some families have this idea that if you are living in the same city then you all should live together. Even if it is one big fighting 👪
Shakti u r right. Now a days son n daughter in law's won't adjust with the situation around with inlaws.. Better to be seperate than to divorce for minor reason.
Thank God that somebody took the responsibility to address this very important issue at every Indian house. It's very practical & much needed advise which will actually unite families & make them good support system for each other & not enemies in the end. I m sure this will be accepted down the years but for that it had to be addressed today. 👍👍👌
My MIL had Cancer before I got married. Before my marriage, they were living separately as my husband was studying. After marriage, they moved in with us. The initial days were fine, but later my FIL moved out to a different city for his job because the cost of cancer treatment was really high. Me and my husband both work in IT, but insurance was not sufficient for the treatment. My sister-in-law lives in the same city and used to come every weekend for 2 days to stay with us with her 3 young kids. She will sleep in our bedroom the entire weekend. When she would leave on Sunday night, my house would be a mess. The first 18 months of my marriage were really bad. Most weekends in hospitals for chemo sessions. My SIL would say that she is coming to visit her mom, but all she did the whole weekend was watching TV. I'll take care of the kids which I loved. But it was all so overwhelming for me. My husband's family eats so unhealthy, i started putting on weight. My mental health was deteriorating. Even my husband was not comfortable with her coming every weekend(literally each weekend without a break). We had to tell her finally that she should come on alternate weekends. We need some time on weekends. Now everything is fine, but I am never getting back those initial years of my marriage. Currently my FIL lives with us. My parents live in a different city alone.
Superb. Good relationship between son and daughter- in -law gets ruined in many cases due to unnecessary and unwanted interfaces of son's parents. Huge expectations kills relationships and makes it unbearable. Extremely good video. Very valuable points and suggestions. Pl make such good videos which are relevant to the present society.
No one understood when I said these things almost 30 years back... almost felt like I was going insane....this is so gratifying that someone is addressing the elephant in the room finally.
Sir, something like this, coming from your generation is extremely gratifying. You have "just simplified" it. People of the elder generation who are not willing to or not being able to understand their younger generation might ponder on what you just said. Har relation naazuk hota hai, usko zyada twist nai karna chahiye.
Nowadays everybody all earningmore money no space issues If girl mother comes to stay with daughter in law mother in-law Cannot stay that is the only big issue Nobody. Is readyto cook always Bringing outside food Because girl cannot cook food for motherinlaw selfish man and woman no solution
Your video is good and have .so good ways to live peaceful lives. But only for upper middle class and above. In these days it is not easy to have separate house for son and son in the beginning can't have separate house. Privacy need to both the parties. But sometimes people are forced to live together. Until boy is afford to have separate house. Only ways is both the parents instead of spending huge amount on marriage should contribute so that can have separate house. In my fact it is not easy to solve this common issue..
Aap bilkul sahi bol rahe ho sir bahu ki durdsha ho jati h bachhe or saas ko ek sath nhi rakha ja sakta saas sasur to sanse band krne ke liye bne hote h
I agree totally. Even when i got married and shifted to Mumbai, it's humid and still i couldn't wear comfortable clothes just because we were staying with in-laws. Hated that period like anything.
Wonderful wonderful video sir....being a man talking about this issue is really appreciable... Ur children r the luckiest ones to hv such an amazing father. ..the way u took out the minute uncomfortabiliities of DIL was extraordinary
Thank you Sir Ji for your great and wonderful advice. Seriously sir for the very first time in my whole life I am listening this type of advice from a senior citizen like you. You are an advanced person in a true sense. Very few people like you exist in today's 21st century 👍👍🙏🙏
Omg … sir, How sweet and intelligent you are. Itne samaghdar sab ho jaye toh koi issues hi nahi rahen. But we are so much impressed. AAP bahut bahut bahut hi seyanne aur samaghdar ho. I wish sab aap jaise ho 🙏🏻🙏🏻
Sensible idea.... I have always felt that my son and daughter in law should have their own home and they should not get married till they are able to make their arrangement. It would be good if real estate builders design apartments/homes for the family to stay close together say adjacent apartments but not one single apartment. That way they can be support systems for each other and still have their own life.
Sub kuchh doosaron p ku daalna builder dil fil mil etc apni mansikta hum ku nahi theek kar sakte Salute to mr amitsangan for realising and making people think about it🙏
They have this system in Singapore. Young couples who buy house near their parents get 25 % discount. No couple live with in law s. Young couples are encouraged to but their own apartments which are highly subsidised by govt. Parents too want their children to own their own property
I have shared the video with my brothers and sisters cos all of them are to be father in law and mom in Laws so they get some good advice. My marrige broke for the reasons you have mentioned to a great extent cos the man i was married to wanted to save on expences and his mother lived alone in a double story house . She lived in the lower portion two rooms one washroom and a kitchen and rest of the house was on rent. There was a huge drawing room which my Mil had kept like a show room . We could not even sit on the sofas at random. I had a small baby . To narrate an insident my girl was about 6 months and was sleeping and it was freezing cold in January .Mil got the mopping done and the fan was put on full speed to get the floor dry. She smothered the baby under the quilt and was really taken aback and a bit concerned as to my baby would suffercate or catch a cold . When i voiced my concern the whole environment of the house was shattered as she complained to her son and he got pissed with me and was really belittled . Any ways i spent my entire youth with all kinds of ups and downs and loads of sniggering and ultimately moved out when my daughter was 13 yrs old .I have since then fended for myself without any support from any one am living and will continue to live hopefully healthy till the day i die . Cos stress has created issues with my daughter and me.
My father has a huge villa in a half acres plot but soon after my marriage he has given me money to buy a duplex flat and asked me to setup a different house with my wife. I now understand my father's logic.
In my whole life this is what I heard something so reasonable,world need more ppl like you ,who understands bahu's issues too..thank you so so much sir 🙏🏼
You are correct Sir. You have observed this issue very closely. When a son in his late 20s or early 30s get married, his parents are in late 50s or early 60s. These parents are young old where they can manage themselves very well and generally don't need physical help from others that much.. That time, by forcing the newly married son and his wife to stay with them, for them and under their dictates, they are actually ruining a big support system whom they need dearly after they cross 70s. Rather, parents and their newly married son should give space to the wife in another flat/house, preferably owned. This way the newly married couple will have time to explore each other and their relation with parents-in-law, from both the side, will flourish gradually. I think, due to social pressure, such in-laws and such newly married sons pressurize this newly married girl to stay with them and keep proving herself as best wife, best daughter-in-law, best host, best cook etc etc etc. These 3 immatured people in turn ruin this girl who is in her 20s and ruin a beautiful relationship to grow.
yaar jo ma 60 ki hey, usky pass kitna hi time bacha hey ladkey ko gujar leney do kuch saal ma key saath fir to vo rehny ki hi nhi hey . ur explore mey kya vo kamrey mey ghush kar kuch keh rahi hey. ur alag rakh bhi diya ladka kya fir bhi complains nhi aaeyngi fir kis ur baat ko ley kar compalin khadi ho jaeygi.
@@aavishar ladki k maa bhi 60 ki hay, wo bhi ajaay, sab hum saath, women live longer। So u r saying bahu will pray or wait eagerly when her saas sasur will die to live alone with husband???😂😂😂😂😂 Tab Tab wo bhi 50 -60 ki ho jaegi😂😂😂😂
@@aavishar aur kitne saal jiyegi ki chakkar mein dusron ki zindagi kharab ho kya . 60 saal ki hai toh 100 saal tak bhi toh jee sakti hai . Kya 40 saal jhele koi . Behaviour agar achi na ho toh kon rehna pasand karega . Problem responsibility ki nahi hai , problem hai bahu bete ke zindagi mein dakhal dena .Bahu ko chaar roti aur banane mein taklif nahi hai , banane ke baad bhi chaar bate sunade toh bura lagta hai .
@@Mira-pm3ni yaar ye indian parents ki problem hi hey , ladkey ko hi kaha appriciate karty hey itna. par yaar bosse ki bhi to sunty hey saas ki sunlo thodi si , property bhi to milygi. ur jab bahu pregnant ho ya bacchy bimar ho to help bhi to karty hey badey log. Life will be easy agar budhiya ki ek kaan sey suni ur dusrey sey nikal di. Dekho badey helping hand bhi to hoty hey. socho kalko aap bimar ho jaao to wo khana to bana dengi na.
@@antarabasak1055 alone rehkar kuch ni mila husband k saath, vo itna pyar deyney wala hota to vo abhi tak bahu ka dard overcome kar chuka hota. better ki ek kaan sey suno dusrey sey nikal do . boss ki bhi to sunty hey . akeley mey kitny issue ghar khali ni hcod k ja sakty , baachy purey time tumhary pass yaha to thodi deer grandparents k paas bhej do, ur khud bimar ho gye to thy will help you. akeley rehkey pati k saath milyga kya . Ha ek cheej to vo lower pehen k jo akeley mey ghumti hey ladkiya grandparents k saath ni pehen sakti .
I agree with every point sir. But once the children stay separate, they can't adjust with their elders in their seventies or eighties. And that is the time when maximum parents need support of their children especially a single parent.
@@bibianava6616 old age homes are too costly… also there is no guarantee that their needs will be looked after properly… more so in cases of invalids , who need constant supervision… It’s better to keep a caretaker at home for those senior citizens who can’t walk / need help, or loose balance due to old age…& I’m not even talking about people with Alzheimer’s or Parkinson’s …. They need special care… (know it because I’m looking after my mother after my father’s death.. she has Parkinson’s & is bed ridden… don’t know how long she will last, but can’t send her to any nursing home , as we are financially not stable )
ITS A MUST RITUAL IN MY FAMILY SINCE GENERATIONS THAT ONCE A GUYS GETS MARRIED HE HAS TO MOVE TO NEW HOUSE (EITHER RENT OR BUY NEW ONE) ELSE HE'S GETS THE TAG OF NALAYAK, NIKAMMA ETC. I'M FROM KARNATAKA. THE REASON FOR THAT IT SHOWS SELF-RESPECT, SELF-ESTEEM PLUS THE NEW COUPLE SHOULD LEARN CERTAIN THINGS ON THEIR OWN WHICH IS VERY GOOD FOR FUTURE
@@samruddhisandvar1807 ONLY IN NORTH INDIA PARENTS ARE DUMBED IN OLD AGE HOME. IN MY FAMILY &ALSO ACROSS SOUTHERN INDIA THE PARENTS DURING OLD AGE STAY IN THEIR CHILDREN HOUSE & THEY'VE TAKEN GOOD CARE
In the South most parents want their married children to stay on their own. After having worked hard to complete their responsibilities they want to travel, go out for religious or social tourism and enjoy their freedom for some years at least.
Uncle bahut ttttt hee achi hee video banai h ...or mere saath to same aisa hee hua tha .ab haar k bacchy hone k baad kalesh badh jaane k baad mujhy apne maayke hee aana padha for peace in life ..baby ko tabhi sambhal Rahi hu..
My God!! All points ON POINT!! I read somewhere that equality in a marriage ends the day the GIRL moves into the boy's house. And I always say all these things that you have mentioned. From food habits to privacy issues, everything is a valid reason. When girls' parents live and manage alone, why can't boys'? And when you meet boy's parents, also meet girl's family that often.. equality.. Another thing is comparing young gen with your generation. "Hamare time me hum ye bhi krte the wo bhi manage krte the, itne rishtedaro ka nanakchara krte the" Thank u for voicing this out.
U r Great Sir🙏I agree with u 200% seniors should be more open and give space to young couples it will make everyone happy and life will be harmonious , we should be independent not expect from Bahoo rani ,let them enjoy their life 😊 🙏
Yes very well said.when we expect our children to listen to us at their young age we too should listen to them at our old age.definitelyvwe should give them space to maintain Healthy relationship.
This is soo true I myself when my two sons got married I told them buy your own home and I will stay by my self I am very independent woman 50 years ago my mom and dad did the same thing I am glad you opened every body's mind
Ek samajhdaar insaan hi ye baate example ke saath rakh sakta hai. Very good ji.
सर दिल से प्रणाम । एक एक शब्द सच्चाई है। न किसी बात को बढ़ाया-चढ़ाया, न कुछ फालतू कहा आपने। सर कमाल कर दिया आपने।🙏🙏
Problem is you can't share this with your in-laws 😜.. but rightly said . You have addressed this issue in a very nice manner. I hope it reaches masses.
Absolutely.. I really want to share but i can't.. 🤣🤣
Same here
.i want to show them this
pls do share
Pati ko sunaado
पहली बार, किसी पुरुष को, बल्की किसी ससुर को, घर की हालत का विश्लेषण, इतना सटीक और वह भी इतने -- स्माइलिंगफेस के साथ -- करते हुए देखा। 😂 🙏
कितनी सारी बहूओ की आंखे भर आई होगी यह सब सुनकर।😢
हमसे ज्यादा, आपकी बात, आप की उमर की लोग सुनेंगे
और शायद उसपर गौर करेंगे।
हम सारी बहुओं की तरफ से आप को प्रणाम🙏
ओर धन्यवाद 💐💐
🎉
इन सारी औरतों से पूछो की इनका पति घर जमाई बन कर इनके मा का पैर धोये तो ये सारी चंडालिकायें एक सुर में उस नालायक पति का समर्थन करेंगी लेकिन लड़के के मा के साथ कभी नही रहेंगी।खासकर दिल्ली की लड़कियां बहुत ही बदतमीज़ और बिगड़ैल होती है।लोगों को तो अपने लड़के की शादी दिल्ली करनी ही नही चाहिए।इन सब लड़कियों पर पंजाबियों का प्रभाव होता है और पंजाबी लड़कियों की सुबह और रात दोनो दारू से शुरू और खत्म होती है।ये बुद्धा भी सठिया गया है।इन पंजाबी नकलची चंडालिकाओं से पूछो की अगर तुम्हारे भाई की पत्नी अगर तुम्हारे मा बाप से अलग जा कर रहे तो कैसा लगेगा तो ये चंडालिकायें तुरंत अपना जवाब बदल देंगी।
Sahi kaha
I wish everyone, especially husbands understood this.. A lot of marriages would be saved and a lot of daughters would be saved from getting depressed with life!!
One word i think it's 100 percent truth of life
Yes u r right n depression comes in wife's account always
Agreed!!
Well said! really appreciate the way you have clearly explained the ups and cons of the joint family 👍👏
Yes well said. Daughter in law's have to go through so much in inlaws house. People's mindset should change.
I am from Pakistan. I have lived with in laws only to go into depression. The husband only felt better by insulting me in front of his relatives. I also looked around on other families getting their sons married happily but then complaining about bahu and the gap extending to the extent of not even speaking to each other. In the end, they had to separate anyway. So I decided years ago that I will not live with my son and his wife. But I wanted a supporter of my view as I didn't find any. Thanks for fortifying my confidence in my decision.
I can definitely understand why. Here in india it's very common
پاکستان کی جاہل عوام ہے، ذرا شرعی نقطۂ نظر بھی دیکھ لیں
Aliya study Islam..joint family system is not allowed in Islam..it is the influence of Hindu culture in Pakistan that we live in joint families..no other Muslim country has this problem..the son lives separately after marriage..the following link would show Islamic support towards your view..
m.th-cam.com/video/HXUyMKCDBo8/w-d-xo.html
that is so thoughtful of you. great ...
@@docmimi788 are we so prone to other's influences that we stop thinking by our own mind? The communities living far away from India also have this tradition so it's not correct to say that Muslims have acquired this tradition from Hindus. It's high time for people to stop expermenting and give rightful space to the newly formed relation.
Very true. I suffered for 20 years with my in laws. My husband would always support his mother and sisters.When I couldn't take it any more,I told my husband that I was willing to leave him over the issue.
Finally he understood
How can you be suffered through his sisters. Aren't they married or are they living in your house.
Thank god, finally you took a strong step
Koi baat nahi. Sbka din ata hai. Apki bahu bhi suffer kregi tb kehna
They don't have to stay in same house. Bitching can efficiently do the job. @@anany9291
Sahi hai yee aap suffer karte ho aur chodne tak taiyar hoo lekin maa baap nai chahiye apne hote tab kya karte ?
Valid points !
And the most valid point was - spending a lot of money in having lavish ceremonies due to peer pressure but not using that money in investing in real estate and thereby, achieving peace of mind.
A very practical advice indeed!I stayed with my in laws for 15 years and then moved out with much bitterness for one another.The points you mentioned are absolutely true.Better stay separate and have a harmonious relationship rather than staying together and turning the relationship toxic.
Main to yearly 1 baar hi jati hu inlaws k yahan but fir v toxic baatein apne sath le kar aati hu unki .
Saas & nanad ye kabhi taunt maarne se nhi chukengi chahe kahi v rah lo .
But atleast daily daily unki chik chil sun ni nhi padti .
@@minakshi7530 Same here 2-3 din k liye jati hu uspe bhi saal bhar k liye depression tension le kar ati hu. Don't know why but I feel like महिलाओं की मानसिक गुलामी type environment there.
@@harigyan782 Haa main v saal bhar k lie tension le kar aati hu , mere life me inlogon k wajah se hi stress aa gya , marriage k initial days me mujhe bahut kuch sunna pada , saas & nanad ne bahut sunaya . Unki baaton se main kabhi ubhri hi nhi .
Stress level itna badh gya ki mere body k hormones disturb ho gye . 3 years se endometriotic ovarian cyst se ladh rhi hu , open surgery v karwa li but wapas se ho gya .
TRUE
I do agree
I am so grateful to my husband that we decided to live separately from in-laws during the initial years of my marriage, the understanding we have now otherwise wouldn't have been possible... happily married for 10years now.
After how many years you started living back with in-laws?
How you did that ?
@@MohitSingh-gv3gfmohit g alag rehne ka matlb ye nhi hota ki bcho ne parents ko left kr dia chod dia
If your in laws are now wanting to stay with you because of health issues , are you ready to accept them ????? No but you want everything from the in laws don't want to do anything for them 😮
you're lucky you have a supportive husband
"…Ladki ka baap bhi akela rehta hai"….this selfish society willingly ignores this fact. Thank you Sir for highlighting everything. Wish more people thought like you 🙂
bilkul sahi baat batayee aapna
Ladki ke bhai nahi hai kya
@@ravirajacharyaacharya2010 nahi hai toh kya karein? Aur waise bhi maa baap thodi naa specifically beta ya beti needwise paida kar sakte hai... online order ki tarah.
So best policy is equal responsibility towards parents as children ...no matter, boy or girl. 😊
@@ravirajacharyaacharya2010 bhai kyu paida kare jab already beti hai. soch badlo..why only live with son ?
@@ravirajacharyaacharya2010 bhai ki kya jarurat
Very practical advice. I am happy that I have done this in my family. I and my son's family live separately. I feel it keeps the love and understanding more stronger than living in a joint family. Thank you sir for this much needed advice for today's generation.
Sir mai kya batau....aap ki soch aur explanation....aap ne mera pura 22 years ki dissatisfied married life ko 21.06 mnts me batadiya. Aap ko bohot bohot dil se dhanyavad .
बहुत ही सुंदर और सच्ची आंखैं खोलने वाली और परिवार में सामंजस्य स्थापित करने वाली विडियो थी। आपको बहुत बहुत धन्यवाद। 🙏
Agree with you completely…. It is a nightmare for bahu, if her husband doesn’t understand/ cares of the awkwardness she faces in her sasural… especially difficult when the senior generation has unrealistic ideas / expectations from her & her husband wants to be a good little boy of mummy dearest 🤨🤨🤨🤨
Mumma's boys kill everything in a married life 🙄
Oh god!!! You are so right! The torture that a girl suffers in her sasural is the worst😑
Mummy dearest 😃😃
Yeah i am going through this right now..
Absolutely
Ye video viral hona chahiye, taki sab parents ka dimag khule
Bhuto ko bura lga Hoga but I agree with you...parents ko 60 k baad hi bccho ki need hoti h ya kisi beemari k chlte...Lakin tab tak itna kalah klesh ho chuka hota h ki bcche old age m Mata pita ko chor k chle jate h..aur jab unko sewa ki need hoti h tab tk dil me itni kadvahat bhr jati h aur dilo me dooriya aa jati hain.hona to apke kahe anusar chahiye...very good advice.will must follow when I became in-law 😄
I also liked the logic here.
Kisi ko property na de...
Shadi k baad , apna apna ghar bana k rahe..
Sab property hathiyaane k liye karte hai ...
@@nextonline7786don't birth
Nobody is gonna take property
You bring newborn and brought up her/him it's mean you destroyed someone life
@@nextonline7786mat do kisi ko property but bachpan mein unhe nicha mat jikhaao , usko property ki tarah treat mat karo , na servent ki trah , toxic maa baap ke saath bache bhi saath rehne nhi chahte hai
But agar start m sath na raho to baad m bahu ko bht problem hoti h adjust krne m.. Nayi bahu ko apne parivar m kiske sath kaise kya krna h sb batana chahiye
Lot of awkwardness in relationships can be avoided if your advice is followed 👍
Sir
You have voiced real truth of life.
आपकी बातें बाबाओं के प्रवचनों से सौ गुना अच्छी और जीवन को वास्तविक अच्छाई देने वालीं हैं।
Itni practical batein, balanced solutions. Hope people understand. Sir, you've nailed everything so precisely and it's happening in every house. High time we elders understood that we can not behave with our children, the way our parents/ inlaws behaved with us. Times change and we need to evolve. Staying away from each other gives a lot of peace of mind to both parties,resulting in good physical and emotional health. Thanks a ton for highlighting this issue. Hope good sense prevails over all of us.
Wonderful !! Am a single senior citizen and I thoroughly enjoyed listening to your sermon.
Koi logic nhi h aapki baaton ka
Bekaar
Lagta h aapko nikaala h or aap apni frestration nikaal rahe ho
Jaisa bachay dekhtay h vaisa hi seekhtay h
"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it." 😁
I am so impressed that someone brought this topic. I am living in join family since 30 years. The situation started just a week after that they lost respect in my eyes and I never got love from them. We are just frustrated living bodies in the same house!!!
Same here. I lost respect for them in 4.5 years only.
Sir married just 5 months before. Though it's love marriage accepted by both parents but now I m also feeling privacy, relatives (specially husband's three sisters and their children frequent arriving) and spce issue. I m a working woman. Most of the time I remain tired in my week off time. Follow all rituals like Sir pr bado k samne dupatta rakhna etc bt in spite of compromising my SAASU maa always complain that she always wakes up late, don't do all household chore effectively. I always think that when we will be capable for building a big house on this land and when these type of person and relative will mend their mind set. I m a government employee but my husband, my own parents and these relative will not be ready to leave separately till the new building is ready which will be in approx next 5 years as per our calculation. I m glad to see ur videos, subscribed ur channel. This is really a heart touching content.
Very true and practical concern sir. Thanks for sharing this. Actually now a days it is the need of the hour to bring harmony in families. But in North one has to be very daring to implement this.
Show this to your husband and if possible to your in laws
@@sumagowda3425 they will deliver the old dialogue that kamaati hai to hame kuch nhi samjhti hai 😔
Seriously this is true that privacy issues mostly occur, but it's hard for everyone to understand. Specially when u r working women n someone force u to attend family functions in week off its feel like hell at that moment n irritating also. Wish this mentality change in upcoming years.
@shivangi u say right bt before marriage I didn't think about these type of issues and irritating situation
I am unable to find the right words for the praise....This video should be made a compulsory watch for all the middle class .... Most logical and reasonable things said and explained...THANK YOU...
@@apbpbps Then who will take care of parents. Bahu don,t want to take care of in-laws but want rights in her in laws property. What a hypocrisy. Listen deepika narayan bhardwaj and jyoti tiwari pandey for more clarity.
Nice one, very sensible also.👌 People forget that when the bride comes into her 'sasural', she is a stranger. She doesn't really love anyone there. But society puts tremendous pressure on her to behave in a certain way. It is wrong, and we should change that.
Issue is - once son gets married , MIL and FIL starts feeling ill, or i should say they start feeling(showing) it more and more...bcz of that they create psychological pressure on son to keep them with him plus pressurise daughter in law to become kind of their care taker, ignoring the fact that just few months back they were looking for a professionally qualified working girl. Few parents time and again remind son of how much hardships they hv gone through raising him up, as if girls parents hv not done so. Its a serious issue parents are creating these days leading to even divorces of their son. Its high time to understand the intricacies.
Yes it happens
u r right
Yahi advice apne bhai to dena jaake
@@praveenverma9959 ha bilkul. Jab ma baap bina beti ke reh sakte to bina bete ke kyu nahi ? Kya damad saas sasur ko rakhta hai ? Tow fir bahu bhi kyu rakhe ?
@@praveenverma9959 My mom herself says that she would want my brother and his wife to live in a separate house nearby so they can be happy and relations remain cordial.
In this situation for more than 2 years....ek ek word sahi hai. Thanks to your video I got my answer. Thanks a lot sir.
I have already implemented the same in my life. Me n my husband had always decided to jiyo n jeene doh. Very good piece of advice/suggestion. U have explained it very practically. We n our beta n Bahu are very happy. God bless all to take the advice/suggestion in a positive way❤❤❤❤❤
Outstanding advice and can't relate much more. Being an emotional guy I did this and paid heavily for this. My parents and my in laws were very loveable to me so I decided to quit my job to stay with them as my wife are three sisters only. So, I came to my hometown so that I can take care of both the families.😁 And started business with my sasurji. Uske baad jeevan mai jo hua h na sir kya hi batau 😁😁😁 Izzat 0 business 0 stress 100%. Abhi final jaake akal aai h. Moving to a new location soon. But on serious note, small mistake can cost you a lot. Big salute to you sir for guiding old and Young generations together.
The video is about daughter in law and son staying with father in law and mother-in-law. Not the son in law staying with his in-laws or they staying with him😄 This is not discussed though it is the current trend!!! Because men (son in law or father in law) don't complain!!
Do not ever do business with in-laws
Thank you for giving such sound advice.
I would like to share, I'm a Parsi and in our marraiges it is mandatory for a boy to have his own flat. Otherwise the couple waits till they can afford one on rent, only then they marry.
It is looked down upon in the community if the newly wed are living with the boys or girls parents.
In fact in Mumbai, if a couple is to get married and don't have a flat, Parsi Panchayat will provide on the condition that the date of the wedding is fixed and the boys parents do not have more than one house.
Nice tradition
We Muslim community should learn from you.
Excellent
I think Parsi value system is screwed there...
@@docmimi788 it's not written anywhere that joint family system is not allowed in Islam. In Islam, bad behavior to bahu is not allowed, depriving her of mental peace and health is not allowed. Do the inlaws act upon that? One has all the right to get away from hurtful people. Islam is a resilient religion. Parsis have the tradition of having the son and his wife live separately. This keeps values of respect and the relations intact. In our society , first they are forced to live in joint family system, then bitterness starts after some time. It either leads to domestic violence and criminal charges or to son and his wife saying goodbye forever. But the parsi system is based on human psychology, not on theatrical drama of actors who artificially show people that they are happy together.
While the points you mentioned are very practical and should be discussed further. I would like to mention points where in laws are like a boon. Though it all depends on their thinking and mindset.
1) when a couple has baby and both are working their grand parents are the best persons to take care of baby. You can say that you can hire someone but remember the love which grand parents can give is unmatched. They will be more than happy to help. A child who spends is childhood among grandparents becomes a very good human being. Again this all depends on mindset and thinking of parents.
2) when couple have a job so there are many things where you need external help, when you are sick, when you need some guidance, when you just feel the need of your close ones, household chores can be easily managed with their help.
3) A parent works tirelessly to provide us everything in their capacity with just one hope that when their kid grow up they can cherish moments of joy with them and see their grand children. On basis of being practical we might deprive them of this joy.
I know point number 3 depends totally on the parent as they should not hope for these things if they can not adapt new age thinking and being flexible. Still I have stated this point as they feel this.
भाई आपने एक परिवार की जो आज कल सबसे ज़्यादा दिक़्क़तें हैं, उन्हें समझ कर बहुत ही अच्छे से बताया है, और समाधान भी दिया है। सबसे अच्छा तो आपने उस बेटी की बाबत जो चिंता ज़ाहिर की, वो गौर करने लायक़ है, हर सदस्य को निभाने से अच्छा है अपनी अलग व्यवस्था करना। एक दूसरे के भाव को समझ कर उससे व्यवहार करना। अच्छी विवेकपूर्ण समझ देने के लिए धन्यवाद।
I lived with my mother in law for 37 years. ( she passed away last year)
My husband being the only son, never ever wanted to stay away from his mom.
I served her all these years without a word of gratitude.
I wouldn't want to do it, if given half a chance.
@@bluebutterfly2898
I had seen joint families where one member gets diseases on account of conflicts in family
Sorry but u wasted a lot of time . But u can still look ahead , work hard , work on wat u love and enjoy ur life 10times over .
@@bhakti64 yes I am. I am getting back to my hobbies, paintig and writing.
Me and my husband are planning to travel. ( we hardly travelled all these years because, we couldnt leave my mother in law alone at home, nor she couldn't travel with us. )
Anyways, thanks for empathizing🙏🙏🙏🙏
Hats off to you 👏
I was looking in the comments section atleast for one comment, which would be like, my in laws took care of the house when I went to work, they raised my kids. I'm actually surprised, there's none. You nailed it sir. Distance and privacy are important for a healthy relationship. Firstly, it takes so much effort for the couple to adjust with each other. It's really unreasonable to expect a girl to adjust with an entire family in a fully functional and rigid home. She will have to live like a doormat, if her views are not considered. The most important point which even I belive strongly is that let the couple live independently, let them have their space and meet you once in a while and think of it positively, instead of saying that the girl took away the boy. When you get old, they will respect you for how considerate you have been. They will be helpful to you. Instead of understanding this point, people want to have the son and daughter in law live with them, control and torture her and then expect her to take care of them when they get old and weak. Isn't she a human? Does her heart not break?
@@AeyHero Not allowed to eat, sleep, spend time with the husband. In addition, interference in the couple's personal matters, taunting, blaming, mil competing with dil, etc. etc. I have been a victim of all this, but I agree many in laws are more broad minded now. Torture is a very extreme word, like you mentioned, but some do go through it even today, even though girls now a days are educated, working, able to manage home and work, they are still criticised continuously and not treated like humans, unfortunately.
@@AeyHero I agree and I think it is possible to live with parents (parents/in laws), if there is mutual respect. However, since this is always not possible, it is better to maintain a healthy distance and give space not just to the newly married couple, but also to the elderly, who have their own set of hobbies, friends circle, etc.
In law especially mother in law sister in law kuch help nai karte. My mom is a working parents it was my mom's sister who helped her raising me not her sasuma.
then what in laws do with your babies when you go to office??
do they leave babies like a stranger?
@@user-qxpkwl bhai aleke rah ke babies koi aur stranger ke hath de dena h. Nahi to after pregnancy need h to bula lenge baad me bhej denge. 🤬. I hate these mindset’s. My father and I have different opinion in every thing even in tube bulb but when he need some advise hum sath me discuss karte h n vice Versa.
Shadi ke baad larki wapas mayaka jati h taki Wo ghar me kiska kaisa nature h wo samaj le aur apne maa s discuss bhi kar sakti h.
I wish I had father like you. Your mind is way younger and refreshed than most of younger people like me
Actually i am young only. Baal gyaan ke safed hain. Age ke nahin
@@SangoLifeSutras haha😂 savage ve ho ap🔥
@@SangoLifeSutras lol
@@SangoLifeSutras savage reply sir 😂😂😂
@@SangoLifeSutras hahaha
Really very good thought.... Ladke ke maa baap jo 50 saal k h wo kaise akele rh skte hai,, ladki ka baap to rh skta h chahe wo 70-75 saal ka h wo rh skta h kyki wo beti ka baap hai.... Thought of our society🤬🤬🤬🙄🙄🙄
Soo on point! Thank you for bringing this up! I suffered a lot because of staying with inlaws..n after sometime asked my husband to get separated. Everyone should understand this
Same here
Ya but tich Saas not good
I lived with my in-laws but intuitively I knew that I don't want to live with my daughter in law so that she doesn't hate me 😊 Your video solved my dilemma 🙏
I m also agree with you
Meh but Ditto feeling!!!
When my brother was getting married I asked my mom whether she wanted daughter in law to live with her or peace of mind. She chosed peace of mind . And since they live separately it keeps relationship cordial. Best of both worlds.
Same views …kids should have there space & live & enjoy there life to the fullest ❤
aap usko alag rakh leyna , agar vo alsi hui ur selfish hui vo fir bhi nafrat kareygi kisi ur baat ko ley key fir infact aap apny betey key saath jada time gujjar ni paogy is life mey , life bohot choti hey apny k saath jitna time ho saky gujar ley
It is a very good advice. The elderly in Kerala mostly do not mind their sons having their own establishment. Being a matriarchal society in fact the parents are more attached to girls . I am 65, my husband is 70 we stay on our own, we have the freedom to pursue our spiritual inclinations and are totally satisfied with our present routine.
Rigjtly said its a freedom to parents to also. Beacause ita time for spiritual pursuits VANAPRASTA” and goo for younger generation also
You are lucky
Entire Kerala doesnt follow matriarchal culture… Majority of Keralites follow Patriarchy and its humiliating to girls..
bahut hi ghatiya or illogiical vedio hai ye isi liye india main brudha ashram ki sankhya or buissiness badh raha hai
😊👍
Your family is so lucky and mostly your daughter in law 😅। You are so genius 💖🙏। काश आपकी जैसी सोच हर इंसान (सास, ससुर) की हो जाए तो कोई बहू जल कर , या सब्दो के जाल में घुट कर ना मरे 😢😢।
"Papa ke to rishtedar jyada important hote nahi hei vaise"...😅😅😅 So true.
Mind blowing video sir! My MIL generally lives separate, we try to make it work. But in our 7 years of marriage, we have only had fights between us due to her whenever she visits. During initial days of our marriage she even came and lived with us in 1BHK!
Her every visit ends with more bitterness in her heart towards me and thus, vice versa too. I am blamed even if she has an argument with her own son!
Plus, the diplomacy and differentiation between me and my SIL! They just want a DIL who is good enough and independent to brag about in the society but they can’t accept the fact that we work equally hard (sometimes even more) as their son does. Sad but true!
Totally relatable
This is much needed advice. This video should be taught as a curriculum. Really appreciate your effort in bringing out these different scenarios. This might not always be true, but when it is, it can break relationships in a matter of minutes.
100 % true . I appreciate, not only bahu but also Sasu wants privacy....well said bhai
First time I hv seen such a great vdo....being a Bahu can relate myself to every sentence....Can still recall what great pain n suffering I went through ....
Same here
Thank you so much Sir for this mind- blowing video. If son's parents live alone they get all the sympathy from the society but if bahu' s parents live alone because they have daughters only the society says 'beti to paraya dhan hai' . There should not be any difference between a son and a daughter then why bahus are forced to live with their in laws in the name of joint family system? Bahus should be given the right to decide where do they want to live just like the son.
The reality of today's times.The past generation has already suffered...pure herd mentality.
All aspects are very true.Suffocation of a life time can easily be avoided and life can be looked back at happily by accepting this simple truth.
Very true!
Totally agree with you
Do you have brother?advice this to him as well.If you don't have brother then immediately delete this comment
This is absolutely true
All i can summarise in few words is ur wife and children are actually blessed to have u in their life...as my life has been ruined just because of mother in law...today my husband and I share poisonous bitterness in our relationship
I can understand. Even my parents are trying to control my life . They are doing dictatorship. I love my twins and my wife.
@D Not dependent on anybody by any means
Totally agree.
Why don't people realise this sooner. I kept on saying this but no one heard me, hope now this video will help someone. My life is gone by......sadly... Regards, Parin
We r so glad someone finally speak up for young generation as well. So many girls got divorced because of these reasons.
हो तो हरियाणा के पर बात पंजाबियों वाली की है । बहुत ही सटीक, व्यावहारिक बात की है । कई बातें जानते हुए भी हम दुखी रहते हैं बिना कोई रियल रीजन के । कई लोग मन से तो समझ जाएंगे पर उपरितौर पर आपको बुरा भी कह सकते हैं । बहुत अच्छी बात को आपने उठाया है
इन सारी औरतों से पूछो की इनका पति घर जमाई बन कर इनके मा का पैर धोये तो ये सारी चंडालिकायें एक सुर में उस नालायक पति का समर्थन करेंगी लेकिन लड़के के मा के साथ कभी नही रहेंगी।खासकर दिल्ली की लड़कियां बहुत ही बदतमीज़ और बिगड़ैल होती है।लोगों को तो अपने लड़के की शादी दिल्ली करनी ही नही चाहिए।इन सब लड़कियों पर पंजाबियों का प्रभाव होता है और पंजाबी लड़कियों की सुबह और रात दोनो दारू से शुरू और खत्म होती है।ये बुद्धा भी सठिया गया है।इन पंजाबी नकलची चंडालिकाओं से पूछो की अगर तुम्हारे भाई की पत्नी अगर तुम्हारे मा बाप से अलग जा कर रहे तो कैसा लगेगा तो ये चंडालिकायें तुरंत अपना जवाब बदल देंगी।
My parents contributed to the down-payment of buying of my first flat. Yet I chose to live with my parents after marriage with my wife. My parents tried to convince me to move out and live in the flat separately with my wife that my parents and I had bought but I was an idiot, thinking I'd earn rent from that other flat. It is only due to my mother's efforts and later my wife's efforts also that we all could live in that house for 1.5 years. Despite my parents guiding me based on their life experiences I never listened and ended up not enjoying the initial years of my married life. Also I really didn't earn much from rent (the emi was 3 times the rent), and like he said in the video, the bigger cost is one's peace of mind.
so basically you suggest a newly married couple to live in a separate house. Right?
@@fitsurvivor4781 Yup. In fact I was the one creating problems at my parents place, not my wife or my mother or father. I had wrong assumptions due to old school thinking and lack of communication.
@@fitsurvivor4781 It's same for boys and girls. Boys and Girls leave their parents and start their family.
Staying with boys relatives is NOT marriage.
@@SiSi-ju1xk yeah I've already said that I was wrong and how my parents also wanted me to live separately with my wife. I have been a male chauvinist...
YES I AGREE COST OF LIVING TOGETHER IS DEPRIVATION OF SLEEP OF MIND
Sir sadar pranam Aapnae bahut hee achha video banaya hai yeh eyeopener hai sach mein bahut hee logical baat Kari hai aapnae bahut samajhdari sae bilkul sahi analysis Kiya hai everyone should be given a space live and let everyone live his her life life is short just make it easy to live for yourself and for everyone don't expect much be confident and feel proud to handle every situation pay attention to you r health pray to God and be thankful always that v r alive and contribute to society animals and people around u irrespective of whether u r getting some things in return our good deeds increase our good kaarmik account To give a good life to our children is our duty and responsibility and be reasonable in allocation of you r money to them becoz once u need it they will be miser so. Enjoy life sir u r genius Thank you so much from d core of my heart and I request all. People plz plz plz listen this video carefully and apply it in your life🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏millions of thanka
What an amazing video. I'm so glad someone has brought this up. My marriage got ruined for this reason. My only ask in the marriage was to move out to a house near by so that i could get some time and space away from interfering in laws but at the same time tend to them if they needed anything. But the Indian mentality is so flawed. They broke the marriage but did not push the son to move out of the house. They bring home a girl and then mis treat her. Most Indian men are brought up as such mamas boys. They are so dependent and incapable of doing anything on their own. I really wish this starts to change. So that they start treating us as an equal in a relationship instead of a subservient.
I went through same problem 😪
Yes I agreed with you, I m 69,1served my in-laws, now serving Dil,I hv no personal life, now I m retired and husband is blind not ready to live in saperate home,we have two flats but living joint only I m suffering bkz of him
Brilliant video!
Well said very true
to be frank it also depends on their profession because i was in travelling job i lived alone on tours and that changed my perspective about life otherwise i would have been a mumma's boy myself.
Me and my husband had decided to keep our son / daughter close to our heart and away from our home, even before they were born.
Thank you so much, after watching this video we feel we have made a right decision.
Very realistic video sir.. thank you for this.. I have been with inlaws for 1.5 years and as a newly married couple we were not atleast able to go to a movie comfortably... Avoided all those foods which my in-laws won't eat and even though they have their own house in their city, they forcefully stayed with us and they never did this with their first son as first DIL is very tactic and know how to keep them distant.. Hope this generation understands this.. only thing we as DILs can do is - treat them with love whenever they visit.. that's it... 🙏
Bura
Uncle ap ki bahu kitni lucky hai😊
Exactly kaash mere inlaws aise hote
Uncle k ghr rista bhijwa do
uncle ka beta bahu first floor par rehte hai 😂😂with common kitchen
Lagta hai sir ne SIP bahut pahle se hi karte aa rhe hai
पहली बार किसी को इस issue को address करते हुए देखा। 👌👌
I wish..all Men understand like you do Sir. The root cause is most men think they have to take care of their parents... At the cost of ruining their married life. Yes.. In today's time.. With less space and time... It's better all live in their own place.. Less interference.. More peace.
ekdum sahi baat
And what if boy's parents don't want their son to stay separate?
@@1.9tdilove71 if girls parents can let go of their daughter similiarly boys parents should be mature enough to let go of their son
@@HighUp11 You are right. But now a days, most senior citizens behave very strict. Boy's parents don't give freedom. They want to control life of their son. And especially after marriage of their own son, parents become dominant. They don't want their son to stay separate at the same time, staying together they keep dominating and interfering in the married life of their son.
I strongly feel that parents should change their mindset.
It's because their mother blackmailed them. It's the women who are the villain the so called mother in law who wants her son to listen to her all the time.
Really loved your practical approach and advise Sir!!! just scrolled through the comments section and everyone is praising and thanking you, which means almost every household is facing these issues, but no one is ready to speak it out and loud ye bolke ki "family issue hai ghar ke bhar nahi jani chaiye". I hope a lot of elders go across through your video, but surely, it's a learning for me and will implement in my future!!!
Parents create problems are responsible for son's divorce 1000% and behave innocent
Bohot acha bataya sir aapne pahle a samajna chahiye ki jo saas sasur hai voh bhi us daur se guzar chuke hai ab jo bahu rahrahi hai. Ye yaad hogato koi problem nahi aayegi
Best line - Thamba.... bhaagna mat.... Really appreciate sir, you have explained things in simple manner and practical way. Thanks for sharing words of wisdom 🙏🙏
Thank you for this video 🙏🙏. The point about parents actually needing their kids to be around at 70 plus was spot on. Wish more people understood this. So much conflict can be avoided.
Every word is true, I totally agree with you sir.... I wish I had this knowledge 15yrs ago, now it's too late..... My in-laws are aged and we can't leave them and go. Thank you for this video.
Oh Man .... Everything is on point and realistic and based on sachi ghatnao per adharit...with geniune solution 🎉🥳
Sir apne bht sahi batein Kari h I think sabko smjhni chahiye. Aur divorce cases bhi isliye jyada aa rhe h bcoz husband wife ki understanding nhi ban paati in sab issues ki wajah se.
I live in Chennai. Here many families follow your ideology. Two houses in same area or its two flats in one building or housing society. Ideology in south is far most matured than in the rest of India.
I love this ideology.
I am from south too. Some families have this idea that if you are living in the same city then you all should live together. Even if it is one big fighting 👪
Very true agree with your view
Shakti u r right.
Now a days son n daughter in law's won't adjust with the situation around with inlaws..
Better to be seperate than to divorce for minor reason.
I agree with you. My in-laws are in the next by lane and have a good rapport
Thank God that somebody took the responsibility to address this very important issue at every Indian house. It's very practical & much needed advise which will actually unite families & make them good support system for each other & not enemies in the end. I m sure this will be accepted down the years but for that it had to be addressed today. 👍👍👌
Best video on TH-cam ❤thank you sir ! Ladkiyo ki problems batane k liye
My MIL had Cancer before I got married. Before my marriage, they were living separately as my husband was studying. After marriage, they moved in with us. The initial days were fine, but later my FIL moved out to a different city for his job because the cost of cancer treatment was really high. Me and my husband both work in IT, but insurance was not sufficient for the treatment. My sister-in-law lives in the same city and used to come every weekend for 2 days to stay with us with her 3 young kids. She will sleep in our bedroom the entire weekend. When she would leave on Sunday night, my house would be a mess. The first 18 months of my marriage were really bad. Most weekends in hospitals for chemo sessions. My SIL would say that she is coming to visit her mom, but all she did the whole weekend was watching TV. I'll take care of the kids which I loved. But it was all so overwhelming for me. My husband's family eats so unhealthy, i started putting on weight. My mental health was deteriorating. Even my husband was not comfortable with her coming every weekend(literally each weekend without a break). We had to tell her finally that she should come on alternate weekends. We need some time on weekends. Now everything is fine, but I am never getting back those initial years of my marriage. Currently my FIL lives with us. My parents live in a different city alone.
These sis in laws..are ufff..same thing happnd at my end..totally can relate
But what about the mother in law , did she recover from cancer ?
Tum apne ma baap ko apne pass kyu nhi krti hai
Bad daughter
Superb. Good relationship between son and daughter- in -law gets ruined in many cases due to unnecessary and unwanted interfaces of son's parents. Huge expectations kills relationships and makes it unbearable. Extremely good video. Very valuable points and suggestions. Pl make such good videos which are relevant to the present society.
No one understood when I said these things almost 30 years back... almost felt like I was going insane....this is so gratifying that someone is addressing the elephant in the room finally.
Oh my God! Finally i found a mature person to take about these valid issues . Thank you very much Sir
Perfect. I have already conveyed to my sons this. On the look out for a house for them. One burden less for them🥰
Sir, something like this, coming from your generation is extremely gratifying. You have "just simplified" it. People of the elder generation who are not willing to or not being able to understand their younger generation might ponder on what you just said. Har relation naazuk hota hai, usko zyada twist nai karna chahiye.
Nowadays everybody all earningmore money no space issues
If girl mother comes to stay with daughter in law mother in-law
Cannot stay that is the only big issue
Nobody. Is readyto cook always
Bringing outside food
Because girl cannot cook food for motherinlaw selfish man and woman no solution
Your video is good and have .so good ways to live peaceful lives. But only for upper middle class and above. In these days it is not easy to have separate house for son and son in the beginning can't have separate house. Privacy need to both the parties. But sometimes people are forced to live together. Until boy is afford to have separate house. Only ways is both the parents instead of spending huge amount on marriage should contribute so that can have separate house. In my fact it is not easy to solve this common issue..
I am in my 70's but I agree 100% love it wish every house hold have a father-in-law like this family will have a better relationship ❤️
Very well put absolutely on target
Every body knows what you have said
I'm 19 , but i found out very important lesson of life .
Aap bilkul sahi bol rahe ho sir bahu ki durdsha ho jati h bachhe or saas ko ek sath nhi rakha ja sakta saas sasur to sanse band krne ke liye bne hote h
I agree totally. Even when i got married and shifted to Mumbai, it's humid and still i couldn't wear comfortable clothes just because we were staying with in-laws. Hated that period like anything.
Wonderful wonderful video sir....being a man talking about this issue is really appreciable... Ur children r the luckiest ones to hv such an amazing father. ..the way u took out the minute uncomfortabiliities of DIL was extraordinary
Thank you Sir Ji for your great and wonderful advice. Seriously sir for the very first time in my whole life I am listening this type of advice from a senior citizen like you. You are an advanced person in a true sense. Very few people like you exist in today's 21st century 👍👍🙏🙏
Omg … sir, How sweet and intelligent you are. Itne samaghdar sab ho jaye toh koi issues hi nahi rahen. But we are so much impressed. AAP bahut bahut bahut hi seyanne aur samaghdar ho. I wish sab aap jaise ho 🙏🏻🙏🏻
Sensible idea.... I have always felt that my son and daughter in law should have their own home and they should not get married till they are able to make their arrangement. It would be good if real estate builders design apartments/homes for the family to stay close together say adjacent apartments but not one single apartment. That way they can be support systems for each other and still have their own life.
Nice Suggestion for builders 👌
Sub kuchh doosaron p ku daalna builder dil fil mil etc apni mansikta hum ku nahi theek kar sakte
Salute to mr amitsangan for realising and making people think about it🙏
They have this system in Singapore. Young couples who buy house near their parents get 25 % discount. No couple live with in law s. Young couples are encouraged to but their own apartments which are highly subsidised by govt. Parents too want their children to own their own property
I have shared the video with my brothers and sisters cos all of them are to be father in law and mom in Laws so they get some good advice. My marrige broke for the reasons you have mentioned to a great extent cos the man i was married to wanted to save on expences and his mother lived alone in a double story house . She lived in the lower portion two rooms one washroom and a kitchen and rest of the house was on rent. There was a huge drawing room which my Mil had kept like a show room . We could not even sit on the sofas at random. I had a small baby . To narrate an insident my girl was about 6 months and was sleeping and it was freezing cold in January .Mil got the mopping done and the fan was put on full speed to get the floor dry. She smothered the baby under the quilt and was really taken aback and a bit concerned as to my baby would suffercate or catch a cold . When i voiced my concern the whole environment of the house was shattered as she complained to her son and he got pissed with me and was really belittled . Any ways i spent my entire youth with all kinds of ups and downs and loads of sniggering and ultimately moved out when my daughter was 13 yrs old .I have since then fended for myself without any support from any one am living and will continue to live hopefully healthy till the day i die . Cos stress has created issues with my daughter and me.
U have a good command in vocabulary👍....what are you doing ma'am?
@@priyachoudhary1354 I work as a teacher train ,class observer and an evaluator .😊 Thankyou for the comment.😉
Your mother in law sounds like my grandmother lmao. She always taunted my mom and never really liked me because I was a girl.
I am 50 & couldn't stop laughing all through the video. Great analysis❤
Sangwan Sir You hv hit the bulls eye.
A very practical approach
Very true ... Sir you should have counselling sessions for bride , groom and their parents...
My father has a huge villa in a half acres plot but soon after my marriage he has given me money to buy a duplex flat and asked me to setup a different house with my wife. I now understand my father's logic.
In my whole life this is what I heard something so reasonable,world need more ppl like you ,who understands bahu's issues too..thank you so so much sir 🙏🏼
Sir
Aap kitne practical hain.itni simplified way me sab Bata diya . Jo hum Bata nahi sakte aap ne video me Bata diya
You are correct Sir. You have observed this issue very closely.
When a son in his late 20s or early 30s get married, his parents are in late 50s or early 60s. These parents are young old where they can manage themselves very well and generally don't need physical help from others that much.. That time, by forcing the newly married son and his wife to stay with them, for them and under their dictates, they are actually ruining a big support system whom they need dearly after they cross 70s. Rather, parents and their newly married son should give space to the wife in another flat/house, preferably owned. This way the newly married couple will have time to explore each other and their relation with parents-in-law, from both the side, will flourish gradually.
I think, due to social pressure, such in-laws and such newly married sons pressurize this newly married girl to stay with them and keep proving herself as best wife, best daughter-in-law, best host, best cook etc etc etc. These 3 immatured people in turn ruin this girl who is in her 20s and ruin a beautiful relationship to grow.
yaar jo ma 60 ki hey, usky pass kitna hi time bacha hey ladkey ko gujar leney do kuch saal ma key saath fir to vo rehny ki hi nhi hey . ur explore mey kya vo kamrey mey ghush kar kuch keh rahi hey. ur alag rakh bhi diya ladka kya fir bhi complains nhi aaeyngi fir kis ur baat ko ley kar compalin khadi ho jaeygi.
@@aavishar ladki k maa bhi 60 ki hay, wo bhi ajaay, sab hum saath, women live longer। So u r saying bahu will pray or wait eagerly when her saas sasur will die to live alone with husband???😂😂😂😂😂 Tab Tab wo bhi 50 -60 ki ho jaegi😂😂😂😂
@@aavishar aur kitne saal jiyegi ki chakkar mein dusron ki zindagi kharab ho kya . 60 saal ki hai toh 100 saal tak bhi toh jee sakti hai . Kya 40 saal jhele koi . Behaviour agar achi na ho toh kon rehna pasand karega . Problem responsibility ki nahi hai , problem hai bahu bete ke zindagi mein dakhal dena .Bahu ko chaar roti aur banane mein taklif nahi hai , banane ke baad bhi chaar bate sunade toh bura lagta hai .
@@Mira-pm3ni yaar ye indian parents ki problem hi hey , ladkey ko hi kaha appriciate karty hey itna. par yaar bosse ki bhi to sunty hey saas ki sunlo thodi si , property bhi to milygi. ur jab bahu pregnant ho ya bacchy bimar ho to help bhi to karty hey badey log. Life will be easy agar budhiya ki ek kaan sey suni ur dusrey sey nikal di. Dekho badey helping hand bhi to hoty hey. socho kalko aap bimar ho jaao to wo khana to bana dengi na.
@@antarabasak1055 alone rehkar kuch ni mila husband k saath, vo itna pyar deyney wala hota to vo abhi tak bahu ka dard overcome kar chuka hota. better ki ek kaan sey suno dusrey sey nikal do . boss ki bhi to sunty hey . akeley mey kitny issue ghar khali ni hcod k ja sakty , baachy purey time tumhary pass yaha to thodi deer grandparents k paas bhej do, ur khud bimar ho gye to thy will help you. akeley rehkey pati k saath milyga kya . Ha ek cheej to vo lower pehen k jo akeley mey ghumti hey ladkiya grandparents k saath ni pehen sakti .
Full with wisdom. Very rightly said
I agree with every point sir. But once the children stay separate, they can't adjust with their elders in their seventies or eighties. And that is the time when maximum parents need support of their children especially a single parent.
Support can be given staying next door also
Why same house
Nurses and maids r meant for that . U can’t leave ur day job and nurse ur parents . It’s not practical
Very true that's the reason many parents would like to go to the aged 🏡
@@SangoLifeSutras that's if they can afford to buy one.
@@bibianava6616 old age homes are too costly… also there is no guarantee that their needs will be looked after properly… more so in cases of invalids , who need constant supervision…
It’s better to keep a caretaker at home for those senior citizens who can’t walk / need help, or loose balance due to old age…& I’m not even talking about people with Alzheimer’s or Parkinson’s …. They need special care… (know it because I’m looking after my mother after my father’s death.. she has Parkinson’s & is bed ridden… don’t know how long she will last, but can’t send her to any nursing home , as we are financially not stable )
Brilliant!! High time such talks came out in the open!! Indian society needs to hear this.
ITS A MUST RITUAL IN MY FAMILY SINCE GENERATIONS THAT ONCE A GUYS GETS MARRIED HE HAS TO MOVE TO NEW HOUSE (EITHER RENT OR BUY NEW ONE) ELSE HE'S GETS THE TAG OF NALAYAK, NIKAMMA ETC. I'M FROM KARNATAKA.
THE REASON FOR THAT IT SHOWS SELF-RESPECT, SELF-ESTEEM PLUS THE NEW COUPLE SHOULD LEARN CERTAIN THINGS ON THEIR OWN WHICH IS VERY GOOD FOR FUTURE
Very true
@@ushapillai2593
What you are saying is true but if son is good he can make his Paŕents Happy Sir
There are more no.of cases in urban states where parents are dumped in old age home.
@@samruddhisandvar1807 ONLY IN NORTH INDIA PARENTS ARE DUMBED IN OLD AGE HOME. IN MY FAMILY &ALSO ACROSS SOUTHERN INDIA THE PARENTS DURING OLD AGE STAY IN THEIR CHILDREN HOUSE & THEY'VE TAKEN GOOD CARE
@@shikhasengupta6665 ONCE MARRIED THE BLAME IS ON THE COUPLE & SON CAN'T ALONE BARE THE RESPONSIBILITY
In the South most parents want their married children to stay on their own. After having worked hard to complete their responsibilities they want to travel, go out for religious or social tourism and enjoy their freedom for some years at least.
This is the best piece of advice I have come to know..and the way you have explained it is really marvellous
Uncle bahut ttttt hee achi hee video banai h ...or mere saath to same aisa hee hua tha .ab haar k bacchy hone k baad kalesh badh jaane k baad mujhy apne maayke hee aana padha for peace in life ..baby ko tabhi sambhal Rahi hu..
My God!! All points ON POINT!! I read somewhere that equality in a marriage ends the day the GIRL moves into the boy's house.
And I always say all these things that you have mentioned. From food habits to privacy issues, everything is a valid reason. When girls' parents live and manage alone, why can't boys'? And when you meet boy's parents, also meet girl's family that often.. equality..
Another thing is comparing young gen with your generation. "Hamare time me hum ye bhi krte the wo bhi manage krte the, itne rishtedaro ka nanakchara krte the"
Thank u for voicing this out.
Sir ,I am a mother of a toddler..and believe me I have never heard someone talk about it with this honesty.
U r Great Sir🙏I agree with u 200% seniors should be more open and give space to young couples it will make everyone happy and life will be harmonious , we should be independent not expect from Bahoo rani ,let them enjoy their life 😊 🙏
Yes very well said.when we expect our children to listen to us at their young age we too should listen to them at our old age.definitelyvwe should give them space to maintain Healthy relationship.
This is soo true I myself when my two sons got married I told them buy your own home and I will stay by my self I am very independent woman 50 years ago my mom and dad did the same thing I am glad you opened every body's mind