Craziest (Legal) Ways People Tried to Get Away with Crimes
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 17 ก.ค. 2023
- From innocent mistakes to disturbing crimes, this episode explores the power of deception. Join us as we delve into outrageous lies, shocking excuses, and the urgent need for justice.
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I hear the craziest way to avoid criminal prosecution is to just repeat the word "allegedly" over and over. Seems to work so far...
no, allegedly keeps civil suits away
@@imnotyourfriendbuddy1883allegedly it does
@@imnotyourfriendbuddy1883You are allegendly correct.
It works. Legally binding. No defamation, no slander or libel (closed captions and auto subtitles create a nightmare for TH-camrs), no civil lawsuits from alleged bellends, nothing.
Keep up the alleged good work fella and always, stay safe!
@@AcornElectron
"i said he was allegedly a sticky finger bandit because allegedly he is one" -Paf McAfee
Brett Favre dropped the suit after Pat said he had no information that wasn't already public, lol.
Simon saying not to play with knives IMMEDIATELY being followed by him playing with a knife was comedic gold
2:14 Reminds me of that joke:
During a court trial:
- Did you kill him?
- No.
- And do you know what the penalty for perjury is?
- Less than for murder.
Simon brandishing a knife and stabbing it into his own table is the type of chaotic BDE I did not expect and I’m here for it! 😂😂❤
This is well said
This is well said
I figured he was stabbing it into a prop like a block of wood out of camera. Nope.
What's a BDE LoLz
@ReLockCo I have the same question. My first guess is Bring Dinner Edward, but that wouldn't make contextual sense.
I was eagerly anticipating that "oh, dear... cringe" clip at the beginning but seeing Simon play with his knife just after saying don't play with knives was gold. And seeing Sam use the meme later was absolutely spectacular
Only if that godawful 70s tank top was twirling to the Birdie Song like Rodders at the Club 18 30.
This episode just rolls well!
I'm going to assume that's not how Simon tells his kids not to play with knives. Just us, his adult children.
I like how Dave led Simon down a path of good fun, only to lead him to the Casual Criminalist door
Simon, my wife had a mild allergy to cats but would become immune to individual cats in a few days.
Sentences are doubled for hate crimes, so a life sentence becomes "double life" which can effect parole eligibility.
I read about a guy who bought a very expensive box of cigars and had them insured. About a year later he filed an insurance claim, stating the cigars had been destroyed in a series of small fires. The insurance company paid the claim but then had the guy charged with 24 counts of insurance fraud by arson.
It's kind of similar concept to "aggravating factors" from my understanding, yes?
Also, so cigar guy smoked them. Lol
Was this cigar guy named Brad paisley? Where’d u read about it, the cigar song lyric video? Lol
I need about a month or so to get used to new cats.
Didn't Simon tell us the cigar fraud story?
I have been practicing criminal law for over 15 years and the ridiculous and crazy versions of events that defendants (and lawyers) come up with to explain away evidence are always hilarious, as well as often embarrassingly dumb. Sadly, the only thing that's worse than some of the stupid things people come up with as a defense, is how stupid the jury is to believe it.
Im forced to believe that at least a few of those insanely ridiculous explanations were true, sometimes people are dumb and make dumb decisions that seems almost cartoonish in hindside.
Some times there are stories so dumb, that you actually believe it, because the alternative is so complicated. Or the stupidity is so complicated or advanced that it just makes sense. If someone hundred prosent stand behind a stupid reason, and is believable, people will think "its so stupid, why would someone lie and be so dumb about it, if they lied they would have come up with a more believable lie".
Human brain is funny
@@redqueeen2950And that is how Trump has supporters.
Yeah, it unfortunately makes sense that the better move is to fully ban it as a defense, rather than relying on it being too ridiculous to believe, just because I would expect it to get used so often that it might find a jury that's actually sympathetic to the defense. Once that happens, it's no longer just ridiculous - it has a PRECEDENT... XP
Simon is suffering along with all of us, but his suffering makes me feel better
Simon, here’s a tip for your wife on the cat.
True looking for an cat that sheds less allergens is good, also know that for many people who have cat allergies (myself included, with 4 cats), tend to acclimate to them after a few weeks.
I have no problems with my kitties but whenever I get a new one or go to someone’s house who has one, my allergies will act up again.
If she finds it a problem with the cat you get, wait a few weeks before giving up on it. Take some allergy medicine and wash hands thoroughly after petting and she may recover in 3-6 weeks. Your kitty will thank you for it, as rehoming is always very stressful.
I can vouch for this too. I also have a mild cat allergy, yet have owned cats all my life. An antihistamine for a few days is worth it.
Cats are amazing.
@@midnite_rambler They sure are! 😻
I ended up having to adopt a family members cat who I was very allergic to for years. It was a rough first month, but after that, as long as I didn’t snuggle my face on her and didn’t touch my face after petting, I was good for the remaining 7 years I had her.
Scratches always itched something fierce though!
(I REALLY hope Simon sees this thread)
My friend has cats and she always makes sure that they are very clean. It helps keep allergens down.
Same here! I’m allergic but I get immune to my own cats within 2 - 3 weeks. If they sleep on your bed just make sure to wash your sheets maybe 2 times a week for the first couple of weeks on a hot wash as well.
There's also a food you can get which will reduce the allergens cats produce.
My second husband had a sickening collection of these images.
Allegedly.
When I stumbled across them he said it was research for a screenplay he was writing. I was so horrified that it took me a couple of years to report him to Interpol. His other abuse had ground me down to where I didn’t trust my own eyes. Gaslighting does some dreadful things.
One image in particular, the first one I saw, is seared into my brain. I wish I had just called the police, but his only friend was the local sheriff. I should have done more.
Allegedly.
Sorry to share this but in case anyone thought “I’m writing a book..” is a real excuse, or even that nobody would say that, or even that nobody is stupid enough to believe it.. well it does really happen.
He was friends with the local sheriff! There was very little you could even safely do at all. What he did was horrible, with those images but also what he did to you. Gaslighting - and the rest of abusers' tactics, like a set - really changes the way you think about everything. Never mind the ridiculous irl OP intrinsic to sheriffs. You were lucky to get out. And I'm glad you did.
@@mookinbabysealfurmittens Thank you. You just lightened my load of vicarious guilt a good bit. You’re very kind and you seem to understand. I actually expected condemnation for not somehow acting immediately. I just couldn’t.
I am so sorry you were stuck with such an awful and abusive person. well done for reporting him, you did an amazingly positive thing in doing so, regardless of how long it took and mustn't blame yourself. it is completely understandable that being with an abusive manipulative POS like that would make it difficult to even think of distrusting his lies or reporting him, especially considering the fact that he had the police on his side, which made reporting him hard and made you even less likely to see him for the monster he truly was (as surely he wouldn't be friends with the sheriff is he was a bad person, you may have thought). what you did was incredibly tough but absolutely the right thing and you should be proud of yourself for working up the courage to help the children who are victimised for such material, not guilty that your toxic and precarious former marriage put so many psychological and practical obstacles in your path to justice. well done again and i hope you're able to heal from all of the harm that man put you through and are far, far away from him.
@@projectjupiter5523 Thank you so much. It was horrifying but at least I reported him. Nothing happened to him though, I don’t think he was even questioned.
And there’s something else, I live on the other side of the world now.
I had a baby girl, and he never got a chance to do anything to her. She’s an adult now. I kept in touch with certain members of his family who are good people for her sake, so there’s that too.
Thank you again. You seem to know what I went through? Or you are very empathetic. xx
You were a victim, not a co-conspirator. You were brave to get away and speak up. Give yourself credit and a little bit of grace for those things. What an awful situation to find yourself in. I'm so glad you're no longer trapped by your relationship and I hope you are supported and loved.
Casual criminalist was created for those of us that want Simon to keep trying to make death funny.
The cup thing is actually a felony. Felony food tampering and sexual assault. That’s what waiters get charged for if they spit in your food.
"It's not a Hate Crime; I just did crime out of hate"
I know the quote in thumbnail seems ridiculous, but true story, when I was little I had trouble beating this one boss in a video game, and after failing multiple times, I paused the game for a bathroom break. Before I was finished though I heard the game’s audio startup again, and when I got back, I found that my cat was standing on one of the buttons on the controller, and one of the analog sticks. But here’s the best part, not only did my cat unpause the game, I also got back to the tv just in time to watch her beat the boss. Yes, seriously.
bruh, that wasn’t a cat, you had a fuckin animporph.
Yeah, I thought that story was ridiculous, too, until I noticed my cat walking across my keyboard and doing some strange things: turning the desktop display sideways, changing the name of my downloads folder to "LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL"--still can't figure out how he did that one. I thought it was so funny that I didn't rename it, and it still has that label!
My now deceased cat managed to call one of my mom's coworkers by walking on her phone
@@rachelb4398😂😂😂
Pro Quinoa Tip: You have to RINSE quinoa before cooking, otherwise it's horribly bitter. Some people don't know and think that's how it's supposed to taste.
I was listening to this in my car, and I made a WTF face at that part and said, out loud, "It doesn't taste like dust. It tastes like rice."
Simon playing 5 finger stab really reminds me of the epic blazes of yesteryear! Love it!
The LGBTQ+ panic defense is the last resort of a lawyer who knows they're losing.
It should be the "Please disbar me now" defense.
Is the LGBTQ+ panic defence good against Ninja`s?
@@milamber82As one such person I can confirm, I have never lost a fight to a ninja, and never has there been a ninja assassination attempt against me that succeeded.
unfortunately, it worked for decades
That was not the defense the lawyers came up with. The drug deal, which is what it was about, came from the lawyers.
Seeing Simon's face light up at "did she have big boobs?! I didn't notice" is the funniest shit I've seen today
Depending on where it happened and where hes being put on trial, but the Coffee Guy could be getting "Biological/Chemical Assult".
A guy here in Sacramento hit our mayor(Kevin Johnson, former NBA player)) in the face with a whipped cream pie as he came out of a building. Not only did the man get his ass beat by the mayor, he was charged with Biological/Chemical Assult simply because there was no way of being sure what was actually in the "cream pie".(This was also pretty close to the 911 Attack and Anthrax Threats so chem/bio weapons and whatnot were a really big issue at the time.)
I believe it happened in the UK.
Speaking of destroying plants. I use to play in a band with a guy who grew his own supply before legalization here on Canada. he was also a volunteer fire fighter. He grew his stuff in the wooded area behind his place and came home one day to a call where they had to burn his plants. someone found them riding on an ATV and reported them. Poor guy. The fire department knew they were his and saved the task of burning them for him.
4:10 - Chapter 1 - Young lad tells court that he was carrying a knife in order to help his grandmother
8:55 - Chapter 2 - It's not mine , it belongs to my friend
11:00 - Chapter 3 - Doctor does something unspeakable
14:50 - Chapter 4 - Florida man involved in illegal pornography
18:55 - Chapter 5 - The lgbtq+ panic defence
- Chapter 6 -
PS: I love the 1st chapter when you left the knife stuck into the table🤣
Simon's rant at 20 min was worth the crazed tales in itself 😅
An alternative word might work, but seems unlikely.
We all tune in at least 79% just for Simons rants.
Simon: " I, I can think of lies I've told today, well I can't now"
Me: So that was a fucking lie. 😂😂😂
If that doctor does end up in prison, PLEASE don't give him a job in the kitchen, especially making coffee.🤢🤮
I'm gonna puke.......
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Hey my last name is May, that's cool if your is too LoLz
One of my Facebook friends had her cat order a book on Amazon. She had opened up the page for the book on Amazon, then went to get a cup of coffee, and when she came back her cat was laying on her keyboard and had ordered the book she'd been looking at. Definitely sounds like something a cat will do.
Oh yeah cats will definitely do that. Mine likes to 'help' with my crafting. I used to say she was going to get something glued to her but. But then it happened.
Usually when Simon talks about animals it’s disappointing but liking cats and wanting to name one Jean Luc is wonderful.
I feel having a cat name Jean Luc would require getting a second cat and naming it Q
@@aceundead4750 dont forget Spot 🤔🐈
An interesting note about lying: Something that comes up quite often with people that have ADHD is a significantly less lying. Not no lying, not cannot lie, but a tendency to not move to that step in the thought process. To lie you need to think of the truth, then obfuscate it in your mind. These are 2 distinct steps, people who have ADHD will often not move to that 2nd step and just answer or speak truthfully.
Speaking from personal experience, I have pissed off a LOT of people because of this. The times it is a real issue are with those little white lies that are the grease which allows society to function. Still though, I prefer candor over lies. Thus I will continue as I am.
My daughter has ADHD and is a compulsive liar.
@@InteriorDesignStudent So? Are you dumb enough to think I was making blanket statements about every single person with ADHD in the history of the world or something?
Chronic truthfulness is typically more associated with autism than with adhd. The impulsive nature of kids with adhd often leads to coping behaviors to avoid trouble for it, and one common one is lying.
@@Stonegolem6 You aren't entirely wrong, but you are also missing the point. The lack of moving to that stage of lie, is often very small things, the kinds of things that don't mean enough for most people that they don't consider them "bad" lies. The more serious things are, the more time there is to think, the more there is likely to be lying.
An obvious type of question would be those of phatic expressions. Where an answer to the question is not actually what is required. Stereotypical examples being asked how the weather is or how you are feeling. Those aren't questions about the environment or your health. They are meant as indications of how a social interaction will go.
Obviously we all answer those like they are questions at times. I am just using phatic expressions as an example of the type of little question that is not meant to be answered literally.
You can very much be a pathological liar (in case there is doubt, this does not mean "always lies") about things that matter, but be 110% honest with questions that don't matter. Those are not mutually exclusive. Granted given both of those are extremes, I doubt that many people have both tendencies, but it makes my point.
Ehhhh, I've come across fellow ADHDers who are chronic liars a lot more than I like to admit. I am similar to you, my mouth has ran off before my brain has the chance to stop me. Which had lead me to be super honest to the point of being rude by accident.
“I know a thing or two about cringe!”
You GO, Simon! Love the cringe!
😊
Simon, according to Cornell University's website, back-to-back life sentences like the two men got in the last entry is used to postpone limit when a prisoner is able to apply for parole. In the US, someone serving a life sentence can apply for parole after ten years in many states and in California, can apply for parole after seven years. They may have been sentenced in the way they were because their state may not having 'life sentence without the possibility of parole'. And extra info, states have to ratify the laws on their own instead of a blanket ban from the Federal level because many crimes are tried at the state level and do not have Federal level involvement.
My bf just blames everything on the hedgehog... sometimes the cat
Maybe don't have a criminal hedgehog in the house
😂😂😂
Hedgehogs are crafty little devils!
I understand him. Hedgehogs are mischievous. Those teeth will shred everything and they manage to fit where cats can't.... And the trails they leave... (remembers cleaning up after they got behind the washer)
You know, I know a song about a hedgehog...
My ex husband rang me and said they were still on the golf course and wouldn't be home for another couple of hours. I rang 1471 and he had rang me from the pub. His friends were in hysterics! It was hilarious. I genuinely didn't care that he'd went to the pub for a couple with his mates. His mates gave him so much stick for months 🤣🤣🤣
The day he learned the fear of god. 😂😂😂 poor guy. That's absolute gold though.
Couldn't help but notice that ex part in your story
He doesn’t own a mobile phone?
@@Gos1234567 this was years ago, before everyone had mobiles
@@nmxsanchez yes, but that wasn't why we divorced 😉
Simon, thank you for your asides, they really made that doctor story more... palatable.
Palalate me kerav 😂
"Gay panic defense" is what most textbooks call it "queer panic defense" is also an easier way to say it, cheers! Great episode as always Dave!
Weird. Queer and gay are not synonymous.
Also "Trans panic defense"
@@InteriorDesignStudent But they are ALL pure evil monsters.
It's sickening.
@@InteriorDesignStudentVery sickening. I wish this "villain du jour" shite would just stop. Putting a target on people for political gain, especially already marginalised people, it's just... It's sick.
NEVER write down your crimes, CasCrim rule No1 👌👍
I think the rationale for explicitly banning/outlawing the "LGBTQ panic" panic is as follows - Unless explicit banned, lawyers can make it without professional repercussions while neither the prosecution nor the judge would be allowed to forbid this line of argument on that basis alone. Subsequently, jurors (particularly those who may be biased against LGBTQ people) could then be influenced by this even if explicitly told that their findings cannot be based on this argument. Basically, such a law would be there to stop certain stupid jurors from being stupid.
And it does nothing to stop a creative lawyer. There's a whole host of other phrases that could be used that don't explicitly reference sexual orientation starting with "didn't like the way he looked at me"
I figure the ban is to avoid even the remote chance that such an argument sways a jury enough to make it a precedent for future cases... If it's used enough, eventually SOME group of jurors could buy it, and make life worse down the road...
Simon's inner Brit coming out as he waves a knife around and spouts off EXACTLY what what kind of knives you can carry around in the U.K. lol.
-I say, as someone from the US, where I can both carry around a gigantic knife and unbelievably irresponsible guns in my city. I don't think I can carry a sword here, but you can in other states.
Omg simon playing the knife game had me laughing so hard. Then his casual, "Don't do that at home." Had me rolling.
The cat at 17:28 should not have made me laugh this hard
No Simon the Gay panic defence needs to be outlawed because US judges agree with it. Conservative, Christian Judges are very common there. They won’t just dismiss such a defence.
I recall that the gay Panic defense has never worked. Do you know of any case where it has?
But they'll toss the "the Devil made me do it" defense; as well as the "God told me to do it" defense.
When they defend pedos and pride parades chant were coming for your children not to mention trying to teach kink/bdsm to kids? It’s a bit of a gray area. And yes all that is true
@squizzy9959 Since when does Christianity defend pride parades?
@@squizzy9959 Source: Trust me bro.
The Matthew Shepherd case really was some fucked up stuff. Absolute insanity what happened to him. I have a friend that grew up nearby and was a scary thing for her growing up.
That P0S Matthew got what he deserved. And SOON all of them will get the same.
The world has no place for that kind of evil.
That case had me crying for days...😢
@@pokeydot1975 our area was surprisingly progressive at the time (I don't live anywhere near Wyoming, but it is a beautiful part of the country) and it shook everyone up, it got hectic for a while too. Scary world we live in and it's only getting worse
@@pokeydot1975it still makes me cry.
Absolutely abhorrent what happened. And still does. But at least Fred Phelps is dead. (And unfortunately, his granddaughter who alleges to have "changed" has not, and still throws around f-bombs like the US military with actual bombs. Don't believe her; it's easy to see through the facade.)
The "angels" at his funeral really were. I'll cry if I think about it much longer.
Jesus Sam, that cat/FBI meme just made me burst out laughing! 🤣🤣
My cat bought an ebook from Amazon. I returned it immediately because well, he can't read and it wasn't anything I wanted to read. 🤷🏻♀️
"But on the plus side kids are quite nice, especially mine..." says Simon while in a video talking about lies 🤣
Simon missed an opportunity here. Imagine if anytime the camera shifted throughout the knife section and yet another bandage was on his hand everytime. Funny gag and important safety PSA.
Glad I'm not in the UK though. I usually have a six inch blade on me anytime I'm out.
Dave's intro has me singing the refrain to Simon & Garfunkle's "The Boxer", which is appropriate every time you catch someone telling porkies. It has a pretty tune, but the words go "Lie lie lie, lie lie lie lie lie lie lie, lie lie lie, lie lie, lie lie lie lie lie lie lie, lie lie lie, lie lie!"
If your quinoa tastes like sawdust, you're preparing it wrong. However, "Meth & Feta Mean Withdrawal" is accidentally hilarious! Who wouldn't get mean when deprived of crumbly Greek sheep cheese?
Dave wants to raise his kids in a world where "I hate people who are like this person!" is not a mitigating circumstance for having murdered the person in question, & I'm HERE for it.
Omg... And I thought he was scatterbrained on the Casual Criminalist. This is my first Brain Blaze, are they all like this? This is glorious!
They deserved double life. It's the saddest story and breaks my heart whenever it's mentioned.
I always liked "QUILTBAG" as an easy-to-say acronym for the rainbow spectrum, since it's only two syllables and includes more groups: Queer, Uncertain, Intersex, Lesbian, Trans, Bisexual, Asexual, Gay. Plus there's the idea that we are quilted together, little unique pieces that form a beautiful design.
I like that! And I had the impression of the bag having quilting supplies in it, to always be adding -- welcoming -- new unique swatches to the colorful design.
Never heard that one, but I like it.👍
HAHAHAHA! Jean-Luc Picat!!!!! You totally should get that cat, Simon!
Matthew Shepherd's parents negotiated with prosecutors to get his killers two consecutive life sentences instead of the death sentence. I am guessing the second one if for carrying out a hate crime in addition to the murder.
Unless you are sentenced to Life Without the Possibility of Parole, a life sentence is 15 years before eligible for release
@@captainspaulding5963 No, it's 25 minimum.
Back in the mid-20th century, people were sometimes acquitted of murder on the grounds that the killing was a defense against homosexual advances. I haven’t heard of that defense being accepted in recent decades, though. As the script here explains, Mathew Shepard’s killers attempted to use such a defense, but with no success. They were (rightly) convicted of murder, and are serving life sentences.
Shepard was killed because he owed the cartel tens of thousands of dollars. His sexuality had nothing to do with it, one of the biggest myths in American criminal justice. Heck one of his killers is gay.
"That feels very a-salty"
- Simon, dude.
You can always tell someone is a proper Whistler afficionado if their favorite channel is Brain Blaze, tho we never forget Business Blaze
Excellent cat meme edits for the "the cat did it" segment, Sam! Thank you!
So early thank you for so much information entertainment Simon been around since before the beard
Someone had a slighty long sharp piece of metal.
CRIME OF THE CENTURY!
Yes, Simon. Yes, Dave. Every once in a while, it is the channel for it.
Thank you, guys.
The reason we need to outlaw it is because some judges will accept it in their court
we need better judges then
@@The_Blazement i don't disagree but we already so back logged to cases that we can't afford to fire them,hell many have life time appointments
23:49 Simon look at what is goimg on in the U.S. court system right now......and yes, they need to ban stupid stuff rather than just expecting it being stupid to keep it from happening.
Dave = LEGEND
I'm down with the SPARROW+ crowd! 🤣🤣
Chapman was sentenced two weeks ago:
"He was sentenced to a 12-month community order and ordered to carry out 200 hours of unpaid work, at Gloucester Crown Court earlier."
-BBC
I think a life sentence in the US is 70 years. A double life sentence simply means no parole ever, even if you're 90
16:28 my dog taps my iPad, usually just starting and stopping your videos though 😅
She is hypoallergenic and although I tend to get a bit allergic to her during Hayfever seasons when my system is already super sensitive, the rest of the year it’s not bad! However, living in houses with dogs before has made me really sick.
This script, Dave, indeed! Simon made me laugh, and the editor had me rolling, but read the room Dave… “this isn’t Casual Criminalist” 😂 Did Danny finally die in the basement? I’ve been away a while.
22:28 OMG this is exactly why I stopped using dictation to text my friend after she pointed out that what VoiceOver was reading didn't actually look the way it sounded. Way too much of a pain in the ass to go check all the spelling and weird mistakes so I just learned how to use iOS' typing in braille feature.
Panning out to show the knife in the table.
Total power move 5:24
Proceeds to play with knife 🤦 6:57
Here in America you can conceal carry a gun with the license. Open. Carry any gun without a license but you can't have a knife over 3 in in public
Oh, I needed this today.
LMFAO, he's stabbed the table😂😂😂😂😂 love it! You are now an honorary American🎉😂😂😂😂
If the doctor coffee cup thing happened where I live he would be charged with forcible oral copulation
honestly, im all for a new episode featuring whacky hijinks in the course of committing small crimes, family friendly crimes, plz dave we need some happy crimes! plz dave!
Totally agree. I'm okay with the occasional dark brain blaze because I like seeing Simon squirm. But so long as it's one episode out of every 10.
Just look up "Florida Man." It'll keep you busy for weeks.
I like happy crime and minor mischief
My parents drove us to a newly plowed field, then had my sister and I grab as many big rocks as we could, as fast as we could, and run them back and toss them in the back of our van. They said we were "helping" the farmer. We thought it was a super fun night, hopping over the furrows and competing to find the biggest rocks.
Realized later that we were stealing the rocks so they could build a rock terrace around the garden. They had no idea who owned the field.
In my father's defense, he grew up on a farm and rocks damage plows. So we were "helping" the farmer in a sense, as well as trespassing and stealing. Family fun!
@@mschaefer4656 So you ALLEGEDLY grew up in a family of bandits... Highwaymen from such a young age. I love this story. Please don't take my nonsense serious. I do truly love this story, that was true, but everything before that is pure silliness... I want more stories tbh
I love the fact that where i live in Idaho, not only can i openly carry just about any sized knife into just about anywhere i can also openely carry a firearm in public and most places and no one cares here. This area also has very low firearm or knife crime.
My ex was once showing me pictures from their childhood Christmas. Saying, look how cool this tree is. I was like. You know what kind of tree that is? Nope, none what so ever. Just a kid standing next to a massive decorated cannabis plant.
Thank you Dave!! The finale was perfecto🎉 ally level up + +20
Much appreciated. :-)
I saw a story about a night office cleaner caught peeing in water bottles and other containers that people left on their desks. Someone put a camera in the office and caught him with the evidence in his hands.
In UK, this sort of thing would be prosecuted as " Administering a noxious substance" . . .
Brain blaze is perfect for my walk to work. Cheers Simon!
1:20 Quinoa is kinda like rice or pasta - it tastes like whatever you cook it with, so it can be quite good, or terrible, all depends on who’s making it and how.
Talking about adult responsibilities, the first thing I told my Daughters on their 18th Birthdays was: You're an adult now, life is going to be full of sh!t you don't want to do.
My friend stabbed me 14 times with my own knife. True story 😅
So early 😳 Good timing, great for evening chill
So are we gonna just not talk about the fact that Simon just so happened to have an enormous knife with a gut hook at hand and that he proceeded to violently stab his own desk?
Yo Simon you might be able to get by just using an Antihistamine if your wife has a minor allergy. My girlfriend is/was (not totally sure) slightly allergic to cats too. So she used to take citrizine (generic allergy medications) for it and after a while we noticed she had stopped using them and was totally fine. Not sure if it was something to do with what kind of cat he is (he’s a mix so I can’t say for sure what breed) but he certainly sheds and it seems like she just kinda acclimated to it over time.
A lot of people get used / immune to individual cats if they live with them. Takes me about a month or so when we get a new cat. Put another cat on my lap and I'm as bad as always.
I agree with using antihistamines. There are also shampoos for dogs and cats to reduce dander. Contrary to popular belief, there are no "hypoallergenic" cats or dogs. It's a myth perpetrated by breeders. Simon, I hope you win out and get a kitty!
The hair isn't what causes the allergy, it's the dander.
@@pokeydot1975 It's neither, actually. It's a protein found in the cat's saliva that triggers the reaction.
@@JootjeJ One of my cats caused both me and my ex-husband to itch, even though we'd never tested positive for cat allergies. I used some anti-allergy wipes on her. I lost her at the age of 18. A little itchiness didn't keep me from loving her 🙂
I predict that doctor is gonna have a sticky ending 😂
Now it's crimes on the brain channel and business in the crime channel, the fun never stops!
I gotta say that I'm loving Dave's work here 👏👏
"Don't play with knives!" .... Immediately begins to play with his knife.😂
Very glad i finished my cup of tea before watching this.
Simon has never read the script right? So he had a knife lying around??
We need to ban that defense in the US because we have jury trials here.
Yeah and you wouldn’t want any straight person to be able to defend themselves against sexual assault by a gay person right. Obviously let’s not kill people though
1) I assumed trial by jury was a thing in most, if not all, democracies. 2) Unless you're not a fan of democracy (which I do encounter sometimes online, not exclusively from the Right) what would be the better alternative aside from, well, vigilante justice I guess...?
As more states ban the defense im waiting for the womens prisons to fill up. They use that same defense all the time to excuse attacking any man they disagree with.
@ashkitt7719 Not all democracies, or even most that I can think of at the moment, have a trial by jury. Most of the time its a judge.
@@sindrek8 Yeah I did some research and saw that but as another commenter mentioned, a lot of judges in the US are conservative Christians anyway, so you won't be getting good judges.
“It’s a powerful death knife” holds up a basic skinning knife
simon - "i'd call it jean-luc"
thinks to myself "jean-luc picard of the USS Enterprise"
No wonder Simon keeps going on about eating dogs. He's a cat guy!
You get sanctioned for lying, sometimes.
Your name is amazing.
I could go for a burrito...
Thank you for the laughs. You make my world a brighter Place...
I believe the guy with the cat. The cat just made a typo. He was looking for 'kitty' porn! 😂
Before any one parrots the knife crime issue in the UK as an example of what happens when you can't get firearms, just know that the US has both higher per capita firearms and knife crime incidents 🙄
Damn statistics.
@@InteriorDesignStudent Granted "less violent than America" isn't a high bar to clear...
Europe loves to pretend The USA is a hellhole. When Canada is RIGHT THERE! 6% of all deaths are now medically assisted suicide...
@@davidhughes4089 You know the spanners on old-fashioned chair legs? That's the height of the bar.
Simon as a Pansexual woman who is a member of the LGBTQIA, might I suggest Alphabet Mafia as an alternative. Some people ( like myself) use that term.
Also lol 😂 on the cat story. Best excuse from this video.
Well if he won’t I will, that’s a good one
I like using Rainbow Brigade. However, Alphabet Mafia sounds much tougher.
Is that an acceptable term for a "straight" person to use? Because that's awesome!!
The knifes position afterward made me lol, perfect!