moles don't think about space or small talk: a poem
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 11 มิ.ย. 2015
- links:
insta: / savbrown
twitter: / savannahbrown
website: www.savbrown.com
i wrote a novel: www.amazon.co.uk/Truth-About-...
also a poetry book: www.amazon.co.uk/Graffiti-oth...
words:
i would like very much to
live in a small hole in the ground
like a mole
a small hole
for an even smaller mole
maybe dug into the side of a hill
and i will close off the entrance
to keep out the chill of the winters,
heat of the summers
no one would know, but please tell my mother
i’m sorry, i’m sorry
but it had to be done
because when you can’t run from the
invisible weight of the world
teetering on your shoulder blades
just smother yourself with dirt
bury yourself alive
so at least then you know where the
suffocation is coming from
because when i can feel my stomach
being pulled out through my lips
and forced back down again
whenever its decided so
i’d at least like to know
who’s responsible
so i can thank them for giving me
a gag reflex crafted from steel
and the artistry to construct a
creative, well-rounded list of a thousand and one
ways i could die
i’ve learned that when fire and ice combine
they don’t divide,
they multiply
two extremes don’t cancel
they intensify
and yes there’s something
bringing the cold
but oh i bring the burn
if i was a mole
in the side of a hill i wouldn’t
seek that same masochistic thrill that
keeps my human heart humming
human mind numbing
someone please help me, i think i’m becoming
insignificant again
that’s the third time today
a mole wouldn’t cry when
asked of its day
when i was little i was told
i had an excellent imagination
who ever would have guessed
i’d use it in the creation
of my own personal hell
where everything’s my fault
and no matter how small i get
i always take up too much space
while at the same time taking up
no space
because have you ever thought about
how big space is
everyone’s so small
but i’m the biggest small of them all
not if i was a mole in the side of a hill
with neither the heat
nor the chill
it’s quiet
and cosy
but really, that’s silly and
i don’t suppose we
could come to some sort of agreement
for there’s lives to be lived
business to conduct
there’s moments to experience
and there’s nothing to discuss
things to think too much
everything to think too much
i always think too much
As you read it, I imagined it as going through a panic attack from start to finish
Damn my heart rate is a little faster
I will be coming back to this one a lot
I literally see you eVERYWHERE DODIE
me too, Dodie...
*one year later and i'm still coming back to this*
Dodie, I just saw this but i can tell you that you are 50000000% true
"So at least then you know where the suffocation is coming from." That hit me hard.
"someone please help me, I think I'm becoming insignificant again" is absolutely my favorite line
grayson ಠ_ಠ same
"i had an excellent imagination
who ever would have guessed
i’d use it in the creation
of my own personal hell"
hit me really, really hard... kudos Sav for being amazeballs as usual :)
100%
for a poem with moles in the title, this was fucking deep wow sav
I really loved the thought of burying yourself alive, so at least you know where the suffocation is coming from. It's reassuring to know that it's not just me who feels this way, and not just me who gets frustrated when the anxiety digs it's claws in and builds to crushing terror, when there's nothing tangible to be frightened of.
"but oh i bring the burn" me in any argument ever
"someone please help me, i think i’m becoming/ insignificant again/ that’s the third time today/ a mole wouldn’t cry when/ asked of its day"
and now i'm crying.
I really, really, really feel this one.
maybe one day i'll write something like this, for now- i've got some work to day.
This poem really, really hit home for me, especially recently.
I didn't have anxiety growing up, but due to a few situations and a medication I was on for six years of my life [which I pulled myself off of. Don't cut meds, especially meds for mentally abnormalities, cold turkey. talk to your doctor about it and get it sorted out, please] it's developed increasingly in the first few years of "adulthood" for me.
I entirely get this too- I'm not suicidal by any stretch, but sometimes i just want to disappear for a while. or forever.
Your poetry is incredible. Every time you share something I want to hear more.
"i think im becoming insignificant again, thats the third time today" if u listen closely you can heat my heart shattering into a million pieces
this is honestly my favourite poem, i've never heard anyone put this situation into words so perfectly
Agreed.
I relate so much to these lines:
'when i was little i was told
i had an excellent imagination
who ever would have guessed
i’d use it in the creation
of my own personal hell'
because when I was younger I could have never have imagined that the thing that made me like myself, my imagination, could turn against me in such an awful way
Agree, it's so powerful.
I've listened to this poem so much that I can recite it from memory
I still can, and I often do to calm myself down in a panic attack
@@technicallyshyworld2663 thats great to hear that it helps you!
this and everything else you have ever written lives in my head every single waking day. it really means more to me than I could ever put into human words. thank you. I will never stop coming back to this.
Amazing poem... very powerful. "I'm the biggest small of them all" brilliant
I would watch Sav's yt videos religiously when I was a teenager. I thought of her randomly today as I'm almost 21 now, and I quietly started reciting this poem to myself, as I used to do when I was younger and a lot more scared. Naturally I came back to this video to hear her perform it herself, like this little time capsule that cemented the world in both our our eyes
"So at least then you know where the suffocation is coming from" - Beautiful!
I just paused cleaning my room (not difficult to do) and Lana del Rey on spotify (supremely difficult to do) to watch you yayayay
Okay done and no words besides one: exquisite.
this is my fav one of your poems, i love the way you just make words happen and its so bloody beautiful
you've got your own videos apparently
mievtah frank indeed i do
It's amazing how poetry is so powerful at communicating personal experiences and feelings- really helps you to feel connected with others, especially when dealing with things like anxiety and self-doubt.
Your poetry is as great as ever, Savannah. I'd love if you shared even more of it on your channel.
It's nice to hear someone talk about anxiety without being dramatic about it. I relate to this poem. I really like it.
“I’m the biggest small of them all.” That one opened my eyes wide.
It's been over 5 years since I've listened to this poem and I still go back to listen to it from time to time.
Thank you so much for this. I was actually just coming down from an anxiety attack watching this and trying to calm down and even before you elaborated, the minute you said those first few lines I knew exactly what the poem was about and I could completely relate to every feeling mentioned in this. This was utterly amazing. Love your poetry and I especially loved this one. ❤️
Same. Even if I weren't, though, and even if I hadn't ever struggled with anxiety, I would understand it so much better because of this. You always somehow manage to speak volumes and say so many important things but make it sound beautiful.
thank you so much for keeping these videos unlisted instead of privating them, these poems have gotten me through so much this past decade
And five years later, here i am again
"So at least then I'll know where suffocation coming from
Because when I feel my stomach
Being pulled out through my lips and forced back down again
whenever I decide so "
I really felt that !!
That was an amazing poem. It illustrated well how anxiety feels. You're going to go on to do some really amazing things beyond what you've already done💕
To all long term fans; did Savannah used to be a lot bigger on youtube? Some channels that aren't verified have a lot more subs?
***** ha no. i used to get more views maybe but i've always had around this many subscribers.
***** She did a lot of poetry like her slam poem where she has long hair. I don't think she was like a lot of other, I feel she was unique and still is. :)
I can appreciate the struggles with anxiety, it can really be crippling.
I have never related to someone on a deeper level. Your words are so honest and they capture the feeling perfectly. Thank you for existing xx
"I'm the biggest small of them all"
you have no idea how much I relate to this and to the whole poem and how much I love your poetry! I was even considering not commenting because I cannot properly express how these words like feel so right to me and I have listened to this more than 30 times on repeat. I appreciate you so much!
the way she talks is so unique
Fantastic.
I really thought this was about bulimia ahaha. "The third time today," and the stuff about the cold and the heat (comparing literal extremes of coldness when you're not eating all day and sweating when you've overstuffed yourself from a binge, but also comparing the polar opposite type nature of bulimia where you're either fasting or binging.) Hmm, I was really surprised when you said anxiety, although I guess anxiety is part of the core of an ED. Either way, this poem is great.
You can hear the emotion u love this so much I literally cried its raw I guess im still looking for a better word
Your poetry will always be my favorite thing in the world. I can relate with this poem very much because I also suffer from severe anxiety and your poetry just makes me feel less alone and I just love it so very much
This put into words what I'm feeling most of the time.
Thank you for existing .
at one point i thought i was writing this myself. i love this so much. it's such an accurate representation of anxiety, but it has the sort of Thing that makes your poems individual and so amazing to listen to.
i feel this one so hard, thank you for writing it. i deal with anxiety as well (along with ocd) and this encapsulates the feeling of anxiousness so well. the bit about "my stomach being pulled out through my lips" really resonates with me, because (in my experience) my stomach and that feeling of falling is where my anxiety physically manifests itself the most. i love this so much, i know i'm going to be listening to it a lot.
This made me cry. You and your poems are beautiful and i really needed this today, so thank you
8 years later, i’m still coming back to this. thank you sav for describing my soul
I absolutely love you and your poems
this is by far one of my favorite poems of yours
The empathy made me cry
Ain't it crazy how you can come back to a poem years later and feel and interpret it completely differently? This reading was a lot darker, hopefully, the next one is more of a look back or a reflection of a long-gone chapter. :/
your poetry, i love it, you're awesome!
"im the biggest small of them all" hurts me, genuinely. i feel that way a lot. i feel grotesque and huge but so completely useless and if i died no one would care. im so far from myself and it hurts because that doesn't make any sense. im afraid. this is too personal but i don't know who else to talk to but no one in particular.
I love this poem so much thank you for writing it
This one made me actually cry. It was the part about becoming small. I have this fear of always inconveniencing someone- being in their way, being too pushy, too much, draining too many resources from people I love. And yeah. Just, thank you for putting this into words.
I love your poetry man it speaks to me I've awkwardly remember most of them cause they speak when I can't
these savannah videos were so cosy aaaah !!
Your voice and delivery on your poems is so strong and gorgeous, so good.
I love this so much, relatable in a way. your poetry is one of my inspirations for when I need to write my own poems for school. you have an amazing way with words. 💖
this is so so beautiful I adore your poetry
i always go back to this.
This poem is so beautiful. Wow.
I love you and your poetry sav. thankyou so much😊
I love how poetically you put down kierkegaard idea of "the lily of the field and the bird of the air", I'm not sure that you meant to do so however I'am sure that this description reached me more intensily than reading kierkegaard himself. I love this !
You need to share more of your poems to us on your channel! You're so incredible..You inspired me to write and I just want to say you're amazing!
I am so thankful to see you as opened to everyone. I am glad to appreciate a new mindset through your poems. thanks a bunch!
Beautifully written. Beautifully said.
savannah, this is amazing!
This is so beautiful
I always take time to listen to your poetry because it is so deep.
your writing is incredible. the way you string together words and thoughts and sounds always blows me away
savannah you never fail to amaze me
i am only up to 1.21 and im already in love with this poem. you're amazing.
I just watched this video 3 times and I'm planning on watching a several more times Thanks sav you're a truely gifted person x
The rawness hits hard.
You are absolutely amazing, never stop what you do. You have such an fantastic talent
This is absolutely my new favourite poem. I connect with it so much. Thank you
Just found your channel and this is the second video I've seen. I just wanna say thank you and hopefully I can write something like this one day since I just started writing. Thank you!
this gives me the chills
This was so beautiful.
savannah this is my alltime favorite poem. it brings tears to my eyes every single time i watch/read it. hits all the notes of how i feel at my low points and is just so beautifully crafted. internal rhymes have always done something for me. thank you so so so much
this is my favorite poem of yours its brilliant I love it
Coming back to this 6 years after I listened for the first time (from 15 to 21) and struck again by your beautiful words and my always changing way of relating to them. Wishing you well always.
ONE OF MY FAVES
I freakin love everything that you write and each poem is so truthful and touching. It seems like writing just comes naturally for you, I just wish I could write one poem.
This is so incredible and I don't even know how to word how I feel about this because I am honestly in aw. In a way this sums up everything I could fathom about anxiety but as you said it also barely scratches the surface and I love that so much
Absolutely beautiful. I read the words in the description as you said it and the simple little pauses and looks you give really make the poem, you truly are an amazing speaker.
I really really love your poetry! It expresses so much just the perfect way. You got talent! Can't wait for the next one :)
I’m so glad this poem is still on your channel it has meant so much to me over the years and is something I still connect deeply with. Thanks sav
Thank you for this poem. Ever since you posted it, I've been returning to listen to it before bed a couple of times a week as it just does so much to help bring my thoughts into perspective. So, yeah, sincerely: thank you.
feelin' things. this was awesome in the most genuine sense of the word. x
I think your poetry is amazing. The first video I saw of you was your supercool slampoem. I'm so happy that people like you can make beautiful things like this poem. It feels like I understand myself better when I listen to your poem.
SAD. And all too relatable. Great stuff Sav!
you're the most relatable person ive come across..and you have such a heart that mine melts when I hear your poems. and as I've been watching your videos, your hair has changed. but id like to say you're so pretty!
simply thank you.
Wow Savannah, this was amazing. Keep writing, you're great at it.
Thank you for verbalizing these suffocating feelings, wich are felt by many nowadays. Your words went so deep it made me shiver. It is so beautiful!
I always have loved hearing poetry read out. It gives it a new meaning. And well delivered! I love the poem :)
hi i just came back to this because i felt it a lot today. wanted to let u know that ur poetry and words rlly stick always thank u for being so cool and powerful ily
v grateful that you explained at the end, I was getting a little worried!! you're a beautiful poet that makes beautiful poetry
you are a beautiful human being. I want to thank you for just existing putting yourself out there. I know this seems odd but I really relate to you and knowing there is someone out there somewhere going through some of the things I am really means a lot to me, like im not as alone as I thought. so I wanted to thank you because truly im not sure what I would've done if I had never come across your videos and poetry
I really do love your poetry, the words, the inner rhyme, everything. even though I have a hard time understanding anxiety, because I'm mostly the opposite of that and always try to spread happiness by just being around, I do get what you are saying
Your poem made me feel raw. It was amazing how I the poem spoke to my own personal struggles and probably others as well. It felt personal and universal. Thank you.
you are so talented
your poems are deep . I very much enjoy listening to them . Great Job.
Wow, thank you, I felt that. Over the last 2 years I became pretty sealed off. Thought that I better feel nothing than walking head down questioning every step that I take.
So again, thank you. I hope I can feel the desire again to go out and experience first hand, rather than through my monitor.