Tell me below: did you identify with any of the archetypes? Which tip will you try in order to liberate yourself from high-functioning codependency? Remember to download the guide for a quick list of the archetypes: www.terricole.com/how-to-liberate-yourself-from-overgiving-overdoing-guide
I cross over between several archetypes. The first tip I will try is to ask expansive questions. This episode really brought a lot of self awareness and provides a plan to start to heal! Thank you Terri for all that you do!
I like the idea of asking the friend "what do you think you should do?" instead of suggesting ways to solve his/her problem. because usually people do want to vent. They want to be heard by someone who is a good listener. I consider myself a good listener. Yet I sometimes struggle w/ telling the person "I have to go now. Can we talk later on?" Sometimes I allow the person to go on and on till I am late for my appointment.
So glad you like that idea! And I get what you mean. We can always be friendly about it- "Hey I'm so sorry to interrupt, but I have an appointment I need to get to. Let's pick this up soon, I'll text/call you!" 💕
There has been a lot of "special" occasions in my family and I have been buying a lot of gifts and mailing them. Yet....when it comes to me, my birthday is not remembered and when I said I'm getting an MRI of my brain my brother writes an e-mail saying stay healthy and never asks how did you make out. Etc. I recently needed to go to an ophthalmologist for an eye condition and was needing my eyes to be dilated. I told a friend about it and that I would need a ride due too dilation......no response. I was too afraid to actually say can you take me because I didn't want my be rejected. Yet, I have taken her to a couple of her appointments because she didn't know the area. I feel resentment and then I blame myself for not being direct and tone willing to hear no. Now....I am reevaluating my relationships in general and looking at what part I play. I don't want it be a fool anymore.
I am witnessing you with compassion, Mary ❤️ So glad you're open to re-evaluating your relationships and the part you play. As I say, we're 50% of every relationship we have! That can be empowering.
You're telling my story - except for my HFC partner. He is Uber-supportive, of course. But, when I began to have better boundaries and cease over-giving, our relationship dynamics became extremely difficult. Love this topic ❤🎉🥂
I see myself in 2 of the archetypes. My father and step-mother had co-dependent traits so that could be why I developed this trait. I too feel I have to relieve the suffering of others. I feel that I have too much empathy. I'm working on establishing healthy boundaries w/ others. Thanks for the talk!
The helper- did grand things for strangers. Knocked that off going on 10 years ago: slowing reducing this with loved ones and I’ve come a long way. Was still the guest at the party helping the host or hostess instead of just being a guest. I have been working on not doing that for a good year now. I realize I have felt that I am required to “earn” my place in the world and I am ready to “just be”
I can see myself in each archetype, especially looking back at different points in my life. I think I am currently closest to the hyper-helper or fixer/savior. I sometimes have fixer/savior fantasies where I save the day or do something amazing and everyone is impressed.
Another great episode - thanks Terri! The number one type I am is the perfectionist. I am very hard on myself and others> I think I need to do it to make sure it gets done correctly. I have stopped over helping and giving advice. I set boundaries and really try to stick to them. I can be the entertainer and the charmeleon as well. I do recognize these negative types and I am working on stopping them. My chanting twice a day in my Buddhist practice helps. I also use positive affirmations daily which help me stay focused. Thanks again for all you do to help me with my HFC issues. 😍
This is startling. I have a lot of these traits. Unfortunately, this was how I was trained as a young girl growing up in my native family. Women were supposed to give ALL for their husbands, families, and communities. It has been very difficult for me to release these patterns as a mature woman.
It is so difficult when we were raised and praised to be self-abandoning codependents, Dianne ❤️ You're not alone. But it is possible to start freeing yourself, one step at a time.
I am absolutely stunned by the incredible insights you shared in this video! You have described me perfectly! Now that I have this HFC diagnosis I can work on healing and getting by health and well-being back! I can't wait for your new book to come out!
Thankyou! This video gives me so much hope. As a parentified and child trauma survivor adult life has been so hard. Videos like this, learning a little about how the mind works and working wth a skilled therapist has changed everything. Trying to "fix" others, days and decades of anxiety and hand wringing are hopefully a thing of the past.I have been looking in te wrong place to calm my fears. I will still love and support my loved ones, but self integration has shown me a place of safety within my being that I am joyfully cultivating. I am in my 60s but I look forward to the future - I can see clouds moving and bllue sky ahead.. There is work to be done of course, as I heal, the jpurney never ends.
You're so welcome 💕 It sounds like you're having some really important realizations that you'll be able to positively integrate into your life. Way to go!
I'm so appreciative of your content,Terri! You've helped me immensely in many areas of my life, and I look forward to learning more from you, and getting your book being released in October! Sending 💛
Yikes. Heavy on The Entertainer, a good bit of The Auto-Accomodator, with several hints from The Fixer. Your videos bring me such incredible awareness!! Once aware, we know the problem and can take the steps to improve. Forever indebted to you for the healing & strength you are building in me. I'm actively putting this to use in leaving my co-dependant manipulating relationship of 3 years. I was fresh out of a 17 yr enmeshment with a narcissistic personality disorder/gaslighting manipulator & didnt know how to avoid doing it again. Such an emotional time here, thank you for helping keep me so level & true to self during this.
Im the fixer savior type. I reached out to my brother because his car was down. And he didnt feel he could ask for help. So reached out and told him i would take care of it including buying the parts. Its sad that the one thing i love about myself puts me last.
Cant wait for your new book. I have you boss book on audible to help remind myself when I’m going to be around boundary busters! Have the workbook also and slowly going through it. Your scripts are wonderful because I freeze when I’m confronted but did respond in your way once and was so proud afterwards. You have given me hope and tools to change!!
What do you do of you identify with all of the archetypes based on the situation? I really need to step back, take that breath and ask people what they think they should do - that will work in all of my situations, I think. I teared up when I realized that I was trained to be this way from a very young age. I am learning to break the generational cycle. Thank you for all of the work you ate doing. I am learning to actualize the person I was put on earth to be.
I am witnessing you with so much compassion ❤️ Asking expansive questions really does help! I think that's a great first step. And it is OK if you identify with aspects of all of them as there are a few overlapping traits. The archetypes are mostly here to help us recognize the signs easier.
In my whole life, no one really ever did offer help to me. After my mom died when I was 21 I was on my own. When I reached out to family members to help me move or I asked for help, it was declined and I never got any, I only ever have the present, and that is where I’m choosing to create my joy in my present life and being
It seems most people have some of these traits. Even myself. I met an old acquaintance after several conversations I felt he was trying to control me. I had to distance, it was just not feeling right. He would get on some subject and if I wasn't seeing his point of view about something irrelevant to me. He got ticked off.
I'll be talking about it more soon! I also have a lot of videos about codependency on the channel already. ❤️ Check this one out: th-cam.com/video/4BD1xs1GlbY/w-d-xo.html
I do not offer 1:1 sessions anymore as I'm trying to reach the most amount of people possible. ❤️ If you email support @ terricole.com (without the spaces) my team can recommend someone for you! Otherwise I also suggest checking out Better Help: betterhelp.com/terricole (That is an affiliate link, which means I will get a commission if you sign up, but my team and I have fully vetted their services and recommend them.)
I see you, Rebekah ❤️ The good news is there are things we can do, right? Awareness is just the first step. I have a video on auto-accommodating here: th-cam.com/video/TEtwpbNe-0U/w-d-xo.html and a video on helping here: th-cam.com/video/4BD1xs1GlbY/w-d-xo.html
I identified with so many things you are unpacking here Terri 🥺 this was amazing, thank you so much for what you do as a human being. And can’t wait to read your book ❤️🩹
Yes, I relate to this. I was thinking of changing my dr's. appt. so I could give my friend a ride to his dr's. appt. Then I said to myself, "wait a second, why do I have to rearrange my life to do someone a favor? Let my friend change the appt." What do you think? Thanks so much for the video!
This was a real eye opener for me into a whole different side of myself that I have not wanted to see (my shadow aspect’s) ❤I’m definitely an over-accommodator ! 🫣🫠☺️
Tell me below: did you identify with any of the archetypes? Which tip will you try in order to liberate yourself from high-functioning codependency? Remember to download the guide for a quick list of the archetypes: www.terricole.com/how-to-liberate-yourself-from-overgiving-overdoing-guide
I cross over between several archetypes. The first tip I will try is to ask expansive questions. This episode really brought a lot of self awareness and provides a plan to start to heal! Thank you Terri for all that you do!
I like the idea of asking the friend "what do you think you should do?" instead of suggesting ways to solve his/her problem. because usually people do want to vent. They want to be heard by someone who is a good listener. I consider myself a good listener. Yet I sometimes struggle w/ telling the person "I have to go now. Can we talk later on?" Sometimes I allow the person to go on and on till I am late for my appointment.
So glad you like that idea! And I get what you mean. We can always be friendly about it- "Hey I'm so sorry to interrupt, but I have an appointment I need to get to. Let's pick this up soon, I'll text/call you!" 💕
@@terri_cole Thanks so much! I'm going to start doing that next time that situation arises. It does arise very often. Hope you have a good weekend!
There has been a lot of "special" occasions in my family and I have been buying a lot of gifts and mailing them. Yet....when it comes to me, my birthday is not remembered and when I said I'm getting an MRI of my brain my brother writes an e-mail saying stay healthy and never asks how did you make out. Etc. I recently needed to go to an ophthalmologist for an eye condition and was needing my eyes to be dilated. I told a friend about it and that I would need a ride due too dilation......no response. I was too afraid to actually say can you take me because I didn't want my be rejected. Yet, I have taken her to a couple of her appointments because she didn't know the area. I feel resentment and then I blame myself for not being direct and tone willing to hear no. Now....I am reevaluating my relationships in general and looking at what part I play. I don't want it be a fool anymore.
I get it. I have a tough time asking for help too. Sure hope you’re doing okay health-wise. Go gently….
I am witnessing you with compassion, Mary ❤️ So glad you're open to re-evaluating your relationships and the part you play. As I say, we're 50% of every relationship we have! That can be empowering.
You're telling my story - except for my HFC partner. He is Uber-supportive, of course. But, when I began to have better boundaries and cease over-giving, our relationship dynamics became extremely difficult. Love this topic ❤🎉🥂
A bit frustrated that I identify with several of these archetypes, but I know I’m in the right place.
I am witnessing you with compassion, Lesley ❤️ I've been there.
I see myself in a lot. Thank you. It’s great knowledge
So glad it's helpful ❤️
I see myself in 2 of the archetypes. My father and step-mother had co-dependent traits so that could be why I developed this trait. I too feel I have to relieve the suffering of others. I feel that I have too much empathy. I'm working on establishing healthy boundaries w/ others. Thanks for the talk!
You're so welcome, thanks for sharing your thoughts 💕
The helper- did grand things for strangers. Knocked that off going on 10 years ago: slowing reducing this with loved ones and I’ve come a long way. Was still the guest at the party helping the host or hostess instead of just being a guest. I have been working on not doing that for a good year now. I realize I have felt that I am required to “earn” my place in the world and I am ready to “just be”
Thank you so much for sharing ❤️ Such an important takeaway to "just be"!
I can see myself in each archetype, especially looking back at different points in my life. I think I am currently closest to the hyper-helper or fixer/savior. I sometimes have fixer/savior fantasies where I save the day or do something amazing and everyone is impressed.
Thank you for sharing ❤️
omg last sentence ....
You are a gem. God bless you and your content.
Another great episode - thanks Terri! The number one type I am is the perfectionist. I am very hard on myself and others> I think I need to do it to make sure it gets done correctly. I have stopped over helping and giving advice. I set boundaries and really try to stick to them. I can be the entertainer and the charmeleon as well. I do recognize these negative types and I am working on stopping them. My chanting twice a day in my Buddhist practice helps. I also use positive affirmations daily which help me stay focused.
Thanks again for all you do to help me with my HFC issues.
😍
You're so welcome, Linda ❤️ I can relate to wanting things done a certain way!
The "feeling overly responsible for other people's feelings states, outcomes, relationships..." Part hit me hard. 😅
I see you ❤️
Thank you, I really appreciate being able to be present for someone without trying to solve their problems. I love the example statements.
You're welcome!
thank you Terri, your videos are really helping me grow, wish I read it earlier in my life.
❤️❤️❤️
I loved this!! Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom.
So glad you loved it ❤️
Thanks Dr COLE
You're welcome!
Thank you..your impact on my life & sanity & growth has been profound. So exited for the book!❤🙏💯
Thank you so much for letting me know ❤️❤️
This is startling. I have a lot of these traits. Unfortunately, this was how I was trained as a young girl growing up in my native family. Women were supposed to give ALL for their husbands, families, and communities. It has been very difficult for me to release these patterns as a mature woman.
It is so difficult when we were raised and praised to be self-abandoning codependents, Dianne ❤️ You're not alone. But it is possible to start freeing yourself, one step at a time.
I am absolutely stunned by the incredible insights you shared in this video! You have described me perfectly! Now that I have this HFC diagnosis I can work on healing and getting by health and well-being back! I can't wait for your new book to come out!
I am so glad it was helpful and that you're feeling empowered to change, Sherri ❤️ I can't wait for Too Much to come out, too!
Thankyou! This video gives me so much hope. As a parentified and child trauma survivor adult life has been so hard. Videos like this, learning a little about how the mind works and working wth a skilled therapist has changed everything. Trying to "fix" others, days and decades of anxiety and hand wringing are hopefully a thing of the past.I have been looking in te wrong place to calm my fears. I will still love and support my loved ones, but self integration has shown me a place of safety within my being that I am joyfully cultivating. I am in my 60s but I look forward to the future - I can see clouds moving and bllue sky ahead.. There is work to be done of course, as I heal, the jpurney never ends.
You're so welcome 💕 It sounds like you're having some really important realizations that you'll be able to positively integrate into your life. Way to go!
I'm so appreciative of your content,Terri! You've helped me immensely in many areas of my life, and I look forward to learning more from you, and getting your book being released in October! Sending 💛
Thank you so much, I'm glad my content has been helpful for you ❤️
Thank You from the bottom of my heart. You are beatifull person. I feel hope. Thank You.
So glad this left you feeling hopeful 💕
Yikes. Heavy on The Entertainer, a good bit of The Auto-Accomodator, with several hints from The Fixer. Your videos bring me such incredible awareness!! Once aware, we know the problem and can take the steps to improve. Forever indebted to you for the healing & strength you are building in me. I'm actively putting this to use in leaving my co-dependant manipulating relationship of 3 years. I was fresh out of a 17 yr enmeshment with a narcissistic personality disorder/gaslighting manipulator & didnt know how to avoid doing it again. Such an emotional time here, thank you for helping keep me so level & true to self during this.
I am witnessing you with so much compassion ❤️ and also joy for you recognizing the patterns and wanting to leave. That takes a lot of strength ❤️
So insightful and helpful! Thank you, Terri!
You're welcome 💕
Im the fixer savior type. I reached out to my brother because his car was down. And he didnt feel he could ask for help. So reached out and told him i would take care of it including buying the parts. Its sad that the one thing i love about myself puts me last.
I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️
Cant wait for your new book. I have you boss book on audible to help remind myself when I’m going to be around boundary busters! Have the workbook also and slowly going through it. Your scripts are wonderful because I freeze when I’m confronted but did respond in your way once and was so proud afterwards. You have given me hope and tools to change!!
I am so glad to hear Boundary Boss is helpful and that it's given you hope and a way forward to change things ❤️❤️ Thank you for sharing that!
What do you do of you identify with all of the archetypes based on the situation? I really need to step back, take that breath and ask people what they think they should do - that will work in all of my situations, I think. I teared up when I realized that I was trained to be this way from a very young age. I am learning to break the generational cycle. Thank you for all of the work you ate doing. I am learning to actualize the person I was put on earth to be.
I am witnessing you with so much compassion ❤️ Asking expansive questions really does help! I think that's a great first step. And it is OK if you identify with aspects of all of them as there are a few overlapping traits. The archetypes are mostly here to help us recognize the signs easier.
@@terri_cole Thank you, Ideeply appreciate yourwork. I am writing, tapping and doing body work to release it all.
In my whole life, no one really ever did offer help to me. After my mom died when I was 21 I was on my own. When I reached out to family members to help me move or I asked for help, it was declined and I never got any, I only ever have the present, and that is where I’m choosing to create my joy in my present life and being
I am so sorry no one offered to help you ❤️ Choosing to create joy in the present is beautiful.
I'm talking your RLR course thought and I LOVE IT! :) @@terri_cole
It seems most people have some of these traits. Even myself. I met an old acquaintance after several conversations I felt he was trying to control me. I had to distance, it was just not feeling right. He would get on some subject and if I wasn't seeing his point of view about something irrelevant to me. He got ticked off.
Thank you for sharing that example!
Judge Judy might make a good t.v. show but maybe not a friend.
❤❤❤ thank you for this
You're so welcome ❤️
Definitely, hyper-helper
I see you ❤️
I gave up my job and career and I used to love my job .
Being on the receiving end of overgiving, overdoing is EXHAUSTING! I don't like feeling indebted to others. I will ask for help if I need it.
Also true!
Hyper helper
I feel that 💕
Hyper helper... Finally something that identifies my issue 🤦🏾♀️. 9 more months before the book is released 😭😭. Lol
I'll be talking about it more soon! I also have a lot of videos about codependency on the channel already. ❤️ Check this one out: th-cam.com/video/4BD1xs1GlbY/w-d-xo.html
Hi Terri do you offer counseling sessions?
I do not offer 1:1 sessions anymore as I'm trying to reach the most amount of people possible. ❤️ If you email support @ terricole.com (without the spaces) my team can recommend someone for you!
Otherwise I also suggest checking out Better Help: betterhelp.com/terricole (That is an affiliate link, which means I will get a commission if you sign up, but my team and I have fully vetted their services and recommend them.)
Me being more than one omggggggggg
Ouch. I think I’m a hyper helper. And I think I may be partly also automatic accommodater. Ugh.
I see you, Rebekah ❤️ The good news is there are things we can do, right? Awareness is just the first step. I have a video on auto-accommodating here: th-cam.com/video/TEtwpbNe-0U/w-d-xo.html and a video on helping here: th-cam.com/video/4BD1xs1GlbY/w-d-xo.html
😲
I identified with so many things you are unpacking here Terri 🥺 this was amazing, thank you so much for what you do as a human being. And can’t wait to read your book ❤️🩹
I'm so glad it resonated 💕 The book is available for pre-order now! hfcbook.com
Yes, I relate to this. I was thinking of changing my dr's. appt. so I could give my friend a ride to his dr's. appt. Then I said to myself, "wait a second, why do I have to rearrange my life to do someone a favor? Let my friend change the appt." What do you think? Thanks so much for the video!
Yes!!! ❤️ So glad you had that realization. Way to go! 🙌
@@terri_cole Thanks for your support! I find your talks so validating. Namaste.
I'm so glad to hear that ❤️❤️
This was a real eye opener for me into a whole different side of myself that I have not wanted to see (my shadow aspect’s) ❤I’m definitely an over-accommodator ! 🫣🫠☺️
I see you ❤️ I did a video on auto-accommodating a few years ago in case it's helpful: th-cam.com/video/TEtwpbNe-0U/w-d-xo.html
Thank you. I’m ready to change. 🙏❤️🥹
I am cheering you on, Diana! ❤️❤️