Story 4: there is a final update, thank God! OP called off the wedding/relationship, and believed that the reason fiance's family didn't want vegan options is because they were, for the most part, overweight. she realized that this kind of control over her life/choices would continue, so she ended things. hope she finds someone who actually respects her, her decisions, and her family
Oh thank god! It was just way too crazy the nonsense that the fiance and his mom tried to pull. What a bunch of crazy that OP needs to just leave them to it. Good for her just throwing in the towel and saying NO.
OK, so, I like meat, but damn, I'd be ok if it was ALL vegan food. It wouldn't kill me to have vegan stuff. Sometimes I even like it (often they add tgoo much flavor to give it a certain taste and miss the line). Then again, in my old days (44 at the time) I decided to hit the gym thrice a week (unless work keeps me from it) and now I decided to eat less in general to make more of my training than just adding muscle mass.
@@bladerunner3314 same, vegan food is good, tho I love meat. It's just that OP's former fiance's family was offended if other people ate healthier foods/were less/not obese
The MIL in the second story deserves 5/5. Doesn't matter if she's grieving. If she thinks the best thing to do is to threaten legal action she's irredeemable. If they give into MIL and do this how would they feel if the child suffers through lack of medical care? The husband is being a pushover.
Vegan bride needs to distance herself from the groom and his family. This much disrespect before the wedding is just the tip of the iceberg to come after the wedding.
yeah, this is just gonna keep getting worse. If they're offended by food existing near them, who knows what else they find offensive? Not to mention her husband has proved that he's willing to be a manipulative liar in order to get his way. VERY clear cut-and-run situation.
You know, I heard a few people say this but it's worth repeating: "Respect" can mean two things: 1. Treating someone like authority. 2. Treating someone like a person. So, when entitled people say: "If you don't respect me, I won't respect you", what they mean is: "If you don't treat me like authority, I won't treat you like a person."
It's basically the difference between giving someone human decency and honor or reverence. Reminds me of a story a while back (not sure if it's on this channel or not) where OP's boyfriend's daughter disrespected her and told her "respect is earned, not given". She wasn't treating OP with basic human decency and treating her (and I think her son) like crap (the girl was like 19 or something), so she got kicked out and the boyfriend was mad.
@@Nikodymus For me, the first time I heard this was actually one of those moments that change the way you look at the world. Because it's hidden so well until you see it from the right perspective.
I usually say "Respect isn't a free for all, it's earned. What you start out with is the lowest decent treatment possible, everything above is up to you to earn. And demanding more from the beginning, just kicked the box on which you were standing, now, you're dangeling on the rope." It may be harsh, but I experienced sop many Americans online who demand respect for being POSs.
I'm willing to bet money she just wants to take as many photos as possible and milk it when she passes Like....No ones that insane to pull a child out of hospice just to 'make memories'
Last story have a final update. The woman called the whole thing off after they had a talk. Apparently her fiance's family is on the heavier side and is sensitive with anything related to weight and health so he's afraid if his family sees these vegan options they will get offended by it. She gave him her ring back after realizing this is how her marriage is gonna be if she goes through with it and will be walking on eggshells every single time around his family. Even at the end he's saying that she's choosing her family over him when it's 100% the opposite. Girl dodged a big ass bullet lol.
The dad probably only wanted him to clear his conscience before dieing. To convince himself that kicking his child to the streets was the correct move and everything turned out alright. You reap what you sow is apt here.
My stepdad was really abusive to me growing up and I’m definitely not gonna see him on his deathbed when the day comes. I completely understand how OP feels, given that I’ve been through a similar situation. My best guess is that his father was probably abusive to him growing up too.
My petty ass would have gone and seen him and been like “sorry I don’t forgive you and I will never forgive” because you know he just wants to die with a clear conscience
The whole family of OP's are the butt holes, OP should have made the comeback text to his uncle "Well, your as bad as him and everyone else, you could have tried finding me and taking me in after he kicked me out of home at 18. But here you are, expecting me to go back and listen to him try and 'apologize' for what he did because he's dying. Loose my number and never contact me again." and then blocked him.
Let mil try to get rights to her dying grandchild, any judge would laugh her out of court or admonish her for being entitled and to dare to have the audacity to be so selfish to put a dying child through the torture of traveling for a week!
I'm picturing her in front of Judith Sheindlin when she was a family court judge.. that would NOT go well for this absolutely ridiculous and entitled woman.
True. The problem is that the parents would still have to spend resources - time, energy, money, etc. - in dealing with the legal issues that would be much better spent supporting their daughter, themselves, and each other. That MIL is selfish and entitled to the extreme.
Update about food wedding post: They talked one last time about it He said "my family enjoys food a lot, and i dont want them to feel that there's other option they cant take. What if your family eat salad and appetizers is just one time" Which add this, if she gets the vegan good, he would lose NOTHING but his pride She's basically tired of getting her opinions steamrolled and ignored for the sake of OTHERS and she doesnt want to envision herself to a life like that so... She ended everything: wedding and relationship. Her family over him.
Yeah, this was never about the food for him. It was about control. This was a test to see how compliant she would be in the future. If she had gone through with the wedding regardless, she would never know another day of peace.
That last story reminds me so much of when Cracker Barrel added a vegan sausage option. They didn't even remove the normal sausage option, they just added an option and so many people became offended that Cracker Barrel would dare broaden who could eat at their restaurants.
It reminds me of the guy who got offended a store added vegan sausage rolls so he filmed himself buying one and then throwing it in the bin. It's like what the hell dude?
Story 2, the whole secrecy of booking the trip, followed by not wanting the parents along screams to me that the grandmother is planning on taking that poor child to some faith healer/alternative medicine charlatan. Regardless, the husband should be ashamed of himself for suggesting they let the grandmother take their child away to keep the peace.
@@alorarhodes1568the mother-in-law claimed she wanted to take the child to Disney World. That update also stated, however, "Mother in law isn't one for alternative treatments and I haven't outright asked her but I *wouldn't* be shocked at this point." Although, when I wrote the original comment, I was leaning far more towards her aim being a faith healer as the likely plan. Which still rings true, being as Florida seems to be absolutely riddled with faith healers. If she was actually planning on taking the child to Disney World, why would she be so adamant that the parents mustn't come along? OP also put in a comment that she was of the opinion that her mother-in-law had lost it, and was set on taking her daughter away and never bringing her back. Which is the only other particularly likely reason I can think of, as to why the mother-in-law would be so adamant the parents mustn't go with them.
@@damionlee7658 I do think it's entirely possible she was going to take the kid and book it. Alternate medicine doesn't quite make sense. I mean them going or not going to Disney world would be so easy to prove.
@@alorarhodes1568 I don't know why you've latched onto alternate medicine, unless you think conmen and scammers (which is what faith healers are, every single damned one of them) are alternative medicine. To be clear, I was trying to be delicate in my original post, and my reply. I 100% believe the mother-in-law was desperate, and was going to take the child to a faith healer, probably multiple ones across the week. Disney World would be the perfect cover. It's really easy to buy tickets, go to Disney World for some of the day, and then go to the faith healer. Rinse and repeat every day.
Story 4: There actually is another update to this story. OP ends up fighting with her fiancee and it leads to them breaking up because he is not willing to stand up to his mom, who is the ring leader for this chaos.
Thank God they broke up, in most situations you're already sort of settling if you're a vegan marrying someone that isn't vegan because a good partner that is also vegan is sort of hard to come by, but to be with someone who blatantly disrespects your choice to be vegan would literally be hell.
Yeah if she'd married him before she knew it he'd be replacing vegan food with meat and thinking it was funny. I think veganism is silly but people's choices should be respected, and you shouldn't marry someone if you can't do so.
I'm no vegan, I love my meat. BUT this time, I'm with Op. 4-5 vegan options is already reasonable, there's shouldn't be any question about it. Outside of the financial aspects. The fiance and his family has the entitlement, judgmental, and obnoxious attitude of the typical in-your-face ultra-vegan that everyone hates, except it's for meat this time. Plus cancelling behind your back. Something trust-breaking like that, should put any relationship into question.
Yeah people don't realize that there are meat eaters out there just as obnoxious as the stereotypical vegan. It's an annoying stereotype, most vegans aren't even like that just like how most people who eat meat aren't like the husband in that story.
What i don't get is, why can't they eat the 'vegan' options too? Like, isn't vegan food basically anything that does not contain animal products? Even without being vegan, a good part of my diet does not contain animal products. In that sense, vegan food is just part of normal diet for most people. I'm not gonna put meat or eggs in everything i eat lmao, who even does that?
@@VeggieGirl07 that and what also gets me is that people assume that you either don't eat meat or only eat meat when it comes to these arguments. I'm an omnivore and a rarely hear people even talk about us (that's more of a joke then me getting angry but I find it strange)
@@N0xiety It's not that they can't eat it, they just assume if it's vegan it's going to be some weird corn-husk loaf or powdered carrot sauce and it's going to taste bad, and they want the leisure to gorge themselves indiscriminately on everything in sight without having to worry about their imaginary "yucky" landmines. They're gluttonous, closed-minded children who probably don't even know what vegan food *IS* and don't want to risk trying anything new by accident, even on the off-chance they might like it. And yeah I love my meats but this level of petulant fear over some perfectly edible food is just unreasonable and the lady did well to break it off.
I love that the classic narc trick is still around of giving a bunch of money and then making demands. Works great in business too, which is why I'm not a big fan of investments. Yeah it's great on paper, but in reality it just enslaves your company to strangers. Thankfully OP had the financial independence to deliver a massive *f u* to their MIL. I bet all the people who called her out had similar buy-in arrangements.
Also, his family said op disrespected the amount the in-laws gave, but… HOW? Not ONCE did op bring up or trash the amount. She didn’t even say WHAT the full amount was?
Story 1: What would OP be ungrateful for ? That he wasn’t thanking his parents on his hands and knees for kicking him out to the streets ? when OP wasn’t even out of high school and HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE GRATEFUL?
I don't know if I'll ever have kids but I doubt I would kick them out on the streets when they turn 18. In my family, we didn't do that and let them stay under the roof as long as they have a job and pay the bills for something. I pay for the lights and cable bill since I use it alot.
First story: So it isn't heartless when you kick out your child as soon as there 18 but it's heartless to not want to go see the dying parent that put you on the STREETS
I can understand the principle of the 18 years old out, thing but holy fuck the lack of warning and prep time. So many of these stories the kids get so little prep-time, jesus at least give them time to save up a deposit or something.
Seriously fr, even if it's by law, even landlords aren't nearly THAT cruel, you tend to get at least a 30 to 90 day notice you're being kicked out but parents who toss kids on the street the second they turn 18, even more so if they never gave any sort of notice, are pure scum, I mean that isn't even enough time just to pack your things let alone find accommodations or a stable job.
@@stevenscott2718 I would bet that the parents were soaking up most of any money that OP earned while under 18 as well. When I was 18 my mother tried to tell me that I should give her most of my income, not as rent, but because someone my age wouldn't normally have that much money in their possession. This was just after the age for being a legal adult here in the US was changed.
It's only heartless when it affects them. They obviously don't care about OP. He slept on the streets and they didn't give him time to find anywhere to live, whilst he was still in high school. He didn't have an income, didn't have a job and didn't have a place to stay. But OP's the heartless one for not being there to say goodbye to his dad? Did his parents even notice he wasn't talking to them, or for what reason? Because they seem completely oblivious to it. I was half expecting his parents to take credit for OP's success in life, when OP got to where he is on his own.
I hate parents who think it's good to kick your kid out at 18. It doesn't help them; it rips the rug out from under them and makes it harder to succeed
"She and her son had already offered a number of compromises that I brushed off." They aren't offering compromises, they just want things their way and their way alone!
I might be off the mark, but (assuming they're from the US) they sound like hardcore Republicans. I can't discount the possibility they have some other political leaning (stupid insane entitled bullshit isn't limited to one political world-view), buf I'd be very surprised if they did.
Story 4: OP needs to run. This is a power play, and that whole family is going to bully you to hell and back on everything where they don't get their way. Your fiancé is incapable of forming critical thoughts that his mommy didn't put in his head, and clearly prioritizes her to the point of _going behind your back to cancel meals for you and your family_ because mommy dim and dearest doesn't like the idea of a food being there that she doesn't want to eat. You can do better.
I have no problems with people wanting to be vegans. I don't agree with it, but I can respect their choices. The only time I will have a problem is if they try to force me to follow their diet. That would go over about as well as me trying to force them to eat meat.
@@merlinathrawes746 That’s not what OP did, though. She just wanted vegan options to accommodate her family (several of whom have health issues that prevent them from eating meat). This is reasonable and not uncommon for big events like weddings. Her ex, on the other hand, was being an ass and refused to have such options for reasons unknown. There were still meat options for his family; no one was forcing them to go vegan. He was the one who was forcing his preferences onto other people (and no, just salads wouldn’t cut it).
This sounds like itll Escalate to Abise later in Marriage. As @Alex Rising said, OP NEEDS to Run. Cancel the wedding & just get as Much distance between Her & the Future IL as she can
My kiddos are 18th and 19th they still living with me and I would never think on kick them out. It's heartbreaking to see how many parents think this is ok or normal, OPs parents and their family are the heartless for allowing this type of behavior and abuse.
Agreed. I have two grown sons, and my wife and I told them that when 'they' were ready to go out into the world when they decide to, we would support them.
The only reason my 18 year old doesn't live at home is because she just started college and lives on campus. My son was talking about moving out at 18 and his dad and I were like, "No, you don't have to do that!!!". And we really hope he doesn't. It's so sad when parents kick their kids out just for turning 18. Kids are not ready, especially if they are still in high school.
I don't know where OP lives, but in France, you have a legal obligation to take care of you children, until they become really independent. That means, even when they reach 18 yo, you're expected to at least support them with enough money to live with. Otherwise, your child can litteraly sue you. OP's parents are not only heartless, but ditching their child like they did might've been illegal too.
I lived with my parents till the age of 20, in our case, it was better for me to move out. My parents want to eventually move away from the town where we live in, but I want to stay, since my whole life is here. But this was discussed atleast a year beforehand, to have us all get used to the idea. And I live very close to my parents still, so they can keep an eye on me to make sure I don't do something stupid. When they think I'm doing well enough on my own, they'll then think of moving away themselves. I think this was the best solution for everyone involved.
In Mexico, Latin America and some Asian countries it's common for the children to continue to live with their parents as adults and even sometimes they also bring their own children and spouses.
Story 4: I'm glad the whole "isn't that what vegans eat" was addressed. Vegans who only eat salad are malnourished. Vegans who know what they are doing, like OP's family, eat a massive variety of foods to ensure they get all the nutrients they need. Heck, if you want to see the variety of vegan options you can get go to an Indian restaurant, I have never been to an Indian restaurant that 90% of their dishes weren't vegan unless you wanted to add lamb, chicken, or goat. OP's fiancé flat up disrespects her if he hasn't paid attention to what she eats since they live together. If the fiancé wants mommy's support so badly, than he can go live under her roof and be supported by her and not OP.
I'd probably have said something like: "Well, if your parents are offended by vegan things, then they must hate me. Not a good idea to marry into this family." I'm not even vegan but I love Indian food. I don't particularly care if a dish is vegan, vegetarian, halal, or whatever, I just want it to taste good. But even if all my dishes HAD to include meat, I just wouldn't eat the vegan stuff. Why is someone offended by food being at the same place as them? This is so bizzare. Honestly I would just not go through with the wedding, you cannot predict what kind of insane crap these people will come up with next.
Or paneer which is vegetarian but dank I’m sure there are 100% vegan options of it but yeah. One of the best Chinese dishes I had in my life was a fried tofu/egg puff in a brown sauce idk what it was called but I wish I did so I could order it again I can’t find it anywhere lol
For the 4th story, OP called off the wedding and gave her fiance the ring back. He said that she chose her family over him and that she ended everything just to keep her family happy. The guy is such a red flag. Glad OP left him.
Quite honeslty if they were having that many issues over food it was never gonna work out anyways. The fact that he was unwilling to compromise is terrible.
Oh, FFS. 1. Marriage predates organised religion. 2. White has only been "tradition" since Queen Victoria wore it. 3. Marriage has only recently become about "love". It's TRADITIONALLY been about uniting families. 4. Over the top, expensive weddings end in divorce FAR more often than simple, relaxed marriages do. 5. The wedding industry is a rort. 6. Diamonds are a ridiculously common substance with an artificially inflated value (in every sense).
This. This is partially why my wedding was a non religious short ceremony at the county courthouse, I wore a lavender dress, and my wedding ring is a $100 silver and amethyst ring that I love. We had our each of our best friends, our parents, and his sister at our wedding and we all went out for lunch afterwards. My mother and my MIL were both really sour about the whole thing, but I wouldn’t have had it any other way. We also announced the wedding only a week before it happened to limit the amount of time my mother and MIL had to create drama.
@@mattybrunolucaszeneresalas9072 There is no agreeing or disagreeing. These are historical facts. These more recent "traditions" haven't been around since the dawn of time, and they won't last until the end of it, either. The world changes, society changes. Just let people do what they want at their own damn weddings. As long as they're not being unreasonable and entitled.
Story 2: What was MiL thinking?! My kiddo was an incredibly healthy toddler and I was barely comfortable having her stay one night at my parents house in the same town so my husband and I could go out for New Year's Eve. She is now 6 and I am just starting to be okay with her going on a weekend trip with my parents and not me in the same state. (And once again, completely healthy child.) But this poor angel needs constant care and has limited time. You do not take that baby away from her parents, that is going to happen far too soon as it is.
Not only that, but it’s not just up to the parents, it’s also up to her healthcare providers. I seriously doubt that the nurses or doctor would be comfortable with the idea of an immunocompromised hospice toddler going on a trip out of town without their parents.
@@khaotictrash absolutely. Doctors and other healthcare specialist would definitely have an opinion. Heck, at 36y/o I ask my doctor if it would be okay to drive 6 hours one way for my baby shower at 35 weeks and I was told "no." This is a medically fragile and terminal child. That would be a huge "hell no" from the medical staff.
For the first story personally I don’t think being a parent stops after they are 18. And for the second story I find it sad that this was right after that first story. Since I bet anything those parents would do anything for those 18 years and more.
That second comment made me tear up immediately; my oldest sister had a child who died of a brain aneurysm at 3 months. She would have given her own life for a few more years for her. I just don't get how they could be so indifferent...
Story 4: The thing is, OP *WAS* technically accommodating the fiancé’s family with meat options. He and his mom are treating it like OP is making a fully vegetarian menu, which I guess would make fiancé's complaints a bit more valid if that was the case, but it's not. Salads aren't a waste of money, they're some of the most healthy foods ever!
Seriously! The PROJECTION in that one is RIDICULOUS!! No, OP isn't refusing to accommodate THEM, THEY'RE refusing to accommodate HER and HER family. Lets not confuse your roles in this, Fiance.
Does the boyfriend's family not know how things are run? If you send out invites they will usually put options on for what you want to eat on the return card. Chicken, Fish or vegetarian/vegan. So, you check which you want and be done with it. His family sounds stupid to me. If I was that girl, I would run.
Yeah, I don't understand what their issue was with a few vegan options on a menu. Nobody is forcing them to eat it, only OP's family were going to. Such a weird argument over something that doesn't concern her fiance and MIL. If I was OP and I couldn't have vegan options on a menu I'm paying for, or they get cancelled behind my back, I'd cancel the whole menu and tell everyone nobody gets to eat, and make sure to thank fiance and MIL because of it.
First story : NTA. So kicking op when he is barely 18 isn't heartless but denying the father from his death wish is... sure buddy... he deserve it. Second story : NTA. It's OP's daughter. If she says no it means no, regardless of the situation and plan from the MIL. Third story : NTA. So it's okay for the MIL to try to humiliate OP in front of everyone but not for the other way around ? Also it's OP's wedding. She does whatever she want on it as long as the husband agrees. Fourth story : NTA. We're talking health issue here. So they need vegetarian options FOR HEALTH REASONS. Also OP is accommodating her fiancé's familly by having a lot of meat options. In my opinion what he did is a dealbreaker and she should not marry him if he does things like that behind her back. EDIT : yup at this point the whole family is either stupid or just think they're superior because they eat meat... which is full of red flags... OP should clearly not marry him.
The fiances/husbands of Stories #2 to #4 should be the inspiration for a new subreddit. Like r/InsignificantOthers or something. And it would be a subreddit about spineless mama's boys and uncompromising daddy's girls.
As someone whose OWN narcissistic parents kicked them out on the streets... We don't blame you... They ejected op from their lives.... They must face the consequences of those actions... Now op's father has nobody to blame but himself! He got EXACTLY what he wanted... For op to not be around...
For the first story...My mother died in december and I didn´t go to see her in hospital, neither attended her funeral. I don´t care what the rest of the family thought, by brother said he understands and that´s enough for me. She beat me and kicked me out (we didn´t live with out father) just because I wanted to spent time with my boyfriend (I was 22) and that was basically 10 years ago. We went no contact and the time away from home made me realize how fucked up my whole childhood was and where so many of my mental problems come from. Just because someone is blood related doesn´t mean you own them something.
I'm sorry you had to go through that. I am glad you got away from that toxicity and chose what was best for you. As someone NC with my abusive mother, I think you made the right decision. I'm glad you have a supportive brother and are on the path to healing. Sending good-energy thoughts to you and your brother.
As someone who has actually great relations with all his living blood relatives ... I am a big fan of people being able to choose who their family is. While I have a really good relationship with both my parents, I know enough people who went through abuse and I respect the choice some of them made to no longer view their "makers" as their parents.
"I want my toddler grand-daughter all to myself in another country for a week before she dies" is pretty extreme, like, I almost wonder if she has ulterior motives, like, "this miracle worker can totally save her I just need her alone because you wouldn't understand" motives. Shivers.
What does the OP in the first story have to be grateful for? His parents noped out of the bare minimum of requirements of having a child as soon as legally possible. Change your number and live your life. The only thing those parents gave OP was an example of what NOT to do if they ever have kids.
I wonder how much more successful OP would have been if he didn't have to struggle for a decade to save up enough for finally getting a college degree. Probably that's what held him back from moving up in his job, else there would be no point in getting the degree a decade later as he is entering his thirties.
@@N0xiety why does that matter? Plenty of people get degrees in their 30’s. I’ve seen people in all stages of life in college. It’s not only for people in their 20’s. I’m in my 40’s and will be going back for my masters. Education isn’t exclusive to the young. Besides, if a 60 year old can get a degree then that’s a good thing because times change and people should be adaptable. There’s always a point to getting a degree no matter what age. You sound very young. One day when you reach my age you’ll understand.
@@mindyschocolate Why would it not matter? I know education doesn't have an age limit, why are you stating the obvious? That's not even the point i made, i'm just saying OP would probably have been much more successful if he didn't have to struggle so hard the first decade of his adult life, being kicked out of house with nothing. The fact that he is getting his college degree now as he is entering his thirties while he already has a programming job means he needs it to move up in his field and to get better opportunities. These opportunities were denied to him due to his family kicking him out right as he became 18, which made him struggle for over a decade to get where he is now...
@@N0xiety Well, if he already has a good job without a degree, then it's possible he didn't need the degree but just wanted it. I've known people who went to college later in life just because they never got the chance while young and just wanted that experience and education that was denied them. Or maybe he wanted to go into a different field entirely. Either way, your point still stands. Even if not more successful, at the very least he wouldn't have had to struggle so much. And he likely could've gotten into college sooner regardless of his income--because the problem with being kicked out like that is that you aren't able to properly fill out the FAFSA as it requires your parents' tax info, so you can't apply for any aid, even if you'd normally be entitled to it. I have a friend that was kicked out as soon as they turned 18 too, and they couldn't even apply to universities until they hit 25 and there was no longer a requirement for their parents' info.
The husband in Story 2 is one of those wimps who tries to "keep the peace" when individual family members are acting out of line. Stop doing this, people!! Stop bending the knee to these morons and punish them for their awful behaviors! EDIT: My emotions consumed me, let me elaborate. Its one thing to have the context behind why some people dont stand up for themselves or others more often. Some people were raised in a way that made them a bit too meek, some genuinely wanna keep the peace, he's no wimp regardless. My issue is simply that EVERYTHING has a limit, and at some point, something has to give, so confrontation can, as sad as it may be, be necessary. I dont like conflict either! Trust me, I LOATHE conflict, but I suppose I don't like being stepped on either. So, I apologize to the husband there, but I do encourage more backbone in general, in case your patience is tested and others are starting to crumble beneath the weight of the one causing trouble.
Exactly I mean I'm known as a bit of a peacemaker amongst my group but this is one of the things I would not agree too no matter who says it and if they said they'd sue my partner I'd be like "go on then I'll be on my partners side" not try and be a jerk
The vegan wedding one, as others said: she broke off the whole relationship, woohoo! Her fiance is so deluded, "Last thing he said was that I chose my family over him." Um...that's exactly what he was doing to her, fecking hypocrite.
That last story is bonkers 1. You’re telling me the guy never ate a meal with his fiancée and saw that vegans eat ALOT more than just salads? 2. This no vegan options position is such a strange hill to die on when you know that your fiancée has dietary restrictions 3. I can’t imagine being married to someone that is controlled by their mother that much to the point where they go behind their fiancée’s back to appease them 4. Thankfully they broke up because that would’ve been a nightmare
As an omnivore I kinda enjoy the occasional vegan option and am currently working on including more vegan options into my cooking to broaden my culinary horizon. Yes, there is way more than just salad and there is a lot that would satisfy most meat lovers if they were not told it was vegan before they ate it.
@@wmdkitty Because vegans eat more than just salad and if omnivores have multiple options why aren't the vegans when one half of the wedding party are vegans?
Story 1 : NTA.. you reap what you sow.. op father contacted him to only easy his dying mind not to actually genuinely apologize to op.. Story 2 :NTA.. monster in law sucks..after the child passes if I was op I would go NC with the monster in law for being a freaking drama queen.. Story 3 : NTA.. embarress someone infront of everyone sometimes is the best way to get you're point across.. Story 4 : NTA.. do not marry this man.. it's starts with the vegan food disrespect then it gets even more personal..r/slash this is a simple case of control and nothing else .. op needs to call the weeding off and go no contact with that loser family..
I agree on your Story 3 assessment, but also consider that the mother in law was perfectly happy to discuss the bride's wedding choices with anyone who would sit still. That's many times more public that what the bride did. I would have done the same thing. As soon as the dig about the money popped out, she'd be paid back in full instantly -- if the thoughtful gift had STRINGS attached, it's no longer thoughtful nor truly a gift. It changes to a calculated trap. Traps like that need to be sprung from a safe distance, then smashed into uselessness. NTA
Kicking his STILL IN SCHOOL kid to the curb with no warning, and then staying no contact with no attempt to help or catch up in the slightest, and only getting in touch on his death bed. Kid could've died and his father wouldn't know or care.
There's another update to story 4 that I recommend you'll read because it includes her last conversation with the guy. Spoilers: Obviously, she cancelled the wedding and they broke up.
From experience here....being kicked out before you're ready to be on your own has life altering consequences. I'm still paying (financially and emotionally) from being kicked out. My mom kicked me out several times before I realized she only invited me back home to lord her power over me and kick me out again when I didn't bow to her.
Last story: I'm a meat eater, but as long as there are choices that include meat , I don't give a crap about vegan options. I just don't want to be forced into eating vegan, and I don't want vegans to be forced into eating animal products. Girl, gtfo asap.
@@igtut1 Question: what's so difficult about the words choice and equal treatment? And you won't die from eating some animal products once in a while. You can cut back on suplements in the mean time. This is why so many people hate dealing with your kin; pushing your beliefs (because we are omnivores so you are able to eat meat) onto others. Live and let live.
@@1972LittleC Um, excuse me. I hardly equate a wedding not catering what you prefer with you being forced into veganism . You go to a wedding, you respect the values of the wedding. I wouldnt go to a muslim or jewish wedding and complain that there is nothing non kosher/halal for me to eat so theyre forcing it on me. Same can be said for an alcohol free wedding or countless other examples. Im not vegan either, but if somebody isnt serving meat or dairy at their wedding, thats their right. You sound incredibly entitled.
@@caitlanstannah6126 But as soon as a wedding is all meat, vegans cry, bitch and moan. How is that different? And I am all for choice, not for pressuring others to do your bidding. And that's all the same, if it's food related or body related. That you are very picky in when you're pro-choice isn't my fault.
@@1972LittleC some vegans would cry, and many other would eat before the wedding. If your only defence of your entitlement is that youre not the only one, youre an even bigger baby than i thought.
I can't brush off the idea of the war that will ensue when that last couple has a child and she wants the kid to be Vegan but dad wants to feed him steak right away.....
Thankfully, that's not going to happen, because she ended things. She saw the red flags for what they were and got the heck out of dodge. Returned the ring and everything. Predictably, the mommy-worshipping dude accused her of choosing her family over him. Which is EXACTLY what he was doing to her, so... pot calling the kettle black? And she was choosing HERSELF over him, as she's vegan, too.
Story 4: "My family is vegan because *we all have a medical condition.* " I don't think I need to hear the rest. If my boyfriend only planned on serving food I couldn't eat, I would throw the ring in his face. If he's not gonna let me eat at my goddamn wedding, how is he gonna treat me for the rest of the marriage??? Also, we all know vegan vloggers are obnoxious, but I'm finding that meat people are way bigger assholes. Like my mom is a pescarian, and her boyfriend is always going "You look like you could really use a steak" or "look how good this smells." She's always super accepting of people's food preferences, so him doing that always pisses me off.
2nd story: I would never allow my toddler go somewhere without me even without the medical issues. Also, I wonder if MIL is going to take her for other medical treatment/surgery. Sounds suspicious to me
That last story: OP should see all that red meat for the red flags that they are. Can you imagine their life after marriage? I'll bet anything that the husband will try to force OP to stop being vegan, that she'll have no vegan options when eating at the in-laws' place, and so on. This is far beyond meat lovers VS vegans. It's about the fiancé wanting to have a say in every decision. It's about control. OP, GET OUT OF THAT MARRIAGE!
He should be able to have a say. That's not the problem. His mother wants to deny the bride her say, and he was willing to stand by and watch as it happened.
That was exactly my thought. It's very suspicious how the MIL planned a long trip behind the parents' backs and refused to let them come along. There was definitely some sort of devious "alternative treatment / surgery" motive.
The husband in story 2 deserves a ahole score "just give my dying daughter to my mom on a possibly dangerous/deadly trip far away from the parents because i don't want to fight with mommy" is far beyond just being a doormat or pushover.
"You're so heartless!" And the man who kicked out his child, while they were still in school, to potentially _die_ on the streets due to not even being able to get a basic apartment _isn't?_ Op himself could have died at 18 because of his dad's actions and I get a feeling he would have been like "I guess he just wasn't capable enough" instead of thinking "maybe kicking him out was the wrong choice" but no, Op is the heartless one here because of course he is.
Update to the update: She ended the relationship and gave him the ring back. He claims she’s choosing her family over him but is that not what he’s actually doing?
This idea that "you should have done it in private" either works both ways or not at all. If someone is being shitty to you in public, call them out in public. If she felt disrespected and embarrassed in public, she shouldn't have done THE EXACT SAME THING to OP.
3rd Story: something tells me MiL exaggerated how much she actually gave to OP to the family. Now, OP is seen as ungrateful and unreasonable since MiL is only asking for this "one small request" in exchange for helping pay for the wedding.
Story 2: grandmother is probably trying to get the child to some sort of "miracle" treatment behind the parents back. Which, if she is, I think she would deserve the full 5/5
For those who don’t know Cracker Barrel decided to start serving vegan options and some people are upset about it for some reason and I guarantee OP’s fiancée and his family in the fourth story are some of them.
I don't understand why people would be upset by vegan options at Cracker Barrel (and I'm not even vegan). Don't like vegan food? Don't order/buy any. It's that simple.
"You could have done it in private" tell that to your mommy who openly criticized your fiancee in front of everyone at every given opportunity over the color of a dress she's not even gonna be wearing herself 🚶🏻‼️
This is how we, the children, punish the delusions of the parents. If you wanna operate on that outdated-on-arrival parenting tactic of "18 year olds can survive on their own and get a house, spouse, two kids and a dog", which AT BEST would only have worked in our grandparents' or great grandparents' generations anyway, and generally act like you did nothing wrong when, in objective, civilized reality, you did do something wrong? Then we will cut contact and punish you for it. God...the parents should NOT be more irrational than the child...
It's so funny on the 4th story how the fiancee and his family apparently thinks people either eat meat or vegetable and no in between. Op that's a bright ass red flag he's showing, should've just stopped the wedding
The fact OP's husband said they should just let their daughter go on the trip to avoid drama honestly makes me sick. If I were in his shoes I would be telling my mother to back off and that she's not going anywhere without her parents. The child is literally on her death bed and all her dad can think about is wanting to avoid drama and not what's best for his child give me a break. If the in-laws wanna make memories they can do so, but not on some vacation that's gonna put this child's health at further risk.
bro, the second story is heartbreaking. i dont even like kids nor plan on having kids so i cant even imagine the pain theyre on. literally watching your baby dying in front of you and cant do anything but watch 😭
Story 3: my MIL was the same way. We had a non-religious ceremony which she thought completely pointless and stupid and told everyone, including my husband, so behind my back. She also tried to wear a mostly white dress (with blue flowers) to my wedding. When i told her no, she complained that she had to go buy something else on a tight budget. My husband was caught in the middle trying to defend some of his mothers actions, which started fights between us. Finally i just compromised with allowing my aunt to say Grace before dinner but no other religious aspects. My husband kept arguing that we were making all the accommodations for my family (who’s mostly not religious) rather than his very religious family. Neither one of us are religious so it didn’t make sense to me that we would have a religious ceremony just to please his family. I’m just glad all of that is over now and i went back to barely communicating with his mother.
I don’t know much about vegans but even I know it’s not just plain salads they eat. Not to mention the reason she became vegan was because of health risk with her and her family. The jacka$$ is basically putting her in danger to please his family. Glad they broke up
Story 3 & 4: As someone planning a wedding, I'm so glad my fiance and I communicate and just flat out don't have these disagreements. And I actually took my FMIL shopping with me and she was supportive of everything I tried on, white, off-white, other colors, big dress, tight dresses, small dresses, etc. Yeah, My FMIL is frickin awesome
For the last story with the vegan bride there is another update that I saw on IG and she eventually and thankfully leaves her fiance. Also, there was uncomfortable age gap between OP and the baby man fiance too, so lots of red flags to go around.
...6 years is an uncomfortable age gap? LMFAO My dude, for two adults, 6 years is not that bad of an age gap. There's 10 years between my mom and dad (mom's the older of the two in this case) and it's not uncommon for there to be 5-20 year age gaps between mature, consenting adults. I think it's a bit odd to be dating/married when the age gap is big enough to be parent and child, but I'm not gonna scorn them for it if they love each other and treat each other with respect. Seriously, six years is nothing and not weird at all. What's weird about that relationship is that the dude apparently doesn't know what his vegan (ex-)fiance eats and that he insists she and her family "compromise" and eat only appetizers and side salads at their wedding. I think it's weird that he, the 31-year-old, is a man child who listens to his mommy and cancels things that OP needs for her dietary concerns. I think it's weird that he calls vegan food a "waste of money".
@@RenAsterion It depends on how long they'd been dating. A 25 and a 31 year old isn't terrible, but if they were like 20 and 26 when they started dating, that's concerning.
Story 1: how can the family call him ungrateful?? What should he be grateful for? Providing basic necessities to a child until the law doesn’t require it anymore then living in the streets?? Oh man, how could he not appreciate that
About that second story. Call me paranoid (I'll admit that I am a lot of the time) but the fact that the MIL didn't invite OP or her husband is really suspicious, especially given the length of time and the fact that she didn't tell OP about the trip until after she planned it, AND the way she turned down the idea of OP and her husband going with. Like, I might be crazy, but I get the feeling that OP's MIL is planning to schedule an operation on their grandchild without OP's permission and that's why they want to be gone so long without OP or her husband. Like she probably secretly think trying to remove the cancer is the best course of action but knows she can't speak up against OP and her husband's wishes, so she plans to go behind their back. Like, the way she planned this trip without even mentioning it to OP already suggests that she subscribes to the "it's better to ask for forgiveness than permission" mindset. I could easily be reading way too much into this, but that's just the feeling I get, that she believes she'll be able to get this surgery behind OP's back and make everything better because she believes she knows better. Edit: I think the OP from the story with the MIL trying to control the wedding does deserves a butthole score, albeit a small one. I agree with her fiancee and don't blame her for what she did, but doing it publicly is rude because she's basically sinking to the same level of pettiness that the MIL is. Just because someone's being a butthole to you doesn't mean you aren't being one when you retaliate. Again, she doesn't deserve a big butthole score, like 0.5 to 1 out of 5 at worse, but she was still being a slight butthole for this. 2nd edit: as for the last OP, I think she night be better off cancelling the wedding and dumping the guy. The man doesn't respect her or her lifestyle choices, and neither does his family. I personally think veganism is kinda stupid myself, but I'd still never go behind someone's back and do what he did, ESPECIALLY if it was someone I was planning to marry and even moreso since it's her money paying for it. He even went behind her back to mess up her plans for the wedding, and that is a MASSIVE red flag. Like, I think the only bigger red flag you can see in a relationship is finding someone else's underwear in their car or house. Also, what the MIL said about "stop thinking of it as just your money and instead see it as both your money" is pretty concerning under these circumstances. Yeah, just red flags all over this guy and his family, I would walk away in her shoes.
*Second story:* I also thought it was suspicious that OP's MIL planned the vacation behind OP's back and did not invite OP. That's a good theory, and you're right OP's MIL deserves the full 5/5 BHs. *Third OP:* I can see why you'd give OP a small BH score, but I think OP is justified in her butholery (removed a "t" because YT), lol
@@maieen2665 Yeah, like I said about the third OP, I can understand the reason why, and I'd probably even do the same in her shoes. But I just don't think that someone treating you badly means that you retaliating against them doesn't make you also come off poorly unless whatever they're doing is REALLY unforgivable. Like, I understand the why, but that doesn't mean she isn't also a little bit of a butthole for it since the MIL was just being annoying rather than being reprehensible.
Dying kid story: Setting aside the cancer and hospice care, and just assuming she's a healthy 2-3 yr old...there still wouldn't be a point in going on a trip! Kids that young don't remember / appreciate what's going on. They probably just feel uncomfortable being stuck in a car seat for long periods of time 😟
I gotta say story 4 has me so confused. I got married last year and we accommodated for vegan, vegetarian, and gluten free. And we made sure the main option was halal for one of our friends. These were options given on the invite so we knew how many people needed to be accommodated and then we worked out three other meal options in those categories with our caterer. And I’d like to point out, we had only about 7 people who needed these accommodations, 3 of which were my husbands immediately family. There’s no way I would’ve let anyone at my wedding go without food because of dietary restrictions. And I can’t imagine my husbands family telling me I couldn’t eat within my own restrictions at my own wedding. I genuinely hope they call off the wedding because there’s no way this family is ever going to respect OP if they can’t even respect her at the wedding.
I worked as a baker in a major hospital. This place was quite famous for treating mental issues. This was also before all these issues about accomodating special diets came up. Twice a year we had US military chaplains come in from all over the country for a series of seminars and we had social receptions for them. I spoke with two chaplains about their options. One was Orthodox Jewish, and that poor guy was pretty much limited to the fruit and veggie trays. The Muslim chaplain could eat a wider variety, but he asked me which items had pork. And he couldn't drink the wine, which at least the Orthodox guy could. Neither one made any complaints, I'm sure they were used to it, but I felt kind of sorry for them.
Story 1: NTA & I have a rule for this situation, after both experience and reading these stories. "People have their whole lives to apologize, the only reason they want to 'make up' on their death bed is to clear their own conscious of feeling like they might be a bad person". As such there is no reason to visit them if they've been an AH to you. Story 2: There are probably 3 judges in the world that would give the grandmother the 'right' to take the daughter on the trip. Most would view it as the grandmother being completely callous to the granddaughter's situation. NTA Story 3: Giving money in the belief that gives you the right to control someone you shouldn't be able to... Isn't that a Bribe? NTA. Also white is a "Tradition" but before that during the middle ages and renaissance people wore whatever color they wanted. So technically lilac is a 'more' traditional wedding color. Story 4: I think this is the most overt Groomzilla I've ever seen. Like this stupid, he is a complete idiot, but hey, he's breaking gender norms... NTA.
What probably embarrassed the mil in the third story was the lie she told to everyone else. She probably made it seem like she was paying for a bigger portion of the wedding than she actually was. Then when OP gave her back the actual amount she was embarrassed because it was obviously so little.
Geez. I’m vegetarian and I can tell you that we make compromises all the time. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been stuck just getting fries or lying and saying I’m not hungry when going out with friends or to family get togethers because everything had meat in it. And it’s even harder for vegans. I live in Texas, so I encounter these types that treat it like you’ve personally insulted them because you only eat vegetables for dinner all the time. Then they act like you’re the pompous asshole for gently mentioning that you’re vegetarian/vegan in response. It’s exhausting. The one place I’d expect to have food options I can eat and that I like, and expect not to have to compromise and have yet another plain side salad for dinner, is my own damn wedding. And I would expect my fiancé/husband to be understanding of that. To know that I’m going to spend my life going to barbecues and steakhouses with his family and have to be nice about it, so the least he and his family can do is let me have several vegan options at my own wedding.
The second story really got to me because I have cancer and it was gone for about a month but it came back. Now, I'm on my last treatment and if it doesn't work then I'll be put into hospice. It's hard and I don't ever want people to go through this or even want people's family to go through this. I have hope that I'll be cancer-free but I'm struggling. I always listen to Rslash and he's been there (me listening to him) before I was diagnosed. Keep it up and I really hope I can continue to listen/read for future videos
Forth story: what a “my way or the highway” attitude for someone who has nothing but audacity in their side. Pretty bitter that the relationship got that far before the soon-to-happen breakup, they will not be happy together
Hard-core carnivore here. If my fiance wanted vegan options for herself and her guests, and had no problems with my guests and I having meat, then she is awesome and absolutely getting her psychotic PETA approved dishes because she deserves respect for her own choices, and I lose nothing by letting her be happy. That guy is a massive tool.
Story 3 reminds me of a tidbit I read a long time ago - Many boomers say "If you don't respect me, I won't respect you". What they mean is that if you don't respect them as an authority, they won't respect you as a person
1st Story - NTA. My concern is for you, not your parents. You have very legitimate reasons for your resentments, but at the end of the day they'll go from being a source of inspiration to an anchor holding you down if you let them. Left unresolved they can poison your other relationships going forward. I hope you're able to find some help for this. You've already triumphed over so many obstacles and shown such courage and fortitude that you're inspiring to me.
We're always hearing stories about vegans being assholes, trying to tell others what to eat, refusing to handle or serve meat in restaurants, and in general condescending to people who don't share their beliefs. But the vegan family in the last story does it for HEALTH reasons, not ethical ones, and they're fine with other people eating meat. So for once it's the non-vegans who are being the assholes telling others what they can eat. Can you imagine if instead of being vegans the bride's family had food allergies or something?
Story 1: NTA. OP was kicked out without a thought or care. For 10 years they did not care if he lived or died. I dont know why society thinks that just because you are dying that all sins are absolved and people should bend over for the dying person. Being a butthole in life means dying without the compassion you lacked in showing. I'd not want to see him either and Im a people pleaser. Story 2: I agree, I think MIL was grieving however she is delusional thinking it is okay takin a dying toddler out of state and across the country. I dont think any judge would let her either as it is not in best interest of the child.
2nd story: a bit of a weird thought but it crossed my mind that the vacation might be to one of those alternative health things. excluding the parents so they can do some messed up stuff to the toddler without parents consent. im thinking either herbal/wacky stuff of bible camp
Went looking for it cause I couldnt live without knowing. For anyone interested, OP in the last story DID call off the engagement and now realizes a lot of previous gaslighting and awful treatment from his family.
On the wedding story. First of, if I were the girl I'd cancelled the wedding and only tell MY family/friends it is cancelled. However, if feeling that pettiness should resolve the issue, why not invert the situation ??? Don't tell your supposed SO and his family a thing and cancel ALL meat options and go vegetarian only instead. (Imagine his surprise expecting a meat only wedding, to find that there is no meat in sight.)
You missed the last update on the Vegan bride story, RSlash. She ends up calling off the wedding AND breaking things off with her fiance because after getting home HE STILL STOOD STRONG ON HIS STANCE. He even decided to get after her for how he perceived she had treated his mom through the messages!
The father deserves no sympathy from OP. He abandoned OP onto the streets as soon as he turned 18 and never even bothered to reach out to him again, and now all of a sudden he wants to see his child again like none of that happened? He made his bed, now he has to lay in it. Literally and figuratively.
I feel like OP from the first story should've gone. Empty out the closet of all skeletons, have everyone see the kind of people they are, then drop the mic by adding that they were able to make a great life without him before leaving
For the last story: I would love to hear about what OP's (now ex) future mother-in-law thinks counts as a compromise. Because as far as I've heard, the only thing even close to something that vaguely resembles a compromise on her part was "let's do everything like WE want it, and your family can eat the appetizers and nothing else." Glad she ditched them, because there's no way that one was gonna end well.
Story 4: there is a final update, thank God! OP called off the wedding/relationship, and believed that the reason fiance's family didn't want vegan options is because they were, for the most part, overweight. she realized that this kind of control over her life/choices would continue, so she ended things. hope she finds someone who actually respects her, her decisions, and her family
Good for her!!
Oh thank god! It was just way too crazy the nonsense that the fiance and his mom tried to pull. What a bunch of crazy that OP needs to just leave them to it. Good for her just throwing in the towel and saying NO.
OK, so, I like meat, but damn, I'd be ok if it was ALL vegan food. It wouldn't kill me to have vegan stuff. Sometimes I even like it (often they add tgoo much flavor to give it a certain taste and miss the line).
Then again, in my old days (44 at the time) I decided to hit the gym thrice a week (unless work keeps me from it) and now I decided to eat less in general to make more of my training than just adding muscle mass.
@@bladerunner3314 same, vegan food is good, tho I love meat. It's just that OP's former fiance's family was offended if other people ate healthier foods/were less/not obese
@@nicolasv6031 Imagine people demanding going to McDonalds when offered a 5 star vegan restaurant.
The MIL in the second story deserves 5/5. Doesn't matter if she's grieving. If she thinks the best thing to do is to threaten legal action she's irredeemable. If they give into MIL and do this how would they feel if the child suffers through lack of medical care? The husband is being a pushover.
Exactly. So tired of these mama boy "men".
Facts
IMO the husband deserves a butthole score too. Is avoiding drama more important than the immediate needs of a dying child? Yikes!
6/5 buttholes MIL is being extremely selfisch the child can die while on the plane how will you explain that to the parents
MIL absolutely, 100% trying to take that child to some sort of “alternative care”
Vegan bride needs to distance herself from the groom and his family. This much disrespect before the wedding is just the tip of the iceberg to come after the wedding.
Came here for this comment.
She would be a third wheel to her new husband and his mother. This is so big of a red flag that there can be.
yeah, this is just gonna keep getting worse.
If they're offended by food existing near them, who knows what else they find offensive?
Not to mention her husband has proved that he's willing to be a manipulative liar in order to get his way.
VERY clear cut-and-run situation.
There's another update from a few weeks ago too! First sentence: The conversation didn't go well.
Exactly my thought. Run for the hills girl!
You know, I heard a few people say this but it's worth repeating:
"Respect" can mean two things:
1. Treating someone like authority.
2. Treating someone like a person.
So, when entitled people say:
"If you don't respect me, I won't respect you", what they mean is:
"If you don't treat me like authority, I won't treat you like a person."
Pretty much. Yeah
It's basically the difference between giving someone human decency and honor or reverence.
Reminds me of a story a while back (not sure if it's on this channel or not) where OP's boyfriend's daughter disrespected her and told her "respect is earned, not given". She wasn't treating OP with basic human decency and treating her (and I think her son) like crap (the girl was like 19 or something), so she got kicked out and the boyfriend was mad.
THAT. Is so important. And so many people need to hear this and understand this.
@@Nikodymus For me, the first time I heard this was actually one of those moments that change the way you look at the world.
Because it's hidden so well until you see it from the right perspective.
I usually say "Respect isn't a free for all, it's earned. What you start out with is the lowest decent treatment possible, everything above is up to you to earn. And demanding more from the beginning, just kicked the box on which you were standing, now, you're dangeling on the rope."
It may be harsh, but I experienced sop many Americans online who demand respect for being POSs.
Second story: the kid is the one with eye-damaging (and life-threatening) cancer. Why is the MIL the one who's blind? Holy moly
Am I the only one suspecting she's trying to smuggle the child off to some "alternative treatment" thing?
@@TJDious I never thought of that, but now that you've mentioned it, that sounds so likely.
I'm willing to bet money she just wants to take as many photos as possible and milk it when she passes
Like....No ones that insane to pull a child out of hospice just to 'make memories'
@@TJDious wait I didn’t think of that
Took me a few seconds to realise the context of what you said. Very well put!
Last story have a final update. The woman called the whole thing off after they had a talk. Apparently her fiance's family is on the heavier side and is sensitive with anything related to weight and health so he's afraid if his family sees these vegan options they will get offended by it. She gave him her ring back after realizing this is how her marriage is gonna be if she goes through with it and will be walking on eggshells every single time around his family. Even at the end he's saying that she's choosing her family over him when it's 100% the opposite.
Girl dodged a big ass bullet lol.
emphasis on big
A fat, heavy bullet.
@@samhouston1288 No need to be juvenile about weight when there's actual things to criticise.
Story 1: OP's dad had no problem kicking him out onto the streets, possibly to die. Why should OP go see his dad when the dad is dying???
The uncle could've gone back with news OP died, then what?
Yeah the hypocrisy involved there is astounding.
The dad probably only wanted him to clear his conscience before dieing. To convince himself that kicking his child to the streets was the correct move and everything turned out alright.
You reap what you sow is apt here.
My stepdad was really abusive to me growing up and I’m definitely not gonna see him on his deathbed when the day comes. I completely understand how OP feels, given that I’ve been through a similar situation. My best guess is that his father was probably abusive to him growing up too.
My petty ass would have gone and seen him and been like “sorry I don’t forgive you and I will never forgive” because you know he just wants to die with a clear conscience
The first story, there is nothing heartless about leaving a dying man who endangered your life at youth.
Yeah that's a "play stupid games win stupid prizes" story if there ever was one.
The whole family of OP's are the butt holes, OP should have made the comeback text to his uncle "Well, your as bad as him and everyone else, you could have tried finding me and taking me in after he kicked me out of home at 18. But here you are, expecting me to go back and listen to him try and 'apologize' for what he did because he's dying. Loose my number and never contact me again." and then blocked him.
Personally, I could see showing up singing joy to the world the asshole's dying...
Karma is a bitch
I thought it was normal practice around the world.
Let mil try to get rights to her dying grandchild, any judge would laugh her out of court or admonish her for being entitled and to dare to have the audacity to be so selfish to put a dying child through the torture of traveling for a week!
Yeah, not to mention these cases can take years, and the child will be long dead by then.
I like the way you think 😎If I were straight I’d say you’re my kind of woman
I'm picturing her in front of Judith Sheindlin when she was a family court judge.. that would NOT go well for this absolutely ridiculous and entitled woman.
True.
The problem is that the parents would still have to spend resources - time, energy, money, etc. - in dealing with the legal issues that would be much better spent supporting their daughter, themselves, and each other.
That MIL is selfish and entitled to the extreme.
I have the nagging suspicion that the MIL wants to drag the poor kid to some faith healer or some sht like that.
Update about food wedding post:
They talked one last time about it
He said "my family enjoys food a lot, and i dont want them to feel that there's other option they cant take. What if your family eat salad and appetizers is just one time"
Which add this, if she gets the vegan good, he would lose NOTHING but his pride
She's basically tired of getting her opinions steamrolled and ignored for the sake of OTHERS and she doesnt want to envision herself to a life like that so...
She ended everything: wedding and relationship. Her family over him.
A tough but likely wise choice on her part.
She did the right thing, I hope she's okay though
Thank goodness.
I hope one day that idiot realizes his b***h mother cost him his marriage.
Yeah, this was never about the food for him. It was about control. This was a test to see how compliant she would be in the future. If she had gone through with the wedding regardless, she would never know another day of peace.
That last story reminds me so much of when Cracker Barrel added a vegan sausage option. They didn't even remove the normal sausage option, they just added an option and so many people became offended that Cracker Barrel would dare broaden who could eat at their restaurants.
It reminds me of the guy who got offended a store added vegan sausage rolls so he filmed himself buying one and then throwing it in the bin. It's like what the hell dude?
Story 2, the whole secrecy of booking the trip, followed by not wanting the parents along screams to me that the grandmother is planning on taking that poor child to some faith healer/alternative medicine charlatan.
Regardless, the husband should be ashamed of himself for suggesting they let the grandmother take their child away to keep the peace.
In an edit she said mil wanted to take her to Disney world and has no known interest in alternative medicine
@@alorarhodes1568the mother-in-law claimed she wanted to take the child to Disney World. That update also stated, however, "Mother in law isn't one for alternative treatments and I haven't outright asked her but I *wouldn't* be shocked at this point." Although, when I wrote the original comment, I was leaning far more towards her aim being a faith healer as the likely plan. Which still rings true, being as Florida seems to be absolutely riddled with faith healers. If she was actually planning on taking the child to Disney World, why would she be so adamant that the parents mustn't come along?
OP also put in a comment that she was of the opinion that her mother-in-law had lost it, and was set on taking her daughter away and never bringing her back. Which is the only other particularly likely reason I can think of, as to why the mother-in-law would be so adamant the parents mustn't go with them.
@@damionlee7658 I do think it's entirely possible she was going to take the kid and book it. Alternate medicine doesn't quite make sense. I mean them going or not going to Disney world would be so easy to prove.
@@alorarhodes1568 I don't know why you've latched onto alternate medicine, unless you think conmen and scammers (which is what faith healers are, every single damned one of them) are alternative medicine.
To be clear, I was trying to be delicate in my original post, and my reply. I 100% believe the mother-in-law was desperate, and was going to take the child to a faith healer, probably multiple ones across the week.
Disney World would be the perfect cover. It's really easy to buy tickets, go to Disney World for some of the day, and then go to the faith healer. Rinse and repeat every day.
Story 4: There actually is another update to this story. OP ends up fighting with her fiancee and it leads to them breaking up because he is not willing to stand up to his mom, who is the ring leader for this chaos.
Oh a mama's boy good thing op broke up with him
Oooooof
What a P word
Thank God they broke up, in most situations you're already sort of settling if you're a vegan marrying someone that isn't vegan because a good partner that is also vegan is sort of hard to come by, but to be with someone who blatantly disrespects your choice to be vegan would literally be hell.
Yeah if she'd married him before she knew it he'd be replacing vegan food with meat and thinking it was funny. I think veganism is silly but people's choices should be respected, and you shouldn't marry someone if you can't do so.
I'm no vegan, I love my meat. BUT this time, I'm with Op. 4-5 vegan options is already reasonable, there's shouldn't be any question about it. Outside of the financial aspects.
The fiance and his family has the entitlement, judgmental, and obnoxious attitude of the typical in-your-face ultra-vegan that everyone hates, except it's for meat this time.
Plus cancelling behind your back. Something trust-breaking like that, should put any relationship into question.
Yeah people don't realize that there are meat eaters out there just as obnoxious as the stereotypical vegan. It's an annoying stereotype, most vegans aren't even like that just like how most people who eat meat aren't like the husband in that story.
What i don't get is, why can't they eat the 'vegan' options too? Like, isn't vegan food basically anything that does not contain animal products? Even without being vegan, a good part of my diet does not contain animal products. In that sense, vegan food is just part of normal diet for most people. I'm not gonna put meat or eggs in everything i eat lmao, who even does that?
My cousin’s gf is vegan/vegetarian. My family is big on eating meat. If we have family dinners, we accommodate her.
It’s that simple and that nice.
@@VeggieGirl07 that and what also gets me is that people assume that you either don't eat meat or only eat meat when it comes to these arguments. I'm an omnivore and a rarely hear people even talk about us (that's more of a joke then me getting angry but I find it strange)
@@N0xiety
It's not that they can't eat it, they just assume if it's vegan it's going to be some weird corn-husk loaf or powdered carrot sauce and it's going to taste bad, and they want the leisure to gorge themselves indiscriminately on everything in sight without having to worry about their imaginary "yucky" landmines.
They're gluttonous, closed-minded children who probably don't even know what vegan food *IS* and don't want to risk trying anything new by accident, even on the off-chance they might like it.
And yeah I love my meats but this level of petulant fear over some perfectly edible food is just unreasonable and the lady did well to break it off.
Story 3: It's OP's wedding, so if OP wants a lilac dress, OP gets a lilac dress. I mean, how hard is it to accept that?
Very much so, apparently.
I love that the classic narc trick is still around of giving a bunch of money and then making demands.
Works great in business too, which is why I'm not a big fan of investments. Yeah it's great on paper, but in reality it just enslaves your company to strangers.
Thankfully OP had the financial independence to deliver a massive *f u* to their MIL. I bet all the people who called her out had similar buy-in arrangements.
Also, his family said op disrespected the amount the in-laws gave, but… HOW? Not ONCE did op bring up or trash the amount. She didn’t even say WHAT the full amount was?
Story 1: What would OP be ungrateful for ? That he wasn’t thanking his parents on his hands and knees for kicking him out to the streets ? when OP wasn’t even out of high school and HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE GRATEFUL?
I don't know if I'll ever have kids but I doubt I would kick them out on the streets when they turn 18. In my family, we didn't do that and let them stay under the roof as long as they have a job and pay the bills for something. I pay for the lights and cable bill since I use it alot.
First story: So it isn't heartless when you kick out your child as soon as there 18 but it's heartless to not want to go see the dying parent that put you on the STREETS
I can understand the principle of the 18 years old out, thing but holy fuck the lack of warning and prep time. So many of these stories the kids get so little prep-time, jesus at least give them time to save up a deposit or something.
Seriously fr, even if it's by law, even landlords aren't nearly THAT cruel, you tend to get at least a 30 to 90 day notice you're being kicked out but parents who toss kids on the street the second they turn 18, even more so if they never gave any sort of notice, are pure scum, I mean that isn't even enough time just to pack your things let alone find accommodations or a stable job.
@@stevenscott2718 I would bet that the parents were soaking up most of any money that OP earned while under 18 as well. When I was 18 my mother tried to tell me that I should give her most of my income, not as rent, but because someone my age wouldn't normally have that much money in their possession. This was just after the age for being a legal adult here in the US was changed.
It's only heartless when it affects them. They obviously don't care about OP. He slept on the streets and they didn't give him time to find anywhere to live, whilst he was still in high school. He didn't have an income, didn't have a job and didn't have a place to stay. But OP's the heartless one for not being there to say goodbye to his dad?
Did his parents even notice he wasn't talking to them, or for what reason? Because they seem completely oblivious to it.
I was half expecting his parents to take credit for OP's success in life, when OP got to where he is on his own.
I hate parents who think it's good to kick your kid out at 18. It doesn't help them; it rips the rug out from under them and makes it harder to succeed
Last story: I did some checking and OP dumped him! She saw the red flags for what they were and returned the ring!
I love a happy ending :D
With how much he loves his mom, I wouldn't be surprised if they moved to Alabama 🤮🤢
You mean the red flags SHE was waving.
"She and her son had already offered a number of compromises that I brushed off."
They aren't offering compromises, they just want things their way and their way alone!
there was only 1 compromise that they offered and it was WE GET EVERYTHING AND U GET SALAD
"They're vegans"
"Can't they compromise and only eat SOME meat?"
I would really want to know what other "compromises" they offered.
@@Acinnn we get everything and u get a single potato freshly picked from the ground comes with roots
I might be off the mark, but (assuming they're from the US) they sound like hardcore Republicans.
I can't discount the possibility they have some other political leaning (stupid insane entitled bullshit isn't limited to one political world-view), buf I'd be very surprised if they did.
Story 4: OP needs to run. This is a power play, and that whole family is going to bully you to hell and back on everything where they don't get their way. Your fiancé is incapable of forming critical thoughts that his mommy didn't put in his head, and clearly prioritizes her to the point of _going behind your back to cancel meals for you and your family_ because mommy dim and dearest doesn't like the idea of a food being there that she doesn't want to eat. You can do better.
There was an update. She called off the wedding!
@@animeotaku307 YES GOOD
I have no problems with people wanting to be vegans. I don't agree with it, but I can respect their choices. The only time I will have a problem is if they try to force me to follow their diet. That would go over about as well as me trying to force them to eat meat.
@@merlinathrawes746 That’s not what OP did, though. She just wanted vegan options to accommodate her family (several of whom have health issues that prevent them from eating meat). This is reasonable and not uncommon for big events like weddings.
Her ex, on the other hand, was being an ass and refused to have such options for reasons unknown. There were still meat options for his family; no one was forcing them to go vegan. He was the one who was forcing his preferences onto other people (and no, just salads wouldn’t cut it).
This sounds like itll Escalate to Abise later in Marriage. As @Alex Rising said, OP NEEDS to Run. Cancel the wedding & just get as Much distance between Her & the Future IL as she can
My kiddos are 18th and 19th they still living with me and I would never think on kick them out.
It's heartbreaking to see how many parents think this is ok or normal,
OPs parents and their family are the heartless for allowing this type of behavior and abuse.
Agreed. I have two grown sons, and my wife and I told them that when 'they' were ready to go out into the world when they decide to, we would support them.
The only reason my 18 year old doesn't live at home is because she just started college and lives on campus. My son was talking about moving out at 18 and his dad and I were like, "No, you don't have to do that!!!". And we really hope he doesn't. It's so sad when parents kick their kids out just for turning 18. Kids are not ready, especially if they are still in high school.
I don't know where OP lives, but in France, you have a legal obligation to take care of you children, until they become really independent. That means, even when they reach 18 yo, you're expected to at least support them with enough money to live with. Otherwise, your child can litteraly sue you. OP's parents are not only heartless, but ditching their child like they did might've been illegal too.
I lived with my parents till the age of 20, in our case, it was better for me to move out. My parents want to eventually move away from the town where we live in, but I want to stay, since my whole life is here. But this was discussed atleast a year beforehand, to have us all get used to the idea. And I live very close to my parents still, so they can keep an eye on me to make sure I don't do something stupid. When they think I'm doing well enough on my own, they'll then think of moving away themselves. I think this was the best solution for everyone involved.
In Mexico, Latin America and some Asian countries it's common for the children to continue to live with their parents as adults and even sometimes they also bring their own children and spouses.
Story 4: I'm glad the whole "isn't that what vegans eat" was addressed. Vegans who only eat salad are malnourished. Vegans who know what they are doing, like OP's family, eat a massive variety of foods to ensure they get all the nutrients they need. Heck, if you want to see the variety of vegan options you can get go to an Indian restaurant, I have never been to an Indian restaurant that 90% of their dishes weren't vegan unless you wanted to add lamb, chicken, or goat.
OP's fiancé flat up disrespects her if he hasn't paid attention to what she eats since they live together. If the fiancé wants mommy's support so badly, than he can go live under her roof and be supported by her and not OP.
As someone who experimented with vegan food in high-school.
ITS SO HARD NOT TO BE AN OVERWEIGHT VEGAN THE FOOD IS SO GOOD.
Indian food is so good even carnivores don’t miss the meat.
I'd probably have said something like:
"Well, if your parents are offended by vegan things, then they must hate me. Not a good idea to marry into this family."
I'm not even vegan but I love Indian food. I don't particularly care if a dish is vegan, vegetarian, halal, or whatever, I just want it to taste good.
But even if all my dishes HAD to include meat, I just wouldn't eat the vegan stuff. Why is someone offended by food being at the same place as them? This is so bizzare. Honestly I would just not go through with the wedding, you cannot predict what kind of insane crap these people will come up with next.
Or paneer which is vegetarian but dank I’m sure there are 100% vegan options of it but yeah. One of the best Chinese dishes I had in my life was a fried tofu/egg puff in a brown sauce idk what it was called but I wish I did so I could order it again I can’t find it anywhere lol
you need meat
Story 1 NTA: An 18 year old can live on their own or die trying. The dad is over 18. The end.
For the 4th story, OP called off the wedding and gave her fiance the ring back. He said that she chose her family over him and that she ended everything just to keep her family happy. The guy is such a red flag. Glad OP left him.
Quite honeslty if they were having that many issues over food it was never gonna work out anyways. The fact that he was unwilling to compromise is terrible.
Oh, FFS.
1. Marriage predates organised religion.
2. White has only been "tradition" since Queen Victoria wore it.
3. Marriage has only recently become about "love". It's TRADITIONALLY been about uniting families.
4. Over the top, expensive weddings end in divorce FAR more often than simple, relaxed marriages do.
5. The wedding industry is a rort.
6. Diamonds are a ridiculously common substance with an artificially inflated value (in every sense).
This. This is partially why my wedding was a non religious short ceremony at the county courthouse, I wore a lavender dress, and my wedding ring is a $100 silver and amethyst ring that I love. We had our each of our best friends, our parents, and his sister at our wedding and we all went out for lunch afterwards.
My mother and my MIL were both really sour about the whole thing, but I wouldn’t have had it any other way.
We also announced the wedding only a week before it happened to limit the amount of time my mother and MIL had to create drama.
No just no🤦♂️
The only thing I could probably agree with is 4
@@mattybrunolucaszeneresalas9072 There is no agreeing or disagreeing. These are historical facts. These more recent "traditions" haven't been around since the dawn of time, and they won't last until the end of it, either. The world changes, society changes. Just let people do what they want at their own damn weddings. As long as they're not being unreasonable and entitled.
@@sw4mpy Except no…no they’re not😂
it’s just people like you that make AIex Jones seem to have an IQ above 0
Story 2: What was MiL thinking?! My kiddo was an incredibly healthy toddler and I was barely comfortable having her stay one night at my parents house in the same town so my husband and I could go out for New Year's Eve. She is now 6 and I am just starting to be okay with her going on a weekend trip with my parents and not me in the same state. (And once again, completely healthy child.)
But this poor angel needs constant care and has limited time. You do not take that baby away from her parents, that is going to happen far too soon as it is.
Not only that, but it’s not just up to the parents, it’s also up to her healthcare providers. I seriously doubt that the nurses or doctor would be comfortable with the idea of an immunocompromised hospice toddler going on a trip out of town without their parents.
@@khaotictrash absolutely. Doctors and other healthcare specialist would definitely have an opinion. Heck, at 36y/o I ask my doctor if it would be okay to drive 6 hours one way for my baby shower at 35 weeks and I was told "no." This is a medically fragile and terminal child. That would be a huge "hell no" from the medical staff.
Uncle: "Your dad is dying."
OP: **Playing the world's smallest violin** *"Oh boo f*cking hoo!"*
Dad: **Dead Pikachu Face**
DEAD PIKACHU FACE 😂😂😂😂😂
You win the internet today!
damn that's good
Also OP: "I am serious, this IS the world's smallest violin." *shows zoomed-in violin*
@@alexanderastora8164 Also also OP: "Allow me to play the song of your people. Waaaahwaaaaaah wah wah waaaaaaaaah"
For the first story personally I don’t think being a parent stops after they are 18.
And for the second story I find it sad that this was right after that first story. Since I bet anything those parents would do anything for those 18 years and more.
That second comment made me tear up immediately; my oldest sister had a child who died of a brain aneurysm at 3 months. She would have given her own life for a few more years for her. I just don't get how they could be so indifferent...
I'll just say that some parents that deserved to be parents can't or it doesn't last long but the ones that can take it for granted
Story 4: The thing is, OP *WAS* technically accommodating the fiancé’s family with meat options. He and his mom are treating it like OP is making a fully vegetarian menu, which I guess would make fiancé's complaints a bit more valid if that was the case, but it's not. Salads aren't a waste of money, they're some of the most healthy foods ever!
Seriously! The PROJECTION in that one is RIDICULOUS!! No, OP isn't refusing to accommodate THEM, THEY'RE refusing to accommodate HER and HER family. Lets not confuse your roles in this, Fiance.
Does the boyfriend's family not know how things are run? If you send out invites they will usually put options on for what you want to eat on the return card. Chicken, Fish or vegetarian/vegan. So, you check which you want and be done with it. His family sounds stupid to me. If I was that girl, I would run.
I can only see this marriage ending in divorce. OP should get out before it's too late.
Yeah, I don't understand what their issue was with a few vegan options on a menu. Nobody is forcing them to eat it, only OP's family were going to.
Such a weird argument over something that doesn't concern her fiance and MIL.
If I was OP and I couldn't have vegan options on a menu I'm paying for, or they get cancelled behind my back, I'd cancel the whole menu and tell everyone nobody gets to eat, and make sure to thank fiance and MIL because of it.
Good news: she dumped him!
First story : NTA. So kicking op when he is barely 18 isn't heartless but denying the father from his death wish is... sure buddy... he deserve it.
Second story : NTA. It's OP's daughter. If she says no it means no, regardless of the situation and plan from the MIL.
Third story : NTA. So it's okay for the MIL to try to humiliate OP in front of everyone but not for the other way around ? Also it's OP's wedding. She does whatever she want on it as long as the husband agrees.
Fourth story : NTA. We're talking health issue here. So they need vegetarian options FOR HEALTH REASONS. Also OP is accommodating her fiancé's familly by having a lot of meat options. In my opinion what he did is a dealbreaker and she should not marry him if he does things like that behind her back. EDIT : yup at this point the whole family is either stupid or just think they're superior because they eat meat... which is full of red flags... OP should clearly not marry him.
The fiances/husbands of Stories #2 to #4 should be the inspiration for a new subreddit. Like r/InsignificantOthers or something. And it would be a subreddit about spineless mama's boys and uncompromising daddy's girls.
I like that idea! You should create that subreddit.
I think there is an r/justnoSO
As someone whose OWN narcissistic parents kicked them out on the streets... We don't blame you...
They ejected op from their lives.... They must face the consequences of those actions...
Now op's father has nobody to blame but himself!
He got EXACTLY what he wanted... For op to not be around...
For the first story...My mother died in december and I didn´t go to see her in hospital, neither attended her funeral. I don´t care what the rest of the family thought, by brother said he understands and that´s enough for me.
She beat me and kicked me out (we didn´t live with out father) just because I wanted to spent time with my boyfriend (I was 22) and that was basically 10 years ago. We went no contact and the time away from home made me realize how fucked up my whole childhood was and where so many of my mental problems come from. Just because someone is blood related doesn´t mean you own them something.
I'm sorry you had to go through that. I am glad you got away from that toxicity and chose what was best for you. As someone NC with my abusive mother, I think you made the right decision. I'm glad you have a supportive brother and are on the path to healing.
Sending good-energy thoughts to you and your brother.
As someone who has actually great relations with all his living blood relatives ...
I am a big fan of people being able to choose who their family is. While I have a really good relationship with both my parents, I know enough people who went through abuse and I respect the choice some of them made to no longer view their "makers" as their parents.
7:45 - The MIL definitely doesn't know how old the "tradition" for the bride to wear white at their wedding is: less than 200 years old.
"I want my toddler grand-daughter all to myself in another country for a week before she dies" is pretty extreme, like, I almost wonder if she has ulterior motives, like, "this miracle worker can totally save her I just need her alone because you wouldn't understand" motives. Shivers.
What does the OP in the first story have to be grateful for? His parents noped out of the bare minimum of requirements of having a child as soon as legally possible. Change your number and live your life. The only thing those parents gave OP was an example of what NOT to do if they ever have kids.
I wonder how much more successful OP would have been if he didn't have to struggle for a decade to save up enough for finally getting a college degree. Probably that's what held him back from moving up in his job, else there would be no point in getting the degree a decade later as he is entering his thirties.
Exactly this! Change numbers and live life in peace. Screw everyone else. OP doesn’t owe anyone anything.
@@N0xiety why does that matter? Plenty of people get degrees in their 30’s. I’ve seen people in all stages of life in college. It’s not only for people in their 20’s. I’m in my 40’s and will be going back for my masters. Education isn’t exclusive to the young. Besides, if a 60 year old can get a degree then that’s a good thing because times change and people should be adaptable. There’s always a point to getting a degree no matter what age. You sound very young. One day when you reach my age you’ll understand.
@@mindyschocolate Why would it not matter? I know education doesn't have an age limit, why are you stating the obvious? That's not even the point i made, i'm just saying OP would probably have been much more successful if he didn't have to struggle so hard the first decade of his adult life, being kicked out of house with nothing. The fact that he is getting his college degree now as he is entering his thirties while he already has a programming job means he needs it to move up in his field and to get better opportunities. These opportunities were denied to him due to his family kicking him out right as he became 18, which made him struggle for over a decade to get where he is now...
@@N0xiety Well, if he already has a good job without a degree, then it's possible he didn't need the degree but just wanted it. I've known people who went to college later in life just because they never got the chance while young and just wanted that experience and education that was denied them. Or maybe he wanted to go into a different field entirely. Either way, your point still stands. Even if not more successful, at the very least he wouldn't have had to struggle so much. And he likely could've gotten into college sooner regardless of his income--because the problem with being kicked out like that is that you aren't able to properly fill out the FAFSA as it requires your parents' tax info, so you can't apply for any aid, even if you'd normally be entitled to it. I have a friend that was kicked out as soon as they turned 18 too, and they couldn't even apply to universities until they hit 25 and there was no longer a requirement for their parents' info.
The husband in Story 2 is one of those wimps who tries to "keep the peace" when individual family members are acting out of line. Stop doing this, people!! Stop bending the knee to these morons and punish them for their awful behaviors!
EDIT: My emotions consumed me, let me elaborate. Its one thing to have the context behind why some people dont stand up for themselves or others more often. Some people were raised in a way that made them a bit too meek, some genuinely wanna keep the peace, he's no wimp regardless. My issue is simply that EVERYTHING has a limit, and at some point, something has to give, so confrontation can, as sad as it may be, be necessary. I dont like conflict either! Trust me, I LOATHE conflict, but I suppose I don't like being stepped on either. So, I apologize to the husband there, but I do encourage more backbone in general, in case your patience is tested and others are starting to crumble beneath the weight of the one causing trouble.
This!!! My ex was like this, and he wondered why I broke up with him. He wouldn’t stop trying to not play sides in serious situations.
Exactly I mean I'm known as a bit of a peacemaker amongst my group but this is one of the things I would not agree too no matter who says it and if they said they'd sue my partner I'd be like "go on then I'll be on my partners side" not try and be a jerk
Exactly she has cancer she could easily die so taking her to a trip is a terrible idea 0/5 op 5/5 ml and husband
Frankly the husband should just give his balls to mommy dearest, since she pretty much has them in her purse already.
This! I can't stand weak men that crawl into a ball just to "keep the peace" 🤢🤮
The vegan wedding one, as others said: she broke off the whole relationship, woohoo! Her fiance is so deluded, "Last thing he said was that I chose my family over him." Um...that's exactly what he was doing to her, fecking hypocrite.
You know... There's an entire Dixie Chick's song for this guy. 😂😂😂😂😅
Anyone who intentionally makes their child homeless deserves to die alone. (Barring extreme circumstances)
That last story is bonkers
1. You’re telling me the guy never ate a meal with his fiancée and saw that vegans eat ALOT more than just salads?
2. This no vegan options position is such a strange hill to die on when you know that your fiancée has dietary restrictions
3. I can’t imagine being married to someone that is controlled by their mother that much to the point where they go behind their fiancée’s back to appease them
4. Thankfully they broke up because that would’ve been a nightmare
As an omnivore I kinda enjoy the occasional vegan option and am currently working on including more vegan options into my cooking to broaden my culinary horizon. Yes, there is way more than just salad and there is a lot that would satisfy most meat lovers if they were not told it was vegan before they ate it.
Imagine he wants to marry her but "isn't salad what you eat? I'm for no reason offended by what you eat!" HELL NO
@@Scarlett.Granger she wasn’t even forcing Veganism onto him or anything which makes this even more bizarre
She got her salad, what's the big deal?
@@wmdkitty Because vegans eat more than just salad and if omnivores have multiple options why aren't the vegans when one half of the wedding party are vegans?
Story 1 : NTA.. you reap what you sow.. op father contacted him to only easy his dying mind not to actually genuinely apologize to op..
Story 2 :NTA.. monster in law sucks..after the child passes if I was op I would go NC with the monster in law for being a freaking drama queen..
Story 3 : NTA.. embarress someone infront of everyone sometimes is the best way to get you're point across..
Story 4 : NTA.. do not marry this man.. it's starts with the vegan food disrespect then it gets even more personal..r/slash this is a simple case of control and nothing else .. op needs to call the weeding off and go no contact with that loser family..
I agree on your Story 3 assessment, but also consider that the mother in law was perfectly happy to discuss the bride's wedding choices with anyone who would sit still. That's many times more public that what the bride did.
I would have done the same thing. As soon as the dig about the money popped out, she'd be paid back in full instantly -- if the thoughtful gift had STRINGS attached, it's no longer thoughtful nor truly a gift. It changes to a calculated trap. Traps like that need to be sprung from a safe distance, then smashed into uselessness. NTA
Kicking his STILL IN SCHOOL kid to the curb with no warning, and then staying no contact with no attempt to help or catch up in the slightest, and only getting in touch on his death bed. Kid could've died and his father wouldn't know or care.
@@DarkZoma yeah to sooth his dying mind not to actually make up with his child..
There's another update to story 4 that I recommend you'll read because it includes her last conversation with the guy.
Spoilers:
Obviously, she cancelled the wedding and they broke up.
Yay!
From experience here....being kicked out before you're ready to be on your own has life altering consequences. I'm still paying (financially and emotionally) from being kicked out. My mom kicked me out several times before I realized she only invited me back home to lord her power over me and kick me out again when I didn't bow to her.
Last story: I'm a meat eater, but as long as there are choices that include meat , I don't give a crap about vegan options. I just don't want to be forced into eating vegan, and I don't want vegans to be forced into eating animal products.
Girl, gtfo asap.
You will not die if you eat a single free meal with no meat in it.
@@igtut1
Question: what's so difficult about the words choice and equal treatment?
And you won't die from eating some animal products once in a while. You can cut back on suplements in the mean time.
This is why so many people hate dealing with your kin; pushing your beliefs (because we are omnivores so you are able to eat meat) onto others. Live and let live.
@@1972LittleC Um, excuse me. I hardly equate a wedding not catering what you prefer with you being forced into veganism . You go to a wedding, you respect the values of the wedding. I wouldnt go to a muslim or jewish wedding and complain that there is nothing non kosher/halal for me to eat so theyre forcing it on me. Same can be said for an alcohol free wedding or countless other examples. Im not vegan either, but if somebody isnt serving meat or dairy at their wedding, thats their right. You sound incredibly entitled.
@@caitlanstannah6126
But as soon as a wedding is all meat, vegans cry, bitch and moan. How is that different?
And I am all for choice, not for pressuring others to do your bidding. And that's all the same, if it's food related or body related. That you are very picky in when you're pro-choice isn't my fault.
@@1972LittleC some vegans would cry, and many other would eat before the wedding. If your only defence of your entitlement is that youre not the only one, youre an even bigger baby than i thought.
I can't brush off the idea of the war that will ensue when that last couple has a child and she wants the kid to be Vegan but dad wants to feed him steak right away.....
Thankfully, that's not going to happen, because she ended things. She saw the red flags for what they were and got the heck out of dodge. Returned the ring and everything. Predictably, the mommy-worshipping dude accused her of choosing her family over him. Which is EXACTLY what he was doing to her, so... pot calling the kettle black? And she was choosing HERSELF over him, as she's vegan, too.
To expect the parents of a dying child to give up even one second of their childs short life is unreasonable and selfish.
Story 4: "My family is vegan because *we all have a medical condition.* "
I don't think I need to hear the rest. If my boyfriend only planned on serving food I couldn't eat, I would throw the ring in his face. If he's not gonna let me eat at my goddamn wedding, how is he gonna treat me for the rest of the marriage???
Also, we all know vegan vloggers are obnoxious, but I'm finding that meat people are way bigger assholes. Like my mom is a pescarian, and her boyfriend is always going "You look like you could really use a steak" or "look how good this smells." She's always super accepting of people's food preferences, so him doing that always pisses me off.
I'm sorry but LOL! "Look how good this smells" just sends me! 🤣
2nd story: I would never allow my toddler go somewhere without me even without the medical issues. Also, I wonder if MIL is going to take her for other medical treatment/surgery. Sounds suspicious to me
That last story: OP should see all that red meat for the red flags that they are. Can you imagine their life after marriage? I'll bet anything that the husband will try to force OP to stop being vegan, that she'll have no vegan options when eating at the in-laws' place, and so on.
This is far beyond meat lovers VS vegans. It's about the fiancé wanting to have a say in every decision. It's about control. OP, GET OUT OF THAT MARRIAGE!
He should be able to have a say. That's not the problem. His mother wants to deny the bride her say, and he was willing to stand by and watch as it happened.
Story 2 - I'd be wary of your MIL trying to take your child off for "alternative treatment" somewhere.
That was exactly my thought. It's very suspicious how the MIL planned a long trip behind the parents' backs and refused to let them come along. There was definitely some sort of devious "alternative treatment / surgery" motive.
The husband in story 2 deserves a ahole score "just give my dying daughter to my mom on a possibly dangerous/deadly trip far away from the parents because i don't want to fight with mommy" is far beyond just being a doormat or pushover.
"You're so heartless!" And the man who kicked out his child, while they were still in school, to potentially _die_ on the streets due to not even being able to get a basic apartment _isn't?_ Op himself could have died at 18 because of his dad's actions and I get a feeling he would have been like "I guess he just wasn't capable enough" instead of thinking "maybe kicking him out was the wrong choice" but no, Op is the heartless one here because of course he is.
Story 4: No vegan options, no wedding. It's that simple.
Update to the update: She ended the relationship and gave him the ring back. He claims she’s choosing her family over him but is that not what he’s actually doing?
We need a compilation of Rslash saying “see ya, wouldn’t wanna be ya”
Please... No
I saw him saying this
This idea that "you should have done it in private" either works both ways or not at all. If someone is being shitty to you in public, call them out in public.
If she felt disrespected and embarrassed in public, she shouldn't have done THE EXACT SAME THING to OP.
Exactly. That's what bugs Me with these things. It's OK if they already made it ok.
3rd Story: something tells me MiL exaggerated how much she actually gave to OP to the family. Now, OP is seen as ungrateful and unreasonable since MiL is only asking for this "one small request" in exchange for helping pay for the wedding.
Story 2: grandmother is probably trying to get the child to some sort of "miracle" treatment behind the parents back. Which, if she is, I think she would deserve the full 5/5
For those who don’t know Cracker Barrel decided to start serving vegan options and some people are upset about it for some reason and I guarantee OP’s fiancée and his family in the fourth story are some of them.
I don't understand why people would be upset by vegan options at Cracker Barrel (and I'm not even vegan). Don't like vegan food? Don't order/buy any. It's that simple.
@@healingthroughchrist1988 Some people are so insecure and unhappy that they don't want to be reminded that there are other ways to live.
"You could have done it in private" tell that to your mommy who openly criticized your fiancee in front of everyone at every given opportunity over the color of a dress she's not even gonna be wearing herself 🚶🏻‼️
Story 1 nta I've heard this one. This is what happens when parents kick their kids to the curve.
This is how we, the children, punish the delusions of the parents. If you wanna operate on that outdated-on-arrival parenting tactic of "18 year olds can survive on their own and get a house, spouse, two kids and a dog", which AT BEST would only have worked in our grandparents' or great grandparents' generations anyway, and generally act like you did nothing wrong when, in objective, civilized reality, you did do something wrong? Then we will cut contact and punish you for it.
God...the parents should NOT be more irrational than the child...
*kerb, but absolutely.
@@Chuckf66 *curb
@@thependingsys6754 We're both correct! 😜
"Op please.. Girl you can do bette. I promise you,you can do better" Had me in stitches but also WORD
It's so funny on the 4th story how the fiancee and his family apparently thinks people either eat meat or vegetable and no in between. Op that's a bright ass red flag he's showing, should've just stopped the wedding
She did.
It's basically a guarantee that she'd go the rest of her life helping him treat his chronic constipation. 🤣
Story 4: there’s an update. She called everything off, and as expected the ex is accusing OP of choosing her family over him.
The fact OP's husband said they should just let their daughter go on the trip to avoid drama honestly makes me sick. If I were in his shoes I would be telling my mother to back off and that she's not going anywhere without her parents. The child is literally on her death bed and all her dad can think about is wanting to avoid drama and not what's best for his child give me a break. If the in-laws wanna make memories they can do so, but not on some vacation that's gonna put this child's health at further risk.
bro, the second story is heartbreaking. i dont even like kids nor plan on having kids so i cant even imagine the pain theyre on. literally watching your baby dying in front of you and cant do anything but watch 😭
Story 3: my MIL was the same way. We had a non-religious ceremony which she thought completely pointless and stupid and told everyone, including my husband, so behind my back. She also tried to wear a mostly white dress (with blue flowers) to my wedding. When i told her no, she complained that she had to go buy something else on a tight budget. My husband was caught in the middle trying to defend some of his mothers actions, which started fights between us. Finally i just compromised with allowing my aunt to say Grace before dinner but no other religious aspects. My husband kept arguing that we were making all the accommodations for my family (who’s mostly not religious) rather than his very religious family. Neither one of us are religious so it didn’t make sense to me that we would have a religious ceremony just to please his family. I’m just glad all of that is over now and i went back to barely communicating with his mother.
I don’t know much about vegans but even I know it’s not just plain salads they eat.
Not to mention the reason she became vegan was because of health risk with her and her family. The jacka$$ is basically putting her in danger to please his family.
Glad they broke up
Story 3 & 4: As someone planning a wedding, I'm so glad my fiance and I communicate and just flat out don't have these disagreements. And I actually took my FMIL shopping with me and she was supportive of everything I tried on, white, off-white, other colors, big dress, tight dresses, small dresses, etc. Yeah, My FMIL is frickin awesome
For the last story with the vegan bride there is another update that I saw on IG and she eventually and thankfully leaves her fiance. Also, there was uncomfortable age gap between OP and the baby man fiance too, so lots of red flags to go around.
...6 years is an uncomfortable age gap? LMFAO
My dude, for two adults, 6 years is not that bad of an age gap. There's 10 years between my mom and dad (mom's the older of the two in this case) and it's not uncommon for there to be 5-20 year age gaps between mature, consenting adults. I think it's a bit odd to be dating/married when the age gap is big enough to be parent and child, but I'm not gonna scorn them for it if they love each other and treat each other with respect. Seriously, six years is nothing and not weird at all.
What's weird about that relationship is that the dude apparently doesn't know what his vegan (ex-)fiance eats and that he insists she and her family "compromise" and eat only appetizers and side salads at their wedding. I think it's weird that he, the 31-year-old, is a man child who listens to his mommy and cancels things that OP needs for her dietary concerns. I think it's weird that he calls vegan food a "waste of money".
@@RenAsterion It depends on how long they'd been dating. A 25 and a 31 year old isn't terrible, but if they were like 20 and 26 when they started dating, that's concerning.
Story 1: how can the family call him ungrateful?? What should he be grateful for? Providing basic necessities to a child until the law doesn’t require it anymore then living in the streets?? Oh man, how could he not appreciate that
About that second story. Call me paranoid (I'll admit that I am a lot of the time) but the fact that the MIL didn't invite OP or her husband is really suspicious, especially given the length of time and the fact that she didn't tell OP about the trip until after she planned it, AND the way she turned down the idea of OP and her husband going with. Like, I might be crazy, but I get the feeling that OP's MIL is planning to schedule an operation on their grandchild without OP's permission and that's why they want to be gone so long without OP or her husband. Like she probably secretly think trying to remove the cancer is the best course of action but knows she can't speak up against OP and her husband's wishes, so she plans to go behind their back. Like, the way she planned this trip without even mentioning it to OP already suggests that she subscribes to the "it's better to ask for forgiveness than permission" mindset. I could easily be reading way too much into this, but that's just the feeling I get, that she believes she'll be able to get this surgery behind OP's back and make everything better because she believes she knows better.
Edit: I think the OP from the story with the MIL trying to control the wedding does deserves a butthole score, albeit a small one. I agree with her fiancee and don't blame her for what she did, but doing it publicly is rude because she's basically sinking to the same level of pettiness that the MIL is. Just because someone's being a butthole to you doesn't mean you aren't being one when you retaliate. Again, she doesn't deserve a big butthole score, like 0.5 to 1 out of 5 at worse, but she was still being a slight butthole for this.
2nd edit: as for the last OP, I think she night be better off cancelling the wedding and dumping the guy. The man doesn't respect her or her lifestyle choices, and neither does his family. I personally think veganism is kinda stupid myself, but I'd still never go behind someone's back and do what he did, ESPECIALLY if it was someone I was planning to marry and even moreso since it's her money paying for it. He even went behind her back to mess up her plans for the wedding, and that is a MASSIVE red flag. Like, I think the only bigger red flag you can see in a relationship is finding someone else's underwear in their car or house. Also, what the MIL said about "stop thinking of it as just your money and instead see it as both your money" is pretty concerning under these circumstances. Yeah, just red flags all over this guy and his family, I would walk away in her shoes.
*Second story:* I also thought it was suspicious that OP's MIL planned the vacation behind OP's back and did not invite OP. That's a good theory, and you're right OP's MIL deserves the full 5/5 BHs.
*Third OP:* I can see why you'd give OP a small BH score, but I think OP is justified in her butholery (removed a "t" because YT), lol
@@maieen2665 Yeah, like I said about the third OP, I can understand the reason why, and I'd probably even do the same in her shoes. But I just don't think that someone treating you badly means that you retaliating against them doesn't make you also come off poorly unless whatever they're doing is REALLY unforgivable. Like, I understand the why, but that doesn't mean she isn't also a little bit of a butthole for it since the MIL was just being annoying rather than being reprehensible.
Your idea about the toddler is just what I have now posted, before I read yours. Some quack somewhere has a cure.
Dying kid story: Setting aside the cancer and hospice care, and just assuming she's a healthy 2-3 yr old...there still wouldn't be a point in going on a trip! Kids that young don't remember / appreciate what's going on. They probably just feel uncomfortable being stuck in a car seat for long periods of time 😟
I live for these “WHAT am I READING?!” reactions like in the fourth story. How do people like that exist?!
I gotta say story 4 has me so confused. I got married last year and we accommodated for vegan, vegetarian, and gluten free. And we made sure the main option was halal for one of our friends. These were options given on the invite so we knew how many people needed to be accommodated and then we worked out three other meal options in those categories with our caterer. And I’d like to point out, we had only about 7 people who needed these accommodations, 3 of which were my husbands immediately family. There’s no way I would’ve let anyone at my wedding go without food because of dietary restrictions. And I can’t imagine my husbands family telling me I couldn’t eat within my own restrictions at my own wedding. I genuinely hope they call off the wedding because there’s no way this family is ever going to respect OP if they can’t even respect her at the wedding.
I worked as a baker in a major hospital. This place was quite famous for treating mental issues. This was also before all these issues about accomodating special diets came up. Twice a year we had US military chaplains come in from all over the country for a series of seminars and we had social receptions for them. I spoke with two chaplains about their options. One was Orthodox Jewish, and that poor guy was pretty much limited to the fruit and veggie trays. The Muslim chaplain could eat a wider variety, but he asked me which items had pork. And he couldn't drink the wine, which at least the Orthodox guy could. Neither one made any complaints, I'm sure they were used to it, but I felt kind of sorry for them.
Technically OP’s father did see him one last time. The time he kicked him out the day after he turned 18.
Story 1: NTA & I have a rule for this situation, after both experience and reading these stories. "People have their whole lives to apologize, the only reason they want to 'make up' on their death bed is to clear their own conscious of feeling like they might be a bad person". As such there is no reason to visit them if they've been an AH to you.
Story 2: There are probably 3 judges in the world that would give the grandmother the 'right' to take the daughter on the trip. Most would view it as the grandmother being completely callous to the granddaughter's situation. NTA
Story 3: Giving money in the belief that gives you the right to control someone you shouldn't be able to... Isn't that a Bribe? NTA. Also white is a "Tradition" but before that during the middle ages and renaissance people wore whatever color they wanted. So technically lilac is a 'more' traditional wedding color.
Story 4: I think this is the most overt Groomzilla I've ever seen. Like this stupid, he is a complete idiot, but hey, he's breaking gender norms... NTA.
First story: that dad only wants to not feel regret before dying. MAKE HIM SUFFER, no mercy for him
What probably embarrassed the mil in the third story was the lie she told to everyone else. She probably made it seem like she was paying for a bigger portion of the wedding than she actually was. Then when OP gave her back the actual amount she was embarrassed because it was obviously so little.
Geez. I’m vegetarian and I can tell you that we make compromises all the time. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been stuck just getting fries or lying and saying I’m not hungry when going out with friends or to family get togethers because everything had meat in it.
And it’s even harder for vegans.
I live in Texas, so I encounter these types that treat it like you’ve personally insulted them because you only eat vegetables for dinner all the time. Then they act like you’re the pompous asshole for gently mentioning that you’re vegetarian/vegan in response. It’s exhausting.
The one place I’d expect to have food options I can eat and that I like, and expect not to have to compromise and have yet another plain side salad for dinner, is my own damn wedding.
And I would expect my fiancé/husband to be understanding of that. To know that I’m going to spend my life going to barbecues and steakhouses with his family and have to be nice about it, so the least he and his family can do is let me have several vegan options at my own wedding.
Hearing you say "Girl, you can do better" amuses me
I’m so glad TH-cam put you and redditor in my recommended, love y’all’s channels
The second story really got to me because I have cancer and it was gone for about a month but it came back. Now, I'm on my last treatment and if it doesn't work then I'll be put into hospice. It's hard and I don't ever want people to go through this or even want people's family to go through this. I have hope that I'll be cancer-free but I'm struggling. I always listen to Rslash and he's been there (me listening to him) before I was diagnosed. Keep it up and I really hope I can continue to listen/read for future videos
Forth story: what a “my way or the highway” attitude for someone who has nothing but audacity in their side. Pretty bitter that the relationship got that far before the soon-to-happen breakup, they will not be happy together
Hard-core carnivore here. If my fiance wanted vegan options for herself and her guests, and had no problems with my guests and I having meat, then she is awesome and absolutely getting her psychotic PETA approved dishes because she deserves respect for her own choices, and I lose nothing by letting her be happy. That guy is a massive tool.
Story 3 reminds me of a tidbit I read a long time ago - Many boomers say "If you don't respect me, I won't respect you". What they mean is that if you don't respect them as an authority, they won't respect you as a person
1st Story - NTA. My concern is for you, not your parents. You have very legitimate reasons for your resentments, but at the end of the day they'll go from being a source of inspiration to an anchor holding you down if you let them. Left unresolved they can poison your other relationships going forward. I hope you're able to find some help for this. You've already triumphed over so many obstacles and shown such courage and fortitude that you're inspiring to me.
We're always hearing stories about vegans being assholes, trying to tell others what to eat, refusing to handle or serve meat in restaurants, and in general condescending to people who don't share their beliefs. But the vegan family in the last story does it for HEALTH reasons, not ethical ones, and they're fine with other people eating meat. So for once it's the non-vegans who are being the assholes telling others what they can eat. Can you imagine if instead of being vegans the bride's family had food allergies or something?
Story 1: NTA. OP was kicked out without a thought or care. For 10 years they did not care if he lived or died. I dont know why society thinks that just because you are dying that all sins are absolved and people should bend over for the dying person. Being a butthole in life means dying without the compassion you lacked in showing. I'd not want to see him either and Im a people pleaser. Story 2: I agree, I think MIL was grieving however she is delusional thinking it is okay takin a dying toddler out of state and across the country. I dont think any judge would let her either as it is not in best interest of the child.
2nd story: a bit of a weird thought but it crossed my mind that the vacation might be to one of those alternative health things. excluding the parents so they can do some messed up stuff to the toddler without parents consent. im thinking either herbal/wacky stuff of bible camp
Went looking for it cause I couldnt live without knowing. For anyone interested, OP in the last story DID call off the engagement and now realizes a lot of previous gaslighting and awful treatment from his family.
Man, I hope OP in the last story dumped that guy.
That second one is heartbreaking and I can only hope OP's daughter manages to make it through somehow despite the odds.
Vegan story:
Just give him back the ring.
On the wedding story. First of, if I were the girl I'd cancelled the wedding and only tell MY family/friends it is cancelled. However, if feeling that pettiness should resolve the issue, why not invert the situation ??? Don't tell your supposed SO and his family a thing and cancel ALL meat options and go vegetarian only instead. (Imagine his surprise expecting a meat only wedding, to find that there is no meat in sight.)
The last story: NTA
DO NOT MARRY INTO THAT FAMILY
Drop that douchebag and run
You missed the last update on the Vegan bride story, RSlash. She ends up calling off the wedding AND breaking things off with her fiance because after getting home HE STILL STOOD STRONG ON HIS STANCE. He even decided to get after her for how he perceived she had treated his mom through the messages!
The last story: there's been one more update and OP dumped him!
The father deserves no sympathy from OP. He abandoned OP onto the streets as soon as he turned 18 and never even bothered to reach out to him again, and now all of a sudden he wants to see his child again like none of that happened?
He made his bed, now he has to lay in it. Literally and figuratively.
I feel like OP from the first story should've gone. Empty out the closet of all skeletons, have everyone see the kind of people they are, then drop the mic by adding that they were able to make a great life without him before leaving
Nah, when those kinds of parents call you to their death bed its only about making them feel better.
For the last story:
I would love to hear about what OP's (now ex) future mother-in-law thinks counts as a compromise. Because as far as I've heard, the only thing even close to something that vaguely resembles a compromise on her part was "let's do everything like WE want it, and your family can eat the appetizers and nothing else."
Glad she ditched them, because there's no way that one was gonna end well.