Religious Trauma: C-PTSD and Hypervigilance
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 20 ต.ค. 2024
- Hypervigilance is a normal response to being raised in a volatile situation and/or raised with a fear based mindset. If you struggle with it I hope this video and the following links are helpful for you. Remember there is nothing that you feel that is un-human, we are super adapters and we respond to our circumstances. Keep growing and choosing different paths that bring you closer to strength and peace- internally and externally.
Link to article : victormarx.com...
Link to Religious Trauma Course:
resiliencetrai...
Social media is the greatest threat traditional religion has ever faced, and they are losing that battle. Deconstruction is opening a lot of eyes to reality and the historical and scientific truth about traditional religion. After 47 years as a Christian fundamentalist I left religion in 2012 and never looked back. Life is so much better as a nonbeliever.
What made you break out after a long time? Can I email you as I've been through similar?
@@karenkalasy8251 My wife’s parents were life long Southern Baptist . My family wasn’t religious, so I wasn’t either. When I asked her to marry me a meeting with her parents and their minister was required. When we met with her minister it quickly became obvious that I’d better become a believer or there wasn’t going to be a wedding. I was in the Navy at that time.
I provided the answers they were all looking for so the wedding went on as scheduled. It was about a year later before I was baptized. Miraculously I got shore duty for the remained of my enlistment. I was stationed at Naval Air Station Cecil Field that is near Jacksonville FL. We soon placed membership at a local Southern Baptist Church. I was baptized and accepted Jesus Christ as my personal savior.
We got pregnant the day she joined me in Jacksonville. She forgot her birth control pills and we’d been separated for a little over a month. Fast forward, after my enlistment ended I embraced my faith and become deeply involved serving as a deacon, Sundays School teacher, and preached a little too in the Churches where we were members. We had a second child during that time.
My wife’s boss and my boss were both members of the Church of Christ. Her boss arranged for us to have a Bible study with his minister. That lead to us being g baptised into the “Lords Church”. The c of C interpret the Bible literally. The Bible doesn’t give permission to have instrumental music, therefore only a cappella singing is allowed.
I became deeply involved in leadership and became the go to guy when it came to converting denominational believers into the Church of Christ. I was very good at that. I help convert a lot of Baptist 👍.
As time passed I became more deeply involved in research and studying the Bible. Eventually, I could no longer ignore the inconsistencies, contradictions, and mythical nature of so much of the Bible. That eventually encouraged me to start reading non Church of Christ scholars.
I eventually discovered Dr. Bart Ehrman, among other similar scholars I read. By the time I finished the first book of his I read my faith simply evaporated. That happened in 2012. I’ve read a number of similar Bible scholars since then. My wife is still a believer and I’m okay with that. We don’t discuss religion.
I “deconstructed” before such terminology existed, at least I never heard of that term. That’s my condensed story in a tiny nutshell.
I came out as a non believer around that time as well. It feels so liberating without the weight of religion.
Traditional religion is a threat to itself. This divided religion can't stand with 40,000 +/- sects. 3,000 versions of its own bible. Traditional religion is beyond corrupt.
I just broke out of the traumatic environment that I grew up in a week ago at age 26. I finally admitted to myself that my dad is emotionally abusive and narcissistic. He threatened to kick me out of the house, and that was my breaking point. I had also lost my job a week prior to that. So I booked a one-way plane ticket to San Francisco, and it's been quite a week. But now I'm here, I've found a safe place to stay, and I can finally heal. There is so much for me to unpack and I'm fairly certain I have CPTSD. But I'm truly grateful. Thank you for your channel, it's so validating of my experience!
Hope it goes well for you my friend. It's hard to step out in your own and leave that shit behind.
She explained the distinction between PTSD and C-PTSD so clearly. The whole video is so important when you escaped religion.
I'm glad it was helpful!
She is excellent and right on target.
Two things that you said (among many) that I really needed to hear 1) ‘Wrap the wound lovingly’ - I can still feel like I’m policing myself into healing to be ‘better’ or ‘enough’. And 2) ‘You have permission to evolve past this fear based-thinking without punishment’. Immediately, started crying. I am almost 38 years old and still so terrified of punishment by people in authority - like full blown panic attacks. I have such a hard time being human because I learned to be a set of morals/followed rules and any deviation feels like I’m going to die. Now I can lovingly wrap this wound myself instead of just hoping I stay out of the ‘punishment zone’. Over and over again. Thank you for sharing your process and love with others.
Thank you for sharing your experience! I am so glad that you can lovingly wrap your wounds. You deserve healing and good things!
Yes!
@@AngelDeSantisDid you ever read all Bible true? Do you think that reading Bible is creating fear system ?
Hi, my religious trauma started when i was only 9 years old, i tried doing the exercise and i felt overwhelmingly calm, it was incredible, i felt all my physical tension go down, thank you so much, everyone here will heal. Strength ❤
I wish I had been told this at age 25 when I left a high control religious denomination. 40 years I’ve lived just like you described. Convinced I was backslid and going to hell anyway, I decided to just live my life the best I could. The only way to avoid hell was returning to that religion and I couldn’t live like that either. I came across your video looking for religious abuse vids. Thanks so much for your encouraging words.
I’m 16 years old and I left the free holiness church two years ago. It still sticks with me like crazy. I have been diagnosed with C-ptsd, I have no idea how to heal from this but this is helping me
Wow, and here all along I thought this was people-pleasing. It's far more complex than that, though. Holy smokes, what an epiphany! Thank you! I just took a Zen meditation class that taught me how to breathe into my belly. When I'm trying to match other people, I cannot breathe very well. I stop breathing or tense up. I've even begun noticing that I don't blink as much. My eyes, in turn, become dry. My breathing is minimal and held in my chest. I find it VERY difficult to look away from people or to even move, freely. I guess that I freeze up.
I feel that!! I also had to learn how to breathe! Thankfully yoga helped a lot with that. There are a lot of breath videos on youtube that you can do that are 5-10 mins long. Also the Wim Hof method was really useful/ fun for me. Please always remember that no matter how you're feeing in the moment, you can always learn a different way of life. You've got this and it sounds like you're already finding your way through! Well done!
Yes. Breathing is so important. Brings me back to my body.
Thank you. You’ve explained so well. I’ve been away from what caused my religious trauma for 10 years now but only realizing recently how many layers the trauma is and everything I’ve gone through and how it has affected me for so long.
Thanks for this video. You can be dominated by the group. A Christian group can have dominant individuals who impress their will and values on others. You are then isolated or shunned if you even disagree with the dominant individuals in the group who seem to be blindly followed and nobody is allowed to dare question their authority.
This channel needs way more exposure...
Thank you! I'm trying to learn a bit about how to get my videos seen better, but so far it's very much word of mouth! But thankful for all of you who are here, and I hope it's helping!
That's interesting, the destinction between PTSD and C-PTSD. I definitely resonate with the hyper-vigilance. I'm gay and waised in a HYPER homophobic religious environment that taught my eternal salvation was on the hook if I didn't fit into being straight. It was a very stressful situation to grow up in and ended up in me being put into one of those 'pray the gay away' conversion things. I was devastated by it. I often felt like my sense of self was really malformed because of this and as an adult I've been hypervigilant about a lot of things.
Wow, that's definitely a tough spot to grow in, and I'm sorry you were sent to conversion therapy. I hope that you are in a space now where you are feeling a little more safe being yourself, and can hopefully begin to put some hypervigilant thoughts down, one at a time.
I’m five minutes in and I’ve already said holy fucking shit out loud.
For me, hyper vigilance manifested more socially. I was super sheltered, and I think I have asbergers, so being in social situations was always super stressful for me. I was constantly afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing, not knowing what to even say, and I just wanted to hide. What you said about waiting to hear what others say before you say your opinion or whatever really hit home. Also the not having a personality thing. I’m working through it but it’s hard not to get really frustrated. I’m so mad at my parents for taking away my chance to be myself. But I’m learning that it’s not too late and it helps to know I’m not the only one going through this!!
"spiritual warfare," that's a term I haven't heard in a long time. I was raised in the church, and now I'm back in my childhood home and it's bringing up so much. Thank you for this. I really needed it.❤
Ex JW here, I was extremely mentally ill as a child. I developed severe OCD and Tourette’s, I also began hearing sounds that weren’t really there. I had sleepwalking night terrors of the Armageddon for years. Other than corporal punishment, I wasn’t in fatal danger, but I believed I was and that damaged me enough.
Somatic therapy has helped as much as talk therapy :)
Oh my gosh I have never said it out loud… But that always knowing where the exits are ;is how I was raised. “It could all end right now or in our sleep” was said so often.
Yes, it's definitely a taught fear, I hope you are recovering well!
"Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep. BUT if I die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take." That was the good night prayer when I was a TODDLER. That will sure instill some fear.
I’m discovering I may have ptsd from Seventh Day Adventism. I wasn’t even raised in Adventism, but I dated an Adventist for a year, and I lost my self confidence and autonomy. And being made to attend his church as a prerequisite for marriage. He made me feel like all my life I was “wrong” about the Bible and I wasn’t really saved. And if I didn’t convert I would loose not only him, but my salvation, because now I knew “the truth” and not going along with it was me rejecting God. It was a mind warp and now that I’m out of that relationship, I find myself crying at the very thought of Adventism. I feel stuck and like I’m in a crisis of faith. It sucks.
I'm sorry to hear that, I hope you are healing and away from him. You do not have to believe anything he told you about you or about god, or about himself for that matter.
WOW!! I haven't been diagnosed with anything yet. But you are describing my childhood to a T. I was raised in a Protestant Pentecostal, holy roller, fire, and brimstone thrower, speaking in tongues and the whole show, 3 times a week. We were taught that when judgment day comes, you better be prayed through and not have that 666 tattooed on your body or you would be condemned to hell-burning fire for all eternity. I was always afraid of dying and going to hell. My grandpa was a pastor and built the church where I was raised. I know I am super Hypervigilant. I do every behavior you described. When I can sleep, I sleep with pepper spray and a knife open on my nightstand every night. I always know where the escape routes are. The worst part is, is I unknowingly passed this on to my four children who are all adults now. Sadly, I'm seeing the result of that now and it kills me... I don't trust a single soul on this earth since my dad passed... It sucks! My Hypervigilence affects every aspect of my life to this day.
My whole upbringing was fear motivation. I’m 31 now and finally left the church a few years ago but I’m still so mentally effed bc all cptsd. I learned I have it only about a year ago. It seems like I’ll never get better but what you described in this video with personality (or lack of) and hypervilligance .. I just cried hearing it. You/the article put to words something I haven’t been able to vocalize.
I'm sorry you've experienced the terror of fundamental religion, but I am so glad that you are out and learning how to heal. I promise you it does get better, keep loving yourself into existence, you are worth the effort.
I was placed into a cult ( as soon as I moved to another country) at 14 years old. I left at 23. I am 41 years old now and I still struggle. I don't like people near me at all (except my partner). Its a life long feeling of shame
My mom and dad were born into a cult or high-demand end-of-times religious group and left when I was 8. They spent the next 10+ years slowly questioning and deconstructing their belief system. We found similar but slightly less intense/blatantly unhealthy church groups to attend because going cold turkey can be hard or even impossible for many people. But I am so proud of them for continuing to question, continuing to seek truth, and continuing to choose to try to let love not fear the basis of how we would live. It's only been in recent years that I have finally connected the fear-based system I was born into with the intense OCD that I grew up with. Spiritual warfare was very real and terrifying for me as a child. Despite having incredibly loving parents, self-hatred and self-mistrust marked my childhood.
Unfortunately, the embedded belief my dad was taught since he was a small child that the world would end catastrophically during his lifetime never left him. He spent much of my adolescence trying to create a safety plan and an escape for our family. It is so clear to me how those fear-based beliefs are directly connected with his mental breakdown and ultimately his death. When I was in my early 20s just a few years before he passed away, my family had done a lot of healing and created distance from the old ways of thinking, but for some reason, my dad thought it would be a good idea for me to attend a high-control religious university that had a similar feel to the one where he and my mom met.
Even though he no longer held the same beliefs and didn't consciously agree with the doctrine of the church he grew up in, he had fond memories of his university years. Also, I know now that his encouraging me to attend this university coincided with the beginning of his mental breakdown and that his mind was actually swinging back and forth between his newly deconstructed beliefs and the beliefs it had been conditioned with his entire life. I loved my classes at the huge public university I was currently attending, but I was shy, not making friends, and had just come out of inpatient treatment for an eating disorder. I think my dad wanted me to find friends and community (and to date lol), and he figured that we had deconstructed enough as a family that I would be able to enjoy the community of a smaller faith-based campus while still being able to ignore the bad teachings, but I was so young, naive, and obedient. Those last two undergrad years became a nightmare.
I was encouraged to look for ways to suffer and sacrifice myself to become more holy. I was encouraged to erase my identity: if I liked a certain kind of music, had a favorite color, a school subject I wanted to study, dreams for my future, etc., God would ask me to erase myself of those things, not because they were bad things in and of themselves, but to show my loyalty him. I was encouraged, in some instances, to let my emotions flow uncontrolled... and not think too much. I was encouraged to give away all of my money and possessions to the school a to chose a life where my livelihood would be dependant on the church. There were so many obligatory events and gatherings, that I never had time to be alone or think (though I didn't want to be alone too much anyways because I had become so afraid at that point). A dear friend of mine briefly attended the first semester I was there, but we never saw each other because were kept so busy and lived in separate dorm buildings. She left at the end of the semester after a suicide attempt. We were taught (just like when I was a small child) that we could not trust ourselves... that we are innately bad and that we must seek forgiveness and of course to be worthy of forgiveness, we must always forgive. So, when I began to be molested... I forgave over and over again. The OCD that I had been working so hard to heal from came back full force. I completely broke down when I was there.
If anyone who comes across this has experienced OCD (or hypervigilance, or c-PTSD, or any kind of mental/ emotional pain), I understand the daily agony. I understand the wondering if you can even make it through this life... but I want to say there is hope! When I left the church (and I mean all churches), when I started to deconstruct what I had been taught to believe, when I started to love and TRUST myself, and let go of the belief that I am innately bad... when I started to show myself compassion and lots and lots of patience and find safe people to confide in, when I gave myself permission to doubt and question things, the OCD started to let go of its hold on me to the point now where it has almost completely disappeared from my life. Every year it is weaker and weaker. So please hold on to hope. Please know that neuroplasticity is real and the way your brain has been conditioned to operate -- that right now feels like a prison -- can truly, truly be freed to function in a beautiful, healthy way that will allow you to live a peaceful, joyful life. I am living proof, so don't give up hope, even on the darkest of days.
I am sending so much love and hope to everyone who is healing. It gets better, I promise. Thank you @AngelDeSantis for this really helpful and encouraging video and for working to shed light on religious trauma.
Thanks so much for sharing. 💙💙💙 Sending love and good vibes back at you.
This pandemic has caused a lot of fear…. So many different thoughts about what info to trust….. I started to venture out - do things again…… and now the situation has gotten worse again but I don’t want to give up my progress. I decided I will listen to “Doctor Me”……. And I will limit those TV news programs that try to “drill” the info into me. ( CNN, FOXNEWS)……no one should live constantly checking everything for safety. Thanks- and keep spreading the love!
Yes I also can't with the 24/7 news cycle. I definitely try to stay informed but I pick my sources and my hours. We aren't here to live in constant fear, that's for sure.
I have turned off "the news." Almost none of it affects my actual life. My brain wasn't made to carry the world's problems. My own are enough. A lot of people have the notion that watching "the news" and having opinions somehow can change the world. It just leaves them feeling powerless and upset and thinking half the country is "them". Btw--when anything actually important happens I end up hearing about it anyway.
I once tried to explain it to a therapist who wasn't understanding me - I said "some people have never been born!"
They are born again before they are born....
Just found this account today and the timing couldn't be more perfect. I have made so much progress in my healing journey, but it is a lifelong process. I'm so proud of myself and need to be able to somehow communicate to my partner (who is very religious) what I am going through and have experienced with religious trauma from birth well into my adulthood. Thank you for providing more words to help me understand myself and be able to communicate when I am struggling to invite others into my healing.
I cannot thank you enough for this. It’s insane how you said exactly what I needed to hear; like, exactly. I’ve done research on religious trauma and have found some peace in what I’ve come across, but nothing has ever addressed every area I’ve been personally battling with as comprehensively as you have tonight. Thank you endlessly.
I'm so glad to hear it's helpful, and glad that you are healing from it all.🙏🏼
"Give yourself permission to heal." I needed to hear that. Thank you for this video 🤍
Thank you, June.✨
I've never heard it put so well. "There was no before and there has never been an after..."
Growing up in an evangelical / charismatic environment fear base and not ❤ base @ 62 - trying to come terms with the lossed years of living in a loving relationship wit God, myself and others - and helping others at the cost of oneself - the never ending guilt about everything but going to church
After months of learning to let go of my hypervigilance and learning to feel safe in my home, I learned this morning that one of my flatmates has been taking photos of women without their consent. This has now meant I feel completely unsafe again and the voice in my head immediately went 'see? And this is why we always have to be on guard'. Watching your video today reminded me that regressing back into hypervigilance isn't the way to cope with this situation ❤️ thank you
I'm so sorry to hear that !! That's so awful for you to feel unsafe. I hope that you are able to move away from the flatmate and learn that it is okay to rest when you are in safe surroundings. Not everyone is a predator, even if in the beginning of your journey you were surrounded by them. Your world can change, I promise you. I hope you are able to feel safe soon.
I am literally in tears watching this. It explains ME so much. 😭 the hyper vigilance that comes from thinking that by controlling the outside it gives us a false sense of inner control.
Yes! Sometimes it's all we have. I'm glad you feel understood! You're not alone!
Grew up in a Christian background, I don't think I ever believed in it truly, but going to christian highschool and growing up in a Christian family, I am 31 and still policing my thoughts and if somethings morally right or wrong. I pondered with this issue, exactly like you are saying with hypervigilance, and not having a 'self' to go back to, and nothing is there to hurt me, but feel always as if I've done something wrong. Last thing you mention 'always living in fear' in every moment, definitely describes the issue I went through, and the excercise or scanning room and being here in the moment helped so much. I definitely don't feel safe in my brain or body, and always thought there was something wrong with me, but I think your explanation of "easy to control state" from you brain makes complete sense. I'll look forward to more videos, thank you so much for posting this video.
Even tho this is really heavy stuff, I do enjoy the little moments of humor. You make me laugh. Trauma work is hard and exhausting so I applaud you for having the courage to make all of these videos for people like me; who are searching for answers. I kno you have to put a disclaimer of not being a professional and I understand. But after many years of behavioral therapy, I find more value and connection in knowing there are people out there who are going through the exact same thing as me. Trauma isolates us and makes us feel alien. Your videos helps me feel more normal lol. Thank you.
Thank you Stephanie!! I'm so glad you are able to laugh!! I heard a quote once that said "it's either funny or tragic" and I think that sometimes things are so tragic it's funny! No one should have to go through all of this but if we gotta do it, we may as well laugh about it, heh. I'm so glad you feel less alone! Thank you for being here.
And that’s me in a nutshell. 4th generational JW led to religious trauma & CPTSD that has been extremely difficult to navigate. Hearing your words makes me feel a little bit more okay.
I feel you, I'm glad that sharing my story is helpful. Please know that it can get better. Wishing you luck on your journey!
I have hypervigilance too, but it's more about hell. I have it less now, but now I have more depression. When I was super hypervigilant, I was waiting for it too happen at any time ( going to hell). And if it happened , it would be too late. Because of this, I haven't learned how to drive. My driving instructor asked me if I was on meds ( I wasn't). He said I didn't react like a normal person. I've been in freeze mode most of my life, too afraid to choose either side.
I can relate to a lot of what you are saying, so thanks for that.
I failed my drivers test too! I'm sorry that you can relate, but I'm also glad that you relate and hopefully you feel less alone! You can heal from hypervigilance , it takes a while but it's possible!
This video was so incredibly helpful. Im 24 and didnt get out of religion til i was around 20. I was in it my entire life and was in a cult as a small child. Its taken years to understand what has happened to me and why i deal with religious trauma. Im still at the beginning of the healing process so your words were so encouraging. Its nice to know we arent alone with this.
Never alone! But you got this!
One way I love on myself is to keep pictures of myself on my desk that I see all the time ...pictures of when I was younger .... cherishing those moments in my past
What a fantastic video. From a Religious household that caused my relationship to my parents to disintegrate over time. Still learning, but this is incredibly helpful.
One of my secondary symptons as a result of constant hypervigilance is now a chronic tension headache that feels like I had, LITERALLY, a block of CONCRETE/STEEL for a head. Cannot concentrate properly anymore, forget things, have difficulty speaking words aloud on a row... One of the thinks that hurt like hell, spiritually and inside of me, is the fact of how many of my creative talents and productive capacity have been severely damaged as a consecuence of having these PTSD symptoms. I really don't know how to make my inner child feel better about this. It is utterly painful, because I remember how fast, deep and creatively I used to be able to think and process information. It always amazes me to be able to look at people's eyes and feel what kind of a person, healhy or damaged, dwells on the inside/mind-body, also I can discern if their inside is good or bad (nature of intentions). Your eyes are good, even if I knew nothing about about you, I could still tell :) Narcissists, on the contrary, clearly show a controlling stare plus the make you feel unease inside and if one learns to identity this stare can be life-saving. When a narcissist got me into a psych guard forcefully against my will, the "doctors" employed deliverate psychological and physical violence against me, so I am very familiar on how it feels like having to carefully measure responses out of the fear of violent repercutions from mental health professionals. The sensation is akin to being forced to swallow a poison and trying your best not to. A "speed demon"? It's unbelievable how they would even say such thinks.
I'm sorry to hear you've been suffering headaches! And I know how you feel about the suppressed creativity. I would say try and both back! your expression and your creativity, it can always come back to life with encouragement and the right circumstances. Grieve what's lost, but know that there is still so much looking forward !
This is a fantastic summary of a massively complex emotional injury…
Thank you so much 🙏✨
You're welcome! I'm glad it makes sense!
Thank you so much for describing CPTSD so well in relation to sense of self. This explains so very MUCH. I'll be 50 this month and 35 of those years were spent in active abuse. I welcome knowledge, as I have lost so much else...
I'm 22 and I was born into Jehovah's witness organization until 2017 when I escaped. Only years later now do I realize the effects it had on me. Only now do I realize the trauma I deal with. I didn't know that's what it was that I was feeling. I thought it was normal to be so hyperfocused on people's mannerisms and to make sure I never upset them or have any sort of contrary opinion. Only now do I realize how damaged I am. It's very difficult once realizing that I am traumatized because I look at my whole life differently now. I had no sense of identity. I still feel like I don't at times. I do my best to be a good person every day and to be virtuous.
There is so much guilt I still carry with me when I do "normal things" like hangout with "worldly" people. Watch certain shows, play certain games that are "demonic". I feel this pit in my stomach like what I'm doing is so incredibly morally wrong. How do I fight against this? It's so difficult to break this programming.
I don’t know if you are going to read this but make sure a difference between people and God…Jehovah loves you sooo much,He knows you,He understands your pain and your process….no pressure..take time to know you….i am speaking from experience
@@MimyMagnolia101 you’re delusional
You just have to keep doing those things. The first time I looked up apostate material my heart was beating out of my chest ; I had the craziest physiological response. But now its like nothing for me because I kept on doing it. You also dont need to do your best to be a good person. Just be and relax. Let being a good person come naturally not monitored. Meditation helps calm your nervous system down and helps to melt away the guilt and shame.
Best thing I have ever done happened 38 years ago. I got rid of my religion. No more Christianity, period. Best decision I ever made. Instead, I found my Spirituality. The Divine that lives from within. Not someone/something else outside of self. I was living a lie with my old faith. (Christianity) Not till I exorcised my old faith, did I begin to see the light all around and within me. 'I am' (you) the light from within. No more lies and deceptions. Love & Light...
Hits close to home
I'm sorry that it does, but I hope it makes you feel less alone! ♥️
I was raised Roman Catholic, and I still live with my parents (of whom are still convinced i am under demonic persuasion based on the "sign" of a dead bird they saw on the ground years ago). I wont be able to heal until we have low-contact distance from eachother, but one thing that really helps with my hypervigilence is white noise. Noise is a huge trigger for me, and white noise blocks it out!
Also, thank you for the video. ❤ I want to recover quickly and live a healthy life so badly. This knowledge really helps.
How are things today?
CPTSD does not entail a lack of sense of self. We are seeing that a lot in people who suffer from certain personality disorders or those with DID, which of course probably have that comorbid with CPTSD too. But having CPTSD alone only means that your post trauma induced symptoms were caused by more than one event or occurrence where as PTSD would be one singular event. Love the content! Will be subscribing and staying tuned
Thank you so much for what you said in this video. This explain a lot of mental health issues in my life. I grew up too close to the pentecotist/charismatic church. CPTSD symptoms are just horrible. Anxiety and depression. That's tough.
Take care and thank you 👌
Thank you!
I have been looking so hard for content like this. I cannot thank you enough
i'm curious what your thoughts are on being physically in mentally out especially as a minor. When you asked if I felt safe in where i was, i could honestly answer no. My family has been somewhat supportive because i stopped going to church (i'm mormon) for sensory processing issues, and only recently realized that the church is a cult. I feel like I can't vocalize my reality that I am living in a cult because i have to be respectful of my parent's and sibling's and friend's beliefs, which keeps me on edge and in fight of flight constantly. thank you so much for everything you do, truly.
I'm sorry that you don't feel safe. I know what that feels like. My recommendation is to give yourself periods of rest or take your safety in moments. It's really important for your mental health and the health of your nervous system that you can identify when you are safe. Maybe a walk by yourself or a moment with a good friend who is going through the same thing as you and share trust? Safety is available to you, and I hope you find or are able to create it one moment at a time.🙏🏼
Thank you! ❤️
I'm 52 and to this day I still have to fight the problems that church laid on me from birth. It's hard to forgive people who don't ask for it or deserve it,but,that's exactly what you have the do. The worst sin my family and the LDS church ever did to me was to rob me of all optimism and hope for the future from birth. It does get better with time and effort,but, you will. If your family is even slightly supportive you are very lucky.
Everything you said makes so much sense. Thanks for your kind and compassionate words of truth and healing! I’ve been aware of my PTSD from religious trauma and physical abuse, but didn’t realize that hyper vigilance was a symptom of that. I’ve been working on a practice of daily being present with myself, my emotions, and my thoughts as a practice of mindfulness to help with fear, panic, and anxiety, so what you said about just being present as a counter practice to hyper vigilance fits right in with that.
Also, when you mentioned hallucinations as a part of hyper vigilance and spiritual warfare, a lightbulb went on for me. I grew up with a big emphasis on spiritual warefare, and I remember one night at bedtime when I was a kid seeing a green demon hand come up from the side of my bed and was scared shitless. I’m 40 now and almost embarrassed to admit it but for most of my life I’ve wondered if there really was a demon there or if it was just my imagination. But I think I can acknowledge now that it was just a hallucination from my anxiety about demons and hell and everything (I used to pray to accept Jesus in my heart every time I felt scared of hell just in case it didn’t work before and that’s why I was feeling afraid).
Anyway thanks for sharing your experience and your insights for others to find healing from also. 🙏
I’ve found the chakra system to be so helpful identify where in the body I can heal.
This is a great video. I don't agree with everything you said about people with CPTSD however. I have CPTSD. The trauma originated in childhood. I do, however, have a sense of self. I know my 'self' but know that when I was young I was fed religious fantasies that were meant to distort my reality. Today, despite still having CPTSD symptoms, I am able to distinguish fantasy from reality and like myself. My mother, on the other hand, likely does not have a sense of self. She cannot distinguish fantasy from reality. For her, religious fantasy IS reality.
This… why does this hit so hard? My parents are atheists. I wasn't raised with religion. But all of this… the descriptions of symptoms and everything… they all resonate.
I think I have both C-PTSD _and_ PTSD. I've developed a sense of self, and then lost that self and am stuck trying to get it back. But I also am very familiar with hypervigilance. I somehow didn't get an autism diagnosis as a kid, but I've still had to learn, consciously, to monitor tone and body language. Because despite my overactive empathy (I couldn't stand sad scenes in movies. I'd bawl my eyes out if a character in the movie cried), I could never sense those things naturally. So I had to learn all of that, consciously, to try to avoid making other kids uncomfortable and causing them to lash out at me.
And then I was also a target for bullies, so I had to monitor my own behaviour to try to learn "how to take the 'kick me' sign off". I've been betrayed constantly throughout my life, with acquaintances or even friends giving me the silent treatment or even belittling, hurting, or isolating me for saying something wrong (even if I could not have known it was wrong in advance, or still don't know exactly) or making them uncomfortable, rather than telling me what I did wrong. And like. I get it. It's not their responsibility to tell me what I did wrong. It's my responsibility to figure it the f*ck out and adjust accordingly. It even feels wrong to call it a betrayal, because like. They just did what they had to for their safety. I'm the one who hurt _them._ I'm the one in the wrong.
Also, that advice school staff give on how to deal with bullies? That you should just not react because they want the reaction and if you don't give it to them they'll get bored and go away? Totally wrong. The advice to just walk away? Also totally wrong. They don't need you to react. They don't need you to cry. They just want to hurt and isolate you.
I'm sorry you had that experience. I'm glad that you are no longer in that situation and I hope you are healing.❤️
I declare that this is my moment for me and only me. I suffered so much and waited for things for so long . I can’t blame god or anyone but u always hoped that there would be enough mercy for me to just have a clear suddenly but I’m happier just living my own life
Thank you Angel.
When I was 11 or 12 and recovering from forced medication since the age of 5 to 9 which put a curious "hole" in my social development I woke up one morning while being minded at my sisters house with some of the Motorcycle club members she was living with I realized that "I" did not exist, but forgot about that and tried to fit into this mad patriarchal system of exploitation until I was 39 years old and could see the future of our Earth System and tried to engage with helping it 20 years ago, still trying.
The nested collection of cults within the cult of Homo superior are the psychological roots of the problems that will destroy all futures unless enough people can discard the delusions and the illusory egos that trap their minds in a state of perpetual fear and want.
You explained CPTSD and hyper-vigilance very well.
The drivers of my condition were merely violence, a lack of love and betrayal, and not nearly as intense as the traumas you probably endured.
I have a copy of Daniella Mestyanek Young,s book "Uncultured", she probably endured a similar upbringing to you.
Thank you for your courage, intelligence, and care.
Bob
@@bobbaker5514 thank you Bob! 🙏🙏
For someone who is not a mental health professional, you have so much better advice that is practical and grounded for my healing journey than my 3 of my last 4 therapists.
I’ve been watching some videos from your channel for the past hour almost and I’ve gained so much stuff that I can easily put into practice right away! Like today!
I grew up with plenty of religious trauma. When my parents moved to the UK, they were an ethnic minority and a religious minority. So I grew up in an insular abusive controlling community, with fear of the everything outside the immediate community. They believed it would take their children away form the “right path”. As if this wasn’t enough. At 18, I had a massively traumatising event, my father died in a car accident and i saw the aftermath.
I completely spiralled out of control for the next 4 year. But I’m beginning to find my bearings. I will not allow dogmatic closed minded people into my life , so I’ve removed 90% of my family and old friends from my life, the last 10% is tricky (familial obligation). I moved out recently and will never return to my old life. “Forge ahead, I am completely responsible for creating the life desire” - I tell myself.
My mind is such a mess, I do not know where to being. Currently, I have no sense of “who I am”, but honestly I can’t ever recall know who i am and what i want from life. Without a doubt, I’m a hypervigilant person.
I'm sorry that you have had those tough experiences. I think by virtue of being here you are showing that have a desire to help yourself and are actively working to give yourself a better experience of life. It's admirable that you keep going, and I hope you are finding that you are stronger than you thought you were. I hope some of this stuff is helpful for you!
I think perhaps being a "minority" added to your trauma immensely. I can relate, I moved to another country at 14, still have the "accent" after 27 years and being perpetual "outsider" or a "curiousity" hurts like hell. And, coupled with an oppressive religion everything just spirals.
I really hope that you are doing better now and are in a good place
Perfect love casts out fear ❤
I wondered if I had c-ptsd….thanks for clarifying! Damn, I do have it. I’ve had a series of trauma and don’t know who I am.
I needed to hear this right now…. ‘It’s not my fault that I have this wound but I have the responsibility to heal this wound’. I can heal 😢
This was a nice video. And you seem to be a lovely person. I am glad you found your way out of religion and its toxicity.
Please always include in any video on CPTSD that anyone who suspects they have CPTSD to seek out a trauma therapist. Watching videos, while helpful in some ways, are no substitute for real trauma therapy. Many of the things you say are correct but they don't prepare anyone with CPTSD to go through their trauma. As you said, we with CPTSD received the treatment that harmed us before we were better able to understand the world and what happened to us. The secrets and traumas we have are devastating. Learning how to address hyper vigilance is essential but only doing so ignores the traumas that source it. It is amazingly confusing and these partial measures lead to confusion, pain and giving up on doing anything. These traumas feel world destroying. Self destroying.
I appreciate your effort and your concern but your first and last words should be telling people to seek a trauma therapist. I have been on this road all my life due to severe sexual, physical, emotional, psychological and religious abuse, trauma and neglect. I have been in trauma therapy for several years and found a lot of horrible things. And I'm not done yet. It's not a path to follow without professional help. I have been pushed off the path of healing many times over the decades. Sometimes by mental health professionals. This is seriously hard and painful work that needs care and guidance. And recovery is almost as bad as living the trauma. Professional help is needed. Please be careful with these videos. If you can consult a trauma therapist about these videos and see what they think.
well made clip! thank you for sharing these nuggets of wizdom. Peace from Estonia!
You know Angel, I've been listening to A LOT of videos on youtube that pertains to mental health, childhood trauma, religious trauma, healing, and so on. However, with all of them (including you, now that I've visited your website) I keep stumbling into a link in the description to a website to charge me for "courses".. I've been burned for $1,500 for a "course" already and got very little help. I am not trusting ANYONE anymore because all I see is people making $$ from other people's trauma instead of actually trying to help them!! This makes me extremely sad, angry, depressed, and discouraged in all this stuff humans do to take advantage of others even when they are suffering extremely!
@@BobSlash-x4i Hi Bob, thanks for being here. I totally understand your frustration , I had the same frustration initially, which is why the religious trauma course I created costs 50 bucks, as I hoped to make it accessible to everyone. I also have this library on TH-cam which is free, which took years to create and I am happy to share in the hopes that it helps others.
It isn’t my intention to create money off trauma, which is why my source of income have nothing to do with this topic. I’ve also given the course for free whenever anyone has asked, and am happy to do for you if you’re interested or think it would help.
I hope you can believe in the good of people even if they charge for work they’ve done 🙏
You are strong. Thank you for sharing.
I've been trying to endure some things here lately. Habakkuk 2:2 Broke my heart after performing and believing it. I beat myself up mentally and emotionally and began telling myself that self pity was my worst enemy, I'm not humble enough.
The layers of what has happened to me vs this desperate internal squeeze plea I have hurts my head and my heart now.
I'm at this point in my life, I'm 38 years old woman who believes in God The Father Son and Holy Spirit. Raising a daughter with autism and other related disorders has lead me to wiping out self identity to latching on to people in the Bible who also had children that had a need. However because the Bible doesn't spell out all the injustices we've faced.. And considering my heart and what i thought was a relationship with God.
I just feel indifferent...like ... something isn't right here.
Thank you for this video
I am so glad I found your channel, you describe so well my cPTSD and religion.
Great video Angel. A book you might want to check out is Pain Free in 6 Weeks Paperback - January 1, 2001 by Sherry A. Rogers.
I'm an ex-christian and you nailed so many great points in this vid.
I'm very glad that u exist and give us solutions to a very complex problem. a problem very often misunderstood.
OMG this makes so much sense - the C-PTSD - never heard of it before. Wow
Watching your video showed me how much I was already able to fix in the years after my religious terror ended. Decades later, having fixed depression with loving-kindness meditation, I recently started to discover my narcissistic coping mechanisms, which right now seems so hard to fix. But coming back to my early improvement, your video made it clear to me that easily the most impactful thing for my recovery was letting go of religion and theistic beliefs altogether when I was 11. Although I still felt guilty and the terror continued until I was 13, this allowed me to, over the course of maybe a decade, let go of the fear of blasphemy, sin and indeed the fear of my own thoughts being "sinful" etc. That was deeply freeing and probably saved me from a fate worse than the mild depression and executive dysfunction (procrastination, brain fog, anxiety) which I suffered from until a few years ago.
Thanks for helping me clarify my own history and parts of my ever fuzzy identity.
You’re amazing 🥺❣️tysm
Thank you Katie! I hope it was valuable !!
thank you
You're very welcome!
I'm glad to know you are aware of what happened to you and why you experienced the side effects. Knowing that is part of the healing process. Thats how my experience has been.
Thank you thank you thank you!
your really good at this, informative, contextual, relevant, easy to listen to, thanks loads
Thank you so much! I do my best :)
Thanks. That's a really good process and skill you developed. It helped me already.
I’m so glad to hear it!!
You are such a great speaker! i appreciate how concise and well laid out your presentation was in this video.
Thank you Beautiful Angel! This is really Needed to help Heal! You are Absolutely Awesome!
Thank you Julie!! Always appreciate your support!
Exactly!!! Cptsd you have constantly survey your surroundings and guess your parents moods, from 0 to 4 you learn how to get your needs met, its alot of work for a 4 year old.
Fantastic and very validating video. Thank you. ❤️
Thank you for watching!
I really really like and appreciate your videos!!!! Some really good information!! Guess im still healing. Keep up the good work!!!!!!! Super! 👍👍👍👍👍❤❤❤❤
I’m so glad I have found you I’m In this process of healing my wound, I want out of this religious thinking and fear base crap I just want my life back on how I was before my dad got control of my mind at the lowest point of my life. How do you go around people that talk religious anything and not get triggered. I feel like I get so mad and I want to just run out or scream shut the hell up !! I hate it, I really do.
Girl, I get so triggered around religious people too, I just avoid them. If I do have to be around them and they are obnoxious I have learned to say things like "I don't believe that so we don't need to talk about it" or "I won't discuss this because you won't change my mind" or " that's your truth not mine" it makes them mad and they usually end up insulting you- which you can use as an excuse to stay away from them. "I don't enjoy being around people who insult me so I won't be coming this time" Best of luck to you!! you get better, I promise.
@@AngelDeSantis omg your responded!!! Thank you for getting back to me, it truly helps when someone can understand you. I wish I can leave my number here so we can talk more And you can help me more to walk this process out. That would be great.
My counselor sent me a link to this video after uncovering some religious trauma that I think I had just blocked out. Thank you so much for this, as it was affirming and very helpful in my path to heal from this. I'll be watching your other videos for sure.
Thank you Jeff, I hope they've been helpful to you!
I really appreciate your words in this video... thank you for posting
Wow!! Thank you so so so much!! You have helped me in the video more than you'll ever know!!
This was absolutely wonderful.
fantastic work, thank you Angel
I thank GOD for you 🙏
Thank you. Very eye opening and touching shares. 🙏🏻
I’m 41 years old and I’ve never felt so validated in my life
Wow. This is pretty good.
Thank you 😊
Thank you so much for this. Not enough people talk about this. Really appreciate it.
Thank you !
Excellent yes absolutely!!!! I have both. I am glad you could say it clearly for people. I just happen to have a degree in psychology and you explained cptsd so well.
Are there any literature recommondations when it comes to religious trauma and hypervigilance? I want to dive deeper in this topic and the methods to heal these problems. Up to now I thank you for your free content, it helps me a lot. A time ago I tried to heal religion based problems and fear with even more religion that ended up in a breakdown some years ago. I think this is called trauma bond, when you go back to an abusive situation because you got also a few positive feelings out of that.
I later on considered myself healed but was triggered a few days ago and all religious fears came up again.
But now I know about the roots and can calm down a little bit faster but in the acute situation I felt still helpless. I feel for all people here who endured horrible fearbased teachings about religion and I hope you all find a way to heal and recover from it.
I have CPTSD and hypervigilance. I will not go into detail about what happened to me but I remember Moses David all too well and first read his literature in London, UK which I paid for with a small donation. I think the women were the really abused ones who were often used to "recruit." There were many "religious groups" around during the 70s and early 80's. I was never COG but suffered something else.
Hello Angel! I just wanted to stop by and say that I have found your method the most beneficial for myself since starting my healing journey about 7 months ago now. I have engaged mostly with emdr with a therapist, EFT tapping, & also your method of AOD (ask observe decide), all the while observing my behaviors with journaling. I have found the greatest changes in your bottom-up approach. If I feel anxious, hyper vigilant, unsafe in my body, etc., I pay attention to it. I meditate on it if I can in that moment. I allow myself to feel it. I try to figure out what it means. & I give it unconditional love. I body scan & allow myself to relax. & I bring myself back to the present.
These moments of observing & loving have calmed my body to new levels. I have found that my body has so much to tell me when I actually pay attention to it. I’m healing from - body-centered approach more than I did with emdr & eft. I just want to thank you & offer a word of encouragement to anyone who may read this. I’m slowly feeling safer in my body by truly acknowledging & living in it. Even my intrusive thoughts are fading which I find miraculous. So thank you so much :-)
Amazing ! Thank you so much for sharing this. Thank you for doing the work and trusting yourself, I am thrilled that you are slowly feeling safer in your body and noticing it communicating with you. You are on the right path! I love this so much. Thank you for being here!
Thank you. It gave me some confidence. I'm not too sure of how to word this, but is there any way of feeling safe if the trauma is still ongoing? It isn't as hard as it was when I was growing up but now I have very little trust in my family as a whole, despite the fact that it isn't as abrasive as it was when I was a kid. I'm scared and it's as if a lot of it is comming back due to quarantine
I just wanted to say that your videos really resonate with me. Your also very funny. Some of the stuff you say makes me laugh. You definitely have a dry sense of humor lol. Stay at peace💖
Thank you!
This is great! Well said. You have really explained what l have not been able to put into words. Thank you!
Hi. Can you talk about the specific of spiritual warfare and "magical" thinking----I was exposed to this as a young adult but it really was traumatic on many levels. Thank you for addressing this little known issue of RTS. Great work! :)