I've wanted to comment for a while now, sorry that this is going to be a long one lol. I've watched a lot of recovery content.. a LOT, and I think you're the person whose experiences I relate to the most. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that you include your husband in your videos. While this illness is mental, it affects our loved ones in ways that people who have never experienced an ED/or closely known someone who has, will never understand. In this video I related so much to the idea of living for an audience, and in particular wanting to not gain weight when you know you'll be seeing someone who hasn't seen you in a while. Unfortunately for me, my ED has tied itself to my relationship and convinced me that if I let it go, I will lose the one person I love most in this world. I'm in an long distance relationship, and before I realized my restriction was more than just a "diet", I made promises to myself that the next time we met I had to have lost x amount of pounds. I had this goal set in my mind that every time we reunited I had to be better, which meant being smaller. To keep myself on track I told myself that if I didn't do this, he wouldn't find me attractive. Even though I'm now four BMI points lower than when we met, I have let my ED convince me that if I ever got back to that weight through recovery, he would fall out of love with me. It's ridiculous, but whats EDs for you. The saddest thing is, if anything would make him fall out of love with me, it would be my illness and/or an emaciated body. He's been nothing but loving and supportive and it's so unfortunate that I let my ED use our relationship as kindling. However, watching your content gives me hope and makes me feel less alone. Although the details of how these issues arise for us are different, many of the core aspects are the same. In this case it's the fear of what others think of us. Anyways, I just want to say thank you for putting this out there. It's not an easy thing to do. Thank you for your service. EDIT: I also want to say thank you to Ryder as well for showing his perspective, the good times and the bad times.
Thank you for sharing this its a big step in recovery! I hope you know that he is with you because of the beauty inside of you and he is not going to leave you if you don’t lose X amount of weight or if you gain weight. I know that you’re eating disorder is lying to you and it’s probably causing so much pain and conflicting thoughts about yourself and your relationships but we’re all here rooting for you! P.S. Here’s a little trick I use when I have a strong urge or a stupid ED thought: I named my Eating disorder It may sound od but I gave my eating disorder a name (Eddie/Ed) so when I have a bad thought or an urge to purge/restrict or whatever your personal ED habits are I remind myself that Eddie is just being his annoying rude and manipulating self again. If you’re ever struggling remember that one random person from the comment section is rooting for you! Lots of love from Mellow yellow ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Mellow Yellow articulated it way more eloquently than I ever could and hot the nail on the head, so I'm not even going to try. 😂😂😂 That being said, I can so painfully relate to the disordered fears that accompany a long distance relationship. It SUCKS. Although I know it feels real as heck, try to trust me when I say that your boyfriend loves you DESPITE your Ed and not because of it. And that you are deserving of his love regardless of your body! I remember realizing that Ryder and I were going to both get old and wrinkly together someday, and that was really weird to reconcile with all my disordered body concerns. Anyways, now I'm rambling BUT thank you for taking the time to leave a comment. The fact that you did (and such a thoughtful genuine one too!) means so much. I'm glad my videos help you feel less alone 🧡
I relate so much... your words are beautiful and True!!! I too feel that “invisible audience” it is always there watching.. making sure that I don’t let anyone see my messy body, or my true self. Anorexia will not let you have any pleasures of life. It is so hard always fighting it off day after day... so exhausting!
Exhausting for sure!! And lonely because (at least for me) you feel like no one would stick around if they knew your "real" self. But we are both deserving of the pleasures and joys of life, even if it's scary getting there. Thank you for taking the time to comment ☺️
I've wanted to comment for a while now, sorry that this is going to be a long one lol. I've watched a lot of recovery content.. a LOT, and I think you're the person whose experiences I relate to the most. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that you include your husband in your videos. While this illness is mental, it affects our loved ones in ways that people who have never experienced an ED/or closely known someone who has, will never understand. In this video I related so much to the idea of living for an audience, and in particular wanting to not gain weight when you know you'll be seeing someone who hasn't seen you in a while. Unfortunately for me, my ED has tied itself to my relationship and convinced me that if I let it go, I will lose the one person I love most in this world. I'm in an long distance relationship, and before I realized my restriction was more than just a "diet", I made promises to myself that the next time we met I had to have lost x amount of pounds. I had this goal set in my mind that every time we reunited I had to be better, which meant being smaller. To keep myself on track I told myself that if I didn't do this, he wouldn't find me attractive. Even though I'm now four BMI points lower than when we met, I have let my ED convince me that if I ever got back to that weight through recovery, he would fall out of love with me. It's ridiculous, but whats EDs for you. The saddest thing is, if anything would make him fall out of love with me, it would be my illness and/or an emaciated body. He's been nothing but loving and supportive and it's so unfortunate that I let my ED use our relationship as kindling. However, watching your content gives me hope and makes me feel less alone. Although the details of how these issues arise for us are different, many of the core aspects are the same. In this case it's the fear of what others think of us. Anyways, I just want to say thank you for putting this out there. It's not an easy thing to do. Thank you for your service. EDIT: I also want to say thank you to Ryder as well for showing his perspective, the good times and the bad times.
Thank you for sharing this its a big step in recovery! I hope you know that he is with you because of the beauty inside of you and he is not going to leave you if you don’t lose X amount of weight or if you gain weight. I know that you’re eating disorder is lying to you and it’s probably causing so much pain and conflicting thoughts about yourself and your relationships but we’re all here rooting for you!
P.S. Here’s a little trick I use when I have a strong urge or a stupid ED thought: I named my Eating disorder It may sound od but I gave my eating disorder a name (Eddie/Ed) so when I have a bad thought or an urge to purge/restrict or whatever your personal ED habits are I remind myself that Eddie is just being his annoying rude and manipulating self again.
If you’re ever struggling remember that one random person from the comment section is rooting for you!
Lots of love from Mellow yellow
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Mellow Yellow articulated it way more eloquently than I ever could and hot the nail on the head, so I'm not even going to try. 😂😂😂 That being said, I can so painfully relate to the disordered fears that accompany a long distance relationship. It SUCKS. Although I know it feels real as heck, try to trust me when I say that your boyfriend loves you DESPITE your Ed and not because of it. And that you are deserving of his love regardless of your body! I remember realizing that Ryder and I were going to both get old and wrinkly together someday, and that was really weird to reconcile with all my disordered body concerns. Anyways, now I'm rambling BUT thank you for taking the time to leave a comment. The fact that you did (and such a thoughtful genuine one too!) means so much. I'm glad my videos help you feel less alone 🧡
I relate so much... your words are beautiful and True!!! I too feel that “invisible audience” it is always there watching.. making sure that I don’t let anyone see my messy body, or my true
self. Anorexia will not let you have any pleasures of life. It is so hard always fighting it off day after day... so exhausting!
Exhausting for sure!! And lonely because (at least for me) you feel like no one would stick around if they knew your "real" self. But we are both deserving of the pleasures and joys of life, even if it's scary getting there. Thank you for taking the time to comment ☺️
5:27 it happens to the best of us
Quite the momentous occasion!! 😂