Solving Actual Problems (Instead of Just Coping Skills) - Break the Anxiety Cycle 26/30
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 4 มิ.ย. 2024
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Here's why stress management techniques often fail- they focus all their energy on changing the emotion, instead of changing the environment- when we really solve problems, we face them and resolve them instead of just learning to cope with them.
In this video you'll learn how to resolve stress by geting to the root of the problem and problem solving like a therapist does. We're going to clear the mental blocks that are keeping you stuck in stress.
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Therapy in a Nutshell and the information provided by Emma McAdam are solely intended for informational and entertainment purposes and are not a substitute for advice, diagnosis, or treatment regarding medical or mental health conditions. Although Emma McAdam is a licensed marriage and family therapist, the views expressed on this site or any related content should not be taken for medical or psychiatric advice. Always consult your physician before making any decisions related to your physical or mental health.
In therapy I use a combination of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Systems Theory, positive psychology, and a bio-psycho-social approach to treating mental illness and other challenges we all face in life. The ideas from my videos are frequently adapted from multiple sources. Many of them come from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, especially the work of Steven Hayes, Jason Luoma, and Russ Harris. The sections on stress and the mind-body connection derive from the work of Stephen Porges (the Polyvagal theory), Peter Levine (Somatic Experiencing) Francine Shapiro (EMDR), and Bessel Van Der Kolk. I also rely heavily on the work of the Arbinger institute for my overall understanding of our ability to choose our life's direction.
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"Anxiety wasn't the problem, it was the messenger." Whoahhh, that hit hard.
Freaking brilliantly insightful
5:01 #1 Write the problem down
5:44 #2 Visualize a positive outcome
7:00 #3 Overcome mental blocks
10:16 #4 Get support
10:55 #5 Use a growth mindset
12:08 #6 Get creative
14:23 #7 Take action
Thank you!!!!
❤I just love this therapist. I would go to her if she practiced in the Midwest. Even her voice is soothing to me.
Cheers!
Exactly this. Yes I have all the classic symptoms of depression. But of course I’m depressed when I’m disabled by chronic physical illness, ASD, attachment trauma, lack of support, not being financially independent mainly due to disability and repeated burnout.
IMO a lot of cases of anxiety and depression (even my eating disorder) are just symptoms of a bigger problems. Not diagnoses in and of themselves,..
Doing my best to find the right balance of acceptance and trying to change.
The key word here, your trying! Your taking action
It aint no joke...i feel for you.
Finding the right balance of acceptance and trying to change. I love this, it seems more realistic. Not every problem can be solved, that's a fact.
Your doing a great job 👏 👍 ❤
And if you’re in an abusive relationship you’re children are living in a constant state of anxiety too
I have a chronic illness and I cannot get away from my body but I did manage to get rid of my anxiety with meds , DBT, mindful etc. just so people out there with chronic illness don’t feel helpless watching this video !! ❤❤
Well done 👏 ✔️ 👍❤
@@june29378 sure - I take pregabalin and vortioxetine but it did take a few tries to find the right one
This was one of the most helpful videos I've watched on the topic of anxiety. My anxiety feels random at times, but it actually often stems from problems that need solving. I'm tired of being told that it's in my head and that I need to cope. It's caused me a sense of learned helplessness. I'm not in any direct danger, but there are reasons why I feel this way. I probably have more control over my life, but I've been trying to just cope my way through it instead of taking action.
Marvelous self awareness. And yes, healthy coping skills can help but too much can turn into being a pushover which will result in either acute or chronic stress.
Have you picked up journaling practices?
@@CannaWine I love journaling, but I tend to spiral out of control when I write about what I'm feeling and why I'm feeling that way. I need to be more solution oriented in my journaling practice.
@@bedheadacademic Do u think your anxiety or stress leads to procrastination? (Action hindering)
@@CannaWine every day. I often avoid even thinking about my tasks
@bedheadacademic same and currently still grapple with it BUT i have practice 2 things: reducing my tasks to manageable tasks, small bite sized actions that can comfortably stretch u to take action(cuz i like to over commit). 2nd is practicing Unconditional love and accepting what im capable of doing. Creating a self-awareness system has been my focus this year that has helped me work on those small details.
This!
I left my job and it was like a boulder was lifted off my mind and heart.
I feel so much happier and at peace now, even though I was worried about finances without a job.
The job was such a toxic environment but I kept trying to 'fix' myself.
Corporate culture that always says the individual owns everything are poorly managed.
Yes! I left my job 2 weeks ago. Toxic environment. Plus dealing with condescending narcissistic people. I had enough!
Great video. I once read that truly resilient people don’t just cope effectively, they get themselves out of distressing situations. Truth bomb! I’ve tolerated an unfulfilling career for over a decade and angst and anxiety has been one of the byproducts- I believe it is my soul/spirit screaming for a life that better aligns with my essential self. I’m working on an exit plan this year…
Individuals with resilience don't get themselves out of distressing situations when it's not in their best interest to do so (especially in the context of anxiety issues). Resilience involves struggle and distress because you have competing interests, but you choose the stronger interest at the expense of immediate comfort. Temporarily abandoning your short-term preference to feel comfort involves struggle, but you do so from a stance of welcoming the struggle and doing what truly matters.
"You can't just cut people off and use that as your only tool, you'll be very lonely"
Oh god, so many young people on social media need to hear this one. Very quickly they have been learning to automatically cut out "toxic" people in their lives. When very often these toxic people are either
1. Not actually being toxic, but having their intentions misinterpreted by the person
2. Did not understand your boundaries or what upset you
3. Were actually being toxic, but communication and forgiveness might actually help them and strengthen your relationship
This comment makes my day! I wondered if I was the only one who thought that the cut/block/erasure of humans in our lives is an epidemic. There has to be a better process of understanding, curiosity, empathy and change for all parties involved. There has to be
Avoidance increases anxiety 😥
I am so in my head that i read Avocado. Avofreakingcado increases anxiety and i started panicking.
This is not talked about enough! Thank you for shedding light on it. As someone who stayed in an abusive relationship for 25 years, I definitely agree that we need to get to the root cause not just treat symptoms. I had to learn the hard way unfortunately. Thank you!
Hi. Im glad you have talked about this. I agree in that we sometimes need to problem solve issues or make life changes to reduce our stressors.
💪🏽💪🏽💪🏽
This is so important and different from what we hear oftentimes, thank you for sharing! ❤
I think in our society, anxiety gets shamed a lot. People try to push it down, feel embarrassed about being scared, "brave" people get celebrated, being "too" shy or afraid isn't something that seems desirable.
Of course, fear does get in the way at times, but anxiety can also be so useful and important- to warn us and others to what's wrong, what we need to pay attention to.
Thank you for reminding us, so we can have a closer look at our lifes and the circumstances and maybe also less judgement towards ourselves and others.
Embracing, accepting and forgiving has helped me along my journey.
Well said and completely agree!
@@terrevite ❤️
I need to watch this - I feel like most of my anxiety would go away if I just could find a job and didn’t have to deal with financial hardship.
First step to building resilience to stress is awareness. Good work on that! But whats ur next step?
Amen!
Hi I love Therapy in a nut shell, once I was in a nut that when at that time I took therapy at Ann Sippi Clinic in 2021 it really opened my mind and was excited to always relaxing and made me have more positive thoughts,since I've come back home my anxiety has decreased a whole lot!!!! 6:50
👍 financial stress is very anxiety provoking so good work on identifying that and good luck with the job search. Something will come up with a positive and resilient mindset and if it doesn't work out there are other jobs to go for 🎉
My therapist always told me I didn't have anxiety disorder, I had a husband disorder. What's crazy though is now I'm in a relationship that isn't abusive it's actually nice, and the panic attacks are back hardcore. It's like if I'm alone I HAVE to stronger so I am. Now I can breathe a sigh of relief and I'm panicking 🤦🏻♀️
It’s hard to unlearn trauma. It still takes time and patience with yourself.
It could be both. Not all therapists are like that, but therapists have the tendency to think that what they know about our lives is the whole thing and every detail (to be fair, most people think this way to some extent, including me, but that's a way of thinking people need to strive to break out of)
I love your therapists expression! My sister would remind me after my divorce from my abusive husband that the feeling is loneliness is way better than the feeling of fear, criticism and anxiety.
Or maybe you're a Fearful avoidant? I'm the same
That is COMPLETELY normal to experience those panic and anxiety attacks even when you are safe but it should become less and less as you remember you ARE SAFE and not give fear a foothold and remember to LAUGH at yourself
Emma, this is THE MOST HELPFUL tool for over performers - THANK YOU!
This is such good timing. I have been struggling with my anxiety so bad recently. There are lots of factors and I don't have much support despite seeking it.
But you have a way with words that help me understand how to refocus and apply these skills. You deliver it in a compassionate way so I can absorb it. You've reminded me I need to keep on trying to direct that nervous energy into action for change. I also love a good list! Thank you very much! 🤗
❤❤❤
One hour at a time, one day at a time 💪🏽🤙🏼👌🏽
I don't have any support either. It's really hard to do this on your own
@@kittykat632 it is a huge challenge! But I hope we can overcome it. You've got a random person on the Internet rooting for you 🖤
Emma, this video was so helpful. It was like you were talking directly me. I’m in a situation in my life that would be very difficult to change. It really hit home when you said people prefer a familiar hell, rather than an unfamiliar heaven. I’d rather be in the unfamiliar heaven, but finances won’t allow me to make that move. I’ll eventually get things figured out, and really getting tired of the familiar hell I’m living now. Thanks for your help, so appreciated ! 💞
Straight Talk. 💯
Thank You, appreciated 🦋
Absolutely, addressing the root causes of anxiety is essential for lasting relief. 🌱 Shifting from temporary coping to active problem-solving empowers individuals to make impactful changes and ultimately enhances overall well-being.
thank you Emma! I tolerate bad situation instead of changing and it’s worn me down physically. Great video. I make excuses for not taking a perfect action.. but any effort helps relieve anxiety.
Very timely video! Thank you so much
During my first engagement to be married, my fiancé assaulted me. We broke up. Thirteen years later, during my second engagement to be married, panic and anxiety appeared. We did not carry on with each other. At the age of 45, a truly kind and wise man promised to love me for the rest of our lives. No panic. No anxiety. Sixteen years later, we got legally married. Constant panic and anxiety has appeared for the ensuing eight months.
Listening to this video, it seems that this anxiety is simply related to past trauma. I didn't recognize it. Thank you!
Such an incredibly important video Emma,
Our feelings are OFTEN really accurate and healthy messages
It is a problem, especially in the west, and especially of how women are treated, that feelings are pathologised.
Our feelings are god given, healthy, signals, and part of our intelligence.
I've worked in education, and I'm deeply concerned about how emotion phobic so much of society is, and it's worsening. Compliance and complacency are often traumatised behaviours, we build strength and confidence in life by being authentic and capable at listening to our conscience and our intelligence. So much is lost when we don't.
I think this is really great reassurance, that there are skills and tools suitable for every single problem.. there literally isn't anything that doesn't have solutions.. but so often distress and overwhelm that we can't even name, blocks us from beginning to see options. I can see your point of just beginning to brainstorm. I know from my life, beginning something begins everything ❤
Brilliant! Thank you for posting this! It will be very helpful to me.
This is such a smart and a PRACTICAL video. Exactly what I need to help my friend. Thank you.
You are a wonderful human being :) I hope you receive all of the love and help people you give to them.
Hey Emma! I hope you read this .. Thank You for this vid.. I tend to tolerate which increases years of anxiety….vs take action. You’re like a trusted friend who’s always there.
Thank you! This was a really good reminder! ❤❤❤
Thanks for the great introduction. As a nurse for over 20 years, mainly in the field of neurology, and a survivor of ... xyz ... I do fully agree. Leave the circumstances, that make you sick, anxious and so forth BEFORE you see a doctor or other helper.
The same refers to any worldly challenge, that needs to be solved on the physical plan, although problemsolving may get a boost by praying, meditation and so forth.
It's so hard and particularly painful when you think you're just anxious for no reason, but then some time later find out that no, you actually had a good reason to be anxious and were picking up on something being amiss. And now the cycle is even more intense because I can tell something is still amiss, but he won't tell me.
what a great video. it's very validating. i'm working on a problem solving sheet to hang up on my wall and i'll make a few adjustments to it.
Excellent. I have let everything pile up instead of facing them and dealing with them now I have a Mountain.
Thank you for this video!
Your videos are so so helpful and great to return to also for refreshing knowledge. You are always so pleasant and positive, you are a wonderful therapist Emma, thank you 😊🌻
It took me far too long to realise i needed to go back to therapy to understand my needs better. I'm a lot calmer now and still on a journey. Going fully remote at a toxic job after getting a health diagnosis has shown just how much it's impacting me too.
Thanks, again, I love your energy! (And your hair!😊)
Thank you so much.. I realized that mostly when i am stressed with an ongoing situation I leaned back to relaxataion and self care. but once the time is up, I am back to my anxiety. It was all because of my resistance to take action. I really appreciate your method of being creative and finding atleast 10 options of fullfilling the fragmented task. Will judiciously follow. thanks for everything. :)
Never worry in your head!! - Loved it
love your channel..Thank you
This is my story too. This advice is so valuable! I kept cycling in the toxicity with abusive partners. I was stuck in a belief system. Anxiety and depression were very present in my toxic relationships. My paradigm shifted after I took action, enrolled in educational empowerment programs, became a certified domestic violence counselor advocate, and practiced natural antidotes to overcome stress & anxiety. I am calm, centered, joyful and medication-free for 8+ years. Now I help women get unstuck and empowered to live their healthiest, happiest lives. #mentalhealthawareness✨
Very helpful. Thx for your efforts and passion to help us understand what kind of anxiety we might be going through and what the causes could be. I feel more hopeful about my teenage child’s situation after watching your video..❤
Thanks so much for this!
Powerful and helpful. Thank you for this. Hard to read, but wow...thank you.
Emma constantly smiles a lot ..........................................
I think it’s because she’s using her talents in service to others and that gives a sense of purpose. I imagine she also takes good care of herself (physically & mentally), invests in healthy relationships & community, and has balance between her work and family time.
@@laurenparnell2483 yea definitely. No shame in that, but I noticed she was doing it more than I can remember in other vids.
This was so helpful. I procrastinate so many things and stress myself out. Time to start resolving!!
Wow I really enjoyed this video especially that I can relate to most of the ideas because I am already applying most of them & they're so effective! Thank you so much for those useful tips!!!
"You can't just cut people off and use that as your only tool" I definitely need to hear this...😮💨
A worthwhile ad revenue based cause. Thanks for being positive about it.
YES this also was my situation! Change Situation
This is just the right thing I need to hear right now
Thanks for the great advice 👍
Brilliant, as always.
Thank you!😊
It can't be repeated often enough: besides therapy and anti depressants, there is a widely ignored, easily cured factor: deficiencies in certain hormones, vitamins and micronutrients lead to depression and anxiety. Some of these can't harm and can be taken by chance, like OMEGA 3 and 6, which are scarcely, if at all, contained in Industrial food.
On the other hand, a VITAMIN D overdose can cause severe health problems. Get a lab test, and only if that says you have a deficiency, you should take it as supplement at all. And long term you should take the Vitamin D3/ K2 combination, to prevent arteriosclerosis.
People in their mid 40s upwards should add their sexual hormonal levels (OESTROGEN/TESTOSTERONE) to the lab order. Especially genetic males should know: andropause happens, other than the menopause, over years of continuously sinking testosterone levels. First you don't register it, until you wake up one morning and you feel OLD. Thinking back you realise, that the last time you've felt YOUNG is a decade ago. Then it's time to talk with your doc about testo-gel.
Last: the vast majority of our serotonin is produced by our symbiont, the miraculous intestinal microbiom. The ratio between good (aerobic) and bad (anaerobic) bacteria can be in a durable imbalance. That's due to antibiotic treatments and industrial food, and - surprise! - the blessings of the industry support the rotten gang of the fetid anaerobes. A PROBIOTIC treatment cycle can't harm at all, but maybe heal a damage that added up in decades. Get the probiotics in enteric-coated capsules - they inhibit your gastric acid from killing your fortification cavalry.
A combined treatment of all that led in my case to my successful healing from depression and anxiety.
My husband, of 38 years, has a narcissistic tendencys. I have anxiety and depression I'm taking medication for. I'm not leaving. We've built a life together. I need help learning to live with this. Dr Ramani has been helpful.
Is it attachment anxiety ?
So, you are choosing to stay in a toxic pond?
This “I’m not leaving”…rings of heavy limiting beliefs (likely religious conditioning), that hold a person bound to toxic, unhealthy situations.
Some people will stay because of “all the time they put in”….without seeing that they’re giving up more years and possibly committing to body dysfunction that is unbelievable. The books “the body keeps the score” and “when the body says no!” help with understanding that the body WILL express itself when it is held captive to situations that the owner of the body is self abandoning and staying in an unhealthy life.
Whatever life you’ve built, is mostly a story, and likely you are staying because of fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of actually realizing that what you wanted didn’t happen, and on and on.
You life is more than 1/2over, is that what you want? Is your life rich, meaningful, and connected?
You, taking anti anxiety meds, depression meds, while in the toxic environment…is like if I took antibiotics while in a polluted River, streaming with bacteria. It won’t help. I need to get out of the situation that is causing the infections.
You need to reset your mind and get out of the situation, that is contributing to your anxiety and depression.
What are you going to do if/when he dies? You would find a way to go on. Many women thrive after leaving a marriage or their husband dies. You can too
I would recommend grey rocking. no pushback, no arguing, no back and forth - just saying okay and internally reminding yourself he's a very ill man with a dark past, and you feel sorry for him but won't let yourself be hurt by his ill behavior. I wish you well
@@june29378 thank you
Thanks!
Thank you❤
This is why CBT never worked for me because each time I went in, the therapist would essentially say "Is that what's really happening? Do you think that would actually happen?" My partner had set fire to themself, so lots of things were now in the realm of possibility.
Thank you
13:21 you could always just send her a passive aggressive text. You had me rolling! I love the way I feel when watching your vids. Thanks for all your hard work, earth bound angel! ❤😂
Great video 👍
Great episode. I'm sure I'll be listening to it again. P.s love your hair
your hair looks amazing!!!
Very helpful
Emma is the bomb!
In my experience, when I experience, anxiety and depression, there was always an underlying or hidden anger. Were things were not going my way, or the way that I thought it would be. It is my believe under the hidden anger layer, is the fear latent. So every time I start feeling uncomfortable or bother by any situation or anyone, I try to find my anger or uncomfortable feelings. As soon as I can pinpoint the actual feelings, I can always find myself the fear as the bees of other uncomfortable feelings. All of these feelings, for me are mixed, so it takes me a minute to really pinpoint, name them to then says my emotional situation.
My therapy worksheets say to challenge the thoughts. But tbh I don’t really like their questions for my worries. I recently, on my own, came up with “why am I thinking/worrying about this?”
The way I understood it is that problem solving is one of many coping skills. Not every stressor can be solved such as death of a loved one. I think black and white thinking is tricky and there is no one size fits all.
This! Mindfulness needs to be part of the action or vice versa imo.
Love the little magical high pitch voice for unrealistic outcomes 😂 imma use it it suddenly makes it feel kinda stupid to wish that haha
Your hair is amazing.
It's not exactly forgiveness, it's feeling compassion for another and even for yourself.
Love to you🍀
A lot of good info 😎
Ok, I'll be honest, many other videos on this channel left me with a feeling of disappointment and I was about to unsunscribe. So I'm happy TH-cam suggested this one. It's awesome ! I love how pragmatic it is. I've met this "10 solutions" approach in a totally différent context and never thought of applying it this way. That's something new in my toolbox !
What tips would you give for physiological symptoms like vomiting and dry heaving due to anxiety and worry ? Still a helpful video
I am wondering how to do this for solving problems that I don't have complete control over. For example, I have a lot of anxiety and worry about my family. My mom has almost died twice in the past 3 years and my 8 year old niece almost died 2 weeks ago and was in the hospital for 8 days. I worried about my dad consistently before he died 7.5 years ago too. How can I solve this problem of worry and anxiety over my loved ones? I am trying to think of solutions to solving this but am having a mental block.
Emma, do you have a video describing breaking a problem down?
i wrote down and will keep your line on the nervous system preferring a familiar hell instead of an unfamiliar heaven
First of all, you look GORGEOUS - the first thing that came to my mind when I started watching this video and then THANK YOU, your gentle and honest and beautiful demeanaur just makes me believe there is hope and beauty in life and that it is worth living, I don't have many friends or family to support me, I come here for your kind words and 'support. Thanks, Emma, Be blessed.
Plzzz video on ways to move out myself from misophonia
Can you link the first 2 videos pls?
I would give it thousand likes if I can. Always helpful and to the point! Thanks:-)
Nice
".... And you need to level up"
🔔 🔔🔔🔔 That's me!!
Can you do a video about how school bullying carries on to adult life
Apparently I can communicate better. Not that i deserve being put down and the passive aggressive behavior. But I can communicate better since I know what might happen if I don’t.
How would this apply to anxiety around public speaking? Thanks
What I struggle with is toxic negativity
Even when you leave, it takes a lot of time! Huge work on oneself fer sure?
Action destroys anxiety
What about your biggest anxiety is, Never finding your SP, and Building a Family when you are already 35 and only had Bad Dates After the Last Break up? What about things you dont have Control in? I have worked a lot on my trust issues and Trauma and Even lost 15kg of weight but it feels so hopeless. And under pressure because of time Running out.
Thank you. Now, fingers crossed I can find a place of my own easily affordable. 😄
First.... you are great
Second.... thx for the insight
Anyone else order the workbook? I saw someone left a review that they didn’t get theirs?
I'm honestly not sure whether I have an actual problem that has to be solved or not. I have severe issues with my self-esteem and struggle to accept how I look. I work out a lot, eat healthy and put effort into my appearance daily. Nothing seems to help, but I still have one option which is plastic surgery. However it has it's risks and is very expensive as well. I don't know what to do at this point since I've tried therapy with a few different therapists, medication, breathing techniques etc. So plastic surgery seems to be the only logical option left.
How do you solve something you have no control over
My whole life is coping skills.
I live in a multigenerational household in which I am the oldest female. I do all the work and pay most of the bills from seven people.
Those are choices… is that the role you want to keep playing?
Q: Are you an overthinker?
Me: Um..., I'll get back to you on that one! 😂