4 Types of Toxic Friends (you should cut out of your life)
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 14 มิ.ย. 2024
- Have you ever heard that "you become like the 5 people you spend the most time with"? It's true! The energy of the people around you can be affecting every area of your life whether you realize it or not. In this video, I outline 4 different types of "toxic friendships" that may be zapping you of your vital energy AND what you can do about it.
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Melissa
melissaalexandria.com
@melissaalexandria01 on Instagram & Facebook
When your “best friend” is all 4 :”)
A Vu i don't have a best friend ✌️
same mine abused me and harassed me
Can we be friends I currently lost mine and I feel like shit.
Aww God bless 🥰
What’s worse? Having al the 4 qualities or have a best friend with the 4 qualities
How about the “what I was just kidding!?” Friend! Hate that
Absolutely.immediate kick to the curve
Yeah I dump those types as well! But when I dump them I’m NOT kidding LOLOLOL
Sweetvibes Sweet Awh it’s ok I feel you it’s really hard to let go of a friendship. It’s even harder when you love the person for who they are. Their actions just prove that it’s not ok. I’m recently going through this my best friend is being two faced. I feel like I’m the only one working to keep our relationship strong. She talks behind my back and isn’t being very nice to me.
Ashlee Swan they’re gas lighting you and are probably a narcissist. Cut them off ASAP
I have kicked them out. Thank God I did that!
I've starting distancing myself from friends like these. I don't pick up calls , I don't text them first! BEST DECISION OF MY LIFE♥️
The5s Blog me too, well done, i hope everything works out okay
If I do that I'll have no person to talk to 😢
@@anishasabnam4130 you make new ones it's hard but it will be ok
I blocked her
You know what
I will do that too starting from now
In order to have a friend, we must first be a friend.
Yes, I like it! :)
Agreed but sometimes being a good friend isn't enough for some people with deep-rooted issues, I suppose that's when toxicity comes into play. I'm not a fan of cutting people out but it definitely helps to distance as far as possible from people that give you negative vibes.
I had a friend in high school and I love her very much but I cannot be around her anymore. She made me feel so special and the same time so insecure about myself. She was just like Alison from Pretty Little Liars.
Dude.. same. And my "friend" didn't have any other friends, so I felt guilty for leaving. I still feel guilty.
Edit: I don't feel guilty anymore. I promise it gets better.
literally same
I literally have a friend that can be such a good friend at times and then can constantly put me down.
@@saanchiashwath8298 I did. She was just a narcissistic sociopath, so as soon as I left she spread rumors about me to get everyone to stop talking to me. Good thing I was about to move, anyway.
@@wormwoodcorvids honestly
I noticed I had toxic friends when I was apologizing for their mistakes, don't let people do this to you
it took me a while to notice how toxic my “best friend” was. we’ve been best friends for awhile but at some point she just started getting mad at me for the littlest things, or for no reason at all. i kept forgiving her, and telling myself it was normal, but at one point it was too much. currently she’s mad at me, and it takes awhile for us to forgive each other. i’m going to try to not give in again.. i’ll update soon
Clara Shim has any thing happened yet?? also I can relate to this lol
got tea it’s like we’re strangers now :/
i hate those types of people.
mel i’m so sorry that happened :( honesty now i’m glad i stopped being friends with her, i found a lot of better people and i don’t feel so pressured anymore, i hope things get better for you
@@m091 hello there, me too ❤️ same ish things going on :(
I have 3 of those friends:
The Drainer
The Resenter
The Negative friend
A friend of mine I know for 3 years she becomes a good friend of mine she always there for me but she is a disgusting horrible girl this June month ago she made a fake account dmed me “Die Slut” I know it’s was her the way she talks she says “I don’t deserve to live” I am not going to be her friends anymore she told me “die slut” 100 times I message her friends I said “she never act like that” her friends were shocked she’s 22 I’m 18 turning 19 October she’s a horrible person this video help me I lost 3 years of friendship she became toxic since this quarantine
I just realized that Friendship or relationship nowdays are becoming toxic these days even if you were close to them since the beginning, friendship and relationship changes and sometimes you feel like you're brainwashed by them.
YES! Exactly!
I thought overtime she would realize the things she did herself, but instead she got angry that I was distancing myself without questioning what that reason could be. When I had to courage to speak up she got extremely offended and defensive and said things like “sorry YOU had that feeling about me” instead of just apologizing. Long story short: we’re not friends anymore and I feel so much negativity leaving my life already
YES. I just couldn’t hold back anymore so i told my friend she was mean inside our friendgroup and with others (like she hated this certain girl and everytime this girl would pass down the halls she would insult her loudly and i was friends with the girls friends so it was also bad for me), and then she started to be offended.
Reference: We were a quartet and she had 3 groups and all with less one people of the group, like:
The quartet:
Her
Lily
Me
Josie
Group 1:
Josie
Me
Her
Group 2:
Lily
Me
Her
Group 3:
Josie
Lily
Her
And on the beginning i didnt find it weird, but i started to notice later on how we all were being manipulated. Everytime she got mad at one of us, she would call the rest to prove her point and talk about us and she would always twist the story.
And when i pointed out for making bully with one of the girls and calling her mean etc she made a call with the rest of the 3 girls and the only girl that wasn’t online on the group chat when it happened
(the one she bullied) she started telling her how i was fake with them, how i never liked them, and i said i was a bad friend.
And the girl that was on the call and on the group chat when it happened started to realize how she really twisted stories and we started to back away from her and she now spreads that our new friend group is toxic because we avoid her
Mood
Yes some friends are like that , I have a friend she makes me apologize for everything bad that happens in our friendship she thinks it is fine to close the call in your friends face, but most importantly when I speak up and tell her she says that she does nothing and starts shouting and saying mean things to me I told her I don't want to be her friend a lot of times but I just feel bad and like I a, a bad person so I tell her we can be friends again (which is very bad ) when ever I talk to her I feel like me day is ruined she manges to fight everyday and I feel all my energy is going to her and only her , if I tell her I a, busy a lot she gets mad and tells me what are you busy , you are like a business women , I feel like she wants only her to be in my life. She once told me that when she met our other friend (she met her first) we will call her lily for privacy reasons, she wanted lily to only have one friend which was her I got scared from that fact because some friends threate your other friends and tell them to not be your friend , but I know she is not like that at least I hope . My point is that in your life time you will come across at least one friend that is toxic and wants you to spend all her time on her I hope that anyone with that type of friend will be able to fix the problem or cut them out . And I hope that your life will be filled with joy and happiness, have a great week
@@funnybunny9916 I just had that exact same thing. They were upset I forgot to hang out but really I was terrified of them and they played it off as a joke
Damn why can't everyone in these comments be friends because I have never met anyone who isnt toxic
oh gosh I feel you It's because we most likely search this because we feel like It is too much so we're in the same situation, we're kind of in the same boat... so that's how we find eachother
also hope you're doing well !!! because I feel like some people are like stuck in some toxic people group, because same right here:)
We could make a group chat?
@@misstaylor7580 omfg yes
Let's shoot the wind together lol
My ex friend was all 4 of these. I recently cut her out of my life. I couldn’t take it anymore.
me too.
Just did that today. I hope I heal w/ time...
@@haley2121 and? How are you doing now. I’m thinking about cutting off mine.
@@olgahornauf1699 thank you for asking💗I forgot I left this comment and seeing it made me emotional. I’m doing great now. it was such a crucial and important step to reach self love and respect. It was so hard at first but I feel so happy and I’m so proud of myself for making the right choice. If someone is toxic to you, please leave them. Life is too short and you do not owe them anything. It’s their journey to figure out, you do not owe them love if they give you hate/toxicity💗sending strength your way.
@@haley2121 Thank you so much, you don’t Even know how much you are helping me. May I ask how you cut them off?
Where's clingy??? Clingy friends are SO ANNOYING.
Oop I'm clingy. I should stop it
I'm fine with clingy. The too cool to care type irritates me more
Doesn’t necessarily mean they’re toxic
@@nirvananaidoo8780 I totally agree ... a clingy person might turn out to be a great friend after they've worked through whatever reason(s) they have to be clingy. But the "too cool to care" type is likely always going to be an a**hole, lol.
@@nirvananaidoo8780 Thank you 🤗
Holy cow. My “best friend” is a drainer. Usually in videos regarding toxic relationships, I don’t find that. It’s... one of the worst things.
I have a ''friend'' who is a Narcissist She hid who she was in the beginning than her mask fell off. She would over talk me while I was talking and switch the topic back to herself, Walk in front of me so she could be in the lead, Give back handed compliments, When I became engaged she really showed how Jealous, Envious and Insecure she was. She didn't like when people would tell me my engagement ring was beautiful or ask me about my wedding plans so she started wearing random rings on her ring finger even though she is not engaged all because she was Jealous of me and the attention I was getting. Now that I am married ( June 8th 2019) She rides by my house, stalks me on social media, Stalks my friends on social media ( She doesn't even know them) slides into there dms to try and befriend them she can isolate me. She is truly draining and crazy. So glad I cut her off and stay no contact.
AbsoluteMdot she sounds awful, but at least it shows that she is the one with issues that she has definitely got to work on and not you - good for you to cut her off, hope it ends up okay !
yeaah fuck that frog out of your life hahah
Your positivity is infectious. Thank you for sharing your glow with the world, Melissa!
Thanks, Aireen! Have a great week :)
I cut a very dear friend out of my life a few years ago. She was depressed and I read that as she was trying to bring me down. She committed suicide a few months after I stopped talking to her. I live with the guilt that I isolated her. In this case I was the bad friend for not taking the time to listen. Sure, maybe she still would’ve killed herself if I stayed in her life. I guess what I’m trying to say is that things aren’t always as they appear to be.
I'm sorry to hear about your friend. Each situation and friendship are different - the point I'm making in this video is that many of us can remain in friendships that are actually having long-term negative effects on our own wellbeing - which is also important. Often, people can feel like they need to put other people's emotional needs first and neglect how they are feeling. Of course, in relationships, there are ebbs and flows - some months, one friend might need more support and another month it might be you that needs help from them. That's why I said to express how you are feeling to your friend first, if the friendship is really important to you, rather than cutting them off. We are all doing the best we can in life and make the choices we feel are right at the time.
Sorry if i sound like an asshole but it might’ve been for the best, cutting her i mean
Cuz she wanted to bring u down and u don’t know what could’ve happened to u if she succeeded and how will it effect ur future life and career
Please forgive me if i sound bad
You are NOT responsible for someone else's decision to take their life. No one has that much power. I learned this one when my sister would say she felt like ending everything. Given she had attempted sucide x3 it made me run to see her (many miles away). A good and wise friend counselled me if she was going to kill herself I could not rescue her or save her.
You're a litteraly terrible person.
She wasn't trying to bring you down she was suffering and needed someone.
You made her take the last step and yes you shouldn't take all the blame but you really fucked up
gees the thotTM bruh you wouldn’t understand because I don’t think you’ve had friends like this, but I do and You just wouldn’t understand
Most of the friends I've ever had were toxic, maybe its because I'm kind of shy and it makes people feel like they can take advantage of me so I know I need to work on standing up for myself and not just "taking it" every time a friend is rude to me. But still... it kinda sucks none of my current friends genuinely care about me.
victoria p. I feel you
I need to learn to stand up for myself too. I’m too shy and scared because if I’m not with my toxic friends I’ll be completely alone in school
victoria p. I totally get you.Everyone says Im too sweet and that someone will take advantage of that.And turns out they have...
But yes,ur doing the right thing,try to stand up for ur self but being shy is not bad!!
-Nainika
Me too all my friends avoiding me because i’m too shy ☹️
I'm going through the same thing I feel you also..
It’s so sad to know your friends have been gossiping about you for most of the time they leave you out but you let it go they say mean things to you but you try to let it go you do something back to them but they can’t let it go and just gossip more about you my life summed up
“Will dissolve on their own or change according to their own volition” so true.
BRUH I only got to #1 and I already identified my toxic friendship.
I’ve been all four tbh, the flip side of this I’ve been on the receiving end of having friends with the same traits. I realized that I don’t really enjoy having “friends”.. so I stopped talking to “friends” when sensing any of these traits. Journaling helps me so much to keep my feelings regulated. My husband’s and I relationship has helped me to learn how to trust. I think people get too caught up in what “friends” are. One thing about not having friends is the peace of mind of giving yourself what nobody in this world can give you... unconditional love.
I've Started Ignoring my Friends..
For Example: Not hanging Out with them (When they Come to me to talk and hang Out..I always make Excuses about I Can't Come due to my Studies)
I learned to Say No to them.
I didn't text them..At all 🙄
I didn't like them around me..
5:03 So true. One of my worst personality traits that I am teased by family and friends about is my tendency to want to change people. With an air of "I know how to live your life better than you do....just sit there and let me guide your life" I do it all the time. I met a woman last year via SHRM that I have been cultivating a friendship with to make her more positive because she was a Debbie Downer. Inviting her to social outings via Meet Up, church services, fun activities, all with the intent of making her more happy and motivated.
She finally caught on to what I was doing and told me to stop running her life! I was hurt. I severed my friendship with her (which is my coping mechanism) then I got over my hurt feelings and apologized to her over the Easter weekend. She accepted it and now we are trying to build a friendship that is more authentic. But no doubt about it I will admit I can be toxic to people.
I had the same problem. I talked about it with a therapist and it helped alot. For me this came from growing up in a dysfunctional family dynamic where i had to fend mostly for myself, and learning how to live. So when i saw others stuggle i naturaly thougt that they to wanted to " level up", but most people dont and are happy just complaining and bitching and blame the world for alot of things thats mostly from the attitude they themself have. It was hard to change this toxic trait, and alot of it came from me wanting to have " weaker" people around me so i could feel good about myself " helping". Problem was that alot of these " weaker" negativ people often are toxic/narcissistic, so i went crazy and worried constantly about some of my friends. today i dont have this problem, and i dont have them as friends because they dont want to change and i cant change them. I am not perfect. When you start to change this, your life and the people around you change ALOT. Good luck and thank you for charing your story
I used to be similar then Id get mad that I had to be to go to person. I read somewhere that we do it because it gives us a power trip and its ego and wanting to be needed. Not to say that is how it is for you. I stopped so now I have rule that I refrain from problem solving or advising anyone.
"You just don't know herrrr!"
-My fake friend to me after asking why I didn't like another girl that nearly got me cut out of my own friend group
All of my friends just invited me onto a group chat and just bitched about me so... I’m getting rid of them ASAP...
Cerys Elise X facts had to get rid of people like that they talk behind people’s back and the gossip and nag and ugh I just can’t deal had to cut them off cuz it wasn’t worth my sanity just always negative and I had one friend who wanted to end their life and I wanted to be there for them and I was but I felt drained cuz I am always the one trying to solve other people’s problems
Literally! So ive only got a few friends and we are all really close. or so i thought. Basically theres a gc with all of us on and they all constantly talk about me on there and delete it thinking i havent seen it. Its been going on for months and i honestly dont know what to do because they are so horrible to me but at the same time we have a load of good memories. And im not really good at confrontation and i have drifted from most of my friends outside the group so yeah you probably didnt want to hear my problems but oh well
@@aliciax6826 Cut the damn friends in pieces. Man, I can understand how bad it can be or how hard it could be to cut them off. These are toxic friends, they'll rub their negativity on you and it sucks. Take care of yourself too. :(
Same. It fuckin' hurts. I acted as if I was offline and read all the texts.
p u r v a literally same. Ive been pretending my instagram has been glitched since march
My sister is the drainer. After attempting a conversation with her about how I felt. She cut off contact me with me saying things like "how about from now on you decide what we talk about? Since you are accusing me of all those horrible things or even better let's stop talking all together until we find a common language " I was like Ya sure( she didn't expect that) . And I felt so relieved like I was finally free . The things is I was careful with my wording and didn't accuse her just told her how I would rather be treated, and I guess I shattered her self image and she got defensive ( god forbid she sees how selfish she really is with me) . We haven't talked once ever since. My parents want me to make up with her but I don't want to reward this kind of tantrums and complete lack of logic and manipulation. And to be honest I'm not in a hurry to make up because I've been thriving ever since I'm not waisting energy solving her problems ( she never changed no matter how much I helped) well I guess it's for the best. I wish her all the best. But far from me. Amen
she sound toxic and like a " askhole"= total time waster. It dont matter if this is family or not, life is to short to stay around toxic/narcissistic/energy draining people. Good move!
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Wow. I just dropped a “friend” and she was all 4 of these. I wish I would have had the guts to do it sooner
Have a “friend” that is a user and sets everything up to benefit her at the expense and inconvenience of others. Setting boundaries and may have to end the relationship. She’s also my neighbor so it’s difficult to avoid her altogether. Just have to let her know things are going to change.
If you searched for this, you already know the answer
I have a friend from school who is all three of these things. I feel like I'm the person she uses as her emotional garbage dump. She tells me things I don't want to hear-a lot of it extremely explicit which I'm sure she doesn't tell other people for fear of being judged. I may not be judgemental but even I have limits. Time to cut ties.
I love the ending with its revision to the commong dialogue of "cutting off" toxic people; go seek fulfilling, uplifting friendships and your toxic friendships will dissolve on their own 😌 I already gently confronted my "friend" about her hurtful behaviour and she denied it and told me I was overreacting. So there's really nothing else for me to do either than focus on my good friendships and make new ones that uplift me.
I just ended several friendships all at once. I was so drained. It got to a point that each time I would hang out with someone from that group I would have nightmares. I realized the most important quality id like in friends is them being uplifting and supportive because I have been the up lifter always and they would use me to feel better. My life has become so productive and so peaceful without them! I'm enjoying life again ☺️
My "friend" was an emotional vampire ,jealous ,envious and always the victim. I had only known her about a year and a half. One day after about the third draining call to me of the day it was like I woke up and realized her problems were all we talked about. I tried to come up with solutions but she would find 10 excuses for every solution why that won't help. Then I realized you can't help someone who doesn't want help. She wanted to wallow in self pity. I cut her loose then and there. And it's so easy because if I said any little thing it would make her mad. It has been the best thing I have ever done for myself. Life is hard enough without surrounding yourself with that kind of negativity!
I never ever expected id feel the need to have to search this i just cut of one person who was all 4 traits which was very hard to do especially during this pandemic and after watching this i feel much better thank you so much you've earned a sub
When I first started out my relationship with my best friend, she was a tad toxic. She always wanted to hang out with me even though I didn't want to at times. I was always scared to say no at first so I hung out with her. Then one time I finally said no and she got pissed. "Why not? Please! Come over today! Fine, keep playing your STUPID game!" It made me feel bad so I began calling myself a bad friend. She always needed a reason and I felt I didn't have a choice. She also wanted to sleepover a lot. My dad found out about this and was concerned. Since she had a habit of checking my phone when I asked, my dad had to make a secret code, basically asking if I wanted to stay or not. Once I bumped into her because I wasn't paying attention and she dropped her shaved ice. She chewed me out even though I said sorry. She's gotten better, but because of many things that have happened this year, I'm wondering if I'm a good friend or not. I don't want to be a bad friend. I want to help everyone and make them happy. Why is that so hard to ask for?
Edit: Wassup everyone said person is no longer in my life and I no longer have this mentality
Nyan Doge she is very clingy
Ilysm holy crap. I have this problem and I hate it so much, I hope it gets way better..
Darling. Stop being a people pleaser !!
@@susana3036 Oops, too late for that I'm afraid. I've been one since elementary- I cant get out of the habit
You are lovely. A lovely way of communicating. Straight to the point, ever so poised, no damn rambling. You have talent.
Man, I just found out my best friend is toxic. Always about her, always negative.
Thank you so much for this. Also, you look like Snow White 😍
Thank You! :)
Are you single????
Very relieved to cut someone off who was all 4 of these. She gaslit our entire friendship, emotionally abused me, and then tried to play the victim card when confronted about abusive behaviors. You never have to keep someone like this in your life, no matter how long they've been in your life.
Alexanda, you have lit a fire that has put light on all my issues. Thank you for speaking straight facts. The world is a better place because of you
I can't thank you enough for this video.. I finally realized its time for me to let go. Every information you said, hit me deep and I now know that I have to end this no matter how much painful it will be. Also, I have to say, I really REALLY admire your positivity and support😊 if only I had more people like you around me..
Love you so much !
Always remember friendship is magic if anyone wants to take benefit from these it will be going to weak.
i had a friend that was like the drainer, she would keep talking about her problems, instead of mine. and i would always try to help her with her problems, but she would always say okay, when i would try to help. also she would never be there for me when i needed her, and i am only 12, she did very bad things. but i did break up with her as a friend, and it kinda worked out. i started focusing more on my family and myself, instead of worrying about her. it made my life way more better, made me happier, made me less miserable. :)
also thank you so much for this video, it made me relate to most of them, it really love it. its so useful. :D THANK YOU 🤗🍎❤️
It took me a long time to realize my friend was toxic. She was definitely a drainer, somewhat of a resenter and definitely a negative Nancy. When I finally got a job as a staff trainee at a summer camp i went to for years, I realized how she really was. I didn’t get many letters from her, (or from anyone for that matter) and when I got back she gave me at least 40 letters that she “forgot” to stamp, mail, and address. She didn’t even care enough to send them. Sure she wrote them, but that’s half the process. She would always make mean jokes to me and then say “that was too far, I’m sorry.” But she never actively tried to fix her mistakes. She always told me how I was the only one who cared about her, and I was the light of her life, she had written me in a suicide note (failed. She’s ok) but I couldn’t be that for her, especially how she treated me. That’s why it was so hard to break away. But if and when you break away: it’s worth it.
Melissa, this is the best. It goes to show how we can fall into these situations at any age. I am thrilled I found this today because I need to resolve to spend whatever years I have left of life with more uplifting and inspiring friends. Thank you.
Glad it was helpful!
And again, this is so true. Thanks for sharing, Melissa.
thank you! :)
I just cut out several. One of 30 years sad but it's all about self preservation. Spend time with people that appreciate you.
well ive recently have gotten out of a toxic reparations.She always made my friend cry and made sure to always point out her insecurities even tho she hated when she did that but she just laughed at her and continued and said she was "joking". Even tho she complimented me everyday on how i looked and that i looked so pretty when i woke up, dont let that fool you, me and her had arguments every single day and i hated every minute of it. Then the next day she'd asked me to join zoom as if we didnt just fight the day before?? When you tired to "joke" around with her back (giving her a taste of her own medicine) she would start yelling and screaming at you saying stuff like "YOU DUMBFOUNDED IDIOT WHY WOULD U DO THAT" or "WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU" "YOU IDOT THATS NOT FUNNY"and then she would stop talking to you but then the next day act as if she didnt just yell at me and call me so many rude things and yell at my insecurities. But the thing is she was more toxic to my other friend who is really innocent and she is still her friend. She had her on a leash like a dog, made her do what ever she did and when she yelled at her they would stop talking then id tell her to not give in all her shit but then she'd tell me they "resolved" it? THEY DIDNT RESOLVE ANYTHING. I was sick and tired of her and how she treated my friend (it was like a three friend group) me and my other friend would talk behind her back and say we were gonna leave her...and we did...well i did. And wait theres more, the toxic friend always and i mean ALWAYS talked behind so many ppls backs and then when shes talked to them she'd be so fake, there was this one girl who she literally hated and i mean HATED. Then she was suddenly her new best friend? omg WHAT IN THE ACTUAL HELL! It pissed me off so much, she was two faced, a liar, narcissistic, just a big no no to my life. I feel so free after not being her friend anymore, she brought the worst outta me and i side ive never seen of myself. I still feel so this feeling that just will never leave my body, like idk how to explain, i feel bad, sad, like maybe i was the bad one...or maybe i was the one who overreacted or that maybe i was the toxic one all along...idk
manipulative people will make u feel like ur the one in the wrong. they're projecting their insecurities. u can be confident in your decision to drop anyone who gives less than they take, or causes you distress - only be friends with people who make you happy and look out for you!
I was suffering from the loss of three family members over the course of three months. When I didn't speak to her for one day, she went stalking my Twitter account and took random retweets as something very personal (completely skipping over an actual tweet I made where I said I wasn't feeling well). When I saw they had unfollowed me on everything I was very confused so I asked them what was wrong. Instead of apologizing they made a long list of excuses and said I was acting weird, as if a few days ago I didn't tell them I was in mourning. When I told them they should have communicated things they said I always get mad and that's why they don't say anything. I was never mad and only saddened and upset that they didn't care about me enough to ask what was wrong. She twisted my words multiple times and ignored me when I directly asked her if the subtweets she made were about me. So instead of actually speaking to me personally, she had taken the passive aggressive route, she had unfollowed me yet made sure that I was still following her. She wanted me to bait me into lashing out when I was completely unaware that she was mad at me. By then I had already mentally checked out. She would always had belittled me and made upper handed comments to me for months now and that was finally the breaking point for me. In short, we are no longer friends at all. I cried and felt so much pain because I'd been through so much loss recently, but now I understand and am grateful that everything happens for a reason.
Thank you for sharing this! I always had a hard time making friends and I've had my fair share of dealing with toxic friends. I am thankful that you raised these red flags. I've dealt with the gossiper and the negative one. I realized that negative people are the type of people who don't wish to listen to you and they would always give themselves a pass. How about the toxic friend who disrespects your religion? I feel that this has been cropping up in my life more recently.
I have simply deleted most contacts and I feel so peaceful
Me too...
love this and your spirit! 🍯 this is extremely helpful. It's comforting to know I'm not alone in this. 💞
I have told my own subscribers that you are the sum of the five people you associate the most with. (That's Jim Rohn's quote by the way). Many times either someone you may have been friends with for decades has gone toxic and free fallen into the chaotic abyss or maybe you have just improved yourself and are no longer in chaos yourself. The painful fact is you will find you have to leave people behind. Because if you don't you will find yourself being continuously drawn into their misery. You will start to be aggravated with them for not advancing their own way our of their catastrophe. Anyone who was at rock bottom and surrounded by the like will know what I'm talking about. It took be a decade for two I knew well who I had to let drown in their constant state of chaos. Because I had nothing in common with them any longer. As the saying goes--if you want to fly with eagles you have to make them your flock. Hope this helps someone out there---Charles
Thank you Melissa for this. I'm gonna work on these and myself as well
I totally needed this today! Love your videos, you have such a positive attitude!
thank you :)
Everything you said is so on point>> Thank you so much Melissa~~.
now i realise i spent time for 10 years with my toxic classmates whom i considered my friends
Thanks! I am 63 years old and I really appreciate your outlook and your training at such a young age and your ability to express. I have been looking for a way to drop a gal pal who's toxic and is not changing and she is in her 50s. you described her perfectly to a tea as Negative Nancy who's jealous and backbiting. I said to my adult daughter one day how about "nn" that she talks about me when I'm not around and my daughter said how do you know that Mom? I said because she's been doing it for years about others everyday. I just take things with a grain of salt as the expression goes but now it's time to cap the jar. Thank you young lady. 😊
I love your channel thank you so much! this helped me alot not only to be a better friend but to see who is making me be a worse person mentally.
I have had many toxic friendships. Take these two for example:
1. My Current “Toxic friend” is certainly hard to swallow. She got herself a boyfriend over the summer, and we were ALL happy for her. After awhile though, we found out that she wasn’t allowed to talk to him because of her mom, and she was getting her phone taken away for six months. We said our goodbyes over the phone and that was that. The night before, however, she said she was upset. I told Her I wasnt feeling very well and she goes “whatever” and disrespects my feelings. Now at school, me and my actual Friend who is not toxic talked to each other about how selfish she is, and we made a plan. Every time she talked about herself, we interrupt her. The other day, she was talking about how her old boyfriend wouldn’t look at her in the halls when I was trying to talk to one of my ACTUAL friends (she 100% interrupted me . Then, she just kept talking about her self and what she did to her room until my friend finally said interrupted her and me and my ACTUAL friend asked each other about our weekends. My toxic friend has done stuff like this for YEARS. When she is upset, she just talks about herself the whole time. When I’m upset, she doesn’t care all the much. She just starts talking about herself after I tell her about the problem. Even when we text, if I don’t let her talk about herself, she starts sending me rude texts like “who cares” or “whatever”. She asked me if I was mad at her once and I just shrugged. I just don’t care about her anymore. If anyone has some good advice, please tell me.
2. My other toxic friend was too much to handle at the time, and, as a kid who had never dealt with this stuff before, cut all ties with her. At first, she acted selfish sometimes. She would sometimes just walk away from me after we talked about something, and she expected me to follow her like a dog. After awhile though, she grew out of that. But, she grew into something else. She wasn’t selfish anymore, in fact, she wanted MY LIFE. Thats right, she was jealous. She would copy me so much it was ridiculous. I have a “wall of fame” where I hang up all of my photos, post cards, and drawing my friends and I make, etc. Anyhow, I was at her 11th birthday party and I got her a drawing kit. After that, we went to a ball machine where she said “Thank you for the kit! Now I can make more stuff to put on MY wall of fame” and I say “Wall of fame?” And she goes “yeah, do you have one?”. THIS made me MAD. Not only was she obviously jealous (which I couldn’t tell at the time), but sh en COPIED me like it was NO BIG DEAL. Even in fourth grade, she spied on me writing in my diary. Guess what happened two days later? SHE STARTED WRITING IN HER DIARY. I started telling some of my close friends about it, and to this day she is still EXTREMELY jealous of me. She basically copies whatever she can. I honestly, however, am not worried about fixing this friendship. She recently refused to talk to one of my close friends for NO reason and I still haven’t talked to her since.
If anyone has a story similar to these two (or has any advice for me about the Toxic Friend that I talked about on #1) Than please share, it will probably help me, and I am MORE than happy to listen to any closely related problems.
Imari H. I have already gone through both of these problems but Im still struggling with the 1st one
My ex best friend was about 3 out of the 4 of these and at that time I truly was in a horrible place. I was so lost and didn't feel like myself. I finally got the courage and confidence to talk to her about how I felt and she turned it around and talked about how I was making her feel. That was the final straw and I stood up for myself. The issue never fully resolved because she couldn't realize what she did to me or how horrible she made me feel. She still thinks I should apologize...for confronting her about her manipulative behavior?? I truly will never know but I am at such an amazing place right now that I don't even care to know. I am just grateful to have her out of my life.
Hi Melissa, This video was so informative and helpful to me! I am trying to break off a toxic friendship, and I guilt trip and second guess myself so much that I just end up putting up with it, even though I feel drained after being around her. Thank for this very helpful video!!
Thank you Connie.
I’m a very confident and positive person, but my toxic friend is all four of these. She would constantly act jealous and be mean, manipulating and at some point she made me go crazy. I broke it off with her of course. I haven’t responded to her in months. I talk less to her now, and I’m much happier.
Good on you! I'm in the same boat with a friend of mine. I ignored him for a full month, then I had one conversation with him via text and immediately felt the bad vibes surge up again. From that point on I knew to not give him another chance. I'm much happier too :)
Thank you for this video!💗
I just tried to cut off all the super toxic friends I had.
They litteraly ruined my life and self esteem by miles from how I had it before, which wasn't that great.
Same here. I am so tired of these so called fake friends. They disguisely put me down. Gossip about me and always try to be superior than me in every thing. They act like competitors more than a friend. I feel bad and angry on myself that I priortize so cunning people. I wasted so many years.
Happy 1 year video. I used to have so many gossip friends in 6th grade. I also had a manipulative one in 6th as well.
I had a friend who was named Jocelyn. I’m not giving her a fake name this girl needs to be put in her place. For some reason when I liked someone she would be like “oh really? He liked me last year and I liked him back but we are BEST FRIENDS NOW!!” She did that when I told her I liked my friend Jayden. I’ve knew him for a long time like ever since 5th grade.She knew him for 1 year and she has the audacity to say she knew him longer and for a long time. It got me mad but I stayed quite. I told her later I was gonna make a little tiny tiny step of making it obvious that I liked him. She told me “I don’t think your his type. Your pretty but I don’t think he likes you.” Keep in mind me and Jayden where the popular friends and where super popular everyone in my school knew us and people thought we where dating. I told him how I felt and he felt the same way. So we started dating and she told me.
“What?! You knew I liked him first.” I told her “what? No you did not?! Can you not ever be happy for me!” We ended up getting in a fist fight and obviously people where saying stuff like “ BEAT HER UP!! SHE TRIED STEALING YO MANS!!” Used to be gullible so I gave her another chance and she was using me just to get closer to Jayden. Jayden told me everyday. “I hate her so much she’s annoying and tried hitting on me.” I kissed him on the cheek and just said I’m giving her a chance. SHE EVEN TRIED FRAMING ME!!! She made a fake account and hacked my snap and she made fake convos of me “cheating” on Jayden. Ofc Jayden knows I would never break his heart and that I was Loyal asf bc we knew each other for a long time. The last straw was when she had the nerve to kiss him on his lips. Also she’s in a mental hospital cuz she broke into my house and tried killing me many times but yeah that’s my Toxic friend story lmao.
The worst toxic people are those who want to be friends when youre down, to comfort you. They thrive when things are going bad. Ive learnt to cut them off imediately nowadays. The moment things are fine again these people like to remind you of the bad times. Are you really fine?? Hate them
I had a Drainer Friend For 2 years.... My friends were the one that snapped me out of it
Thank god
I had the resentful friend, I would hesitate in telling her my success, good grades etc. It was like she was never happy and i would always hesitate in telling her.
Plus, she was nice to me when we were alone but when we were around other people, sh wouldn't even let me talk or talk to me either. She'd make me feel like an outcast. I hated going with her when there's a third someone, she was just so fake. And now when I don't want to meet her, my mom and brother tell me that I'm mean to everyone. Like wtf.
Thank you needed to hear this!
It has been so beneficial listening to your positive talk. I am in a position where I can’t trust many of my friends except few and my own family. I always been there for my friends in their time of need. They gossip and laugh about other people going through difficult times. It hurts me to see them behave that way. A friend not so close however someone I really liked does not pick up my phone and text back. I am really worried if someone has put in negativity against me. I feel hurt. Now instead I pass my time because of illness again with meditation and prayers. It has been hard converting into Islam a new religion which is a beautiful religion but most of people I know don’t practice what they preach also some treat me as I don’t belong to their religion. I am married to the most genuine generous kind person who always puts humanity before religion and I have been brought up that way. I get depressed when some of my friends are not nice but I always greet them nicely thinking they will one day realise who I am. They know I am very sensitive kind and helpful person who will be there when they need me. I want to be assertive like my friends and ignore them buy my heart won’t let me.
im crying,, this video helped me so much to get through my anxiety. My friend is all 4, and I am slowly letting him go:) thank you so much for this video!
The constant gut feeling that something is wrong... is not wrong
I really liked this video!! Im trying to make myself a better friend and i learned a lot from this💝
I had a friend who just invalidates my feelings and basically talks about herself all the time. When I went to uni, I told her I didn’t really like my flatmates, like I didn’t fit in, and her response was like ‘oh they seem so nice’ sort of like get over it. I’ve never bothered to even tell her about how bad my mental health is because I knew it wouldn’t help me at all. She complained to me about my other friend who told her about her mental health, and it was like ‘I have a life too’ and doesn’t bother about her because she thinks her doctor will sort out her mental health problems. She’s just self absorbed, spams her Snapchat story with her ‘amazing’ social life and doesn’t really care about others. I am finding it hard to cut her off as we are in the same friendship group from school :/
You so right well done !
Across time I have been in all sides of this spectrum types, and let me tell you, a long relationship will have all of these factors both ways. Growing up as a person and understanding your errors together is what makes a good relationship work. But being a good friend requires a lot from you and it might be work you don't want to do. There is no need to filter or dish "your toxic friends" you just need to communicate and set boundaries, if that happens and they drift away is their loss. communication and honesty is key. This trend on pointing fingers at who is toxic is getting you out of the equation of the problem. It can be risky just pointing with one finger, remember that when you do it there are 3 more fingers pointing at you.
I am glad I found you... you posted this on my birthday as well, must be a sign ;)
Omg 1 and 3 was my best friend. Everytime we hung out I was miserable all she did was talk shit about everyone, and I know she probably talked shit about me too. She was so emotionally draining I dropped her as a friend. I couldn't take it anymore! She would always flip out on me and take all of her problems out on me and because I loved her I would try to ignore this, and make so many excuses to my family defending her. She's just mean to me and makes me feel stupid. I hated being around her.
This is amazing! Thank you. ❤
I can definitely relate to the first traits My friend was always constantly talking about her ex and never let me get a word in. When I let her know I rekindled an old friendship with someone else she flipped and said "maybe they can help you out with rides to appointments or store" instead of her and to be careful who I bring around my kids I understand because I told her that first. I tried to encourage her to focus her energy on other things than being obsessed about Facebook relationship and her ex. When I told her about what my hobbies were and my interest she began to like the same things and when I started to tell her about My goals she always wanted to one-up me. I said happy thanksgiving and blocked her. I feel some relief but I told her too much about my life and constantly ridicules me and says "oh you should do that this way, or you shouldnt do that or hang out with them "
Ex friend was definitely the drainer and the resenter. I told her how about I felt in the friendship and she just wanted to sweep everything under the rug. Never wanted to communicate but definitely could hold grudges over 10+ years. I got in uni last year I was so happy so I told “my best friend” at the time. She said “cool” then “I don’t feel good congratulating you.”
Everyone has a toxic traits from time to time, we are human. But it's when they refuse to change that gets draining
i really needed this thank you!!!
i just wrote a 1500+ word essay about my ex best friend called out from the spell. he used me like no one ever has before, preyed on my vulnerability, and manipulated me. he’s also the worst person i’ve ever met. so mean, rude, offensive, and sexist.
I just let go of a friendship...they were just so negative and made me feel bad for feeling happy. They argued with everything I said and just couldn’t be happy for me and my successes. And one day they told me I had to change or they would never like me again. Through many tears and prayers, I decided I didn’t want to change for them and so I let them go. My mutual friend remained cordial with them but now regrets it. It’s so so so hard to let go of friends, no matter how toxic. Just remember that this is a small thing in the grand scheme of life. You won’t even remember these tears you are shedding in 10 years. There will be more friends and they will treat you better. You deserve better. Don’t change for anyone.
This is really helpful ❤️ thank you
I’m gonna share a few things that have been happening to me and my “friend” over these past few weeks. I have a gluten allergy, so during a play this weekend (we are theater kids) she walked up to me and said “want some cake? It’s delicious! Oh.. wait.. sorry, I forgot. 😌”(Little things like this constantly. She didn’t forget btw). I got the lead in a play today and she didn’t get a good role. She complained the entire time, but then would be like “but I’m so proud of you.” My character is supposed to be “on the weighty side”, so she said something along the lines of “huh, is that why you got the role?”. I was her understudy in a play we put on last weekend and she continuously called me her “slave”, “peasant” and told me to put her costume up because “it was my job.” She also loves to insult with a smile all of the time. She also lies ALL OF THE TIME. She tells crappy things to me about other people and then I learn that that person said that she said something that someone said to her. (So she clearly is a fake). I’m not sure how to get her off my back. I’m so tired of dealing with her. Although, my guy friend (a grade above us) continuously stands up for me. Our moms are best friends and so he’s like an older brother. I can’t wait to tell him I made the lead in the play and she made something that is not important at all and is on for 4 minutes in the entire play. Usually I would think that sucks, but considering she’s bullied me for a year now, I’m excited that I finally am doing something for me.
I needed this video. Thank you
Wow.... The moment I saw your face.. I didn't expect it.. You got me liking and subscribing right away. You're so beautiful, gurl!!! Not to mention the content of this vid!
This helped me sooo much. Thank you!!
Is it just me or does everyone else wants to be her friend... She seems so positive and fun!
I've had two friends in my life that fit the bill of all four. I got tired of the two of them lying to me about what the other one said, or I had the problem that when we went out we never did anything I suggested, or they got upset with me about not wanting to spend too much money, both relationships were very one-sided. One of the friendships ended quickly because the other had poisoned the well and she felt that there was a personal attack on her because a large sum of money had disappeared from our cub scout pack she wouldn't let anyone else deal with the money) I tried to surprise the other friend by getting a mutual bestie to rearrange her schedule so she could spend time with us as a group and the toxic friend got pissed about it. Which still to this day makes me scratch my head. In the end I found out why she was upset, (long after our friendship died) she didn't want to share our mutual friend with me (she invited her out to spend time with her the afternoon but didn't want to invite me) but expected me to share mine with her and expected me to invite her to everything I did with our other friend. She always got butt-hurt when I went places with our mutual friend but she wasn't "invited" (I can't invite someone when I'm the one being invited, that's disrespectful) She tried to always blame me for things that she had done, tried to ruin my friendships with other people and at one point tried to steal away a good friend of mine I've known since high school by telling her that I said "she was a bitch" and that "I didn't want her staying with me for the weekend" (she drove three hours to come visit me ) - let's just say that little stunt proved her undoing - my friend immediately called me over and basically called her out on her bullshit in front of me, that was fun to watch: my friend didn't even ask me if it was true, because she knew it was a sack of shit, and my ex-friend tried her hardest to convince her otherwise and she wasn't having it. I put up with the toxic friendship for a long time because our kids were in the same extra curricular activity and when her kid finally aged out I was glad to have her out of my personal life as well as in my kids' program. Had to deal with her through district level events for our organization after that, but never disclosed any personal information with her anymore, and only discussed district event info with her and I knew that got under her skin, because she kept pumping me for stuff and asking me why her friendship with our mutual bestie fizzled out. I simply told her that would and should be something you need to discuss with her. I told her after the last time I had a friendship fizzle out because of the lies she and our other friend kept spewing to me I was done with her gossip wheel. She tried to deny it and I said to her "well, it's kind of hard to believe either one of you, because you both are saying the other person lied to me, so I can't trust what either of you say, therefore I can't trust anything you say to me anymore. And I refuse to play that game anymore, period." I'm just glad those people are out of my life.
my friend has this boyfriend and is always cutting my off for him. anytime i wanna hang out she cancels cuz her bf wants to spend time with her when they live together (she’s 16 he’s 19). and when i talk about my problems she’s just like “oh” and when it’s her problems i’m sending paragraphs and when i talk about something new i got or something fun i’m doing she’s just like “fun” but in a sarcastic tone
That was one hell of a video very uplifting congratulations God bless
Omg loved this video everything you spoke about was so true here i have a toxic friend who does this exact stuff which is negative behaviour and so i have chosen to to seperate myself from that which i find is low value behaviour from her
Very wise advice! Thanks! 🥰
I remember I had a friend for many years who I was always there for, listening to her problems, trying to give good advice. I genuinely cared about her and we had some really fun times. The first time I called her with a big problem I had with a man I was dating, I was in tears over something that happened, she laughed at me. I couldn't tell if it was nervous laughter because she never had dealt with me having the problem, but I remember it hurt me. I continued the friendship but ultimately stopped talking to her after she described a group of Black men as the "n" word, they had done nothing and I'm also Black! That was the final straw and I just never spoke to her again.