Modern science can do wonders. . LOL. Black shoe polish doesn't hurt either. Right , Stevie, ya little rascal. Pretty cool how all his "opponents " just fall down when he touches them and some before . Great choreography , Stevie. Keep on truckin. Next clip, just wear your speedo so you can show us your svelte hourglass figure with your rock hard 6-pack abs and robust derriere.
Steven Segal is like a cult leader without a cult, a dictator without a country, a movie star without any good movies, a martial artist without any credibility.
Well put!!!😅😅😅 I can't knock him too much I was enjoying doing bad technique half ass moves on my willing buddies as a young teen lol and no..not his predator antics😂 I much preferred doing some "van damage "
@@blippitybloo That's what narcissism is, at its root. They need a delusional self-image supported by people they manipulate precisely because they're too avoidant of the pathetic and vulnerable truth about themselves.
@5273192aq. Me too. I couldn't watch all of this bs, but as you say ...i only came in here for the comments. I don;;'t think ANYONE takes him seriously anymore. he's just a liar to the bone marrow.
In the Netherlands Mongolian is of course a tribe near China (Djengis Khan). The word is also being used by the medical proffesion for the so called " Down Syndrome". One who sucks is named a mongol in the Netherlands. Thus we find that Segal is just a mongol indeed.
One thing he said you have to be able to punch before you can fight! Unfortunately he cannot punch , but he can sure talk alot and well talk alot all the way to the Bank!!.
@@markbaker4708seagal is lethally deadly in real life. He made some historic movies and then holly wood cancelled him. It doesn't stop his credibility. Believe me some of the toughest guys out there tried to expose him, but when it was face to face they said nothing. Maybe his hits aren't as good as they once were, but he's truly deadly
He should also add to his 'lifestory' that he was born in the glove compartment box of a '59 Chevy & came out Kickin' & Screamin' while chewing his billical cord and his great great great Grandfather was Fu Manchu and thát's where he got his 'skills' through that bloodline. 🤣😂🤣😂😅
I went to Seagals house in Northern California when I was fourteen because my friends dad was the builder. This was at the height of his career in the 90’s. I was awww struck to meet a movie star but in retrospect, he was an absolute d-bag. He literally just complimented himself for the half hour I spent with him. Literally, non stop, about how big of a star he is and how he personally saved the action movie genre while simultaneously insinuating that he created Akido and he was working undercover for the government to take down the mob and that’s why he was getting back to nature. Absolute DONKEY!
Steven Seagal is one of the most unintentional funniest of characters the world over and as it pertains to this video, nobody should lie and say that they were not laughing their ass off while watching him! 😝✌
The self-control of these interviewers is astonishing. Being able to keep a straight face while Seagal tells his stories requires almost superhuman willpower!
Not just Steven himself but also the reporters/interviewers 😊 and Steven's combat partners... Keeping professional in the most hysterical of times: pure professionalism (except Steven, he's just full of BS!). 😂
It would be a horrific joke since he was a consultant/training of many police departments around the US, and boy, those guys were trained so badly that it makes 12 y/o playing airsoft look like a British SAS mission in comparison
Seagal is legit Aikido master but makes ridiculous claims. Now he is very overweight and reportedly has a severe flatulence problem, farting a lot during filming and meetings.
be careful my friend, if u dont want to be part of the powers that be(/were) they will ruin ur life . ie wont be surprised if both women made up that story. thats why ppl like snowden and seagal go to russia imho.
He’s a black italian Native American Russian mongol (and who knows what else I forgot) from Michigan OC , CA and lived in Japan for awhile (he’s a deadbeat dad) of course this could all be a CIA cover because he claims that too , he likes Eastern Europe which makes sense as he’s thought to give $ to human trafficking, he thinks he’s tough but I’ve never seen proof of that I love his movies though first 5 actually fun after that ego / direct to dvd takes over but my god he’s part walrus
He served in the Gravy SEALS, then went to Meal Team Six, transferred to Spaetzle Forces, was a Semper Pie, then finished in Delta Forks. Dangerous in any buffet. Now he looks like Eddie Munster with his asbestos hair piece. 😊
his real name is stevie Seal, in a movie he was a Special Cook Forced to fix Mohaw food cause that would be more healthy then USA hot dog or hamburger.
@@KingCuba Jesus Christ is it really THAT big a deal that someone repeats what someone else said online at some point? Or should he be taken out back and shot for daring to say what someone else has already said..? 🤦🏽♂️
Exactly. What I find utterly dumbfounding is his ability to describe the person/thing with whom he's having problems only to faultlessly describe himself, and he simply doesn't understand that everyone watching can clearly see that he's describing himself. Mind boggling. Two types of actors, pure thesbians and fakes, and he hates the fakes. 🙄 I mean, seriously....the clown has zero acting ability, none whatsoever.
i loved how he also felt necessary to include in his cop tv series intro him saying "you might have not known this, but for the past 20 years, ive been a cop" this is what happens when nobody ever calls you out on your bullshit, you start living your own fantasies, and might even start to believe them to be true instead of just lying to keep up appearances. guys so far gone though, that im pretty sure hes like mentally ill with delusions etc.
There are a fair amount, it turns out. My favorites: Steven Segal wakes up everyone in his house just to tell them that he's going to sleep. Steven Segal always mutters threats at vending machines when he's buying something.
The power of the mind is real. I once heard of this guy who locked himself in a freezer that wasn't plugged in. They found him froze to death. His mind convinced him that he was inside a working freezer and bro froze to death. Swear man. That shit is real. I'm in hiding because my mind has convinced me that Segal is going to kick my ass for speaking too many truths. It's dangerous to be too honest sometimes, plus nobody likes a snitch.
Master Segal was teaching Poatan how to strike recently. While there he explained how Anderson Silva and Lyoto Machida owe their careers to him. -" You should do a crane kick." He told Lyoto -" Wow, even do my family owns a karate dojo and that being one of the signature kicks of the discipline it had never occurred to do that before, thanks" Lyoto replied.
hey, don't disrespect sensei seagal - he taught anderson silva how to do a front kick. he broke it down for him; "imagine a kick, now imagine the front, put it together, front kick."
29:11 "Animal Cruelty is one of my pet peeves." This literally made me laugh out loud. He describes it as if someone got his order at a restaurant wrong. Lol.
..yes yes.. ok ok.. i'm also very emotionally jealous about St.Even's undebatably legit & heavenly grown Lego blessed hair (a fully detailed description is limitless & beyond the endlessness of space itself.. okay.. so deal with it..)..👀💫 but.. let's not forget to mention the blindingly stunning run of "Haircules" himself okay..😅🤧 during which his hairline passes into a 4th dimensional state.. thus making it unexplainably invisible to the human eye..😐😑
"I've never thought of myself as special. I'm just a simple, clairvoyant, Aikido master CIA operative, who is also a part-time deputy/schnauzer-doodle breeder."
when Steven Seagal runs, he uses his right hand to create a circular motion, which creates a pressure differential which leads to a vortex, which creates both a wormhole which sensei seagal uses to go faster, and a black hole which slows down the person running from him. So no, he doesn't "run like a little girl".
Steven Seagal: "Ask me anything." Peter Griffin: "How'd you get so fat?" Joe Swanson: "Anything but that." Peter Griffin: "You act Asian, you look native American, your last name is Jewish. What are you?" Cleveland Brown: "A fat."
I think you mean Trump with his baby steps complete with toilet paper stuck to his shoe.. or maybe it was the classified documents he had in his bathroom?
My dad worked on Seagal’s first movie Above The Law. My dad was a paramedic on the Chicago Fire Department, and after he retired from the CFD he got a job with the Motion Picture Union here in Chicago as a film set emergency medic. It was his first movie and the dude was already a diva. He was really into Native American spiritualism and had a guy on the payroll whose job it was to purify the set every day with sage smoke and song. Then he had this big ball of pungent smelling herbs, as big as a beachball, that he had to always have near by while he was working to set the mood. Everyone called his tumble weed, and eventually the ever present strong smell of these herbs on set everyday started making people sick. He wouldn’t work without it though. After 15 years in the business, dad had all kinds of stories like that, about all kinds of celebrities, and what they’re re really like in person, as opposed to the persona they present to the world.
@@sporkazmable Everyone? Segal just got more out of it than most people. lol. Gotta love the ending part of every celebrity kill piece. Random Girl Who Doesn't Matter Says: "He toucheded me!" The instant any star isn't a legend anymore, pussy suddenly has regret. And pussy laws are retroactive.
To be fair (to an obvious dickbag) and as someone who has spent decades in MA and in Qigong (Qi channeling being the core of Aikido), it is a well known side effect to have a large belly or even barrel chest due to the special breathing exercises used to spark and refine qi. Bruce Lee studied Aikido but stopped because he “started to grow the chi belly” and that didn't work with his physique in movies. Segal (the dick) lived in Japan, spending a lot of time among teachers, which would require in Japanese culture the stance of an unassuming man; hands held back and back held straight to display your openness to the teachings. It's possible this cultural posture stuck with him. I used to watch first-generation Chinese people walk and wonder why they walked differently. Now I feel like we walk basically wrong. The weirdly femme way new Chinese Americans walk is actually due to ancient teachings on retaining qi, so it doesn't “leak out” your perineum you move with these Kegel muscles in tone not flaccid. This puckered-hip position not only also assists in MA footwork but is required for powerful kicks. If you do a front kick while maintaining a stance like an unbending pole, you have the forward force mediated (reduced) by the hips, which in this position resist the kicking movement, making it slower and weaker. With the “Chinese stance” (basically wing chun minus the pigeon toes), your hips remain a point of leverage, increasing the power of the kick, the last moment flick of the hip available from this stance is like a whip crack in that you take the speed travelling forward (F) and the hip speed (H) times the weight behind the kick (W) it works out to 300lb when done properly. Do you think if you did a toe pad flick kick right now without bending without tensing the hips and throwing them into it just from a straight standing that the kick would be 300lbs? Mine is - but I use the stance, which if it rubbed off into my normal walking would look weird AF, but it doesn't. The point is that the weird walk could be a result of training
The difference between Chuck Norris and Steven Seagal is that Chuck's wiki page has a section on his philanthropy while Seagal's wiki has a section on his philandering.
I don't like Chuck Norris one bit, however, unlike Steven seagal, Chuck Norris is an actual martial artist with verifiable fights verifiable belts and has been vouched for by other verifiable fighters.
Steven Seagal beat the crap out of his beautiful wife Kelly Lee Brock. He impregnated their underage Nanny, got a quick divorce, and married the underage girl so he would not be charged with child molestation. Zen!
@@EighmyLupin Aw... Come on... That's unfair. He was also dangerous to stuntmen that didn't expect a complete psycho that would kick them in the nuts at full force.
1998 - Steven Segal event in MN. Tibetan band playing when Segal walks on to stage moving like an 80 year old man. He was wearing a colorful robe. My friend is crackin' up...😂. I ended up getting his autograph after the show...
Anderson Silva joking around that Segal taught him that kick, and Segal thinking Anderson was seriously giving him credit, is the funniest thing I’ve seen in a long time
You know Anderson has said the opposite right? Crazy how you guys run wild. Is he the best BS artist to ever do it yes. Is he also one of the best Akido(dork martial art) guys around? Probably. Does it maybe have some really nice techniques? Probably.
@@topg-ko6vs did you see that Silva laughed when asked if Seagal taught him that kick? Silva said he was training that kick years before Seagal trained him. And a Bonus info: that Side Karate Chop is a TOTAL FAKE MOVE. It is done not with the outside of the hand but the other way, with the knuckles of your thumb.
@@PauloMinado there are different types. Some use thumb side, some use pinky side. The one I was taught using the thumb side is more like a rising strike from down near waist up to head or neck, the pinky ones are sideways from around shoulder height to head or neck. I haven't seen the one he is doing, but would make sense to use pinky for that. Try doing it with the thumb side, it's very awkward.
I'm watching "True Justice" right now on Prime, and it's the greatest, terrible, acting/show I've ever seen. Every cliche possible. Every woman loves him, Every man wants to be him. He's the greatest bad actor I've ever seen.
That ending, though. Segal was basically roasting himself, although he would never have the self-awareness to recognize it as such. Great stuff, Mr. Gavia! A documentary about Hollywood's perfect fool, on April Fool's Day, no less.
That was awesome! Talking negatively about actors who's only goal in acting is to be worshipped. . . I almost thought he MUST be trying to make a joke on his own behalf! lmao!!!
@@BonusHoleNo, regardless of all this and his complete nonsense talk 😂😂. If Steven Seagal's claim about being made to spend two years learning to punch was actually true, then it would have most likely been his teacher teaching him discipline and respect for his teacher while his teacher was observing him to make a decision on whether or not he was going to train him.
I was at a Walmart in Milwaukee in 1987, I'm just buying a quart of milk and waiting in the line when I feel this pressure from behind. I turn round, amazingly It's Steven Seagal, with a cart filled to the brim with chocolate milk and toilet paper. I look at him quizzically, and he just kept pushing me with his cart, until eventually I had no choice but to step out of line. As soon as I did he tossed my milk at me contemptuously and whispered 'I could make you disappear' at me. Then he evil eyed me all the while his groceries were getting bagged and I had to wait behind him. It was very unsettling.
Why does race matter so much to people? As a 21 year old, I hope we grow out of this in my lifetime. We are one race and that’s human!!! Come on yall❤️
It’s painstakingly obvious he believes all of the crap that comes out of his mouth . Dude is cringe and if he stepped into a cage with any mma fighter he would get demolished.
He only agreed to testify bc the FBI played him tapes of the mobsters laughing at him after he left. He also started that 'Lawman' show to be surrounded by cops, he was that afraid of the Gambinos.
executive decisions one of the actors got attacked by Steven and when someone being 6'4/6'5, manages to sneak upon you then it's silly to say that Steven Seagal is a phony a person that tall shouldn't be able to suprise someone with a quick move
I'm American Indian, Italian, Irish, French, Russian, Mongolian, Japanese, Jewish, Siberian and Belarusian. I applied for and was granted Serbian citizenship.
Seagal knows Karate, Kung Fu, Aikido, Taekwondo and lots of other dangerous words.
😂😂😂😂Underrated comment
He does know lots of different styles. Karate and some form of Chinese martial arts. Not just Aikido.
Your comment reminds me of Mike Epps as Charles Ramsey, "I know a lot of big words. Police Department!" 😂
Legendary Comment! 😂
Hahahahaaaaaa of all the smart ass comments you had me rolling on the floor. Nice one
Jase 7:16
His hairline is the greatest comeback story of all time.
Nice one 😀
Hahaha
I was trying to think of a comment about the hair and after reading yours I surrender. Lmao.
Modern science can do wonders. . LOL. Black shoe polish doesn't hurt either. Right , Stevie, ya little rascal. Pretty cool how all his "opponents " just fall down when he touches them and some before . Great choreography , Stevie. Keep on truckin. Next clip, just wear your speedo so you can show us your svelte hourglass figure with your rock hard 6-pack abs and robust derriere.
one of the most closely guarded secret's of sensai seagulls
Steven seagal went so deep into one of his characters he never came back.
That was so good 🤣
@@DismantleHAARP RIP JEFF!!!!
@@DismantleHAARP Indeed! You too.
EGO
When he showed up during Katrina in riot gear, I knew right then he was legit.
"If he dies he dies."
Seagall talking about the box of donuts on the table.
lol
Steven Segal is like a cult leader without a cult, a dictator without a country, a movie star without any good movies, a martial artist without any credibility.
At least he's consistent. The guy's a winner.
A God without any worshippers
Well put!!!😅😅😅 I can't knock him too much I was enjoying doing bad technique half ass moves on my willing buddies as a young teen lol and no..not his predator antics😂 I much preferred doing some "van damage "
Steven Seagal is......A Man With No Diet.
But today. Right now would you square off with him in a crowded corner office. No. That fat old man would put you through the desk. Funny huh?
The pure definition of narcissism encapsulated in one person.
Of an overt narcissist
Facts.
@@blippitybloo That's what narcissism is, at its root.
They need a delusional self-image supported by people they manipulate precisely because they're too avoidant of the pathetic and vulnerable truth about themselves.
GOT THAT RIGHT
@blippitybloo narcissists are insecure. They are usually very fake, but almost ironically buy into their own bullshit.
No box of donuts has survived a battle with Steven Seagal.
Ever.
Bruh
Lol
STOOOOPPPPP 😂😂
He Is a donut
😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣
I came for the bullshido but stayed for the comments
@5273192aq.
Me too. I couldn't watch all of this bs, but as you say ...i only came in here for the comments. I don;;'t think ANYONE takes him seriously anymore. he's just a liar to the bone marrow.
Hahaha
Me too.
The great man..... just ask him.
😂
where can I apply for bullshido?
@@obitoxshinobi8978 .
I'm your man...I'm an expert at this bullshido business....you can ask anyone 🤣However i'm not as good as HIM lol.
Last time I flew, they showed a Steven Seagal movie on the plane. Half the audience walked out.
other half was sleeping..
@@words4dyslexiconyeah it was 9hr flight and a Seven Seagal movie marathon so...
That's hilarious! Love it!
great joke!
this comment is super underrated my friend.
It's pretty simple. He's a Russian Mongol from the Deep South who was raised in a shoebox by B.B.King who taught him martial arts and the Blues.
In the Netherlands Mongolian is of course a tribe near China (Djengis Khan). The word is also being used by the medical proffesion for the so called " Down Syndrome". One who sucks is named a mongol in the Netherlands. Thus we find that Segal is just a mongol indeed.
😂😂😂😂
Ya nailed that one , pard. Ya gotta be some kinda psychic.
Taught martial arts in the kitchen specifically
🎯😂
how much steven seagal footage this dude had to sit through for this video just imagine the commitment
Seriously, I am 5 minutes into listening this Seagal bullshit marathon and I just have to stop and let my mind rest.... it's fucking exhausting.
One thing he said you have to be able to punch before you can fight! Unfortunately he cannot punch , but he can sure talk alot and well talk alot all the way to the Bank!!.
Dude needs his own Sarah McLachlan fundraiser, he's earned it.
@@markbaker4708seagal is lethally deadly in real life. He made some historic movies and then holly wood cancelled him. It doesn't stop his credibility. Believe me some of the toughest guys out there tried to expose him, but when it was face to face they said nothing. Maybe his hits aren't as good as they once were, but he's truly deadly
Nice video bro got my follow fr..
I was flying through the air, and as I got near him, I realized that he was a drunk.... wow, that was amazing!!!😂😂😂
Duel to the death rofl
He's so good that even HE doesn't know that he's lying. Legend!
Ok, damn, one of the funniest comments I've read in a while. Thanks!
My mother’s cousin was a stunt double for Stephan Segal. Anyone with an orange belt or higher could kick Stephan’s ass even back in the 90s.
"It's not a lie, if YOU believe it..."
-George Costanza
Bullshido indeed 🤣
😂😂😂
You have to admit, no one is more committed to Steven than him.
Than himself....
He's an absolute legend! Just ask him, he'll tell ya.
@mystiquesquared Also, Steven's set of full-length mirrors 🪞 are dedicated to him, too !! 😄
@@mystiquesquared at least he has one fan.
💀💀💀💀
The greatest French Russian Mohawk Mongolian Texas Asian wop man of all time.
Bertie Bassett. Licorice Allsorts.
He should also add to his 'lifestory' that he was born in the glove compartment box of a '59 Chevy & came out Kickin' & Screamin' while chewing his billical cord and his great great great Grandfather was Fu Manchu and thát's where he got his 'skills' through that bloodline. 🤣😂🤣😂😅
You missed the "Italian" part
@@shadowlesswarrior fixed it
he lives in the same apartment as me lmao
His training as a sumo wrestler has impressed me most.
No training needed. He already had the physique lol.
Did he? That, I must see.
Steven Seagal is like a guy doing an impression of Steven Seagal.
Hahahaha
Oh man, ...thats funny!😅
A parody of himself.
Steven Seagal stars as Steve Seagal in "Steve Seagal", coming soon straight to VHS.
This is strangely, so accurate
This is the best film Steven seagal has ever been in.
😂😂
The best film Steven Segal ever made is almost every film he wasn't in.
Steven Seagal: Bullshito Master.......The most interesting man of ever!
Based on a True Story!
Check out the Corridor Crew movie with him.
The director yelled "cut", but Seagal never left character
No director did..
I went to Seagals house in Northern California when I was fourteen because my friends dad was the builder. This was at the height of his career in the 90’s. I was awww struck to meet a movie star but in retrospect, he was an absolute d-bag. He literally just complimented himself for the half hour I spent with him. Literally, non stop, about how big of a star he is and how he personally saved the action movie genre while simultaneously insinuating that he created Akido and he was working undercover for the government to take down the mob and that’s why he was getting back to nature. Absolute DONKEY!
The catering truck yelled "STOP!" but Seagal just kept eating😂
Every time he was given a role. Eventually, all the characters starting fighting for dominance in his head. And they still are, even to this day. Lol
@@Sylas-oi4oo All I read was "I went to Seagals house" and could think only: You are truly blessed. 🤣🤣
Steven Seagal is one of the most unintentional funniest of characters the world over and as it pertains to this video, nobody should lie and say that they were not laughing their ass off while watching him! 😝✌
The self-control of these interviewers is astonishing. Being able to keep a straight face while Seagal tells his stories requires almost superhuman willpower!
Bulshidoo story🗿
Not just Steven himself but also the reporters/interviewers 😊 and Steven's combat partners...
Keeping professional in the most hysterical of times: pure professionalism (except Steven, he's just full of BS!). 😂
@@RaverOperator thats what the original comment says lol
Well back then people believe them there was no Internet research to be done. You kinda had to take them out his word.
Not when you fully believe your own Bullshido .
What if Steven Seagal is actually a comedian doing the longest joke in human history
It would be a horrific joke since he was a consultant/training of many police departments around the US, and boy, those guys were trained so badly that it makes 12 y/o playing airsoft look like a British SAS mission in comparison
Putting Andy Kaufman to shame!
@@aminmian7291 He was a consultant to the Biden White House for their Afghanistan withdraw.
What makes you think he isn't?
What if Steven Seagal is actually Andy Kaufman?
No one's more impressed with Steven seagal than Steven seagal
lets be honest. with all bad aspects of his life. hes still very unique looking and handsome masters and actors legends living
He has legions of old foreign ladies who thought he was hot back in the day, and are still huge fans now, its funny
@@annakessler9372No way I didn’t even see your comment and you’re here proving my point 😂
He's a bull that's loaded up with s**t.
@@annakessler9372ifhe didn’t have so much money, youwouldn’t givehim a second look or thought.
Seagal is legit Aikido master but makes ridiculous claims. Now he is very overweight and reportedly has a severe flatulence problem, farting a lot during filming and meetings.
Seagal is a master of getting morons to believe he is a master.
be careful my friend, if u dont want to be part of the powers that be(/were) they will ruin ur life . ie wont be surprised if both women made up that story. thats why ppl like snowden and seagal go to russia imho.
Farting out of his mouth.
Biggest "she goes to a different school" known to man
My girlfriend lives in Niagara Falls, you wouldn't know her bro.
@@sterlingarcher1962Under the waterfall , right? Yeah i know her.
@@vz1270 LOL
Steven Segal is just like Joe Biden. Make up every story as you go along.
This short film documents Steven Seagals ability to regrow his own hair better than any study on the man thus far.
Whoever spray paints his hair deserves a raise. It looks so natural you can hardly notice it.
You didn't end your comment............April fools! Lol
Lmao spray paint.
Duche seagull lol
@@sidneygriffiths5737 he wasn't joking
I think it's just glued on hair, looks like a carpet
"So I spent two entire years learning to punch"
"So I chose an art that doesn't require punching"
This guy is a genius.
I would like to see him fight Tank Abott.
@@laforce36 He would get beaten by an average Joe that can make a fist.
Lmao I literally thought the same thing when I saw that. It's too funny it's gotta be the world's best troll of all time! Lol
He must not of known how to throw a punch if it took two whole years to learn how to punch LOL
That's because he couldn't learn to punch.
This is the documentary I didn’t know I needed lol
The compilation of Seagal trying to describe himself and his apparent ethno-cultural background was pure magic.
That’s crazy
That's bullshido 😉
@@aymonfoxc1442 he's definitely earned his blackbelt in that discipline!
😂😂😂
He has some Italian in him alright. Changing sides, opinions or whatever in any given moment.
He’s a black italian Native American Russian mongol (and who knows what else I forgot) from Michigan OC , CA and lived in Japan for awhile (he’s a deadbeat dad) of course this could all be a CIA cover because he claims that too , he likes Eastern Europe which makes sense as he’s thought to give $ to human trafficking, he thinks he’s tough but I’ve never seen proof of that I love his movies though first 5 actually fun after that ego / direct to dvd takes over but my god he’s part walrus
He served in the Gravy SEALS, then went to Meal Team Six, transferred to Spaetzle Forces, was a Semper Pie, then finished in Delta Forks. Dangerous in any buffet. Now he looks like Eddie Munster with his asbestos hair piece. 😊
his real name is stevie Seal, in a movie he was a Special Cook Forced to fix Mohaw food cause that would be more healthy then USA hot dog or hamburger.
This comment needs more likes 😂
Classic mate
Such original jokes. I remember when I first laughed at these in 2005.
Was the Navy cook in the movie "Under Cheese".
The greatest actor of all time. His whole life is an act
😂👍🏼 that's a great comment
Seriously. It’s like the Truman show but Truman doesn’t want to leave.
😂
he plays the role of the egocentric douchebag perfectly
He had a blast.
Seagal, last commentary clearly giving a description of himself is priceless.
My grandmother looked 100% Mohawk, I mean she had a Mohawk, I mean she had a hawk named Mo 😂😂
"A hawk named Mo" 😂😂😂
Booooo 👎🏾
@@MenteMaestra91come with your real id Steven 🤣
@@RR_theproahole the fck you gonna do?
Bwaaaaahaaaaa
The number of times his "accent" changed during his different interviews is LUDICROUS! How does anyone take this man seriously?
Better question is why does anyone care?
Any Trump voter will be able to believe this guy too.
Putin does
HE CANT KEEP GETTING AWAY WITH IT! lol but seriously people are so stupid
simple, they don't.
Jean-Claude openly clowning on Segal was golden 😂
he has nothing on Steven though - this man has dueled with Putin
@@divest2099yeah dueling a miniature human is quite the feat…
Since everybody seems busy with commenting on Steve, I wanna say "Thank you, Patrick." for this creative and well edited video. Amazing intro btw. :-)
A 37 minutes video for an April fool joke. That's commitment. Bravo.
No way Dude, I saw this Comment before I finished the Video.
Damn, I griefed myself...
Segal is and was fake. Yes he can do aikido/ aikijutsu. But his reputation was all build up and not even half of this was true.😂
Wow, I'm at the end of the video now. Wow.
@@patrickgassner7725 The only thing Seagal can destroy is a free buffet
@@johnreidy2804 Way to ruin the video 😭😭😭
His hairline changes back & forth more than his stories 🤣
Impossible. 😂
8:22 damn 😮
Think like molasses. Stout like Guinness.
🤣🤣🤣🤣
That's Emperor Ming's Helmet-
From documentary to mockumentary, no one does it better than Patrick Gavia
Gonna bite Joesph Vincent’s tagline line tha?! Lol
@@KingCuba Jesus Christ is it really THAT big a deal that someone repeats what someone else said online at some point? Or should he be taken out back and shot for daring to say what someone else has already said..? 🤦🏽♂️
Can't believe how fast he has got to 400k sunscribers!
This is an excellently produced video n the comments are friggin hilarious.
My dad doesn’t just look like him, he lies like him too…
May be he was texas mongol mohawk rusian.
It will forever be hilarious, to hear Steven talk about pathological liars.
Nobody likes a competition
@@hujhujhujhuj5734 except a "which lie is the more honest, the truer lie" - battle of course ...
...cuz he is one
Exactly. What I find utterly dumbfounding is his ability to describe the person/thing with whom he's having problems only to faultlessly describe himself, and he simply doesn't understand that everyone watching can clearly see that he's describing himself. Mind boggling.
Two types of actors, pure thesbians and fakes, and he hates the fakes. 🙄 I mean, seriously....the clown has zero acting ability, none whatsoever.
@@hujhujhujhuj5734 He's clearly better than everyone at everything.
There is no competition. Your comment is redundant. 😉
Ancient lore says that Seagal once calmly explained to his hairline that if it continued to receed, there would be dire consequences. It listened.
Yes. And never get white.
Say he lives to be 100, will he still wear that ridiculous rug?
All natural!
Good dna!
Dont bejelous lol
@@suzbone I don't know, but the shape of it sure looks like a slice of pizza stuck to his forehead.
That is the best hair joke I've read. Love it❣
"I was born clairvoyant" 😂😂😂 I'm dying every time I see his videos.
What he meant was "I was born Claire Voyant," famous French cross dresser with impossible hairline and story.
also martial arts as a BABY🍼
@@fredschwartz5172
😂😂😂
i loved how he also felt necessary to include in his cop tv series intro him saying "you might have not known this, but for the past 20 years, ive been a cop" this is what happens when nobody ever calls you out on your bullshit, you start living your own fantasies, and might even start to believe them to be true instead of just lying to keep up appearances. guys so far gone though, that im pretty sure hes like mentally ill with delusions etc.
"Don't know which tribe it is and all of those people are dead now so I can't ask them."🤣🤣
I’m gonna start using that one.
It was the "Fugawi" tribe. Got lost and asked "where the fugg are we"
😂😂😂😂
Hormuz
@@dontbuyanything4729 Is that tribe related to the Hukawi tribe of F-troop ?
Out of all the Steven seagal exposure videos on TH-cam this is probably put together the best
Count Dankula put out a pretty entertaining video on him about a week ago.
There needs to be a string of Steven Segal jokes that are the direct opposition to Chuck Norris jokes.
Under Steven Seagal’s beard is another lie.
one time Steven Segal walked into a room full of people...only Steven Seagal was the one leaving on a hospital gurney.
There are a fair amount, it turns out. My favorites:
Steven Segal wakes up everyone in his house just to tell them that he's going to sleep.
Steven Segal always mutters threats at vending machines when he's buying something.
Classic! They'll be called Steven Seagal Actualities.
Steven Seagal once challenged Lance Armstrong to a testicle counting contest. Seagal lost by one.
Ok, all jokes aside those fight scenes looked awesome!
"If you gaze long enough into the Steven Seagal, the Steven Seagal will gaze back into you."
-Steven "Wilhelm" Seagal
Lmao to the Wilhelm
Bro took this acting thing too serious it has made him delusionally lethal😂😂
He got paid and it worked. Have you not seen Tiktok there are millions of Seagals out there now
@@SpaceRanger187 Not a chance! He's one in 8 billion!
The power of the mind is real. I once heard of this guy who locked himself in a freezer that wasn't plugged in. They found him froze to death. His mind convinced him that he was inside a working freezer and bro froze to death. Swear man. That shit is real. I'm in hiding because my mind has convinced me that Segal is going to kick my ass for speaking too many truths. It's dangerous to be too honest sometimes, plus nobody likes a snitch.
That's his next movie.
"Steven Seagal is... DELUSIONALLY LETHAL"
I am old enough to remember when Seagal literally took credit for Anderson Silva being able to kick. I miss those silly days 😢
Master Segal was teaching Poatan how to strike recently. While there he explained how Anderson Silva and Lyoto Machida owe their careers to him.
-" You should do a crane kick."
He told Lyoto
-" Wow, even do my family owns a karate dojo and that being one of the signature kicks of the discipline it had never occurred to do that before, thanks"
Lyoto replied.
hey, don't disrespect sensei seagal - he taught anderson silva how to do a front kick. he broke it down for him; "imagine a kick, now imagine the front, put it together, front kick."
He's been doing it recently with alex perriera too 😂😂😂
I'm old enough to have enjoyed his prime era movies as they came out which is why I remain a fan despite his current day status.
@@T_da_yung_goat that sound like trump
29:11 "Animal Cruelty is one of my pet peeves." This literally made me laugh out loud. He describes it as if someone got his order at a restaurant wrong. Lol.
As much of a joke as the guy is, I find his Lego "hair" to be the funniest thing about him. 🤣🤣
Lego hair ffs 🤣🤣🤣
..yes yes.. ok ok.. i'm also very emotionally jealous about St.Even's undebatably legit & heavenly grown Lego blessed hair (a fully detailed description is limitless & beyond the endlessness of space itself.. okay.. so deal with it..)..👀💫 but.. let's not forget to mention the blindingly stunning run of "Haircules" himself okay..😅🤧 during which his hairline passes into a 4th dimensional state.. thus making it unexplainably invisible to the human eye..😐😑
lol yeah it looks like his hair is a thin metal cap
Ever since he beat that male-pattern baldness diagnoses, his hair has grown in rather sharp looking.
His hair is obviously fake. check 9:37. His balding was already quite advanced at such a young age.
It's like Dave Chappelle said... When there's a powerful enough Dreamer, we're all living in this man's dream
Deep
Better yet this person's nightmare!
@@thebetplug-hp2cjSo is Steven's plate 🍽 of chicken 🐔 wing bones !! 😋
That's actually gayer than Steven Seagall.
@chriskasatka2095 your dad's are gay
"I've never thought of myself as special. I'm just a simple, clairvoyant, Aikido master CIA operative, who is also a part-time deputy/schnauzer-doodle breeder."
Who is also god
And the Blues.
And taught the blues to BB King
@@manofthewest67yep, a true blues man.
He is also a "healer"
Hahahaaa the 2 first minutes are enough to grasp the essence!
Freaking well done!
You're giving a gift to society!
when Steven Seagal runs, he uses his right hand to create a circular motion, which creates a pressure differential which leads to a vortex, which creates both a wormhole which sensei seagal uses to go faster, and a black hole which slows down the person running from him. So no, he doesn't "run like a little girl".
So you're saying that he runs like a black Ho'!
😂😂😂 best description ever
That’s from a research paper at MIT, yes? Excellent analysis my brother…..EXXXCC-EEELL-ENT!
Your duche if u think he's a real fighter he couldn't fight his way out of a wet paper bag duche
He wouldn't dare enter a cage with that akido nonsense 😂
69th degree black belt in the art of Bullshido.
Bullshitto?
@@mp5kfisher241 Yeah the ancient art of lying about yourself to make yourself look good.
Yeah he's been a 69th degree blackbelt for 85 years. 🤣
Lies.
He's at least 420.
It's genetic, not the Irish side.
Hearing Segal calling someone else a pathologically liar, had me spitting out my coffee. 🤣
It's like hearing Donald Trump calling someone crooked! 😂
Talk about projecting 😆
@@cveuskens they are all crooked at that level
He was talking about himself
Liars actually believe their made up 💩 some can't even distinguish I think
What a gem this video is! Thanks for the effort. Lots of stuff I actually didnt know about the guy
Steven Seagal: "Ask me anything."
Peter Griffin: "How'd you get so fat?"
Joe Swanson: "Anything but that."
Peter Griffin: "You act Asian, you look native American, your last name is Jewish. What are you?"
Cleveland Brown: "A fat."
it is not appropriate to call Seagal fat. The poor word fat only has 3 letters and is completely overwhelmed to express how overweight he is
Steven Seagal is such a badass that he needs a body double to climb a flight of stairs.
I remember that scene. Hilarious. Right up there with the seated fight scenes.
😂
No. This is reserved by Biden only!😂
I think you mean Trump with his baby steps complete with toilet paper stuck to his shoe.. or maybe it was the classified documents he had in his bathroom?
😂😂
you put so much effort into an april fools' joke 🤣🤣 gotta respect the commitment
😒 😒😒 Steven seagal Is just like Frank dux Both are masters of Tall Tales
Why ruin it
You could have been a part of it
@@yoshimitsu8643 I don't like Theatrical Fighting
wtf are you taling about?
Think about how many years Steven has put into being the laughing stock of the martial arts community across the world.
I'm just here to say how much i laughed just reading " bullshido master"😂
Gotta love how he starts talking like a southern Baptist preacher when he's talking about his "blues career".
forgot to tell segal is black (and mohaw, mongolian, russian, asian, texas, american)
so cringe im crying rn😅😂
He changes his accent depending on the situation, he's a master of disguise. CIA agent confirmed.
Bullshido Master gotta be the funniest thing I've read in a while. 😂
He’s been called that for about 20 years!
My dad worked on Seagal’s first movie Above The Law. My dad was a paramedic on the Chicago Fire Department, and after he retired from the CFD he got a job with the Motion Picture Union here in Chicago as a film set emergency medic. It was his first movie and the dude was already a diva. He was really into Native American spiritualism and had a guy on the payroll whose job it was to purify the set every day with sage smoke and song. Then he had this big ball of pungent smelling herbs, as big as a beachball, that he had to always have near by while he was working to set the mood. Everyone called his tumble weed, and eventually the ever present strong smell of these herbs on set everyday started making people sick. He wouldn’t work without it though. After 15 years in the business, dad had all kinds of stories like that, about all kinds of celebrities, and what they’re re really like in person, as opposed to the persona they present to the world.
ooo, who else is wildly different from how they pretend to be?'
@@sporkazmable Everyone? Segal just got more out of it than most people. lol. Gotta love the ending part of every celebrity kill piece. Random Girl Who Doesn't Matter Says: "He toucheded me!" The instant any star isn't a legend anymore, pussy suddenly has regret. And pussy laws are retroactive.
But Seagull persona was always a diva. All the people that worked with him joked about him.
A wonderful anecdote 👏
You Americans idolize movie stars beyond reason. Seagal is a character just like 007. I like them, but I do not idolize them.
The look on his face when they were show him the vegetables and give him the melon 😂 he was thinking WTF
I love how Jean-Claude picked up on the "Steven waddle". That man has had such a strange way of walking forever.
To be fair (to an obvious dickbag) and as someone who has spent decades in MA and in Qigong (Qi channeling being the core of Aikido), it is a well known side effect to have a large belly or even barrel chest due to the special breathing exercises used to spark and refine qi.
Bruce Lee studied Aikido but stopped because he “started to grow the chi belly” and that didn't work with his physique in movies.
Segal (the dick) lived in Japan, spending a lot of time among teachers, which would require in Japanese culture the stance of an unassuming man; hands held back and back held straight to display your openness to the teachings.
It's possible this cultural posture stuck with him.
I used to watch first-generation Chinese people walk and wonder why they walked differently.
Now I feel like we walk basically wrong.
The weirdly femme way new Chinese Americans walk is actually due to ancient teachings on retaining qi, so it doesn't “leak out” your perineum you move with these Kegel muscles in tone not flaccid. This puckered-hip position not only also assists in MA footwork but is required for powerful kicks. If you do a front kick while maintaining a stance like an unbending pole, you have the forward force mediated (reduced) by the hips, which in this position resist the kicking movement, making it slower and weaker.
With the “Chinese stance” (basically wing chun minus the pigeon toes), your hips remain a point of leverage, increasing the power of the kick, the last moment flick of the hip available from this stance is like a whip crack in that you take the speed travelling forward (F) and the hip speed (H) times the weight behind the kick (W) it works out to 300lb when done properly.
Do you think if you did a toe pad flick kick right now without bending without tensing the hips and throwing them into it just from a straight standing that the kick would be 300lbs?
Mine is - but I use the stance, which if it rubbed off into my normal walking would look weird AF, but it doesn't.
The point is that the weird walk could be a result of training
And he runs like a gawky teenager.
And runs like he’s punching me he air in front of him.
Isn't that the Connor McGregor walk?
@@ColinPooleSteven trained Connor
The comp of him talking about his family lineage is absolutely hilarious 😂
Yep lmao 🤣💀🤣
😂😂
200%
He admits being of all races except his true race.... beginning with j and ending with w
@@nobloodyusername little hat people!!
All those Yakuza running around Michigan. 😂😂😂
He only lived in Michigan till 5, a Full hr away from Detroit. He grew up in Fullerton, Ca. Orange County 😂 true shit
How else do you think Toyota & Honda were able to get a foothold in the Motor City?
😂😂
Brilliant doco. Seagal is an enigma. The comments are hilarious.
The difference between Chuck Norris and Steven Seagal is that Chuck's wiki page has a section on his philanthropy while Seagal's wiki has a section on his philandering.
🤣🤣🤣🤣
I don't like Chuck Norris one bit, however, unlike Steven seagal, Chuck Norris is an actual martial artist with verifiable fights verifiable belts and has been vouched for by other verifiable fighters.
What’s not to like about the guy. He’s a solid down to earth man.
That was good 👏
Every morning before breakfast, Chuck Norris does Infinity push-ups.
Man, the amount of editing that went into this. Thank you for doing this brother. Great job!
"You still fight ? You still dangerous ?"
"Only to helpless women."
Steven Seagal beat the crap out of his beautiful wife Kelly Lee Brock. He impregnated their underage Nanny, got a quick divorce, and married the underage girl so he would not be charged with child molestation. Zen!
He's never been dangerous to anyone else
@@EighmyLupin Aw... Come on... That's unfair.
He was also dangerous to stuntmen that didn't expect a complete psycho that would kick them in the nuts at full force.
Watching the bit where those women were saying what happened was just horrific. Mans a proper nonce
That is true. It is a shame that he got away with it.
1998 - Steven Segal event in MN. Tibetan band playing when Segal walks on to stage moving like an 80 year old man. He was wearing a colorful robe. My friend is crackin' up...😂. I ended up getting his autograph after the show...
Steven Seagal makes Chuck Norris look like a real Texas ranger
Meh. Texas rangers just pretending to be Chuck Norris.
At least Chuck Norris is legit.
Actually Chuck was a Texas Ranger
Anderson Silva joking around that Segal taught him that kick, and Segal thinking Anderson was seriously giving him credit, is the funniest thing I’ve seen in a long time
@ABC-uq3mx Okay, Steven.
@@tylerironside8109😂😂😂 don't be like this
You know Anderson has said the opposite right? Crazy how you guys run wild. Is he the best BS artist to ever do it yes. Is he also one of the best Akido(dork martial art) guys around? Probably. Does it maybe have some really nice techniques? Probably.
@@I-HAVE-A-BOMB wow. Big Segal fan? I can’t believe they still exist.
@ballen787 No, just don't love hating things. Did he break your heart?
I'm convinced Seagal is the greatest troll to ever live.
nah, just a psychopath who happened to be in the right place at the right time
he taught Anderson Silva so hows he a troll
@@topg-ko6vs did you see that Silva laughed when asked if Seagal taught him that kick?
Silva said he was training that kick years before Seagal trained him.
And a Bonus info: that Side Karate Chop is a TOTAL FAKE MOVE. It is done not with the outside of the hand but the other way, with the knuckles of your thumb.
It's called schizophrenia, actually it's a serious mental ilness and Seagal has it all his life, thats why he thinks he is everything
@@PauloMinado there are different types. Some use thumb side, some use pinky side. The one I was taught using the thumb side is more like a rising strike from down near waist up to head or neck, the pinky ones are sideways from around shoulder height to head or neck. I haven't seen the one he is doing, but would make sense to use pinky for that. Try doing it with the thumb side, it's very awkward.
I'm watching "True Justice" right now on Prime, and it's the greatest, terrible, acting/show I've ever seen. Every cliche possible. Every woman loves him, Every man wants to be him. He's the greatest bad actor I've ever seen.
Check klaus Kinski
Steven Seagal is a master in Clown-Fu.
That's not true. Stop downplaying his many talents. He is also a Master in Bullshido.
😂
@@lesvampyres5429 is that were he learned his epic armshare death slap 🤣🤣🤣
@@lesvampyres5429 That's nothin, his 37th degree pink belt in bullshitzu is the GOAT.
I heard he always knows the art of Liekwondo
It is what it is, this guy simultaneously does what he says what he despises on tv.
Yes. He tells his story at the end. He went to Hollywood because he needed to be adored. It chewed him up and spat him out.
The way he manages to describe himself everytime he wants to give a bad example of something is truly amazing
At this point, almost half the country is in that boat with him...
Yeah, he's so delusional he lacks any self-awareness whatsoever!
I don't know how someone can take this guy seriously, I mean he made a fool of himself 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Laughed too much at this clip
That ending, though. Segal was basically roasting himself, although he would never have the self-awareness to recognize it as such. Great stuff, Mr. Gavia! A documentary about Hollywood's perfect fool, on April Fool's Day, no less.
That was awesome! Talking negatively about actors who's only goal in acting is to be worshipped. . . I almost thought he MUST be trying to make a joke on his own behalf! lmao!!!
this guy's editing is topnotch
He's incredibly lethal with a knife and fork.
He's really good at disarming anyone with a bag of Mac Donald's
@sealijivstanga7 ❤😂😂😂
He spent TWO YEARS learning to punch.
lol
@@BonusHoleNo, regardless of all this and his complete nonsense talk 😂😂. If Steven Seagal's claim about being made to spend two years learning to punch was actually true, then it would have most likely been his teacher teaching him discipline and respect for his teacher while his teacher was observing him to make a decision on whether or not he was going to train him.
I was at a Walmart in Milwaukee in 1987, I'm just buying a quart of milk and waiting in the line when I feel this pressure from behind. I turn round, amazingly It's Steven Seagal, with a cart filled to the brim with chocolate milk and toilet paper. I look at him quizzically, and he just kept pushing me with his cart, until eventually I had no choice but to step out of line. As soon as I did he tossed my milk at me contemptuously and whispered 'I could make you disappear' at me. Then he evil eyed me all the while his groceries were getting bagged and I had to wait behind him. It was very unsettling.
I really liked the format of "minimal author's speech, maximal quotation". Uninterrupted direct speech can be more than self-explanatory.
1. No one insults Chuck Norris' mother.
2. No one knows which of Steven Seagal's many fictional mothers to insult.
Why does race matter so much to people? As a 21 year old, I hope we grow out of this in my lifetime. We are one race and that’s human!!! Come on yall❤️
I think the scariest thing to contemplate, is the likelihood, that Steven Seagal actually believes everything he comes out with.
He actually does
It’s painstakingly obvious he believes all of the crap that comes out of his mouth . Dude is cringe and if he stepped into a cage with any mma fighter he would get demolished.
New Sub. Great Job. And the comments are real.
He only agreed to testify bc the FBI played him tapes of the mobsters laughing at him after he left. He also started that 'Lawman' show to be surrounded by cops, he was that afraid of the Gambinos.
The comments are so worth me clicking on this. I'm crying
lol me too.
@@stevebell4853 Me three!
me four
5 here 😂😂😂
I upvoted yours because it was just what I was thinking. The video is slick, the comments are hilarious.
When Steve walks into a room the buffet taps out.
🤣🤣🤣🤣👍👍
😆
Hey, stop it! Only Chuck Norris are allowed to have those kinds of sayings.
Seagal ignores the tap out and eats it anyway, and its replacement.
@@StevenBoudreau You correctly understand his depravity. And his obesity.
12:36 you can see steve is seething with contempt and rage for jcvd. Its hysterical 🤣
I can watch steven seagal being made fun of and called out for his bs all day 😂. 3rd time I've watch this video!
executive decisions one of the actors got attacked by Steven and when someone being 6'4/6'5, manages to sneak upon you then it's silly to say that Steven Seagal is a phony a person that tall shouldn't be able to suprise someone with a quick move
Me too. I've been binging on SpaceIce Seagal vids. If you haven't seen them, PLEASE do. I've legit peed myself laughing.
@@feraltaco4783based on your recommendation I watched some of these videos. You’re right. You do piss yourself.
I always thought that guy was an idiot
Same here. Big poppa musty nuts seagal is a hero and an inspiration
I'm American Indian, Italian, Irish, French, Russian, Mongolian, Japanese, Jewish, Siberian and Belarusian.
I applied for and was granted Serbian citizenship.
What a hell of mixed person you are 😂 I guess you have blue eyes
I am an African American Japanese Jew.
And I’m a god
He’s not Filipino, that’s a good thing.
I see what you did there heheh
He said he was never a actor, he's been acting all his life!. 😂
He’s still acting in real life.Walking around still thinking he’s Nico that’s out for some Steven segal justice on TH-cam
This is the craziest documentary ever, damn... Thanks Patrick.