When he said "seven" he said it instantly without hesitation, firmly and confident, this number is not just an estimation, but the result of serious studies and assesments involving analysts, sociologists and military experts
It also implies that although America's gays are precious, there is a certain number of soldiers that become more important. Now just imagine how valuable a gay soldier would be.
I think there is an actual reason they did that...there have been so many times where i am watching a news interview and the person being interviewed will say something strange (really bazar) and the reporter doesn't follow up on what they had just said. As if they are just reading a list as they go.
Or to lay down with Americas precious , precious homosexuals too. Lighten up just trying to have a chuckle no disrespect intended. I admire the army for the sacrifices they make.
As a gay dude myself, I can confirm that we regularly have rituals where 7 straight people come together and form one gay person. I don’t know what 7 people formed me, but I am thankful for them.
@@youwishyoucould12 they form a circle, each man penetrating and recieving at the same time. this acts as the catalyst for the formation of a gay people.
Ok, I’m looosing my mind seeing how many people are asking if this is real or not. Cmon guys. It’s obviously real. The onion has never lied before, so I’d doubt they would start now
@@panzerofthelake506But the straight people being compared to are not, which is why the value of the gay person does not trail by the losing value of the hetero variety.
@Oz Acceptance of gay people has risen since this video was published in 2008. A lot of (lgbt) kids say their gay friends are "precious" and that they want to protect them. This art has grown to imitate life even more as time has progressed.
LOL at that part i had to pause it for a second. after hysterically laughing i realized this wasnt a real news thing. especially when the ticker said boring man dies and of course after watching the rest of the video.
Isn't it satire ? Isn't the point of satire to make fun of concepts and people by showing how ridiculous they can get ? Aren't some people already idolising homosexuals ? Oh and most importantly... How is that wholesome ?
@@DanT-dh8lz they're saying that one gay mans life is "worth" 7 soldiers life. so saying that a one gay man is equally as important and precious then 7 soldiers. (if that makes sense)
Protecting the precious lives of homosexuals in our nation has always been a priority for America. I believe that it was President Kennedy that said “ask not what your homosexuals can do for you, ask what you can do for homosexuals.”
@@VeiledSeeryou too are too precious for war, you have the great potential to stare at the same sex longingly. Me and 6 other straight men would be honored to lay down our lives, for the purity and sanctity of your homosexual patriotism, and your gay democracy. Long live liberty, God, Bisexuals, tapbeer and long live America!
Pride flag has 6 colours though. It used to have 8, but then it was brought down to 7, and then to 6. There's just one purple on it. I think the removed colours were turquoise and pink, but I'm not certain on that, if someone knows more, feel free to correct.
@@wetherbyvevo5393 That was 11 years ago, bud. He's right. Their headquarters moved from New York to Chicago some time around 2012-14, changed up most of their staff, and they haven't been the same since. The good times were truly swell, though.
I am a straight heterosexual man currently on the way to enlist in the military. Don't worry gays, I and seven other soldiers will be ready to protect you and even risk our lives doing so. Consider this as a promise.
"It has been the solemn oath of every man in uniform to lay down his life in defence of America's precious, precious homosexuals" is something I thought I would literally never hear
That's so stupid, this the problem with this law. It's clearly 5. 50% of 1 straight person is 0.5 plus 50% of 1 gay person is 4.5. it's fundamental algebra. 1s /2 + 1g/2 =1b.
"Served two tours in Omaha... lost a lot of men. Something that always comes from war is regret, and I have a lot of regrets that follow me like ghosts that haunt graves. I still hear the screams, sometimes..."
@@zoeysiddiqi1532 no worries, you probably confused yourself with that second t there...Letters sponsoring today's episode are :a, p and s.....or alternatively: r , o and n. Either one will take you to the correct group
It's not just him being straight faced but also giving the answer right away without a moment of pause. Like it's a number that people came up with after careful consideration
@@someone3195 iirc 12 years ago there no rules like these, just the "don't ask don't tell" policy, obviously that changed under trump in regard to trans people
@@confusedcay8845 huh. Mabye your on a non up to date version? Cause the same's ture for a mate of mine. I also think that these changes come thru on the app before the browser so that could be it as well
Rules have changed fool. If you did that you would just be gay. Pretend to be transgender. That's what works now I think. (Btw 2010 was the year the military allowed gays to serve.)
Officer: Sir, a private ryan lost three of his brothers General: So? Are gonna risk numerous lives to retrive lone soldier? Officer: he's in the closet General: mother of god.....
Not only do they leave girls for the rest of us, but they take other men with them. Quite frankly they are the pinnacle of male kindness, selflessness and quality.
Me, bleeding out on the battlefield: “That was all for you, Neil Patrick Harris.”
Worth it.
Kneel down to Neil, the king
Thank you for "doing your part" (nobody choke on a crayon, Starship Troopers reference)
Neil Patrick Harris is gay?!?!
@@youtubeaccount2302 of course he is, he's an absolute chad.
"Seven" no hesitation whatsoever
He did the math
Cue Ball no, there's a department in the military dedicated to calculating the value of gays to straights
@Thuzar Because that's the conversion rate of homosexual life to heterosexual life
well there are researchers and thesis its scientifically proven that the number is 7
@@CraftedAITech because it's science.
His straight up no hesitation answer of "7" just bust me up everytime
dumbledore: so you split your soul into how many parts again?
voldemort: 1:06
Lol yeah the straight faced short answer of 7 without any elaboration had me rolling.
its just such an arbitrary number lmao
7" busts me up every time, too.
Of course the military has a doctrine for this, it couldn't go unregulated.
he's just floating in the air near the pentagon
😂😂
Lmao i just noticed that
We're way too used to greenscreen.
he was in creative mode
Not to mention his jacket is buttoned wrong. He's got a female jacket.
When he said "seven" he said it instantly without hesitation, firmly and confident, this number is not just an estimation, but the result of serious studies and assesments involving analysts, sociologists and military experts
Love it lol
One for each colour of the rainbow
It also implies that although America's gays are precious, there is a certain number of soldiers that become more important.
Now just imagine how valuable a gay soldier would be.
@@ster2600 🤣
@@Resi1ience Simple math; 7 times 7 is 49.
i can’t handle how seriously he said 7. he didn’t even flinch. i’m crying laughing.
me too, its laughable to think gays are worth 7 when in actuality they are worth 50.
You stand by this bigot?
Lol that was pretty funny
that's exactly where I lost it too :))
I think there is an actual reason they did that...there have been so many times where i am watching a news interview and the person being interviewed will say something strange (really bazar) and the reporter doesn't follow up on what they had just said. As if they are just reading a list as they go.
I love how he just said 7 without thinking about it
Gay to straight conversion ratio
Clearly, they had top men working on that answer.
Its science
It was either in the script or on the Que card.
I was browsing old comedy videos I liked to add to a comedy playlist, as I clicked this I started actually laughing just from remembering this joke.
MY SON JOINED MILITARY im so proud of him serving and protecting our precious homosexuals
🤣🤣🤣
What a gem!! 😄😄😄
😅😅
😂
That firm, matter-of-fact “7” fucking took me out
Clearly they had formed a committee to study it and he had read that report.
Same lol
I had to replay the next 30 seconds or so because I couldn't concentrate. But I went back to the 7 and laughed again.
hahahahaha same
Me too rofl
"How many soldiers lives is the life of one gay man's worth?"
"Seven"
No hesitation or second thought.
This calculation has been made before.
i wanted to like but then i saw the current count and just take this as a like
He almost says it with some disdain as if he's questioning himself how the reporter doesn't already know the information lol
Incredibly based
@@manshark3 the education system has really failed us, this study should be part of the common core
Rainbow bro. 7 colours
“how many mens lives equal one gay man?”
*no hesitation*
“seven”
“General!”
I f*cking died at that point!😂
That line murdered me.
The lack of hesitation killed me 😂
Hesitation is defeat.
I got fired for referencing this video at work.
Thank you, ONN for helping this gay dodge a bullet
Huh this got you fired, what bullet did you dodge
@@Noy-ql9ezthe second one apparently
He dodged a real one I guess😂
@@Noy-ql9ez Probably avoiding working in a hostile environment, and getting a wrongful termination lawsuit if its true.
"God bless America and her gays."
"God save the Queens."
@@steelrarebit7387 underrated comment
War Inc. hahahha
@@joksizantos7520 No. The Queens. You made it worse.
"I did it for the girls and the gays that's it"
_I'm not usually homosexual_
_But when I am, it's because there is a war happening_
LMAO
I know this is a joke, but i'd rather prefer dying in the war than to kiss a guy on the lips🤢.
@@coolconduct2495 cool, now go back to your normal life
@@coolconduct2495 thats kinda gay bro
@@coolconduct2495 Mmh, I'd kiss a girl for $100. You do you I guess-
Honestly, I think the funniest part is the news scroll on the bottom.
"US Mathmaticians Round Pi Down to Three," killed me.
No
Yes
So
Meh
TRU!
I had to watch it again to read the headlines scrolling across the bottom of the screen. "30,000 people drafted to live in nebraska"
If I ever become a streamer, that's going to be one of my sound effects:
"God bless America and her gays,"
Do it. Plz.
Send channel link right now or it'll never happen
No one is stopping you
@@flameBMW245 my empty wallet and school laptop are tho
@@astroboystan damn man, i was looking forward to a new streamer popping up, hope you can go through with your wishes i guess
"How many soldiers' lives is a gay's life worth?"
"Seven."
And that's where I lost it.
And you have 7 likes now, i dare not ruin it.
@@ajorngjdonaydbr 71 now
Homosexuals in army are a common thing. Gays in army? I already hear Chinese, Russian and North Korean tanks bruming.
@@ancientslav4863 what?
@@ajorngjdonaydbr i dare not be the 8th like for YOUR reply
“God bless America and her gays.” -Gen. Robert Mcbrayer
(-.-)ゝ
This should be written on the dollar bill. 🤔
@hafs reader yes yes, and a hail Satan to you as well my friend!
Why is America feminine?
Who decided that?
amen
TH-cam decided I need to see this 16 years later.
I know right 😂
It has been the solemn oath of every man in uniform to lay down his life in defense of America's precious, precious homosexuals.
mercster You know, when I saw your prof pic, I thought you would say something that's the oppisite. Good on you.
The Elders Plot twist: you’re the judgmental one.
Or to lay down with Americas precious , precious homosexuals too. Lighten up just trying to have a chuckle no disrespect intended. I admire the army for the sacrifices they make.
Sarcasm lol
Good on you, you watched the same video as everyone else, here's a trophy.
I feel bad for Onion. They can't make stupid news anymore cause the real news already too stupid.
Lol, I'm dead 😂
and people getting offended by anything now
and then we have the ones that think satirical news is real news 🥴🙄
cringe unoriginal comment that you will find in every satirical video on youtube
Corona too
"7"
No hesitation. He knew that. It's basic logic.
It's basic maths. They teach it in year 1
It's the first thing they teach you in military school
777 Likes. Perfection.
I mean duh, who doesn’t know it?
He look like the kind of general that did a PHd in War Studies to come up with that conclusion
As a gay dude myself, I can confirm that we regularly have rituals where 7 straight people come together and form one gay person. I don’t know what 7 people formed me, but I am thankful for them.
As a straight man myself, I am perfectly aware that I will soon be a part of something greater
do you take it up the rear or do you put it in some elses log cutter
@@youwishyoucould12 they form a circle, each man penetrating and recieving at the same time. this acts as the catalyst for the formation of a gay people.
@@nuggethewarrior279 i like to call it the Sexipede
@@TianmenSquare1989thank you for your sacrifice brother.
16 years later and this is just now showing up on my feed?
Average the onion experience
Crazy
Yeah 😆
Yea ditto
God bless this video
Anyone else get this randomly recommended after 13 years!??
Yes, and 2021 is the perfect year to laugh at this shit xDDD
Yeah, haha. Wonder how the algorithm decided to put this on our feed.
Yep
Yup
Yes
Satire is so hard to pull off, this is perfect
Even the welcome, “Thank you for coming”.
It's not satire the onion is the most reliable news source in the world
@@qualitycontent7854 oh like The Enquirer?
@@benreilly5951 yeah, just more reliable
@@qualitycontent7854 true my bad
Well, this aged like a fine wine. Like a delicate, gay wine....
“God Bless America and her gays” gets me every time
😂😂
Unironically ZOG’s creed
It's so based
Are you assuming America's gender?
That needs to be a t shirt.
*WW3 about to start*
You know, I'm something of a homosexual myself.
😂😂
Praise Canada for the invention of self-identification.
Underrated comment lmfao
Profile pic checks out.
I'm glad it was shit five months ago too. Time has lost meaning
"30,000 people drafted to live in Nebraska" The text crawl is fucking genius.
Lmao never noticed that
Oh my god
“Boring man dies”
you should see the text on the subway one "fast places insist food servings should not be measured in feet"/
sometimes on onion vids i don't even pay attention to the ppl talking and just read the scrolling news headlines XD
“Seven.”
HIS IMMEDIATE ANSWER FUCKING KILLED ME
The scrolling text at the bottom
"30,000 people drafted to live in Nebraska" LMAO poor souls
That would be extremely terrifying
Now that’s some Soviet shit right there.
Wait a minute! I live in Nebraska
@@michaelschweigart3517 “live”
@@michaelschweigart3517 Facts, wtf lmao
Ok, I’m looosing my mind seeing how many people are asking if this is real or not. Cmon guys. It’s obviously real. The onion has never lied before, so I’d doubt they would start now
Exactly
I hope that one day they will understand
Well it would have been 13 years ago, not now.
"C'mon man!"
This Is fake no doubt
Due to inflation, the life of a gay person is now worth eleven soldiers. But aside from that, still very accurate.
Gays immune to inflation 😂
@@panzerofthelake506But the straight people being compared to are not, which is why the value of the gay person does not trail by the losing value of the hetero variety.
Ignorant butthole
Biden : " I made gays worth more! That's Bidenomics folks!"
We have since moved from the "gold standard" as a measure of economy, switching to the much more valuable and stable "gay standard"
I agree 100% my fragile psyche absolutely shouldn’t be subjected to the horrible sights that occur on the battlefield 🏳️🌈✨💅😤
Nh
This has aged like a fine wine
How?
@Oz Acceptance of gay people has risen since this video was published in 2008. A lot of (lgbt) kids say their gay friends are "precious" and that they want to protect them. This art has grown to imitate life even more as time has progressed.
That's not how that works
yeah, they used to be 7 but now they're 8 and a half
@@Lefy2007 "maybe we going to war with Russia" haha you don't have a clue
Life, liberty, and the pursuit of protecting homosexuals
You'll never get me aliiiiive!!!
Im an American!!
o7
I like how no one recognize this quote
@@hotdog0275 I don't
@@OutragedPufferfish ay it is the declaration of independence ay
I love how quickly he was able to respond S E V E N
OH NOOOOOO!!! Most people agree that my vids are the worst on TH-cam. I agree to disagree. Please agree to disagree with the haters, dear sev
7
They did the math
The confidence is what killed me. As if he was ready to bust out a equation in case u pressed him.
LOL at that part i had to pause it for a second. after hysterically laughing i realized this wasnt a real news thing. especially when the ticker said boring man dies and of course after watching the rest of the video.
I mean, the General's not wrong... special, pure, rare ... precious.
Absolutely false
Sharif’s that, except special, was correct?
Sometimes I believe the onion is just a news network from an alternate dimension where humanity is just slightly more wholesome and weird.
Me, thinking back to the report on cutting off a childs life support because she just looks at her smartphone and rolls her eyes.
ah, yes.
One where the hapless fuckwits can't even handle an omelette.
Wholesome?
Isn't it satire ? Isn't the point of satire to make fun of concepts and people by showing how ridiculous they can get ?
Aren't some people already idolising homosexuals ?
Oh and most importantly... How is that wholesome ?
"How many soldiers' lives is one gay man worth."
"Seven."
lmfao
I dont get it
@@DanT-dh8lz they're saying that one gay mans life is "worth" 7 soldiers life. so saying that a one gay man is equally as important and precious then 7 soldiers. (if that makes sense)
He didn’t even stutter 💀
@@DanT-dh8lz it funny bc his bullshit sentence sounds so natural.
They’re not wrong though
For those who are unsure if this is real or not in the comments, I'd like to clarify that this is 100% authentic, serious, real footage.
Are you serious, I thought it was joke😆.... So you mean this actually aired on TV.🤣🤣
@@onyebuchiemordi4852 yeah
@@onyebuchiemordi4852 Everything from the Onion is 100% true. It is the only reliable media organization in the world.
@@onyebuchiemordi4852 Honestly, you can't really trust anything nowadays EXCEPT for The Onion. They're straight shooters
@@well_as_an_expert_id_say The MSM media is so BIASED nowadays. only the Onion tells the facts straight😤😤😤😤😤
This video is older than me but im JUST now getting it on my FYP.
I think he's just afraid that his boyfriend would get enlisted
that’s actually really wholesome 🥺
No
Exactly 😥 a tale as old as time....
You mean "drafted", don't you, Schmucky?
arent we all. bless.
oow I know why they call it the Onion, because I laughed to the point of tears.
L. C. Clower I thought it was because they're unraveling the layers of propaganda that the US media has crafted over the decades.
No no. It was because grandpa tied an onion to his belt, as was the style back then.
I had never seen it that way!
No its because the secret founder of the whole "channel" was the billionaire king Shrek
I thought it was because they were based in Chicago. I don’t know if that’s true though.
Protecting the precious lives of homosexuals in our nation has always been a priority for America. I believe that it was President Kennedy that said “ask not what your homosexuals can do for you, ask what you can do for homosexuals.”
😂
😂😂🤣🤣🤣
You know it's Murica when people exchange the terms "nation" and "Gay" with each other and it still makes sense.
lmao, The Onion is fucking gold. If only George Carlin was still alive, holy shit the world would've been a brighter place.
1Gay = 7 straight People
The general is straight I think
I know this was a joke but kinda made me feel loved
Ikr! But does that mean only half of me can go to war since I'm bi??
@@VeiledSeeryou too are too precious for war, you have the great potential to stare at the same sex longingly. Me and 6 other straight men would be honored to lay down our lives, for the purity and sanctity of your homosexual patriotism, and your gay democracy. Long live liberty, God, Bisexuals, tapbeer and long live America!
@@VeiledSeer shut up you really want that attention huh?
@@mcpigeon6908 it was just a joke bro -
@@mcpigeon6908 The video is about gays... It seems like your the one who wants attention.
I remember watching this as a young closeted gay boy and it was comforting to know that my life is seven times more valuable than a straight man's
7
nicksurfs1 that’s pretty stupid
i hail you, almighty gay lord
Same, God bless America and her gays.
Thank you for your gayness. America is forever in your debt.
"why are you gae?"
"because I'm precious"
Awwww cute as hell
xd
This one haha
My precious
"hu ses I'm precious?"
"u are precious."
That straightforward "seven", like they've been through this discussion many times and it's been unanimously decided upon.
You know. I'm not gay. And you are very pretty. How would you like to earn some American citizenship
@@GandalftheWise God, no, why the f would I wanna downgrade.
@@GandalftheWise what
@@GandalftheWise Fuckin yikes dude
@@yueshijoorya601 Savage
TH-cam recommending me this video after 16 years is pure savagery
the definitive "seven" killed me
Rip
He said it like it’s an elementary fact that everyone already knows lol
Comedic genius
Literally is your straight. We have to protect our precious homosexuals.
YES
One gay soldier's life is equal to seven straight soldiers' lives because that's how many colours there are in the rainbow.
Oh! I didn't catch that, thanks!
indigo doesn't belong in the rainbow smh
Red orange yellow green blue purple
The pride flag is not a real rainbow
Pride flag has 6 colours though. It used to have 8, but then it was brought down to 7, and then to 6. There's just one purple on it. I think the removed colours were turquoise and pink, but I'm not certain on that, if someone knows more, feel free to correct.
"God bless America and her gays" I died
I died on seven.
I died seven times
😂 😂 😂
I bet Lady Gaga stole that line from the general lmao
"for God and the Gays"
WTF 😂😂😂😭
I love reading these comments because of the fact that there's people who actually think these are real.
The Onion has always been a shining beacon of unbelievably good satire
Satire? this isn’t satire, ma’am.
If this video was released today people wouldn't even doubt it's real
Eh, this is 13 years ago. They haven't put out anything this good in the last half decade.
@@zettour. idk the one about teaching a Gorilla to fear death was a banger and I believe it’s only a year old
@@wetherbyvevo5393 That was 11 years ago, bud. He's right. Their headquarters moved from New York to Chicago some time around 2012-14, changed up most of their staff, and they haven't been the same since. The good times were truly swell, though.
I am a straight heterosexual man currently on the way to enlist in the military. Don't worry gays, I and seven other soldiers will be ready to protect you and even risk our lives doing so. Consider this as a promise.
o7
A BI guy thanks you for your service.
@The Real Joe Biden eh, it’s more like I can eat both tuna and sardines. Same number of fish in the sea, I just get to eat both.
Thank you 🙏😔
Thank you, heterosexual. We appreciate your dedication.
"Precious, precious homosexuals"...lmao oh man!
DJ Diabeetus AKA young beetus I dare not break the 333 likes :p
@@peachypeachworth3974 now its 3.3k Likes. Propably 3.333
I feel like some people won't realise this is The Onion 😭
reading some of the comments...you are correct. also...nobody tell that general about the navy XD
1:12 "Boring guy dies". Poor boring guy 😢
F
Eh, he was a 7th of a man anyways.
Same as the episode about Annoying man get his First Amendment rights taken away hahaha.
He will be missed
😐😑😔🙁😢😭
"how many-"
"seven."
did you also watch the video?
@@pierreo33 AHHHHHH
Thala for a reason
Had me dying 😂😂
“It has been the solemn oath of every man in uniform to lay down his life in defense of Americas precious precious homosexuals” well said general.
*[this comment isn’t relevant anymore, fuck off]
Honestly, sounds kinda gay me... Laying down your life for a gay person? I'm a bit suspicious
@@slinky911 do you people have a brain
@@calvadosmatinez3100 Bro is up at 5 am replying to 6 month old comments get a job ☠️
@@slinky911 maybe on your side of the world but when I live it's still morning and I'm at job in fact
I will risk mine and 6 other heterosexuals lives in the name of protecting the gays
thank you for your sacrifice
thanks big johnny
Gay
thank you big johnny :)
You are a true ally :) thank you
"It has been the solemn oath of every man in uniform to lay down his life in defence of America's precious, precious homosexuals" is something I thought I would literally never hear
So my father didn't serve his country because of me? It was for his boyfriend?
Honestly, I don't know whether that's cursed or wholesome
@@cye2310 no, it was for the general wearing pvt. rank pins
But you are better off for knowing the truth
Well, God bless America and her gays
does that mean bisexuals are worth 3 1/2 ?
Lameashellcosplay Bisexuals are equal to three fifths of a man, so gays are worth 11.666 bisexuals.
No, it worth 8, 7+1
Aight wtf.
That's so stupid, this the problem with this law. It's clearly 5. 50% of 1 straight person is 0.5 plus 50% of 1 gay person is 4.5. it's fundamental algebra. 1s /2 + 1g/2 =1b.
How much are pansexuals worth
Why did it take me 16 years to see this lmfao
"30,000 people drafted to live in Nebraska" o my god 😂😂😂
The horror
Oof that's worse than getting drafted for the hunger games
So if you can get drafted to live in nebraska and I have lived there all my life doesn't that make me a professional Nebraskan?
@Mansoor Shakeel achievement unlocked! The good life! Be recognized as a veteran Nebraskan.
"Served two tours in Omaha... lost a lot of men. Something that always comes from war is regret, and I have a lot of regrets that follow me like ghosts that haunt graves. I still hear the screams, sometimes..."
“30,000 people drafted to live in Nebraska”
As a Nebraskan myself, I find this absolutely hilarious 😂
America thanks you for your sacrifice! 🇺🇸
You guys are so brave! Thank you for your service
The Onion was way ahead of their time, sneaking Nebraska into their broadcasts
Well this was a joke so😉
bro tried to sneak in nebraska💀
‘YOU KILLED 7 OF OUR MEN!!!!’
‘But you killed one of our gays.’
‘Fair enough.’
A soul for... souls
@Giovanni Mendez yup
Progress
We're all numbers
Dude f a primate in the A
I circle back to this video whenever I am particularly sad. Thank you for your support, America
You know when a satire is well done when 14 years later is still funny and relevant all the same
it's becoming even more relevant, and it's accurate so much like God watch Onion videos and decide to let it happpen
it's even more funny and relevant when you put t***s in place of gay
@@KennaDeMerkedo t***ts=? i might be having a sped moment right now my apologies
@@zoeysiddiqi1532 no worries, you probably confused yourself with that second t there...Letters sponsoring today's episode are :a, p and s.....or alternatively: r , o and n. Either one will take you to the correct group
Satire?
Even after all these years his straight faced response of "7." is still too goddamn funny.
FR
I’m always amazed he was able to keep a straight face
@@ericsilver9401 he's not worthy enough for a gay face
It's not just him being straight faced but also giving the answer right away without a moment of pause. Like it's a number that people came up with after careful consideration
this has 777 likes and must stay that way
"They're special. Pure and rare, like a gleaming diamond"
Wait, that's really touching to hear.
Edit: When the fuck did I get these likes-?
Are you of legal age?
Call the authorities
You are a victim
I don't cuz I'm not gay.
I think...
me too
Putin saw this 16 years ago and thought it was real.
LMAO. HE SAID “7” SO QUICKLY.
God bless America and her gays lmao
i am so weak from laughing rn
No
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
@Maria Garcia he literally said her gays but pop off🥴
Day 640 of adding useless pronouns wherever they fit:
*This* is how you do satire/comedy about touchy subjects. It's funny and uses stereotypes without being just flat out rude
Fr
Is it making fun of rules that keep LGBT members out of military?
Was it the case 12 years ago too? Or did I misunderstand...?
@@someone3195 iirc 12 years ago there no rules like these, just the "don't ask don't tell" policy, obviously that changed under trump in regard to trans people
@@giordanocoresi2934 then what's the joke...?
@@someone3195 Youre kidding right?
I mean, I'd fight to protect Ian McKellen
I'd definitely risk my life for Bobby Berk.
I'll kill anyone who hurts Mark Harris.
@@clownsey3382 I'm afraid I've got some sad news for you...
@@dontbefatuousjeffrey2494 Guess we're going to war then
Gayflation in year 2059: 1 gay man = 20.748 normal humans. Invest in gays. Stonks only go up
Bring our Gay Boys back home Obama! They are far too adorable!
obama ain’t the president, biden is
@@itsfinnickbitch63 dude you're replying back to a 5 year old comment. Obama was the president then.
@@itsfinnickbitch63 dum dum
@@commenteroftruth9790 the Illuminati killed him before he finished telling you that the real president was
@@hunterrrdrives you're a cute car, i want to I insert my
*When war breaks out*
Me: You know, I'm somewhat of a homosexual myself.
You'll be required to prove your orientation in front of seven seven star Generals..It's the law.
@@stephenpmurphy591 RAM RANCH
@@TrulyBS-QJ 😂
@@TrulyBS-QJ bro wtf😂
(・_・;)
Gay person) "Oh I broke a nail"
Army General) "Get that man a Medic sergeant!"
Soldier in the corner with a bullet wound: *:')*
@@hollybutler4885 It’s fine he’s one of seven lmao
Don’t worry my nails are too short to break. God bless.
@@frostyskeletons8950 -America and her gays
@@frostyskeletons8950 you do Not know how much Joy I got from just making that joke
If it weren't for relics such as this, no one would ever believe there was a time when the Onion was funny
Worst thing about the YT dislike block: you can no longer see how many people are too dumb to get the joke on onion vids. Big rip
3.3 dislikes I think that feature is based on location
@@confusedcay8845 huh. Mabye your on a non up to date version? Cause the same's ture for a mate of mine. I also think that these changes come thru on the app before the browser so that could be it as well
@@confusedcay8845 also, that's very very low for what I've seen of people missing the joke. Espesly for somthing as ''''contentious'''' as this
@@Ssstone3.14 I used a vpn but I can still see the dislikes also people in the us get so many ads I haven't gotten a ad this whole year
I just use a plugin to get the dislike count back.
The confidence during the "7" shows the combined efforts of all researchers scientists and great brain to get the approximate number
Approximate? That's number is a stone cold fact just like the existence of Sasquatch and the science of Crystal Healing.
@@Paonporteur it’s the amount of colors in the rainbow
The 7 was rounded down from 7.14159
@@mmayer1558Who knew pie was the bottom of it.
great brain
Only the Onion can reach this level of satire while still being weirdly wholesome at the same time.
Just like joker satire and wonderful get bullied becasue you're gay? Its gonna happend again hahahaha! That's so wholesome aahhh.............:]
@@IsraelCountryCube I don't seem to understand what point you're coming from here. Care to elaborate?
@@IsraelCountryCube What? lmao
@@IsraelCountryCube What are you talking about
@@IsraelCountryCube are you joe biden and your dementia kick in?
So as a bisexual is it a 50/50 split on the value am I worth 3.5 straight soldiers? Or is it an all or nothing thing?
As a former soldier, I can confirm your worth is actually 4.5. The straight part of you is worth one plus 3.5 for all the boxes you eat.
As a pure minded gay homosexual, I thank the heterosexuals who shield me from the horrors of war.
I thank the REAL MEN who shield me .....................
Thank you for your service
@@za9393i dont know what youre implying. Nothing more manly than 2 men
@@mixedvibes9613Except for three men
@@unconcernedcitizen4092 ah, my apologies
"How many soldiers lives is the worth of one bisexual man?"
"3.5"
*starts stating the ratio of "every gender"*
None
And then I saw that this man was no general at all, but the Loch Ness monster!
@@noobyfromhell
Three fitty!!!
THIZ KILLZ ME IM DYING CURRENTLY
When you're so woke that you discriminate against gays because you love them.
and you are onion and start 10 years before everyone else
Twitter movements in a nutshell
God bless America and her gays
You know, I like murder but war is just too noisy so thanks for the discrimination bestie😌
That's transcending being woke and becoming a full-on insomniac instead
0:55 "it's been a solemn oath of every man in a uniform to lay down his life in defense of America's precious, precious homosexuals"
Had me dying
The headlines at the bottom. Lol
"Boring guys die."
"Environmental scientists to harness nervous energy."
Ikr ✋ 💀
The last one was professor request his remains be detonated in a nuclear then it cuts off 😹
Ikr lol
“Mathematicians round pi down to 3” was absolute gold
It's supposed to be funny. The Onion News Network is a parody news network.
1:25 "All of the TOP commanders know we love them too much."
What about the bottom commanders?
I’m just here for the update
Who you think they are trying to protect?
7
Cringe
Underrated comment
New calculations indicate the soldier-to-gay life value ratio has increased to 19:1, a level not seen since 2011.
You have to be kidding.
@@WolfPlayz294 Yes.
@Wolf Playz, No, now it’s at 13:1. I will continue to inform TH-cam as necessary.
Random Person good news, the ratio has jumped up to 14:1!
Due to recent wave of global gayification virus outbreak, the ratio now is 0.97:1
He said “seven” like it was a quick time event.
"Seven"
Hes asked this question monthly
He said it likes its a factual thing that has been researched 😅
I thought it was because he said they protect the gays like they’re Snow White? As in the soliders are the seven dwarves for each gay man
@@thatsickkidjaz1749the studies show
If WW3 ever breaks out I’m kissing the first guy I see
Rules have changed fool. If you did that you would just be gay. Pretend to be transgender. That's what works now I think.
(Btw 2010 was the year the military allowed gays to serve.)
So you're confessing you are gay if we are all going to die?
I mean alright but I think you shouldn't be afraid to come out before then.
@@bryan0x05 I’m not gay but I’d kiss a dude idk what the means
@@dimthecat9418 that sounds pretty gay to me.
@@dimthecat9418 that means gay or bi
Officer: Sir, a private ryan lost three of his brothers
General: So? Are gonna risk numerous lives to retrive lone soldier?
Officer: he's in the closet
General: mother of god.....
"Send in the landing force! Also might as well liberate France while in the way..."
@Ethaniel Lim from some pasta
@@axxeny ....and then i pulled out my gun....
@@flexo3333 I am totally out of context. Whom did I even reply? 😂
Now it makes sense
“Seven” no hesitation nor the need to elaborate
Not only do they leave girls for the rest of us, but they take other men with them. Quite frankly they are the pinnacle of male kindness, selflessness and quality.
same for soldiers, damn...
Well when you put it that way...
God I love men 🤤 lmAo
@@foreskinpolice did you capitalise A in lmao because you like ass or because you are a capitalist??
Then you must hate lesbians?