How the Holidays Can Lead to Resentment with Dr. John Delony
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 20 ต.ค. 2024
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I love this! You have no idea how much I needed to hear this message. I had to tell my family last weekend that I was choosing to stay home this year. I knew ahead of time that my Mother would be upset and hurt even though she is not hosting. I have been fielding calls and texts all week from people asking if I'm ok. I honestly just needed a day to myself. I gave myself permission to take a mental health day. My partner is out hunting and I'm making a meal for us to enjoy tonight. This is what I needed for myself but no one seems to understand that. I only get this one day off. I'm still working on Friday and Saturday. I hope more people choose to deal with the guilt and do what is right for themselves.
Oh brother, I’d be upset with you too! You should spend it with family, ur mother raised you. One day she will be gone and u will regret your “mental health day”
I needed this today. Every year Christmas is such a chore and my BIL wants to dictate how the family tradition should be conducted. Christmas Eve dinner first and then wait around until the first present can be opened at midnight. Then it takes us 2+ hours to finish opening them, making it difficult for little ones and sometimes adults to stay awake and be happy. You’re not allowed to be sick or on maternity leave so you must show up regardless if you have a cranky baby or recovering from surgery. When someone else in the family tries to host they must follow the same process or they’ll hear it from him. I’ll add that he doesn’t cook anything. His wife does most of the work and we bring dishes too.
Until watching this I didn’t realize we were being abused (I don’t like to use that word since it seems so harsh). This year BIL asked everyone who’s hosting Christmas and no one responded. No one wants to sign up just to be verbally attacked for not doing it properly. We’ve already told some family members we’re traveling next year instead of sticking around. It’s just too stressful 😢 and full of resentment.
I think a lot of us are so accustomed to negative behavior, bullying, and abuse that we never even realize that it's wrong. Once you realize what's happening you can begin to make changes. Hope your family has a peaceful and joyous holiday!
I am sorry, but he sounds like a bully. AND, he needs to be stood up to. These are precious times with your kids. These are the memories they will have..???
Also.... Sounds Narsisisic of him. Healthy families learn to be flexible and roll with changes/allowances
Loved this explanation. Self betrayal is a one way ticket to poisoning our relationships with others, ourselves, and God. Resentment is exhausting and sucks the joy out of life.
My holiday stress is that I do all the work and my husbands "takes." I ask for what I need but nothing changes. As a result, I no longer send out Christmas cards, decorate the house or cook a big meal and entertain. I'm age 72 and exhausted by it all. I WANT a partner who pitches in to share the load but that simply does not happen. So, after 27 years of anger and resentment I chose to opt out.
3 years straight of not attending all holiday’s event with my Filipino in laws, only my husband. Thank God for stress free and not experience again domestic violence with them. Even though my family is in Philippines but i get to call them anytime thats filled with love not hate. 😊❤🎉
Our adult children live in different states from us and money is tight ,so for the holidays I always tell them we’d love to see them but they need to do what’s best for them right now. We will understand. Since it’s easier to get off work and travel is cheaper at other times sometimes they come a few months later or come for their birthdays instead. We can celebrate anytime. We just call or FaceTime for the holiday instead. This is less stressful for everyone and since I am 71 having a smaller get together is easier for me and now that we have downsized we have limited bed space for everyone to sleep over when they visit. Family is everything and as long as so know we love each other we’ll get together sometime in the future.
Amen
Seriously, That sounds healthy. Doesn't it make you wonder how it all got so crazy ?
I can listen to Dr. Delony continuously. I watched him on other TH-cam videos from others and he is amazing and what so many people need. I love and respect his transparency and his choice to help others do things that may feel hard and uncomfortable at the moment. I believe breakthroughs happen and there is freedom and health in doing those unpopular and uncomfortable things for positive growth. I do not celebrate holidays and do not have an issue with holidays bringing expectations and resentment, but this message and its concept are very applicable to so many people and other things. Thank you, Mrs.Rachel Cruze, for having him on your channel, and thank you Dr. Delony for sharing this powerful message.
I agree he is very good at counseling people. I've had holidays where I had 3-4 parties to attend and just felt burnt out to a crisp and had to pick and choose which was best for me to attend.
I love that we say we aren’t going to buy gifts for people and we are told it isn’t up to us even when we can’t. I make it work no always the best way
Great topic. Love hearing from Dr. John!
Thank you so much for putting this video together! John's advice is so greatly appreciated and helpful!! Please continue to have Dr John Delony put out videos like this. This type of info is so greatly needed! Thank you for your wisdom and advice and for all you do!! 😊
Thank you so much! This video was released at the right time for me. It really helped my anxiety.
I asked a friend if we could stop exchanging gifts because I'm trying to limit clutter and extra expenditures. It's hard for people to change their "traditions" (habits). This can lead to resentment.
I need this! Thank you Dr. John and Rachel!
A message that everyone can relate to. Happy holidays!
I told my family that due to certain circumstances in my life right now that I wouldn't be able to get them gifts this year. I'll still be sending Christmas cards though. It took a lot of stress off my plate.
Wow, so many good tips in this video especially to wait for 24 hours before replying to text and email or even comments.
The best way to avoid holiday stress is to not show up and tell everyone don’t get you any gift, then you don’t have to get them one. Everyone is off the hook. 😂
Lol. Say you’re sick haha
Really helpful ideas for the holidays. I agree that sometimes it's a relief not to get together -- thanks for bringing that up (13:27).
Unmet expectations can breed resentment
My holiday stressed is family wants expensive gifts or money because I use to give such lavish gifts. Now at 25 years old with bills I just can't. This holiday simple no gifts. Only my mom and sister who I live with, a coworker for secret santa, and my bf. 120 dollars is the budget. Im almost out of debt. Have 89 dollars left I will pay off by Dec. 15 then Im worth 70k.
Edit:Yes, and that means Thanksgiving at home. I don't care who's having a party. No Xmas party. I don't want to participate if it means I've to bring even a bottle of wine of Costco. I rather go on a cruise or vacation for 300 dollars. More healthy than spending it on ppl for 1 day
Thank you beautiful Rachel for this video!
Great episode!!!!
SOOOOOO GOOOOODDDDD!
I really need a video on Rachel Cruz fashion!!!
Thank you!!!
Man I’m on the resent train right now for tomorrow. Ugh now I don’t even want to go.
Two words- Destination Christmas
Holidays are a very good time to set aside to spend with your family. If your family is safe and not abusive try to make time to see them at the holidays or birthdays. If we don't plan to see our relatives on holidays when will we see them?
Another day out of the 365 days in a year
@@Originalman144 I see what you are saying. As long as we see our relatives sometime in the year it doesn't have to be on holidays. My experience has been that holidays are a day off work for many folks and that makes it a good time to see family. I guess that doesn't work for everyone.
I think maybe guilt comes from wanting to change the past but you can't change things that have happened. Resentment comes from blaming other people and not taking responsibility. If you take ownership of the past and take control of your duties in the present you can get rid of resentment and guilt at the same time.
the ramsey personalities talk a lot about setting boundaries but what about accepting the things in life you can’t control? i don’t hear that a lot on that at the ramsey program. if all we do is set boundaries for ourselves - how can we be happy with what just is in life
Boundaries are a way of dealing with uncertain things in life and what we can’t control. I’ve always seen it is “I can’t control what happens, but I can control my choice/reactions” kinda thing
Boundaries are an emotional fence, to keep us safe. It doesn't honor God to let someone treat us with disrespect/ abuse us/ bully us. Feeling SAFE, Being at Peace/ Harmony brings Contentment... That makes me happy. 😊
👏👏👏
Is it manipulative to express your disappointment that your kids and no one is coming to have Thanksgiving with you? It sounds sad for the mom. (I don't have kids, just curious)
The phrasing was passive aggressive. It's definitely about the motive. My mother abused me for years and I cut her out of my life. Now she complains to everyone I knows that I'm terrible.
You don't get to choose how nice your parents are but you can choose to be a good son or daughter even to a bad parent.
@@savvageorge no, you can choose to remove abusive people from your life for your own mental health. Doesn't matter if they're related to you. This is how you protect your own children from their toxic behaviors.
@@themeatlessmama I agree sometimes it's better to remove yourself from the situation but you can never remove the relationship. A parent will always be your parent even if they are a bad parent. In the same way a child is always your child even if it misbehaves.
@@savvageorge we can agree to disagree then. I no longer have a mother. She's made her choice and I've made mine.
Why do I sense an interesting chemistry between these two 😊
They are friends...
There is just so much I could say about this video, but I’ll just refrain I guess . Normally I love all the videos, but this one is a hard no on “some” parts of it .
You’re welcome ….
Family s don't run like a Corp. Conversation made me think like I'm in office
I agree…..
I feel that you forgot to mention for people to compromise and be there for one another. You seem to be promoting selfishness.