How to deal with abusive in-laws| Nouman Ali Khan
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 14 ต.ค. 2024
- Assalamualaikum my dear brothers and sisters
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This talk made me cry. I suffered narcissistic abuse from my ex husband and his family. My ex and his siblings tried to brainwash me into looking after their parents by saying it was my “duty” as I was their daughter not DIL. My ex mil/fil treated me like a slave and whenever I expressed my basic human rights they All told me I was wrong and not good enough. 2.5 years after my divorce I’m still struggling to rebuild my life but i get some comfort knowing that Allah is with those who are broken hearted
Please remember the "Human Rights" concept is a secular non-religious idea propagated by the atheist West where Kafirs, Mushrikeen, Idol-worshippers, Believers, Non-believers all have the same status and rights as the Momineen. Which is totally ridiculous as we're told clearly in the Holy Qur'an again and again. JazakaAllah.
May Allah make it easy for you my dear sister♥️
I think so u passed through difficulties u didn't imagined of, trust trust Allah ,he will give you happiness u haven't imagined of, try ur best, pray tahajjud,do lots of istighfar and darood and tasbeeh,recite Quran,namaz on time,a lots of Dua and put trust on allah and ready to watch the life changing moment of your life,pls remember allah has opened the oceans for those whom who trusted him ...may Allah bless you sissy.. aameen.. don't lose hope..
You took the right decision my brave sister💕💕
I am dealing with the same but the things are worse.
My wife went through EXACTLY what brother Nouman said when it came to the relationship with my mother. It was horrible to witness. So much so we left the joint family and moved 150 miles away. 2.5 years later and we are as happy as can be in our marriage, my parents are happy with me and they don’t bother my wife because they now know she’s not their daughter but their daughter in law. I hope by Allah I have done the right thing by both Insha Allah 💜
Amin
Everyone will find what they looking for. Fear of Allah is better for Muslim people. The one thing that this kind of issue never existed for God fear men nor for women. We talk about our moms like à stranger what a shame...
Ur a good man for understanding
May Allah bless you brother. You are a Man to make such decision.
❤
I don't know how you can say they're not intentionally bad. They know exactly what they're saying and doing is tormenting their daughter in law and causing problems in their marriage. They know this, culture or not.
Absolutely
Exactly
Need more speaker like u. Who can speak the truth specially in country like india and Pakistan.
and Bangladesh.
Islam over culture. End the abuse of daughter in laws. No one should be forced in to being another woman’s slave. I speak from experience. End narcissistic mother in laws. End abuse of daughter in laws.
I read most of the comments where sisters are talking about their miserable experience in laws....this means to me that abuse toward wives is very much common.. because they are alone in their laws house.
Golden words spoken by the speaker
My mother in law abuses me mentally,verbally and emotionally.My husband allows it to happen 😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢 I am in a very bad situation as my husband is so careless and heartless when it comes to my respect…
Don't talk with her kick her out in ur life remember abuser will b always abuser
Ur husband is weak person don't expect anything from ur husband u have to stand for urself and tell her u have ur own respect kick her out in ur life
I can feel you 😭😭😭 I’ve been mistreated and abused too. Dealing with her when I get pregnant and it get worse. I’ve been through depression and had anxiety because of her. 😢
Same here girl I’m watching this while crying while my abusive mil is peacefully asleep.
I would tell your husband either take care of it or we are done. My parents tried doing this and I shut it down. Honestly, it's culture nonsense.
I'm still a student not married but my personal point of view and little wisdom is that I believe majority this problem lies in the Asian families. Generally in majority of cases men fail to realise to create different spaces/bubbles in the family. Where everybody every family members has certain limitations in interfering after he's married. Men who fail to understand or manage this end up unknowingly or sometimes knowingly abusing someone else's whole life giving it the name of duty, sawab, good deed without understanding which things are obligation on wife and which are not. One should actually watch series of lectures of duties and rights of wife & husband towards each other when getting married. May Allah make it easy for all of us and ease the problems of all the brothers and sisters.
It is evil, we can not say its culture bc people should know their deen and have common sense. If it was culture everyone would do it. The ppl who abuse are evil and if we say theyre not is justifying and excusing their behavior and blaming it on culture. An abuser is evil. They wouldnt want their daughters to go through that yet they do it to their daughter inlaws.
I agree. Culture or not, they know when they are deliberately causing problems it's always pretty obvious when you cause problems in a marriage
if he wont defend you then theres nothing.
Assalam Alaikum, I am in utter awe at how beautifully you have spoken about this very serious issue rampant and prevalent in our Pakistani society Noman bhai, having experienced most of it myself, I appreciate this that some man actually knows what nikkah actually means in our Deen, JazakAllah and may Allah SWT give you more tofeeq to spread the right Deen Ameen!
The first point what you mentioned 💯 true which I can relate to my life
Like the inlaws says your my daughter it's true very true
They treat you just the opposite
And one more point what you mentioned Salam
Either rudely response or no response 💯 true
Im watching this while I’m crying my eyes out in the middle of the night while my mil is peacefully asleep after she made me feel like a piece of worthless shit. I feel i have no way out.
Sister, pray and ask Allah to soothe everything. Ask Allah to help you in this situation, even if you despair ask and seek. You need to stand your ground and you can do it peacefully knowing our Deen is fair. You can ask for your place, you can ask for rules at home if you cant stand each other. You can do what needs to be done and after that retire in your room.. Ask Allah and be courageous. Ask him to guide them and you in the right path. Allah wouldnt let us suffer eternally. If something needs to be done, gather up your courage and do it.
I really needed this. I'm going through this now.
They say you are not the only one its a story of every household so face it.
This demolishes all relationships and proponents of the abuse.
How to send this to him without sending this to him. 😭
Post it on your story
Ask some stranger to send
No sister, just send this to him. He's your husband. He needs to know you've got an issue with that. Even if it means opening the Pandora box of problems, you have to sit and talk about it.
Add it to his watch later
Best best best ....May Allah elevate your status here n here after for speaking truth...no we wl not fight to do this n tht but we wl draw a line where ever it is mandatory....
.
This is so insightful, Allah bless you
Thank u for opening eyes
What about abusive husbands.
What about abusive parents.
Abusive parents inlaw.
Detach from all of them .
Avoid negativity
thank you. such a shame that this is the reality of so many households especially where Pakistani men are the so called Qawwwam
MashaAllah
Please make a detailed video on Fathers-in-law who sexually hit on and sexually abuse their daughters-in-law. You know this happens quite a lot where the son is away earning a living in a foreign country.
Such women should leave that relationship for their own respect..
@@salmasayeed199
Absolutely true.
But they can do it easily only if:
1. They have full support of family
2. Are financially independent or
3. Have a profession
Generally her own family won't believe her and will most likely shut her up for making such, to them unbelievable, accusations against an bozurg or respected elder.
Don't you think so?
@@behtereen4187ur living in 21st century dear .fix a camera.trap his doings .go to police n then back to your home.
12:20 i wish i could give this video a thousand likes...
Alhumdulillah ×3 may Allah reward you huge for this vedio my inlaws are like that when my husband or guest are at home she's nice to me and my kids but if we are alone she treats different
Same happened with me..and this hurts alot from inside
scared of getting married because I live in the same kind of society 😔... seeing how everyone is trying to justify this abuse..
Wish my husband would see this. It’s not like really abuse, just sometimes words can hurt so much. Always this feeling of being replaceable. Would have i known how it feels, I guess I would have lived rather for myself. Don’t get me wrong. I really don’t want to complain about anything, I think respect for elderly people is everything, but man some elderly people are really just mean and bad. I guess they forget how it was for them. Especially parents who just raised sons without a daughter. Like they can’t imagine how it is to raise a girl. Even if the mother is a girl, she’s like everywhere is a woman but you just have one mother. I don’t know but this is totally wrong way to start a family.
I seriously needed this atleast i could be at a state of peace of mind...Iam going through this... It's such a heart ripping situation...my Husband disbelieves what ever i say.
It is happening to me right now I have the most adorable husband Ma Sha Allah and Alhumdulilah ❤
But my in laws are doing everything that you are saying in the video. I am giving my 110% effort, i cook, clean, Do the laundry, sit with them I overdo everything for them even I forget to take care of myself. I cnt tke stand bcz I fear they will question my upbringing etc.
It is so difficult to tke stand either by the son or by the daughter in laws because they are gonna to b upset, question and hv negative or aggressive responsd.
Hmm may Allah give them hidayat
Can you please teach the daughter in laws how to deal with mother in laws?
If you love her or like her she will do the same
@@sannujahan7956 love whom?
The older woman should show compassion and have patience this will develop love between the two women.
@Sannu Jahan no. Setting this expectation that she will love me, will just ruin everything.
There will always be jealousy no matter what.
The only thing is for the man (husband/son) to BE THE MAN. Not allow any disrespect from either day 1. If he listens to complain of either one, it's going downhill.
Mom needs to focus o her own husband. Not her son to become her husband
@@sabanazir1424 That's 💯 correct. But nobody teaches this to men when getting married & only the daughters are lectured before marriages on how to go low infront of the in-laws.
😊❤
Throw shoes? Oh my goodness..
Listen to Zakir Nike how he gives the response for this issue.
I am forced to live with my husbands maternal nephew when I told my husband I am uncomfortable in his presence his sister yells and say now she will also live with me, just because I asked for my right so my husband left me ,she keep brain washing him day by day I feel my husband is turning into a man who doesn't know basic Islam she made my man a man who dont fear Allah when it comes about his wife. I wish more mother and sister may understand that their brother is bring a woman not for their services
What about abusive son inlaws??
May Allah make my husband watch this video
😊 you could just send it to him
Mn ny husband ko ye videos bhaiji hn but wo nhi daikhty or kehty hn k hmary Pakistan mn aisy hi rivaj hn or dunya k sath chalna parta hy,agr wife ka sath don ga to sub mujh sy naraz ho jaen gy
Hmara deen krhta hy k parents k samny uff tak na kaho agr wo wrong behave krty bhi hn to hum unko kuch nhi bol sakty,mn unko nhi samjha sakta sirf apko hi samjha sakta hn
Aameen
Asalum-alkium, a quick question, if there are five sons and daughter in law has been looking after mother in-law for past 18 years. And things has changed a lot in bad concept shouldn't the other sons I.e borther should also being volunteering look ther mother?
Sons are 100% responsible. It's not voluntary. And each son is responsible for the entire life of the mother. They are not responsible 1/5 th of the time.
Mn 15 Saal sy inlaws k sath hn, mery husband k 2 or bhai bhi hn,aik America mn or aik qatar mn apni wives k sath sub abhi bhi mujhy hi force krty hn k hmary parents ki achy si khidmat kro ,or saas ki bhi yehi demand hy k bs bari bahu hi meri khidmat kry gi or sub sy bura bhi mujhy hi kehti hn
Mery husband bhi kehty hn k hn k meri 4 behnon unky husbands 2no Bhai parents sub ki expectations sirf mujh sy hi hn k mn apni wife sy sub ki khidmat krwaon,
Itw a very indian culture where they think they need and have the full right to talk on behalf of their son and expect the wife to answer them etc. They expect her to be a maid. Our desi people are messed up.
Afghans are worse trust
It's not only sub continental issue. I am from sub continent and I married in maghrebi culture, they all are same. Abusive mil and useless self centered ex husband. They don't fear Allah nor care about family bonding. They only care how their desires can be fulfilled
The problem is our culture
My mum is verbally abusive towards me but with the daughter inlaw they're sweet.
Mine are both 😂
@@sabanazir1424high 5. I can feel you 😂
❤️❤️❤️
Misleading.... 😢... its not so simple.. its just thats coz brother has western influences...
You must be foolish and deluded to think that he has 'western influences' and forget what the Religion and Prophet Muhammad(pbuh) says about respecting women and wives.
Basically, if you don't have daughter, you are not rich, you are sick or you are at age when you need help, so never wait help of your daughter in law because it is forbidden to do stuff for old parents of husband brrŕ. How easy to paradise!!!!!!!!? Good deeds.Why do not explain solution with love and respect? Don't go far away, if your wife love you, so she will love and respect your parents either. However, when a man divorce, then his ex wife stay as membre of family of her ex husband 's parents till day of judgment. Why is it so in islam?
Do you know there is just a tiny fraction of people who are THAT OLD where both husband and wife are sooooo old that they need a person 24/7.
And when that is the case, son should quit his job and serve his parents.
ALLAH will give him rizq inshallah.
It's mandatory on the son to serve his parents if they can't help eachother.
It's not mandatory for him to go to work.
Allah has decided this to make that mandatory on the son. So Allah knows best.
Why wait on the daughter in law to help? Is the sons hands and feet broken? The duty to care for/serve parents is on mandatory on the children, that means daughters AND sons. The daughter in law has her own parents to care for her. Allah mentions the duty of children towards their parents several times but not once the duty of daughters in law.
When people divorce, they are no longer family members but the son in law and his parents-in-law remain mahram so he can never marry his mother in law. But there is nothing stopping you from going and living with and serving your wife's parents seeing you are so family oriented. Lead by example.
It's better to ask why sons of your culture are so lazy that they have time to go out with friends, play sports, romance get married, make babies, but they don't have time to serve and care for their own parents.
Man I don’t to get married
How about a mother in-law who called her son’s wife Devil and wished her Death because the wife was not her choice
By Amelia
She called me prostitute of her son. Leave it. It shows their personality
Study all about of islam and fear of Allah. After all, the Almighty asks us to be kind with our parents, and what are you talking about? If your parents don’t know religion, teach them and you will never have such questions in your family. Find the balance.Why your wifes always victims in your families? Why your mums such the monsters?Because your wives are more valuable for you than your mums. It's is not an issue to talk about. Shame of you...
Slm. My wife's mother does not respect our marriage nor respect my wife. My mother in law verbally abuse my wife and instigates braking of siblings ties with my wife. Mother in law also belittles my daughter and is rude to her as well. What do I do on this regard as my wife cannot handle this verbal abuse. I cannot maintain ties with such an abusive mother in law. What is ur advise as to how I need to handle this. My mother in law expects my wife to take care of her despite having three other children. I cannot stop my wife from doing for her mother but my mother in law expects my wife to do as she says disregarding my opinionor permission. How do I handle this