A Weeb Walks Into a Blade Shop... (Satire)
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 6 ก.ย. 2024
- Byron Pursebane from the Olde Blade Shoppe has to deal with an oboxious would-be elite warrior looking for the sharpest sword in the store.
The caricature of the customer is based on the stereotypical katana fanboy represented in the "Katanas are Underpowered in D20" meme for instance. No offense to the majority of katana owners, kenjutsu practitioners, etc of course. It's just an exaggeration for comedic effect. Should go without saying, but on the internet nothing does apparently. :)
Next episode (A "Tough Guy" Walks Into a Blade Shop):
• A "Tough Guy" Walks In...
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Adding a link to videos you've made about each sword used in these blade shop videos (if one has been made for the sword) would allow people to easily find older videos on a sword without having to scroll through all videos, looking for the specific thumbnail incase you haven't mentioned (or the viewer not knowing) the name of the type of sword showing in the video. To cut (no pun intended.... ok small pun intended) a long story short. Someone seeing a sword they like can just press the link for that swords review/rant/video.
*insert spongebob reference here* so you're a tough guy eh?
Katana is strong cutting sword but its not meant for thrusting or cutting plate. It is a good sword but not the best.
Can you do a video on spears, American Indian style
...... None of these are anime swords
"I want a blade that will slice through armour like butter."
"Sir, butter doesn't slice through armour."
Only Swadian knights can pierce armour with the power of butter in the name of King Harlaus.
Butter doesn't slice armour but it does make it tasty when you get smashed in the mouth with a gauntlet
LOL
I mean if the butter was folded though ...
@@sdzurek5980 you always hear about churned butter but THEY keep the folded butter a secret.
"I want something that can cut anything like butter!"
*hands a butter knife*
"If it's anything like butter ,that'll cut it"
XD
The best comment here by far
That comment just gave me a full-on belly laugh. Thank you. I needed that.
@@Vales55 I channeled my inner Groucho. I'm glad everyone liked it.
Oh yeah? What about really cold butter straight outta the fridge? Checkmate.
A weapon that can kill anyone regardless of armor
My ape brain: Big club, bash rival, break all bone.
My brain
carrrrl
My monke brain: Rip helmet off, rip face off, win.
tbh a mace would be more effective than swords when facing an armored opponent
@@kozakos_vt yes
But not a flail
Flail bad and to skillful for reward
Bonk gang
"I want something that cuts ANYTHING! Something that can cleave mountains!"
*Hands customer a glass of water*
Based comment!
give it time and it will cleave mountains all right. it takes hundreds of years but it can cleave mountains
If You ever come across weeb who tries to fight you with a sword just use a gun they take longer than the Power Rangers to show it off
@@odstman2984 bruh xD
Why not just hand over Jimi Hendrix, who as a voodoo child, could chop down mountains with the edge of his hand.
"I want a sword that can slice through armour like butter!"
"Well, that would defeat the purpose of armour, wouldn't it?"
Armorsmiths: "i made a heavy, clunky piece of armor"
"Can it stop a katana?"
"No"
Imagine someone grabbed a Desert Eagle and showed it.
The real issue is that tempered steel is arguably the best metal for building stuff on Earth, which is why anything built for abuse is made of it.
Well, if a steel sword strikes equally hard, equally dense steel plate, logic dictates they cancel each other. No amount of honing can increase the actual physical properties of the metal itself, which is not sufficiently hard to scratch itself.
@@leiderhosen7110 Tempering is a process, and it's quite useful for edges but it would be too hard for a whole piece
That's what people have been complaining about TV shows and movies for awhile. Outside of shields, armor never works against anything.
"DO YOU KEEP THE REAL SWORDS IN THE BACK?"
The whole thing was hilarious but that intro especially ahahahahhhaahahh!
Hello there Hero Hei suprised to see you here
Oh I finally find a fellow weeb of culture like me
Didn't know you watched skalls videos lol
Thanks. :)
Oh, nice to see ya, Hero
Bro, it's so folded that it doesn't even look folded anymore. Trust.
dude, it was folded so much that it went back to the mine.
Ironically cardboard has many folds
@@gunnsorde372 at the risk of being overly pedantic, it's corrugated rather than folded
Believe
My blades are so folded, they melt and then I pour them back into a cup that is shaped like a blade.
"I want a sword that be defeat all types of armor."
"A mace. You want a mace."
"A huge mace"
@@nik774 A mace would still be better against full plate armor.
Big hamma
A flail even
@@cozyy7122gun
"Highly experimental plasma gadget that might erupt into a firey explosion on an unlucky day" man that is some serious shade trown directly at the "functioning light saber" guy.
Where is that?
I got no shade for him. He's taking the risks and crawling so that someday we might walk...and have lightsaber fights.
@@melanoc3tusii205 do a search for Hacksmith Lightsaber
@@terryforsdyke306 Obviously I know about him, he's actually the second person to do it. I am referring to Supersonic2747's quote.
@@mikec1222 Hopefully not, that thing is terrifying.
I would love to see you make a "When a ....walks in to a blade shop" series.
Omg we must make this a think. SKAL PLZZZ
I would DIE for a 'reluctant mom walks into a blade shop'
thats actually something i would be into
I second this
That would be so fun
"I want something that cuts through armor like butter."
"Would something that _tears_ through armor suffice?"
"Yeah, sure, whatever."
** Hands over an axe ** "Off you go."
Pollaxe. Or a bill (which I always find reminiscent of an oversized can opener, fittingly).
Laughs in hand cannon.
@@jacobmccandles1767 see the next episode for more information on this shop's stance regarding firearms.
give him a ballista bolt without the ballista
@@alexanderflack566 Bills are freaking HEAVY! Brush hook on a mattock handle. Used one on the family farm. It'll definitely make a man of you, even if you're a girl!
We can all agree that the best sword is the long stick you found as a kid...
Oh yes absolutely
Oh clearly we can not be friends. Even though I respect your opinion
Facts.
Yes
Nope, a pool noodle is vastly superior
_"Do you keep the real swords in the back?"_
Shad: _"Hello!"_
...i can see that
Imagine. Skal, shad, and metatron...IMAGINE!!!
@@jaysongraves4358 Don't ignore Schol(a Gladiatoria).
well done.
"Real as an honest politician."
I gotta steal that one, that's good.
its a classic
Love it
I want to be in the timeline where shopkeepers all dress that way
Shoppe keepers. Excuse me.
I'm very glad that we don't.
I love how he didn't once say katana but we all know that's what he meant.
Yes definitely
Weebs really think that a katana is the only sword in existence lmaooo
"I'm looking for a blade that can slice through it like butter!", "Ah yes sir , what you want is a Light-saber".
Underrated comment lol
Caal The HACKSMITH !
Tell it to a mandalorian armour made of pure beskar. But there is a sword in science fiction that cuts any armour. It's a sword with a monomolecular cutting edge from Fred Saberhagen's "Brother assassin" novel.
No a real sword would slice through bezcar aswell
Shardblades: are we a joke to you?
"The only thing nastier than a paper cut is a cardboard cut"
Can confirm, almost lost an arm because of that.
U gud? Ouch ಥ_ಥ
@@magea2926 he most likely did a small cut got superfected and got gangrene or some nastiness
‘Tis but a scratch
@@lawrencemorris2261 so it is nasty as that🤢
@@magea2926 I can link you some smexy images if you want
“I want a sword that can cut through any armour like butter. And armour to protect against that sword.”
"Are you looking for products made of Unobtanium? Superareandhardtofindium?"
Can you use butter as armour? I have never heard of that!
Good news, reactive armor exists! It will certainly protect against the sword...it will also kill you when it explodes, and it's too heavy to use, but the sword will be stopped.
@@bubbasbigblast8563 never heard someone refer to a boulder as " reactive armor", never heard of it exploding either
Yes
When the weeb requested the sharpest, nastiest cutter sword i thought the shopkeeper would give him a piece of paper and a schematic for the folding instructions.
I belive the most nastiest to be hit by is probably a rusty one to be honest. One cut, one infection that's one cruel joke.
@@temkin9298 Well a cut from a rusty blade doesn't necessarily lead to an infection, even less a chance if you have an up to date tetanus shot. I would be more worried about poisons such as Tetrodotoxin and Batrachotoxin.
@@oSoultaker Do you carry that with you tho?
@@temkin9298 I don't, but never underestimate a highly motivated individual.
Lets be honest you don't carry a rusty blade either.
@@oSoultaker True since I don't want accidentally prick myself with it.
The only thing missing is a loud "ouch!" when the customer leaves with his cardboard knife :D
I was expecting it.
I know I was literally waiting for that
As someone who's gotten some truly *nasty* cuts while they're breaking down boxes at work, agreed!
Noo, u spoiled it for me now, never again read comments before video
Should have come back in with it stuck in his own chest....
" need something to cut through it all, like butter."
"Alright" **Hands over a pommel**
Lightsaber
My brother! Nice profile pic
Oh
Something to cut trought everything gives a hammer
OMG
"Something that can cut any armor"
Hands him an angle grinder with a cut-off wheel
You know if the other guy just gave him a giant slab of steel(guts, cloud, some other random name) it could satisfy the guy.
“For real?”
“As real as an honest politician”
Heh, I enjoyed that!
“I want a sword that cuts through armor like butter”
“Ah well it’s your lucky day then-“ *pulls out blowtorch
Or that plasma lightsaber that guy made recently.
@@WhatIsThatThingDoing that thing would scare the hell out of me as a user too :)
@@WhatIsThatThingDoing You mean Hacksmith
Hydrofluoric or sulfuric acid is pretty effective too. I think a teflon mace dipped in either would work better than a sword on regular steel... /s
"Ah well it's your lucky day then-" *pulls out weird experimental SABOT round machine gun*
"Any sword worth its name will have a sharp edge"
*Laughs in estoc*
I thought estocs had a sharp edge, it's just the blade geometry highly favored thrusts rather than cuts.
Hey, that really small edge at the tip of the sword is very sharp.
A rapier would be a better example.
@@TheZeroSbr technically the point is a sharp edge
@@TheZeroSbr Some of the did, but some of them were triangular or hexagonal, so they couldn't be ground to an effective edge, but were sturdier than a regular sword
what this guy was looking for is an axe.
"Nooo!! This is such a dull brute's weapon! I can't be flashy like this, and I actually have to discipline myself to use it now!"
@@xryeau_1760 I wanted to say something Similar
A gun then
Spelled lightsaber
Yes
"do you keep the real swords in the back"
Id like to think Shad is in the back storage acting as a guardian to all the stored blades
The real blacksmith is the villan and makes your stuff inferior to get advantage over you.
Meanwhile Henry from KC:D comes and steals all his swords, but he doesn't notice at all and proceeds with his sword selling business.
@@rod5943 Can I get the full title of KC:D?
@@temkin9298 Kingdom Come: Deliverance
@@rod5943 Thanks. :)
"Perhaps with the exception of some highly experimental plasma gadget..."
*looks at Hacksmith Industries*
I thought of that too
Yop, i expect for moment that Skall bring up a fire torch. :D
you mean the overclocked glassblowers torch?
@@CMG78 no i think he meant the hammer they made
At least with that carboard one he can fold it as many times as he likes....
to the count of seven unless wet, then the possibilities expands
The plot thickens 🤣🤣
Seven , take it or leave it
@@inquisitorwalmarius6650 someone watched Mythbusters growing up.
only seven times.
Weeb walks into a weapon shop like
"WhErE r ThE sUbTiTLes??"
Love that Filthy Frank call out
Wealeaboo
"a sword that cuts through everything"
Missed opportunity to bring out a lightsaber :D
Beskar would like to know your location
@@LeFisheboi who tf is beskar
@@swolzer a metal in the star wars universe that a lightsaber can't cut through
@@LeFisheboi aight
I thought he mentioned it as the plasma thingy ...
“I’m wanting something that will bludgeon in almost any armor. What would you recommend?”
“Sir this a sword shop, not a weapon smith.”
“So what would you recommend?”
“Another store.”
“Have you heard of the ‘Murder Stroke’?”
“What’s that?”
“Let me show you!” *BONK*
@@GIANT406 That made me laugh harder than it should have.
The shopkeeper is the personification of "trying your best to reach the word count on an essay."
Lol, my thoughts exactly
indeed.
This was actually really funny, and I love the set up. You've got talent as a comedian too
I agree this is funny
The way he can make fun of the knight fanboys is to point out that the when europian swords and armor would be at their peak a lot of noblemen would met their end at a formation of farmers using pike and shot.
Ahhh, it's always so wholesome seeing comments from the channels I love and am subscribed to on another ones!
Noble ones; where are you, raise your hands! :D
And yeah, I agree, the video was great! I personally like and also own one katana and since I watch a lot of anime, one could even call me sort of a weeb, but I know when a joke is a joke! ...Probably a good idea that he put Satire in the title though, since some people just LOVE to get offended by anything. Either way, great video, good job!
@@FUnazis Rases hand*
Please make your own version of this "skit," but with a medieval knight or "norse" viking fanboy.
Brings out straight razor* “is this what you’re looking for?”
@Moneybrainz99 💀
That's what I was thinking. Sharpest? Ok that would be a razor.
“Real as an honest politician”
That would be a truly mythical sword indeed...
Sorry, i can’t understand this comment.
My brain struggles to process things like impossibilities
That is a paradox.
I actually met an honest politician so the are real, guy didn't last for reelection because he only promised what he could actually do.
“The only thing nastier than a paper cut is a cardboard cut.”
This I can confirm with many of both. Paper from childhood, and cardboard from working in retail.
Respect
Same here bro 👊
I got paper cuts before, and the idea of a cardboard cut terrifies me! It's just very thick.
I also work in retail, usually I’m a cashier but I’ve ended up in the back room a few times. Got a cardboard cut while unpacking a truck and it haunts me to this day
Working nights in a supermarket I feel this pain
"Real as an honest politician" And now I have to explain why I'm laughing hysterically at work.
A sword that cuts everything doesn't exist!
4000° Retractable Proto-Lightsaber by the hacksmith's: "Pardon?"
There is no proof or evidence that what they made could cut through a living human.
@@GoodwillWright *wanna volunteer* ?
@@GoodwillWright You wanna take that bet up?
@@GoodwillWright they DID do a test on walls and stuff like that, so i am sure that it is able to melt the steel on the armor
Nokia 3310: *Allow me to introduce myself*
Weebs: “Katanas are the best swords!”
Crusader fanboys: “No, the long sword is vastly superior!”
Me, an intellectual: “Shotgun, parry this you fucking casual!”
Me: "I apologize to your grid coordinates for the inconvenience."
*Drops tungsten rods from orbit*
me an ork/orc fan: “surprise umies” *superglues a bomb to your face*
*A 20G IS ENOUGH TO SHUT YOUR MOUTH*
@@cyberus1403 dakka? nah, booma betta
Bro dont dis the long sword
Inaccurate, customer didn’t wear all black and a fedora
The disappointment I feel is unmeasurable and my day is ruined.
Isn't the trilby the go-to hat for that crowd?
@@janbaer3241 yes, also nobody cares enough to call it by it's proper name.
Don't forget the trench coat
And either an anime shirt, or a shirt with some japanese writing on it.
You can replace "anime" with JRPG if you like.
"I want to slice through armor like butter" "Alright". *Wheels out plasma cutter and 5 kW gas generator from the back*
Customer: "I want to slice through armor like butter."
Shop owner; Hands him a stick of butter.
A bit disturbing if you habe read this comment first:
"DO YOU KEEP THE REAL SWORDS IN THE BACK?"
*facepalm*
"Hi, I need your prettiest sword."
"What?"
"It's for my wall. Get me your prettiest sword. This is the only honest customer experience you will ever have in this job."
I can see myself asking for something like. Unless I'm in Texas I don't see myself using a sword for anything except for decoration.
Weeb:
-I don't wanna smash armor with a blunt piece of steel
Me:
"That thing was too big to be called a sword. Too big, too thick, too heavy and too rough. It was more like a large hunk of Iron."
I can see why he wouldn't want to wield something like the Dragonslayer.
I would wield the Dragonslayer if it was physically possibly to wield it without Defying Physics
That is funny because spiked hammers were designed to puncture steel plate 🤣
I guess a Claymore or Goblin Slayer fan would also not care about katanas.
dude i thought its gonna be destined to killed grunbeld or smth
Imagine being a sidearm with more fanfare than you're actually worth
This post is made by the Polearms gang
Werent samurai bow based? Just asking.
Bow.. spear.. big-ass stick..
Polearm gang best gang.
@@usernameig975 bow and polearm
@@walt33743 Why all the fanfare? Just call yourselves what you truly are and be done with it.
The pointy stick gang.
Selling to opposing duelists:
Customer 1: "I'd like to purchase a falchion, good sir"
and 5 minutes later,
Customer 2: "Soo yeah, I need a sword that's like a falchion, but just... better?"
"Here is your Skalchion, sir."
"Here is your kilij, sir."
ah you're looking for a scimitar
Ahh swordgun because why not bring both to a fight.
Mallard of Modernia
You dare sir!?!
Because as a dude with some spanish in him, Well done! They wont see that shot coming hehhe
Me as the shopkeeper: So what you require Sir is a sword that is simultaneously a ballista, a trebuchet and a cannon?
*the shopkeeper then promptly pulled out a comically large broadsword, wait no is that a wide greatsword? And why does it have a trigger? Oh right it probably has a laser cannon built into it but the whole design is too ineffective to be used properly*
@@ultatack6020 one cannot call oneself a swordsmith if one does not stock such an item
@@TheAntiTrope ah yes, the plasma-auto-broad-great-sword-gun-bow-knife a must-have for any aspiring sword salesman
that sir, would be a mortar
and a shaped charge.
"You know a lot about swords, whats the kind that can cut through bricks and metal without getting dull?" I mean, grown adult men have asked me this!
That's not, technically, a kind of sword. It's actually a high-speed jet of water with fine garnet powder mixed in.
@@Sableagle Yeah, but you run through a literal TON of garnet in no time. Depending on what you're cutting, plasma cutters and CNC routers are way cheaper.
I mean, a splitting maul works for a lot
Lightsaber.
SMAW anyone?
''The only thing worse than a paper cut is a cardboard cut.'' Can confirm. Doing packaging work is a bloody battlefield.
used to work in both a print shop and a packaging warehouse, can confirm they hurt like a bitch
So true, i work in a cabinet shop. I have to box alot of the stuff we make. Gloves help.
No one knows pain unless they get one or step on a UK plug.
Don't forget the big brass staples!
Plastic is pretty bad too. Blister packs anyone?
"It would totally cut anything if it was folded a million times"
"Yeah, how about you go fold yourself"
Isn’t the point of folding steel to remove impurities? If so, then modern manufacturing processes would eliminate the need right?
"I'm not so sure about that. I folded your mom at least a million times and she's still pretty dull."
@@surriad1140 as far as I am aware there are 5 plausible reasons to fold steel for a sword,
1) to remove inclusions e.g. slag, glass, sand, (irrelevant if using a modern iron carbon alloy)
2) to homogenize the steel (equally spread carbon and other impurities through the alloy, again irrelevant if using a modern alloy)
3) aesthetics, the folded pattern can look nice.
4) historical authenticity, e.g. a real Katana is still made with traditional techniques.
5) for the end-user/owner to be able to boast that this one has better workmanship than a friend/rival with a "modern" non folded sword.
@@surriad1140 to a point, as each heating also lowers the carbon content of the metal since you need to heat it to white hot, just before the steel starts burning like a sparkler, and then quickly brush of the scales, add flux before it cools to bright yellow and then fold and hammer it together while still hot enough to forge weld the layers together or they will delaminate later in the process or with use...
And, each folding increases the probability of introducing new harmful impurities such as the sodium chloride of the smiths or their assistants own sweat...
@@SonsOfLorgar I knew it could be massively detrimental, but I didn't know it was almost a gamble if you were unskilled.
"Give me something that can cut through armor!"
*PULLS OUT A THERMITE CHARGE*
To be fair, while katanas are still really cool, they're way over-hyped
Well, they were good at what they were supposed to do, but if katanas could slice through armor, then I doubt samurai would be wearing it...
True, although it is nice to have a sidearm which allows two handed use but isn't as long as a longsword. Plus, as delicate as the edge is in terms of chipping, it's both hard and has a good angle for keeping its sharpness; it won't dull as easily in light use as a softer steel with a more acute edge angle. It's all about what you prefer in a sidearm.
@@alexanderflack566 I can’t imagine a likely scenario where you would specifically want a shorter blade. An extra inch could be the difference between life or death. That’s why spears were debatably one of the most prevalent primary weapons, they provided a lot of reach. it only makes sense that you’d want more reach with your offhand weapon (within reason). Don’t get me wrong a property made katana is definitely a good sword but I don’t think it being shorter is one of its primary advantages
@@formerunitedstatespresiden1544 In order to not get it caught on everything while using your primary weapons, or in order to fight in closer quarters indoors. Or, simply to make them more wieldy. There's clearly a limit, else longswords would have five foot blades.
Edit: I never said being short was an advantage, I said that being short made it preferable as a sidearm in some ways. The thing about sidearms is that you don't use them that often, and usually when you do use them it's just to defend yourself until you can disengage or obtain a more suitable weapon.
Granted upon first creation the katana did live up to it's over hyping as they could slice through armor... Mongolian hardened leather armor that is. Plus as a blade with extremely forgiving cutting capabilities, allowing for less than perfect edge alignment, it doesn't compromise with it's thrusting capabilities which is often the trade off with sabers
The Logic here is - if you can hold the blade with a gauntlet and it DOESN'T slice your fingers off, It's not good enough
I FAIL TO SEE THE ISSUE HERE
At one point I wanted to add a weapon like that into my D&D campaign as a joke, the best sword in the game but it's so sharp they can't even wield it, but then I realized that my players would just find a way to attach it to a stick and make the best spear/glaive ever.
@@WillcraftAnimations And the blade is so sharp it slices through everything they attempt to use to attach it. Then they try simply jamming it into the end of the stick and it slices the stick right in half!
@@Nurk0m0rath See, if I did that they would be asking why it doesn't just fall through the ground and cuts its way to the center of the earth, and no matter what I respond with, they're gonna find a way to wrap it up in... ground. Cast Move Earth on it or something. Or if it's lying on some special altar that cannot be cut through by anything, they'll find a way to weaponize the altar. Carry it around as an impenetrable shield or something. I have learned to never underestimate the lengths players will go to in order to exploit the game.
@@WillcraftAnimations Ehh, true. Personally I would be asking why such a sword exists if it isn't intended to be used in some way, and think that if the handle wasn't functional it must be intended for some type of telekinetic user. But you could give it some kind of cautionary legend about how the sword killed the smith and the man who ordered the weapon, and ended up destroying an entire kingdom as one attempted user after another fell to the unstoppable weapon. But then you'd have to ask, how did it get to where the players would find it?
"do you keep the real swords in the back ?"
Shad : *whomdt's have awaken me from my eternal slumber ???*
The fact that I understood every single word the sword salesman said proves that I’m a nerd.
Same....
Me too. I feel so proud of myself, lol.
Me who's the exact opposite: ahhh I see
Hate to break it to you, but I think the weeb not understanding the words used was meant to emphasise that the weeb was dumber than most. Even still, context clues exist, making it pretty simple to understand if one doesn't know one of the words. If anything it means you know how to use something taught in middle school; that could still be impressive though, if you're hanging out with specific people.
Me too so is that good or bad
I used to be one of the katana fan boys, and this "satire" isn't far off.
Perhaps how far off this is depends on how old you were.
@@krustykrabemployeepatricks3709 I was in my early 20's at the time, and didn't know dick about swords.
Well id say everything is f*ckin deadly in the hands of someone who really knows what hes doing.
So i would also say:
Im not affraid of one that got a gun but doesnt know how to use it properly,
but the one with a sword who really knows what hes doing i very much have respect for.
Since people aren't rolling around in armor a katana is still enough to kill someone. People are acting like a katana is made of plastic. Is it the most practical sword? No, but are any of the nerds on here really here for practicality? It's just all about preference, it's fine to like katanas.
@@highcosmonaut7255 a baseball bat would do the trick too though
"Katanas are so brittle and weak, they would shatter upon impact against a longsword" Trust me, theres weirdos in HEMA too 😂
"The iron used was the worst of all the world... even though it really was also used by eu lol"
Makes me wonder what would the Japanese have done if they had better quality materials
@lucifer the Great evil beast morningstar you ain't wrong there they would probably do it.
Fair but a katana would in no possible way be able to take down a fully plated knight at least unless they found weak spots in the armor.
@@dylanschmeichel2008 Blades aren't made to go againts armor, no matter what blade. It's why blunt weapons were invented.
On a roll of 1 to hit is when the plasma sword explodes.
Crits on any roll higher than 16, deals magical slashing damage, but completely unusable after it explodes. You'll be lucky if you can get it out of the dungeon
@@LuckySketches 3D6 fire damage (because even though it is technically plasma, the rules only allow for fire or acid damage, duh) but when it explodes take 3d6 flame damage except with a successful wisdom check, as the user notices a fuck-up in the sound of the gas flow in time to discard the system and run! Maybe a dex check too...
@@defenderofwisdom Two saves for only 3d6 damage of the most resisted type? You're pretty generous.
@@LuckySketches Better than the so-called "god" that made every person and home highly susceptible to flame damage in this universe. Can't even roll a dice to avoid a burn.
Please tell me, were you referenssing warhammer or dnd?
"Folded a million times." So, you turned steel back into iron?
Da fuck are u talking about, it doesn't matter how many times u fold still it can never be turned to iron
@@kiritosenpai1501 Realistically no, but technically yes. Folding introduces oxygen which reduces the carbon in the steel. Eventually turning it back into iron. Now realistically that'd never happen, but also you'd never realistically fold it a million times.
@@timothypeterson4781 that depends on what you would consider “folding”, would it be individually counting the number of times you fold or like a sort of “multiplier” (I don’t remember the specific term) I.e the “1st” fold is 2, the “2th” fold is 4, “3rd” is 8, etc.
@@Tam-Ezrac Ahh, but the line wasn't "one million folds" it was "folded one million times" that is an action.
@@timothypeterson4781 In which case it was my mistake, I apologize
"Real as an honest politician"
*Why would you say something so controversial but so... brave ?*
controversial?
@@LiveErrors Yea all things considered hating politicians is an instinct, in this day and age. That's how fucked politics in general is.
@@omarabe26 there's literally a world's biggest liar competition that's been going on since atleast 2003 and no politicians are allowed to compete so the sentiment isn't as new as you think
@@omarabe26 I'd say it's more that doing so openly has been normalized
@@rikospostmodernlife Yeah, in like 1972.
I was totally expecting the weeb to come in and adenoidally rasp “Dude, do you have a **katana**?” And mispronounce “katana”. This was hilarious.
Cat-uh-nyuh
"And if you really have to go against full platearmor, you unscrew the pommel and..."
Weeb: *is armed with the most dangerous sword ever*
Me, an intellectual: *stabs him from the safe distance of a spear's length*
Me with an archery license
@@PvtParts-wf7nl Wait you need a license for that?
@@maximilienrobespierre7927 in Australia, yes
"...and have part of the bladesmith's soul in the sword."
"Believe me. They wouldn't have enough soul left to give after dealing with a certain kind of customer."😂😂😂 gold
Amateur, didn’t even try to sell him the most expensive sword in the store.
Nah pal, would be a waste of metal.
@@rafaelribeiromendes8188 well I’d rather sell someone a sword they just keep in their attic somewhere than be listed as an accomplice in a probably really cool looking homicide by sword. That’s why all my swords break on impact! Because nobody’s gonna use it as long as it looks cool!
@@pungoblin9377 do they know that it's gonna break on impact?!
@@eternallk1ngs_57 not until they use it. And they never will
@@pungoblin9377 Because the situation that calls for a sword to be used is so desperate you just want something to smack your foe. Hey at least you can try to stab with it, one way or the other it may defend you.
“I don’t want a slab of metal that crushes armor, I want a blade that can slice through it like butter”
Ah I see well if you want a blade that can cut armor but isn’t a blunt slab, you might want to try the axe smith down the street.
And then you have me
"Sees a Zweihänder"
Me:"I'll buy your entire stock"
"A sword that cuts everything... I would never sell this to the likes of you!" xD
I love the blade shop roleplays. They have weirdly always been my favorite!
Same, always wanted to see more of them.
I want to like this comment but...
Good sir, there in a niche in bladeshop fanfic. If you not agreesir i will throw the pommel to a fight.😛
*Pulls out Zweihänder."
Weeb: Why is it so tiny?
Probably looking to imitate Sephiroth.
A regular dark souls fan*
The sword under the black curved one looks like it’s just meant to hit someone over the head and give them brain damage
Pretty sure that the scabbard is still on that one
That is a sword designed for running and cutting, not for combat, so it does not require a sharp point
The sword above it looks like a reverse spear
To be fair, most swords striking a head would give you brain damage
A Turtle has approved this satire.
Imagine being beaten by a straw
My brother? Is that you?
We meet again.
@@darthgroundhog8717 or a plastic bag
Human used STRAW ATTACK
Critical hit
It's super effective!
A Turtle fainted.
That Albion Knecht at the end made me figure out how evil Skal really is...
This sword requires much skill to use effectively. In all honesty it’s a chess sword whereas the katana is a checkers sword and quite effective in the hands of an untrained or poorly trained person.
@@john-paulsilke893 is it true?
@@Thecopperleadthread true that to become reasonably competitive with a Katana in several weeks of training? Yes you can become quickly very effective with this sword, but to master it requires decades. It’s very much like the small sword only the opposite. The katana can slash or push super easily and because of the wide grip, (although very short blade) it is not easily redirected. The small sword excels at stabbing and since it is so short it is very difficult to smack the tip away before it is in contact and thus already doing its damage. (Drunken English would challenge very well trained French soldiers to duels and rush in and overwhelm them and plunge the sword deeply into vitals while suffering terrible but survivable deep slashes).
Of course if your opponent realizes you are an amateur and treats you as such and rushes you, well frankly you are well and truly screwed. But if they try to duel you and you bull your way past their horrific slashes you actually have a very decent chance.
The expression, “the greatest swordsman does not fear the second greatest. He fears the bold student” is not completely without merit.
@@john-paulsilke893 you've told me nothing that didn't know, since i do HEMA and i am an history enthusiast. Btw my fav sword is the bolognese sidesword but i like italian dueling sabers, estocs, rapiers of any kind and epée de combat too. Also, i see you've watched Matt Easton's video about "unskilled aggressive opponents" uh? 😂😂😂😂
@@Thecopperleadthread yes indeed I did watch Matt’s video. It merely confirmed my experiences in training duels. Easy to slap around some muscles up doufus who hold his sword like a baseball bat, but honestly they can surprise and overwhelm you quite easily.
"Arms to use during waking hours" well that was a jab
Yeh, that one really cracked me up
To be fare I had no clue what he was saying, the way he was trying to say it
He ain’t be joking about those cardboard cut. They hurt like hell.
joe wants to know your location
the worst is when you pick up a box with a serrated seam on the back corner and your grip slips.
I got a cardboard cut on my hand nearly 20 years ago, still have the scar.
i legit cut myself with grass when i was young.
@@swolzer oof been there too you would never expect some grass to be as sharp as it is.
"I want a blade that will slice through armour like butter."
"Who are you fighting that wears armour like butter?"
"As real as an honest politician." That was my favorite line. Awesome video, Skall.
"The only thing nastier than a paper-cut, is a *cardboard* cut." Woof, true. Opening boxes and dealing with stuff like that 8 hours a day, I feel this on a nearly bone-deep level.
as someone that never experience it, i dont even know how you get cardboard cut
I used to pack and cut open boxes 15 hours a day and would toss a back and forth from hand to hand like it was nothing, and the ONLY thing i ever cut myself on was corrogated cardboard. And i cut myself BAD. That shit acts exactly like a hacksaw blade on human flesh. Especially in the winter.
@@danielmick5236 the edge of corrogated cardboard is like a dull hacksaw blade
@@danielmick5236 If you work opening boxes, especially with a factory-fresh box knife or something, or if the edge of the cardboard flap hasn't been dented or anything, then some of the edges can be very sharp. It's like a papercut, but *THICC.* You get careless, you let your hand or forearm slide... well, yeah. It's super-bad.
that sounds scary.........Time to make cardboard katana i guess
Skall doesn't hate katanas. See, he absolutely ADORES this nice German model!
German/European swords >>> asian swords
@@Ravioli_-vd4wb i'd agree with that if i was fighting a medieval european, since japanese swords were mostly used against wooden armour with hints of iron, but i dont care what i use if i was fighting a normal intruder in my home
@@swoluigi3828 actually against a modern home invader that scimitar styled blade would be preferred. Armor is uncommon these days. They are typically quite thin and light. A shorter blade is more reliable in a cluttered home environment.
@@draegonspawn5361 i still do not care what bladed weapon i use, i still would probably use a katana since its my heritage, but if it cuts, then it cuts
@@swoluigi3828 then I hope it be made with modern steel, folded low quality iron swords are brittle
There is a french fantasy book series called "the agent of shadows" by Michel Robert. One of the secondary characters that pops up from time to time is maurice, a blade merchant, exentric, mysterious and with semi divine powers, and with exquisite manners and politeness. Your character really made me think of that, it's uncanny it's exactly how i portrayed him
...are you Michel Robert?
@@h3lblad3 I think he combined "how I picture him" and "how the author portrays him"
Spelling it as exentricism is kinda weird, but peculiar to me
Personally, I wonder how well the sword-seller does against his greatest business rival, The Pommels Arms-Dealer.
Or the potion seller
Or the spear shopkeeper
Or the Catapult Connoisseur.
Or the mace maker
Or the trident trader
Best historical combat youtuber on the internet thanks for educating us.
Sword- cuts everything.
Also sword- doesn’t cut shoulder
It wasn't double sided
Skall btfo
We are at an age where satire and reality are difficult to distinguish from one another. I've had the unfortunate displeasure of running into more than a few katana fanboys who think they're able to cut through both time and space. They're always baffled why I would prefer a nice robust arming sword or claymore.
"Prefer" for what? I am assuming there is a reason why japanese Smiths didn't _make_ claymores and designed the Katana instead?
Personally, I would prefer a good spear to a sword, but I definitely prefer an arming sword and a shield to a katana.
@@Alexander_Kale Because a katana is way cheaper to produce
@@Alexander_Kale they’re from completely different parts of the world, of course they’re not gonna make the same weapon smh.
I love katana because they are sexy, that's it XD
If we are talking about practicality: spear (reach), bow (also reach) and daggers or small sword with shield are preferable for me
Still love katana the most tho
This is literally me when I show my knife collection to someone! “Yeah but which one is the bEsT and sHArPeSt oNe?”😂😂
You should answer "well I mean they can all kill you......."
@@TogetherInAHell but which one can kill you the bestest?????
@@TechnoMinarchist *pulls out the hidden knife* THIS ONE *stabs throat*
Best knife is the one you have, the worst knife is what your opponent holds.
And from all my various pieces of metal... The sharpest are definitely my shaving blades, followed very closely by tomato knife and then there are wood cutting knifes, but those might use a little bit of sharpening, I worked on some hicory...
"Just give me the sharpest blade you have"
(Gives him a straight razor)
Broken glass has the sharpest edge of anything.
Obsidian
"Just give me the sharpest blade you have"
(Gives him a flint knife)
@@PaletoB obsidian is used for corneal surgery
Actually I would love to visit that shopkeeper's store. He would be able to get me the right weapon for whatever I needed
Reminds me of the blacksmith of the Inheritance cycle.
Same, also maybe some throwing knifes as well for fun.
yeah the boys at ace hardware never understand a ball peen hammer can only get you so far in combat
Can i get a tee shirt of steampunk skall saying "as real as an honest politician"
but.. steampunk skall exists though?
I would buy that too 😂
“Things are getting out of hand, now there are two of them!”
“We never should have made this bargain.”
Is a roob actually a weeb who has been rolling in the dirt, in the same way a katana is a piece of chinese iron that has been smeared with Muck
Men of culture.
So a Hunter walks into a Blade Shoppe.
"So, I'm looking for a Whirligig Saw."
"I'm looking for a blade that can cut through pizza like butter"
"So, I'm looking for a impact phial Charge Blade"
Buzz
Beasts: How dare you! We are savage monsters, not pizza!!
Hunter: Haha Whirligig go burrrrrrrrrrr
@@aaaargh8545 That's just asking to be given a baseball bat. It cuts through both equally well, after all.
This is just working retail in a nutshell.
Amen to that. Working retail and waiting tables full very quickly make you hate people.
And that's before the creepy old men repeatedly ask for your number and grab your shoulders/ put a hand on your back. If I ever get called "babydoll" again I'm going to scream. I'm so glad I quit last month.
''Like I'd sell this to anyone'' beautiful
Knight fanbois: "We must cleans the land of weebs! Deus vult!"
Samurai fanbois: "Those clunky boys stand no chance. Weeks of analyzing anime sword combat has prepared us for this moment."
Primitive weapon lovers : "Hehe... thump stick go bonk."
All jokes aside, good content. I liked when the shop keeper was trying to explain the diversity of swords. The customer didn't want a sword, he wanted a lightsaber. To be fair though, so do I.😁
i don't need your fancy plate armor or your anime swords, all i need is a turtle shell strapped to my chest with deer tendon, a fistful of hallucinogenic mushrooms, and me hammer!
Vikings: *Raiding intensifies*
@@ntrunnrracl Master Roshi, is that you?
@@ntrunnrracl primitive weopon folks generally go more for bows and atlatls
Us scimitar fans just watching quietly in the back
"As real as an honest politician"
DEAD
I know a Politician who thought that she was totally honest. Mind you that she was raised by Political extremists, was a political extremist herself(off the chart of the political compass) and had numerous mental illnesses( including schizoaffective disorder). The thing of it was outside of politics she was a real sweetheart of a (crazy) girl.
"Realx, it's a parody"
"I'm relaxed, this is a parody"
"A (I watched forged in fire once) blacksmith walks into a blade shop."
"As real as an Honest Politician..." best line ever