As fellow trash, I can't express how refreshing it is to hear accountability. I agree - men have played a vital part in *gestures broadly at everything* but if we want to repair the relationship between men and women (don't even get me started on Black men & women) then we need honest dialogue and responsibility
i agree. it upsets me when i see how in some relationships men are lowkey manipulated into apologising just for peace when she also needs to apologise too. we're all gonna mess up but for me as a woman it's really important that i can own up to my wrongs and take accountability and i don't just blame him for every issue. it is not fair that men are expected to take all accountability when women also have some things to own up to too.
“as fellow trash” really did it for me. LOL but absolutely sir! not only do we need honest dialogue & responsibility, but we need to leave our pain, bitterness, & biases at the door and show some COMPASSION for our fellow 🗑mates. we all need to heal and mature in our respective journeys.
@@chillie000 some people are 35 with a 12 y/o mind so it is painful for them lol that’s why we need compassion. for the ones who have been coddled and sheltered so much by their parents or community that taking accountability for making a mistake actually IS painful 😂
I agree, I hate the broke shaming in particular. Especially if you say you want a provider, then don't shame them when they're trying to earn an honest living.
The funniest part about broke shaming is that a large amount of the people who do it can't provide the very things that they demand and call other people broke for not wanting to give.
I was having this same conversation with my friend yesterday. Like, relationships are at a standstill because both sides are refusing to bring anything to the table and/or be vulnerable.
Trruuee either one sides bring more and the other seems unreasonably entitled whilst the other side brings nothing. Could switch between either the male or the female
@@thebenevolentpatriarch424 you don’t ‘attract’ who you are. people don’t attract abusers. it can happy to anyone. This mentality says that people ‘deserve’ it, and that’s wrong.
Yeh grow up. This is the problem. Men do not have the emotional intelligence for this sort of conversation. Look at how you come with misogyny instead of empathy.
If someone asks you "What do you bring to the table?" Ask them "What would you like me to bring to the table?". I think that's what matters the most. Some men mock women when they list domestic abilities yet there are some who claim that's exactly what they want from a woman. Also, if someone is under the impression the woman "brings nothing to the table", I question why they'd want to persue a relationship or marriage with one at all.
@Lost Soul that’s the theoretical idea they want but they don’t even have a man yet so they don’t know that’s not gonna work, and disclaimer this isn’t all women in our generation there’s too many different people and perspectives to confine it all to a simple idea
DUUUDEEEE!!!!!! I'm a women and I used to watch those alpha podcasts cause I wanted to know what guys actually want. At first they used to talk sense about how some women (SOME) don't have accountability and take advantage of how society views them in court. But then it just turned toxic and then they started sounding like the women that say"kill all men" that they despise so much. And then when they brought the topic of what do women bring to the table, they would, in defence, list the things they bring to the table and all they ever listed were material things like money, "financial stability", a house etc. And it's probably because I'm still 18, but I do not care about any of those things. Plus it's 2022! Women work too and are fully capable of buying themselves their own houses and being financially stable FOR THEMSELVES. What I would look for in a man is if he can protect me. And not protect as in fight off bad guys, but small things like protecting my honour, or to protect my heart and comfort me when I need comfort, but also tell me when I am wrong (respectfully though).
The women pandering to each other is soo real! We all need to speak the truth no matter how much it hurts, it's the only way to get better! Appreciate all of your insights in such a clear manner Adella, both us women and men need to work on being better for each other! 💯
Yeah I did that and a friend flipped the script on me😂😂 "you're my friend, you should be on my side but tour kicking me when I'm down" Me being me🌚😂😂kept my foot on her neck! Right is right and wrong us wrong
Love this conversation on toxic femininity! As a woman, when I hear a woman arrogantly say that what she “brings to the table” is her looks, therefore she deserves to be treated like a princess, and he gotta buy me x/y/z, it makes me cringe. How can you complain about being objectified and say “men are trash” because you believe men only want to use women for sex/our bodies etc., yet at the same time expect to be treated like royalty *because* of that body/your looks? You’re placing value on the very thing you criticize men for (solely) valuing, yet expect to still use that to your advantage. Essentially, you’re objectifying yourself because your argument of what you bring to the table is your physical appearance. But then you complain about men not wanting anything to do with you beyond the physical. It’s so contradictory. Of all the things we can be as women, achieve as women, do as women - in today’s day and age, you got girls who would rather put more effort into their physical appearance than their personalities, education, morals and character. I’m not saying women should not take care of themselves, but it has gone overboard to the point where sis believes she’s the prize because she’s “beautiful.” Rude, entitled, doesn’t make a lot of money or have a proper job, no education, but it’s ok, because being “beautiful” should be enough for a man who makes over six figures to marry me. Seriously? Lol it’s like some of these women are looking to be trophy wives with the hope that they won’t be treated as trophy wives. It’s delusion IMO. And I blame social media and certain female rappers for promoting this type of mindset. “He gotta buy me x y and z” - sis, if you can’t even afford it yourself who are you to arrogantly demand it? The arrogance and entitlement is crazy. And this is a female issue across the board, not just within certain groups.
Often these contradictory things don't come from the same woman. Different women believe and expect different things, so it's frustrating when men think we're inconsistent while actually so many views on gender roles just exist independently from each other. But yes, from time to time I do hear some women talking in a way that shows they're being pretty blind to their own lack of humility and generosity in relationships.
@@emmatessier600 yes I agree, I’m not saying all women think like this, I am talking about the women who have this mentality. And by “across the board” I meant that this mentality is not attached to one particular race or culture, it’s prevalent in multiple races/cultures, although again, not all women are like this.
I just went thru a really bad break up and realized how trash I was….he was trash first but I definitely out trashed him 😅. It was a lesson tho, growing and glowing ✨
It’s hard to be balanced based on evidence. While in college, I worked in a hospital in radiology and saw so many really terrible, tragic situations - gun shot wounds, broken bones, raped children and women - all perpetrated by one group of individuals. This town is home to a historical B college an 80% B, run by dem BP. Some of the highest rates of AIDS in the country. Flat out refusal to use protection and non-compliance in taking meds for STD’s. This was all before HIPAA laws and medical people spilled all the tea. I want to be fair but I am not and will not pretend to be blind.
Ooof, the open-mindedness, the measured rationale, the careful consideration of phrasing. Immaculate. Good job. Hoping our collective desire for equality means that we'll start holding each other to the same standards, regardless of our identities.
Since I let go of gender roles and stopped viewing myself as the woman and my partner as the man in the relationship (I know see both of us as completely equal human beings) I have become way less toxic.
YES!!!!! i agree with everything you’re saying. i’ve noticed the double standard thing and talk about it all the time, like how are u gonna act like you’re an independent woman but then expect everything paid for? i also wanna say thank you for coming from a place of LOVE (unlike kevin samuels lol). i would much rather hear it from someone who has love for women in their heart than someone who is so clearly biased towards one side. even if you are biased towards girls a bit, you acknowledge it and still keep it real towards both sides. love this channel ❤️❤️
My dear, 2+2=4 Whether I scream at top of my lungs, whisper to you after sex or speak normally, it's the same 4. Women like to to be pandered to. The sad part is when you become mushy to them all the time, they stop respecting you as a man
@@ufuomaojomaikre1466 who said you have to be mushy to them all the time lolll. I think any girl that’s aware should be able to admit they don’t want a man ‘mushy’ to them ALL the time. But I think for some ppl who can’t take Kevin samuels delivery, they would be able to take this better. Ultimately receiving the message is the goal. So what’s the problem with this comment ? Lol
@@lilshayin He is SUPER HARSH to men; however, no one gaf about male feelings enough for it to go viral. *I'm not defending* how he talks to women, but that's just a fact. Dudes aren't as willing to call in to be humiliated, which is ironic. 🤔 And no.. I don't rock with KS like that. Lol
Accountability means not expecting anyone to do YOUR inner work. Each individual already has enough on their plate. You are NOT their parents. Recommend counseling, books, therapy, etc. Establish healthy boundaries and never feel bad for doing what’s right for you.
You know what is great? Figuring out what lifestyle you want, then figuring out your maximum earning potential and pursuing the education and work experience necessary to reach your potential. Ladies, you do not have to worry about “landing” a high income man. You can earn the life you want yourself.
Honesty is so important I’ve been learning how to tell the truth in such away that people aren’t hurt and to accept criticism without being offended. We all have weaknesses. Christ is made strong in our weakness. I want to get better.
I do think there's a difference between the things women say (esp to a female audience - i.e. posturing) vs do. For example, you can say "I don't want to build with a man" and believe it because you're imagining an average man you may not like. However, if a guy you like comes along but hasn't gotten his things together yet, you might just jump onto it
I think it kind of depends. I think when women say this they mostly mean they don’t want to put in a bunch of financial and emotional labor (especially when they most likely will not also receive that). When I met my ex, he was still in university while I had graduated 2 years prior, and had a good job already despite him being older. But I had no problem doing small things like looking over his assignments , comforting him after a long day, etc. I never had to go out my way to do anything to support him and we were still together through his graduation and getting a nice job as well. I think way more women would be ok with what I did vs what some men would expect of women in that situation.
@@kaykay197 yeah I think some men youd meet and know youd be happy to build with them. They already show good promise and a good work ethic and are kind and generous with you. But the ones online that talk about how women dont want to build one second, and then in the next talk about their plans to either be able to cheat or control their woman... are just a big NO case lol
A thing that really frustrates me is when I see a woman who wants to be equal to men, but then also want to be treated like a “lady.” Women complaining about how chivalry is dead while wanting to be treated like other men. It’s a double bind situation. It’s saying I want equal treatment and I also want special treatment. Chivalry was the special treatment women received so that they would tolerate being controlled by men. If you want to be in control of yourself you can’t also then demand that strangers take care of you. As a human who has been abused by both men and women, humans, no matter their sexual orientation, ethnicity, skin color, religion, or age are capable of becoming toxic. No one is immune from the possibility of becoming a toxic person. We are all required to learn and grow if we want to continue to be authentic to ourselves and others.
I had to apologize to a man I was messing with on andnoff for 6 years almost. He thought me so much about myself, i blamed him for the way he treated me and made feel. I felt so much anger for him not seeing my worth when all along it was all me. I knew I deserved better but I put up with him and his mistreatment, I stayed and I complained. It was sad hearing myself apologize but I had to do it. I allowed it and blamed him. Accountability is hard but once you do it you start to expect better from yourself.
On POINT. I love the key titles, especially because I've noticed that women’s opinions on empowerment, dating, friendships and fashion/style are becoming more and more delusional. It’s important that we tap into networks, thoughts, opinions that we aren't comfortable with (Listen to men speak about their reality, listen to women speak about their growth process, learning curves and maturity). Adella being from London is adding a necessary voice to TH-cam! You are important. As it pertains to dating, we move as if some of us don't have brothers or will have sons and I don't like it. “We can't be critical of men and be just like men.” *mic drop* - more of us need to focus on developing self-worth v self-esteem. We've got the latter but the aforementioned hmmm... & it can be confusing with all the mixed messaging across the net but taking the time to process our feelings and disconnect from impulsivity will help. Ladies, your power is in your ability to be patient and calm yet assertive (direct with no giggles) Adella is being pretty assertive in her videos, learn from her... Trust me. Our voices (feminine energy = if you're a woman this is automatic BTW, men know this but we seem to be confused), intuition (inner being) flexibility (quick to adapt), creativity (beauty, hair, work), intellect (experiences x academia) and speed (completing a task) are top tier and enough for us to lean into for a) confidence purposes b) the ability to grow in empathy, kindness towards ourselves (rid shame) & one another. That's why I think its hard to do without being rooted in a spiritual practice, without coupling this with God (Bible for me, it speaks on assertive inquisitive women (i.e. Sheba) but on how to forgive, let go, move away from those who harm us and love) the lines between men and women will be blurred. And low-frequency behaviour like jealousy, deceit, competitiveness and emotional manipulation will thrive.
You make some good points. However, both toxic masculinity and femininity stem out of the patriarchal system unfortunately. Also, toxic masculinity is dangerous and literally kills people, the traits in women you mentioned simply don't. We all should be working on ourselves, but the society as a whole has to abandon patriarchy and to do so men have to get involved and recognise it as a problem.
It’s crazy we live in a world where having an ego is praised which leaves us with a punch of people who believe that they can never be wrong and everybody else is wrong 😐 like we’re all humans we keep learning and learning new things each day put having this arrogant mentality is not only paralysing to ones life but also cause emotional damage to people around you. This is what toxicity is
If we could talk about men being toxic with this same level of gentleness and this same mentality of *"being so victimized that it makes one into a victimizer"* that this video affords women then we could actually start to have some productive conversations.
I just wanna say Adella, I'm so so proud of you! I have been following you since (cornflakesnosugar) and seeing the GROWTH of your channel. It's absolutely beautiful! I'm really missing your vlogs, but the essay videos are totally worth it! Shout out to Keith as well! anyways. back to the video. Thoughts; You always speaking facts, one thing I like to say is that; we are all sheep lol. There are lots of opinions we sometimes have that are based on what's ''popular'' at the time. Some of the standards I see of woman.. I'm just like wow do I have low self-esteem or something because I ain't thinking about alla that lol. I always remind myself with relationships is that we see the high moments, yes that pic was cute with all the flowers and presents but homegirl didn't tell twitter that she told him what she wanted. But now you have a whole bunch of women expecting men to read their minds. Or popular statements like '' if its real love (soulmate), It will be easy, yall will just flow'' and it's like no it will not because we are human beings that are flawed, and yes we will have to work to make things work. We all need to humble ourselves. All this you are a queen, you deserve it all will lead you to say no to people who might not have it together now, but will be in the future. And i''m not just talking about potential, I'm talking about simple grace. We need to extend that more. Love is kind.. love is PATIENT. ;) Anyways, get us together Adella, as you should.
Yeah I came to this conclusion too. One side blames the other for the same thing they also do, for having human reactions. But still why are there so many more women than men admitting that?
Why are there so many more women admitting that than men? Because you only pay attention to women doing it, probably. Unless you're a statistical analyst whose done some data science to actually look at the data about that answers this question particularly, it's not correct to make presumptuous conclusions. Given the fact that you're most likely not a statistical analyst who has researched this topic, I'd say that you've only come to this conclusion because you have certain...biases.
@@nicelypenn because I know how to observe people, sometimes anecdotal stats play a big role too, for things that are not easy to be studied. People like you who hide behind their finger and refuse the obvious are so tiring to me
@@nicelypenn can YOU admit how unwilling men are to communicate? Or how indifferent they are to women's problems? Cause I can about women's side pin point our flaws but God for it a man does it, not to mention how you all are willing to overlook the toxicity of trp but condemn feminism for far less!!!
@@lolanaenamilo2395 Well I guess I can just address both of your comments here in this one reply. tl;dr (only because a lot of humans have a problem with reading anything more than three sentences): Objective evidence that disproves your opinion: just wtahc TH-cam channels from male content creators similar to Vaush, Destiny, Hasan Abi, this way you can actually see how many hundreds of thousands, millions, etc. of men who are actually willing to communicate and be sensitive to women's problems. For your first comment: Obviously, by your superior observational skills compared to mine since obviously I'm just incapable of observing things like how you do, must know more than I do about these uncountably different groups of men that exist. That's why you can make the obvious conclusion that there are no such groups of men who want to communicate and considerate to women and their plights exist because YOU'VE never observed them, right? That must be how the world works! An individual human's observation is what dictates the collapse of the quanta, obviously. lol Also statistics are, by definition, not anecdotal. Something tells me you're kind of not smart, so I'm going to take your insult implying me being arrogant about ignorance with a grain of salt. For your second comment: I will not admit that men, as a general group, are unwilling to communicate with women because men as a group don't operate that way. There are subgroups of the group of men who are more than willing to work and communicate with subgroups of women to structure society that these two groups view society should be. There are also subgroups of men who are not willing to do that. There are also subgroups of men who are willing to do it, but only if certain conditions are met. The whole list of abstractions goes on and on. In any case, the fact remains that men as a general group is kind of a flawed metric to make criticisms upon, hence why I won't make this admission. The same logic is true about men being indifferent. The same is true about men and their opinions about trp and pretty much everything you're complaining about. Weird how generalizations work. :/
@@nicelypenn boy if you don't get out of here with your boasting. Kind of not smart, English is just not my first language, but you really are not good at observing so I get it. Also my little einstein sure these people exist but they are not the mainstream. Go take a look at the numbers of the two sides and then you can tell me how not obvious this is and my observations are invalid. Please do not reply to my comment, people like you are so tiring to me.
I love this video... anyone else notice how hard it is for her to even tell the truth to fellow women. Lol love you for this tho sis... you’re helping the community
Well if he wants a traditional wife, then a traditional wife doesn’t pay bills. She would be cooking, cleaning, and if they have kids then focus on the kids.
It was only during 2020 quarantine that I realised why woman tend to complain about household chores, it's because we expected to do EVERYTHING! household chores, child rearing and also work full time to pay these bills... It's alot. When covid hirt I was the best house wife, because I actually was happy and had the energy to focua on just that. So men need to choose, if you want a stepford wife then you need to be the sole provider... Can't have both.
@@sbonelocele3711 100%! In this day and age, where most of the population needs to have both parties working full time jobs, and then one is expected to come home and fulfil all the household cooking and cleaning, it’s just not realistic. Leads to resentment over time. You really do need to be in an amazing financial position to be a housewife or househusband.
This is accurate. I’ve found that too many men aren’t able to have this conversation without then justifying abuse and then blaming victims for abuse however, so I can never engage with it lol. People are constantly trying to figure out why they shouldn’t empathize with survivors of abuse instead of figuring out if they partake in that abuse and the cycle of it. Like with megan and “but what did she do?”
The accuracies that you are spitting in this video. As a woman that doesn't mind building with my partner, I get attacked for promoting "struggle" love. I would never advise dating someone who has no desire to work but I you're dating someone and you see that they are working on growing what's wrong with that? Also, I don't believe in double standards. Treat people the way that you want to be treated. I think people make life more difficult than it has to be. I would much rather prefer my women friends be honest with me than just enable my behavior if I'm genuinely doing something wrong.
Some women in the name of so called correcting you will drag you and shame you. Good enough that maybe Adella afadi is saying she's for ladies that's good yet most other women are driven disgustingly by unnecessary unreasonable envy or wicked jealousy and this wicked vice will at least cause them to according to them correct you yet drrraaaggg you Shame and possibly abuse you. This being the truth
Women can be toxic, I see no lies. My theory however is we go through quite a bit, this can lead to a build up of anger and frustration. It also makes us dismiss men's feelings because in a way we compare what we go through to their experiences. We look at their issues as ' small problems' compared to what we go through. Not their fault, not making an excuse but just giving some context.
you dont know the issues as you've never been a man. You won't know the issues because we don't talk about it - at least not to women. Its like taking advice on menstruation from a man...yeah. You go through your bit and let us go through ours too, lets leave it at that. None is worse or better than the other, just sacrifices for the betterment of Family and society at large.
@@strawberrie6491 sorry but moha has a point it’s not very friendly and kind of cold but that stuff sounds so needy and you end up pushing those problems onto men since “we have it easy” apparently. I see it in lots of women they struggle when growing up and don’t really have time to think about others, and maybe everyone go through problems too, but most chicks become self aware eventually
@@zafiruzoma6234 Im not saying to push problems on to men. I'm saying men and women have differences and certain roles to play. I was speaking about women in general and how they are sensitive basically completely opposite from men. I understand these differences and think men and women should try to understand each other. I just think it would be good for men to show more care towards women basically I'm telling you that's what they want. Just like as women we need to realize that some of our emotions are irrational and its better to trust men more.
I think toxic femininity is when women, in whichever field (academics, sports, beauty etc...) put themselves against each other in order to get validated by men. Given the patriarchal structure of a decent amount of human societies, that is comprehensible. But when getting validated by men becomes your sole motivation for improvement in life and you forget how important it is to support your sisters (or anyone else who might get caught up in this) and your actions are not in line with the apparent "feminist" values you're trying to spread, that's when the toxicity of your behaviour arises. I think it's also important to mention that it's completely normal, especially for straight women, to want to attract men's attention through any sort of achievement display. Women are human beings who feel the need to be desired and seen too and these are totally respectable things. The toxicity I am referring to doesn't lay in what you do, but in why, how and for who you do what you do. In this case, striving for recognition instead of validation, building self-respect and self-compassion, accepting that at the end of the day, you're going to live with yourself for the rest of your life, so you better make choices that are truly in line with your values and not let anyone come between you and yourself, might be good steps to take in order to lead a healthier life and build more meaningful relationships. Idk... just thought I might share this in case it might help someone :)
Theres a verse in Psalms which says “Chaos calls to Chaos”, so its highly likely that if a woman keeps attracting trash , she is probably trash too 😂🤷🏾♀️
Eh, I don't necessarily agree with that being the case all of the time. There are good people who genuinely get the short end of the stuck in a lot of situations.
Interesting that you mention the book of Psalms and the Bible, because the Bible actually gives several examples of people who were good but still had bad things happen to them... I.e. Job who lost his family and possessions, Tamar who was raped by her brother Amnon , even Jesus himself was crucified despite being a good person. So would you say that those men and women were simply " attracting what they are? " If what you are saying is true then that means someone like Jesus was trash because he attracted people who wanted to crucify him. That is where this argument breaks down. I think its important that we take the Bible as a whole and read it in context of every thing else. The Bible clearly shows that people can be good and still have bad things happen to them. Sometimes you don't attract what you are, you attract the exact opposite of what you are.
@@bt9833 I get where you're coming from but I think you missed the mark a bit. Job was being actively tested by God, which is why he had to endure those struggles, it was to see how much faith that he had in God. As for Jesus he was a sacrificial lamb. Every bit of suffering that he endured was for a purpose. What Jesus and Job went through isn't equivalent to somebody attracting somebody horrible because they couldn't address their own flaws and issues.
@@joshuaagbettor5610 Actually I think you are the one who may be slightly missing the mark but to each his own. Please note that my original comment, also mentioned Tamar who was raped by her brother. My point was, there are many people in the bible and in real life who have had bad things happen to them.This does not mean that they are bad people who are simply "attracting what they are" . If you are looking at people at face value then its very easy to blame people for their misfortune but thats a very simplistic way of looking at things because life is more complex than that. Bad things also happen because bad people have agency and free will just as much as good people do. The reason why I referenced the book of Job is because when Job was being tested like you said, he had 3 friends who told him that he must have done something to deserve it. What then happened was that God had to show up and reveal to them that that was not the case. But without God doing that, they had assumed that it must have been Jobs fault that bad things were happening to him. If God had not revealed to them that Job was being tested, there would be no way of them knowing why things happened the way they did. Same thing with real life, unless it has been specifically revealed to you, its not ok to say that people are simply " attracting what they are ", for the simple reason that no one knows why these things happen. But what a lot of people like you and like the original commenter would do is to look at a person and assume that they are attracting what they are. I disagree with this notion and I think it's a form of victim blaming. I would never tell someone that people attract what they are because people, both good and bad have free will therefore that can be a very unfair statement to make. But sure , every one is welcome to their views. Have a nice one.
I was honestly kind of nervous that you were about to spew some classic pick-me ideology (lol) but i actually agree with pretty much everything you've said. and i might add, that i think that twitter gives a platform to the most toxic factions of every demographic. i hate when the manosphere use the most problematic females to justify their stances, and so on the flip-side, i think that women should stop highlighting the most toxic males so that we can get so righteously indignant all the time. it's toxic.
I have been screaming this at the top of my lung for YEARS! I’ve literally been saying DO NOT JUDGE SOMEONE BY THEIR GENDER! Judge them based on THEM! Yeah communicating between men and women is slightly different, but there’s really not that much of a difference between men and women as much as we like to think of it. Maybe some difference in medicine, psychiatry, and raising children, but that’s about where it stops.
There is a very important discussion that women need to have about the fact that women are deeply complicit with patriarchy. On some level, it just has to be fundamentally irreconcilable that women of their own agency will select men for dominance, specify that their men should be above them (dating up)...yet expect to dismantle patriarchy at large in society.
Exactly! 👏🏽 Finally someone talks about this women can as toxic as men too we all just gotta work on ourselves regardless what gender you are! 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽💖💖💖💖
Love this video Adella! I especially appreciated the statement of “we are critical of men but then want to become like men” Make it make sense🥲😂 Here’s to being better!
😂😂😂 lmao I appreciate you even posting this very real. "Why are you looking for someone you hate" Whew id argue many women hate men (macro) yet want men (micro) and have issues level setting that while dating in the real world
Not gonna lie, I knew this video was gonna bang because it's Adella. I love your content. On the video I think it's key to note that these toxic traits (some of em) aren't done because these people (men and women) are some heinous beings but sometimes we just don't know better
Just really appreciate the candor and articulating the argument. As a indirect member of trash, it’s really hard to move yourself and others from trash to recycling.
Okay but I have one note ‘the pressure we put on men to provide’ hunny we didn’t create that pressure, men did in the first place. Women literally used to be property & men had to work & the only ones allowed to work, under their societal rule. This expectation has continued on. And I agree there shouldn’t be pressure on men, or anyone to do that, if they don’t want to, but most of the time it’s self inflicted by men & many women provide for themselves nowadays. Also if some women are pressuring, which I personally haven’t seen but I’m sure happens won’t deny that; let’s not forget the wage gap, & sexism within obtaining job opportunities & connections based on sex. Maybe women who pressure men literally have no choice; they can’t get a high enough paying job in the same position/field. We don’t know the circumstances or if kids or whatever are involved. What we do know clear as day is the gender wage gap & expectation for men to work was not created or upheld by women. So if we see women pressuring men ask yourself; why are they doing that? Because it’s not just for the sake of it
“In this moment”🎼 intro made me laugh at little!😂 In all seriousness, pandering to each other is so true because if you as a woman don’t say something that’s expected, especially on Instagram or Twitter, you have “internalized misogyny” or you’re a “pickmeisha”🤦🏾♀️so a lot of times us women with different view just stay quiet and just laugh. These days many people a just use trigger words to the point it doesn’t trigger many people anymore instead of just respectfully disagreeing with someone.
I honestly wasn't expecting you to make such a video but anyway you said the truth. If I will add though that a major problem that exists in society is how we operate in dialectics, for example ( Redpill/manosphere world vs Diva Feminist ). Most issues are nuanced and require us to step out of this binary framework sometimes in order to become better versions of ourselves, and I say this as a man. What made the statement even better is one thing the modern world refuses to tell us and that is we are sinful. Sin being a move away from what God has ordained as good makes it harder for his grace to abide in us and for us to obey his commandments. Acknowledging our sin and relinquishing our pride to admit where we falter goes a long way to improving our relationship with God and making ourselves more accountable to him ,clergy and each other even in how we relate with the different sexes Well done
Okay, but toxic male traits are institutional and societal. From politics to religious dogma to media, they normalize or even praise toxic masculinity. Toxic femininity is NOT on the same level but it does have to be checked and recognized and I thank you for that.
I love intelligent people that are non-PC. Both genders have their issues and like to dwell in perpetual victumhood. Specifically girls my age that complain about sexual objectification but partake in OnlyFans, IG modeling, and sex work. And men that complain about gold-diggers but actively seek women for their looks and youth.
I don't understand how you equate sex workers to women who hate being sexually objectified. One is their job and the other occurs often in everyday life without the woman being sexual
After wading through the fecal flood that is most YT content, the Great Algorithm sometimes sees it fit to reward me for my resilience. This is one of those times.
![ร้อยพ่อพันแม่ - WanMai [Official MV]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/XY2pNYASEbg/mqdefault.jpg)
As fellow trash, I can't express how refreshing it is to hear accountability. I agree - men have played a vital part in *gestures broadly at everything* but if we want to repair the relationship between men and women (don't even get me started on Black men & women) then we need honest dialogue and responsibility
i agree. it upsets me when i see how in some relationships men are lowkey manipulated into apologising just for peace when she also needs to apologise too. we're all gonna mess up but for me as a woman it's really important that i can own up to my wrongs and take accountability and i don't just blame him for every issue. it is not fair that men are expected to take all accountability when women also have some things to own up to too.
“as fellow trash” really did it for me. LOL but absolutely sir! not only do we need honest dialogue & responsibility, but we need to leave our pain, bitterness, & biases at the door and show some COMPASSION for our fellow 🗑mates. we all need to heal and mature in our respective journeys.
@@gl0hen THIS. 🙏🏾
@@chillie000 some people are 35 with a 12 y/o mind so it is painful for them lol that’s why we need compassion. for the ones who have been coddled and sheltered so much by their parents or community that taking accountability for making a mistake actually IS painful 😂
"As fellow trash" 🤣
i swear if this was on twitter people would just dismiss the arguments as internalized misogyny and call you a pick me girl 😭
Goes directly to the lack of accountability point she mentioned innit
Forreal
I get called that all the time don’t even care no more I have my own brain and I’ll use it
lol twitter is keyboard social justice warrior central
@@Soneelicious Me too. I'm immune to it at this point lol.
I agree, I hate the broke shaming in particular. Especially if you say you want a provider, then don't shame them when they're trying to earn an honest living.
"Ooman nuh wan no bruk pakit man"
Don't worry if you're not Jamaican I can translate
The funniest part about broke shaming is that a large amount of the people who do it can't provide the very things that they demand and call other people broke for not wanting to give.
Yes!!
❤❤❤❤
I was having this same conversation with my friend yesterday. Like, relationships are at a standstill because both sides are refusing to bring anything to the table and/or be vulnerable.
Trruuee either one sides bring more and the other seems unreasonably entitled whilst the other side brings nothing. Could switch between either the male or the female
Bingo.
We accept trash and bum partners because we ourselves think that we aren't worthy of anything better. It's the worth/value issue for me.
Or maybe you attract what you are
@@thebenevolentpatriarch424 you don’t ‘attract’ who you are. people don’t attract abusers. it can happy to anyone. This mentality says that people ‘deserve’ it, and that’s wrong.
@@semmi98 the laws of attraction say this is true of some people hence my response began with the conjunction 'or'
Yeh grow up. This is the problem. Men do not have the emotional intelligence for this sort of conversation. Look at how you come with misogyny instead of empathy.
@@lemonpencil9099 ok mother
If someone asks you "What do you bring to the table?" Ask them "What would you like me to bring to the table?". I think that's what matters the most. Some men mock women when they list domestic abilities yet there are some who claim that's exactly what they want from a woman. Also, if someone is under the impression the woman "brings nothing to the table", I question why they'd want to persue a relationship or marriage with one at all.
Beautifully said, don’t mock or make jokes about qualities like cooking and cleaning that you desire in a woman. Make it make sense.
Good point, marriage is a scam and it’s not just the wedding day ladies
@Lost Soul that’s the theoretical idea they want but they don’t even have a man yet so they don’t know that’s not gonna work, and disclaimer this isn’t all women in our generation there’s too many different people and perspectives to confine it all to a simple idea
DUUUDEEEE!!!!!! I'm a women and I used to watch those alpha podcasts cause I wanted to know what guys actually want. At first they used to talk sense about how some women (SOME) don't have accountability and take advantage of how society views them in court. But then it just turned toxic and then they started sounding like the women that say"kill all men" that they despise so much. And then when they brought the topic of what do women bring to the table, they would, in defence, list the things they bring to the table and all they ever listed were material things like money, "financial stability", a house etc. And it's probably because I'm still 18, but I do not care about any of those things. Plus it's 2022! Women work too and are fully capable of buying themselves their own houses and being financially stable FOR THEMSELVES. What I would look for in a man is if he can protect me. And not protect as in fight off bad guys, but small things like protecting my honour, or to protect my heart and comfort me when I need comfort, but also tell me when I am wrong (respectfully though).
Children. Lol. Duh
The women pandering to each other is soo real! We all need to speak the truth no matter how much it hurts, it's the only way to get better! Appreciate all of your insights in such a clear manner Adella, both us women and men need to work on being better for each other! 💯
Yeah I did that and a friend flipped the script on me😂😂 "you're my friend, you should be on my side but tour kicking me when I'm down"
Me being me🌚😂😂kept my foot on her neck! Right is right and wrong us wrong
Love this conversation on toxic femininity! As a woman, when I hear a woman arrogantly say that what she “brings to the table” is her looks, therefore she deserves to be treated like a princess, and he gotta buy me x/y/z, it makes me cringe. How can you complain about being objectified and say “men are trash” because you believe men only want to use women for sex/our bodies etc., yet at the same time expect to be treated like royalty *because* of that body/your looks? You’re placing value on the very thing you criticize men for (solely) valuing, yet expect to still use that to your advantage. Essentially, you’re objectifying yourself because your argument of what you bring to the table is your physical appearance. But then you complain about men not wanting anything to do with you beyond the physical. It’s so contradictory. Of all the things we can be as women, achieve as women, do as women - in today’s day and age, you got girls who would rather put more effort into their physical appearance than their personalities, education, morals and character. I’m not saying women should not take care of themselves, but it has gone overboard to the point where sis believes she’s the prize because she’s “beautiful.” Rude, entitled, doesn’t make a lot of money or have a proper job, no education, but it’s ok, because being “beautiful” should be enough for a man who makes over six figures to marry me. Seriously? Lol it’s like some of these women are looking to be trophy wives with the hope that they won’t be treated as trophy wives. It’s delusion IMO. And I blame social media and certain female rappers for promoting this type of mindset. “He gotta buy me x y and z” - sis, if you can’t even afford it yourself who are you to arrogantly demand it? The arrogance and entitlement is crazy. And this is a female issue across the board, not just within certain groups.
💯 !!
Often these contradictory things don't come from the same woman. Different women believe and expect different things, so it's frustrating when men think we're inconsistent while actually so many views on gender roles just exist independently from each other. But yes, from time to time I do hear some women talking in a way that shows they're being pretty blind to their own lack of humility and generosity in relationships.
@@emmatessier600 yes I agree, I’m not saying all women think like this, I am talking about the women who have this mentality. And by “across the board” I meant that this mentality is not attached to one particular race or culture, it’s prevalent in multiple races/cultures, although again, not all women are like this.
Preach sis!! 💯🙌🏻
what a wonderful summary !
It's just toxic humanity at this point.
💯
💯
Finally smth we all can agree on😂👍🏽
yup!
💯💯
I just went thru a really bad break up and realized how trash I was….he was trash first but I definitely out trashed him 😅. It was a lesson tho, growing and glowing ✨
Oh my god girl your stock skyrocketed above the rest with that note
Too relatable
“Just cause we felt wronged, and therefor reacted, doesn’t mean we were wronged”🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 jesus
This is all accurate. We all trash lol
It’s hard to be balanced based on evidence. While in college, I worked in a hospital in radiology and saw so many really terrible, tragic situations - gun shot wounds, broken bones, raped children and women - all perpetrated by one group of individuals. This town is home to a historical B college an 80% B, run by dem BP. Some of the highest rates of AIDS in the country. Flat out refusal to use protection and non-compliance in taking meds for STD’s. This was all before HIPAA laws and medical people spilled all the tea. I want to be fair but I am not and will not pretend to be blind.
@@myrtle1234 Your comment has nothing to do with the video. Like at all. lol
Beta
Its all about feels logic say other wise
No we all aren’t that’s u
Your voice is so calming and you skin is glowing like a lightbulb
Ooof, the open-mindedness, the measured rationale, the careful consideration of phrasing.
Immaculate. Good job. Hoping our collective desire for equality means that we'll start holding each other to the same standards, regardless of our identities.
We all need therapy and more puppy kisses.
I concur! Especially since I rescued a puppy a month ago. And did the therapy years ago. 🥰🐶🥰🐶🥰
Truth !
Haha yes!
💯
Less BS and more of love and inner peace development
Since I let go of gender roles and stopped viewing myself as the woman and my partner as the man in the relationship (I know see both of us as completely equal human beings) I have become way less toxic.
@Hybrid Vigour LMAO
YES!!!!! i agree with everything you’re saying. i’ve noticed the double standard thing and talk about it all the time, like how are u gonna act like you’re an independent woman but then expect everything paid for? i also wanna say thank you for coming from a place of LOVE (unlike kevin samuels lol). i would much rather hear it from someone who has love for women in their heart than someone who is so clearly biased towards one side. even if you are biased towards girls a bit, you acknowledge it and still keep it real towards both sides. love this channel ❤️❤️
My dear, 2+2=4
Whether I scream at top of my lungs, whisper to you after sex or speak normally, it's the same 4. Women like to to be pandered to. The sad part is when you become mushy to them all the time, they stop respecting you as a man
@@ufuomaojomaikre1466 who said you have to be mushy to them all the time lolll. I think any girl that’s aware should be able to admit they don’t want a man ‘mushy’ to them ALL the time. But I think for some ppl who can’t take Kevin samuels delivery, they would be able to take this better. Ultimately receiving the message is the goal. So what’s the problem with this comment ? Lol
Kevin Samuels is even harsher on man do a little research before bringing up exemples.
You've obviously haven't truly watched and listened to KS after making such a statement!
@@lilshayin He is SUPER HARSH to men; however, no one gaf about male feelings enough for it to go viral. *I'm not defending* how he talks to women, but that's just a fact. Dudes aren't as willing to call in to be humiliated, which is ironic. 🤔
And no.. I don't rock with KS like that. Lol
Accountability means not expecting anyone to do YOUR inner work. Each individual already has enough on their plate. You are NOT their parents. Recommend counseling, books, therapy, etc. Establish healthy boundaries and never feel bad for doing what’s right for you.
You know what is great? Figuring out what lifestyle you want, then figuring out your maximum earning potential and pursuing the education and work experience necessary to reach your potential. Ladies, you do not have to worry about “landing” a high income man. You can earn the life you want yourself.
This is for the women but indirectly for us men…..there are a lot of liabilities out here. Respect and accountability is all I personally require.
Honesty is so important I’ve been learning how to tell the truth in such away that people aren’t hurt and to accept criticism without being offended. We all have weaknesses. Christ is made strong in our weakness. I want to get better.
Amen
I do think there's a difference between the things women say (esp to a female audience - i.e. posturing) vs do. For example, you can say "I don't want to build with a man" and believe it because you're imagining an average man you may not like. However, if a guy you like comes along but hasn't gotten his things together yet, you might just jump onto it
I think it kind of depends. I think when women say this they mostly mean they don’t want to put in a bunch of financial and emotional labor (especially when they most likely will not also receive that).
When I met my ex, he was still in university while I had graduated 2 years prior, and had a good job already despite him being older. But I had no problem doing small things like looking over his assignments , comforting him after a long day, etc. I never had to go out my way to do anything to support him and we were still together through his graduation and getting a nice job as well. I think way more women would be ok with what I did vs what some men would expect of women in that situation.
@@kaykay197 yeah I think some men youd meet and know youd be happy to build with them. They already show good promise and a good work ethic and are kind and generous with you. But the ones online that talk about how women dont want to build one second, and then in the next talk about their plans to either be able to cheat or control their woman... are just a big NO case lol
I'm glad you acknowledged this 😆
when it's directed to a female audience is 'posturing', when it's directed to a male audience it's propaganda. Men do this a lot too. People are funny
@@dipset4016 yeah men do this a lot too. Though this video is focused on the women
Ok this is the realest channel. I just love the way you approach topics and address them so respectfully while not encouraging trolls.
We have to understand that we need each other ...
this!!!! let's work together not against each other
@@faithkayy for sure.! I honestly think that this work begins individually
No we don't.
@@frivolousarguments8578 fr we don’t “need” anyone, but i do agree we should work together
Ding ding ding ding!
A thing that really frustrates me is when I see a woman who wants to be equal to men, but then also want to be treated like a “lady.” Women complaining about how chivalry is dead while wanting to be treated like other men. It’s a double bind situation. It’s saying I want equal treatment and I also want special treatment. Chivalry was the special treatment women received so that they would tolerate being controlled by men. If you want to be in control of yourself you can’t also then demand that strangers take care of you. As a human who has been abused by both men and women, humans, no matter their sexual orientation, ethnicity, skin color, religion, or age are capable of becoming toxic. No one is immune from the possibility of becoming a toxic person. We are all required to learn and grow if we want to continue to be authentic to ourselves and others.
This comment section is making me sub to this channel it's refreshing to see we haven't all lost our minds
We have, you're just coping.
This was a tough pill to swallow but definitely something I needed to hear, especially with that Kermit example 😭
I think one of the lessons in this video is that we focus too much on heterosexual relationships and the performance of it all.
Most relationships are heterosexual.
I had to apologize to a man I was messing with on andnoff for 6 years almost. He thought me so much about myself, i blamed him for the way he treated me and made feel. I felt so much anger for him not seeing my worth when all along it was all me. I knew I deserved better but I put up with him and his mistreatment, I stayed and I complained. It was sad hearing myself apologize but I had to do it. I allowed it and blamed him. Accountability is hard but once you do it you start to expect better from yourself.
Now why exactly would someone do that please blaming a man for your actions? How stupid can a person be please
@@Mo-zx4ez very stupid and sad I’m telling you
Thank you for being honest with yourself. It’s great to see how you can notice your flaws. Not many people can do that
@@khadijaaah._5315 look on the bright side she is taking accountability. This shows not all hope is lost
@@zafiruzoma6234 yah I see it’s good frrr
On POINT. I love the key titles, especially because I've noticed that women’s opinions on empowerment, dating, friendships and fashion/style are becoming more and more delusional. It’s important that we tap into networks, thoughts, opinions that we aren't comfortable with (Listen to men speak about their reality, listen to women speak about their growth process, learning curves and maturity). Adella being from London is adding a necessary voice to TH-cam! You are important. As it pertains to dating, we move as if some of us don't have brothers or will have sons and I don't like it. “We can't be critical of men and be just like men.” *mic drop* - more of us need to focus on developing self-worth v self-esteem. We've got the latter but the aforementioned hmmm... & it can be confusing with all the mixed messaging across the net but taking the time to process our feelings and disconnect from impulsivity will help. Ladies, your power is in your ability to be patient and calm yet assertive (direct with no giggles) Adella is being pretty assertive in her videos, learn from her... Trust me. Our voices (feminine energy = if you're a woman this is automatic BTW, men know this but we seem to be confused), intuition (inner being) flexibility (quick to adapt), creativity (beauty, hair, work), intellect (experiences x academia) and speed (completing a task) are top tier and enough for us to lean into for a) confidence purposes b) the ability to grow in empathy, kindness towards ourselves (rid shame) & one another. That's why I think its hard to do without being rooted in a spiritual practice, without coupling this with God (Bible for me, it speaks on assertive inquisitive women (i.e. Sheba) but on how to forgive, let go, move away from those who harm us and love) the lines between men and women will be blurred. And low-frequency behaviour like jealousy, deceit, competitiveness and emotional manipulation will thrive.
You make some good points. However, both toxic masculinity and femininity stem out of the patriarchal system unfortunately. Also, toxic masculinity is dangerous and literally kills people, the traits in women you mentioned simply don't. We all should be working on ourselves, but the society as a whole has to abandon patriarchy and to do so men have to get involved and recognise it as a problem.
Nah it just psychologically tortures, not any better than death tbh
You had me at the thumbnail 🤣🤣🤣
Saaaame🤣🤣🤣
You're far gentler on us than I personally am, but I'm glad you're broaching the topic.
Okay but the music, sound fx and editing? Come through post-production 😍
It’s crazy we live in a world where having an ego is praised which leaves us with a punch of people who believe that they can never be wrong and everybody else is wrong 😐 like we’re all humans we keep learning and learning new things each day put having this arrogant mentality is not only paralysing to ones life but also cause emotional damage to people around you. This is what toxicity is
Thank you for this, toxic feminist and toxic masculinity compound each other
Girl don’t let TikTok find you because they will tear you up, that platform is something else.
If we could talk about men being toxic with this same level of gentleness and this same mentality of *"being so victimized that it makes one into a victimizer"* that this video affords women then we could actually start to have some productive conversations.
I grew up with the saying “ correction is true love” so go off sis
I just wanna say Adella, I'm so so proud of you! I have been following you since (cornflakesnosugar) and seeing the GROWTH of your channel. It's absolutely beautiful! I'm really missing your vlogs, but the essay videos are totally worth it! Shout out to Keith as well! anyways. back to the video. Thoughts; You always speaking facts, one thing I like to say is that; we are all sheep lol. There are lots of opinions we sometimes have that are based on what's ''popular'' at the time. Some of the standards I see of woman.. I'm just like wow do I have low self-esteem or something because I ain't thinking about alla that lol. I always remind myself with relationships is that we see the high moments, yes that pic was cute with all the flowers and presents but homegirl didn't tell twitter that she told him what she wanted. But now you have a whole bunch of women expecting men to read their minds. Or popular statements like '' if its real love (soulmate), It will be easy, yall will just flow'' and it's like no it will not because we are human beings that are flawed, and yes we will have to work to make things work. We all need to humble ourselves. All this you are a queen, you deserve it all will lead you to say no to people who might not have it together now, but will be in the future. And i''m not just talking about potential, I'm talking about simple grace. We need to extend that more. Love is kind.. love is PATIENT. ;) Anyways, get us together Adella, as you should.
Yeah I came to this conclusion too. One side blames the other for the same thing they also do, for having human reactions. But still why are there so many more women than men admitting that?
Why are there so many more women admitting that than men? Because you only pay attention to women doing it, probably. Unless you're a statistical analyst whose done some data science to actually look at the data about that answers this question particularly, it's not correct to make presumptuous conclusions. Given the fact that you're most likely not a statistical analyst who has researched this topic, I'd say that you've only come to this conclusion because you have certain...biases.
@@nicelypenn because I know how to observe people, sometimes anecdotal stats play a big role too, for things that are not easy to be studied. People like you who hide behind their finger and refuse the obvious are so tiring to me
@@nicelypenn can YOU admit how unwilling men are to communicate? Or how indifferent they are to women's problems? Cause I can about women's side pin point our flaws but God for it a man does it, not to mention how you all are willing to overlook the toxicity of trp but condemn feminism for far less!!!
@@lolanaenamilo2395 Well I guess I can just address both of your comments here in this one reply.
tl;dr (only because a lot of humans have a problem with reading anything more than three sentences): Objective evidence that disproves your opinion: just wtahc TH-cam channels from male content creators similar to Vaush, Destiny, Hasan Abi, this way you can actually see how many hundreds of thousands, millions, etc. of men who are actually willing to communicate and be sensitive to women's problems.
For your first comment:
Obviously, by your superior observational skills compared to mine since obviously I'm just incapable of observing things like how you do, must know more than I do about these uncountably different groups of men that exist. That's why you can make the obvious conclusion that there are no such groups of men who want to communicate and considerate to women and their plights exist because YOU'VE never observed them, right? That must be how the world works! An individual human's observation is what dictates the collapse of the quanta, obviously. lol
Also statistics are, by definition, not anecdotal. Something tells me you're kind of not smart, so I'm going to take your insult implying me being arrogant about ignorance with a grain of salt.
For your second comment:
I will not admit that men, as a general group, are unwilling to communicate with women because men as a group don't operate that way. There are subgroups of the group of men who are more than willing to work and communicate with subgroups of women to structure society that these two groups view society should be. There are also subgroups of men who are not willing to do that. There are also subgroups of men who are willing to do it, but only if certain conditions are met. The whole list of abstractions goes on and on. In any case, the fact remains that men as a general group is kind of a flawed metric to make criticisms upon, hence why I won't make this admission. The same logic is true about men being indifferent. The same is true about men and their opinions about trp and pretty much everything you're complaining about. Weird how generalizations work. :/
@@nicelypenn boy if you don't get out of here with your boasting. Kind of not smart, English is just not my first language, but you really are not good at observing so I get it. Also my little einstein sure these people exist but they are not the mainstream. Go take a look at the numbers of the two sides and then you can tell me how not obvious this is and my observations are invalid. Please do not reply to my comment, people like you are so tiring to me.
This was the tough love I NEEDED to hear. Wow, I've just checked myself. Thank you for this content.
“Why are you looking for someone that you hate?” NO BUT REALLY, WHYYYY
I love this video... anyone else notice how hard it is for her to even tell the truth to fellow women. Lol love you for this tho sis... you’re helping the community
You're leading us sisters by your example, sis! You're holding yourself accountable and so should we. Keep telling the truth, sis!
Honestly there are flaws on both sides 💯 but there is always room for improvement and for everyone to work on becoming a better person.
Well if he wants a traditional wife, then a traditional wife doesn’t pay bills. She would be cooking, cleaning, and if they have kids then focus on the kids.
That's what masculine men want.
Funny, for the last decade just about all of you have been saying cooking and cleaning is slavery and oppression.
It was only during 2020 quarantine that I realised why woman tend to complain about household chores, it's because we expected to do EVERYTHING! household chores, child rearing and also work full time to pay these bills... It's alot. When covid hirt I was the best house wife, because I actually was happy and had the energy to focua on just that. So men need to choose, if you want a stepford wife then you need to be the sole provider... Can't have both.
@@sbonelocele3711 Yeah.... Feel like you haven't been picking good men.
@@sbonelocele3711 100%! In this day and age, where most of the population needs to have both parties working full time jobs, and then one is expected to come home and fulfil all the household cooking and cleaning, it’s just not realistic. Leads to resentment over time. You really do need to be in an amazing financial position to be a housewife or househusband.
This is accurate. I’ve found that too many men aren’t able to have this conversation without then justifying abuse and then blaming victims for abuse however, so I can never engage with it lol. People are constantly trying to figure out why they shouldn’t empathize with survivors of abuse instead of figuring out if they partake in that abuse and the cycle of it. Like with megan and “but what did she do?”
The accuracies that you are spitting in this video. As a woman that doesn't mind building with my partner, I get attacked for promoting "struggle" love. I would never advise dating someone who has no desire to work but I you're dating someone and you see that they are working on growing what's wrong with that? Also, I don't believe in double standards. Treat people the way that you want to be treated. I think people make life more difficult than it has to be. I would much rather prefer my women friends be honest with me than just enable my behavior if I'm genuinely doing something wrong.
Some women in the name of so called correcting you will drag you and shame you. Good enough that maybe Adella afadi is saying she's for ladies that's good yet most other women are driven disgustingly by unnecessary unreasonable envy or wicked jealousy and this wicked vice will at least cause them to according to them correct you yet drrraaaggg you Shame and possibly abuse you. This being the truth
I hope it works out for you, truly.. Since it hardly ever does
@@pelomk9022 thank you. Even if it doesn't God will have something better for me 😊
I think it’s important to respect other people’s choices. I wouldn’t chose to do that but that doesn’t mean that what you are doing is wrong for you.
Women need to understand what a hobosexual is.
I saw this sane video getting trashed on a hypocritical cesspool of a Reddit thread so I came here to give you my upvote.
"We can't be critical of men and yet try to be just like men." A fucking quote!
Women can be toxic, I see no lies. My theory however is we go through quite a bit, this can lead to a build up of anger and frustration. It also makes us dismiss men's feelings because in a way we compare what we go through to their experiences. We look at their issues as ' small problems' compared to what we go through. Not their fault, not making an excuse but just giving some context.
you dont know the issues as you've never been a man. You won't know the issues because we don't talk about it - at least not to women. Its like taking advice on menstruation from a man...yeah. You go through your bit and let us go through ours too, lets leave it at that. None is worse or better than the other, just sacrifices for the betterment of Family and society at large.
If women think like that then that's some truly pathological shit.lol
@@Mo-zx4ez ok
@@strawberrie6491 sorry but moha has a point it’s not very friendly and kind of cold but that stuff sounds so needy and you end up pushing those problems onto men since “we have it easy” apparently. I see it in lots of women they struggle when growing up and don’t really have time to think about others, and maybe everyone go through problems too, but most chicks become self aware eventually
@@zafiruzoma6234 Im not saying to push problems on to men. I'm saying men and women have differences and certain roles to play. I was speaking about women in general and how they are sensitive basically completely opposite from men. I understand these differences and think men and women should try to understand each other. I just think it would be good for men to show more care towards women basically I'm telling you that's what they want. Just like as women we need to realize that some of our emotions are irrational and its better to trust men more.
Absolutely. We are all one. Men and women are the same thing.
The Kermit the frog bit 🤣
The painful truth we need to hear and acknowledge. Well said, Adella 👏🏽
Well said Adella us ladies got some work to do this year.
I think toxic femininity is when women, in whichever field (academics, sports, beauty etc...) put themselves against each other in order to get validated by men. Given the patriarchal structure of a decent amount of human societies, that is comprehensible. But when getting validated by men becomes your sole motivation for improvement in life and you forget how important it is to support your sisters (or anyone else who might get caught up in this) and your actions are not in line with the apparent "feminist" values you're trying to spread, that's when the toxicity of your behaviour arises. I think it's also important to mention that it's completely normal, especially for straight women, to want to attract men's attention through any sort of achievement display. Women are human beings who feel the need to be desired and seen too and these are totally respectable things. The toxicity I am referring to doesn't lay in what you do, but in why, how and for who you do what you do. In this case, striving for recognition instead of validation, building self-respect and self-compassion, accepting that at the end of the day, you're going to live with yourself for the rest of your life, so you better make choices that are truly in line with your values and not let anyone come between you and yourself, might be good steps to take in order to lead a healthier life and build more meaningful relationships. Idk... just thought I might share this in case it might help someone :)
Theres a verse in Psalms which says “Chaos calls to Chaos”, so its highly likely that if a woman keeps attracting trash , she is probably trash too 😂🤷🏾♀️
Eh, I don't necessarily agree with that being the case all of the time. There are good people who genuinely get the short end of the stuck in a lot of situations.
Interesting that you mention the book of Psalms and the Bible, because the Bible actually gives several examples of people who were good but still had bad things happen to them... I.e. Job who lost his family and possessions, Tamar who was raped by her brother Amnon , even Jesus himself was crucified despite being a good person. So would you say that those men and women were simply
" attracting what they are? " If what you are saying is true then that means someone like Jesus was trash because he attracted people who wanted to crucify him. That is where this argument breaks down. I think its important that we take the Bible as a whole and read it in context of every thing else. The Bible clearly shows that people can be good and still have bad things happen to them. Sometimes you don't attract what you are,
you attract the exact opposite of what you are.
It could be a case of being attracted to what is “familiar.” Often what is familiar brings comfort. Sometimes that familiar thing is trash.
@@bt9833 I get where you're coming from but I think you missed the mark a bit. Job was being actively tested by God, which is why he had to endure those struggles, it was to see how much faith that he had in God. As for Jesus he was a sacrificial lamb. Every bit of suffering that he endured was for a purpose. What Jesus and Job went through isn't equivalent to somebody attracting somebody horrible because they couldn't address their own flaws and issues.
@@joshuaagbettor5610 Actually I think you are the one who may be slightly missing the mark but to each his own. Please note that my original comment, also mentioned Tamar who was raped by her brother. My point was, there are many people in the bible and in real life who have had bad things happen to them.This does not mean that they are bad people who are simply "attracting what they are" .
If you are looking at people at face value then its very easy to blame people for their misfortune but thats a very simplistic way of looking at things because life is more complex than that. Bad things also happen because bad people have agency and free will just as much as good people do.
The reason why I referenced the book of Job is because when Job was being tested like you said, he had 3 friends who told him that he must have done something to deserve it. What then happened was that God had to show up and reveal to them that that was not the case. But without God doing that, they had assumed that it must have been Jobs fault that bad things were happening to him. If God had not revealed to them that Job was being tested, there would be no way of them knowing why things happened the way they did.
Same thing with real life, unless it has been specifically revealed to you, its not ok to say that people are simply " attracting what they are ", for the simple reason that no one knows why these things happen. But what a lot of people like you and like the original commenter would do is to look at a person and assume that they are attracting what they are. I disagree with this notion and I think it's a form of victim blaming. I would never tell someone that people attract what they are because people, both good and bad have free will therefore that can be a very unfair statement to make.
But sure , every one is welcome to their views. Have a nice one.
That’s why I love Adella!
Really great video, Adella! I love the balanced view - like yes. Call men out, but women we too are not perfect. I really rate this 🧡🧡🧡
Yes just enjoying the self awareness we need at times
I so wanted to say this in a group where I felt we are all damaged but so many folks are in a denial
Accountability is the biggest one!
I was honestly kind of nervous that you were about to spew some classic pick-me ideology (lol) but i actually agree with pretty much everything you've said. and i might add, that i think that twitter gives a platform to the most toxic factions of every demographic. i hate when the manosphere use the most problematic females to justify their stances, and so on the flip-side, i think that women should stop highlighting the most toxic males so that we can get so righteously indignant all the time. it's toxic.
Just bc someone has a different opinion doesn’t mean they pick me you guys need to stop calling people that it’s rude and very damaging
Imagine being intolerant to people's opinions.
I have been screaming this at the top of my lung for YEARS! I’ve literally been saying DO NOT JUDGE SOMEONE BY THEIR GENDER! Judge them based on THEM! Yeah communicating between men and women is slightly different, but there’s really not that much of a difference between men and women as much as we like to think of it. Maybe some difference in medicine, psychiatry, and raising children, but that’s about where it stops.
Love the genuine honesty and understanding in this video.
Imagine being scared of correcting your fellow women 😂 Video Done!!!
There is a very important discussion that women need to have about the fact that women are deeply complicit with patriarchy. On some level, it just has to be fundamentally irreconcilable that women of their own agency will select men for dominance, specify that their men should be above them (dating up)...yet expect to dismantle patriarchy at large in society.
I feel you so so much on the double standards and accountability. We need to do better.
Exactly! 👏🏽 Finally someone talks about this women can as toxic as men too we all just gotta work on ourselves regardless what gender you are! 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽💖💖💖💖
THANK YOU one person said humans just aint shit sometimes.
You have made the video I was planning to make for a month. Sweeeet
Loool at the Kermit meme part 😂
Your face is so animated. I don’t think this would’ve been the same if it were audio only
This video is so real!! 👏🏾👏🏾
Love this video Adella! I especially appreciated the statement of “we are critical of men but then want to become like men”
Make it make sense🥲😂
Here’s to being better!
😂😂😂 lmao I appreciate you even posting this very real. "Why are you looking for someone you hate" Whew id argue many women hate men (macro) yet want men (micro) and have issues level setting that while dating in the real world
Not gonna lie, I knew this video was gonna bang because it's Adella. I love your content.
On the video I think it's key to note that these toxic traits (some of em) aren't done because these people (men and women) are some heinous beings but sometimes we just don't know better
Finally someone who had spoken my mind
Just really appreciate the candor and articulating the argument. As a indirect member of trash, it’s really hard to move yourself and others from trash to recycling.
So refreshing;intelligent conversation without the degradation.
Okay but I have one note ‘the pressure we put on men to provide’ hunny we didn’t create that pressure, men did in the first place. Women literally used to be property & men had to work & the only ones allowed to work, under their societal rule. This expectation has continued on. And I agree there shouldn’t be pressure on men, or anyone to do that, if they don’t want to, but most of the time it’s self inflicted by men & many women provide for themselves nowadays. Also if some women are pressuring, which I personally haven’t seen but I’m sure happens won’t deny that; let’s not forget the wage gap, & sexism within obtaining job opportunities & connections based on sex. Maybe women who pressure men literally have no choice; they can’t get a high enough paying job in the same position/field. We don’t know the circumstances or if kids or whatever are involved. What we do know clear as day is the gender wage gap & expectation for men to work was not created or upheld by women. So if we see women pressuring men ask yourself; why are they doing that? Because it’s not just for the sake of it
“In this moment”🎼 intro made me laugh at little!😂 In all seriousness, pandering to each other is so true because if you as a woman don’t say something that’s expected, especially on Instagram or Twitter, you have “internalized misogyny” or you’re a “pickmeisha”🤦🏾♀️so a lot of times us women with different view just stay quiet and just laugh. These days many people a just use trigger words to the point it doesn’t trigger many people anymore instead of just respectfully disagreeing with someone.
I honestly wasn't expecting you to make such a video but anyway you said the truth. If I will add though that a major problem that exists in society is how we operate in dialectics, for example ( Redpill/manosphere world vs Diva Feminist ). Most issues are nuanced and require us to step out of this binary framework sometimes in order to become better versions of ourselves, and I say this as a man. What made the statement even better is one thing the modern world refuses to tell us and that is we are sinful. Sin being a move away from what God has ordained as good makes it harder for his grace to abide in us and for us to obey his commandments. Acknowledging our sin and relinquishing our pride to admit where we falter goes a long way to improving our relationship with God and making ourselves more accountable to him ,clergy and each other even in how we relate with the different sexes
Well done
As a trash-man I have subscribed and left a like, even though no one asked me :)
Okay, but toxic male traits are institutional and societal. From politics to religious dogma to media, they normalize or even praise toxic masculinity. Toxic femininity is NOT on the same level but it does have to be checked and recognized and I thank you for that.
ADELLA!!!!!! As a woman, my response ... 😳👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏🙌
I love intelligent people that are non-PC. Both genders have their issues and like to dwell in perpetual victumhood. Specifically girls my age that complain about sexual objectification but partake in OnlyFans, IG modeling, and sex work. And men that complain about gold-diggers but actively seek women for their looks and youth.
I don't understand how you equate sex workers to women who hate being sexually objectified. One is their job and the other occurs often in everyday life without the woman being sexual
@@hailleification I'm talking about online sexual objectification. Women who complain yet willingly take part in the objectification of sex work.
After wading through the fecal flood that is most YT content, the Great Algorithm sometimes sees it fit to reward me for my resilience. This is one of those times.
THIS WAS SUCH A BALANCED VIDEO
I love tour dialogues. I was one of the ones who found you from the KS video but you gave it real thought and now we love it here
I will not be refered to as trash I am recyclable. Please protect nature and recycle ladies and gentlemen
Agreed! Especially the part about double standards. I was just ranting about this lol
This is the equality we were looking for yk
The beginning had me rolling! 😂😂😂
This is really interesting - but also omg what do we do??? We’re all trash
In the end of the day we get what we accept so before being critical of someone's else behaviour, we need to take accountability for ours.
I dont get why anyones expecting that their SO gives them something on demand every time.. it shouldnt be about that
This may be a weird comment but I love your teeth 💚
This is a Queen right here 💯