"I'm not questioning your honor, I am denying it's existence." You should have put that in there because that was the thrust of Tyrion's verbal spear into Slynt.
R M Yeah. D&D even improved on some of the dialogue scenes from the book (in my opinion) and added more since they didnt cling on to the POV style George has. So we got great scenes such as Jaime and Tywin while he was skinning that deer in the show. since Jaime isnt a POV character in the first book that scene doesn’t happen
@@TheXPERT891 I think it shows D&D are capable editors, not writers. They can take existing material and make it more concise for TV, and even improve on it, however when left to create something from whole cloth, they fall flat.
@@VincitOmniaVeritas7 In the books the scene is much longer with Tyrion taking his time to play with the mouse, with a conversation inquiring for information turning into a roast. At the "inquiring part", Slynt is asked why he thinks an officer under his command is unfit for heading the goldcloaks: "...A cripple too, lost his hand at Pyke, that’s what got him knighted. A poor trade, if you ask me, a hand for a ser.” [Slynt] laughed. “Ser Jacelyn thinks overmuch of himself and his honor, as I see it." After some time the roast ends with: Slynt: “Are you drunk? If you think I will sit here and have my honor questioned...” Tyrion “What honor is that? I do admit, you made a better bargain than Ser Jacelyn. A lordship and a castle for a spear thrust in the back, and you didn’t even need to thrust the spear.” IMHO this was probably a sicker burn for Slynt, but it worked thanks to a longer setup with a slower pacing more fitting for a book. Given the show's natural time constraints, I am impressed they condensed so much of the dynamics between the two characters in just a handful of sentences.
One other aspect I love is how Janos continually answers Tyrion directly and never sees the subtlety of the conversation. When Tyrion brings up Joffery and his age, Janos seems to notice Tyrion is measuring his loyalty. Janos tries to convince Tyrion that he is loyal no matter what, believing that to be a good thing in Tyrion's eyes when the complete opposite is true. When he mentions that the pendant is paltry he's not only mentioning that the pendant (and by subtext his position) is not worth the actions that he performed, it's not even worth what it is supposed to be. He killed a leader of a great house and was given a second rate reward, even the position did not give him what he desired. When Tyrion asks if he stabbed him in the back himself, Janos defends that it was he who did it. He did not give the order (and thus the credit) to another. Again, misunderstanding that by this involvement he is condemned in Tyrion's eyes. Tyrion lays traps directly in front of Janos and he trips every one
I've also always thought this whole subplot with Janos being sent to the wall is great for the world building. One of the problems with a story as geographically spread out as GoT is that the plots in the various corners of the world feel disconnected. By having characters like Janos quickly moved from the far south of King's Landing to the far north of The Wall, you're reminded that these aren't just a haphazard mix of several fantasy stories, but a whole interconnected epic tale.
@@Mike.Ivory.Music7 No because Jummy was implying (or at least we could infer) that if not for Janos the story would have those problems (being disconected). But that doesn't happen. I'm reading the first book, and Daenerys feels closer to the main story that it did on the TV series, at least to me.
The best line in all the books was after John Snow asked if Janos Slynt was refusing a direct order from his Lord Commander and Slynt said he was. The line from John Snow is simply, "Ed, fetch me a block."
@@shooterrick1 Well, the last time I read any of the books was about 2013, shop it's been a few years. On the same note, I can't remember of Dolorous Ed is one D or two. I literally just googled it and it's apparently two. Whoops.
I love that chapter so much. It felt like a trap for Slynt. Jon was fishing for an excuse to kill him from the start, he was so fucking mad. Jon in the show is a little too passive for Jon in ADWD. He's got more attitude.
Also, in the end of AGoT, Sansa wishes "that some hero would throw him down and cut off his head". I read somewhere that George says that wasn't an intentional foreshadowing, but still works, I loved reading that a second time.
To be fair, Hodor's awesome. I would love someone to do an edit of GOT with Hodor making all the big speeches, taking Tywin's place in stuff, and everyone still reacting like it was cleverer than anything they could have ever come up with.
Seasons 1-5: political backstabbing, fascinating dialogue, complex characters and story arcs Season 6: the Ramsay Bolton and Jon Snow Show (with a little of the above) Seasons 7-8: Daenerys burning things, Cercei being incompetent at being ruthless, Jon only having 1 line of Dialogue, Arya is invincible MVP, Cock Jokes.
@@RanMouri82, no, Arya is a video game main protagonist that slays dragons with tooth picks in the cutscenes and takes fall damage from walking down stairs during the actual gameplay. Thankfully, she has infinite full restores, so she‘s in the clear.
nah, already in season 5 dialogue dropped in quality. Since D&D went out of source material and started leaving important things out of the show (lake Aegon, Stoneheart and real Euron) and were on their own to finish the story they f8cked up hard.
8:20, the line “we have goldsmiths in Lannisport who could do better work” might also refer to the strategy of the Goldcloaks, saying that the Lannister’s could’ve handled the situation much better. The line about the red being a shade too much, in the same line of thought, indicates that Janos and the Golden Cloaks handled the situation with far too much bloodshed.
This is not the line in the book, though... considering he is talking about how GRRM writes dialogue, he probably wants to use dialogue actually written by GRRM. :D
""The Night Lands" is the second episode of the second season of Game of Thrones. It is the twelfth episode of the series overall. It premiered on April 8, 2012. It was written by David Benioff & D.B. Weiss and directed by Alan Taylor."
@@dreamkrusherjay2869 Officially yes, but considering the other garbage they wrote, I think it's pretty easy to tell when they got help and when they didn't.
Great choice in topic! One of my favorite lines in this chapter is the first one, which is "Janos Slynt was a butcher's son, and he laughed like a man cutting meat." It just has so much symbolism in it. Like how a butcher cuts things up after they are already dead, relating to how spineless and brutal Janos is for having betrayed Ned (Also that he wasnt even the one to do it). Tyrion is probably also thinking this as a status symbol, as he is the one with all the power in this situation being from high birth, and Janos is just the son of some butcher. Martin is really good at what he does, and I love these scene breakdowns!
I like how the book wrote this scene much better than how the show spun it. The show made it seem like Tyrin only exiled Janos because he betrayed the last hand he didn’t trust him. In the books, it was because he supported the king’s foolishness which caused an entire war that spread across Westeros. Much less selfish and even more justified. It shows Tyrion was concerned more with the fate of the Seven Kingdomst than the petty politics and backstabbings in King’s Landing.
Uh, have we read the same book? He wanted control over the guards first, because he fears Cersei and wants to win his little political war with her. In fact, he wanted Bronn at the head of the guards at first, but he thought they wouldn't follow a random mercenary. And Bronn, well"I'd asked how many" is not exacly a good person.
There's a lot more to be said about even this segment of dialogue. For instance, the choice of spear for Slynt's sigil is phallic, giving increased significance to Tyrion taking it in hand and leaving it on the floor. Slynt's golden cloak slipping away too is a clear metaphor for his affectations falling away. We see him stripped of regal paraphernalia even as Tyrion exposes him verbally. Additionally, you could look at the fact that Tyrion is being very loquacious - delivering extensive dialogue intended to obscure his direct meaning until he chooses to reveal it. That meaning needs to be drawn out, making the reader as well as Slynt apply an effort to find it. Slynt, in contrast, spurts brief, obvious replies, thus revealing his lack of intellectual depth. The mismatch is so obvious that we come away thinking Tyrion is brilliant and Slynt a fool, regardless of the specifics of what is said, simply by virtue of the fact that one is able to be expressive and nuanced while the other is blunt and lacking insight. Lots of great characterization going on there.
It would be nice if you had put examples of bad dialogue in there. Like when you showed the chessboard metaphor, the white tiles were named "leaps of logic". If you would've shown an example of that, I think it would've really showed me what to avoid.
“We need Cersei to call a truce.” “Let’s get a zombie to show her zombies are real.” “Yes, lets go north of the wall to get a zombie.” “Should we send an army?” “No, 8 guys should be enough.” “This is a wonderful plan. Good job team!”
At the same time, if you can't define a leap of logic, you probably don't have good enough control of logic to write fiction. I'm not trying to be deliberately offensive, but you'll probably take it that way.
this is a really small thing but i like how u put the kings arrival soundtrack in the background. anything with ramin djawadi in the background instantly becomes 10000x better.
I feel that G.R.R.M is a decent writer when it comes to his descriptions, but I feel he shows a lot rather than tells. However in his dialogue I think he may be unmatched. He has made so many awesome quotes and I find that he rarely ever has a cliche in his writing especially when it comes to his dialogue.
@@Wveth I read that as "I feel like he could improve a lot in his descriptive narrative, but at least he does the minimum of showing rather than telling"
This "Show, don't tell" doesn't really matter in GOT. You don't need a couple of anime flashbacks to knows about the character. Just be aware, Jaime's confession is only Jaime taking a bath while telling a story about a mad king and his betrayal. G.R.R.M knows when to tell the situation and when to show the situation, so it won't be boring. Also, I don't think showing isn't really that matters, the thing with other author is they only tell the story without giving it an impact. G.R.R.M on the other hand, while he just tells about Jaime situation the story that Jaime told is so impactful to his life like it really is happening (and also it doesn't only go to Jaime but some other character as well like the murder of Jon Arryn, chaos is a ladder, Oberyn Martell in casterly rocks and see baby Tyrion, etc)
Jaimie's confession happens in the lowest point of the character, and the show without flashbacks [S01-S04] thats the best way to do it Even more genius when paired with Brienne, his loyalty getting back and hand lost and he killed the King for greater good
Literally episodes 3 and 4 pushed me over the edge and provoked me to finally get the books, can't wait to see these characters competently handled again!
Return the Slab one of the best things about the books is the spectacular detail. every now and then he’ll write two pages of stuff about what the characters ate for breakfast
I'm binge watching all of your amazing content. You know when you listen to Carl Sagan or Stephen Hawking and you feel like your mind has been blown but you forget it ten minutes later and it feels like a dream? You are my cosmos.
I loved this! Please don’t stop!! These small videos have been a huge help towards my own book. I would like to see you break down a Daenerys Targaryen chapter. I honestly love how smart she is in the books. Astapor being my favorite scene. That battle plan! Or Yunkai. She’s a child, with Stannis’ tactical talents.
I have a degree in film and I still find your videos immensely useful. Not only have you improved upon my education but I frequently refer writers I am working with to your videos so when I push a rewrite I am all but assured that the new material will be smarter, more concise, and more in line with appropriate writing conventions. I cannot thank you enough. There is better writing in the world because of you.
I actually tried something like that once, I wrote a story that had the main character not say a thing. He wasn't mute but, was so distraught the whole time to talk. It was described that he'd had conversations but, he never officially spoke a line of dialogue. It was also all in second person. There was no I, it was like a story being told back to you.
Season 1-5: exploring the suffering of man through an overt war and a covert war(one within himself) Season 5-8: Postmodern Nihilism , nothing matters, you're stupid thus we will interpret the story for you after each episode, we'll only keep the characters who's actors we like in real life alive everyone else is as good as dead.
Nihilism isn’t postmodern, nihilism is romantic era philosophy. Derrida’s "nihilism" has very little to do with the actual historical philosophical concept.
Don't know how you got "postmodernism" from the later seasons. I got "we are out of books and ideas and don't know what to do so lets make it brainless and inconsistent Hollywood schlock"
Those Tyrion ACOK chapters were some of the best in the series if not the best. Tyrion is his best written character (like you said) and they involve a lot of politics in the thick of KL so they're so full of information, plot, character traits, etc. It's my favorite of the 5 ASOIAF books.
Great video essay as always! I think that dialogue works best in drama, when you want to reflect a character's decision or action, but not in a direct-active way, rather in an indirect way. Each word and line serves as a small action on its own, the same way lighting a fire or casting a spell are.
Another bit that I love when Tyrion asks for the pin, is he specifically asks for the pin that fastens Janos' cloak. Janos earned his position through his place as the head of King's Landing's guard force- the Gold Cloaks. When Tyrion takes the cloak pin away from him, it's with the intention of removing his golden cloak so he can replace it with the black one. The symbol of the Night's Watch.
@@ThatSpicyDragon The dialogue in lord of the rings managed to be great even with the "big shot" Sauron, so I dont get your point. The dialogue for the show used to be incredible because George RR Martin was part of it, but he isnt anymore and the show hasnt followed the books for a few seasons now. It is a relevant thing to point out because the writing is now the most glaring issue (arguably the only issue) the show has.
SpicyDragon I didn’t wanna play this card, but bro, I’ve read the books, so I have the authority to tell you the writing has significantly gone to shit in the show. Tyrion, a cynic, a genius, a cunning dude somehow genuinely thought his crazy sister cercei would fight for her enemy against the dead. Davos, a husband and father of 7 has completely forgotten he has a family and seems to get along fine with Tyrion who is responsible for the deaths of 4 of his children. Varys, the spymaster, the schemer, the eyes and ears of Westeros has literally no idea what’s going on around him, he’s been relegated to the butt of dumb eunuch jokes, is this what he had been scheming for for the entire series? Don’t get me started on littlefinger. Podrick, the underestimated and capable squire of Tyrion, is yet to be knighted (even tho he’s clearly a grown man) and is now just a random guy who’s great in bed. Bran is now the exposition robot. Arya, a Stark, sly and quick, is now a sociopath that cuts up bodies and cooks them into pies... and gendry somehow is in love with her now...
I'm not an expert on dialogue, but I've found that Oscar Wilde has written some of the best dialogue I've ever read. Especially in The Picture of Dorian Grey.
The infuriating thing is that the show writers came up with some of the best exchanges in the early seasons (e.g., "Chaos isn't a pit. Chaos is a ladder")
George still gave them an outline for how to end the show. And D&D exclusively wrote some of the best early season scenes: Varys and LF, Power is Power, Tywin and Arya, etc. It's not that they dont have any ability. They just dont care anymore
Your chessboard idea kinda explains the last two season. I felt like the writers had an end goal for the series in mind (like maybe they knew they wanted Danny to go mad and for cerci and Jamie to die together) but instead of getting there in a way that was planned out and made since they took leaps in logic and character development to get there. Idk this is just feel I got
You explain so well *__* other channels like this are also interesting but in an effort to sound competent they make things contrived, you get the information across easily and do it in an interesting way, can tell you are good writer just from this.
Wow this was good. I just finished writing my first comic book script and got good feedback from the editor but I still think my weak point is the dialogue so thank you for this
Writing like this is taken for granted in the moment. As with some pretty, egg-shaped rocks, however, true value is revealed when we take a fortunate look within.
@@cewic4909 tbh it caught me off guard too. Took me three seconds to get it was sarcasm. Probably because he was talking in a matter-of-fact way prior and during that line.
I think this was Tyrion's way of sentencing Janos to death for his actions without outright doing it. After all, he knew Jon was up there at the Wall 😉
Later on, Varys appears to discuss his riddle about where power lies. This dialog has already been an investigation into that theme. The Goldcloaks arrest Slynt on Tyrions orders, but if they had believed that the true power was with Slynt, they could just have easily arrested Tyrion on Slynts orders.
About characters that never speak, I once read a short novel told in a POV style from a character that never speaks and you never even know his name. And the way it's done is pretty clever.
"Martin's Best Written Character, the full-mouth half-man, Tyrion..." Me: Sounds about right "...and him verbally castrating our favourite slobbering invertebrate, Janos Slynt" Me: Who is that? Is that someone important?
Didn't Mr. Martin once say that Tyrion's chapters are very hard for him, because Tyrion will spout his quips and barbs as oneliners that will take the author sometimes half a day? I guess, the more intelligent your character, the harder the writing. I have read a few fanfics and that's were they often seem to fail pretty harshly.
Cool. I like these vids. I think you’ve got a new subscriber. Yes dialogue is most fun in movies!! Especially war movies. Fury. The scene where the simple, temporary tranquility of four adults sitting about is instantly ruined through entrance of other crew men. Is this a conversation that interests you? Struggle for power. Dynamic. Flow. Underlying tension. Or how about a Mallik monologue? Maybe a Fincher scene? Social network? Girl with dragon tattoo? Martins interrogations of Blomkvist in the dungeon? Or fight club. Tyler, Marla n narrator before big reveal. Thanks. Hope maybe my interests are intriguing to your channel. Stay gold
You are very correct in saying the dialogue is the hardest part - many a book i have read that had a great premise but the dialogue was shit. You know what happens then? i start skipping over shit cause my time is being wasted - i wanna know what happens but i cant be arsed to read the filler between plot points
I used to think overly relying on characters-and especially on their povs and dialogues - is cheap and should be avoided as much as possible but you convinced me otherwise. The thing is, it's damn hard to do it right.
It REALLY is. This is why it takes Martin sooooooo long to finish these books. When you are telling an entire novel from the direct POV of just 4 or 5 characters, you have to be incredibly careful about how much you tell the reader in any given chapter. This particular scene, as Savage said, is a fantastic example of that. We know what's going through Tyrion's mind leading up to this bit of dialogue (we think) and he is teasing us with the idea that he is laying out all the facts for us about what he is going to do, only...he isn't. It would have been all too easy for GRRM to write something like, "Tyrion knew he had to get Slynt out of the way, to strip Cersei and Joffrey of all their supporters and surround himself with only those people he could trust to be loyal to his own vision. He would start with Slynt, send him to the Wall. The man was an idiot and would not see it coming, and he would get himself into trouble once he arrived at Castle Black. The likelihood that Snow would be able to find a reason to execute him and take him off the board for good was high. Snow was a man of the North, after all, and strict about following the rules. Tyrion almost wished he could be there to see it when it finally happened. *Almost*. He shivered when thought about being on the Wall with Winter coming. Tyrion decided that it would be enough to see Slynt's face when when Tyrion told him his fate. He was smiling at the thought when Slynt entered the chamber." (Off the top of my head, so no, it's not good and not supposed to be.) GRRM did not do any of that, however. He surprised the reader at the same time he surprised Slynt, even though the whole meeting is told to us from Tyrion's POV. But crafting a scene like that takes more time and thought, obviously, and then when you put other POV characters into the mix, you have to make sure each of them is telling us something that ties in to what the others are saying, and no one is spoiling the reveal for another character, and then of course there is their location in the world to take into account and how long it takes each of them to travel from Point A to B so that someone already at point C is not jumping ahead of the plotline. This can be bad since it may lead to info dumps, unfortunately, (anyone get all the way through the Dorne chapters without skimming? All of a sudden, it felt like we were plopped down in a whole other story since we didn't see Dorne until 4 books in...) but when Martin is on the ball, it's sooo damn good.
I find it interesting how in this exchange, Tyrion seems to be almost in admiration of Ned. Is he just doing away with Slynt because he knows the man can’t be trusted or did he actually feel some grudging respect for the man Slynt helped kill? (Not mutually exclusive of course.)
Too bad Ernie didn’t see this video before he decided to throw together Ready Player One. Worst dialogue I’ve ever read in a book, incidentally contributed to being a trash book in general.
I keep hearing that, I've actually read the book in spanish and shared it with some friends, and that problem really ain't that apparent. Now I'm really curious to read it's original version
Look, I love your analysis. My only complaint is that the material you're analyzing requires more time than 10 minutes. I would really appreciate a podcast length analysis on this sort of material.
I hope D&D are watching *SAVAGE BOOKS* very closely, and ask, nay, *beg* for your assistance in whichever project they choose to attempt next! The writing in GOT sure did suffer once GRRM stepped away… and no one can reasonably say that anything after S4 was remotely watchable! I’ll happily wait for GRRM’s books!
@@Nobody-fb7ni i thought it was decent with some decent reunions, good chemistry from actors however they are moments of just pure cringe. Overall it should have been a good episode because it supposes to set up events for future however episode 3 came along and literally shat on it. Also never read the books
Nerd Zone! Thought episode 3 was great. Less bloody than I expected but have to see rest to say they could have killed off more characters. 4 was too up until Euron came in like that. Not a bad idea but you need some kind of dread there, surprise attack out of nowhere when she has dragons to scout is so ridiculous and honestly just feels random.
cosgrove360 honestly more I think about episode 3 the worse it gets, however it is ur own opinion and I respect that. Also yes that was stupid as hell she could have literally gone behind the ships as they no bows in that directions.
Summary in layman’s terms for my convenience: Creative use of character dialogue paired with focus and vision can result in scenes serving many different purposes effectively.
"Sunset found her squatting in the grass, groaning. By the time the moon came up she was shitting brown water. The more she drank the more she shat and the more she shat, the thirstier she grew."
SavageBooks you should really get into Babylon 5 if you think the writing of GoT was amazing, Babylon 5 is beyond amazing and unlike GoT it did not fall to pieces since it's creator was not reliant on books and also because the creator knew how the story was always going to end.
"George RR Martin has demonstrated a concept where the characters closely identify with their sigil" Except for the Boltons, who chose a sigil that says "don't fuck with us and you *probably* won't end up like this guy."
Good dialogue is watching a scene and it genuinely feels like people talking to each other. We the audience are like flies on the wall listening to a conversation rather than watching actors read lines. That’s just me.
Another thing I like about the scene is how easily Tyrion is dancing verbal circles around Slynt. As if he's found himself in a fight he didn't even know was happening. He's a worthless sycophant. Tyrion is removing him because he's an idiot and a coward.
It's interesting , you have a very similar illustration style to TIFO football and their stat breakdown videos. Was that a conscious influence or coincidence?
Sorry, but I don't know if I can agree with Mr. Datcher's advice. Dialogue being used to progress the plot usually comes off as a weak crutch. It can be done well, like anything in writing, but it needs fines to work or else it's boring exposition. To me, the sign of a genius writer is one that lays visuals clues in such a way that the reader/viewer can rely on his own cognitive faculties and encourage his own engagement.
season 8 Tyrion : "Because I have balls"
Season 8 Bran: "I am gonna go now"
Season 8 dragon: "Fus ro da"
Season 8 Night King: ":)"
Season 8 Sansa: "Does anyone else want to know the truth about Jon?"
Season 8 Arya to Jon and Sansa: "We're family, the last of the Starks"
*Rides off to Kingslanding and planning to not return*
"I'm not questioning your honor, I am denying it's existence." You should have put that in there because that was the thrust of Tyrion's verbal spear into Slynt.
a really great scene with Tyrion.
R M Nope.
R M Yeah. D&D even improved on some of the dialogue scenes from the book (in my opinion) and added more since they didnt cling on to the POV style George has. So we got great scenes such as Jaime and Tywin while he was skinning that deer in the show. since Jaime isnt a POV character in the first book that scene doesn’t happen
@@TheXPERT891 I think it shows D&D are capable editors, not writers. They can take existing material and make it more concise for TV, and even improve on it, however when left to create something from whole cloth, they fall flat.
@@VincitOmniaVeritas7 In the books the scene is much longer with Tyrion taking his time to play with the mouse, with a conversation inquiring for information turning into a roast. At the "inquiring part", Slynt is asked why he thinks an officer under his command is unfit for heading the goldcloaks:
"...A cripple too, lost his hand at Pyke, that’s what got him knighted. A poor trade, if you ask me, a hand for a ser.” [Slynt] laughed. “Ser Jacelyn thinks overmuch of himself and
his honor, as I see it."
After some time the roast ends with:
Slynt: “Are you drunk? If you think I will sit here and have my honor questioned...”
Tyrion “What honor is that? I do admit, you made a better bargain than Ser Jacelyn. A lordship and a castle for a spear thrust in the back, and you didn’t even need to thrust the spear.”
IMHO this was probably a sicker burn for Slynt, but it worked thanks to a longer setup with a slower pacing more fitting for a book. Given the show's natural time constraints, I am impressed they condensed so much of the dynamics between the two characters in just a handful of sentences.
One other aspect I love is how Janos continually answers Tyrion directly and never sees the subtlety of the conversation. When Tyrion brings up Joffery and his age, Janos seems to notice Tyrion is measuring his loyalty. Janos tries to convince Tyrion that he is loyal no matter what, believing that to be a good thing in Tyrion's eyes when the complete opposite is true.
When he mentions that the pendant is paltry he's not only mentioning that the pendant (and by subtext his position) is not worth the actions that he performed, it's not even worth what it is supposed to be. He killed a leader of a great house and was given a second rate reward, even the position did not give him what he desired.
When Tyrion asks if he stabbed him in the back himself, Janos defends that it was he who did it. He did not give the order (and thus the credit) to another. Again, misunderstanding that by this involvement he is condemned in Tyrion's eyes. Tyrion lays traps directly in front of Janos and he trips every one
Wow the writers of game of thrones really should watch game of thrones, they could learn a thing or two!
That is so sad because its true xD
read*
@Mistaken Rants that’s a funny way to pronounce read
@@herpydepth1204 thats a funny way to write 'write'.
God it's so satisfying to be the 1000th like on this comment
I've also always thought this whole subplot with Janos being sent to the wall is great for the world building. One of the problems with a story as geographically spread out as GoT is that the plots in the various corners of the world feel disconnected. By having characters like Janos quickly moved from the far south of King's Landing to the far north of The Wall, you're reminded that these aren't just a haphazard mix of several fantasy stories, but a whole interconnected epic tale.
Agreed
I disagree I see a huge ripple of cause and effect throughout the book series that effect the world of the series.
@@Argos-xb8ek you said "I disagree" then made the same point. I think you meant to say "I agree"
@@Mike.Ivory.Music7 No because Jummy was implying (or at least we could infer) that if not for Janos the story would have those problems (being disconected). But that doesn't happen. I'm reading the first book, and Daenerys feels closer to the main story that it did on the TV series, at least to me.
The various migrations of the Stark kids are good for that too.
The best line in all the books was after John Snow asked if Janos Slynt was refusing a direct order from his Lord Commander and Slynt said he was. The line from John Snow is simply, "Ed, fetch me a block."
Jon. Not John. How could you have read the books and still not know his name?
@@shooterrick1 Well, the last time I read any of the books was about 2013, shop it's been a few years. On the same note, I can't remember of Dolorous Ed is one D or two. I literally just googled it and it's apparently two. Whoops.
"Can I keep his boots?"
I love that chapter so much. It felt like a trap for Slynt. Jon was fishing for an excuse to kill him from the start, he was so fucking mad. Jon in the show is a little too passive for Jon in ADWD. He's got more attitude.
Also, in the end of AGoT, Sansa wishes "that some hero would throw him down and cut off his head". I read somewhere that George says that wasn't an intentional foreshadowing, but still works, I loved reading that a second time.
hearing hodor just say hodor again and again is better dialogue than the dialogue in s7 to s8.
Hodor!
To be fair, Hodor's awesome. I would love someone to do an edit of GOT with Hodor making all the big speeches, taking Tywin's place in stuff, and everyone still reacting like it was cleverer than anything they could have ever come up with.
Oh, that one time when he was like, "Hodor..." So awesome!
To be honest (and serious) that scene when Brann was evacuated and Hodor held the door for him was one of the best scenes in the show.
Because that dialogue match the actual story not the story afterwards
How intelligence is established in the show:
"You so smart!"
"Me know!"
"Me smart too!"
"Yes!"
Ugg do basic thinking good, Ugg must be genius, Ugg smarter than you.
You mean like in the toilet?
...
Sansa is the smartest person I know.
@@pikebasss *Arya gives her a knife*
Sansa: I dont know how to use it.
Seasons 1-5: political backstabbing, fascinating dialogue, complex characters and story arcs
Season 6: the Ramsay Bolton and Jon Snow Show (with a little of the above)
Seasons 7-8: Daenerys burning things, Cercei being incompetent at being ruthless, Jon only having 1 line of Dialogue, Arya is invincible MVP, Cock Jokes.
S8 Arya's also been called an "anime protagonist".
@antoine griezzman hence why I said “a little of the above”
@@RanMouri82, no, Arya is a video game main protagonist that slays dragons with tooth picks in the cutscenes and takes fall damage from walking down stairs during the actual gameplay.
Thankfully, she has infinite full restores, so she‘s in the clear.
u forgot teleportation for seasons 7-8
nah, already in season 5 dialogue dropped in quality. Since D&D went out of source material and started leaving important things out of the show (lake Aegon, Stoneheart and real Euron) and were on their own to finish the story they f8cked up hard.
8:20, the line “we have goldsmiths in Lannisport who could do better work” might also refer to the strategy of the Goldcloaks, saying that the Lannister’s could’ve handled the situation much better. The line about the red being a shade too much, in the same line of thought, indicates that Janos and the Golden Cloaks handled the situation with far too much bloodshed.
"I am not questioning your honor, I am denying its existence."*
This is not the line in the book, though... considering he is talking about how GRRM writes dialogue, he probably wants to use dialogue actually written by GRRM. :D
@@dreamkrusherjay2869 It has been written by GRRM Martin. He worked on the first seasons of the show as one of the primary writers.
@@Arcessitor
This episode was written by Benioff and Weiss, though...
""The Night Lands" is the second episode of the second season of Game of Thrones. It is the twelfth episode of the series overall. It premiered on April 8, 2012. It was written by David Benioff & D.B. Weiss and directed by Alan Taylor."
@@dreamkrusherjay2869 Officially yes, but considering the other garbage they wrote, I think it's pretty easy to tell when they got help and when they didn't.
Great choice in topic! One of my favorite lines in this chapter is the first one, which is "Janos Slynt was a butcher's son, and he laughed like a man cutting meat." It just has so much symbolism in it. Like how a butcher cuts things up after they are already dead, relating to how spineless and brutal Janos is for having betrayed Ned (Also that he wasnt even the one to do it). Tyrion is probably also thinking this as a status symbol, as he is the one with all the power in this situation being from high birth, and Janos is just the son of some butcher.
Martin is really good at what he does, and I love these scene breakdowns!
Debster's Tired
The sheer pedigree!
I like how the book wrote this scene much better than how the show spun it. The show made it seem like Tyrin only exiled Janos because he betrayed the last hand he didn’t trust him. In the books, it was because he supported the king’s foolishness which caused an entire war that spread across Westeros. Much less selfish and even more justified. It shows Tyrion was concerned more with the fate of the Seven Kingdomst than the petty politics and backstabbings in King’s Landing.
Uh, have we read the same book? He wanted control over the guards first, because he fears Cersei and wants to win his little political war with her. In fact, he wanted Bronn at the head of the guards at first, but he thought they wouldn't follow a random mercenary. And Bronn, well"I'd asked how many" is not exacly a good person.
My favourite line in all of GoT: "I am not questioning your honour, lord Janos, I am denying its existence." So, godamn Great.
There's a lot more to be said about even this segment of dialogue. For instance, the choice of spear for Slynt's sigil is phallic, giving increased significance to Tyrion taking it in hand and leaving it on the floor. Slynt's golden cloak slipping away too is a clear metaphor for his affectations falling away. We see him stripped of regal paraphernalia even as Tyrion exposes him verbally.
Additionally, you could look at the fact that Tyrion is being very loquacious - delivering extensive dialogue intended to obscure his direct meaning until he chooses to reveal it. That meaning needs to be drawn out, making the reader as well as Slynt apply an effort to find it. Slynt, in contrast, spurts brief, obvious replies, thus revealing his lack of intellectual depth. The mismatch is so obvious that we come away thinking Tyrion is brilliant and Slynt a fool, regardless of the specifics of what is said, simply by virtue of the fact that one is able to be expressive and nuanced while the other is blunt and lacking insight. Lots of great characterization going on there.
It would be nice if you had put examples of bad dialogue in there. Like when you showed the chessboard metaphor, the white tiles were named "leaps of logic". If you would've shown an example of that, I think it would've really showed me what to avoid.
Maybe a comparison with some of the terrible dialogue from the later seasons.
“We need Cersei to call a truce.” “Let’s get a zombie to show her zombies are real.” “Yes, lets go north of the wall to get a zombie.” “Should we send an army?” “No, 8 guys should be enough.” “This is a wonderful plan. Good job team!”
"You think you want a good girl, but you need a bad pussai"
At the same time, if you can't define a leap of logic, you probably don't have good enough control of logic to write fiction.
I'm not trying to be deliberately offensive, but you'll probably take it that way.
@@dreamkrusherjay2869 or maybe some of us are not native english speakers and some words or expressions can be confusing to us.
That chess board illustration was clever. Writing good, intelligent, compelling dialogue is the hardest part of writing for me
still one of the best, most in-depth youtube analysis channels out there right now. Keep it up man there's so much room to grow
Thank you man! I will keep on the grind!
"I'm not questioning your honor, I'm denying it's existence entirely."
Mwuhaha, that's my boy.
this is a really small thing but i like how u put the kings arrival soundtrack in the background. anything with ramin djawadi in the background instantly becomes 10000x better.
I feel that G.R.R.M is a decent writer when it comes to his descriptions, but I feel he shows a lot rather than tells. However in his dialogue I think he may be unmatched. He has made so many awesome quotes and I find that he rarely ever has a cliche in his writing especially when it comes to his dialogue.
"but I feel he shows a lot rather than tells" Uh, isn't that a good thing? The advice is "Show, don't tell."
@@Wveth I read that as "I feel like he could improve a lot in his descriptive narrative, but at least he does the minimum of showing rather than telling"
This "Show, don't tell" doesn't really matter in GOT. You don't need a couple of anime flashbacks to knows about the character. Just be aware, Jaime's confession is only Jaime taking a bath while telling a story about a mad king and his betrayal. G.R.R.M knows when to tell the situation and when to show the situation, so it won't be boring.
Also, I don't think showing isn't really that matters, the thing with other author is they only tell the story without giving it an impact. G.R.R.M on the other hand, while he just tells about Jaime situation the story that Jaime told is so impactful to his life like it really is happening (and also it doesn't only go to Jaime but some other character as well like the murder of Jon Arryn, chaos is a ladder, Oberyn Martell in casterly rocks and see baby Tyrion, etc)
Jaimie's confession happens in the lowest point of the character, and the show without flashbacks [S01-S04] thats the best way to do it
Even more genius when paired with Brienne, his loyalty getting back and hand lost and he killed the King for greater good
This crappy final season has done one good thing making people actually read again starting with the books of George Martin.
Literally episodes 3 and 4 pushed me over the edge and provoked me to finally get the books, can't wait to see these characters competently handled again!
Return the Slab one of the best things about the books is the spectacular detail. every now and then he’ll write two pages of stuff about what the characters ate for breakfast
Shawn Brink it was an exaggeration you big silly
Absolutely fantastic decision. The books are gems. You'll love it.
No kidding, started reading A Game of Thrones last week, Ghost gets pats in every chapter he's in.
I'm binge watching all of your amazing content. You know when you listen to Carl Sagan or Stephen Hawking and you feel like your mind has been blown but you forget it ten minutes later and it feels like a dream? You are my cosmos.
I loved this! Please don’t stop!! These small videos have been a huge help towards my own book.
I would like to see you break down a Daenerys Targaryen chapter. I honestly love how smart she is in the books. Astapor being my favorite scene. That battle plan! Or Yunkai. She’s a child, with Stannis’ tactical talents.
I have a degree in film and I still find your videos immensely useful. Not only have you improved upon my education but I frequently refer writers I am working with to your videos so when I push a rewrite I am all but assured that the new material will be smarter, more concise, and more in line with appropriate writing conventions. I cannot thank you enough. There is better writing in the world because of you.
GOT: broke
Ytube algorithm: *woke*
This man is a poet
I actually tried something like that once, I wrote a story that had the main character not say a thing. He wasn't mute but, was so distraught the whole time to talk. It was described that he'd had conversations but, he never officially spoke a line of dialogue. It was also all in second person. There was no I, it was like a story being told back to you.
Season 1-5: exploring the suffering of man through an overt war and a covert war(one within himself)
Season 5-8: Postmodern Nihilism , nothing matters, you're stupid thus we will interpret the story for you after each episode, we'll only keep the characters who's actors we like in real life alive everyone else is as good as dead.
Nihilism isn’t postmodern, nihilism is romantic era philosophy. Derrida’s "nihilism" has very little to do with the actual historical philosophical concept.
Don't know how you got "postmodernism" from the later seasons.
I got "we are out of books and ideas and don't know what to do so lets make it brainless and inconsistent Hollywood schlock"
Those Tyrion ACOK chapters were some of the best in the series if not the best. Tyrion is his best written character (like you said) and they involve a lot of politics in the thick of KL so they're so full of information, plot, character traits, etc. It's my favorite of the 5 ASOIAF books.
Didn't realise the layers in the dialogue before this video. Interesting stuff.
Great video essay as always!
I think that dialogue works best in drama, when you want to reflect a character's decision or action, but not in a direct-active way, rather in an indirect way. Each word and line serves as a small action on its own, the same way lighting a fire or casting a spell are.
I could preemptively like your vids. Idc if they affirm or challenge me. You've made me realize that those are both good
One of my favorite chapters in the audiobook, read by Roy Dotrice.
Another bit that I love when Tyrion asks for the pin, is he specifically asks for the pin that fastens Janos' cloak. Janos earned his position through his place as the head of King's Landing's guard force- the Gold Cloaks. When Tyrion takes the cloak pin away from him, it's with the intention of removing his golden cloak so he can replace it with the black one. The symbol of the Night's Watch.
All of this awesome dialogues were thrown in a garbage after GoT season 8 ep 3. None of it matters now that everything went absolutely bananas.
Jay Croix dialogue in the show has been poor for the last few seasons
Things started to go bananas way before season 8
@@ThatSpicyDragon The dialogue in lord of the rings managed to be great even with the "big shot" Sauron, so I dont get your point. The dialogue for the show used to be incredible because George RR Martin was part of it, but he isnt anymore and the show hasnt followed the books for a few seasons now. It is a relevant thing to point out because the writing is now the most glaring issue (arguably the only issue) the show has.
SpicyDragon I didn’t wanna play this card, but bro, I’ve read the books, so I have the authority to tell you the writing has significantly gone to shit in the show. Tyrion, a cynic, a genius, a cunning dude somehow genuinely thought his crazy sister cercei would fight for her enemy against the dead. Davos, a husband and father of 7 has completely forgotten he has a family and seems to get along fine with Tyrion who is responsible for the deaths of 4 of his children. Varys, the spymaster, the schemer, the eyes and ears of Westeros has literally no idea what’s going on around him, he’s been relegated to the butt of dumb eunuch jokes, is this what he had been scheming for for the entire series? Don’t get me started on littlefinger. Podrick, the underestimated and capable squire of Tyrion, is yet to be knighted (even tho he’s clearly a grown man) and is now just a random guy who’s great in bed. Bran is now the exposition robot. Arya, a Stark, sly and quick, is now a sociopath that cuts up bodies and cooks them into pies... and gendry somehow is in love with her now...
@@ThatSpicyDragon I am glad you see it that way, but every episode I watch post season 4 makes me cringe at least a few times
Wow. This really is helpful. Please do more of these!
I'm not an expert on dialogue, but I've found that Oscar Wilde has written some of the best dialogue I've ever read. Especially in The Picture of Dorian Grey.
The infuriating thing is that the show writers came up with some of the best exchanges in the early seasons (e.g., "Chaos isn't a pit. Chaos is a ladder")
Well grrm was involved in the earlier seasons.
George still gave them an outline for how to end the show. And D&D exclusively wrote some of the best early season scenes: Varys and LF, Power is Power, Tywin and Arya, etc.
It's not that they dont have any ability. They just dont care anymore
I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE this verbal spar.
Your chessboard idea kinda explains the last two season. I felt like the writers had an end goal for the series in mind (like maybe they knew they wanted Danny to go mad and for cerci and Jamie to die together) but instead of getting there in a way that was planned out and made since they took leaps in logic and character development to get there. Idk this is just feel I got
You explain so well *__* other channels like this are also interesting but in an effort to sound competent they make things contrived, you get the information across easily and do it in an interesting way, can tell you are good writer just from this.
Please do the breakdown of Tommen and Tywin when they’re standing over Joffreys body. It’s my favorite conversation in GOT.
I grade your performance;: Worthy to be viewed on Sunday, then you cannot go to church.
5:45
D&D: "So...we're supposed to step on the white squares right?"
Fantastic stuff. George is just incredible.
Wow this was good. I just finished writing my first comic book script and got good feedback from the editor but I still think my weak point is the dialogue so thank you for this
I just finished reading this part in the book, and it's amazing
Writing like this is taken for granted in the moment. As with some pretty, egg-shaped rocks, however, true value is revealed when we take a fortunate look within.
I honestly think if you were the one writing the scripts for this season, it would be 100x better.
One of the most satisfying conversation of the books.
"halfway decent"? that´s an understatement if i ever heard one
playermartin286 that was the point. He was being sarcastic
@@cewic4909 tbh it caught me off guard too. Took me three seconds to get it was sarcasm. Probably because he was talking in a matter-of-fact way prior and during that line.
I think this was Tyrion's way of sentencing Janos to death for his actions without outright doing it. After all, he knew Jon was up there at the Wall 😉
I love your videos on dialogue!
Later on, Varys appears to discuss his riddle about where power lies. This dialog has already been an investigation into that theme. The Goldcloaks arrest Slynt on Tyrions orders, but if they had believed that the true power was with Slynt, they could just have easily arrested Tyrion on Slynts orders.
and turn on the only Lannister in the room? That would've been a pretty moronic move on Slynt's part. The Wall is a mercy by that point.
This is the kind of writing that made Tyrion the best character in the book/show
Could you do another analysis of ASOIAF dialogue? You explain it so well and phew understand how to generate this sort of tight dialogue.
man, this made me want to read clash of the kings again...
About characters that never speak, I once read a short novel told in a POV style from a character that never speaks and you never even know his name. And the way it's done is pretty clever.
You don't see it often, however, because it's VERY hard to do it properly. When it's done well, though, it can blow your mind.
"Martin's Best Written Character, the full-mouth half-man, Tyrion..."
Me: Sounds about right
"...and him verbally castrating our favourite slobbering invertebrate, Janos Slynt"
Me: Who is that? Is that someone important?
He has powerful friends in Kings landing! Powerful friends!
You know what this reminds me of, Normal Human Conversation lol
This was excellent, good writing is harder to come by these days.
dude you're just super amazing
keep the great work bro
and plz more on bojack and rick
Didn't Mr. Martin once say that Tyrion's chapters are very hard for him, because Tyrion will spout his quips and barbs as oneliners that will take the author sometimes half a day? I guess, the more intelligent your character, the harder the writing. I have read a few fanfics and that's were they often seem to fail pretty harshly.
Cool. I like these vids. I think you’ve got a new subscriber.
Yes dialogue is most fun in movies!! Especially war movies.
Fury. The scene where the simple, temporary tranquility of four adults sitting about is instantly ruined through entrance of other crew men.
Is this a conversation that interests you? Struggle for power. Dynamic. Flow. Underlying tension.
Or how about a Mallik monologue?
Maybe a Fincher scene? Social network? Girl with dragon tattoo? Martins interrogations of Blomkvist in the dungeon?
Or fight club. Tyler, Marla n narrator before big reveal.
Thanks. Hope maybe my interests are intriguing to your channel.
Stay gold
5:55 Season 8 only had white tiles
*tiles
You are very correct in saying the dialogue is the hardest part - many a book i have read that had a great premise but the dialogue was shit. You know what happens then? i start skipping over shit cause my time is being wasted - i wanna know what happens but i cant be arsed to read the filler between plot points
Really enjoyed this one!
Easily one of the greatest scenes in the show as well
I used to think overly relying on characters-and especially on their povs and dialogues - is cheap and should be avoided as much as possible but you convinced me otherwise. The thing is, it's damn hard to do it right.
It REALLY is. This is why it takes Martin sooooooo long to finish these books. When you are telling an entire novel from the direct POV of just 4 or 5 characters, you have to be incredibly careful about how much you tell the reader in any given chapter.
This particular scene, as Savage said, is a fantastic example of that. We know what's going through Tyrion's mind leading up to this bit of dialogue (we think) and he is teasing us with the idea that he is laying out all the facts for us about what he is going to do, only...he isn't.
It would have been all too easy for GRRM to write something like, "Tyrion knew he had to get Slynt out of the way, to strip Cersei and Joffrey of all their supporters and surround himself with only those people he could trust to be loyal to his own vision. He would start with Slynt, send him to the Wall. The man was an idiot and would not see it coming, and he would get himself into trouble once he arrived at Castle Black. The likelihood that Snow would be able to find a reason to execute him and take him off the board for good was high. Snow was a man of the North, after all, and strict about following the rules. Tyrion almost wished he could be there to see it when it finally happened. *Almost*. He shivered when thought about being on the Wall with Winter coming. Tyrion decided that it would be enough to see Slynt's face when when Tyrion told him his fate. He was smiling at the thought when Slynt entered the chamber."
(Off the top of my head, so no, it's not good and not supposed to be.)
GRRM did not do any of that, however. He surprised the reader at the same time he surprised Slynt, even though the whole meeting is told to us from Tyrion's POV. But crafting a scene like that takes more time and thought, obviously, and then when you put other POV characters into the mix, you have to make sure each of them is telling us something that ties in to what the others are saying, and no one is spoiling the reveal for another character, and then of course there is their location in the world to take into account and how long it takes each of them to travel from Point A to B so that someone already at point C is not jumping ahead of the plotline.
This can be bad since it may lead to info dumps, unfortunately, (anyone get all the way through the Dorne chapters without skimming? All of a sudden, it felt like we were plopped down in a whole other story since we didn't see Dorne until 4 books in...) but when Martin is on the ball, it's sooo damn good.
Wow, the chessboard idea is fantastic!
Just found these, but I'd love to here your take on Tyrion's prison conversations season 4
I find it interesting how in this exchange, Tyrion seems to be almost in admiration of Ned. Is he just doing away with Slynt because he knows the man can’t be trusted or did he actually feel some grudging respect for the man Slynt helped kill? (Not mutually exclusive of course.)
Too bad Ernie didn’t see this video before he decided to throw together Ready Player One. Worst dialogue I’ve ever read in a book, incidentally contributed to being a trash book in general.
I keep hearing that, I've actually read the book in spanish and shared it with some friends, and that problem really ain't that apparent.
Now I'm really curious to read it's original version
Ashamed to admit I also read ready player one. Should have been fanfiction on some blog somewhere...
Ready Player One was a book I am legitimately surprised was ever published. It was terribly written.
Look, I love your analysis. My only complaint is that the material you're analyzing requires more time than 10 minutes. I would really appreciate a podcast length analysis on this sort of material.
I hope D&D are watching *SAVAGE BOOKS* very closely, and ask, nay, *beg* for your assistance in whichever project they choose to attempt next!
The writing in GOT sure did suffer once GRRM stepped away… and no one can reasonably say that anything after S4 was remotely watchable! I’ll happily wait for GRRM’s books!
To me, Slynt's skin turning red and his cape slithering off his shoulders evokes the image of a snake sloughing its skin off
Fine TH-cam, I’ll watch this video.
"By what rights dare you lay hands on my blood"
Now: fuck, shit
I love how I got recommended this, after witnessing the atrocity of Season 8 episode 1,3 and 4 ( 2 isn't great but decent)
If you’re going to be one of these book fanboys at least do it right. They all loved episode 2 and hated the rest.
@@Nobody-fb7ni i thought it was decent with some decent reunions, good chemistry from actors however they are moments of just pure cringe. Overall it should have been a good episode because it supposes to set up events for future however episode 3 came along and literally shat on it. Also never read the books
Nerd Zone! Thought episode 3 was great. Less bloody than I expected but have to see rest to say they could have killed off more characters. 4 was too up until Euron came in like that. Not a bad idea but you need some kind of dread there, surprise attack out of nowhere when she has dragons to scout is so ridiculous and honestly just feels random.
cosgrove360 honestly more I think about episode 3 the worse it gets, however it is ur own opinion and I respect that. Also yes that was stupid as hell she could have literally gone behind the ships as they no bows in that directions.
@@Dylankiwi1 provide a fucking reason.
Wow this was really cool!
Cersei: (After getting slapped) i shall wear it with honor.
Robert: Then wear it in silence or I'll honor you again.
"I liked it," he said, "but you could put a touch more characterisation into your reading."
Summary in layman’s terms for my convenience:
Creative use of character dialogue paired with focus and vision can result in scenes serving many different purposes effectively.
"Sunset found her squatting in the grass, groaning. By the time the moon came up she was shitting brown water. The more she drank the more she shat and the more she shat, the thirstier she grew."
I don't know anything about GoT but this was a great analysis about the importance of dialogue 👍
SavageBooks you should really get into Babylon 5 if you think the writing of GoT was amazing, Babylon 5 is beyond amazing and unlike GoT it did not fall to pieces since it's creator was not reliant on books and also because the creator knew how the story was always going to end.
"George RR Martin has demonstrated a concept where the characters closely identify with their sigil"
Except for the Boltons, who chose a sigil that says "don't fuck with us and you *probably* won't end up like this guy."
I'm getting really good at dialogue, but have a hard time mixing in dialogue with actions and descriptions. I think i need to read more.
Great video, that chessboard rocks!
D&D Should've watched this tutorial before writing GOT.
"I'm not questioning your honor Lord Janos. Im denying its existance"
Jeez, put that on a fucking valentine
Good dialogue is watching a scene and it genuinely feels like people talking to each other. We the audience are like flies on the wall listening to a conversation rather than watching actors read lines. That’s just me.
Another thing I like about the scene is how easily Tyrion is dancing verbal circles around Slynt. As if he's found himself in a fight he didn't even know was happening. He's a worthless sycophant. Tyrion is removing him because he's an idiot and a coward.
You could compare this style with Kafka's dialogues. They are very different types
aww i wanted to hear more lol
Can you do a video on stanis?
It's interesting , you have a very similar illustration style to TIFO football and their stat breakdown videos. Was that a conscious influence or coincidence?
Allar Deem is my favorite character from the skoob.
And if it's First Person POV where describing the scene is done through thoughts mostly?
Sorry, but I don't know if I can agree with Mr. Datcher's advice. Dialogue being used to progress the plot usually comes off as a weak crutch. It can be done well, like anything in writing, but it needs fines to work or else it's boring exposition. To me, the sign of a genius writer is one that lays visuals clues in such a way that the reader/viewer can rely on his own cognitive faculties and encourage his own engagement.