How Sociopathic Narcissists Set You Up For Hurt
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 28 ก.ย. 2024
- Narcissists are difficult to interact with due to their controlling, entitled ways, but when they also have strong sociopathic tendencies, their dysfunction goes to an even higher level. Dr. Les Carter explains how sociopaths not only disregard you, but also societal norms in general. It is essential to understand how they think and operate so you can avoid the hurt they generate.
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This kind of person doesn't just hurt you, they relish the complete destruction of your life. They laugh at your isolation and pain.
Artie Anderson,You look stunning,hope you are not with a narcissist......
@@jamesarmstrong4179 🚩
100% true
Not only that, they try too hard to make you believe that you are in pain... they manipulate you all the time to feel less...
So true
A sociopath's idea of right and wrong, if he or she has one, can be summed up as follows: Right is what I want at the moment and wrong is when someone tells me no.
Sue B isn't that the truth!
EXACTLY...
Perfectly stated
On point !!!!!!!!
Very good. In describing my ex and the things he did in our divorce, I described his thinking as "Right is whatever I can get away with."
They can't hurt you when you have figured them out. They are so predictable
Boring but evil. We can't let ourselves be dulled by their shallowness.
@Mary Carroll u Right
My sister goes to such lengths to discredit me when I figured her out.
I said I make accurate observations and I've proved that to myself time a d time again over the years...
She told me outright I don't make accurate observations, and that nothing I've ever observed has ever been true..and the responsibility was on me to find the better explanation rather than on her to change so that I don't have anything bad to observe....that was blasphemy to her ears ..total projection.
Very true
Correct 👏👏👏
“There is simply no winning with a narcissist. He will treat you so horribly that you will become withdrawn and depressed and then he will turn around and say, ‘You’re no fun anymore, you’re always so depressed. I need to be with someone more positive.’” - Susan Williams
That's how it works, unfortunately.
@@SurvivingNarcissism Extremely true 🍀🙏
Or her..
Yep and it’s never them ..because they like outsiders to think it’s you
@@heatherpesterfield8121 yes they Most Surely do 💯percent God Bless You
They hate happiness in you and try at all costs to dim your light, they are the definition of true evil.
One thing I regret is not listening to my inner alert system. I knew there were red flags and hints of the relationship being unhealthy but I chose to ignore them and they gradually became worse and worse. His last text was so hurtful and full of hate. I’d never experienced someone who just was that downright mean and could never be accountable for his actions and constant lying. My advice is to get out early and don’t ignore those hints of intuition you get About the person.
Sorry you been thru that, he was a weaken man to do such a thing to you.
I agree wholeheartedly ! Trust your guts ! I myself am guilty of not listening to my “ inner alert system “ ! In my defence I had no idea that there are people in this world that operate without a conscience.
Feona I can relate so much. I dated a girl at work recently. I saw the signs of borderline narcissism, but chose to ignore them. The seduction, where she'd squeeze my waist when going past my station. Her "all or nothing" arguments. The belittlement ("Are you stupid, can you not read? Do you not remember, you idiot? You're not trying. You don't give a fuck"). She lied about her best friend and housemate. Her lack of empathy. I told her my business was struggling, her response was, "You poor baby.".
I am more annoyed at myself because I ignored it. Probably because I thought I could "fix" her, now I know that will never happen.
Well said Feona.
Fiona I just went thru this, still am getting over it now!! It’s painful but I have to keep going!!
“Revenge over Reconciliation.” Is very true. Please pray for those who are being run into the ground by these sociopathic narcissists.
Also need to pray for the sociopathic narcissists
Vengeance is of the Lords. Clearly the injured Narc doesn't know God (Jesus), because of all their back biting, back stabbing, gossiping & vindictive behavior.
God despises the proud/egotist (Narc), but gives grace to the humble. A proud man/woman (narc) rarely cares to know God, because they are too busy looking down their nose at the world around them and can't know the one above it all = God. Pride goes before destruction. Haughty spirit goes before a fall and one day every knee will bow and every tongue will confess Jesus is Lord of all (Daniel 7:13,14).
Isaiah 53 👀
John 16:33
YEA! My son mom would rather break up then to prove that she’s not lying to me
@@jsf8145 that is so true. I actually asked a particular one this week thinking they were a Christian and he said he thought Jesus and God were made up. He said God had a poor way of showing him anything. I was shocked.
No reconciliation is possible....but revenge?? I think revenge can set you on the same path they are on!
We need a twelve-step program for people who have been abused by narcissists.
So true.
One step! away!
perfect hahahha @@michaelthompson-li7zs
"They will create pain and hurt you."
Words to the wise....
Walk away from these people as fast as you can, they will never change , I've seen it in someone for 40 years and they only got worse
Once a former boyfriend, lover, husband looses control we turn into enemy number one. He did everything possible to destroy my life.
Agreed...I was his scapegoat until I slammed him on it
And more-all he can do for you to dare to leave his greatness delusion.
Hey Girl, as long as you removed him from your life your on the right road now stay far from that. Oh Yeah.
Or mother
my husband did too. EVERYTHING. How scary
This is what I have been dealing with. It’s like trying to treat a rattlesnake like it’s your dog or cats. It’s in the house just ready to strike, you have to be on guard and never ever forget it a snake Not a poor snake it’s a rattlesnake! God Bless us all with this wisdom from Dr Carter
A snake is a snake.
That's what it means to "walk on eggshells". Sometimes you can feel these snakes are looking for any excuse to strike.
@@wifferstess2824 I’ve walked on eggshells but that didn’t have fangs! 🙂
Great analogy. People call dubious people " a snake in the grass " for a reason .
Yes, and whenever I've forgotten they are snakes is when I've been bitten. Great insights Susan!
Gosh, it’s just so scary when the mask drops or when they start to see you as the enemy. They can be so dangerous.
That part
I know.
They are very dangerous people!
Most definitely. Especially if you notice an action when they aren’t aware you see them. Like a toddler throwing a fit.
Narcissists fabricate offenses of which to accuse you. Strong boundaries such as no contact are healthy when it comes to such toxic people.
Jessica Landi,Hope you are not with a narcissist. ...
You described my first husband. He's been gone for over 20 years and I'm still blown away by how much someone could enjoy hurting those who only want to love him. He did a lot of damage. There was nothing for me to do but cut, run, and expect no compensation. Ever.
Julie Abraham,You are absolutely gorgeous,you don't need a narcissist in your life.....
I'm in an ex wives club. Even the first who left him 20 years ago is still trying to heal. It's great to compare notes and endorse that idea that they never ever change.
This sounds like how my wife describes me! She is diabolical! No one believes me.
The smartest thing you ever did,
No. 1. Run!
No. 2. Expect no compensation! Bravo!
@@allennorman1628 I believe u. This woman is probably a liar too.
"The smartest thing you can do is look for the exit"
And at best walk past the entry!
Took me long enough... & I also put out there , for next time an arrest is possible let it happen for Pete's sakes, stop covering for him.
Yes.
Totally agree.
Go 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
This is a reflection of my marriage. I married a sociopathic covert narcissist who outwardly is an overachiever and a caring individual. But behind closed doors she is a cold, selfish, gas-lighter who has destroyed my self-esteem and confidence. After 14 years and two kids, I’ve lost hope in ever thinking she will change or get better. I never thought one person could do so much mental damage. My heart goes out to all of you in the same situation who feel hopeless or trapped. These videos have been my biggest ally and I draw strength with every one.
Narcopaths are also greedy. They want what you have. They will take what belongs to you. They withhold what they owe to you.
Thats because the whole time they are telling you how great you are, its all an act. They just need to suck you in, get you close and vulnerable and that makes them feel safe and secure. Then they power trip all over you, put downs, criticism, judgmental comments and worse. So what you though was love at first, was really nothing more than a very skilled set up.
I would say, don't even tell them what you are doing....because they will try to destroy your plans to not be around their abuse.
If they appear to follow any societal "norms", keep in mind that it's all for show. Very sad when the only value such people see in others is "usefulness".
Then they tell you that you are as handy as a pocket on a shirt.
🎃
They have zero conscience. Evil incarnate...
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I'm so tired of this. I never wanted this. Never. These people are evil. So let's fight back. We need to fight back. We need truly kind souls on our paths.
Leaving them with the children , the assets,.. leaving ... all the time only to be not in best state to make new connections - I agree , I want to fight.
Nope. You will never win. Take your loses and walk away...with your head held high. God loves you. We are worth more so lets stop settling for less
..RUN
...
@@karenkoenig5518 the truth hurts. At least dr. C helps us get stronger
I’ve been standing up to these demons…
do not waist your time, this types are like human roachs, they have a survival porpose for the species, the best we can do is educate "empaths" to heal personnal childish traumas, recognize unhealthy patterns of behaviour and avoid this personalities.
Narcissism is so bewildering.
They wait for the handshake, bite you, then call cops because you don't hand feed them.
Or they BAIT you to react, then when you do, they call the police and tell them you are abusing them, when it is the other way around.....very sinister !
Those are evils just to destroy good humans! Forget about those, we don’t need this kind of people cause life is too short to spend it with such demons.
My ex was the only sociopathic narcicisst I had ever encountered.....
My deep confusion of his actions towards me was shocking.....
It's like he developed a vendetta to hurt me from the beginning.....
He ripped my heart out so many times for the first eight years.....
Last six years of our so called relationship I finally figured out what I was dealing with.....
So I fought back , he refused to move out , after years of me telling him to move out.....
No matter what I said to him it's like he did not hear a word I said and he kept on planning ( his future ) by way of using me to get what he wanted.....
Despite me telling him that there was absolutely no future left for he and and to move out ASAP.....
Every conversation I had with him even in anger went straight over his head like he never heard a word I said.....
In the end he started telling me I WAS THE ONE THAT NEEDED HELP AND I SHOULD COMMIT MYSELF TO AN INSTITUTION !!!
He always laughed and took great pleasure in telling me that....
His relentless control, insults , lies , entitlement , was an every day activity for him and he never let up ....
And when I fought back he would laugh at me and say I was losing my mind.....
I had to get the hell away from him as I was afraid of what he would be capable of next.....
When I sit on my patio drinking my coffee now, I realize how much a simple moment like this could bring so much happiness now that I am free
Bless your wonderful heart...!!
6/26/22 Congratulations, Kristie! I'm presently sitting in my home office on a Sunday morning, drinking coffee WITHOUT feeling the weight of him sitting in the living room (30 feet away) stewing, thinking I am somehow short-changing him by not being at work! It's a sad fact that his recent death in the pandemic is what has set me free. But this freedom is bliss. Enjoy the rest of your life!
Relearning to live life is ajoyuos feeling.slowly getting free. Be kind to yrself❤.
I have lived with this for 37 years. I thought it was always my fault and I was stupid. Thank you Dr. Carter for this message. I now feel free from the guilt of always thinking it was me. You just described my husband to a T. God bless you.
37 years, you poor sausage, God bless your soul x
I discovered Dr. Carter a year ago and almost 33 years of marriage feeling the same way. We must be married to the same man! If my husband and I weren't Christians things would be extremely different for us. It's all about being on Team Healthy. God bless you Suzanne.
@@deborahjohnson8853
Thank you for your reply. I don't understand how a Christian husband can be so cruel. I try to do everything I can to make him happy. Well, I've switched teams... I on team healthy now.
32yrs for me. Always wondering if you're crazy or what the nicer you are the worst they treat you and 1% of you hopes they will change but they won't run
Your narcissistic husband husband studied you carefully before proposing. He was confident you would tolerate his ways and stay with him.
This sociopath hacked on me for 10 years and he's still doing it. He tried so hard to make me feel rejected and put me in a third party situation, but I never engaged. I was trully sorry for him and for the other girl. She was beautiful when they started dating, now she looks horrible... at least, the last time I saw an image of her, which has been some time, you could tell he took the life out of her. She's probably no angel, but I feel sorry for her nonetheless... having to deal with someone like that must be very draining. Dodged a bullet.
This...this is the video I need to watch every time the narc sucks me back in...and I forget what he can be like...
Eleanor Jordan,You look stunning 🌹🌷🌹,hope you are not with a narc 😈!
I found the way to deal with any controlling person is just to tell the pure unbridled truth about everything that alarms you or makes you unhappy when you’re dealing with them. This might not be appropriate in a work environment but a: “No, I’m not comfortable with that,” or: “No, that’s not how I see what happened,” or: “No, I actually like that person,” or: “No, I’m having some alone time for the next week or so,” works wonders. The reaction really separates the wheat from the chaff. They count on manipulating you and bullying you into views, actions and reactions that gratify their ego, negative or positive. Starve them of attention and make it clear you know your own mind and they leave. It’s like the blood supply to a pile. If it stops, it shrivels up and drops off.
I so agree with you, Tom! Dr. C
💯💯 agree with u... strong boundaries only
Tom, your insight is so smart and on point! In my personal experiences with several different narcissists over the years, I somehow survive d and came out alive by unknowningly doing things and handling situations almost exactly as you suggested. A narcissist hates it when you don't give into their need for control and let them know that you don't agree to their demands and opinions. Lucky for me, I was not ever married to one, but was in a sexual relationship with one. The fact that we lived in different cities (although only two hours drive apart) was a big help!!! I hope that the other people going through something like I did can tactfully break the relationship off. In my case, my partner had a violent temper that could arrupt at the drop of a hat! I became physically afraid of him and luckily told him I didn't want to continue seeing him before he directed his violence toward me. My advice is to have other people you know and trust around you(a public place is best) and don't raise your voice or let him talk you into continuing the relationship, just say you can't explain why you are ending it, you just feel you have to. By not embarrassing that person or giving a specific reason, they have no grounds for talking you out of it. Keep it brief and polite. Then leave with your friends and stay somewhere else for that night and maybe the next night or two. Don't take their calls or respond to their possibly many vile, hateful critical messages. Stay strong and don't be tempted to call back and reciprocate with any kind of.message!!! Just thank God that you were able to get out of that relationship with your life. Sadly Gabby Pettito wasn't so lucky!!!
Just had a friendship sever because I called her out on her trying to manipulate my point of view. Your comment gave me some comfort. While she’s not a huge narcissist a deliberately controlling but she fit all that you just write on
Thank you Tom. I’ve been telling him no a lot and. No to marriage, no to kids, no to moving out with him and have called him out on things. He also insults me to but then tries to change. He’s also jealous. It’s get super old.
Thank you, This is helping me understand my very sadistic, malignant, covert, self-righteous sister-in-law. She controlled my family with manipulation to such a degree I walked away from them all over five years ago. It was the best thing I ever did!
You’ve helped so much in understanding who I was married to. I’m out and happier than ever. I watch you now to remind me to not be sad or miss him. He was evil.
I hear you. What's there to miss? Chaos? Terror? Confusion? Grief? Constant gaslighting? Neglect? ABUSE! My life coach told me not to grieve too long because I wasn't in a "real" marriage with a "real" person. I was in an entrapment/captive situation with a horrifically toxic person. Who I missed most was my real self and I was never connected to that because I grew up in a psychopathic/narcissistic family where I was trafficked from age 2 until 20. I have D.I.D from all the lifelong horrific abuse but am working towards integration and have cultivated love/compassion and kindness for all parts of me now. Finally connecting within myself to the love that's been there all along.
@@annemurphy8074 beautiful to read where you are now, thats strength I need to allow for myself.
@@jennyanderson4796 Thank you Jenny. You can do it, though it's not an easy road. I had lot of very good help along the way, I've been lucky in that regard. Doing the inner work to reconnect with the Truth/Love within us is the most precious gift we can ever give ourselves and we have always, always been worthy of it. I had to learn to reparent all my wounded child parts and do my best to have a nurturing, warm, welcoming inner place for them and me to heal together. What I learned after being surrounded by the worst of humanity is that "evil" so to speak, cannot destroy out true self. Sending you warmth and kindness.
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After going through covert narcissist abuse myself I wonder how many people have taken their own lives because of people like these. Mine gave me thoughts of wanting to hurt myself
a lot
My brother committed suicide after decades of dealing with our mother. She's the type of narcissist Les describes here. He could never quite separate himself from her and continued to go back to her and our father (who was useless and totally enmeshed with her) during tough times in his life - which of course only made things worse. His story is a long and sad one that's difficult to encapsulate here, but I am certain he wouldn't have done what he did if he didn't have C-PTSD and other symptoms of narcissistic abuse.
@@ryanmetheny7940that’s horrific I’m so sorry to hear of this tragedy. 😢
Mine ambushed me for 6 hrs of blaming and berating. During and after I began to think of ways to end my life. Recovering.
When they drag you along into something stupid, and it goes bad, expect to be blamed and it is not unlikely that the whole purpose of the whole thing was to harm you, while they "tried to stop you"
Thank you thank you!!!!! Sadly these people are in the church, I am dealing with it right now! These people have no love, they call people stupid for not doing what they do or saying what they say! These people cannot be influenced to take a look at how they are acting, even by the example of others who act rightly, because they cannot see beyond themselves. Also, often the people who are this selfish will attack anyone who attempts to show them a different way.
Yes, you are so correct..they are everywhere in the churches. Having seen the George Barna and Pew Research polls of the last few years of "Christians surveyed"....62% don't believe the Holy Spirit is real..or satan. Something like 50% believe it's morally acceptable to live with someone outside of marriage. And the biggest documented report of all was that only 6% have a biblical worldview. It's exactly the thing that Jesus and the Apostle Paul warned would be a sign of the last days...the great falling away...And in Jesus' own words "When the Son of Man comes will He find faith on the earth? So sad.
Is this an LDS church?
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Well you hit another HOME RUN !!! So helpful, so many people can't afford therapy and you give us all hope ...
Yes!
I couldn’t afford therapy!
These videos have been my therapy!!
@ Ray Nash - So true Ray, well said! 👍Not only are many people NOT able to afford quality Therapy... but many, far too many Licensed 🤯 Therapists are woefully ignorant in the field of Narcissism & Narcassistic Abuse. Secondly, most Medical Insurance limits your choice of Therapists & # of sessions. Even if someone is lucky enough to find a qualified Therapist - the co-pays can be cost prohibitive. 'Thank Goodness & Thank You' Dr. Carter - for all you do to help us, your grateful community! 👏👏👏💐👍🎈🎉🙏
@Surviving Narcissism replied .
@Surviving Narcissism replied .
Most narcissistic people don't go to therapy unless court ordered.
I wish I would have had this knowledge 40 years ago. My narcissistic/ sociopathic/psychopathic husband of 30 + years made sure I was too afraid to leave. Then he left me and came back to attack me. Then he hoovered his way back and I didn't know which end was up.He died 12 years ago and I am still trying to get over it the trauma. All this knowledge came to me this year when the flood gates of psychology opened up and I am soooo grateful for that. I had been so confused, terrorized and felt crazy. Now at least there's an explanation and it wasn't me. Thank you for these videos to help me along my way.
It was most definitely NOT you, Dear Katara Rose. Take good care and allow yourself to heal.
Yes, it’s so liberating when you come to understand the narcissistic disease, the more knowledge you have the stronger you become and they will be completely oblivious to your inner strength.
When we see the signs that we are dealing with sociopaths we should RUN! Thank you dr Carter❤ God bless you❤
my narcissist is my son-in-law, who took my daughter away. I have to wait for her to open her eyes. She has disowned her Mom and me and we aren't allowed to contact her. She's also disowned all family by not communicating with anyone. Pray for her and our granddaughter that I'm not allowed to talk about.
Hi :) Are you aware that you can go to court and get grandparent rights to see your grandchildren? It may vary from state to state, but where I live you get the child on A Wednesday one week then the whole weekend the next week! It’s better than no contact at all. I truly hope things work out for you. May Yahuwah bless you and your family. Stay Safe. Prayers up 🙏🏻
Go to court !! God bless you !
Hey been there, she probably doesn't like the set up any more than you, my ex wouldn't let me see my mom on mothers day with my new baby .... crushing devastating the consequences lasted forever, I should have gotten violent & done something drastic that evening like take the dam car & ditched him as things escalated anyways. Don't blame her.. he puts thoughts into her head, get creative . I always wanted my mom,... my dad would do similar .... my poor mom .
@@ladyd1614 I’ll be praying for you all.... Our Father will lead the way! Be careful, and smart. I wouldn’t wish this situation on anyone!
Grandparents rights are HARD and Expensive thing to fight for
I’m preparing to leave a 6 year long physically and mentally abusive relationship. I’ve been watching your videos for the last 2 months and the deadline for the breakup I’ve given myself is fast approaching. I’m scared of what will happen but I also am so ready to breathe again. Whenever I start to feel weak or guilty about it I just come listen to you. Please pray for me. I hope I’m strong enough.
I just said a prayer for you. May it all go well for you.
Please pray for me as well. I am also preparing myself to part ways from a very toxic relationship
@@minotimeetu9418 Leave NOW NOT TOMORROW.
You also need to LEAVE NOW. Stop putting it off @ stink
I left kept taking him back he PLOTS and tried to have new girlfriend meet me
Ouch I felt this.
When you have a type of person like this sneak into your life, they start by intervals to mess your whole life up.
I'm glad but sad to see I'm not the only one who has had these kind of people impact their lives.
I've learned that every day I should ask myself the question: what am I doing to protect my own tiny but significant, fragile life?
I've had a lifetime dealing with narcissists... mother, husbands, friend... and have found that my ability to protect my own life, and make rational decisions, was greatly marred by those narcissists. The question bears repeating, every day.
I worked with a person like this and he was more satisfied with running our work into the ground than seeing it finished. The completed work would have benefited him more than anyone else, but to satisfy his ego total destruction and humiliation of myself was the better route. He harassed me for up to 2 years after the project was destroyed at his hands, before finally going away and leaving me alone. He was desperate to look like a big shot or a decision-maker and also didn't want to look like a fool when people found out he had lied about his ability to finance the project we were working on.
He sounds like one of the Narc idiots where I work…
Like a suicide
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Hit home for me. My NM did this to me for decades. No contact 5 years now, it's the only way for peace.
Good for you and I like your user name. 💓
Same darling. NM survivor here. No contact.
There's another guy who is a sociopath obsessed about me, he hacks on me.
These people are sick... evil to the core... they find peace boring, they can't live in peace...
@Connard Cyndi Narcissist mother (NM)
He does this to me every...single...time. He's either always looking for an argument or some way to put me down
I know one who likes giving people pain and making them cry etc, yet plays the victim and acts like I’ve killed someone when I make a simple mistake. It’s crazy.
No getting through to them either to fix any issues, like talking to a brick wall.
When I was young I married a sociopath. Once it started playing out it didn't last too long. She even admitted once or twice she knew she was different. She felt no guilt or compassion or connection with her kids. It was an interesting learning experience
Thank you. What is done in the dark will finally come to light.. After 29years my family and I can see the light coming
When it's your child and they stand between you and your grandchildren it's pretty hard.
We definitely need this education in schools. Kids learn early to bully.
One of the best things I ever did to fight back is installing locks on my bedroom doors. When I'm in my room, the door is always locked! When I leave, the door is locked. This really helps till you can get away for good.
I’m in the same situation and feel unsafe so I lock my door, somehow feeling it will help. But it has amounted to being harshly accused of being not present. You can’t win.
“The future is minimal at best.” I needed to hear that.
Unfortunately, I’ve known too many of these.
wallymarcel1 It's the case with me as well and I still know quite a few of them, as they're literally everywhere. 😥
@@cyndigooch1162 Have several in my family.
@@wallymarcel1 Wow, and I think 2 Nazi bros was bad.
I'm soo sorry. ~ Good luck and be SAFE! 🙏
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1,
Some will show false empathy or selective empathy.
As always, you've summed up Mom's behavior in a nuthsell 100%.
I initially picked up on her being a sociopath all the way back in 2002, back when I first started to question the choices she made. For example, where she would be standing behind her target, saying nasty things to them & pulling offensive hand gestures at them & laughing at their expense, saying "It's a game" (literally saying that to 8-year-old me, at the time). Like... I would warn her that they are not gonna give a pleasant reaction, when they see you doing that to them & she'd laugh at that & go "I don't care". Then, later on, she'd call the police on them, if they gave her a violent reaction. Like... back then, I knew that is not normal & something was wrong with Mom.
As the years go by, I have learned a lot about her, as her sociopathic & narcissistic behavior became more obvious (she's now at a point, where her toxicity is worsening with age). Now, I am at the point where I am establishing boundaries with her & every time I set a boundary (such as my rule about people talking to me before I have had my morning coffee. Now, everyone that knows me, knows & respects this boundary), Mom gets angry & aggressive at me, then goes passive aggressive, then... I don't know if this is her narcissism, sociopathy, or if it's a her thing, but once she has done all of this, she will carry on as though none of her abusive behavior has ever happened (Like... as though *nothing* has happened, at all).
I have also come to terms with the fact that the only change that she will make, is that her behavior will get worse, as she ages. She will *never* change for the better.
Which is what has brought me to your channel, in the first place, so that I can learn better & healthy ways to disconnect myself from Mom's control & reduce the impact of the trauma she continues to cause me.
I was born the youngest of 4 kids. Covert narc Dad and partner in crime, the oldest child, my brother. Me and my Mom were covertly and constantly emotionally traumatized through the most devious methods imaginable. The middle kids were brainwashed to beieve we were the problem, while they were deemed the beacons of truth and respect. As the youngest, my live ended at 5 yrs old. 55 suicidal years followed. It took 50 yrs to unravel, but I now have zero family. The middle kids still have no idea what's going on, blaming themselves for their messed up lives, never the tricksters who made them confused and against me and mom (the only christians). The oldest is rich and has a million dollar home in florida, while the other 3 kids are all unemployed, on disability, and living in a psychological hell. Hell yes, there are evil, a special type of evil. My faith in God keeps me alive, barely.
Similar here, oldest daughter with younger brothers. My dad is all this and trying to talk with him, is impossible.
I told him once, he hated being a father, of course he denied. My brothers aren’t even aware of this. When I first learned of this, I tried talking softly, because of his childhood, but no luck there.
I was a whole different parent because of him. My mom is passed. She’s finally in peace, I say, but I miss her terribly. Had I known about all this, I would of gotten her out. Heal well, because for me, it’s really hard to just not think of my life as a child, being a big lie.
Thank you so much! I was triggered by a narcissus-sociopathic person recently and was hurting deeply, your video and the way you communicate with empathy has helped me come to my own sense :)
You're very welcome. Keep leaning forward! Dr. C
Watch how these types shudder and snarl if you call them out on the obvious recklessness and invalidation on their part.
This is exactly the case. Covert narcisists are often sociopaths they know the difference between right and wrong and know exactly what they are doing. Thank you dr Carter.
I was so hurt by a Narcissist. Every time I have the chance to listen to you, I am getting well. Thank you.
So pleased, Mary. You're why I do the videos. Dr. C
Me too hun
Add me to those who are healing after watching these videos. I feel like I can actually breathe again n not hurt while doing so.
Oh my goodness..I never considered or knew that my ex is also sociopathic. This describes him to a T.
My boss called a meeting at 9am. The awesome thing is that I can replay this episode now. Didn't have to miss my Monday therapy session. Best case scenario!!!!! Love you Dr. C.
It took me a long time to realize that I felt damned for having a good and loving childhood. I wasn’t prepared for the craziness.
Well said! Same here.
For a number of months I was being set up by the narcissist! I got a sense of something "evil" going on....🤔 I asked her one day "are you setting me up"? Well, she was and she did and denied all of it! It was devastating and so cruel....thanks dr c...
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I'm trying to get my life together after n/c for almost 2 years. My father send me a nasty e-mail 2 weeks ago trying to make me feel guilty for not seeing a family member who caused me physical harm, because I refused to apologize for something she did to me (quite some nerve these people have). I recently realized the horrible way I feel about myself is linked to the nastiness this man has brainwashed me with for years. I realized it is his voice in my head, not my own. My father no doubt has aspd. He's trampled all over his family, stalked us, hit, abandoned us, worked with guns etc, but masks that he is so loving and caring and the victim now that he is old. My uncles are similar in their cruelty towards the women in their family. My uncle's wife was dying of cancer, and he brought his mistress with him to visit her in the hospital. and my father saw nothing wrong with it, in fact felt pity for him. There's no other solution for me than to stand my ground and take the punches by him while keeping n/c, and working on taking back all the years he stole from my life. The fear is real. I just keep praying one day this nightmare will end.
How horrible!! Bringing his mistress to the hospital to visit the dying wife!! Repressing feelings is a significant part of cancer - and this nitwit actually found a way to dig the knife in deeper. What a piece of garbage!
Your not alone. My mother was just down right nasty & abusive to me when no one was around. But everyone thought she was so sweet & meek. I wished I would have stood my ground after my dad passed away. Now all I hear is her voice in my head telling me how mean & uncaring I am...how I am a no body...no one could love me the way she could (like anyone would want that kind of love). You stand your ground and take care of yourself...be kind to yourself!💜
It will u just got to pray about it and have faith
Block him.
I grow up in a narc family system too, so the abusing behavior was very nature and familiar for me until I started watching narc topic therapeutic video on youtube.
I'm still very confused how people can get adapted to the abuser - abused relation. maybe people are pro to corruption and once they corrupted it's even easier to contaminate others around them
Time to rise up against evil.
My father was / is a sociopathic narcissist and i went no contact with him at 16 when I was removed from his house after years of unfathomable levels of abuse. BEST decision was to never have contact again. My mother has borderline personality disorder and today I enforced going no contact to protect my mental health and choose my needs. My daughter is 3 and she will never know abuse and only unconditional, steadfast LOVE.
Thank you for this. I have a 26 year old daughter. She is a full on narcissistic sociopath. She has abused me in horrific ways. I have had 3 full mental health break downs that required hospitalization. She has lied her face off about me to others, she has physically attacked me and harmed me. The police have been involved with her over 300 times.
She is a professional and pitting one against another.
My own mom passed away 7 years ago. My daughter asked to have my moms ashes for just two weeks after mom died. Well now it’s been 7 years and she refuses to give the ashes back. Now my moms family won’t even talk to me because of it.
My daughter has caused me immense pain and suffering. I have been with my spouse, her father, for 40 years. and she puts him against me.
Our lives have been a living nightmare for over 2 decades now.
I am so grateful I found this channel. It validates so much for me.
You said it in first few two minutes they inflict pain a perverse way.
Dottie C,Hope you are not with a narcissist.....
No one's controlling me period!
And rightly so! Dr. C
“The Sociopath Next Door” by Martha Stout is an unforgettable read. Non Fiction.
Hilarious how my narcissist/sociopathic mother stole my copy of this book, denied it later, only to then say again, oh I think I do have your book… the gaslighting is real! No contact 5 years now. She didn’t want me having that book because she didn’t want me knowing her secrets but the gig was up.
Such a good book!
@@jacqc1533 I’ll never forget Chapter 4 I think it was, about the DIRECTOR of a mental institution, who was, herself, a sociopath and the cruel Mind Games she played on patients and staff.
@@marsha7330 yes !!! The colleague a total and utter abuse of power ! That was shocking , they are very twisted and disturbed minds !
I have read this, it is worth reading….
Mine is turning kids against me and it’s awful. He is enjoying every second
I love how peaceful and content your pooch is on the couch. He likes listening to you. 👍
I don't accept or shoulder any of their labels but that doesn't mean they don't desperately try to dish it out.
Marvelous, Dr. C. Kudos to depth of understanding of this pathology you have & nurturing of us whom have been blindsided by these manipulators sociopaths. 👀
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I've had the same from a narcissist. They couldn't handle me coming into money and did everything they could try to destroy me, including saying I hope you enjoy your solitary life. A really sick individual whom I've now not spoken to in over 10 years.
Thank you dr Carter. When you see a sociopath, run and avoid them as much as you can.
Exactly. Best wishes to you, Iza.
@@SurvivingNarcissism Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Yep! That is our government for sure!
This is so true, they make you sick.🤨
Oh thank you so much for doing this, I am grateful for anything at all you can do on sociopathic/psychopathic people including narcissists. Thank you
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Thank you so much for this video. Sadly, this is a confirmation that this is exactly what my Mother is. And I use the term "Mother" loosely. It is also really said because she is well into her 80's and will never change 😢
Mother Earth can be your real mother. :)
My Mother is in her 80’s also and I agree, she will never change
My Mother is 84 , and a Classic Narcissist Sociopath! Sad thing is She has 5 Children! This Woman is possessed by Demonic Spirits 👺
Me too ....still hurts
I realized I was dealing with one from how he switched from loveable to cold toward me in a split second. The ease and carelessness by which he dropped the facade was chilling. I never experienced this type of behavior before and had to read about it.
Hi Dr. C. I think Gus is great, but you have literally saved my life with all your videos and wisdom. I just wanted a chance to thank you from the bottom of my heart. I’m going to be 72 years old and I’ve lived with 4 Narcissists, my mom being the raging, life sucking sociopath. Right now, I’m living with my covert narcissist husband for 22 years. I also have terminal cancer so moving is just not in the cards. Through your videos and me taking your suggestions, my Doctor who said I had 15 months to live thinks that I am a miracle. It’s going on five years now. I’ve made a life for myself, and I’m able to say yes when I want to do something and no when I don’t want to do something. I am happy most of the time. I realize now that my husband is a broken person that can’t be fixed. But, I can take your suggestions and fix myself, love myself and truly love others. I can’t say how thankful I am.
Nancy, this is so encouraging. Thanks for taking the time to share it. You're why I do the videos. Best wishes with your health. Dr. C
Mrs Nancy I hope your having a good nite I used to take care of a lady named Nancy Johnson in the nursing home I worked in here in Texas and she will forever be one of my favorite people anyway your comment really touches me I wish we could have another life to start over sometimes I hope that’s not selfish to say but I’m on my 8th year right now with a narcissistic sociopath and man I wish I woulda have enough self esteem to get out a long time ago I just gave birth to his son five months ago and his only child but he is still putting me through the same patterns of punishment taking away communication intimacy and is very mean when something offends him I go thru a serious of punishments for days I cry all the time I’ve cried for over three years now very often I think I’m an empath and I’ve been watching videos on that lately as well. Anyway I hope something gives at some point for me and I wish all people who go thru any types of abuse could have a re do because they wasted our time and our years my mom is an alcoholic has been for 30 years so that’s a whole diff type of crap storm I had saw you mentioned your mom anyway hopefully we will have some peace and love within I hope u keep feeling a little better and god bless ya. I thought that was cool this brilliant man had commented back to you I also think he’s helped me a lot too tonite when he mentioned revenge over reconciliation or however he put it my mouth dropped open bcuz I’ve been thru that alot with this person and wondered why jus disagreeing or offending him can cause such havoc for me for days
Hi Sam, Thank you so much for your heartfelt response to my comment to Dr. Carter. You are right, he is a brilliant man. I feel your frustration and pain and I know it feels hopeless, but I’m here to tell you that it’s not. I listen and save every video and lesson Dr. Carter puts out. He’s probably the only person that has ever made total sense to me. The problem was, I was too scared to follow his recommendations until I had just had enough of the abuse. I knew because of my condition I would never able to move out of this house. I had to find a way to live peacefully and even joyfully within the confines of my situation. This is where Dr. Carter came in and I was willing to finally speak up for myself and walk away when I was being overtaken by my husband. I recognize gaslighting when I see it and I can almost predict how he’s going to react to every single thing I do or say. I usually end up saying, “ I am sorry you feel that way” if he gives me a nasty or untrue comment and then I leave the room. This year things have changed a lot. Since I don’t go out because of the cancer, I’ve made a room for myself where I have everything that I need and want. I go in there and have a full social life with zoom meetings and I visit with old friends. I seem to be always busy and never bored. I’ve joined this group called chronic pain anonymous which deals with people with chronic illness and pain. Not only have they helped me as well as Dr. Carter, I give a lot of service at these meetings and sponsor a lot of people. This brings me a lot of joy and helps me to feel worthwhile about myself…even at this old age. No longer is my worth going to come from these narcissistic people. I know I’m a good person and no longer matters what other people think. As far as I’m concerned, I have an audience of one and that Is God. He’s the only person I need please and I need to please myself as well. My suggestion would be to watch and watch and watch Dr. Carter and realize that the narcissist will never change, but you can change the way you react to that person. Also, it sounds like you are young, so if this is unbearable for you, it may be worth it to see if you could actually walk away. You don’t want your baby to have that bad influence around them. But if you have to stay, take care of yourself first so you can take care of your child and get a separat life that’s away from your husband. Actually all these are suggestions because I don’t know your real situation, but that’s what I would’ve done if I was young and healthy and knew about Dr Carter. Best wishes to you and lots of blessings. Nancy Rhodes Johnson
@@nancyerhodes Nancy this is so inspirational. I am so angry at 39 at all the trauma and people who caused it and it has impacted me to the point of falling apart. To hear you have been able to carve a life for yourself within such an environment and be at peace and detach is so touching. We all deserve to be happy and free from abuse. I am wishing you love and happiness and to always feel cared for and to live a long and happy life.
@@sammorton2023 Hi Sam,
My apologies for not getting back to you sooner. I think the word brilliant for Dr. Carter is exactly the right word. Before my husband of 22 years, I had a raging, sadistic, overt narcissist that ruined my childhood in stunted my Growth is a human being. It was just awful and I was so little without defense. Then I had a sister who was also sadistic narcissistic. This was for 18 years of my life when I lived with them. Then for 25 years, I married an alcoholic covert narcissist. We did part ways, but it was easier with him then with my present husband of 22 years. I’m 72 years old now and all I can say to you is that if I knew better back then when I was without cancer and a whole lot healthier, and I knew what Dr. Carter has taught me now, I would’ve somehow managed to leave even if I lived in a shelter with my children. This narcissistic thing ruins you and the kids get ruined by it too. I don’t know how old you are now, but I started reading Dr. Carter when I was 70. I found peace even living with my present husband because with Dr. C’s teachings, I’ve created a life with good friends. I no longer go to people who tear me down like I was used to, rather I go to people that will build me up and encourage me. What a difference. The one thing I know, is that all this stuff; narcissism, alcoholism, any kind of compulsion goes back for generations and generations. So I realize that there’s a lot of sick people in my ancestry. I could blame my mom and then her mom and then her mom and go on and on. But I realized 3 things. One is that I can not change them or my past, two is that they’re very sick and broken people who were raised by broken people just like me. So, if there’s no one to blame, then what is there to do? I need to take good advice and change myself. didn’t know I had the braveness to simply say what I want and what I don’t want and then walk away to my own life. I don’t wait around for the other person to agree or disagree with me. If I say I don’t want to do something, then I just don’t do it. There would be no way on earth I could’ve stayed with my mom, she was the worst one of all. I moved out of state as soon as I was 18. However, she still got to me by the phone. I had to tell her that if she called me up and started egging me on into a fight or calling me names or whatever it was she was doing, I said I would hang up immediately and she could call back when she was ready not to speak to me like that. It’s funny, she tried it about three times and I hung up on her three times. She never called me another name again. So I think it boils down to what are you willing to do to not live your life with all this crap. You sound like you need some help and you need to keep you and your children safe. I hope you get that help. I know I’m going die one day in the not so distant future. I am so glad I took all the suggestions of Dr. Carter and absorbed and tried them all. I have found nothing that he has said that hasn’t worked. I will be forever grateful that the last years of my life I can livw happy, peaceful and a free person.
Good luck to you Sam, I will be praying for you. I know you will get test the strength you never knew you had. I feel like I’ve gotten my power back. ❤️
Really this needs teaching in schools , total disregard for others' value and well-being.
No, they will not change they don't even think they are doing wrong, yes we must concentrate on being decent human beings that bring richness to others' lives.
Just found out my sister is a sociopathic narcissist after watching the episode about Cults on the documentary series Explained which you can view on Netflix.
Looking forward to watching this.
Which series?
What kind of cult?
Christians ?
@@nicolekulikowski2401 It's literally a tv series on Netflix called "Explained."
The cult episode that the commenter is referring to is episode 1 of the second series.
A couple of my narcissistic relatives keep trying to reengage me. It's been almost three years but they still try to hone in on me if they can catch me out
and about. I'm keep my defenses up and gray rock and keep these conversations to just a few words and leave. I'm sure they tell everybody that I'm so rude and barely speak to them! That would be their effort to make me the bad guy to their victimizing themselves. But surprise, surprise...guilt doesn't work on on me anymore! They are the ones who invading my space uninvited with their silliness.
.
Yeah, stupid, petty stuff! I always though they were just inane when we were younger.
Go all out with the rudeness and walk right past them. Being a dick to a narcissist is saving a life in the future.
low appreciation for goodness and kindness is always the main sign for me
Married to this man for 38 years. The manipulation, coercion, gaslighting, lying, stress, lonliness and being unloved was hard enough. He just threatened me with physical violence in front of our 3 & 5 yr old grandsons over a cancelled VUDU account. I’m done. I waited for proof so I wouldn’t loose my daughter. I have witnesses now and she knows her Dad is not who he appeared to be all these years.
My sociopathic narc ex got a DUI and did not like the court-ordered breathalyzer he had to install on his car for 6 months. So 2 weeks in, he went out and bought a new car and parked the one with the breathalyzer in the garage. Talk about entitlement. I reported it to his PO on my way out the door, lol
Nikki Swartz,You look gorgeous,hope you are not with a narcissist......
Boom!!!
Soo crazy ur story wow...good luck stay strong
You just described my mother perfectly!
A classic , the blame shame game
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There is one in my life whom I can't get rid of for a list of reasons. Every time he's at my house and then leaves, I have an anxiety attack. He has pretty much ruined my life. Thank God, though, for my job, friendly patrons, and friends - they have given me relief and love and literally saved my life.
So great!! A counselor told me once to read up on Sociopaths after being informed by sources other than me about the man I was with. When I read up on it I was stunned, it was what I had experienced but didn't know how to express. He is long gone now. Thank you so much for sharing, it continues to support and validate my choice to leave. Life is good now!
I find this so important, a malignant narcissist is similar to a sociopath but they are also fundamentally different. This video really shows this so well, thank you Dr Carter.
Every single point spoken describes my sibling to a T….finally I’ve had enough of the chaos and abuse. One thing you didn’t mention is a total disregard for boundaries others set. The don’t care about normal boundaries most people would respect because they think they’re special and so boundaries (like rules) don’t apply to them.
this is true. when things go wrong they either pretend it's not a issue or blame you even it's not your fault. they act like they are living in illusion or something
I know that person.
I have not seen him for two years.
And here he comes. But lam going too stand my ground. I am not going back to that pain. I am not the same person. I am much stronger than I was. And I don't trust him.
Thank u but most of all I thank my
God.
Have a blessed day.
Thank you for helping those of us who have had these people in our personal lives🥺💔 I am very grateful for your help😔
You just described my boss. I had a lot of problems because of her in the last 15 years, my workmates, too. I developed high blood pressure, glaucoma, panic attacks, an ankle fracture but I'm OK recently. There were also premature deaths, others got autoimune diseases and a lot of flu cases. I'm lucky to become a retiree after 2 years.