Why I choose to be selective
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 13 ต.ค. 2024
- In many parts of my life, I neglected to operate in a space of boundaries with those who expected so much out of me. I began to realize that I had to become selective with the people I involved myself with, the places I went to, and the environment I shared with others. Being selective provided me with a newfound life that allowed me to operate freely with my “NO” and be ok with it.
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When I started to be selective I noticed I started creating a safe space for myself ❤
Yes, I found the very same thing for myself!
Rehearsing is not crazy. Thats how you prepare yourself to set boundaries
Thank you ❤️
I totally agree
After I watch this video, I literally burst into tears. When I was being selective, I was experiencing so much peace but I’ll begin to feel guilty or isolated so I open back up and here comes the chaos again.. I tried to convince myself that maybe I was being too judgmental or maybe I felt the way I did because of some subconscious reason stemming from myself. You help me to except that I’m just uncomfortable because I don’t resonate anymore and that’s OK. Thank you.
That last sentence "I’m just uncomfortable because I don’t resonate anymore and that’s OK".... when I realized this, this changed everything for me. I had to be ok that everyone has a different journey and our doesn't have to or NEED to align. I'm good where I am!
Same here with constantly wondering “am I just the problem” “am I too judgmental”. When it’s looks like everyone has “community” but then it’s like, I don’t wanna be fake to participate. I don’t want to encourage dysfunction. Or deal with the weird social rules of “play nice, but back stab later” etc etc. It can plant seeds of doubt. But then I just remind myself of the cycles and patterns I see and choose to believe and create differently. It’s coming♥️
Bingo!
You worded this in a way that I could never. It resonated so much with what I was going thru. People would always say I was acting white or thought I was too good to be around others.
I had the same journey and I learned where it stemmed from and now I give it a name 😅 i thought I was “protecting them” lol nope…I noticed that I already had the power to shake the setting with my energy and presence so regardless if I said no on a handstand and gave them cotton candy after it’ll still be the same result every time😂😂💀… I just was holding on to fear like she said in the video and I clinched tight to a quote…“If I’m im saying yes to them I’m saying no to myself” 🙏🏾💯and giiirrllll!! I still be crying because that’s my releasing force …and them tears always wash the pain away when I do❤…
I have been accused of "not wanting to be anyone's friend". I have simply always been selective...It makes life so peaceful.
And as long as you understand the "why" that's all that matters
Same here 😔 i just enjoy my time alone than to be around people who constantly want to be the focal point of attention everytime and everywhere they go
I am just not a people person trying to make friends with everyone no that's not me.... I prefer being on my own no cap but i just enjoy my time alone
We could be a Duo Of No Friends because I have been accused of being difficult and selfish for not wanting friends.😅😅😅
That is me rn. And I feel like I get lonely at times …
I’ve learnt that, not speaking your truth is a form of self-sabotage. ❤thanks for the video
Yes indeed! I love this
Yes !!!
😢😢😢😢💯💯💯💯
Learning that too. And it do takes time to understand.
“I wasn’t tired with other people, I was tired with me.” 😮💨 That was it right there. I got tired of me stretching myself so thin, trying to show up for everybody and everything else even when I feel depleted. I deserve better.
Yesssss sis!
Especially when no one ever shows up for you. That is when you will make a change.
This right here 😊😊
This right here‼️
I severed many relationships the last couple of years. I went over and above for them but the same energy was not shown to me. I felt taken advantage of.....friends & family...my life is now alot more peaceful...
Learning to say NO is a fundamental step in getting ahead in life.
Thanks for sharing
Goodness! I found that out sooner than later
It's a way to establish boundaries too
Oh the joys of learning this lesson.
My wife says I'm the most introverted person she knows. I actually wear a sweater that says “nope” on it whenever I can. And yes not being easily accessible is the way, I have no enemies and I'm drama free.
OKAY WHERE DO YOU GET THIS SWEATER 😂
@@raquelrodriguez865 I got it at Walmart.
😂
Exactly!!!!
Amen that's what I need in my life
You don’t understand how this made me so happy. People always tell me I don’t like people and that’s not true. I like real human being. People who are true to themselves, who respect themselves so much that I want to be around them.
GOODNESS! You have no idea how much this statement is equivalent to my thought process!
@@SeasonedDialogue one last thing. I also chose to listen to what you had to say because you look exactly like yourself. You’re not out here looking like a lie.
@@courtnesingleton6273 thank you 😍😍
Well said.
It's a tactic to guilt trip you into accepting them into your life , they want to be able to bring chaos in your life with no boundaries to stop them! That's why they are accusing you of being unfriendly. They hate that you're not easily accessible!
Right now I’m learning to say no to sexual encounters with guys, especially with ones I’m interested in. I want a deep connection with someone but I can’t have those with just anyone. I felt empowered and proud of myself for putting up boundaries, saying that I’m not having sex with anyone until that person commits to me and loves me. I want a secure and healthy connection. If I don’t have that I can’t interact with you any further.
This is HUGE! And I love this for you! I'm so glad that you feel empowered by a great decision that will really help you in the long run ❤️
@@SeasonedDialogue thank you that means a lot. 💗
I just got back on this path as well. I would say yes to the person and no to myself not honoring my boundaries to please the person then I'm left feeling horrible. I'm on the path of learning to love , honor, and value myself...
@@sacredaura2170 wish you well on your journey. It’s hard unlearning people pleasing. I’m glad you’re valuing and learning to love yourself 💗I learned that I have to sacrifice these unfulfilling love partners to receive what I want, which is love. Whether it’s healthy love for myself or healthy love from a partner. Either way, I want to be surrounded by love and I wish the same for you💗
@@daniellerandall711 thank you so much realized I'm co dependent which developed from a traumatic childhood. People pleasing is one of th characteristics, Im reading codependent no more by melody beattie and watching many videos on the topic. A lot of information of secure, anxious, avoidant attachments and how to develop a healthier self ... Building self esteem, setting boundaries etc, first step to healing is awareness and I have arrived to that.. .. Thank you for responding . We will get through this ... Blessings to you!!!
I don’t understand why someone who is supposed to be your friend, all of a sudden stops talking to you just because you tell them your not comfortable going. That’s a fake friend, and yes your right, I’m not hanging around people who talk smack about others and are so negative. I respect you!
Yes, some people can be complicated… but it’s no longer an issue for me
Powerful! People think your acting funny ,but as you grow you become more selective and learn where to place people in your life.
I recently began being more selective with my time and energy. I was the friend that was always there, even if it was to my detriment. I began to find that when I needed or wanted the support for whatever it was that I was doing it wasn’t there. I wasn’t getting the same energy back. Once I realized that I began being more selective with my time and energy. Now those same ‘friends’ haven’t hit me up in about 2 weeks. Ah… still trying to find my tribe I guess!
THIS!!! This was the clearest indication that I was giving too much of me but not getting anything in return. I think it's difficult to stop, when many times our giving is done in love. But sometimes, it would be awesome to be fulfilled as well.
@@SeasonedDialogue What’s that even like? lol
Same.
I'm just like you and I have decided to stop giving more than I'm receiving, I'm that type of friend who's ever there for my friends ,when they need help I'll always help but when I need help they won't be there for me 😢,I guess I should start being selective
I’m going through this right now 😅 I called her my best friend she called me her good friend Chile it’s tiring but I took a step back I had to take 2 😊
the way you phrased "if my 'no' was loud, then my rejection would be louder" just described perfectly how I feel. thank you so much for your work and this video!
Thank you so very much Maria
I'm selective with social drinking and clubbing. I'm no longer comfortable around drunk people, in bars or in clubs. It's not my vibration and being in a long term committed relationship, it's no longer appropriate. I invest my time into health, fitness and spirituality. I noticed that I'm labelled the 'too serious' or 'boring' person now. People love your toxic behaviours but won't support your healthy habits. Love your channel! It's the voice I have needed for so long now.
Nothing but facts. Once you set your boundaries don't be surprised when certain people stop coming around 💯
Exactly
I went through this and pulled back after 20 years of fitting in with people that intentionally did things to make me feel less than. Realized it was a reflection of how I saw myself and once I treated me better, nurtured me, loved on me and embraced who I was, the right energy came along. Your vibe attracts your tribe 💫
Yes! You always first
Sooo true
I learned to be selective because when people don't have peace in their own lives and they see you know how to keep peace in your life they tend to try and disrupt yours .so I'm at peace being alone in my own self space.
I needed to hear this . There is a man in my life that I'm always "available" for and he's been clear about not wanting a relationship. I have no boundaries with him and although he's fine with all the "benefits" he receives from me otherwise he gives me the bare minimum. I've decided to say "no" to a situationship, close the door and move on. I'm working on myself and making space for someone who honors me and what I have to offer.
You deserve,so much better
I love this for you I was in the same situation for 4 years until 2 years ago I made the very tough decision to walk away from what I didn’t even realize at the time was a toxic relationship, 2!years later there is so much peace in my life and heart and I welcome Love very openly ❤❤❤
@@sherrillbutler6095 Since I posted that I met a wonderful man that fills my cup. He is kind, caring, considerate, always thinking about me, wants me in his life and shares his life with me. He's mature and is very clear about what he wants. And although Mr. Situationship has reached out to me I still haven't spoken to him.
A lot of times the enemy, will have people be cordial and friendly enough to supposedly earn your trust, so that when they do shady things, you are less likely to notice or speak up. Remember, a dealbreaker is a dealbreaker, no matter when it occurs.
I reclaimed my power by saying no (setting boundaries) to people who saw me as an option not a priority. Folks who know you’re value yet treat you less than you deserve are not worthy of a “front row seat” in your life. Let them watch from a distance.
Come on now!!!
I'm realizing that I have been way too nice. I have over looked so much disrespect😑 it's almost like a vail that was over my eyes. Now I'm seeing everything realizing this is who they are 😑
#YANA You are not alone. The vail was lifted from over my eyes at age 48 y/o.
@@theevolvingmindset333 Psalms 109:4 For my love they are my adversaries: but I give myself unto prayer.
@@wiseangel 🙌🏽🙏🏽
“This is who they are”
Don’t let it become hatred (victim mentality) just acknowledge it see as it is, and move on with your life. just have compassion for people. Hurt people usually hurt others, and it’s tough being empathetic without boundaries
I learned the hard way to be selective after ending a marriage to someone I never should have married in the first place.
Since getting free, I’ve been learning to trust my intuition and just say no.
I had a neighbor try to befriend me and I didn’t really enjoy their company all that much. It seemed forced.
After hanging out twice they began asking me for a bunch of favors. Can you take me to the dentist? Can you watch my dogs?
I said no to both requests. After the second ‘no’ they stopped texting me, which I appreciated as I wasn’t interested in their company.
I think this person was purposefully trying to befriend someone so they could use them for favors. It felt super transactional.
I’m so proud of myself for my growth and wisdom, because old me felt like I needed to be “nice” and accommodate everyone in order to justify my existence and prove my value.
‘No’ is now my best friend!😊
I love how you were able to see through the person’s purpose trying to align themselves with you! It was more of a need for them than anything! ❤️
The ‘mind my dogs’ is something I’ve turned into a personal policy- I DO NOT mind dogs.
I don’t even own a dog so it can never be reciprocated and while I love dogs I do not like minding them.
When I began to be selective, I had PEEEAACE with myself. I needn't run back to my room with my head down, beating myself up again for pleasing others at the expense of my self. I got to make room for the few people that I would truly love to have soothing with my space.
While I am still getting better at this, and identifying ways in which I am too accessible, I am also getting bold at meeting anybody and being able to speak what I truly want to say, with love, and without unhealthy self-betrayal or self-denial... It is peaceful. And I can have mutually authentic relations
After setting boundaries and being selective with certain family members who drain me dry; I’ve noticed that their idea of “company” or a “good time” didn’t feel nearly as good as my peace of mind in their absence.
I’ve noticed the bitterness and intention to hurt me with words when I don’t give them access to me in ways I have in the past.
And how holding them accountable ; was just me switching up,not accepting them for who they are, or not having their back.
I spend a lot more time loving and pouring into myself, when I’m not trying to save everyone from their karma. I’m a better mother, partner, and human when I’m not frustrated and tense with the weighted blanket of others’ expectations.
This is what comes with it most times. When we become unavailable they seem to be bothered by our absence. It doesn’t matter, peace feels so much better when there is no chaos to contend with. Allow them to be and you keep being ❤️
Love this for you.
@@SeasonedDialogue “Allow them to be and you keep being.”
Beautifully spoken, Thankyou. 🦋
@@nenepearl5883 Thankyou 🦋
Thank you for helping me to know it OK to be an introvert until you get around the right people for you. I called them your kinship. Being selective is saying I have a choice to choose what right for me.
You are so welcome!
Exactly 💯
I literally have become so in tune with myself to the point I stay away from people. Too much energy, too needy and just so out of tune with themselves. I have become friends with my peace and isolation with books!...
I love reading as well!!!!! Found so much about myself just by isolating for a while.
I have to truly become selective. For me it’s been an on and off battle with codependency. It stems from my upbringing, not getting the approval from my parents & attention and nurturing I desperately yearned for as a kid. I grew up looking for love and validation in all the wrong places that I thought if I gave myself more to others, I would be more happier and feel lighter. It was draining and I always ended up with the short end of the stick. I’m learning to be more self aware & selective with who I give to because through that I learn to love & validate myself. Thanks for this beautiful video. Love & light always. 🤍
I did that too and somehow it made me have the childhood trauma that I had to fight throughout my years until I learned the art of forgiveness. th-cam.com/video/_IG07t2zF9c/w-d-xo.html
Maybe this will help. Wishing you all the best dear. You will always be good enough 💕
You got this!
❤
Me too.
I was ‘casting pearls before swine’.
No more.
Choose people carefully after much prayer and fasting
My heart hurts listening to this. 41 yrs old ad separated for 4 yrs. This is conformation to what God has been telling me. Thank you for your transparency. The pruning hurts but I know that the peace that comes afterwards is worth it.
Honoring my discernment and intuition has been a journey for my! Thank you for this!
You’re so welcome
I started this journey of saying “No” last year in May with a friendship of 21 years. The friendship has ended but I feel so free that I finally put myself first. I’m a firm believer of being selective and keeping my space sacred and safe. Thank you for sharing. Be well. 13:59
Sometimes we just need to start setting boundaries.....the moment people can't get over on us, the more apparent their position in our lives have become. It's initially heartbreaking, but its also needed
People started disappearing when started saying “no” with no explanation to follow.
Over the last couple years, I started listening to my intuition about friends and family. Placing boundaries, not going to events when I didn’t feel like it, breaking off relationships that weren’t serving me. Many of the people were upset, and the backlash verbally was sometimes quite awful, but in the end I felt stronger and happier and more content. Many don’t want us to change the dynamic. The right ones will come and stay, once we do.
I thoroughly enjoyed your video. Thank you for sharing your wisdom! 🙏
I totally agree with this! I’ve been exercising my no choice for quite some time now. The phone calls have completely stopped! I was everything to everyone. ….Loan officer, designated driver to and from the club, dog sitter, shuttle driver to the grocery store, bank, and other errands, and I even provided a place for family and friends to stay. All free of charge. But then I fell on hard times and everyone disappeared and no more calls. A couple years went by and I was finally able to get back on my feet again and things were going really great! Word got around and the calls started back up. Every call goes to voicemail and I call or text 2 to 3 days later. And when I talk to them my answer is a hard no now. So the phone calls are getting less and less now. I’m at peace with it to. 2 years is a long time to reflect, refresh, and reset your mind about people and life. 40 plus years of being available for people, it’s time to take care of ME…UNAPOLOGETICALLY!
that first powerful NO is the hardest. everything else after that is easy breezy. especially when you finally see certain people for who they are. speaking up for oneself - self love, self esteem, self respect is the best gift a person can give to ones self. i wish i knew this decades ago. but at least i know it now. i am very grateful. be well and safe.
Yes! This is exactly how I felt! I was so scared of disappointing others until I finally just said no. And you’re so right, you’ll learn so much about how a person really feels after the NO. It was a HUGE eye opener for me!
This message resonates with me deeply at this time in my life. I’m becoming more self aware and being selective with whom I invest time and energy into. My life has changed drastically after doing so and it was harder with family but I’m at peace now and eventually other family members respected my boundaries because there was no tolerance for less. We teach people how to treat us. ❤
You are so right! We do teach people how to treat us!
Being selective speaks to the character of an individual. One who naturally commands respect through their selectivity. Peace rains down!! No matter the season, you remain unbothered….
🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾✨
I found they continued to talk about me after I left. I'm like when I was around you really didn't care for my presence but when I remove my presence why are you not happy? Relieved? It's because they are just not happy within. I learned that people will talk negatively if you are there and will continue to do so if you are not. So, leave (disconnect, set boundaries, put some space in between) and be at peace.
Say all of that!!! And some people love the position you allowed them in your life, when you take that away, they become big mad!
This is so real. I always wanted to be the fixer and go to. These days I am super selective and solitude. The people in my life are intentional and serve a greater purpose in my life. I am a mentor and use my experiences to help others. I live a life of no regrets: my faith is strong, my love for self is immeasurable!
This is soooooo on time, and it’s crazy how I came across this video and I been in isolation for some months now. It felt rejuvenating watching this video. Haven’t been feeling guilty about it at all, I’m getting closer to god and I felt I needed to be selective for the changes I’m making. I tapped into my selective self instantly, and I feel soooo good. I’m unapologetic about the time I want to myself. Whether I’m texting less, or communicating less. I will get back to you, it’s just I’m really diving into my peace and quietness to hear my thoughts on what I need to do next for myself. The noise of the world needs to be tuned out in order for me to hear clearly.
Yes to all of this!!!!! Much needed time to isolate is the best form of peace as well
@@SeasonedDialogue Absolutely!!💕
This❤. Learning to say “ No” and being ok with it has been a challenge. What I’ve noticed is that my circle has gotten smaller and that’s ok. Being selective is healthy for the mind, body, and spirit
It SURELY is!!!
I find myself at times lonely since establishing comfort in saying simply no. I often remind myself that "No." is in fact a complete sentence and there isn't a duty to explain the no. It struck me when you said something along the lines of - Fear of the bigger the no the greater the rejection. This is very true for me and why so many years were spent in situations or relationships that didn't serve the future me. Today, I know that I'm never alone, the self love and respect I've gained in this moment is priceless, beautiful, uncomfortable at times, humbling and freeing....many things. And to experience this and grow my faith and relationship with God is what I'm most thankful for because prayer has been key in this phase of my life. 😊
Yesssss!!!! ❤️❤️❤️ our biggest revelations come after weathering the storm.
MANNN I needed this today!!! Creating a life of peace from setting boundaries with friends and family caused me ALOT of rejection followed by IMMENSE PEACE and I choose to dwell on the peace ❤ loved this
As an only child, I learned to be selective from my mother who always gave life lessons on friends, jealousy. Quickly learned some people don’t like no, or you having boundaries or you being a leader. So I embrace loving myself, being my own bestie, allowing the Lord to order my steps, treating myself and other people kind. Now 50s, married & empty nester; I cherish me time to walk, write or pamper myself. Happy to hear this inspiration & wisdom that it’s not just me. This Blessed me greatly.
I’m just so thankful for Lisa and her blessing to this world.
Thank you so much❤❤❤
Me too Queen ❤
I got tired of me as well and tired of walking on eggshells afraid of making others upset or afraid they might leave me, when they did anyway once I expressed my truth they didn’t care it was all about how dare she not be a doormat for me!😂 and it was the greatest thing ever because it made me look at me and say see your better than ever!
Love thisss!!! I realized you don’t have to be available all the time and if a friend can’t understand that - they will fall away and that’s okay ☺️. Honoring self is soooo much more important.
You better say it!!!!!
This video came into my feed today and in good timing. The last year I've been transforming myself from being a people pleaser to honoring myself and what I want. And that started with establishing boundaries. I lost a couple of relationships, son's father and a best friend since high school (I'm currently 44 years old). And other relationships had to, well...continue to, adjust to the "new" me. It was painful, and I was sick for weeks on the broken relationships. But now I'm free and no longer burdened by the guilt of finally choosing me first.
As someone who experienced childhood trauma (domestic violence) & being 1st gen with African parents (Cameroon) I eagerly sought out connections wth no boundaries due to feeling so isolated and like a black sheep in my "African" community. I was too accepting of ppl I def knew i didn't vibe. My actions were def a trauma response and i didn't even know it coupled with feeling diff due to being a 1st gen. As a child i had a hard time honoring my authenticity. Now, in my 30s my entire soul screams being authentic. Certain ppl/ social media just don't vibe with me and that's OK❤❤❤
So much changed for me,when I started working from home.
I was fascinated by one of your “TH-cam” shorts. Which led me to Binge your videos. I mean Binge. I gravitated to “why l choose to be selective”. Which brought me back to the leadership retreats in my College years. Let your “No mean No”. A segment of course studies within the retreat. I’ve always been a people person so I’m glad I learned early in how important it is to place value on not just my time but my emotional well being also. You are , and I am a precious part of this thing we call life. When you listen to your inner self “that voice” you will never go wrong. Never intentionally put yourself in a space where you are uncomfortable. Let’s talk soon. You are so Sharp. Iron Sharpens iron. God Bless you Sis.
Thank you so much for listening! This made me feel so good. Talk soon
I was told that I am cold. I am not cold, I am just easily drained by people's energy, and I have learned how to avoid that. As a child, I was regarded as weird and standoffish and even selfish, but in recent years, I've learned how to step away with no apologies, no matter who...its sad, the friends and relatives who prefer to see me doing this as a personal attack, but it's also freeing, because those are the same people who drain me the most. I identify strongly with this video...
Yes!!!! You definitely feel me ❤️
This is a great video. I especially related to the idea of saying yes out of the desire to be the friend who is available. I’ve learned that every time I deny my intuition around someone new and continue to maintain the connection even though I know the energy is off, things end up getting weird and complicated and usually end poorly. As opposed to if I had just honored the truth from the start and respectfully removed myself from the space with grace, then there’d be no hard feelings. I know the denial has to do with wanting to be this open, loving, and available person to everyone. But the fact is some people will be magnetized to that and take full advantage. The lesson I’m trying to learn is that allowing myself to say no to situations and people that don’t feel right in my body doesn’t mean I’m judgmental or lacking compassion. It means I’m so compassionate towards others and myself that I’m saving us from the inevitable heartache that would come from forcing this connection in the first place.
OhhhhHHH huge one "doesn’t mean I’m judgmental or lacking compassion. It means I’m so compassionate towards others and myself that I’m saving us from the inevitable heartache that would come from forcing this connection in the first place".........SIS, THIS WAS A WHOLE VALUABLE TIP. I hope someone reads this over and over!!!
Well said and you’re awesome
this comment is soooo on point unbiased observation is so powerful…
When learning to say ‘no’ start saying no to almost everything- quite often on reflection you can change your mind and say yes to a couple of things.
Saying ‘no’ is my superpower at the moment and I’m practicing giving no ‘justification’ for my no now.
‘Can you help me move next Saturday?’
Me - ‘no’
No is a complete sentence 😶👍🏽
Thank you. I needed to hear it OUT LOUD! I rather be alone, than to be in a negative space with a so-called friend, acquaintance or family member. No means no, yes means yes. Amen 🎉
I love the word selective so much. I found a lot of empowerment behind the word. I am in control of what and who I give myself to. Work, family, or just people in general. I used to be available for everything. To the point I kept my phone on ring if anyone needed me in the middle of the night. Now I’ve selected the calls that come through because DND is automatic after 7pm. Feels better
Yessss DND is a lifesaver
Could you kindly tell me what's DND? Thank you.
@@darlene-france3076 do not disturb ❤️
I found that people who love you aren't thinking only about themselves
✨
I’m struggling with this in my current relationship, my partner is a fair person but sometimes assumes a lot and I need to find a way to communicate my needs. Sometimes my voice shakes and I’m in tears when I speak up or negotiate for myself even about the smallest things. It’s scary but I have to train myself.
Thanks for this empowering video ❤
This can be difficult especially when you’re a person who doesn’t like to be combative, confrontational, or problematic. It’s easy to hold things in and let them be… but sometimes it doesn’t suit us well because others don’t truly know how we feel.
When you place self first, others are offended 😢
Waking up to this just warms my heart, God knows exactly what we need and when we need it.
Thank you for the healing words and thought provoking message. Love all the way from South Africa ❤
Thank you! Just made me feel so good to hear South Africa is listening!
Not being selective leads to trouble and leads to getting stuck in environments that arent for us. Its crazy how truama, codependence, and ppl pleasing can ruin our lives. Stay selective and dont let anyone make you change your mind.
And I'm so happy that I've found your channel! Thanks for sharing! 💮🌻
All of this 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽 I was recently invited to an event and declined because it’s not an environment that I’d like to be in even though I am fond of the organizer. Just said “I’m not available”
Ohhhh I love it!!!
"I'm not available"...I like this response. Concise with no room for negotiation, and no space for explanation. My walking stick going forward as I move through this journey :)
🙌🏾🖤🙌🏾🖤
I know I'm late but I resonate on so many levels with this. Took me a long time realize how much energy I was giving to others which would leave me so depleted. Once you become enlightened, there is no turning back. Things have a natural tendency to fall off when you wake up.
I would say after being selective it’s actually opened up communication in some of my relationships in other ways, too. It wasn’t always just cutting people out but finally speaking my mind to them and sometimes they actually want to listen and then feel more comfortable sharing themselves.
I love this! Another perspective worth discussing ❤️
If that “friend” hangs with 3 back biters 😮…She is obviously the 4th …And you become the topic of their conversations when you are not there. I don’t take friendships lightly. I’m happy that you are Evolving Sis…👑
🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾💫
love this. when we say no, it can cause a fear of rejection from others. but honoring your truth is the best way to protect you. we aren’t responsible for how others respond. thank you thank you. your content is helping me a lot
You’re so right!!!!! And thank you
I guess with me being more selective with my friends, even just hanging with a small amount of people. Those people are a certain type of reflection of me, which is really interesting. But in my own strength in power of my own words, i feel as if i have been accepting situations that don't allign with me, just to see what experience that i recieve when i do spend time with those people. Some of those relationships feel very transformational some of those relationships make me feel like im talking through a certain filter or that im experiencing the moment through a certain filter. I do wish to have pure vulnerability with people, but its hard when not everyone is particularly interested in this vibration that I'm holding. I guess thats the process of solitude and being selective. In the process of solitude/being selective, i get to refine my self and my skills and get to know what i like that builds my character. loving my self first makes things alot more easier. I also remind my self with people though, they are there to help give your mind a break sometimes and people will come eventually.
I love all of what you just said. I definitely believe that many people bring different perspectives in our lives that are much needed and can give us a new insight on life. And sometimes solitude follows when we find that people are not aligned with us. I've found greatness in re-learning myself, do you feel this way?
After being selective I’ve learned that my boundaries are powerful.
They are!!
Choosing you with no excuse is always a major transition into further self enlightenment! U can’t feel guilty for choosing yourself and your mental health 🧘🏾♀️. I can’t excuse my fulfillment for anyone else 🎉😂❤
You better say it!
Being a grown black woman of God is such a n intimate blessing. Thank you @Lisa Marie, for sharing your intimate blessings that you choose to share!
@MissNamaSlay, I truly agree! Thank you for sharing your fruit!
Honoring myself! “If my no sounded to loud, my rejection would be louder to them”. You just unpacked my entire life!! Giving all of me, showing up for those who don’t pour back into me, has left me feeling depleted.
“A nuisance to me”, I have and recently felt that way at a recent event.
Watch peoples action, how they behave, treat people (me) when they are in a space with “friends”. Because the “friends” are valued more than me…It be your own family.
For months, several years, I have been struggling with feeling like I am the issue in my family and trying to understand why it feels as though I’m being singled out. But you reminded me, I have the power and I’m intentional about being selective and being A-OK with it. Thank you for sharing, I needed this!
Yesssss!!!!!!
Saying no has helped me so much with my mental health and just being in a safe, positive space. I’ve had to say no to traveling with certain friends cause the experiences weren’t great in the past so I’ve learned to listen to my intuition and my own gut feelings and say no to protect myself. Thanks for sharing this 💕
I agree.. this was a good find for me ! Mental Health is “priceless”🙌🏾
Im selective and observant. When I see how u move, I know how youll move with me.
I'm currently in a space of being selective with who I engage with. I moved from my hometown almost 2 years ago now, and I've recently been unveiled to the fact that pretty much everyone in my immediate family and the majority of my closest friends were all depressed in some way. Their depression of course manifested itself in various ways, and some hid it better than others, which I think is something that made it easier for me to engage in the levels that I did for so long. It probably goes without saying that depression was the case for me as well. Within the past year I've been able to work through some of my own grievances by finding a passion of mine to dive into. Dancing. I'm learning about dance history, styles, technique and culture and pouring into my own journey with developing something that I always cared for, but didn't have the space to express growing up. I theorize that my loved ones are still wearing the blinders that keep them content and familiar with depression, partly due to them not having an outlet of their own. It's been an obstacle at times keeping up with mine because it was never shown to me before, and I'm having to find and make my own blueprint. 2023 alone has thrown some very major and significant blows my way but I'm not depressed. I'm very blessed and have been protected and guided through every speed bump this year has had for me. I've felt the need to take a step back in communication with almost everyone close to me, because overall I don't feel like those that I love are pouring into me in the ways that I would prefer at this point in my life. I don't feel like anyone is in the same space as I am currently with self development specifically. It has become draining for me to repeatedly hear about the same things or have such a lack of anything positive or progressive ever be the topic of conversation on their end. I haven't had any negative responses from my choice on this selectiveness, but I do struggle with feeling bad sometimes because I also believe that life is short and you never know how long you'll have someone. I'm still learning to navigate that part.
This is an authentic message. I love that you saw what was going on around you and decided you wanted so much more for yourself. Sometimes people dwell within the same behaviors and don't see the dysfunction. Dancing is a graceful outlet...so much expression that can relieve stress and uplift us all. I'm so happy to read that you found something FOR you. Many blessings and thank you so much for this powerful honesty.
@@SeasonedDialogue Thank you so much! I really love your content. Can't wait to see more!
I remember not speaking to toxic abusive fake friends, every time I thought of speaking to them I felt withdrawal symptoms. I was overcome with guilt, fear, sadness and constant stress. Finally one day all that pain associated with those negative relationships was gone. I never felt bad for choosing myself again. Taking that first step to cut them off set a trend for how I would release myself from other toxic cycles in my life.
I deeply relate to this. For example last week someone I'm friends with tried to use me as her taxi because she wanted to take her roommate's kid somewhere under the disguise of wanting to "hang" with me. So rude and when I said no she wanted a reason and I said you don't need a reason just do want to but we can always hang out at a different time when you're freer and kidless. That's not her kid idky she does it sometimes.
Wow! People really get upset with the word NO… that’s the biggest sign to flee
Being selective is freeing yourself from a world of trouble, and I can vouch for that too. You have a right to say 'no' without giving any explanations at all. You have a choice whether or not you want to participate in anything, and if people ostracise you for that, then you know you made the right decision and to keep walking.
I thoroughly enjoyed listening to you today, and have subscribed as its my first time here but not my last. I appreciate how frank you were in explaining how you felt and I'm sure it has given many a push in the right direction. Practice makes perfect, so its also a good idea to practice how you might want to make a negative statement to someone who is bold and in your face.
Thanks for this vlog.
Since I’ve been selective I’m so at peace and everything is flowing amazing
Yes indeed ❤️
I had to accept that as I choose sometimes to step back and say no, my comfort ability is first.
You have this peaceful energy in your eyes
Thank you
I am soooo greatful for stumbling onto this video. I can absolutely relate to almost everything you're speaking about. It's like you giving all of my thoughts, words. I am an absolute introvert and keep a lot bottled up. By watching your videos, I get words to express myself. Thank you❤.
these videos are so aesthetic and informative i love them so much 😭
Thank you
I've learnt that saying no might ruffle some feathers but its me honoring myself and being true to who I am
So this came at the right time. Love love love the message. I have been learning to say NO. As a people pleaser with severe childhood trauma NO was the most difficult word to utter.
I have realized that I have actually added to and prolonged my suffering. Now I say no and move on. No extended explanation, my no is not up for discussion period.
Period!!!!
Your voice is soothing. I’m so happy I discovered your page. Being an introvert who tends to please people is hard. I’m glad to be learning from this channel
When I came to the realization, that my efforts to be tactful when letting others down easy was met with disrespect expressing a resounding “No!” became so much easier
This!!!!!!! Either way, they’ll be disappointed
Am 29 years old. I am a people's pleaser but now the older i get am becoming tired of it. I go through life alone but when my friends go through stuff am always there , without them even asking and i dont blame them for me putting myself in that situiation but i completey stopped. I have days when i feel bad for not showing up but i just dont feel like it. Am really enjoying my me time
Great topic, and I love your vibe and energy. I also watch and observe people before introducing myself to initiate friendship. I observe for awhile in places where I get to see them often, such as church or at work. It has served me well with that method, and there is no drama. Unlike when I was younger, I just let and had anyone as my “friend”. I had to learn that lesson. I’ve gotten good at observing and being the initiator because I’moved around a lot due to the military.
Yes observation is key, and you’re so right… observe long enough and you’ll find out all you would need to know. Thank you for your words ❤️
I thank God for TH-cam for bringing beautiful people together to network and share our stories.
☮️💜Sister thank you for sharing your message. It’s okay to say no and not be accessible like that. If we listen to our intuition and follow our hearts we’ll always end up where we’re meant to be!
You’re so right about that!!!!
I've always been selected on the people that have been selected practically all my life. I have friends that I grew up and I have friends that I'm friends with regardless and it's like only a handful of friends that I'm and select my friends wisely
"I've honored myself with no". ❤❤❤👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
❤️❤️❤️❤️
I'm in the journey of discovering myself and the biggest lesson I'm learning is, it's ok to be selfish with yourself, especially around people who had front row seats in your life, access is limited from now on, but I still got love for you, Love.
Hello☺️ I have found that when I stopped people-pleasing, I became the person that “was going through something,” “never got out,” or “thought she was better.” It's funny how people can automatically decide to label you when you're simply honoring yourself. I've learned to not allow it to bother me while also seeing it as that individual’s own inner dialogue or projection even. Which is not my problem. 😅 It feels so good to be true to yourself. I’ve enjoyed listening to you as it's my first time here. Overall, it's great to see people's true colors when you're no longer a “yes man.” Simply affirms your intuition or discernment as well.
Say that!!!!!
Throughout learning to be selective with people who have entered my life. I've found a new art of mastering energys. I no longer match energys but observe, feel and learn from these energys and choose what actions are most beneficial to finding my peace and elevating to my highest self!!!🙏🌿🍀
Yes, I love this!
I can totally relate to EVERYTHING that you said I'm in a season of growth with our Heavenly father and my spirituality as of this year I had to remove myself from almost 20 years of friendship as I'm growing people started to show their true colors and like you said I was tired of being the one available for everyone and didn't get the same in return, I chose to put myself first and obey the calling God has on my life
Yes 🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾
I started feeling a sense of relief immensely once I learned No and enforced it.
One random day I stopped moving around so much, and listening to other people, doing things and going places I didn't want to. I can say that those 'friends' soon disappeared when I started saying No, because of the vibe I get from people. Family too! Since then my life has improved, and I do not care at all about the confused look on their faces when I happily breeze about my business.
A whole word!!!
A lot of selectiveness is about choices we make. To be empowered, we must know that we have the power to make the change. We can't hold others responsible for our own choices. The easiest word for me to say is "no" and once people understand that you will say no, they no longer set you up. No drama. And people are not upset because they knew who you were from the beginning.