What Causes Perfectionism And How To Get Over It
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 2 ต.ค. 2024
- What causes Perfectionism and how to stop it.
Perfectionism is created by a childhood environment where the person experienced that there perfect imperfections were not welcomed, permitted or accepted by there caregivers. This is most often done in one or all of the following three ways.
1- Rigid, strict, demanding and overly unrealistic and high parental expectations
2- Shaming, critical and directly or indirectly abusive parenting
3- Too much praise or being spoiled. The golden child
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Hi, I'm Kenny 👋
I specialize in helping you heal from emotional hurt so you can elevate your life by helping you get comfortable with feeling uncomfortable.
I am an advocate for truth and healing. So naturally, therefore, my emotional mastery method might initially feel a bit rough. But, when you start finding answers to the questions you ask yourself (even those you're afraid of), break free from self-destructing behaviors, and begin loving yourself and living your best life, you will feel powerful and empowered.
If you have looked everywhere, are desperate for a solution, and you're ready to stop being held hostage by your emotional misery, your journey to emotional mastery starts here.
It's the secret to finding yourself!
#kennyweiss #worstdaycycle #kennyweisslifecoach
“So my only option is to wake up each day not knowing what will happen, to wake up and walk into each situation knowing I have no control over it”
Damn I cried after hearing this.
I'm finally starting to understand. When you compared the identity of a do-er to a be-er it clicked. I'll try allowing myself to be. Thank you so much! I've been a perfectionist for as long as I can remember. It was always attributed to my high functioning autism but it was never really explained to me in a way that I could start working with it. Your explaination sketched a new perspective for me. I will share it with other people on the spectrum since a lot of us are struggling with perfectionism.
I shared this video with my eldest brother. He is a perfectionist (ever since first grade- my mom told me that she had to put him in a different school in first grade because the school was putting too much pressure on him and he was putting too much pressure on himself to be perfect. Omg! This was only first grade!). He became type A, overachieving, and a straight A student. (I {the youngest} was the total opposite until I enrolled in computer classes and got straight A's. My other brother {middle}was a perfectionist in his own ways in photography and music.). My eldest brother is a psychologist. His thesis was about perfectionism and alcoholism. That need to be perfect comes from my mom, her parents, and grandparents. Her Grandfather (a priest) was a very proper English guy with a bit of a short fuse. He taught her the "right way" to eat an egg and how to have the "perfect manners." I learned my table manners from my mom and my Grandma. On a trip, recently, my mom got so mad and ashamed at me for just rolling out of bed and staying in my comfy Halloween PJ's to go eat breakfast at a hoteI because it just wasn't "proper." (And nope, I don't wear PJs at the grocery store lol. And I don't do this often. It was a time saving thing) I told her that I didn't care what I looked like because I'm not around people who know me. My Dad didn't care and went to breakfast with me. After I finished my breakfast, I brought a yogurt for my mom. She previously went to breakfast before I did. It was just funny and we were both laughing about it. The funny thing is- Sometimes, I can see my mom being a bit of a rebel, not being so proper/perfect, and clowning around, telling me a story of when she played a practical joke on her mom. It's nice to see my mom's goofy side. I just wanted to share that with you all. I hope your perfectionism/perfectionist videos have helped my brother. I'll send the videos to my mom, too 🙂
Perfectionism
Found in an environment where a child's perfect imperfections were not accepted.
Three such concreate perfectionism
1. Rigid Strict Demanding, placed high expectations
2. Shamed. Highly critical, directly or indirectly abusive
3. Too much Praised, spoiled
Creates an identity of Doing, of performance, not a Being.
Complete disconnection from Self. No inherent worth without doing
Creates three consistent lacks
1. Lack of Control
2. Lack of Identity
3. Lack of Self - Worth
Solutions
1. Severe Fear. Fear of Rejection. Fear of Inadequacy. Powerlessness.
a. What can I control, and what can I not control?
i. I can control my decisions, I'm human. My parents are human and they loved me. I can control whether I do the work to heal.
just living in what they can control. learning the serenity pray
b. start saying No, not giving ourselves away. Control what you do, and what you chose to do. Recognize to trust the process of life. Affording our selves grace that we can't be perfect. We've done enough. If you focus on what you can control, things will work themselves out.
2. Be your Authentic Self
a. Completely dismantle our belief systems.
i. sit down ask our moral/values, needs/wants, negotiable/non negotiables
ii. Everything has to be deconstructed to determine if its apart of me.
3. Develop our self worth.
a. Follow our moral values, leting go of control, be authentic self, letting go of control, be okay with not being okay.
b. You have worth no matter what you've done.
You will not achieve this by just watching videos. this requires Commitment. to become the greatest version of ourselves. this requires work.
Knowing that I can not take control of my world has been a hard lesson learned, as is codependency.
"They try to create a solution for what they can't control." Just one of many 'holly s*@#" moments in the video. The whole 30min journey was amazing! Thank you
Thank you figuring this out and explaining to us so sweetly.
You are so welcome!
So grateful for having found you. This video is a jewel. Thank you so much!
❤ thank you so much for doing and sharing your work, I needed this understanding and will be buying your book, I need to learn this process because what I’m doing isn’t working. We have to reparent ourselves and this is a way I feel allows me to be me to discover more of the authentic self that’s so repressed.
You are so welcome
Thank you so much I needed this ❤
So brilliant, as always! 👏
This describes my family dynamic with are our childhood perfectly and demonstrates exactly what happened.
Wow, Kenny , you just explained my tears
Just what I needed for my next phase in my healing journey. Thank You for this video!
Really enjoyed this, straight forward, no messing, to the point. Thank you for your honesty and non judgement attitude!
Thank you for this 😣😣🤦🏾♂️ I've been so hard core spiritual 3rd day fasting no solid only liquid. I've been watching videos to gain more wisdom. I've been grounding myself spending time with nature studying. Reading, meditation. Get a little anxious about not giving a fuck what others say and think of me. Fighting tooth and nail for places and people that is committed to not caring and giving a fuck about me. When I never took the time to actually just be knowing thats enough as I am. I can't as I'm typing this I can't recall a memory in my life where I can say I went with the flow and enjoyed just being. It's always me saying I'm flawed and I need to do something about it. I'm unhealed I need to do something about it. I'm unhealthy ima change my diet. I'm not studying enough or learning new information. Shi I don't even get proper sleep sometimes because I think overworking is a good Sacrifice in return it is but I find myself always being burnt out for myself and for others. I went homeless and the truest lesson and gift the unseen force gave me was to not give a fuck and learn to take a seat a step back. Yet I'm still thinking I can go above and beyond. I guess to say all this is in learning from now to let go in life no more going against the ties I am where I am for a reason I know it's hard but that's okay I am perfect just as I am and things will work out for me for you for all of us. Anyone reading this let my lesson teach you feel the energy of my thoughts/emotions behind what I've gone through. A audiobook I recommend is "the art of not giving a f"
The perfectionist part of me wanted to avoid this video so many times!
Thank You Kenny, I got your book!
30:15 recap
Spot on as usual. thank you so much! sending love and support to all. have a blessed day xx
I love your profile pic.
Thanku! U give me hope. I keep trying to control all the little things. While I’m doing the work. I keep worrying that I won’t make it to the finish line before the ticker runs out.
This is profound and is incredibly helpful. This describes my brother and I in our dynamic with are our childhood perfectly and demonstrates exactly what happened.
Wow, I didn’t expect this to hot nearly as hard as it did.
You know your stuff, Kenny .
Thanks!!
This video along with the Worst Day cycle series has been like an earthquake. . Learning to live in what I can control, that hit very hard.
Thanks for sharing about yourself
Arnt u Amazing? :))
Hi Kenny,
I just came across your channel. This was an absolutely incredible video. Thank you so so much for this content.
Welcome! Glad it was helpful!
This video and the message you put forth is precious on SO MANY levels...Thank You 🙏🏽
You're welcome :)
yo ken thank you so much man. I love how you emphasized that parents who do these things are doing them subconsciously and are not bad people. Thats the part that allows a perfectionist to heal.
Happy to help!
Thank you ❤
You're welcome 😊