3 UPDATES: Parents Demand I Shift The Date Of My Wedding That I Planned & Invited Them For 8 Months
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 24 ก.ย. 2024
- 3 UPDATES: Parents Demand I Shift The Date Of My Wedding That I Planned & Invited Them For 8 Months In Advance Bc They Suddenly Made Plans W/ Their Golden Son And His Family For A Vacation In Australia.. So I Smiled And Said "Ok, I'll Wait" But Instead Did This.. Now They're Crying From Their Little Family Trip Bc All They Can See Is My Wedding Pictures On Social Media...
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Five days ago, my girlfriend of six years and I got married in a small and intimate ceremony. It was initially just supposed to be our families and a couple of really close friends, but unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, my family could not make it. To be more precise, my family could have made it but to them, taking a family vacation to Australia with my brother and his family, seemed like more of a priority to them.
"both of my sons value their pride and ego over family values" says the biggest narcissist of them all.
Whether the brother knew or not, the parents knew. The minute they asked him to change his wedding, they picked his brother.
This. Whether the brother knew or not, the parents made their decision with this knowledge. They don't get an out for choosing a vacation over their child's wedding. I don’t think OP needs to beg his parents to come to a milestone event and the parents acting like OP should have begged for their presence is a mean way of looking at this.
Nothing more to add. You said it all.
¹@@Burglar-King
Yep this
@@dova_lily4484 Hear, hear
imagine getting an 8 months notice and still expecting that wedding will get postponed bc entitled parents wanted a free vacation
This. In all this time they never bothered to mention to the brother that OP was getting married, I'm calling bull on that.
@@IzzyPR2010same. The brother knew and picked those dates on purpose
@@chinaking918 naw I am sure the brother didnt know, atleast when he picked. sounds like bro prob was not invited
I think it’s funny that the parents are upset that they weren’t invited. They were literally invited 😂
Yeah that part bugs me. I would be correcting that to all my relatives. Making it super clear what they chose.
His parents chose brother years ago. And will continue to do so. That is crystal clear.
Also I'm not buying that the brother hadn't been told, I'm betting he knew and selected those dates as a power play on his part.
@@IzzyPR2010I agree. It was a deliberate act by his brother. Weddings need more planning than vacations. Eight months in advance OP notified them and they still chose to go with brother instead. It was the parents' mistake. They should have told the brother to plan his Australia vacation another date, like one week after the wedding.
Set ground rules on how to discuss things. Get a mediator. A church clergy person or a professional.
That mom is an epic gaslighter, I bet, she is the one who pushed her husband into favoring his brother
She is, because OP still thinks a lot of this is his fault. The updates keep making me angrier and angrier, LOL
OP needs to tell his mom that those crocodile tears aren’t working. You still haven’t provided a wedding gift, even though you failed to attend knowing how important it was. You are the bad parent who has been regularly bad and never made it up to me.
Or he just did what she did so the bed would stay warm not cold
Who the hell skips their kids wedding to go on vacation and tells them to postpone their wedding they were planning for 8 MONTHS!
Douche bags. Douche bags do that.
So, you can say whatever you want about OP lying to his parents, but ultimately the decision was the right one to make. Even if the brother didn't actually know that the marriage was going to happen on that date, the parents knew. The parents decided that it was more important to go on that vacation than it was to go to that wedding. It was more important to not inconvenience the brother than it was to not inconvenience OP. It was more important to boost the brother's reputation than it was to cost OP for having to push the wedding ( because of course, having to push the date means having to pay for all of that stuff being delivered later on, if not redone the day of). Because the parents were even willing to ask for the wedding to be delayed, It ultimately didn't matter what OP said because they had repeated the same pattern of behavior that they had been for his entire life.
Exactly. It's a "boy who cried wolf" situation. Their pattern of behavior established his whole life was favoring his brother then calling him terrible because he did like most ignored/put down kids & acted up for attention. But now this one time they were serious about wanting to be involved? Of course he didn't believe them & assumed with the rivalry that the parents had told his brother when he was getting married because their approach was to ask him to put him, his wife, their finances, & everyone else already committed to coming in 2nd place to them having a vacation with the brother. Only their wants were 1st, & this time their want was to go on vacation with a son, DIL & grandkids that they already see regularly. I agree with OP's view that just playing along with the outrageous request instead of wasting time arguing was most efficient. They wanted that free overseas vacation & if he tried to argue they would've called him a bad son for not thinking of their feelings & postponing the wedding just for them. How dare he want to still get married on the day he & his fiancée chose nearly a year before & told them a "save the date" for 8 months ago? 😮
Once you get married, your wife and future kids are you family...period.
This guy!❤️👆🏻
At least they become your priority.
You can still have interactions with your parents and siblings.
It's so easy for them to say they would have turned down the vacation AFTER.
I don’t believe they ever intended to turn down the invitation.especially when Mom excepted it then went to great lengths to justify her actions. Pathetic
Right. If they really would’ve turned it down they would have turned it down especially knowing 8 months in advance.
OPs parents are masters at gaslighting . They creates this situation and are now making themselves the victims. They are responsible for thier actions. Op is fine and did nothing wrong. It's funny that OPs parents never told the brother about the wedding. The parents seem to have manipulated both children and they have gaslighted them for years. They only parented the one that was less work and ignored the child that needed them.
Brother being honest with OP makes me wonder if being a father of 2 has given him a new perspective on his upbringing.
them just asking to postpone the wedding tells you everything
Children seek attention good or bad when the parents don't give attention. Typically, after doing several good things and not getting attention the person does bad things that can't be ignored in order to get attention. Bad behavior is a learned coping mechanism to get attention and unfortunately it becomes habit forming.
Get this - I was the oldest child. I was quiet and reserved. I was pretty kid. My grades were stellar. I was the first child in the family to graduate from college. The first with a doctorate. I married and gave them their only three grand children. But the minute my sister (I am also a girl) was born, she was the golden child. She looks nothing like my parents, it was name after my mother. And see the list above basically be shorter. And whether the golden child is younger or older they are always a jerk. And your parents will always see them as the best child.
Pre update, if brother didn't know that's only because parents didn't tell him. They could have informed him and asked if he could have done it another time but instead they asked op. And since brother owns his company it's not like he needs to check with his boss.
In 8 months they never told him, total BS. Brother selected that date on purpose. OP's mistake was in lying about holding the wedding later
@@IzzyPR2010 I wonder if they ever told op about his brothers wedding before he got married. If they did then they probably told him about ops. If not they might not have. And I agree he shouldn't have lied. If he told them the truth and they still went, cut them off. If they went to ops wedding great.
You can't tell me the parents didn't tell the parents at least trying to use this as a chance to get the brother to reach out so they could all be one happy family in the pictures for all the family to see
It does not matter if the brother knew about the wedding. The parents knew when the wedding was and 3 days before the wedding they asked him to postpone. However, what they should have done was told the brother they could not go on the vacation because his brother was getting married. What they did obviously showed who their favorite child is in the end. The parents could have easily told the brother that they would head to Australia the day after the wedding. Usually when a child is considered a "troublemaker," or acts out it is because the have a poor situation at home. The only thing OP should have done was tell his parents honestly he would not reschedule the wedding.
Why couldn’t the parents go after the wedding? They could have had it both ways but chose one child over the other. They then have the nerve to act like they were the victims. The parents caused all of this and there is no sympathy for them. Mo is a major gaslighter…to the point of mental abuse
They really should never have asked for the wedding to be changed. That is incredibly rude.
Parents are full of sh.t. They know 8 months before and they dont even mension it to other son. BS
Your parents are old enough to know that planning a wedding 10 months in advance, you can't just postpone a wedding for a week or two. You have the venue, flowers, food, and the guests who had already planned for this date and maybe took vacation time. And there is NO way that they didn't tell your brother the moment they knew the date!!! If I were offered a free vacation to Australia, I'd jump at it!!! However, if one of my children was getting married, no doubt in my mind, I'm going to the wedding!!!
Oh b.s. The parents knew you were getting married and chose to go on vacation with your brother. They were gaslightung OP on that phone call because how would he know the real truth. There is no way that I would ever choose a vacation over my sons wedding.
I lost count of the number of times I said that word.
OP is so weak that he needed the intervention of the golden child to realize he had to block them all... Oh, by the way, when OP said "I really didn't have anybody, apart from my parents", my first thought was "your wife would be happy to hear that...". Dude just got married and it's like his wife doesn't really matter...
He dis not mean it that way. I told my fil that I had to take care of myself and make choices for myself . He took it as I did not care about my now husband. I went on to explain that the only person I can and will make choices where for me.... m y husband makes choices for him self. We make choices for our house hold/ relation ship together.
Playing kids against each other is standard narcissist behavior.
it doesn't matter if he knew or not, your PARENTS knew, they made a choice, a holiday or your wedding.
The parents wanted OP to postpone his wedding so they could go on vacation. That's it in a nutshell. No concern for anyone but themselves as the priority. Please OP, remember what age you were when you began to play up and just forgive yourself for behaving the way any normal frustrated and overlooked person would feel.
Better no family than having to put up with a toxic one. OP is now married and will start his own family and that should be his priority. Also consider that if the parents always favor his brother, then they will favor the brother's children over OP's when OP has them.
Who in their right mind asks everyone at any wedding to rearrange their schedule because you, someone who are not even the bride or groom, go on a last minute vacation.
It is mind boggling to me that his parents, at pretty much the last minute, ask to OP to reschedule the wedding. 😮🤦♀️
It never occurred to the parents to ask the bother if they could change the date of the trip because of the wedding
OP's parents knew eight months in advance when the OP's wedding was scheduled und the brother did it on purpose to the OP. It doesn't matter *IF* the OP's brother knew or not. The parents *KNEW* when the wedding was scheduled.
They not only expected the OP to delay his wedding, but to absorb the cost for basically two wedding's.
The OP's parents are masters at gaslighting.
The only reason that the OP was a "troublemaker," is because of how his parents treated the two of them.
I had to laugh when the OP's parents were concerned with was their golden child, their image, und their reputation.
While I understand the OP's reluctance to go no contact with his family. That is exactly what he needs to do.
Also as has been said numerous times about situations like this. Even the golden child is a victim of abuse.
Even if his brother did not know about the wedding which i am almost sure he found out somehow. But they knew when the wedding was they ask him to postpone a wedding, so they already made there choice since they knew when the wedding was and they could of told the brother that your brother was getting married and they could not make it or they would have to leave early. They made there choice they can live with it now move on leave all the people behind, and when you have kids be sure to never let them meet your mom and dad. I wrote most of this before the final update, even money on if the brother telling the truth on why he took the trip when he did, but he did tell you the truth about your mom and dad maybe cause he did not want to be blame in public if it came out you thought he did it to ruin your wedding. There no hope for your mom and dad now keep them out of your life and be sure to unblock or let them see any grandkids they will never meet on soical for a week or two then reblock them.
This is why gaslighting is so powerful and needs to be called out - those who master it can change reality.
Which is it? He worked for someone or he started his own buisness? Over the years you complained of mistreatment by your older brother and they always sided with him so it should not have come as a surprise that you chose your new family over the meds that was your old family. Just tell them to suck it up, your brother didnt invite you so you owe no one an explanation or an apology. Dont even tell them if you have kids. You dont need them treated this way either.
so the brother works for himself, but can’t change the dates of his time off?
Sounds like the parents pitted both brothers against each other and are now shocked neither li 30:20 ke each other.
Didn't OP say at the 1st post that he told his parents 8 months before the wedding? If so why is he so upset?
They KNEW and decided not to come
Yes, he did. You are absolutely right, the parents knew for eight months when the OP's wedding was.
WOW, talk about switching cause and effect. Young OP acted out because his parents clearly favored the brother and he wanted to be seen, NOT his acting out made his parents favoring the brother......
Who asks someone to postpone their wedding? That is the epitome of entitlement, seriously.
It’s hard growing up in a family where your personality is so much more divergent from the others in the family. Most household members won’t accept the differences. They’re more beholden to enforcing norms. It takes a lot of maturity and wisdom to develop your own way of managing these pressures from inside your home. It’s so unfair for parents to expect their children to do this on their own.
I was a norm enforcer for the most part. My older brother was a rebel. It wasn’t until my late teens before I could recognize how my parent mismanaged handling my brother. Before that point, I had always accepted that my brother was just flawed. Took many more years to see how controlling parents can take a toll on independent thinkers within the household. Some adults just cannot accept thinkers beyond their ken-much less from their very own loins.
Yeah, I don’t buy the parents story for a second. Cuz they could’ve easily declined the vacation, and made time to see their grandkids.
If it were me, I wouldn’t have to think. The weddings our children have are the most important part of their lives, and they’ll remember who was and wasn’t there until the day they die. As a parent, it’s your responsibility to *be there.* Period.
Have your in-laws talk to them about disrespecting their daughter. Fire works, I’d bet.
"You know what I'm disappointed in, ma? The fact that my whole life, every milestone moment I had, I was expected to change or rearrange it to fit Dan's schedule. "Do it for Dan, do it for Dan!" Why should I have to put my life on hold because you go on vacation? You made your choice, and once again, it was Dan. So be happy, you have AMAZING vacation photos."
Imagine asking your son to move the date of his wedding because his brother is taking the on vacation at the same time! “Hey, our vacation takes precedence over your wedding, so you need to change the date!” And they say he should have spoke up, but we all know that if OP had said I’m not changing the date, they would have gotten angry and tried everything in their power to make him heel to their demands. What a bunch of BS spilling from their mouths!
They keep saying it's not easy to cut them off, yes it is, even if they say it's not just mute them it's simple, it's basically like telling them "we need a break" no problem, even if they came and see to talk but regardless
expecting the truth out of liars? don't fall for it. they knew
Word of advice; older brother will be at that family dinner, because it's an intervention in sheep's clothing!
The parents are the AH in this story 150%.
Yeah, most kids who 'act out' or ' cause trouble' are not getting the attention they need. So that is on the parents for not being able to encourage/praise both kids. This crap of only favoring one kid is crap. Plus, if they were so far apart in age, their is no excuse. The parents knew he wasnt invited to his brothers wedding, so there was no reason to invite him to his. And the parents KNEW they were in the wrong. You dont ask to postpone a wedding for a vacation. It's one thing if it was a health issue that caused them to be unable to attend. But they are just pissed because the photos make them 'look' like they choose not to attend which was the truth. They dont like looking like the jerks. Which is what they are. And this crap of mom crying. How do you think he felt as a child. If he was acting out, then a good parent would have sat him down and asked why. If they want to believe the older child, then its their falt. I would have just told them to have a nice life with his older brother. But he was done. Cant get hurt and disappointed if they arent in your life.
1. “They had made the effort to come directly to me after their vacation.” But they still waited until after their vacation, a week later. 😂 My ass would have been on plane back immediately regardless if I thought the OP was to blame or I was to blame for the whole situation.
2. Who the hell asks their child to postpone their wedding for a vacation. The supposedly most important day of their life, shaping the course of the rest of their life. Regardless if OP’s brother knew or intentionally set up this stunt, the parents made their decision even before they talked to OP.
Classic example of the parents trying to force their agenda onto the family.
No matter who has what planned at any time, they are going to manipulate everyone into enabling their convenience.
Parents can't prove they would have not taken the vacation. Oh and bro didn't invite him to his wedding. You did nothing wrong.
Yeah, where was the parents outrage when the OP wasn't invited to the brothers wedding?
Well they got outed the brother told him he knew
I don't believe for a minute that the brother, who went out of his way to bully the small brother, had no idea about the wedding. I think that it was a power play by the brother all along. . This OP is young enough so that there would be counseling available, informing them that kids who are abused tend to act out like this, and someone from school would query about it. Then, there are ways to catch an abuser, such as hidden cameras with microphones. This is how parents catch abusive babysitters and nannies, and these don't cost much. There's no way that the adults didn't discuss this, and his parents willingly aided this criminal behavior by covering it up. A seventeen years old teenager bullying a nine years old child, is no different than an adult abusing a child. At this age, he could be fully trained British Royal Marine, i.e.. an elite soldier. In my opinion, he shouldn't have said that they can wait, but the results would have been not different in the essence. He would be attacked with the exact same vitriol, of being a brat who wants all the attention to himself and ruining their vacation. I have seen this happen many, many times, in my family, with a father who said that he would have stopped the mother of the child from abusing the child had he known that she was doing it, only to fully support the step mother when trying to do practically the same, although far less due to the fact that the child was now a grown man, and would cut her off, and go LC, finally NC. The father threw him under the bus for his spouse since early childhood. These people don't change. The fact that they didn't give him space, and tried to browbeat him, means that they will never change. The emotional mother is just a manipulation tactic to get him to capitulate, nothing more. They didn't care about 15 years of abuse, then they don't care about him except as useful scapegoat, and care about their bruised ego from the rejection.
Nope, the brother knew, and the parents definitely knew, eight months in advance, so they could have told the brother "No we can't go because your brother is getting married at that time." They are just pouting because you didn't totally rearrange your life to appease the golden one and his victory is making them look bad for choosing a vacation over their own child's wedding. And of course, it's your fault that your brother is a bully, and they are negligent parents. Don't fall for the gaslighting, they would have blown off your new wedding date for brunch with brother, or some other weak reason. Just go no contact and let them dote on their only child and be happy with the new family you are starting. It's kind of sad you're so desperate for a love they cannot and will not give. But keep trying and keep getting hurt if that's what you want. Wow, even the golden one is getting tired of kissing their narcissist @$$es.
Nobody tell their son or daughter to postpone their wedding so they can go on vacation instead. A wedding isn't something you can easily rearrange.
All invitees have to be informed about the new date and maybe not all are available on the new date. Maybe you don't get a refund for booked services or these aren't available on a new date. Regardless, you create a lot of extra work for the bride and groom.
I think it's an insult to the bride and groom to suggest postponing a wedding without a very good reason like you needing an immediate surgery and will be in the hospital at the date.
It seems like the parents were more interested in getting a free trip to Australia than seeing their son get married on his most important day in life. They were probably so used to their son yielding they thought they could have the cake and eat it too.
Even worse was that they had the nerve to yell at OP for getting married without them. Instead they should have apologized for being so selfish that they ended up losing his marriage. They got so embarrassed the family called them out for missing the wedding they said OP betrayed them for saying OK when they ask for a postponement. They failed to see you never ask you child to do that. You make sure you always have room in your calendar for the wedding of your child.
(Before Updates) NTA OP. You did not promise you would wait to get married. Besides, there were a lot more people than you to consider. You could not have made the commitment there and then to wait for their convenience. Social media being what it is, it is unlikely imo that your brother or his wife did not know about your wedding. You had posted invitations before your brother invited your parents on his holiday. If your parents had wanted to go to the wedding, they would have confirmed with you several times before the date before they decided to go away. They did what they wanted to do and you were not bound to have an important fixture like your wedding at a time to suit their convenience. If it did not come first for them, then that's ok, but they have no reason to gripe about it later. None of this matters really, OP. You have made a new family now and should go LC or NC with parents who would rather have spent time on holiday with their grandchildren who do not live in Australia but were just there on holiday, and live local to them so they can see them anytime. They are happy to have done this, you are happy with your bride and new family. Let all the drama flow away from you and enjoy your new situation. Good luck.
Did the parents ever ask op why he was acting out?
They were pretty dismissive about brother's bullying, what makes you think they'll listen to a child they already labelled as "problem kid"
Honestly, OP isn't an asshole.
Why should he agree to anything his parents ask of him when they made the choice of who they valued more.
What OP did was finally gave them the same energy they been giving him for years.
It's not his fault he has a shitty family. He shouldn't have to promise them anything or make his wedding about them.
They're now getting their just rewards.
PPPS (After update three) Well, that went down well, didn't it? How did your parents expect any of you to have a proper conversation about matters commanding such high emotion, with wives and children there? The most relevant thing was that your brother revealed your parents did know about your wedding but made the choice to go away with his family and had been lying to you never since. Whether he did this to boast and continue the 'one upmanship' does not matter. Now you know and can find your peace with the new family you have made. Good luck.
I would say first of all whether he knew about my wedding or not is not the point. The point is you picked a vacation with him over mail going to my wedding. And expecting me to change it on a whim because hey a trip for your brother is so much more important than your wedding. Number two I would have said to them look I appreciate you had your nose so far up my brother's ass that you didn't see his behavior. He was a little terror to me. You can deny it all you want but I live through it. And if I was acting out like you said. Do you not realize that is normal behavior for a child who's not getting the love and attention that they deserve. So instead of blaming me why don't the two of you take a long look in the mirror. And take off your rose colored glasses and see my brother for what he is. And if I was of any importance to you any. You would have said oh my God I can't miss my son's wedding he's too important. But that's not what you did was it. And I would have hung up the phone and I would have said honey you are my new family. God bless you and your wife. May you have many wonderful years together. And remember family isn't blood, it's how people treat you. And quite frankly I would just block your parents' numbers. Because when it comes to people like that they're not your parents they're just the egg and sperm donor.😊
Omfg. The parents literally fucking said a VACATION is a less likely event to happen again than a WEDDING???? a literal once in a lifetime (ideally) event...
It is the parenst job to fighure out why a child is acting the way they are. OPs parent neglected his formation and this is the result. Reasonable decision based upon prior experience.
Tbh, I think the only REAL TAs in this situation are the parents. They are the source of all of this strife between their sons, and even now that the sons are adults, the parents are still trying to make it about them.
Do the sons have moments where they made TA choices? Yes, and I think the brother is arguably the bigger TA than OP, but the parents started this whole mess. They tried to manipulate their sons at every turn for their own benefit.
I mean, the updates really say it all. They try to emotionally manipulate OP at every turn here, and they never really seem to say what exactly they were wrong for, yet they can point it out OP's wrongs. It's like those "I'm sorry you feel that way" apologies.
OP's main fault I'd say here is that he lied about the wedding. He should’ve just said "I'm having the wedding with or without you, so you make your choice on what's important to you." But sadly, the parents made their choice long before that. The choice was made when that little plan of theirs popped into their heads. A vacation with their favorite was more important than the other son's wedding to them.
Nta op’s parents are trash. Wedding is more important than a vacation. They knew
Yeah , even if the brother did not know, why did the parents not tell the brother, as soon as he mentioned the vacation, just say 'we cannot make that date your brother is getting married.' NTA
Lol. It's always funny to me when a op gets pissy about the advice they ask for and immediately eats shit. The problem with his families' dynamic is his brother hates him and his parents massively favors him over op. The parents kinda apologizing doesn't do anything to solve the core problem.
So, when he says something they dont like, they press on. But if its what they want to hear it is ok. I would have told them that I NEED SPACE AND TIME! If you cant respect that, then we have nothing more to say. I have sat down and taken your neglect for far too long. If i am to respect you, then you own me respect. You are the parents. If you had ever shown me respect in my life, then you wouldnt habe asked me to change my wedding day. You would have just shown up without even bringing up the vacation. So from now on, if i say not now, i mean it. If that cant be respected, then leave and dont come back. I am dont trying to get you people to see me ans love me half as much as my brother. Just for being me. Nothing else.
I think I'll say justified AH. OP and his brother never got along, and the parents never did anything to stop Brother from being mean to OP. Yeah, Brother was better at things as kids. He had an 8 year head start on learning things. Then the parents wanted OP to just change his wedding date. You can't just change a wedding date. There are caterers, halls, travel plans, etc. Yes, there was a chance that they could have gotten deposits back or no extra fees for changing dates. Still, I see no need for staying in contact with the 'family'.
I love how RGirl couldn't hold it in and chuckled at "cruisin for a bruisin"
The fact that they even thought it was OK to ask him to postpone an entire wedding shows type of people that they are. They knew it was a terrible thing to do and yet they did it anyways. And now they’re angry at him for not enabling their crappy behavior of constantly picking his brother over him. I can’t stand parents like this.
All he said was "okay, I'll wait" before he had a chance to discuss it with his fiancée who obviously was offended by his parents behavior and request. That was not really a promise at all. The parents should have asked for the new date but they did not really care. They had never cared about OP. They are only upset because by missing OP's wedding they look like (and were) terrible parents to OP. Why should all the other guests have to change their plans because OP's parents are dicks?
What people in their right mind would ask ANYBODY to postpone a wedding?!?!?!?! His parents are bat crap crazy if they believed that OP would postpone his wedding for them. YOU CANT POSTPONE A WEDDING FOR A COUPLE OF WEEKS FOR NO REASON!!! The caterers, venue, cake, flowers, and on and on cannot be postponed last minute! Ridiculous!!!
OP is NTA and he just needs to tell them what I said here. Postpone because it conflicts with his parents vacation??? Ridiculous!!!
PPS (After update 2) Too soon, OP. You both need more time to simmer down, at least another two weeks.
I’m pretty sure the brother assumed that he wasn’t going anyway so his vacation wouldn’t be an offensive move, since he didn’t have the OP at his own wedding. Which makes sense. But parents are just ridiculous
If it was a family vacation, why wasn't the non golden child invited?
Op was right all along, he gave them the benifit of doubt and then they just lied, tried to shift blame and gaslit him. I doubt they will quit trying to contact him ,and I think he will have to get a restraining order to stop them. I do think it is funny that their golden child exposed the lies.
And I agree theyvknew when the wedding was for 8 months, regardless of what his brother knew if they had really wanted to attend they would have been there. They just were embarrassed because people were asking where they were .... they are really nasty people and OP will be much better off without that trash in his life.
Did you become the "trouble" maker and become an introvert because your brother was the golden child and you were ignored or put down?
I don’t believe the parents or brother for one second. And even if the brother didnt know, the parents did. They could have come up with literally any other plan, but they didnt even seem to try
Edit: I was right. They kept this image of OP as the bratty troublemaker from childhood, and decided he will never be anything else after all this time, and parents are just gaslighters.
and ALWAYS the jellyfish, handwringing, egg donors who try and force oil and water to mix
Anyone can say what they would have done but there actions prove different
How could the parents actually still turn it around after what they had actually done to op
Invitations go out 8 months in advance not 4 weeks as people make plans up to a year in advance. Just verbally saying we may get married in 7 or 8 months isnt a formal invitation on a set date. They need to rsvp so caterers can plan meals which you book up to a year in advance. A hall has to be booked 1 to 2 years in advance.
Are these parents stupid. Nobody can postpone a wedding 3 weeks from the date. These parents should've known this. Suspicious. And the mom's manipulative crying.
They said three days
I love all my children equally and would never miss their wedding unless I was not invited. That being said, as a poor person in the USA who has never been outside of my state and the adjoining 3 (think PNW, no California lol) a paid trip to Australia would be a life changer. I would not ever miss my child’s wedding but in this case, all things given, especially since there did not seem to be any reason other than preference for the wedding day and time to be set in stone, I also would have asked. Okay, a wedding is (sometimes) a once in a lifetime event but so is a trip to another country for some of us.
Yeah - this is crap. You don't ask someone to change their wedding date - that's been set in stone for 8 months - if they hadn't already chosen his brother. Also, the gaslighting is unreal here! And I think OP should beware - when there is a golden child and scapegoat in a family, the parents will likely chose the scapegoat as their elderly care provider b/c they won't want to burden their golden child.
The parents refused to give OP any attention or approval his entire life because he is 8 years younger than the Golden Child brother. This situation stinks of unplanned pregnancy.
I think your suspicions are correct. Your parents are going to want to move in with you, because your brother has too many responsibilities for them to live with him. Just remember your parents have been treating you this way all your life. They know what buttons to push, they put them there
He needs to formally cut ties with mom and dad. That way, they will not be able to push his buttons anymore not expect OP to take care of then when they are old. The golden child can do that instead as "repayment" for being the golden child.
There are too many other places your brother could have found out you were getting married particularly if you run in the same social economic group. You are not the antagonist. If your parents thought you were exhibiting such negative behavior they should have sent you to a counselor. Instead your parents got a kick out of having a saint and a sinner for children. They could always use your bad behavior as an excuse. But it's a parents job to correct bad behavior an if they didn't that's on them. They liked the power imbalance in the family. You have them a reason to support your brother in ways they didn't support you and that's a choice they made
You were wrong saying you will wait. You should have said no. They would have stayed for the wedding.
Your brother knew! And your parents are AHs!
When OP was asked to change the wedding date, he should have been clear and said "no", and explained everything was booked so the date can't be changed. The parents would have gone to the brother and say they can't come on holiday at that time because of the wedding.
In MY OPINION, IF YOU WANT YOUR PARENTS AND EVEN YOUR BROTHER IN YOUR LIFE IN THE FUTURE, IT IS UP TO YOU TO EXTEND THE OLIVE BRANCH! YOU ALR ALL SOMEWHAT IN THE WRONG AND SOMEONE NEEDS TO PUT THEIR PRIDE ASIDE AND START THE PROCESS OF LEARNING TO FORGIVE! YOU OPEN THE DOOR AND LET YOUR FAMILY COME BACK IN! YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE BUT SUT SO MUCH TO GAIN!❤
Parents chose brother. They knew. They told him in advance, they wanted to go on vacation. Your parents have and will choose your brother.
OP's parents are doing more gaslighting than an oil refinery! Glad OP finally came to his senses and blocked them.
Can we all just take a moment to appreciate, rGirl, and the little chuckle, when saying, "He had been cruising for a bruising". 😂😂😂
It was wrong of your parents to leave for the trip. They did know about your wedding.
I would never except a vacation at the time one of my children were going to get married it wouldnt have even been a thought
I haven't listened to these stories in a little while it turns out great because I have something to listen to while recovering from ankle surgery 🙃
What level of gaslighting did OP grow up with to think he EVER was in the wrong here?? Even if the brother didn't know, THEY KNEW FOR 8 MOMTHS... And waited till THREE DAYS before the wedding to tell OP to postpone it... They made him so parched for their attention he seriously believed he was ANY bit guilty in this whole thing depsite so many people telling him otherwise, come ON OP
They were invited, they chose not to attend.
After a lifetime of never seeing OPs perspective and always makes ng him the scapegoat, his patents are not entitled to their views, even if honest, being respected.
People saying op vould have avoided thos ate bictim blaming nh aholes. His patents could have aboided it by mot victimising and accusing him falsely all his life.
The problem is 100% on them.
Brother said it perfectly. Parents chose to go to vacation knowing their son was going to be married and throw both of their sons under the bus knowing that it was their own mistake
Seems like the brother was being honest and open at the end and he didn’t know but they did so I’d reach out to the brother and would apologize even with the e bad blood between us cause it seems like the parents were pinning them against each other eachother again
It is just gaslighting. They wanted to excuse everything. It's simple. They wanted the trip, not their son. Who the hell asks to postpone a wedding? Sure, it's a small intimate thing, not the big production, but it was a wedding. They knew 8 months in advance. Time off can be moved. I've done it. Ivenalso changed dates on plane tickets and reservations because I buy with that ability whenever possible in case something happens. Weddings are special dates to the couple, and the people who were gonna attend have cleared the time 8 months in advance even if the invitations went out officially 4 weeks earlier, which is pretty common.