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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 1 ส.ค. 2024
- #Sex is complicated in all relationships - not just neurodiverse relationships. In this live stream with #neurotypical women, I discuss the different variables that influence your sex life with a #neurodivergent.
NOTE: The video cuts off at the end because the FB live had some tech issues.
Topics include:
"Scheduling" sex
#communication of needs and preferences
#Emotional Connection
Sex Therapy
#Sensory Challenges
Foreplay
And more!!
#neurodiverserelationship #therapist #coaching #relationshipproblems #intimacy #jodicarlton
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Book a private consultation and neurodiversity assessment with Jodi Carlton, M.Ed.:
www.JodiCarlton.com
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👩💼 Hi, I'm Jodi Carlton and I'm a leading world expert on adult autistic relationship dynamics and interpersonal communication. My life experiences with my own autistic family and friends have been my personal training ground and my goal is to help you finally make sense of the confusion and pain.
🎙 My educational podcast and TH-cam videos, webinars, and workshops are the place to start learning about your neurodiverse relationship dynamics.
❤️ My ground-breaking communication program facilitates life-altering clarity and change for partners and couples who are stuck in a cycle of rehashing confusing and painful conflict and shutdown. Communication is the bridge that connects us and is critical for connection and clarity.
🗣 CracktheCommunicationCode.com
🌐 Visit me online at JodiCarlton.com to learn more.
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LinkedIn: Jodi Carlton
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I've been trying to date a woman with autism. She says she is interested in me and talks about marriage. However, her idea of a relationship seems to be sitting next to each other and holding hands. That might be okay if I was 8 years old, but I'm an adult. She's intelligent, but her idea of a relationship and intimacy seems more the way a child might view it. I hate to dismiss her, but she doesn't seem capable of a real relationship.
Update: the last time we met in person was November 2023. I no longer see her as a relationship prospect.
Hello. So, it is important for you to determine if you are in alignment with this woman in terms of what you want and need from an intimate relationship. It doesn't sound like you are. She might find someone else who is happy with holding hands on the sofa. You can find someone else who is more in line with what you want and need. Don't try to change her, and don't judge her for who she is. Let her go and go find your person.
@@JodiCarlton
It was pretty obvious with our third meeting that her idea of a relationship is vastly different from mine. She described kissing as "slobbering on each other until you need to take a shower". So, a relationship would be impossible. I have no intention of meeting with her again.
@@scientiouswere you blunt and clear? Did she say she doesnt like sex? Some aspies are assexuals, but others arent. Maybe she doesnt like kissing. If you talked everything through and it is like you described then yeah. No reason to pursue her. Im autistic but i like sex. Kissing is okay but i dont appreciate other things like hugging. Everyone is unique just as it happens with neurotypical individuals.
I've had a similar experience. It ended up being very painful for me, so good for you for getting out as soon as you realized it's not for you.
It's important to end any relationship that is not aligned with what we want for ourselves. :)
Wonderful segment! It explains a lot. It's nice to hear a perspective from the other side of the relationship! Thank you!
I relate to the difficulty in spontaneity. I also want emotional connection, but being able to recognize successful connection is hard. Also, knowing what to do about it is also difficult. I know that this does not change the experience of my wife. I want nothing more than to be a good husband,. The high latency in processing makes things difficult in a lot of areas.
This is such a beautiful understanding of how both men and women think. It’s helped me to acknowledge how we both have the same needs but different ways of them needing to be met.
I’m so glad this was helpful for you!
A lot of times, I just don't understand plain English or subtle human expression. And when I ask for someone to explain in a different way, it's so frustrating when that person repeats their message WORD FOR WORD. And when that person looks bewildered that I still don't get it, my frustration goes through the roof and I exclude myself.
For instance, if I don't know the meaning of a particular smile, it's not because of my lack of effort -- it's my clueless nature. Think of my emotional brain as an emotional canvas ... that is empty. ---> Paint me a picture.
How would you explain the color 'blue' to someone who can't see? Find common ground. Think of cold as blue, hot as red. The visually impaired friend would begin to comprehend, yet never fully understand. But there would be better communication between you two.
Not much different when explaining emotional context with some Aspies.
When someone makes the effort to fill in that emotional canvas, learning begins and the effort will be appreciated. Watch for a positive expression of gratitude. (Perhaps in a stoic, yet positive, way.) Someone who takes the time to connect in such a thoughtful way is a rare and special person to an Aspie.
Thank you for sharing your experience and perspective!
Just a little insight from the autistic male side. With respect, I’m not sure that all autistic people feel less emotion, maybe some do. They may not be great at expressing emotion. What I might try is doing what you can to set the stage for him to express emotion; autistic people tend to be on or off, and when they’re on they’re on. You may need to coax him a bit and allow for spontaneity within a larger framework of predictability (say, a getaway at a cabin).
As for sexual intimacy and related affection, autistic people don’t tend to like touching that is slight, or twee, or childish, or “fussy.” We do like touching but the kind that is firmer and with gusto (not alluding to rough sex or macho affection, just decidedly purposeful). Autistic guys aren’t big on touching that doesn’t go anywhere, but maybe you could lead this by saying you just want to talk and kiss, or whatever. Hope that helps some.
Hi Jonathan. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and perspective on this. It is so beneficial and helpful!
I know a few men on the spectrum that visit dominatrixes/dungeons because they want very rough things done to them.
What happens when they refuse to have sex with you at all??? I think many of them are asexual.
Ha ha facts, fortunately many if not most of us are also cool with unconventional relationships where someone else can do such chores 😄
Autism is a neurotype and is unrelated to sexual preference. Autistic individuals have varying sexual preferences, drives, and orientations. So when any partner (autistic or not) is not interested in sex the first thing to do is investigate why. There are many reasons people of all neurotypes aren’t motivated to have sex. For autistic individuals some of the more common ones are sensory overwhelm (smells, tastes, sounds, textures). For neurotypicals (and autustics), it can be mental and physical fatigue, insecurity, or hormones. Something to remember is that sex and love are not actually directly related. Many people make the mistake of thinking that love results in sexual desire. It doesn’t always work that way for many reasons. For example, it’s well accepted that women have loved men for centuries without desiring sex nearly as much as men. Although sex can be a way to connect with a partner and foster intimacy, there are many other ways to be intimate. Sex at its most basic level is for reproduction. It CAN be enjoyable for many people - but it’s not an automatic desire nor is it always enjoyable for some people and this is not limited to autism.
Im not assexual. Not everyone is. Probably assexuals are even less than what is considered...some of us dont communicate or initiate intimacy but we want it
@@lizardme88 well if you cant reach an agreement the relationship wont go far. You need to have a serious talk, if u didnt already that is.
Mine doesn’t anymore, because I got tired of it. He used to want it all the time! But there was no emotional connection so I wasn’t into it.
Expectations are huge. Both partners in any relationship need to understand they have them, and they need to communicate them without condemnation. Neurodiversity only makes this even more true. It's so easy for BOTH partners to assume their own way is correct, and it is for them. The key to unlocking greater intimacy is to be willing to teach AND be willing to learn. (I also recommend the Passionately Married Podcast for this kind of message.)
Yes, agreed! Thank you for sharing your thoughts. 😃
Is there dating sites just for people on the ASD spectrum? I really believe that getting together with another person with very similar neurodiversities leads to the greatest happiness for both partners. I speak as an NT woman married for 54 years to a late diagnosed ASD man. I care for him very deeply, he’s a very kind and decent man, and, having come this far, we are together now until the end. But do I wish I’d never met him? Yes. He wasn’t quite asexual as he would usually ‘oblige’ me. But the voids in my life and the pressure to try and be what he’s not in his life have been profound. Generally speaking I would strongly caution against such a ‘mixed’ marriage.
Agree totally.
My wife thinks she has autism. I am doing my very best to be a great husband. The problem I am having is with the sensory overload issue. When we have an intimate moment, everything seems to bother her. She doesn’t like sweat, she doesn’t like too much lube because it makes her feel uncomfortable, she doesn’t like getting the bed set wet with anything during sex, she doesn’t like it to be completely silent, she doesn’t want to pick music, she doesn’t like to give BJs too much because she has lock jaw, she doesn’t like certain positions because it makes her feel insecure about herself, she doesn’t like the light on. I have decided to try in help her in all those areas, but for a very long time it kills the mood for me. I try so hard to invest the time in to focus on her pleasure and honestly I have just gotten exhausted over the years. I’m trying again by buying a waterproof throw, blind fold, maybe headphones during sex, letting her relax before hand if the day has caused her stress, giving a massage…. She doesn’t communicate what she wants though. I don’t know what to do honestly. I am so tired trying to do everything perfectly. I’m still trying to understand maybe you can help me somehow get more clear communication, help with the sensory issues and try to provide what she needs.
Hello, and I'm glad you asked about these challenges. Something to know is that the "mood killer" you are experiencing is 10-fold for her because of all of these sensory aversions. It's hard to be in the.mood and sexually responsive or aroused when your brain is hijacking your sensory system. Imagine trying to have sex when your partner is rubbing your body with sandpaper or a jagged ice cube, she smells like soured milk, your hamstring is cramping up, and when she whispers sweet nothings into your ear, it sounds like she's talking through a megaphone…oh and there's a flashing disco ball swirling around the room as well all while your partner is questioning why you're struggling to engage. Some of the things that you enjoy about sex may simply not be possible for your wife. She can't change her brain. She may not know what she wants (which I know is frustrating for you). It's also possible that she feels very pressured to be comfortable when she is not even though you haven't wanted that - but now it's a thing and she feels anxious. I recommend that you back up to basics and very slowly test out small, intimate, actions with the understanding that you will NOT have sex. Cuddling with clothes on, brief kissing, back rubs…start with agreeing not to have sex for a while until you can discover together how to be close physically while also not setting her body's alarm system off. Instead of trying so hard, back up and slow things down. It's also important for you to know that it isn't about her just learning how to deal with this - that's like asking someone to just learn how to be taller. Some things will not likely ever be safe for her (safety is paramount for sex). Getting lockjaw is painful and will impact her life for days (it can cause migraines and other muscle spasms, and affect eating). So, no, she doesn't need to give you oral sex despite how much you would love that - it's important for you to accept that and not blame her for her body's limitations. No partner is obligated to provide sex in the way a partner prefers and no partner is entitled to have sex in the way they want. Sex is a benefit of a relationship that is a result of safety and connection. If you have any resentment about this, you may also want to do some work with a therapist (or a coach like me) to work through your own disappointment and grief about not having the sexual relationship you would've hoped for.
I totally 💯 percent agree. As a neurotypical there's no amount of accommodation, understanding, patience, or grace to give if that person isn't willing to work with you and get the help they need. After giving all you can that's (humanly possible) there's nothing that's going to suffice to just end up emotionally exhausted and depleted. I've been there. My ex partner lived with his parents until age 37 until he met me. He didn't have the emotional bandwidth that it takes to sustain a healthy relationship and just went back home when things were too difficult. So glad he's gone, it's like a weight that's been lifted. It has been 4 years since I have seen or spoken to him. He's now currently residing with😊 his mom..
Just tell her to set and manage all the conditions before hand.
Has anyone else experienced a change in your AS/NT romantic connection when a new pet came along and replaced you? We got a cat, and my AS husband seemed to not love me the same ever since. He loves the cat so much.
I've definitely seen AS individuals have strong bonds with animals who, for them, are non-verbal, and not going to expect or need social/emotional conversation and engagement. It's a safer relationship for them. That's not an insult to you (I'm NT, too). We just tend to want and need to talk and connect in a way that is very overwhelming for our autistic peeps.
As long as he's not pursuing sex with the cat, I doubt you have much of a problem. ;)
All kidding aside, he still loves you, but for some odd reason the cat makes him feel more comfortable. I can't really identify with that though, since I've never been a "pet person".
Could be a coincidence. Men with ASD drift away once they get comfortable and so the cats arrival may have just sped that up but my understanding is that they drift away no matter what- and interest in sex is often lower than their NT spouse. Interest in pets can stay high cause pets reduce anxiety.
Man with ASD here. Never been in a relationship (still working up to that), but I do have a cat I'm probably too obsessed with. I can completely understand the outward behavior of your husband and would likely be doing the exact same thing in his situation. Animals don't have the capacity to judge you as any weirder than any other human they meet, and there's zero threat that they'll ever go off and report your weirdness to other people. That's not a statement that you do those things, but merely the fact that you are a human capable of doing those things can mean an animal feels innately safer. Cats in particular are also very direct in communicating the attention that they do or do not consent to, and that simplicity in communication is very attractive to autists.
That all said, animals can only be a very partial substitute to human connection. I'm sure he still loves you and will still seek to meet his deeper emotional needs with you. If you still want to shift the new equilibrium a bit more back your direction though, the best thing I can think to do is just to tell him directly that you would like some of the attention he's directing to the cat (while also not being judgmental about it). If his brain is anything like mine, he probably doesn't realize he's doing it, won't be offended by the suggestion, and make a genuine effort to address the imbalance. Also, it might seem silly, but don't signal in anyway that the cat is a threat to you. Ideally, you should join him in doting on the cat, but at the very least, indicating you have negative feelings about something he has newly acquired positive feelings about can put a barrier up that would otherwise be easily avoided.
I realize I'm replying 4 months late and this might not apply anymore, but maybe it'll help someone.
I use to be talkative in my old party life and as I realized a lot of people were just using me now I’ve became more of a hermit.
It's weird that I'm having the same issue as well. I used to care about my looks. I was more of a social butterfly.
Now I'm anti-social.
You are a breath of fresh air! THANK YOU
I’m glad I’ve been helpful to you!
Jodi - I so appreciate many of your points - thank you! A sincere question though: I wonder whether *all* aspies feel tormented and have always felt different in a way that causes them suffering? Could it be that *the ones who come to you for help* feel that way? If an aspie has always felt, and has been encouraged to feel, that he is special and unusually gifted, say with certain intellectual abilities, then that's likely to result in a different internal experience, I think? Especially if the presentation of his particular spectrum traits plus his personality enable him to have social interactions that appear more neurotypical? (And thus, for example, he wasn't bullied growing up.) I'd really value hearing from you on this!
Hi Julie. What a great question! Every autistic individual is going to have a unique experience just like every neurotypical. We know that genetics combined with experience both influence our personalities and perceptions. Some people are more inclined socially than other and if they have a great deal of positive encouragement and praise, they may not feel different or alienated from others. Sometimes their differences are identified by others before it is noticed by the autistic individual. I see this happen in families where many family members are autistic and successful in careers (often similar careers where autism is common). They have a tribe of their own and relate to each other in a way that is quite different than how others relate to one another outside the tribe. These individuals often come to me for help when they are in a neurodiverse relationship with a neurotypical person or a partner with a different kind of neurodivergence.
I agree with the sensory thing and overwhelming thing you were mentioning. Asexuality can be so hidden in a neurodiverse partner.
At minute 27 I started laughing because women use to ask me why am I so ticklish during fore play and I recently learned that’s a trait of ours.
Yes, it sure can be!
Im very ticklish too. One of my exes got angry he couldnt kiss me neck 😂 no, its too ticklish i dont enjoy it
My ex was ticklish on her feet, but nowhere else. It used to piss her off when I would playfully mess with her feet though - she always took it so personally. I never meant anything disrespectful by it; was just horsing around.
I can honestly say I was remarried for 12 years married first time for 16 years and helping my son through the deepest darkest time of his life on the verge of suicide discovered he was ASD and is studying his life realized all my entire life why things never seemed easy or possible for me when others breeze through the same situations. My current wife accused me of hiding it hiding and hiding my son's condition from her I am embarrassed and ashamed to say I knew he was a little different but he was very alone in his struggles least now we have some understanding and can move forward
Thank you for sharing your experience. You can't know what you don't know. Someone who needs glasses doesn't know they can't see until someone hands them a pair of glasses. Autistics often realize they're different, but don't know why, and do the best they can trying to fit in to society. That's so hard. Suicidal thoughts and attempts are much higher in the autistic population because of the distress of living in a neurotypical world - I'm glad you were able to support your son and that you have a framework for understanding things better.
@@JodiCarltonI relate to this very well. Before my diagnosis in 2013, I was a complete basket case. I grew up very angry, stressed out, and often feeling alone, even when surrounded by several people. I felt like no one really knew, cared about, or even loved me deep down. I seriously considered suicide more than once, and it took a literal vision from God to convince me otherwise. When I learned I had Asperger's, it was a huge "light bulb" moment for me. I suddenly realized I wasn't going crazy, or making things up. But it also became a big question mark in my life after that, because I was often second-guessing myself, asking my own mind "Now what?". Its something I still struggle with, even now.
I'm glad you got some enlightenment and that God got your attention! I hope you'll gain confidence over time particularly with this framework of neurodiversity to help you understand yourself (and others too)!
Thank you so much this video is so helpful. I thought I was crazy. ❤
You're so welcome!
As an autistic myself, I can say that what you say here is very helpful and I relate to it very well. I can see that you must do your job very well. You express yourself in a very engaging, approachable and inviting way that makes people want to listen to you. I think you are providing a very useful service to society.
I still however, wanted to know a couple of things about a couple of the things you said: Why do you not like it when your guy, Brian, makes "google eyes" as you call them? What is wrong with that? Also, what does it mean to "put on the towel rack"?
Nothing is "wrong" with googly eyes - it was simply a behavior that was notable to me that indicated his discomfort with eye contact. I'm not sure what you are referencing regarding the towel rack.
@@JodiCarlton Thank you for clarifying, Ms. Carlton. I appreciate the time you have taken to respond. I understand what you are expressing here with regard to how you noticed that your husband was uncomfortable with eye contact as evidenced by his widened eyes. Certainly different people have different tastes, as I myself view googly eyes as quite endearing, both in observing them and in making them. With regard to the "towel rack" quote, may I offer that if you were to start at 31:55 and watch for 10 seconds, you will see the reference to "putting up the towel rack", in your words. Thank you again for your time.
Ah! I think we are using the term "googly eyes" differently - and that is why clarification when communicating is so important! I think you are using this term to mean an adoring and loving gaze whereas I am referring to it as eyes popping WIDE open as in surprised (think of the little stickers that kids sometimes have of big huge eyes.)
As for the towel rack, thanks for the link - I was referencing a comment by another person who said that when her husband installed a towel rack (probably hung it on the wall in their home) that it was like foreplay for her. So, she found that action to be attractive and made her desire her husband sexually.
Hope that clears things up. Thanks for your questions - you're probably not the only one who had a similar question!
@@JodiCarlton I am glad you cleared up the towel rack bit, since I would never have guessed that aspect of it. As you say: communication. You are correct in your assessment of how I understand "googly eyes". Thank you for taking the time to respond so thoroughly. Such conscientiousness seems to go hand in hand with your adeptness in relationship counseling.
Thank you for this because it does feel wild living in this world because I use to excessively drink to shut down my brain which is worse I believe because being drunk elevates our uniqueness even more to where people may want to hurt us for being blunt.
Drinking can slow down the rapid and incessant thinking, but it also impacts impulsivity and judgment, making a person susceptible to poor choices, including being too blunt in a moment when tact is beneficial.
@@JodiCarlton I really would like to speak privately
This is very affirming. I've dated a few aspies, and I always feel starved and alone despite knowing a lot about autism and being skilled at communicating with them in constructive and empathetic ways.
What you're describing is absolutely how it is, but it sounds so sad and unsatisfactory to me, so it affirms that dating an aspies is definitely not right for me.
That is the key - everyone has to determine what their dealbreakers are. They are different for every person. Some people don't mind having less sex and physical intimacy as well as less emotional intimacy - some even prefer it. Some people (autistics included) want a thriving sex life and emotional connection. It's a very personal choice that everyone must determine for themselves.
What if he only wants
one position?
Needed this, thanks. Subscribed
I (autistic) stopped being intimate with my allistic partner after he shamed me for wanting “too much” intimacy. I finally worked up the courage to share my history of SA with him in couple’s therapy, then he looked disgusted and told me he was shocked I never told him. He didn’t comfort me or ask me to talk more about it. He has given me the silent treatment so many times.
I wish I had been diagnosed before I met him, because I thought this was the best I could get :/ I know better now post diagnosis.
My allistic husband takes my differences personally as offenses, especially my difficulty with transitions, socially, and with executive dysfunction. He couldn’t care less about love languages and any other learning to improve our relationship. He puts all the responsibility on me.
Furthermore, it sounds like you are describing a man that is sensory avoidant. My son and I are sensory seekers and feel very deeply. We may not be able to communicate it well, but we feel it.
I should balance this out with the positives. I like being autonomous and having my free time, but I do need a partner and help around the house too. People have commented that it is like I am a single mom. What’s the point of being married to someone who despises you? 😔
Your husband's response to your SA history as well as his attitude toward your differences is abusive based on what you've described. I encourage you to get counseling for yourself rather than couples counseling, which often misses abuse (ironic, but sadly, true). Also, sensory seeking (and avoiding) are inherently part of being neurodivergent, and will show up differently in everyone (as well as in sexual relations). Thank you for sharing your experience and I hope you get some support.
“If you have Diabetes, you can’t have sugar.” Well that’s a really inaccurate representation of Diabetes lol
Apologies for the over generalization regarding sugar and diabetes. I didn’t explain that analogy very well!
I was dating a guy with autism and the sex with him is amazing! We connect, our vibe together is incredible, we laugh together, we play cards, I cook for him! He tells me that he likes spending time with me, but one thing I don't understand is that he has trouble to meet me... he's always saying he's busy, that he needs to do a lot of things, but he keeps sending messages to see how I'm doing! I'm the one who ends up organizing the meetings and sometimes he cancels plans at the last minute! I spoke to him about that but it seems he has not solutions for that! I don't understand! I'm confused if he likes me or not. Now I am in silence! I can’t understand him.
For some ASD male. Some define hook up and sex as a relationship. Without doing other relationship stuff.
"Other relationship stuff" is defined very differently by everyone. Autistic men and women can be very invested in what they believe to be "relationship stuff," but it may not be the same type of things that a partner is expecting. It's important for partners to discuss these expectations and to recognize that one partner's expectations isn't the "right" one.
The sex was so great with my ND partner I had no idea he was on the spectrum until we hung out more and more.
This was the best part of our relationship! She always talked about how good i was with my hands like you said. I feel like a sex savant 😅
The questions covered a lot of relevant stuff
I am lesbian , my girlfriend is autistic with Asperger. I like her lot but I think there will be an issue with sex. I am very sexual women and she is not . If anyone has advice, I would be so thankful.
I'm so glad you asked! My professional advice is to get firmly rooted in the reality that her preferences are going to be what they are and that she's not wrong for that anymore than you are wrong for yours. The issue with sex will be in the differences you have, and if either of you expects the other to change "because you love me," it's going to be problematic. Moving forward in a relationship knowing that a partner isn't aligned means you are making a choice to accept their preferences (and not urge them or hope for them to change) - this is most pertinent to you because you have a desire for your partner to be sexual (or to engage in sex), which is something she is not going to want more often than not. So, it's your decision to make about whether this is a dealbreaker for you. If you cannot accept having a minimal to non-existent sex-life, then this partner is not aligned with you. If you continue the relationship, hoping things will change, and then begin to feel more and more rejected and resentful (which is what usually happens), it's because of your own choice to be in the relationship (not because your partner isn't meeting your needs). It is not your partner's responsibility to change her own preferences/needs/desires for you. It's ultimately a simple concept, but one that is VERY hard for most of us to accept when we really love someone and the other parts of the relationship are really good. It only take ONE dealbreaker though to make a relationship a disaster in the long run.
I love your channel. Would love you could talk more about gay autistic men
Thanks for your question - I just responded with a video! th-cam.com/users/shortsvLCrXG5T2fs?feature=share
@@JodiCarlton Fantastic. Thank you so much for taking the time to respond and for all the content you put out :)
Hi Jodi. I saw your response. First of all thanks for taking the time to make a video. Being honest and respecting your work a lot, I differ from your opinion. I think that the intersectionality between being autistic and gay or queer presents different difficulties than being autistic and heterosexual. In the sense that there may be a sum of ableism, internalized homophobia and sexual minority stress which can generate different difficulties than in neurodiverse heterosexual couples. That's why I asked the question. I also appreciate very much that you have paid attention to it. I've had a hard time finding information about the experiences of autistic gay men in relationships
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. It's something to ponder, but I can't say that I've seen that gay autistic men have a unique set of challenges that differ from gay men and autistic men, but combined. Hope that makes sense, but we can agree to disagree! Thanks for your input - I'll give it some thought!
@@JodiCarlton thanks Jodi :)
I’m a male with autism and I don’t want sex or even think about it my wife gets upset 😭 but I can’t help it
You are not alone. Many people do not have a sex drive, not just neurodivergent individuals. Many partners believe sex is an obligation in marriage, but it's not. We are all different in our needs and preferences, and something as personal as giving someone access to our bodies is never to be expected/demanded. Life changes. Bodies change. Hormones change. Desires change. Some people have a very low sex drive due to sensory perception (the body doesn't recognize sexual sensations of desire). These are all legitimate experiences, and I encourage any partner reading this person's comment (and my reply) to recognize that your disappointment is not a reason for your partner to be obligated to have sex or WANT sex. Thank you for sharing your experiences - I'm sure others will relate.
I have Asperger's. I find women are just too hard to deal with. Too much jibber jabber and emotion.
and if jibber jabber and emotion are not your thing, then that's okay! :)
😂😂😂
I hope you leave women alone then!
😭😭😭He doesn’t touch me 😭
Just wondering why you start with "hi ladies"? Do you just work with people in heterosexual relationships where the male partner is autistic? Or I guess gay relationships where one female partner is autistic. Please don't forget that heterosexual women and gay men can be autistic too.
As this was streamed live, it was possibly that there were only females who had joined in the live chat at the start before others did during the course of the streamed video.
Hi there. As noted in the video description, this video was recorded in a live stream chat in a private group of women in relationships with men who are thought to be autistic. As you’ll see in my other videos, I frequently reference the many women in my own life who are autistic, most notably my daughter and grandmother. My best friend (a woman) and mother are also neurodivergent. I have helped many women recognize neurodivergent traits and identify autism. 👍
Autism is a neurotype that is unrelated to gender or sexual orientation.
Rip to the gays cause this was aimed at straight women lol
She left a video for the gays under another comment.
Yes this video was in a group live stream with women who are in relationships with men. So I’m speaking to my audience - that does not imply that individuals like gay men and women or men in relationships with women who are neurodivergent don’t have challenges as well. Being offended is unnecessary self harm when there is no actual offense. Something to consider.
I just can't do it and he's the only person that I have just to help me in my life right now and I'm homeless and I don't have a car and I just need him to give me whatever help he will but my first boyfriend was a Psychology major he became a psychologist he's already retired now but we never married but we were best friends for 25 years and he got all the colors and all the bells and whistles and he was a joy he could finish my sentences and he was highly emotional and everything else everything anybody could ever want so I will never ever ever ever accept the bread crumbs of the Ashby it's just impossible I will never want that for myself I also had another lovely lovely someone who got all the keys on the piano who is romantic verbal there's just no way there's just no way I just can't see how you women or the psychologist that talks all the time how you can expect anybody to think that this is okay that it's okay Behavior relationship it's not just the other day I text him and and was talking to him he never answers my texts or or he never answers the phone so when I text him back I said I said you're my imaginary friend and that truly is as close as I can get I'm really just texting to myself to my imaginary friend. I'm sure if I didn't need him so badly right now I would just not even be friends with him I wouldn't text him I wouldn't call him I would go no contact but the thing is I wouldn't cut him off he would always be able to call me or contact me I have waited for the day when I could offer him something that he couldn't do for himself but it's never going to come I'm never going to be able to show him for me to give him something not ever going to be in that position