My boss had a tactic where he would say anyone who is speaking to raise their pen. No one is supposed to interrupt while the pen is up because that means the person is not done talking. After the person is finished, the pen is passed to each member of the team to express their views or opinion. Sometimes the manager of the team would be asked to leave the room for last 10 minutes so the team members can more candidly express their views without being concerned about what the manager will think about what they had to say. He also advised to have a diary with you so you can note down what you want to say in relation to what he was currently saying so you don't have to interrupt him now and don't have to worry about forgetting what you wanted to say. It helps towards having a more efficient and cohesive conversation. Everybody feels heard and had a chance to express their idea or opinion in a respectful manner.
This technique assumes the serial interrupter respects you enough to not interrupt the framing request. Which never happens with the interrupters I know. My technique is to pause for a moment while they're talking, then go right back to what I was saying as if they never interjected. It does several things at once, subtly rejects whatever they said by ignoring it, gets me back on track to the original topic, and reminds them that I wasn't done talking.
Do you only do this with interrupers that don't respect you or also with the ones that do but just can't hold on to their thoughts? I think your technique is excellent for the disrespectful ones (I have unconsciously observed and applied it before) if only because it pisses them off and puts them in their place without ever giving them something to attack you with. However, with people who are just overeager to contribute, it can be incredibly rude and is more likely to keep those people from wanting to contribute rather than redirecting it to the right time and place.
I tend to apply this as well. Interrupters are disrespectful by nature. I really enjoy showing that aspect of themselves by listening but also showing I don't give a damn.
@@RomNYCit depends. Some brains are different than others, & with it come different intentions and personalities. I’m sorry you haven’t intuited this on your own. Takes empathy. ADHD, brain injury, neurodivergent brains in general - they are often great people, helpful people, givers. Just because they may interrupt NO, does not automatically equal rude and disrespectful.
That "maybe we should talk about this another time" portion is something I 100% need to use on my dad and step mom next time they won't let me speak for more than one sentence 😂😂
I like that! Will have to give it a try. There are constant interruptions from certain people in my life 😣 I find it baffling. I thought we all learned not to interrupt in grade school 😊
@@sandeedobberstine5591I wasn’t done with my comment! 😉 Yeah, it is interesting. I had an interrupter that continued to talk for, literally, 20 minutes about a dozen different topics before asking me to continue with what I was sharing.
Whenever someone jumps on something I say with a point while I'm talking I say "hey, if you liked the first half of that sentence, wait until you hear the rest!" works every time.
I carry a few blank index cards with me. If someone interrupts, I keep talking, walk to them, hand them a card, quickly tell them, "Write it down while I finish my turn," and get back to my task. If someone else interrupts, I pull out a blank card and ask "Do you need a card also?" from where I'm standing. I've never needed to hand out a second card. When I'm done, I reinforce manners by saying, "Thank you for waiting. Did you need me to clarify or correct something?" Doing this shows 1. I care what they have to say. 2. I control interruptions quickly and respectfully. 3. They must wait their turn. 4. Others how to avoid the same treatment. 5. Others how to handle similar situations.
I just had a talk with my friends about them being late for my birthday dinner (not a rant or venting or anything) and using excuses instead of their reasons a couple of hours ago, and my friends mother tried to jump in and cut me off, and I merely motioned to her "in a moment" with my hand and it worked really well. They all listened and were respectful and it really helped clear things up and let me have a good birthday. Thanks Vihn!
If you treated your guests like that, be sure that you will find yourself lonely at your next birthday. Just accept the fact that they were late, bro. Don't be such a douchebag.
This only works for meetings if you are presenting. You can always asking people to hold questions till the end of the slide and ask people for questions before you move to the next slide. In a casual conversion especialy a group conversion, no.... I can't use a timer to enforce a no interruption period. Most people will think you are weird and still interrupt.
I was well into my adulthood before a coworker snarkely but effectively showed me that I interrupt people when they talk. I wondered how I could have had this issue without knowing it, and then realized that my mom was just the same way. When you do it so long and it's done to you, you really don't realize that you do it. Sorry to everyone Ive ever talked to, because I've interrupted all of them dozens of times over.
I have a related pattern where you are facilitating a group and you leave a pregnant pause to cause the room to engage with the problem, but someone feels the discomfort of silence more strongly than the others and "solves" the problem, shutting down everyone else's potential solutions. Framing needs me to be more aware and more intentional as facilitator, but thanks for giving it a name and showing an example. I think this will help many of our scrum masters
I tend to pause, let the interrupter talk while I just stare into their soul, and then I immediately jump back to what I was talking about without skipping a beat. It tends to work; they stop doing it after that.
I've got ADHD and that makes me chronic for interrupting. If someone said something this passive aggressive to me, then the conversation is over and I won't want to have another one with you ever again. Just say something like "I hadn't finished yet", or even something as simple as "you interrupted me". Just be direct! I'll apologise and then re-engage, and be more mindful of it going forward.
Once I have determined I will be repeatedly interrupted, I acquiesce telling them, "You're absolutely right" and stop conversing altogether. If they continue to push it, I tell them my opinion has no value, it was wrong of me to engage in the topic and I agree with everything they said. If it is a work setting, I just have to decide if the topic has a predetermined outcome. If so, I know the administrators have zero interest in our thoughts. They just want to say they asked for feedback.
@@XaliberDeathlock I can't disagree with you. (no pun intended) Passive-aggressive sparring against a aggressive-aggressive. In my defense, as mentioned above, having determined I will be REPEATEDLY interrupted - especially if no meritorious facts are being produced, and if they are just being an ass-hat, I still wish to communicate the uselessness of the discussion at this point without a genuine acknowledgement of loss. The mature action would be to agree to disagree but that's not fun.
If it's a situation where i can walk away, that's what i do. The person clearly doesn't respect me, and i don't feel the need to make them respect me. Whenever i catch myself interrupting people, i cover my mouth with my hand, it defuses the situation by showing that i know I'm wrong and makes people laugh, which is always a plus.
My partner has this behaviour of interruption and he likes to take over convos like he’s the hero 👀🙄 I have come to realise I got influenced at times and now im watching this 😅 good reminder.
this man has helped me with literally everything he taught me how to fish how to DIY interior design with wood and I am writing this comment from the hospital where I am now the chief of medicine. His best words to me; "try to always read a good book"
When i'm interrupted, i pause what i'm saying until they're done. No matter what they said, whether good, bad, constructive etc...i continue talking exactly where i left off and ignore everything they just said. People who interrupt, do not respect what you have to say and think what THEY have to say is more important. To my GF who constantly asks questions within 3 seconds of my talking about something, never letting me to the point where her questions would have been answered without the need to have asked them in the first place, i simply stop talking and either walk away or continue watching tv or whatever activity i was engaged in. Some day, she'll learn to control it...but doubtful.
I have a coworker who used to do that all the time, so I'd wait until he was in the middle of a conversation and I would interrupt with completely unrelated random crap, the pause for a second, look him straight in the eyes and ask "how does it feel to get interruped?"... he is now more mindful of other people when they are talking. 😂
Hey, Vinh. My gf's dad interrupts A LOT to try and take over the convo, yet when I keep going and don't let him then I am the a-hole because he feels 'excluded' or I 'was disrespectful'. How would you deal with that situation? Thank you in advance.
some people disrespect you no matter what, what matters is your part, do just that and don't worry more they keep interrupting ? say things they don't know anything about so it makes them nervous to talk about it or simply don't say things that are important for you and can get ruined if they interrupt it
Just keep going dude you're fine. The only reason they give you shit is because he's family. Unfortunately this is something you're going to have to deal with if you stay in the relationship, but it's better to be the "a-hole" than let him talk over you.
I'd be petty and interrupt him whenever he's talking, if he keeps going then you can say you felt excluded and that he was being disrespectful. See how he like it.😊
Just tell him straight up that you weren't trying to be disrespectful, or something like that, and that you want to finish talking Important note: say it respectively and without an attitude
In many meetings where I work, and it is especially bad on conference calls, there is an implicit might is right. There are a couple individuals who a) must speak as soon as a thought enters their mind, b) must explain the thought 20 times in subtly different ways all at once c) are very assertive/aggressive and will jump/push/force their way into any conversation. Unfortunately, they have sr. positions and cannot be easily excluded from meetings. A 30 minute meeting is often 20 minutes of them soap boxing with little to no discussion from anyone else. Very frustrating.
Welcome to work. The world of Dunning-Krueger narcissists get promoted. Nothing you can do except start your own business with your own rules of engagement. They’ll blame you for not being a ‘team player’ if you call it out. 🙃
Is “suplex” a new word? This is the second time in the last week I have come across it, yet I’ve never heard it before and I have no idea what it means.
Sometimes I like to just keep talking through that weird moment where you are both speaking at the same time and finish my thought. I'm kinda curious how other people listening to the conversation perceive that.
I saw a woman do this at a panel when a guy started talking over her and she just went ahead and finished her thought even though the guy was talking. Badass all the way. Keep doing it.
I have ADHD and because of that, I am a serial interrupter. I'm not trying to be rude, I'm actually trying to engage and listen because I'm genuinely interested. What Vinh is doing here is genius. Putting a time limit on it and then allowing me to ask questions afterwards is absolutely ideal for me, and I would actually engage really well if my colleagues did something like this in meetings.
I do a version of this with my mother. I just ask her to please not interrupt for 2 minutes. It never works, though. My mother interrupts constantly, and on the odd occasion that she lets you finish... she replies with another topic entirely. She simply does not listen. It is definitely something my siblings and I complain about. I love my mother, but it's definitely frustrating.
Idk man. If I am in a conversation with someone or in a meeting and someone pulls out a clock I won't take you seriously, it just is too goofy. A good way to do it is to silence them with your hands (slightly raise it in their direction make eye contact and keep talking)
Yeah, raising one's hand would probably work, or something like raising one's eyebrows just a bit and raising a finger, whatever comes naturally as something subtle, I'd imagine would work if one really needs to finish what one's saying Personally (from a casual/informal standpoint) I just let people finish what they want to say if they interrupt me, I have no problem with being interrupted as long as they listen to what I am saying after they've interrupted, and it's not constant.
I just keep talking what I'm saying, keeping the same volume level and continue to talk over the person. Eventually the person stops talking. But this probably means that the person who tried to interrupt didn't hear what you had to say so you may have to say "I'll just repeat that last part incase you didn't hear." If you do this with people constantly interrupt you, they will often self correct just from consistency with this tactic because they learn that you won't accept them from trying to interrupt. But also remember, you must also be a consistently good listener which people like and respect too because they feel like you truly listen to them.
I love this guy, he gives amazing advice. However, a lot of his videos seem to be more revolving around workplace related social situations. Does anyone know someone like him who does these videos for regular social situations as well?
You offer an interesting stratagem, Serial interrupters are annoying when, Mid sentence they inflect, With complete disrespect, And they will have interrupted you before the first preposition.
When I used to teach piano one-on-one, some students were excited to tell me about their week plus anything and everything that came to mind. So instead of getting waylaid from our playing, I'd ask them to just give me a keyword for each topic, which I'd jot down, assigning a few minutes towards the end of the lesson where we could freely discuss them.
I was the leader in a debate team (we went on to be the top4 in my country) and while discussing our stance for the contests, I had many issues with one of the girls in my team. Kept butting in and just not understanding the point. It got to the point where i was talking to a different team member and they butted in so I just told her 'shut up i am not talking to you rn' and she just went into tears and went outside the room. Eventually she came back but didnt talk to me now. So i guess that worked lol
Thats a polite way to do it. People interrupt me all the time. I think the problem is society doesn't listen. If someone listened, they would not interrupt. People listen to respond, not listen to understand.
There's the problem of backgrounds. Some were taught to give frequent cues to indicate they are still paying attention; which with non face to face helps ensure they are still connected and listening. Then there is reflection or ensuring you heard and understand right. And so on... What I don't understand is the egotistical and usually hypocritical mindset. This approach seems to address that as well. Instead of presuming intent and psychoanalysing, just provide context and framework.
I say “Excuse me” while holding my hand ✋ at them and I keep speaking. They get the point real quick. Then I address it after I’m done, by saying: sorry I didn’t mean to cut you off while I was speaking. 😂 💯
This way is just too nice that those kind of people will fail to get the message or take it seriously, so they actually will continue to interrupt anyway. Making them understand that what they do is wrong and disrespectful is more important, otherwise they will think they have the right to interrupt anyone including you unless they are told to wait for certain amount of time.
Actually it teaches them they if they want to speak to you, they cannot interrupt because you'll leave. Works wonders on Toddlers and I've even uses it on my father-in-law. A lot less tantrums from both since I started doing it 😂. Can't interrupt someone if they aren't there.
Part of the point is that interrupting isn’t always wrong though. What you call interrupting in one context is called conversation in another. By making clear which context, you avoid this problem.
Interrupting people whilst they are still speaking is one of the rudest things I can think of. I try not to do it myself. A long time ago I was at a Christmas Eve celebration and we women were continually rudely interrupted by the men, particularly my father in law. After a long time of being continually interrupted every time I opened my mouth to say something I had had enough. I stood up and banged my empty glass with a spoon. Everywhere went dead quiet. I very politely proceeded to explain that I and the other ladies found it most impolite to be interrupted by the men present every time we spoke. I told them that we were going to adjourn to the next room for coffee and a quiet conversation by ourselves in which no interruptions would take place. You should have seen their faces.
Be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to become angry, for the wrath of man doesn't produce the righteousness that God requires. Hard words to live by, but worth it.
I just keep talking and look at them like I can't believe they're being so rude. It works literally 100% of the time. They trail off and look embarrassed and I keep talking.
I just shut up and don't talk about it. If I get interrupted again, I just shut up and close myself from the conversation completely, I stop even listening, my answer to every question becomes mhm or don't know, doesn't matter what the question is. Then I distance myself from those people. If you don't have enough respect for me to finish my part of the conversation, I don't have time for you more than I have for bugs on the street. Doesn't matter who you are.
But what if people in a group keep conversing when they can tell that you want to say something? I often start the same sentence over and over, e.g. "yes, I completely agree... Yes, I comp- ... Yes... Yes, I agr-"
Speak up when you need to 1. Clarify: "WAIT! (a little loud to be heard) Repeat your point, please. I want to get it the way you said it." 2. Correct: "TERRY! (call by name with a little extra volume) Check your data. I think X should be G. What do you think?" Do not speak agreement just to add your voice. Agreement is assumed.
There are also people that interrupt you by trying to finish your sentences. I know it means they are actively engaged and listening but when done too much, it can be distracting
I just stop and say "nope". They want to turn it into a guessing game where they try to guess what you were gonna say but they never guess correctly. So much time is wasted in the guessing game when they could just wait and hear what you were ACTUALLY going to say!
What I do is just stay silent and make it as awkward as possible because for me "framing" I'd just a doublespeak way of saying lying to someone ignorant or dishonest.
I didn't have an issue of interrupting others until I had a boss for 5 years that did not let you talk at all. Would start off on one topic and sidetrack himself into another topic not related at all to the start of the conversation, by the end of it I already forgot what he asked to begin with.
I came seeking on TH-cam for advice because a colleague constantly talks over me. If someone asks me a question, me, specific by my name, I as much as open my mouth to answer the question and my colleague immediately chimes in with her answers. It’s not amazing creative ideas, it’s so much as “so and so, did you bring your lunch today? And I open my mouth to answer and the overtalker immediately answers. How does one delicately tell their colleague that the questions were not directed to them but to so and so?
Good approach, but this doesn't always work in some situations. This was something I learned from a mentor in the military. I'll politely ask to finish my thoughts only three times. Then, three strikes you're out. After that, I'll be more assertive and let the interrupter know that they're now being disrespectful and need to let me finish.
@@chriskleps7253 nope, try it once in front of a narcissist and see, sometimes it's not on us and sometimes we shouldn't really care if they get upset about it! the problem is that we care , try politely and if that didn't work, do it anyways
I used to put with this until I actually had skin in the game with an agenda at work. Socially, interruptions are more tolerable but it is still inconsiderate to cut someone off without apology or acknowledgement.
That is a tough one. Whatever I start to say and create the primary background of my interesting story (I do not say things known to everybody because what for?). Such people by hearing familiar introduction interrupt saying after 5 seconds - "yes yes I know that, It is so and so..." and take over the voice. Then, after they stated what happened to them, I coldly say that I wanted to say something different and it was only introduction and ask them if they are interested. Usualy people are curious what it may be. Anyway ice athmosphere stays But opposite I sometime interrupt as well if someone makes obviously false base for his story which makes ot not wortthy to continue. Then I interrupt saying at instance that I think it is false, not having evidence nor proof. . Because known to me people tend to never end their stories juggling between memorised happenings. If I do not interact then latter it will be no occasion for any comment as new stories are coming for half an hour or more. .
I learned a bad habit of interrupting people from my siblings never letting me speak. I hate it. I don't do it much but if I do I get pretty mad at myself. It's very rude.
When I am speaking and someone interrupts me, I immediately stop speaking - mid-sentence - then pick up EXACTLY where I left off when the interruption commenced. Ex: "I thought about that and it might work, as long as we leave ourselves enough..." [3 minute interruption] "...time to finish before the deadline." I often have to do it several times throughout the interaction before the slow a**holes get the hint, but it's always hilarious when you can see it finally dawning on them. Being constantly interrupted is annoying, so you might as well have some fun with it.👍😂
You go to the closest dojo and learn Judo so when things potentially escalate and the guy gets "offended" you always have the skills to back you up when things go south hahaha It's why guys like Joe Rogan never afraid of offending people and speaking honestly
@@gbky8448People like Joe Rogan and his followers are the most easily offended people on the planet. Also speaks volumes about you that you want assault anyone who disagrees with you.
My boss had a tactic where he would say anyone who is speaking to raise their pen. No one is supposed to interrupt while the pen is up because that means the person is not done talking. After the person is finished, the pen is passed to each member of the team to express their views or opinion. Sometimes the manager of the team would be asked to leave the room for last 10 minutes so the team members can more candidly express their views without being concerned about what the manager will think about what they had to say.
He also advised to have a diary with you so you can note down what you want to say in relation to what he was currently saying so you don't have to interrupt him now and don't have to worry about forgetting what you wanted to say.
It helps towards having a more efficient and cohesive conversation. Everybody feels heard and had a chance to express their idea or opinion in a respectful manner.
Great devices for bringing out better ideas!
Your boss is brilliant
Any "boss" who thinks everyone else better stay silent while they speak, is a narcissistic egotistical incel
Now that's a smart boss
smart boss
Just say, "shut up, man! Can't you see? I didn't finish yet", and continue talking. Works all the time.
😂
Yes, that might shut them up. But will they still be listening?
Won't work in Australia
😂😂😂
Lekin fir agle din izzat bhi toh adhi reh jayegi😝
This technique assumes the serial interrupter respects you enough to not interrupt the framing request. Which never happens with the interrupters I know.
My technique is to pause for a moment while they're talking, then go right back to what I was saying as if they never interjected. It does several things at once, subtly rejects whatever they said by ignoring it, gets me back on track to the original topic, and reminds them that I wasn't done talking.
Great tip!
Do you only do this with interrupers that don't respect you or also with the ones that do but just can't hold on to their thoughts?
I think your technique is excellent for the disrespectful ones (I have unconsciously observed and applied it before) if only because it pisses them off and puts them in their place without ever giving them something to attack you with.
However, with people who are just overeager to contribute, it can be incredibly rude and is more likely to keep those people from wanting to contribute rather than redirecting it to the right time and place.
I tend to apply this as well. Interrupters are disrespectful by nature. I really enjoy showing that aspect of themselves by listening but also showing I don't give a damn.
The problem with one of my friends is, he's so much louder than I am lol and he disregards a lot of what I say. So that method doesn't work either.
@@RomNYCit depends. Some brains are different than others, & with it come different intentions and personalities. I’m sorry you haven’t intuited this on your own. Takes empathy. ADHD, brain injury, neurodivergent brains in general - they are often great people, helpful people, givers. Just because they may interrupt NO, does not automatically equal rude and disrespectful.
That "maybe we should talk about this another time" portion is something I 100% need to use on my dad and step mom next time they won't let me speak for more than one sentence 😂😂
Use that to asian parents and you immediately will talk to their sandal instead talking to them.
@@marcellinuschristian8008 my parents aren't asian, so this doesn't pertain to me lmfao
I usually say, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt you. Go ahead.” They usually think for a moment, realize they just interrupted, and go silent.
I like that! Will have to give it a try. There are constant interruptions from certain people in my life 😣 I find it baffling. I thought we all learned not to interrupt in grade school 😊
@@sandeedobberstine5591I wasn’t done with my comment! 😉
Yeah, it is interesting. I had an interrupter that continued to talk for, literally, 20 minutes about a dozen different topics before asking me to continue with what I was sharing.
@@nathanb7281what were u talking about?
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean for the middle of my sentence to interrupt the beginning of yours."
yeah being passive aggressive is always the best thing to do when talking to someone
This is perfect!!
It's not about controlling them even if they are ignoring your wishes. Rather, it's "clearly not a good time." Brilliant.
Whenever someone jumps on something I say with a point while I'm talking I say "hey, if you liked the first half of that sentence, wait until you hear the rest!" works every time.
Am stealing that 😊
That is really funny 😂
@@khrystree9233 I'm with you on that😅
I carry a few blank index cards with me. If someone interrupts, I keep talking, walk to them, hand them a card, quickly tell them, "Write it down while I finish my turn," and get back to my task. If someone else interrupts, I pull out a blank card and ask "Do you need a card also?" from where I'm standing. I've never needed to hand out a second card.
When I'm done, I reinforce manners by saying, "Thank you for waiting. Did you need me to clarify or correct something?"
Doing this shows
1. I care what they have to say.
2. I control interruptions quickly and respectfully.
3. They must wait their turn.
4. Others how to avoid the same treatment.
5. Others how to handle similar situations.
oh that's great i love it
I just had a talk with my friends about them being late for my birthday dinner (not a rant or venting or anything) and using excuses instead of their reasons a couple of hours ago, and my friends mother tried to jump in and cut me off, and I merely motioned to her "in a moment" with my hand and it worked really well. They all listened and were respectful and it really helped clear things up and let me have a good birthday. Thanks Vihn!
If you treated your guests like that, be sure that you will find yourself lonely at your next birthday. Just accept the fact that they were late, bro. Don't be such a douchebag.
You’re a whiney friend. They were late because they really didn’t want to be there. You just haven’t clicked yet.
How do you motion "in a moment" with your hand?
@ia3021 , by raising your index finger.
@JohnDoe-xv4rp, middle finger*
This only works for meetings if you are presenting. You can always asking people to hold questions till the end of the slide and ask people for questions before you move to the next slide.
In a casual conversion especialy a group conversion, no....
I can't use a timer to enforce a no interruption period. Most people will think you are weird and still interrupt.
Ask if they'll let you finish. Make sure each of them gets an equal chance to speak. The quietest ones often have the most valuable insights.
This is really good. Love that he gave an option for someone who won't stop interrupting. Boundaries are good. I love them.
I was well into my adulthood before a coworker snarkely but effectively showed me that I interrupt people when they talk. I wondered how I could have had this issue without knowing it, and then realized that my mom was just the same way. When you do it so long and it's done to you, you really don't realize that you do it.
Sorry to everyone Ive ever talked to, because I've interrupted all of them dozens of times over.
I have a related pattern where you are facilitating a group and you leave a pregnant pause to cause the room to engage with the problem, but someone feels the discomfort of silence more strongly than the others and "solves" the problem, shutting down everyone else's potential solutions. Framing needs me to be more aware and more intentional as facilitator, but thanks for giving it a name and showing an example. I think this will help many of our scrum masters
👏🏼👏🏼
I tend to pause, let the interrupter talk while I just stare into their soul, and then I immediately jump back to what I was talking about without skipping a beat. It tends to work; they stop doing it after that.
"I"m so sorry for speaking while you were interrupting. No, really, please - go ahead."
I've got ADHD and that makes me chronic for interrupting. If someone said something this passive aggressive to me, then the conversation is over and I won't want to have another one with you ever again.
Just say something like "I hadn't finished yet", or even something as simple as "you interrupted me". Just be direct! I'll apologise and then re-engage, and be more mindful of it going forward.
Once I have determined I will be repeatedly interrupted, I acquiesce telling them, "You're absolutely right" and stop conversing altogether. If they continue to push it, I tell them my opinion has no value, it was wrong of me to engage in the topic and I agree with everything they said.
If it is a work setting, I just have to decide if the topic has a predetermined outcome. If so, I know the administrators have zero interest in our thoughts. They just want to say they asked for feedback.
Sounds really passive-aggressive
@@XaliberDeathlock I can't disagree with you. (no pun intended)
Passive-aggressive sparring against a aggressive-aggressive. In my defense, as mentioned above, having determined I will be REPEATEDLY interrupted - especially if no meritorious facts are being produced, and if they are just being an ass-hat, I still wish to communicate the uselessness of the discussion at this point without a genuine acknowledgement of loss.
The mature action would be to agree to disagree but that's not fun.
A quick and firm "Hold up. Please, let me finish." should suffice.
As someone who interrupts people all the time (thanks ADHD), this is the answer. Being direct is almost always the best choice
I tried this with my mom, it works. If they don’t listen, don’t argue. Leave the conversation, run if you have to.
If it's a situation where i can walk away, that's what i do.
The person clearly doesn't respect me, and i don't feel the need to make them respect me.
Whenever i catch myself interrupting people, i cover my mouth with my hand, it defuses the situation by showing that i know I'm wrong and makes people laugh, which is always a plus.
My partner has this behaviour of interruption and he likes to take over convos like he’s the hero 👀🙄
I have come to realise I got influenced at times and now im watching this 😅 good reminder.
this will help me a lot! as someone who doesn't know how to communicate properly, this happens most of the time. Thank you for the tip!
"Would you kindly STFU for just a second?, I'm effing talking here!"... works like a charm.😂😂😂
So simple yet so effective! Thank you Vinh, super useful advice as always! ❤
If you're new to my content check out my FREE 3 part series to kickstart your communication skills journey: gifts.vinhgiang.com/youtube
this man has helped me with literally everything he taught me how to fish how to DIY interior design with wood and I am writing this comment from the hospital where I am now the chief of medicine. His best words to me; "try to always read a good book"
When i'm interrupted, i pause what i'm saying until they're done. No matter what they said, whether good, bad, constructive etc...i continue talking exactly where i left off and ignore everything they just said. People who interrupt, do not respect what you have to say and think what THEY have to say is more important. To my GF who constantly asks questions within 3 seconds of my talking about something, never letting me to the point where her questions would have been answered without the need to have asked them in the first place, i simply stop talking and either walk away or continue watching tv or whatever activity i was engaged in. Some day, she'll learn to control it...but doubtful.
Is she, Chinese born?
Lol what an idiot
Did you get dumped yet
You could simply have a talk with her about it, you know?
Is that not her way of trying to understand you😮
“Keep your questions to the end”. Works well
The dumb ones always forget their questions by the end, brilliant!!!
@@glennturner4807 🤣
One thing that works for me is a heads-up. Letting them know I have 2 or 3 or whatever it may, main points I need to discuss with them
"Please hold your thoughts" would be one polite way of asking that.
I have a coworker who used to do that all the time, so I'd wait until he was in the middle of a conversation and I would interrupt with completely unrelated random crap, the pause for a second, look him straight in the eyes and ask "how does it feel to get interruped?"... he is now more mindful of other people when they are talking. 😂
Hey, Vinh.
My gf's dad interrupts A LOT to try and take over the convo, yet when I keep going and don't let him then I am the a-hole because he feels 'excluded' or I 'was disrespectful'.
How would you deal with that situation?
Thank you in advance.
some people disrespect you no matter what, what matters is your part, do just that and don't worry more
they keep interrupting ? say things they don't know anything about so it makes them nervous to talk about it or simply don't say things that are important for you and can get ruined if they interrupt it
Personally I'd let him finish, then continue what I was saying.
Just keep going dude you're fine. The only reason they give you shit is because he's family. Unfortunately this is something you're going to have to deal with if you stay in the relationship, but it's better to be the "a-hole" than let him talk over you.
I'd be petty and interrupt him whenever he's talking, if he keeps going then you can say you felt excluded and that he was being disrespectful. See how he like it.😊
Just tell him straight up that you weren't trying to be disrespectful, or something like that, and that you want to finish talking
Important note: say it respectively and without an attitude
In many meetings where I work, and it is especially bad on conference calls, there is an implicit might is right. There are a couple individuals who a) must speak as soon as a thought enters their mind, b) must explain the thought 20 times in subtly different ways all at once c) are very assertive/aggressive and will jump/push/force their way into any conversation. Unfortunately, they have sr. positions and cannot be easily excluded from meetings. A 30 minute meeting is often 20 minutes of them soap boxing with little to no discussion from anyone else. Very frustrating.
Yep same here
Welcome to work.
The world of Dunning-Krueger narcissists get promoted.
Nothing you can do except start your own business with your own rules of engagement.
They’ll blame you for not being a ‘team player’ if you call it out. 🙃
I simply just keep talking and ignore the interrupter
This isn't a bad strategy. Generally though, I go with something a bit more direct and just suplex the interrupter.
Is “suplex” a new word? This is the second time in the last week I have come across it, yet I’ve never heard it before and I have no idea what it means.
@@odietamo9376 It's a wrestling move
Sometimes I like to just keep talking through that weird moment where you are both speaking at the same time and finish my thought. I'm kinda curious how other people listening to the conversation perceive that.
I saw a woman do this at a panel when a guy started talking over her and she just went ahead and finished her thought even though the guy was talking. Badass all the way. Keep doing it.
Yeah it depends on the situation but typically doesn't reflect badly on the interruptee.
When you Pause but you use the right gestures it can make them wait for your to finish.
I have ADHD and because of that, I am a serial interrupter. I'm not trying to be rude, I'm actually trying to engage and listen because I'm genuinely interested.
What Vinh is doing here is genius. Putting a time limit on it and then allowing me to ask questions afterwards is absolutely ideal for me, and I would actually engage really well if my colleagues did something like this in meetings.
Yes! I’ll share this with my husband. I interrupt him all the time because he has long pauses. 😂
I do a version of this with my mother. I just ask her to please not interrupt for 2 minutes. It never works, though. My mother interrupts constantly, and on the odd occasion that she lets you finish... she replies with another topic entirely. She simply does not listen. It is definitely something my siblings and I complain about. I love my mother, but it's definitely frustrating.
Same, I wish I can replace my narcisistic mother.
I think a lot of mums are like that.
Idk man. If I am in a conversation with someone or in a meeting and someone pulls out a clock I won't take you seriously, it just is too goofy. A good way to do it is to silence them with your hands (slightly raise it in their direction make eye contact and keep talking)
Yeah, raising one's hand would probably work, or something like raising one's eyebrows just a bit and raising a finger, whatever comes naturally as something subtle, I'd imagine would work if one really needs to finish what one's saying
Personally (from a casual/informal standpoint) I just let people finish what they want to say if they interrupt me, I have no problem with being interrupted as long as they listen to what I am saying after they've interrupted, and it's not constant.
When being interrupted I like to say … “when noise is still coming from my mouth, I haven’t finished yet” because that is all they really hear it as.
Saying "sit down and shut up" seems to works for me.
Those that constantly interrupt usually do not listen, they wait to speak. Nice vid!
This automatically gives you control over the conversation. 🤔😯Can probably help in winning arguments? Thank you🙏
Much easier to just tell them you're not finished yet
oh I'm a serial interrupter. big flaw of mine. hate how it makes others feel. i need people to push back so i do it less, so thank you
I just keep talking what I'm saying, keeping the same volume level and continue to talk over the person. Eventually the person stops talking. But this probably means that the person who tried to interrupt didn't hear what you had to say so you may have to say "I'll just repeat that last part incase you didn't hear." If you do this with people constantly interrupt you, they will often self correct just from consistency with this tactic because they learn that you won't accept them from trying to interrupt. But also remember, you must also be a consistently good listener which people like and respect too because they feel like you truly listen to them.
Try this with a sheriff's deputy. Rudest people I've ever met. Interrupt more than a 4-year-old full of Mountain Dew.
I love this guy, he gives amazing advice. However, a lot of his videos seem to be more revolving around workplace related social situations. Does anyone know someone like him who does these videos for regular social situations as well?
You offer an interesting stratagem,
Serial interrupters are annoying when,
Mid sentence they inflect,
With complete disrespect,
And they will have interrupted you before the first preposition.
When I used to teach piano one-on-one, some students were excited to tell me about their week plus anything and everything that came to mind. So instead of getting waylaid from our playing, I'd ask them to just give me a keyword for each topic, which I'd jot down, assigning a few minutes towards the end of the lesson where we could freely discuss them.
I was the leader in a debate team (we went on to be the top4 in my country) and while discussing our stance for the contests, I had many issues with one of the girls in my team. Kept butting in and just not understanding the point. It got to the point where i was talking to a different team member and they butted in so I just told her 'shut up i am not talking to you rn' and she just went into tears and went outside the room. Eventually she came back but didnt talk to me now. So i guess that worked lol
Thats a polite way to do it. People interrupt me all the time. I think the problem is society doesn't listen. If someone listened, they would not interrupt. People listen to respond, not listen to understand.
So essentially set a time barrier, and share that with the audience. Interesting concept..
There's the problem of backgrounds. Some were taught to give frequent cues to indicate they are still paying attention; which with non face to face helps ensure they are still connected and listening.
Then there is reflection or ensuring you heard and understand right.
And so on...
What I don't understand is the egotistical and usually hypocritical mindset. This approach seems to address that as well.
Instead of presuming intent and psychoanalysing, just provide context and framework.
I say “Excuse me” while holding my hand ✋ at them and I keep speaking.
They get the point real quick. Then I address it after I’m done, by saying: sorry I didn’t mean to cut you off while I was speaking. 😂
💯
This way is just too nice that those kind of people will fail to get the message or take it seriously, so they actually will continue to interrupt anyway. Making them understand that what they do is wrong and disrespectful is more important, otherwise they will think they have the right to interrupt anyone including you unless they are told to wait for certain amount of time.
Actually it teaches them they if they want to speak to you, they cannot interrupt because you'll leave. Works wonders on Toddlers and I've even uses it on my father-in-law. A lot less tantrums from both since I started doing it 😂.
Can't interrupt someone if they aren't there.
Part of the point is that interrupting isn’t always wrong though. What you call interrupting in one context is called conversation in another. By making clear which context, you avoid this problem.
Interrupting people whilst they are still speaking is one of the rudest things I can think of. I try not to do it myself. A long time ago I was at a Christmas Eve celebration and we women were continually rudely interrupted by the men, particularly my father in law. After a long time of being continually interrupted every time I opened my mouth to say something I had had enough. I stood up and banged my empty glass with a spoon. Everywhere went dead quiet. I very politely proceeded to explain that I and the other ladies found it most impolite to be interrupted by the men present every time we spoke. I told them that we were going to adjourn to the next room for coffee and a quiet conversation by ourselves in which no interruptions would take place. You should have seen their faces.
Fantastic! ❤
Had to interrupt this video to say Bruce, a guy I used to work with, was an interrupter. Ok. Continue the video. 😉👍
I’ve heard people use the line “F*CK YOU I’M STILL TALKING” quite successfully.
I just say, "I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was done talking."
Be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to become angry, for the wrath of man doesn't produce the righteousness that God requires.
Hard words to live by, but worth it.
>> for the wrath of man doesn't produce the righteousness that God requires
at the Call Center:
"For me to resolve this problem it would be very useful if you could stop interrupting me"
So my tried and true STFU wasn’t the best option?
All jokes aside, I like this approach and I will adopt it into my speaking repertoire immediately…
Continuous feedback conversation is an art some people haven't the intelligence to understand.
Honey, your voice is amazing. You can take all the time you want.
Thanks for the advice!
Thank you for the lesson, Vinh! Appreciate it. 😊
Beautiful advice.
I just keep talking and look at them like I can't believe they're being so rude.
It works literally 100% of the time. They trail off and look embarrassed and I keep talking.
I just shut up and don't talk about it. If I get interrupted again, I just shut up and close myself from the conversation completely, I stop even listening, my answer to every question becomes mhm or don't know, doesn't matter what the question is. Then I distance myself from those people. If you don't have enough respect for me to finish my part of the conversation, I don't have time for you more than I have for bugs on the street. Doesn't matter who you are.
Nice idea for some situations but normally in an extended interaction, you can't "frame" with each comment or repsonse or topic that comes up.
But what if people in a group keep conversing when they can tell that you want to say something? I often start the same sentence over and over, e.g. "yes, I completely agree... Yes, I comp- ... Yes... Yes, I agr-"
Scream at the top of your lungs 😂🫁📣
Speak up when you need to
1. Clarify: "WAIT! (a little loud to be heard) Repeat your point, please. I want to get it the way you said it."
2. Correct: "TERRY! (call by name with a little extra volume) Check your data. I think X should be G. What do you think?"
Do not speak agreement just to add your voice. Agreement is assumed.
There are also people that interrupt you by trying to finish your sentences. I know it means they are actively engaged and listening but when done too much, it can be distracting
I just stop and say "nope". They want to turn it into a guessing game where they try to guess what you were gonna say but they never guess correctly. So much time is wasted in the guessing game when they could just wait and hear what you were ACTUALLY going to say!
What I do is just stay silent and make it as awkward as possible because for me "framing" I'd just a doublespeak way of saying lying to someone ignorant or dishonest.
Oh, thats way more professional than the time I was interrupted while I was speaking and I turned to the guy and told him "stfu, I'm speaking!"
Now how to do this without directly telling someone not to interrupt
I didn't have an issue of interrupting others until I had a boss for 5 years that did not let you talk at all. Would start off on one topic and sidetrack himself into another topic not related at all to the start of the conversation, by the end of it I already forgot what he asked to begin with.
I came seeking on TH-cam for advice because a colleague constantly talks over me. If someone asks me a question, me, specific by my name, I as much as open my mouth to answer the question and my colleague immediately chimes in with her answers. It’s not amazing creative ideas, it’s so much as “so and so, did you bring your lunch today? And I open my mouth to answer and the overtalker immediately answers. How does one delicately tell their colleague that the questions were not directed to them but to so and so?
Good approach, but this doesn't always work in some situations. This was something I learned from a mentor in the military. I'll politely ask to finish my thoughts only three times. Then, three strikes you're out. After that, I'll be more assertive and let the interrupter know that they're now being disrespectful and need to let me finish.
The idea behind this can realistically be applied to personal not just business in my opinion.
I'm an interrupter 😳 I've got ADD, so if im medicated it helps me to be more conscious of it.
welp, majority of people are so immature they will get mad at you and think of you as a narcissist for asking for such a simple thing
If you did this in every single conversation, yeah, that’s an issue. But think most people would respect this if done in appropriate situations.
@@chriskleps7253 nope, try it once in front of a narcissist and see, sometimes it's not on us and sometimes we shouldn't really care if they get upset about it! the problem is that we care , try politely and if that didn't work, do it anyways
Thank you
Amazing! Thank you.
Damn. I just face my palm to thwir faces as a gesture. I dont know if it rude or not but it works
I used to put with this until I actually had skin in the game with an agenda at work.
Socially, interruptions are more tolerable but it is still inconsiderate to cut someone off without apology or acknowledgement.
Some people never stop talking if they don't get interrupted.
What I would do is purposefully ask them a question and then interrupt twice as much. After a couple of mins they usually get it and shut up
Would you mind sharing what to do when you are interrupted during a normal conversation?
That is a tough one. Whatever I start to say and create the primary background of my interesting story (I do not say things known to everybody because what for?). Such people by hearing familiar introduction interrupt saying after 5 seconds - "yes yes I know that, It is so and so..." and take over the voice.
Then, after they stated what happened to them, I coldly say that I wanted to say something different and it was only introduction and ask them if they are interested. Usualy people are curious what it may be. Anyway ice athmosphere stays
But opposite I sometime interrupt as well if someone makes obviously false base for his story which makes ot not wortthy to continue. Then I interrupt saying at instance that I think it is false, not having evidence nor proof. . Because known to me people tend to never end their stories juggling between memorised happenings. If I do not interact then latter it will be no occasion for any comment as new stories are coming for half an hour or more. .
Tried to use this on my mom she got angry and said i was showing attitude
😂 unfortunately this is common
I learned a bad habit of interrupting people from my siblings never letting me speak. I hate it. I don't do it much but if I do I get pretty mad at myself. It's very rude.
When I am speaking and someone interrupts me, I immediately stop speaking - mid-sentence - then pick up EXACTLY where I left off when the interruption commenced.
Ex: "I thought about that and it might work, as long as we leave ourselves enough..." [3 minute interruption] "...time to finish before the deadline."
I often have to do it several times throughout the interaction before the slow a**holes get the hint, but it's always hilarious when you can see it finally dawning on them.
Being constantly interrupted is annoying, so you might as well have some fun with it.👍😂
I don't think this is very natural... Usually if I'm interrupted twice during a conversation, the third time I'll just keep talking.
Love you Vinh! Pure Gold!
I have rarely spent a minute and a half so productively.
Thank you.
How do you say words that are so nice and unoffensive to hear and clearly don't offend the listener lil bit
You go to the closest dojo and learn Judo so when things potentially escalate and the guy gets "offended" you always have the skills to back you up when things go south hahaha It's why guys like Joe Rogan never afraid of offending people and speaking honestly
@@gbky8448this is actually good advice. Security breeds confidence
@@gbky8448People like Joe Rogan and his followers are the most easily offended people on the planet. Also speaks volumes about you that you want assault anyone who disagrees with you.
The problem is when you do have a difference in hierarchy and the subordinate try to put his point a cross without his superior cutting in.
The professional version of
"Let me cook."