Every time I think about how tough my situation is, I am humbled by the stories of others. Abandoning an enabling family system has got to be insanely difficult.and the smearing…
Smears campaigns ruins lives and that's why I ask people to not get into gossiping and take a step back. No matter how convincing someone can be, you don't know the whole story and that's why in court there are an attorney and an advocate. Always hear both sides or not get involved. That way, if you are not sure, at least you don't add wood to the 🔥.
@@Lyrielonwind So true, or just approach the person being back stabbed and ask them what the truth is, rather than as you rightly said listening to gossip ,😏
They're a cult, being on board is for the blind, stupid and those eager to have second glasses of kool-aid even though they know 1 glass is probably poison enough!
@@Lyrielonwindalways 2 sides to every story! I don't bother telling my side, if the person's smart enough they'll see the idiots for who they are, persons smearing (bullies becoming aware of how unimportant they truly are..) It doesn't matter, stagnate is what they do best!
I can see narcissistic psychological abuse being damaging to anyone in EVERY setting. At work, school, home, and in your free time before, during, and after the serious harm.🤬😯🤯
They manipulate you into feeling responsible for them, their safety and their happiness. Also, it's always yours or someone else's fault. When they rarely apologise, even cry that they are sorry, they later blame you or others again for what they pretended to be sorry for doing or saying.
This is what my mother did to me. I was her shield, her slave, her listener, her body guard. I lost everything. That is how I fell today, I lost my self-respect, my life, my money.. I am so broken. May God have mercy on me.
Within the depths of covert narcissism lies a malevolence that can shatter the very fabric of one's being. The insidious manipulation, gaslighting, and emotional exploitation leave victims navigating a labyrinth of self-doubt and despair. Yet, it is in emerging from this darkness that true strength and resilience are forged. By reclaiming our shattered selves and refusing to perpetuate the cycle of harm, we become beacons of light, shining a compassionate and supportive path for others. In embracing our collective healing, we not only transcend the malevolent grip of covert narcissism but also cultivate a community of empowerment and growth, where empathy and kindness prevail.
Very nicely said. Probably gonna be about 2 years more than the one year of my current healing BEFORE such words can flow so well, such as your own. Blessed & blessed be.
Thanks for this video, yes, normal people have normal, usually calm life. No drama, no need for always rescuing them from something or someone. I v bean gaslighted since childhood. But now i sliwlly starting to be aware how crazy just that is. Always drama, always something is wrong. Through my life i was in shelter, my city was bombarded, i went throw mobing at work, but i never complain so much and so often how narcissist do. Its like constant state of unsatisfaction.
I was communicating to a narcissistic personality, who was aged enough 59 years old, was communicating to me, me asking him questions about his hobbies, likings, he carrying on avoiding questions answers, answering and denying and. Directing situations, diverting situation, and after me asking same questions again, he be like putting old stories, and throwing at me and creating chaos and drama and when I was confronting him and calling him fraudulent, he started putting all mistakes and blames on me and making me feel like I'm villain and he's victim and started cursing me and making me feel like, I've done a sin and while speaking he laughs
I use to feel bad for my covert sister inlaw. I thought she was in an abusive relationship with my grandiose brother inlaw. She was complaining to me about his treatment and I could see it... slowly her mask slipped. She was bragging about him love bombing her after fights. My brothers inlaw started taking his rage out on me.. i stood up for myself ... she acted like I was the worst person for doing this..even though it was exactly what she'd complain about herself. She gave me the silent treatment for 6 months... im no contact now
I can always spot a person deprived of their parents love by the sadness in their eyes, because I'm just like that. I'm breaking the cycle with my kids and husband and have a good life, but no one can replace my mom's love that I never had. Oh well! Sending good vibes your way, Danish, you are not alone.
I realized about the PTSD in a picture of my grandma who I never knew since she died when my father was nine years old. I don't know if you read or hear about the 1000 yards look, it was named by psychologists from the surviving soldiers after war. Their eyes are looking to miles ahead, some have a dreamy look but it is dissociation. Narcissists and psychopaths have a different look in their eyes; it's more like a fixed stare (hollow eyes). I saw that my grandma who died young was a victim just for the way her eyes seemed to be looking to a far way 🌎 in every picture I have seen of her. She died after delivering her filth baby. My grandma from my mother's side had many miscarriages and children who misteriously died after birth. She died very old (covert narcissists have long lives) and I had the chance to remember her... she was the vulnerable type covert narcissist. Now I pay more attention because I have realized that it is true what people say at funerals: good people are first to die. My good grandma had the same eyes I have seen in me in pictures; green dreamy far away eyes. Pictures reveal more than a mirror about eyes. If you have old pictures, check them out. You might discover something. Take care 💗
@@LyrielonwindI have had strangers see me with that far away, glazed look and ask me why I'm so sad. (I didn't even realize I looked sad.) Strangers at a bus stop saw and cared about my pain in a way none of my family ever has. 😢
I so understood your pain, I longed for a loving relationship with my Mother all my life. I wondered why my friends were loved by their Mothers but my Mother was so cold and distant. Never a hug, never an encouraging word, never a kiss good night and certainly never saying she loved me. After she developed dementia and was in the nursing home, she would always want to kiss me goodbye and always say she loved me. I just thought it was too little too late. When she passed away I felt a weight was lifted from my soul, I have been trying to heal, I decided when I was younger to never be like her ever. You’re right, we have to break that cycle, it ends with us. Stay strong.
❤same here. I send you all the love, because I miss also the love of my mother, I never had. Your answer is god: Oh well. That is maybe the best, just shrug our shouders
Yep. Experienced this myself with my narcissistic mother. I became her protector/personal lackey. As a dutiful daughter, I just blindly follow whatever she says. I just got fed up because now we're on the verge of financial ruin and all she cares about is still doing everything she wants. Well too bad for her because she's old and disabled. I, her main supply, am DONE. Now I just keep the conversations between us to a bare minimum. If she wants something, she better figure out a way to do it herself because she knows she can't readily come to me anymore. She's giving me the silent treatment, but I couldn't care less. It's actually better rather than hearing her rant and complain all the time.
That's so terrible!!! She (your mom) shamed you for rescuing her. 😢 And sided with her abuser. I've seen this lots in my life, from many people I know. None of them are in my life any longer. It's a sick dynamic though. I sure appreciate all your videos, information, support and real life stories. Thank you!!! ❤
I am the eldest and I sacrificed myself as my mother's protector.. for 50 years. only to be called selfish by the family and betrayed. when my mother wouldnt stand up for herself. my brother was coerced to also apologize to my abusive father. that has damaged him for life. my sister was the damaged flying monkey for my father. he pitted us against each other. thank you for helping me to see this objectively at 69 years old... how cruel this sick family life was and still is.
@@joseenoel8093 yep.. my mother used to say." good things happen to you that just dont happen to others". I always felt because I held to my principles and came from a loving place. good stuff came to me. anyway smelling and listening to a wonderful summer desert thunderstorm right now... that is delicious... velvety air.
The relationship with these creatures usually makes the empath exactly just as stars supernova explosion then new star born new boundaries new everything and we can stand for ourselves and saying NO and live new life the path is staying away as much as possible
Wonderful Danish , You have been through the fire 🔥. But like the Phoenix who rose from the ashes… it has made you into a strong , kind, brave, empathetic, intuitive, intelligent crusader to help free the captives from narcissistic abuse. I admire you greatly and I salute your courage. I pray that someday, God will reveal to you ALL of the people you have helped to rescue from evil. They are in the millions. For…I am one of those people. 😘✨ Thank you 🌹
Great subject! Many many former friends just like this. When I finally place a boundary, they usually stepped right over the line. I woke up. They moved on to their next victim.
Danish, truly I am so sorry for your pain!!!!!!!! What a world we live in!!!!!!!!!!!!! Largely it is because of not knowing and living Bible principles, it does not matter if it is your mother or father if they are wrong, they are wrong!!!!!!!!! The higher source that we should fear and love more is Almighty God and not man!!!!!!!!!!! It will always turn out right when you do things His way!!!!!!!!! Miss use of power is a low down deadly thing!!!!!!!!! You have courage Danish be proud of that!!!!!!!!! The whole obligation of man is to fear the true God and keep His commandments Ecclesiastes 12:13-14 read the whole chapter of Ecclesiastes this is just one of the many scriptures that will set many matters straight, take care of yourself Danish you have won this war😊😊😊😊😊😊😊
Whatever you said in this video is 💯 True. My mom and dad both are a covert narcissist. My mother always used to make me feel guilty & shamed me ,whenever I used to take stand for her and my other family members or myself.
I'm sorry you went through this Danish, I think thats why you are such a great Coach and Compassionate, not that you should have suffered in that way, thank you for sharing your story and for all you do ❤ your videos really do help ❤
😢you have just summed up my now ex-boyfriend in 13 minutes. Thank u. Fortunately i knew he was not 'normal ' and went no contact after loosing my temper with him. I unfortunately was very derogatory towards him, expecting him to have a backbone and not be a spineless wimp😊but he sucked it all up because he was expecting money from the sale of my house. It was easier as we are in different countries but i pulled out of the sale of my home and decided to stay here in the UK and not join him in the USA. I cut him and his flying monkeys all the hell off!!! No contact now for 2 months and living my best life..well trying 😂❤
I believe you are very strong and actually you are❤ Keep making these videos... You are saving lives... May god bless you... ❤ The extreme pain, those hell of shit situation was unimaginable... After I listened your story I wonder how you survived after that level of trauma... God always helps good people❤and you are one... You are not alone... We are with you.... Everytime... In your difficult time in future.. We maybe can't do nothing physically... To help you.. But we can pray right... Our prayers always be with you ❤
The most intense, most shattering, deeply wounding, chaotic and terrifying narcissistic/psychopathic injury is that of a child's realization that his or her own mother has betrayed him. On battlefields throughout modern history, it is well known that soldiers who experienced excruciating pain from injuries, torture and trauma would almost always cry out for their mothers! their loving touch, hugs and reassuring kisses. And yet in narc abuse, we have mothers who casually betray their children for sport or for their own amusement. The realization of this betrayal by ur mother was a diabolically crushing blow to you, Danish and that debilitating memory lives in your flesh, until you turn a corner in ur healing when none of that matters any more. The moment when we all learn that, as you said, there is no way of working with these people, and that I must choose myself, ME! No, family is not everything, as the saying goes, not when it's out to annihilate you! It's not selfishness: it's survival! Again, Danish, all by yourself you carved out the path that got you out of hell and into a life of light, love, success and miracles!. We, ur subscribers, only continue to benefit from all you've suffered at the hands of ur monstrous family. We remain humbled by your courage and magnanimity and ready to defend you at all costs. 😻❤🥲 Thank you! strong, warm hugs.🤗
The deepest regrets of my life is when I compromised my own values to support him in the name of "marriage." If I had life to do over, there are many things I would have done differently, including choosing a different man to spend my life with. He used my values ... emphasis on USED ... to justify his awful behavior.
Wow Danish! I had heard stories from you before about your father but I didn’t realize it permeated the whole family. You are an incredibly strong person to find the courage to break off. I married into such a family. I had no idea these types of demons traveled in groups. May God continue to bless you on your journey, thank you so much for sharing ❤
God bless U 💖🙏🙏and thank U for sharing. What an unbelieveble betrayal and what pain U must have felt. I wish i could give U a hug . Much love and bliss 💥
Thank you, I always gain so much from listening to you.. I was married to a cruel, vindictive, venomous, physically violent Narc for 26 years. . One time ( apart from dozens of other times that he attacked me) he beat me brutally with a large wooden brush leaving my body covered in massive bruises, & then he blamed me for his actions threatening to belt me more if necessary.... My body was covered in massive bruises. He then told me that I bruise easily. My daughter is a carbon copy of her father, a violent abuser who had beaten me physically on numerous occasions over a 20 year period, covering my body in bruises & once giving me a Chinese burn that left a massive bruise that extended from my elbow to my shoulder. As she was inflicting this physical cruelty, I groaned in agony and collapsed as the pain was excruciating. She threatened to do it again if necessary just to teach me a lesson. She was 35 years old & i was in my 60's at that time & no match in physical strength or verbal abuse.. .Her violence continued till she was landed ( this time) with a 5 year DVO.{ Previously it was a 3 year DVO) How could you do this to me was her cry. .I have just entered my 80th year.. Thank you again for the work you do, you describe these people perfectly....they are the greatest manipulators, liars, blamers. They destroy lives.
I'm so sorry you had to go through that Danish. I have made excuses for My Mom my whole life and never understood her evilness until I started learning about narcissists a couple of years ago. She put me through so much during the Holidays last year that I went no contact after a tantrum she threw a few months ago. She has turned my neighbors (we live in the same community) my siblings, my kids and my grandkids against me. So, heartbreaking at 67 to be completely alone due to your lying Mother. I just moved back to be near my kids in my later years 2 years ago and she has once again created a living hell for me. I am remembering all the evil things she did as I was growing up. I am so grateful for those of you teaching us about Scapegoating and the narcissists games. Your experiences are so similar to mine. Thank you Danish.
Wow, this is explained masterfully!...In my case it's my father...clues are always there, but you only see them for who they really are after decades.They betrayal is brutal.
That seriously sounded very familiar. Lol...but there are so many of these emotionally insane ones around im trying to remember just exactly how many coverts do i know (apart from my job). It's difficult sometimes. They are everywhere 😅
I had that exact experience you described: being shamed for not being the protector. The person I was supposed to attack was my adult step-sister and for a long time I refused. Instead I suggested counseling and tried to give good advice. Eventually broke down and directly confronted her and gave her an article on elder abuse. She responded very aggressively and attacked me relentlessly. The other family member (the covert narcissist who had recruited me to enable and defend them) then attacked me to the rest of my family saying I caused problems for them and was crazy and stepping over my boundaries, even though they had asked me directly to intervene and shamed me for years for not confronting my abusive step-sister enough on their behalf. Afterward I was treated very badly by the covert narcissist and multiple family members. I really appreciate you. Thank you so much for this content!It is so incredibly valuable to the world!💗🙏
Very very true..... And painful 💔..... Your words are prophetic...... My life story..... The rinse and repeat cycle keeps going on.... More painful and heartbreaking suffocating and devastating when you are stuck with them and can't get out..... Every body is on their side.... Not a single person is with you
What I wouldn't have given to know about this back in the day. I am a Grade A Enabler, and My Cousin is beyond narcistic, they don't take accountability for anything. They admit they weren't taught, trained or told. Even when you try to tell them that you have enough on your plate, they don't "listen" because it's more important that you are helping them.
Great exposition; I have seen the dynamics of my youngest sister (a covert narcissist) and the dynamics of my deceased father enabling my mother like a Pitt Bull against me without even noticing he was being used against me. Both sides of the enabling: the conscious one and the unconscious one who was convinced she was being abused and I was the aggressor and not the victim. And that's how they alienate, isolate and stigmatized the victim. Everything is a corridor full with mirrors. Thanks Danish, you explained it wonderfully but now I'm thinking... that is the diabolical Karpman triangle, isn't it? I find the Karpman triangle so revealing because usually the savior is the one who is sacrificed but even the people who knows about it, can't always recognize it as what it is.
Yes Danish , all-ALL my first degree relatives are narcissists-father malignant psychopath, brother, mother and daughter covert-all my life its all ive known
Danish , I have viewed many of your videos and this one really resonated . Big time !! Suffered similar experiences and you just brought it all together in this segment . Thank you for having the strength after all you’ve been through , to reach out to others and give awareness on this twisted and corrupt mind f**k .
So true this is my daughter down to a T I’ve only just realised she’s a covert narc as my mother is the biggest narc I’ve dealt with I’m 54, everything you said is the 2 of them they are like peas 🫛 in a pod.I have double trouble 🤦♀️
Omg!!! This is my life story 💯 with my mom & dad & their supporters my siblings, my neighbours, aunts, uncles etc. Please tell me how I can break away & not lose my home in the process as they live with me while the world outside is made to think otherwise???. They keep telling me that the reason they are like this, its not their broken perfect marriage over the decades but it's me since I have made them drift apart...they can't give a definite timeline of events because they just say whatever fits their argument at the moment. They keep telling me I've never been obedient to their wishes & desires. Also, I have never respected them & I shamelessly did everything according to my own plans & today I'm nowhere cause "it's all my fault". I'm just getting anxiety about selling, moving and reliving elsewhere with or without them. I felt it 💯 when you said "you had no identity of your own, no outside connections or self worth, without them you are just an empty shell of a person 😢
Your mother, is very similar to mine. She was my father's greatest enabler but this man treated her like shit. Insults, criticisms, false accusations, and physical violence were almost constant. I used to see my mother as a victim (And she portrayed herself as one) I couldn't put up with it anymore and I started confronting my father, no surprise he went into a narcissistic rage, said that my mother brainwashed me to hate him and that I am disrespecting him. Each time I confronted him on his behavior, that is what I got, but my mother was ALWAYS the first to defend him when things became tense between us, reminding me that he paid my school and that I should be obedient. I am no longer living with this man and I have my own apartment but every month I get a call of my mother saying "Did you talk to your father ?" It is during this time I realized my mother became also a narcissist but more subtle. When she is in a situation where she has power, she behaves exactly like my father; this man was just more powerful than her.
When we are children we have to enable to survive. When we are adults we must establish boundaries and that means strict boundaries and cutting the cord if they don’t respect the boundaries . Hard and uncomfortable as hell, but practice makes perfect ☺️ Often we want to help ( the nature of empathy) but everything must be with full respect for clear boundaries. We won’t change them, but often we keep trying. Time lost in life. It does not work and you cannot get the time and energy back. It has been spent on something that gains us nothing but more abuse. I live in Latin America, covert narcisists are the most common here due to culture. Grandiosity does not work here . Covert narcissism is the “ go to”. Certain cultures lean in one direction or the other
Hi from Montreal! Families here are pretty messed up, victims of WWI and WWII, narcs make drama when they should be counting their blessings and getting on with good lives and setting good examples, passing the torch onto others!
Yes. I have gone through this scenario more than once. My friend and I worked together and she cheated with a married man at work. The wife showed up, my friend called me to protect her, she was scared. I went to where she was, the wife confronted my friend but slapped me across the face cuz I stood between them. She then grabbed onto me and I hit her back. She was escorted out by her cheating husband. It was awful. I never intended to harm anyone. Of course all my coworkers were told I was the aggressor. Bs. It got worse from there as my " friend " threw me under the bus multiple times with other colleagues making herself look great and me a monster. I eventually resigned from my lengthy career. # 2, guy I dated would triangulate his buddies against me. Telling all kinds of lies, his pals would harrass me by phone and show up at my house uninvited which I made very clear. Eventually I got a restraining order and his pals figured out the real truth. I'm sorry you went through so much with your family. It hurts much more when its family you trusted and loved. Its better to get away although it hurts terribly. Thanks for your wonderful videos. ❤
First, sending hugs your way....😢 Your story broke my heart. I sincerely feel for you and pray you fully recover from this. You are so brave to put your story out there for others to learn from. It is so difficult to be vulnerable like that as it also can bring up again the emotions you felt when it happened. Thank you for your transparency. It will help so many including you to heal❤ Personally, I lived with an overt narcissist step dad for 18 years or so. He convinced me to go have a talk with my foster sister as he felt she was in the wrong about something. I trusted his judgment until I heard him yell and saw him pound his fists on the table. He really didn't handle it well. I apologized to my sister afterwards as it felt he was just throwing a fit and didn't really show care for her. I have had to distance myself from him after another situation involving my young children. He wanted to do something with them that I did not feel good about. He was ok with them watching scary images with him and I told him not to let them while they were visiting at his house. He continued on and I told him I wouldn't be bringing our kids over since he couldn't respect my wishes. He told his family that we thought he was molesting them. That was a complete lie. They all gave us the cold shoulder and 1 person asked us for our side of the story and he told us what they were told by him and we were able to clarify . Thankfully this person could see right through my step dad and so he wanted our side of the story. He and his wife are pleasant to us still Most of the people I grew up with don't speak to us though, but a few have decided to say hi when we see each other after many years of avoidance. I am thinking they are seeing his true colors now. My story is nothing compared to what you went through, but I do understand what it feels like to be smeared and not have contact with many in my family so please know you will for sure be in my prayers. Take care and God bless. ~Sarah
Oh my, I had a,frennemy friend who tried to steal my identity, copycat me then changed details so nobody noticed. Gosspped through the family, played games when the family was in one room. I never defened myself cause she was out on me getting mad in public. I'm so glad I didn't fell for that trap. No person would believe me cause it's all hidden. It was very painful until I got a light bulb to totally leave quietly. I became untouchable. They went to other family members all new in laws got kind of the same treatment, talking bad behind people's backs,. Envious and jealousy those had. Narcs form secretly a group of people against someone. Step by step they get more people Influenced. It was so painful to hold everything in. But silence from my side was the best thing to protect myself and my children. Now I'm without such family and I've way more peace and joy in my life. But the damage is huge I can tell. Never give up and refuse to stay victim! Thank you for this video.😎🤗😊
My experience as well. Mine was a dark empath. Gets empathy fakes it but has none. Most of my family knows what she is and enable her anyway. Its easier to just go back to the norm so i lost every single person i knew before the age of 30. (Well a few i lost because she targeted the ones i still talked to)
I am so sorry that you went through this with your parents. My parents did not do this, but my SIL has. My FIL was the overt and his daughter was covert who was jis enabler. When a new and better source of supply came along she began to accuse and abuse me for no reason. When I called her out on her changing story lines about my mother she took it to the next level. She is trying to use my husband to bring me down. She wanted to use my oldest son(15), but my older children can see through her and she has no control over them. Right now she pretends like everything is okay. I am just waiting. She flatters my husband all the time. I pray his eyes become opened and he sees what she is after with him. If he refuses to see, as I have tried but cannot make him see, then I pray my deliverance hastens quickly.
Thanks Danish so true that happened to me when I protected my daughter from my husband years ago both turned on me it was years ago but I didn't understand until now thanks 😊 very much for the helpful information 😊❤️💙🍀🙏🙏 I'm sure you are helping many people who are healing and moving forward 🙏🙏💙🦋😁
I think that is true for me as well. I saw my father only as the good parent who I needed to defend and serve and I thought that I have chosen that role. When in reality he never defended me in front of my mother. It is sad/devastating to realize I was set up for that role on purpose just for 11:51 selfish needs. I thought I was accomplishing something but nooo.
You describe me and my father, who I aways saw as a victim of my mother/circumstances and something else. Because he gives me money and he is smooth in his reactions I really saw him as a victim, someone who needs to be saved and who will save me, even though he never saved me, he enabled her behavior and abuse towards me.
I am experience this right now.. my sister blame me after 8 months helped her stay away from her narc husband. They already finally got divorced.. but now they want to remarry!!
My father is the narissist, my mother his enabler. I wonder if my mother has lost her soul or ever had one, since she is already about 40 years with him. Before I went no contact I couldn´t stand her anymore. I felt repulsion. So I wonder if she ever really loved me and I ever really loved her or if it was only an illusion. If, because I didnt know any other thing, I confused friendlyness with love. She was indeed friendly. But is it not just another superficialmask of an empty shell? Thats how she feels now to me. Totally empty and soulless. And I wonder if she has allways been like that or if she became like that because of being with him.
This is exactly like I feel with my mother. She has no identity anymore ore self worth. My father controls everything. I never really felt like I knew my mother and she barely talks about herself ore here life experiences. Never defended me only make excuses for my raging narcissistic father. Been married to my father for 35 years. She even calls him "dad" when she talks about him instead of his name.witch I find strange. My dad fix everything for my mom and use my father as a slave because she don't do it herself. She's very manipulative but play the victim card very well. The constant verbal and emotional neglect from my childhood.she seem like an empty shell now days and never really care only when me and my siblings can get together in holidays because that's when she feel powerful in planning things.she also use my younger sister to do and fix things for here. I feel like I never had a responsible mom. I have much anger with he for years with constant gaslight my reality. I struggle with self doubt because of gaslighting and criticism.
@@gigafia5358 the same with my mom. She also never defended me, she also doesn't talk about herself, but she parrots everything my father says or would say, like being a puppet, where his hand is inside. She also called him dad when talking about him. My mother is also manipulative and plays the victim and innocent. Both like playing dumb too. I cut off the contact again and again over the years and gave them chances, but this kind of people never change, never learn from their mistakes, and they never evolve. But we do, because we are able to be and to do what they are not. This is why narcissist are jealous of us and want to destroy our light. But they can't, because it's eternal. They could only do transitory harm to us. But we can heal again. We posses higher consciousness and heart intelligence. And because of this we are also able to heal ourselves. The best is to leave them behind, find the path of healing and create a life full of joy and love. With the experience we made we gained the ability to discern the people we come in contact with. When we trust our instincts, we have nothing to fear. Learn to trust yourself again , because you have accessibility to inner wisdom, that this kind of people have not. They are like heartless bio-machines, possesed by demons. Allow yourself to get into self love. This means to see yourself with the eyes of a loving mother. We have to become our own loving mothers, if we didn't grow up with one. We have to learn to defend ourselves, when our mother's did not. To transform your anger you could write every thing that feels heavy and angers you on a paper and burn it in the bath tub asking God and the angels to transform this anger energy inside you. But you can do anything your instinct tells you, that would be beneficial to transform the anger. My heart told me to write all my experiences to them in an email. And it was the most effective thing for me, that healed me from the anger, the flash backs and night mares. But it is always individual and you have to really listen to your heart. Ask what you can do to heal yourself on every level. Listen to the answer and then do it. Ask again and again if you don't hear the answer yet. You will get the answer maybe when you don't expect it. Trust it. Trust yourself. Sending you lots of love and healing. You are eternal. You are unbreakable. You are the light and the love. Love heals everything. ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
@@gigafia5358 My mother also never defended me and also plays the innocent victim. You have the power to heal yourself. 1. Practise self love. Be your own loving mother, that you didnt have. Treat yourself in a loving way, forgive yourself if necessary 2. Trust your instincts. You gained the ability to discern people. If you trust your instincts, you have nothing to fear. 3. leave them and every thing that is toxic behind and create a life full of joy and love. Make this your highest priority. 4. How can you heal yourself? Its individual for every one. My heart told me exactly what to do, I did it, and healed very fast from the trauma. Ask your heart what to do to heal he anger and the trauma and then do it. The answer may come instantly or when you dont expect it. Maybe you get a sign. 5. Now that you are made of eternal light and love and that your soul is unbreakable. Thats why narcissist are jealouse of us and want to destroy us, but they can not. They can only do transitory harm. But we have the power to heal ourselfs and become whole again and the experience will have made you even stronger and wiser. I send you lots of love and healing!! May your soul heal, so that you shine your brightest light possible to help bring more light, love and healing to this world.
Yes, my bio mom enabled all of my siblings I wish I could explain, I always felt obligated and guilty. I didn't want to be around her or anything to do with anyone who let her do anything she wanted. I left home and have never been back And it's true that I didn't take sides, I just left cause I knew what everyone else would say. It's not that I am proud of myself because I left people I loved alot. You know when you said that about having to apologize it triggered me. I was forced to apologize to my mother as well.. She liked it when she was doing right and she was an attention seeker in a big way. To some this won't seem like anything, I am disabled and have s hard times with basic things like dressing. This was when she kept me upstairs without no way downstairs without having someone to carry me. I was in my room and all of a sudden she goes on about Snelling gas and the fire department was called they came out and dragged me out with only a shirt and panties on. There I was in the middle of the street in my underwear for hours and they made me feel bad for being upset with her. And made me apologize to her for being upset.. There was no gas in that house and they knew it..
Letting go of a narcissistic relationship and family leaves one very lonely. Danish how do you overcome this loneliness, especially after these people were so close to you.
I was angry at my sister for a long time because she maintained contact with our egg donor. This is the way I see it. You are telling the narcissist and everyone else around you that everything is okay if you pretend like everything is okay. In a way to me, you are condoning their behavior if you put up with it and stick around. My sister and I still disagree on this. I have gone no contact with our egg donor. But for the most part, we do not talk about it and pretty much respect each others decision. Look, each person needs to Make their own decision with God, and I cannot judge another person's heart. But sometimes to me regarding my sister. She seems to be a little self-righteous. Almost as if she is saying she can handle our egg donor and I can't. But sometimes I hear some resentment in her voice when she mentions our egg donor. As I said before I cannot judge someone else that is God's job. I just wonder If she and other people like her in the same situation are deceiving themselves about what is really going on. Perhaps they think they can handle it, but in actuality the resentment comes out and is directed toward others instead. I know this is possible because I am a human being and have done this myself. The thing is when you are treated badly by one person, I think You should consider that You are not treating others around you as well as you could if you did not have that narcissist sucking up a lot your patience and kindness, etc. So that you don't have enough left over for those you really should be Spending it on. Each person needs to look at this And figure out whether They are becoming a worse person by keeping in contact with the narcissist. The Bible even says Bad company corrupts good morals. Also, not to hang out with an angry person lest you learn their ways. Proverbs 22:24-25. 1 Corinthians 15:33. And there are other Bible passages about leaving when people treat you badly. And even Jesus walked away from some people. And also let them walk away from Him.
Is it enmeshment? I did not understand that my father actually is in the core of it because I saw him as a victim. But later on when I was a victimized he did not do anything!
Link to my best resources:
linktr.ee/narcabusecoach
Respect for Your strength Sir. You managed to keep the light of Your soul intact. Heaven bless You Sir.
Every time I think about how tough my situation is, I am humbled by the stories of others. Abandoning an enabling family system has got to be insanely difficult.and the smearing…
They are disgusting Reptilian Entities, that know no bounds, I'm also going through the Smear Campaign 😏🚩🏃♀️
Smears campaigns ruins lives and that's why I ask people to not get into gossiping and take a step back. No matter how convincing someone can be, you don't know the whole story and that's why in court there are an attorney and an advocate.
Always hear both sides or not get involved. That way, if you are not sure, at least you don't add wood to the 🔥.
@@Lyrielonwind So true, or just approach the person being back stabbed and ask them what the truth is, rather than as you rightly said listening to gossip ,😏
They're a cult, being on board is for the blind, stupid and those eager to have second glasses of kool-aid even though they know 1 glass is probably poison enough!
@@Lyrielonwindalways 2 sides to every story! I don't bother telling my side, if the person's smart enough they'll see the idiots for who they are, persons smearing (bullies becoming aware of how unimportant they truly are..) It doesn't matter, stagnate is what they do best!
I can see narcissistic psychological abuse being damaging to anyone in EVERY setting. At work, school, home, and in your free time before, during, and after the serious harm.🤬😯🤯
They manipulate you into feeling responsible for them, their safety and their happiness. Also, it's always yours or someone else's fault. When they rarely apologise, even cry that they are sorry, they later blame you or others again for what they pretended to be sorry for doing or saying.
Always victims giving us unrequested advice when their problems are theirs for solving just like ours are our own for solving also!
Once demons lose control of you they do ANYTHING to get their claws in you again. Never happening again! 🙏🙌❤️
I am so sorry, Danish, those monsters did this to you 😢. They are vampires . Both monsters pretending to be my parents are narcissists too.
This is what my mother did to me.
I was her shield, her slave, her listener, her body guard.
I lost everything. That is how I fell today, I lost my self-respect, my life, my money.. I am so broken.
May God have mercy on me.
This must pass. Hope you're rebuilding. You've come this far and survived so much. You can rebuild
Within the depths of covert narcissism lies a malevolence that can shatter the very fabric of one's being. The insidious manipulation, gaslighting, and emotional exploitation leave victims navigating a labyrinth of self-doubt and despair. Yet, it is in emerging from this darkness that true strength and resilience are forged. By reclaiming our shattered selves and refusing to perpetuate the cycle of harm, we become beacons of light, shining a compassionate and supportive path for others. In embracing our collective healing, we not only transcend the malevolent grip of covert narcissism but also cultivate a community of empowerment and growth, where empathy and kindness prevail.
Very nicely said. Probably gonna be about 2 years more than the one year of my current healing BEFORE such words can flow so well, such as your own. Blessed & blessed be.
Thanks for this video, yes, normal people have normal, usually calm life. No drama, no need for always rescuing them from something or someone.
I v bean gaslighted since childhood. But now i sliwlly starting to be aware how crazy just that is. Always drama, always something is wrong. Through my life i was in shelter, my city was bombarded, i went throw mobing at work, but i never complain so much and so often how narcissist do. Its like constant state of unsatisfaction.
I was communicating to a narcissistic personality, who was aged enough 59 years old, was communicating to me, me asking him questions about his hobbies, likings, he carrying on avoiding questions answers, answering and denying and. Directing situations, diverting situation, and after me asking same questions again, he be like putting old stories, and throwing at me and creating chaos and drama and when I was confronting him and calling him fraudulent, he started putting all mistakes and blames on me and making me feel like I'm villain and he's victim and started cursing me and making me feel like, I've done a sin and while speaking he laughs
I use to feel bad for my covert sister inlaw. I thought she was in an abusive relationship with my grandiose brother inlaw. She was complaining to me about his treatment and I could see it... slowly her mask slipped. She was bragging about him love bombing her after fights. My brothers inlaw started taking his rage out on me.. i stood up for myself ... she acted like I was the worst person for doing this..even though it was exactly what she'd complain about herself. She gave me the silent treatment for 6 months... im no contact now
Good for you. Betrayal from loved ones is so painful.
That's the diabolical Karpman triangle: you start in the position of the savior and end up in flames like a witch.
@@Lyrielonwindmy god - what a horrific truth
It's just so bizarre how this actually happens over time. This is the absolute truth.
I can always spot a person deprived of their parents love by the sadness in their eyes, because I'm just like that. I'm breaking the cycle with my kids and husband and have a good life, but no one can replace my mom's love that I never had. Oh well! Sending good vibes your way, Danish, you are not alone.
I realized about the PTSD in a picture of my grandma who I never knew since she died when my father was nine years old.
I don't know if you read or hear about the 1000 yards look, it was named by psychologists from the surviving soldiers after war. Their eyes are looking to miles ahead, some have a dreamy look but it is dissociation. Narcissists and psychopaths have a different look in their eyes; it's more like a fixed stare (hollow eyes).
I saw that my grandma who died young was a victim just for the way her eyes seemed to be looking to a far way 🌎 in every picture I have seen of her. She died after delivering her filth baby.
My grandma from my mother's side had many miscarriages and children who misteriously died after birth. She died very old (covert narcissists have long lives) and I had the chance to remember her... she was the vulnerable type covert narcissist.
Now I pay more attention because I have realized that it is true what people say at funerals: good people are first to die.
My good grandma had the same eyes I have seen in me in pictures; green dreamy far away eyes. Pictures reveal more than a mirror about eyes. If you have old pictures, check them out. You might discover something.
Take care 💗
@@LyrielonwindI have had strangers see me with that far away, glazed look and ask me why I'm so sad. (I didn't even realize I looked sad.) Strangers at a bus stop saw and cared about my pain in a way none of my family ever has. 😢
I so understood your pain, I longed for a loving relationship with my Mother all my life. I wondered why my friends were loved by their Mothers but my Mother was so cold and distant. Never a hug, never an encouraging word, never a kiss good night and certainly never saying she loved me. After she developed dementia and was in the nursing home, she would always want to kiss me goodbye and always say she loved me. I just thought it was too little too late. When she passed away I felt a weight was lifted from my soul, I have been trying to heal, I decided when I was younger to never be like her ever. You’re right, we have to break that cycle, it ends with us. Stay strong.
❤same here. I send you all the love, because I miss also the love of my mother, I never had. Your answer is god: Oh well. That is maybe the best, just shrug our shouders
Yes. It's hard to spot a perpetrator but easy to spot their victims.
Yep. Experienced this myself with my narcissistic mother. I became her protector/personal lackey. As a dutiful daughter, I just blindly follow whatever she says. I just got fed up because now we're on the verge of financial ruin and all she cares about is still doing everything she wants. Well too bad for her because she's old and disabled. I, her main supply, am DONE.
Now I just keep the conversations between us to a bare minimum. If she wants something, she better figure out a way to do it herself because she knows she can't readily come to me anymore. She's giving me the silent treatment, but I couldn't care less. It's actually better rather than hearing her rant and complain all the time.
That's so terrible!!! She (your mom) shamed you for rescuing her. 😢 And sided with her abuser. I've seen this lots in my life, from many people I know. None of them are in my life any longer. It's a sick dynamic though. I sure appreciate all your videos, information, support and real life stories. Thank you!!! ❤
I am the eldest and I sacrificed myself as my mother's protector.. for 50 years.
only to be called selfish by the family and betrayed. when my mother wouldnt stand up for herself. my brother was coerced to also apologize to my abusive father. that has damaged him for life. my sister was the damaged flying monkey for my father. he pitted us against each other. thank you for helping me to see this objectively at 69 years old... how cruel this sick family life was and still is.
Ya pay no heed, better to be normal and boring, we migrate to better lives while they rot in their chosen roles and lives!
@@joseenoel8093 yep.. my mother used to say." good things happen to you that just dont happen to others". I always felt because I held to my principles and came from a loving place. good stuff came to me. anyway smelling and listening to a wonderful summer desert thunderstorm right now... that is delicious... velvety air.
The relationship with these creatures usually makes the empath exactly just as stars supernova explosion then new star born new boundaries new everything and we can stand for ourselves and saying NO and live new life the path is staying away as much as possible
I’m sorry you have been through so much. It’s your family’s loss to have lost you.
Wonderful Danish , You have been through the fire 🔥. But like the Phoenix who rose from the ashes… it has made you into a strong , kind, brave, empathetic, intuitive, intelligent crusader to help free the captives from narcissistic abuse. I admire you greatly and I salute your courage. I pray that someday, God will reveal to you ALL of the people you have helped to rescue from evil. They are in the millions. For…I am one of those people.
😘✨ Thank you 🌹
❤
Great subject! Many many former friends just like this. When I finally place a boundary, they usually stepped right over the line. I woke up. They moved on to their next victim.
Danish, truly I am so sorry for your pain!!!!!!!! What a world we live in!!!!!!!!!!!!! Largely it is because of not knowing and living Bible principles, it does not matter if it is your mother or father if they are wrong, they are wrong!!!!!!!!! The higher source that we should fear and love more is Almighty God and not man!!!!!!!!!!! It will always turn out right when you do things His way!!!!!!!!! Miss use of power is a low down deadly thing!!!!!!!!! You have courage Danish be proud of that!!!!!!!!! The whole obligation of man is to fear the true God and keep His commandments Ecclesiastes 12:13-14 read the whole chapter of Ecclesiastes this is just one of the many scriptures that will set many matters straight, take care of yourself Danish you have won this war😊😊😊😊😊😊😊
So true. These people are shady af.
Whatever you said in this video is 💯 True. My mom and dad both are a covert narcissist. My mother always used to make me feel guilty & shamed me ,whenever I used to take stand for her and my other family members or myself.
I'm sorry you went through this Danish, I think thats why you are such a great Coach and Compassionate, not that you should have suffered in that way, thank you for sharing your story and for all you do ❤ your videos really do help ❤
😢you have just summed up my now ex-boyfriend in 13 minutes. Thank u. Fortunately i knew he was not 'normal ' and went no contact after loosing my temper with him. I unfortunately was very derogatory towards him, expecting him to have a backbone and not be a spineless wimp😊but he sucked it all up because he was expecting money from the sale of my house. It was easier as we are in different countries but i pulled out of the sale of my home and decided to stay here in the UK and not join him in the USA. I cut him and his flying monkeys all the hell off!!! No contact now for 2 months and living my best life..well trying 😂❤
Had to cut off entire family also!
I am glad. 3yrs of no contact
Grieving and accepting is extremely difficult and painful but healing is possible
I believe you are very strong and actually you are❤
Keep making these videos... You are saving lives...
May god bless you... ❤
The extreme pain, those hell of shit situation was unimaginable... After I listened your story I wonder how you survived after that level of trauma...
God always helps good people❤and you are one... You are not alone... We are with you.... Everytime...
In your difficult time in future..
We maybe can't do nothing physically... To help you.. But we can pray right... Our prayers always be with you ❤
The most intense, most shattering, deeply wounding, chaotic and terrifying narcissistic/psychopathic injury is that of a child's realization that his or her own mother has betrayed him. On battlefields throughout modern history, it is well known that soldiers who experienced excruciating pain from injuries, torture and trauma would almost always cry out for their mothers! their loving touch, hugs and reassuring kisses. And yet in narc abuse, we have mothers who casually betray their children for sport or for their own amusement. The realization of this betrayal by ur mother was a diabolically crushing blow to you, Danish and that debilitating memory lives in your flesh, until you turn a corner in ur healing when none of that matters any more. The moment when we all learn that, as you said, there is no way of working with these people, and that I must choose myself, ME! No, family is not everything, as the saying goes, not when it's out to annihilate you! It's not selfishness: it's survival! Again, Danish, all by yourself you carved out the path that got you out of hell and into a life of light, love, success and miracles!. We, ur subscribers, only continue to benefit from all you've suffered at the hands of ur monstrous family. We remain humbled by your courage and magnanimity and ready to defend you at all costs. 😻❤🥲 Thank you! strong, warm hugs.🤗
The deepest regrets of my life is when I compromised my own values to support him in the name of "marriage." If I had life to do over, there are many things I would have done differently, including choosing a different man to spend my life with. He used my values ... emphasis on USED ... to justify his awful behavior.
Wow Danish! I had heard stories from you before about your father but I didn’t realize it permeated the whole family. You are an incredibly strong person to find the courage to break off. I married into such a family. I had no idea these types of demons traveled in groups. May God continue to bless you on your journey, thank you so much for sharing ❤
God bless U 💖🙏🙏and thank U for sharing. What an unbelieveble betrayal and what pain U must have felt. I wish i could give U a hug . Much love and bliss 💥
Breaks my heart to understand so many of us were hit with this abuse in our childhood and never knew what it was.
Thank you, I always gain so much from listening to you.. I was married to a cruel, vindictive, venomous, physically violent Narc for 26 years. .
One time ( apart from dozens of other times that he attacked me) he beat me brutally with a large wooden brush leaving my body covered in massive bruises, & then he blamed me for his actions threatening to belt me more if necessary.... My body was covered in massive bruises. He then told me that I bruise easily. My daughter is a carbon copy of her father, a violent abuser who had beaten me physically on numerous occasions over a 20 year period, covering my body in bruises & once giving me a Chinese burn that left a massive bruise that extended from my elbow to my shoulder. As she was inflicting this physical cruelty, I groaned in agony and collapsed as the pain was excruciating. She threatened to do it again if necessary just to teach me a lesson. She was 35 years old & i was in my 60's at that time & no match in physical strength or verbal abuse.. .Her violence continued till she was landed ( this time) with a 5 year DVO.{ Previously it was a 3 year DVO) How could you do this to me was her cry.
.I have just entered my 80th year..
Thank you again for the work you do, you describe these people perfectly....they are the greatest manipulators, liars, blamers. They destroy lives.
I'm so sorry you had to go through that Danish.
I have made excuses for My Mom my whole life and never understood her evilness until I started learning about narcissists a couple of years ago. She put me through so much during the Holidays last year that I went no contact after a tantrum she threw a few months ago.
She has turned my neighbors (we live in the same community) my siblings, my kids and my grandkids against me. So, heartbreaking at 67 to be completely alone due to your lying Mother. I just moved back to be near my kids in my later years 2 years ago and she has once again created a living hell for me. I am remembering all the evil things she did as I was growing up.
I am so grateful for those of you teaching us about Scapegoating and the narcissists games. Your experiences are so similar to mine.
Thank you Danish.
Wow, this is explained masterfully!...In my case it's my father...clues are always there, but you only see them for who they really are after decades.They betrayal is brutal.
That seriously sounded very familiar. Lol...but there are so many of these emotionally insane ones around im trying to remember just exactly how many coverts do i know (apart from my job). It's difficult sometimes. They are everywhere 😅
Absolutely they would not get very far in the real world talking to people/treating anyone like they do us!
I had that exact experience you described: being shamed for not being the protector. The person I was supposed to attack was my adult step-sister and for a long time I refused. Instead I suggested counseling and tried to give good advice. Eventually broke down and directly confronted her and gave her an article on elder abuse. She responded very aggressively and attacked me relentlessly. The other family member (the covert narcissist who had recruited me to enable and defend them) then attacked me to the rest of my family saying I caused problems for them and was crazy and stepping over my boundaries, even though they had asked me directly to intervene and shamed me for years for not confronting my abusive step-sister enough on their behalf. Afterward I was treated very badly by the covert narcissist and multiple family members.
I really appreciate you. Thank you so much for this content!It is so incredibly valuable to the world!💗🙏
Very very true..... And painful 💔..... Your words are prophetic...... My life story..... The rinse and repeat cycle keeps going on.... More painful and heartbreaking suffocating and devastating when you are stuck with them and can't get out..... Every body is on their side.... Not a single person is with you
What I wouldn't have given to know about this back in the day. I am a Grade A Enabler, and My Cousin is beyond narcistic, they don't take accountability for anything. They admit they weren't taught, trained or told. Even when you try to tell them that you have enough on your plate, they don't "listen" because it's more important that you are helping them.
Great exposition; I have seen the dynamics of my youngest sister (a covert narcissist) and the dynamics of my deceased father enabling my mother like a Pitt Bull against me without even noticing he was being used against me.
Both sides of the enabling: the conscious one and the unconscious one who was convinced she was being abused and I was the aggressor and not the victim.
And that's how they alienate, isolate and stigmatized the victim.
Everything is a corridor full with mirrors.
Thanks Danish, you explained it wonderfully but now I'm thinking... that is the diabolical Karpman triangle, isn't it?
I find the Karpman triangle so revealing because usually the savior is the one who is sacrificed but even the people who knows about it, can't always recognize it as what it is.
passive aggressive master manipulators
Yes Danish , all-ALL my first degree relatives are narcissists-father malignant psychopath, brother, mother and daughter covert-all my life its all ive known
Danish , I have viewed many of your videos and this one really resonated . Big time !!
Suffered similar experiences and you just brought it all together in this segment .
Thank you for having the strength after all you’ve been through , to reach out to others and give awareness on this twisted and corrupt mind f**k .
I'm sorry for your experiences Danish.
So true this is my daughter down to a T I’ve only just realised she’s a covert narc as my mother is the biggest narc I’ve dealt with I’m 54, everything you said is the 2 of them they are like peas 🫛 in a pod.I have double trouble 🤦♀️
Omg!!! This is my life story 💯 with my mom & dad & their supporters my siblings, my neighbours, aunts, uncles etc. Please tell me how I can break away & not lose my home in the process as they live with me while the world outside is made to think otherwise???. They keep telling me that the reason they are like this, its not their broken perfect marriage over the decades but it's me since I have made them drift apart...they can't give a definite timeline of events because they just say whatever fits their argument at the moment. They keep telling me I've never been obedient to their wishes & desires. Also, I have never respected them & I shamelessly did everything according to my own plans & today I'm nowhere cause "it's all my fault". I'm just getting anxiety about selling, moving and reliving elsewhere with or without them. I felt it 💯 when you said "you had no identity of your own, no outside connections or self worth, without them you are just an empty shell of a person 😢
Your mother, is very similar to mine. She was my father's greatest enabler but this man treated her like shit. Insults, criticisms, false accusations, and physical violence were almost constant. I used to see my mother as a victim (And she portrayed herself as one) I couldn't put up with it anymore and I started confronting my father, no surprise he went into a narcissistic rage, said that my mother brainwashed me to hate him and that I am disrespecting him. Each time I confronted him on his behavior, that is what I got, but my mother was ALWAYS the first to defend him when things became tense between us, reminding me that he paid my school and that I should be obedient. I am no longer living with this man and I have my own apartment but every month I get a call of my mother saying "Did you talk to your father ?" It is during this time I realized my mother became also a narcissist but more subtle. When she is in a situation where she has power, she behaves exactly like my father; this man was just more powerful than her.
Beauro of workers compensation can turn anyone into one it's all they do. Impose guilt shame and slander through delays degrading decimating.
When we are children we have to enable to survive. When we are adults we must establish boundaries and that means strict boundaries and cutting the cord if they don’t respect the boundaries . Hard and uncomfortable as hell, but practice makes perfect ☺️
Often we want to help ( the nature of empathy) but everything must be with full respect for clear boundaries. We won’t change them, but often we keep trying. Time lost in life. It does not work and you cannot get the time and energy back. It has been spent on something that gains us nothing but more abuse.
I live in Latin America, covert narcisists are the most common here due to culture. Grandiosity does not work here . Covert narcissism is the “ go to”. Certain cultures lean in one direction or the other
Hi from Montreal! Families here are pretty messed up, victims of WWI and WWII, narcs make drama when they should be counting their blessings and getting on with good lives and setting good examples, passing the torch onto others!
Yes. I have gone through this scenario more than once. My friend and I worked together and she cheated with a married man at work. The wife showed up, my friend called me to protect her, she was scared. I went to where she was, the wife confronted my friend but slapped me across the face cuz I stood between them. She then grabbed onto me and I hit her back. She was escorted out by her cheating husband. It was awful. I never intended to harm anyone. Of course all my coworkers were told I was the aggressor. Bs. It got worse from there as my " friend " threw me under the bus multiple times with other colleagues making herself look great and me a monster. I eventually resigned from my lengthy career. # 2, guy I dated would triangulate his buddies against me. Telling all kinds of lies, his pals would harrass me by phone and show up at my house uninvited which I made very clear. Eventually I got a restraining order and his pals figured out the real truth. I'm sorry you went through so much with your family. It hurts much more when its family you trusted and loved. Its better to get away although it hurts terribly. Thanks for your wonderful videos. ❤
First, sending hugs your way....😢 Your story broke my heart. I sincerely feel for you and pray you fully recover from this. You are so brave to put your story out there for others to learn from. It is so difficult to be vulnerable like that as it also can bring up again the emotions you felt when it happened. Thank you for your transparency. It will help so many including you to heal❤
Personally, I lived with an overt narcissist step dad for 18 years or so. He convinced me to go have a talk with my foster sister as he felt she was in the wrong about something. I trusted his judgment until I heard him yell and saw him pound his fists on the table. He really didn't handle it well. I apologized to my sister afterwards as it felt he was just throwing a fit and didn't really show care for her.
I have had to distance myself from him after another situation involving my young children. He wanted to do something with them that I did not feel good about. He was ok with them watching scary images with him and I told him not to let them while they were visiting at his house. He continued on and I told him I wouldn't be bringing our kids over since he couldn't respect my wishes. He told his family that we thought he was molesting them. That was a complete lie. They all gave us the cold shoulder and 1 person asked us for our side of the story and he told us what they were told by him and we were able to clarify . Thankfully this person could see right through my step dad and so he wanted our side of the story. He and his wife are pleasant to us still Most of the people I grew up with don't speak to us though, but a few have decided to say hi when we see each other after many years of avoidance. I am thinking they are seeing his true colors now.
My story is nothing compared to what you went through, but I do understand what it feels like to be smeared and not have contact with many in my family so please know you will for sure be in my prayers. Take care and God bless.
~Sarah
* I meant it was 10 years living with him and 8 years after that until we distanced ourself. 18 years total in relationship.
Oh my, I had a,frennemy friend who tried to steal my identity, copycat me then changed details so nobody noticed. Gosspped through the family, played games when the family was in one room. I never defened myself cause she was out on me getting mad in public. I'm so glad I didn't fell for that trap. No person would believe me cause it's all hidden. It was very painful until I got a light bulb to totally leave quietly. I became untouchable. They went to other family members all new in laws got kind of the same treatment, talking bad behind people's backs,. Envious and jealousy those had. Narcs form secretly a group of people against someone. Step by step they get more people Influenced. It was so painful to hold everything in. But silence from my side was the best thing to protect myself and my children. Now I'm without such family and I've way more peace and joy in my life. But the damage is huge I can tell. Never give up and refuse to stay victim! Thank you for this video.😎🤗😊
My experience as well. Mine was a dark empath. Gets empathy fakes it but has none. Most of my family knows what she is and enable her anyway. Its easier to just go back to the norm so i lost every single person i knew before the age of 30. (Well a few i lost because she targeted the ones i still talked to)
please make longer vids.... love your content x
you don't deserve the family you had. sending love. and thank you for all this info. You're changing my life, helping me to heal.
I am so sorry that you went through this with your parents. My parents did not do this, but my SIL has. My FIL was the overt and his daughter was covert who was jis enabler. When a new and better source of supply came along she began to accuse and abuse me for no reason. When I called her out on her changing story lines about my mother she took it to the next level. She is trying to use my husband to bring me down. She wanted to use my oldest son(15), but my older children can see through her and she has no control over them. Right now she pretends like everything is okay. I am just waiting. She flatters my husband all the time. I pray his eyes become opened and he sees what she is after with him. If he refuses to see, as I have tried but cannot make him see, then I pray my deliverance hastens quickly.
Thanks Danish so true that happened to me when I protected my daughter from my husband years ago both turned on me it was years ago but I didn't understand until now thanks 😊 very much for the helpful information 😊❤️💙🍀🙏🙏 I'm sure you are helping many people who are healing and moving forward 🙏🙏💙🦋😁
Danish, I am so sorry you had to deal with this! What a nightmare! God bless you❤
I think that is true for me as well. I saw my father only as the good parent who I needed to defend and serve and I thought that I have chosen that role. When in reality he never defended me in front of my mother. It is sad/devastating to realize I was set up for that role on purpose just for 11:51 selfish needs. I thought I was accomplishing something but nooo.
It feels so sad to approach leaving the narcissist because I will he leaving their family and friends also. I have grown to love many of them.
In a nutshell, they live the life of a KING with all its majesty and prosperity all their life....
You describe me and my father, who I aways saw as a victim of my mother/circumstances and something else. Because he gives me money and he is smooth in his reactions I really saw him as a victim, someone who needs to be saved and who will save me, even though he never saved me, he enabled her behavior and abuse towards me.
Your story is heartbreaking. 😞♥️
I'm so see sorry you had to go through this. Crazy stuff.
I’m so proud of you dude 🫶🏻
Do you think covert narcissists are more likely to have online/social media affairs due to their introverted nature?
😢 Oh, Goodness! You just described my whole existence 😮
I am experience this right now.. my sister blame me after 8 months helped her stay away from her narc husband. They already finally got divorced.. but now they want to remarry!!
6:12 Sounds like some children too, some are manipulative.
I feel your pain 😔 Very similar stories.
Same happened to me, had to cut off my entire family because my narcissist mother kept telling them terrible lies about me.
My father is the narissist, my mother his enabler. I wonder if my mother has lost her soul or ever had one, since she is already about 40 years with him. Before I went no contact I couldn´t stand her anymore. I felt repulsion. So I wonder if she ever really loved me and I ever really loved her or if it was only an illusion. If, because I didnt know any other thing, I confused friendlyness with love. She was indeed friendly. But is it not just another superficialmask of an empty shell? Thats how she feels now to me. Totally empty and soulless. And I wonder if she has allways been like that or if she became like that because of being with him.
This is exactly like I feel with my mother. She has no identity anymore ore self worth. My father controls everything. I never really felt like I knew my mother and she barely talks about herself ore here life experiences. Never defended me only make excuses for my raging narcissistic father. Been married to my father for 35 years. She even calls him "dad" when she talks about him instead of his name.witch I find strange. My dad fix everything for my mom and use my father as a slave because she don't do it herself. She's very manipulative but play the victim card very well. The constant verbal and emotional neglect from my childhood.she seem like an empty shell now days and never really care only when me and my siblings can get together in holidays because that's when she feel powerful in planning things.she also use my younger sister to do and fix things for here. I feel like I never had a responsible mom. I have much anger with he for years with constant gaslight my reality. I struggle with self doubt because of gaslighting and criticism.
@@gigafia5358 the same with my mom. She also never defended me, she also doesn't talk about herself, but she parrots everything my father says or would say, like being a puppet, where his hand is inside.
She also called him dad when talking about him. My mother is also manipulative and plays the victim and innocent.
Both like playing dumb too.
I cut off the contact again and again over the years and gave them chances, but this kind of people never change, never learn from their mistakes, and they never evolve.
But we do, because we are able to be and to do what they are not. This is why narcissist are jealous of us and want to destroy our light. But they can't, because it's eternal. They could only do transitory harm to us. But we can heal again.
We posses higher consciousness and heart intelligence. And because of this we are also able to heal ourselves.
The best is to leave them behind, find the path of healing and create a life full of joy and love.
With the experience we made we gained the ability to discern the people we come in contact with. When we trust our instincts, we have nothing to fear.
Learn to trust yourself again , because you have accessibility to inner wisdom, that this kind of people have not. They are like heartless bio-machines, possesed by demons.
Allow yourself to get into self love. This means to see yourself with the eyes of a loving mother. We have to become our own loving mothers, if we didn't grow up with one. We have to learn to defend ourselves, when our mother's did not.
To transform your anger you could write every thing that feels heavy and angers you on a paper and burn it in the bath tub asking God and the angels to transform this anger energy inside you.
But you can do anything your instinct tells you, that would be beneficial to transform the anger.
My heart told me to write all my experiences to them in an email. And it was the most effective thing for me, that healed me from the anger, the flash backs and night mares. But it is always individual and you have to really listen to your heart. Ask what you can do to heal yourself on every level. Listen to the answer and then do it. Ask again and again if you don't hear the answer yet. You will get the answer maybe when you don't expect it.
Trust it. Trust yourself.
Sending you lots of love and healing.
You are eternal.
You are unbreakable.
You are the light and the love.
Love heals everything.
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
@@gigafia5358 My mother also never defended me and also plays the innocent victim.
You have the power to heal yourself.
1. Practise self love. Be your own loving mother, that you didnt have. Treat yourself in a loving way, forgive yourself if necessary
2. Trust your instincts. You gained the ability to discern people. If you trust your instincts, you have nothing to fear.
3. leave them and every thing that is toxic behind and create a life full of joy and love. Make this your highest priority.
4. How can you heal yourself? Its individual for every one. My heart told me exactly what to do, I did it, and healed very fast from the trauma. Ask your heart what to do to heal he anger and the trauma and then do it. The answer may come instantly or when you dont expect it. Maybe you get a sign.
5. Now that you are made of eternal light and love and that your soul is unbreakable. Thats why narcissist are jealouse of us and want to destroy us, but they can not. They can only do transitory harm. But we have the power to heal ourselfs and become whole again and the experience will have made you even stronger and wiser.
I send you lots of love and healing!!
May your soul heal, so that you shine your brightest light possible to help bring more light, love and healing to this world.
Ready for my kids to wake up its not Mei cut off no contact everyone judt like u and I'm the viliian they are the victim thanks gor sharing
May Allah heal you Danish Bhia❤️
My last boss!!!! Exactly as you said! Yikes!!!!
Yes, my bio mom enabled all of my siblings I wish I could explain, I always felt obligated and guilty. I didn't want to be around her or anything to do with anyone who let her do anything she wanted. I left home and have never been back
And it's true that I didn't take sides, I just left cause I knew what everyone else would say.
It's not that I am proud of myself because I left people I loved alot.
You know when you said that about having to apologize it triggered me.
I was forced to apologize to my mother as well..
She liked it when she was doing right and she was an attention seeker in a big way.
To some this won't seem like anything,
I am disabled and have s hard times with basic things like dressing.
This was when she kept me upstairs without no way downstairs without having someone to carry me.
I was in my room and all of a sudden she goes on about Snelling gas and the fire department was called they came out and dragged me out with only a shirt and panties on.
There I was in the middle of the street in my underwear for hours and they made me feel bad for being upset with her. And made me apologize to her for being upset..
There was no gas in that house and they knew it..
He started laughing while confronting me.
This is exactly the case. Sadly, true.
What happened if a person just physically hit his narcissist wife??
Letting go of a narcissistic relationship and family leaves one very lonely. Danish how do you overcome this loneliness, especially after these people were so close to you.
This is all i went through 😢
OMG ‼️ I Am So Sorry
The wife's or mothers are their biggest enablers.
Yes his my ex love your videos❤❤❤❤
I was angry at my sister for a long time because she maintained contact with our egg donor.
This is the way I see it. You are telling the narcissist and everyone else around you that everything is okay if you pretend like everything is okay. In a way to me, you are condoning their behavior if you put up with it and stick around.
My sister and I still disagree on this. I have gone no contact with our egg donor. But for the most part, we do not talk about it and pretty much respect each others decision. Look, each person needs to Make their own decision with God, and I cannot judge another person's heart.
But sometimes to me regarding my sister. She seems to be a little self-righteous. Almost as if she is saying she can handle our egg donor and I can't. But sometimes I hear some resentment in her voice when she mentions our egg donor.
As I said before I cannot judge someone else that is God's job. I just wonder If she and other people like her in the same situation are deceiving themselves about what is really going on. Perhaps they think they can handle it, but in actuality the resentment comes out and is directed toward others instead. I know this is possible because I am a human being and have done this myself.
The thing is when you are treated badly by one person, I think You should consider that You are not treating others around you as well as you could if you did not have that narcissist sucking up a lot your patience and kindness, etc. So that you don't have enough left over for those you really should be Spending it on.
Each person needs to look at this And figure out whether They are becoming a worse person by keeping in contact with the narcissist.
The Bible even says Bad company corrupts good morals. Also, not to hang out with an angry person lest you learn their ways.
Proverbs 22:24-25. 1 Corinthians 15:33. And there are other Bible passages about leaving when people treat you badly.
And even Jesus walked away from some people. And also let them walk away from Him.
horrors.
Hi Danish....Can u make a video on "Narcissistic teachers"...Thank u
Is it enmeshment? I did not understand that my father actually is in the core of it because I saw him as a victim. But later on when I was a victimized he did not do anything!
💯
Can the narcism be more than one kind covert, communal, and malignant? Because my husband seems to be all of these?
Does a narcissist ever change? Or we should leave them for good?
Terrifying…………………!!
I😊