Help For Those Struggling With Sexual Abuse or Repressed Memories
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 11 ธ.ค. 2021
- You can find my other videos on this topic:
After Episode 23 of my knitting podcast: My First Talk
After Episode 24
After Episode 27
After Episode 84
After Episide 89
im 43 and an artist. i started taking lsd again recently and was analyzing the imagery in my work of various female faces and figures. i thought i knew what one of the faceless figures were and i gained some peace and acceptance of what i thought it was. it wasnt. memories started to flood in about my mother. i didnt know if they were memories or twisted fantasies, but they were so specific i realized they were very different from fantasies and had to be memories. i located them in time and found the time to be when i was 19 or 20. then i started to see images of my aunt. apparently i had sex with both. i had no conscious memory of this throughout my 20s and 30s. i behaved in erratic ways sexually after my mother passed in 2007 with no knowledge of these events until i had a "dream" about my mother and i having sex..i even mentioned it to my brother then dismissed it as some freudian longing for mom to be alive. in these memories i see her doing things and saying things that i thought to be uncharacteristic of her. the strange thing is i am remembering what she and my aunt did and said but not my thoughts, reactions, or actions. i feel like the memories end when i remember my mother telling me she wanted to move away with me, leave my father, and continue the activity. i think this is the point where i created a block - i couldnt handle where this went. she died 7 years later. my aunt is still alive, ...there is so much more i want to talk about but i have noone to help me figure this out. i feel somewhat responsible and i think xanax and alcohol was involved. my aunt and mother did not do drugs, but i feel they were party to this. i dont feel like a victim but i do feel i have acted out terribly because of these events..i still dont know if this is real but it seems my body remembers when these images and words pop into my mind. i understand why this happened, i think. frustration on my mothers part and possibly my aunt, but there was an aire of sadistic pleasure and control in their actions, like i was their plaything to control. its like i had no control at all and ive even gone so far to suspect an outside angency controlling all parties..its a hell of a place to be in at 43, but i just want to know if it actually happened, on a positive note, jesus saved me before i started remembering this and delivered me from alcohol, which i used to supress memories and ironically set my sexuality free. my aunt is now a christian and im sure she could shed some light on this but i dont want to throw her back to the days before she was set free. i think she has conscious memories but im not sure if she knows i know. i cant imagine how she feels. it is quite unexpected but explains so much about my adult life. hopefully some of this helps somebody in some way. jesus actually does save and i believe he has given me the ability to deal with this consciously. im not perfect, he knows that. i forgive my mom, my aunt, and myself for being weak in the flesh
Dear sister in Christ, I have been reading your letter and praying. You are blessed to have a source. Most people don’t. You are thinking your aunt would view this as a negative experience. This could be a wonderful time of repentance and reconciliation which God loves! Don’t deprive your aunt of this! If you approach her in a loving way, asking for help to reconcile your past, I believe she will respond kindly. Prepare her. Tell her that you need her help and are praying that she can help you with something that weighs heavily on your soul. Prepare with prayer and fasting before you go to see her. Don’t just drop in; schedule a private meeting. I will be praying. Thank you for sharing yourself. My email is creativeeweyarns@gmail.com
Thank you so much. I’ve started to have memories of where and when things have happened to me and do not know how to understand them I am so glad I found you
Michelle, please watch my other videos, shown in the description and let me know how you are doing. My email is creativeeweyarns@gmail.com
Thank you for the video. I needed hope, and am praying for more faith. May God bless you.
Thank you for the encouragement!
How are you doing? Creativeeweyarns@gmail.com
You are just such a wonderful light. Thank you for your videos and healing words!! God bless you ❤
Thank you very much, Melanie.
Hi Catherine! Another great segment. Thanks.
Thanks Terri. I hope you’re doing ok.
Great video Catherine!
Thanks, Scott. I hope that it’s helpful
Thank you for this prayer.
You are so welcome. I hope things are good in your life.
Thank you!
Carolyn, thank you.
When you talk about “confessing your sins” and stuff, I think it’s important for vulnerable and traumatised individuals watching this to take into account the sins of those who hurt them. Victims of all kinds of childhood trauma often internalise and view themselves as guilty/bad etc. without realising what was done to them. Before talking to victims about “confessing your sins”, you should talk about God’s protectiveness of children who were victimised by adults. I’ve had it with people trying to exploit victims to “repent” when they’re vulnerable. It’s how I got sucked into a fundamentalist church that initially brought comfort and then later more fear, anxiety, and religious trauma.
I appreciate you! Where there is God, there is hope. Thank you.
Thank you. Just remember, God is near. They want us to believe that He is light years away. He enters into the heart of those who surrender their lives to Him and repent. His love for you is beyond anything you can imagine,
Hello Kirby, could I somehow reach you through email or something? I would like to write you personally...
Yes. creativeeweyarns@gmail.con
Initially I liked your channel, and then I heard 32:55 and was disgusted. Blaming and manipulating victims. Disgusting. A fundamentalist church lured me in, exploiting my psychological vulnerabilities from child abuse and lack of being loved well, and it sounded very much like you at that part. Left me with religious trauma that I fortunately overcame. Disgusting. A loving God would not look at people this way. And I do believe in Jesus.
Just because we’re sinners, doesn’t mean we don’t deserve anything good, and only God’s wrath etc. That a disgusting lie many Christians have bought into. They think God’s love is far more conditional than it really is, and many have a Stockholm-syndrome-infused understanding of God.
33:25 There are various things that might be “holding people back”, including trauma, so don’t make it seem as if victims are rejecting God from their own rebellious free will, or sinful pride, or whatever. They were deeply hurt in childhood - and I daresay psychologically/emotionally/spiritually raped + had their attachment to father/mother brutally exploited - so don’t you dare imply that victims are somehow wrong for “holding back from God”. These are people with deep attachment wounds.
Also, a lot of survivors were abused into not developing healthy self-esteem, and Christian evangelism of this misguided nature only makes it worse. God wants us to develop healthy self-esteem, not view ourselves as dirty sinners who are utterly nothing apart from him. We have goodness in us too.
I find that God is far more insightful, understanding, and compassionate to me and my aversion to the church than you sound. I’m leaving this comment for victims who might be watching from a vulnerable place. God loves you exactly as you are and he understands how your past influenced you.
I love Jesus but talking about Christianity to trauma survivors needs to look very different from how it’s normally done (how you’re doing it).
When I talk about God wiping away the past, only He can do that!
Then you should podcast and give your version. The gospel never changes
Thank you for the video. I needed hope, and am praying for more faith. May God bless you.
Hi Kara. God will be there each step of the way. He shines through the darkest sorrow. Please watch my other videos on this subject.