Overlooked Autistic Money Habits to De-Stress
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 13 มิ.ย. 2024
- This video explores how to use your money to reduce stress as an autistic individual.
The information in this video does not constitute financial advice and is solely for entertainment/educational purposes.
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For me, money has more to do with control and predictability, not with scarcity. Even as a little girl I just couldn't spend my pocket money. Being 'frivolous' with my money is still rather hard, but I'm learning. Small treats are good for my mental health, feeling guilty about spending it, is not. Being frugal is good, but being stingy is not.
It's a hard lesson for me to learn, too. I struggle with OCPD tendencies, which tend to come with stingy ideas about spending money. It's a hard habit to break but it's been a worthwhile effort. I'm feeling a lot more at ease overall.
"Being frugal is good, but being stingy is not."
What's the difference?
Frugal is being mindful of your budget and looking for good deals. Stingy is not allowing yourself to buy much of anything, even if it’s a necessity.
@@julietteferrars3097Plus reframing what necessity is. Allowing yourself to view things that you wouldn't have seen as a necessity before.
@@srldwg Exactly. I'm working on allowing myself to buy things that benefit me, not just the bare basics. It's a very slippery slope into restricting all my spending if I judge things based on if I really need them because I'll start to think, "well, technically I don't NEED that thing, technically I don't NEED toilet paper, or new socks without holes, or food I actually like." It's really difficult once I get stuck in that mindset.
Grocery pick-up actually *saves* money because you don't buy any unnecessary items at the store. It's a huge budget-helper!
Yes! You only see a few things on the website at a time, and snackies don't look nearly as enticing on the screen as they do in real life.
Th cat purr soundtrack is SUPERB. More of that please. ❤
he loves being on camera!!
WE ARE SO GLAD YOU SHARED THIS! We have been transitioning out of poverty mindset after experiencing homelessness and EXTREME POVERTY as an autistic survivor of cults and complex trauma. This is SO VALIDATING! We have made lots of life changing shifts in our finances over the past few years since realizing we have autism and we are not “possessed by demons” as our family members would have us believe. But our husband has not been very supportive. He clings to poverty mindset as a survivor childhood trauma himself. (He was homeless at age 12, I was a runaway at age 18) He doesn’t understand that as a spoonie, the trade off of our health is not worth the extra money. For example , we do not accept EBT / food stamps / government vouchers anymore because we don’t have the energy levels to cook anymore. Instead, it’s better that we use our money for premade meals, like you’d get from door dash because it’s an investment in our future. Before that we spent too many spoons making meals from scratch , so much so, that we could not regularly brush our teeth, take showers, or even leave the house. Now, that we refuse to cook as much we are finally winning our battle against agoraphobia!
Financial advice cat purr ASMR? Today is starting off really well ❤
haha 😻 I hope it continues to be a great day for you!
I, unfortunately, also have the scarcity mindset...... but I have also had "sleep" for dinner to make sure my son never had to miss a meal in times we didn't have foodstamps... so it's hard to shake that feeling by saying "I've never NOT had enough before, it will work out."
I don't think being dishonest with yourself about money is helpful or healthy. Just because she finds it reassuring to know she's never not had enough doesn't mean that's a reassuring thing for everyone. If you haven't had enough, you shouldn't pretend your experience is false. Instead, maybe say you have enough now?
I find paper plates a good spoon saving compromise as well. they also burn well, especially with oily food rests on it, if you heat with wood!
Grocery delivery is huge for me because I don’t like loud crowds and grocery stores are the worst. Walmart delivery, love it.
I time my Costco trips to Sunday morning while everyone is still in church and bring my headphones!
shopping while everyone is in church is a GREAT life hack!!! especially here in DFW... :)
Hi Tay, as an extreme minimalist, finance never was a big issue for me. Being a minimalist doesn't impact only material objects, but I avoid everything that is not necessary, even actions. I feel lighter, and the stress is reduced.
Best microphone-bomb EVER! 🐈❤
The way I switched to convenience was by purchasing an almost new, reliable car with a loan instead of continuing to repair my old worn out vehicles. Then I sold all but the nice car. It took a whole part of my stress away by just paying other people to keep my transportation operating.
Before that, though, I was just making enough to scrape by, working as a retail cashier, and I got the crazy idea to send an antique piano away for a complete restoration. Which would cost a whole year's wages. That led to me investing in myself by learning everything I could about how to get ahead in life, from successful people. After a few years not only did I have the antique piano restored and paid for, but my house, car, and all other debts were paid off, and now I could live for years off what I've saved up. All the while being able to afford things most people can't. You might say I think there's something to changing your mindset from scarcity to abundance.
Awesome story!! Thanks for sharing.
This is why UBI should be a thing for everyone, but especially disabled people.
But who sets the level of UBI? Whatever the UBI is set at, people will be saying that its not enough. We'll be hearing 24/7 how we need to "raise the UBI".
@@MrDaydreamer1584 and it'll probably be true. Not sure why that's an argument against doing it?
@@MrDaydreamer1584 And that will accelerate inflation.
@@confidentlocal8600LOL how did you reach that conclusion??
@@MrDaydreamer1584oh no, somebody might say something isn’t perfect, we must never do anything ever again.
A great resource for simplifying adulting tasks is How To Keep House While Drowning by KC Davis. She has ADHD, I believe, and has small children and some sort of psychological credentials I can't recall. She's fantastic at demonstrating how to break down tasks so they are easier and, more significantly IMO, how to prioritize what really matters to you. Are dishes sometimes overwhelming? Have paper plates on hand for those times when you're overwhelmed. It's ok to use resources to assist you. I didn't want to use disposable dishes at first because it's wasteful and I am cognizant of climate change. That said, I am disabled and get no outside assistance and the 10 plates max I use in a month on those days when dishes are too much has zero overall impact on the environment, but I was able to eat a meal and not melt down. It mattered a lot in my experience. KC shows you how to eliminate unnecessary tasks and steps and how best to accomplish the most important care tasks to function. It's an easy read. Highly recommend.
I agree, "How to keep house while drowning" is a great book, not the least because it helps the reader to be kind to themselves 👍
Ordered, thank you!
I have started automating cat food delivery with Amazon. And will be starting with getting some grocery deliveries that will still be within my budget. I have ME/CFS and energy conservation is very important to me as is staying within my disability income. I would also benefit from house keeping services and making these decisions that involve change is challenging.
I have experienced where the scarcity mindset does cost more in the long run.
I understand the energy conservation dilemma you mentioned. It's a real struggle sometimes. I'm glad you are learning to automate some things that make a big difference in the long run!
@@MomontheSpectrum My OT introduced me to the term and is giving me ideas to test out and find what works.
My therapist has been helping me with this over the years. I tend to live in the future or in the past, so this is great for trying to live in the present!
I understand. I was telling someone else that I struggle with OCPD tendencies, which tend to come with a stingy mindset towards money. It has been SO difficult to create new patterns, and has taken me a while. But it proves to be a worthy investment. :)
I loved to hear Beltray (how is his name written?) purring ❤
And no, I was always on a very low financial level since I moved out from my higher middle class parents at age 17 (after running away from home, living in a foster home or with my aunts family for some time and getting back home since 15).
I never learned how to deal with money, have ADHD and was used to high quality products and a livestyle where to buy service/time was normal, as my mother worked a lot and was an early feminist (wich was the only good thing on her).
To be poor is horrible and makes You tired and hopeless over the years. Now as my son is adult and I just have to care for me and my cats its the first time I always have enough food, can buy myself new shoes when I need them and when my vacuum cleaner died two month ago I was able to buy a new one.
When I was a single mum and my washing machine died I had to go by bus with my ADHD-screaming child to a washcenter every two weeks, I was not able to buy a new one. Every end of the month there was no money to go to the supermarket, I had one pairr of wintershoes for me for over ten years...because he needed new stuff for school, for the boyscouts, of cause always growing new shioes and clothes and unfortunatly he different to me always lost things or destroyed them. It was horrible, I was always stressed, in fear, totally exhausted AND whatever I did felt a bad mother because however how hard I tried and saved at myself I was not able to afford things I grew up with.
I am still worried about spending money as I still have little and I always fear that for example the cats get sick and I have to pay a vet.
Still saving money for a ASD-diagnose. Would need a new fridge, as mine can't regulate the temperature any more and freezes nearly, but...
But I know what You mean and I do use a grocery-delivery for some years now and I love it. This is my luxury. And I always spended the most money on good food, I am vegan and I love eating.
So I live in a one-room-apartment, never had holiday-trips for years, but I get good food delivered.
Hearing kitty purring during this was very soothing 🥰
Thank you for sharing this!! I too have never not been able to have food water electricity etc but struggle with the scarcity mindset i always think if all these emergencies happen in a row i won't have enough. This was really helpful to hear. Thank you for all you do! it is so helpful for me! Love your kitty too :)
💓
Super interesting topic, and not one I’ve heard anyone else speak about. I struggle immensely with spending money, I thought it was after having an eating disorder for many years and having an upbringing with family that are very money orientated. I’ve tried spending money (which I am grateful to be able to have to do) and it leaves me with crippling guilt. I spent some money yesterday and have felt sick since. But I love what you said about thinking from an abundance mindset & that I have (again, I am grateful to be able to say this) always had what I need. Thanks for sharing.
Almost a decade ago, I heard an interview of one of the authors of a book titled, “Scarcity: The New Science of Having Less and How It Defines Our Lives,” by Sendill Mullainathan and Eldar Shafir. While I never read the book, the information in the report gave me great empathy for people with limited incomes. A scarcity of money and time fed on each other. I also became somewhat obsessed with the word ‘scarcity’ since I was facing financial uncertainty even though I was employed.
These days, I’m retired and feel more financially secure, but I’m still a ‘do-it-yourself’ guy, who can’t accomplish a fraction of the things that I want to do each day.
I would do the same and I'm manifesting having the money to do that. You are very inspiring!
sending you all the good vibes!
Good for you Taylor. I was a single mom too and every little bit helps. It’s all about what works and what is priority for you at that time.
Coming here right after Ramit Sethi's video called me a "frivolous freak." Priceless. While I've similarly had the privilege of never not having enough money for food and shelter, I have had some times where I didn't have a job, was struggling with interviews, and didn't know how to apply for credit or a loan. And watching my savings deplete towards zero was so anxiety inducing. I sure I was going to end up homeless.
Needed this!
Glad it was helpful to you! I hope you have an AMAZING day.
I’d never associated this directly with autism, more upbringing, however I stepped a good bit away from this exact mindset in 2023. It’s not easy, but the stress and life changes that come from it are immense.
If you could make a recording with just your fur baby purring I could loop, that’d be great to relax to!❤
I am older adult living alone with no support. I also have DID. I had to automate everything because of memory drops due to switches, CPTSD, and shutdown. Getting out of the poverty mindset though is quite difficult. Every one I knew eradicated my life. Only recently I discovered my own daughter highjacked my identity.
This is exactly what I'm struggling with right now - that mindset! Hoping for an opportunity to change it today so your message was very timely. Thanks!
Sending you lots of good vibes for fun opportunities to practice this today. 🙏
As someone who was recently professionally diagnosed and has a youtube channel on personal finances (not this account, this is the personal one), this all rings so much truth. I’m beginning to wonder whether my educational content might be coming from a bias now though, even though a lot of it is just standard concepts (like budgeting, 401ks, stuff like that), I’ll be more conscious now when writing my scripts to either very clearly explain this is what works for me, or whether it’s something that is factually correct (either legally or data-wise). Thanks for this topic!
I hear what you're saying and I appreciate that you acknowledged not everyone has the same finances as you. The new age spiritual "mindsets" can be tricky because they are often used the same way as other religious views and phrases to bypass people's struggles and trauma. Getting to the root of why you have money anxiety and creating a pathway from there is healthier than using mindset bypassing.
Spiritual bypassing is a problem that can keep people locked in cycles instead of facing and truly addressing what happened that makes where there at make sense, to give themselves compassion, and to work towards more holistic healing.
This message should not be underrated...
I don't deal with money if I don't have to. I'm just starting to watch, but it already just feels like me. I don't remember feeling this way before I was ill and got better though.
I am also so grateful that everything I need is provided, but I say I try to keep my monetary footprint as small as possible. Things got really bad when I was sick, and now we can do things to make life easier, but my monetary footprint will get bigger, if that makes sense.
Hehe! When she said "in the same financial boat" I was in the process of saving a boat picture from Tumblr to this PC. ⛵
must be nice. I spent 1 year living out of my car, forced to work a minimum wage essential worker job through a pandemic that I caught twice from work, with existing health concerns worsened, ended up in the only place I could afford, which turns out to have shorting electrical, mold problems and a bigotted slumlord who enters the space without notice and goes through my things when I'm not there (including throwing out things of mine while I was in hospital for surgery). I've gone on weekly 2 day fasts for a month or so when food prices were at their highest, with other days during the week eating 800 calories between my 2 meals those days. I'd submit to torture for an incling of a sense that I will have everything I need to survive.
I am so sorry. 😢
It's been a while since my last pasticipation, so I'm glad to say that: I love where you are right now; I love you are creating tools for our community; I love that you're happy with your decisions. I'm not gonna dish out my personal life here, but know that every neurdivergent women in my social circle that has passed 30 yo are making the same changes you are, you're not alone and you're doing amazing
Great video. This is something I have been working on recently and it’s going great. Also the purring makes the video. That is a very happy cat🐾🖤
Thank you Taylor, I really needed to hear that today! This is so helpful!
Wonderful reminders ❤
You are doing such a great job, Taylor. And love the purrs.🐾
I, too, am learning how to shift from a scarcity mindset to an abundance mindset.
Taylor, great video. Also the goblins tools has been a LIFESAVER. Seriously can't thank you enough for sharing that! 🙏🙏
Sometimes in my life I've had a lot more time than I've had money, and other times I've had a little more money and discovered it could buy me a lot more time. But throughout all of it I do my best to value my sanity😂
Note to self: aggressive purring is a very relaxing white noise. Must watch more videos where her cat is around.
haha yes he's a very aggressive purrer, but not as aggressive as my best friend's orange cat. must be something about an orange cat purr!
They have a whole channel on TH-cam with sleeping cats that pur with a fireplace in the background.
I am a believer in using my money to help me. Sounds a bit selfish, but it is impossible to help others if I am not well. I guess I am one of the "lucky" autistics in the sense that I can maintain gainful employment and have been rather successful in that area. I like to travel and see new places related to my special interests. That typically involves air travel which can be quite stressful. So, even though I only take two or three trips a year I got the TSA Pre-check to get through security easier. I also stopped using discount airlines and opted for a full service airline. Since I am single with no children or spouse, I can afford a more comfortable seat on the airplane. This makes a world of difference in reducing anxiety and stress.
Ive known I was autistic for over 2 years, HOW did I not connect my spending habits with it? My mum used to complain that when I was as young as 5 or 6 we could spend the entire day walking around shops without me spending ANY pocket or birthday money, even queuing to buy toys before proclaiming, I don’t think I need this, or I don’t think this is the one 😅
I always thought this was due to our family financial instability at times while I was growing up. Now I can see that its probably a combonation of that plus autism. Hmmm.
😢 Same here! I tried so hard when I was younger not to need much, so as not be a burden on the family, at a time when mom would stand in the store, debating with herself over every purchase!
the cat purring was so soothing
The advice in which she gives is true, and it is valid, good sound advice.
At the end of the video, she mentions if any feelings of anger or frustration or judgement comes up, try to take some time to oneself to not feel this way for they can process this advice.
I know exactly why someone would feel this anger or frustration or would have this judgmental view. When someone is disabled or has a disability or disabilities, such as people in the autistic community, we often have to spend our own hard-earned money on things in which we NEED to help with our symptoms. When the government does not provide the proper aid, and a huge percent of pay checks go towards things which we need, it can be extremely frustrating and make someone angry over a period of time and form a "judgmental mindset" because the mindset this situation puts someone in to constantly evaluate whether they can afford the things which they need, should not even be a debate someone has to have with themselves.
I bet there is also a huge part of the autistic community where people do not get a housing voucher for their disability... So, earning enough to live independently, and having to sacrifice things they need because a conundrum as an occurring problem within one's life. So, just know that anger and frustration and 'judgmental mindset' did not occur from nothing, it does stem from somewhere, a societal issue at large, and there is a problem with how this circumstance is being dealt with.
#JustBeingHonest
This is so interesting!! I started doing this early last year (before I realized I was autistic), and even though it helped So Much when I would pay for meal kit services (as a single woman, having meal and leftovers meant I actually cooked AND ate, for not a ton of money), or grocery delivery, I never understood why (because I "should" be able to do that); this video hits the nail on the head so perfectly! Still definitely a work in progress, but reframing how I look at SO many things I do! ❤
Since lockdown I've had weekly grocery deliveries but since the pandemic is over I've found it so less stressful to continue with deliveries
With 2 ND kids, delivery can be so helpful. My husband was laid off recently so we cut most of those, and it’s amazing it’s taken about 10-15 hours more a week.
Nice video and lovely top! Where did you get it 😅?
Good job
I´ve always had to deal with scarcity, because i have a habit of overspending, when stressed. And at the same time, while being poor, i do not mind spending extra on quality food.
However, i don´t mind going into grocery store to hand-pick my vegetables and fruit. When having them delivered, you surrender the choice of selecting quality of individual food pieces.
Also, as i found out, you can get better at talking with people through... talking with people. It´s important to have self-compassion - you´re gonna flop, stutter, forget what you wanted to say - it´s okay, those things can and will happen. Just be polite, be decent - and you will eventually find out, you can talk with people. I still don´t like crowds - yet i´m able to navigate stores & my workplace just fine. I´m prioritizing what I WANT in the store, not what others want. Others may think of you as rude or even egoistic, but that´s fine - it´s quite possible for us to do that without even trying.
There are still times, i don´t feel like talking or i can´t really talk fluently - and that´s FINE with me. Neurotypicals can have a bad day and be grumpy too, so we should allow ourselves to do that as well.
I descend from 20th century Eastern European immigrants who were poor and driven out of their own country. I always thought the scarcity mindset was passed down in my family because of that. Hmm this gives me something more to think about as an autistic woman.
Taylor, how did you work out your eye contact?
I saw a TV program when I was young that told how long to hold eye contact, and how long to look away, then back.
That’s how I worked it out.
i do a lot of that. Also I look at people's cheekbones when I'm talking to them
I definitely identify with this! Can I ask, is scarcity mindset an official term or one you've come up with? I'd like to look into it more
There are a lot of teachers out there who talk about this... I think Jen Sincero speaks on it a bit in her book You Are a Bad@ss. I also really like Amanda Frances.
@@MomontheSpectrum Thank you!
this is for the people with enough money 💀
😮 I just say Bless them. I have never gone without food, sometimes my shoes got too tight, growing up, and I wore more than my share of hand-me-downs, but I never went without needs.
Is that seriously also connected to autism?
My psycologist asked me if anyone ever suspected autism with me, as she could see a few things that might fit. Now I'm doing research on my own and finding tons of things I can relate to. But it's also so much information that I have to stop the intake before shutting down.
I am so confused right now.
This doesn't work for people who don't have enough money for rent, food, utilities, and meds.
Agreed❤
Agreed. I really do wonder what her credentials are, that she's giving all this unhelpful (possibly harmful) financial and mental health advice. According to her website, she's a professional on autism because she's recently diagnosed... Ummm I don't think that's what being a professional means
in my mind money, time and energy can be converted into eachother. I can spend money for a service, that will save me time and energy that I would have to spend if I did it myself. and the situation I'm in/the day I'm having decides what I can afford to spend. money or time and energy. I have had times when I thought I couldn't afford to spend money at all.. but that was actually stupid of me, because I was still young and it was very much ok for me to ask my parents to help me out. on big life events/crisisis I think it still is ok for me to ask my parents to help me out financially.
so if spending a little money saves me time and energy, I can invest that time and energy in something else that might make me more money or might just help to keep me able to work and earn money at all.
Me not being trans and needing several 10s of thousands of $ would be a good start. Especially since passing is a safety concern where I live...
Yup. I believe in God so I'm grateful. We has always had food and shelter. What we need NOT what we want.
I told my husband to remove his pets because not only is he not really taking care of them and they are expensive; electricity, food, time, clutter, space, the smells. It's daunting. It's all a trigger.
We have enough to stay alive BUT he dumps it all in nonsense. So, I put my foot down. I NEED my mental health to be stable. I hate clutter and I need a clean open home. I need a cushing in my bank account, which is doable. He just needs to step away from the bank account. Which yeah, he is. I will embrace convenience and need them to function. Especially now that I'm unmasking at home. Over a decade of masking and never again. At this point , I'm going to live the life I want. And no one is going to stop me.
What are your credentials?
Easy lifehack to improve finances: no smoking, no drinking, no lootboxy gaming things. If nothing of that is in your life, you're probably gonna be sufficiently flexible.
I waste money on retail therapy!😢
got to say in a respectful way you look good. i hear sometimes people think. people with autism or other thing going on look less attractive
The hands never stop.
Your non stop hands increase the stress level in my life.
You're beautiful. 😮