I'm Still Afraid To Be Gay

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  • เผยแพร่เมื่อ 22 ธ.ค. 2024

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  • @yellow-roses
    @yellow-roses ปีที่แล้ว +23

    i completely understand where youre coming from. being queer is definitely still scary in todays world despite there being more awareness about our identities. i was raised christian and am still struggling with my queer identity myself. i empathize with you, and hope youre doing well. all the best.

  • @Mundane_Meow
    @Mundane_Meow ปีที่แล้ว +8

    Congrats on the self-discovery! It's always a long and weird road to finding out what labels fit and how your personal experiences line up with other people's. As an A-spec person myself, I know how weird it is to define what attractions you do or do not feel and there's always so much cisheteronormative influence that it's scary to think that maybe you're something else.
    I wish you luck in finding friends and confidants who you feel comfortable expressing yourself around!

  • @evenoddnumber1
    @evenoddnumber1 5 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    This is pretty close to my experience aswell, thanks for sharing your story!!

  • @Bleedingstrawberry
    @Bleedingstrawberry ปีที่แล้ว +6

    This video describes how I feel so well. I also love feminine fashion but I don’t love it on myself. I feel much more comfortable in more “masculine” clothes. I’m also still scared of being queer. I’m lucky to live in an environment that isn’t inherently queerphobic however I still don’t really tell people that I’m aroace. This is because I feel like the people I have told either don’t get it or don’t really take it seriously and it makes me feel isolated. I have other family members who are gay or bi and such and while it’s nice to confide in them, I still feel like the “black sheep”. Idk man, being queer can be so complicated 😔

  • @adamschilling7140
    @adamschilling7140 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    Thank you so much for sharing. I'm probably close to 2 decades older than you and I can tell you that the circumstances I grew up in were a lot less... "better" than they are today. And I fully understand how "better" is just not enough to safely allow for ppl to develop a full sense of themselves. Thank you for verbaising this 💖

  • @WaltuhsJuicyAhh
    @WaltuhsJuicyAhh 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

    youre one of my fav queer creators :3

    • @bmudangel
      @bmudangel  11 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      Rlly?! That means sm to me :”)

  • @Nobodyfjdkdkfi
    @Nobodyfjdkdkfi ปีที่แล้ว +7

    I am also scared of being openly considered as queer (I am aro/ace) because my family is queer-phobic and I don't want to push them away by admitting that I am very much "one of them queers." I already told my friends, and, even if they don't openly say it, I can tell that they are distancing themselves from me.

    • @bmudangel
      @bmudangel  ปีที่แล้ว +6

      You’ll soon find the group and the community that will give you that space you need to be openly queer and give you support when you have to face loved ones who don’t support you. The queer journey is tough but not impossible. I wish u luck

    • @Nobodyfjdkdkfi
      @Nobodyfjdkdkfi ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@bmudangel thanks

  • @MikeCarsonInTheCity
    @MikeCarsonInTheCity ปีที่แล้ว +4

    Everything you are experiencing is very normal, especially growing up in a more conservative environment. I came of age in the early 90's when the open political discourse about the queer community and our rights was starting to hit the mainstream. It is difficult to navigate figuring our your identity when you don't have role models and other queer friends. While things have improved in many ways, it still largely depends on where one lives. Sadly, Texas is not one of those places. Some areas - like closer to Dallas and Austin - are a lot more progressive, but by and large there is still a lot of queer phobia. Even living in California, I still find myself checking my surroundings when I leave my home and get anxious whenever I have new neighbors because I never know exactly what their views will be. And yes, being around kids as a queer person can be very uncomfortable because of that BS predator narrative that has been spread from generation to generation. Whenever I visit more conservative areas or my hometown I just roll my eyes every time I see a parent literally clutch their child when they see me from 20+ feet away. It's ridiculous and draining. Fortunately, you are coming of age during a time where connecting with the community is much easier because of the internet. if you live in a place without many queer people and safe queer spaces, the communities online are a life saver. You are on the right path to finding yourself and your happiness. Just keep exploring, doing your personal growth work, and being unapologetically yourself.

    • @bmudangel
      @bmudangel  ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Thank you sm for this

  • @DaDoornboom
    @DaDoornboom ปีที่แล้ว +7

    I have this too, my country also has increasing homophobia. A friend of mine once yelled out to someone who wanted to interview us as bf and gf "No he's gay" And I was really angry. But it was just because I was really scared that someone was gonna come up and do something to me. Fortunately that didnt happen😮‍💨
    Edit: Quick update, our government is now (probably) majorly right-wing/conservative. And so um... It's not looking very good for us😘 And they also want to ban all immigrants (moroccans specifically) out of the country. Anyways live laugh love🥰

    • @bmudangel
      @bmudangel  ปีที่แล้ว

      Ahhh that does sound similar to the US rn. I hope u stay safe in your country

  • @ClarissaPacker
    @ClarissaPacker ปีที่แล้ว +6

    I grew up a tomboy I played with both boy and girl toys my favorite things to do when I was a kid I was into 🚲🏀⚾⚽🎮🎸🎣 🏊 hung out by the 🛤️ dressed like a boy on occasion & yes I was bullied called names like F@G & qu33r that was back in the 90s when they didn't teach about transgender gay etc in schools if a kid knew anything about it they probably learned about it from TV a movie their parents even then there wasn't much about gay or transgender people on TV. My how times have changed. I think the bulling I had in school combined w/my christian upbringing & a few other things are what contributed to me being a straight Demi AroAce TomBoy

  • @munkiebrain
    @munkiebrain ปีที่แล้ว +3

    Ur table slays 🔥

  • @jdmmg4904
    @jdmmg4904 ปีที่แล้ว +3

  • @art_thou_erin
    @art_thou_erin ปีที่แล้ว +5

    I've been a texan my whole life so welcome to texas lol
    At my middle school when I was in Dallas I felt it was a lot more accepting there as there was a lot of queer kids there which was nice bc I was discovering who I was during middle school but ever since I moved to a more country smaller city my high school experience rn has kinda been like hell I had heard multiple f slurs and people saying that this person looks trans as an insult which as a trans man who doesn't pass at all (due to my transphobic parents :( ) makes me feel generally unsafe Ive also hears the r slur alot which is kind of trigger for me I dont understand why these people are so unemphatic and have to use slurs. At school its like I have to figure out whos a safe person bc I feel like if i were my true self I'd be bullied in a heart beat and bc of that fact there arent many safe people at my school i have like only 3 friends. When I was going into highschool i really thought i was gonna be a more confident version of me with a lot of friends but ofc Im not. the people who say high school is the best years of your life are lying i havent felt so isloated in a long time whether it be at school or at home I feel constantly lonely due to my queerness

    • @bmudangel
      @bmudangel  ปีที่แล้ว

      I hate that happened to you. I totally understand the isolating feeling. Hold on to those three friends and hopefully you find more friends to feel safe around. I’m sure there are few more queer ppl at your school who’s going through the same thing as you and is looking for a friend. high school can be tough as it’s full of teens who are learning who they are and teens who are immature so a lot of them don’t rlly know how to treat themselves or others correctly. End up with a lot of teens just copying each other in order to fit in. Hopefully you can maybe find a safe space outside of school where you can freely be yourself (as much as you can ). Good luck, stay strong and stay hopeful.

    • @art_thou_erin
      @art_thou_erin ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Thank you so much @@bmudangel

  • @munkiebrain
    @munkiebrain ปีที่แล้ว +3

    Hiiiiii i missed u

  • @munkiebrain
    @munkiebrain ปีที่แล้ว +4

    Yes me too i feel gay all the time! Bc i am >:3 😎👊🏼🔥

  • @ShalemAhava
    @ShalemAhava ปีที่แล้ว +5

    Coming out in itself is a brave and very scary experience for many like myself. The main reason I stayed in the closet for 6 years was due to many of the instances of homophobia I experienced.
    I was in high school, a friend on my track team was shot to death at a party because he was dressed in drag. I also have people that I am close to that what this song by their family members because they came out to them. Their parents wont to speak to them anymore, And one situation, a boy came out to his uncle whom he was staying with and his uncle pretty much beat him for finding out he liked Boys.
    I was harrassed by some family members after I came out at 20 years old despite never having spoken to me whenever serious life situations happened.
    I say all this to say the danger of coming out is still very real for many people and I wanted to say I'm proud of you and support you and your humanity, coming from a fellow queer-ace ❤️
    And coming from a judeo-christian, it's honest because of my faith in Jesus that I did stay, if they hated Jesus who honestly is an example of what humanity should be, I know he understand what it's like to be misunderstood, abandoned, and mistreated just for being different ❤️

    • @bmudangel
      @bmudangel  ปีที่แล้ว +2

      You and all the brave people you mentioned didn’t deserve any of those treatment. I hate what happened to the friend that just wanted to dress in drag, my heart goes out to their family. I can only hope for better for you and the ones whose life wasn’t taken from them so soon.

  • @munkiebrain
    @munkiebrain ปีที่แล้ว +3

    Congrats on Texas 🦆 i know lots of Texans ☝🏼

  • @munkiebrain
    @munkiebrain ปีที่แล้ว +3

    I commend ur vulnerability 🫡