I've been married to this 4 year old for 52 years. He has never taken responsibility for anything. I have bothered him, coddled him, been the parent while he has been off playing jack the lad.I have always walked in love and forgiveness because I thought that was the Christian thing to do. WRONG. There are no consequences in that, no behavior change. What I should have done was shook the sand off my shoes and gone where my message of love was received. I tried to find wise council but no one understood what was going on, I had no family or support. Thankyou Kris for you and others who make the truth available. God bless you xx❤😊
52 years are you in a good place I am in California I am so frightened of what my son & his crazy ex-gf might be up to they both have hurt 💔 me & each other 😭 I have never hurt them , I have become their maid.
34 years. I call myself a secondary mommy.. I read a Gary Smally book 30 years ago.. If you dote on him love him he will change. Good Ole Gary never dealt with Narcs.
I don’t know what you mean by ‘hurt u’? You can get a restraining order. Evict them. Don’t enable them, don’t let them do this. Boundaries need to be put in place. If you are afraid things might escalate, police can back you up & protect you. Sometimes setting boundaries seems cruel but it will hopefully help them become independent. They will thank you later or if narcs, just go on with the same behavior. The use of your energy & resources can be put to better use.
I’m still married after 27 years to a man who is a covert narcissist. He is like a roommate instead of a loving husband. There has been no intimacy for years. When there was it was so superficial. He says one thing and does another frequently. He has viewed gay pornography online. He won’t admit his sexuality to me. We have 4 children. Three are triplets who just turned 18. I recently found Christ and it changed my life but sadly my husband and I do not share the same values. Thanks for your prayers, Kris. I surrender everything to the Almighty and let Him deal with my spouse in his time and according to His perfect will.
You are STRONG, and I appreciate your example, as I do all of those that I learn about "in The Comments." I have been married for 31 years and have felt, as you say, "like I am living with a roommate," for much of that time. It is just so great to find validation, upon hearing that others out there have (or are) also experienced (-ing) what I have been living (suffering) in my marriage. I also feel bad for everyone living this, and also for what the Narcissists are suffering ... I KNOW the way that they experience life is also awful for them. 😢 God help us all!
At the 15 mins mark had me in tears. Been with him for 9 years married 6. Had to leave last year, it became unbearable. I almost had a nervous breakdown. I couldn’t let him break me. For anyone experiencing this, I pray God releases you. This is a terrible thing to be a survivor of. My heart and mind are still healing. I have to coparent with him, so I still get yelled at from time to time but guess what, I have peace in my home with my children and I and I am no longer under his dark miserable cloud!
Praise God for deliverance! You and your children deserve Peace, Love and Happiness! I am praying for deliverance as well. It's very hard to get away due the unaffordability of housing but I am praying for a way out soon. Continued Blessings🙏
?Thank you for opening my eyes to the situation married to a narcissistic husband for almost 20 years. I have been a Christian since 1998 and it took me years to see that the blame I was placing on myself for a failing marriage, but once I realized his narcissist behaviorisms and I refuse to allow myself to be pulled into his demonic drama anymore. Thank you for being a christian teacher and you are a God send to people in this scenerio. You have helped me tremendously.?
Planting seeds of distrust in the minds of others... It took me over 40 years to finally get the proof that he was doing this to me. And when my (not his) children were still young, he did it to them too. Other parents would not allow their children to associate with mine. Then he would feign having no knowledge about why. All the while, he was speaking disparagingly about us behind our backs. I left him for the 4th time 19 months ago. I will NEVER go back again.
Can relate to the many times I left, but came back, o we the years! Finally, at the 40 year mark. Prior, I felt I had nowhere to go. I often told God, where can I go. Rarely, did I find a solution. Until finally, it was back to live with & care for my mother on the other side of the country. It's 6 years on now, & I'm still watching over Mum @ the Village. Waiting for her to move on "from this earthly coil" and wondering, God what will I do, next?!? I'm 69. 😢😮
The narc I have been dealing with is very covert/vulnerable. People describe him as humble. I did too at first. But his anger/rage is instant and automatic like the way you described the overt narc. There are so many variations. My mom is also a covert narc but she doesn’t rage, she manipulates situations to go her way.
I discovered your videos a few weeks ago when I was trying to find self help videos to help me in my marriage. After a 15 year relationship I had finally had enough and decided that a separation HAD to happen if there was goign to be hope for our marriage. For 15 years our relationship has gradually become worse and worse. No matter how hard I try. However, your videos have changed EVERYTHING! during fights and arguments i've always accused my wife of being narcissistic and lacking empathy because it seemed like she could never see things from my point of view. EVERYTHING was my fault. EVERY fight was because of me. And I fed into it and would yell and fight back. Since stumbling upon your videos my life has COMPLETELY changed. I no longer blame myself. I no longer stand my ground by fighting and arguing back with her. I started listening to your recommendations and guidance and it has changed everything. I feel like we have started moving the communication and relationship back onto the right track for good or bad. I don't want a divorce so i've only requested (1) thing from her if she wants this marriage to last; all i ask is she speak kindly and respectfully to me in all situations. She has her moments but it NEVER lasts. If i've learned anything from all of these videos....... it is highly unlikely that she will change, no matter how badly she tells me that divorce is not an option. She only wants me to change. Okay, enough of my babbling...... thank you for the videos. I FEEL SOOO SOOO SOO much better after watching your videos. THANK YOU!!!
Addionally, my wife is one of the most intelligent people i've ever met. She is highly successful, type A, perfectionist who almost everyone thinks is such a wonderful and sweet person, so I have no chance. I was considered the nice, good looking, easy going guy. Years ago something changed. The smear campaign began and I don't even feel comfortable going to her family or work events. Her family has completely turned on me. Her parents (whom I do everything for) completely lost respect for me. My parents have been worried sick about me for years saying i'm not the same person.
You've mentioned a few things that stood out for me. 1, that other ppl see her as so nice, yet she's mean to you behind closed doors. 2, the smear campaign. 3, it sounds like you're describing deflection in the first part (although you didn't say specifics). I cant diagnose, of course, but it wd be enough for me to leave. When I came to the realization about my ex-narc, I had no money, job or car, and to leave (with my 2 littles) I'd have nowhere to go. I prayed and prayed, packed as I prayed, and he showed up with a truck and friends to help us move. He took me to my mom's house, and she kicked out a border to give me my old room back. Now safe, I could start tutoring again. He signed a loan for me to get a car. God answered for each concern within 2 months 🙌🏽 🙌🏽 Even made the enemy help 🤭 Only God could make this happen. He will also help you make the right decision if you ask for His help.
My husband and I will be praying for you and your wife, Mark. We pray everyday for our son, daughter in law and grand girls. We are worried sick about our son and granddaughters, just like your parents have been. (it's been years for us as well) We will pray for your wife and our daughter in law starting today. They both need to be delivered from the chains that keep them stuck. God bless you as you deal with this sad situation.
The narcissist in my life wants to be seen as super-spiritual by the world. She hasn’t committed any of the “Big” sins, that would prove to people that she’s living a double life. But her gaslighting, manipulation, control, arrogance, disrespect, and the list goes on…. these are the so-called “sins” that can’t be proven to anyone. She acts one way with me, and another way to the rest of the world. It is so hard because everyone I know constantly praises her for being so wonderful. She is seen as the "model Christian" by Christians in public, while causing me harm in private.
I must say I saw myself in your words about ‘she’ ….not sure I was a narc but I was in that track but the Lord made me repent, since 1999 I’m a different person but I was also married to a narc for 34 years, he never changed…I actually think his narcissistic personality made me see myself and all my wrongs thank God He had mercy on me! Praise Jesus!
I used to tell myself for years, that's what he was, all the while not knowing his was a narcissism problem. I only have 'seen it' since I left 6 years ago. Now, it's a family problem for my daughter's, who saw it better than I, for years. Also my son, who left when he married @ 27. He had real insight into our 'toxic family', as he took the brunt of my ex's toxic jealousy!!! Sad!!!
Living with them is like living with a roommate. Everything in their life is always a negotiation situation. They purposely will be silent, give you limited information ( so you haf to ask further on a subject ) talk about controlling. So with that said - live your life as if you don’t see them, hear them , acknowledge them in any way. I mirror them back to the max. Be unpredictable & spontaneous often. Stop doing things for them. Set your boundaries & follow through with them. Believe me - they will notice & in the meantime - you’re doing what brings you happiness & peace . The #1 thing they are afraid of - is you leaving them & possibly telling all those around them the reason why
This was absolutely brilliant and right on!!!! One of the best commentaries I’ve seen on covert narcissism…you nailed it! Thank you so much for bringing this issue to light from a sound, biblical perspective.
Kris, you and your family have been on my mind and in my prayers since your post a few weeks ago now. I must say, the Lord must be really moving in your spirit. This was a fantastic broadcast; you hit on so many incredible points that spoke to my heart the entire time and provided so many confirmations and exhortations, including the questions section and your answers. Just wow, I thank God for you and what he is doing through you with this ministry. Thank you for standing firm ❤
I'm an empath who married a narcissist 19yrs ago. I have tried to leave many times although have struggled to keep a financially sustainable job. What you say about these types is so very true.
21:35 I so wish I learnt all about narcissists 30 years ago...I lived through what you are exactly talking about, for that long, and eventually was divorced by him two years ago-finally leaving me for yet another woman. And now, he still controls me through the meager Alimony that I need at my age desperately as my only income, having to be so nice to him, in order to get it. He still crave my supply, of course he is done with latest 'love of his life', and like always before, needs my supply again. Thank you for your gift, I downloaded it, and will use it, and most of all, Christ my Lord, to help me and guide me through this difficult last chapter of my life❤
I myself is deeply insecure and very fragile. But through the years I have learnt to rely on Christ Who died for me and on God my Father in Heaven Who loves me and on the Holy Spirit Who comfort me and fortifies me for my self-worth. That stabilised me no end.
I absolutely love listening to your broadcast. I just found you on here a couple of months ago and find myself really enjoying the content, as it relates to so much of what I have been experiencing with several relationships in my life. It seems that once we see the light as far as narcissism within an individual, we realize how many we are dealing with and how they have taken advantage of us. I truly appreciate you and the work that you do. God bless you! You have really helped me navigate through some difficult situations with toxic individuals. 🙏❤️🥰
Kris, I have been so thankful for your insight and guidance. We just completed our divorce last week, and I ended up getting the "short end of the stick." So now my struggle is learning how to put my full and complete trust in God that I will survive financially because of this. I pray for him because we are called by God to do so, and I'm trying so hard to release what I see as so unjust and know that God will make it all work out at some point. All that I have learned about a narcissist has been so helpful to know what to expect, but he goes even further than I can even comprehend. Some may not believe in bad spirits in these people, but I do without a doubt.
I am dealing with a narcissist personally at home and professionally with my boss. The only time I am not dealing with gaslighting is when I am in my car alone- to and from work and to and from errands. It runs so deep that I even deal with it on my phone, from my inlaw who will leave horrific voicemail messages on my phone. I caught myself recently gaslighting my son and stopped in my tracks....I thank God that I am so now aware of the traits that I can work not to become like what I have experienced!!!!
You have helped me so much with your videos...thank you! I began witnessing behaviors in my adult daughter that was confusing and hurtful, but I kept reasoning the behaviors away. This video has confirmed my fears that she may be a covert narcissist. I have taken every tear, every hurt, every piece of anger to the Lord and He comforts me. I pray for her that He removes the demons of her mind and show her the TRUTH of all situations. Her father was a narcissistic sociopath...I was released from that situation over 35 years ago. She has maintained a relationship with her father. She and I can have intervals of a seemingly good relationship until something triggers her anger. Currently I am being set aside...no communication. It is very hurtful. I'm leaning on the Lord and your videos are so helpful for understanding. I pray God bless you and your work. Thank you!
I thank God for your education and wisdom Kris Reece!! After being married for 34 with a man that is a narcissist but not sure if he is delusional narc which is pretty much like, I divorced and jumped right through a covert narc marriage…for only 2 years, I had to abandon the marriage and go through healing cause I had no idea what was happening to me….thank God I’ve been listening to your videos and my eyes are open, repentance and peace now happened to me! I praise Jesus cause He took me out of the pit, the snares of the fowlers ….like the blind man ‘now I see Lord’, thank you for being such a light in the darkness!!
Thank you so much! Married 53 years to a covert, narcissistic pastor who is removed from that position for deviant behavior 30 years ago, but lives in unhealthy ways now and yet denies doing anything wrong. Soon our very good new pastor and another top elder will be meeting with my two sons in law (what daughter wants to confront her father? So they are not joining in ) and me and my husband regarding some of these things. Will it be accepted? Who knows all I know is that when I have talked with him in the past, I finally figured out that all conversations boomerang back on to me.
Yes. I experienced all of this. 42 years of faithful marriage. Finally, I was obedient to God. Ended the marriage after living 20+ years knowing adultery was committed.
A perfect marriage or relationship is an illusion; there's no universal playbook for making them work. What's effective for one couple may not apply to another. Nevertheless, I've come to understand that there's always a solution to be found. Half a decade ago, my wife and I faced such trials in our marriage that divorce seemed inevitable. Yet, through perseverance and determination, we navigated through the rough waters and emerged stronger, reunited, and more resilient.
There is a lot of sense in what you just said and I hope mine works the same way too, we are currently separated but I cant live without her, I love her so much. wish I can get her back I can do anything to have her back, we have tried therapy amongst other things
Its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is shelly renee white..
Good for you! That’s awesome. And, I can say with pretty clear certainty, neither one of you is a narcissist. Because one narcissist is like black mold which takes over both people. ( Unless the empath learns healthy coping techniques).
Ask them to do something for you. Something small. Something you would do for them with no hesitation. If they are narcissistic or otherwise toxic, it will ALWAYS go at least 1 of 4 ways (though sometimes these reactions may compound): They will act as though they didn’t hear you. Depending on how long you’ve been in the relationship, you may ask again. If it’s been long enough, you’re likely to drop the request right then and there. They will promise to do it, but never follow through. If you ask again or remind them, they will usually have some kind of excuse. In these cases, they will still never actually fulfill their promise. Their excuse is not a reason for lagging, it is the reason they should be absolved from all expectation whatsoever. Often this excuse will be meaningless or an outright lie.If you don’t buy their excuse, and tell them so, you will experience the wonderful segue into reaction. An argument will ensue The argument will be your fault. It could be a small back and forth contending against your request, or it might quickly devolve into them screaming at you. You never know which it will be. They might even say outright that you should never ask or expect anything from them. Usually they will express that you are asking too much, hurting them in some way (financially, emotionally, insulting them, etc), or attack your character. The argument will only end when you relinquish your request + apologize, or start ignoring them completely. If you can ignore them long enough, they may apologize to you. However, the conflict will never feel truly resolved. At this juncture they may actually end up giving you what you asked for. Often this does require you admitting that you don’t really need it, or that you would be fine with what they suggested instead. This leads us to reaction They give you what you asked for, BUT There is ALWAYS a catch. It might be small. They show up late with no apology. They buy you what you wanted, but it’s the wrong color, model, brand, etc. They take you where you wanted to go, but pressure you the whole time you’re getting ready because you’re going to be sooo late. Then they want to leave early anyway. It might be worse. They do it out of anger, and make a big display out of it to scare/hurt you. They hold it over your head until you do something for them first. Or, later on, they use it against you. “I did x for you, so you should do y for me.” No matter what, you never actually feel fulfilled, happy, or loved when they do something for you. Somehow, even from the getgo, there was this deep-seated feeling of guilt and fear, this sense that the “special” things they were doing for you weren’t so special at all. Eventually, you become afraid to ask for anything. You’ve been conditioned to believe you deserve nothing. Ironically, or not, the less demands you make, the worse you will be treated. Moreover, Catching a cheating spouse might be difficult, and knowing what local laws say you can and cannot do might be even more difficult. To simplify the process, consider hiring a private investigator to do the sleuthing for you I genuinely appreciate how incredible you are and your work! Thank you for a job well done digitalinvestigate@gmail. com
You have so accurately described both my husband of 45 years and my 40 year old daughter….in league with each other in their war against me. Thank you for your words of discernment, love and understanding.
So far, you've described both my mom, and her friend. Stalking social media and stalking me physically... all while claiming to be christians. They both have perfected the trash talking. It's hard to defend against their intentional manipulation. I will never understand their ability to thrive off hurting me.
Everything you have shared is so TRUE. Thank you so much for your ministry. It has helped me so much. My eyes are opened and I am working on getting out of this relationship in a Godly way. Yes we must judge fruit.
Yep! Projecting their stuff onto me! Felt I was going mad … in the end I didn’t know who I was. Double life too - portray one image but darkness behind closed doors. Lying, manipulating, all of it, always blamed on me of course!
I just want him out of my life but he won’t let go in the name of covenant but he didn’t honor that covenant when he cheated. I wish he wasn’t the father of my child. I just want to be set free, he doesn’t comprehend the fact that I no longer want to be with him, he never loved me and will never do, and can see right through that but he wants me to believe words over actions. May Yahusha redeem me and deliver me from this man permanently. I can’t take it anymore 😢
My prayers are that God will set a way when the road seems unclear,and these hard times are not to punish us but to help us grow closer to him.without struggles we cannot grow.he says he will never leave us or forsake us.we must hold Gods promises close to our hearts it gives me peace while i place my burdens in his hands.we just have to have faith and trust in him with patience .he will set us free I declare it publically.
God is so good! He gives his kids roads to walk on thru the dark valleys and up to the heights! I want to go back to those wonderful tho hard places. To retrace my steps back to that so special intimacy with the Lord! 🥹😢🙏❤
THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I’M GOING THROUGH! Since I was 3 I wanted to take care of my mom. I have taken care of her physically and financially for 30 years now and bought her a double wide mobile home. I let my oldest brother move in with our mom because he needed a place to stay, he was out of work for a couple years. I let him move in until he got on his feet, 15 years later he convinced my 86 year old mother who is starting to have memory issues that she needs to sign over her portion of the mobile home. He told my other brother he would pick fights with me in front of our Mom to get her against me so she wouldn’t want to see me anymore so he can get what he wants. He threatened me then got my mom so upset that she wants to disown me! He just went behind my back and took over her medical power of attorney!!!
My roommate ( soon to leave, thank God) is deceitful and acts offended when faced with boundaries. There was no marajuana, she was burning sage. There was no smoking in her room, her son was smoking in the cold just outside her back window. She brought someone in to stay overnight because it was cold and she didn't want to disturb me as I was asleep. And BTW, I have no compassion. And she can't believe that I go to church and call myself a Christain. Thanks for the covert narc reminder . It came just when I needed it.
Kris you just opened my eyes further. I have lived everyone of the secrets you listed. 38 years of feeling like im crazy! Thank you for your Godly and scriptural guidance. Life saving information Thank you, thank you. I would really love to have a one on one for you. I know this may not ne possible, thank you for your blessing.
Thanks Kris, all very good points , I'm learning more about narcissist. I'm 63 and didn't even realize I was the scapegoat my whole life until I came across TH-cam channels. This was only 2 years ago, I thought I was the crazy one.
Thank you Lord Jesus! Thank you Chris! This little comment box is to small to explain how much this has helped me. I’ve been praying and The Lord has heard me! Thank you for helping me and many others. This is truly heaven sent! I finally starting to understand. I feel like I have taken my first step in the right direction.
Every point could not be more spot on - EVERY POINT - I was being kept alive on Dialysis when I began calling out the behaviors of abuse openly plainly respectfully - My wife then began slandering me to Medical authorities. Both my Dialysis clinic, and Kidney transplant team at the hospital, telling them of mental illness symptoms that I don’t have, in order to silence my voice before I speak. She is a therapist by occupation and did these things knowing she is covered by HIPPA from anyone ever knowing she did this. I found out by freak chance, on accident from both areas. Thank you for your truth………
Can they change ?? Married 37 years, the rollercoaster is real, the betrayals in the past have been deep, the confusion frustrating, He says he wants to change, he is now apart of a mens group, he understands that it is his childhood issues that have not been healed that cause the narc issues. I am trying to decipher truth from the decieving movie. One of the 'creepy' for lack of a better word things that happens is when they sit over dinner and stare of you, often times with a smirk, and when you ask what their thinking, the response is 'I just love looking at you" it does not feel real, among many others things
Also, try sitting in a room with your husband & he's always looking elsewhere, never really at you. Only at the very beginning, when he 'love-bombed' me to hook me in. Ever after, it was about finding more supply! A covert narcissist, whose father is a malignant narcissist. So my husband never was truly loved! It was a mess I found I could never clean up or solve with my love or adoration!!! But he slowly but surely killed my love for him, little by little. One step forward, two steps back, most of the time. Truly, he killed it, self-harmed, cos he never felt he deserved to be loved. The damage was done when he was a little boy!
Thank you, Kris, for that prayer! I am one that has been told, by God, to stay. I am so grateful He holds me very close and tight to Him through His word/Word! If not, I’d have lost myself a long time ago. It’s only by my dedication to Him that I am able to endure most days! ❤❤🙌🏼🙌🏼🙏🏼 I was just asking the Lord if He was changing the course for me, but that prayer confirmed that we are right on track! He is my strength and my Redeemer!
The Lord has not released me either, sometimes I wish He would. At the 30 year mark I realize that for years I lived in so much confusion that I had no clue what I was dealing with, once the light came on, I have been trying to learn to stay in my own lane, not allow him to define who I am, our adult kids have all been wounded as well which makes me question me staying.... Now at 37 years, dealing with many counselors, he ways he wants to change and it grieves him what he has done to the family, but I am unclear whether this is real, or just a new level of the drama / people pleasing / acting right show..... Like you - Staying tucked up tight to the heart of the trinity is my saving grace
@ I understand! Praying for you. We are married 30 years and tried counseling, but he won’t go. Staying in my lane and focusing on His opinion of me, no one else’s, is my sanity. My worth is not in how ppl treat me. ❤️🙏🏼🙏🏼🫂
Yes, it's clear not everyone can leave. I knew when my children were small that being with their Dad was better than me going out of the marriage into someone else's arms. I refused one offer, even tho people in our small community knew my ex was a player!!! I stuck with him, forgave him & moved on with God's kindness & Love! 🙏🙂
Please pray for me, i have a neighbour who is a nacasist, she lives above me. I use to speak with her and help her but over time i felt manipulated and lied to so i stopped talking to her 3 years ago. I saw the lies and her lack of responsibility. However, she now bangs on my ceiling and lies about me (constantly projecting and passive aggressively hurting me) she calls our housing and tells them i am banging when i am not (I use to retaliate but i have now stopped even though it's a challenge). She monitors me, follows me. People don't believe me most of the time but she knows what she is doing. I shout sometimes she stops. It's horrible. Thank you Kris, everything you have said is so true. She comes across so nice so allot of people don't believe me but I know the truth. Please pray for me, that God will expose her. Thank you for the prayer Kris this is so needed. I am glad I stopped talking to her but I just want to be left alone. I keep praying for her healing but it is difficult when someone monitors and storks you so they can terrorise you
Took a while..... but I caught on. Once I looked at GAP, HOMER MI and calmly stated, that I see him, for WHAT he is and who he is not...... That creature, very dark ,empty creature, imploded. What's been the saddest aspect, I've no doubts his family is very aware. Perhaps not the terminology..... yet they've been aware for decades of the personality traits. No one, "outgrows" the traits developed in childhood regarding primary survival shortcuts..... children are innocent...... At the mercy of their primary care givers.... Make no mistake, evil walks and talks, (quite charmingly) in the world. Intentional deceptions. These creatures, will exploit anyone then choose.... Believe the ACTIONS. NO CONTACT. Please pray for these beings, heal, and build your relationship with God. I made some HUGE mistakes attempting to help GAP, help himself. Had no clue, darkness like that existed...... it's sickening. NO CONTACT. INNER PEACE. 🙏 ❤️ 🙏
very meaningful and profound idea! Sharing the hidden truths and behaviors of secretive people is really enlightening, at least how to recognize and protect yourself from subtle comfort. Thank you for providing a challenging perspective on this topic, very helpful for those who are looking for freedom and peace in difficult relationships. Wishing you more and more success
@@Kris_Reece Unfortunately, I was married to a non-Christian man. He had many of the narcissistic traits that you mentioned in this video except he didn't spy on me. In addition, he was a chronic alcoholic who would miss going to work weeks at a time, drinking and staying in multiple motels. He would abandon me frequently for days and weeks at a time without notice. He once went to Las Vegas without telling me, and he was away 3 days short of a month. Due to him abandoning me for a month, I became worried and contacted the authorities to report him as missing. However, two days after I reported him missing, he called me telling me he's in Las Vegas and he's on his way home. I was completely hurt and devastated to say the least. In the ninth year of our marriage, he wrecked his truck in a traffic accident and was fired from his job as a Corrections Officer and he blamed me. To make a long story short. I decided to leave him as the verbal and mental abuse toward me escalated. I did not have a legal separation. Instead, I stayed away from him for nearly a year. Then, I discovered that he filed for divorce. We met in court for the divorce, and he gave the judge the excuse that he wanted a divorce because I had abandoned him. From that point on, he never tried to contact me again. Trust and believe when I say that my marriage was the most painful and devastating time of my life. It took me years to recover from it. Praise Christ. ❤
This is 100 percent. The Lord showed me last night that my husband is covert . My husband admits he will never go for counseling because he doesn't want to look in the mirror. And he also says he will die a angry man. My husband saves his offenses . We were fine " the other day . Then he was nasty out of nowhere and I said what's up ? He says I'm showing you how " it" feels? I was like 🤯
Explanation does not equal justification. Understanding why someone acts poorly is not the same as condoning the bad behavior. Just because someone has been hurt does not give them the right to act hurtfully. Found your explanation of Christian versus Christ follower very helpful. My husband, who calls himself a Christian, leads Bible studies, and is in the worship band all the while conducting numerous hookups, financial infidelity, and long-term affairs has been difficult to understand as well as explain to the children, whose faith has been negatively impacted by his behavior.
Absolutely I fell in love with him the way he prayed but when I prayed with him he stops me and says that k ok enough unheard of now I see thank u for this video
They did me wrong, and I didn't even know it till it was too late. They got mine. I got the shaft, I'm sure they were laughing 😃 and still are all the way to the bank over and over and over again
Argh! I just wrote (and inadvertantly erased!) this entire bit about how I am one who tried every last thing I could possibly think of for decades to no avail and still am not 100% no-contact with my family but I am very close! You couldn't find someone more resistant...but sometimes there is literally no other way to find peace. Narcissism wreaks havoc on entire family systems so that none of the family members may be healthy or aware enough to understand or respect the boundaries we set. They don't "get it"... which just results in additional invalidation and pain.... I would agree that this should be a "last resort" decision....but how many years of trying is actually reasonable before we can reach that place of "last resort"? I think I may have given it far too much time...which I do think is possible.
Yes I agree, I’ve been married 15 years and known my husband 17 years. How much longer is considered long enough? I honestly believe I should of left many years ago because now his so called spider legs of deception have grown so much longer and our circle of people we know is much larger
Yes..Just because every difficult person seems to be "a narcissist" these days, and many peple use "no contact" inappropriately should not deter us from looking very clearly at our own situation and making our decision based only on "it". I also think it's helpful to think in terms of "have we truly tried all other means of getting the relationship pointed in a healthy direction to no avail?"...rather than the amount of time that's passed alone. If I were in your position with a spouse being the narcissist and my faith had me wondering whether leaving was the right thing, I would definitely be speaking with a therapist to get an objective set of eyes on the situation. (But only if you can find a therapist who is both versed in narcissistic abuse and also in biblical principles...if that's what's keeping you from taking action.
I am a Christ follower through my whole life. Have I made wrong decisions? Yes I have. Have I been truly sorry for them. Yes I have. But for the most part, I am a truthful, caring, loving person who have tried over and over and over to see the good in people. And I have been deceived over and over and over again. And I was married to a narcissist for 54 years. And at the end, he has totally disowned me taking away my health benefits, and all the benefits that came along with it while I pampered him like you said like he was a child. My life in old age has been Even more turned upside down it was in the past. Not only that I live surrounded by a narcissist in my community and he has a Lotta flying monkeys and he is very deceptive. I don’t know who’s worse him or my narcissistic husband. Anyway, I am a follower of Christ and I still try to be a good person, but it’s getting harder and harder to not think the worst of them. Instead of trying to find the good in them.
I live in Belgium, that’s why I watch 12 hours later. It’s correct from one relationship to another. I’m still recovering of the damage from this marriage.
@@peacefulone4461I'm watching from Australia. I enquired about Narcissism experts here, and there are some, but not related to Christian institutions, it seems. That's why I really appreciate your contribution, Kriss! It changes things when the Body of Christ is involved & it certainly is. Many Christians would still not understand how some marriages have hidden factors involved. It's deceptive & insidious how the Enemy tries to ruin our lives, but God will always get the last word on all of it! 🙏❤️
I turn on Your pod cast about those evil tactics narcs display, my husband instantly gets in rage. He was already in rage thats why I play it. how I cope sometimes. A little gratifying
You can't feel compassion for the devil. Santan is Santan! From a biblical perspective...possession, exorcism and prayer! A priest told me my husband had multiple personality, plus covert narcissism. As a very well educated exorcist, he said it is the hardest for deliverence. I couldn't even sleep in the same room with him because I would experience sleep paralysis and waking at 3 am. His demons not only haunted me, but my children are not as into prayer as I am and need your prayers please.🙏They are now experiencing sleep paralysis, nightmares and won't go to church with me. Thank you for listening.
Yes! Thank you for bringing needed clarity on this issue. My mum is an overt narcissist; easy to spot; this is not so easy to spot and I finally see in MIL
I don't know, but everything what you said now, is soooo true. I'am at the moment suffering from his violence and manipulation. Embarrassing to talk about it to someone because I don't go to church now with him. It's sooo hypocritical to go church. Our church don't know what I know about my husband. If I talk to others, probably I'm the one spreading gossip to their eyes 😢
I am with you on the part you said about not going to church with my husband. It’s humiliating. In the discard stage: he doesn’t sit w me and avoids me. Humiliating .When he lovebombs me; he sits w me but doesn’t pay attention at church. He’s on his phone, he gossips about others, he puts the preacher down and the list goes on. I’m like what is the point of me being so distracted at church by my own husband
¿ my question is the difference between the spirit of Jezebel and narcissistic. Seems that there is so much in common.? Gods blessings: Oksana from Belgium.❤
The I am hurt etc never works for the narcissist in my life. They just tell me that they are not responsible for any of it. Sooooo I unfortunately did decide to let them know I believe they have x y z and they were somewhat receptive but I can still sense they are aggravated and annoyed by my understanding of what’s actually happening.
FREE Narcissist Survival Guide
krisreece.com/narcissist-survival-guide/
Ty💖🙏🏼
❤ AMEN❤
Sick to get attention 🤢 well ❤️🩹 my mom lies about each small or large thing.
Q *"please how do I get my mom & siblings to stop lying about me to each person in my life"* *
Q#WHYdidMyMomSayMySonIsMovingInWithHerWhileHeSaysNotTrue! Q #Q
1. Theyre deeply insecure.
2. They're not Christ-followers.
3. They're paranoid.
4. They're living a double life.
5. They're consumed with anger.
@@syebethel so true
Accurate
Sounds just like my soonto beEX!
I've been married to this 4 year old for 52 years. He has never taken responsibility for anything. I have bothered him, coddled him, been the parent while he has been off playing jack the lad.I have always walked in love and forgiveness because I thought that was the Christian thing to do. WRONG. There are no consequences in that, no behavior change. What I should have done was shook the sand off my shoes and gone where my message of love was received. I tried to find wise council but no one understood what was going on, I had no family or support. Thankyou Kris for you and others who make the truth available. God bless you xx❤😊
52 years are you in a good place I am in California I am so frightened of what my son & his crazy ex-gf might be up to they both have hurt 💔 me & each other 😭 I have never hurt them , I have become their maid.
34 years. I call myself a secondary mommy.. I read a Gary Smally book 30 years ago.. If you dote on him love him he will change. Good Ole Gary never dealt with Narcs.
I don’t know what you mean by ‘hurt u’? You can get a restraining order. Evict them. Don’t enable them, don’t let them do this. Boundaries need to be put in place. If you are afraid things might escalate, police can back you up & protect you.
Sometimes setting boundaries seems cruel but it will hopefully help them become independent.
They will thank you later or if narcs, just go on with the same behavior. The use of your energy & resources can be put to better use.
@@stephaniemariemcdonald9096I'm sorry 😢
I'm sorry you have experienced such a relationship
Eventually say to yourself, their opinion of me is none of my business. Let it go, don't allow them to try to control you.
I’m still married after 27 years to a man who is a covert narcissist. He is like a roommate instead of a loving husband. There has been no intimacy for years. When there was it was so superficial. He says one thing and does another frequently. He has viewed gay pornography online. He won’t admit his sexuality to me. We have 4 children. Three are triplets who just turned 18. I recently found Christ and it changed my life but sadly my husband and I do not share the same values. Thanks for your prayers, Kris. I surrender everything to the Almighty and let Him deal with my spouse in his time and according to His perfect will.
You are STRONG, and I appreciate your example, as I do all of those that I learn about "in The Comments." I have been married for 31 years and have felt, as you say, "like I am living with a roommate," for much of that time. It is just so great to find validation, upon hearing that others out there have (or are) also experienced (-ing) what I have been living (suffering) in my marriage. I also feel bad for everyone living this, and also for what the Narcissists are suffering ... I KNOW the way that they experience life is also awful for them. 😢 God help us all!
*"Less there be any wicked way in me 🙏🏼 "*
A roommate that never cleans up and is completely irresponsible. 😢
Imagine wishing he would at least act like a roommate. Lol😢
You need to run and ask for the government help.
You are living with a satanic person.
Just run!😊
You can NEVER give them enough love or validation.. They always need more and more... They are vampires...
It's a bottomless pit. They don't give you praise or a compliment
@@antheredhen true
At the 15 mins mark had me in tears. Been with him for 9 years married 6. Had to leave last year, it became unbearable. I almost had a nervous breakdown. I couldn’t let him break me. For anyone experiencing this, I pray God releases you. This is a terrible thing to be a survivor of. My heart and mind are still healing. I have to coparent with him, so I still get yelled at from time to time but guess what, I have peace in my home with my children and I and I am no longer under his dark miserable cloud!
God bless your journey
@@Vgaf99❤❤
Praise God for deliverance! You and your children deserve Peace, Love and Happiness! I am praying for deliverance as well. It's very hard to get away due the unaffordability of housing but I am praying for a way out soon. Continued Blessings🙏
?Thank you for opening my eyes to the situation married to a narcissistic husband for almost 20 years. I have been a Christian since 1998 and it took me years to see that the blame I was placing on myself for a failing marriage, but once I realized his narcissist behaviorisms and I refuse to allow myself to be pulled into his demonic drama anymore. Thank you for being a christian teacher and you are a God send to people in this scenerio. You have helped me tremendously.?
Thanks Kris for still showing up and being of service to the body of Christ. Praying the storm has settled for you and the fam ♥️
Yes, thank you!
Planting seeds of distrust in the minds of others... It took me over 40 years to finally get the proof that he was doing this to me. And when my (not his) children were still young, he did it to them too. Other parents would not allow their children to associate with mine. Then he would feign having no knowledge about why. All the while, he was speaking disparagingly about us behind our backs. I left him for the 4th time 19 months ago. I will NEVER go back again.
Can relate to the many times I left, but came back, o we the years! Finally, at the 40 year mark. Prior, I felt I had nowhere to go. I often told God, where can I go. Rarely, did I find a solution. Until finally, it was back to live with & care for my mother on the other side of the country. It's 6 years on now, & I'm still watching over Mum @ the Village. Waiting for her to move on "from this earthly coil" and wondering, God what will I do, next?!? I'm 69. 😢😮
The narc I have been dealing with is very covert/vulnerable. People describe him as humble. I did too at first. But his anger/rage is instant and automatic like the way you described the overt narc. There are so many variations. My mom is also a covert narc but she doesn’t rage, she manipulates situations to go her way.
Thank you so much. They're reckless, careless and irresponsible
I discovered your videos a few weeks ago when I was trying to find self help videos to help me in my marriage. After a 15 year relationship I had finally had enough and decided that a separation HAD to happen if there was goign to be hope for our marriage. For 15 years our relationship has gradually become worse and worse. No matter how hard I try. However, your videos have changed EVERYTHING! during fights and arguments i've always accused my wife of being narcissistic and lacking empathy because it seemed like she could never see things from my point of view. EVERYTHING was my fault. EVERY fight was because of me. And I fed into it and would yell and fight back. Since stumbling upon your videos my life has COMPLETELY changed. I no longer blame myself. I no longer stand my ground by fighting and arguing back with her. I started listening to your recommendations and guidance and it has changed everything. I feel like we have started moving the communication and relationship back onto the right track for good or bad. I don't want a divorce so i've only requested (1) thing from her if she wants this marriage to last; all i ask is she speak kindly and respectfully to me in all situations. She has her moments but it NEVER lasts. If i've learned anything from all of these videos....... it is highly unlikely that she will change, no matter how badly she tells me that divorce is not an option. She only wants me to change. Okay, enough of my babbling...... thank you for the videos. I FEEL SOOO SOOO SOO much better after watching your videos. THANK YOU!!!
Addionally, my wife is one of the most intelligent people i've ever met. She is highly successful, type A, perfectionist who almost everyone thinks is such a wonderful and sweet person, so I have no chance. I was considered the nice, good looking, easy going guy. Years ago something changed. The smear campaign began and I don't even feel comfortable going to her family or work events. Her family has completely turned on me. Her parents (whom I do everything for) completely lost respect for me. My parents have been worried sick about me for years saying i'm not the same person.
I advise you just leave and forget the smear campaign. It’s not worth the years of hurt. They will not change
You've mentioned a few things that stood out for me. 1, that other ppl see her as so nice, yet she's mean to you behind closed doors. 2, the smear campaign. 3, it sounds like you're describing deflection in the first part (although you didn't say specifics). I cant diagnose, of course, but it wd be enough for me to leave. When I came to the realization about my ex-narc, I had no money, job or car, and to leave (with my 2 littles) I'd have nowhere to go. I prayed and prayed, packed as I prayed, and he showed up with a truck and friends to help us move. He took me to my mom's house, and she kicked out a border to give me my old room back. Now safe, I could start tutoring again. He signed a loan for me to get a car. God answered for each concern within 2 months 🙌🏽 🙌🏽 Even made the enemy help 🤭 Only God could make this happen. He will also help you make the right decision if you ask for His help.
My husband and I will be praying for you and your wife, Mark. We pray everyday for our son, daughter in law and grand girls. We are worried sick about our son and granddaughters, just like your parents have been. (it's been years for us as well) We will pray for your wife and our daughter in law starting today. They both need to be delivered from the chains that keep them stuck. God bless you as you deal with this sad situation.
The narcissist in my life wants to be seen as super-spiritual by the world. She hasn’t committed any of the “Big” sins, that would prove to people that she’s living a double life. But her gaslighting, manipulation, control, arrogance, disrespect, and the list goes on…. these are the so-called “sins” that can’t be proven to anyone. She acts one way with me, and another way to the rest of the world. It is so hard because everyone I know constantly praises her for being so wonderful. She is seen as the "model Christian" by Christians in public, while causing me harm in private.
Angels on the streets, devils in the house .
I must say I saw myself in your words about ‘she’ ….not sure I was a narc but I was in that track but the Lord made me repent, since 1999 I’m a different person but I was also married to a narc for 34 years, he never changed…I actually think his narcissistic personality made me see myself and all my wrongs thank God He had mercy on me! Praise Jesus!
Absolutely, that's what these people can be. It's very subtle, so most friends can't see thru it!!!
I used to tell myself for years, that's what he was, all the while not knowing his was a narcissism problem. I only have 'seen it' since I left 6 years ago. Now, it's a family problem for my daughter's, who saw it better than I, for years. Also my son, who left when he married @ 27. He had real insight into our 'toxic family', as he took the brunt of my ex's toxic jealousy!!! Sad!!!
Definitely relate
True.Crafty manipulation to have things done their ways,yet feigning victim hood to maintain you on hook fulfil their ego.
Right!
Thank you for these videos. I always felt I was alone in this. None else understands. Your videos are very helpful.
They lay a guilt trip on you and it's all about that one person.
You are amazing ! Thank you. Agreed. Love your prayers and teachings,, kindness and loving human being you are. Loving the truth with God. Amen.
The narcissist always asks questions with yes or no answer because they can’t manage understanding; they already have that!!😮
Living with them is like living with a roommate. Everything in their life is always a negotiation situation. They purposely will be silent, give you limited information ( so you haf to ask further on a subject ) talk about controlling. So with that said - live your life as if you don’t see them, hear them , acknowledge them in any way. I mirror them back to the max. Be unpredictable & spontaneous often. Stop doing things for them. Set your boundaries & follow through with them. Believe me - they will notice & in the meantime - you’re doing what brings you happiness & peace . The #1 thing they are afraid of - is you leaving them & possibly telling all those around them the reason why
This was absolutely brilliant and right on!!!! One of the best commentaries I’ve seen on covert narcissism…you nailed it! Thank you so much for bringing this issue to light from a sound, biblical perspective.
Kris, you and your family have been on my mind and in my prayers since your post a few weeks ago now. I must say, the Lord must be really moving in your spirit. This was a fantastic broadcast; you hit on so many incredible points that spoke to my heart the entire time and provided so many confirmations and exhortations, including the questions section and your answers. Just wow, I thank God for you and what he is doing through you with this ministry. Thank you for standing firm ❤
Thank you Kris, may the Lord bless you 🙏
I'm an empath who married a narcissist 19yrs ago. I have tried to leave many times although have struggled to keep a financially sustainable job. What you say about these types is so very true.
21:35 I so wish I learnt all about narcissists 30 years ago...I lived through what you are exactly talking about, for that long, and eventually was divorced by him two years ago-finally leaving me for yet another woman. And now, he still controls me through the meager Alimony that I need at my age desperately as my only income, having to be so nice to him, in order to get it. He still crave my supply, of course he is done with latest 'love of his life', and like always before, needs my supply again. Thank you for your gift, I downloaded it, and will use it, and most of all, Christ my Lord, to help me and guide me through this difficult last chapter of my life❤
😢 ❤ 🎁 🎉 I hope those years are filled with the Peace , Strength, and Beauty that you desire and that God also desires for you.
SO GRATEFUL for you Kris 🥲🩷
I myself is deeply insecure and very fragile. But through the years I have learnt to rely on Christ Who died for me and on God my Father in Heaven Who loves me and on the Holy Spirit Who comfort me and fortifies me for my self-worth. That stabilised me no end.
Amen Thank You. You are inspiring and a gracious beautiful lady. Please keep these videos going on. Your words are so healing. Kind woman.
I absolutely love listening to your broadcast. I just found you on here a couple of months ago and find myself really enjoying the content, as it relates to so much of what I have been experiencing with several relationships in my life. It seems that once we see the light as far as narcissism within an individual, we realize how many we are dealing with and how they have taken advantage of us. I truly appreciate you and the work that you do. God bless you! You have really helped me navigate through some difficult situations with toxic individuals. 🙏❤️🥰
Kris, I have been so thankful for your insight and guidance. We just completed our divorce last week, and I ended up getting the "short end of the stick." So now my struggle is learning how to put my full and complete trust in God that I will survive financially because of this. I pray for him because we are called by God to do so, and I'm trying so hard to release what I see as so unjust and know that God will make it all work out at some point. All that I have learned about a narcissist has been so helpful to know what to expect, but he goes even further than I can even comprehend. Some may not believe in bad spirits in these people, but I do without a doubt.
You speak 100% truth about what a true christian is.
I am dealing with a narcissist personally at home and professionally with my boss. The only time I am not dealing with gaslighting is when I am in my car alone- to and from work and to and from errands. It runs so deep that I even deal with it on my phone, from my inlaw who will leave horrific voicemail messages on my phone. I caught myself recently gaslighting my son and stopped in my tracks....I thank God that I am so now aware of the traits that I can work not to become like what I have experienced!!!!
@@MRSNVD I am so sorry that’s terrible stay strong and be encouraged on the lord !
@SheemsOfficial thank you so much.
You have helped me so much with your videos...thank you! I began witnessing behaviors in my adult daughter that was confusing and hurtful, but I kept reasoning the behaviors away. This video has confirmed my fears that she may be a covert narcissist. I have taken every tear, every hurt, every piece of anger to the Lord and He comforts me. I pray for her that He removes the demons of her mind and show her the TRUTH of all situations. Her father was a narcissistic sociopath...I was released from that situation over 35 years ago. She has maintained a relationship with her father. She and I can have intervals of a seemingly good relationship until something triggers her anger. Currently I am being set aside...no communication. It is very hurtful. I'm leaning on the Lord and your videos are so helpful for understanding. I pray God bless you and your work. Thank you!
Thank you for a beautiful prayer 💐❤️
It sent me down a bad road. I'm not afraid to admit it very bad bad bad bad bad 😢
I thank God for your education and wisdom Kris Reece!! After being married for 34 with a man that is a narcissist but not sure if he is delusional narc which is pretty much like, I divorced and jumped right through a covert narc marriage…for only 2 years, I had to abandon the marriage and go through healing cause I had no idea what was happening to me….thank God I’ve been listening to your videos and my eyes are open, repentance and peace now happened to me! I praise Jesus cause He took me out of the pit, the snares of the fowlers ….like the blind man ‘now I see Lord’, thank you for being such a light in the darkness!!
Thank you so much! Married 53 years to a covert, narcissistic pastor who is removed from that position for deviant behavior 30 years ago, but lives in unhealthy ways now and yet denies doing anything wrong. Soon our very good new pastor and another top elder will be meeting with my two sons in law (what daughter wants to confront her father? So they are not joining in ) and me and my husband regarding some of these things. Will it be accepted? Who knows all I know is that when I have talked with him in the past, I finally figured out that all conversations boomerang back on to me.
Yes. I experienced all of this. 42 years of faithful marriage. Finally, I was obedient to God. Ended the marriage after living 20+ years knowing adultery was committed.
A perfect marriage or relationship is an illusion; there's no universal playbook for making them work. What's effective for one couple may not apply to another. Nevertheless, I've come to understand that there's always a solution to be found. Half a decade ago, my wife and I faced such trials in our marriage that divorce seemed inevitable. Yet, through perseverance and determination, we navigated through the rough waters and emerged stronger, reunited, and more resilient.
There is a lot of sense in what you just said and I hope mine works the same way too, we are currently separated but I cant live without her, I love her so much. wish I can get her back I can do anything to have her back, we have tried therapy amongst other things
Its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is shelly renee white..
This is helpful, I will look her up online right now...Thanks.
You wont regret it
Good for you! That’s awesome. And, I can say with pretty clear certainty, neither one of you is a narcissist. Because one narcissist is like black mold which takes over both people. ( Unless the empath learns healthy coping techniques).
Ask them to do something for you. Something small. Something you would do for them with no hesitation. If they are narcissistic or otherwise toxic, it will ALWAYS go at least 1 of 4 ways (though sometimes these reactions may compound): They will act as though they didn’t hear you. Depending on how long you’ve been in the relationship, you may ask again. If it’s been long enough, you’re likely to drop the request right then and there.
They will promise to do it, but never follow through.
If you ask again or remind them, they will usually have some kind of excuse. In these cases, they will still never actually fulfill their promise. Their excuse is not a reason for lagging, it is the reason they should be absolved from all expectation whatsoever. Often this excuse will be meaningless or an outright lie.If you don’t buy their excuse, and tell them so, you will experience the wonderful segue into reaction.
An argument will ensue
The argument will be your fault. It could be a small back and forth contending against your request, or it might quickly devolve into them screaming at you. You never know which it will be. They might even say outright that you should never ask or expect anything from them. Usually they will express that you are asking too much, hurting them in some way (financially, emotionally, insulting them, etc), or attack your character.
The argument will only end when you relinquish your request + apologize, or start ignoring them completely. If you can ignore them long enough, they may apologize to you. However, the conflict will never feel truly resolved.
At this juncture they may actually end up giving you what you asked for. Often this does require you admitting that you don’t really need it, or that you would be fine with what they suggested instead. This leads us to reaction
They give you what you asked for, BUT
There is ALWAYS a catch. It might be small. They show up late with no apology. They buy you what you wanted, but it’s the wrong color, model, brand, etc. They take you where you wanted to go, but pressure you the whole time you’re getting ready because you’re going to be sooo late. Then they want to leave early anyway. It might be worse. They do it out of anger, and make a big display out of it to scare/hurt you. They hold it over your head until you do something for them first. Or, later on, they use it against you. “I did x for you, so you should do y for me.” No matter what, you never actually feel fulfilled, happy, or loved when they do something for you. Somehow, even from the getgo, there was this deep-seated feeling of guilt and fear, this sense that the “special” things they were doing for you weren’t so special at all. Eventually, you become afraid to ask for anything. You’ve been conditioned to believe you deserve nothing. Ironically, or not, the less demands you make, the worse you will be treated. Moreover, Catching a cheating spouse might be difficult, and knowing what local laws say you can and cannot do might be even more difficult. To simplify the process, consider hiring a private investigator to do the sleuthing for you I genuinely appreciate how incredible you are and your work! Thank you for a job well done digitalinvestigate@gmail. com
You have so accurately described both my husband of 45 years and my 40 year old daughter….in league with each other in their war against me. Thank you for your words of discernment, love and understanding.
I am so sorry, I wish I understood why it is so hard to leave. I am at 37 years and have a duaghter who has many of her fathers characteristics
Thank you so much for praying for me and them. Thank you
It always touches me when you pray. Thank you. ❤
Absolutely have experienced this many times!
So far, you've described both my mom, and her friend. Stalking social media and stalking me physically... all while claiming to be christians. They both have perfected the trash talking. It's hard to defend against their intentional manipulation. I will never understand their ability to thrive off hurting me.
They have demonic strongholds that are hell bent on coming after your light. The root is spiritual and simply evil.
Everything you have shared is so TRUE. Thank you so much for your ministry. It has helped me so much. My eyes are opened and I am working on getting out of this relationship in a Godly way. Yes we must judge fruit.
Yep! Projecting their stuff onto me! Felt I was going mad … in the end I didn’t know who I was. Double life too - portray one image but darkness behind closed doors. Lying, manipulating, all of it, always blamed on me of course!
I just want him out of my life but he won’t let go in the name of covenant but he didn’t honor that covenant when he cheated. I wish he wasn’t the father of my child. I just want to be set free, he doesn’t comprehend the fact that I no longer want to be with him, he never loved me and will never do, and can see right through that but he wants me to believe words over actions. May Yahusha redeem me and deliver me from this man permanently. I can’t take it anymore 😢
😢 same here
Dido
My prayers are that God will set a way when the road seems unclear,and these hard times are not to punish us but to help us grow closer to him.without struggles we cannot grow.he says he will never leave us or forsake us.we must hold Gods promises close to our hearts it gives me peace while i place my burdens in his hands.we just have to have faith and trust in him with patience .he will set us free I declare it publically.
God is so good! He gives his kids roads to walk on thru the dark valleys and up to the heights! I want to go back to those wonderful tho hard places. To retrace my steps back to that so special intimacy with the Lord! 🥹😢🙏❤
Leave … run now! I waited way too long as I never heard of this until recently.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I’M GOING THROUGH! Since I was 3 I wanted to take care of my mom. I have taken care of her physically and financially for 30 years now and bought her a double wide mobile home. I let my oldest brother move in with our mom because he needed a place to stay, he was out of work for a couple years. I let him move in until he got on his feet, 15 years later he convinced my 86 year old mother who is starting to have memory issues that she needs to sign over her portion of the mobile home. He told my other brother he would pick fights with me in front of our Mom to get her against me so she wouldn’t want to see me anymore so he can get what he wants. He threatened me then got my mom so upset that she wants to disown me! He just went behind my back and took over her medical power of attorney!!!
My roommate ( soon to leave, thank God) is deceitful and acts offended when faced with boundaries. There was no marajuana, she was burning sage. There was no smoking in her room, her son was smoking in the cold just outside her back window. She brought someone in to stay overnight because it was cold and she didn't want to disturb me as I was asleep. And BTW, I have no compassion. And she can't believe that I go to church and call myself a Christain. Thanks for the covert narc reminder . It came just when I needed it.
I can relate insane Lord give me strength, protection and discernment
Absolutely excellent. Absolutely informative. You are healing and helping so many. 🙏🏽
Yeah I experienced narcissistic people never taking responsibility for their own actions!!!
Kris you just opened my eyes further. I have lived everyone of the secrets you listed. 38 years of feeling like im crazy! Thank you for your Godly and scriptural guidance. Life saving information
Thank you, thank you. I would really love to have a one on one for you. I know this may not ne possible, thank you for your blessing.
This was very good 😮
Thanks Kris, all very good points , I'm learning more about narcissist. I'm 63 and didn't even realize I was the scapegoat my whole life until I came across TH-cam channels. This was only 2 years ago, I thought I was the crazy one.
Thank you Lord Jesus! Thank you Chris! This little comment box is to small to explain how much this has helped me. I’ve been praying and The Lord has heard me! Thank you for helping me and many others. This is truly heaven sent! I finally starting to understand. I feel like I have taken my first step in the right direction.
Every point could not be more spot on - EVERY POINT - I was being kept alive on Dialysis when I began calling out the behaviors of abuse openly plainly respectfully - My wife then began slandering me to Medical authorities. Both my Dialysis clinic, and Kidney transplant team at the hospital, telling them of mental illness symptoms that I don’t have, in order to silence my voice before I speak. She is a therapist by occupation and did these things knowing she is covered by HIPPA from anyone ever knowing she did this.
I found out by freak chance, on accident from both areas.
Thank you for your truth………
From Cape Town, South Africa. Loving this podcast! Thank you❤
Can they change ?? Married 37 years, the rollercoaster is real, the betrayals in the past have been deep, the confusion frustrating, He says he wants to change, he is now apart of a mens group, he understands that it is his childhood issues that have not been healed that cause the narc issues. I am trying to decipher truth from the decieving movie. One of the 'creepy' for lack of a better word things that happens is when they sit over dinner and stare of you, often times with a smirk, and when you ask what their thinking, the response is 'I just love looking at you" it does not feel real, among many others things
Also, try sitting in a room with your husband & he's always looking elsewhere, never really at you. Only at the very beginning, when he 'love-bombed' me to hook me in. Ever after, it was about finding more supply! A covert narcissist, whose father is a malignant narcissist. So my husband never was truly loved! It was a mess I found I could never clean up or solve with my love or adoration!!! But he slowly but surely killed my love for him, little by little. One step forward, two steps back, most of the time. Truly, he killed it, self-harmed, cos he never felt he deserved to be loved. The damage was done when he was a little boy!
Thank you, Kris, for that prayer! I am one that has been told, by God, to stay. I am so grateful He holds me very close and tight to Him through His word/Word! If not, I’d have lost myself a long time ago. It’s only by my dedication to Him that I am able to endure most days! ❤❤🙌🏼🙌🏼🙏🏼
I was just asking the Lord if He was changing the course for me, but that prayer confirmed that we are right on track! He is my strength and my Redeemer!
The Lord has not released me either, sometimes I wish He would. At the 30 year mark I realize that for years I lived in so much confusion that I had no clue what I was dealing with, once the light came on, I have been trying to learn to stay in my own lane, not allow him to define who I am, our adult kids have all been wounded as well which makes me question me staying.... Now at 37 years, dealing with many counselors, he ways he wants to change and it grieves him what he has done to the family, but I am unclear whether this is real, or just a new level of the drama / people pleasing / acting right show..... Like you - Staying tucked up tight to the heart of the trinity is my saving grace
@ I understand! Praying for you. We are married 30 years and tried counseling, but he won’t go. Staying in my lane and focusing on His opinion of me, no one else’s, is my sanity. My worth is not in how ppl treat me. ❤️🙏🏼🙏🏼🫂
Yes, it's clear not everyone can leave. I knew when my children were small that being with their Dad was better than me going out of the marriage into someone else's arms. I refused one offer, even tho people in our small community knew my ex was a player!!! I stuck with him, forgave him & moved on with God's kindness & Love! 🙏🙂
Thank you for that beautiful prayer and the free survival guide. ❤
Amen! I am one of the ones who had to come back to my narc husband. God definitely made sure I would come back. Mysterious...
Please pray for me, i have a neighbour who is a nacasist, she lives above me. I use to speak with her and help her but over time i felt manipulated and lied to so i stopped talking to her 3 years ago.
I saw the lies and her lack of responsibility.
However, she now bangs on my ceiling and lies about me (constantly projecting and passive aggressively hurting me) she calls our housing and tells them i am banging when i am not (I use to retaliate but i have now stopped even though it's a challenge). She monitors me, follows me.
People don't believe me most of the time but she knows what she is doing.
I shout sometimes she stops. It's horrible.
Thank you Kris, everything you have said is so true. She comes across so nice so allot of people don't believe me but I know the truth.
Please pray for me, that God will expose her. Thank you for the prayer Kris this is so needed. I am glad I stopped talking to her but I just want to be left alone. I keep praying for her healing but it is difficult when someone monitors and storks you so they can terrorise you
My husband swears he is my caregiver though I worked 22 years of the marriage and he love bombed, made promises but contributed only harm.
Took a while..... but I caught on.
Once I looked at GAP, HOMER MI and calmly stated, that I see him, for WHAT he is and who he is not...... That creature, very dark ,empty creature, imploded.
What's been the saddest aspect, I've no doubts his family is very aware. Perhaps not the terminology..... yet they've been aware for decades of the personality traits.
No one, "outgrows" the traits developed in childhood regarding primary survival shortcuts..... children are innocent......
At the mercy of their primary care givers....
Make no mistake, evil walks and talks, (quite charmingly) in the world. Intentional deceptions. These creatures, will exploit anyone then choose....
Believe the ACTIONS.
NO CONTACT.
Please pray for these beings, heal, and build your relationship with God.
I made some HUGE mistakes attempting to help GAP, help himself. Had no clue, darkness like that existed...... it's sickening.
NO CONTACT. INNER PEACE. 🙏 ❤️ 🙏
Thank you Sis Kris. This was so balanced and helpful❣️. Thank you for your praying for us too🙏
very meaningful and profound idea! Sharing the hidden truths and behaviors of secretive people is really enlightening, at least how to recognize and protect yourself from subtle comfort. Thank you for providing a challenging perspective on this topic, very helpful for those who are looking for freedom and peace in difficult relationships. Wishing you more and more success
This is very helpful. It is sad that so many pretend to be religious. They can destroy a church and Christian outreach.
My supervisor is EVERYTHING you are describing- so now I understand- she is sad, scared, and superficial!!!!
Thanks Kris! I am learning so much from you. God bless you!
Thank you Kris. This video is a must to watch again and again. Thank you so much.
So true. All of it. Especially the part about anger. Well said. Thank you!
Thanks for watching
@@Kris_Reece Unfortunately, I was married to a non-Christian man. He had many of the narcissistic traits that you mentioned in this video except he didn't spy on me. In addition, he was a chronic alcoholic who would miss going to work weeks at a time, drinking and staying in multiple motels. He would abandon me frequently for days and weeks at a time without notice. He once went to Las Vegas without telling me, and he was away 3 days short of a month. Due to him abandoning me for a month, I became worried and contacted the authorities to report him as missing. However, two days after I reported him missing, he called me telling me he's in Las Vegas and he's on his way home. I was completely hurt and devastated to say the least. In the ninth year of our marriage, he wrecked his truck in a traffic accident and was fired from his job as a Corrections Officer and he blamed me. To make a long story short. I decided to leave him as the verbal and mental abuse toward me escalated. I did not have a legal separation. Instead, I stayed away from him for nearly a year. Then, I discovered that he filed for divorce. We met in court for the divorce, and he gave the judge the excuse that he wanted a divorce because I had abandoned him. From that point on, he never tried to contact me again. Trust and believe when I say that my marriage was the most painful and devastating time of my life. It took me years to recover from it. Praise Christ. ❤
It's been 4 years since mine changed and that's why I know the change is not fake.
Thanks Kris I am empowered and understanding why I have experienced so much confusion ❤❤❤❤
This is 100 percent. The Lord showed me last night that my husband is covert . My husband admits he will never go for counseling because he doesn't want to look in the mirror. And he also says he will die a angry man. My husband saves his offenses . We were fine " the other day . Then he was nasty out of nowhere and I said what's up ? He says I'm showing you how " it" feels? I was like 🤯
Explanation does not equal justification. Understanding why someone acts poorly is not the same as condoning the bad behavior. Just because someone has been hurt does not give them the right to act hurtfully.
Found your explanation of Christian versus Christ follower very helpful. My husband, who calls himself a Christian, leads Bible studies, and is in the worship band all the while conducting numerous hookups, financial infidelity, and long-term affairs has been difficult to understand as well as explain to the children, whose faith has been negatively impacted by his behavior.
Praying for all of you. Especially you and your children! Please stay close to Jesus, no matter what. God bless you and your beloveds! Amen!
Absolutely I fell in love with him the way he prayed but when I prayed with him he stops me and says that k ok enough unheard of now I see thank u for this video
Its heart breaking when its a family member.
They did me wrong, and I didn't even know it till it was too late. They got mine. I got the shaft, I'm sure they were laughing 😃 and still are all the way to the bank over and over and over again
Argh! I just wrote (and inadvertantly erased!) this entire bit about how I am one who tried every last thing I could possibly think of for decades to no avail and still am not 100% no-contact with my family but I am very close! You couldn't find someone more resistant...but sometimes there is literally no other way to find peace. Narcissism wreaks havoc on entire family systems so that none of the family members may be healthy or aware enough to understand or respect the boundaries we set. They don't "get it"... which just results in additional invalidation and pain....
I would agree that this should be a "last resort" decision....but how many years of trying is actually reasonable before we can reach that place of "last resort"? I think I may have given it far too much time...which I do think is possible.
Yes I agree, I’ve been married 15 years and known my husband 17 years. How much longer is considered long enough? I honestly believe I should of left many years ago because now his so called spider legs of deception have grown so much longer and our circle of people we know is much larger
Yes..Just because every difficult person seems to be "a narcissist" these days, and many peple use "no contact" inappropriately should not deter us from looking very clearly at our own situation and making our decision based only on "it".
I also think it's helpful to think in terms of "have we truly tried all other means of getting the relationship pointed in a healthy direction to no avail?"...rather than the amount of time that's passed alone. If I were in your position with a spouse being the narcissist and my faith had me wondering whether leaving was the right thing, I would definitely be speaking with a therapist to get an objective set of eyes on the situation. (But only if you can find a therapist who is both versed in narcissistic abuse and also in biblical principles...if that's what's keeping you from taking action.
Thank you for this detailed content. It has saved my life
I am a Christ follower through my whole life. Have I made wrong decisions? Yes I have. Have I been truly sorry for them. Yes I have. But for the most part, I am a truthful, caring, loving person who have tried over and over and over to see the good in people. And I have been deceived over and over and over again. And I was married to a narcissist for 54 years. And at the end, he has totally disowned me taking away my health benefits, and all the benefits that came along with it while I pampered him like you said like he was a child. My life in old age has been Even more turned upside down it was in the past. Not only that I live surrounded by a narcissist in my community and he has a Lotta flying monkeys and he is very deceptive. I don’t know who’s worse him or my narcissistic husband. Anyway, I am a follower of Christ and I still try to be a good person, but it’s getting harder and harder to not think the worst of them. Instead of trying to find the good in them.
Thank you so much. May God Bless you.
I live in Belgium, that’s why I watch 12 hours later. It’s correct from one relationship to another. I’m still recovering of the damage from this marriage.
🫂
@@peacefulone4461I'm watching from Australia. I enquired about Narcissism experts here, and there are some, but not related to Christian institutions, it seems. That's why I really appreciate your contribution, Kriss! It changes things when the Body of Christ is involved & it certainly is. Many Christians would still not understand how some marriages have hidden factors involved. It's deceptive & insidious how the Enemy tries to ruin our lives, but God will always get the last word on all of it! 🙏❤️
Thanks Kris for all your great biblical advice! God Bless you my friend 🙏😃
Dallas and i love your content and glad that God lead you to me.🙏🏾❤️💯
So glad you're here! Welcome
I turn on Your pod cast about those evil tactics narcs display, my husband instantly gets in rage. He was already in rage thats why I play it. how I cope sometimes. A little gratifying
I am happy to see you again! Good content as always
Amen! Hallelujah! All things are possible with God. Many Blessings to you my dear sister Kris.
You hit every nail on the head! 😢
You can't feel compassion for the devil. Santan is Santan! From a biblical perspective...possession, exorcism and prayer! A priest told me my husband had multiple personality, plus covert narcissism. As a very well educated exorcist, he said it is the hardest for deliverence. I couldn't even sleep in the same room with him because I would experience sleep paralysis and waking at 3 am. His demons not only haunted me, but my children are not as into prayer as I am and need your prayers please.🙏They are now experiencing sleep paralysis, nightmares and won't go to church with me. Thank you for listening.
Yes! Thank you for bringing needed clarity on this issue. My mum is an overt narcissist; easy to spot; this is not so easy to spot and I finally see in MIL
I don't know, but everything what you said now, is soooo true. I'am at the moment suffering from his violence and manipulation. Embarrassing to talk about it to someone because I don't go to church now with him. It's sooo hypocritical to go church. Our church don't know what I know about my husband. If I talk to others, probably I'm the one spreading gossip to their eyes 😢
dont let shame keep you silent, God loves you
I am with you on the part you said about not going to church with my husband. It’s humiliating. In the discard stage: he doesn’t sit w me and avoids me. Humiliating .When he lovebombs me; he sits w me but doesn’t pay attention at church. He’s on his phone, he gossips about others, he puts the preacher down and the list goes on. I’m like what is the point of me being so distracted at church by my own husband
Listening from Canada
Spot on, I have had exactly those experiences. Wise words.👍
I have experienced this. Leaned on God throughout the experience. Continuing to lean on God...
¿ my question is the difference between the spirit of Jezebel and narcissistic. Seems that there is so much in common.?
Gods blessings: Oksana from Belgium.❤
You are very much on point.
The I am hurt etc never works for the narcissist in my life. They just tell me that they are not responsible for any of it. Sooooo I unfortunately did decide to let them know I believe they have x y z and they were somewhat receptive but I can still sense they are aggravated and annoyed by my understanding of what’s actually happening.