I beg to differ. for me its known as: "last Mistake they ever make" We will bond with cute and cuddly and will mercilessly slaughter the entire Universe if needed to protect it.
@@blackthrone6976 if it looks like a crab someone is definitely going to try if it tastes like crab they are lucky the species was not made into cattle
@@eliandervalderen5849 Unarmed Human: *Smiles* Xeno: *Kalm* Unarmed Human: *Starts playing Rip and Tear* Xeno: *Panik* Human: *Pulls out Energy Weapon* Xeno: *Starts hearing BFG Division playing from weapon*
We can be your greatest friends. Or your greatest foes. Choose wisely. Also, if you think the adults are bad, don't mess with the children. Actually, messing with the kids just makes the adults even worse. Furthermore, do NOT hurt the doggos!
oh messing with the kids is far worse. Kids don't care what they do, plus if you hurt them you then have to deal with the adults. And adults who are angry at you because you hurt their kids... You see the kids didn't know any better. The adults know better... and far worse as well.
Personally, I never get why anyone would like an otter. Sure they look soft but they... *Blam* By the decree of his most holy Inquisition, this heretic have been deemed unfit for the privilege of existence. For the Emperor and for the love of everything cute and cuddly. =][=
@@chrisb9143 first we have to see if the offers are trying to assimilate the crabs. Then we have to decide. Besides I remember Universe where humans were going out of their way to try and save alien crabs that were being captured and eaten
@@chrisb9143 otters enslave crabs, humans: have you tried boiling them alive, cracking open their shells and eating them? It's delicious. Slap that meat on a bun with a bit of mayo
Could you imagine the conversations some of those kids were having with their parents? “Bye mom and dad, the otter group are gonna go on a crusade against some slavers!” “Okay honey, be safe!” “Bring butter- wait that might be bad…”
Evil space crab planning meeting: "So, the Hu-mans have a bias in favor of fur covered creatures? We will cover ourselves with fur and catch them off their guard!". Humans: "Aargh! Giant hairy space tarantulas!" STOMP! STOMP! STOMP! (I feel sort of sorry for the Crabs, in a way, but I'd still eat them! 😋)
Wait... "community service"? So either they're about to graduate from high school or are juvenile delinquents. I know which one is going to be my headcanon.
They are high schoolers, it is brought up right at the end that the slavers surrendered to high school students in addition to the students community service requirements.
I had to do community service for high school credit to graduate so I figured if students are going to war, they would claim it counted as such. It just popped in my head as I finished writing it.
Hahaha dear lord, as a construction worker and tradesman, i can only imagine the kind of chaos and improvised weapons that would ensue if several crews of us working on a skyscraper got word to "protect our space otter friends with anything available". Especially when we see the hostiles also as potential food.
If it is humanoid, Intelligent, and peaceful. Then it is not food. But if it looks like an animal, is violent, and is trying to kill you or your friends. Then it is dinner time.
Tell Cookie to break out the butter and bibs I want these crabs served up on a silver platter. After all a concrete saw is just a giant gas powered knife...
iirc, this was not one ofbthose detention things but one of those volunteer things that some schools offer to students for extra credits. No delinquents in here unless they volunteered for the chance to see space otters
I'm a bit late to the party but... 1. Humans are biologically programmed to adore and protect what we generally consider cute and cuddly. 2. They will therefore very often unleash the fires of hell on threats to cute and cuddly. In line with this, I'm wondering if anybody has the courage to take on writing a HFY story involving the HOKA (ref. Poul Anderson and Gordon Dickson).
@@dominicjuckes3988 amazon river otters are umm, well they kind of look like tiny waterlogged old men. they a re not as cute as other otters, you just need to look up there images to see what i mean
Humans: aww, wook at da widdle baby space otter! Space crabs: we will enslave the baby space otters! Humans, in unison: BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD, SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE! KAR EN TUK, KUS EN TETA, KAR EN TUK, DU TAE EX UNT! (Or, I suppose: hemolymph for the hemolymph god, carapace for the carapace throne!)
Giant Crab 1: "sir, it seem humans love furry things as they consider it cute" Giant Crab 2: "I see, let us visit them wearing fur next time, perhaps this will improve our galactic relationship and we don't unintentionally scare them anymore" *later...bunch of giant crabs in fursuits visit* Giant Crab 2: "hello human, we meet once again, we come in peace, be not affraid for we all cute and cuddly" Humans: "AHHHHHHH GIANT SPIDERS!"
It's an actual joke I had for a potential sequel, but the human asks how the alien knew about Halloween and how to dress up for it. The alien just says he's good at his job and plays it cool.
I can see how docile and tame aliens would see us as irrational monsters simply by seeing the sh!t we do when we're young. Even we ourselves wondered how we managed to grow into adulthood sometimes.
I mean to be fair, a alien civilization showing up only to steal the others that made first contact would 100% send us into war for the first contact babes
Humans love cute things if you harm cute things we will harm you and we will keep harming you until you are no longer breathing because we love cute things
That would explain why they surrendered before the Humans could launch a more.. thorough examination of their culinary value. Humans don't take slaves.. but do enjoy firm, freshly baked crab flesh. Butter is a very persuasive substance.
@@matthewklestinski7030 please tell me your joking about eating another walking talking living being. because thats gross , and that means you must be aright with xeno's eating human dead bodies
@@chongwillson972 Do humans eat crabs? Find the answer to that, and you know why crab Xenos should be extra-cautious about getting Humans involved in any war possibilities. If you yourself refrain from eating crabs, you are allowed to hold yourself back from attending the festivities, in fact, I would expect you to hold to your position. Your opinion that eating crabs is "gross" is your opinion. If we encounter Tree folk/ fauna Xenos that are quite big on the cycle of life, and believe that good people of any and every species deserve to be permitted back into the mulch of the Cosmos after they pass on, then I'm okay with them, as you put it, to be a 'Xeno eating human dead bodies', if they do it with the consent of all involved, and consider it an honor. Or are you suddenly not willing to embrace other cultures' values when it's "gross" to you?
Super cute otter like aliens surrounded by height young ones... They couldn't have ever made a better choice. Yukaks slaver expedition attack. After the attack, the Humans are : All you can eat Giant Crab buffet night ! Pass the butter.
Warlike Space Crabs decide to conquer Peaceful Space Otters! Humanity: *RIPE AND TEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!* Space Crabs: Why do I hear Boss Music? (th-cam.com/video/5Nz3HXwEG4M/w-d-xo.html)
Awesome story, but I'm actually hoping it was just because it was CHILDREN and TEENS defending the Cute and Cuddly Otter-People-Plushies that the "joke" of 'who has the butter' was said. No matter how delicious an alien looks, if it's sapient it's "cannibalism" in a galactic extended meaning. Hell of a good joke from teens, tho... I hope! lol
Given this was a 1st contact scenario Id suspect UN military would be on standby. I find it highly unlikely that ship would have even landed if this story happened IRL. Unregister ship claiming to collect slaves bitch we invented this game before you arrived, and we ain't playing.
Those who don't know, like the deplomatic situation like this like releasing a puppy in a office while doing negotiation. It is how you do, did, make, and treat. The puppy Showing care and love to it, make you a good ally, make a bad move like shoving it for many feet can make a bad relationship, and lastly if you either harm and hit the puppy. Well your reputation and charisma goes down hill like in deeper.
Baby otters would be a definite improvement over giant spacefaring crustaceans. Anyone who has read of the Prador in Neal Ashers Polity novels might have actually crapped themselves at first contact.
The funny thing is, we are only ever monsters so that others don't become one. or when someone starts one of the Eternal Debates, like GIF, Pineapple on pizza, and what is love?
Here's the weird thing... on one hand it's a sentient being, on the other hand it's a slaver and delicious... hard to decide especially because once labelled as a slaver intelligence loses most of its importance.
I hate stories like this that portray humans as so unprofessional our best diplomats shriek and scream little baby space otters the 1st time they see an alien
I always assume that was a new intern fresh out of college......... and the ambassadors and diplomats were face-palming hard at the lack of decorum. At least the Space Otters were good sports about the whole incident.
Soo, crab slavers tried to steal living plushies from the murder apes?
This what is widely regarded as "mistake #1"
what could possibly go wrong with that plan...
Murder apes. OMG LMAOROTF
Murder apes!
I beg to differ. for me its known as: "last Mistake they ever make" We will bond with cute and cuddly and will mercilessly slaughter the entire Universe if needed to protect it.
*geno/xenocide apes. We've wiped out more species/peoples for less reason on our own world in this timeline
Alien Crab Slavers: Attack baby otter friends.
Human Brain: Kill zem all.
Human: Are you sure?
Human Brain: Yes.
Human: Well, I'm convinced.
TF2 animation reference?
Human. Well, you don’t have to tell me twice.
sounds about right
@@lucasgamerbr2774 No, I believe it from ST: TNG (Star Trek : The Next Gen)
Gotta be terrifying to everyone once humans EAT the dead crabs
pretty sure that was a joke... at least i hope it was
@@blackthrone6976 , Why waste good, fresh food?
@@thelaughinghyenas8465 I love eating crabs
@@blackthrone6976 You’re telling me that, if a giant crab tried to kill you but you got the drop on it, you WOULDN’T want to see if it tastes good???
@@blackthrone6976 if it looks like a crab someone is definitely going to try if it tastes like crab they are lucky the species was not made into cattle
Adorable space otters in danger! Release a group of teenagers who haven't learned restraint on the slavers... the poor bastards.
It’s not that they haven’t learned restraint, the situation deemed it non-essential and removed the restrictions.
There is nothing as blood thirsty as a kid.
@@machinist7230 there's nothing as blood thirsty as a kid that protecting what they love...
A toast, for every HFY protag that gets possessed by the spirit of Doom Slayer the second anything adjacent to enemy shows up
Is that not the human thing to do? Scream fuck you and bite face?
Rip and tear
@@BeeKisses hell yea haha
Well buddy get drinking because it’s going to take untell the universe’s ends to finish
@@eliandervalderen5849 Unarmed Human: *Smiles*
Xeno: *Kalm*
Unarmed Human: *Starts playing Rip and Tear*
Xeno: *Panik*
Human: *Pulls out Energy Weapon*
Xeno: *Starts hearing BFG Division playing from weapon*
We can be your greatest friends. Or your greatest foes. Choose wisely. Also, if you think the adults are bad, don't mess with the children. Actually, messing with the kids just makes the adults even worse. Furthermore, do NOT hurt the doggos!
Often, the kids are far worse. Lord of the Flies exemplifies this.
oh messing with the kids is far worse. Kids don't care what they do, plus if you hurt them you then have to deal with the adults. And adults who are angry at you because you hurt their kids...
You see the kids didn't know any better. The adults know better... and far worse as well.
There is a reason dog is god backwards
or the kitties
@@seanpeacock4290 or the Ratties. Or the Bunnies. Especially The Bunnies. Doomguy will not suffer such foolishness.
Personally, I never get why anyone would like an otter. Sure they look soft but they...
*Blam*
By the decree of his most holy Inquisition, this heretic have been deemed unfit for the privilege of existence.
For the Emperor and for the love of everything cute and cuddly.
=][=
😂😂😂😂😂😂
Otters ESPECIALLY sea otters are murderous sonova bitches.
@@Coolbond2
So are house cats.
@@calvingreene90 And we still love them.
All must love the smart water ferrets!
Thanks for reading my story! It was a lot of fun to write.
*JimmyAgent007*
Our honour and pleasure to have you amongst us. Thank you for your trouble in creating a fun story.
I hope there are more to come.
Your story is definitely in my top 5 favorites 😁
(Supposed to be read in a jovial tone)
Hey it's how I like to spend my time, and it was a lot of fun to read and listen to so no regrets here!
@@jordanshadows3253yeah. Same
It made me tear up a bit.
what Paul's people did not realize, was humanity had performed a pack bond. Humanity is insane, and will do insane things for the pack.
You fuck with ours, you fuck with us.
TERRA INVICTUS
ah yes another stellaris player
i see you're a man of culture aswell
i love the "evolve to crabs" coming up in this
Yeah lot of things on earth evolved into crabs to for some crazy reason
Never try to enslave anyone around a group of humans. Especially not if what you're trying to enslave is erased as cute and cuddly people
otters enslave crabs : "we'll let it go this time"
crabs enslave otter : "so, you have chosen death" *DOOM musics kicks in*
@@chrisb9143 first we have to see if the offers are trying to assimilate the crabs. Then we have to decide. Besides I remember Universe where humans were going out of their way to try and save alien crabs that were being captured and eaten
@@chrisb9143 otters enslave crabs, humans: have you tried boiling them alive, cracking open their shells and eating them? It's delicious. Slap that meat on a bun with a bit of mayo
*"To the Coalition of Armed Student Volunteers"*
I wish my college had a Xeno Stomping club.
My brain went straight to the Penguins of Madagascar when I read the title. Cute and cuddly, boys. Cute and cuddly.
Space otters exist. Every human in unison.
We will die for you.
If you think the kids are dangerous to fight wait till you fight our actual military.
Why do you think they surrendered to the kids!
@@aussieginger1960
Because they were losing badly.
Could you imagine the conversations some of those kids were having with their parents?
“Bye mom and dad, the otter group are gonna go on a crusade against some slavers!”
“Okay honey, be safe!”
“Bring butter- wait that might be bad…”
Evil space crab planning meeting: "So, the Hu-mans have a bias in favor of fur covered creatures? We will cover ourselves with fur and catch them off their guard!".
Humans: "Aargh! Giant hairy space tarantulas!" STOMP! STOMP! STOMP!
(I feel sort of sorry for the Crabs, in a way, but I'd still eat them! 😋)
Oh my god lmfao.
This got me to good in my work field
Wait... "community service"? So either they're about to graduate from high school or are juvenile delinquents. I know which one is going to be my headcanon.
Some crimes are punished with community service instead of or in addition to fines or prison time, so it can include adults too.
They are high schoolers, it is brought up right at the end that the slavers surrendered to high school students in addition to the students community service requirements.
Considering they're all into doing habitat work for space otters I'm thinking it's more likely they're an offshoot of the Youth Conservation Corps.
I had to do community service for high school credit to graduate so I figured if students are going to war, they would claim it counted as such. It just popped in my head as I finished writing it.
Community service to graduate is stupid.
PROTECT THE FLUFFS!!!!
Hahaha dear lord, as a construction worker and tradesman, i can only imagine the kind of chaos and improvised weapons that would ensue if several crews of us working on a skyscraper got word to "protect our space otter friends with anything available". Especially when we see the hostiles also as potential food.
Food that talks isn't food, but if you kill it before it talks, can it then be food?
If it is humanoid, Intelligent, and peaceful. Then it is not food. But if it looks like an animal, is violent, and is trying to kill you or your friends. Then it is dinner time.
Tell Cookie to break out the butter and bibs I want these crabs served up on a silver platter. After all a concrete saw is just a giant gas powered knife...
I like this style of personal stories that are not verbose but involve personalities
For the space otters!
FOR THE CUTE AND CUDDLY!
Space Otters for the win!
Wait.... basically a group of Youth Conservation Corps crews took down a slaver empire? FUCK YEAH!
This is one of the very first HFY I ever heard and I have been hooked ever since! Nothing like community service to straighten out a kid. Lol
iirc, this was not one ofbthose detention things but one of those volunteer things that some schools offer to students for extra credits. No delinquents in here unless they volunteered for the chance to see space otters
@@NovaGirl8 For my high school we had to do a few hours of community service, so I figured that was normal for other people when I wrote this lol
Don’t fight wars with humans
Especially when your Delicious with lemon and butter
And your guns are about as "deadly" as cat bites.
@johnadler6987 ...
Probably designed to create fractures in exoskeletons ... shame that humans bruise.
This story gives me strong "protect the lil un's!" Vibes
Nobody? Alright...
"He's so fluffy! I'm gonna die!"
I still just love this story. This and "The Goodest Little Doggo". At least I think that's what it was called.
I'm a bit late to the party but...
1. Humans are biologically programmed to adore and protect what we generally consider cute and cuddly.
2. They will therefore very often unleash the fires of hell on threats to cute and cuddly.
In line with this, I'm wondering if anybody has the courage to take on writing a HFY story involving the HOKA (ref. Poul Anderson and Gordon Dickson).
Cute n cuddly. There is one species, on earth, that put lots of evolution point into that and was brought back from endangered status.
For the love of cute & cuddle
For the bard
For the narrator
For the hourdes
Oooooo space COKE
{something something algorithm}
Good thing they weren't Space Amazon River Otters, or we'd have sided with the Yukaks!
Explain plz
@@dominicjuckes3988 amazon river otters are umm, well they kind of look like tiny waterlogged old men. they a re not as cute as other otters, you just need to look up there images to see what i mean
@@dominicjuckes3988 check Casual Geographic's channel
@@SiegeTF the other otters weren’t any better, especially the Sea Otters. Less said of their mating habits the better.
@@mr.e6289 I absolutely love the term waterlogged old men
In this tale:
A bunch of student workers(probably 14-18) on some kinda work study brought down an alien slaver empire for extra credits.
Gotta pad those college applications!
Don't ever screw with human pack bonds xD
Humans: aww, wook at da widdle baby space otter!
Space crabs: we will enslave the baby space otters!
Humans, in unison: BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD, SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE! KAR EN TUK, KUS EN TETA, KAR EN TUK, DU TAE EX UNT!
(Or, I suppose: hemolymph for the hemolymph god, carapace for the carapace throne!)
Giant Crab 1: "sir, it seem humans love furry things as they consider it cute"
Giant Crab 2: "I see, let us visit them wearing fur next time, perhaps this will improve our galactic relationship and we don't unintentionally scare them anymore"
*later...bunch of giant crabs in fursuits visit*
Giant Crab 2: "hello human, we meet once again, we come in peace, be not affraid for we all cute and cuddly"
Humans: "AHHHHHHH GIANT SPIDERS!"
It's an actual joke I had for a potential sequel, but the human asks how the alien knew about Halloween and how to dress up for it. The alien just says he's good at his job and plays it cool.
Ah yes crabs.
Always crabs.
Good snacks are hard fought
Those kids weren't afraid of the Yukak because they'd feel kinda silly being afraid of something that tastes so good with butter and lemon.
Defend the floofs
That was hilarious. I can imagine any surviving Yakuk curling up in terror at the words 'We got their ship. Who's bringing the butter?'
No better friend, no worse enemy - General James Mattis
Nice. A very pleasant story to start the day with.
Bless the Narrator
Bless the Author
I can see how docile and tame aliens would see us as irrational monsters simply by seeing the sh!t we do when we're young. Even we ourselves wondered how we managed to grow into adulthood sometimes.
We are more durable than we think sometimes. ;p Thanks for listening.
I mean.... I too would fight to defend sentient space otters
I mean to be fair, a alien civilization showing up only to steal the others that made first contact would 100% send us into war for the first contact babes
Agreed!
Crab slavers: We're here to conquer!
Humans: Delicious
Crab: What?
Human: What?
Humans love cute things if you harm cute things we will harm you and we will keep harming you until you are no longer breathing because we love cute things
Save the fluffy!
We can still be lovably psychopathic 🤣
This is actually a really cute story
Thanks! Glad you think so.
I wonder if the students ate them...
If they did, were they delicious?
I love crabs
I mean, you tell me; giant crab prolly equals giant flavor
That would explain why they surrendered before the Humans could launch a more.. thorough examination of their culinary value. Humans don't take slaves.. but do enjoy firm, freshly baked crab flesh. Butter is a very persuasive substance.
@@matthewklestinski7030
please tell me your joking about eating another walking talking living being.
because thats gross , and that means you must be aright with xeno's eating human dead bodies
@@chongwillson972 Do humans eat crabs? Find the answer to that, and you know why crab Xenos should be extra-cautious about getting Humans involved in any war possibilities. If you yourself refrain from eating crabs, you are allowed to hold yourself back from attending the festivities, in fact, I would expect you to hold to your position. Your opinion that eating crabs is "gross" is your opinion. If we encounter Tree folk/ fauna Xenos that are quite big on the cycle of life, and believe that good people of any and every species deserve to be permitted back into the mulch of the Cosmos after they pass on, then I'm okay with them, as you put it, to be a 'Xeno eating human dead bodies', if they do it with the consent of all involved, and consider it an honor. Or are you suddenly not willing to embrace other cultures' values when it's "gross" to you?
One of my very favorites.
Super cute otter like aliens surrounded by height young ones... They couldn't have ever made a better choice.
Yukaks slaver expedition attack. After the attack, the Humans are : All you can eat Giant Crab buffet night ! Pass the butter.
PROTECT THE SPACE WATER PUPPIES.
Very much so!
The enamy wont be as cute and cuddly as I am! - unsc sargent on the arc
Listen we eat all like nothing. You aint taking the cuties
I totally loved this story!
Thank you!
Butter for the Crab God!
Mmmmm, crab
Who brings the butter ?
And the lemons
Yup. We're weird monsters.
Warlike Space Crabs decide to conquer Peaceful Space Otters!
Humanity: *RIPE AND TEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*
Space Crabs: Why do I hear Boss Music? (th-cam.com/video/5Nz3HXwEG4M/w-d-xo.html)
Awesome story, but I'm actually hoping it was just because it was CHILDREN and TEENS defending the Cute and Cuddly Otter-People-Plushies that the "joke" of 'who has the butter' was said. No matter how delicious an alien looks, if it's sapient it's "cannibalism" in a galactic extended meaning. Hell of a good joke from teens, tho... I hope! lol
It depends on whos asking and if the answer is legally binding.
Given this was a 1st contact scenario Id suspect UN military would be on standby.
I find it highly unlikely that ship would have even landed if this story happened IRL.
Unregister ship claiming to collect slaves bitch we invented this game before you arrived, and we ain't playing.
Kids "accidentally" switched off the alarm system because it scared the pups. after that the food delivered itself...
@@aronnemcsik Ya thats probaly the best answer Im gonna get
Damn, now I kinda want some crab.
Bear sales go brrrr
The Emporer protects.
Those who don't know, like the deplomatic situation like this like releasing a puppy in a office while doing negotiation.
It is how you do, did, make, and treat. The puppy Showing care and love to it, make you a good ally, make a bad move like shoving it for many feet can make a bad relationship, and lastly if you either harm and hit the puppy.
Well your reputation and charisma goes down hill like in deeper.
We've known space otter for 5 seconds but if anything happens to them we will destroy existence and ourselves - Humans probably
We share a lot with Koko the gorilla. Cute and cuddly will be defended with extreme murder ape prejudice.
Bring The BUTTER AND THAI SEAFOOD SAUCE!!!!
"Hold on to my furrrr, I like it. . . . " 😘
Crabs back on the menu boys!
Baby otters would be a definite improvement over giant spacefaring crustaceans.
Anyone who has read of the Prador in Neal Ashers Polity novels might have actually crapped themselves at first contact.
The funny thing is, we are only ever monsters so that others don't become one.
or when someone starts one of the Eternal Debates, like GIF, Pineapple on pizza, and what is love?
By the power of Darigold!
Here's the weird thing... on one hand it's a sentient being, on the other hand it's a slaver and delicious... hard to decide especially because once labelled as a slaver intelligence loses most of its importance.
If you enjoyed this one, you might also like:
Babysitter: th-cam.com/video/gErtlll1uPk/w-d-xo.html
The Nanny: th-cam.com/video/ZBpNJ5zlfLk/w-d-xo.html
For the algorithm
I feel I have read/heard this story before.
Lovey
Welp, we've went to war for much less...
I hate stories like this that portray humans as so unprofessional our best diplomats shriek and scream little baby space otters the 1st time they see an alien
I always assume that was a new intern fresh out of college......... and the ambassadors and diplomats were face-palming hard at the lack of decorum.
At least the Space Otters were good sports about the whole incident.
Bro who are you kidding, we definitely would scream at adorable baby space otters😁
Jayzus. It's literally Rule #1 with humans: DO. NOT. THREATEN. TEH. FLOOFS!
Agreed! Thanks for listening!