Mark i just got 8 years clean yesterday. Your videos have done ALOT to keep me clean. They have served as a reminder and a warning, of the madness that comes with severe addiction.
That's absolutely amazing! Very few people have done what you did. Isn't it 98 out of 100 who relapse? The odds are so against people who are addicted to drugs, just those odds alone have to be such a demotivating factor. Knowing that it's almost impossible before you try and get clean is probably the reason why many don't even try. It's a mental challenge like no other. I'm not trying to invade your privacy but I'm just curious to know what you feel like after 8 years. Are you still struggling on a daily basis? Or has it now become the new you to be clean? I know many are doing good on a daily basis because they have school, work, maybe a partner, children or other things that take the focus away from the craving and the thoughts. It's when these regular days are disturbed that people can get in trouble. I know very many addicts struggle so much during holidays, especially at Christmas, Easter and also during the summer time. And when people experience traumatic events like illness, loss, or other personal demanding events. Is it like that for you, too? If you don't want to answer, I totally respect that. I just want to learn about addiction and mental health issues as, much as I can. Have a great day! Keep doing what you do because it's obviously works! Stay strong and courageous! Love from Norway.
@@wrath231 The Rear-View mirror is small and shows what is behind us. It is a reflection of the past and cannot be changed. It is somewhat important because to know where we are going, we must know where we are coming from. The windscreen is large and in front of us. It projects our future and can be changed. It is most important because we can choose where we want to go and the windscreen projects our destiny.
I watch these and see these people started at 10-15 years old. I have a 13 year old. It scares the shit out of me. I talked to him recently about when he’s out playing with his friends. I tell him if anyone offers you anything you say no. If your friends want to buy drugs you immediately leave or call me. His response was Omg Mom we don’t even know where you buy drugs at or have any money to buy even Arizona Teas. I wouldn’t even know what kind of drugs do you ask for. We just focus on our basketball skills and breaking ankles. I Pray it stays this way! It’s terrifying raising kids today.
Tbh I'm not sure if this is the right advice. I'm not going to tell you how to raise you child, so if you plan to raise them with a zero tolerance approach towards drugs, where they should never touch any drug under any circumstance, thats your prerogative. But coming from someone who fought long and hard to escape the throes of addiction (opiates specifically), I think educating your child on drugs, familiarizing them with harm reduction principles, and making them feel comfortable and unafraid of discussing substances with you, will increase the likelihood of them avoiding dangerous drugs altogether. Rather than being told to stay away from any and all drugs, I wish I would have been educated on the nuances and properties of each drug and taught what makes some drugs like psychedelics for example (relatively safe if used responsibly in a safe environment) different than opiates or meth for example. In my personal opinion, I think you'll be better off if your child feels comfortable discussing their and their friends attitudes towards drugs with you and seeking your guidance if they decide to use them (or if their friends do). That way they don't equate smoking pot with doing cocaine or heroin and develop a false sense of equality between them ("well we already smoked weed, why not try cocaine, it's just as bad"). Personally, I try to foster an environment where my child will feel comfortable telling me if they are curious about trying a drug so I can either provide a safe setting and correct knowledge about it if It's something that's relatively safe OR dissuade them from using something that's not safe at all (i.e. fentanyl, meth, etc). Plenty of people are able to recreationally use substances like lsd, mdma, cannabis, and even cocaine once in a while, satisfy their curiosity about it, then leave it alone after a while, never suffering any consequences as a result. I think the key thing that allows that is being educated about safety and feeling comfortable expressing their curiosities with someone who may be more experienced. That's just my observation as someone who has been around the block a few times
Man, he's just not there. He's somewhere else, he's a different person than he once was. Once people get to this point, even if they can go into recovery and succeed, the damage is done. People like him are like lost souls, wondering the streets looking for purpose, but never finding it, never being satisfied, or comfortable. Just complete misery.
they are all probably convinced they don’t have one so instead they numb themselves to distract themselves from their life situation. it’s like watching a movie already knowing the ending. i feel for them and wish i could just tell them to conquer their thoughts :(
There's a good possibility that tx for his underlying conditions would help him out. He likely has a schizo type condition and/or brain injury. It isn't just intoxication.
@@Daniea3 Thank you for bringing some sense to these comments. His opiate use has very little to do with his dissociative episodes, nor his likely severe Obsessive Compulsive Disorder symptoms that are causing him to hunch over. There's a possibility he actually also has back pain, but all of this could be solved with GOOD healthcare. A good neurologist could help identify his back issues, a GOOD psychologist would work with a GOOD psychiatrist and develop a wholistic treatment program to give him a new lease on life. But this will never happen in the USA, because the word "good" does not exist in a vast majority of the Healthcare system Americans pay so much for. This man seems humble, kind, and warm.. yet he'll likely die soon because nobody gives a single f anymore. The USA is so horrible with it's "Pray For Pain™" and "F*ck You, Pay Me Healthcare System™" that I am unsure why the citizens haven't revolted, other than they are maybe just too distracted, weak and sick to organize a proper revolt to have proper healthcare.
Sitting here in my bed mad because I got to work tonight, and I'm tired but can't get my nights and days turned, so I know I'll be sleepy as hell tonight.. but watching this humbles me because my life could be soooo much worse.. 😢❤😢
That isnt entirely because of a mental disability or defeciency. This dude hasnt slept in DAYS. The way he starts to answer and then forgets what hes talking about, or trails off and says something like "so yeah..." are both SUPER common for people who (usually) iv meth and have been on a multi day bender. Even when smoking it, most people fall asleep way before theyve been up this long.
@pinky..... I had that same issue, I even slowed down the playback speed. He was talking somewhat softer than my ears can hear and he was also talking to fast for me to grasp every word 🥺😕
Could you please explain what he ment by scanning? I'm Scandinavian so I had a struggle trying to understand what he said in the first place and the word scan and his explanation gave me more questions than answers. He sort of gave three different examples and meanings which were totally different the way I interpreted it. One time he talked about it together with being psychic if I got it right so I thought maybe it ment something out of this world like some skill he believes he has. But in the end he talked about wanting his life back and then his scanning would be so much better. That made me think he just ment scanning means his overall understanding and reading of people and situations. I have no idea. My own scanning is probably totally out of touch!
@@heavenlydays2838 I personally don't see him as typical Schizophrenic. He's answering Mark's questions and are aware of his surroundings. But he definitely seems like he's done some other drug than opioids. Either meth or crack.
@@leneo1731- I'm inclined to guess that he's talking about something like trying to find awareness or relevance realization by investigating the infinite minutiae of what he is noticing in the moment - like his homelessness, thoughts, words, body, posture, etc. ad infinitum. He talks about being stressed with homelessness and "this whole other world" of staying scanned. He goes on to refer to it as higher levels of thinking and not really care. He mentioned fentanyl being like a crutch which I took to mean a break from the exhaustive practice of scanning (I could be wrong). He talked about the word-endings like "tion" as scanning or underlining words and that scanning the word for you. Lastly he talked about the body and using poses to "pick yourself up a little bit" as scanning, since he found something useful and relevant. In each instance he describes or implies it being a difficult practice. With all these disparate thoughts representing "scanning" I think he's talking about a broad type of practice that is positive but difficult or impossible to sustain. He talks about it as if it's something from which he needs breaks, since it's too exhausting (in my understanding of his ramblings). By the way, as an American-English speaker I also had a very hard time understanding Tony!
I’m 23 addicted to fentanyl and by looking at me you’d have no idea I do drugs . Shit is no joke and is everywhere . Hopefully going to rehab this week
never watched his videos from Philadelphia? (I think, somewhere northeast) It's worse than skid row because the fentanyl there was cut with some sort of tranquilizer, they call it 'tranq' and it causes people to literally walk around like zombies with giant open wounds showing BONE, talking about whether letting maggots feed on them is 'healthy' or not, until eventually it gets septic and they go to the ER and get it amputated. And of course.. they go back to using so there's a bunch of amputees there doing drugs. And in all that there's a ton of people walking bent over. Those videos are wild. I was worried we would start seeing tranq in LA, thankfully haven't (knock on wood).
Yeah I live in SF and you often see people on the street bent over like that. It's terrible how fentanyl got into the drug market, it's a whole different ballgame now and very very difficult to treat
Speaking of scanning...I think Tony needs x-rays and/or an MRI. He could be suffering from scoliosis, a slipped disc, osteoarthritis, a tumor pressing on his spine, a recent or previous spinal injury...there are many medical conditions that cause spine curvature disorders. Seems like more that fentanyl is involved. A thought on his use of the word scan is he might be dsylexic; seems like he first used the word in regards to following written words on a page, underlining some, perhaps as a tool to help "scan" sentences when trying to read. Of course later in the interview things get awfully complicated, yet I still get the sense that he is using language to the best of his abilities to describe what he is experiencing. He's a gentle person in a lot of pain. I hope he accepts any help available to him to get better.
I assume you saw my comment? Do you think this is the same man as Garrett? Age is the same and the place they grew up in is the same. I know they don't seem to look alike a lot, but Garrett was interviewed years ago, so who knows what he could look like now.
@@thematriarchy2075 I did see your dialogue with another commenter, and took a quick glance at Garrett's photo (interview from 3 years ago). I could see a similar look, but I'd want to listen to that interview to get a better feel for whether there is a possibility of Tony and Garrett being the same person. Will do that later. Just skimmed through the comments again and see you've reached out to Mark for clarification. TBD...
@@thematriarchy2075 Okay. I just watched / listened to Garrett's interview, then came back to this one, then went back and forth in short bursts. And...I'm undecided. You're right about age and Half Moon Bay being where they both grew up.They are both redheads and their voices sound similar; both mention an alcoholic father. And yet, it's noteworthy that in Garrett's interview, he talks about surfing having been his passion; Tony mentions a lot of sports he used to be into, but no word of surfing. Garrett says he graduated high school; Tony says he dropped out. Garrett says his parents divorced when he was about 5 yrs old; Tony says they "separated" when he was 15. Garrett doesn't mention any siblings; Tony says he has 3 sisters and a brother. Garrett speaks about his surgery for scoliosis and how it led to getting addicted to opiates; Tony doesn't mention any surgery and talks about weed being the beginning of his drug usage. Where or what is the truth? There are a lot of differences in their stories, but it's hard to ignore the basics of age, hometown, and resemblance. Oy vey.
@@invaderjaymz More, it’s about his story, he couldn’t recall any major traumas in his life. One of the big questions for addiction is Why? and usually we have a answer like they were traumatized as a child. But some people had good childhoods, families and still choose a hard path, self destruction. Why? I couldn’t see the answer clearly with Tony.. he doesn’t seem to either. Tony still has ambitions and dreams removed from his current reality.. He doesn’t see himself there. Every person needs dignity to sleep at night… every person holds on tight to what keeps them safe, I must dream while i’m awake.
I'm from the Bay Area. Been here my whole life. My kids born and raised in the Bay. It's really sad seeing such a beautiful city infested with sadness. Taking Bart is not safe anymore, walking the streets of S.F. is not safe like it use to be. Pan handlers are very aggressive and at times violent. My son and I have been out going to an event in the city and he had to protect me physically. No way to start a mom son night out. I hope this gentleman can get help. He is so young. My daughter is his age and life is just beginning. Good luck
@@jamesanderson3537no, bc she's writing the truth from a resident's point of view, & the interviewee is one of thousands just like this everywhere. If you've never walked around there, you can't fathom what it's like on the daily. It's downright dangerous to live there, & I say that as someone who lived in Oakland, & several other cities & states across the U.S. In fact, right now I live in salt lake's worst neighborhood. It's laughable ppl here *think this area is bad.*
@jamesanderson3537 people make comments relating to the subjects struggles all the time. Just because she isn't a junky doesn't mean her experience isn't relevant.
As a fellow resident, I can vouch that SF has gotten way worse in last 30 years.. crime, drugs, education, and general quality and culture is just horrendous to see fall. Most folks who never have seen what it was like when times were 100 times better, won’t understand why folks who have been here would harbor such saddening opinions. But when you see the fall of a world class city go to a world class dump… it’s really sad 😢
Tony has a beautiful face .I am sad that his high caused his thoughts to nod in and out and into conspiracy theories.He surely would be a candidate for help - his kidney - back condition is something that we need to be informed about so there can be a medical solution to this affliction =. He was aware he was nodding off and apologised . i feel this was a missed opportunity on how to help this affliction . No human should be debilitated by this pain . That should be the moniker for this interview - PAIN , Beautiful camera work Mark , even on the street scenes , I admire and see your references to Mary Ellen Mark in this work . Good Morning SWU toute le monde still quater to twelve in Bantry Bay West Cork Ireland .
Making him bend over like that. It’s a freaking tranquilizer. They take massive course of your body though. Be crazy. I don’t doubt. He’s also got some internal issues. Most likely directly caused by his drug use. My goodness you are so gullible gullible.
Personally 3 years clean. And every time the urge had ever popped into my head I watch Marks videos. Thank you for the videos as a reminder. And i prey everyone on here has the strength to want to quit and have a better life.
I can not follow his thought process ... I feel like I'm on drugs trying to interpret his wizardry- witchcraft experiences. This channel should be shared with all high school students so they can see how drugs scramble your brain and destroy your livelihood. I feel awful for his poor kiddo ... still in his formative years and fatherless.
As someone already mentioned in the comments, Johnny explains in one of his videos that with prolonged use, fentanyl will attack the kidneys. I have a brother in law who went through dialysis and a kidney transplant. He was lucky to find a match. Ironically the kidney donor was a kid that overdosed. The wait list for a transplant can go on for years. After the transplant you have to take meds for life to keep your immune system from attacking the new kidneys.
@@jenniferweed2552 often it's a young person who wasn't using long term and easily OD's so their organs are still in good health at the time of donation. A good friend of mine was a recipient of an overdose donor kidney and his donor was pretty young.
I have seem thousands of people with kidney problems and failure, and it doesn't do that to your posture. I don't think it has anything to do with the kidneys, although lots of drugs can lead to kidney failure. This is from nodding out so much and getting stuck in that stooped position that it likely messes up the back and spine severely. Chronically bad posture can cause spinal issues, imagine chronically horrific posture of staying bent over for more than half your life, sleeping on hard concrete and benches, etc
I eventually told myself "my father has already had to bury one son, I won't make him do it again." The tranq made it basically impossible to enjoy anyway and was turning me into a zombie. So I said "enough is enough." However I'm lucky enough to have a solid support system who didn't give up on me. There are communities out there to help you through before it's too late. It's a completely different world in that scene these days and I recommend anyone struggling to find help before it's too late.
It is breaking my heart to watch these SF videos, but thank you, Mark, for featuring them. It is criminal what has happened there. The current powers-that-be have dropped the ball with their tolerance of crime and laissez-faire policies, despite knowing 3 overdoses occur each week. In my opinion, the devastation and havok Fentanyl has wreaked on US cities (and now Xylanine, the "zombie" drug) can be traced to the lack of enforcement of laws and vetting of those who come into our country. The drug cartels and their traffickers have it too easy here. I pray Tony receive the addiction and mental health care that he needs -- not only for himself, but for his young child.
You know most of this stuff comes in on boats, right? There's not enough white people in the world to carry this amount over the borders. Yes, white people are the main transporters of drugs over the Mexican border. Mexicans get checked too hard by Border Control.
Lived there 19 years. It got remarkably worse & I'm so grateful I escaped in '07. I can't imagine the shitshow downtown & the Mission have become by now. There's however many residents barely doing food & rent but nothing whatsoever left over. I was stuck for years & only able to move out of state bc I got a buy out when the landlord paid us to go so he could take over the house. I voted Democrat the whole time, too, so it's ppl like me partly to blame 😬
@@dubaiedge I've lived fairly close by for 37 years. I have so many beautiful memories traveling there on the weekends with my family, or visiting friends. It's nowhere near the same. And it doesn't have to be this way. Thanks for replying. :-) Have a great evening.
This guy seems like a genuinely nice person. Even though he is very disabled by his addiction. Amazingly he is still able to take reasonable care of himself. I hope Mark can help him.
He almost sounds like someone one opiates who has had "VERY" little sleep in a really long time and his mind just drifts along with a bit of mental illness of course..much luck to you, i hope you can get yourself clean and your life together 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
I live in SF. The amount of people you see on fent is so, so saddening, it hurts my heart. And people speak of homeless people so terribly here. The only thing that separates them from us is their use of fentanyl. Most of them are harmless and good people. One of the greatest diseases in humanity is fentanyl usage. It's even getting into other street drugs now.
My brother od'd and passed away pretty much in my arms at age 38, two years ago, he was my best friend, we had like a soul-mate brother-sister connection and its caused me so much pain, depression, ptsd...i miss him every day and i will for the rest of my life. He was different. Incredibly smart, certified in SO many things but had trouble holding down jobs. A true artist and a comedian, made me laugh crying all the time, i can only hope ill laugh like that again some day. I wish the best for this man and everyone struggling. I never gave up on my brother and i never will. I pray this man finds his way to better days. Rest in peace my brother Aaron ❤
@@Teabonesteak Exactly! And all the Rebecca stuff is a fetish and I can't see how people don't realize it. Mark is the dominant person in all his relationship and that's why he wants someone to treat him like garbage like Rebecca does, and Rebecca def knows what he is doing.
When he said "i cant wait for the day i get my whole life back together again, i have a lot to offer". And what he said subsequently, took my heart. He cant wait to be clean, he's waiting for a miracle. Please lets all pray he finally gives up and shows up on the doorstep of a rehab. Lets pray GOOD competent enthusiastic unburnt out people are working that day. That they are up to the challenging task of teaching him how staying clean, treating his illness works. Lets pray these people can connect him with GOOD Drs and a sponsor and that they love what they do, so this man may feel that his team is genuine, that they really care. So that he will trust putting his life in their hands. That he achieves being clean and sober. Sweet Man☀️
Tony has a family who loves him very much and have been searching for him for some time! Please, Tony if you read this, contact your sisters! They are looking for you and want to help you.
Good morning from Lexington, KY May you be blessed Tony your son needs you clean!! Please get some mental health❤️ we all need mental health I’m a firm believer!! we are human and no one’s perfect or your son and his bright future and your future mental health is where you need to start!!
Don't feel sorry for this guy. He CHOSE drugs over everything else. His only regret is he didn't finish high school. No mention of the people he hurt, including himself
Wow. And I thought the guy I know was the best at just talking about absolutely nothing that makes sense. But this dude here takes the cake! Holy moly.
@@BelindaM44 and you know this, how? I’m pretty sure he could have helped it. Just like his walking now. He has meth to thank for that. He did it to himself. Nobody else. I can’t feel bad for him.
@brianshaner8865 Oh God, you're one of THOSE people. Such a small-minded, unintelligent person. I can't imagine being that way. Ignorance is bliss tho I suppose 😂
Remember when Nancy Reagan, who was a mess of a person, launched the "Just Say No" campaign in the old days and got slammed for the simplicity of it? I think she was right. That's literally the answer.
His back pain and posture are typical of severe ankylosing spondylitis, a disease that typically presents in relatively young people. He needs an x-ray, or other scan to assess. Poor soul.
@@acmhfmggru Do you have a link to some literature on that? I can't seem to find much about opioids causing spinal deformity and can't think of a mechanism that would cause it, other than trauma while intoxicated. I'm well aware of fentanyl muscular rigidity, a temporary condition I encountered often whilst doing high dose fentanyl, or sufentanil, as an anesthetic technique. That's not a chronic issue though.
It broke my heart when Tony said: "I'm only 38. I still have a lot more life to live." Sadly not. Firstly there's nothing about this which even resemble a life or living. It's nothing but the most horrible existence, no life whatsoever. It doesn't matter if you're poor or rich, young or old, materialistic or not, no sane person would call this a, life. The fact that he considers his existence a life is so sad. Second his body is already showing signs of serious illness and damage from the drug abuse. When your kidneys start hurting and show signs of shutting down it could be just weeks before you need invasive medical treatment such as dialysis. Obviously in his situation there's no way he'd be able to follow through such extensive treatment. I hope for a miracle because that's what he needs He's been using hard drugs for way over 20 years and not even having a son got him out of the grip of drugs. I don't believe you can get any deeper into it than he is and unfortunately he seems very distant from the hard facts of his horrible situation.
I watched my son begin believing in Magic. He could read ppl's minds and could predict the future. He was a college graduate. Had a law degree, but suddenly became mentally ill. We never found out what was causing this. He didn't take fentanyl.
Just stayed in the tenderloin, unintentionally, what a scary place. Didn't know about it until my sister and I got followed, harassed and assaulted by a homeless man that was obviously on some drugs and mentally unstable...so I ended up doing some research on the area. Yikes. If you're a female, especially alone, don't stay in the tenderloin or outskirts of it. Not safe. Always have a blade ready too. Or pepper spray. Something. I am very fit, I've done mma and jiu jitsu for years but it didn't prepare to think about fighting for my actual life. Be prepared.
Suboxone saved my life . I couldn't imagine where I'd be if i didn't take it. I could have been him. Blessings to this man and i hope he finds his way soon. If not. Hope he lives a good life
Suboxone ruined my life because in my country heroin and fentanyl is really rare. Suboxone is used as a street drug. I'm in treatment but the shit no longer works at all, I don't even feel normal. More like slightly dope sick 24/ 7.
I work in downtown SF. The whole place is full of zombies and ghouls. My students are afraid to walk home from school and I don't blame them. The SF city council is too busy voting for a ceasefire in Gaza to do anything about it. It's absurd. I live in Oakland. That place is out of control too. I got mugged at the lake twice in one week. The DA vowed to give lighter sentences to blacks and stiffer sentences to whites in order to "rectify historical inequities." It's gotten so bad they're going to have to call in the National Guard to fix it. Hopefully I'll be in Texas by then. This place SUCKS
I lived in SF for 12 years and left because of what it has turned into. When you move to TX or a different state, please don't vote for the policies that helped turn SF & Oakland into the way they are now.
I don’t think anybody wants to end up addicted to anything. My son was an opiate addict for over 15 years. It totally ruined his life. He’s about to serve 3 years in Lansing Prison.
Ladies and gentlemen, meet fentenyl. Once it has someone, their likelihood of coming back is very small. I've lost a couple of old friends to it in the last year. Without forced rehabilitation, fentenyl addicts have no hope.
That's untrue. You're talking to someone who beat the odds right now. I understand why you say that though. I know it hurts to lose people you love. But don't take hope away from others by putting that message out there. I'm not asking you to invest personally in any addict, just don't take away their hope.
I wish I knew what he was trying to say about this whole scanning thing. In his mind it makes sense, I wish I could understand what he was trying to relay to us 🙏🏽❤️
Fentanyl must paralyze the abdominal muscles because a lot of them walk around hunched over like question marks. They also tend to pass out in whatever position they happen to be in when the drug hits. Some of the kids have swollen hands and feet that are purple and appear to be rotting. I imagine if they live long enough those will have to be amputated. It must be a tremendous high because there's certainly a lot of them, especially in Civic Center. They're relatively docile during the day but it gets wild out here at night. Whatever you've heard, it's worse. You wouldn't believe it
“It’s like someone put a weighted vest on you and you’re like - whoa that’s too heavy!” That pretty much describes addiction in a nutshell. “Sorry if it didn’t make sense.” Damn. 💔
It's from injecting drugs with dirty needles / not disinfecting the injection sites. They end up injecting dirt and other impurities into the skin/tissue which gets inflamed, swollen, and irritated. That's why you usually see the hands/feet all red and swollen, because those are very common sites of injection.
Tony can stand. His disability is psychosomatic. He’s convinced himself that there is a “weight” on his back, and so there is. I would wager that if doctors were able to examine him, they’d find no physical abnormalities.
I was very curious about his topic on scanning so I had to look it up and if it had anything to do with spirituality and I found out that it’s a meditation technique where you pause and just take notice and feel if there is anything out of the ordinary going on w your body such as aches, pains, etc .. and I can say he was explaining it well, I had to really think about it though. I feel like Tony really does have a lot of knowledge to share to the world regarding life and spirituality. I hope he finds himself soon so we can hear more of what he has to say.
Handsome man, very sad. Cant tell if its mental illness or drugs or both? Its humbling to hear ppl talk about their regrets. I wish him the best. He is far gone.
When sober and programmed we take for granted our reasoning and situation. When drugged and alone we cherish our reasoning and miss the programmed days. Praying for purpose and peace🙏🏾
Wizardry, witchcraft, spells, scanning... I wonder what the experience he's actually having in his head is like? It's so strange that a person can seemingly drift between being totally coherent and reasonable to being completely lost and nonsensical in seconds. He seems to answer questions pretty quickly and realistically, and gives answers that sound truthful and forthcoming, but then a few thoughts later he's gone off course into something that clearly isn't real, but it's real to him. He doesn't know how to make sense of it to other people. And it's not clear how much of the delusions are from drugs, or an underlying mental disorder that he's undiagnosed with, it could be schizophrenia but I can't tell the difference between that and the potential psychosis that comes from fentanyl and meth abuse and staying up for too long.
"Tony what is the most important thing you've learned?" "How to pat your money, you know? We can all make our money by patting ourselves. And then before money, there was nothing, it was just like what do you have to trade me, besides your money. And then i learned how to make my hypnotizing walk coincide with my spell world. So it hydrated my fuckin....hypnotized life, and it made a really calm and peaceful environment, where i was able to approve a credit barrier around me to protect my life. So that was probably the coolest thing I ever did * laughs*, make a credit barrier to create a spell around my hypnotized walk and then show other people how to make that"
I grew up in Pacifica which is just north of Half Moon Bay. I grew up with people that had similar interests to Tony before he started using - skating, snowboarding, chillin by the beach, etc. This man is lost mentally and I'm praying he finds his way.
Sounds like he’s got a few comorbidities going on in addition to his opiate addiction. Schizophrenia maybe? Drug induced psychosis? Poor guy. I hope he heals one day soon. Heartbreaking 💔
he's been on fentanyl so long I guess anything visible is drug induced. Kind of impossible to tell if he was doing coke in middle school, that'll put a kink in normal development.
So sad because you can tell he was once a cool smart guy and the drugs have just destroyed his mind. He doesn’t even realize the nonsensical rambles he goes on. I hope he gets clean and finds peace!
Johnny you CAN get out of this life and eternal cycle of addiction! I'm living proof. I'm so grateful to have gotten out of this life. I was addicted to heroin for a little more than 20 years. I got out 4.5 years ago right when fentanyl was starting to explode.
@@whateverwhatever4026Worse care? The US isn't even in the top 5 for best health care. Btw, what use is it to be able to get an operation right away if you can't afford it?
@@thematriarchy2075 Is that why most of the world relies on the US for medical advancements? Why so many medical professionals immigrate to the US specifically to become part of the medical field there, if not for more education in general? Nevermind that, why do people come from all over the world to get treatment itself from the US? Ma'am, your arbitrary rankings are meaningless. Because they're based on the same nonsense as your comment. You irrationally hating America... Oh and what good is calling something "free", when it's noooot, only for the person to die waiting in line for the worse care, that wouldn't have helped anyway? Your irrational hate will never change actual facts. If it wasn't for the US, you'd still be blood letting and blaming evil spirits for broken bones and disease....
@@thematriarchy2075Is that why most of the world relies on the US for medical advancements? Why so many medical professionals immigrate to the US specifically to become part of the medical field there, if not for more education in general? Nevermind that, why do people come from all over the world to get treatment itself from the US?
@@thematriarchy2075 Ma'am, your arbitrary rankings are meaningless. Because they're based on the same nonsense as your comment. You irrationally hating America...
i think "scanning" is a reference to a scanner darkly, it certainly tracks. "if the scanner sees only darkly, the way I myself do.." is the quote i remembered
Mark i just got 8 years clean yesterday. Your videos have done ALOT to keep me clean. They have served as a reminder and a warning, of the madness that comes with severe addiction.
Congradulations my Friend!!
Congratulations 🎉
Congratulations!
That's absolutely amazing!
Very few people have done what you did. Isn't it 98 out of 100 who relapse? The odds are so against people who are addicted to drugs, just those odds alone have to be such a demotivating factor. Knowing that it's almost impossible before you try and get clean is probably the reason why many don't even try.
It's a mental challenge like no other.
I'm not trying to invade your privacy but I'm just curious to know what you feel like after 8 years.
Are you still struggling on a daily basis?
Or has it now become the new you to be clean?
I know many are doing good on a daily basis because they have school, work, maybe a partner, children or other things that take the focus away from the craving and the thoughts.
It's when these regular days are disturbed that people can get in trouble.
I know very many addicts struggle so much during holidays, especially at Christmas, Easter and also during the summer time.
And when people experience traumatic events like illness, loss, or other personal demanding events.
Is it like that for you, too?
If you don't want to answer, I totally respect that.
I just want to learn about addiction and mental health issues as, much as I can.
Have a great day!
Keep doing what you do because it's obviously works!
Stay strong and courageous!
Love from Norway.
Congratulations! That's an awesome achievement!
That comment at the very end. " Sorry if it doesn't make sense" just that glimpse of insecurity made my heart soften for him.
Me too
Mine, too ❤ 😔
“I’m only 38 and have a lot of life left to live” he’s digging his own grave and is convincing himself it’s not actually his.
Im 38 and still live a life of regret.
@@wrath231 The Rear-View mirror is small and shows what is behind us. It is a reflection of the past and cannot be changed. It is somewhat important because to know where we are going, we must know where we are coming from.
The windscreen is large and in front of us. It projects our future and can be changed. It is most important because we can choose where we want to go and the windscreen projects our destiny.
His kidneys are probably shutting down. He doesn't have as much time as he thinks
@@bedford4383 I love that, thank you!
@@bedford4383❤❤ That’s a great analogy . I love this 😊
Johnny warned us about the fent-bent syndrome, he talked abt it hurting the kidneys, causing the victim to "curl over" uncontrollably
I never heard of fentanyl syndrome
Yep, he sure did, I remember that shit
@@carlitasway2477
It's not official, it's just a term.
@@carlitasway2477 bc it dosnt exist 'iHard drugs in general will make your bend downward somewhat its just wat drugs do to the human body.
Omg shit. That's awful. Kidney pain is horrible when you're sober. Hope you find recovery Tony. Don't give up hope. You seem like a great guy
Lost in a fentanyl dream without knowing he’s lost or even dreaming
I watch these and see these people started at 10-15 years old. I have a 13 year old. It scares the shit out of me. I talked to him recently about when he’s out playing with his friends. I tell him if anyone offers you anything you say no. If your friends want to buy drugs you immediately leave or call me. His response was Omg Mom we don’t even know where you buy drugs at or have any money to buy even Arizona Teas. I wouldn’t even know what kind of drugs do you ask for. We just focus on our basketball skills and breaking ankles. I Pray it stays this way! It’s terrifying raising kids today.
It’s always been this way
It's scary but we got to just warn the kids and hope they listen.
Then don't put them in public school where they will be indoctrinated
Tbh I'm not sure if this is the right advice. I'm not going to tell you how to raise you child, so if you plan to raise them with a zero tolerance approach towards drugs, where they should never touch any drug under any circumstance, thats your prerogative. But coming from someone who fought long and hard to escape the throes of addiction (opiates specifically), I think educating your child on drugs, familiarizing them with harm reduction principles, and making them feel comfortable and unafraid of discussing substances with you, will increase the likelihood of them avoiding dangerous drugs altogether.
Rather than being told to stay away from any and all drugs, I wish I would have been educated on the nuances and properties of each drug and taught what makes some drugs like psychedelics for example (relatively safe if used responsibly in a safe environment) different than opiates or meth for example.
In my personal opinion, I think you'll be better off if your child feels comfortable discussing their and their friends attitudes towards drugs with you and seeking your guidance if they decide to use them (or if their friends do). That way they don't equate smoking pot with doing cocaine or heroin and develop a false sense of equality between them ("well we already smoked weed, why not try cocaine, it's just as bad").
Personally, I try to foster an environment where my child will feel comfortable telling me if they are curious about trying a drug so I can either provide a safe setting and correct knowledge about it if It's something that's relatively safe OR dissuade them from using something that's not safe at all (i.e. fentanyl, meth, etc). Plenty of people are able to recreationally use substances like lsd, mdma, cannabis, and even cocaine once in a while, satisfy their curiosity about it, then leave it alone after a while, never suffering any consequences as a result. I think the key thing that allows that is being educated about safety and feeling comfortable expressing their curiosities with someone who may be more experienced. That's just my observation as someone who has been around the block a few times
His scrambled thoughts are hard for me to watch. I hope he finds his way back. ❤
Man, he's just not there. He's somewhere else, he's a different person than he once was. Once people get to this point, even if they can go into recovery and succeed, the damage is done. People like him are like lost souls, wondering the streets looking for purpose, but never finding it, never being satisfied, or comfortable. Just complete misery.
they are all probably convinced they don’t have one so instead they numb themselves to distract themselves from their life situation. it’s like watching a movie already knowing the ending. i feel for them and wish i could just tell them to conquer their thoughts :(
That's not true
There's a good possibility that tx for his underlying conditions would help him out. He likely has a schizo type condition and/or brain injury. It isn't just intoxication.
@@Daniea3 Thank you for bringing some sense to these comments. His opiate use has very little to do with his dissociative episodes, nor his likely severe Obsessive Compulsive Disorder symptoms that are causing him to hunch over. There's a possibility he actually also has back pain, but all of this could be solved with GOOD healthcare. A good neurologist could help identify his back issues, a GOOD psychologist would work with a GOOD psychiatrist and develop a wholistic treatment program to give him a new lease on life. But this will never happen in the USA, because the word "good" does not exist in a vast majority of the Healthcare system Americans pay so much for. This man seems humble, kind, and warm.. yet he'll likely die soon because nobody gives a single f anymore. The USA is so horrible with it's "Pray For Pain™" and "F*ck You, Pay Me Healthcare System™" that I am unsure why the citizens haven't revolted, other than they are maybe just too distracted, weak and sick to organize a proper revolt to have proper healthcare.
Drug induced psychosis and schizophrenia is common
Sitting here in my bed mad because I got to work tonight, and I'm tired but can't get my nights and days turned, so I know I'll be sleepy as hell tonight.. but watching this humbles me because my life could be soooo much worse.. 😢❤😢
Yeah same....this Videos put the own "Problems" in another Perspektive. 😕
Just say no to drugs
Yeah homie the earth doesn’t revolve around you and your pitiful life. Grow a pair and move on!
Ain't that the truth
@@murderycatdoll1380 Your biggest issue is your spelling of perspective...
Man hes in and out of reality , he starts to make sense then just goes off trail
When he gets it to all make sense, he has scanned you. You will start following his hypnosis walk.
I couldn't understand a word he was saying.1
That isnt entirely because of a mental disability or defeciency. This dude hasnt slept in DAYS. The way he starts to answer and then forgets what hes talking about, or trails off and says something like "so yeah..." are both SUPER common for people who (usually) iv meth and have been on a multi day bender. Even when smoking it, most people fall asleep way before theyve been up this long.
your profile name is a oxy moron, should be "falsefact" @@truefact844
@pinky..... I had that same issue, I even slowed down the playback speed. He was talking somewhat softer than my ears can hear and he was also talking to fast for me to grasp every word 🥺😕
Did anyone else straighten up their back when they saw his posture 😮?
Nope
I find his concept of ‘scanning’ quite intriguing. His thought process must be a complete maze . I hope he finds peace one day
Could you please explain what he ment by scanning?
I'm Scandinavian so I had a struggle trying to understand what he said in the first place and the word scan and his explanation gave me more questions than answers.
He sort of gave three different examples and meanings which were totally different the way I interpreted it. One time he talked about it together with being psychic if I got it right so I thought maybe it ment something out of this world like some skill he believes he has.
But in the end he talked about wanting his life back and then his scanning would be so much better.
That made me think he just ment scanning means his overall understanding and reading of people and situations.
I have no idea.
My own scanning is probably totally out of touch!
Could be a ( Skitzaphrina trait) IF. thats it MAYBE??!
@@heavenlydays2838 But what does he mean by the word scanning?
@@heavenlydays2838 I personally don't see him as typical Schizophrenic.
He's answering Mark's questions and are aware of his surroundings.
But he definitely seems like he's done some other drug than opioids.
Either meth or crack.
@@leneo1731- I'm inclined to guess that he's talking about something like trying to find awareness or relevance realization by investigating the infinite minutiae of what he is noticing in the moment - like his homelessness, thoughts, words, body, posture, etc. ad infinitum.
He talks about being stressed with homelessness and "this whole other world" of staying scanned. He goes on to refer to it as higher levels of thinking and not really care. He mentioned fentanyl being like a crutch which I took to mean a break from the exhaustive practice of scanning (I could be wrong).
He talked about the word-endings like "tion" as scanning or underlining words and that scanning the word for you.
Lastly he talked about the body and using poses to "pick yourself up a little bit" as scanning, since he found something useful and relevant.
In each instance he describes or implies it being a difficult practice.
With all these disparate thoughts representing "scanning" I think he's talking about a broad type of practice that is positive but difficult or impossible to sustain. He talks about it as if it's something from which he needs breaks, since it's too exhausting (in my understanding of his ramblings).
By the way, as an American-English speaker I also had a very hard time understanding Tony!
I’m 23 addicted to fentanyl and by looking at me you’d have no idea I do drugs . Shit is no joke and is everywhere . Hopefully going to rehab this week
Please do! ❤
Get well soon before it’s too late
Prayers going up for you. May the most high give you the strength to get clean and make it through life 🙏🏾✨💫✨💫
@@acmhfmggru thank you , I got accepted into a nice rehab today .
If it's everywhere, then you might consider changing your surroundings. Easier said than done, I understand.
Dear Jesus help Tony and everyone else struggling with drug addiction, set them free in your mighty name Jesus! Amen
Amen🙏
Amen 🙏
Amen!!🙏🙏
@@eligiolthat creature called god doesn't exist of course 😂
Johnny talked about this bent-back thing experienced by some Fentanyl users, but actually seeing it is something else, whoa!
never watched his videos from Philadelphia? (I think, somewhere northeast) It's worse than skid row because the fentanyl there was cut with some sort of tranquilizer, they call it 'tranq' and it causes people to literally walk around like zombies with giant open wounds showing BONE, talking about whether letting maggots feed on them is 'healthy' or not, until eventually it gets septic and they go to the ER and get it amputated. And of course.. they go back to using so there's a bunch of amputees there doing drugs.
And in all that there's a ton of people walking bent over.
Those videos are wild.
I was worried we would start seeing tranq in LA, thankfully haven't (knock on wood).
Yeah I live in SF and you often see people on the street bent over like that. It's terrible how fentanyl got into the drug market, it's a whole different ballgame now and very very difficult to treat
Look up Osteomyelitis from drug use.
Does anyone know what happened to Johnny?
This tormented man needs so much love ...😢
Speaking of scanning...I think Tony needs x-rays and/or an MRI. He could be suffering from scoliosis, a slipped disc, osteoarthritis, a tumor pressing on his spine, a recent or previous spinal injury...there are many medical conditions that cause spine curvature disorders. Seems like more that fentanyl is involved. A thought on his use of the word scan is he might be dsylexic; seems like he first used the word in regards to following written words on a page, underlining some, perhaps as a tool to help "scan" sentences when trying to read. Of course later in the interview things get awfully complicated, yet I still get the sense that he is using language to the best of his abilities to describe what he is experiencing. He's a gentle person in a lot of pain. I hope he accepts any help available to him to get better.
I assume you saw my comment? Do you think this is the same man as Garrett? Age is the same and the place they grew up in is the same. I know they don't seem to look alike a lot, but Garrett was interviewed years ago, so who knows what he could look like now.
@@thematriarchy2075 I did see your dialogue with another commenter, and took a quick glance at Garrett's photo (interview from 3 years ago). I could see a similar look, but I'd want to listen to that interview to get a better feel for whether there is a possibility of Tony and Garrett being the same person. Will do that later. Just skimmed through the comments again and see you've reached out to Mark for clarification. TBD...
I didn't hear back yet, but i am curious what you think. 3 years is a long time on the streets @@karenfryberger4260
Probably Osteomyelitis from starting drugs at such a young age.❤🙏
@@thematriarchy2075 Okay. I just watched / listened to Garrett's interview, then came back to this one, then went back and forth in short bursts. And...I'm undecided. You're right about age and Half Moon Bay being where they both grew up.They are both redheads and their voices sound similar; both mention an alcoholic father. And yet, it's noteworthy that in Garrett's interview, he talks about surfing having been his passion; Tony mentions a lot of sports he used to be into, but no word of surfing. Garrett says he graduated high school; Tony says he dropped out. Garrett says his parents divorced when he was about 5 yrs old; Tony says they "separated" when he was 15. Garrett doesn't mention any siblings; Tony says he has 3 sisters and a brother. Garrett speaks about his surgery for scoliosis and how it led to getting addicted to opiates; Tony doesn't mention any surgery and talks about weed being the beginning of his drug usage. Where or what is the truth? There are a lot of differences in their stories, but it's hard to ignore the basics of age, hometown, and resemblance. Oy vey.
This one struck me with a melancholy I can't explain. Sometimes there's just no reason why.
I think it might be because he is so young and it looks like he has done some irreparable physical damage to his body.
@@invaderjaymz More, it’s about his story, he couldn’t recall any major traumas in his life. One of the big questions for addiction is Why? and usually we have a answer like they were traumatized as a child. But some people had good childhoods, families and still choose a hard path, self destruction. Why? I couldn’t see the answer clearly with Tony.. he doesn’t seem to either. Tony still has ambitions and dreams removed from his current reality.. He doesn’t see himself there. Every person needs dignity to sleep at night… every person holds on tight to what keeps them safe, I must dream while i’m awake.
Definitely my all time favorite answer to Mark's question "What would you say is the most important lesson you've learned in your lifetime?" Nice
He’s less and less coherent as the interview goes on. A mind is a terrible thing to waste.
How about to taste? 👿
@@trteeerryfse-wy2wwcringe
@@trteeerryfse-wy2wwhuh?
Prayers for the sick & suffering🙏
Amen!!🙏🙏
🙏🏻
That thumbnail photo- he looks like a rock star
Looks like Sean Penn
If he could play a guitar, no one would question it.
Yeah he's great looking to me
Scott Weiland is who I thought of based on the thumbnail
@@user-yn7on7ou8n no are you blind? He look like Pete Townshend
I'm from the Bay Area. Been here my whole life. My kids born and raised in the Bay. It's really sad seeing such a beautiful city infested with sadness. Taking Bart is not safe anymore, walking the streets of S.F. is not safe like it use to be. Pan handlers are very aggressive and at times violent. My son and I have been out going to an event in the city and he had to protect me physically. No way to start a mom son night out. I hope this gentleman can get help. He is so young. My daughter is his age and life is just beginning. Good luck
Your only comment is feeling bad yourself? Really?
@@jamesanderson3537no, bc she's writing the truth from a resident's point of view, & the interviewee is one of thousands just like this everywhere. If you've never walked around there, you can't fathom what it's like on the daily. It's downright dangerous to live there, & I say that as someone who lived in Oakland, & several other cities & states across the U.S. In fact, right now I live in salt lake's worst neighborhood. It's laughable ppl here *think this area is bad.*
@@dubaiedge OK, but this is about he's struggle not yours
@jamesanderson3537 people make comments relating to the subjects struggles all the time. Just because she isn't a junky doesn't mean her experience isn't relevant.
As a fellow resident, I can vouch that SF has gotten way worse in last 30 years.. crime, drugs, education, and general quality and culture is just horrendous to see fall. Most folks who never have seen what it was like when times were 100 times better, won’t understand why folks who have been here would harbor such saddening opinions. But when you see the fall of a world class city go to a world class dump… it’s really sad 😢
Tony has a beautiful face .I am sad that his high caused his thoughts to nod in and out and into conspiracy theories.He surely would be a candidate for help - his kidney - back condition is something that we need to be informed about so there can be a medical solution to this affliction =. He was aware he was nodding off and apologised . i feel this was a missed opportunity on how to help this affliction . No human should be debilitated by this pain . That should be the moniker for this interview - PAIN , Beautiful camera work Mark , even on the street scenes , I admire and see your references to Mary Ellen Mark in this work . Good Morning SWU toute le monde still quater to twelve in Bantry Bay West Cork Ireland .
Making him bend over like that. It’s a freaking tranquilizer. They take massive course of your body though. Be crazy. I don’t doubt. He’s also got some internal issues. Most likely directly caused by his drug use. My goodness you are so gullible gullible.
A life lesson to be learnt here is stay away from drugs.
How original
You make your bed and lay in it...
A saying from my mother
Yet idiots still don't get it.
@@marlenemcmillan8891 She was a George Herbert fan then.
Insightful
Personally 3 years clean. And every time the urge had ever popped into my head I watch Marks videos. Thank you for the videos as a reminder. And i prey everyone on here has the strength to want to quit and have a better life.
I think he knows what he wants to say but the drugs want allow any clarity. It's hard to function like that. I hope he gets well soon.💝
I can not follow his thought process ... I feel like I'm on drugs trying to interpret his wizardry- witchcraft experiences.
This channel should be shared with all high school students so they can see how drugs scramble your brain and destroy your livelihood. I feel awful for his poor kiddo ... still in his formative years and fatherless.
I'll pray for you. My son died of fentanel overdose he was 28. He didn't think he was going to die also.
🙏🙏🙏🙏
As someone already mentioned in the comments, Johnny explains in one of his videos that with prolonged use, fentanyl will attack the kidneys. I have a brother in law who went through dialysis and a kidney transplant. He was lucky to find a match. Ironically the kidney donor was a kid that overdosed. The wait list for a transplant can go on for years. After the transplant you have to take meds for life to keep your immune system from attacking the new kidneys.
I'm surprised they could use a kidney from a perosn who overdosed
@@jenniferweed2552 often it's a young person who wasn't using long term and easily OD's so their organs are still in good health at the time of donation. A good friend of mine was a recipient of an overdose donor kidney and his donor was pretty young.
I have seem thousands of people with kidney problems and failure, and it doesn't do that to your posture. I don't think it has anything to do with the kidneys, although lots of drugs can lead to kidney failure. This is from nodding out so much and getting stuck in that stooped position that it likely messes up the back and spine severely. Chronically bad posture can cause spinal issues, imagine chronically horrific posture of staying bent over for more than half your life, sleeping on hard concrete and benches, etc
I eventually told myself "my father has already had to bury one son, I won't make him do it again." The tranq made it basically impossible to enjoy anyway and was turning me into a zombie. So I said "enough is enough." However I'm lucky enough to have a solid support system who didn't give up on me. There are communities out there to help you through before it's too late. It's a completely different world in that scene these days and I recommend anyone struggling to find help before it's too late.
It is breaking my heart to watch these SF videos, but thank you, Mark, for featuring them. It is criminal what has happened there. The current powers-that-be have dropped the ball with their tolerance of crime and laissez-faire policies, despite knowing 3 overdoses occur each week. In my opinion, the devastation and havok Fentanyl has wreaked on US cities (and now Xylanine, the "zombie" drug) can be traced to the lack of enforcement of laws and vetting of those who come into our country. The drug cartels and their traffickers have it too easy here. I pray Tony receive the addiction and mental health care that he needs -- not only for himself, but for his young child.
You know most of this stuff comes in on boats, right? There's not enough white people in the world to carry this amount over the borders. Yes, white people are the main transporters of drugs over the Mexican border. Mexicans get checked too hard by Border Control.
Lived there 19 years. It got remarkably worse & I'm so grateful I escaped in '07. I can't imagine the shitshow downtown & the Mission have become by now. There's however many residents barely doing food & rent but nothing whatsoever left over. I was stuck for years & only able to move out of state bc I got a buy out when the landlord paid us to go so he could take over the house. I voted Democrat the whole time, too, so it's ppl like me partly to blame 😬
@@dubaiedge I've lived fairly close by for 37 years. I have so many beautiful memories traveling there on the weekends with my family, or visiting friends. It's nowhere near the same. And it doesn't have to be this way. Thanks for replying. :-) Have a great evening.
This guy seems like a genuinely nice person. Even though he is very disabled by his addiction. Amazingly he is still able to take reasonable care of himself. I hope Mark can help him.
Me too. I hope so too.🦡
He almost sounds like someone one opiates who has had "VERY" little sleep in a really long time and his mind just drifts along with a bit of mental illness of course..much luck to you, i hope you can get yourself clean and your life together 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
I live in SF. The amount of people you see on fent is so, so saddening, it hurts my heart. And people speak of homeless people so terribly here. The only thing that separates them from us is their use of fentanyl. Most of them are harmless and good people. One of the greatest diseases in humanity is fentanyl usage. It's even getting into other street drugs now.
Only in America though. Why is that? Someone needs to fix it. It would never be an issue in the UK.
Clearly a very bright and thoughtful guy. Just so lost. Absolutely heartbreaking
My brother od'd and passed away pretty much in my arms at age 38, two years ago, he was my best friend, we had like a soul-mate brother-sister connection and its caused me so much pain, depression, ptsd...i miss him every day and i will for the rest of my life. He was different. Incredibly smart, certified in SO many things but had trouble holding down jobs. A true artist and a comedian, made me laugh crying all the time, i can only hope ill laugh like that again some day. I wish the best for this man and everyone struggling. I never gave up on my brother and i never will. I pray this man finds his way to better days. Rest in peace my brother Aaron ❤
All the best Tony sounds like drugs from an early age has had a huge impact on your life. You look like a good soul.. hang in there!
Was the pun intended?
Praying for this guy 🙏
Amen!!🙏🙏
The spiritual battle is real. God have mercy and deliver this man 🙏🏼🕊
Fedy is ravishing this man mentally & physically.
MARK, GET THIS GUY A HOTEL AND NEW CLOTHES LIKE YOU DO WITH REBECCA!!!
I don't think Mark is attracted to Tony.
@@Teabonesteak Exactly! And all the Rebecca stuff is a fetish and I can't see how people don't realize it. Mark is the dominant person in all his relationship and that's why he wants someone to treat him like garbage like Rebecca does, and Rebecca def knows what he is doing.
When he said "i cant wait for the day i get my whole life back together again, i have a lot to offer". And what he said subsequently, took my heart. He cant wait to be clean, he's waiting for a miracle. Please lets all pray he finally gives up and shows up on the doorstep of a rehab. Lets pray GOOD competent enthusiastic unburnt out people are working that day. That they are up to the challenging task of teaching him how staying clean, treating his illness works. Lets pray these people can connect him with GOOD Drs and a sponsor and that they love what they do, so this man may feel that his team is genuine, that they really care. So that he will trust putting his life in their hands. That he achieves being clean and sober. Sweet Man☀️
Amen to that! ❤
Dude Tony needs a life line...38 is still young.
I'm so sorry Tony about why you've given up, un do this man.
Smart man you are.
Yeah, real smart guy here.
Thanks for sharing, Tony.
Thanks Tony for giving me more empathy for the homeless in our community. ❤🐉👍🏼👍🏼
1250 over here in London, hope today turns out to be as good as it can be for you
Good morning, Mark 🌻
This guy makes me so sad
Tony has a family who loves him very much and have been searching for him for some time! Please, Tony if you read this, contact your sisters! They are looking for you and want to help you.
He is in the Tenderloin SF
Good morning from cowtown, it’s not quite 5am. Early start to a busy day. 😊 Best of luck to Tony, hope you turn your life around.
@@baublesanddolls🇨🇦🇨🇦
Good morning from Lexington, KY
May you be blessed Tony your son needs you clean!! Please get some mental health❤️ we all need mental health I’m a firm believer!! we are human and no one’s perfect or your son and his bright future and your future mental health is where you need to start!!
Mark thank you for all the great awesome work you do thank you blessings and prayers for everyone in the world 🌎❤❤
Aww, God bless him. So young, and hard to walk. I pray he can get help, and have a good life.❤✌
This was the hardest interview to listen to. He mumbled and talked so fast and low that it was impossible to understand. I hope he figures it out.
SAME here. I finally had to end watching. I couldn't hang. Couldn't understand him.
That was rough watching 😢 so sad and so far gone for 38. God Bless
Don't feel sorry for this guy. He CHOSE drugs over everything else. His only regret is he didn't finish high school. No mention of the people he hurt, including himself
Wow. And I thought the guy I know was the best at just talking about absolutely nothing that makes sense. But this dude here takes the cake! Holy moly.
Geez, he can’t help it. My heart breaks for this man.
@@BelindaM44 and you know this, how? I’m pretty sure he could have helped it. Just like his walking now. He has meth to thank for that. He did it to himself. Nobody else. I can’t feel bad for him.
@brianshaner8865 Oh God, you're one of THOSE people. Such a small-minded, unintelligent person. I can't imagine being that way. Ignorance is bliss tho I suppose 😂
Bro I'm willing to bet that's fentanyl
Remember when Nancy Reagan, who was a mess of a person, launched the "Just Say No" campaign in the old days and got slammed for the simplicity of it?
I think she was right. That's literally the answer.
His back pain and posture are typical of severe ankylosing spondylitis, a disease that typically presents in relatively young people. He needs an x-ray, or other scan to assess. Poor soul.
@@acmhfmggru Do you have a link to some literature on that? I can't seem to find much about opioids causing spinal deformity and can't think of a mechanism that would cause it, other than trauma while intoxicated. I'm well aware of fentanyl muscular rigidity, a temporary condition I encountered often whilst doing high dose fentanyl, or sufentanil, as an anesthetic technique. That's not a chronic issue though.
I pray this young man finds himself someday.
“You don’t have a bed” 😂 cmon Mark its too early for that!
😂
If you watch these and find humor in them, you’re lucky and been blessed with a good life
@@S1mL1feI feel pretty lucky but I don’t find this stuff very funny. Sure, there are some funny moments but big picture is kind of bleak.
@@prague7706 that’s my point. It’s not funny to me at all. I’ve lost many people to addiction. People that laugh about it make me sick
@@S1mL1feAgreed
It broke my heart when Tony said:
"I'm only 38.
I still have a lot more life to live."
Sadly not.
Firstly there's nothing about this which even resemble a life or living.
It's nothing but the most horrible existence, no life whatsoever.
It doesn't matter if you're poor or rich, young or old, materialistic or not, no sane person would call this a, life.
The fact that he considers his existence a life is so sad.
Second his body is already showing signs of serious illness and damage from the drug abuse.
When your kidneys start hurting and show signs of shutting down it could be just weeks before you need invasive medical treatment such as dialysis.
Obviously in his situation there's no way he'd be able to follow through such extensive treatment.
I hope for a miracle because that's what he needs
He's been using hard drugs for way over 20 years and not even having a son got him out of the grip of drugs.
I don't believe you can get any deeper into it than he is and unfortunately he seems very distant from the hard facts of his horrible situation.
Nice
He's a lost cause.
I watched my son begin believing in Magic. He could read ppl's minds and could predict the future. He was a college graduate. Had a law degree, but suddenly became mentally ill. We never found out what was causing this. He didn't take fentanyl.
Schizophrenia?
Is he OK now?
@@acmhfmggru they said he BELIEVED that he could fortune tell, not that he could
I hope Tony can get the help he needs 🙏 ❤
Just stayed in the tenderloin, unintentionally, what a scary place. Didn't know about it until my sister and I got followed, harassed and assaulted by a homeless man that was obviously on some drugs and mentally unstable...so I ended up doing some research on the area. Yikes. If you're a female, especially alone, don't stay in the tenderloin or outskirts of it. Not safe. Always have a blade ready too. Or pepper spray. Something. I am very fit, I've done mma and jiu jitsu for years but it didn't prepare to think about fighting for my actual life. Be prepared.
Suboxone saved my life . I couldn't imagine where I'd be if i didn't take it. I could have been him. Blessings to this man and i hope he finds his way soon. If not. Hope he lives a good life
Suboxone saved my life as well, I’ll be one year clean off of fentanyl in 4 days and I finally have a sense of clarity
Suboxone ruined my life because in my country heroin and fentanyl is really rare. Suboxone is used as a street drug. I'm in treatment but the shit no longer works at all, I don't even feel normal. More like slightly dope sick 24/ 7.
I work in downtown SF. The whole place is full of zombies and ghouls. My students are afraid to walk home from school and I don't blame them. The SF city council is too busy voting for a ceasefire in Gaza to do anything about it. It's absurd. I live in Oakland. That place is out of control too. I got mugged at the lake twice in one week. The DA vowed to give lighter sentences to blacks and stiffer sentences to whites in order to "rectify historical inequities." It's gotten so bad they're going to have to call in the National Guard to fix it. Hopefully I'll be in Texas by then. This place SUCKS
I lived in SF for 12 years and left because of what it has turned into. When you move to TX or a different state, please don't vote for the policies that helped turn SF & Oakland into the way they are now.
@@jennierose6772. I suppose Trump will solve the problem and wave his magical wand to make it all disappear and will live in the wizard of oz🙄sure Jan
exactly. They can go to Abbottland and see his performative theater up close and personal.@@unknown-sx8sn
I don’t think anybody wants to end up addicted to anything. My son was an opiate addict for over 15 years. It totally ruined his life. He’s about to serve 3 years in Lansing Prison.
🙏🏾✨🙏🏾✨🙏🏾 For you and your son May the most high give you and your son strength to make it through these hard times 🙏🏾✨💫
Sadly I’m still addicted to fentanyl and need help any suggestions? Before Ite to late for me😢
Ladies and gentlemen, meet fentenyl. Once it has someone, their likelihood of coming back is very small. I've lost a couple of old friends to it in the last year. Without forced rehabilitation, fentenyl addicts have no hope.
That's untrue. You're talking to someone who beat the odds right now.
I understand why you say that though. I know it hurts to lose people you love. But don't take hope away from others by putting that message out there. I'm not asking you to invest personally in any addict, just don't take away their hope.
I wish I knew what he was trying to say about this whole scanning thing. In his mind it makes sense, I wish I could understand what he was trying to relay to us 🙏🏽❤️
Good morning everyone. It is just after 3:00 a.m. here in Napa, California where it is currently 43°. I hope that this finds you well ❤️🕊️
I'm a hour behind you my friend. (4°C and snowing in Calgary Alberta) Good Morning!
Good morning gorgeous!!! Long time no see!!! I hope all is good with you Roc! Have a great day my friend!!!!!!!
Good morning Rochelle ❤
39° here in west Atl 🍑
I’m in the Central Valley ca and it’s about 41 degrees. You’re a little warmer than us here. Goood morning ☀️
Grand Rising! Thanks 4 saying hi 😊 36* portland, oregon
Fentanyl must paralyze the abdominal muscles because a lot of them walk around hunched over like question marks. They also tend to pass out in whatever position they happen to be in when the drug hits. Some of the kids have swollen hands and feet that are purple and appear to be rotting. I imagine if they live long enough those will have to be amputated. It must be a tremendous high because there's certainly a lot of them, especially in Civic Center. They're relatively docile during the day but it gets wild out here at night. Whatever you've heard, it's worse. You wouldn't believe it
What’s it like at night vs day?
“It’s like someone put a weighted vest on you and you’re like - whoa that’s too heavy!” That pretty much describes addiction in a nutshell. “Sorry if it didn’t make sense.” Damn. 💔
Curious as to why addicts hands always look so strange, the colour, the finger shape, they look swollen. What is causing that?
It's from injecting drugs with dirty needles / not disinfecting the injection sites. They end up injecting dirt and other impurities into the skin/tissue which gets inflamed, swollen, and irritated. That's why you usually see the hands/feet all red and swollen, because those are very common sites of injection.
Tony can stand. His disability is psychosomatic. He’s convinced himself that there is a “weight” on his back, and so there is. I would wager that if doctors were able to examine him, they’d find no physical abnormalities.
I watch these videos and a lot of people can be saved. This guy isn’t one of them. He’s too far gone. Very sad
You don't know that.
just pray for him.
why just because you presume so? You don't know what will happen in this mans future, let alone determine he is a "lost cause".
You’re right. Hope for the best i guess…
He’s gone… the drugs have eaten his brain he can’t even make sense while speaking
Tony, you need help, and I hope you find it. You deserve a better life, to be safe, and your son deserves his daddy in his life.
I say this in the nicest way possible: i could do with subtitles for him…
I was thinking the same thing, but then realized that I wasn’t having trouble understanding his words, he was having trouble using the words.
Goodmorning from Milwaukee Wisconsin. Tony best wishes bro!
Oshkosh Wisconsin here👋
Same brother, gotta get to my 8am 😭@@TRANQUILSOUNDSANDMUSIC
Sheboygan 👋
Tony needs serious help, his life is confused and must be hell. Stevens Point, Wi
I was very curious about his topic on scanning so I had to look it up and if it had anything to do with spirituality and I found out that it’s a meditation technique where you pause and just take notice and feel if there is anything out of the ordinary going on w your body such as aches, pains, etc .. and I can say he was explaining it well, I had to really think about it though. I feel like Tony really does have a lot of knowledge to share to the world regarding life and spirituality. I hope he finds himself soon so we can hear more of what he has to say.
I feel so incredibly sad for Tony 😢 he reminds me of my brother Bryan who is a serious drug addict/ alcoholic and he also lives on the streets. 😢
Handsome man, very sad. Cant tell if its mental illness or drugs or both? Its humbling to hear ppl talk about their regrets. I wish him the best. He is far gone.
Lets get real and heal
When sober and programmed we take for granted our reasoning and situation. When drugged and alone we cherish our reasoning and miss the programmed days. Praying for purpose and peace🙏🏾
Wizardry, witchcraft, spells, scanning... I wonder what the experience he's actually having in his head is like? It's so strange that a person can seemingly drift between being totally coherent and reasonable to being completely lost and nonsensical in seconds. He seems to answer questions pretty quickly and realistically, and gives answers that sound truthful and forthcoming, but then a few thoughts later he's gone off course into something that clearly isn't real, but it's real to him. He doesn't know how to make sense of it to other people. And it's not clear how much of the delusions are from drugs, or an underlying mental disorder that he's undiagnosed with, it could be schizophrenia but I can't tell the difference between that and the potential psychosis that comes from fentanyl and meth abuse and staying up for too long.
Very insightful and well stated. Dual diagnosis candidate.
"Tony what is the most important thing you've learned?"
"How to pat your money, you know? We can all make our money by patting ourselves. And then before money, there was nothing, it was just like what do you have to trade me, besides your money. And then i learned how to make my hypnotizing walk coincide with my spell world. So it hydrated my fuckin....hypnotized life, and it made a really calm and peaceful environment, where i was able to approve a credit barrier around me to protect my life. So that was probably the coolest thing I ever did * laughs*, make a credit barrier to create a spell around my hypnotized walk and then show other people how to make that"
This guy makes me sad. 😢 He looks miserable and to have your back like that must be the worst thing ever! I wish him positive Energy.
mmm that fishtaily braid/twist of yours... om nom nom
I grew up in Pacifica which is just north of Half Moon Bay. I grew up with people that had similar interests to Tony before he started using - skating, snowboarding, chillin by the beach, etc. This man is lost mentally and I'm praying he finds his way.
Thanks Mark
Sounds like he’s got a few comorbidities going on in addition to his opiate addiction. Schizophrenia maybe? Drug induced psychosis? Poor guy. I hope he heals one day soon. Heartbreaking 💔
he's been on fentanyl so long I guess anything visible is drug induced. Kind of impossible to tell if he was doing coke in middle school, that'll put a kink in normal development.
So sad because you can tell he was once a cool smart guy and the drugs have just destroyed his mind. He doesn’t even realize the nonsensical rambles he goes on. I hope he gets clean and finds peace!
Shew, I’m confused! Can’t keep up with him at all😕
I can feel what he’s saying. I wish I could visit with him. Much love.
Johnny you CAN get out of this life and eternal cycle of addiction! I'm living proof.
I'm so grateful to have gotten out of this life. I was addicted to heroin for a little more than 20 years. I got out 4.5 years ago right when fentanyl was starting to explode.
Wishing u all the best Tony. Hope to see you again ❤
How incredibly sad. He seems so far gone. Is it possible to come back from this?
If only the USA had a good healthcare system..
You mean just CALLING it "free", while making people wait far too long, for objectively worse care? I don't think that'll help anyone...
@@whateverwhatever4026Worse care? The US isn't even in the top 5 for best health care. Btw, what use is it to be able to get an operation right away if you can't afford it?
@@thematriarchy2075 Is that why most of the world relies on the US for medical advancements? Why so many medical professionals immigrate to the US specifically to become part of the medical field there, if not for more education in general? Nevermind that, why do people come from all over the world to get treatment itself from the US?
Ma'am, your arbitrary rankings are meaningless. Because they're based on the same nonsense as your comment. You irrationally hating America...
Oh and what good is calling something "free", when it's noooot, only for the person to die waiting in line for the worse care, that wouldn't have helped anyway? Your irrational hate will never change actual facts. If it wasn't for the US, you'd still be blood letting and blaming evil spirits for broken bones and disease....
@@thematriarchy2075Is that why most of the world relies on the US for medical advancements? Why so many medical professionals immigrate to the US specifically to become part of the medical field there, if not for more education in general? Nevermind that, why do people come from all over the world to get treatment itself from the US?
@@thematriarchy2075 Ma'am, your arbitrary rankings are meaningless. Because they're based on the same nonsense as your comment. You irrationally hating America...
This really makes me angry when he casually mentions he has a child and that the mother uses too. The child should be protected from these animals.
Hi from Zurich Switzerland❤
Love Zurich❤
i think "scanning" is a reference to a scanner darkly, it certainly tracks. "if the scanner sees only darkly, the way I myself do.." is the quote i remembered