Emotional rollercoaster....I am separated from a borderline woman. I could never do right. The demands and expectations were to unrealistic. I rarely made it thru a 24 hour day without her being triggered and fussing about something. At some point you get tired of walking on eggshells. I am in therapy because I recognized that I was co dependent. It was toxic and leaving the relationship is best for both of us.. You cannot save no one. Save yourself the heartache. Loving someone should not be this painful.
I feel like I wrote this. It’s never enough what you do. They set you up for failure. You pass one test, and there are 100 more like it. And when you finally fail, they will never forget.
Well these comments saying how terrible it is to date someone with bpd make me give up on dating women.ill never be loveable.i didn’t ask to be like this and I can’t fix it.
I have had a lot of unstable romantic relationships they only lasted for a maximum of 6 months but this time I am trying really hard to maintain a stable relationship and I have made it to 9 months successfully hoping I can make it to 1yr and make it last forever
I've been in a relationship with a BPD woman We've been together for almost 2 years and a big part of it was great. The thing is, she got more and more lost within herself and denied any kind of progess, even tried to make me believe I was guilty, anyway, I broke up after some 2 hard months and, all I can say to you is I've seen her getting some treatment I've seen her controling every inch of herself for a while She was an amazing person If you really will to do and be good, work on it, don't fool yourself sayin it's needless
Mine had a bad ending. It's amazing how someone can be in so much denial about their behavior and what they do ,and blame everyone else except themselves. I was a victim of someone with Bipolar Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder.
Margaret Campbell I was the same way with women. Like if she stalks me and searches my phone I must be import to her. And when she hits it’s just so cute.
BPD have an intense fear of abandonment, so they dote on their partner in an effort to not lose them. This feeds into a narcissistic type, who relishes constant attention.
Being with someone with BPD was one of the most traumatising experiences I ever had. I didn’t want to give up on him, but even after a year of therapy he didn’t improve. Without wanting to discriminate I would advise anyone to think twice about being in a relationship with someone with BPD unless it has already been effectively treated
The thing with dating women who suffer from BPD or depression is that they tend to be mostly loyal and very affectionate which creates this feeling that when things go well they do work very well but... when things go wrong they feel like hell. So its a huge whirl of up and down and I can see why some guys want to avoid that.
If u consciencious u know its better to be alone, relationships just bring pain for both. It's lose lose. Prety lonely, but the guilt u feel when u hurt someone u love ain't worth the few good times
You said I wish so I wanted to know if you love one abd left them. .. Are still in a relationship with them or just want to know in general.... I can help if you are having relationsjip issues
My ex was a male who was diagnosed with borderline. I think if he actually took his medication we may have been able to make it work out for a longer time, though it was best we did not. He was one of those people when he was great, he didn’t seem the slightly off, and wonderful to be around. But when he wasn’t med compliant...the symptoms amplified and the bubbling destruction would come knocking. It was one of those relationships that shook me to my core. I learned so much about myself through grieving and processing, but learned about the disorder it’s self, substance and sexual addiction, and prostitution. I left him and I was broken-hearted in a completely different way. There was huge amounts of shame, guilt, and anger...out of character anger. I was depressed, experienced nightmares and would disassociate because I was traumatized. It’s gotten better. Although, I sometimes still get scared and sad. I wish him well despite what had happened and what he did to me. I still have love for him, but to continue a relationship would be abusive and not an act of love towards myself.
Can you PLEASE talk about MALE Borderlines and what it's like to be in a romantic relationship with them specifically? Even if you just talk about MALE Borderlines in general because there's not much out there. Thank you! I love your videos!!!
I was in a 3 year romantic relationship with a co-morbid BPD/NPD partner.... I was left abused, traumatized and heartbroken. It was after I started therapy post split that I finally understand what I had been dealing with in terms of the abuse and all of my ex's mental health deficits. I had to move across the country to start a new life and get myself back. Although the scar will always be there because he hurt me so much, I am doing well after two and half years of going no contact. I did not respond to any of his hoover attempts either. I now finally realize I could never rescue him and all of the unconditional love and support I gave to him, it would never be enough. He was incapable of reciprocal healthy adult love.
I sympathize with you. Been in a two year relationship with a BPD woman, didn't know what it was until she discarded me and started acting super erratic after the discard. I was traumatized . I had organized a beautiful birthday for her to cheer her up and show her the love she always wanted, yet she preferred to break down at home because of some criticism she received at work, make me guess that I had to come comfort her while the whole day she threw me off with her push and pull until I became confused as to where she is at and what she's doing. Turns out I became I narcissist all of a sudden because I couldn't guess and read between the lines, I should have known that go away I am doing my own thing means I am home crying on the floor and you need to be with me to comfort me. The worst day of my life. I am still trying to heal after two months. Ofcourse she blocked me from her life, which is a good thing as any more contact would mean more pain. Glad to know you healed and doing better. They indeed are unable to reciprocate love in a healthy adult way. Wish you all the best.
It depends on the person. With my BPD I idealize people a lot, but I'm not one to devalue. I also take my emotions out on myself rather than on others, so I don't harm others but I do hurt myself a lot and I understand that that's also stressful to deal with.
@@joycejnn When I think of BPD I think of characters like Livia Soprano. I may have it confused with narcissism and/or antisocial PD though. But if I have the right condition in mind I think you're clearly right. I don't see how a relationships with someone with BPD couldn't cause harm.
My bpd left me after 6 months, i believed he was the love of my life. He’s currently ghosting. Just trying to get on with everything as it was really confusing that we broke up when nothing went wrong and we were pretty much perfect. Just miss him so so much :(
Thanks for yet another insightful video. I’m a BPD female who has never been able to sustain a relationship, romantic or otherwise, in my life. For various reasons.. I can’t/don’t believe or trust anyone and I since I was a child I have always felt like I’m different and unworthy etc. so I always pushed ppl away.. Now I’m 50, sitting in a tiny room day after day alone, rarely seeing or speaking to anyone else, which gets a bit sad and quite tedious.. But the way I feel, it’s better than having to deal with someone else. I have come to accept the realisation of how I am and how I function.
So I'm watching this as I'm sitting in a tiny Philippines resort beach town by myself. I came here for my long distance girlfriend. It was love at first sight when I met her online (judge all you want, but online relationships can absolutely be legit). But she was toxic the whole time. My plan was to come meet her for the first time, try to explain to her how to handle things in more healthy ways, and not to threaten to break up for every small disagreement. I got here on June 2nd. It's June 15th. I planned to spend until the morning of the 21st here. Basically, after the second day, she disappeared that morning. I woke up to all of her stuff gone and a text saying "I'm done with you and I can't stand your attitude" . . . Basically this was in response to a small disagreement we had the night prior, that she had apologized for and that we, I thought, moved past. She ended up coming back the next evening. Well, on June 10th, something similar happened. We had a small disagreement, she said she was going home to get some things. Never came back. Broke up over text. I came here from Arkansas. She's now been texting me for days. I came all this way to be with her and grow this relationship and she's literally sitting 10 miles from me texting me, sending toxic and stressful texts. Now, I was with someone with BPD back in 2015. So it just dawned on me last night. This girl absolutely has BPD. And I literally said out loud, in a room by myself, "No fucking way" Having been through this before, if this dawned on me before I came all the way here, I would not have made the trip. To add to this stress, she has no concept of all the sacrifice it took to drop my life for three weeks to come to a remote island in the Philippines to see her. Needless to say, I feel betrayed and unappreciated and I kind of want to just fly home. But at the same time, when I do fly home, it's going to be a 34 hour journey. I cannot believe I did this much for someone incapable of appreciating any of it.
The girl I was just with was honestly great - she did a really good job of not projecting her insecurity onto our relationship and myself. Her suicidal ideation about her insecurities made her enter a psych ward a couple times and after enough isolation we called it quits. I never knew how to help her and it really pained me that I couldn’t. Managing BPD seems like an almost impossible/improbable feat. What a mess!
12 yr veteran of marriage to a bpd female. How can you hope to make it work when you'll be discarded one day. She cheated on me, cursed me, blamed me, flirted with other men in front of me, accused me of things I never thought of doing, lied all the time. Hell, hey sister and son both told me it would be best for me if I divorced her. After several yrs of going through what a codependent goes through after divorcing a bpd, I can clearly see leaving her was the best choice.
If I understand correctly, the control group women had chosen partners who tended to withdraw when stressed, and they were satisfied with these partners. That seems logical, since withdrawal might tend to diffuse volatile situations and stabilize a relationship.
@@whoKnew1621 People with BPD experience emotions extremely and idolize new partners, and narcissists live of that kind of validation. Narcissists love to control partners and people with BPD at deadly afraid of abandonment.
This is wrong on so many levels. Well , I’m not sure about romantic relationships. But my mother has NPD and I was raised by her and her NPD abuse is what caused my BPD/bipolar type one. And ever since my BPD symptoms arised and ever since I was diagnosed with it, our fights have gotten worse and worse.
@@SerenaToxicat, having a relationship or not is a choice. No-one has to justify their decision. When you are avoiding intimicy out of fear or prior negatieve experiences, well then you should seek help to heal that part of you. If it makes you unhappy, that is..
A BPD woman will literally hollow out a man to the very depths of his soul (financially, psychologically and emotionally) depending on how long he stays in the "relationship". You'll experience the most glorious, heavenly highs of highs and the most hellacious, deep and excruciating lows of lows. It's not even believable to people who have not experienced it. There's no way to describe the range of emotions. It's just other worldly.
@DIssarap kinda curious on the cold treatment, recently dated a BPD chick, tried taking it slow because that's the type of person she said she was, even though she was trying to be intimate the night I asked her out via text. Got really cold and distant and would only blow up occasionally (about me taking things too slow) then go through the idolization phase after a fight. Constant txts, trying to see me etc. Used her body to lure me in. And after the fights she would act like nothing was wrong and that things didn't need to progress too quickly, few days go by, get cold again. Broke up with her putting all blame on myself and was dumb enough to try and get back with her to give it a full shot. She kept dangling the possibility towards me until she found a replacement... She is an insagram model etc. So she had no problem. Looking back she was polar opposite with so many of her actions/words I still try and figure it out every day.
Dear Borderline people struggling, don't read the comments and apply them to yourself. Some of these comments are not productive for you. You are strong and can get better. Continue your video research and work to get better like I am. I am rooting for you and I'm so proud of you 🫶
All my girlfriends over the years were either histrionic, narcissistic or borderline. I can deal with them easily because I have an attachment disorder. I don't bond.
I either love some one whole heartedly or just dont have any love for them at all of whatsoever but i don't hate them. I just stop loving them and i hate it so much cus i really wantt a love where i truly love some one and they love me back to last a long time
I have a BPD gf and she’s the most sensitive beautiful amazing person. But it’s like she plays head games with me. She had 2 abusive relationships and is very attached to me . She’s funny amazing in bed but is so insecure the thing is I’m really quiet and she’s very flirty it’s like she thinks she owes everyone something. I love her deeply and want to marry but sometimes I think she lies and says things just so I don’t leave. So hard because I don’t want anyone else but I don’t want to look stupid .
It seems like polyamory is very common among people with BPD. Some claim that it's beneficial for them because it suits their life best..or perhaps suits their BPD, their impulsivity, fear of abandonment (need to have a backup person), etc. But in this way, it sounds like polyamory just feeds into their BPD. By entering into more complicated relationships, they may be setting themselves up for failure, unstable relationship environments, and definitely doesn't seem to push them forward in making progress towards meaningful, reciprocal relationships where there is no need for a backup person because the fear of abandonment is gone, or at least minimal. If polyamory is an intentional choice, more power to you..but if it's a product of BPD and a result of lack of treatment for BPD then it sounds like it may do more harm than good. Eh?
When interested in a lady Pay close attention of how she interacts with her mother. If her mother is extremely controlling or if the lady you are interested in has resentment towards her mother then you should probably have second thoughts about her. I was married for 20.years to a borderline and I wouldnt wish that on my worst enemy .
What are your thoughts on "high functioning" borderlines, especially in relationships? Is the high function in work life just workaholism being used as a method to avoid negative feelings, like drinking or drug use? I've personally found success in work life seems to make it more difficult to take responsibility for problems in personal life, leading to directing blame on partners over trivial/unchangeable traits, or a general pessimism/cynicism "I don't know if I believe in love/relationships" deflection.
Monetary success is an impediment to working through the emotional pains that caused this state via therapy. They worry that bringing up the past will cause them to break down and lose their job. It's an excuse to avoid discomfort, when physical comfort (money) is a pacifier.
I went out with a guy once with BPD. I didn't know it was BPD until years later. But I left that relationship a few weeks into it. I told him he was crazy and to get away from me. He stalked me at first and then found someone else to stalk and bother. Thank God. But 5 years later he killed himself.
I'm in a relationship with someone with a BPD we're already engaged it's serious we're about to get married. Scene seeing these kind of videos are always interesting to me to get a better perspective of how to have a healthy and successful relationship with her. Because obviously this is such a foreign and unique disorder to have. And the causes are so severe and I know it's such a lifelong disorder any kind of information is always helpful for me personally. I did think it was an interesting find to see that many of the males that were in a relationship with someone that was BBD displayed some antisocial criteria but not have the disorder. Because I've even asked her does that say something about me that she loves me the right kind of way and I felt like something was wrong with me. Just to be clear I don't take advantage of her attachment disorder. I think it's utterly disgusting to manipulate someone that way but it was interesting to hear the finding reflect some of my own difficulties growing up.
To someone you know has BPD but is A) In denial and B) Not fixing at least the behaviors... Yes run. My older sister has it and is in denial on the diagnosis. But I think that if the person is aware it can possibly work. 9/9 quiet with a bit of impulsive borderline here.
After 1 year of on-and-off relationships with a BPD, I turned into her.... an asshole. My time was sucked away. She texted/talked to me all day, every day. The moment I said I needed some alone time was the moment she would break up with me and then blame me. I thought I was doing her a service in stating that she needed to focus on herself. Nope...
I feel with you. Two years and got discarded like a pair of old shoes just because I didn't feel as sad as she was when she got crushed by a comment she received at work. Go figure
The 73% intimate partner violence is attributable to the BPD proclivity to make false allegations of abuse. This is a very well established pattern of behaviour in BPD to distort reality and make false claims.
Perhaps the BPD couples are dealing with a "proof" of relational value that I could call "loyalty." All dissatisfying events and experiences are worked toward reunion and proof of loyalty to the coupling. A person could be satisfied by an observable rocky relationship if in the end loyalty is demonstrated and bonding affirmed?
Thank you Dr. Grande, I have been viewing your videos among others on this BPD subject after realizing that this is one of a few things that I am dealing with within myself. I have come to the conclusion that it would be better for myself and everyone involved with me if I go my own way and try to find something truly meaningful to me. It really is a shit deal though, because I really do care about the people close to me.
I'll try to explain how it has affected mine. Every interaction you have with someone of the opposite sex is seen as you most likely abandoning them and the whirl wind of crazy emotions and accusations begins. Then you are emotionally abandoned, sexually abandoned, and physically abandoned. You'll want to leave and try to leave and for a period of time you will be quasi love bombed until they feel "safe" again and then the cycle repeats. It's exhausting and crazy making!
I believe my ex has BPD. I can only say I’ve seen 4 of the symptoms: Unstable relationships, Extreme mood swings, intense and explosive anger and out of touch with reality. She may have some of the other feelings but I can’t say for sure. No signs of self harm, and not sure about fear of abandonment. She’s a very loving, caring, driven and successful woman for the most part. Is this possible with BPD?
It doesn’t sound like she does. But I can’t say for sure. If she is driven and successful, then she most likely doesn’t have it. Most bpds are so unstable that they can’t be successful unfortunately.
I kind of wonder why I did not read and see more about borderline personality disorder while I was in a relationship with a person suffering from it. I've had a keen interest in Psychology for as long as I remember but for some strange reason it never really dawned to me during the actual relationship that the dynamics we had between us were completely unbalanced and that I was overadapting to her emotional reactions pretty much all the time. I'm now on the other side picking up the pieces trying to process what actually happened during those six years. Wish I had seen more videos like this long ago maybe then I would have reached out for help before it reached such a critical stage. I am now in something looking like a cold war with my ex with whom I have a child.
Do people with BP leave their mates for not paying attention ? Also do they look in the mirror a lot with his confused look? weird question but need to know
what does affective instability mean? at 2017 i've got this diagnose. 2 psychologist said i have BPD simptoms. at that point it was like aha moment, that's why i always failed in romantic relationships. I feel sorry for people who got abuse or pain experience with BPD in their relationships. Me, as BPD person usually leaving in confusing feeling. I don't know where is the border.. the common sense of appropriate and inappropriate.. I have issues to maintaining relationship. I'm doing transpersonal therapy for dealing with my BPD simptoms, and now.. i realise i can't fix this part. it just become my characteristic.. so I decided to embracing and have a peace..it is help me to feel release and deliberating feeling. it doesn't mean i'm not taking responsibility for my own behavior.. I mean i learn to become aware with my inner state and do something. it is really hard.. and painful process.. hhh... I wish I can find partner who will stay with me even when the BPD come i've become paranoia.. but yah.. I know it is really hard, even for my self
Where did you get the data showing that only 20-30% of people with BPD are in relationships? I find the number suprising because I was in group therapy with 9 women and all but one of us were in a relationship or actively dating.
I have a boyfriend who possibly have this disorder, obviously I been having a hard time cooping with him since he isn't himself often. Whenever i ask people for advise they tell me to simply leave or fix whatever we could in our best ability, I love him to death and hes the only the thing that were special to me..he still is. I just started searching this up, I wish I was able to do many things for him but I'm limited even when we're being lovely dovey. There's a lot About this disorder matching him, plus I tried doing anything I could to co-op with him but his negative feelings would ruin it when I ask him after his day
Love your videos ... wish it went on longer so many questions left unanswered... what was this study called ... want to surf more on the subject 😁 awesome work as always! Thank you
@Dr Todd Grande: Do you have any content or any experience which you could share re: Borderline Female in a Relationship with Paranoid/NPD male or any case study information which you may be able to create content on? I’m starting a journey with Psychodynamic Psychotherapy with a psychiatrist and I actually have my BPD ex girlfriend to thank for getting me interested in your wonderful research and content. Thank you so much for your great work and explanations always. Kindest of Regards
i'm a bit curious on the little factoid that 20%-30% of people with bpd is in a relationship, do you have a source you could link ? i'm interested in reading it
Is there a link between hormonal problems and borderline. I meet the criteria during the week leading up to my period. The rest of the month I'm good. When i was diagnosed i was on birth control. After i stopped my symptoms went away.
Less than a week ago my now ex, cheated on me making a vid for OF. She brought it up in a jokingly "please don't be mad" manner. I asked her if she was serious and to my horrible surprise i saw her video with the caption "look at how daddy fills me up"...the world collapsed around me as i couldn't breathe normally. I confronted her and told her that when we met we said we weren't going to share...that this wouldn't happen...granted i knew she had an OF but only for personal vids not..other people and if she needed money. She had a lot of things wrong with her and i wanted to help her after i took time to process everything...she said she had four different personas and one of em was "teenager" where she has the attitude of "i will do what i want when i want" and i knew from that, she wouldnt be able to control herself. This of course was the first time I'd ever heard of anything like this from her. So i didnt know how to react, i just confronted her and tried to make sense of it because it explained a little bit of some of the things she did behind me. Like she had a second snapchat. She said she didnt know the password anymore. I had a second account but i never used it because i had started over with the one i was currently using. Anyways, i looked her second one up because her number was still linked to it and to my shock she added me back. I found out it WAS her because she made a story with her kids with her in it. I asked her and she denied having knowledge or any claims that she could've possibly accessed it. So being incredibly empathetic i just said okay...even after being lied to twice. At any rate SHE blocks me after i asked her if she deleted her OF because i said "if we were to move on you would need to stop with OF". I checked myself and couldn't find her. So i wanted to make sure you know? I've been thinking more and more about her like I'm genuinely concerned for her and she never acted this way before...i just...wanted to be there...(we live two hours apart)
Gloria. I feel the same. I have a child with me. My man means well. He is so nice and warm... But sometimes he gets erratic...and i am scared. For me. For my child.
How common is it for them to abruptly end relationships by blocking the partner? I managed to ask before and she admitted that she blocked everyone before me as well. Before doing that she declared just the day before (for the first time) that she was in love with me and that she trusted me to always be there for her. Day after... dumped on a video call and blocked after a few days. One year relationship blasted like that. During the relationship she kept giving silent treatments and when called out about it each time she kept telling that she could have been better for her to replace me with a new black slate. My bad for accepting that of course. Thanks
It could be that in the experimental group, the individuals felt more satisfaction than expected, due to them having experienced more growth oversll relative to the previous emorional quality in their lives, and so that could be relatively very sasyifying.
20%-30% of individuals with BPD are dating, married or cohabiting. Do you mean of individuals diagnosed with BPD? For balance, we need to know what percentage of people with potential BPD are actually diagnosed.
I have BPD and I have never been in a relationship ( I'm 20). I am also gay, then, in a certain way, I identity with the female spectrum. It makes me feel sad to know that only 20/30% of The BPDs are in a relationship. Sometimes I feel that I will never be at one.
Luis Augusto heya friend! Im BPD and have been in a relationship for three years. Its possible. Its also really hard but as long as you educate yourself and go to therapy to learn how to manage emotions and situations it can be done ❤️
@@witchy_aunt_lizzy Thank you so much for your response, Lizzy. I needed to read it. Actually, I am meeting a guy recently, he accepts me for who I am, maybe there will be a relationship soon :)
yeah that stat saddened me but i hear lots of people with bpd can have healthy relationships it just takes understanding on both ends and lots of therapy lol
@@thesupreme950 I really expect there is a hope for everyone who has BPD. I am currently in a relationship (the same guy that I mentioned in the last comment), even if it is just 2 weeks so far, my boyfriend thinks I am very unstable, so it makes him uncomfortable and disappointed too. I am improving everyday (I go to the therapy 3 times a week), but it is still challenging for me.
I've been trying to look for research/help in this subject bc its seeming like a more likely diagnosis for my bf, but theres so little things about men with bpd :(
My ex has bpd. She was blaming me for things she would yell at me over little things punch walls say shes gonna harm me she would say hurtful things to me and put her hands on me one time. Last Saturday wee broke up she kicked me out over getting mad cause i called my mom like I always do. My ex had cut herself 2 days before and said the voice in her head She calls Lilly was making her feel a certain way making hwr feel weak. I don't know what to do shws ignoring me it's breaking my heart I love her and been there for her and she acts like I wasn't apart of her life. What should I do?
Do what I do. Just keep watching these videos so you don't go back to that psycho. It funny you mentioned calling your mom. My ex broke up with me out of the blue after a fun weekend getaway. On the way home from the trip I called my mom to tell her I had a good time but that she broke up with me again. Turns out she got even more mad about the phone call and told me she was breaking up with me because I told my mom. I told her you just broke up with me you can't break up with me after we are already broken up.
Personality disorders can only be treated when the person wants help. They need therapy to help understand the situations and emotions that BPD prevents from processing at a normal rate. I suggest some periodic therapy for you as well to help navigate these unstable relationships youve had and what thats done for you ❤️
Run from them. Wish I had known a hit this much sooner. I wasted my time, my health, and mental well-being on a BPD woman. The only good thing that came of it is coming to the realization I come from a really effed up toxic family, from which I’m finally healing and living the successful life I want without guilt or shame. These BPDs and toxic family members bring you drama and only drama. Run from these demons.
How long have you been with her? I lasted almost 6 months with my BPD ex but it was too draining. You can't help them they need to get help and you will always need counseling. Good luck getting someone with bpd in long term therapy.
Look into DBT therapy. It is treatment for those with BPD and was created by someone with BPD. From what I have heard, BPDs do best in a stable and predictable environment and same goes for those with CPTSD.
This is really sweet of you to do and not many people care enough to do this sort of research to help their partner. I really hope the best for you two
Ok, I’m going against the grain here... what’s the best way to re-attract a borderline? She’s made contact by telling me she’s just finished with the guy she’s been seeing for the last 5-6 weeks. I asked her if she’d like to meet, she said it probably wasn’t the best idea. I said, no worries, let me know if you change your mind. I ain’t gonna change my mind, you and I didn’t work for a reason, she replied. So I asked her why did she contact me? To which I got no reply. 🤷🏻♂️
Music - The Voice Of The Soul She was simply digging to see if you’re there just in case she felt like pursuing something with you, or to see if you’re at her beck and call. That’s more of a narcissistic thing to do, but in my experience, a lot of BPD people have narcissistic tendencies.
Dr. Grande excellent study design for looking into what kind of further research needs to be done. I have a question that might [not you of course] upset some professionals around who don't like having to deal with maybe any kind of changes happening later in how things are done at work. is it only me that wonders if the majority of the differences in results between the BPD females in the romantic couple relationships and the results in the normal females in the control group with romantic couples going through stressors is only most that us females in general heal from the kind of injuries to the brain sustained during domestic violence [or any kind of brain injury for that matter] different than men do which along with some attachment styles that may predispose a woman to have weaker boundaries enough to end up in a marriage with someone who has a personality disorder? For one thing women of child bearing age may take longer to heal because their sleep patterns get disrupted more often during child care and their hormonal cycles .needing to be more complex to sustain a pregnancy means a greater risk of developing a serious hormonal imbalance which can affect brain chemistry longer during healing.
Interesting, I have BPD and my dating life has become more and more thrilling and happy since I started dating guys that had ASPD...and apparently I am not the only one whaat
I found it interesting one of the ads I got from you was for ketamine post partum depression treatment. Not sure if that’s reflecting you or I 😅 but I don’t have kids yet.
Random question, but figured here would be good. Does anyone ever have a one night stand act like your over it, then get attached somewhat, she was younger than me, and one day after weeks of texting and going out she told Me she liked a friend of mine, didn’t really bother me, but days later she sent a text accusing me of lying when I was drunk, I got super offended blocked her her on all platforms and totally overreacted. I really don’t know why I did this and have been on the fence of admitting that I have BPD, but when I act like this it makes me wonder
Can you please make a video about perfectionist's and the affect on their romantic relationships? I fell for a perfectionist girl and i have ADHD, we are in many ways same as a persons but our conditions are polar opposites.
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Emotional rollercoaster....I am separated from a borderline woman. I could never do right. The demands and expectations were to unrealistic. I rarely made it thru a 24 hour day without her being triggered and fussing about something. At some point you get tired of walking on eggshells. I am in therapy because I recognized that I was co dependent. It was toxic and leaving the relationship is best for both of us.. You cannot save no one. Save yourself the heartache. Loving someone should not be this painful.
Going through the same from the sound of it
I feel like I wrote this. It’s never enough what you do. They set you up for failure. You pass one test, and there are 100 more like it. And when you finally fail, they will never forget.
Well these comments saying how terrible it is to date someone with bpd make me give up on dating women.ill never be loveable.i didn’t ask to be like this and I can’t fix it.
I have BPD but my relationship has been slowly getting better as time goes on, I've been trying really hard to remain stable
I have had a lot of unstable romantic relationships they only lasted for a maximum of 6 months but this time I am trying really hard to maintain a stable relationship and I have made it to 9 months successfully hoping I can make it to 1yr and make it last forever
@@jinjoon2148 same thing for me, made it to 8 months recently, going for a year
I've been in a relationship with a BPD woman
We've been together for almost 2 years and a big part of it was great.
The thing is, she got more and more lost within herself and denied any kind of progess, even tried to make me believe I was guilty, anyway, I broke up after some 2 hard months and, all I can say to you is
I've seen her getting some treatment
I've seen her controling every inch of herself for a while
She was an amazing person
If you really will to do and be good, work on it, don't fool yourself sayin it's needless
That's great! Keep up the good work!
They beg you to never leave them, then they abruptly leave you. Then go into a rage when you move on.
Mine had a bad ending. It's amazing how someone can be in so much denial about their behavior and what they do ,and blame everyone else except themselves. I was a victim of someone with Bipolar Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder.
I gave up any type of relationship with men because I realised I was attracted to men that would abuse me in some way
Margaret Campbell I was the same way with women. Like if she stalks me and searches my phone I must be import to her. And when she hits it’s just so cute.
Every women ever
However as I improved I know I could make appropriate choices
BPD have an intense fear of abandonment, so they dote on their partner in an effort to not lose them. This feeds into a narcissistic type, who relishes constant attention.
Same
Being with someone with BPD was one of the most traumatising experiences I ever had. I didn’t want to give up on him, but even after a year of therapy he didn’t improve. Without wanting to discriminate I would advise anyone to think twice about being in a relationship with someone with BPD unless it has already been effectively treated
The thing with dating women who suffer from BPD or depression is that they tend to be mostly loyal and very affectionate which creates this feeling that when things go well they do work very well but... when things go wrong they feel like hell. So its a huge whirl of up and down and I can see why some guys want to avoid that.
Lonely life with this diagnosis. I understand why all the suicide
Danyella Guerrero i really felt that.
It's worst being a partner to one of these horrid creatures
@@sin2695 What an ironic, disgusting comment to make.
If u consciencious u know its better to be alone, relationships just bring pain for both. It's lose lose. Prety lonely, but the guilt u feel when u hurt someone u love ain't worth the few good times
My life is full. Dont let you diagnosis define you
I wish I could know how to deal with a BPD partner, it’s literally a hellish existence.
No matter what I do, nothing’s ever enough for them.
You can’t. It’s impossible
You said I wish so I wanted to know if you love one abd left them. .. Are still in a relationship with them or just want to know in general.... I can help if you are having relationsjip issues
You can’t win. I tried for 2 years
It wont work just gets worse
@@yeahitshimagain sounds like alot of effort she won't get back!
My ex was a male who was diagnosed with borderline. I think if he actually took his medication we may have been able to make it work out for a longer time, though it was best we did not. He was one of those people when he was great, he didn’t seem the slightly off, and wonderful to be around. But when he wasn’t med compliant...the symptoms amplified and the bubbling destruction would come knocking. It was one of those relationships that shook me to my core. I learned so much about myself through grieving and processing, but learned about the disorder it’s self, substance and sexual addiction, and prostitution. I left him and I was broken-hearted in a completely different way. There was huge amounts of shame, guilt, and anger...out of character anger. I was depressed, experienced nightmares and would disassociate because I was traumatized. It’s gotten better. Although, I sometimes still get scared and sad. I wish him well despite what had happened and what he did to me. I still have love for him, but to continue a relationship would be abusive and not an act of love towards myself.
Can you PLEASE talk about MALE Borderlines and what it's like to be in a romantic relationship with them specifically? Even if you just talk about MALE Borderlines in general because there's not much out there. Thank you! I love your videos!!!
Yes, I will add your idea to the production list - thank you so much!
@@DrGrande thank you so very much! Keep up the amazing work that you do, helps more than you know :)
I'm a male borderline and I'd love to know more about the differences as well.
Yes! So true. There is so little on male borderlines. Thanks Dr. Grande!!
I have BPD and have had history of being in unstable relationships. I pray to find the right person that gets my disability and last forever.
I was in a 3 year romantic relationship with a co-morbid BPD/NPD partner.... I was left abused, traumatized and heartbroken. It was after I started therapy post split that I finally understand what I had been dealing with in terms of the abuse and all of my ex's mental health deficits. I had to move across the country to start a new life and get myself back. Although the scar will always be there because he hurt me so much, I am doing well after two and half years of going no contact. I did not respond to any of his hoover attempts either. I now finally realize I could never rescue him and all of the unconditional love and support I gave to him, it would never be enough. He was incapable of reciprocal healthy adult love.
I sympathize with you. Been in a two year relationship with a BPD woman, didn't know what it was until she discarded me and started acting super erratic after the discard. I was traumatized . I had organized a beautiful birthday for her to cheer her up and show her the love she always wanted, yet she preferred to break down at home because of some criticism she received at work, make me guess that I had to come comfort her while the whole day she threw me off with her push and pull until I became confused as to where she is at and what she's doing. Turns out I became I narcissist all of a sudden because I couldn't guess and read between the lines, I should have known that go away I am doing my own thing means I am home crying on the floor and you need to be with me to comfort me. The worst day of my life. I am still trying to heal after two months. Ofcourse she blocked me from her life, which is a good thing as any more contact would mean more pain. Glad to know you healed and doing better. They indeed are unable to reciprocate love in a healthy adult way. Wish you all the best.
DBmsw this is heartbreaking i♥️a man w:this I’m not gonna stop
I'm not diagnosed with having bpd but I fit all of those criteria. This makes me finally want to get help
It depends on the person. With my BPD I idealize people a lot, but I'm not one to devalue. I also take my emotions out on myself rather than on others, so I don't harm others but I do hurt myself a lot and I understand that that's also stressful to deal with.
Being psycoligically abused causes borderline. Thats what i have found in my research. Thanks for your vidoes.
You're welcome!
LIFEISAJOURNEY LETITGO BPDs psychologically damage others
joyce jennings not true. Please don’t spread such awful misinformation.
@@joycejnn When I think of BPD I think of characters like Livia Soprano. I may have it confused with narcissism and/or antisocial PD though. But if I have the right condition in mind I think you're clearly right. I don't see how a relationships with someone with BPD couldn't cause harm.
ptsd and cptsd are not borderline
My bpd left me after 6 months, i believed he was the love of my life. He’s currently ghosting. Just trying to get on with everything as it was really confusing that we broke up when nothing went wrong and we were pretty much perfect. Just miss him so so much :(
Thanks for yet another insightful video. I’m a BPD female who has never been able to sustain a relationship, romantic or otherwise, in my life. For various reasons.. I can’t/don’t believe or trust anyone and I since I was a child I have always felt like I’m different and unworthy etc. so I always pushed ppl away.. Now I’m 50, sitting in a tiny room day after day alone, rarely seeing or speaking to anyone else, which gets a bit sad and quite tedious.. But the way I feel, it’s better than having to deal with someone else. I have come to accept the realisation of how I am and how I function.
So I'm watching this as I'm sitting in a tiny Philippines resort beach town by myself. I came here for my long distance girlfriend. It was love at first sight when I met her online (judge all you want, but online relationships can absolutely be legit). But she was toxic the whole time. My plan was to come meet her for the first time, try to explain to her how to handle things in more healthy ways, and not to threaten to break up for every small disagreement.
I got here on June 2nd. It's June 15th. I planned to spend until the morning of the 21st here. Basically, after the second day, she disappeared that morning. I woke up to all of her stuff gone and a text saying "I'm done with you and I can't stand your attitude" . . . Basically this was in response to a small disagreement we had the night prior, that she had apologized for and that we, I thought, moved past. She ended up coming back the next evening. Well, on June 10th, something similar happened. We had a small disagreement, she said she was going home to get some things. Never came back. Broke up over text.
I came here from Arkansas. She's now been texting me for days. I came all this way to be with her and grow this relationship and she's literally sitting 10 miles from me texting me, sending toxic and stressful texts.
Now, I was with someone with BPD back in 2015.
So it just dawned on me last night. This girl absolutely has BPD. And I literally said out loud, in a room by myself, "No fucking way"
Having been through this before, if this dawned on me before I came all the way here, I would not have made the trip.
To add to this stress, she has no concept of all the sacrifice it took to drop my life for three weeks to come to a remote island in the Philippines to see her.
Needless to say, I feel betrayed and unappreciated and I kind of want to just fly home. But at the same time, when I do fly home, it's going to be a 34 hour journey.
I cannot believe I did this much for someone incapable of appreciating any of it.
The girl I was just with was honestly great - she did a really good job of not projecting her insecurity onto our relationship and myself. Her suicidal ideation about her insecurities made her enter a psych ward a couple times and after enough isolation we called it quits. I never knew how to help her and it really pained me that I couldn’t. Managing BPD seems like an almost impossible/improbable feat. What a mess!
12 yr veteran of marriage to a bpd female. How can you hope to make it work when you'll be discarded one day. She cheated on me, cursed me, blamed me, flirted with other men in front of me, accused me of things I never thought of doing, lied all the time. Hell, hey sister and son both told me it would be best for me if I divorced her. After several yrs of going through what a codependent goes through after divorcing a bpd, I can clearly see leaving her was the best choice.
If I understand correctly, the control group women had chosen partners who tended to withdraw when stressed, and they were satisfied with these partners. That seems logical, since withdrawal might tend to diffuse volatile situations and stabilize a relationship.
BPD and narcissists often pair up.
How does that work out lol
@@whoKnew1621 People with BPD experience emotions extremely and idolize new partners, and narcissists live of that kind of validation. Narcissists love to control partners and people with BPD at deadly afraid of abandonment.
This is wrong on so many levels. Well , I’m not sure about romantic relationships. But my mother has NPD and I was raised by her and her NPD abuse is what caused my BPD/bipolar type one. And ever since my BPD symptoms arised and ever since I was diagnosed with it, our fights have gotten worse and worse.
My anger was due to my sexual abuse by many male perpetrators starting at age 3. It was not inappropriate
Margaret Campbell I’m sorry you went through that :(
I stopped being in romantic relationships. Not worth the BS.
Mr Creeps Horror Reviews okayyyyy lol
Fear
Nothing wrong with that, even if it is partially based on fear or prior negative experiences.
@@SerenaToxicat, having a relationship or not is a choice. No-one has to justify their decision. When you are avoiding intimicy out of fear or prior negatieve experiences, well then you should seek help to heal that part of you. If it makes you unhappy, that is..
Same. Women are out of control
A BPD woman will literally hollow out a man to the very depths of his soul (financially, psychologically and emotionally) depending on how long he stays in the "relationship". You'll experience the most glorious, heavenly highs of highs and the most hellacious, deep and excruciating lows of lows. It's not even believable to people who have not experienced it. There's no way to describe the range of emotions. It's just other worldly.
Only strong survive
@DIssarap kinda curious on the cold treatment, recently dated a BPD chick, tried taking it slow because that's the type of person she said she was, even though she was trying to be intimate the night I asked her out via text. Got really cold and distant and would only blow up occasionally (about me taking things too slow) then go through the idolization phase after a fight. Constant txts, trying to see me etc. Used her body to lure me in. And after the fights she would act like nothing was wrong and that things didn't need to progress too quickly, few days go by, get cold again. Broke up with her putting all blame on myself and was dumb enough to try and get back with her to give it a full shot. She kept dangling the possibility towards me until she found a replacement... She is an insagram model etc. So she had no problem. Looking back she was polar opposite with so many of her actions/words I still try and figure it out every day.
This is exactly what it is!!!! Like being on coke!!! They make themselves a drug n u become addicted!!! Fuckin nightmare!!!
Absolutely perfect analysis.
Other worldly. That place is called Hell!
You are a master at this. Thank you. You are like a priest of psychology. So much info and you make it sound so easy.
Thank you!
Dear Borderline people struggling, don't read the comments and apply them to yourself. Some of these comments are not productive for you. You are strong and can get better. Continue your video research and work to get better like I am. I am rooting for you and I'm so proud of you 🫶
All my girlfriends over the years were either histrionic, narcissistic or borderline. I can deal with them easily because I have an attachment disorder. I don't bond.
I have BPD...I pretty much cannot formulate, let alone keep a relationship healthy.
It's shit
I either love some one whole heartedly or just dont have any love for them at all of whatsoever but i don't hate them.
I just stop loving them and i hate it so much cus i really wantt a love where i truly love some one and they love me back to last a long time
You might be a bpd experiencing "splitting"
I have a BPD gf and she’s the most sensitive beautiful amazing person. But it’s like she plays head games with me. She had 2 abusive relationships and is very attached to me . She’s funny amazing in bed but is so insecure the thing is I’m really quiet and she’s very flirty it’s like she thinks she owes everyone something. I love her deeply and want to marry but sometimes I think she lies and says things just so I don’t leave. So hard because I don’t want anyone else but I don’t want to look stupid .
It seems like polyamory is very common among people with BPD. Some claim that it's beneficial for them because it suits their life best..or perhaps suits their BPD, their impulsivity, fear of abandonment (need to have a backup person), etc. But in this way, it sounds like polyamory just feeds into their BPD. By entering into more complicated relationships, they may be setting themselves up for failure, unstable relationship environments, and definitely doesn't seem to push them forward in making progress towards meaningful, reciprocal relationships where there is no need for a backup person because the fear of abandonment is gone, or at least minimal. If polyamory is an intentional choice, more power to you..but if it's a product of BPD and a result of lack of treatment for BPD then it sounds like it may do more harm than good. Eh?
I spent 5 years with a female BPD. NEVER AGAIN!!!!
There is not really pure BPD..it often coexists with other neuropsychiatric conditions... Narcissism.. ADHD.. ASPD..bipolar disorder..
When interested in a lady Pay close attention of how she interacts with her mother. If her mother is extremely controlling or if the lady you are interested in has resentment towards her mother then you should probably have second thoughts about her. I was married for 20.years to a borderline and I wouldnt wish that on my worst enemy .
Can you explain why need to stay away from someone resentful of their mothers?
What are your thoughts on "high functioning" borderlines, especially in relationships? Is the high function in work life just workaholism being used as a method to avoid negative feelings, like drinking or drug use?
I've personally found success in work life seems to make it more difficult to take responsibility for problems in personal life, leading to directing blame on partners over trivial/unchangeable traits, or a general pessimism/cynicism "I don't know if I believe in love/relationships" deflection.
Monetary success is an impediment to working through the emotional pains that caused this state via therapy. They worry that bringing up the past will cause them to break down and lose their job. It's an excuse to avoid discomfort, when physical comfort (money) is a pacifier.
I’d like to hear your thoughts on how social anxiety disorder effects romantic relationships.
Social anxiety is a symptom of a deeper pathology.
@@lawrencedavis5459 any examples
I went out with a guy once with BPD. I didn't know it was BPD until years later. But I left that relationship a few weeks into it. I told him he was crazy and to get away from me. He stalked me at first and then found someone else to stalk and bother. Thank God. But 5 years later he killed himself.
Wow, you're lucky. I envy you.
What made him 'crazy'? I mean before the stalking, looks like he just felt (insanely) hard for you.
How exactly did you "know" he had BPD? Did you give him that diagnoses yourself? If so, you don't really have the right to claim that your ex had BPD.
You sound like a narcissist
Wow, thats sad
I'm in a relationship with someone with a BPD we're already engaged it's serious we're about to get married. Scene seeing these kind of videos are always interesting to me to get a better perspective of how to have a healthy and successful relationship with her. Because obviously this is such a foreign and unique disorder to have. And the causes are so severe and I know it's such a lifelong disorder any kind of information is always helpful for me personally.
I did think it was an interesting find to see that many of the males that were in a relationship with someone that was BBD displayed some antisocial criteria but not have the disorder. Because I've even asked her does that say something about me that she loves me the right kind of way and I felt like something was wrong with me. Just to be clear I don't take advantage of her attachment disorder. I think it's utterly disgusting to manipulate someone that way but it was interesting to hear the finding reflect some of my own difficulties growing up.
Just avoided a BP relation. Such a manipulative person, made it so easy to fall in love with. Thanks to God for my BS detector.
Not all borderlines are the same.
@@limecat1057 Yes, they are. They're behavior seems almost scripted, and they all seem to have the same script
@@limecat1057 YES THEY ARE all the same...perhaps inventive with the way they damage, but the same results.
To someone you know has BPD but is A) In denial and B) Not fixing at least the behaviors... Yes run. My older sister has it and is in denial on the diagnosis. But I think that if the person is aware it can possibly work. 9/9 quiet with a bit of impulsive borderline here.
Very interesting!
Funny how the experimental group reported satisfaction.
I guess it is related to how we look at drama.
Can you talk about two people with BPD being in a relationship together? There isn't much ont he topic sadly...
Gratsiela...a BPD relationship is NOTHING you need to know about...keep steppin....faster faster....
That sounds like a lot of enabling
Oh shit! Im gonna die alone! Lol is hard to be in a relationships being borderline
After 1 year of on-and-off relationships with a BPD, I turned into her.... an asshole. My time was sucked away. She texted/talked to me all day, every day. The moment I said I needed some alone time was the moment she would break up with me and then blame me.
I thought I was doing her a service in stating that she needed to focus on herself. Nope...
I feel with you. Two years and got discarded like a pair of old shoes just because I didn't feel as sad as she was when she got crushed by a comment she received at work. Go figure
wildmanauh sorry to hear you went through that. It’s difficult to be with these types. Hopefully you know the red flags for next time.
The 73% intimate partner violence is attributable to the BPD proclivity to make false allegations of abuse. This is a very well established pattern of behaviour in BPD to distort reality and make false claims.
Perhaps the BPD couples are dealing with a "proof" of relational value that I could call "loyalty." All dissatisfying events and experiences are worked toward reunion and proof of loyalty to the coupling. A person could be satisfied by an observable rocky relationship if in the end loyalty is demonstrated and bonding affirmed?
yelloworangered This is accurate. These types of relationships are held together through trauma bonding in most cases.
Half expected a two-second clip where he says, 'Forget about it."
I can't take this anymore
You can change
Maria juana is the only love i have that never abandons me ^^
holy shit, I have said this to myself many times. Dying alone, I'll smoke to that. haha
Took me a minute to understand what this meant lol. Can you tell I don't smoke?
Look up the song palm trees by FBZ describes this perfectly
Thank you Dr. Grande, I have been viewing your videos among others on this BPD subject after realizing that this is one of a few things that I am dealing with within myself. I have come to the conclusion that it would be better for myself and everyone involved with me if I go my own way and try to find something truly meaningful to me. It really is a shit deal though, because I really do care about the people close to me.
I'll try to explain how it has affected mine. Every interaction you have with someone of the opposite sex is seen as you most likely abandoning them and the whirl wind of crazy emotions and accusations begins. Then you are emotionally abandoned, sexually abandoned, and physically abandoned. You'll want to leave and try to leave and for a period of time you will be quasi love bombed until they feel "safe" again and then the cycle repeats. It's exhausting and crazy making!
Sounds like my parents.... and my ex-wife and I.🤔 Thanks for sharing, Doc.
I believe my ex has BPD. I can only say I’ve seen 4 of the symptoms: Unstable relationships, Extreme mood swings, intense and explosive anger and out of touch with reality. She may have some of the other feelings but I can’t say for sure. No signs of self harm, and not sure about fear of abandonment. She’s a very loving, caring, driven and successful woman for the most part. Is this possible with BPD?
T Konclown usually self harm is a big one for bpd and fear of abandonment that is very very extreme.
It doesn’t sound like she does. But I can’t say for sure. If she is driven and successful, then she most likely doesn’t have it. Most bpds are so unstable that they can’t be successful unfortunately.
Master Discipline Master Life this is false. I have bpd and I am currently a nurse. Not everyone is the same I guess. But it is very debilitating
Master Discipline Master Life she could have been secretly self harming such as an eating disorder. That’s a good way to self harm in disguise
I kind of wonder why I did not read and see more about borderline personality disorder while I was in a relationship with a person suffering from it. I've had a keen interest in Psychology for as long as I remember but for some strange reason it never really dawned to me during the actual relationship that the dynamics we had between us were completely unbalanced and that I was overadapting to her emotional reactions pretty much all the time. I'm now on the other side picking up the pieces trying to process what actually happened during those six years. Wish I had seen more videos like this long ago maybe then I would have reached out for help before it reached such a critical stage. I am now in something looking like a cold war with my ex with whom I have a child.
so....pretty much I just have my cat and rocking chair. fan freaking tastic
Do people with BP leave their mates for not paying attention ? Also do they look in the mirror a lot with his confused look? weird question but need to know
How has modern society influenced Borderline Personality disorder?
what does affective instability mean? at 2017 i've got this diagnose. 2 psychologist said i have BPD simptoms. at that point it was like aha moment, that's why i always failed in romantic relationships.
I feel sorry for people who got abuse or pain experience with BPD in their relationships. Me, as BPD person usually leaving in confusing feeling. I don't know where is the border.. the common sense of appropriate and inappropriate.. I have issues to maintaining relationship.
I'm doing transpersonal therapy for dealing with my BPD simptoms, and now.. i realise i can't fix this part. it just become my characteristic.. so I decided to embracing and have a peace..it is help me to feel release and deliberating feeling. it doesn't mean i'm not taking responsibility for my own behavior.. I mean i learn to become aware with my inner state and do something. it is really hard.. and painful process..
hhh... I wish I can find partner who will stay with me even when the BPD come i've become paranoia.. but yah.. I know it is really hard, even for my self
Pingkan Hapsari Work keep up the good work with therapy. If you stick with it you will be able to maintain a healthy relationship.
They are satisfied cause they know if they alone they gon be like that for a LOOOOONG time
this was so interesting!thank you for making this video!
Where did you get the data showing that only 20-30% of people with BPD are in relationships? I find the number suprising because I was in group therapy with 9 women and all but one of us were in a relationship or actively dating.
Never again! My ex-wife has BPD.
It's bad. Still not sure of she's a shy narcissist or has bpd, but it was real bad
How so? Most bpd do have narcissistic traits.
I have a boyfriend who possibly have this disorder, obviously I been having a hard time cooping with him since he isn't himself often. Whenever i ask people for advise they tell me to simply leave or fix whatever we could in our best ability, I love him to death and hes the only the thing that were special to me..he still is. I just started searching this up, I wish I was able to do many things for him but I'm limited even when we're being lovely dovey. There's a lot About this disorder matching him, plus I tried doing anything I could to co-op with him but his negative feelings would ruin it when I ask him after his day
I have never been able to build any sort of relationship
Love your videos ... wish it went on longer so many questions left unanswered... what was this study called ... want to surf more on the subject 😁 awesome work as always! Thank you
@Dr Todd Grande: Do you have any content or any experience which you could share re: Borderline Female in a Relationship with Paranoid/NPD male or any case study information which you may be able to create content on?
I’m starting a journey with Psychodynamic Psychotherapy with a psychiatrist and I actually have my BPD ex girlfriend to thank for getting me interested in your wonderful research and content.
Thank you so much for your great work and explanations always.
Kindest of Regards
i'm a bit curious on the little factoid that 20%-30% of people with bpd is in a relationship, do you have a source you could link ? i'm interested in reading it
Dr.Grande in your experience would you say its more common to see folks with the traits of BPD/NPD than the actual personality disorder itself?
Is there a link between hormonal problems and borderline. I meet the criteria during the week leading up to my period. The rest of the month I'm good. When i was diagnosed i was on birth control. After i stopped my symptoms went away.
sponge bob wow!!! In my case (female, 39 years old) I always get as well the symptoms toward one week before the beginning of my period!
Omg me too!!! I wonder if it is just hormonal!
Less than a week ago my now ex, cheated on me making a vid for OF. She brought it up in a jokingly "please don't be mad" manner. I asked her if she was serious and to my horrible surprise i saw her video with the caption "look at how daddy fills me up"...the world collapsed around me as i couldn't breathe normally. I confronted her and told her that when we met we said we weren't going to share...that this wouldn't happen...granted i knew she had an OF but only for personal vids not..other people and if she needed money. She had a lot of things wrong with her and i wanted to help her after i took time to process everything...she said she had four different personas and one of em was "teenager" where she has the attitude of "i will do what i want when i want" and i knew from that, she wouldnt be able to control herself. This of course was the first time I'd ever heard of anything like this from her. So i didnt know how to react, i just confronted her and tried to make sense of it because it explained a little bit of some of the things she did behind me. Like she had a second snapchat. She said she didnt know the password anymore. I had a second account but i never used it because i had started over with the one i was currently using. Anyways, i looked her second one up because her number was still linked to it and to my shock she added me back. I found out it WAS her because she made a story with her kids with her in it. I asked her and she denied having knowledge or any claims that she could've possibly accessed it. So being incredibly empathetic i just said okay...even after being lied to twice. At any rate SHE blocks me after i asked her if she deleted her OF because i said "if we were to move on you would need to stop with OF". I checked myself and couldn't find her. So i wanted to make sure you know? I've been thinking more and more about her like I'm genuinely concerned for her and she never acted this way before...i just...wanted to be there...(we live two hours apart)
Throw in narcissism for some real confusion.
My husband was just diagnosed with Bipolar 1 and personality disorder with mixed features [borderline and schizotypal], can you give me insight?
I’m trying to figure out a way how to get away from this relationship. It seems so impossible😭
Gloria Sol if its a safety concern. Please call the police!
Gloria. I feel the same.
I have a child with me. My man means well. He is so nice and warm...
But sometimes he gets erratic...and i am scared.
For me.
For my child.
How common is it for them to abruptly end relationships by blocking the partner? I managed to ask before and she admitted that she blocked everyone before me as well.
Before doing that she declared just the day before (for the first time) that she was in love with me and that she trusted me to always be there for her.
Day after... dumped on a video call and blocked after a few days.
One year relationship blasted like that.
During the relationship she kept giving silent treatments and when called out about it each time she kept telling that she could have been better for her to replace me with a new black slate.
My bad for accepting that of course.
Thanks
It could be that in the experimental group, the individuals felt more satisfaction than expected, due to them having experienced more growth oversll relative to the previous emorional quality in their lives, and so that could be relatively very sasyifying.
I can have satisfying relationships. Thanx.
Is it satisfying to your partner too?
You do you!
20%-30% of individuals with BPD are dating, married or cohabiting. Do you mean of individuals diagnosed with BPD? For balance, we need to know what percentage of people with potential BPD are actually diagnosed.
I have BPD and I have never been in a relationship ( I'm 20). I am also gay, then, in a certain way, I identity with the female spectrum. It makes me feel sad to know that only 20/30% of The BPDs are in a relationship. Sometimes I feel that I will never be at one.
Luis Augusto heya friend! Im BPD and have been in a relationship for three years. Its possible. Its also really hard but as long as you educate yourself and go to therapy to learn how to manage emotions and situations it can be done ❤️
@@witchy_aunt_lizzy Thank you so much for your response, Lizzy. I needed to read it. Actually, I am meeting a guy recently, he accepts me for who I am, maybe there will be a relationship soon :)
yeah that stat saddened me but i hear lots of people with bpd can have healthy relationships it just takes understanding on both ends and lots of therapy lol
@@thesupreme950 I really expect there is a hope for everyone who has BPD. I am currently in a relationship (the same guy that I mentioned in the last comment), even if it is just 2 weeks so far, my boyfriend thinks I am very unstable, so it makes him uncomfortable and disappointed too. I am improving everyday (I go to the therapy 3 times a week), but it is still challenging for me.
Dont worry brother, love is strong.
I've been trying to look for research/help in this subject bc its seeming like a more likely diagnosis for my bf, but theres so little things about men with bpd :(
I wish I knew what I was dealing with along time ago... Tore my whole life apart 😭😭😭😔
My ex has bpd. She was blaming me for things she would yell at me over little things punch walls say shes gonna harm me she would say hurtful things to me and put her hands on me one time. Last Saturday wee broke up she kicked me out over getting mad cause i called my mom like I always do. My ex had cut herself 2 days before and said the voice in her head She calls Lilly was making her feel a certain way making hwr feel weak. I don't know what to do shws ignoring me it's breaking my heart I love her and been there for her and she acts like I wasn't apart of her life. What should I do?
Do what I do. Just keep watching these videos so you don't go back to that psycho. It funny you mentioned calling your mom. My ex broke up with me out of the blue after a fun weekend getaway. On the way home from the trip I called my mom to tell her I had a good time but that she broke up with me again. Turns out she got even more mad about the phone call and told me she was breaking up with me because I told my mom. I told her you just broke up with me you can't break up with me after we are already broken up.
Personality disorders can only be treated when the person wants help. They need therapy to help understand the situations and emotions that BPD prevents from processing at a normal rate. I suggest some periodic therapy for you as well to help navigate these unstable relationships youve had and what thats done for you ❤️
Mason G Be safe if not leave .. they NEVER change!
She heard a voice in her head called Lilly??? dude it might be worse than BPD!!!!!!!!
Your video's are so educating. Thank you for sharing this information. It has been very helpful for me.
You're welcome!
Run from them. Wish I had known a hit this much sooner. I wasted my time, my health, and mental well-being on a BPD woman. The only good thing that came of it is coming to the realization I come from a really effed up toxic family, from which I’m finally healing and living the successful life I want without guilt or shame. These BPDs and toxic family members bring you drama and only drama. Run from these demons.
Hello Dr. Grande. Could you do a video on what causes Schizoid Personality Disorder? thx
Yes I can - I will add it to the production list - thank you for the video idea.
Yeah send some money too along with your suggestions... lol ;)
I dating a girl with BPD, may i know is that any way to help her， comfort her, or can reduce the pain she suffer in her heart?
Oh man, be careful.
How long have you been with her? I lasted almost 6 months with my BPD ex but it was too draining. You can't help them they need to get help and you will always need counseling. Good luck getting someone with bpd in long term therapy.
@@delugedlife5027 almost one year
I won't give up on her
I wanna bring her out of this emotional trap
Look into DBT therapy. It is treatment for those with BPD and was created by someone with BPD. From what I have heard, BPDs do best in a stable and predictable environment and same goes for those with CPTSD.
This is really sweet of you to do and not many people care enough to do this sort of research to help their partner. I really hope the best for you two
Ok, I’m going against the grain here... what’s the best way to re-attract a borderline? She’s made contact by telling me she’s just finished with the guy she’s been seeing for the last 5-6 weeks. I asked her if she’d like to meet, she said it probably wasn’t the best idea. I said, no worries, let me know if you change your mind. I ain’t gonna change my mind, you and I didn’t work for a reason, she replied. So I asked her why did she contact me? To which I got no reply.
🤷🏻♂️
Music - The Voice Of The Soul She was simply digging to see if you’re there just in case she felt like pursuing something with you, or to see if you’re at her beck and call. That’s more of a narcissistic thing to do, but in my experience, a lot of BPD people have narcissistic tendencies.
Don’t fall for that shit.my question is why would you want to get back with her when she treats you like an option
Dr. Grande excellent study design for looking into what kind of further research needs to be done. I have a question that might [not you of course] upset some professionals around who don't like having to deal with maybe any kind of changes happening later in how things are done at work. is it only me that wonders if the majority of the differences in results between the BPD females in the romantic couple relationships and the results in the normal females in the control group with romantic couples going through stressors is only most that us females in general heal from the kind of injuries to the brain sustained during domestic violence [or any kind of brain injury for that matter] different than men do which along with some attachment styles that may predispose a woman to have weaker boundaries enough to end up in a marriage with someone who has a personality disorder? For one thing women of child bearing age may take longer to heal because their sleep patterns get disrupted more often during child care and their hormonal cycles .needing to be more complex to sustain a pregnancy means a greater risk of developing a serious hormonal imbalance which can affect brain chemistry longer during healing.
Thank you 😊
Interesting, I have BPD and my dating life has become more and more thrilling and happy since I started dating guys that had ASPD...and apparently I am not the only one whaat
I found it interesting one of the ads I got from you was for ketamine post partum depression treatment. Not sure if that’s reflecting you or I 😅 but I don’t have kids yet.
if u have bpd seek professional help. seriously if you value your relationship
Can you do a video how people with social anxiety effects relationship
Joseph I think I have bpd and social anxiety 😕
Random question, but figured here would be good. Does anyone ever have a one night stand act like your over it, then get attached somewhat, she was younger than me, and one day after weeks of texting and going out she told
Me she liked a friend of mine, didn’t really bother me, but days later she sent a text accusing me of lying when I was drunk, I got super offended blocked her her on all platforms and totally overreacted. I really don’t know why I did this and have been on the fence of admitting that I have BPD, but when I act like this it makes me wonder
so to sum up... I'm fucked.
Thank you for helping me understand
Can you please make a video about perfectionist's and the affect on their romantic relationships? I fell for a perfectionist girl and i have ADHD, we are in many ways same as a persons but our conditions are polar opposites.
I will add your idea to the production list - thank you for the suggestion!