Why Dating is Hard in Japan [ENG CC]
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 19 ก.ย. 2021
- If you'd like to support these videos covering Japan's social issues and trends,
please consider making a small donation: find-your-love.tsubasakaiser.com
or purchase some merch via my collab with Bakuretsu: bakuretsu.co/nobita
[Please turn on CC for English subtitles]
■Fundamental Japanese Mindsets
• Video
■Japan's Human Rental Businesses (2021)
• Video
＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝
This channel covers important social issues and recent trends in Japan.
■Subscribe this channel
/ @thejapanreporter
■Instagram;
/ nobita_from_japan
======================================
Big thanks to all the people in this video.
■Lemi
/ @lemifromjapan
/ lemifromjapan
■Emi
/ @japaneseemichannel
/ emi.love.cheese
■Yuka
/ @with_me_japan
/ with_me_japan
■Kamila
/ sailordulleteve
■Kory
/ @korymoldova
■Luciana
/ mini__lucy
■Thelma
/ fluffynpink
/ thelmaheimis
■Coralie
/ corali.e___
/ @coralienikki
■Lana
/ thevladini
■Kalie
/ @kaliechips
/ kaliechips
/ secondhandpages_
■Ellie (from Romania)
/ ellie.itoh
■Ellie (from Belgium)
/ ellie_ddb
/ @elliedb5656
■Ellie (from Slovakia)
/ foxontheroad
/ elliefox.japan
■Aimie
/ @aimieffp349
/ aimie_ffp
■Gaijin Perspective
/ @gaijinperspective133
■CDawgVA
/ @cdawgva
■Bebechan - 日本のフランス人
/ べべちゃんbebechan
■BrooklynTokyo
/ jesusfreak116clique
■Wong Fu Productions
/ wongfuproductions
========================================================
■BGM：
sn6wmusic.com
Underwater by Roa / roa_music1031
Creative Commons - Attribution 3.0 Unported - CC BY 3.0
Free Download / Stream: bit.ly/-underwater
Music promoted by Audio Library • Underwater - Roa (No C...
Lolly by Limujii / limujii
Creative Commons - Attribution 3.0 Unported - CC BY 3.0
Free Download / Stream: bit.ly/3desIsF
Music promoted by Audio Library • Lolly - Limujii (No Co...
Moonlight by Roa / roa_music1031
Creative Commons - Attribution 3.0 Unported - CC BY 3.0
Free Download / Stream: bit.ly/3hFL894
Music promoted by Audio Library • Moonlight - Roa (No Co...
============================
All materials in these videos are used for educational purposes and fall within the guidelines of fair use. No copyright infringement is intended.
If you are or represent the copyright owner of materials used in this video and have a problem with the use of said material, please send me an email. - บันเทิง
In Germany saying like "We should have lunch together some day!" is a promise and breaking it is seen as being unreliable.
That's weird, because Japanese and German societies have a lot in common, but in Japan a suggestion like that isn't taken seriously and usually means it won't even happen.
Same for Italy you're gonna to seriously offend the other person
In the the US (upper Midwest), it means “I don’t dislike you or anything, but I don’t really see any need of getting together with you, so… yeah”
@@matteo4096 Interesting….
Thats good. Otherwise why would you say something if you dont believe is going to happend .
It makes sense the strong cultural desire to "save face" would lead to widespread social anxiety.
I complained once in Japan and the worker was physically shaking. It wasn't even a serious complaint. I felt so bad lol
@@ThorenTravels if you dont mind me asking, what was the complaint about?
@@gothxspit853 I can't even remember. It was at a net Cafe. I think I was asking to change booths because the air conditioner was blowing on me.
He must be new there I think , nobody would literally start shaking lmao 🤣
Yeah
Nobita seems to always find a good source of honest Japanese people that is willing to "spill the bean" about their culture's secrets. Considering how the issue of relationships are always the whole tatemae and not saying what they honestly feel, either Nobita is able to build a relaxing atmosphere between him and the (Japanese) interviewee so they can be open about it, or he's already close friends with them, which in itself is another accomplishment.
I KNOW RIGHT?!?!?!
Felt that a lot of Japanese actually want to spill the bean because it's like a gasket that almost explode. A lot of Japanese people are getting more older and many realized they want to have a family but their time is running out and their culture pretty much put a lot of barrier to find a good relationship.
💯 man... this is honest to goodness investigative vlogging/reporting
Thank you Nobita-san for having us on your interview😊✨Hope this video will let foreign people have better understanding of Japanese people🇯🇵Also I’m quite excited to see obaachan(elderly women)being helped in many places thanks to your video😆💓
You three were amazing. It is good to watch and helps others understand Japanese culture and understanding Japanese ppl as well. 🇯🇵🇯🇵🇯🇵 Love that too. Seeing elderly people get some help. You three did good.
Was so great to see you three on here it made my heart melt a bit. ❤
This video finally came out 😀
I didn't know you like a man brought up by grandma. 😝 So sweet, Yuka san☺️
お疲れ様
Middle woman: "If I make the first move and it didn't go well, I would feel like I got screwed up too much."
Men: Yeah... welcome to our reality.
Exactly
It was bit of double standards of privilege
In reality women were always stigmatized more for doing the first move
@@KateeAngel are they?
@@timk8869 yes we are
Now, I understand why Nobita likes Gyaru. At least one will get an honest answer. Makes a lot of sense now.
exactly. The more I hear the 3 girls talking, the more I respect gyaru's honesty.
Yeah, I can respect them for trying to let go of old antiquated tradition. Sad that many Japanese girls still consider them "damaged good" even kson who's half Japanese half American don't see them in respectful manner (I like you kson but you kinda ass about this one)
Time to find gyarus
A what? I guess I missed that part
gyaru's have a "bitch" attached to their names but they are also someone who is very frank and assertive which is one of the things most men would prefer instead of all this mindgames. now i can understand a bit better why japanese men suffer in relationships and ended up being single because of how two faced they could be or constantly on guard. same goes to women as well towards men.
Adding on, I don't date because it's not about you anymore. It's you and this person you are dating. You have to think about their state of mind as well as your state of mind. Sex, food, money, shelter, communication, etc. all come into play. People don't think about this, they think about "Oh yeah I'm not lonely anymore!" No.
Image dating someone who is two-faced or a cheater and wasting years of your life with this type of person. It's pretty scary. You can't get that time back, money, effort, etc.
It's called "a relationship" not "an inconvenience." You sound lonely and jaded.
I actually agree with this. Don't date unless you're ready to have someone else in your life. It's definitely a hassle, but if you're at the right time in your life, it's worth it.
People do this with jobs, they focus on the high salary and social status and completely overlook the long hours and stress. When something in their life is making them unhappy (loneliness, lack of money/status), they get tunnel vision and evaluate every option by only one metric: "Will this get rid of the thing that's causing me pain?"
Yeah
I agree. For now, I can't date. Sorry. I want to focus on myself first.
Bruh Nobita, you never miss man. You need more subs bro, seriously.
cute kitty-cat
So more people can listen to right wing revisionist agenda disguised as a majority view of Japanese? Although this video is rather innocent compared to others.. remember when he said BLM in Japan is troublesome? That was insightful...NOT
Seriously brother.
@@festung78Bro stop bringing your stupid western ideas here. He was expressing his opinion on it who said anything about him being a right-wing revisionist blah blah blah
@@Nadia-nt8gb how do you know I'm western? Maybe I live in Japan and have a lot of insight and first hand experience of the culture myself? Maybe I know that trivializing open racism in Japan is actually not ok?
Pay attention to what is said by him on a regularbasis. Maybe I know for a fact that he doesn't represent the majority view of Japanese.
When he asked why the women won't ask men out "Well, if it goes poorly, it'll feel like I screwed up too much" Ya honey, that's what it feels like for the men all the time.
Legit answare!
well as a woman who do the first move a lot, i'd often get told that it's turning them off and it makes their chase "boring" because I'm easy and I've got no challenge at all. I've been rejected because of this and really sorry for your experience but pls understand that when we do the first move, we are criticize too because it's not supposed to be the "norm" but at the same time I understand that when it comes to first move men lose more than women.
@@jm8837 good comment. Good arguments.
@@jm8837 Dont go after retards. Its been a while since i heard a guy say something so outrageosly stupid.
Just a friendly advise tho: avoid going from 0 to 100. You may seem crazy if you push for a relationship straight away instead of letting it unfold naturally.
@@jm8837 Yup, totally agree. Women are given contradicting advices all the time. Chase after a guy? Well, you're giving off a desperate vibe and nobody likes a despo. Not chase after him? Well, it's a modern world now, girls also have to make a move. You have to turn on the green light for him, make it as obvious as possible because guys can be pretty dense, but don't chase a guy, because guys like a challenge. It's like damned if you do, damned if you don't.
My hypothesis is that Japanese people judge themselves and others very harshly which makes the "polite" and distanced communication necessary.
On the contrary, I feel very confident in myself and welcome criticism or rejection if I can learn from it.
You dropped this king. 👑
Lived in Japan. Dating was easy but had no interest in a long term relationship. The fake playing dumb, the immature childlike behavior, the overly cuteness, the lack of strong opinions or passion was a turn off for me.
Agree
japanese are all like that. it's just shameful.
Me approaching a 35 year old Japanese woman to maybe go out sometime together
Japanese woman ( hand covers mouth , nervously giggles like a child and responds in a high pitch voice " NO NO TOO SHY TOO SHY "
Me : " Forget I even asked "
@@wixoss9893atleast they are not toxic...they are very respectful to others & concerns about others feeling as well....
@@wixoss9893I would better not try to be with a western womens or a american & this chinese....even,if they are that available it will become a very difficult for men's life...
I'm watching this it's been 7 minutes already and it's like they're telling a horror story with a smile on their faces.
thank you for interviewing me
It was so much fun
I'm excited to see the next collaboration✌️❤️
Hey🤙🏽
It was fun. Emi chan..! I'm looking forawrd to your video with Nobita san.☺️☺️
You are cool👍
@@LemifromJapan lemi chan thank you for inviting us❤️❤️❤️
@@rakshakhingawe2851 Hey✌️
Wait so "Shakojirei" is the reason why Ash and co. said they wanted to see a character/place again but (almost) never did?
Also in Naruto, One Piece and Dragon Ball 🤣🤣 It always bothered me but now I understand what the reason was
Also the reason why the creators of Death Note praised Netflix's adaptation.
@@Spanish_Patriot Isn't that "Tatamae"? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
@@kenshix7902 I'm confused now 🤣
Nobita san, thank you so much for interviewing us..! It was a wonderful experience and a lot of learning about cultural difference.! Amazing video Nobita san!☺️☺️✨
Grandma's seriously still its a great sentiment @Lemi from Japan it was amazing to see you three on there. 💕
@@Justjeroam Thank you☺️☺️
Thank you for your answers. I feel like dating is difficult all across the world these days as gender roles have changed.
@@LemifromJapan Japan is our home we love our culture
From personal experience, if a girl likes a guy, she will make herself available to see him at any cost. Her house may be even on fire, yet she'd still say she's free to meet the guy. Unfortunately, if she doesn't say yes soon, it means that she's not interested or at least not right now, so it may take a lot of efforts to have -maybe- some hope. But most of the times it's just wasted energies
@gfrVery well said
Very well said
Youngster dont have anything on stake hence the instant chase of Gratification and ohh of course.. ME ME ME.. any random is okey just like me in less than an hour.. pretty pleeeasseeee lol
As an honest and direct person who loves making deep connections with people, I truly believe Japan would drive me insane with it's Tatemae in about 10 minutes.
I love Japan and much of the culture it produces, but I could never ever live there
I didn't know insincere is a Japanese word 🤨
I think watching videos like this is super bad for your perception of Japanese people. I am fluent in Japanese and have the opportunity to meet many Japanese people on a regular basis, both working in Europe or studying abroad here. When I want to Japan, I also met a ton of people. What I have found is that people with some ties to anything international, as well as many well educated people don't struggle with direct expression at all once you get in their bubble. It's all about making yourself seem approachable and not forcing them into uncomfortable situations. Japanese people don't shut down because they don't want to form deep connections, they shut down because often people from abroad try to force connections unnaturally or too quickly for their liking. Japanese people are people first, Japanese second. They're not some puzzle to solve, just let yourself meet them as individuals instead of as a stereotype! Seeking out Japanese communities near you, however small may be a great first step :)
@@wizdoodle This!!!! Exactly what I was thinking. I am not fluent but I am at a conversational level so with some broken Japanese, broken english and a translation app I am able to make friends past the surface level without to much difficulty.
@@Kris-lp4yr yeah absolutely! I think Japanese people are often exoticized and people tend to forget that they're literally... just normal people
I'd live with in Japan if it weren't for the earthquakes, tsunamis, typhoons, volcanoes and kaiju
The tatemae and holding back really is a relationship killer, having good communication is key. It's not just that, here in the West, not telling the truth can often be seen as deceptive or rude some times.
I do think there's extra sociatal obstacles in Japan, but woman are still woman and there's some things that are the same no matter where you are. You shouldn't fight against your own feeling, holidng back is never good.
In the West women ask men way faster, maybe even too fast at times.
yeah there are good sides and badsides for both east and west but due to their culture of constraints of japan im not surprised about their declining birth rates. its hard to devote yourself to a person who is someone like a "tatemae". the anxiety that you would get would be nothing but immense.
@@kenzacharyrodriguez2591 correct. The West could use some of the traditional values it's rejecting, why not keep the good ones? Instead they're rejecting them all. Japan on the othe side sticks too much with their old values and doesn't embrace new things. I mean, this entire channel talks about so many issues Japan has and doesn't want to correct. Bad communication in a relationship is really bad, either between a couple, between friends, between family members. You gota be frank with one another, the truth comes out sooner or later.
"the West" .... Which West ? Even in Europe every single country has completely different (socio-cultural) manners.....
@@Wig4 every single country? That's just not true. Just take the UK, 4 countries, got some differences sure, but lots of similarities. You take Belgium vs Netherlands vs france, sure different in many ways, still similar in some ways. Even Spain vs France may have their differences, but there's lot of similarities. It's just generalisation. Now, if you take English Speaking countries, same problem, lots of differences, but there's some things that you only see in English speaking countries and weirdly enough some aspects are specific to those parts. People talk of "Europe", all the countries do share some concepts. Just take dating while we're at it, you take France vs Spain vs Italy, they're quite similar in style. Then Netherlands and Germany do their own thing while the UK and Ireland handle things their own way. The West is too influenced by the USA and by Tv and some similarities are shared.
Man, this was rough. I would not be able to deal with the whole tatemae thing. Getting rejected sucks but it's better than being left to hang in limbo. You'd think having so little free time would naturally lead to more frank encounters, but face culture still reigns. Japanese people are really caught between a rock and hard place with this. When I first met my wife, I straight up told her a dirty joke just so I could assess her sense of humor. If she laughed, we were good. If not, at least we weren't going to waste each other's time. Sometimes you just have to put it out there.
Are you q guy thats into dirty jokes? And/or was that a psychological trick you used to let you know of you and her got along?
@@zorronegro229 bro you are looking too deep... he was just assessing if she's got the kind of humor he has
Not gonna lie, I found it kind've funny when the girls were dissing passive guys suddenly had a dozen excuses why they couldn't make the first move and ask a guy out. "Oh it would hurt to get rejected" "Oh it might be awkward" "What if he says no?"
Welcome to the shitty aspects of being a guy in the dating game lol. Making the first move sucks but I think we should normalize everyone having to do it.
if a girl is really into you, she will make time even if she has to work overtime everyday. When a girl says "Sorry I am busy," it's 99% she is not into you, whether Japanese or not
Gold ^
are you like . 15 or what . men or women, doesn’t matter, would only disrupt their entire lives for someone they’re just getting to know if they don’t give a shit about themselves and don’t value their own time and worth. and not talking about worth as in pride here but balance. dating should be healthy and pleasant for both parties. a compromise between your schedule and your potential partner’s. this whole “women just have to find a way to sacrifice for me or else” is bullshit.
@@user-wt5if6rx8m he's right though 90% of the time, and there's no way to know for sure which it is from the guy's perspective, so it's best to assume the worst and keep it moving
@@user-wt5if6rx8m yeah no that's a bad advice
@@KingMinish please maybe try psychotherapy/honest. it’s no good to go about life play pretending men are emotional victims of alien female entities in dating. y’all really go online and act like men don’t also dump women the exact same way women do. like men can’t be indirect about turning someone down or whatever. you really telling me “someone will make time for me as i please no matter if they’re overworked everyday” is not just fucking immature and narcissistic?
Why is dating so hard in Japan? The answer is that the Japanese don’t even know what they want or living for in life. 😩
That's not just a Japanese thing but a human thing.
@@AdachiCabbage agreed
@@AdachiCabbage not happening in my country. People here have the freedom to live their own life.
@@chithiennguyen1371 Because it's easier and cheaper to be a single than it is to get married and have kids. You literally only have to worry about yourself if you're a single.
Lol
In my opinion its more rude to say "yes we can go for tea" or whatever and don't mean it then to say straight up " I don't want to"
Agreed, you're wasting the other person's time by stringing them along.
In the us we also say “we should hangout sometime” or “we should talk another time” without specifying a time. Really its just pleasant way of ending a conversation. From what ive noticed European people have a hard time understanding this (except for the Brits ).
Guess I'm properly persistent my dates end up going out with me.
Dating isn't hard, finding the right meaningful one is. I found mine at the office, we became friends working together. When I heard she was going to be transferred I felt so sad, I had to continue seeing her everyday. After a Christmas party with our colleagues I asked her to become my girlfriend. After 5 years dating we got married, still dating after 31 years.
Sounds very wholesome
Office romance don't always work out especially when you have power gap in position.
U can clearly see they mentioned that the most common way to find partner in Japan is due to share. An office and u as an example is one case of those who found their partners at the office so yes dating is hard in Japan
An office is the least romantic and most inappropriate environment imaginable in Japan. We both didn't intend it to happen, I was 9 years her senior, so many obstacles, but there she was. We didn't get involved then, we believe the others thought we were more than friends so our boss arranged her transfer. It was unfair to her but it made me decide and we began dating after her transfer. Life brought us obstacles but we kept working together to overcome them. Instead of complaining people should remember that some relationship difficulties exist to test our will and temper. Life is a constant test with several happy datings inbetween, just try to have the most dates you can with your loved one.
Awesome video, Nobita. Loving hearing and seeing and understanding more of the Japanese people. Also Dating in Japan is more about personality and more about trying understand one and other. Love Japan as well
I now get it. I was told "let's go for lunch one day" and I thought he was serious and was excited about it. I really waited, still waiting two years down the line. Dating in Japan is a nightmare
This is giving me culture shock. As a Mexican who has spent time in Mexico and in the United States and is accustomed to these two cultures where it is common to be friendly and inviting to just about anyone, I think I'd have a very difficult time adjusting to this environment.
Carlos, I agree with you completely! I have a group of people in Japan that I have been talking with for years. Not just blah blah talk but serious in depth conversations. Some of them don't consider me as a friend yet, but some random stranger on the internet. It can be heartbreaking when that happens.
@@FQuainton I'm a pretty sensitive dude, so that would be very disheartening for me. I hope that situation can develop (on their side mostly) to one where they can open up as friends to you.
@@carlos.cr.7139 as odd as it might sound. They are some of the kindest and sweetest people that I have ever talked with. Even as things are they have made my life better.
This was such a fascinating video! Dating in Japan sounds rough, but so is dating in general. The 3 women you interviewed were delightful. I hope they all find wonderful partners if that’s what they want.
Just be patient with them and learn as much of their culture as possible, if you haven't already. Good luck!
Nobita, this video, especially the interview with the 3 young ladies, was fun, interesting and informative. It's true that dating has become challenging in just above every culture. And online dating has made it harder, not easier, in my opinion as it encourages people to treat each other more as commodities to be used for pleasure, rather than as real live human beings with wants, needs, feelings and hopes for sharing their future with the right person. Right now it seems like arranged marriages might be easier than finding your life partner through the traditional western ways! Thank you.
You are a true treasure Nobita, in helping us understand Japanese culture. So much of it is indecipherable to people like me, and would remain so without your videos.
Thank you.
I was a little confused by this video.
Despite all these strict rules, there are people in Japan who manage to cheat on their partners with more than 50 people.
I cannot understand how this is possible.
it's working easy ! just forget about the groups works mates class mates
I meet many women from outside of my circle of friends
just being myself started the conversation by saying hello and after build it according the situation
that's simple
no need to think too much
and cheating is working ridiculously same way =just being yourself start the conversation any way =but for cheating 🤣🤣🤣
there are the things wich can be really simple you see
a huge industry here is the "love hotel" ... basically a hotel with hourly rates and the ability to hide your car and you never see the staff face to face. Fully outfitted for sexual acts. They even serve food.
Take someone there for lunch.
People are people and there are lots of problems we have that transcends cultures. Get used it.
There is something called brothel
The society as a whole don't see cheating as a bad thing and wives take on a "don't ask, don't tell" mentality. As far as I understand it from several videos and articles on the subject, as long as the men, and even some women, are discrete, it is allowed/tolerated.
there's this saying in the west: " the word 'assume' means making an 'ass' out of 'u' and 'me.'"
well in japan, it seems everyone is making assumptions all the time every time. this is what happens when harmony and 'saving face' is valued over honesty and diplomacy. instead of being honest, and learning to negotiate, you just lie and act on behalf of everyone else even if it hurts you, or someone else.
Socialising in general is hard, most of my social circle are hitting 60-80 hours at work.
I get to see my close friends, once a month currently, so meeting new people isn’t ever considered.
What the fuuuuuuck
@@jw5931 Sad but true, When I first started working I did 7 days, 11 hours a day Monday - Saturday and 8 hours on a Sunday.
Closest friend of mine is currently working in a vape/ e-cig store and he's working 12 hours a day, 6 days a week and occasionally has to work that 7th day.
what's the problem to go to a bar after work or change the job. Easy
Like most things in life, it's easier said than done.
Most bars here aren't currently open after work, we both work completely different schedules, local transport finishes at 6pm, we are both getting mortgages and I take a lot of my work home, during peak times I have worked 9am-12am on many occasions.
Since the lockdown ended everyone has a 'grab all the money while you can mentality", luckily I'm near a point the company needs me more than I need them so I'll be dropping down to five and maybe even four days a week.
Damn Nobita touching on every single topic. Most interesting channel I have ever come across regarding Japan .
This has been a topic i was always wondering about. Thanks for the quality post Nobita!
CDawg!
English culture also has the thing of inviting people just to be polite but with no expectation of people actually taking up the invitation.
Your videos are always interesting and thorough! Thank you, Nobita!
Dating are basically marriage interviews - interviews are not suppose to be easy.
usually a job is something that will improve your life though
So it isn’t just happening in the West in terms of no dating and relationships being made. In Japan since they’re stigmatized for how hard the ppl there work I’d imagine they wouldn’t have time to create families for themselves. There’s such a demand for productivity in every aspect that the ppl there are just drained of their energy and overall joy. It’s no wonder the self deletion rates are so high over there. No one seems to be happy in general.
This episode is so convincing: dating in Japan is indeed definitely hard!!!
The foreign women are so good in speaking the Japanese language! So amazing!
Dating is only as hard as you make it.
Thanks Nobita! You just just cured my pain by posting this video 🥲
bruhh now it makes sense to me. I went to Japan as an exchange student when I was in high school, and a lot of my classmate friends always invite me like "we should go out sometimes" or "lets grab a meal after school sometimes" but I feel bad to keep asking them to go out with me since I'll be leaving and haven't gone out with them, i always thought that I just too bored and expected it too much, but now i know
I love this video, Nobita! You took a potentially touchy subject and gave us grade A content that was fun while being informative. Sugureta!
Thanks dude! This is really going to help me in the future!
Hi Nobita, I admire and like your balanced views on social issues in Japan on this international TH-cam channel, to get us to better understand and some times, empathise with the frustrations and hardships that Japanese often times go through or subjected to in your part of the world. May things change for the better once a new leader is appointed to succeed after PM Suga's departure.
Stay well and please keep your quality work coming! Will continue rooting for you from Singapore! 💕
This was really a fun interview.. love the effort you put, Nobita-san.
Very informative Nobita! Keep uploading good videos.🤗
The thing to remember is that you are still you in a different country, so if you are undateable in the US you most certainly is still not datable in Korea for example. (If you feel that you are undateable please just go for therapy, it's most certainly fixable)
Thank you for this insight Nobita
Great video as always
This is some good interview like all your others!
I hope social media starts playing a bigger role in Japan. I've met quite a number of people from posts about topics I'm interested in.
Another interesting and insightful video of Japanese culture. I can attest to all their experiences and frustrations since my wife is native Japanese. There are huge differences in culture and communication. Good luck to everyone!
Nice vid Nobita ,great job
I guess this is why Rachel is lucky to find Jun. Rachel, like common westerner opened her heart to Jun and Jun, felt the same as well and bring straightforward as well. Meanwhile Connor still having difficulty dating Japanese girls and find better person in Puerto Rican girl Ironmouse. Even Joey found better so in a pinoy girl.
I felt that Japanese in the 70s and 80s are their peak social scene before it reverted back in the late 90s.
Kinda makes me feel better about my dating life to see that there all these standards and nuances that people have to get through...but the negative side of me feels worse because it just seems like dating is hopeless no matter the country.
People are to busy nowadays
@@GenyaArikado And yet I have hardly any friends from high school and college who aren't already married.
In Cantonese we also have "得閒飲茶" , meaning "Let's go for tea one day" but mostly likely they will not have that tea within years.
Hm. We have a saying too. "Let's do lunch sometime!" "Sure!"
This conveniently popped up during my current situation.
Dating in Japan sounds super confusing and brutal. Relationships work and operate based on open, honest communication because we can't read people's thoughts. Idk how they do it. I'd go spare trying to figure out if so and so genuinely wants to go out/hang out or they're just agreeing or offering to be polite.
Good documentary.
When I was in my late teens. I wrote to a number of Japanese girls as penpals
There were a couple in particular that I liked, and they like wise liked me.
But over time I lost contact with them. But a few years ago ago. After going through a divorce a few years before that.
I found her on Facebook, and while she was married. She and her husband weren't living together. He had some psychological problems about leaving the house. And I guess as such wasn't working.
But she soon hinted around about how she still interested in me in a romantic way
And wanted to know if I would consider moving to Japan?
But when after a few weeks of talking. I asked her if she was going to divorce her husband? And she said she didn't know if she wanted too. And became stand offish.
But your videos have given me a lot of insight of how Japanese think. I would still like to be friends with her. But she doesn't seem to now. But ironically, I found another old girlfriend that I had dated when I was 20.
And ended up getting married to her.
Good job
I loooove your content on Japanese society! These are topics that I am very interested in and you do an excellent job of explaining the topic. Well done!!
Really appreciate giving this realistic expectation rather than expectations only
I like that your examples of foreigners are pretty much all good looking and actually proficient in Japanese, and still have issues to connect with Japanese people. We could deduct that it's not about being handsome or not, or about language (though both can help I imagine), but really about culture on a deep level, things that you pick up and are natural when you are born and grew up in a country. I assume it would be too much to expect this from a foreigner, no matter how handsome or proficient in the language they are. They see the world, others and themselves, from a different point of view, have different standards, expectations, values and beliefs. I imagine navigating the differences to be quite stressful for Japanese, who are so concerned about not offending and social harmony, so they end up avoiding this minefield altogether. Edit: Italian girl was my favorite lol
Southern American lady here: That's why I tell people there's more to a culture than the language and food. If a person is interested in dating a foreign person or a foreigner is interested in dating a native, than you have to understand all of the culture and not just the superficial, the upbringing styles, how the family units work, etc. You have to get on their heads and learn how they think. It can be overwhelming but I think it is worth it.
I found the men to look more average at best in western countries and the beard is a no go for sure.
Nobita, thank you for this social experiment and research I learned alot close to reality. ^.^ 🇵🇭
It's a awesome video
I really appreciate you Nobita
thank Nobita-san to making cool videos , i watch them all even if i dont comment everytime i like all most all, sometime i don't really feel concern abut what you speaking but i learn so much thing, so thank again for making good videos and i wish you all the best and carry on ^^
I have a solution to their problem:
What are you gonna do tonight ?
-I’m busy
Can I be busy with you?
Geez, man, take a hint. "I'm busy" is code for "Go away."
reject dating become the ultimate virgin wizard
Already did) still haven't got my magical powers 😆😆😆😆
@@KateeAngel go to 2nd step. Get isekai-ed
@@kishitendou5492 how should I do that?
@@KateeAngel thats easy. just run infront of a truck with a toast in your mouth & you are guaranteed to get isekai'd to another world.
(
If you want to reject dating, first you have to get rid of that chad profile pic Memesan
this is a great video! the 3 japanese girls are super fun and friendly, loved hearing their answers and perspectives
awesome video as always :)
Dating is HARD in the U.S.A as well.
It's hell in USA with so many feminist SJW nutjobs there.
Z[]Gland is hell on earth.
I love this trio of girls by the way, they are a lot of fun to watch :)
Another well worked video
On Valentine's Day when I worked at a big famous Japanese company, a couple of the female staff gave me chocolates. I felt a bit embarrassed not to have chocolates to give them in return, so I just quietly put the chocolates in my desk drawer and didn't eat them. And then on 14 March (White Day), I didn't return the favours. This was what it was like for me to be a dumb foreigner lacking in basic knowledge of such Japanese customs.
Well, it also gets even more complicated with things like obligatory chocolate, friend chocolate, etc.
Honestly I would not worry about it, especially if multiple women did that. This happened to me too during valentines and it turned out they just did it to most of the guys every valentines, it literally meant nothing and was just a way of "collecting" potential boyfriends to gossip about with their girlfriends. If a girl is actually approaching you for you, you WILL notice the effort she is making. Nothing more embarrassing than thinking a girl loves you because she gave you the same card/gift she gave to every other guy in your place.
I summarize it in one word: tatemae
Even the negative videos Nobita posts make me interested in Japan and want to visit
Dating is hard in the modern days because 1. High expectations for beauty standard, status, lack responsibility & commitment, work challenges-long hours and exhaustion, lack motivation, not enough money to settle down etc
Great videos
I have lived in Japan for six years, tried the dating scene for three years, and then gave up due to the stress, confusion, depression, and anxiety it was bringing into my life.
Week 1: "I think she likes me."
Week 2: "Oh wait, she doesn't like me."
Week 4: "Wait, she likes me? A week ago it seemed like she doesn't like me. Now she acts like she does like me."
Week 5: "I was right, she doesn't like me."
I started hating living here, and I wanted to leave. I think one of the biggest mistakes I have made in Japan was being open to dating here. The cute and pretty faces, the attractive personalities, I got sucked in, even though I came here originally never planning to date.
Eventually, I gave up. The last time I went on a date was last year, and I don't miss the scene. Dating wasn't worth the negative impact it was having on my life, both emotionally and physically. My life in Japan is better now, but sometimes I have wondered if I had made the wrong decision by giving up, walking away, and finding something else to do. Watching videos like this confirm that I made the right decision. It would be nice to have someone special in my life, but as long as I'm in Japan, I would rather just kick it by myself than go through all that again, even if I'm here for the rest of my life.
For those of you who are here and still trying, I hope it works out for you.
If you do end up staying long term, why don't you date within the foreigners living in Japan?
@@moscaonthewall they are not any better
@@moscaonthewall or maybe even worse
@@abdullahbinjahed6900 Oh, wow. Well that sucks.
I hope you're having a good time now doing hobbies, exercise, eating well, and so on. I wonder if you visit Onsen's in the winter? 😁Anyway, thanks for the heads-up, you probably saved a lot of us from much headache.
I completely understand to wanting to be polite. However, I still prefer to be sincere and up front, somewhat direct, tell me what's on your mind, and vice-versa, so we don't have to spend lots of time playing a guessing game of what you like nor what you don't like and vice-versa.
Many men and women are saying the same things as 19:56, so it often doesn't go anywhere. Combined with many living in their own minds of "they might think this" or "this may happen", it probably just becomes draining and that's why I've heard some say dating is just "mendokusai".
@Phoenix 𝙾𝚙𝚎𝚗 𝙼𝚢 PROFILE Not really related to my comment.
Maybe there are some who would be too embarrassed to admit, but alot of what was talked about in this video happens alot in the u.s. It was almost eerie how many people I've met, known about, struggle with the same things the people in this video were candid about. We market ourselves as so outspoken, sociable, and approachable, but that's just advertising; in the us, it's groups, cliques, and you are actively discouraged for talking with people you don't know because you might make them uncomfortable, unless you are a work/group friend. Don't small talk with people, otherwise you are labeled desperate, or weird. We're really mostly vocal about things that make us angry, sadness is deemed as weakness, and unattractive. Suffer in silence is the American way
Guess what? It is very similar in US, when it comes to make an appointment to hang out with people. Only that I find Japanese are more straight when it comes to this topic.
This is not a Japanese issue , this is an universal issue as old as time
Though I feel the herbavoir male issue may also stem from how difficult it is made to interact with people let alone date. Sex industry tends to thrive more it a setting that tends to make interaction so difficult. If people were more direct with eachother by a little it might relieve some of that pressure from the guys so they may not retreat away from dating. Just my 2 cents as the saying goes.
Sad thing is women are mostly only going after the top 10 to 15% of men. The rest are treated as if they don't exist. The women get sex from these guys and that's it because why would a guy that can have any women want to settle in with someone less attractive. These women get an inflated ego because even though a guy will sleep way down the equate sex with worth. This is why there are so many single mothers and lonely women between 35 to 45 or older in dating apps with ridiculous lists of requirements for a guy. Those guys are after younger women for one. No guy but the most desperate want to settle down with an woman thats been with 30 to 100 guys and/or has a kid/kids with someone else unless they might be widowed or something. Now Japan has not only a repression issue but also a cheating issue. People are also judged by their worth as men there even though the economy has stagnated for many years. NTR is all over their porn. If you are different in any way growing up you are bullied for it. I can't speak to how men are raised different now from generations past but I can tell you guys all over the world are just checking out of relationships in general. Here in the US dating has become so cumbersome for no real gain. If you don't have the 3 6s (6 figure income, 6 foot tall or taller, 6 inches or better down below) you are mostly ignored until the women are in their mid to late 30s and been passed around like they are Ride at Disney. Even if you do date, the personality and ego are so unpleasant that dating is super crappy unless you are just hooking up. Most guys just want a girl thats a good person, they would gladly date someone thats less attractive but is feminine, kind, and actually devoted. Women, you all are over 50% of the population now. If you are only after the top 10 to 15 percent of dudes, either you better be ok with sharing because they aren't settling, or you better be good with being alone. I hope things return to some sanity or birthrate, marriage, and relationship numbers will continue to decrease. This is really bad in Japan with little interaction with non-japanese and guys being less interested. They have an aging population with not enough to make up for it in New births.
@@ronsorage78 lord stop with incel theory please
What incel theory lol. Go to any dating site and look at the laundry list of things the women on the apps say a guy must have to date them. I've turned down several woman in the last 2 months because they bring literally nothing into a relationship besides things that breed drama. Any information you want on dating, any averages or statistics, have been quantified somewhere just like any other data on the planet. Just keyboard presses away on the phone in your pocket.
I'm Dutch and lived in the UK for 10 years. It's the same there. "You must come to dinner sometime". Nope, just a pleasantry. So I can relate to this 'Shakojirei.
@@Greenforrest7342 No, we are super-direct. Many foreigners think we are a bit rude because we say what we think. In general ofcourse, not everyone, but most.
Hard? As a foreigner, I found it much easier and much funnier than in the US. From my experiences in the US, I felt like it was an interview, and was uncomfortable with it. Here in Japan, I was actually having fun and enjoying the time with someone else.
You know why it is hard to have a dating to a Japanese Woman/Man? Because there is no have natural friendship. Why always need to push yourself to make have a partner immediately or make the dating, works? We don’t need to rush ourselves, we need to be more open and make the other person see our true selves and our true personality, so we can decide if that person will match our personalities or not
Awesome video, love the way you show the weired guy who costplay as some female anime character, while he was saying japanese people use "filter" a lot st (10:23), I was like look at yourself before you talk about others.
Anyway nobita, keep on making this kind of videos that shows the real part of japan.
Thankyou.
Wow you’re english is clear and good
13:00 - I am very introverted, and hanging out with anyone only once in two months seems perfect to me)
Making an offhand invitation to have coffee or lunch is also very common in America. You can tell if it's insincere by how they run off right afterward and don't make a definite arrangement. Unless you run into that person by accident, you'll probably never see them again.
Non committal, non confrontational, no decisions …. So passive. Yes as whole Japanese are very passive. Not a myth
Number 5 is a reason why suicide is so high in Japan.
People need social interactions without the need to make appointments.
that initial connor-montage though x'D
Damn, I just reflect this on social life situation in my country. I feel it's becoming more like this japanese social life. Everyone seems very busy, just hangout with some group there's some wall, and becoming more difficult to find genuine person or just be polite😵
Thanks for the video. This has made me realize a lots of things. In some sense, conventionally women were the ones with these more complicated "not so clear" actions. And that is why there is famous phrase from men saying "women are a mystery". But Japanese culture has kind of lead to men doing similar things as well. And in return, this has left Japanese women fustrated with "herbivorous men".
I hate these types of generalizations because it's not really a woman or a man problem but a human problem. The only thing that makes me happy is a good place to sleep, a person who doesn't cheat on me and getting some reconition/communication. Shocking enough, these are all complicated.
@@AdachiCabbage That's human curse: The inability to be honest and have good communication skills with each other and the opposite sex.
@@opticalraven1935 it is abt ego and pride
Greetings, Nobita!
Hope all is well. 👋
Interesting topic, but for me i'd say as a male foreigner it's actually extremely easy to date in Japan but... it's difficult to find a partner. I lived in Japan as a student and I had many dates with many different women (when I say dates i just mean meet up for coffee / food and no sex btw) . A lot of them were just Japanese women that were interested in practicing English, if your looking for love that might bother you but don't get annoyed, use it as Japanese practice in return speak 50-50. If you meet lot's of people rather you meet your love or not at least it's good for your network. Also about the mixed signals, it's easy to find out if they actually like you though.. just keep pushing use your luck, if they are not comfortable around you and or not interested in you as a lover they will politely come with excuses why they can't meet up or just keep delaying, but if they like you they will say yes to meeting up again. So my advise would be be polite but be brave don't be scared they will say " gomenasai"