@@maxmax-hv4ck yeah the whole culture that is 'compulsory heterosexuality' puts a massive 'filter' on people, thats how you get adults or even middle aged people 'discovering' who they really are because they start looking within and notice something that was probably being blocked/ignored their whole lives
I’ll be 30 next month. I’ve known I’m gay for over a decade and I’m still in the closet. I thought I could repress these feelings forever, but I’m quickly finding out that I can’t. I live alone and support myself financially, but I’m so scared.
@@saxachewon8062 I went through the same fears as you, but it will work out. Try to surround yourself with understanding, friends and compassionate people. I send you my best.
I am very open, proud, and masculine. I have to wear items to show I'm gay. I am 53 and just now 100% accepting of myself. Would love to meet someone like you to show you to be brave, and that we're real dudes.
It's your life and your story. Give yourself permission to be you on your terms. Being gay is just one aspect of who you are. Find your place in the world.
Some of us know very early. I was in first or second grade. Some of us just don't connect the dots until much later. And yes, no matter when you put the pieces together there's is a lot of trial and error. But that is part of the fun. It's actually called "learning".
Take it easy on yourself. You don’t need to explain who or what you are. People will either like or dislike understand or not. We can’t change how other see us. Just put all that energy into moving forward and let all those others figure it out for themselves. If you feel you need help or support there are many of us on here that can jive you that without all the other stuff you can do without. ❤
Thanks for that! There isn't a right or wrong age to complete the process of accepting one's sexuality. I guess it is more ideal when it happens earlier if only to shorten the time of suffering. I realized I was gay in 1983 (7th grade) and suffered alone in sheer terror for about 2 years, doing everything I could do to keep it hidden. Then I also came to the "well what if I'm just bi" phase in early high school. Sophomore year of H.S. a friend came out to me (he was in the same grade)! That wonderful experience (we dated for about a year) brought self-acceptance with it. I was lucky, but I also played a part in choosing my friends with intention.❤
I'm 64. I was in my teens back in the 1970s. It was very hard in those days. I never heard anything positive about gay men. I identify with alot of what you are saying here. I cringe when i think of the past. I never pretended to be straight. I always felt strongly attracted to other guys. Be yourself and not care about what others think about you. I think it's best to get to know yourself fully before looking to connect with another guy. I wish you well. From Carl in New Zealand.
Thanks, Carl. I'm saddened that you didn't hear anything positive about gay men back in the 70's. And I agree that it's best to practice discovering one self before trying to be in a relationship. Wishing you well, too!
I knew very young but sort of denied it until my teenage years, when I was like, yeah I don’t think this is just a phase, dudes are hot lol. The journey hasn’t been good though, in my thirties now. I wish so bad I would’ve not ended up this way. It’s been difficult to navigate with lots of heartbreak and loneliness. Wouldn’t really wish it on any man, but I hope your journey has been smoother than mine. Wish you the best with it man.
Thank you for sharing your story-your honesty means a lot. I can really relate to those feelings of questioning and navigating the challenges of accepting who we are. I’m so sorry to hear that it’s been such a tough road for you. Heartbreak and loneliness can be overwhelming, and I want you to know that you’re not alone in feeling this way. I hope you’re able to find moments of joy and connection, even if they feel small at first. Please remember that your journey isn’t over, and there’s still time for things to change, to heal, and to find your own version of happiness. It’s not always easy, but you’re worth the effort and the love. Wishing you so much strength and peace, man.
@@kevmo19 thanks bro I appreciate the support and it’s always nice to know your not as alone as you feel. You seem like a good guy and I hope things go well for you. Your videos I think help other men in our situations.
@@brenb7153 You are welcome. That's my goal is to make content to help people going through similar challenges. Are there any topics/questions you'd want to hear me talk about for future videos?
@ I’ve only watched two videos so far, so I ll have to watch more. I’m not sure if anything I would mention you have spoke about already, but I guess I just appreciate the real ness of what I feel you’re saying. So I guess I would just keep being as authentic as you seem, I think that’s what I like about your videos. Sometimes you watch people make videos but there’s just something about it, that doesn’t feel honest. So I think as long as your doing that, I and many others will get something out of it. (:
@@kevmo19 Allah (God) says in the Holy Quran: (And [We had sent] Lot when he said to his people, "Do you commit such immorality as no one has preceded you with from among the worlds [i.e., peoples]? Indeed, you approach men with desire, instead of women. Rather, you are a transgressing people." But the answer of his people was only that they said, "Evict them from your city! Indeed, they are men who keep themselves pure." So We saved him and his family, except for his wife; she was of those who remained [with the evildoers]. And We rained upon them a rain [of stones]. Then see how was the end of the criminals).
I wish people could just GET OVER IT! People are who they are and if you don’t agree with it because of your “religion” or whatever that’s just fine, no need to be A$$holes to anyone. Just live your life and let others live theirs. Just my two cents worth.
I’m a PhD student researching this stuff and I’m curious about the impact of societal norms as you were coming of age. Was social media around when you were an adolescent or college student?
Interesting topic - social media started becoming a thing for me back in 2006 with MySpace, then transitioning into Facebook for me. TH-cam was also coming into my life then as well. I'd say Facebook, Snapchat, and dating apps were most common for me in college. In high school, I definitely noticed a sense of 'status' and 'image' I wanted to have for myself, and then it got more reinforced as time went on.
Young man I am 63 and you Look 14 years old to Look at you , my son is 38 and my grand son is 17 and he has a girlfriend and I may soon be a great grandfather ,, as I every one under 30 looks like Teenagers ,,, God bless you , your just a boy . Your a very handsome attractive your man ,, I understand what your saying ,,, Your heart is just for the Love of another man ,,, Its better to Love anyone as no one ...Love on young man ....How old are you you Look 17 years old to me.
I knew all along, when I was very young, in the first grade. I was a high school athlete and on the student counsel. I was a little homophobic until I was about 20 years old, to deflect attention from me. What I did not have a clue, was how many of us were out there and all the flavors in between. There is safety in numbers.
Life itself is a spectrum. While you’re discovery the person you are becoming be kind to yourself. Do feel the need to labeled just be unapologetically happy.
I don't really feel that there is a "supposed to" with regards figuring out your sexuality. It happens differently for each person ... and it's all fine. So hard for many ... easier for some!
Wow, your story brings back so many memories! I clearly remember my first epiphany that "something was up". I had just transferred to a new elementary school and was told "all the Mexican boys are really mean and they beat people up every day". That first day of class I was very, very apprehensive and happened to be placed in the back row in the middle of the seating arrangements (which meant I had a clear view of all the new kids I'd be meeting for the first time). I recall thinking, "Well, they may be mean, but they sure are cute!" And in that instant I caught myself and remember thinking, "Wait, why do I seem to be more interested in the boys than in the girls?", then brushed it off as "oh, it must be a phase. All boys probably feel like this, and obviously no one admits or talks about it because that'd be "queer". Well, 45 years with one Mexican husband later, here we are! And like you, I was 23 (and he, 28 years old - a good Mormon boy, so more baggage than I had to deal with). Our primary home is now in rural Wyoming; ie VERY conservative, but everyone knows and they're quite accepting. I recall having a VERY hard time looking at myself in the mirror and saying, "I am gay"; I just couldn't get the word out. My throat would literally clamp up at "GAY". But also back then, we had the gay bars and once I set foot inside one, I was off to the races! I recall the sheer wonder and relief of seeing all those people on the dance floor and thinking "Wow, there's LOTS of gay people actually! And some of them look normal (read straight), like me!". So for the next few months before I met "mi hombre", I was the proverbial slut and really had the time of my life. It was so liberating. I'd snuck around in junior high and high school with various guys in the neighborhood, but always chalked that up to curiosity and "experimentation", as that seemed to be the accepted excuse for messing around with other guys in those days. You are an excellent story teller, Kevmo - I think it's because you're just such a relatable guy. Appreciate the channel and thanks for taking me on a trip past Memory Lane! PS - love how you got your nickname. Those were some great friends, I can tell.
Thank you for sharing your story and for the kind words! You're right, it does take a while to accept yourself and being comfortable with who you are. It's a journey, but so worth it. I'm so happy for you and your hombre!
How many times did you say "kinda like" and "kinda"? What does that mean. You would be better understood if you were more descriptive instead of saying "kinda" as a catch all phrase.
Great call out. I think I tend to do it when I'm unsure of exactly what I'm trying to say or as if what I'm saying already isn't clear enough that I need to downplay it as if I feel I'm coming off confusing. This sounds like an opportunity for me to be more confident in what I'm saying. Thanks for bringing this up.
I knew I was attracted to people, but I felt such shame in liking men that I tried a long time to see if I could like girls. Once I let go of enough shame to accept myself for being gay (or something other than straight) I became much more at peace with myself.
08:04 No, “sexuality and preferences” do not change, only our self-acceptance does together with our desire not to deceive ourselves.
interesting, so you're saying my sexual preferences are always there but it's filtered by my self acceptance?
@@kevmo19 your sexual orientation is always there, the rest is filtered.
@@maxmax-hv4ck yeah the whole culture that is 'compulsory heterosexuality' puts a massive 'filter' on people, thats how you get adults or even middle aged people 'discovering' who they really are because they start looking within and notice something that was probably being blocked/ignored their whole lives
I’ll be 30 next month. I’ve known I’m gay for over a decade and I’m still in the closet. I thought I could repress these feelings forever, but I’m quickly finding out that I can’t. I live alone and support myself financially, but I’m so scared.
It will get better. Be strong be brave. Hugs
@@Jasona1976 thank you Jason!!
@@saxachewon8062 I went through the same fears as you, but it will work out. Try to surround yourself with understanding, friends and compassionate people. I send you my best.
I am very open, proud, and masculine. I have to wear items to show I'm gay. I am 53 and just now 100% accepting of myself. Would love to meet someone like you to show you to be brave, and that we're real dudes.
It's your life and your story. Give yourself permission to be you on your terms. Being gay is just one aspect of who you are. Find your place in the world.
Some of us know very early. I was in first or second grade. Some of us just don't connect the dots until much later. And yes, no matter when you put the pieces together there's is a lot of trial and error. But that is part of the fun. It's actually called "learning".
Totally agree - I'm glad you found your way! And love the perspective of 'learning,' I feel we're all here on Earth to do as much of it as possible.
Take it easy on yourself. You don’t need to explain who or what you are. People will either like or dislike understand or not. We can’t change how other see us. Just put all that energy into moving forward and let all those others figure it out for themselves. If you feel you need help or support there are many of us on here that can jive you that without all the other stuff you can do without. ❤
Thank you, I'm realizing that more and more. I appreciate your support!
I think trial and error describes it pretty well.
It definitely was!
Thanks for that! There isn't a right or wrong age to complete the process of accepting one's sexuality. I guess it is more ideal when it happens earlier if only to shorten the time of suffering. I realized I was gay in 1983 (7th grade) and suffered alone in sheer terror for about 2 years, doing everything I could do to keep it hidden. Then I also came to the "well what if I'm just bi" phase in early high school. Sophomore year of H.S. a friend came out to me (he was in the same grade)! That wonderful experience (we dated for about a year) brought self-acceptance with it. I was lucky, but I also played a part in choosing my friends with intention.❤
I’m glad you figured it out so early! Sounds similar to me just sooner
I'm 64. I was in my teens back in the 1970s. It was very hard in those days. I never heard anything positive about gay men. I identify with alot of what you are saying here. I cringe when i think of the past. I never pretended to be straight. I always felt strongly attracted to other guys. Be yourself and not care about what others think about you. I think it's best to get to know yourself fully before looking to connect with another guy. I wish you well. From Carl in New Zealand.
Thanks, Carl. I'm saddened that you didn't hear anything positive about gay men back in the 70's. And I agree that it's best to practice discovering one self before trying to be in a relationship. Wishing you well, too!
I knew very young but sort of denied it until my teenage years, when I was like, yeah I don’t think this is just a phase, dudes are hot lol. The journey hasn’t been good though, in my thirties now. I wish so bad I would’ve not ended up this way. It’s been difficult to navigate with lots of heartbreak and loneliness. Wouldn’t really wish it on any man, but I hope your journey has been smoother than mine. Wish you the best with it man.
Thank you for sharing your story-your honesty means a lot. I can really relate to those feelings of questioning and navigating the challenges of accepting who we are. I’m so sorry to hear that it’s been such a tough road for you. Heartbreak and loneliness can be overwhelming, and I want you to know that you’re not alone in feeling this way.
I hope you’re able to find moments of joy and connection, even if they feel small at first. Please remember that your journey isn’t over, and there’s still time for things to change, to heal, and to find your own version of happiness. It’s not always easy, but you’re worth the effort and the love. Wishing you so much strength and peace, man.
@@kevmo19 thanks bro I appreciate the support and it’s always nice to know your not as alone as you feel. You seem like a good guy and I hope things go well for you. Your videos I think help other men in our situations.
@@brenb7153 You are welcome. That's my goal is to make content to help people going through similar challenges. Are there any topics/questions you'd want to hear me talk about for future videos?
@ I’ve only watched two videos so far, so I ll have to watch more. I’m not sure if anything I would mention you have spoke about already, but I guess I just appreciate the real ness of what I feel you’re saying. So I guess I would just keep being as authentic as you seem, I think that’s what I like about your videos. Sometimes you watch people make videos but there’s just something about it, that doesn’t feel honest. So I think as long as your doing that, I and many others will get something out of it. (:
@@kevmo19
Allah (God) says in the Holy Quran: (And [We had sent] Lot when he said to his people, "Do you commit such immorality as no one has preceded you with from among the worlds [i.e., peoples]? Indeed, you approach men with desire, instead of women. Rather, you are a transgressing people." But the answer of his people was only that they said, "Evict them from your city! Indeed, they are men who keep themselves pure." So We saved him and his family, except for his wife; she was of those who remained [with the evildoers]. And We rained upon them a rain [of stones]. Then see how was the end of the criminals).
Everyone has a different journey. I knew before I was a teenager. Didn’t try to deny it.
That's awesome you were able to determine so young and didn't try to deny it. I wish I had your confidence and clarity back then!
I came of age at a time when "Gay" meant "AIDS" TOUGH-TIMES.
I'd imagine there was a lot of fear around someone being gay due to the fear of aids then?
I knew at 14 that I was gay, but I did not dare tell anyone!
i hear ya!
Great video!
I wish people could just GET OVER IT! People are who they are and if you don’t agree with it because of your “religion” or whatever that’s just fine, no need to be A$$holes to anyone. Just live your life and let others live theirs. Just my two cents worth.
Yep agreed, I need to live my life, others need to live theirs.
@ I’m glad you agree. I believe that if you love yourself first, everything else will fall into place.
I’m a PhD student researching this stuff and I’m curious about the impact of societal norms as you were coming of age. Was social media around when you were an adolescent or college student?
Interesting topic - social media started becoming a thing for me back in 2006 with MySpace, then transitioning into Facebook for me. TH-cam was also coming into my life then as well. I'd say Facebook, Snapchat, and dating apps were most common for me in college. In high school, I definitely noticed a sense of 'status' and 'image' I wanted to have for myself, and then it got more reinforced as time went on.
@@kevmo19 Thanks for sharing that. What was the status and image you wanted to have for yourself?
NIce, papa. You look great on that tshirt..
Thank you!
Young man I am 63 and you Look 14 years old to Look at you , my son is 38 and my grand son is 17 and he has a girlfriend and I may soon be a great grandfather ,, as I every one under 30 looks like Teenagers ,,, God bless you , your just a boy . Your a very handsome attractive your man ,, I understand what your saying ,,, Your heart is just for the Love of another man ,,, Its better to Love anyone as no one ...Love on young man ....How old are you you Look 17 years old to me.
Thank you for the kind words, I'm mid 30's. I love that statement "Love on, young man."
I knew all along, when I was very young, in the first grade.
I was a high school athlete and on the student counsel.
I was a little homophobic until I was about 20 years old, to deflect attention from me.
What I did not have a clue, was how many of us were out there and all the flavors in between.
There is safety in numbers.
Agreed how beautiful homosexuality is, especially when we can feel the safety in numbers.
Excellently stated. I was kind of the same way.
Thank you - helpful to hear it's not just me!
This video popped onto my YT so I watched to the end.........now, let's fast forward...what is the significance of that ring on your finger?
it represents a very special day and person!
@@kevmo19 Okay...I guess I will have to watch all of your videos now to find out more about the day and person. :)
@ haha I don’t talk a whole lot about them, but definitely check out the other videos and let me know your thoughts and reactions!
Life itself is a spectrum. While you’re discovery the person you are becoming be kind to yourself. Do feel the need to labeled just be unapologetically happy.
I appreciate the advice!
I don't really feel that there is a "supposed to" with regards figuring out your sexuality. It happens differently for each person ... and it's all fine. So hard for many ... easier for some!
Agreed it's different for each person. No rush, but I kinda wish I figured mine out sooner to be more confident, but am grateful to be here now!
Wow, your story brings back so many memories! I clearly remember my first epiphany that "something was up". I had just transferred to a new elementary school and was told "all the Mexican boys are really mean and they beat people up every day". That first day of class I was very, very apprehensive and happened to be placed in the back row in the middle of the seating arrangements (which meant I had a clear view of all the new kids I'd be meeting for the first time). I recall thinking, "Well, they may be mean, but they sure are cute!" And in that instant I caught myself and remember thinking, "Wait, why do I seem to be more interested in the boys than in the girls?", then brushed it off as "oh, it must be a phase. All boys probably feel like this, and obviously no one admits or talks about it because that'd be "queer".
Well, 45 years with one Mexican husband later, here we are! And like you, I was 23 (and he, 28 years old - a good Mormon boy, so more baggage than I had to deal with). Our primary home is now in rural Wyoming; ie VERY conservative, but everyone knows and they're quite accepting. I recall having a VERY hard time looking at myself in the mirror and saying, "I am gay"; I just couldn't get the word out. My throat would literally clamp up at "GAY". But also back then, we had the gay bars and once I set foot inside one, I was off to the races! I recall the sheer wonder and relief of seeing all those people on the dance floor and thinking "Wow, there's LOTS of gay people actually! And some of them look normal (read straight), like me!". So for the next few months before I met "mi hombre", I was the proverbial slut and really had the time of my life. It was so liberating. I'd snuck around in junior high and high school with various guys in the neighborhood, but always chalked that up to curiosity and "experimentation", as that seemed to be the accepted excuse for messing around with other guys in those days.
You are an excellent story teller, Kevmo - I think it's because you're just such a relatable guy. Appreciate the channel and thanks for taking me on a trip past Memory Lane!
PS - love how you got your nickname. Those were some great friends, I can tell.
Thank you for sharing your story and for the kind words! You're right, it does take a while to accept yourself and being comfortable with who you are. It's a journey, but so worth it. I'm so happy for you and your hombre!
How many times did you say "kinda like" and "kinda"? What does that mean. You would be better understood if you were more descriptive instead of saying "kinda" as a catch all phrase.
Great call out. I think I tend to do it when I'm unsure of exactly what I'm trying to say or as if what I'm saying already isn't clear enough that I need to downplay it as if I feel I'm coming off confusing. This sounds like an opportunity for me to be more confident in what I'm saying. Thanks for bringing this up.
Dear mister kevmo: Do you said "um y'know??" Maybe 100? These are meaningless filler words. Almost impossible to listen to. Just trying to help you.
I'm aware of the habit, and trying to work on limiting the filler words. I appreciate the feedback!
That's mean, not helpful.
You are supposed to be straight. Male + Female = procreation. You are straight mate.
I disagree
Don’t listen to these comments. Be you and be happy.
Don't be an idiot.
dont follow, either you like boys or you like girls.
I knew I was attracted to people, but I felt such shame in liking men that I tried a long time to see if I could like girls. Once I let go of enough shame to accept myself for being gay (or something other than straight) I became much more at peace with myself.
Some people like both.