For me, the most important thing is to not try to cheer me up with certain active things I usually like. I went to fencing lessons with my sister for months, and I greatly enjoyed it, and we used to pick up jocking fights with each other while walking. It is fun, usually. Recently I had a long and hard day. It was only 11am when I was close to screaming at her to not touch me, even though usually I'm fine with being touched. I said it, more loud and aggressive than I should have, she noticed it and tried to not. Then we went to shoot a bow, which was a bad idea, but it was planned and I hate breaking plans. So we went there. And there was a forest, and the bow, and I love it, so for a while I felt better. Still tired, but good enough to smile and laugh and be a part of the conversation. Until I got tired physically, too. And it was too much. I couldn't really explain them what was happening, and all I wanted -- needed -- to be left alone, but we firstly needed to finish, pack our stuff and go home. I couldn't just sit on the ground (though I tried to, and was reminded that there are those dangerous insects and made to stand up), I couldn't disappear, I needed to go back home. I stopped talking and laughing, or even listening to them, and just focused on moving my feet. And then sister decided to cheer me up. By picking our usual fight with me. _I couldn't tell her it was bad idea_. I couldn't find words to explain this. I hate this feeling. I was just looking at her, jumping around, and wished her to stop, but couldn't say so, couldn't make her. Couldn't ignore her, too, because she was irritating. Too much to deal with. When she got closer and tried to touch me with the stick, I answered. And -- I'm better at fighting with her, at this point I may say that my body knows itself what to do in order to win a fight. And my mind, that could stop it and remind it that this is only a jocking one, that I should not hit with a full power... Well, all my mind wanted is for her to disappear. She got the bruise, and I'm sorry for it. I wish it didn't go this way. I wish I could control myself, but I _couldnt_, and I hate it so much. Hurting others is the last thing I want to do. But -- damn. It happened. And that's it, there's no ending, there's no moral. We talked about it with sister. I explained her, what it was, and apologized. And promised that next time I'll say when things are getting too much before it all is just this. I hope, I really will notice it and deal with it in time
Thank you so much, this was amazing help! It’s great to have insight. I didn’t understand how to help, and this video brings greater understanding so I can be more supportive and not create more overwhelm. 👌🏽 Thank you so much
And, this one is not about the topic at all, but, gosh, I'm so _irritated_ and there doesn't seem to be a place to complain about it. I had a dialogue. Firstly, they decided that I think rape is okay because I said that each person deserves justice, and death without discussion is not a good solution. Then they assumed that I was angry at them for disagreeing with me and said that I may not want to talk with them anymore. I answered, that I actually enjoy our conversation, but asked them to not assume what I think and feel, because asking is the best solution, I'll gladly explain them everything if they are willing to listen. You know, what was the next thing I got? "So, you still think it was my fault, but still wanna pretend to enjoy talking to me. Okay then. Whatever." For f... For god's sake. Why. Just why. Why the hell do people want to assume things and put words in my mouth? Why the hell can't they just believe that I'm honest with them? That if I say A, I mean A and only A, and not B, not C and totally not W. It's just so irritating when a person doesn't even want to try and understand your point, but rather be angry and illogical. It just makes me sad, because I do enjoy and do want to talk with them more, but, hah, I don't think it's going to work this way. Over and over again. Same thing.
@Pablo Moreno Cordón I'm actually somewhat lucky not to meet to many people like this. It's mostly due to the fact that I'm young and haven't met too many people of any kind. And because I'm never really forced to interact those with whom I don't want to. Happy me. But I perfectly agree with what you said about the tendency to use logic. I feel like most people also act on their feelings, when I tend to rationalize them and decided if it's worth mentioning. Lately I prefer to state that their words and actions made me feel certain way (e.g. "I feel frustrated and sad because you didn't try to understand me") but it is often read like pretending because I don't act on these feelings. But, I mean, it is not only unnecessary but also bad for the conversation? If you allow emotions to rule you, it's nearly impossible to have a productive discussion! Why would I want to do this? I talk in order to share my ideas and learn others, discussion is interesting in itself as long as people hear each other! My mother often told me that I was stubborn, because I asked for reasons to do things instead of just following her words. And she called me cruel so many times because instead of screaming and swearing I prefer to be as polite as possible even if I'm frustrated and irritated, and this is for some reason less appropriate than slapping doors. People are impossible to deal with. Neurotypicals. Now I can call them neurotypicals and be happy that sentient autistics exist 😄 You know, the fact that I'm autistic is still new to me, though it is an obvious truth. But I still can't quite understand what (out of all the things I feel) can be called a meltdown. I can point with certainty at a few times in my life when it was obviously it, but I still can't say what is the point after which I don't just feel terrible and overwhelmed, but experience a meltdown. It is easier to say this afterwards, too, since I'm bad at recognising my feelings on the fly. All that written to just say that I don't know how bad I react on this type of dialogues, though it is totally not a pleasant experience. This time, I just spend some time listening to my favourite music and flapping my hands, because stimming is cool and lately I allow myself to do it much more often, and this is the best thing in the world, for what reason did I try myself to not look too weird even while alone? Uuuh, I went away from the topic again. Sorry? (Should be read as uncertainty and is basically a question "should I be"?)
I'm reminded of a case where 2 guys were accused of raping a woman they just met. It was looking bad for these two until the authorities looked at the phone video one of the guys had. The charges were immediately dropped and the woman arrested.
Nathan, can I ask for your help/advise in the following areas? Is it natural to be friend-zoned before committing to a serious relationship? And the reasons behind this? My friend, who I adore and want a romantic relationship with, how do I get that across without him feeling overwhelmed? He has expressed a liking for me with mixed messages then friend-zoned me. Did I overwhelm him? He said he doesn't want to hurt me and is scared I won't like him when I see his (bad side) his words not mine. I am guessing he means after a meltdown. I am a highly sensitive person, so I very much appreciate your videos for understanding how to communicate better and finding ways to support.
Hello! I am no Nathan nor professional, but I can share my experience in relationships, if you think it may be of some help. If you do, keep in mind that it is me and only me, and other people can experience it all very differently.
For me, the most important thing is to not try to cheer me up with certain active things I usually like.
I went to fencing lessons with my sister for months, and I greatly enjoyed it, and we used to pick up jocking fights with each other while walking. It is fun, usually.
Recently I had a long and hard day. It was only 11am when I was close to screaming at her to not touch me, even though usually I'm fine with being touched. I said it, more loud and aggressive than I should have, she noticed it and tried to not.
Then we went to shoot a bow, which was a bad idea, but it was planned and I hate breaking plans. So we went there. And there was a forest, and the bow, and I love it, so for a while I felt better. Still tired, but good enough to smile and laugh and be a part of the conversation. Until I got tired physically, too. And it was too much.
I couldn't really explain them what was happening, and all I wanted -- needed -- to be left alone, but we firstly needed to finish, pack our stuff and go home. I couldn't just sit on the ground (though I tried to, and was reminded that there are those dangerous insects and made to stand up), I couldn't disappear, I needed to go back home. I stopped talking and laughing, or even listening to them, and just focused on moving my feet.
And then sister decided to cheer me up. By picking our usual fight with me.
_I couldn't tell her it was bad idea_. I couldn't find words to explain this. I hate this feeling. I was just looking at her, jumping around, and wished her to stop, but couldn't say so, couldn't make her. Couldn't ignore her, too, because she was irritating. Too much to deal with.
When she got closer and tried to touch me with the stick, I answered. And -- I'm better at fighting with her, at this point I may say that my body knows itself what to do in order to win a fight. And my mind, that could stop it and remind it that this is only a jocking one, that I should not hit with a full power... Well, all my mind wanted is for her to disappear.
She got the bruise, and I'm sorry for it. I wish it didn't go this way. I wish I could control myself, but I _couldnt_, and I hate it so much. Hurting others is the last thing I want to do. But -- damn. It happened.
And that's it, there's no ending, there's no moral. We talked about it with sister. I explained her, what it was, and apologized. And promised that next time I'll say when things are getting too much before it all is just this. I hope, I really will notice it and deal with it in time
I have a code word, "there's a rat in the kitchen" it means I need to exit the situation very soon. My wife is awesome she gets me and knows my limits
Thank you so much, this was amazing help! It’s great to have insight. I didn’t understand how to help, and this video brings greater understanding so I can be more supportive and not create more overwhelm. 👌🏽 Thank you so much
Dogs and cats always did it for me.
THANK YOU SO MUCH!!👍👍❤️❤️‼️
And, this one is not about the topic at all, but, gosh, I'm so _irritated_ and there doesn't seem to be a place to complain about it.
I had a dialogue.
Firstly, they decided that I think rape is okay because I said that each person deserves justice, and death without discussion is not a good solution.
Then they assumed that I was angry at them for disagreeing with me and said that I may not want to talk with them anymore.
I answered, that I actually enjoy our conversation, but asked them to not assume what I think and feel, because asking is the best solution, I'll gladly explain them everything if they are willing to listen.
You know, what was the next thing I got?
"So, you still think it was my fault, but still wanna pretend to enjoy talking to me. Okay then. Whatever."
For f... For god's sake. Why. Just why. Why the hell do people want to assume things and put words in my mouth? Why the hell can't they just believe that I'm honest with them? That if I say A, I mean A and only A, and not B, not C and totally not W.
It's just so irritating when a person doesn't even want to try and understand your point, but rather be angry and illogical.
It just makes me sad, because I do enjoy and do want to talk with them more, but, hah, I don't think it's going to work this way.
Over and over again. Same thing.
@Pablo Moreno Cordón I'm actually somewhat lucky not to meet to many people like this. It's mostly due to the fact that I'm young and haven't met too many people of any kind. And because I'm never really forced to interact those with whom I don't want to. Happy me.
But I perfectly agree with what you said about the tendency to use logic. I feel like most people also act on their feelings, when I tend to rationalize them and decided if it's worth mentioning. Lately I prefer to state that their words and actions made me feel certain way (e.g. "I feel frustrated and sad because you didn't try to understand me") but it is often read like pretending because I don't act on these feelings. But, I mean, it is not only unnecessary but also bad for the conversation? If you allow emotions to rule you, it's nearly impossible to have a productive discussion! Why would I want to do this? I talk in order to share my ideas and learn others, discussion is interesting in itself as long as people hear each other!
My mother often told me that I was stubborn, because I asked for reasons to do things instead of just following her words. And she called me cruel so many times because instead of screaming and swearing I prefer to be as polite as possible even if I'm frustrated and irritated, and this is for some reason less appropriate than slapping doors. People are impossible to deal with. Neurotypicals. Now I can call them neurotypicals and be happy that sentient autistics exist 😄
You know, the fact that I'm autistic is still new to me, though it is an obvious truth. But I still can't quite understand what (out of all the things I feel) can be called a meltdown. I can point with certainty at a few times in my life when it was obviously it, but I still can't say what is the point after which I don't just feel terrible and overwhelmed, but experience a meltdown. It is easier to say this afterwards, too, since I'm bad at recognising my feelings on the fly.
All that written to just say that I don't know how bad I react on this type of dialogues, though it is totally not a pleasant experience. This time, I just spend some time listening to my favourite music and flapping my hands, because stimming is cool and lately I allow myself to do it much more often, and this is the best thing in the world, for what reason did I try myself to not look too weird even while alone?
Uuuh, I went away from the topic again. Sorry? (Should be read as uncertainty and is basically a question "should I be"?)
I'm reminded of a case where 2 guys were accused of raping a woman they just met. It was looking bad for these two until the authorities looked at the phone video one of the guys had.
The charges were immediately dropped and the woman arrested.
Nathan, can I ask for your help/advise in the following areas?
Is it natural to be friend-zoned before committing to a serious relationship? And the reasons behind this?
My friend, who I adore and want a romantic relationship with, how do I get that across without him feeling overwhelmed? He has expressed a liking for me with mixed messages then friend-zoned me. Did I overwhelm him? He said he doesn't want to hurt me and is scared I won't like him when I see his (bad side) his words not mine. I am guessing he means after a meltdown.
I am a highly sensitive person, so I very much appreciate your videos for understanding how to communicate better and finding ways to support.
Hello! I am no Nathan nor professional, but I can share my experience in relationships, if you think it may be of some help.
If you do, keep in mind that it is me and only me, and other people can experience it all very differently.
Wait why were the organizations trying to stop people from stimming?
Hey.