Your description of "gifted kid whose success was never atributed to effort by their parents" is exactly what happened to me. After years of therapy, I went from being competent but feeling like an imposter to "I literally don't know how to do this but I'll do it anyway and learn as I go". It's so satisfying.
The feeling of being able to mess around is so good... I botched 2 years of uni as a gifted kid... Currently trying to figure out how to become better, but in the meantime I study things myself and somehow I'm succeeding in doing this... Idk how or why atm...
@FlyingMonkies325 yup, it's been about a year since I paused my studies and about half a year since I started my first real job. It really helps me calm down and look to do my own thing at my own pace... I'm hoping I feel good enough to take on a course on design in a year or so, so I officially have that piece of paper everyone seems to value so much... And it would allow me to do something I hope to be very interesting to me...
There's a lot of impostor syndrome in the disability community as well. It's not just about achievement. It's also about "am I suffering enough to deserve this label that might help me?". It can be devastating.
this. for me it’s a double edged sword: the more externally successful i get the worse the imposter syndrome gets (im only one bad adhd day away from everything falling apart) and at the same time it also makes me feel like my adhd is clearly not bad enough if i can achieve all of these things regardless of whether i feel i deserve them.. it’s a mess
@@thegivingtree887 I feel this very much. I think smart + ADHD is an especially tricky combination. That agonizing internal, sometimes external voice saying „Oh so you CAN do it, after all, can’t you? Probably really didn’t try or care enough in the past, then, did we?“
In university I was held conversations perfectly well with grad students and the top students in physic in CS, but I felt like I had half their GPA. Also know that I was giving time and a half in tests makes me feel the need to work time and a half (40 + 20 hours) at work. I can’t do that in my current family situation. I just got an amazing review from my manager, but I have no idea how to write my self eval.
So true. And it is also true for the poor. I've met people who barely made minimum wage but insisted there were people more deserving of help because they weren't homeless.
Definitely me, getting my engineering degree I failed a lot of tests and went to tutoring for 4 hours after classes so I could stay in the program. I cried over my homework EVERY weekend but I was terrified of failing. Once I got my degree with a 3.7 GPA, everyone just said, “Of course you did, you’ve always been smart” I’m still suffering at 27, but this video has given me a great starting point, thank you.
@Raph K you assuming everyone just cruised by is also the problem. I was a 4.0 student who spent countless hours being able to do as well as I did, also because I was terrified I would fail if I didn't work as hard as I did. But everyone called me "genius" or "naturally gifted". Nah dude, nobody understands the amount of time and work I put in when nobody was looking. Don't ever assume people just "cruised by", that deflates the hard work that everyone puts in, but doesn't talk about.
@@raphk9599thats exactely something someone with imoster sydrome would say. Do not discredit your past accomplishments dude. In order to push through university you already have to learn a lot of stuff.
Personally, in terms of impostor syndrome, I feel like I might have it. Not in the form of "people might realize that I didn't earn any of my success," because I can recognize when I've worked hard to earn my position in life, but in the form of "I'm afraid to lose all of my friends and family because they've not yet realized I'm an idiot and don't provide any value to their lives." I don't know how many other people view it from this way, but I figure I would share it just in case someone out there feels the same way and wish to not be alone in this regard.
Yup. Well, kinda similar. But yes. For me, it's more like they haven't yet seen I'm a fraud and fake all feelings and all accomplishments because I lie to myself all the damn time and can't even tell the difference, therefore I expect others to expect me to lie for every thing.
@@GreyPunkWolf hmm that doesn’t sound like imposter syndrome, that sounds like straight up being an imposter.. if you’re lying about your feelings and accomplishments?? Dr K is talking about not feeling good about the things you actually do accomplish. Maybe I’m misunderstanding you
@FlyingMonkies325 That could be it, but I would say that I'm fiercely independent, and I don't like relying on others too much. It's just that when I look at what I provide for others, it doesn't seem like much.
It feels like as soon as I’ve accomplished a goal, I immediately assume it must not have been as difficult as I’d previously thought. If it was as difficult as I thought previously, I wouldn’t have been able to achieve it at all. 😅 So I don’t celebrate because it feels silly to celebrate something that isn’t difficult.
Yeah! What's helped me is realizing that actually "nothing is difficult". It sounds weird, but the best way I have to explain it is with this example: when you're learning how to play videogames, everything feels really fast and like you're too slow to even react. But when you improve, you DON'T feel faster, you feel like *the game has slowed down*. So yeah, brains do magic all on their own and it messes with our perception of difficulty.
Cognitive patterns from the video (and things to work on) 1. Devaluing their own efforts that lead to success (consider the efforts that got you here!) 2. Attributing other people's success to hard work (consider the lucky breaks they got!) 3. An emphasis on pleasing others (find intrinsic reasons to attempt tasks) 4. Very concerned with external opinions and external validation (develop a sense of pride in your own accomplishments)
The hardest part of my imposter syndrome is that I work in animation. And what stick to me ever since I first learned how to animate (and I believe it works the same for most art-related jobs) is that your eyes develop for animation slowly, so people more experienced can actually see more nuances and mistakes than less experienced people. So that means that, if I think my animation is good, then maybe that ACTUALLY mean that I'm just not good enough to see the bad in it. And if I CAN see the bad in it, then it's actually EVEN WORSE because I'm sure there's even more things that should be fixed that I can't see because I'm a bad animator. So I'm never happy with my work and everyday I hope they don't decide to ditch the bad animator of the team that can't see her work is bad.
That's the long road to ultimate perception. It's the same reason that one mark of a genius is the ability to spot genius in other peoples' work, where it might not be obvious: sophistication of thought in writing, interest of musical ideas, etc. To really thoroughly evaluate something, you have to be good enough to understand it. This hierarchy of 'perception' is the reason that a fool thinks an overconfident know-it-all is wise, but can't see the value in someone with enough depth of understanding to have complex doubts. It doesn't seem like you can get a firm look at what's above you without developing your eye enough to reach that level. The problem is that it may not be possible to know if you're on the highest level - but in that case, why worry about it, if the very best people will be in exactly the same cognitive situation?
Fully relate to this as a designer as well. I look back at some of my old work over the years and some of the oldest pieces look so amateurish/bad to me now. So even though I can see that I’ve made progress, it also starts to make me wonder whether my current present work is good. Or I just haven’t developed enough skill or eye to see what’s wrong with it yet. But maybe that anxious thought is a perk because it allows us to keep moving forward and pushing to grow. And it’s probably fine to find your work not “perfect” yet but “good”
Well, what when you aren't an imposter what if you are actually awful, because i try that over and over again. I once left my job because i was so bad at it, knowing that someone else way better deserved the job. I was a disgrace. People tell you that you are fine, but then they see me in action and the affirm my suspicion.
My father let me down and criticized me badly when my high school final year results came out and I got very high grades, I was so happy jumping in the house and smiling. And he told me I should not be this greedy just because of one success, there will be times when I will fail, so no need to be this happy right now and I should start preparing for upcoming year. He didn't even speak single sentence of appreciation. Straight of rejected my happiness and feelings of pride. This incident became one of my core memory and led me to the life of anxiety, procrastination, fear and imposter syndrome. My own father did this to me. Currently I'm learning to work with my trauma and see my own accomplishments as a result of my own hard work. Whoever is suffering from imposter syndrome, you have my love and compassion ❤
I had somewhat of an imposter syndrome when I started my apprenticeship as a plant mechanic. I was never a „crafts“ guy before so I felt at a disadvantage towards other guys that had workshop classes at school or dads that showed them how to do stuff. I was always scared that my superiors would find out that I‘m a nerd posing as a builder and get thrown out. Well, turns out no one in my class knew how to do everything- and my anxiety to be sussed out in reality just came from the fact that I always felt I knew less than I should- which is completely normal and the exact reason WHY I was in an apprenticeship. Because I still had a ton of stuff to learn.
I had the same starting uni. First laboratories with low results, with even one 0. Then I managed to pass the same class with good mark because I found a better way to learn it and I realised only a few people actually knew it all (most were more or less new to the subject) and the uni really tried hard to teach from zero and not just expect us to know everything.
I have autism and mask in my day to day life. So, imposter syndrome hits hard for me. I'm worried people will find out and stop being my friend or respect me at work and school. I feel like I'm only successful because people think I'm neurotypical.
High functioner here: the normies WILL rip you to shreds if they can. They just will. Hard, painful truth is that 99% of neurotypicals will treat us like dog poop once they feel some kind of way. Good luck
@@PcCAvioN I think that number is heavily skewed and not accurate. I think it mostly depends on where you live and how liberal the people in your area are. I would estimate that in the US in general it would be more like 40% but much lower in blue communities and higher red politically. Here in Canada we have a much higher value on mental health (it is actually part of our healthcare) so I would say it is more like 10-20% again higher in conservative locations and lower in liberal ones.
Also, here in Canada, there are govt funded programs that provide additional help for children with autism, ADHD, etc that include advocates, extra time for homework, socialization assistants, counsellor, etc. My daughter has ADHD and we get this help all for free (except we had to pay for the official diagnosis but that was covered by our company medical plan).
@@vampirelogan Canada's public healthcare is driven on a per-province basis (with funding from the federal govt) so it really depends on the province. Mental healthcare is generally not covered by Canada's public healthcare and an over-simplication is that Canada's public healthcare only covers from the neck down and is not really universal healthcare (no dental, eye coverage, no hearing aids, no mental health, no coverage of prescription drugs etc.). Ronald Reagan carried out neoliberal austerity measures in the US starting in the 1970s' and shut down a lot of their mental health facilities and Canada largely followed suit years later. A lot of mental health facilities were shut down in the province of Ontario for example.
I'm dealing with massive imposter syndrome, but I wouldn't particularly call it an advantage. I generally have to take breaks or entirely quit projects because the anxiety becomes too much. However, I've been reflecting and trying to look more positively at my own accomplishments and it's been helping a lot! Really nice to get an even better understanding through this video :)
Aaaand this is exactly where I'm fighting not to get. The urge to just avoid stuff that might be 'way above my abilities' is forever more tempting. Hope you get it under control, friend.
It is not advantage AT ALL. Just as schizoid adaptations, any type of adaptation harms you is never an advantage. It rips you off from your wholeness and integrity. This video is all rooted in toxic positivity, capitalism and advocate the toxic competition of those who has Dark Triad. MOST of the homeless, stripper, sex worker, adicts, gamblers people with consuming disorders and 2000 kg obese people has this 'advantage'.
"They begin to believe that achievement should be effortless in nature" -This helps me to understand that I should NOT always look for achievements and success to be a Breeze. Alot of people (ME) think that motivation is a magic force that causes all of my endeavors to be easy but I have been learning that's not true. "When your WHY is important enough, the HOW gets easier" -This is important to note because I don't even suffer from imposter's syndrome but I can watch every Dr k video and be sure that something he says will profoundly benefit me in some way.
I have impostor syndrome and let me just say that coupled with depression it is an absolute nightmare. At that time of my life, every day at work was exhausting because maintaining this "mask" took all my energy. I remember constantly thinking about my bosses finding out about the masquerade, that I was just a clown tricking everyone into thinking I was good at my job. And gosh, it was so hard because I was trying my best not to fail and disappoint them.
Same here. Imposter, mild depression and some trauma. Even when things are alright, i can't relax. My partner is pulling me through, which is great but makes me feel terrible for bothering her. Cause after the help it won't take long for me to think she will leave me because of who i really am. Cause suffering from imposter syndrome means i can't be worth it. Also, i once wrote a song in which i stated "without you i'm just a clown" and i never knew why i wrote that specific line. Now i do.
Remembering the things my dad told me: -You passed a class only because your teachers pitted you or were tired of looking at you. -Real artists/musicians/athletes are born that way and shouldn't have to learn anything. If you have to learn then you're a fake. -the only reason you were accepted into a really difficult college program is because they didn't have other applicants to pick from. -sure you got a B but it's not an A, sure you got an A but it's not an A+, sure you got an A+ but you can't go back in time and undo that B can you.
Thank you. I heard the same things, but hearing them from you was an epiphany. 🤧 I've found my inner artist again recently and am celebrating. I've been living with family that loves me and gives me space that I need. There are other things going on in our busy lives. But I think I'm okay with that. For now.
This hits hard. My father was obsessed with me becoming a doctor and after the day i finally got my lisence to practice Medicine, a relative came to meet us. He was a teenager who has fever but had a history of epilepsy since childhood. He didn't have any other symptoms and had been out and about recently. So i gave him a paracetamol (beings down fever) and advised him to rest. I told him to get back in touch if the fever dosent come down within 24 hours. My father, upon the departure of the kid, scoffed at me saying that whatever advice i gave him was common sense. Anyone could have done that. Conservative management? Is this what you've learnt at medical school? So yeah. Now we know where it's all comes from.
I often wander whether there isn't a link between impostor syndrome and bulls*t jobs. If you're like a mechanic or something and every day you fix 10 people's cars, I struggle to imagine that someone like that could possibly develop impostor syndrome. But if you're working in like management consulting, where there's no immediatel/direct benefit to someone that you can see and internalise (and there might well be no indirect benefits either), and half your job is literally just learning jargon, which jargon is used by actual fakers all the time, that seems like a prime environment for impostor syndrome. I felt like a huge impostor when I did consulting. And I feel like much less of an impostor now as a developer. Though sometimes I find myself working on projects that I know will never reach production and are just being done to use budget or please a funder or something, and then I feel like a fake again. Interesting that Dr K talks about CEOs and people at "high performing institutions". These are people who are detached from the fruits of their labour. Thoughts?
This rings very true to me. I actually work in more of a social work field with kids but I have also always felt like having any sense of job satisfaction or accomplishment doesn’t come naturally because I don’t get to see some sort of a result. I also sometimes actually envy people who create some sort of physical or otherwise palpable product at the end of the day. Really had to reframe what success at my job is and that has helped me a lot with impostor syndrome…
Strange comment. You can fix 10 people's cars and still be bullied by your bosses and/or senior coworkers. Of course, I realize that bullying isn't the only cause for impostor syndrome. It's a common one though.
Not the case, no. Learning jargon and fear in social consequences is part of mechanical jobs, too. Imposter syndrome is internal--not external. It doesn't matter if you're accomplishing things or not. One of my gigs I spend a lot of time polishing jewelry, and my boss is amazed at my speed and skill every time, but I feel like shit every time because she doesn't know how slow I actually go, and she doesn't know that I had to redo one I missed, and she doesn't know I put something out of order and have to fix it later. I feel like as much of an imposter in my consulting opportunities as I do simply polishing jewelry because I'm the problem
That part about success not being attributed to effort really resonated with me. As hard as I work, my grandfather always claims I'm lazy even though I was a straight-A student, graduated with honors, and have a much better job than he ever did. It always seemed like no matter how well I did, effort was never acknowledged whereas if I made even the slightest mistake I'd be heavily punished.
I'm sorry to hear it. My story is a bit different but the result is very close: my relatives think that an extraordinary amount of talent is the reason for my success. That might've been the case as a kid but once you move up in your field you meet so many people who are even more talented (who also have to work hard despite that) and the only logical conclusion is that your effort was immense. But some people will never see it. Sadly I'm not sure if it's possible to change their mind but having good friendships can help, my close friends often remind me of how much work has gone into my success.
Lol! I love that thumbnail. I don’t think I have imposter syndrome, I feel like I have my own opinions. I will say that I DO change the cadence of how I speak depending on who I’m talking to. People call it code switching. I also don’t act my full unfiltered self around anyone else, only when alone. I’m not sure if this correlates to the video, but I wonder if anyone feels the same.
Social Anxiety or something else like I can't code switch when I talk to a boss or someone seemingly of a higher status. Also Those who speak louder or more confidently and a perceived judgement from others which becomes disastrous during interviews.
I feel like this often actually. As though I need to hide parts of myself from others thinking that will never accept me for me, only what my "best me" is or me on my A game 24/7. Though I know that I do also have struggles with imposter syndrome. Being known as the "smart kid" for a long time only to both not be that image in college and later work when I couldn't finish the first go around really hurt and made it harder. I'm working on it now, looking for small ways I can feel "proud" of myself which is difficult for other reasons also.
Wow, I didn't realize how much my mom's attitude has effected my imposter syndrome. She quite literally attributed me getting into college to her helping me stay focused through my ADHD, and holds it over my head that she helped me with those applications. She appreciates me getting into college - but not how I got there. How hard I worked.
Oh my God. This is why I'm so stressed out and miserable all the time. Lol I never thought I had imposter syndrome, but this actually describes my experience in life perfectly. It is such an excruciating experience. Especially because I refuse to quit anything once I've started it. Quitting, to me, would prove that I am incompetent, and I can not stand the thought of that. I would rather cry myself to sleep every night than quit. Quitting is not an option to me.
I was essentially a local child star DJ in Atlanta. My name went around the city so fast that i couldn't believe that adults actually liked me for my talents. I always thought it was because i was so young spinning at the most popular clubs and parties. And i appreciated my adult DJ peers more than i did myself. People would constantly tweet and tell me how much they love me. I would focus on nothing but music all day n night. But i always felt like i would fall behind my peers if i let off just a little. Stressed myself out so much i just gave up. Now im just a truck driver.
Until recently having started exploring my diagnosis of inattentive ADD at the age of 57, I knew I had this but I didn't know anyone else in the world has it as well. You have described my entire life. I won't bore you with my details I'm world class recognized at several different things, 10 time ironMan finisher, MasterChef level cook, very successful in my career etc, and for every single one of those achievements I have been hiding behind a shield in case anyone realizes that I'm a fraud. You are describing it perfectly down to having a father who always told me I was smarter than everyone else faster funnier and then when I came in second in a cross-country race he told me I was the first loser... Anyway I just learned I'm not the only person with this thank you.
The thing that I hate the most about the impostor syndrome is the fear of disappointing people around me. To prevent that I try to show an image of myself which is way worse than what I am or what I think of myself so that when I actually do something great, they are pleasantly surprised. But it kinda makes them lose trust in me for stuff I could do but think I can't, which kinda reinforce the impostor syndrome even more because instead of being the only one to think that I don't belong here, all my friend now thinks the same without really caring about it. I'm actually okay with the idea of thinking that I'm an impostor but it's not really good for my self-esteem.
I had an oral exam this morning (Master of education) and got the best grade possible: 1,0. My thought on that was "I must have gotten the easy questions". But I recall preparing for it ~40 hours in the past 10 days. Best timing for the release of this video 😂
@FlyingMonkies325 That is certainly correct. Nonetheless, I referred to the explanation in the video: attributing successes externally (to the easy questions), rather than to my own effort.
From what I've been talking to my therapist, I think I may have imposter syndrome. But it's far from advantage. 1) the anxiety to meet expectations makes me sick sometimes, puts me in procrastination mode and I've basically developed a habit of only doing things under pressure. 2) I'm THE former golden child, but my brother overcame everything and is now more successful, whereas I, despite being good at my job (from what people tell me), don't have the strenght to go beyond. but it's the anxiety that actually bugs me, and all I ever wanted was to not be like that.
Yeah I struggle with this as well. Can't for sure diagnose myself but I tend to feel like I suck at things I'm good at, and then that makes me not work on them and never improve because I'm scared of putting in a ton of effort and then not being successful.
Totally relate to what you said. Just graduated from one of the top engineering schools in the country, but I’m absolutely terrified of applying to jobs right now. I’ve always sort of felt like an imposter throughout pursuing my undergrad, but am now terrified that the application and interview process is what will reveal that I’m not a “true engineer” or something. It’s exhausting to say the least 😅
I used to be the family golden child, when I was young and still had potential. But then all the years of c-ptsd caught up to me, and I'm lumped in with the black sheep while my younger cousin is now hailed as everything a person should be, because she's a nurse like her mom and has a big house in Florida and is married blah blah blah. So it's nice to have been in a shitty situation growing up, and then instead of that being acknowledged, it's just "You're a disappointment, we like her better now." Fortunately, I don't talk to any of them anymore, but that doesn't mean I don't still think about it and feel sad that it happened.
Your comment could have come from me 1:1. In my family (parents + 3 kids), there was always an unchallenged agreement, that I was cognitively the most advanced of us children. Unlike me they both have a master’s degree now and pull higher income. Turns out I do have ADHD though, so I’m beginning to forgive myself for „wasting my potential“
I just landed a job I feel really lucky to have gotten and I'm experiencing this right now. Everyone here has more experience than me and/or went to a better school.. I feel like I know nothing..
The biggest thing that helped me in my attempt to not feel as much of an imposter is to literally admit to people I don’t know this. Especially in a group discussion setting, asking meaningful questions and trying to genuinely understand and embrace what they’re showing me. Everyone had to learn at some point and for them they’re continuing the cycle to then help me. => means that I’m super willing to help others and ask for help when I’m confused => better connections with people in work and school as well more confidence in myself to figure things out. I haven’t watched this video yet but I could spend HOURS in a conversation about imposter syndrome. Especially since I did a ton of research and read about how most come about etc. Great topic dr !!
"Hey, you. You're finally awake. You were trying to cross the border, right? Walked right into that Imperial ambush, same as us, and that thief over there."
@@MuttonChopsMan ah.. but..aren't it was supposed to be: "Stand up. There you go. You were dreaming." ... "Well, not even last night's storm could wake you. I've heard we've reached Morrowind, I'm sure they'll let us go."?
My parents always encouraged me as a kid saying how I was smart and destined for college which no body on my dads side has done. I never felt smart, in fact , I always thought of myself as behind the class stemming even from as young as the 4th grade. When I did finally get to college I struggled so much with how I was "supposed" to be succeeding but I was falling behind in my classes. It got to the point to when I even did start actually passing and prove to myself I could do it I dropped out the following semester. Dont know if i'm going back as of right now school just brought be so much stress to the point where I barely left my room after a while. Now i'm trying to get into a career that will hopefully help me in being my version of successful.
I totally relate to this. It's like no matter how effective my code is I always feel like I'm just pretending to be good. I look at my peers and feel ashamed because they seem to be competent mean while I'm barely scraping by.
The problem with programming, is that you are noticed only if something crashes. If you are good at what you do, you will just deliver what people are expecting and nobody will be aware of that big bug that you just avoided of this complicated code that you've been able to build that makes the most little thing work. - Negative recognition
I work as a sysadmin, I'm just one meeting away from someone asking me something and me fumbling spectacularly not knowing anything I mean, I know it's not exactly like that, but it feels like that all the time
@@katmcduff That very much rings true for me as well. The stuff you work hardest on gets glossed over because it "just does what it has to do", it becomes like a black box everyone else just takes for granted. This likely holds for almost all areas of engineering though. Think of all the infrastructure civil engineers have designed, all the plastics and aromatics organic chemists have synthesized, or all the complicated circuitry required for any modern house to have access to electricity for all it's devices. Everyone just strolls around, rarely ever realizing how much work actually went into making it so their daily experience is so relatively smooth and comfortable. That might actually be part of this thing about IS, the fact that being succesful in the modern world often involves a lot of invisible work that never gets acknowledged outside your little work sphere.
Healthy gamer team: you guys are killing it with the cutscenes, editing, content, video formats. Nice work guys! Thank you so much for all the hard work everyone does. What a brilliant resource.
I’ve been working in video production and tv news since I was 16. I’ve never had imposter syndrome. I know that I don’t know everything and that I never will but I have over 20 years experience. It’s nothing I can’t handle. Any time I doubt myself I look back to my experiences and my failures and I realize that win or lose, life goes on.
There is also an other form of Imposter Syndrome which I dealt/still deal with is on the other side of the spectrum. And my 2 cents theory following this video is that the Imposter syndrome is a kind of cognitive dissonance between the praise we get from succeeding and what we think should be the level of recognition we should have for our effort. I am a mensa member and I've met a lot of brilliant people feeling like they are not so good at anything. On the opposite of receiving praise for a success for what we feel we worked too hard, there is also this praise we receive for something that seems too easy to deserve that much attention. "Why are people impressed by this? It is so simple that you don't even have to mention it..." So we sometimes feel like we forgot something or that there are things that we didn't understand that and that at some point, the "big hole" in our accomplishment will fall back on us. Doing and redoing the same thing again wondering what we are missing... Also, what doesn't help for my part is that I am a self-learner and multipotential. I can talk about or work on a variety of different things, but since I didn't study in that particular field, I don't always speek the technical language and I always wonder if the fact that I feel so certain about certain subject is due to the Donner-Kruger effect, while in fact, events proves that I sometimes understand many things much better than some professionals...
I'm currently having some trouble with something I had initially thought of as a potential impostor syndrome but am now very confused about as little of what you mentioned applies to me. I get that my achievements were earned, and I am not too worried about external validation. However, I'm always doubtful of myself in other ways. If I'm the first of a group to be somewhere, like arriving at class, I always panic, wonder if I'm in the wrong place, and worry that someone will think I'm stupid for being there. If I have a question on pretty much anything, I feel like I'll be ridiculed to oblivion if I ask it. Questions ranging from (I'm hesitating this very moment to state them) "How many buttons should I do on a dress shirt?" to "What time is the event?".
Damn I relate to this hard. I felt like my parents/ teachers thought I was smart when I was a kid, kind of attributing things I did well to some extrinsic force and not relating them to my efforts. I think many people have the idea that intelligence is just some kind of fixed thing that you either have or don't. Now I am grown I constantly feel like I am not doing enough, that everyone else is smarter than me and that I must work really hard to maintain the idea that I am smart. I feel like it gets in the way of actually learning sometimes because I feel like I can't admit that I don't understand something because then that would make me seem dumb, and I feel a lot of fatigue from trying to prove my competancy to myself and to others. If I do something well, then I feel like it must be easy. But then if something is hard, I must be an idiot and I will need to put in loads of effort. I will value myself on how well I can complete my tasks at work, but then not actually value myself that much when I complete them - just devalue myself when I can't complete them
As a self-taught programmer I can relate so much. I have struggeled with this all my career basically. I just know my work is not good, because there is a better way to do it or I'm using the wrong technic, or some professor 20 years ago had this better solution to find the square root of something for example. I worked so hard, and everybody at this company was amazed but I hated what I did because it was just bad and If someone would find out how bad it is, I would be so embarassed. Company hired a new developer in another area who was actually very pretty good and I worked basically into burnout and depression. And now I get almost a panic attack opening visual studio and my career is probably over... 😰
So sorry you're at such a bad point. Wouldn't it help to maybe get feedback from that other good devloper? I mean, if you think highly of them and they say you're good enough, then surely you can try to look reasonably at your good points?
I just finished the last class I needed to get my bachelor's degree, 20 years almost to the day of when I first attended college. What I found was that I felt like I wasn't working hard enough. And I was positive the professor was only giving me As because he'd had me as a student back in my junior/senior years of college. If I found the work easy, then I wasn't actually doing a good job...so at the beginning of the course, when I didn't understand anything (the professor never actually taught, he just told us to read the book and then do writing projects based off it), I'd be crying a lot and spending a ton of time looking up vocabulary and trying to make sure I understood every last bit of the assignment. And I still didn't feel like I earned a perfect grade, but at least I knew I'd done my best. But gradually, I started understanding the material better...although in my head what I thought is "I know better now what the professor is looking for, so I'll just write that out and I'll be fine." Whatever the truth of the matter, because it was suddenly easier, I felt like I wasn't REALLY doing a good job. I was just skating by. It really wasn't until the final project, when I caught a glimpse of what the other students' work looked like, that I realized huh, I actually did deserve those As (which I realize sounds like such a humblebrag, but if you fellow imposter syndrome kids only REALIZED that most people really ARE just half-assing everything, there'd be so much relief!).
My experience is sorta different from the general case. I was bullied all my childhood and still feel like everyone is judging me, although I am able to discard the feeling because I am conscious of it. My bullies were always middle of the pack, except for middle school, where they were low performers. I, on the other hand, am very gifted, which they were jealous of, at least that is my understanding of it all. This resulted in imposter syndrome where I feel the need to perform as "normal" as possible, not too well, not too poorly, and to do this I subconsciously limited myself from studying, not helped by the gifted kid thing and all, and now here I am. I mostly watch TH-cam to keep myself distracted and play video games when I have the unshakeable urge to actually apply my talents and skills.
I think I might want to deal with ur fear of others acceptance of u being not average, cz i don't think there is something wrong with that. They're the wrong ones. video games didn't keep you from u knowing that ur not doing it for the fun of it. Hope u make what u want of your life regardless of what people think ps. I might be wrong about the part where u playing games not for the fun, but this is what I got
@@birdbeakbeardneck3617 Yeah, so the video game part was more so about being an outlet for my talent instead of just a hobby. I do also play game for fun, but they're the place where I don't feel the need to perform average on purpose and instead try my best.
I'm also dealing with it but that's because I once placed an unfair amount of expectation on myself and took responsibility for something I was not responsible for.
Thank you so much. I'm struggling with this a lot as a golden child and as a woman in a men dominant feild such as computer engineering and cyber security, who also grew up in a competitive environment surrounded by other very intelligent and hard working kids and people. Literally just when I was a week old my mom booked a session with a fortune teller (not even for herself) and the second she stepped in with me the fortune teller started saying she felt a very strong aura coming from me and that I'm going to be incredibly successful ("at the top"). Ever since then my mom was never worried abt my education and let me do whatever, which was cool sometimes but as a kid teaching yourself self discipline and being your only source of motivation was harsh, not to mention the fact that my parents were sure it was just natural for me to succeed.
I'm dealing with burnout with my imposter syndrome and have been taking a year break after graduation, ngl I'm kinda brittled with anxiety and expectations from others since I was so proactive and productive and whenever family friends talk to me I get this sense they expect me to already be successful as an artist working for companies like Pixar and Disney, it's still kind of hard because I feel like I've missed my timing or I'm greatly disappointing those I used to be close with, but I think giving myself space from those comments and people has helped me a lot and recenter and reground myself
I grew up Autistic with imposter syndrome. I had a proclivity for drawing and my mom really latched onto that and treated me like a "savant" since I had difficulty learning other skills like writing or math. Of course she didn't know anything about art, so I was never in an environment or had the resources that would've helped me improved in any meaningful way as a kid or youth. EventualIy the feeling of imposter syndrome became too much, so dropped out of my art education in my late 20s before receiving my bachulor's degree and have been learning how to do 3d modeling/animation and game design ever since then. I've just entered my 30s and I'm just realizing how much this stifled my potential. My parents were pretty ableist, so meeting whatever vague expectations they had was pretty much set up to fail from the beginning.
@@ihuvvvcuncur2617 honestly same. In a twisted way I’ve always idealised/strived for imposter syndrome like once I have that it’ll mean I have some sort of accomplishment I get to feel insecure about and it’s actually a sign of success 😂 which is obviously bullshit and not how it works at all but still
Really appreciated the video, it's a really helpful framework for people dealing with imposter syndrome. I don't think I have the most severe case, but have always struggled with the concept of having "pride in oneself" because it felt so self centered. But this vid really helped show that it's not about inflating ones ego but being realistic to even yourself and I also really enjoyed that last point of how it's okay to be proud of something even if other people are not in the same accomplishment. Blew my mind.
I think what may be contributing to impostor syndrome for me is that I have a degree in game design (and almost got a second degree in computer science as well, but my college wouldn't let me) but I have been having a lot of trouble getting a job. I graduated last May, 9 months ago, and every time I see a job listing with a requirement for a "degree in computer science or a related field" I look at the job responsibilities and I realize I don't know how to do most of what's listed. It makes me feel like I faked my way through college and didn't learn anything because any practical applications of what I know don't seem useful or needed. I've been applying to these jobs anyway, but I never hear anything back, even from the ones that claim to be urgently hiring.
Such great content directly on TH-cam, would be really cool if these new videos were in a bonus tab or grid on the healthy gamer guide. I wish I could keep better track of it all for my therapist.
Thank you! This met me at the right moment. I just started a new job 2 months ago and have a big presentation tomorrow, and this is something I'm struggling with so much. I know that my PM and team believe I can do a good job and wouldn't put me in this position if they thought I couldn't do it, but my brain keeps going "unless..?"
I think one of the most common things to overlook when talking about mental health topics is the fear (or subconscious fear) of getting better because of the possible loss of the advantages of the problem, one of the hardest parts of getting better mentally in my own experience is acknowledging that it is usually a coping mechanism and that by changing it doesn’t mean that I lose a sense of self or an ‘ability’ I have per se. Does that make sense?
Keytake: Dont let an ignorant person (it can be your family) give you feedback about anything unless you know for sure what they are talking about, no matter how much they want to do good to you, be strong and reject their advice.
My parental units really fucked me up. So glad I found you and this channel. It helps. A lot. Even if some of it is painful. But at least I can process and relase that, and start fixing things.
I’m in the process of opening my own business. I am constantly worried that my family and peers will tell me im doing a crud job. That I’m making a lame effort. I know I am working hard and learning a lot, but it’s hard to be your own cheerleader. It feels like I’m always gambling…on my own talents, and I might lose. The only way I can move forward is to start every day by telling myself I AM competent.
Oh my god. Everything you said was so true. My parents don't usually have any outspoken expectations for me growing up. Regardless of that, every time that I succeed or achieve a certain thing, my parents never really see the sheer amount of effort that I put behind the scenes. So then I just continue to "force" myself to do better just to let them see how much time and hard work I had put into a certain thing.
I think there is a third group of people who develop impostor syndrome: kids who only get feedback about what they do wrong but never get complimented when they achieve something. Although my parents never put any pressure on me to get A's or other high achievements, they would also not praise me for anything I did right. They seemed almost completely indifferent about how well I performed in school. My teacher would tell my there were certain things that I did not do well enough, and that was basically all the feedback I got. I had absolutely no idea if what I did was average or if I was better or worse. I therefore assumed I must be below average. Otherwise they would tell me that was not the case, right? I struggle with imposter syndrome because I just do not believe that I can do anything right. Everything I achieve must be by accident, or otherwise anyone else also can do it. Oh, and I definitely work twice as hard. From one burn out to the next. At this time I have spent more time being burned out than actually working.
Part of the problem I've realized for me is that I started as a gifted kid and have always been surrounded by people I deemed as "smarter" or "better" than me because I've always gone to high-performing schools. I take on a lot of responsibility, both with my family and also with extracurriculars and hard classes and when people look at me and compliment me I feel awful because all I can think about are the mistakes that I made and how if I were not to do any of this I don't think I would be deemed "exceptional" for just being me. I just finished my first semester of college and did so well, even got on the Dean's list but I still feel like I'm faking everything, especially because I expected to get into so many more colleges but I didn't, which really tanked my self-esteem.
"You're smarter than this" whenever I got a B, or god forbid a C, because I just assumed it would come easy to me because it always had in the past. Unlearning that took years, well into my 30s, but it was so worth the work, I'm actually learning more, faster nowadays and have less imposter syndrome than I ever did when I self-identified as a "gifted kid"
Originally I was going to skip past this one because I felt it didn't relate to me but decided to watch it to notice it in others. THEN I realized it actually relates to me very well in my work aspect of my life! Thank you for this, extremely useful and eye opening per usual!
I relate to this super hard. This has been my way of thinking for all my life. There's this constant underlying stress of waiting for the bubble to burst. Despite constantly being proven wrong, I always expect to get screamed at for screwing up, and am overly apologetic for things that aren't really my fault. I worry that something awful is about to happen a lot. People praised my academic ability in school, but I just never could see it. My response was "Well yeah, I get good grades at school, that's the point. How is doing the thing I'm supposed to be doing worthy of praise?" I'm always super harsh on myself because of this high standard. Even now as an adult, I get praise for my work in social care, and I can't quite parse the praise correctly. In my mind, I haven't done anything extraordinary, I've just acted like me, and somehow people like it. It feels very low effort, and that troubles me. It feels like one of these days, I'm gonna overreach and drop the ball hard, so I just keep my head down.
This is a great video. So many amazing talent people I know have this issue. My achievements never meant anything to me so far. I’m also not accepting any of the outside validation I get and I’ve more or less accepted that if I like who I am, it doesn’t matter that much if I don’t value what I do. Other people can say I’m doing well, but as long as I haven’t reached the goal as a writer that I’ve set for myself, I don’t think I’m ever going to feel accomplished and I’m afraid I also won’t if I would actually reach it. The helpful part is that I’m working on my seventh book and am constantly growing. The difficult part is promoting myself and seeking publication because I can’t see the value of my own work.
I had this uncomfortable feeling when I watched this video. I can even feel my heart rate is still high as I write this comment. The situation of how the syndrome developed, what the people feel about success is just too relatable. I remember when I passed my uni exam, I only felt dread. How the hell someone stupid like me who reviewed only 8 to 10 questions per three days could enter one of the best uni in my country? This is impossible. Maybe I got lucky? Or maybe the uni thought I will donate more? But I'm sure I filled zero for the donation. Did I mark the wrong form? In the end, I even self-sabotaged my education so I could feel better. Retry another exam in hope that I would failed, only to passed the second time. It's not healthy, seriously. Right now I'm learning photography, and ... true to what Dr. K said, I practiced hard on it, get validations from others about my photographs, but still cannot feel accomplished. I always thought that my friends are better photographers than me, who are more veteran than me, there's no way I could catch up on their skill in such a short time. And I always get praised as someone talented. In sport, in music, in art, in study, and those praises become empty for me, because there's no way one person can have that much talents. I'll try the methods to ease this syndrome, I hope I can get better. Wish all the suspicious people the best.
This video really helped me out today. I've been dealing with a really horrible revelation lately, and it's impacted my self-esteem in some massive ways. But this video has helped me realise that I've actually been doing a really good job at combating my imposter syndrome, to the point where I seldom think of it anymore and I hadn't even realised. I would also be really interested to see how the syndrome develops among twins. My twin and I always got compared, and even though we were very similar, he was always seen as more successful (socially, academically, mentally ect.) to the point where people at school used to speculate if I got all of the "retarded genes" from my parents. But, when he left school when we were 16, it was honestly amazing how it automatically shifted everyone's perspective of me. Everyone suddenly saw me for who I was, not just half of a twin-pair. And now much later in life, I've become much better at giving myself credit when I know I have definitely deserved it and I've stopped automatically thinking as negatively of myself as I used to. I am much less afraid of being myself, and speaking my mind, I tend to cut through bullshit when needed. But a lot of the time, I stkll do worry, and suffer mentally, because of how much of what my dad projected onto me still affects me and my life.
Question: Does imposter syndrome show itself outside of academic or professional accomplishments? Like, would you consider someone that is confused why people like them a form of imposter syndrome, or is that something else? As in, instead of feeling like an imposter in a job, you feel like an imposter in your relationships with others?
I’ve always been very familiar and aware of the concept imposter syndrome and thought my imposter syndrome went away a few years ago, this video helped me realise it is still very much here with me, and it mutated in a way that made me think something like “I’m not the imposter, but for some reason many people are delusional and thought I have all these amazing qualities, and it’s probably because they all have imposter syndrome.” I did realise I very rarely celebrate anything positive I do as wins or achievements because they aren’t even on my radar of achievements, the things I do that get compliments to me feels like I am being hyped up for breathing air, which feels uncomfortable. Instead of feeling undeserving of it or I am the fraud, I saw it as if people are being over the top positive for no good reason. On another note, your channel has helped me immensely over the years, and I couldn’t have came this far without your quality content, thank you very much for existing :) (And ha, celebrating myself for putting in the work and having a huge drive for constant self improvement)
I am learning that I have been gifted this whole time. I'm 30 now. My parents assumed I shouldn't have issues with school growing up, so when I did, they blamed it on me. They claimed I failed on purpose. They drilled schoolwork to no end. When I left and went to college, I aced everything. Now I'm in college again. I'm finding out just how much I can learn. Imposter syndrome is strong right now.
I would call myself a creative person, but never dare to say I'm an artist. Especially after a very close family member shouted at me "you really believe that you are an artist? Never" because a small child spilled my ink bottle that I used for drawing. So they threw their anger at me. From that time on, I've lived my creative life in shame and fear. I'm healing slowly in claiming my artistic abilities with a little bit of confidence.
My main problem is always looking at the top of the category i'm referring to. I can reach top10 world in a videogame and always feel stupid because i compare myself to the rank 1, i just tell myself 'the game isn't that popular, i just play a lot, everybody can do it'. The bad part is that this is how i act in my life too. I feel so scared about sending my CV for a job appplication in the machine learning/data world because i look at who has done this for his whole life while i'm just finishing university, and i can't understand why somebody should hire me, when i know for a fact the collegues with less knoledge than me got their first job without that many problems. Meanwhile i'm studying a lot, and probably in some years i'll aplly to a junior/stage position having senior skills
I think, as with most things, social media has an influence in this. The constant validation-seeking, the glorification and idolatry of strangers on the internet doesn’t help to mitigate this problem in a general populace. It just makes you feel small, insignificant, and meager. Regardless, I often tell myself this line (goes to show how true what the doctor is saying here), “so long as I believe I’m a failure, I will succeed in life. If I believe I have succeeded in my life, that day will be the beginning of my failure.” I’ve learned to weaponize this concept in my head for a chaotic good.
I think a huge problem with this is how quick we are to forget past hardships - some things that used to look impossible to you, tend to look almost trivial after you did it (or maybe *because* you did it?). For example: studying for the final of an extremely difficult course, then ending up acing the test. You end up with this empty feeling of "how can I take pride in this, it wasn't even as hard as I thought it would be", when in reality you may have worked your ass off to get to that point. A lot of it also has to do with self image and feeling of "worthiness" - am I capable of even seeing myself at a successful position? if not, then there must be some other external reason for why I got to this success (luck, etc). Or, to tie to my last point - "if I did it then it can't really be hard or pride worthy".
Holy crap. I am a (semi) retired skateboard racer. Untreated but diagnosed ADHD, never went to university, and my spouse, a university professor, told me she thinks I have the worst imposter syndrome see has seen. When I would races, the first thing I did when I would get time to myself would be to write down a list of 7 things I could have done better. I would show up over prepared because I was so worried I would be embarrassed. I have a job working with a coach (I would read sport science textbooks and research to get a competitive edge and that landed me a job working for one of my coaches). And I feel like I have no right to be prescribing exercises to help deal with injury as I don't have the proper degree, but my boss (who has the degree) keeps giving our injured athletes to me. Some of them are professional athletes. I feel certain I will screw something up. I study before work, and if I don't get feedback from my boss for a while I begin to think I'll be demoted.
I feel like this as a result of nursing school. Everyone around me tells me I'm super smart and I should be a doctor but I have a tough time believing anyone. I'm working on trying to increase my self worth and tell myself that I'm capable and worth it.
I got a lot of awards in my first job as an analyst but I only attended 1 recognition event and my colleagues even had to drag me to come. I was the top analyst in that company for more than half a year and I decided to resign since I feel that I dont really deserve it because others are working twice the effort. There were times that I thought my boss is favoring me and/or maybe I had an unlimited supply of luck that others dont have. I missed a lot of opportunity when I was younger because of that.
I hate having such a degree of imposter syndrome. I've spent five years of my life attaining a Master's Degree (Philosophy), and I still don't feel qualified to do anything. I feel like I get less qualified with each of my accomplishments... it's horrible. I just don't see how I'll ever succeed at anything anymore. I miss my younger years. I was still manicly perfectionistic, but at least I got something done and could look forward to future.
A lot of people commenting here seem to be working alone. Developing, animation, study... imposter syndrome seems to be heavily connected to missing feedback of trusted people. I'm the same. I try to do my phD while working, so I hardly ever talk to my professor and have no peers. It leaves me alone to ponder whether any of what I do is good. Occasionaly I get to present something at a conference and am so stressed that surely my research is just BS and I've missed a plethora of important studies or results others have already made. Then I'm so surprised that anybody even cares to listen let alone found my stuff interesting. Then I listen to other's speeches and realise we're all just trying hard... then time goes by and I'm back in the imposter loop...
this is so helpful. I heard about imposter syndrome by coincidence but i never searched it up and now i found out that ive been suffering from imposter syndrome for more than 8 years and it's been terrible.
Once again, striking timing Dr K! I needed this so badly 🙏 The problem that I'm dealing with is Imposter Syndrome compounded with burnout. How do you deal with that without losing your sanity? I feel like in order to surpass Imposter Syndrome I need time in order to process my achievements, feel proud of them and reset my anxiety levels to an acceptable state of content once I convince myself no one is coming to bang at my door for being a fake and a failure. But how can you do that when you are rapidly being bombarded by anxiety inducing "crises" (using the term very loosely here) one after the other after the other? And you don't have the time to regain your balance between them? I feel like I'm in the eye of the storm and clear skies are nowhere in sight.
14:47 i laughed then i cried, i honestly cannot believe there's people out there happy with their accomplished while someone else is disappointed in it, one more thing to work on
When i was in school, the fear kicked in that once im in a job, non of the grades i have will matter and my skills will decide wether or not i get kicked out. Skills that i obviously did have and not felt like i will ever get. Now i started uni and its even worse because now in activly working towards trying to achieve a state where I can be competent but the great fear of the unknown.png working world just seels so massivly daunting because its unlike anything i ever did and everyone else seems confident in both their skillset and their persons so why should they worry about not landing the job It feels like even if i try my best, ill eventually run into a blockade of unemployment
I think one of the contributing factors to this is how we are constantly bombarded with overly exaggerated pictures of so many professions. My first time noticing this was the first time I got a job. I became completely disillusioned with the concept of "training" at a new job when it turned out to be nothing but sitting through slideshows, whereas I was expecting something more like watching another employee do the job or doing some mock interactions that simulated what I'd be doing on the job. Nope! Here are some slideshows, now get out there and do your best! It's all advertising. Even today, there are still plenty of job descriptions that feel like they tried to throw in every fancy word under the sun to make it sound like they had really high standards. They love throwing in terms like "cutting edge", "innovative", "disruptive", "world renowned", and so on. One of the most amusing cases is the set of job descriptions that say they expect you to be "very proficient in Microsoft Office", making it sound like they want you to know advanced Microsoft Office functions like macros and such, when all they really want is for you to know how to type... Then there was that time I volunteered for a political action committee. I walked in on day one feeling clueless. A few weeks later I was essentially made the leader of the group because nobody else knew what they were doing. I didn't do anything spectacular; I just did some Google searches and found some information they'd been missing, then presented that information during one of the meetings (where -- let's face it -- nothing else of importance was happening anyway). From that point, the group leaders just followed my example and came to rely on me for ideas. I would eventually start meeting some politicians after that point and then I'd get to learn that a lot of the politicians themselves were very... average. You see them on the news using all these fancy legal terms and you think you need a degree in political science to become a politician. Nope! They learn a lot of those terms in their first week! And even then, it was hard to find the ones that really had a deep understanding of the process. Most of them relied heavily on their aides or other support staff for writing, revising, and drafting their bills, as well as making sure everything followed the proper procedures. So in summary, if you think businesses, or people of a given profession, or even your government or its agencies are high-skilled professionals running a well-oiled machine... think again. While some skill is absolutely needed, you'd be surprised how average these people are, and how sub-optimally their jobs are really done. In light of all this... if you don't know what you want to do in life, please consider looking into that obscure job within a government agency that nobody talks about, because chances are that you'd do a better job than whoever currently holds that position and the only reason they're in that job to begin with is because nobody else was there to compete for it.
I kinda had something that turned out to be kinda the opposite In middle school, I used to have the best grades out of everyone in class, and everyone would keep asking me to teach them or explain the topics when they didn't get something By the time we got to high school, my grades dropped hard, I was barely getting passing grades Despite that, though, everyone kept asking me and reinforcing me in thinking I was smart I then realized that I actually am smart, or at least I understand stuff easily (which some people might say is smart, but anyway), I just didn't care about classes at all Is ther a name for that? People reinforcing something in you despite the tangible evidence showing the opposite?
Omg how twisted that I don't feel like this about work at all, but it totally describes how I feel about sex. Any time that I sleep with someone and it goes well, it makes me try to double down cause I'm so afraid of being seen as a disappointment and that the other person will "realize" that they're "out of my league" which I logically know is not really true.
I don't fit the background well, it's really more of a mix of both types influenced by my own toxic thought patterns, but damn if I wasn't called out hard here. I skip congratulative steps, push any praise off as 'this is what they have to say'/'I didn't really do that well' and just grind on to make sure I don't fail the next projects. Always put my autism into it as well, because the dissonance between being accomplished as a researcher but first learning to tie my shoes at 12 and struggling to do other, 'simple' everyday tasks really kicks me hard when I think about it. But unlike my therapist, this video has given me something to work on and a means to fight it, cause my fear of being 'exposed' is so bad I've begun some avoidance really counterproductive behavior towards which makes it hard for me to advance my carreer in the ways I truly wish for. Thanks for the video!
This was really realllllllyyyyy helpful. My god I cant stress enough on how much you have helped me through this video. Because every line you said was like flashback of 20 years of my life. And all the points were extremely relatable. Thank you so much for sharing this information in such a concise manner.
I watch this an think "wow, this is totally me, I feel totally like this" But then, I also think "no way, to have an imposter syndrome you have to be competent in yourself, I am just an actual imposter." But then, I reply to myself "well, that is exactly what someone with imposter syndrome would think"
I never understood why people feel the necessity to “deserve” what they have. Like, life isn’t long enough for you to even think about that. Life isn’t complex enough either. You have things. The only thing that is real is what is, in fact, real. Deserving your joy is not a real thing. So just have what you have. That’s it.
I see your point of "I'm succeeding and I'm scared I'll be exposed for the fraud that I am" and I raise you the "I'm so scared of imposter syndrome that I never try to succeed in any way in life"
I barely understaood I felt this way. Thank you for defining and highlighting this!!!! I'll get to work on making peace with this, until it's no longer an issue.
My dude, my man, my guy... Sometimes the energy can be a bit much... I have Generalized Anxiety disorder... and ADHD, and having loud, rapid content, can sometimes just fuel the thing I'm trying to depress, when I really want to be more calm and still. It can sometimes cause difficulty with me when I'm wanting to enjoy your content. I know it's valuable and I could find use for it, but with the way it's delivered, it can just be too much for my current state. Just giving some feedback, and leaving a comment. I greatly appreciate your videos and have followed for a while. (+2 years.) Keep it up... I'll be here, in the background, as usual. --Chris
![PASULOL รามเกียรติ์ ตอนที่ 4 นนทกพบรัก [Ramakien Ep.4: Nonthok in love]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/tMUQgmZzf_A/mqdefault.jpg)
Impostor syndrome doesn't always lead to working harder. It also leads to paralysis, procrastination, breakdowns and burnouts.
True. Exactly my situation.
Me rn
I felt this
THIS.
I bet it's like: 'I don't deserve my current lifestyle flat/food/... Because I don't really contribute at work'. Right?
Your description of "gifted kid whose success was never atributed to effort by their parents" is exactly what happened to me. After years of therapy, I went from being competent but feeling like an imposter to "I literally don't know how to do this but I'll do it anyway and learn as I go". It's so satisfying.
Where you are is where I’m trying to get to. Congrats, from the bottom of my heart
I hope to get to where you are now
I am convinced I will never get over it.
The feeling of being able to mess around is so good...
I botched 2 years of uni as a gifted kid... Currently trying to figure out how to become better, but in the meantime I study things myself and somehow I'm succeeding in doing this... Idk how or why atm...
@FlyingMonkies325 yup, it's been about a year since I paused my studies and about half a year since I started my first real job. It really helps me calm down and look to do my own thing at my own pace... I'm hoping I feel good enough to take on a course on design in a year or so, so I officially have that piece of paper everyone seems to value so much... And it would allow me to do something I hope to be very interesting to me...
There's a lot of impostor syndrome in the disability community as well. It's not just about achievement. It's also about "am I suffering enough to deserve this label that might help me?". It can be devastating.
this. for me it’s a double edged sword: the more externally successful i get the worse the imposter syndrome gets (im only one bad adhd day away from everything falling apart) and at the same time it also makes me feel like my adhd is clearly not bad enough if i can achieve all of these things regardless of whether i feel i deserve them.. it’s a mess
@@thegivingtree887 I feel this very much. I think smart + ADHD is an especially tricky combination. That agonizing internal, sometimes external voice saying „Oh so you CAN do it, after all, can’t you? Probably really didn’t try or care enough in the past, then, did we?“
@@NikHem343 exactly 😣
In university I was held conversations perfectly well with grad students and the top students in physic in CS, but I felt like I had half their GPA.
Also know that I was giving time and a half in tests makes me feel the need to work time and a half (40 + 20 hours) at work. I can’t do that in my current family situation.
I just got an amazing review from my manager, but I have no idea how to write my self eval.
So true. And it is also true for the poor. I've met people who barely made minimum wage but insisted there were people more deserving of help because they weren't homeless.
Definitely me, getting my engineering degree I failed a lot of tests and went to tutoring for 4 hours after classes so I could stay in the program. I cried over my homework EVERY weekend but I was terrified of failing. Once I got my degree with a 3.7 GPA, everyone just said, “Of course you did, you’ve always been smart” I’m still suffering at 27, but this video has given me a great starting point, thank you.
Don't worry friend, similar situation, hour upon hours of grind whilst others cruised through. Also, the real learning begins at work.
@Raph K you assuming everyone just cruised by is also the problem. I was a 4.0 student who spent countless hours being able to do as well as I did, also because I was terrified I would fail if I didn't work as hard as I did.
But everyone called me "genius" or "naturally gifted". Nah dude, nobody understands the amount of time and work I put in when nobody was looking.
Don't ever assume people just "cruised by", that deflates the hard work that everyone puts in, but doesn't talk about.
@@raphk9599thats exactely something someone with imoster sydrome would say. Do not discredit your past accomplishments dude. In order to push through university you already have to learn a lot of stuff.
Personally, in terms of impostor syndrome, I feel like I might have it. Not in the form of "people might realize that I didn't earn any of my success," because I can recognize when I've worked hard to earn my position in life, but in the form of "I'm afraid to lose all of my friends and family because they've not yet realized I'm an idiot and don't provide any value to their lives." I don't know how many other people view it from this way, but I figure I would share it just in case someone out there feels the same way and wish to not be alone in this regard.
damn😩
Yup. Well, kinda similar. But yes.
For me, it's more like they haven't yet seen I'm a fraud and fake all feelings and all accomplishments because I lie to myself all the damn time and can't even tell the difference, therefore I expect others to expect me to lie for every thing.
@@GreyPunkWolf hmm that doesn’t sound like imposter syndrome, that sounds like straight up being an imposter.. if you’re lying about your feelings and accomplishments?? Dr K is talking about not feeling good about the things you actually do accomplish. Maybe I’m misunderstanding you
@FlyingMonkies325 That could be it, but I would say that I'm fiercely independent, and I don't like relying on others too much. It's just that when I look at what I provide for others, it doesn't seem like much.
Same here.
It feels like as soon as I’ve accomplished a goal, I immediately assume it must not have been as difficult as I’d previously thought. If it was as difficult as I thought previously, I wouldn’t have been able to achieve it at all. 😅 So I don’t celebrate because it feels silly to celebrate something that isn’t difficult.
Yep, the moving goalpost..,,
Yes! I've always thought that if I can do something than it was never difficult to begin with. Becomes trivial.
Exact same here
Yeah! What's helped me is realizing that actually "nothing is difficult". It sounds weird, but the best way I have to explain it is with this example: when you're learning how to play videogames, everything feels really fast and like you're too slow to even react. But when you improve, you DON'T feel faster, you feel like *the game has slowed down*.
So yeah, brains do magic all on their own and it messes with our perception of difficulty.
"Accomplishments don't lead to a sense of competence" this one hit really hard man
Cognitive patterns from the video (and things to work on)
1. Devaluing their own efforts that lead to success (consider the efforts that got you here!)
2. Attributing other people's success to hard work (consider the lucky breaks they got!)
3. An emphasis on pleasing others (find intrinsic reasons to attempt tasks)
4. Very concerned with external opinions and external validation (develop a sense of pride in your own accomplishments)
The hardest part of my imposter syndrome is that I work in animation. And what stick to me ever since I first learned how to animate (and I believe it works the same for most art-related jobs) is that your eyes develop for animation slowly, so people more experienced can actually see more nuances and mistakes than less experienced people. So that means that, if I think my animation is good, then maybe that ACTUALLY mean that I'm just not good enough to see the bad in it. And if I CAN see the bad in it, then it's actually EVEN WORSE because I'm sure there's even more things that should be fixed that I can't see because I'm a bad animator. So I'm never happy with my work and everyday I hope they don't decide to ditch the bad animator of the team that can't see her work is bad.
That's the long road to ultimate perception. It's the same reason that one mark of a genius is the ability to spot genius in other peoples' work, where it might not be obvious: sophistication of thought in writing, interest of musical ideas, etc. To really thoroughly evaluate something, you have to be good enough to understand it. This hierarchy of 'perception' is the reason that a fool thinks an overconfident know-it-all is wise, but can't see the value in someone with enough depth of understanding to have complex doubts. It doesn't seem like you can get a firm look at what's above you without developing your eye enough to reach that level.
The problem is that it may not be possible to know if you're on the highest level - but in that case, why worry about it, if the very best people will be in exactly the same cognitive situation?
Fellow animator here. Can confirm.
I'm sure so many eyes see the beauty in your art, so many people focus on the pleasing part of the art, i hope that eases your worry just a little❤❤
Fully relate to this as a designer as well. I look back at some of my old work over the years and some of the oldest pieces look so amateurish/bad to me now. So even though I can see that I’ve made progress, it also starts to make me wonder whether my current present work is good. Or I just haven’t developed enough skill or eye to see what’s wrong with it yet.
But maybe that anxious thought is a perk because it allows us to keep moving forward and pushing to grow. And it’s probably fine to find your work not “perfect” yet but “good”
Imposter syndrome can be difficult to deal with. Thanks for sharing your own insights.
profile picture checks out
Well, what when you aren't an imposter what if you are actually awful, because i try that over and over again.
I once left my job because i was so bad at it, knowing that someone else way better deserved the job. I was a disgrace.
People tell you that you are fine, but then they see me in action and the affirm my suspicion.
@@thesaddestdude3575 I dont have an answer for this, I hope someone does
Pfp is sus
My father let me down and criticized me badly when my high school final year results came out and I got very high grades, I was so happy jumping in the house and smiling. And he told me I should not be this greedy just because of one success, there will be times when I will fail, so no need to be this happy right now and I should start preparing for upcoming year.
He didn't even speak single sentence of appreciation. Straight of rejected my happiness and feelings of pride.
This incident became one of my core memory and led me to the life of anxiety, procrastination, fear and imposter syndrome. My own father did this to me.
Currently I'm learning to work with my trauma and see my own accomplishments as a result of my own hard work.
Whoever is suffering from imposter syndrome, you have my love and compassion ❤
Keep going i believe in youu, there is no small or big result there is only you who trying to be better, and that is what truly matter❤
I had somewhat of an imposter syndrome when I started my apprenticeship as a plant mechanic. I was never a „crafts“ guy before so I felt at a disadvantage towards other guys that had workshop classes at school or dads that showed them how to do stuff. I was always scared that my superiors would find out that I‘m a nerd posing as a builder and get thrown out. Well, turns out no one in my class knew how to do everything- and my anxiety to be sussed out in reality just came from the fact that I always felt I knew less than I should- which is completely normal and the exact reason WHY I was in an apprenticeship. Because I still had a ton of stuff to learn.
I feel like a nerd posing as a truck driver lol. Kind of relate.
I had the same starting uni. First laboratories with low results, with even one 0. Then I managed to pass the same class with good mark because I found a better way to learn it and I realised only a few people actually knew it all (most were more or less new to the subject) and the uni really tried hard to teach from zero and not just expect us to know everything.
This is literally freshman me at computer science degree, knowing very little about computers and programming
Glad you sussed out your imposter syndrome!
I have autism and mask in my day to day life. So, imposter syndrome hits hard for me. I'm worried people will find out and stop being my friend or respect me at work and school. I feel like I'm only successful because people think I'm neurotypical.
High functioner here: the normies WILL rip you to shreds if they can. They just will. Hard, painful truth is that 99% of neurotypicals will treat us like dog poop once they feel some kind of way. Good luck
@@PcCAvioN +1 feel you
@@PcCAvioN I think that number is heavily skewed and not accurate. I think it mostly depends on where you live and how liberal the people in your area are. I would estimate that in the US in general it would be more like 40% but much lower in blue communities and higher red politically. Here in Canada we have a much higher value on mental health (it is actually part of our healthcare) so I would say it is more like 10-20% again higher in conservative locations and lower in liberal ones.
Also, here in Canada, there are govt funded programs that provide additional help for children with autism, ADHD, etc that include advocates, extra time for homework, socialization assistants, counsellor, etc. My daughter has ADHD and we get this help all for free (except we had to pay for the official diagnosis but that was covered by our company medical plan).
@@vampirelogan Canada's public healthcare is driven on a per-province basis (with funding from the federal govt) so it really depends on the province. Mental healthcare is generally not covered by Canada's public healthcare and an over-simplication is that Canada's public healthcare only covers from the neck down and is not really universal healthcare (no dental, eye coverage, no hearing aids, no mental health, no coverage of prescription drugs etc.). Ronald Reagan carried out neoliberal austerity measures in the US starting in the 1970s' and shut down a lot of their mental health facilities and Canada largely followed suit years later. A lot of mental health facilities were shut down in the province of Ontario for example.
I'm dealing with massive imposter syndrome, but I wouldn't particularly call it an advantage. I generally have to take breaks or entirely quit projects because the anxiety becomes too much. However, I've been reflecting and trying to look more positively at my own accomplishments and it's been helping a lot! Really nice to get an even better understanding through this video :)
Aaaand this is exactly where I'm fighting not to get. The urge to just avoid stuff that might be 'way above my abilities' is forever more tempting. Hope you get it under control, friend.
It is not advantage AT ALL. Just as schizoid adaptations, any type of adaptation harms you is never an advantage. It rips you off from your wholeness and integrity. This video is all rooted in toxic positivity, capitalism and advocate the toxic competition of those who has Dark Triad. MOST of the homeless, stripper, sex worker, adicts, gamblers people with consuming disorders and 2000 kg obese people has this 'advantage'.
"They begin to believe that achievement should be effortless in nature"
-This helps me to understand that I should NOT always look for achievements and success to be a Breeze. Alot of people (ME) think that motivation is a magic force that causes all of my endeavors to be easy but I have been learning that's not true.
"When your WHY is important enough, the HOW gets easier"
-This is important to note because I don't even suffer from imposter's syndrome but I can watch every Dr k video and be sure that something he says will profoundly benefit me in some way.
"the family appreciates the accomplishment but not the effort it took" oh boy. Boy howdy we're starting spicy today!
And even just expect it as if it is nothing. Always have felt I must have cheated somehow.
I have impostor syndrome and let me just say that coupled with depression it is an absolute nightmare. At that time of my life, every day at work was exhausting because maintaining this "mask" took all my energy. I remember constantly thinking about my bosses finding out about the masquerade, that I was just a clown tricking everyone into thinking I was good at my job. And gosh, it was so hard because I was trying my best not to fail and disappoint them.
Same here. Imposter, mild depression and some trauma. Even when things are alright, i can't relax. My partner is pulling me through, which is great but makes me feel terrible for bothering her. Cause after the help it won't take long for me to think she will leave me because of who i really am. Cause suffering from imposter syndrome means i can't be worth it. Also, i once wrote a song in which i stated "without you i'm just a clown" and i never knew why i wrote that specific line. Now i do.
Remembering the things my dad told me:
-You passed a class only because your teachers pitted you or were tired of looking at you.
-Real artists/musicians/athletes are born that way and shouldn't have to learn anything. If you have to learn then you're a fake.
-the only reason you were accepted into a really difficult college program is because they didn't have other applicants to pick from.
-sure you got a B but it's not an A, sure you got an A but it's not an A+, sure you got an A+ but you can't go back in time and undo that B can you.
But you did get in! Good for you!
Toxic AF!
Thank you. I heard the same things, but hearing them from you was an epiphany. 🤧 I've found my inner artist again recently and am celebrating. I've been living with family that loves me and gives me space that I need. There are other things going on in our busy lives. But I think I'm okay with that. For now.
I had a good laugh about that B I can't undo like how bitter u have been to say that(ps. Laughing cz I ve been through it)
This hits hard. My father was obsessed with me becoming a doctor and after the day i finally got my lisence to practice Medicine, a relative came to meet us. He was a teenager who has fever but had a history of epilepsy since childhood. He didn't have any other symptoms and had been out and about recently. So i gave him a paracetamol (beings down fever) and advised him to rest. I told him to get back in touch if the fever dosent come down within 24 hours.
My father, upon the departure of the kid, scoffed at me saying that whatever advice i gave him was common sense. Anyone could have done that. Conservative management? Is this what you've learnt at medical school?
So yeah. Now we know where it's all comes from.
I often wander whether there isn't a link between impostor syndrome and bulls*t jobs. If you're like a mechanic or something and every day you fix 10 people's cars, I struggle to imagine that someone like that could possibly develop impostor syndrome. But if you're working in like management consulting, where there's no immediatel/direct benefit to someone that you can see and internalise (and there might well be no indirect benefits either), and half your job is literally just learning jargon, which jargon is used by actual fakers all the time, that seems like a prime environment for impostor syndrome. I felt like a huge impostor when I did consulting. And I feel like much less of an impostor now as a developer. Though sometimes I find myself working on projects that I know will never reach production and are just being done to use budget or please a funder or something, and then I feel like a fake again. Interesting that Dr K talks about CEOs and people at "high performing institutions". These are people who are detached from the fruits of their labour. Thoughts?
This rings very true to me. I actually work in more of a social work field with kids but I have also always felt like having any sense of job satisfaction or accomplishment doesn’t come naturally because I don’t get to see some sort of a result. I also sometimes actually envy people who create some sort of physical or otherwise palpable product at the end of the day. Really had to reframe what success at my job is and that has helped me a lot with impostor syndrome…
Strange comment.
You can fix 10 people's cars and still be bullied by your bosses and/or senior coworkers.
Of course, I realize that bullying isn't the only cause for impostor syndrome. It's a common one though.
I'm a busdriver and i have imposter syndrome. Would love to hear from you why that is.
Not the case, no. Learning jargon and fear in social consequences is part of mechanical jobs, too. Imposter syndrome is internal--not external. It doesn't matter if you're accomplishing things or not.
One of my gigs I spend a lot of time polishing jewelry, and my boss is amazed at my speed and skill every time, but I feel like shit every time because she doesn't know how slow I actually go, and she doesn't know that I had to redo one I missed, and she doesn't know I put something out of order and have to fix it later.
I feel like as much of an imposter in my consulting opportunities as I do simply polishing jewelry because I'm the problem
That part about success not being attributed to effort really resonated with me. As hard as I work, my grandfather always claims I'm lazy even though I was a straight-A student, graduated with honors, and have a much better job than he ever did.
It always seemed like no matter how well I did, effort was never acknowledged whereas if I made even the slightest mistake I'd be heavily punished.
I'm sorry to hear it. My story is a bit different but the result is very close: my relatives think that an extraordinary amount of talent is the reason for my success. That might've been the case as a kid but once you move up in your field you meet so many people who are even more talented (who also have to work hard despite that) and the only logical conclusion is that your effort was immense.
But some people will never see it. Sadly I'm not sure if it's possible to change their mind but having good friendships can help, my close friends often remind me of how much work has gone into my success.
It like no matter what I do I can't convince to just hear me out
Lol! I love that thumbnail.
I don’t think I have imposter syndrome, I feel like I have my own opinions.
I will say that I DO change the cadence of how I speak depending on who I’m talking to. People call it code switching. I also don’t act my full unfiltered self around anyone else, only when alone. I’m not sure if this correlates to the video, but I wonder if anyone feels the same.
Social Anxiety or something else like I can't code switch when I talk to a boss or someone seemingly of a higher status. Also Those who speak louder or more confidently and a perceived judgement from others which becomes disastrous during interviews.
@KC going through this now, in my 20s, hope it gets better lol
I feel like this often actually. As though I need to hide parts of myself from others thinking that will never accept me for me, only what my "best me" is or me on my A game 24/7. Though I know that I do also have struggles with imposter syndrome. Being known as the "smart kid" for a long time only to both not be that image in college and later work when I couldn't finish the first go around really hurt and made it harder. I'm working on it now, looking for small ways I can feel "proud" of myself which is difficult for other reasons also.
Wow, I didn't realize how much my mom's attitude has effected my imposter syndrome. She quite literally attributed me getting into college to her helping me stay focused through my ADHD, and holds it over my head that she helped me with those applications. She appreciates me getting into college - but not how I got there. How hard I worked.
Are we the same person? 😳
DR K IS LITERALLY READING MY SHOWER THOUGHTS EVERY SINGLE TIME
Oh my God. This is why I'm so stressed out and miserable all the time. Lol I never thought I had imposter syndrome, but this actually describes my experience in life perfectly. It is such an excruciating experience. Especially because I refuse to quit anything once I've started it. Quitting, to me, would prove that I am incompetent, and I can not stand the thought of that. I would rather cry myself to sleep every night than quit. Quitting is not an option to me.
I was essentially a local child star DJ in Atlanta. My name went around the city so fast that i couldn't believe that adults actually liked me for my talents. I always thought it was because i was so young spinning at the most popular clubs and parties. And i appreciated my adult DJ peers more than i did myself. People would constantly tweet and tell me how much they love me. I would focus on nothing but music all day n night. But i always felt like i would fall behind my peers if i let off just a little. Stressed myself out so much i just gave up. Now im just a truck driver.
Until recently having started exploring my diagnosis of inattentive ADD at the age of 57, I knew I had this but I didn't know anyone else in the world has it as well. You have described my entire life. I won't bore you with my details I'm world class recognized at several different things, 10 time ironMan finisher, MasterChef level cook, very successful in my career etc, and for every single one of those achievements I have been hiding behind a shield in case anyone realizes that I'm a fraud. You are describing it perfectly down to having a father who always told me I was smarter than everyone else faster funnier and then when I came in second in a cross-country race he told me I was the first loser... Anyway I just learned I'm not the only person with this thank you.
The thing that I hate the most about the impostor syndrome is the fear of disappointing people around me. To prevent that I try to show an image of myself which is way worse than what I am or what I think of myself so that when I actually do something great, they are pleasantly surprised. But it kinda makes them lose trust in me for stuff I could do but think I can't, which kinda reinforce the impostor syndrome even more because instead of being the only one to think that I don't belong here, all my friend now thinks the same without really caring about it. I'm actually okay with the idea of thinking that I'm an impostor but it's not really good for my self-esteem.
I had an oral exam this morning (Master of education) and got the best grade possible: 1,0. My thought on that was "I must have gotten the easy questions". But I recall preparing for it ~40 hours in the past 10 days.
Best timing for the release of this video 😂
@FlyingMonkies325 That is certainly correct. Nonetheless, I referred to the explanation in the video: attributing successes externally (to the easy questions), rather than to my own effort.
I’m not good enough to have imposter syndrome
I feel this!!!!!!
😭😭
Omg this😭
From what I've been talking to my therapist, I think I may have imposter syndrome. But it's far from advantage. 1) the anxiety to meet expectations makes me sick sometimes, puts me in procrastination mode and I've basically developed a habit of only doing things under pressure. 2) I'm THE former golden child, but my brother overcame everything and is now more successful, whereas I, despite being good at my job (from what people tell me), don't have the strenght to go beyond. but it's the anxiety that actually bugs me, and all I ever wanted was to not be like that.
Yeah I struggle with this as well. Can't for sure diagnose myself but I tend to feel like I suck at things I'm good at, and then that makes me not work on them and never improve because I'm scared of putting in a ton of effort and then not being successful.
Totally relate to what you said. Just graduated from one of the top engineering schools in the country, but I’m absolutely terrified of applying to jobs right now. I’ve always sort of felt like an imposter throughout pursuing my undergrad, but am now terrified that the application and interview process is what will reveal that I’m not a “true engineer” or something. It’s exhausting to say the least 😅
I used to be the family golden child, when I was young and still had potential. But then all the years of c-ptsd caught up to me, and I'm lumped in with the black sheep while my younger cousin is now hailed as everything a person should be, because she's a nurse like her mom and has a big house in Florida and is married blah blah blah. So it's nice to have been in a shitty situation growing up, and then instead of that being acknowledged, it's just "You're a disappointment, we like her better now." Fortunately, I don't talk to any of them anymore, but that doesn't mean I don't still think about it and feel sad that it happened.
Your comment could have come from me 1:1. In my family (parents + 3 kids), there was always an unchallenged agreement, that I was cognitively the most advanced of us children. Unlike me they both have a master’s degree now and pull higher income. Turns out I do have ADHD though, so I’m beginning to forgive myself for „wasting my potential“
I just landed a job I feel really lucky to have gotten and I'm experiencing this right now. Everyone here has more experience than me and/or went to a better school.. I feel like I know nothing..
The biggest thing that helped me in my attempt to not feel as much of an imposter is to literally admit to people I don’t know this. Especially in a group discussion setting, asking meaningful questions and trying to genuinely understand and embrace what they’re showing me.
Everyone had to learn at some point and for them they’re continuing the cycle to then help me. => means that I’m super willing to help others and ask for help when I’m confused => better connections with people in work and school as well more confidence in myself to figure things out.
I haven’t watched this video yet but I could spend HOURS in a conversation about imposter syndrome. Especially since I did a ton of research and read about how most come about etc.
Great topic dr !!
" Babe, wake up. New Dr. K video just dropped. " 😍😍♥
"Hey, you. You're finally awake. You were trying to cross the border, right? Walked right into that Imperial ambush, same as us, and that thief over there."
@@MuttonChopsMan ah.. but..aren't it was supposed to be: "Stand up. There you go. You were dreaming." ... "Well, not even last night's storm could wake you. I've heard we've reached Morrowind, I'm sure they'll let us go."?
It do really be like that bro
These *are* great videos to watch with a significant other!
That's me with coryxkenshin for real
My parents always encouraged me as a kid saying how I was smart and destined for college which no body on my dads side has done. I never felt smart, in fact , I always thought of myself as behind the class stemming even from as young as the 4th grade. When I did finally get to college I struggled so much with how I was "supposed" to be succeeding but I was falling behind in my classes. It got to the point to when I even did start actually passing and prove to myself I could do it I dropped out the following semester. Dont know if i'm going back as of right now school just brought be so much stress to the point where I barely left my room after a while. Now i'm trying to get into a career that will hopefully help me in being my version of successful.
Thanks Dr. I keep succeeding but drown in depression because of this. I'm in software development and it's very common there.
I totally relate to this. It's like no matter how effective my code is I always feel like I'm just pretending to be good. I look at my peers and feel ashamed because they seem to be competent mean while I'm barely scraping by.
The problem with programming, is that you are noticed only if something crashes. If you are good at what you do, you will just deliver what people are expecting and nobody will be aware of that big bug that you just avoided of this complicated code that you've been able to build that makes the most little thing work. - Negative recognition
I work as a sysadmin, I'm just one meeting away from someone asking me something and me fumbling spectacularly not knowing anything
I mean, I know it's not exactly like that, but it feels like that all the time
@@katmcduff That very much rings true for me as well. The stuff you work hardest on gets glossed over because it "just does what it has to do", it becomes like a black box everyone else just takes for granted. This likely holds for almost all areas of engineering though. Think of all the infrastructure civil engineers have designed, all the plastics and aromatics organic chemists have synthesized, or all the complicated circuitry required for any modern house to have access to electricity for all it's devices.
Everyone just strolls around, rarely ever realizing how much work actually went into making it so their daily experience is so relatively smooth and comfortable. That might actually be part of this thing about IS, the fact that being succesful in the modern world often involves a lot of invisible work that never gets acknowledged outside your little work sphere.
Healthy gamer team: you guys are killing it with the cutscenes, editing, content, video formats. Nice work guys! Thank you so much for all the hard work everyone does. What a brilliant resource.
it’s not even funny anymore how you always post EXACTLY at the right time.. thank you for these 🙏
I’ve been working in video production and tv news since I was 16. I’ve never had imposter syndrome. I know that I don’t know everything and that I never will but I have over 20 years experience. It’s nothing I can’t handle. Any time I doubt myself I look back to my experiences and my failures and I realize that win or lose, life goes on.
There is also an other form of Imposter Syndrome which I dealt/still deal with is on the other side of the spectrum. And my 2 cents theory following this video is that the Imposter syndrome is a kind of cognitive dissonance between the praise we get from succeeding and what we think should be the level of recognition we should have for our effort.
I am a mensa member and I've met a lot of brilliant people feeling like they are not so good at anything. On the opposite of receiving praise for a success for what we feel we worked too hard, there is also this praise we receive for something that seems too easy to deserve that much attention. "Why are people impressed by this? It is so simple that you don't even have to mention it..." So we sometimes feel like we forgot something or that there are things that we didn't understand that and that at some point, the "big hole" in our accomplishment will fall back on us. Doing and redoing the same thing again wondering what we are missing...
Also, what doesn't help for my part is that I am a self-learner and multipotential. I can talk about or work on a variety of different things, but since I didn't study in that particular field, I don't always speek the technical language and I always wonder if the fact that I feel so certain about certain subject is due to the Donner-Kruger effect, while in fact, events proves that I sometimes understand many things much better than some professionals...
I'm currently having some trouble with something I had initially thought of as a potential impostor syndrome but am now very confused about as little of what you mentioned applies to me. I get that my achievements were earned, and I am not too worried about external validation. However, I'm always doubtful of myself in other ways. If I'm the first of a group to be somewhere, like arriving at class, I always panic, wonder if I'm in the wrong place, and worry that someone will think I'm stupid for being there. If I have a question on pretty much anything, I feel like I'll be ridiculed to oblivion if I ask it. Questions ranging from (I'm hesitating this very moment to state them) "How many buttons should I do on a dress shirt?" to "What time is the event?".
Damn I relate to this hard. I felt like my parents/ teachers thought I was smart when I was a kid, kind of attributing things I did well to some extrinsic force and not relating them to my efforts. I think many people have the idea that intelligence is just some kind of fixed thing that you either have or don't. Now I am grown I constantly feel like I am not doing enough, that everyone else is smarter than me and that I must work really hard to maintain the idea that I am smart. I feel like it gets in the way of actually learning sometimes because I feel like I can't admit that I don't understand something because then that would make me seem dumb, and I feel a lot of fatigue from trying to prove my competancy to myself and to others.
If I do something well, then I feel like it must be easy. But then if something is hard, I must be an idiot and I will need to put in loads of effort. I will value myself on how well I can complete my tasks at work, but then not actually value myself that much when I complete them - just devalue myself when I can't complete them
As a self-taught programmer I can relate so much. I have struggeled with this all my career basically. I just know my work is not good, because there is a better way to do it or I'm using the wrong technic, or some professor 20 years ago had this better solution to find the square root of something for example.
I worked so hard, and everybody at this company was amazed but I hated what I did because it was just bad and If someone would find out how bad it is, I would be so embarassed. Company hired a new developer in another area who was actually very pretty good and I worked basically into burnout and depression. And now I get almost a panic attack opening visual studio and my career is probably over... 😰
So sorry you're at such a bad point. Wouldn't it help to maybe get feedback from that other good devloper? I mean, if you think highly of them and they say you're good enough, then surely you can try to look reasonably at your good points?
Quake_inverse_square_root()?
I just finished the last class I needed to get my bachelor's degree, 20 years almost to the day of when I first attended college. What I found was that I felt like I wasn't working hard enough. And I was positive the professor was only giving me As because he'd had me as a student back in my junior/senior years of college. If I found the work easy, then I wasn't actually doing a good job...so at the beginning of the course, when I didn't understand anything (the professor never actually taught, he just told us to read the book and then do writing projects based off it), I'd be crying a lot and spending a ton of time looking up vocabulary and trying to make sure I understood every last bit of the assignment. And I still didn't feel like I earned a perfect grade, but at least I knew I'd done my best. But gradually, I started understanding the material better...although in my head what I thought is "I know better now what the professor is looking for, so I'll just write that out and I'll be fine." Whatever the truth of the matter, because it was suddenly easier, I felt like I wasn't REALLY doing a good job. I was just skating by.
It really wasn't until the final project, when I caught a glimpse of what the other students' work looked like, that I realized huh, I actually did deserve those As (which I realize sounds like such a humblebrag, but if you fellow imposter syndrome kids only REALIZED that most people really ARE just half-assing everything, there'd be so much relief!).
My experience is sorta different from the general case. I was bullied all my childhood and still feel like everyone is judging me, although I am able to discard the feeling because I am conscious of it. My bullies were always middle of the pack, except for middle school, where they were low performers. I, on the other hand, am very gifted, which they were jealous of, at least that is my understanding of it all. This resulted in imposter syndrome where I feel the need to perform as "normal" as possible, not too well, not too poorly, and to do this I subconsciously limited myself from studying, not helped by the gifted kid thing and all, and now here I am. I mostly watch TH-cam to keep myself distracted and play video games when I have the unshakeable urge to actually apply my talents and skills.
I think I might want to deal with ur fear of others acceptance of u being not average, cz i don't think there is something wrong with that. They're the wrong ones. video games didn't keep you from u knowing that ur not doing it for the fun of it. Hope u make what u want of your life regardless of what people think
ps. I might be wrong about the part where u playing games not for the fun, but this is what I got
@@birdbeakbeardneck3617 Yeah, so the video game part was more so about being an outlet for my talent instead of just a hobby. I do also play game for fun, but they're the place where I don't feel the need to perform average on purpose and instead try my best.
I'm also dealing with it but that's because I once placed an unfair amount of expectation on myself and took responsibility for something I was not responsible for.
Thank you so much. I'm struggling with this a lot as a golden child and as a woman in a men dominant feild such as computer engineering and cyber security, who also grew up in a competitive environment surrounded by other very intelligent and hard working kids and people. Literally just when I was a week old my mom booked a session with a fortune teller (not even for herself) and the second she stepped in with me the fortune teller started saying she felt a very strong aura coming from me and that I'm going to be incredibly successful ("at the top"). Ever since then my mom was never worried abt my education and let me do whatever, which was cool sometimes but as a kid teaching yourself self discipline and being your only source of motivation was harsh, not to mention the fact that my parents were sure it was just natural for me to succeed.
I'm dealing with burnout with my imposter syndrome and have been taking a year break after graduation, ngl I'm kinda brittled with anxiety and expectations from others since I was so proactive and productive and whenever family friends talk to me I get this sense they expect me to already be successful as an artist working for companies like Pixar and Disney, it's still kind of hard because I feel like I've missed my timing or I'm greatly disappointing those I used to be close with, but I think giving myself space from those comments and people has helped me a lot and recenter and reground myself
I grew up Autistic with imposter syndrome. I had a proclivity for drawing and my mom really latched onto that and treated me like a "savant" since I had difficulty learning other skills like writing or math. Of course she didn't know anything about art, so I was never in an environment or had the resources that would've helped me improved in any meaningful way as a kid or youth.
EventualIy the feeling of imposter syndrome became too much, so dropped out of my art education in my late 20s before receiving my bachulor's degree and have been learning how to do 3d modeling/animation and game design ever since then.
I've just entered my 30s and I'm just realizing how much this stifled my potential. My parents were pretty ableist, so meeting whatever vague expectations they had was pretty much set up to fail from the beginning.
I am convinced I don’t have imposter syndrome, I am a legit imposter.
Convinced that i don't have it because i'm shit in everything
That's kinda sus 🤨
@@ihuvvvcuncur2617 honestly same. In a twisted way I’ve always idealised/strived for imposter syndrome like once I have that it’ll mean I have some sort of accomplishment I get to feel insecure about and it’s actually a sign of success 😂 which is obviously bullshit and not how it works at all but still
This made me legit laugh😂Maybe life ain’t too bad
Same 😃
Really appreciated the video, it's a really helpful framework for people dealing with imposter syndrome. I don't think I have the most severe case, but have always struggled with the concept of having "pride in oneself" because it felt so self centered. But this vid really helped show that it's not about inflating ones ego but being realistic to even yourself and I also really enjoyed that last point of how it's okay to be proud of something even if other people are not in the same accomplishment. Blew my mind.
I think what may be contributing to impostor syndrome for me is that I have a degree in game design (and almost got a second degree in computer science as well, but my college wouldn't let me) but I have been having a lot of trouble getting a job. I graduated last May, 9 months ago, and every time I see a job listing with a requirement for a "degree in computer science or a related field" I look at the job responsibilities and I realize I don't know how to do most of what's listed. It makes me feel like I faked my way through college and didn't learn anything because any practical applications of what I know don't seem useful or needed.
I've been applying to these jobs anyway, but I never hear anything back, even from the ones that claim to be urgently hiring.
Such great content directly on TH-cam, would be really cool if these new videos were in a bonus tab or grid on the healthy gamer guide. I wish I could keep better track of it all for my therapist.
Thank you! This met me at the right moment. I just started a new job 2 months ago and have a big presentation tomorrow, and this is something I'm struggling with so much. I know that my PM and team believe I can do a good job and wouldn't put me in this position if they thought I couldn't do it, but my brain keeps going "unless..?"
I think one of the most common things to overlook when talking about mental health topics is the fear (or subconscious fear) of getting better because of the possible loss of the advantages of the problem, one of the hardest parts of getting better mentally in my own experience is acknowledging that it is usually a coping mechanism and that by changing it doesn’t mean that I lose a sense of self or an ‘ability’ I have per se. Does that make sense?
Keytake: Dont let an ignorant person (it can be your family) give you feedback about anything unless you know for sure what they are talking about, no matter how much they want to do good to you, be strong and reject their advice.
My parental units really fucked me up. So glad I found you and this channel. It helps. A lot. Even if some of it is painful. But at least I can process and relase that, and start fixing things.
Great explanation 😊
I’m in the process of opening my own business. I am constantly worried that my family and peers will tell me im doing a crud job. That I’m making a lame effort. I know I am working hard and learning a lot, but it’s hard to be your own cheerleader. It feels like I’m always gambling…on my own talents, and I might lose. The only way I can move forward is to start every day by telling myself I AM competent.
Oh my god. Everything you said was so true. My parents don't usually have any outspoken expectations for me growing up. Regardless of that, every time that I succeed or achieve a certain thing, my parents never really see the sheer amount of effort that I put behind the scenes. So then I just continue to "force" myself to do better just to let them see how much time and hard work I had put into a certain thing.
I think there is a third group of people who develop impostor syndrome: kids who only get feedback about what they do wrong but never get complimented when they achieve something. Although my parents never put any pressure on me to get A's or other high achievements, they would also not praise me for anything I did right. They seemed almost completely indifferent about how well I performed in school. My teacher would tell my there were certain things that I did not do well enough, and that was basically all the feedback I got. I had absolutely no idea if what I did was average or if I was better or worse. I therefore assumed I must be below average. Otherwise they would tell me that was not the case, right? I struggle with imposter syndrome because I just do not believe that I can do anything right. Everything I achieve must be by accident, or otherwise anyone else also can do it.
Oh, and I definitely work twice as hard. From one burn out to the next. At this time I have spent more time being burned out than actually working.
Part of the problem I've realized for me is that I started as a gifted kid and have always been surrounded by people I deemed as "smarter" or "better" than me because I've always gone to high-performing schools. I take on a lot of responsibility, both with my family and also with extracurriculars and hard classes and when people look at me and compliment me I feel awful because all I can think about are the mistakes that I made and how if I were not to do any of this I don't think I would be deemed "exceptional" for just being me. I just finished my first semester of college and did so well, even got on the Dean's list but I still feel like I'm faking everything, especially because I expected to get into so many more colleges but I didn't, which really tanked my self-esteem.
"You're smarter than this" whenever I got a B, or god forbid a C, because I just assumed it would come easy to me because it always had in the past. Unlearning that took years, well into my 30s, but it was so worth the work, I'm actually learning more, faster nowadays and have less imposter syndrome than I ever did when I self-identified as a "gifted kid"
Originally I was going to skip past this one because I felt it didn't relate to me but decided to watch it to notice it in others. THEN I realized it actually relates to me very well in my work aspect of my life!
Thank you for this, extremely useful and eye opening per usual!
I relate to this super hard. This has been my way of thinking for all my life. There's this constant underlying stress of waiting for the bubble to burst. Despite constantly being proven wrong, I always expect to get screamed at for screwing up, and am overly apologetic for things that aren't really my fault. I worry that something awful is about to happen a lot.
People praised my academic ability in school, but I just never could see it. My response was "Well yeah, I get good grades at school, that's the point. How is doing the thing I'm supposed to be doing worthy of praise?" I'm always super harsh on myself because of this high standard.
Even now as an adult, I get praise for my work in social care, and I can't quite parse the praise correctly. In my mind, I haven't done anything extraordinary, I've just acted like me, and somehow people like it. It feels very low effort, and that troubles me.
It feels like one of these days, I'm gonna overreach and drop the ball hard, so I just keep my head down.
And sometimes it could lead to self-sabotage
This is a great video. So many amazing talent people I know have this issue. My achievements never meant anything to me so far. I’m also not accepting any of the outside validation I get and I’ve more or less accepted that if I like who I am, it doesn’t matter that much if I don’t value what I do. Other people can say I’m doing well, but as long as I haven’t reached the goal as a writer that I’ve set for myself, I don’t think I’m ever going to feel accomplished and I’m afraid I also won’t if I would actually reach it. The helpful part is that I’m working on my seventh book and am constantly growing. The difficult part is promoting myself and seeking publication because I can’t see the value of my own work.
I had this uncomfortable feeling when I watched this video. I can even feel my heart rate is still high as I write this comment. The situation of how the syndrome developed, what the people feel about success is just too relatable.
I remember when I passed my uni exam, I only felt dread. How the hell someone stupid like me who reviewed only 8 to 10 questions per three days could enter one of the best uni in my country? This is impossible. Maybe I got lucky? Or maybe the uni thought I will donate more? But I'm sure I filled zero for the donation. Did I mark the wrong form? In the end, I even self-sabotaged my education so I could feel better. Retry another exam in hope that I would failed, only to passed the second time. It's not healthy, seriously.
Right now I'm learning photography, and ... true to what Dr. K said, I practiced hard on it, get validations from others about my photographs, but still cannot feel accomplished. I always thought that my friends are better photographers than me, who are more veteran than me, there's no way I could catch up on their skill in such a short time.
And I always get praised as someone talented. In sport, in music, in art, in study, and those praises become empty for me, because there's no way one person can have that much talents.
I'll try the methods to ease this syndrome, I hope I can get better. Wish all the suspicious people the best.
This video really helped me out today. I've been dealing with a really horrible revelation lately, and it's impacted my self-esteem in some massive ways.
But this video has helped me realise that I've actually been doing a really good job at combating my imposter syndrome, to the point where I seldom think of it anymore and I hadn't even realised. I would also be really interested to see how the syndrome develops among twins. My twin and I always got compared, and even though we were very similar, he was always seen as more successful (socially, academically, mentally ect.) to the point where people at school used to speculate if I got all of the "retarded genes" from my parents. But, when he left school when we were 16, it was honestly amazing how it automatically shifted everyone's perspective of me. Everyone suddenly saw me for who I was, not just half of a twin-pair.
And now much later in life, I've become much better at giving myself credit when I know I have definitely deserved it and I've stopped automatically thinking as negatively of myself as I used to. I am much less afraid of being myself, and speaking my mind, I tend to cut through bullshit when needed. But a lot of the time, I stkll do worry, and suffer mentally, because of how much of what my dad projected onto me still affects me and my life.
Question: Does imposter syndrome show itself outside of academic or professional accomplishments? Like, would you consider someone that is confused why people like them a form of imposter syndrome, or is that something else? As in, instead of feeling like an imposter in a job, you feel like an imposter in your relationships with others?
I’ve always been very familiar and aware of the concept imposter syndrome and thought my imposter syndrome went away a few years ago, this video helped me realise it is still very much here with me, and it mutated in a way that made me think something like “I’m not the imposter, but for some reason many people are delusional and thought I have all these amazing qualities, and it’s probably because they all have imposter syndrome.”
I did realise I very rarely celebrate anything positive I do as wins or achievements because they aren’t even on my radar of achievements, the things I do that get compliments to me feels like I am being hyped up for breathing air, which feels uncomfortable. Instead of feeling undeserving of it or I am the fraud, I saw it as if people are being over the top positive for no good reason.
On another note, your channel has helped me immensely over the years, and I couldn’t have came this far without your quality content, thank you very much for existing :)
(And ha, celebrating myself for putting in the work and having a huge drive for constant self improvement)
I am learning that I have been gifted this whole time. I'm 30 now. My parents assumed I shouldn't have issues with school growing up, so when I did, they blamed it on me. They claimed I failed on purpose. They drilled schoolwork to no end. When I left and went to college, I aced everything. Now I'm in college again. I'm finding out just how much I can learn. Imposter syndrome is strong right now.
I would call myself a creative person, but never dare to say I'm an artist. Especially after a very close family member shouted at me "you really believe that you are an artist? Never" because a small child spilled my ink bottle that I used for drawing. So they threw their anger at me. From that time on, I've lived my creative life in shame and fear. I'm healing slowly in claiming my artistic abilities with a little bit of confidence.
You'll heal💗
My main problem is always looking at the top of the category i'm referring to. I can reach top10 world in a videogame and always feel stupid because i compare myself to the rank 1, i just tell myself 'the game isn't that popular, i just play a lot, everybody can do it'.
The bad part is that this is how i act in my life too. I feel so scared about sending my CV for a job appplication in the machine learning/data world because i look at who has done this for his whole life while i'm just finishing university, and i can't understand why somebody should hire me, when i know for a fact the collegues with less knoledge than me got their first job without that many problems. Meanwhile i'm studying a lot, and probably in some years i'll aplly to a junior/stage position having senior skills
I think, as with most things, social media has an influence in this. The constant validation-seeking, the glorification and idolatry of strangers on the internet doesn’t help to mitigate this problem in a general populace. It just makes you feel small, insignificant, and meager.
Regardless, I often tell myself this line (goes to show how true what the doctor is saying here), “so long as I believe I’m a failure, I will succeed in life. If I believe I have succeeded in my life, that day will be the beginning of my failure.” I’ve learned to weaponize this concept in my head for a chaotic good.
I think a huge problem with this is how quick we are to forget past hardships - some things that used to look impossible to you, tend to look almost trivial after you did it (or maybe *because* you did it?).
For example: studying for the final of an extremely difficult course, then ending up acing the test. You end up with this empty feeling of "how can I take pride in this, it wasn't even as hard as I thought it would be", when in reality you may have worked your ass off to get to that point.
A lot of it also has to do with self image and feeling of "worthiness" - am I capable of even seeing myself at a successful position? if not, then there must be some other external reason for why I got to this success (luck, etc).
Or, to tie to my last point - "if I did it then it can't really be hard or pride worthy".
Holy crap.
I am a (semi) retired skateboard racer. Untreated but diagnosed ADHD, never went to university, and my spouse, a university professor, told me she thinks I have the worst imposter syndrome see has seen. When I would races, the first thing I did when I would get time to myself would be to write down a list of 7 things I could have done better. I would show up over prepared because I was so worried I would be embarrassed. I have a job working with a coach (I would read sport science textbooks and research to get a competitive edge and that landed me a job working for one of my coaches). And I feel like I have no right to be prescribing exercises to help deal with injury as I don't have the proper degree, but my boss (who has the degree) keeps giving our injured athletes to me. Some of them are professional athletes. I feel certain I will screw something up.
I study before work, and if I don't get feedback from my boss for a while I begin to think I'll be demoted.
I feel like this as a result of nursing school. Everyone around me tells me I'm super smart and I should be a doctor but I have a tough time believing anyone. I'm working on trying to increase my self worth and tell myself that I'm capable and worth it.
I got a lot of awards in my first job as an analyst but I only attended 1 recognition event and my colleagues even had to drag me to come. I was the top analyst in that company for more than half a year and I decided to resign since I feel that I dont really deserve it because others are working twice the effort. There were times that I thought my boss is favoring me and/or maybe I had an unlimited supply of luck that others dont have. I missed a lot of opportunity when I was younger because of that.
I hate having such a degree of imposter syndrome. I've spent five years of my life attaining a Master's Degree (Philosophy), and I still don't feel qualified to do anything. I feel like I get less qualified with each of my accomplishments... it's horrible. I just don't see how I'll ever succeed at anything anymore. I miss my younger years. I was still manicly perfectionistic, but at least I got something done and could look forward to future.
A lot of people commenting here seem to be working alone. Developing, animation, study... imposter syndrome seems to be heavily connected to missing feedback of trusted people. I'm the same. I try to do my phD while working, so I hardly ever talk to my professor and have no peers. It leaves me alone to ponder whether any of what I do is good. Occasionaly I get to present something at a conference and am so stressed that surely my research is just BS and I've missed a plethora of important studies or results others have already made. Then I'm so surprised that anybody even cares to listen let alone found my stuff interesting. Then I listen to other's speeches and realise we're all just trying hard... then time goes by and I'm back in the imposter loop...
this is so helpful. I heard about imposter syndrome by coincidence but i never searched it up and now i found out that ive been suffering from imposter syndrome for more than 8 years and it's been terrible.
Once again, striking timing Dr K! I needed this so badly 🙏
The problem that I'm dealing with is Imposter Syndrome compounded with burnout. How do you deal with that without losing your sanity? I feel like in order to surpass Imposter Syndrome I need time in order to process my achievements, feel proud of them and reset my anxiety levels to an acceptable state of content once I convince myself no one is coming to bang at my door for being a fake and a failure. But how can you do that when you are rapidly being bombarded by anxiety inducing "crises" (using the term very loosely here) one after the other after the other? And you don't have the time to regain your balance between them?
I feel like I'm in the eye of the storm and clear skies are nowhere in sight.
14:47 i laughed then i cried, i honestly cannot believe there's people out there happy with their accomplished while someone else is disappointed in it, one more thing to work on
When i was in school, the fear kicked in that once im in a job, non of the grades i have will matter and my skills will decide wether or not i get kicked out. Skills that i obviously did have and not felt like i will ever get.
Now i started uni and its even worse because now in activly working towards trying to achieve a state where I can be competent but the great fear of the unknown.png working world just seels so massivly daunting because its unlike anything i ever did and everyone else seems confident in both their skillset and their persons so why should they worry about not landing the job
It feels like even if i try my best, ill eventually run into a blockade of unemployment
Love the new additional editing. I appreciate the extra note pop ups during the video! They help a lot!
I think one of the contributing factors to this is how we are constantly bombarded with overly exaggerated pictures of so many professions. My first time noticing this was the first time I got a job. I became completely disillusioned with the concept of "training" at a new job when it turned out to be nothing but sitting through slideshows, whereas I was expecting something more like watching another employee do the job or doing some mock interactions that simulated what I'd be doing on the job. Nope! Here are some slideshows, now get out there and do your best!
It's all advertising. Even today, there are still plenty of job descriptions that feel like they tried to throw in every fancy word under the sun to make it sound like they had really high standards. They love throwing in terms like "cutting edge", "innovative", "disruptive", "world renowned", and so on. One of the most amusing cases is the set of job descriptions that say they expect you to be "very proficient in Microsoft Office", making it sound like they want you to know advanced Microsoft Office functions like macros and such, when all they really want is for you to know how to type...
Then there was that time I volunteered for a political action committee. I walked in on day one feeling clueless. A few weeks later I was essentially made the leader of the group because nobody else knew what they were doing. I didn't do anything spectacular; I just did some Google searches and found some information they'd been missing, then presented that information during one of the meetings (where -- let's face it -- nothing else of importance was happening anyway). From that point, the group leaders just followed my example and came to rely on me for ideas. I would eventually start meeting some politicians after that point and then I'd get to learn that a lot of the politicians themselves were very... average. You see them on the news using all these fancy legal terms and you think you need a degree in political science to become a politician. Nope! They learn a lot of those terms in their first week! And even then, it was hard to find the ones that really had a deep understanding of the process. Most of them relied heavily on their aides or other support staff for writing, revising, and drafting their bills, as well as making sure everything followed the proper procedures.
So in summary, if you think businesses, or people of a given profession, or even your government or its agencies are high-skilled professionals running a well-oiled machine... think again. While some skill is absolutely needed, you'd be surprised how average these people are, and how sub-optimally their jobs are really done. In light of all this... if you don't know what you want to do in life, please consider looking into that obscure job within a government agency that nobody talks about, because chances are that you'd do a better job than whoever currently holds that position and the only reason they're in that job to begin with is because nobody else was there to compete for it.
I kinda had something that turned out to be kinda the opposite
In middle school, I used to have the best grades out of everyone in class, and everyone would keep asking me to teach them or explain the topics when they didn't get something
By the time we got to high school, my grades dropped hard, I was barely getting passing grades
Despite that, though, everyone kept asking me and reinforcing me in thinking I was smart
I then realized that I actually am smart, or at least I understand stuff easily (which some people might say is smart, but anyway), I just didn't care about classes at all
Is ther a name for that? People reinforcing something in you despite the tangible evidence showing the opposite?
Omg how twisted that I don't feel like this about work at all, but it totally describes how I feel about sex. Any time that I sleep with someone and it goes well, it makes me try to double down cause I'm so afraid of being seen as a disappointment and that the other person will "realize" that they're "out of my league" which I logically know is not really true.
I don't fit the background well, it's really more of a mix of both types influenced by my own toxic thought patterns, but damn if I wasn't called out hard here. I skip congratulative steps, push any praise off as 'this is what they have to say'/'I didn't really do that well' and just grind on to make sure I don't fail the next projects. Always put my autism into it as well, because the dissonance between being accomplished as a researcher but first learning to tie my shoes at 12 and struggling to do other, 'simple' everyday tasks really kicks me hard when I think about it. But unlike my therapist, this video has given me something to work on and a means to fight it, cause my fear of being 'exposed' is so bad I've begun some avoidance really counterproductive behavior towards which makes it hard for me to advance my carreer in the ways I truly wish for.
Thanks for the video!
This was really realllllllyyyyy helpful. My god I cant stress enough on how much you have helped me through this video. Because every line you said was like flashback of 20 years of my life. And all the points were extremely relatable. Thank you so much for sharing this information in such a concise manner.
Thanks for breaking this down. Just understanding the problem is most of the battle.
We have to give more credit to our work for sure but something it’s just Grace and why not, we are so worthy and deserving!!!❤
I watch this an think "wow, this is totally me, I feel totally like this"
But then, I also think "no way, to have an imposter syndrome you have to be competent in yourself, I am just an actual imposter."
But then, I reply to myself "well, that is exactly what someone with imposter syndrome would think"
I never understood why people feel the necessity to “deserve” what they have.
Like, life isn’t long enough for you to even think about that.
Life isn’t complex enough either.
You have things. The only thing that is real is what is, in fact, real.
Deserving your joy is not a real thing.
So just have what you have.
That’s it.
"I don't have imposter syndrome, I'm just faking it"
LOL
Dr K. i am in my late 30s and this video was so in time for me. This is the first explanation I have found as to why i always sell myself short.
Audio fixed on this video, thank you editor!!
I see your point of "I'm succeeding and I'm scared I'll be exposed for the fraud that I am" and I raise you the "I'm so scared of imposter syndrome that I never try to succeed in any way in life"
I barely understaood I felt this way. Thank you for defining and highlighting this!!!! I'll get to work on making peace with this, until it's no longer an issue.
this video helped me jumpstart my healing. thank you dr.k, this one meant a lot
My dude, my man, my guy...
Sometimes the energy can be a bit much... I have Generalized Anxiety disorder... and ADHD, and having loud, rapid content, can sometimes just fuel the thing I'm trying to depress, when I really want to be more calm and still. It can sometimes cause difficulty with me when I'm wanting to enjoy your content. I know it's valuable and I could find use for it, but with the way it's delivered, it can just be too much for my current state.
Just giving some feedback, and leaving a comment.
I greatly appreciate your videos and have followed for a while. (+2 years.) Keep it up... I'll be here, in the background, as usual.
--Chris