ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 5 ก.พ. 2019
- Here I talk about how we Thai were raised and a bit of culture shock at my husband's family way :)
Check out my website : www.bonsway.com
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email: bonjakobsen@gmail.com
I’m raised and born in Thailand. I’m always a black swan for Thai friends. Then I had an opportunity to study in the US and everything I do makes sense suddenly.
I am so glad you made this video. I visited Thailand this summer and my biggest culture shock was to see Thai kids in school, behaving so differently than in Europe. I was amazed that all the kids seemed so calm, relaxed, smiling, thankful and very well behaved. I did not see any loudly crying or going into tantrums kids like it is so common in Europe. Since my trip I am trying to find out what is the background of this behavior. Finally I got the answer, thanks to you. It is very interesting to see the other side of the picture as well.
What a beautiful description of the diferrent cultures and acknowledging these differences with integrity, thank you. I am an Australian teaching English in a Thai Government school and will make this one of my lessons.
i hope the world can find a balance of respecting your elders while also being encouraged to be an individual
love your content, and the way you deliver it 🙏
I just wanted to say wow! I’m at a loss of words by I’m first generation Thai born in the USA and I feel this deeply. I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching, and digging up my past/childhood and everything you’ve said is so spot on. Thank you for sharing this, please continue making these videos! I sincerely enjoy them and it helps me understand why I am how I am because of how I was raised in that Thai culture.
that's so nice to hear, thank you.
I was born in Thailand and didn’t have parents up until 6 years old but had been raised in America since after 4 years old
Very interesting to hear about cultural differences! Thanks for your videos! Keep up the great work! It helps people to understand Thai culture better 👍
I have bumped into this video. It is so true that western people live their lives with their decision. Nevertheless, as Thai person, I was raised with a family who understands me in the way the present society should be. Please, keep me posted even more of intruging English videos. Love u.
You have a lovely personality. A Great video too that is helping me to understand more about Thai culture. Thanks
Thanks Jake
Bon Jakobsen no problem continue with the videos and I wish you a healthy and happy future going forward 👍🤙
Thank you for sharing!
Very great information!
Good info. Thanks.
5:15 sooo true, when ever I said that my mom was like “no, you have to go. There’re so many people coming tonight ลุงป้าน้าอามาหมดเลย ต้องไปไหว้ผู้ใหญ่นะ” I couldn’t decide for myself even the dresses I wear! Things have to be in a certain way all the time you know. honestly, as a kid I didn’t feel comfortable at all when I was home.
You meant to say there are SOME cultural difference the way Thai are raised ? 555
I am Australian born but have Italian heritage & the way we are raised is similar to Thais (which is why I feel I love with Thai culture) My parents are very old fashion & traditional which means:
- Doing what the parents say in regards school,career & social .
- No answering back/ swearing.
- Eat what is put in front of you for dinner or eat it for breakfast COLD… 😔
- Respect , look after & support parents.
-Yes dinner occasions same in our family there is no choice, you must be there.
There is much more but there’s just a few.
YES pleasing our families we lose ourselves & maybe go against your feelings but what does a child really know what’s good for them from ages 1-25years old, parents have experience & only try to lead best they can BUT I would rather grown up being taught to be a responsible, caring loving child that has morals , culture & family values that are inline with one’s culture rather than grow up like spoilt , entitled, selfish little brat….
My wife is Thai & our culture’s are very similar, she doesn’t have to ask for me to help support her parents , we are happy to do it (it goes without saying) same with her little nephews , we see them grow up & happy to send gifts /money so they can have a better life whether it be a pair of Nike runners or dinner shirt, we are happy to help as the smile on their faces is worth it.
My wife’s family doesn’t ask or expect anything from us , just that we look, love & respect each other & visit once a year but of course we still send what’s needed to help, we are blessed that one of her brothers is a police officer so medical for the parents are taken care of & we love to do our part & help where needed. It make us happy when we Skype to see them happy & relaxed.
My wife looks after me as I look after her (we have a saying in Italy - one hand washers the other ), my wife worked for the Thai government for 13 years & I absolutely feel in love with her sincerity ,honest nature & values.
Thai culture in my opinion is so beautiful & well kept , I understand what you said about losing yourself/ going against your feelings but it’s what has made you who you are today & I can pretty much guarantee you that this is the person your husband feel in love with.
I have gone on too much now…555/lol , I know your a busy person so bless you & your husband
I just found out you have this Chanel too. Will stick with you every where hahaha
This is helpful, good video. Many people may enter a relationship with a Thai person and not know some of these cultural difference that are important. Kob khun mak krab.
ชอบมากค่ะแจ้ เพิ่งเห็นช่องนี้ค่ะ พอได้ฟังแล้วก็ได้เข้าใจเรื่องนี้มากขึ้น ได้ฝึกภาษาอังกฤษด้วย ขอบคุณนะคะ
I want next EP about this topic. Please 🙏🙏🙏🙏
This topic is this ep ka :)
As a fellow southeast Asian I agree completely.
It is not until my mid20s I realised I should have made my own decision that follow my way and desire instead. And yes I goes against the norm and people do talk about you.
Hello I am new to your channel thank you very much for your content. I am from the United States.
Im glad to know your culture.
Well, I'm not surprised, by this way of life. I can see it can be very challenging to move forward with The Times and changing world.
I'll take care of my parents cuz I feel like it's the right thing to do. But I wouldn't expect my kids (if I'll ever have any) to take care of me when I'm old. My definition of the term กตัญญู is that you are a good person and you enjoy your life. Maybe I'll have a different opinion when I'm old idk lol
some people are not happy yet very katunyoo. So i think life plays out differently for everyone
Very much similar with Indian culture and upbringing❤️
beautiful lady..liked n subscribed
This of course does not reflect the raising style of every family in Thailand :)
@stephen tang yes Stephen, she sounds like a great lady.
Dang i can see this hurts you a bit ❤️❤️❤️ as I've come to learn family is a big thing in Thailand. ❤️❤️❤️ It must not be easy to witness it or hear about it. ❤️
'You will be dragged to go out wuth the family' lol this part was so like persian families😂😂
Sawadee ka, I was adopted from Thailand by Swedish parents at the age of six weeks, so I'm trying to learn about my native culture. Obviously I speak Swedish as my native language, and in a western way, but sometimes I feel I'm too nice to people, so I'm not sure if I'm subconsciously Thai by culture. I was adopted as a baby so I lived in an orphanage in BKK.
Thank You Dear for information❤ I understand that first man must be loved by wifes Family 🙏 Thats realy important. In Western culture we are more individualustic 😊 But if you realy love person you will be dedicated to Her family as well ❤ and vice versa ❤️
I totally agree ,like everything ,and I am Indian that to a teenager 😅
i'm interested about thai culture and lifestyle because my boyfriend's mom is from thailand and his dad from finland and they all live in finland
I really like the way Thai people look after their parents and try to keep the family together. It is humane, unless you think it is nice to send your parents to a nursing home and maybe see them once a year. The western way is selfish. I think you should be proud of your heritage.
Bringing kids into the world to take care and give their life to you is selfish
@@codis5722 huh?
1:27 very similar to Chinese traditional concept of raising kids
Thank you for this content. Its very useful for me to describe to my Farang bf
I belive to start with your boy freind has a name! stop calling him FARANG. complete disrespect and you telling him he will not ever be part of you or fit in thai culture. thai calling FARANG is got to change
I want to know so many things about Thai culture :(
I started getting hooked on Thai movies and series. I have noticed that they are very obedient to their elders. And because of that, I got curious because even some of the recent movies I watched have the same theme, like "children being VERY obedient to their parents".Also, I've read some of the comments and I read a few affirmations here. Does this culture still exist in the majority of the Thai community nowadays?
It is what she said in the video but is changing due to western influence, for better or worse. As always, I think we can take a middle ground in this. We should not be e at both extremes for either Thai and Western, but take cues from both and find an appropriate middle ground.
I watched a lot a lot of Thai dramas.Does the storyline reflects Thai society? Womanising,heavy drinking when frustrated,committing suicide when broken hearted...
I think most Thai woman equate love with family and duty.. Westerners think of love as emotions, feelings and loyalty to their BF or GF.. Many misunderstandings stem from the difference. Also..the "way we were raised" does not mean we have to agree and obey to old outdated customs that do not reflect a modern relationship.
Thanks for reaffirming this Jeff. I'm finding out about this as we speak.
All Asia relate on this, is whole Asian culture.... Concept of love, marriage, relationship... Is completely different.... The erotic or romantic love is not seen well in Asian culture and also the concept of equality a d same level in a relationship or family is not like that.... Also conformism is seen as a value..... If your woman is Asian try to dig down about what does it means, try to understand the values she has and her real mentality. Good luck to all couples, including mine.
What you describe is the way it used to be in New Zealand culture. I suspect that they have become more selfish since I left in the 1980s. I certainly couldn’t “opt out” from a family gathering.
❤❤❤❤❤
Is it true that it’s up to the eldest daughter to support the parents as they get older. What about the other children. Do they have any responsibilities?
What you describe in this video is being like a surrogate spouse to your parents...and an extension of them... It is called "enmeshment" and a form of narcissism in families. Narcissistic family’s image/status is everything. There is a lack of communication, no boundaries, children even as adults become surrogate spouses. There are control issues, love is conditional, there are family roles you must follow, there are secrets and maintaining the ideal public image is vital. Adults are emotionally childish, and blackmail and manipulation are common.
It’s very unhealthy, these life- long bonds are a form of covert incest (behave like the child is a love-life partner, also known as emotional incest, is a type of emotional abuse in which a parent relies on a child for emotional support, and in Thailand financial support) , there are no boundaries and there is constant intrusive behavior(intrusive behaviors are a common form of control exerted by overstepping boundaries, either physical or psychological), and it's very toxic.
Narcissistic parents are enmeshed in their children's lives. Enmeshed parents cross their child's boundaries by doing things like controlling their decisions, interfering in their relationships, or NOT letting them do things themselves. There are nonexistent boundaries, unhealthy relationship patterns and a lack of independence among family members. Children who grow up in enmeshed families often carry these patterns forward into adulthood, unaware of the cycle they are perpetuating.
In Thailand you call it culture or family traditions, closeness and loving etc., that it is not. It's not closeness as you describe, it's emotional abuse, manipulation, and conditional love. It’s a very primitive family hierarchy, exploitation and responsible for all your social problems.
I met many Thai ladies that were extremely unhappy in their lives following these traditions and being controlled by intrusive, entitled parents(a sense of deservingness, being owed, deserving special treatment) and, wishing they were free to live their own lives. More and more educated enlightened people in Thailand and South East Asia are becoming more aware these dynamics as well. They also interfere in their cognitive development, and are barriers to learning.
To describe it as positive and loving, I don't go for it. I see it is linked to high levels of prostitution, child labor, high teen fertility (Thailand ranks second in teen pregnancy, among its nine ASEAN neighbors), high divorce rates (divorce rate in Thailand from 27% in 2006 to 39% in 2016. 3 times the average rate) and single parenthood (major factors financial, parenting styles, discipline, poor relationships with extended families) are among the highest in Asia.
I am always wondering why Thai men abandon their own children, are blamed for being unfaithful or have GIGS? I don't know why any educated successful confident man Thai or other would want to be in a relationship like this? Enmeshment is detrimental to your mental health, privacy, well-being, cause developmental delays, and serious problems with addiction and codependency.
Being an enabler (people that support/protect unhealthy people and make it easier for them to continue their destructive habits/abuse), to such a sense of entitlement, toxicity and abuse, and to be silent or have positive feelings about it, calling it culture, I cannot. It doesn't matter where you are in the world, "abuse is abuse". Cultural abuse, is where a person uses cultural identity to control or exploit other people and use aspects of their culture, traditions, to benefit from (emotionally and financially) and even if it inflicts suffering on others.
I think a viewing of "The Joy Luck Club" is in order.
"parents own you?"
Interesting.
Do you live in USA now?
I live in BKK now
I'm coming to Thailand to look for a wife, but I am hearing a lot of problems with that. I'm from USA. Who's culture takes precedence?
Theirs, they expect you to assimilate, most Asian and Pacific Islander cultures demand it.
I have been married to a Kyrgyz (think Mongolian culture) woman, engaged to another, dated Thai girls, and now married to a Filipina.
All 3 cultural groups want you the foreigner to assimilate. The first being the Islamic nomadic warrior culture, which also happens to be the easiest for me to navigate. It is also the culture I respect the most and actually still aspire to live by.
The other two cultures are a complete struggle for me. Thais and Filipinos will smile to your face but sharpen their knives behind your back.
However you will always know where you stand with any Central Asian.
What I’m trying to say is if you want an Asian wife go to Kyrgyzstan, Kazakhstan, Tajikistan, Turkmenistan or Uzbekistan. They also don’t eat weird shit up there.
(The Parent thing is still a thing up there be warned you will pay Kalim to her family which is 10 horses or 10 horses worth of money. And you must convert to Islam)
@@branonlamphere9624 you should really just stick with your own race if you want to look down and degrade other cultures different from you. The food you eat might be “weird shit” to other people, too. Next time check your white supremacy at the door.
@@isaandtai you try and survive in a third world country and let them abuse you.... then you will change your mind on the whole “westerners need to check their privilege” because human rights don’t exist in most places in the east
go slow, and what you hear is all true, the scams, family intrusion, bad stories are endless, its about money, not who you are is about what you are, there are exemptions but a large percentage of the ladies come from toxic entitled families, find one thats educated ,and comes from a stable and respectful family, it is very hard.. i know only a few people i love and trust here, they are few,, we are farang, outsiders to many sources of supply
So i saw you talk about this topic at last morning really ?
sorry?
I actually think "balance" is something between western and eastern culture. The west should show more respect to their parents.
Yes, but the obedience until death is ridicules.
You can multiply the independence of americans, compared to europeans, by 10
Sorry 'Bon'... spell check!!
IAM com to rhay land ?who
I just started dating a cute Thai chick and this helped me know her deeply...thank you
Oh god..... be careful
I have had very bad experiences with speaking to Thai people. not just 1 or 2 but with a lot. They look and speak humbly, but they don't think humbly. They don't appreciate your time or efforts at all. Just very bad experience.
yep, to try and twist these family traditions as loving and closeness, they are not, all love is conditional and about money, even with their children, of course they cant see it, only repeat it...
It’s a really bad culture. Reminds me of caveman times.
primitive, out of the jungle, they like it that way too, its tribal pack predator mentality, it is among the worst ive seen, whereas other parts off se asia appear to be more open minded and respectful, with traditional family values..