Fantastic!!! Informative!!! Helpful!!! From this person’s viewpoint who was raised without an example of emotional resilience, amidst chaotic upheaval’s periodically, and who has struggled for decades to understand her self and her particular reactions to people and social situations, I have arrived at similar conclusions as were stated in this video. Meaningful connections in ongoing, consistent ways, and in non- threatening environments are so important for brain health. I love the image of someone turning off the tv, putting down their busywork and giving 100% of their focus on a child entering the room. Just the thought of it feels so healing. I wish I had come upon this video decades ago. It’s been a really long, lonesome journey with intermittent spots of great, bright lights (validating people) along the way. I humbly thank all my earth angels and every fellow traveler that helped get me here.
I know now I was afraid to have children because I am not a self regulated adult. When I get frustrated I immediately cry or get angry, which would be a disater for a child in my care. I ask my sisters for advice always, don't trust myself to make a decision. I am 39 and will never regret not having children. There is still much work to do to heal. Thank you for this video, I shared
Hi, Lisa. I'm so grateful for your videos. I'm dealing with the absolute worst time in my life right now. I've known for a couple of years that my marriage is over. I've spent that time trying to do house repairs, pay off debts, etc. I finally had to talk to my husband about a divorce. Then I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I'm fighting it right now. My husband used this opportunity to rev up his abuse of me into the physical realm. Only a coward waits for someone to be ill and frail and unable to get out of bed to abuse them like that. I told one of my grown daughters what he did and I was not believed. At the same time, friends (including my brother) stopped talking to me. Then this horrible man used my youngest daughter (18) as an attack dog to heap verbal abuse and accusations upon me (now I know she's been turned into a flying monkey.) Come to find out, the cowardly narc started a subtle smear campaign a few years ago as soon as it became apparent that I was recovering from the debilitating PTSD I'd suffered for more than a decade. I had no idea at the time. Our divorce should be final sometime in December. I just need to make it there. Right now I'm living in my bedroom to avoid him, but he's stirred up the PTSD again. I can't forget my kids accusing me of faking cancer to get attention, I can't forget my husband cornering me in my bed when I was defenseless and I can't forget my youngest daughter standing over my wheelchair and accusing me of various narc attitudes. He took that child and fed her everything that HE is and does, and turned it all around on me. I'm back where I was not being able to sleep at night, having anxiety and a poor appetite, etc. I just need to make it to the divorce being final so I can concentrate on myself.
Bruce, I have loved your book "The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog" for years! It is one of the best books about childhood trauma I have ever read. You and Alice Miller are the BEST and should be mandatory reading for ALL people!
Hurray!! This was perfect! I have always tried to get inside myself for guidance when my son had an issue. It was pretty easy when I put myself in his shoes. I also went ro my neighbor when both she and her son started to yell at each other. Took her hands and looked into her eyes and said, count to ten, breath and count once again. He will calm down when you calm down. In school there is still some of my sons classmates that remember me for a good mother that could talk to them as people instead of kids. I always try to see every child I meet because they are our future! It's great to listen to you both! Thank you so much!! 💖💖💖🌹🌹🌹
Dr Perry you are brilliant and I appreciate all your work, research and dedication for our children and the importance of a community of educators to provide knowledge, healing and support to heal!! Thank you for all your hard work and dedication ❤
As a Developmental therapist working with families, 100% agree with everything here. However, what is missing (except mentioned, importantly in passing at the end) is the FACT that the majority of parents come from various degrees of complex trauma and they themselves cannot simply begin to slow down, breathe and engage in nuanced back and forth affect-emotional reciprocal engagement without having their own subcortical, limbic polyvagal based hypervigilant reactions (flight fight freeze) come to the forefront. It is so, so, so absolutely critical for parents who come from adverse early childhood environment, e.g., neglect, insecure avoidant or ambivalent attachment, to begin healing in therapy with a deeply attuned and gifted therapist who heavily focuses on early based trauma
My son is in 1st grade in Maine. He has has some major behavioral issues in school with anger, throwing, hitting, and general dangerous behaviour. I am a trauma survivor. I think ive rubbed off on him. He also has a calming corner now in his new classroom! Its been night and day for him. He get to go in there and calm down and join the group again when hes ready! I have had 2 months of all good behavior charts coming home since then! I love your videos so much Lisa!!!
This part about nurturing being so important to newborns and for the months after brings to mind the children from the Romanian orphanage adopted by American families several years ago. Their beginnings were so neglected, hardly any individual adult contact except the necessities of feeding. And they were kept full time in their cribs even though they could crawl and some older ones even walk. They were starved for affection and when they were adopted they could not readily respond to the kindness or bond to their new family. I think it took them a very long time to come around and adapt and feel a belonging and connection to anyone. Hopefully they learned to trust.
This is huge information, you know that right? I can't even begin to tell you but this videos says it all! I feel like I'm doing circles in my healing and now this shows me why. Explains why even being in a school shooting and why I had such the response to as I have had. Almost 38 now and this is going to help me so much. Thank you always Lisa for your support and information. I've used your videos to reprogram the mother inside of me and develop a new tone of voice of my inner mother. I can't wait to see what else you share for the future!! Namaste 💕💕
I agree with what is being said. Wow! My heart goes out to my children. Here I am doing everything possible for my children (when they were young and now) to prevent them going through anything I went through and yet as I am healing in the process and even now, didn't realize the subtle actions still traumatized their heart. This hurts so much. I love them dearly! 🤗
Lisa I don't know where you come from but you are a soul/sanity saver. I'm a MFT student and the amount of people walking around traumatized is amazing. Look at the rise of anxiety and depression! Factor in the planet dying/anger which we are reacting to also. Thank you and your guest. This helps us
Much love to you Dear One--but please also consider the rise is in usage regarding social media--there is a correlation between suicide--depression and anxiety as well as past traumas.
Wow. I have a child with Autism and I wish some of her teachers knew this information. I can’t count how many times I tried to teach how there’s a reason for every behavior and threatening and being angry only escalates the situation, so many special Ed teachers have no clue. Very good work, thank you. And also your last video was huge for me, huge for understanding myself. 🙏🏼
Perhaps you can insist that these teachers become trauma informed. To me, this is a no-brainer, and I am not quite sure we as a society do not have some kind of protocol put into place for all education systems regarding understanding trauma.
I am very blessed to be past the meltdowns at school and eloping now in 8th grade my child has come so far no thanks to the public school system though. It was very hard and I was constantly trying to educate teachers, it’s a very real problem. There has to be more training and understanding. We still deal with a lot of anxiety now that interferes with school and special ed teachers don’t even seem to understand this because my child keeps it together at school now and is extremely smart and “capable”. So many misunderstood kids in school.
Thank you very much for this video! So thought provoking! And personally I think the approach of being fully present does not only apply to dealing with children, but also to adults who have not healed their many childhood traumas and are easily triggered by anything. My mom is a person like that, like sometimes, she makes up stories about me throwing away the things that she bought for me and then gets hysterical and we always end up in insulting one another, which is awful. And I have been having this fear of such arguments and insults (focusing on the problematic behavior rather than on what I want to achieve). This video has offered insights and perspectives that I didn't know previously, thank you again 💜
@@lisaaromano1 Thank you for pointing this out! I didn't realize that my mom's sucking my energy by doing this until I've done some inner work Looking forward to more new videos, and thank you again ❤❤❤
This explains so much!! So many things I did not know. Going to watch over and over again! I sent this to a friend of mine who does in home counseling with kids at high risk. Thank you Lisa!!
S Burch....You may like to research "Gabor Mate"..has a theory of addiction rooted in childhood abuse...Excellent Utube on Truama, disconnection from the "self". Implicit memory etc....
When I was 13 my step father began to have headaches... He was my best friend. As my dad tried to keep up with buying us stuff... They split when I was seven. And it was a back n forth for many years... At 15, after two years of living with my dying step father. . . He died of brain cancer on father's day. I stood there and watched life's breath leave him... One of the most horrible sights I have ever seen... Still kinda numb to it. Thinking of it. . . After that mom was on the couch for a year. I was 15. Doing drugs, weed only. And drinking some... I was kicked out, Mom's go to move with my other sister. As Mom was on drugs too, with her then boyfriend. . . I think it was meth... I was 16... And dad was cold distant. Couldn't even talk to the guy... He had no connection to give his only son. Who was mourning. . . . . I drank more and more thru highschool. It allowed me to relax. As the weed gave me such anxiety at 15... I began to question even myself... with step dad sick at the time. I had nowhere to really turn. An older sister was a bad influence in highschool, with her own drug use. She was a senior at the time... After he died the oldest sister revealed that she had dumped her longtime boyfriend right before his death... So I lost my only brother too.... It was a really low time for me... Changing schools for senior year didn't help... and Dad's house for the first time since I was very young....... I got locked down there. With a room out in the open. And his girlfriend paranoid from what my previous sister had done... I Drank... It ran it's course till 24 or so... My first girlfriend left me because I had become a cold distant old man, mentally like my real dad. I was emulating him... And I was heartbroken... My so called best friend, was a narcissist as he would be cool with me. And talk horribly behind my back... Trying to isolate me. From other longtime friends thru jealousy... He became very possessive... I felt stuck. And I bailed from him and everyone I knew at that age. Most were on heavy drugs. . And I was trying, alone for years... Maybe 3... Drinking off and on. With no direction. Or guidance/path. . . Point Being. . . Even now after a good stretch of time followed by a few bad ones. . . At this point in time. I am still working to grow... I have hopes n dreams and goals. . . And I'm pretty much on my own in acquring them. As I can't really trust my narcissistic parents to help genuinely... Which is why I'm here. To learn away from them. For myself.... A recent love interest brought me here first. Before the discovery of parental upbringings.... . . . I use to watch the show intervention... And the main thing they'd say is, If he's still breathing - There is still a chance... I think I still have life to live. Even getting older.... As today I saw this photo in the news about someone similiar in age... And he didn't look that old.... Even the little things give me hope. Music Movies Etc... Doing a lot of reading, articles... Monday I'm back at work... Where the pain hits the most... Not really the working... But just being out there. . . One of the main things to work thru... As I come home and cry sometimes after... But a realization I am having today is to be me. Myself... And Embracing That. !!! I think I'm on the right track. With everything... After three months... Well ahead of where I was information wise. . . And growing up in the darkness of my father's teachings. Or my mother's holding us back... Having my own info to guide myself... Is Gold....... Thank You
I just read your comment since I just found this. I've been listening to Dr Ramani for a few months now and although I'm much older and my childhood was different, although dreadful, and I'm still being harassed from afar by my abusers and their flying monkeys... Dr Ramani continues to help me. I'm hopeful that you are in a much better place now. Namaste 🙏🏼
Lisa, You did such a great job in this interview. Wonderful information and insight from both you and Doctor Perry. Thank you for all you do and for continuing to bring this awareness to the public.
Valuable information. This is so important to listen to for anyone going through the healing process. Your books , your videos and meditations have been so helpful. Thanks Lisa!
I think I need to listen again it haa brot fresh memories of abandonments that occured that left me numb. Am in the abandment of abandonments and kids involved. Currently been feeling really helpless but need to be strong for them coz their narc dad has been abandoning them bit by bit. This information is really needed like how long ago.
This is a WOW video, and i thank you greatly for it. So many points that shouted out to me. It also explains it all in simplified detail. So glad to see what was going on.
Great interview. Throughout my life I can now see when I became noticed for the first time and I know who it was, I just thought it was because I admired this person for just being there if i needed to talk but something even more amazing and looking back I think that there was some hint of something going on at home and me. Second when I was in school, later years and working in healthcare, a.) never like Pediatrics; b.)we were always aught never to speak down to a child or baby, try getting down to their level. So when my sister gave birth , first child at 38 and a complete surprise to all of us, she did attend a parenting class since she did not learn anything from narcissistic mother. All she learned was from me since dad bailed when she was 2. I as the oldest had to deal with everything and basically became my mother's husband. But after my niece was born , sister took parenting class and that was emphasized. You will have better relationships, children learn more list goes on, if you get down to their level. We were always on the floor and trust me it was not easy for sis at 38, but I was 48 and crawling around the floor. NOT EASY, but niece was crawling at 2 months sitting up at two months, at 2 years old now she knows her manners, please, or peas, as it sounds, sorry, thank you. She has her pediatrician amazed that she is advancing so well and wonders what we have done. However, the narcissistic mother, that is where they are right now, she would see us explaining in detail to my niece and say stuff like, "Why are you wasting your time explaining that shit to her she does not understand what you are saying." Me and sister kept it going and now, shock shock who is trying to constantly brag about how smart her grand daughter is when she has held up a total of 3 flash cards in raising 3 kids of her own. So I am so happy to hear that this has been scientifically proven and that there is a movement to get people that are involved in a child's life , especially all the Uncles that are left out being mentioned anytime. haha i have been asked if this was my grand daughter more times than I care to think about, I finally asked one lady have you never heard of an UNCLE!!!... but i completely agree about the cellphone seeming more important so the child learns that they are less important. Well let me tell you if one of us to this day ans niece is 2 now, if we are on cell phone and not focused on her she will knock the phone away from our ear. She knows what button turns off the computer as well. Thanks for the interview Lisa I will share it with sister right now... you are a peach, have to send you a message about something else....lol
@@sheri023 Thank You.. However I feel the complete opposite.. I would have never experienced this if things worked out differently. I have been so thankful to my sister for alllowing me to be part of her and my nieces life. Very interesting to see the sponge soak everything up.... But thank you.
In one culture, i forget which, the brother raises the children (the uncle) of his sister; and the father acts more like an uncle. @@michaelrobertsrodriguez5798
@@sheri023 well it is not here. You know I can bring her out to the store and everyone even those with glasses say Thai I have the most beautiful GRAND DAUGHTER!!!! Or my sister and I will go out with her and everyone tells us our baby is beautiful. Now mind you family resemblance plus I'm not straight......lol
I am just now realizing, on 2-year old number three (the last child), that *I* am my child’s calming corner. Being held as if we’re breastfeeding (which I still do at night) is what calms him down and allows him to proceed with games, toys, or other interests. Now, I don’t resist when he falls and I know he’s not hurt. Sometimes, he shakes it off, but sometimes he needs me to humor him and sit quietly while he works through it. I don’t comfort him with coos and words, just physical reassurances and access to me and he usually gets over it pretty quickly. I think this will build emotional independence rather than the other way around. It will result in his shaking it off more and more often. When we force kids to deal with trauma or stress on their own, this programs them to be fearful of new situations or overreact when hurt. They need a safe place, and as nature clearly dictates, a safe person, that will help them build lasting confidence and self esteem.
8:12 😔 Sad but true... 16:14 High quality home visiting programs! ...exactly 18:00 educating and engaging our system ... changes in service delivery means challenging the systems and eliminate the barriers, by creating a holistic approach that supports developing healthy home environments. Providing families with professional services from the begining where service delivery is happening primarily in the home, and continues to be delivered in the home through esrly elementary, with support to teachers by providing services to support success at school! 21:00
I just watched your interview with Bruce Perry on developmental trauma. I love the scientific input. I am a mental health professional raised by a narcissist. I was really interested in the first 2 mos of life vs 12-14 years after a stable first 2 months. I also was interested in the sensitized reaction to childhood trauma and how it presents itself as the child grows older, even into adulthood. It made me wonder. What about desensitization to abuse? I have been abused physically by every man I’ve been involved with since I was 12 yrs old. My dad, nor my brother ever physically abused me. And, my mother only physically abused my brother. He was her favorite. I realize that physical abuse was something I could accept as abuse. I couldn’t ever really comprehend what was going on in my household. It still doesn’t make sense. But, abuse is something, as the years went by, not anymore tho! But as the years went by, I just accepted it. Ppl, doctors, counselors, friends, etc... would tell me I was abused and it was a crisis. I saw my face, waited for my ribs to heal, followed the liquid diets until my jaws were unwired. I KNEW I was being abused. But the thing that didn’t seem right, to me, is that it was actually me. Does that make sense? I have found that my life long coping skills of denying I was abused, made it possible to accept being abused... and apologize to my abuser!! I KNOW!! What the hell was wrong with me??!! However. I no longer have physical abuse in my life. But, I have every passive-aggressive “nice” person possible in one persons life, in mine! I’ve done a clean sweep of “friends” I’ve had up to 15 yrs, in the last month. Including my mom. It’s hard, but I’m at ease. I just want to ask are we desensitized because it’s a coping skill, or do we deny and desensitize because it’s all we think that love is. Or, is it because we really just don’t get that we’re being abused and want to believe the best of our abuse at the expense of ourselves? I am diligently looking at my part in the dynamics of my relationships. But, i still find myself thinking I’m being hyper-sensitive and accepting inappropriate behavior, longer than, after the fact, I realize I should have, if I had trusted my intuition. I hope it makes sense. I guess I’m asking ... can I trust my intuition, after years of not being told my feelings are stupid. And how do I know if I am just being hypersensitive and shutting good ppl out? I don’t know how to explain it. I hope you understand. lol
Lea, I am just a fellow traveler here, but my opinion is that when we are abused and cannot get out of the situation, we have few options to deal with it. We can constantly fight the abuser, which would most likely result in your having to leave the house eventually. Or we can cope and get by as well as we can and go underground with our real selves, but showing the fascade that we are cooperating with the person in charge. What terrible things happened to you. Good luck. If it were me i would trust my intuition; give your self time and be patient with yourself and let people in as you are comfortable with them.
She has another video about being feeling reactive as a codependent, maybe search “feeling reactive”, but it talks about doubting your intuition and doubting your feelings about others when you decide to limit your contact with certain people. The gist is that if the person makes you uncomfortable, even if they seem “nice” or “good”, then it’s reasonable for you to honor your feelings and limit contact. So, really, you aren’t shutting out anyone that doesn’t need to be shut out. If you’re hypersensitive, don’t force yourself to be around people that set you off somehow. Honor your own feelings first, even if you think you could be overreacting, honor your feelings anyway.
"Its impossible for dysregulated adult to regulate a dysregulated child." - dr. Bruce Perry "Thats why my chanel is all about. Its about self-awareness, and accountability, getting yourself in check, and regulated so that you can be a powerful force in not only in your life but also children and grandchildren and society at large." - Lisa A Romano
@@Wendyj55 we need to heal ourself first before we decide we want to have a children... I'm not very lucky to have first children while in this healing process...
ABUSED, not wanted from birth and told that,,,,,, I just now am hearing these vids to know why i lost so badon earth, why i di dnot love me,, why i allowed me,,,,,no choices most times,, t o be hurt,, how i dissociated my BODY FROM ME, and now i see how sick i have been deep in me,,Amen,
Abusers will NEVER admit THEY did anything to Traumatize you. IN FACT they WILL BLAME YOU!! call YOU MENTALLY ILL and Dismiss ANY REAL COMMUNICATION WITH YOU! THEN TELL EVERYBODY YOU ARE A ROTTEN PERSON!
Thanks so much for that. What can you do if you have been in a very dysfunctional relationship, (and I remember well, the 40 min fight to get a 10 min piece of homework done, and yes I did find it frustrating because it was so illogical, (which I tried to explain to no avail) to my 4 year old, and also I noticed a level of anxiety (as though it were mistrust) when encouraging, and guiding him to do something, which could have been fun, but maybe new, like climbing something, as though he didn’t know I would not let him fall, hurt himself, or whatever. I didn’t experience this with the younger one, but was baffled as to where it had come from. He hadn’t previously fallen ever, or anything when doing anything and it really concerned me but I had no idea why, and as said when he started to feel as though he might not be safe. I recognised some of the other symptoms you mention too. I hadn’t known at the time how disregulating the relationship between me and my ex. The question is, what can I do now for my son, who is 23 to help put it right for him. He’s doing well and has a nice and good job and he found it himself (which was good for esteem and is appreciated, but I know he carries a lot of stuff that he shouldn’t have had to. I didn’t know how extreme the situation was until I got out. My son, who is called Billy (by me), has a lot more insight than I did for his age, but he def, but I know a lot isn’t as resolved as he insists. He will talk about things but I’m also afraid that he could get stuck in the rut of viewing these things as having an external locus of control (I learned that term yesterday and am only using it because it describes perfectly a scenario which usually takes a paragraph to describe, not because I’m being pretentious!). I’m only unravelling and understanding the whole thing myself at the moment. Hope that makes sense.
"We are born in relationship, we are wounded in relationship, and we can be healed in relationship." ~ Harville Hendrix "The degree to which I can create relationships, which facilitate the growth of others as separate persons, is a measure of the growth I have achieved in myself." ~ Carl Rogers “Love is the will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth.” ~ Scott Peck "Enlightenment.. is lightening the load -- on everyone, and all." ~ Paul Jung
"Oh how short.. my unfinished mind can be." "Arrogance serves no one. Humility serves all." "To walk into my own rocky shoals, is to trace, and unlace, the soles of another." "Cry not, woe is me. Ask, why is he? Why is she? Pain, collectively, is a cry for understanding, towards healing." "For those who (seemingly) harm me, I assuage my judgement. For I too have harmed myself, unintentionally, and intentionally. Search your sufferings, and find liberation." "Within yourself, leave no stone unturned. Having done so, you will not stone another." "As within, so without: self-care = other-care; self-understanding = other-understandng; self-growth = outer-growth; self-harmony = outer-harmony. Divine & boundless is the journey of the self. In deed, and indeed, self-care is a gift, unwrapped & boundless." "Our planet, our society, does not need more takers. We desperately need more caretakers. Blessed are the meek for they will inherit the earth. Blessed are the caretakers for they will create heaven on earth." "Oh how breathtaking.. our unfinished journey... can be." ~ Paul Jung
My narcissist husband triggered me by threatening me to cut of my access to our teenaged children. He called an ambulance (scaring my children) and now I have been diagnosed with BPD. Can you help untangle the confusion between an episode of trauma and one of mania?
Thanks Lisa. This was his 'grand finale'. He was calling me crazy, making me crazy and then posing as an innocent caring husband. He ripped off the bandage to my childhood wound and ensured my isolation from my dearest children (who need me as their only healthy paren) and Drs now join in his chorus😵
What can my boyfriend do to address trauma to his son caused by his ex when his son was 2? She's a narcissist and so doesn't acknowledge mistakes, but he is 12 now and acting out against her as well as his sister (he's being assessed for ADHD too). How does he co-parent, and address his sons healing without involving the mother?
I wonder what happened in the first two months of my life. My son was extremely sensitive in the first 3-4 yrs of life - it was near impossible to travel with him with all the meltdowns and tantrums and refusal to cooperate. Used to be so exhausting.
@@wanda4573 @Lisa A. Romano Breakthrough Life Coach Inc. What specific info should we seek? And how should we pose our questions? It is important to do these things in a careful, scientific, non-threatening way.
@@Wendyj55 garima passed a comment so I replied to her to just ask a relative about her past that she cannot remember. With all this new found information and waking up so to speak one may end up feeling angry when they realise the damage that was done, so how do you get over that? Do a chat how to over come feeling bitter as we all know the programs that now run in our heads have ruinned our life as the subjects we took or was not allowed to take preventing who we wanted to be. Dispite working long hours I never feel I am getting ahead. I cannot ever afford a house, condo and all its Bill's, colonoscopy, car, food , clothes on my income. Let alone a holiday. Reason is I had a narcissistic upbringing that didnt support me and a few uncaring teachers it's not a wonder I ended up in a narcissistic marriage.
very first memories is of dad trying to strangle mom to death, out of his mind drunk,,,,,,,,,,,,,,so later after MUCH OF THIS AS I CALL IT IT,,,,,,,,,,,,LIFE,, MY LIFE, MY NORMAL NOT, MY ONLY CHOICES GOD GAVE ME,, ON EARTH, SO LATER I LAUGHED AT FURNERALS LOL, LAUGHED AT PEOPLE RUNNING INTO SIGNS WALKING, WHICH IS KINDA FUNNY, BUT LAUGHED AT,,,,,,,,,,,PAIN, NOW I GOT TO PURGE THE BELLY OF PAIN I CARRIED THESE YEARS,,,,,,,,,,,,LOOSE IT, AND KNOW I JUST HAD NO ROLE MODELS FOR LOVE OR RULES OR ANYTHING, SO I BECAME SO LACK OF SELF,,,,,,,,,,,,,LACK OF ME,, I TRIED TO DISSAPAOER, OFF EARTH,,,,,,,,,,,,,NOW,,,,,,,I GOT TO REALIZE, I HAVE BEEN SEVERLY ABUSED SINCE BIRTH THROUGH 2 HUSBANDS, THE 2ND HUBBY EVEN WORST,,, HE IS THE MOST AWFUL,,,,,,,,,BEHIND DOORS, OHHHHHHHH HE HAS BEEN KILLING ME 18 YRS AND HE DEF DOES NOT CARE, IT IS HIS, HIS IMAGE AND HIS ABUSE AND SICK TREATMENT TO ME,,,,,,,,,,,I CANT STAND NO MORE,, IM MARRIED TO MAN WHO WAS MY BOSS, ABUSED HIS FIRST FAMILY, LIED THAT HE DID NOT,, TRICKED ME INTO A GOD MARRIAGE VOW,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,I MEANT MINE,,HIS WAS A BETRAYAL TRAMAU AS SINCE IW AS BORN,, HE CANT HAVE A LEGAL HOME WITH ANY WOMAN, AS BOTH NAMES ON IT, HE CANT GIVE SECIRITY AT ALL, HE LUSTED AFTER OTHER WOMEN, TOLD ME TO GET OUT AND CLAIMS HE DID NONE OF IT, AND I AM BY GODS VOWS MARRIED, NARC WONT GIVE ME A DIVORCE, I WAS LATE DISCOVERING HE HAD FRAUDED ME,, SO,,,,,,,,,,,,,IM 57,,,,,,,,ABUSED BY NARCS SINCE, BIRTH, TO NOW, AND I PRAY AND PRAY,, TO GOD AND ASK WHY???????? WHY?? WHY?? HOW CAN I BE NOT ALLOWED ONE LOVING GODLY MARRIED ON EARTH?? WHY WAS I TRICKED, DECEVIED AND HURT BY OTHERS SO MUCH? I ASK GOD NOW,, WHERE ARE YOU? YOUR LAW SAYS I CANT DIVORCE AND REMARRY,,,,,,,,,AND YOU KNOW HE LIED TO YOU AND ME AT THE VOWS AND TRUTH OF IT,,,BEFORE THE MINISTER,, MAY I KNOW WHY?? I AM TIRED OF BEING HURT GOD,, TY FOR ANY REAL ANSWER, AMEN,
![Bruce D. Perry: Social & Emotional Development in Early Childhood [CC]](/img/n.gif)
Fantastic!!! Informative!!! Helpful!!!
From this person’s viewpoint who was raised without an example of emotional resilience, amidst chaotic upheaval’s periodically, and who has struggled for decades to understand her self and her particular reactions to people and social situations, I have arrived at similar conclusions as were stated in this video. Meaningful connections in ongoing, consistent ways, and in non- threatening environments are so important for brain health. I love the image of someone turning off the tv, putting down their busywork and giving 100% of their focus on a child entering the room. Just the thought of it feels so healing.
I wish I had come upon this video decades ago. It’s been a really long, lonesome journey with intermittent spots of great, bright lights (validating people) along the way. I humbly thank all my earth angels and every fellow traveler that helped get me here.
I know now I was afraid to have children because I am not a self regulated adult. When I get frustrated I immediately cry or get angry, which would be a disater for a child in my care. I ask my sisters for advice always, don't trust myself to make a decision. I am 39 and will never regret not having children. There is still much work to do to heal. Thank you for this video, I shared
Hi, Lisa. I'm so grateful for your videos. I'm dealing with the absolute worst time in my life right now. I've known for a couple of years that my marriage is over. I've spent that time trying to do house repairs, pay off debts, etc. I finally had to talk to my husband about a divorce. Then I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I'm fighting it right now. My husband used this opportunity to rev up his abuse of me into the physical realm. Only a coward waits for someone to be ill and frail and unable to get out of bed to abuse them like that. I told one of my grown daughters what he did and I was not believed. At the same time, friends (including my brother) stopped talking to me. Then this horrible man used my youngest daughter (18) as an attack dog to heap verbal abuse and accusations upon me (now I know she's been turned into a flying monkey.) Come to find out, the cowardly narc started a subtle smear campaign a few years ago as soon as it became apparent that I was recovering from the debilitating PTSD I'd suffered for more than a decade. I had no idea at the time.
Our divorce should be final sometime in December. I just need to make it there. Right now I'm living in my bedroom to avoid him, but he's stirred up the PTSD again. I can't forget my kids accusing me of faking cancer to get attention, I can't forget my husband cornering me in my bed when I was defenseless and I can't forget my youngest daughter standing over my wheelchair and accusing me of various narc attitudes. He took that child and fed her everything that HE is and does, and turned it all around on me. I'm back where I was not being able to sleep at night, having anxiety and a poor appetite, etc. I just need to make it to the divorce being final so I can concentrate on myself.
It's been awhile
I'm very interested to know how things are for you now?
I have tears in my heart. I pray for your healing.
Bruce, I have loved your book "The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog" for years! It is one of the best books about childhood trauma I have ever read. You and Alice Miller are the BEST and should be mandatory reading for ALL people!
Thanks Lisa. This was even better the 2nd time around. More and more sinks in. Dr. Bruce Perry is very comforting and reassuring.
Life saving info. I'm breaking the cycle with my niece, and one day with my own healthy happy children 💙🙏💙🙏💙🙏
Hurray!! This was perfect!
I have always tried to get inside myself for guidance when my son had an issue. It was pretty easy when I put myself in his shoes. I also went ro my neighbor when both she and her son started to yell at each other. Took her hands and looked into her eyes and said, count to ten, breath and count once again. He will calm down when you calm down. In school there is still some of my sons classmates that remember me for a good mother that could talk to them as people instead of kids. I always try to see every child I meet because they are our future! It's great to listen to you both! Thank you so much!! 💖💖💖🌹🌹🌹
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Wonderful. Just wonderful. Love to you.
Dr Perry you are brilliant and I appreciate all your work, research and dedication for our children and the importance of a community of educators to provide knowledge, healing and support to heal!! Thank you for all your hard work and dedication ❤
As a Developmental therapist working with families, 100% agree with everything here. However, what is missing (except mentioned, importantly in passing at the end) is the FACT that the majority of parents come from various degrees of complex trauma and they themselves cannot simply begin to slow down, breathe and engage in nuanced back and forth affect-emotional reciprocal engagement without having their own subcortical, limbic polyvagal based hypervigilant reactions (flight fight freeze) come to the forefront. It is so, so, so absolutely critical for parents who come from adverse early childhood environment, e.g., neglect, insecure avoidant or ambivalent attachment, to begin healing in therapy with a deeply attuned and gifted therapist who heavily focuses on early based trauma
stop saying things like 'subcortical, limbic polyvagal based hypervigilant reactions'.This is youtube.
@@jackdeniston9326 My dear Buck, you are absolutely 100% right! I must respect your Ignorance!
My son is in 1st grade in Maine. He has has some major behavioral issues in school with anger, throwing, hitting, and general dangerous behaviour. I am a trauma survivor. I think ive rubbed off on him. He also has a calming corner now in his new classroom! Its been night and day for him. He get to go in there and calm down and join the group again when hes ready! I have had 2 months of all good behavior charts coming home since then! I love your videos so much Lisa!!!
This part about nurturing being so important to newborns and for the months after brings to mind the children from the Romanian orphanage adopted by American families several years ago. Their beginnings were so neglected, hardly any individual adult contact except the necessities of feeding. And they were kept full time in their cribs even though they could crawl and some older ones even walk. They were starved for affection and when they were adopted they could not readily respond to the kindness or bond to their new family. I think it took them a very long time to come around and adapt and feel a belonging and connection to anyone. Hopefully they learned to trust.
This is huge information, you know that right? I can't even begin to tell you but this videos says it all! I feel like I'm doing circles in my healing and now this shows me why. Explains why even being in a school shooting and why I had such the response to as I have had. Almost 38 now and this is going to help me so much. Thank you always Lisa for your support and information. I've used your videos to reprogram the mother inside of me and develop a new tone of voice of my inner mother. I can't wait to see what else you share for the future!! Namaste 💕💕
You are both exceptional people healing the earth.what a lovely blend to hear the two of you together. I have admired you both for years!
Thanks Roxy--Dr. Bruce and his team really have the science behind them to back up their work, so strategies can be implemented.
Whew! Lucky you. I just discovered all these channels one year ago.
My two favorite people Dr.. Lisa Romano, and Dr. Bruce Perry,. Thank you both! for an way out...
I agree with what is being said. Wow! My heart goes out to my children. Here I am doing everything possible for my children (when they were young and now) to prevent them going through anything I went through and yet as I am healing in the process and even now, didn't realize the subtle actions still traumatized their heart. This hurts so much. I love them dearly! 🤗
Lisa I don't know where you come from but you are a soul/sanity saver. I'm a MFT student and the amount of people walking around traumatized is amazing. Look at the rise of anxiety and depression! Factor in the planet dying/anger which we are reacting to also. Thank you and your guest. This helps us
Much love to you Dear One--but please also consider the rise is in usage regarding social media--there is a correlation between suicide--depression and anxiety as well as past traumas.
I'm so glad I was home and raised my own child. Made a point of been doting on her.
Wow. I have a child with Autism and I wish some of her teachers knew this information. I can’t count how many times I tried to teach how there’s a reason for every behavior and threatening and being angry only escalates the situation, so many special Ed teachers have no clue. Very good work, thank you. And also your last video was huge for me, huge for understanding myself. 🙏🏼
Perhaps you can insist that these teachers become trauma informed. To me, this is a no-brainer, and I am not quite sure we as a society do not have some kind of protocol put into place for all education systems regarding understanding trauma.
I am very blessed to be past the meltdowns at school and eloping now in 8th grade my child has come so far no thanks to the public school system though. It was very hard and I was constantly trying to educate teachers, it’s a very real problem. There has to be more training and understanding. We still deal with a lot of anxiety now that interferes with school and special ed teachers don’t even seem to understand this because my child keeps it together at school now and is extremely smart and “capable”. So many misunderstood kids in school.
@@lisaaromano1 Yip
Love you Lisa.
Thank you for introducing Dr. Perry to us - another wonderful healer doing the deep work to heal our world.
Glad to do so.
I'm from England. This is so meaningful for me. Thank you.
Wow!!!!!! I don’t even have words.
Thank you very much for this video! So thought provoking! And personally I think the approach of being fully present does not only apply to dealing with children, but also to adults who have not healed their many childhood traumas and are easily triggered by anything. My mom is a person like that, like sometimes, she makes up stories about me throwing away the things that she bought for me and then gets hysterical and we always end up in insulting one another, which is awful. And I have been having this fear of such arguments and insults (focusing on the problematic behavior rather than on what I want to achieve). This video has offered insights and perspectives that I didn't know previously, thank you again 💜
Awesome--and it sounds like mom is just interested in pulling you in so you end up catering to her feelings. Don't take the bait!
@@lisaaromano1 Thank you for pointing this out! I didn't realize that my mom's sucking my energy by doing this until I've done some inner work
Looking forward to more new videos, and thank you again ❤❤❤
This explains so much!! So many things I did not know. Going to watch over and over again! I sent this to a friend of mine who does in home counseling with kids at high risk. Thank you Lisa!!
S Burch....You may like to research "Gabor Mate"..has a theory of addiction rooted in childhood abuse...Excellent Utube on Truama, disconnection from the "self". Implicit memory etc....
When I was 13 my step father began to have headaches... He was my best friend. As my dad tried to keep up with buying us stuff... They split when I was seven. And it was a back n forth for many years... At 15, after two years of living with my dying step father. . . He died of brain cancer on father's day. I stood there and watched life's breath leave him... One of the most horrible sights I have ever seen... Still kinda numb to it. Thinking of it. . . After that mom was on the couch for a year. I was 15. Doing drugs, weed only. And drinking some... I was kicked out, Mom's go to move with my other sister. As Mom was on drugs too, with her then boyfriend. . . I think it was meth... I was 16... And dad was cold distant. Couldn't even talk to the guy... He had no connection to give his only son. Who was mourning. . . . . I drank more and more thru highschool. It allowed me to relax. As the weed gave me such anxiety at 15... I began to question even myself... with step dad sick at the time. I had nowhere to really turn. An older sister was a bad influence in highschool, with her own drug use. She was a senior at the time... After he died the oldest sister revealed that she had dumped her longtime boyfriend right before his death... So I lost my only brother too.... It was a really low time for me... Changing schools for senior year didn't help... and Dad's house for the first time since I was very young....... I got locked down there. With a room out in the open. And his girlfriend paranoid from what my previous sister had done... I Drank... It ran it's course till 24 or so... My first girlfriend left me because I had become a cold distant old man, mentally like my real dad. I was emulating him... And I was heartbroken... My so called best friend, was a narcissist as he would be cool with me. And talk horribly behind my back... Trying to isolate me. From other longtime friends thru jealousy... He became very possessive... I felt stuck. And I bailed from him and everyone I knew at that age. Most were on heavy drugs. . And I was trying, alone for years... Maybe 3... Drinking off and on. With no direction. Or guidance/path. . . Point Being. . . Even now after a good stretch of time followed by a few bad ones. . . At this point in time. I am still working to grow... I have hopes n dreams and goals. . . And I'm pretty much on my own in acquring them. As I can't really trust my narcissistic parents to help genuinely... Which is why I'm here. To learn away from them. For myself.... A recent love interest brought me here first. Before the discovery of parental upbringings.... . . . I use to watch the show intervention... And the main thing they'd say is, If he's still breathing - There is still a chance... I think I still have life to live. Even getting older.... As today I saw this photo in the news about someone similiar in age... And he didn't look that old.... Even the little things give me hope. Music Movies Etc... Doing a lot of reading, articles... Monday I'm back at work... Where the pain hits the most... Not really the working... But just being out there. . . One of the main things to work thru... As I come home and cry sometimes after... But a realization I am having today is to be me. Myself... And Embracing That. !!! I think I'm on the right track. With everything... After three months... Well ahead of where I was information wise. . . And growing up in the darkness of my father's teachings. Or my mother's holding us back... Having my own info to guide myself... Is Gold....... Thank You
good grief, You need to create your own life separate from the trauma experience!! SO DO I! THANK YOU!
@@pl7808 Yes. Very helpful. Thank you.
I just read your comment since I just found this. I've been listening to Dr Ramani for a few months now and although I'm much older and my childhood was different, although dreadful, and I'm still being harassed from afar by my abusers and their flying monkeys... Dr Ramani continues to help me. I'm hopeful that you are in a much better place now. Namaste 🙏🏼
You are so alive, and you are bringing positive meaning to your life and also to others. Thank you.
Lisa, You did such a great job in this interview. Wonderful information and insight from both you and Doctor Perry. Thank you for all you do and for continuing to bring this awareness to the public.
Valuable information. This is so important to listen to for anyone going through the healing process. Your books , your videos and meditations have been so helpful. Thanks Lisa!
This is so valuable. Thank you.
Lisa Nd Dr Bruce this is a fantastic interview. Thank you so much. It makes perfect sense and Dr Bruce is so eloquent as are you Lisa ❤️❤️❤️❤️
I think I need to listen again it haa brot fresh memories of abandonments that occured that left me numb. Am in the abandment of abandonments and kids involved. Currently been feeling really helpless but need to be strong for them coz their narc dad has been abandoning them bit by bit. This information is really needed like how long ago.
This is a WOW video, and i thank you greatly for it. So many points that shouted out to me. It also explains it all in simplified detail. So glad to see what was going on.
Thank you both. Nice to hear some sense in this crazy world.
thank you thank you thank you thank you
Great interview. Throughout my life I can now see when I became noticed for the first time and I know who it was, I just thought it was because I admired this person for just being there if i needed to talk but something even more amazing and looking back I think that there was some hint of something going on at home and me. Second when I was in school, later years and working in healthcare, a.) never like Pediatrics; b.)we were always aught never to speak down to a child or baby, try getting down to their level. So when my sister gave birth , first child at 38 and a complete surprise to all of us, she did attend a parenting class since she did not learn anything from narcissistic mother. All she learned was from me since dad bailed when she was 2. I as the oldest had to deal with everything and basically became my mother's husband. But after my niece was born , sister took parenting class and that was emphasized. You will have better relationships, children learn more list goes on, if you get down to their level. We were always on the floor and trust me it was not easy for sis at 38, but I was 48 and crawling around the floor. NOT EASY, but niece was crawling at 2 months sitting up at two months, at 2 years old now she knows her manners, please, or peas, as it sounds, sorry, thank you. She has her pediatrician amazed that she is advancing so well and wonders what we have done. However, the narcissistic mother, that is where they are right now, she would see us explaining in detail to my niece and say stuff like, "Why are you wasting your time explaining that shit to her she does not understand what you are saying." Me and sister kept it going and now, shock shock who is trying to constantly brag about how smart her grand daughter is when she has held up a total of 3 flash cards in raising 3 kids of her own. So I am so happy to hear that this has been scientifically proven and that there is a movement to get people that are involved in a child's life , especially all the Uncles that are left out being mentioned anytime. haha i have been asked if this was my grand daughter more times than I care to think about, I finally asked one lady have you never heard of an UNCLE!!!... but i completely agree about the cellphone seeming more important so the child learns that they are less important. Well let me tell you if one of us to this day ans niece is 2 now, if we are on cell phone and not focused on her she will knock the phone away from our ear. She knows what button turns off the computer as well. Thanks for the interview Lisa I will share it with sister right now... you are a peach, have to send you a message about something else....lol
Good for you, your niece is fortunate to have you in her life.
@@sheri023 Thank You.. However I feel the complete opposite.. I would have never experienced this if things worked out differently. I have been so thankful to my sister for alllowing me to be part of her and my nieces life. Very interesting to see the sponge soak everything up.... But thank you.
In one culture, i forget which, the brother raises the children (the uncle) of his sister; and the father acts more like an uncle. @@michaelrobertsrodriguez5798
Kids are so smart, aren't they. They really can be a delight to be around. I used to love babysitting for my little nephew.
@@sheri023 well it is not here. You know I can bring her out to the store and everyone even those with glasses say Thai I have the most beautiful GRAND DAUGHTER!!!! Or my sister and I will go out with her and everyone tells us our baby is beautiful. Now mind you family resemblance plus I'm not straight......lol
I totally agree!!! I Enjoyed listening to this
Excellent information and understanding x
Thank you both for a very helpful and informative video.
I am just now realizing, on 2-year old number three (the last child), that *I* am my child’s calming corner. Being held as if we’re breastfeeding (which I still do at night) is what calms him down and allows him to proceed with games, toys, or other interests. Now, I don’t resist when he falls and I know he’s not hurt. Sometimes, he shakes it off, but sometimes he needs me to humor him and sit quietly while he works through it. I don’t comfort him with coos and words, just physical reassurances and access to me and he usually gets over it pretty quickly. I think this will build emotional independence rather than the other way around. It will result in his shaking it off more and more often. When we force kids to deal with trauma or stress on their own, this programs them to be fearful of new situations or overreact when hurt. They need a safe place, and as nature clearly dictates, a safe person, that will help them build lasting confidence and self esteem.
Wonderful. Thank you for seeing, realising and acting.
8:12 😔 Sad but true...
16:14 High quality home visiting programs! ...exactly
18:00 educating and engaging our system ... changes in service delivery means challenging the systems and eliminate the barriers, by creating a holistic approach that supports developing healthy home environments. Providing families with professional services from the begining where service delivery is happening primarily in the home, and continues to be delivered in the home through esrly elementary, with support to teachers by providing services to support success at school! 21:00
I just watched your interview with Bruce Perry on developmental trauma. I love the scientific input. I am a mental health professional raised by a narcissist. I was really interested in the first 2 mos of life vs 12-14 years after a stable first 2 months. I also was interested in the sensitized reaction to childhood trauma and how it presents itself as the child grows older, even into adulthood. It made me wonder. What about desensitization to abuse? I have been abused physically by every man I’ve been involved with since I was 12 yrs old. My dad, nor my brother ever physically abused me. And, my mother only physically abused my brother. He was her favorite. I realize that physical abuse was something I could accept as abuse. I couldn’t ever really comprehend what was going on in my household. It still doesn’t make sense. But, abuse is something, as the years went by, not anymore tho! But as the years went by, I just accepted it. Ppl, doctors, counselors, friends, etc... would tell me I was abused and it was a crisis. I saw my face, waited for my ribs to heal, followed the liquid diets until my jaws were unwired. I KNEW I was being abused. But the thing that didn’t seem right, to me, is that it was actually me. Does that make sense? I have found that my life long coping skills of denying I was abused, made it possible to accept being abused... and apologize to my abuser!! I KNOW!! What the hell was wrong with me??!! However. I no longer have physical abuse in my life. But, I have every passive-aggressive “nice” person possible in one persons life, in mine! I’ve done a clean sweep of “friends” I’ve had up to 15 yrs, in the last month. Including my mom. It’s hard, but I’m at ease. I just want to ask are we desensitized because it’s a coping skill, or do we deny and desensitize because it’s all we think that love is. Or, is it because we really just don’t get that we’re being abused and want to believe the best of our abuse at the expense of ourselves? I am diligently looking at my part in the dynamics of my relationships. But, i still find myself thinking I’m being hyper-sensitive and accepting inappropriate behavior, longer than, after the fact, I realize I should have, if I had trusted my intuition. I hope it makes sense. I guess I’m asking ... can I trust my intuition, after years of not being told my feelings are stupid. And how do I know if I am just being hypersensitive and shutting good ppl out? I don’t know how to explain it. I hope you understand. lol
Lea, I am just a fellow traveler here, but my opinion is that when we are abused and cannot get out of the situation, we have few options to deal with it. We can constantly fight the abuser, which would most likely result in your having to leave the house eventually. Or we can cope and get by as well as we can and go underground with our real selves, but showing the fascade that we are cooperating with the person in charge. What terrible things happened to you. Good luck. If it were me i would trust my intuition; give your self time and be patient with yourself and let people in as you are comfortable with them.
She has another video about being feeling reactive as a codependent, maybe search “feeling reactive”, but it talks about doubting your intuition and doubting your feelings about others when you decide to limit your contact with certain people. The gist is that if the person makes you uncomfortable, even if they seem “nice” or “good”, then it’s reasonable for you to honor your feelings and limit contact. So, really, you aren’t shutting out anyone that doesn’t need to be shut out. If you’re hypersensitive, don’t force yourself to be around people that set you off somehow. Honor your own feelings first, even if you think you could be overreacting, honor your feelings anyway.
Thank you!
Amazing video, love your work and Thank You for being there to enlighten me and so many others, namaste x
Awesome to hear~
Great one lisa. Thanks again .
I think Circumcision days after birth would be VERY traumatizing could this have an adverse effect on the psyche???
Thank you for this amazing video and for this precious information
Precious is the word. Well said.
"Its impossible for dysregulated adult to regulate a dysregulated child." - dr. Bruce Perry
"Thats why my chanel is all about. Its about self-awareness, and accountability, getting yourself in check, and regulated so that you can be a powerful force in not only in your life but also children and grandchildren and society at large." - Lisa A Romano
I think I sensed this a long time ago. And went on to never have children, unlike my eight siblings.
@@Wendyj55 we need to heal ourself first before we decide we want to have a children... I'm not very lucky to have first children while in this healing process...
Namaste !!
Thank you!!
ABUSED, not wanted from birth and told that,,,,,, I just now am hearing these vids to know why i lost so badon earth, why i di dnot love me,, why i allowed me,,,,,no choices most times,, t o be hurt,, how i dissociated my BODY FROM ME, and now i see how sick i have been deep in me,,Amen,
Abusers will NEVER admit THEY did anything to Traumatize you. IN FACT they WILL BLAME YOU!! call YOU MENTALLY ILL and Dismiss ANY REAL COMMUNICATION WITH YOU! THEN TELL EVERYBODY YOU ARE A ROTTEN PERSON!
Thank you
Amazing ❤
I wonder about the long term effects of months in a NICU. I have wondered this for 42 years since my twins were in one 3 months.
Yes, relevant
Awesome video 😎
Thanks so much for that. What can you do if you have been in a very dysfunctional relationship, (and I remember well, the 40 min fight to get a 10 min piece of homework done, and yes I did find it frustrating because it was so illogical, (which I tried to explain to no avail) to my 4 year old, and also I noticed a level of anxiety (as though it were mistrust) when encouraging, and guiding him to do something, which could have been fun, but maybe new, like climbing something, as though he didn’t know I would not let him fall, hurt himself, or whatever. I didn’t experience this with the younger one, but was baffled as to where it had come from. He hadn’t previously fallen ever, or anything when doing anything and it really concerned me but I had no idea why, and as said when he started to feel as though he might not be safe. I recognised some of the other symptoms you mention too. I hadn’t known at the time how disregulating the relationship between me and my ex. The question is, what can I do now for my son, who is 23 to help put it right for him. He’s doing well and has a nice and good job and he found it himself (which was good for esteem and is appreciated, but I know he carries a lot of stuff that he shouldn’t have had to. I didn’t know how extreme the situation was until I got out. My son, who is called Billy (by me), has a lot more insight than I did for his age, but he def, but I know a lot isn’t as resolved as he insists. He will talk about things but I’m also afraid that he could get stuck in the rut of viewing these things as having an external locus of control (I learned that term yesterday and am only using it because it describes perfectly a scenario which usually takes a paragraph to describe, not because I’m being pretentious!). I’m only unravelling and understanding the whole thing myself at the moment. Hope that makes sense.
Perfect sense. Thank you.
The recording of an event is always slower than the actual event. The event can be slowed down, speeded up, erased or saved only in playback.
I'm speaking of the Brain.
I seem to attract narcs. What are the symptoms? How do I know if I'm a narc? Seriously worried.
"We are born in relationship, we are wounded in relationship, and we can be healed in relationship." ~ Harville Hendrix
"The degree to which I can create relationships, which facilitate the growth of others as separate persons, is a measure of the growth I have achieved in myself." ~ Carl Rogers
“Love is the will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth.” ~ Scott Peck
"Enlightenment.. is lightening the load -- on everyone, and all." ~ Paul Jung
So basically if I go to school in an environment 5 days a week where I don't feel seen or accepted it's gonna be a hard time
We have to learn to focus on inner thoughts--and begin speaking kindly and lovingly towards ourselves--this is where we start.
"Oh how short.. my unfinished mind can be."
"Arrogance serves no one. Humility serves all."
"To walk into my own rocky shoals, is to trace, and unlace, the soles of another."
"Cry not, woe is me. Ask, why is he? Why is she? Pain, collectively, is a cry for understanding, towards healing."
"For those who (seemingly) harm me, I assuage my judgement. For I too have harmed myself, unintentionally, and intentionally. Search your sufferings, and find liberation."
"Within yourself, leave no stone unturned. Having done so, you will not stone another."
"As within, so without: self-care = other-care; self-understanding = other-understandng; self-growth = outer-growth; self-harmony = outer-harmony. Divine & boundless is the journey of the self. In deed, and indeed, self-care is a gift, unwrapped & boundless."
"Our planet, our society, does not need more takers. We desperately need more caretakers. Blessed are the meek for they will inherit the earth. Blessed are the caretakers for they will create heaven on earth."
"Oh how breathtaking.. our unfinished journey... can be."
~ Paul Jung
My narcissist husband triggered me by threatening me to cut of my access to our teenaged children. He called an ambulance (scaring my children) and now I have been diagnosed with BPD. Can you help untangle the confusion between an episode of trauma and one of mania?
Try to figure out if you are being gaslighted.
Thanks Lisa. This was his 'grand finale'. He was calling me crazy, making me crazy and then posing as an innocent caring husband. He ripped off the bandage to my childhood wound and ensured my isolation from my dearest children (who need me as their only healthy paren) and Drs now join in his chorus😵
What can my boyfriend do to address trauma to his son caused by his ex when his son was 2? She's a narcissist and so doesn't acknowledge mistakes, but he is 12 now and acting out against her as well as his sister (he's being assessed for ADHD too). How does he co-parent, and address his sons healing without involving the mother?
Enlightenment is A Recognition, not a change at all. 😊
NICE
I wonder what happened in the first two months of my life.
My son was extremely sensitive in the first 3-4 yrs of life - it was near impossible to travel with him with all the meltdowns and tantrums and refusal to cooperate. Used to be so exhausting.
Ask a relative. My cousin told me what my life was like as a toddler.
@@wanda4573 @Lisa A. Romano Breakthrough Life Coach Inc. What specific info should we seek? And how should we pose our questions? It is important to do these things in a careful, scientific, non-threatening way.
@@Wendyj55 garima passed a comment so I replied to her to just ask a relative about her past that she cannot remember. With all this new found information and waking up so to speak one may end up feeling angry when they realise the damage that was done, so how do you get over that? Do a chat how to over come feeling bitter as we all know the programs that now run in our heads have ruinned our life as the subjects we took or was not allowed to take preventing who we wanted to be. Dispite working long hours I never feel I am getting ahead. I cannot ever afford a house, condo and all its Bill's, colonoscopy, car, food , clothes on my income. Let alone a holiday. Reason is I had a narcissistic upbringing that didnt support me and a few uncaring teachers it's not a wonder I ended up in a narcissistic marriage.
very first memories is of dad trying to strangle mom to death, out of his mind drunk,,,,,,,,,,,,,,so later after MUCH OF THIS AS I CALL IT IT,,,,,,,,,,,,LIFE,, MY LIFE, MY NORMAL NOT, MY ONLY CHOICES GOD GAVE ME,, ON EARTH, SO LATER I LAUGHED AT FURNERALS LOL, LAUGHED AT PEOPLE RUNNING INTO SIGNS WALKING, WHICH IS KINDA FUNNY, BUT LAUGHED AT,,,,,,,,,,,PAIN, NOW I GOT TO PURGE THE BELLY OF PAIN I CARRIED THESE YEARS,,,,,,,,,,,,LOOSE IT, AND KNOW I JUST HAD NO ROLE MODELS FOR LOVE OR RULES OR ANYTHING, SO I BECAME SO LACK OF SELF,,,,,,,,,,,,,LACK OF ME,, I TRIED TO DISSAPAOER, OFF EARTH,,,,,,,,,,,,,NOW,,,,,,,I GOT TO REALIZE, I HAVE BEEN SEVERLY ABUSED SINCE BIRTH THROUGH 2 HUSBANDS, THE 2ND HUBBY EVEN WORST,,, HE IS THE MOST AWFUL,,,,,,,,,BEHIND DOORS, OHHHHHHHH HE HAS BEEN KILLING ME 18 YRS AND HE DEF DOES NOT CARE, IT IS HIS, HIS IMAGE AND HIS ABUSE AND SICK TREATMENT TO ME,,,,,,,,,,,I CANT STAND NO MORE,, IM MARRIED TO MAN WHO WAS MY BOSS, ABUSED HIS FIRST FAMILY, LIED THAT HE DID NOT,, TRICKED ME INTO A GOD MARRIAGE VOW,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,I MEANT MINE,,HIS WAS A BETRAYAL TRAMAU AS SINCE IW AS BORN,, HE CANT HAVE A LEGAL HOME WITH ANY WOMAN, AS BOTH NAMES ON IT, HE CANT GIVE SECIRITY AT ALL, HE LUSTED AFTER OTHER WOMEN, TOLD ME TO GET OUT AND CLAIMS HE DID NONE OF IT, AND I AM BY GODS VOWS MARRIED, NARC WONT GIVE ME A DIVORCE, I WAS LATE DISCOVERING HE HAD FRAUDED ME,, SO,,,,,,,,,,,,,IM 57,,,,,,,,ABUSED BY NARCS SINCE, BIRTH, TO NOW, AND I PRAY AND PRAY,, TO GOD AND ASK WHY???????? WHY?? WHY?? HOW CAN I BE NOT ALLOWED ONE LOVING GODLY MARRIED ON EARTH?? WHY WAS I TRICKED, DECEVIED AND HURT BY OTHERS SO MUCH? I ASK GOD NOW,, WHERE ARE YOU? YOUR LAW SAYS I CANT DIVORCE AND REMARRY,,,,,,,,,AND YOU KNOW HE LIED TO YOU AND ME AT THE VOWS AND TRUTH OF IT,,,BEFORE THE MINISTER,, MAY I KNOW WHY?? I AM TIRED OF BEING HURT GOD,, TY FOR ANY REAL ANSWER, AMEN,
False flags mentioned makes this a difficult and traumatic video. Maybe this guy is part of the cabal.