@@melodiecross4821 Ive read first and second edition of Dr Carnes book the betrayal bond. which so far for my work with abused women is in the top 3 best books IMO to help individuals understand the issue. its about trauma bonds based off terror in a relationship (not the trauma bond that CCF talks about often in her vids, though they do overlap). anyway, its been a while but if I can remember correctly one of the eight tenants to create and maintain this kind of trauma bond is trauma repetition. Pretty much victims unknowingly and sometimes knowingly put themselves in the same situation, to revisit the "scene of the crime". in my very present work with victims I can say with full confidence that many even set up circumstances with abusive partners to try to get it right so they can even fix the abuser. I also think Carnes talks about how victims even try to visit an injury from childhood (often abandonment) with a present circumstance let alone also to fix current issues with repeat interactions with a partner
Because of my CPTSD, I have what's called Maladaptive Daydreaming ( Also known as "Walter Mitty Syndrome"). Now I spend so much of my day inside my head, I have trouble socializing and interacting with others.
@@dannigul71 My MD manifests as living mostly in my head, making up stories (frequently negative) and playing them out in my head for hours, terrible insomnia, little to no social life and having a hard time doing productive things.
@@vickih5423 Oh ok . Yeah I’m pretty much alone all the time, procrastinating , even if I know I need to do something I almost avoid ( not intentionally tho ) it’s as if I block it out I am diagnosed with PTSD ( CPTSD ) & as a kid would daydream of good things & would imagine others thoughts of me being complimentary or kind .
I’m a 57 year old gay man, grew up in a chaotic home , sexually abused by a guy who saw the opportunity for abuse amongst that chaos . Sex work in my 20s , gender dysphoria in my 20s . I’ve survived and this channel speaks to my soul . I’m in recovery from alcoholism and for the first time in my life I’m feeling optimistic. Not just because of this channel obviously but with many healing tools and this channel 🙏🏻 I’m beginning work to speak to the child I was . Excellent resorse this channel is xx
Hi MrLet, I just wanna say I’m really proud of you. It’s very hard to get away from the issues you listed, much less to try and thrive after experiencing them. You’re doing awesome, and I very much hope you keep going; you are worthy of happiness, safety, and validation.
You did not deserve that, and it is heart breaking. You are far from alone, far from broken. It may be hard to understand this, but trust in Jesus Christ. When you don't know what else to do, call out His name. Please just remember that. Much love. Praying for you now. For mirales. For inner healing.
I have not dated in 17 years since my divorce from a narcissist. Magical thinking, maladaptive daydreaming, crap fitting, homelessness, romanticizing, and many more symptoms of childhood neglect were running my life. I have healed so much. I love the person I have become. I can now take care of myself financially, but I am not ready for a relationship and don’t desire one. Thank you for your channel.
You are amazing. Glad you shared this because I saw something in it... even the HOPE of CHANGE, or some future special thing will come from this waste of time with an abuser. Congrats on the courage to get free.
I grew up in a toxic home with emotionally unavailable parents, so I created worlds in my head where I was seen and loved by others. Even when I found myself in bland relationships, I'd imagine possibilities. It wasn't until I met my husband that my imaginary worlds began to fade. I'm grateful for my imagination, but now I don't need it to survive.
My friend was neglected as a child and has had a series of toxic relationships. Magical thinking took the form of believing in fairies, guardian angels, that they are a starseed, crystals, all that kind of stuff. I never judged them for it but in private i thought it was a bit mad. I see now how those things were vital to their psychological survival. They give hope when it seems like there isn't any
As a child I believed in guardian angels. There was a framed print of a little boy and little girl holding hands while crossing an arched bridge hanging on my bedroom wall at the foot of my bed. Flying alongside them was a guardian angel. It gave me great comfort then, and the memory of it still does. I don't believe in a mystical realm, but it's fun to imagine.
"When people show you who they are, believe them." -Maya Angelou cPTSD folks often watch the fantasy and hear the words but fail to acknowledge the ACTIONS. Watch the actions. Those are the truth.
It is not understandable that the education system ignores one of the most important things in the world, such as human psychology. this is what comes to my mind whenever I watch content like this.
The education system in Americas doesn't teach real history anymore, never mind anything close to therapy ...... Kids are in doctorated today to be DEMOCRAP operatives' instead of free thinkers social justice warrior crappp commie lies to undermine the country
@@freddiekirchner4504 believe it or not, the same agenda is working all over the world (I live in Türkiye) children don't know what to do, so do parents and teachers and this gap only works against society. So sad
I completely understand your phrase “I don’t think we get 9 lives on this”. My metaphor is that you can only fold a piece of paper 7 times. You can’t fold it again after that. I’m so jaded now, any idea of another relationship makes me want to vomit. I even cringe and want to vomit when I see other people in limerence together.. Its way better to go slowly, develop a tribe of same sex friends, and be very choosy not “chosen”. Don’t blow your 7 folds on more trauma bonds. When you’re done you’re done. Go slowly 🙏🏼
Magical thinking saved me as a child but ruined my career as a teacher. Thank you for publishing this. I was a good teacher, but I was so injured as a child I should never have been one.
I would be so curious to hear more about your experience here, Richard. How did magical thinking show up in your teaching, and hurt you? I wonder this about myself a lot; I'm in my 30s and just left the profession after 9 years of being beloved (and very successful, to anyone else's summation) in the classroom, but god, it was so exhausting and difficult!
I just figured out how one gets into transactional relationships. It starts when you are kid being neglected, your magical thinking activates and you think, “If I do this for my mom, she will do that for me.” Rinse and repeat into adulthood and your relationships. My partner didn’t give a hug when I asked for one and I collapsed for 2 years because I felt like I had did all this and that for him and I can’t even get a hug when I want one. Took 2.5 years to deal with the fall out and finally discover just how codependent and traumatized I am. I finally realized, he had the right to say no. But, I am still mad about it 😵💫
I used to do that too, give give give to the wrong people in hopes that would give sth back. That's what felt like home to me. Now I realize that when I pick the right people, the ones who are interested and available, they give things without me having to beg. He was the wrong man for you and that's why you picked him. Don't worry, we've all been there. But you can teach yourself to avoid unavailable men and go for men who are good for you so you can find the healing love that you deserve.
@@SomeBody-ce3gq He is still my partner. We are working it out. He has his own trauma he is dealing with. It is like a trauma dance and we both are participating.
@Park Lady wow I relate this… down to collapsing to the floor when my partner is not in the mood for giving a hug. It’s so hard but I also had to realize that healthy relationships don’t have a “ledger” where I could cash in all the things I did for a hug 😅
Man, I don’t know why, but I created a gigantic imaginary world for myself as a little kid. Strangely, most of the imaginary friends were cartoon characters like Tom and Jerry or the Smurfs, because I watched a crapton of TV and cartoons were a source of happiness. I also developed extremely strong attachments to my stuffed animals and a security blanket that I held onto into my college years!! I still can’t throw out stuffed animals bc there’s a part of me that still believes that they’re my friends, and who could throw away a loyal loving friend? I think part of me never left that happy imaginary world of my early childhood. I’m pretty immature for my age (mid 40s), and continue to partially regard the “adult” world as a cold, sick, funless, and friendless place that I have very little desire to join. People think of me as spacey, scattered or just wired differently which is fine, but not being able to function as a mature adult has cost me so many things in life. I’ve abused drugs and alcohol throughout my life and have latched on to unavailable and sometimes dangerous men. I don’t know what happened to me exactly, but everything you talk about on your channel fits me like a glove. Thanks for all of your help.
My Dad was a military officer, and I grew up in a very dysfunctional home as a child. I loved the movie Patton with George C. Scott. When I was a kid, I would spend most of my free time in my backyard pretending I was General Patton saving the world. I did this for almost eight years until I was about 15 years old. I’m an officer in the military now, but after a romantic narcissistic relationship ended, I am learning about all the struggles I’ve had in my life that I was unaware of. I guess pretending to be Patton was a protective coping mechanism. Life is hard for me, but I’m growing stronger each day thanks to supportive opportunities like this one! 😊
I’m so sorry for the writer. They are so incredibly strong. I deeply identify with them. OMFG I agree with “soul mates” and “twin flames.” strong long love is a conscious choice in my experience. It’s work not fate I have used limerance almost my whole life, same with magical thinking (which was encouraged by the fam xD) so I eat these types of vids up. 10 years in love with a secure man and I’m still learning from him. He still loves me despite relying on these mental coping strategies. He sees who I am outside of my trauma and past. He holds my hand and guides me with gentle discipline and nurtures the parts we both love. I hope you all find this type of love and let it into your heart. Doesn’t matter where it comes from, let them hold you and love you
Realizing growing up is painful, but when you suffer too much emotional pain in childhood, you want to stay away from the pain because you have had too much. I just feel like I have never matured out my coping strategies I had as a child. I still feel like other people are running or neglecting my life. I fell like I can not ever do what I want. I feel like Everyone is more important than me and come first.
I read to escape the reality of physical and emotional abuse. I used to find books about normal families and read those - hid in the storeroom. Later, I grew up to teach reading, so God made good come from bad.
Magical Thinking was something that I realized about myself last year. I had been aware for awhile that I had a problem jumping straight to falling in love, (I called it my heart going off a cliff) as soon a woman showed the slightest bit of interest. I'd go on dates and if they went well, I would just assume that this was the next girlfriend/soulmate/etc... . I had become aware of this through reading up on things and videos such as this. Anyway, last year I was aware of this habit and I met someone that I just felt an instant chemistry with. It was something more than just words between us. It was as though we had known each other our whole lives, but we were just meeting in person for the first time (we had mutual friends on social media and would often joke with each other). Anyway, a few months go by and the more we hang out, the more I feel this attraction to her, and she seemed receptive to it. I kept telling myself to be aware and "not" to let my heart go off the cliff again. Finally one night we openly discussed this "thing" between us. We were both in a similar place emotionally, though she had just recently been going through a bad breakup and had even stated that she needed some time to get her head straight. I don't know why I didn't listen, but I probably should have. However, I wanted what I wanted and decided to go for it, and I kissed her, and she again seemed receptive to it. One of the major hurdles to this whole thing is that she lived out of state, and was only in my area for a short time. She was down here for work and would do stints of a few months at a time, then go back. So logistically it just didn't make sense, but I was so into the notion of the chemistry between us, and this crazy idea that she was somehow my "soulmate" that I held to it, and kept up hope that she would come back down and want to be together. A few months go by, and we would occasionally text and message, but no real solid conversations like we had in person. Then she finally comes back down, and she tells me that she's dating someone now. I played it off at the time like it was no big deal, but I was shattered. After telling myself for so long to be careful, and then getting caught up in this situation. It broke me. It broke me mentally & spiritually. I cut myself off from dating at all for much of this past year. There have been some women expressing interest the last few months but I don't think I'm quite there yet. But it I do feel like a learned a hard lesson that I needed to learn about magical thinking. I was suddenly aware of all the times in the past that I had these fantasies of finding "the one" and it all working out. Same applies to other areas of my life like career, and family, and money. I do have a better sense now of when I start to drift into fantasy, but this has been one of the most difficult lessons to learn. Your videos among others have been a valuable resource for me, and it's good to know that I'm not the only one that goes through these things. Thank you for all you do.
I created a magical world of talking animals as a child. I now write children's books and work as an illustrator. Magical thinking isn't always an absolute negative but knowing where to draw boundaries and function as an adult is important.
This was the first video i’ve ever seen from you and it CHANGED MY LIFE! I used to romanticize everything and things didn’t feel right but i could never understand why… as i got older and matured I began to understand how I was sabotaging my own life by rejecting reality. Only then did things take a better turn and your video was the missing piece of the puzzle, cleared soo much confusion for me! Thank you! Your work is truly valued
Sometimes, life-saving things have manifested & the faith that this luck will continue is often the thing that keeps me going - but my ongoing concern is that I can't tell where a healthy "hope that things will get better" ends and a surrender to magical thinking begins.
I followed God as a child as my safe place. This thinking, biblical principles, saved me even today. What was meant for evil is now my superpower, Jesus is my friend, example, and boss. The downside is this imagination can go dark without me even knowing it, like a split personality maybe.
@@Augfordpdoggie self sacrifice, treat others like you want to be treated... 19 years married with a peaceful family I grew up in a single parent "home" and saw first hand how real sin is. My family is totally different because of these Biblical principles.
@@DH-dl3ll I wanted to be holy and clean.because my childhood was filled with vile adults. It was my destiny to be different from that misery. I have developmental and physical problems and should not have graduated HS. A fat looser from poor white trash... Im so simple I honestly believe, no, I KNOW Jesus is The Lord. I acted like Jesus was with me so I just figured things would work out. God gave me a college degree/football, traveled to 49 states a dozen countries as a public speaker lol. I have a speech impediment! Who told me I could speak? 32&26 married as virgins, as a dude waiting almost destroyed me. I sin everyday and like a Vietnam vet still hear the bombs of my childhood dropping. Learning to live better and hope to be a kinder person.
I lived in books and would cry when I finished one because I woke up to real life. Haha as an adult I noticed my favourite storyline included a dead mother, and of course a pony!
I so relate to this. I had a "situationship" with someone for 8 years. He told me for 8 years that he loved me. A lot happened in those 8 years, including me moving away to "get away" from him, but 3 months later we reconnected. I felt that we created a bond after that over a 5 year period and that we become true friends. It was nothing but manipulation. I came back to the area and we saw each other and the games began again. We had a huge blow up 16 months ago. I pushed him really hard to deal with his own trauma and it was messy and ugly. We just reconnected after 16 months of silence, but me reaching out to him several times to try to resolve the blow up. He finally reaponded but quickly started the same pattern of manipulation, but since I spent a TON of time identifying and healing (still) my CPTSD during that 16 months, it took me a few days to realize it was the same pattern of manipulation and abuse from him and for me to put the boundary up. I'm so damn proud of myself. I'm sad that he really hasn't healed and just wants me at distance to feed his own ego and feel better about himself without putting the work in to heal and truly resolve things between us. But that sadness is not a deep sadness any longer. His issues will not become mine again. I am not his doormat. This video just reinforces my actions and I'm empowered by it. 🔥 It does get easier and easier once you heal your real trauma driven behavior. ❤️ Love to everyone out there on their healing journey. ❤️
Aahhhh!! It's SO HARD to watch these videos because I feel SO called out! I can see exactly where I have done so much of this in past relationships, and even though I have been getting better and better, I still feel SO EMBARRASSED, and I still have some of these limerant/magical thinking tendencies with someone who is no longer even in my life! Every day is a struggle, but I am so thankful for this channel so I can keep moving in the right direction.
When beginning to date I highly recommend doing a no intimacy for 3 months. Get to know them first and understand each other well. Otherwise that physical connection can easily create codependency.
Your content really resonates with me. When I was in my worst case of limerence (crying every day about it for a couple of years), I was analyzing every little interaction and holding onto hope that things would change. I also found the new age philosophy that made me think that this pain was soul transforming and it reaffirmed that this man must be “the one.” Now I am happily married to another man. I had to let the other person go completely to make room for a person who would love me in return. I didn’t announce it to the person I had limerence with even though we were friends. I literally just stopped speaking to him one day and blocked him on my phone because having him in my life would keep my false hope alive. That was the best decision I have ever made and quite honestly wish I had made it sooner.
Wow. Similar happened to me. After years of unfulfilled limerance, I wished my LO a happy birthday and left him. I’m seeing someone who really loves me.
Gosh, I needed this so badly 40 years ago. 😢 Your channel speaks to me, but it really explains my older sister who suffered the worst from my parents. She is close to 70 now and these kind of relationships & dependency on exploitative men have been her whole life. Mine too for a long while, except that I managed financial independence early on & could walk away and struggle with my demons & heal some. Now married for 20 years with two fine daughters. Still there have been struggles and my daughters have suffered because of marital tension & conflict that has thankfully now mellowed. We are working to heal, but it breaks my heart.
The Radiohead song “there there (the honey king of nowhere)” - “just cause you feel it, doesn’t mean it’s there…there’s always a siren, singing you to ship wreck, stay away from these rocks, you’ll be a walking disaster.” Helps me when I’m experiencing limmerance or feeling triggered. Good reminder.
Because of my involvement with Alanon, I gained the clarity to leave a toxic relationship 3 months ago. He shows up periodically to try to... Im not really sure what. But sometimes I feel a lot of guilt for leaving. I want to thank you, this video gave me a lot of perspective about that relationship. Ive been watching a lot of your videos, they feel like a life line. Thank you ❤
Growing up as the scapegoat of a Narcissistic father and a passive, emotionally unavailable mother, I seemed to borrow from the warped hyper religiosity of my father (he’d do things like use the idea of god against me, as if god were a spy that answered to him, or he’d twist the rhetoric in ways intended to make me feel evil or impure/ unloved by god) and I must I’ve created a sort of martyrdom fantasy/ messiah complex for myself. It was the only way I could make sense of why I was being “put through” such trials. It was the essence of: “why have you forsaken me?!” But since martyrdom and sacrifice were touted as something so holy and worthy of reverence, I became a people-pleaser extraordinaire. And I had no boundaries with it, of course. So I fell into the fantasy and acted as if I was so selfless, but the whole while I was only acting that way because I felt like that was my role. That I couldn’t be anything more than a set of sacrifices for the benefit of others….. This behavior was misunderstood as grandiose thinking/ delusions of grandeur (because comparing oneself to Christ is not exactly humble I suppose) but I feel like this explanation of maladaptive daydreaming makes a lot more sense to describe where I was when that narrative started to construct itself. Thank you for talking about this!
Anecdote: A student came to me with a weak flute-tone. Immediately it was clear to me what was causing this weak tone: her body was twisted while playing forcing her to raise her right shoulder to avoid the ensuing pain. This in turn inhibited her lips and many other things from happening in her playing. The cramp of raising the shoulder was necessary, though. I showed her a different foot position - giving her a reason to relax her shoulder - and her sound opened up in a matter of minutes. Cramps are a necessary protection until one has figured out how to remove the life's-necessity for that cramp. Another student came to me with the same problem (weak tone), but showed no posture-problems. So I examined her instrument closely and found a leak in the soldering of her lip-plate - a very a-typical defect only found on older models on which the solder becomes spröde/brittle. That leak acted like the hole in a vacuum-cleaner hose and we had this repaired. She had thought it was HER the whole time and only very indirectly was this so - she should have had this repaired years ago. In both instances one really needs an outside, expert observer to see the problem after having failed to observe this oneself. Anna is a great help with her videos and courses but if you're struggling with CPTSD it would be good (imo) to get professional, individualized help sooner than later.
I love this. I do believe in soul mates/twin flames but I think these intense spiritual connections are for our growth and spiritual development and not necessarily meant to be forever relationships.
True Anna, in a way any relationship has something to teach us. The point is to firmly exit a bad situation with the lessons learned, without glamorizing and justifying unhealthy behavior under any name or label. Nonetheless, the first lesson has to be self love, which is not realized until one can move on from a bad situation, self-love being accountability, responsibility, knowing how lovable yet powerful each one of us can be. To all fairness, modern spirituality, if understood and practiced moderately, appears to be just that.
I resonate with Olivia and her letter. I wish for you strength in your healing, I hope your business dream comes true, and that you have/meet true and honest friends. Take care,
Oh yes this Twinflame BS..... I was there too. And one time under a Video I stated that this is just an option to make Narcissistic Abuse okay.😂😂 someone wrote back "you just need to learn to love yourself " 😂😂 of course that's what I'm learning that's why I woke up.....
I had the same childhood. I'm 70 now and still isolating myself from people. I have grown up so much and I'm in a growth period now. I'm just recently letting go of my fantasys about my mother and my family and my childhood.
Wow. I don't know what to say. I have been listening to the fairy for about 2 weeks now. I feel like my life is being cracked open and for the first time the real me may emerge. This is unbelievably revaltory and enlightening. I have struggled verbatim with everything she talks about and always thought there was something really wrong with me. I always felt like I was broken, my mechanics, my human oats were broken. Finds out, they are. These pieces have been malfunctioning and glitching for all my life and finally I can relate and begging to see things and know myself through a new light. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Your sharing is life changing. You have found what you are called to and you are fulfilling your God-given purpose. Wow. This has been so encouraging and life giving for me. Now, I know more than ever I have lots of work to do to become who I am suppose to be. God Bless you and your mission.
I read a lot of negative comments about this channel on Reddit and other online spaces. Interestingly, after so many “gentler” approaches and looking for answers from “gentler” coaches or advisors or therapists, turns out all I needed is someone to tell me the hard, cold truth. This is why I love this channel. I come to heal, not to feed my fantasy anymore. I find the ugly truth very healing actually. You can’t heal if you don’t take a cold hard look at yourself and accept where you are and accept your life exactly as it is. This channel has done more for me in a few weeks than many others in months or years. Thank you.
Thank you for visiting this channel to form your own opinion. We're happy to hear Anna's content has been helpful for you! Thanks for sharing this with us! Nika@TeamFairy
Hi Anna, I have a similar but different situation with my family. I sacrificed my ability to be independent and have my own life. My sister looks like a saint for helping me, but it always comes at a price. My mom would never 👎 help me and rewards my sister for helping me. I am the one physically help my mom 93 years old.
My stepmother called my sister which her name was Margaret and she called her maggot and let her children call her that who could do such a thing. It is so hard not to hate and want to hurt them.
OMG - I love everything to do with the Law of Attraction but Anna's videos have helped me to really get to grips with where I've indulged in "magical thinking" and limerence when it comes to romance. Finding balance between new age thinking (which I do believe in and have found a lot of healing in) but Anna's concepts of how CPTSD can take us down a rabbit hole has helped me no end see the difference between the two and find clarity. Thank you Anna💗
I’m glad I listened to this again. I wish all on the journey to healing well. Also well done to the writer writing in. Thank you Anna. I need focus on working with you and recover from a bad therapist
I'm new to the channel, but so far have identified with probably 90% of its content. I have been Working on exactly the same issues being discussed. This channel has given me the most insight to what I'm dealing with. Thank you for sharing your ideas and giving me new tools I can apply that may help me achieve my goals
Important topic and well said, Anna. I've seen many New Age and Tarot reader personalities on TH-cam attract (and even cater to) a lot of vulnerable people who are clearly having limerance over a lost love or hoping for an unattainable partner etc, etc. It's actually quite sad to witness -- I've seen the interactions play out on live streams and in comment sections. These people get strung along with hopeful 'messages' and breadcrumbs by TH-camrs (likely well-intentioned) just like that lost or unattainable lover in real life does to them. Their sense of powerlessness and desperation is palpable. I appreciate you sharing your wisdom, Anna. Your sincere truth-telling is very much needed in today's climate of people seeking a quick fix, bandaid or easy distraction from the hard, internal work that needs to be done on oneself. You are beacon guiding us back to where the real answers reside. Much love and respect.
Sooooo true When I would go to bed at night, I would start thinking of magical things like I could fly or I had a garden full of flowers. Oh 😮I could protect everyone beneath me while I was flying. . .
23:25, I think it goes also for when people are in a relationship with you and just let you think that maybe they’ll marry you and have children with you someday.
I've just discovered this channel and have been watching a lot of videos at double speed & taking notes. It's been so useful! This one made me step back and remember adults who told me I was spacy and needed to get my head on straight, or else. But one thing I was spacing out about? Convincing myself/figuring why that all was tough love. (It wasn't.) I'm older now than they were then. I still need and appreciate help burying that bad stuff.
To meet someone who really takes out the best of you and wants you 24/7, you need to stop seeing other who don't. ❤️ This is such an interesting channel! I learn a lot and wish I had it when I was younger. I think a lot of stuff with emotions and relations should be teached as an ongoing subject in school. I mean; we all have relations, and if they are happy and healthy you often feel happy. What is more important than that?
Think out of the proverbial box. "Magical thinking" is actually using your brain correctly. However, if it is discouraged it is not developed correctly and can lead to trouble.
Thankyou for your insightful videos Anna. You are honest and insightful and do so in a loving straightforward manner. I admire your strength compassion and honesty. Keep doing what you do. ❤
I really wish I'd found these videos in my 20s but no time like the present. I have let go of many limerent relationships and can actively avoid it now..tho I'm still far too in my head and not present when I'm with my partners but I know this is an issue and it's alot better now. Thank you.
@@freebee9172 yes all! We all date out childhood. It's a fact we are calibrated to marry those who injure us as we were injured as children. Everyone you love, date and marry is the same asshole your parents were, often relationships blow up after a month for this reason, it's the reason for the high divorce rate and the reason our culture flourished when it was more religious because we were culturally obliged to be responsible and stay in it. Of course religion gave us science and then we used science to denounce the religion, thus removing its roots hence the spike in narcissistic people, initially atheists were like me and believed in the 10 commandment and acting as though there was a higher power but now that we have no higher power them by proxy we are god, hence the narcissism. Throw in the Unabomber libertarian theory about the ills of technology ( which is correct despite his disturbing methods of getting it out there ) and mix in mass media, now we have larger and larger mass formation phsycosis than at any point in history, take ww1 and 2, both could have been avoided an contrary to popular belief the winners were just as bad as the loosers they all had a part to play, just like an any relationship ie the fact we put Hitler into power on purpose in 1933 which most people don't know. Now these mass formations get bigger with technology and mass media, leaving us more and more disconnected from the self and the other, with no religion or a strong atheists Judeo-Christian moral structure thus making us god, children are abused by the very environment they live in and everyone is behaving badly even those from.gealthy family's and most families have historic trauma from ww2, the child needs to one day for a family, so the imprint is created by 7 in the reptile part of the brain this includes being gay and bi, and then we have a subconscious radar, when you see that sexy person at the other side of the room and you cant take their eyes off them, well you have found your poison. Dump that person and you will find another. The best chance you have is 2 people willing to do therapy. By 2030 though relationships will start to improve, relationship therapists though they are brilliant in what they do don't study cyclical phycology economists do, particularly Austrian economists like Von Mises and what the therapists don't realise is the narcissism is going to burn out at the end of the decade at the latest as we are living through an event in time known as a 4th turning which will end by 2030 at the latest, after that the mass behaviour will improve and I suspect our relationships will become easier as our culture rejects narcissism. In short we all date out childhood but our culture is screwing with the whole system.
I don’t think she understands true twin flames. It’s not supposed to be a bad toxic relationship at all. People use the term twin flame incorrectly and it gets a bad rap.
@@marcritchie4968 Unhealed individuals entering relationships are the reason there are problems in relationships and will always be. There are a lot of false information out there on a lot. I get people teach from their perspective. No one is exempt from that. And we typically opt for what we resonate with the most, unfortunately.
Wow! Very valuable info. I was future faked more than once by both LTR beaus. I feel this lady's pain. I am older and also not financially stable. Self sabotage and totally hermitized as i can find no one who wants to be friends at my age. My shy & quirky don't help, but i wouldn't be me then ... gotta finish watching this great video!
May you find a true partner and good friends, one step at a time! What are LTR beaus? Edit: haha, I found the answer and it is pretty telling of my lack of LTR or a long-term relationship and the search for it (the abbreviation is common on dating sites I learned via the search). It is science fiction to me. I'm still at a loss with what beaus mean, though. English is not my first language. All the best your way!
I can’t sum up how useful this channel has been for me in helping along that final amount of understanding since finding it about a week ago. Thank you so much for your work. You radiate wisdom
I did this type of cycle right up until a few years ago.. almost 50 now, so if I can break the cycle there must be hope! I highly recommend the song New Rules by Dua Lipa. Sounds silly but I'm very musically motivated and it helps me stay on track ♥️
I always vividly picture/pictures someone comforting me over whatever I was upset about, eventually that turned into “how can I turn this bad thing that happened to me into good attention from someone else” and now that coping mechanism greatly affects my life, I always have trouble realizing that IM the person who’s going to save me, no matter how much someone loves me they’re not obligated to put up with what I can barely put up with myself. Lol rant over
My sync word for the person I was limerant over was Lotus. Very long story and very synchronistic how that word was chosen. I remember in group therapy my therapist said I think it’s time to set down some of the fantasy. Right after she said that someone from group walked in with some cookies that she was excited to share with all of us the brand was Lotus 😂 I turned to the therapist and she said yeah that was weird! The interesting thing about the word lotus is it’s not just known for its spiritual meaning and rising up out of the muck if it’s ingested it puts you to sleep/in a dreamlike state. I was definitely asleep over the connection with this person. Glad to be awake!
I can’t see the mechanism of magical thinking I developed as “brilliant”. It’s the least tragic and I definitely hate it. Everybody can see the obvious but never me. It’s so hard and isolating.
I strongly recommend The Daily Practice. It is a good tool to get clarity about things that are confusing. You can try out the free course here if you’re interested: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Nika@TeamFairy
Could you explain what you mean by that cz I think I know what you're talking about I keep seeing 96 so I think it's my guardian angels telling me my Ying Yang is unbalanced
Is it possible to have CPTSD if your family life overall was pretty normal? No addicts, no overt violence or abuse. Both of my parents had a quite rough and neglectful family though. But I remember feeling overwhelmed, unseen and my feelings not taken seriously as a child. When I expressed frustration or anger my parents would often react with annoyance and lack of understanding.
Yes, this was more like my history. Nothing flagrant or dramatic, but just quiet NON-acknowledgement of me and who I was. Only my accomplishments mattered, and those had to be the ones my parents thought mattered, not ones that resonated for me. We looked like the ideal family on the outside, and appearances mattered more than anything. It certainly confused reality. When I expressed feelings or opinions, they replied, "you don't feel that," "you don't want to do that." My sisters bought into this and played the game, so I was the odd one out and believed there was something wrong with me. It's been a long journey.
I’m not sure what I escaped, my dad used to have a temper and my mom used to sometimes make me feel like I talk too much, but I don’t feel like that should warrant the way I maladaptive daydream now
Thanks Anna I loved that, the childhood neglect resonates with me. And watching you is helping me move on. I hope Olivia watches this, and she’s doing ok today. 🙏
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy what do you think about someone having this magical thinking daydreaming in as teenager it lasts for years until maybe late 20's but never had neglect problem as child or any traumatic childhood memories?!
18:52 - So... I'll try kind, though I won't prolly b real good at it. U C? She "quit hooking up with him"... I talked about this the other day... and do I Really have to say anymore?? Prolly not. (I did pretty good there - right?) 24:36 - again again again... you r So good at this. 25:33 - yes, that's manipulative. 26:42 - Love this part.
It's so heartbreaking that we recreate the very horrific circumstances from which we came. It's as if we think that we'll "get it right" this time.
why cant it be reversible i wish it was!
You've transposed we and they
@@lockandloadlikehell I am part of the collective "we." Welcome to the tribe.
@@melodiecross4821 Ive read first and second edition of Dr Carnes book the betrayal bond. which so far for my work with abused women is in the top 3 best books IMO to help individuals understand the issue. its about trauma bonds based off terror in a relationship (not the trauma bond that CCF talks about often in her vids, though they do overlap). anyway, its been a while but if I can remember correctly one of the eight tenants to create and maintain this kind of trauma bond is trauma repetition. Pretty much victims unknowingly and sometimes knowingly put themselves in the same situation, to revisit the "scene of the crime". in my very present work with victims I can say with full confidence that many even set up circumstances with abusive partners to try to get it right so they can even fix the abuser. I also think Carnes talks about how victims even try to visit an injury from childhood (often abandonment) with a present circumstance let alone also to fix current issues with repeat interactions with a partner
It's one of the subplots of Philip Caputo's Horn of Africa - and I recognized immediately how it relates to my own life.
Because of my CPTSD, I have what's called Maladaptive Daydreaming ( Also known as "Walter Mitty Syndrome"). Now I spend so much of my day inside my head, I have trouble socializing and interacting with others.
I struggle with this also. It’s actually wild how it can rob you of life.
I have this too! It’s rough!
Can you explain your symptoms?
@@dannigul71 My MD manifests as living mostly in my head, making up stories (frequently negative) and playing them out in my head for hours, terrible insomnia, little to no social life and having a hard time doing productive things.
@@vickih5423 Oh ok . Yeah I’m pretty much alone all the time, procrastinating , even if I know I need to do something I almost avoid ( not intentionally tho ) it’s as if I block it out I am diagnosed with PTSD ( CPTSD ) & as a kid would daydream of good things & would imagine others thoughts of me being complimentary or kind .
I’m a 57 year old gay man, grew up in a chaotic home , sexually abused by a guy who saw the opportunity for abuse amongst that chaos . Sex work in my 20s , gender dysphoria in my 20s . I’ve survived and this channel speaks to my soul . I’m in recovery from alcoholism and for the first time in my life I’m feeling optimistic. Not just because of this channel obviously but with many healing tools and this channel 🙏🏻
I’m beginning work to speak to the child I was .
Excellent resorse this channel is xx
Hi MrLet, I just wanna say I’m really proud of you. It’s very hard to get away from the issues you listed, much less to try and thrive after experiencing them. You’re doing awesome, and I very much hope you keep going; you are worthy of happiness, safety, and validation.
You did not deserve that, and it is heart breaking. You are far from alone, far from broken. It may be hard to understand this, but trust in Jesus Christ. When you don't know what else to do, call out His name. Please just remember that. Much love. Praying for you now. For mirales. For inner healing.
Wishing you the best on your recovery journey and in life💫❤️
Love.
Wishing you the very best of life and May you have health, love, inner peace and joy, always. ❤❤❤
I have not dated in 17 years since my divorce from a narcissist. Magical thinking, maladaptive daydreaming, crap fitting, homelessness, romanticizing, and many more symptoms of childhood neglect were running my life. I have healed so much. I love the person I have become. I can now take care of myself financially, but I am not ready for a relationship and don’t desire one. Thank you for your channel.
So happy & grateful you have healed & healthy.
You are amazing. Glad you shared this because I saw something in it... even the HOPE of CHANGE, or some future special thing will come from this waste of time with an abuser. Congrats on the courage to get free.
You sound like a rock star. I am inspired.
I’m right there with you.
I've never heard an emotionally well person use the words "soul mate" or "twin flame".
Me neither. Whenever I hear someone say "soul mate" I immediately think there's something seriously wrong with them.
Hey! I use those wor--oh wait...
@@9to5Drone Well, no time like the present to change! These phrases will actually block you from finding real love. Good luck in 2025!
I grew up in a toxic home with emotionally unavailable parents, so I created worlds in my head where I was seen and loved by others. Even when I found myself in bland relationships, I'd imagine possibilities. It wasn't until I met my husband that my imaginary worlds began to fade. I'm grateful for my imagination, but now I don't need it to survive.
My friend was neglected as a child and has had a series of toxic relationships. Magical thinking took the form of believing in fairies, guardian angels, that they are a starseed, crystals, all that kind of stuff. I never judged them for it but in private i thought it was a bit mad. I see now how those things were vital to their psychological survival. They give hope when it seems like there isn't any
As a child I believed in guardian angels. There was a framed print of a little boy and little girl holding hands while crossing an arched bridge hanging on my bedroom wall at the foot of my bed. Flying alongside them was a guardian angel. It gave me great comfort then, and the memory of it still does. I don't believe in a mystical realm, but it's fun to imagine.
In reality, religion is intended to work regardless of how well or badly someone's life is going.
"When people show you who they are, believe them." -Maya Angelou
cPTSD folks often watch the fantasy and hear the words but fail to acknowledge the ACTIONS.
Watch the actions. Those are the truth.
wow yes
"You're not getting food. You're stealing candy." I will remember this.
It is not understandable that the education system ignores one of the most important things in the world, such as human psychology. this is what comes to my mind whenever I watch content like this.
The education system in Americas doesn't teach real history anymore, never mind anything close to therapy ...... Kids are in doctorated today to be DEMOCRAP operatives' instead of free thinkers social justice warrior crappp commie lies to undermine the country
@@freddiekirchner4504 believe it or not, the same agenda is working all over the world (I live in Türkiye) children don't know what to do, so do parents and teachers and this gap only works against society. So sad
It is by design. Healed and peaceable people are not controlled by fear and trauma.
@@TEM14411oh you hit the nail on the head with this one
I completely understand your phrase “I don’t think we get 9 lives on this”. My metaphor is that you can only fold a piece of paper 7 times. You can’t fold it again after that. I’m so jaded now, any idea of another relationship makes me want to vomit. I even cringe and want to vomit when I see other people in limerence together.. Its way better to go slowly, develop a tribe of same sex friends, and be very choosy not “chosen”. Don’t blow your 7 folds on more trauma bonds. When you’re done you’re done. Go slowly 🙏🏼
Magical thinking saved me as a child but ruined my career as a teacher. Thank you for publishing this. I was a good teacher, but I was so injured as a child I should never have been one.
I told someone the exact same thing a few months ago about my career.
@@Exodus26.13Pi I’m sorry to hear that - I know the difficulty and the pain.
why?
I would be so curious to hear more about your experience here, Richard. How did magical thinking show up in your teaching, and hurt you? I wonder this about myself a lot; I'm in my 30s and just left the profession after 9 years of being beloved (and very successful, to anyone else's summation) in the classroom, but god, it was so exhausting and difficult!
Maybe the reality is that we, who experienced these injuries did not find an empathic world out there...
I just figured out how one gets into transactional relationships. It starts when you are kid being neglected, your magical thinking activates and you think, “If I do this for my mom, she will do that for me.” Rinse and repeat into adulthood and your relationships. My partner didn’t give a hug when I asked for one and I collapsed for 2 years because I felt like I had did all this and that for him and I can’t even get a hug when I want one. Took 2.5 years to deal with the fall out and finally discover just how codependent and traumatized I am. I finally realized, he had the right to say no. But, I am still mad about it 😵💫
I used to do that too, give give give to the wrong people in hopes that would give sth back. That's what felt like home to me. Now I realize that when I pick the right people, the ones who are interested and available, they give things without me having to beg. He was the wrong man for you and that's why you picked him. Don't worry, we've all been there. But you can teach yourself to avoid unavailable men and go for men who are good for you so you can find the healing love that you deserve.
@@SomeBody-ce3gq He is still my partner. We are working it out. He has his own trauma he is dealing with. It is like a trauma dance and we both are participating.
@Park Lady wow I relate this… down to collapsing to the floor when my partner is not in the mood for giving a hug. It’s so hard but I also had to realize that healthy relationships don’t have a “ledger” where I could cash in all the things I did for a hug 😅
@@danibanany that was a hard lesson to learn! here is a hug from me to you 🤗.
Man, I don’t know why, but I created a gigantic imaginary world for myself as a little kid. Strangely, most of the imaginary friends were cartoon characters like Tom and Jerry or the Smurfs, because I watched a crapton of TV and cartoons were a source of happiness. I also developed extremely strong attachments to my stuffed animals and a security blanket that I held onto into my college years!! I still can’t throw out stuffed animals bc there’s a part of me that still believes that they’re my friends, and who could throw away a loyal loving friend? I think part of me never left that happy imaginary world of my early childhood. I’m pretty immature for my age (mid 40s), and continue to partially regard the “adult” world as a cold, sick, funless, and friendless place that I have very little desire to join. People think of me as spacey, scattered or just wired differently which is fine, but not being able to function as a mature adult has cost me so many things in life. I’ve abused drugs and alcohol throughout my life and have latched on to unavailable and sometimes dangerous men. I don’t know what happened to me exactly, but everything you talk about on your channel fits me like a glove. Thanks for all of your help.
I understand this totally. *Hugs*.
I can relate! My friends were Alvin and the Chipmunks and the Chipetts. I would say we have creative minds 😊
Love and hugs to you, Lisa
@@lela888 Hell yeah!! ALVINNNNNNN!!!!
@@SFGiantsfan_in_NC Lol!
My Dad was a military officer, and I grew up in a very dysfunctional home as a child. I loved the movie Patton with George C. Scott. When I was a kid, I would spend most of my free time in my backyard pretending I was General Patton saving the world. I did this for almost eight years until I was about 15 years old. I’m an officer in the military now, but after a romantic narcissistic relationship ended, I am learning about all the struggles I’ve had in my life that I was unaware of. I guess pretending to be Patton was a protective coping mechanism. Life is hard for me, but I’m growing stronger each day thanks to supportive opportunities like this one! 😊
*Hugs*.
@Will_G I loved the Patton movie too. I named a cat Patton. She had the general's personality!
willg come back lol
I’m so sorry for the writer. They are so incredibly strong. I deeply identify with them.
OMFG I agree with “soul mates” and “twin flames.” strong long love is a conscious choice in my experience. It’s work not fate
I have used limerance almost my whole life, same with magical thinking (which was encouraged by the fam xD) so I eat these types of vids up.
10 years in love with a secure man and I’m still learning from him. He still loves me despite relying on these mental coping strategies. He sees who I am outside of my trauma and past. He holds my hand and guides me with gentle discipline and nurtures the parts we both love.
I hope you all find this type of love and let it into your heart. Doesn’t matter where it comes from, let them hold you and love you
I hear you Jenny.
My wife is the same.
So happy you've found happiness with your life partner. I hope everyone here gets the same!
Could you not talk about love please,not in this channel, you're feeding people with sever limerence ideas
@@richardbuckley1232 thank you ❤
Realizing growing up is painful, but when you suffer too much emotional pain in childhood, you want to stay away from the pain because you have had too much. I just feel like I have never matured out my coping strategies I had as a child. I still feel like other people are running or neglecting my life. I fell like I can not ever do what I want. I feel like Everyone is more important than me and come first.
Please try this free course bit.ly/38JfzK1
-Cara@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy I am working on the daily practice. I have ADHD inattentive and cptsd , so habits are hard for me, I have not been consistent.
I read to escape the reality of physical and emotional abuse. I used to find books about normal families and read those - hid in the storeroom. Later, I grew up to teach reading, so God made good come from bad.
Beautiful ❤
“You’re stealing candy right now”. Mind = blown
Magical Thinking was something that I realized about myself last year. I had been aware for awhile that I had a problem jumping straight to falling in love, (I called it my heart going off a cliff) as soon a woman showed the slightest bit of interest. I'd go on dates and if they went well, I would just assume that this was the next girlfriend/soulmate/etc... . I had become aware of this through reading up on things and videos such as this. Anyway, last year I was aware of this habit and I met someone that I just felt an instant chemistry with. It was something more than just words between us. It was as though we had known each other our whole lives, but we were just meeting in person for the first time (we had mutual friends on social media and would often joke with each other). Anyway, a few months go by and the more we hang out, the more I feel this attraction to her, and she seemed receptive to it. I kept telling myself to be aware and "not" to let my heart go off the cliff again. Finally one night we openly discussed this "thing" between us. We were both in a similar place emotionally, though she had just recently been going through a bad breakup and had even stated that she needed some time to get her head straight. I don't know why I didn't listen, but I probably should have. However, I wanted what I wanted and decided to go for it, and I kissed her, and she again seemed receptive to it.
One of the major hurdles to this whole thing is that she lived out of state, and was only in my area for a short time. She was down here for work and would do stints of a few months at a time, then go back. So logistically it just didn't make sense, but I was so into the notion of the chemistry between us, and this crazy idea that she was somehow my "soulmate" that I held to it, and kept up hope that she would come back down and want to be together.
A few months go by, and we would occasionally text and message, but no real solid conversations like we had in person. Then she finally comes back down, and she tells me that she's dating someone now. I played it off at the time like it was no big deal, but I was shattered. After telling myself for so long to be careful, and then getting caught up in this situation. It broke me. It broke me mentally & spiritually.
I cut myself off from dating at all for much of this past year. There have been some women expressing interest the last few months but I don't think I'm quite there yet. But it I do feel like a learned a hard lesson that I needed to learn about magical thinking. I was suddenly aware of all the times in the past that I had these fantasies of finding "the one" and it all working out. Same applies to other areas of my life like career, and family, and money. I do have a better sense now of when I start to drift into fantasy, but this has been one of the most difficult lessons to learn.
Your videos among others have been a valuable resource for me, and it's good to know that I'm not the only one that goes through these things. Thank you for all you do.
🍀🍀🍀❤️🤗❤️🍀🍀🍀✌️
Appreciate you sharing this experience!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I created a magical world of talking animals as a child. I now write children's books and work as an illustrator. Magical thinking isn't always an absolute negative but knowing where to draw boundaries and function as an adult is important.
Really good-
This was the first video i’ve ever seen from you and it CHANGED MY LIFE! I used to romanticize everything and things didn’t feel right but i could never understand why… as i got older and matured I began to understand how I was sabotaging my own life by rejecting reality. Only then did things take a better turn and your video was the missing piece of the puzzle, cleared soo much confusion for me! Thank you! Your work is truly valued
reality is bullshit
I’m so happy for you!
"I was sabotaging my own life by rejecting reality." Damn this was powerful for me to read gosh...
Sometimes, life-saving things have manifested & the faith that this luck will continue is often the thing that keeps me going - but my ongoing concern is that I can't tell where a healthy "hope that things will get better" ends and a surrender to magical thinking begins.
I followed God as a child as my safe place. This thinking, biblical principles, saved me even today. What was meant for evil is now my superpower, Jesus is my friend, example, and boss. The downside is this imagination can go dark without me even knowing it, like a split personality maybe.
yea that is a fantasy life too. no contemporary evidence for jesus
@@Augfordpdoggie self sacrifice, treat others like you want to be treated... 19 years married with a peaceful family
I grew up in a single parent "home" and saw first hand how real sin is. My family is totally different because of these Biblical principles.
Yes!
@@DH-dl3ll I wanted to be holy and clean.because my childhood was filled with vile adults. It was my destiny to be different from that misery. I have developmental and physical problems and should not have graduated HS. A fat looser from poor white trash... Im so simple I honestly believe, no, I KNOW Jesus is The Lord. I acted like Jesus was with me so I just figured things would work out.
God gave me a college degree/football, traveled to 49 states a dozen countries as a public speaker lol. I have a speech impediment! Who told me I could speak? 32&26 married as virgins, as a dude waiting almost destroyed me.
I sin everyday and like a Vietnam vet still hear the bombs of my childhood dropping. Learning to live better and hope to be a kinder person.
And here I thought the reason why I fantasized so strongly,was cz I was a Pisces.... little did I know, I'm a headcase with childhood trauma😂
Hahaha I’m a Pisces too (and a headcase)
A lot of personality disorders are caused by cptsd. Complicating matters quite a bit.
I can relate
I lived in books and would cry when I finished one because I woke up to real life. Haha as an adult I noticed my favourite storyline included a dead mother, and of course a pony!
I so relate to this. I had a "situationship" with someone for 8 years. He told me for 8 years that he loved me. A lot happened in those 8 years, including me moving away to "get away" from him, but 3 months later we reconnected. I felt that we created a bond after that over a 5 year period and that we become true friends. It was nothing but manipulation. I came back to the area and we saw each other and the games began again. We had a huge blow up 16 months ago. I pushed him really hard to deal with his own trauma and it was messy and ugly. We just reconnected after 16 months of silence, but me reaching out to him several times to try to resolve the blow up. He finally reaponded but quickly started the same pattern of manipulation, but since I spent a TON of time identifying and healing (still) my CPTSD during that 16 months, it took me a few days to realize it was the same pattern of manipulation and abuse from him and for me to put the boundary up. I'm so damn proud of myself. I'm sad that he really hasn't healed and just wants me at distance to feed his own ego and feel better about himself without putting the work in to heal and truly resolve things between us. But that sadness is not a deep sadness any longer. His issues will not become mine again. I am not his doormat. This video just reinforces my actions and I'm empowered by it. 🔥 It does get easier and easier once you heal your real trauma driven behavior. ❤️ Love to everyone out there on their healing journey. ❤️
Wow, I could have written this verbatim. Thank you for writing this out, it's so validating.
Magical thinking vs disappearing or accepting abuse. It makes so much sense
Aahhhh!! It's SO HARD to watch these videos because I feel SO called out! I can see exactly where I have done so much of this in past relationships, and even though I have been getting better and better, I still feel SO EMBARRASSED, and I still have some of these limerant/magical thinking tendencies with someone who is no longer even in my life! Every day is a struggle, but I am so thankful for this channel so I can keep moving in the right direction.
We completely understand! So glad to hear you've been making progress, we're rooting for you :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I completely relate to feeling called out and the embarrassment, but we have to be gentle with ourselves. We are growing and learning. Peace to you.
Wow- she can whittle away anyone’s letter until it’s left with just one sentence: I’m hurting.
Thanks for listening!
-Cara@TeamFairy
When beginning to date I highly recommend doing a no intimacy for 3 months. Get to know them first and understand each other well. Otherwise that physical connection can easily create codependency.
Your content really resonates with me. When I was in my worst case of limerence (crying every day about it for a couple of years), I was analyzing every little interaction and holding onto hope that things would change. I also found the new age philosophy that made me think that this pain was soul transforming and it reaffirmed that this man must be “the one.” Now I am happily married to another man. I had to let the other person go completely to make room for a person who would love me in return. I didn’t announce it to the person I had limerence with even though we were friends. I literally just stopped speaking to him one day and blocked him on my phone because having him in my life would keep my false hope alive. That was the best decision I have ever made and quite honestly wish I had made it sooner.
Thanks for sharing your experience! -Calista@TeamFairy
Wow. Similar happened to me. After years of unfulfilled limerance, I wished my LO a happy birthday and left him. I’m seeing someone who really loves me.
But if you made it sooner, you might not have been ready? 🤔 Either way: yay you! 👍
Gosh, I needed this so badly 40 years ago. 😢 Your channel speaks to me, but it really explains my older sister who suffered the worst from my parents. She is close to 70 now and these kind of relationships & dependency on exploitative men have been her whole life. Mine too for a long while, except that I managed financial independence early on & could walk away and struggle with my demons & heal some. Now married for 20 years with two fine daughters. Still there have been struggles and my daughters have suffered because of marital tension & conflict that has thankfully now mellowed. We are working to heal, but it breaks my heart.
The Radiohead song “there there (the honey king of nowhere)” - “just cause you feel it, doesn’t mean it’s there…there’s always a siren, singing you to ship wreck, stay away from these rocks, you’ll be a walking disaster.” Helps me when I’m experiencing limmerance or feeling triggered. Good reminder.
"Get rid of soulmates if you have attachment issues and cptsd". Good one....
Because of my involvement with Alanon, I gained the clarity to leave a toxic relationship 3 months ago. He shows up periodically to try to... Im not really sure what. But sometimes I feel a lot of guilt for leaving. I want to thank you, this video gave me a lot of perspective about that relationship. Ive been watching a lot of your videos, they feel like a life line. Thank you ❤
What is Alanon??
Growing up as the scapegoat of a Narcissistic father and a passive, emotionally unavailable mother, I seemed to borrow from the warped hyper religiosity of my father (he’d do things like use the idea of god against me, as if god were a spy that answered to him, or he’d twist the rhetoric in ways intended to make me feel evil or impure/ unloved by god) and I must I’ve created a sort of martyrdom fantasy/ messiah complex for myself. It was the only way I could make sense of why I was being “put through” such trials. It was the essence of: “why have you forsaken me?!” But since martyrdom and sacrifice were touted as something so holy and worthy of reverence, I became a people-pleaser extraordinaire. And I had no boundaries with it, of course. So I fell into the fantasy and acted as if I was so selfless, but the whole while I was only acting that way because I felt like that was my role. That I couldn’t be anything more than a set of sacrifices for the benefit of others…..
This behavior was misunderstood as grandiose thinking/ delusions of grandeur (because comparing oneself to Christ is not exactly humble I suppose) but I feel like this explanation of maladaptive daydreaming makes a lot more sense to describe where I was when that narrative started to construct itself.
Thank you for talking about this!
I also had a hyper-religious, grandiose narcissist father; imagine an alcoholic addict karate sensei preacher. Thankfully 11 years alcohol free.
I am awestruck by how much compassion you have, Anna. I just adore you.❤️
Thanks for the support!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Anecdote:
A student came to me with a weak flute-tone. Immediately it was clear to me what was causing this weak tone: her body was twisted while playing forcing her to raise her right shoulder to avoid the ensuing pain. This in turn inhibited her lips and many other things from happening in her playing. The cramp of raising the shoulder was necessary, though. I showed her a different foot position - giving her a reason to relax her shoulder - and her sound opened up in a matter of minutes.
Cramps are a necessary protection until one has figured out how to remove the life's-necessity for that cramp.
Another student came to me with the same problem (weak tone), but showed no posture-problems. So I examined her instrument closely and found a leak in the soldering of her lip-plate - a very a-typical defect only found on older models on which the solder becomes spröde/brittle. That leak acted like the hole in a vacuum-cleaner hose and we had this repaired. She had thought it was HER the whole time and only very indirectly was this so - she should have had this repaired years ago.
In both instances one really needs an outside, expert observer to see the problem after having failed to observe this oneself.
Anna is a great help with her videos and courses but if you're struggling with CPTSD it would be good (imo) to get professional, individualized help sooner than later.
Interesting
I love this.
I do believe in soul mates/twin flames but I think these intense spiritual connections are for our growth and spiritual development and not necessarily meant to be forever relationships.
True Anna, in a way any relationship has something to teach us. The point is to firmly exit a bad situation with the lessons learned, without glamorizing and justifying unhealthy behavior under any name or label. Nonetheless, the first lesson has to be self love, which is not realized until one can move on from a bad situation, self-love being accountability, responsibility, knowing how lovable yet powerful each one of us can be. To all fairness, modern spirituality, if understood and practiced moderately, appears to be just that.
I resonate with Olivia and her letter. I wish for you strength in your healing, I hope your business dream comes true, and that you have/meet true and honest friends. Take care,
Oh yes this Twinflame BS..... I was there too. And one time under a Video I stated that this is just an option to make Narcissistic Abuse okay.😂😂 someone wrote back "you just need to learn to love yourself "
😂😂 of course that's what I'm learning that's why I woke up.....
Thanks for watching!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Very honest and down-to-earth advice. I hope Olivia saw the usefulness of this analysis.
I had the same childhood. I'm 70 now and still isolating myself from people. I have grown up so much and I'm in a growth period now. I'm just recently letting go of my fantasys about my mother and my family and my childhood.
Wow. I don't know what to say. I have been listening to the fairy for about 2 weeks now. I feel like my life is being cracked open and for the first time the real me may emerge. This is unbelievably revaltory and enlightening. I have struggled verbatim with everything she talks about and always thought there was something really wrong with me. I always felt like I was broken, my mechanics, my human oats were broken. Finds out, they are. These pieces have been malfunctioning and glitching for all my life and finally I can relate and begging to see things and know myself through a new light.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Your sharing is life changing. You have found what you are called to and you are fulfilling your God-given purpose. Wow. This has been so encouraging and life giving for me. Now, I know more than ever I have lots of work to do to become who I am suppose to be.
God Bless you and your mission.
I read a lot of negative comments about this channel on Reddit and other online spaces. Interestingly, after so many “gentler” approaches and looking for answers from “gentler” coaches or advisors or therapists, turns out all I needed is someone to tell me the hard, cold truth. This is why I love this channel. I come to heal, not to feed my fantasy anymore. I find the ugly truth very healing actually. You can’t heal if you don’t take a cold hard look at yourself and accept where you are and accept your life exactly as it is.
This channel has done more for me in a few weeks than many others in months or years. Thank you.
Thank you for visiting this channel to form your own opinion. We're happy to hear Anna's content has been helpful for you! Thanks for sharing this with us!
Nika@TeamFairy
Hi Anna, I have a similar but different situation with my family. I sacrificed my ability to be independent and have my own life. My sister looks like a saint for helping me, but it always comes at a price. My mom would never 👎 help me and rewards my sister for helping me. I am the one physically help my mom 93 years old.
@Joey Barszcz so sorry; I completely get it. Peace ☮️ Love 💗 and Light 🌻
I feel so blessed I found your videos. Thank you for helping all of us. Wish you the best.
My stepmother called my sister which her name was Margaret and she called her maggot and let her children call her that who could do such a thing. It is so hard not to hate and want to hurt them.
Lol I can relate someone winked at me and I fell in love and reached out only to end up in heartbreak. But that's how I discovered Limerence. 🤭🤭😂
OMG - I love everything to do with the Law of Attraction but Anna's videos have helped me to really get to grips with where I've indulged in "magical thinking" and limerence when it comes to romance. Finding balance between new age thinking (which I do believe in and have found a lot of healing in) but Anna's concepts of how CPTSD can take us down a rabbit hole has helped me no end see the difference between the two and find clarity. Thank you Anna💗
I’m glad I listened to this again. I wish all on the journey to healing well. Also well done to the writer writing in.
Thank you Anna. I need focus on working with you and recover from a bad therapist
I can so relate to going from an unhealthy relationship into the new age and these beliefs. Very enlightening!
Wow, I’m so glad I found your channel! I love your calm clarity and you sound very wise. This letter broke my heart - I hope she finds her strength.
Thank you for your kind words! Glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I'm new to the channel, but so far have identified with probably 90% of its content. I have been Working on exactly the same issues being discussed. This channel has given me the most insight to what I'm dealing with. Thank you for sharing your ideas and giving me new tools I can apply that may help me achieve my goals
Welcome to the Channel!
-Cara@TeamFairy
This. I'm grateful someone put words to why I feel and act this way. I wish to recover fully from my childhood trauma.
You got this! Sending you encouragement :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Important topic and well said, Anna.
I've seen many New Age and Tarot reader personalities on TH-cam attract (and even cater to) a lot of vulnerable people who are clearly having limerance over a lost love or hoping for an unattainable partner etc, etc.
It's actually quite sad to witness -- I've seen the interactions play out on live streams and in comment sections. These people get strung along with hopeful 'messages' and breadcrumbs by TH-camrs (likely well-intentioned) just like that lost or unattainable lover in real life does to them.
Their sense of powerlessness and desperation is palpable.
I appreciate you sharing your wisdom, Anna. Your sincere truth-telling is very much needed in today's climate of people seeking a quick fix, bandaid or easy distraction from the hard, internal work that needs to be done on oneself. You are beacon guiding us back to where the real answers reside. Much love and respect.
Sooooo true
When I would go to bed at night, I would start thinking of magical things like I could fly or I had a garden full of flowers. Oh 😮I could protect everyone beneath me while I was flying. . .
23:25, I think it goes also for when people are in a relationship with you and just let you think that maybe they’ll marry you and have children with you someday.
So glad you highlighted the manipulative ways of the narcisist, fueled by these savior fantasies of the women involved.
Such an insightful video, Anna. I really love how you explain things. I'm learning so much from your teachings ❤
I've just discovered this channel and have been watching a lot of videos at double speed & taking notes. It's been so useful!
This one made me step back and remember adults who told me I was spacy and needed to get my head on straight, or else. But one thing I was spacing out about? Convincing myself/figuring why that all was tough love. (It wasn't.)
I'm older now than they were then. I still need and appreciate help burying that bad stuff.
Thanks for sharing! So glad you found the channel :) -Calista@TeamFairy
To meet someone who really takes out the best of you and wants you 24/7, you need to stop seeing other who don't. ❤️ This is such an interesting channel! I learn a lot and wish I had it when I was younger. I think a lot of stuff with emotions and relations should be teached as an ongoing subject in school. I mean; we all have relations, and if they are happy and healthy you often feel happy. What is more important than that?
That standard the LW sets at 05:53 -- this is the way. It also has to be mutual.
Think out of the proverbial box. "Magical thinking" is actually using your brain correctly. However, if it is discouraged it is not developed correctly and can lead to trouble.
Thank you! I recognise myself in this story🙌🏻
I don't explain or defend myself anymore. I leave.
Thankyou for your insightful videos Anna. You are honest and insightful and do so in a loving straightforward manner. I admire your strength compassion and honesty. Keep doing what you do. ❤
Thank you so much!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I clicked on the video because the title called me out and now I have to hear more
Hope you found it helpful!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I love this episode. I could relate so much. ❤ I'm trying to be on my own now emotionally and grow my strength.
That's great!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I really wish I'd found these videos in my 20s but no time like the present. I have let go of many limerent relationships and can actively avoid it now..tho I'm still far too in my head and not present when I'm with my partners but I know this is an issue and it's alot better now. Thank you.
You can do it!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Twin flames are the same tortured soul playing out a bad childhood
Not necessarily all Twin flame have a bad childhood
@@freebee9172 yes all! We all date out childhood. It's a fact we are calibrated to marry those who injure us as we were injured as children. Everyone you love, date and marry is the same asshole your parents were, often relationships blow up after a month for this reason, it's the reason for the high divorce rate and the reason our culture flourished when it was more religious because we were culturally obliged to be responsible and stay in it. Of course religion gave us science and then we used science to denounce the religion, thus removing its roots hence the spike in narcissistic people, initially atheists were like me and believed in the 10 commandment and acting as though there was a higher power but now that we have no higher power them by proxy we are god, hence the narcissism. Throw in the Unabomber libertarian theory about the ills of technology ( which is correct despite his disturbing methods of getting it out there ) and mix in mass media, now we have larger and larger mass formation phsycosis than at any point in history, take ww1 and 2, both could have been avoided an contrary to popular belief the winners were just as bad as the loosers they all had a part to play, just like an any relationship ie the fact we put Hitler into power on purpose in 1933 which most people don't know. Now these mass formations get bigger with technology and mass media, leaving us more and more disconnected from the self and the other, with no religion or a strong atheists Judeo-Christian moral structure thus making us god, children are abused by the very environment they live in and everyone is behaving badly even those from.gealthy family's and most families have historic trauma from ww2, the child needs to one day for a family, so the imprint is created by 7 in the reptile part of the brain this includes being gay and bi, and then we have a subconscious radar, when you see that sexy person at the other side of the room and you cant take their eyes off them, well you have found your poison. Dump that person and you will find another. The best chance you have is 2 people willing to do therapy. By 2030 though relationships will start to improve, relationship therapists though they are brilliant in what they do don't study cyclical phycology economists do, particularly Austrian economists like Von Mises and what the therapists don't realise is the narcissism is going to burn out at the end of the decade at the latest as we are living through an event in time known as a 4th turning which will end by 2030 at the latest, after that the mass behaviour will improve and I suspect our relationships will become easier as our culture rejects narcissism. In short we all date out childhood but our culture is screwing with the whole system.
I don’t think she understands true twin flames. It’s not supposed to be a bad toxic relationship at all. People use the term twin flame incorrectly and it gets a bad rap.
@@KKTanaa Walt Disney would agree with you, and that's another reason our relationships are having so many problems today
@@marcritchie4968 Unhealed individuals entering relationships are the reason there are problems in relationships and will always be. There are a lot of false information out there on a lot. I get people teach from their perspective. No one is exempt from that. And we typically opt for what we resonate with the most, unfortunately.
Wow! Very valuable info. I was future faked more than once by both LTR beaus. I feel this lady's pain. I am older and also not financially stable. Self sabotage and totally hermitized as i can find no one who wants to be friends at my age. My shy & quirky don't help, but i wouldn't be me then ... gotta finish watching this great video!
May you find a true partner and good friends, one step at a time! What are LTR beaus?
Edit: haha, I found the answer and it is pretty telling of my lack of LTR or a long-term relationship and the search for it (the abbreviation is common on dating sites I learned via the search). It is science fiction to me. I'm still at a loss with what beaus mean, though. English is not my first language. All the best your way!
Thanks so much for sharing!
-Cara@TeamFairy
@@kikki2012 :: hi ... it's old fashioned slang for boyfriend ... bo / beau ☮️💟
@@kikki2012 ::
Thank you so kindly!!
☮️💟 to you and yours !!
@@newtuber4freedom43 Ah, thank you for clearing that up! 🙏
When I got into bed when I was about ten I fantasised I was a loved prinsess. I loved to go to bed and I think that fantasy saved my life.
another video for ME-E-E-E!!! thank you, i love you.
This is by far the best video I watched ❤️ thank you! And the timing is even better!
Glad it was helpful!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I can’t sum up how useful this channel has been for me in helping along that final amount of understanding since finding it about a week ago. Thank you so much for your work. You radiate wisdom
I did this type of cycle right up until a few years ago.. almost 50 now, so if I can break the cycle there must be hope! I highly recommend the song New Rules by Dua Lipa. Sounds silly but I'm very musically motivated and it helps me stay on track ♥️
Thank you, Anna, for your beautiful love. So glad God turned ashes to beauty. Shalom.
Loved, loved, loved this video.
Thanks so much!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Very true. I fight it everyday.
I always vividly picture/pictures someone comforting me over whatever I was upset about, eventually that turned into “how can I turn this bad thing that happened to me into good attention from someone else” and now that coping mechanism greatly affects my life, I always have trouble realizing that IM the person who’s going to save me, no matter how much someone loves me they’re not obligated to put up with what I can barely put up with myself. Lol rant over
Thank you so much for your amazing content. Very insightful
My sync word for the person I was limerant over was Lotus. Very long story and very synchronistic how that word was chosen. I remember in group therapy my therapist said I think it’s time to set down some of the fantasy. Right after she said that someone from group walked in with some cookies that she was excited to share with all of us the brand was Lotus 😂 I turned to the therapist and she said yeah that was weird! The interesting thing about the word lotus is it’s not just known for its spiritual meaning and rising up out of the muck if it’s ingested it puts you to sleep/in a dreamlike state. I was definitely asleep over the connection with this person. Glad to be awake!
Yes, it's good to be awake :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I can’t see the mechanism of magical thinking I developed as “brilliant”. It’s the least tragic and I definitely hate it. Everybody can see the obvious but never me. It’s so hard and isolating.
I strongly recommend The Daily Practice. It is a good tool to get clarity about things that are confusing. You can try out the free course here if you’re interested: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
Nika@TeamFairy
This is ruining my yin side ☯️ but i really learning interesting things on these videos i appreciate it so much.
Could you explain what you mean by that cz I think I know what you're talking about
I keep seeing 96 so I think it's my guardian angels telling me my Ying Yang is unbalanced
I remember this one. It’s a good lesson.
Thanks for listening again!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Is it possible to have CPTSD if your family life overall was pretty normal? No addicts, no overt violence or abuse. Both of my parents had a quite rough and neglectful family though.
But I remember feeling overwhelmed, unseen and my feelings not taken seriously as a child. When I expressed frustration or anger my parents would often react with annoyance and lack of understanding.
Yes, this was more like my history. Nothing flagrant or dramatic, but just quiet NON-acknowledgement of me and who I was. Only my accomplishments mattered, and those had to be the ones my parents thought mattered, not ones that resonated for me. We looked like the ideal family on the outside, and appearances mattered more than anything. It certainly confused reality. When I expressed feelings or opinions, they replied, "you don't feel that," "you don't want to do that." My sisters bought into this and played the game, so I was the odd one out and believed there was something wrong with me. It's been a long journey.
Where would I find the quiz mentioned in the letter?
Thank you, great teachings xx
I’m not sure what I escaped, my dad used to have a temper and my mom used to sometimes make me feel like I talk too much, but I don’t feel like that should warrant the way I maladaptive daydream now
These videos are so helpful. Thank you so much!
Glad you like them!
-Cara@TeamFairy
A soulmate who puts you through pain, angst and disappointments is not a soulmate, it is a soul parasite
You said it!
This is it. Thank you.
you're enough as you are
I remember this video from about a year ago. Do we have an update from Olivia?
Maybe she'll chime in.
Thanks Anna I loved that, the childhood neglect resonates with me. And watching you is helping me move on. I hope Olivia watches this, and she’s doing ok today. 🙏
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy what do you think about someone having this magical thinking daydreaming in as teenager it lasts for years until maybe late 20's but never had neglect problem as child or any traumatic childhood memories?!
I really needed to see this.
So glad you did!
-Cara@TeamFairy
18:52 -
So... I'll try kind, though I won't prolly b real good at it.
U C? She "quit hooking up with him"...
I talked about this the other day... and do I Really have to say anymore??
Prolly not.
(I did pretty good there - right?)
24:36 - again again again... you r So good at this.
25:33 - yes, that's manipulative.
26:42 - Love this part.
I appreciate your wisdom and these programs you’ve created a re insightful, truth revealing and eye opening. Thank you for the work you do.