Narcissist's Family
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 11 ก.ย. 2010
- Everything You Need to Know about Narcissists, Psychopaths, and Abuse - click on this link: www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq...
As siblings or progeny grow older, the narcissist begins to see their potential to be edifying, reliable and satisfactory Sources of Narcissistic Supply. His attitude, then, is completely transformed. The former threats have now become promising potentials. He cultivates those whom he trusts to be the most rewarding. He encourages them to idolise him, to adore him, to be awed by him, to admire his deeds and capabilities, to learn to blindly trust and obey him, in short to surrender to his charisma and to become submerged in his follies-de-grandeur. It is at this stage that the risk of child abuse - from emotional incest and up to and including outright incest - is heightened. The narcissist is auto-erotic. He is the preferred object of his own sexual attraction. His siblings and his children share his genetic material. Molesting or having intercourse with them is as close as the narcissist gets to having sex with himself. (From the book "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" by Sam Vaknin - Click on this link to purchase the print book, or 16 e-books, or 2 DVDs with 12 hours of video lectures on narcissists, psychopaths, and abuse in relationships: www.narcissistic-abuse.com/the...)
The narcissist should not create children at all.
Why? Are you dependent on them financially? If not, there is no excuse to stay in touch with them.
Dear Sam you are role model for me. after 19 years of living with highly abusive Narcissistic husband i have decided to take a divorce, but i was extremely confused about my kids they are in their teens and i never wanted to take away their father from them, because i used to think father is essential for young ones. Though he thinks these kids are his enemies because they are more close to me and love me, i still believe my husband must have a role to play in their lives as a father but after listening to your lectures i think my theory is wrong and its not going to work in future. kindly guide me more if u have time.
Seema Umer daughter of a narcissist here,save your kids the heartache of having a traumatic childhood, the only wish I had as a child is that my parents would divorce, I was sick of listening to fights and being abused emotionally and mentally, eventually I ended up with an attachment disorder and extreme issues that I have to work on for the rest of my life, sometimes I blame my mother for staying, but I understand she was terrified, to stay is a betrayal to your children, he has no positive role to play, leeeeaaaavvve.
I m dependent on them financially !! I m 30 years old I stayed at home since I graduated from university till find a job ! and they started their control in everything Even what I have to say or think !! They tried always to understand in a deferent way =paranoia thinking !!!!
I become without any privacy!! Depressed all the time !! Feeling pressure and stressed ! They Control my life !! My feelings my time my goals !!! I become afraid and uncomfortable !!! Everytime i stayed away for a long period of time from them I feel so good and peace !! They kill my real me! They are sooooo toxic !!!
I m trying to run as soon as possible !!
@@arijarij9571 As hard as it may be to move into the public shelter system, you will at least be on your own - you can begin to un-program from the parents manipulation. When you arrive at the shelter(or sooner) - begin applying for geared to income rent and/or other transition shelters. Social assistance, albeit difficult is essential and a healthier life-line. You can't begin to heal /recover if you are still in the toxic environment. Good Luck.
Evil is so present in this world that it makes the old testament in the Bible a joke😂.
I was the golden child but became the scapegoat after exercising my independence. Soon after, I had a son who has now become the golden child and is now being manipulated and overly spoiled. I'm going nuts because I never noticed until recently what has been going on.
And so then in most cases the child turns into a narcissist and goes into the world and spreads this sickness even more. However, I do believe that there are children who grow up and brake the chain. They are the opposite of that. They are the light.
My ex was really nice to his mom and sisters and would always try to make me feel like i was less than. It was weird.
That’s the love bombing
That's what they always do.. for them u are always less than...
Finally I understand my father’s abuse and insane behavior. I could never understand why he sexually abused me, when he clearly hated me. All these years I’ve struggled with wondering why. Good riddance. Thank you.
ugh! you described my dad. I knew he was jealous and competed with me, but I couldn't wrap my head around why. I thought my accomplishments would garner pride and respect from him. Looking back, when opportunities presented themselves to me he made an effort to make sure I didn't feel confident in pursuing it; when challenging situations brought me to a crossroad, he encouraged me to quit. He hated me and made it clear that he wanted nothing to do with me, and I was completely puzzled about it until I started reading up on narcissism. He's the poster child for the disorder. You know what his profession was? Child psychologist!
He repeated the same pattern 3 times, abusing and abandoning 2 families, each with children who had no idea about his other families. This all came out in the open when he became fatally ill. He recovered and died very suddenly a few years later. During that period, he completely shut me out, probably trying to convince each family that the other family was crazy and he had no choice but to do what he did. Who knows what kind of bullshit he was feeding everyone to keep up with his facade as an intelligent and caring child therapist?!
I forgave him after he died (never even had the chance to tell him that), but he really fucked up my and may others' lives. I forgave him for my own healing. Must have been terrifying to face death after living a whole life of deception and abuse.
It's so hard having a narc in the immediate family. They are so destructive. They are evil people.
The story of my life. I was the baby of four kids . My eight year old narcissister annexed me at birth . I adored her as a child does a mother . I vaguely recall some inappropriate sexual behavior when I was around four . I didn’t see her for what she is until I was 18 or 19 . I’m aware of what she is and try to get along with her for family’s sake . She’s very jealous of me now . She frequently engages in smear campaigns against me . I ignore them. I hope people know better and if they don’t , well fuck it . It’s hard to realize the sister I love so much is an illusion .
It’s very sad when you find outs it a illusion and Act .... but believe them when they show you who they are ... and have your guard and boundaries in place sadly they don’t change 🧐 and don’t fall for the fake pity play ... they want your pity so that they can manipulate you
You are so bang on. This is exactly what my ex narc did. Everyone around him was a threat to him. He even distanced himself from his own children and they made comments about it to me. He had already distanced himself from me years before because he was living a double cheating life. These narcissists are such disturbing people. Their actions are inhuman and hurtful and they don't care.
Dear Sam, you have BRILLIANTLY, in your crystal, clear giftedness, just afforded me a significant piece of my family puzzle. I have the deepest gratitude and respect for your generosity. Thank you, for having the most profound effect on humanity. Multi-generational family abuse and darkness can go on ad infinitum until the proper knowledge is afforded to all who are interested. This has the power to change the course of future generations, ending lifetimes and legacies of pain, shame, chronic isolation, loneliness, indescribable rage, and human darkness. It opens the door for family members to walk into a life of light, true love, and emotional freedom.
Thank you Sam, you just described the cycle I was in for 10 years, meeting my husband, living together in heaven for 2 years , got our daughter, he completely monopolized her from the day she was born (I had to ask him if I could hold my baby as well, didnt understand what the hell was happening) , going everywhere with her, taking in the compliments people gave him- then she grew older, didnt want to listen to his 'I am the master", 'Who is the boss', 'that's my daughter" stuff anymore already at the age of 4, he then started critizizing her (I was already being punished verbally for years) and started talking about conspiracies from his family/religion/evil spirits against him being succesful etc- then started sabotaging (of course he has never paid anything for his kid, and even gets really upset when I ask for money or support) our family, his work (his salary was for himself alone of course), I was to blame for everything, and my kid (suddenly my kid, not his when doing something wrong in his eyes) didnt listen to him as she should. Then started to talk about moving out etc. Evenutally I sought help with a psychologist, she diagnosed him as being a narc. I got him to leave the house since june, working on his ego. that he would be better off without us, that he could save more money that way etc blabla, he fell for it. He is out now.
...just to dump the first sacred child when a more desirable one (son) comes along. Sam is dead on the money in something that's too horrid to ever imagine.
karlippo how are you getting on now? Hope your wee girl is ok.
This is great. My ex narc was jealous of a new stuffed animal I got for my birthday. He asked what he ate and I jokingly said rainbows and clouds (It's a unicorn). He said I'll give you a rainbow and punched it a bunch of times and threw it through the air. He told me once he didn't like me sleeping with it and he asked me if I loved the stuffed animal more than him. I thought it was a joke, but I know a lot about narcissists and could tell he was actually really jealous and this video confirms it!! By the way he is 41.
He sounds more like a sociopath. This is a very disturbing episode you're describing. Glad to hear you're free now.
OMG.....
I saw this in my brother. All he does is brag about his 2 "genius" children, but he forces them to adopt to his extreme beliefs, and closed them off from the rest of the world, it's influences and those that think differently from him. They are more his "creation" than individual kids. He created them in his own image. Extensions of him.
That's really sick
My sister in-law did this to me!!!! Wtf!! i wondered why she got so evil towards me as Soon as she found out I was marrying her brother!!! Wow!! Thank you for this!!! #mindblown
That explains why he seemed so relieved to dissolve his family but we were equally happy to be apart from him and his bizarre behavior. Our extended family of grandparents, with the exception of my father’s mother, all came together to fill in the gap for us.All I remember hearing about from my father, all the time ,was his hurt feelings. That was his refrain.
Wow. My father molested his younger sister too. She maintained that he did some sort of hypnosis with her. Entrainment, perhaps? She had vague health problems all her life and migraines. She was never a fully functional adult that I can remember. She became a Seven Day Adventist. She had a sons but I could never be around them growing up like my other cousins. I think because he molested his younger sister, his mother sent her sons to live with their father, my grandfather at the age of 10, though it was never openly discussed. He later molested me when I was 14. I repressed the memory until my daughter was born, then I remembered. I had to be hospitalized with depression many times. I had years of individual therapy and group therapy. It was so difficult for me to talk about. I would shake and be just terrified but I talked about it anyway. I always wondered if he did something to keep me from talking about it. I was determined to be a good mother to my kids and protect them. I basically no contacted with my dad to keep my sanity and protect my kids from him. So glad I did. Wish I had known about your book back then Dr Vaknin, it sure would have made things much easier, but I know now and I can untangle from this mess with more clarity.
You just described my parents. I could never understand why my mother absolutely ignored me in the adult years I lived with her when I was sick. Both of my parents made it seem like there was something wrong with me, and my mother repeatedly gave me excuses about what she was going through. But she had no job, and never checked up on me, would ignore me daily for years, and her complaints about me were from when I was a kid. My father admitted to me that he had always resented me because I took away from him. He always took out his frustrations out on me, even if I wasn't really the source of his frustrations. He told me that it was something about my personality. I knew that he valued his relationship with my mom and brother, but my dad and I had always had a strained relationship. Therefore, he didn't value our relationship. At least not enough to care how he treated me in comparison to my mother and brother.
I suffered sexual molestation at the hands of my brother, repressed these memories, and am currently trying to make sense of it. Thank you for your detailed commentary, especially regarding auto-eroticism and annexation. I wonder how to move forward because the memories are so potent and, at times, destabilizing. I am 34, so I feel like I am beginning this journey on understanding the narcissist very late and, frankly, feel blindsided. Again, many thanks for your work-it is extraordinarily helpful.
You can work through it. I did. Be brave.
And now I understand why he liked children and animals so much. Thank you.
My Ex Narc has 8 kids by 8 women n I could never understand y he leave them as soon as they get pregnant n doesn't come around to the child is 5 or older omg.....this is so true
OMG...this is explained so clearly...I lived this. This cycle is what happened to me with my father...I have found this hard to listen too, but will watch it again until I understand it properly. Thank you.
Wow this is crazy ! Absolutely insane
you reminded me of my narcissist boss his name is Chris szeles haha
I cried while watching this it's exactly how I ended up as I am right now a single mother struggling with two school aged children We had it all and now I know why he sabotaged our family he is a narcissist without a doubt but I don't know how to get on with my life without him I've been dependent on him since I fell for him at the age of 17 I have been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder from growing up with narcissistic parents pain is all I know How can I be strong and move on after his horrific abuse I also developed ptsd from him trying to kill me He claims he won't stop untill he takes "HIS"kids away from me I need help...can you give me some advice it would be greatly appreciated DR. Vadkin BTW I watch all your videos religiously you are a very intelligent and intriguing man Thank You for all you do you have proved to be a greatly valuable source of information for many of us who suffer from narcissistic abuse this is truly your life's calling...may you prosper 👏
Sorry spelled Vaknin wrong
+G Gonzalez I would be happy to respond to ONE or TWO SPECIFIC questions, either by referring you to relevant pages on my Web site, or, in the absence of such pages, by composing a response.
I hope your doing well Gina. My narc discarded me with 6 kids. He did me a favour! I’m finally free from all the evilness that was once in my home, find solace in your children,family & friends, be kind to yourself and pray. May God bless you and bring you happiness xxxx
Brilliantly describes my mother. Thank you!
its something how you explain my mom and dad to a tee. wonder y they got together. they hate me but try to hide with gaslighting
I searched your videos but could not find any about narcissistic brothers. Especially in the context of a family business. Thanks for all your interesting and helpful information.
Another exact description. Thank you for your clearing things up.
thank you i dodged a bullet
Is my Husband a Narcissist ? he makes harsh comments and put downs ,acts like having your own opinion is an insult and seems cold . when i got pregnant he said why did you do this to me :\ it rang alarm bells but he was sweet in other ways but only ever if something in it for him . Im scared its damaged our child and feel powerless
This is interesting. Could you do a video on narcissistic sibling dynamics? My narcissistic younger sister covets what I have.. since we were kids and up until now as adults, she gets her sense of self esteem from taking what's mine, stealing my identity, and covertly rallying people in my life to go against me. She is now best friends with someone who was my close friend. This has happened twice. She seduces the men who show interest towards me. She is the golden child and works extra hard to control our parents. She chose the same career as me and goes after the same opportunities. I wish she would be happy to live her life for herself but unfortunately, she gets the most satisfaction from "stealing" from me. I used to get really upset about it but now I just laugh and realize that it's actually a compliment, and that she's insecure. There's an aspect of it that it is really dark though, and it's almost like she is determined to do whatever it takes to ruin my self concept of myself. It worked for so long but I woke up. And I've recently gone no contact and stopped sharing information with her.
This is very true
WOW! Incredible. Thank you.
is this a situation where Munchausen by proxy may ocure
so true....
@samvaknin I've watched several of your videos about narcissists. Can you make a video about how to handle narcissistic parents?
In one of your videos you said it's better to stay away as far as possible from narcissists, but since they are my parents i can't stay away as far as I want it to be. I gotta interact with them somehow.
Thanks.
No u don't go no contact
True.
PLEASE HELP me and give some advice!
My children's good friends in the neighbourhood are narcissistically abused by their parents: boy-twins of 11 years with an obviously narcisstic stepfather and an also 11 year old girl with a narcisstic mother.
I am really worried about these children, and to see how they are treated really depresses me.
As far as I know from both families, there is no physical or sexual abuse, so there is nothing "relevant" that I could tell the youth welfare office.
BUT: Is there anything else I can do for them (apart from showing and telling them how much we love and respect them?)
Can I teach them, somehow suitable for childern, how to deal with their narcissistic parents, for example not to criticise them, (to pretend) to adore their parents etc., till there are old enough to leave?
Can I somehow positively influence/manipulate the narcissistic parents?
Petra (from Germany)
www.narcissistic-abuse.com/ctcounsel.html
Lease please my sin used me as his supply . Verbal abuse at nauseum . He has destroyed me. Why nothing on mother abuse and why ?..
Sam Vaknin Two months ago I had a series of crisis' after realizing the nature of several influential family members. I was the SG.. my brother the GC. I've since cut off contact with all immediate and extended family.. except my spouse who is also a survivor like I am.. and our kids. As we've been modeled some distressing and dysfunctional ways of being in this world, how can I quell the narcissistic characteristics I see in myself as a result... and teach my children better also ?
Dear Kelly,
Only a qualified mental health diagnostician can determine whether someone suffers from Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and this, following lengthy tests and personal interviews.
These may be of help - click on the links:
vaksam.tripod.com/1.html
vaksam.tripod.com/npdglance.html
vaksam.tripod.com/faq82.html
vaksam.tripod.com/faqpd.html
Narcissistic and psychopathic parents and their children - click on the links:
health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/4727
Healing and Curing Narcissism
vaksam.tripod.com/faq63.html
vaksam.tripod.com/faq77.html
vaksam.tripod.com/faq70.html
vaksam.tripod.com/faq12.html
vaksam.tripod.com/10.html
vaksam.tripod.com/case03.html
vaksam.tripod.com/faq31.html
vaksam.tripod.com/abusefamily8.html
vaksam.tripod.com/personalitydisorders37.html
vaksam.tripod.com/personalitydisorders45.html
Links to Therapist Directories, Psychological Tests, NPD Resources, Support Groups for narcissists and their victims, and Tutorials:
health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/5458
Support groups for victims of narcissists and psychopaths (and one or two groups for narcissists)
dmoz.org/Health/Mental_Health/Disorders/Personality/Narcissistic/Support_Groups/
Take care there!
Sam
th-cam.com/users/samvaknin (Narcissists, Psychopaths, Abuse)
th-cam.com/users/vakninmusings (World in Conflict and Transition)
th-cam.com/users/vakninsays (Sayings of Wisdom and Inanity)
www.narcissistic-abuse.com (Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited)
Thank you so much ! That's a lot of resource material to go through. I have joined a support group and its been quite helpful just having validation that I'm not completely crazy in my observations. Regardless of whether anyone in my family meets the pathological definition.. my goal is only to improve my own emotional health and well being so I can move on with life and not mess up my kids. Because I've had to deal with obvious forms of abuse (no mistaking childhood sexual abuse for something other than that), recognizing the hidden emotional abuse at the hands of people I thought loved me has been very hard to come to terms with.. given how hard I tried to please them my whole life. I'm glad to be free of them. I'll keep reading.. and then maybe do something fun for a change. That'd be nice.. Thanks again. :)
You simply just described my family we live in africa a small country called Rwanda..ahaha my dad gave us all this😂😂..30 years of pure hell.. But now everyone is out..he is left with the valued second family and they are very poor..because he doesn't work daaaa before it was the money of others..he also has psychopathy
my mother is a narcissit i'm the scape goat my older sister the oldest is the golden child she got pregnant at 15 have her baby at 16 and the mother/ sieter /me/niece plays a BIG part in a lot of my whole life niece born in 1984 I was born in 1977 my sister already hated me she was born in 1968 my mother raised my niece and late my sieter had 2 more kids and even she moved out my mother raised them they nearly lived with us... my sister and probably mom taught sisters kids to hate me and they got away with it and now i'm sick and 37 and last 8 years or so I am like the neice and oldest niece born 84 is like the aunt I am not good enough
Interesting, but I've seen that kind of over-thinking in the humanities instance a lot. Certainly a narcissist finds a more real-life reason for "projecting" himself unto his family members than then on the grounds of genetics.
Ya...they're just the greatest of lovers and here I thought it was his catholic upbringing.
1:25, 3:45