”Relationship security is the holy grail of relationships. In each one of our relationships, we are working to achieve it. Relationship security being a state of safety, certainty and confidence about each other and about the bond between you, which brings about a natural state of ease, relaxation and wellbeing. Relationship security is not something that just happens, you have to actually actively create it. When we don’t have security in a relationship, it presents a real problem. The parts of ourselves that protect us from the other person come to the forefront and usually destroy the relationship instead of make it better. We enter into a state of distress, causing us to literally become unhealthy on a mental, emotional and physical level. Our self-confidence, self-worth and estimation of our own lovability takes a nose dive. Our energy levels, motivation and productivity are decreased. We default to dysfunctional behaviors and coping mechanisms to try to manage the fear and pain we feel. And the list goes on and on”. Teal Swan. Thank you Teal 🌎
@@bloodymary3008 If talking about it in a vulnerable way and resolving the issue isn't possible, then leaving would seem like the healthiest option. 😅
We all do until we don’t….✨ The dance of relationships happens until we become conscious of “our part played” this is when we pull back enjoy “single secure behaviours” and await someone more alike…. The “dance” stops when we play a different tune… Dance alone for a bit and you’ll eventually meet someone you can communicate easily with… ahhh heaven! 😃✨
How do we even prioritize different needs instead of the need for relationship security, if humans primary need is connection? Im confused, could you clear this perceived contradiction up, please?
The need for connection is the greatest need, but some people feel "connected" enough when they hold someone at arm's lenght and other people suffer when they can't connect at a deeper level, so you can potentially have a relationship where one partner feels completely fine with their connection and the other partner feels severely depleted and taken for granted without ever getting close to the type of connection they need to feel secure and satisfied with their relationship and it's the same relationship! Someone looking from the outside may think that this relationship seems healthy and normal when it's in fact toxic for the person who never gets their needs met and they could also think that a particulat relationship is toxic, when it's actually healthy, but the couple is arguing passionately about their different needs and they get noisy according to their neighbors.
Hey Divine mother i am man but i still love listening your inner perception. Could you please advice us on how to be a greatest man a greatest lover in this time where lots of distraction and divorces gender fights increase day by day. Love from India 🙏🏾💚
As you said, building security in the relationship is something we do continuously. Unfortunately not everyone is worth our energy and time to do so. Why does it sound so bad to leave? Some relationships are truly painful and has no benefits whatsoever. When we know we’ve done anything we could and nothing seems to support our best interests then it is time to leave🙏
@@sofiadmnt3010 what was meant is- you have avoidant attachment from Bolby's attatchment theory. I'd advise anyone to look into it, who hasn't already.
We humans and our incessant, overcomplicating behaviors, its exhausting. Ima just keep 'dating' myself, its so much more peaceful this way. Blessed be y'all.
Finally, someone who speaks English! Just for the first consequences mentioned, it is a huge relief to hear someone other than me say it and validate it. You have no idea how painful it is to appear from another planet in the face of these notions and logics that seem so obvious, crucial and vital to me. On an insecure relationship of long duration, these consequences can be catastrophic up to lethal. Confronting the power of (emotional) security in a relationship is like confronting the power of trust, communication and even love, none of them can endure or suffice in time without security. The suffering that is inflicted to deny someone security can be beyond the imagination (depending on the type of relationship, of course) and the consequences also go beyond the imagination. I don’t even mention the fact that giving and destroying security repeatedly is a trauma machine as effective as it is dangerous already for oneself (because one becomes the source of one’s own insecurity), but infinitely more for the other if it is a fundamental need in the relationship. If you are not ready to build security in a relationship for what it brings greater, powerful, beautiful and soothing than your immediate desires, you are simply not able to build a lasting relationship and you are just living it, but in a superficial or transitory way, not really bonding. But above all, never forget that you are not alone in this relationship and that your actions do not involve only you. Thank you. Thank you so much Teal.
This video feels like it ties up nicely with the study of attachment styles. Enmeshment that underlies the avoidant attachment lends itself to a lot of subconscious patterns and protest behaviors that end up depleting the relationship security bank.
I find the best way for ME, myself to understand relationship security is to actually understand what I look for in those relationships and then confide and communicate these thoughts and words in those relationships. Setting the autonomy and clear boundaries that I'm hoping for the other to understand without coming off of passive aggressively. It's not to be confused with the it's my way or the highway alternative. It's clearly specifying what you want through ones actions. For example, I went through a recent break up with a beautiful southern girl. However, what we thought was love, was actual trauma bonding. After a couple of weeks of just knowing each other, we quickly and rapidly moved in together, just in the first couple months of getting to know each other. My sacred space was being cleaned however, certain aspects like the fridge was getting broken or her dog had flees so than I brought it to her attention. She automatically falls into victim as if "I'm daddy" and she's being punished. Neither here nor there, she immediately shuts down and goes silent. Which causes no room for discussion and further makes awkward silence with her back turned to me on the couch. Not much room for security let alone discussion for any area of improvement. Reality was there was no autonomy because there was no clear set boundaries, no room for discussion and communication and constant bar hopping and situational avoidance. Long story short, although you yourself thinks, feels or does something doesn't necessarily make that thing reality. Turns out the person was using me for my being. For shelter, money and a punching bag when emotional distress came arise. The best way I handled this was by walking away by cutting all contact with said individual. Now, create that sacred space of people who will accept you for you isn't always easy as having your favorite slice of apple pie. First you have to warm it up on the oven instead of the microwave for that instant gratification. Love you Teal and TealTribefamily.
Note: People who are having nasty sideways partners or options counted cannot feel secure in a relationship because they tend to project their guilt and anxiety unto others because they are clingy codependents. Some people really don't know what being solemn and in solitude means and they cannot comprehend and respect that until they don't put the work themselves to be sovereign over their moods or at least to identify why their moods are shifting(maybe because they have recklessly connected to so many toxic people and addictions that are still intoxicating their mind, body and soul areas while the disturbances appear in the emotions as an indicator of their misdeeds as all of these 4 are interconnected). Also some people overly worry but they better do something to prepare to spend quality time(with somebody else) instead of overly demanding time for another to lay slackering with them in sloth's sin of laziness. Some structure!
@@bloodymary3008 depends on the purpose and the intents of that kind of connections, some humans protect and connect in order to nurture and build(or even rebuild and restore) while some people drain in order to take energy because they are selfish narcs degenerates. With mutual consideration and the pure good intents it's quite great but also a big responsibility. If the intents are only egoistical for gaining without caring to help then it's a nasty affliction. How you feel after having sex counts in order to indicate how to adjust, bond or rennounce(and detach).
Yes it's a need to slooow down, become contemplative and learn to put giving and receiving over taking and keeping. 💖✌️ Our peace is precious, health our real wealth. Well said, thanks for sharing. 💐💕
Im sorry I used to be that little crap that used to make others feel bad so that they don't take my presence for granted. Though For sure working on thyself has helped me stop doing that dumb crap!
Thank you Teal. It seems that even being direct about what we want is often a path to rejection about receiving what we want. In that case, I tend to focus on the compatibilities of the relationship to see if all, or at least most, areas are compatible.
I wish that I could actually convince myself of that. My life would be so much easier. I understand that my ego fused with hindsight bias will tell me anything to give me an illusion of control.
Greetings Teal; I know I'll meet you in person in this lifetime and in fact i remember you from a shared past life ❤ Thank you for all of your awesomeness, queen 👑🇪🇹
Wow Teal. About 10 years since I first saw you talk.. and still, you throw a right one at the right time. It's been a pain growing with your voice at the side, and I thank you for it 😂 Today, I can barely recognise the 20y old, who first watched your video on Oedipus complex. But he's relieved now that that too has passed, and I'm here for the cross of today 🐍
My wife had an affair and used this to get away day after day. I was emotionally upset everyday thinking how can I make things better .that went for 15 years then she was found out and we separated . 2 yrs later she wanted to come home this time she created relationship security . She did that to fool me she got smarter and was still cheating. Went on for a time but I got smarter also. Just sharing. Ty Teal good video ❤❤❤
That was so helpful. I’ve started noticing red flags from one person (we are not even dating yet since we’re in different countries) only to realise I also tend to do this with other man. Lol we are a perfect match and he is my mirror. Food for thought.
This was heaven sent when i needed to see it. Thank you so much. This may have answered the question of why 30 years of relationships have been a nightmare. Bless you.
Hey Divine mother i am man but i still love listening your inner perception. Could you please advice us on how to be a greatest man a greatest lover in this time where lots of distraction and divorces gender fights increase day by day. Love from India 🙏🏾💚
Feeling bullied, being manipulated - report them or go against them. Then feel justified and regained power. But usually does this with someone that might have more power so it’s risky
Love your videos, Teal. Have really helped me on my journey ❤❤ One request. Could you start leaving links to your recommended videos in the description? I often want to finish your video before watching another one where you talk about a topic more deeply and then struggle to find the links.
Teal ive watch most of your videos i can relate to some and some i cannot like “that i am in control of my reality whatever action i take the universe will follow quote” but i am currently dealing with immigration issues that limits what i truly want to do and my life is very different from what you speak of if you’re seeing this id like to understand
@Cara Tappenden Hope you're up for the challenge then! By the way, what's up with your profile pic? It's both alluring and weird at the same time. I feel like you and the big tree behind you share a secret that no one else is supposed to know. 😉😂 Cheers!✌
@TealSwanOfficial I would love to hear your opinion on dealing with insecurities coming from early abuse due to disability. I was born with limited and slowly decreasing vision (RP) and my parents could not cope with it. I haven't found a good technique yet to resolve many of those childhood trauma because when I go back to those memories I cant comfort the child saying they're wrong cos they were right in their insults most of the time because I do have a disability.
You dont have to say that they're wrong about the disability part. You might say to the child that he is perfectly lovable just as he is, with the disability and everything. And that now you'll take loving care of the child and will give him the warmth, tenderness etc. that he needs, and that he is worthy of a great life, and that you believe in him always, no matter what.
Can we just admit that security doesn't exist? The paradox being that in that understanding, we can find security in knowing that change will always happen. According to much of Teal's content, the guarantee of change is by universal design. Once we achieve a desire we're meant to want more...want less...want different. We're in a reality of perpetual conflict as a tool of learning and evolution. What I have found after YEARS dedicated to studying philosophy and psychology is that the bulk of content offered by a variety of creators generates personal insecurity on the myth that stability exists. I say "myth," because so many are not stable within themselves enough to offer stability to anyone else while, themselves, seeking to be offered stability that others also cannot offer. And it's highly likely we're, individually, not meant to be stable. Life is not stable. For instance, maybe neither party sabotaged their relationship with the make-up bag, so much as the make-up bag provided an example to each of their different wants and needs in a relationship at that time. Clearly, the guy suffering enmeshment trauma needs to establish some individuality and a sense of self. That is his desire. By throwing the make-up bag in the trash, he had to have understood he was throwing the development of a more intimate relationship in the trash. He did nothing wrong and should find self-confidence in his truth. Similary, she did nothing wrong to leave the bag behind. She clued to her desire for more intimacy. She put out the question and got an answer. He's not ready to give her what she wants, and she can find confidence in knowing that about him and moving on to someone willing and able to meet her desire. Neither are the victims of the situation. Neither really sabotaged themselves. They simply shared the commonality of subconscious communication about their individual wants and needs. But his embrace of the make-up bag being left behind still would not have produced any real security for either party, because people change. They could've moved in together, got married, and still got divorced.
I think there’s a lot of validity to this. Although I wouldn’t mistake security for certainty. The thing she’s getting across is that the need to sooth insecurity is greater than the need for harmony/intimacy- which both the guy and girl in this scenario are guilty of. Had they been more secure with themselves and each other, they could’ve been more vulnerable and direct with what they need and want as opposed to making assumptions and thinking the other has bad intentions-or be more open to repair things after the fallout. People who are considered “stable” or “secure” can feel insecure, that’s human, but they largely don’t take things personally, assume the worst of others, or feel the need to play mind games in the first place.
It seems like all my relationships I get into or disasters. Have ladies telling me I'm nice looking. But never go out with me. I've never been married but are 57 years old.
I have a question can you please explain to me ..why do we feel and think about certain people after we have met and then we disconnect and never see each other again and then some other people we forget about them all together?
I do recommend that you consider the sound quality. I believe you have been producing for some time and yet the sound is still so poor and echoy. Please consider doing some basics in soundproofing. This is not a troll, just an ask Please look beyond your ego and listen. Thank you
yeah i been i weird funk ever since i seen a image of those 2 females. I looked to find that reference, its surely unecessary. When i was in school i was fortunate to take a class on communication and now its just a paper hidden in a manilla folder. Some things i find myself doing i dont even fully comprehend. I think back at Grumpy Old Men an another waste to avoid
It seems to me that leaving toiletries without even mentioning is rather presumptuous. If she didnt feel confident enough to speak about it, it could be her passive aggressive overstep
i think it’s more about his reaction. throwing it in the trash is wild 😂 if she’s sleeping at your house for months, u can’t expect her to use 2 in 1 shampoo every night.
@@pavanatanaya sure she should’ve asked. I would definitely ask, personally I don’t like to overwhelm my partner or move too fast. but if something as small as leaving some toiletries after months of staying there freaks someone out that much, it’s a good sign that they’re not ready for a commitment.
@@erikablu429 Sure, but leaving without asking is an unhealthy communication. You cant really blame his readiness for commitment by his reaction. If she felt so comfortable as to just leave her personal stuff behind without saying something, she needs to work on her communication. It is his place after all
@@pavanatanaya not to come at you, but sounds like you might have some commitment issues yourself. I trust Teal Swan‘s view on things, something this small should not bother you or the guy in the video this much. if there was someone I was seeing but i wasn’t ready to commit to… and they left a bag of toiletries in my house.. I would just say “I don’t think I’m ready for that yet”. pretty easy. that’s where the communication needs to happen. because it would wrong, it would be leading the person on if i were to invite them over just to use them… but then when they get attached to get all weird? saying i don’t want to commit, not even letting them bring some soap over? I mean what are you expect someone to do.. stay at your house for months, sleep with you, stay with you, and then just leave? to just act like friends with benefits when your relationship has gone well past that? that’s a fear of commitment, not a lack of communication.
I know a human that is pathologically insecure and this colours everything they do. Even reading a book. They often resort to self-harming. PTSD from childhood is responsible and is untreated because of lack of therapeutic intervention. This is due to lack of access to such a service. I don't know how I can help.
These Magicians, whose insincerity is their safety, are but the unemployed dandies of the Brothels. Magic is but one's natural ability to attract without Hiking; ceremony that is unaffected, its doctrine the negation of theirs...Self condemned in their disgusting existence, their emptiness of power, without even the magic of personal charm or beauty, they are offensive in their bad taste and motivation for advertisement...
This is a constant battle we face. And likely quite sexist. It's a cliche double standard rule: female are allowed to be vulnerable and have many insecurities, while men are not! Men are demanded to be constantly strong and show no sign of weakness, or we else are considered *nothing worthwhile, & weak.* The pressure is always on men to carry all the weight & be "perfect" and show no flaws. (Don't cry! Be a "man!") It's absolutely ridiculous. And what about those with mental illness? Who are emotionally vulnerable at times. Are we automatically disqualified from having a lasting romantic connection? Do we stand no chance? It's truly unfair & injustice. *I dare anyone to look me in the eyes, and tell me I'm wrong 😳😵💫😤😡*
Invest then test to meet and match levels of reciprocity with those who share similar values as yourself and are open and vulnerable to being equally yoked to building trust, growth, supportive healthy self expression and doing the right things for the right reasons in the connection, but first and foremost know yourself well enough to align with and become the very change you want to see in the world yourself. Value healthy connection over toxic attachment, know that nothing and noone is perfect or permanent. See others in terms of their vibration, how they make you feel energetically. Write out everything you honestly and realistically want in a partner and become that yourself to attract similar. 💝⚖️💝
@The Silent Knight Really interesting point you shared here! It was so heartfelt and delivered with such passion and fire, that imo it doesn't even matter whether I agree with it or not. I'd say, the whole dynamic of the man not being allowed to be vulnerable, cry, etc has EVERYTHING to do with the role men are supposed to be playing in a romantic relationship. And this then stems mainly from biology and the way this plays out in our current society. Purely from a biological point of view, it wouldn't make sense for a primordeal man to be vulnerable and cry whenever faced with an animal that could serve as dinner for the family. Also, to protect the woman from 'dangerous people', it wouldn't make sense to be vulnerable. So, from a biological point of view these 'cliche' notions and 'requirements' would make sense. On the other hand, if you were to look at it from a pure spiritual point of view, then these 'cliche' notions and requirements would be a bunch of BS. As spiritual security is totally different from biological security. Spiritual security is more about finding some sort of middle ground to integrate body & soul. And thus, the needs of both body & soul need to be taken care of. And without ever being vulnerable, there would be no growth and no progression. And to then only allow women to partake in this would indeed be an act of excluding men. Spiritually speaking, men should have the exact same opportunities to grow as women do. So, all in all, it's a matter of biology vs spirituality, and which one should get the upper hand with regards to allowing men to be equally vulnerable in a relationship as women. I believe that men should just own up to their vulnerability whilst being in a relationship AND women should allow men to be completely vulnerable within the relationship. And granted that a woman feels 'biologically' safe and secure within a relationship, there would be no reason at all for her to disallow a man being in touch with his vulnerable side. About people with mental illness, I believe they fully deserve to have a fulfilling relationship in which they get to be as vulnerable as can be. Men and women alike. If they're up for the challenge of dealing with the intricacies and complications that come with having a mental illness, then more power to them. We're ALL wired differently. Except, people with mental illness get to be labeled and pigeonholed as such, different. Whereas people without mental illness could have tons of 'complications', yet aren't labeled as such, so are deemed 'normal' by the general public. But, yeah, they fully deserve love. I'd like to finish off by saying, it's nice to see a 'Silent Knight' take center stage and really throw it all out there and speak from the deepest depths of their soul. Cheers and good luck!✌
Or people can simply detach from an overly attached partner that is with the energy badly dispersed and displaced all over the place instead of being in a harmonious flow state.
Teal swan❤ This is a good video that I've ever seen, friends are always connected, if friends need authentic Indonesian recipes, I make them, I complete your language for each video so you can try Indonesian dishes, greetings from Indonesia, friends
No. If the only thing preventing the relationship from falling appart is the threat of torture, there was never any relationship security to begin with.
@@Seamannon when there is little to no immediate consequences for something that slowly destroys society, that society will die. Being able to get away with something makes it infinitely more tempting. Nobody is free from the allure of temptation. We live in a time of extreme temptation. You can ruin your life with a smartphone in one day.
You have to be more secure with yourself. Relationship insecurity comes from trust issues, but as much as it is hard to trust others, you probably also don’t trust yourself. Meaning, you feel you wouldn’t be able to cope if you found out your partner was cheating as an example, so you put that insecurity into the relationship thinking it could prevent cheating. Whether that person cheats is out of your control, so the only thing you can be responsible for is vetting the right partner, being okay with any outcome of the relationship, and that whether they cheat or not say’s nothing about you or your value.
@@inthedetails5467 you're right. It is trust issues. But how can I learn to trust my self? My self-trust is borderline dangerous, I can't choose between which jeans I want because I don't know what *healthy* want- feels like. How can I fix this? How can I know how to choose?
![ออกพรรษาน้ำตาหล่น - แอน อรดี [OFFICIAL MV]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/PFZtOcY9ONA/mqdefault.jpg)
”Relationship security is the holy grail of relationships. In each one of our relationships, we are working to achieve it. Relationship security being a state of safety, certainty and confidence about each other and about the bond between you, which brings about a natural state of ease, relaxation and wellbeing. Relationship security is not something that just happens, you have to actually actively create it. When we don’t have security in a relationship, it presents a real problem. The parts of ourselves that protect us from the other person come to the forefront and usually destroy the relationship instead of make it better. We enter into a state of distress, causing us to literally become unhealthy on a mental, emotional and physical level. Our self-confidence, self-worth and estimation of our own lovability takes a nose dive. Our energy levels, motivation and productivity are decreased. We default to dysfunctional behaviors and coping mechanisms to try to manage the fear and pain we feel. And the list goes on and on”. Teal Swan. Thank you Teal 🌎
Well if you can't get relationship security, do you dump them ?
@@bloodymary3008 If talking about it in a vulnerable way and resolving the issue isn't possible, then leaving would seem like the healthiest option. 😅
I love this, thank you 💫🥇💯
Thank you for sharing this, I was really overwhelmed with so much information in 1,5 minutes 😂
@@sheeplove3429 ❤
We all do until we don’t….✨
The dance of relationships happens until we become conscious of “our part played” this is when we pull back enjoy “single secure behaviours” and await someone more alike…. The “dance” stops when we play a different tune… Dance alone for a bit and you’ll eventually meet someone you can communicate easily with… ahhh heaven! 😃✨
Still waiting
what does a difficult tune mean?
@@adrianoss.bougas3720 Oops I meant “different tune” …thanks for pointing out 😉
I'm here feeling it
Incase You'd Rather Read About It Instead: tealswan.com/resources/articles/deliberately/
How do we even prioritize different needs instead of the need for relationship security, if humans primary need is connection? Im confused, could you clear this perceived contradiction up, please?
The need for connection is the greatest need, but some people feel "connected" enough when they hold someone at arm's lenght and other people suffer when they can't connect at a deeper level, so you can potentially have a relationship where one partner feels completely fine with their connection and the other partner feels severely depleted and taken for granted without ever getting close to the type of connection they need to feel secure and satisfied with their relationship and it's the same relationship! Someone looking from the outside may think that this relationship seems healthy and normal when it's in fact toxic for the person who never gets their needs met and they could also think that a particulat relationship is toxic, when it's actually healthy, but the couple is arguing passionately about their different needs and they get noisy according to their neighbors.
Hey Divine mother i am man but i still love listening your inner perception. Could you please advice us on how to be a greatest man a greatest lover in this time where lots of distraction and divorces gender fights increase day by day. Love from India 🙏🏾💚
As you said, building security in the relationship is something we do continuously.
Unfortunately not everyone is worth our energy and time to do so.
Why does it sound so bad to leave?
Some relationships are truly painful and has no benefits whatsoever.
When we know we’ve done anything we could and nothing seems to support our best interests then it is time to leave🙏
I admit that I do that because when a person gets too close I feel like they'll take my independence away from me so create insecurity on purpose. 😊
So you're avoidant
@TheLastPityParty mmm not exactly, I just create insecurity in order to have some sense of control. I think.
@@sofiadmnt3010 what was meant is- you have avoidant attachment from Bolby's attatchment theory. I'd advise anyone to look into it, who hasn't already.
We humans and our incessant, overcomplicating behaviors, its exhausting. Ima just keep 'dating' myself, its so much more peaceful this way. Blessed be y'all.
Finally, someone who speaks English!
Just for the first consequences mentioned, it is a huge relief to hear someone other than me say it and validate it. You have no idea how painful it is to appear from another planet in the face of these notions and logics that seem so obvious, crucial and vital to me. On an insecure relationship of long duration, these consequences can be catastrophic up to lethal. Confronting the power of (emotional) security in a relationship is like confronting the power of trust, communication and even love, none of them can endure or suffice in time without security. The suffering that is inflicted to deny someone security can be beyond the imagination (depending on the type of relationship, of course) and the consequences also go beyond the imagination.
I don’t even mention the fact that giving and destroying security repeatedly is a trauma machine as effective as it is dangerous already for oneself (because one becomes the source of one’s own insecurity), but infinitely more for the other if it is a fundamental need in the relationship.
If you are not ready to build security in a relationship for what it brings greater, powerful, beautiful and soothing than your immediate desires, you are simply not able to build a lasting relationship and you are just living it, but in a superficial or transitory way, not really bonding. But above all, never forget that you are not alone in this relationship and that your actions do not involve only you.
Thank you. Thank you so much Teal.
we all a little broken in some ways, but you’re still valid and we’re all in this together ❤
This video feels like it ties up nicely with the study of attachment styles. Enmeshment that underlies the avoidant attachment lends itself to a lot of subconscious patterns and protest behaviors that end up depleting the relationship security bank.
I find the best way for ME, myself to understand relationship security is to actually understand what I look for in those relationships and then confide and communicate these thoughts and words in those relationships. Setting the autonomy and clear boundaries that I'm hoping for the other to understand without coming off of passive aggressively. It's not to be confused with the it's my way or the highway alternative. It's clearly specifying what you want through ones actions. For example, I went through a recent break up with a beautiful southern girl. However, what we thought was love, was actual trauma bonding. After a couple of weeks of just knowing each other, we quickly and rapidly moved in together, just in the first couple months of getting to know each other. My sacred space was being cleaned however, certain aspects like the fridge was getting broken or her dog had flees so than I brought it to her attention. She automatically falls into victim as if "I'm daddy" and she's being punished. Neither here nor there, she immediately shuts down and goes silent. Which causes no room for discussion and further makes awkward silence with her back turned to me on the couch. Not much room for security let alone discussion for any area of improvement. Reality was there was no autonomy because there was no clear set boundaries, no room for discussion and communication and constant bar hopping and situational avoidance. Long story short, although you yourself thinks, feels or does something doesn't necessarily make that thing reality. Turns out the person was using me for my being. For shelter, money and a punching bag when emotional distress came arise. The best way I handled this was by walking away by cutting all contact with said individual. Now, create that sacred space of people who will accept you for you isn't always easy as having your favorite slice of apple pie. First you have to warm it up on the oven instead of the microwave for that instant gratification. Love you Teal and TealTribefamily.
Note: People who are having nasty sideways partners or options counted cannot feel secure in a relationship because they tend to project their guilt and anxiety unto others because they are clingy codependents. Some people really don't know what being solemn and in solitude means and they cannot comprehend and respect that until they don't put the work themselves to be sovereign over their moods or at least to identify why their moods are shifting(maybe because they have recklessly connected to so many toxic people and addictions that are still intoxicating their mind, body and soul areas while the disturbances appear in the emotions as an indicator of their misdeeds as all of these 4 are interconnected).
Also some people overly worry but they better do something to prepare to spend quality time(with somebody else) instead of overly demanding time for another to lay slackering with them in sloth's sin of laziness. Some structure!
Isn't that special
@@bloodymary3008 depends on the purpose and the intents of that kind of connections, some humans protect and connect in order to nurture and build(or even rebuild and restore) while some people drain in order to take energy because they are selfish narcs degenerates. With mutual consideration and the pure good intents it's quite great but also a big responsibility. If the intents are only egoistical for gaining without caring to help then it's a nasty affliction. How you feel after having sex counts in order to indicate how to adjust, bond or rennounce(and detach).
Well I don't see how that's possible 🤔
Amen.Well said and observed.♥️💯⚘️
Yes it's a need to slooow down, become contemplative and learn to put giving and receiving over taking and keeping. 💖✌️ Our peace is precious, health our real wealth. Well said, thanks for sharing. 💐💕
Im sorry I used to be that little crap that used to make others feel bad so that they don't take my presence for granted. Though For sure working on thyself has helped me stop doing that dumb crap!
I do it coz I don't trust people.
Same⚘️
Thank you Teal. It seems that even being direct about what we want is often a path to rejection about receiving what we want. In that case, I tend to focus on the compatibilities of the relationship to see if all, or at least most, areas are compatible.
I wish that I could actually convince myself of that. My life would be so much easier. I understand that my ego fused with hindsight bias will tell me anything to give me an illusion of control.
Greetings Teal; I know I'll meet you in person in this lifetime and in fact i remember you from a shared past life ❤ Thank you for all of your awesomeness, queen 👑🇪🇹
Wow Teal. About 10 years since I first saw you talk.. and still, you throw a right one at the right time. It's been a pain growing with your voice at the side, and I thank you for it 😂
Today, I can barely recognise the 20y old, who first watched your video on Oedipus complex. But he's relieved now that that too has passed, and I'm here for the cross of today 🐍
My wife had an affair and used this to get away day after day. I was emotionally upset everyday thinking how can I make things better .that went for 15 years then she was found out and we separated . 2 yrs later she wanted to come home this time she created relationship security . She did that to fool me she got smarter and was still cheating. Went on for a time but I got smarter also. Just sharing. Ty Teal good video ❤❤❤
And yet again, Teal brings light over the shadows. Spot on ✨
You are a blessing Teal.
Seriously!!! ❤🎉
I was just thinking Teal could make a video on attachment styles and then boom here it is!
That was so helpful. I’ve started noticing red flags from one person (we are not even dating yet since we’re in different countries) only to realise I also tend to do this with other man. Lol we are a perfect match and he is my mirror. Food for thought.
This was heaven sent when i needed to see it. Thank you so much. This may have answered the question of why 30 years of relationships have been a nightmare. Bless you.
Thumbnail was bangin'
Hahahah 'nailed it' right 🔨👌
You nailed the guy I had a tough time innerstand 1000%. I got him, but you confirmed it.
Hey Divine mother i am man but i still love listening your inner perception. Could you please advice us on how to be a greatest man a greatest lover in this time where lots of distraction and divorces gender fights increase day by day. Love from India 🙏🏾💚
Be a good lover to yourself then you attract the right partner.
This color palette fits you perfectly.
Love you all 💓💓💓💓💓💓💓
Feeling bullied, being manipulated - report them or go against them. Then feel justified and regained power. But usually does this with someone that might have more power so it’s risky
I am probably do some variation of creating insecurity. Thanks for sharing about this topic, effectively bringing it into consciousness.
So, attachment issues!
Relationship security is so hard to maintain so thanks for the info
How so ??
💯⚘️❣️🙂
I'm waiting for you!!! Still waiting😘
That cara is actually what i do
That was exhausting😂Its good stuff and totally resonates with me.Thankyou Teal.Good works❣️♨️💯⚘️💋⚘️💋⚘️💋
Love your videos, Teal. Have really helped me on my journey ❤❤ One request. Could you start leaving links to your recommended videos in the description? I often want to finish your video before watching another one where you talk about a topic more deeply and then struggle to find the links.
Thank you Teal. Would sharing core values and intentions with contrasting perspectives create more or less security in a relationship?
Probably less
What a great topic! I have a few people in my life I feel could benefit from seeing this. ❤
Every healthy relationship needs at least one secure attachment to have a great chance
Great talk!! Thank you I will share with my daughter!
Thank you, Teal!
Some people who do this, I would just call drama queens.
Really thought provoking...I'm going to mull to ver this! X radicle responsibility is always good. X
The first example is me!
Food for thought. Thanks 🙏
illuminating. Thanks Teal
Teal ive watch most of your videos i can relate to some and some i cannot like “that i am in control of my reality whatever action i take the universe will follow quote” but i am currently dealing with immigration issues that limits what i truly want to do and my life is very different from what you speak of if you’re seeing this id like to understand
Thanks for this Video Teal ❤️
Well is temporary either way
Thank you very much!
Thank you so much for this video!
my queen oracle healer... thank-you
Hey
Wait! Wait! This was too short!!!
Thank you
this is eye opening
Thanks teal I needed that I can try more to get the girls to feel more safe and supported so I can feel better to about me relationship with the girls
My name is Cara. And I'm facing this right now. God damn haha
@Cara Tappenden
Hope you're up for the challenge then!
By the way, what's up with your profile pic?
It's both alluring and weird at the same time.
I feel like you and the big tree behind you share a secret that no one else is supposed to know. 😉😂
Cheers!✌
I'd be very interested in watching a video by Teal on physical beauty and how to be beautiful to ourselves and others
Gratitude ❤
Thank you!
@TealSwanOfficial I would love to hear your opinion on dealing with insecurities coming from early abuse due to disability.
I was born with limited and slowly decreasing vision (RP) and my parents could not cope with it. I haven't found a good technique yet to resolve many of those childhood trauma because when I go back to those memories I cant comfort the child saying they're wrong cos they were right in their insults most of the time because I do have a disability.
You dont have to say that they're wrong about the disability part. You might say to the child that he is perfectly lovable just as he is, with the disability and everything. And that now you'll take loving care of the child and will give him the warmth, tenderness etc. that he needs, and that he is worthy of a great life, and that you believe in him always, no matter what.
♾️💕♾️🙏, You sre a beautiful soul spirit and smile
Thank you ❤
Can we just admit that security doesn't exist? The paradox being that in that understanding, we can find security in knowing that change will always happen.
According to much of Teal's content, the guarantee of change is by universal design. Once we achieve a desire we're meant to want more...want less...want different. We're in a reality of perpetual conflict as a tool of learning and evolution.
What I have found after YEARS dedicated to studying philosophy and psychology is that the bulk of content offered by a variety of creators generates personal insecurity on the myth that stability exists.
I say "myth," because so many are not stable within themselves enough to offer stability to anyone else while, themselves, seeking to be offered stability that others also cannot offer.
And it's highly likely we're, individually, not meant to be stable. Life is not stable.
For instance, maybe neither party sabotaged their relationship with the make-up bag, so much as the make-up bag provided an example to each of their different wants and needs in a relationship at that time.
Clearly, the guy suffering enmeshment trauma needs to establish some individuality and a sense of self. That is his desire. By throwing the make-up bag in the trash, he had to have understood he was throwing the development of a more intimate relationship in the trash.
He did nothing wrong and should find self-confidence in his truth.
Similary, she did nothing wrong to leave the bag behind. She clued to her desire for more intimacy. She put out the question and got an answer. He's not ready to give her what she wants, and she can find confidence in knowing that about him and moving on to someone willing and able to meet her desire.
Neither are the victims of the situation. Neither really sabotaged themselves. They simply shared the commonality of subconscious communication about their individual wants and needs.
But his embrace of the make-up bag being left behind still would not have produced any real security for either party, because people change. They could've moved in together, got married, and still got divorced.
Damn this is good 😊
I think there’s a lot of validity to this.
Although I wouldn’t mistake security for certainty. The thing she’s getting across is that the need to sooth insecurity is greater than the need for harmony/intimacy- which both the guy and girl in this scenario are guilty of. Had they been more secure with themselves and each other, they could’ve been more vulnerable and direct with what they need and want as opposed to making assumptions and thinking the other has bad intentions-or be more open to repair things after the fallout.
People who are considered “stable” or “secure” can feel insecure, that’s human, but they largely don’t take things personally, assume the worst of others, or feel the need to play mind games in the first place.
If a feels just as good as b I do relax and enjoy how things develop 🌼🌿🌲
Please talk about "Long Covid"
Yep ❤
Wow
It seems like all my relationships I get into or disasters. Have ladies telling me I'm nice looking. But never go out with me. I've never been married but are 57 years old.
U have a beautiful smile
I have a question can you please explain to me ..why do we feel and think about certain people after we have met and then we disconnect and never see each other again and then some other people we forget about them all together?
I create insecurity because I want my needs to be met and me be taken serious in want i say.
Very interesting to look at it.
I do recommend that you consider the sound quality. I believe you have been producing for some time and yet the sound is still so poor and echoy. Please consider doing some basics in soundproofing. This is not a troll, just an ask Please look beyond your ego and listen. Thank you
Well I don't think so
yeah i been i weird funk ever since i seen a image of those 2 females. I looked to find that reference, its surely unecessary. When i was in school i was fortunate to take a class on communication and now its just a paper hidden in a manilla folder. Some things i find myself doing i dont even fully comprehend. I think back at Grumpy Old Men an another waste to avoid
It seems to me that leaving toiletries without even mentioning is rather presumptuous. If she didnt feel confident enough to speak about it, it could be her passive aggressive overstep
i think it’s more about his reaction. throwing it in the trash is wild 😂 if she’s sleeping at your house for months, u can’t expect her to use 2 in 1 shampoo every night.
@@erikablu429 Ok but a simple conversation avoids all this drama. She should have said something. He should have tactfully asked
@@pavanatanaya sure she should’ve asked. I would definitely ask, personally I don’t like to overwhelm my partner or move too fast.
but if something as small as leaving some toiletries after months of staying there freaks someone out that much, it’s a good sign that they’re not ready for a commitment.
@@erikablu429 Sure, but leaving without asking is an unhealthy communication. You cant really blame his readiness for commitment by his reaction.
If she felt so comfortable as to just leave her personal stuff behind without saying something, she needs to work on her communication. It is his place after all
@@pavanatanaya not to come at you, but sounds like you might have some commitment issues yourself. I trust Teal Swan‘s view on things,
something this small should not bother you or the guy in the video this much.
if there was someone I was seeing but i wasn’t ready to commit to… and they left a bag of toiletries in my house.. I would just say “I don’t think I’m ready for that yet”. pretty easy. that’s where the communication needs to happen.
because it would wrong, it would be leading the person on if i were to invite them over just to use them… but then when they get attached to get all weird? saying i don’t want to commit, not even letting them bring some soap over?
I mean what are you expect someone to do.. stay at your house for months, sleep with you, stay with you, and then just leave? to just act like friends with benefits when your relationship has gone well past that? that’s a fear of commitment, not a lack of communication.
I know a human that is pathologically insecure and this colours everything they do. Even reading a book. They often resort to self-harming. PTSD from childhood is responsible and is untreated because of lack of therapeutic intervention. This is due to lack of access to such a service. I don't know how I can help.
@TextTealSwan21 I am a technophobe. How, as much as I'd like, am I meant to text you?
@TextTealSwan21 deception conception
These Magicians, whose insincerity is their safety, are but the unemployed dandies of the Brothels. Magic is but one's natural ability to attract without Hiking; ceremony that is unaffected, its doctrine the negation of theirs...Self condemned in their disgusting existence, their emptiness of power, without even the magic of personal charm or beauty, they are offensive in their bad taste and motivation for advertisement...
Okay so how do we discover in what ways we may be doing this
This is a constant battle we face. And likely quite sexist. It's a cliche double standard rule: female are allowed to be vulnerable and have many insecurities, while men are not! Men are demanded to be constantly strong and show no sign of weakness, or we else are considered *nothing worthwhile, & weak.*
The pressure is always on men to carry all the weight & be "perfect" and show no flaws.
(Don't cry! Be a "man!")
It's absolutely ridiculous. And what about those with mental illness? Who are emotionally vulnerable at times. Are we automatically disqualified from having a lasting romantic connection? Do we stand no chance? It's truly unfair & injustice.
*I dare anyone to look me in the eyes, and tell me I'm wrong 😳😵💫😤😡*
Invest then test to meet and match levels of reciprocity with those who share similar values as yourself and are open and vulnerable to being equally yoked to building trust, growth, supportive healthy self expression and doing the right things for the right reasons in the connection, but first and foremost know yourself well enough to align with and become the very change you want to see in the world yourself. Value healthy connection over toxic attachment, know that nothing and noone is perfect or permanent. See others in terms of their vibration, how they make you feel energetically. Write out everything you honestly and realistically want in a partner and become that yourself to attract similar. 💝⚖️💝
@The Silent Knight
Really interesting point you shared here!
It was so heartfelt and delivered with such passion and fire, that imo it doesn't even matter whether I agree with it or not.
I'd say, the whole dynamic of the man not being allowed to be vulnerable, cry, etc has EVERYTHING to do with the role men are supposed to be playing in a romantic relationship.
And this then stems mainly from biology and the way this plays out in our current society.
Purely from a biological point of view, it wouldn't make sense for a primordeal man to be vulnerable and cry whenever faced with an animal that could serve as dinner for the family.
Also, to protect the woman from 'dangerous people', it wouldn't make sense to be vulnerable. So, from a biological point of view these 'cliche' notions and 'requirements' would make sense.
On the other hand, if you were to look at it from a pure spiritual point of view, then these 'cliche' notions and requirements would be a bunch of BS. As spiritual security is totally different from biological security.
Spiritual security is more about finding some sort of middle ground to integrate body & soul. And thus, the needs of both body & soul need to be taken care of.
And without ever being vulnerable, there would be no growth and no progression. And to then only allow women to partake in this would indeed be an act of excluding men.
Spiritually speaking, men should have the exact same opportunities to grow as women do.
So, all in all, it's a matter of biology vs spirituality, and which one should get the upper hand with regards to allowing men to be equally vulnerable in a relationship as women.
I believe that men should just own up to their vulnerability whilst being in a relationship AND women should allow men to be completely vulnerable within the relationship.
And granted that a woman feels 'biologically' safe and secure within a relationship, there would be no reason at all for her to disallow a man being in touch with his vulnerable side.
About people with mental illness, I believe they fully deserve to have a fulfilling relationship in which they get to be as vulnerable as can be. Men and women alike. If they're up for the challenge of dealing with the intricacies and complications that come with having a mental illness, then more power to them.
We're ALL wired differently.
Except, people with mental illness get to be labeled and pigeonholed as such, different.
Whereas people without mental illness could have tons of 'complications', yet aren't labeled as such, so are deemed 'normal' by the general public.
But, yeah, they fully deserve love.
I'd like to finish off by saying, it's nice to see a 'Silent Knight' take center stage and really throw it all out there and speak from the deepest depths of their soul.
Cheers and good luck!✌
Personally i know i will only feel secure when i finally experience containment. 😴
So it’s basically baiting to get an unspoken need met?
Or people can simply detach from an overly attached partner that is with the energy badly dispersed and displaced all over the place instead of being in a harmonious flow state.
True but I prefer harmony mostly lol.We all have our days tho😅⚘️❣️💯
How to recognize the ways??? Can anybody help ?
Teal swan❤ This is a good video that I've ever seen, friends are always connected, if friends need authentic Indonesian recipes, I make them, I complete your language for each video so you can try Indonesian dishes, greetings from Indonesia, friends
I think the people sabotaging relationships can just die alone who cares 🤷🏽♀️
Period. That way the rest of us can be happy. They need to just back out of the dating pool. Maybe only do strictly casual sex
🥺 diane...
🙏🏾
Sorry that you 'have' to do this. I feel you 😢 maybe delegate for a while. Cheers
Ive just discovered Limerince. And i believe im stuck in that fantasy. It sucks. Sucks energy.
Howard Jones knows
Relationship security died when adultery no longer got somebody publicly tortured to death
Facts🔥
No.
If the only thing preventing the relationship from falling appart is the threat of torture, there was never any relationship security to begin with.
Hahahahha wtf. This is a joke right
@@Seamannon when there is little to no immediate consequences for something that slowly destroys society, that society will die. Being able to get away with something makes it infinitely more tempting. Nobody is free from the allure of temptation. We live in a time of extreme temptation. You can ruin your life with a smartphone in one day.
One would have to be mature to volenteer make a uncomfortable joke
I believe a relationship is coming my way, have not had one in years
I want to save my relationship because , yes, I deliberately destroy my relationship...
So.. how do you fix this? When I go deeper for answers, i fi d so many i dont which one is true
You have to be more secure with yourself. Relationship insecurity comes from trust issues, but as much as it is hard to trust others, you probably also don’t trust yourself.
Meaning, you feel you wouldn’t be able to cope if you found out your partner was cheating as an example, so you put that insecurity into the relationship thinking it could prevent cheating. Whether that person cheats is out of your control, so the only thing you can be responsible for is vetting the right partner, being okay with any outcome of the relationship, and that whether they cheat or not say’s nothing about you or your value.
@@inthedetails5467 you're right. It is trust issues. But how can I learn to trust my self? My self-trust is borderline dangerous, I can't choose between which jeans I want because I don't know what *healthy* want- feels like. How can I fix this? How can I know how to choose?
Love you Teal you are an outstanding lady and very beautiful I would join you in Utah ❤️
@TextTealSwan308
Wish this was the real Teal I don't fall for scams.
💕💕💕
🎉🎉🎉
I dont create relationships in a first place.
🤍🤍🤍🤍💚
@Tealswan5655 was uUu name in opp